Tumgik
#memories making the person etc etc
Text
anyone else have multiple traumatic memories associated specifically with holidays/family vacations? because that is a topic I never see discussed in all the So You Had A Shitty Childhood, Now What? self-help books i've been reading. but for me, it was a significant thing. and the more i think about it the more it seems like this would be an (unfortunately) common experience. would be grateful to hear if this matches other peoples' experiences...
#not a shitpost#serious post#ask to tag#tw trauma#cptsd#c-ptsd#and if so we should TALK about it#because it means there are a whole group of survivors out there whose mental health regularly worsens during holidays#like i know i am most certainly not the only person who feels an undefined Dread hanging over christmas/my birthday/july 4 etc#bc too many shitty things happened during those times and now my brain is hypervigilant bc traditionally these are the Danger Times#and this seems like it would be particularly common for survivors of abusive/dysfunctional households (aka most people with c-ptsd)#because holidays/vacations typically mean 1) the whole family is together/being forced to interact#2) and undergoing external stressors e.g. travel/relatives aka 'outsiders' visiting/routines & coping mechanisms being interrupted etc#3) there is social pressure for this to be a Fun Family Bonding Experience which only highlights the cracks in the foundation#and exposes the common Everything Is Fine/We Are A Happy Family lie#4) the cognitive dissonance of feeling tired/anxious/stressed/afraid during a time when you are 'supposed' to be Making Good Memories#and then everyone is angry/tired/anxious/triggered and things boil over and something or someone goes Very Wrong#weird that i'm posting this in october when halloween is...sort of the ONLY holiday i have only good and happy feelings towards#i got lucky there#also i have positive feelings towards Labor Day but that's for socialist reasons
4K notes · View notes
beescake · 2 months
Note
PLEASE PLEASE MEGADUMP THE ARASOL!!! PLEAAASEE MR BEESCAKE I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING YOU
HFHGHD GLADLY aaa i’ve been adding notes to it here and there for months but just hesitant to post it bcs im 🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂️🧍‍♂
also this is just my own takeaway of the events, it doesn’t necessarily comply to the Ultimate Truth of Canon-Alignment or represent the actual facts of what hussie intended! v sentimental smh but hopefully its still interesting to read
Tumblr media
i love when characters inform each other by proximity, it's one of my fave things to see in media :') it feels even more significant when two characters deliberately choose to stick together, so that when one operates, you can tell the other is similarly aligned in associative solidarity.
sollux is a keystone of this trope — whoever he aligns with is a wordless statement, a nod of approval. this stood out to me bcs the main four humans were alr friends by default, but once you reach hivebent you realize the trolls can actively choose who they want to hang out with.
and as we all know, after assessing every troll's biases/loyalties, sollux is the only one who maintains his selective preference for innately Good 👍 people.
Tumblr media
aradia is such a beautiful character honestly, she evokes such incredible feelings in me. she might not have been consistently written with care but the best parts of her character are truly stunning. i think it's easy to remember sollux as the self-sacrificing one bc he's so open about it (and his friends frequently react to his Moments) but when you compare him to aradia, it's always struck me
how much more. raw it is
to be so alone as an agent of time, having to orchestrate immeasurably harrowing events nobody understands or gives a fuck about
with your role painted in the story as one who must tend to the needs of the narrative, responsible to match every next note
because when you're given the capabilities, it becomes your duty to carry it out.
Tumblr media
it becomes expected of you to keep experimenting and arranging the machinations to work for everyone, dusting off hundreds of necessary failures to keep going
and having to be so unwavering in your drive knowing miserably that there's no one who can help you but yourself.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
or alternatively: to make things fun! so other people won't think twice about letting you go off on your own.
sure she's had some very good buds, notably thanks to Team Charge v Team Scourge antics.
and yet, at the end of the day, the one friend that kept choosing her time and time again was the friend with the highest standards.
Tumblr media
i can see why people like to define arasol as moirails/matesprits but surprisingly i find the nondescript, unlabeled aspect of their relationship more straightforward to understand.
there's no shortage of people who would accommodate sollux. most of the surviving trolls are his oldest friends bcs he’d chosen them well. his transparency with his feelings had built him strong friendships that won’t falter or break, regardless of how much of a dick he can be. they’ve already seen and accepted him at his worst, and they still like him for who he is.
contrast that with aradia, who'd been so approachable, friendly and reliable in her exchanges it was super fun to talk to her. but the moment she became depressed, all her connections broke down.
her friends became hesitant to interact with her (until she became god tier, “happy” and amicable again) because her gloom and resignation didn’t serve them. she dealt with it alone.
there’s def something of note here abt the disparity between the way male & female characters are written+perceived in homestuck (esp parallel arasol with davejade) but i won’t go into that lmaoo
with this in mind i like to think of sollux as a gift to her, a loyal companion given to complement and commend her resolve. she's capable of doing so much alone but hussie took the time to build her and sollux's relationship as one of a unit; a set.
the ambiguity of their status does complicate things, but i do believe it makes sense with their characters. aradia's relationship with romance is a rocky one, the dubious stringalong equius had with her is a pointed reminder that her feelings of attraction are ultimately controlled by the author writing her.
unlike the other trolls who can openly address and own up to their crushes, aradia had romantic emotions forced upon her (especially when hussie implies 'she kissed equius back on her own volition'). and it seems like her character is so intrinsically neutral abt attraction that even when forced by the almighty powers above, she's unable to retain it wholly.
however, looking back to pre-game when she could actually "choose" her own feelings, she did have a crush on sollux.
their soft spots for each other were so obvious to the point where other people could see it.
Tumblr media
taunting aside, when vriska comments on their unit as bf/gf it actually informs the audience that arasol's relationship is romantic in nature despite not aligning with the quadrant system.
even while dead, aradia could still describe her care for sollux, expressing that she would like to see him happy. if they had more time to explore their relationship on alternia, it's possible they could've settled in a quadrant once they grew older.
but going back to the lack of labels, their dynamic was affected once more when aradia became god tier.
to me, her ascension was both the perfect culmination and possible closure of her character. it's the light at the end of her journey toiling through countless of timelines where she had to actively assess and participate. that's why it's cool to see her being silly and having fun giving guidance, passively exploring and watching other people do their parts.
Tumblr media
and yet the joy of her freedom makes it hard to explore further introspection. if we take her by her word, she'd already come to terms with the hurt she's been through and forgiven those involved.
i can't help feeling attuned to how impersonal and detached it can be, to devote and meld your identity so completely with your designated position as Maid of Time until you've become hard for your old friends (and even some readers!) to personally connect to.
idk post-canon but i assume there’s some degree of similarity to be bridged here with aradia's god tier and how the hs2 humans' Ultimate forms was described as a consolidation of all their possibilities. since aradia's classpect is inherently of service to Time, going god-tier may have elevated her beyond personhood with the "game construct" possessing her entirely. sollux doesn't realize the extent of it bcs he's still mortal, but a part of him may have subconsciously understood this.
i think there is a core aspect to aradia that was lost to the dehumanizing glory of god tier — a core aspect that may have contained an element of why sollux enjoyed talking to her in the first place.
to him, aradia hadn't just been a nice girl, she was a cool girl. despite not having much in common, he's still willing to chill next to her so she's not alone while she does what needs to get done.
back on alternia, they held a mutual and equal-level regard for each other that could've definitely settled into something permanent. but now, he's placed himself in a position where he can be kept around or left behind at will. the parameters of the relationship are largely in aradia's court, so any label she suggests to identify their relationship with he's likely to accept.
but that's why it's so difficult to label it. because god tier aradia may not necessarily Want quadrants or relationship labels. rather than the initial romantic attachment, their commitment to each other had evolved into one fundamentally of companionship.
no label? ok fine. no matter what, he still thinks she's a good soul worth latching on to. the best, actually. aradia > everyone else.
even if it gets stilted at times. there's an unexpected struggle to connect when sollux's go-to default for talking points is his feelings about things, and aradia may not want to talk about emotions all the time.
not to mention god tier aradia became an observer, especially of chaos. but sollux's avoidance of involvement comes partially from his innate pressure to get involved if something goes wrong. and he can't always tell when something goes wrong, because aradia doesn't mind if things go wrong anymore.
it's a non-negotiable preference that causes them to take the occasional time apart, a new boundary that wouldn't have existed before the game and aradia's god tier.
but just like how his friends tolerated his moods, sollux accepts aradia as she is. with no quadrants, their connection doesn't break down because there's no implicit romantic expectations to be disappointed by or resentful over.
Tumblr media
sometimes when i see hs content that deliberately distances sollux from aradia, i assume this is the dissonance people might have felt. people might find it "easier" to be cynical about them bcs of this strange tension.
but idc lmao. grab that shit by the neck
lack of easy resolutions and cleanly tied ribbons is pretty standard of homestuck and imo it doesn't make arasol's dynamic any less incredible. with the right affection and consideration, there's still so much potential to develop the nuance of their relationship outside of the popular quadrant-based depictions.
hs has a lot of really great character compatibilities but the way aradia and sollux are in their own special orbit is why i can write this much about them in the first place. it's that frail innocence between first loves that makes it so sweet to me, two kids who grew up too fast playing guesswork without being clear where they're going.
ultimately i do think you're meant to feel a little tragedy for just how much they care for each other, even if they can't quite establish it in simple terms.
maybe they keep taking breaks to progress their own paths. maybe they remain as anchor partners while seeing other people. but even if you decide to separate them, they're still (awkwardly) texting each other updates all the while. and when they reunite it feels like coming home.
and well. more than anything, i like to believe that they do want to be exclusive.
they're just afraid. after all, they're still learning how to love, beyond the projections of the foursquare quadrant system they had inadvertently distanced themselves from since young.
they might not have everything figured out, but they'll get there eventually if you just hold them together and write them there.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
optional post-canon segment:
one of the limitations of main hs is that (monogamous) relationships are often written as the go-to solution to wrap up character growth; it's an easy "patch" to imagine characters getting their happy ending because they have a partner, and those who don't end up with someone don't get that closure (most notably jade).
hs2 reaffirms this by suggesting that aradia's character cannot progress without letting sollux go, because happily settling in a relationship automatically locks your potential.
that pathetic panel of sollux staring emptily into the sky is still my fave hs2 spoiler ngl i find the impact of their parting so emotionally provoking precisely bcs they were written in original hs to be each other's forever, coming back together again and again
but now, they're subject to the decisions of the post-canon authors who might choose to deviate from that.
it's not new for them to part, but now there's an underlying worry that her dropping him off this time might be the last time. while i think the prospect of shattering their stability to make them grow separately sounds fun on paper, no amount of me desperately hoping for a good execution is gonna guarantee it
idk. i guess prediction-wise im expecting sollux in classic dramatic-hs2 fashion to tell dave to back off aradia LMAO. otherwise it's just gon be sollux and karkat pathetically watching aradia and dave from a distance swimming in their unresolved feelings for narratively-powerful time players smh obvs it sounds corny as hell but who knows its still plausible
srsly tho i hope they take the opportunity to develop arasol's relationship in a fresh direction that doesn't hurt me too badly...... and i hope they force sollux out of his comfort zone. i like watching him struggle :-)
Tumblr media
395 notes · View notes
felixakranken · 2 months
Text
TWF fans have a strange habit of, for lack of a better word, woobifying Mr. Walten.
I think a lot of you seem to take this series a lot less serious than it actually is, and those same people have a very bad habit of making Jack out to be a saint. He's just a normal guy. Just because he loves his family doesn't mean he's some sweet and perfect guy who has no flaws. I never see any of you discuss or portray his anger issues that Martin has mentioned numerous times.
You all blatantly ignore the fact that Sophie's only memories she retained of him were that he was angry and he worked all the time. Just because he loves his family and didn't abuse them doesn't mean he's perfect. To deny him of these flaws take away what a dynamic character he's being written to be.
We know Felix sucks. We all know this because no one shuts up about it. That's his best friend of 20 years, someone he chose to have around his family, and someone he chose to start a business with. Felix's actions don't reflect on Jack, obviously, but you have to think about the fact they are best friends of 2 decades.
The small bit we know about Jack and what things Martin has let on to his personality over time is very different than what everyone makes him out to be, and it's strange. If you choose to ignore that Jack is just a normal middle-aged man in the 70s, that's on your own inability to actually like the character that's there.
113 notes · View notes
fluentisonus · 1 year
Text
trying to articulate why the ''I bet he just made up nonsense'' response to that 'so said legolas' passage makes me so sad. I think it's to do with a) the fact that dwarvish history & culture are already so badly understood & misrepresented in elvish accounts, b) that dwarves have pretty much entirely given up telling anything about themselves to outsiders because of how it's consistently so twisted away from them, and c) the weight that tolkien places on memory & living on in memory & the importance of keeping people's memory. so like with all that in mind, that legolas and gimli were friends for so long, and that they were so close to each other and trusted each other so much that gimli was willing to tell him these dwarvish stories and histories and trust him to keep them and pass them on and remember them (& him) long after he's died is a really meaningful thing, it's such a strong mark of love on his part. so implying that legolas would deliberately made up nonsense as a joke knowing that that misrepresentation would then be how gimli & the dwarves are remembered forever is just :(
181 notes · View notes
bardkin · 8 months
Text
been doing some internal questioning that boils down to “is it the auADHD or i am plural in some way???”
and i’m. not sure if i want to know the answer. at least not yet.
#ensiger#possibly plural#this post is brought to you by a monoconscious culture post that hit a lot harder than i thought it would#'wait how long have i been me. when did i stop being the other guy'#also a lot of the Dragonheart Collective's essay points in Dissociation. & internal thought voice.#the only point in Identity disturbances that really hit was -#Feeling like you weren't born in that body & that you simply appeared one day inside of it.#like. i sometimes feel like ''I'' is more than one internally.#like i'm One Person in the way a cartoon character can be animated/storyboarded by multiple artists.#does that make sense as like?? a plural thing???#or is that just the depersonalization & bees in my brain??#also that like. the 'current me' stepped into my body & 'replaced' whoever used to be here. i have (most) of my memories & shit but just.#i'm not totally sure if this is a 'i have grown and changed since i was a child' or 'i'm a different person in every sense of the word.'#i kind of stewed on this questioning a couple years(?) ago when i was first learning about multiplicity. but nothing ever really came of it#bc digging further into it didn't feel useful. all the stuff i was reading didn't feel like it was lining up with what's going on in here#i've recently been doing some reading on monoconscious & median systems but.#i don't want to act on anything until i Know. or at least until i Know More.#also i'm about 90% sure my kintypes are not headmates/alters/etc. they feel like / similar to my gender & not. ''extra Me's'' so to speak
26 notes · View notes
dangerliesbeforeyou · 1 month
Text
ok i did it (finally) lol, i swapped over to firefox after having used chrome for probably nearly the entire time i've had access to a computer lol...
8 notes · View notes
isfjmel-phleg · 4 months
Text
😶
16 notes · View notes
aparticularbandit · 2 months
Note
Why do you think Makoto using the NWP was the wrong thing to do? The despair states class 77-b were in was objectively bad and self destructive and removing them so they back to normal should be a good thing. Also I wouldn’t say what Makoto is doing with the NWP isn’t more brainwashing, it’s deprogramming.
I've talked a bit about my hatred for NWP and how it is used in DR2 here, but it really comes down to this:
Forcibly removing people's memories to make them better people is not the correct answer.
Forcibly removing people's memories and reverting them back to a previous state and then rewriting over those memories with new ones is not the right answer.
Especially when you take DR3 into account and that Makoto etc. didn't know about the brainwashing video or when the Remnants fell to despair, they're just making best guess scenarios and wiping out all of their time at Hope's Peak, which effectively means they are wiping out their memories of real Chiaki and replacing them with DR2!therapybot!Chiaki, which is NOT the correct answer, no matter how you slice it.
The end of DR3 is very good about this - you don't make people better by removing the bad thing. You don't make things better by removing the memories of your past, even if they're memories you regret or hate or don't want to ever address again ever. Those memories are still there. They're still important.
Removing memories is not an effective or even good way of deprogramming people who are brainwashed.
Makoto's luck kicked into full gear with all the stuff that happened in DR2 and the shutdown and getting the Remnants as we see them in DR3, which is not a result of them having their memories removed. They still have their memories and are able to recover.
And yeah. Brainwashing is maybe a stretch (it's Junko's word for it, after all) - but they are reaching into a group of people's heads and mucking around with their brains and making choices for who they want them to be and how they want them to be that way (no, no, you can't be Remnants, so we will remove everything that led to that development and make you into someone we want by meddling with your brain)....
Sounds a bit like brainwashing.
Not the way Junko did it, for sure.
Still sounds a bit like brainwashing.
Girl's got a point.
7 notes · View notes
featherymainffins · 13 days
Text
Now this might be because I have issues but is it just me or does Slay The Princess feel like an allegory for a relationship?
#like i dont even mean the actual textual stuff like the two gods loving each other i mean like#while the narrator himself does say that he is not the protagonist at all the voices do in fact count him as one of them and#both the narrator and the voices are described as shattered glass pieces on the floor#and im saying that just to contextualise what im about to say because i feel like the narrator is an echo of someone who was in#a relationship with another person and is trying to 'slay' the memory of this person and defeat death not only literally but#on a metaphorical level (as in the death of a relationship). if you do slay her you destroy her memory and in that way you do not know her#at all nor do you care to#and the routes would be the perspectives held by different parts of you. shes literally a being that changes based on who perceives her#but metaphorically thats just how people work isnt it? relationships are complicated and there is a part of you who sees someone as a razor#and there is a part of you who sees them as a damsel and another who sees them as a god etc etc#its like youre a person who is trying to make sense of the situation and; which is why the construct of the princess is made up of#several vessels called perspectives. you understand the whole of what you think only when you take apart all your perspectives;#and theres a you who isnt you anymore who doesnt want to do this. hes telling you to just destroy it. it was wholly wretched and wholly bad#and it changed which is a crime in itself. theres an echo of you. and theres you; built by this echo because thats how the self works#we are each our own god and we build ourselves. the different voices are like different parts of you#much like the vessels are the equivalent of the voices. theyre the finite confined perspectives; aspects of a whole person#and slaying her in this context would obviously mean literally just destroying the memory and deciding that change and all it brings#is an awful thing. though im not yet sure what the difference between leaving with the whole and between separating yourself#and leaving with just an aspect would be.#thats probably like the only thing thats kinda ruining this interpretation lol#oh and obviously a lot of the routes have like very strong relationship symbolism. specifically a lot of them feel like#scenes from a relationship that is falling apart. for example in the adversary and then the fury when you run away the dialogue#basically mimics a partner running away from a conflict and the other one destroying themselves because of it#witch and the thorn are both heavily Esop-coded and the text itself says that its about two people hurting each other even though they love#each other but both are afraid of the other one and of being vulnerable. thorn is about finding forgiveness in one another#and deciding to be better and love each other despite the hurt youve caused each other due to your problems#etc etc#like am i insane am i mental am i projecting?
6 notes · View notes
wundrousarts · 1 year
Text
45 notes · View notes
victoriartdrawings · 4 months
Text
fanfic rec post tomorrow maybe???👀
me to all my fandom ships knowing perfectly i wont have the time to do even 1 for at least one pairing til next week 🤡
10 notes · View notes
commsroom · 10 months
Note
Happy birthday! I have a bit of a strange question but it is Eiffel-related so:
How much (if any) of his personality do you think would be intact post-memory wipe? (Not in the sense of how much would he choose to keep, I mean what parts of him would the memory wipe not get rid of, given that it didn’t wipe his muscle memory, knowledge of English, etc)
this is such a difficult question because, like... as much as i like to speculate about it, there's no real answer re: what wolf 359 defines as "memory" in the first place. like you said, he remembers so much stuff that should be tied to memory - not just his knowledge of english but like, broadly... the concepts and context and consequences for those words and the things he encounters. he understands the weight of what he did back on earth, etc. and that makes the line of "memory" and "information" kind of fuzzy, in a whole bunch of different ways that would also apply to, like... what part of "personality" is inherent, and what part is determined by things we'd classify as memory? how much of personality is flexible and relational, anyway?
and we don't have much to go on re: how he behaves post memory wipe, either, like... there's not much of the show after that; we don't see him in Situations (tm) at all. and he might have different reactions to similar things, depending on other factors, even with his memory! but, like... there's not much to compare or contrast.
with that said: so much of how eiffel communicates is filtered through pop culture - it's not even on purpose, that's just... how his brain works, how he makes connections. everything else aside, i think it's completely understandable he would seem quieter if the primary framework he communicates through is suddenly no longer accessible to him. even if he doesn't consciously know what he's missing, there has to be a gap between what he intends and what he can say, and that has to be frustrating. the context is different, but when he's feeling bad for himself around constructive criticism and doesn't make any pop culture references for a week - that's similarly "uncharacteristic" in how unusually quiet and reserved he seems. for perspective.
short version: "personality" is hard to define, but i think whatever makes eiffel "eiffel" is still intact, whatever that means. i think he still remembers how he feels about things, on some level, even if the memories those feelings are attached to are inaccessible. i think he probably either has or will develop the same values and preferences and sense of humor and annoying habits, but even if his interior world is very similar to what it was before, people might think he's different because he can't communicate those ideas the same way, and that potentially creates a feedback loop where he also feels he must be different than he was. but, over time... i mean, i do think eiffel will get his memories back at some point, but even before that... i think just being exposed to stuff will gradually lessen that gap for him anyway.
13 notes · View notes
girlwithfish · 1 day
Text
thinking abt my ex saying I can leave whenever I want and I pretend I'm trapped and he "doesn't know why" I want to slap him so bad I can't believe this clown just gets to live his dumb life what a foul person lol
4 notes · View notes
loverboyfae · 1 month
Text
the real most detrimental thing about not having an active hyperfixation/special interest is not having something to instantly make you feel better. i was feeling unhappy before now i’m just btr mode. the unfortunate thing about it is. i have. Essays. and i’m mainly thinking about children’s television btr
2 notes · View notes
sntoot · 11 months
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media
batu is so short in every cutscene theyre barely peeking over the edge of the screen to stay in the shot with all the ancients
lahabrea holding both his kids up by the collar of their robes: can you guys stop being gay for FIVE MINUTES (the answer is no)
18 notes · View notes
beeapocalypse · 2 months
Text
ohh ive got an idea that ive absolutely no idea how to word properly
4 notes · View notes