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#mental progresses are just really weird lmao
troonwolf · 1 year
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my mutuals watching me blog for the past week like: this dumb bitch keeps saying he’s gonna move blogs. keeps spouting some bullshit about a redbubble store. you know what? I don’t believe it. this faggot aint doing fuck except being ornery on the damn internet
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wildissylupus · 6 months
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hi idk how much you analyze on hanzo but something thats been on my mind is the progression of his character through non-canonical events/interactions. I am aware there isn’t a lot of canon Hanzo content so take this thought with a grain of salt.
In Overwatch 1 hanzo’s personality was more stand-offish and maybe even rude. Now in Overwatch 2 he’s more approachable in a weird way? He’s still the same brooding guy but it’s almost like we see this “healed” version of his in overwatch 2. Not just from interactions but also from his character design aka the underbags being less prominent, him looking physically more healthy, the lack of bottle that has his sake (ofc this could just be them upgrading his look in the game).
While this is amazing and something I have always hoped to see from hanzo, part of me hopes that the developers/writers still remember hanzo from Overwatch 1. There hasn’t been a lot happening canonically with hanzo since the confrontation with Genji and if they were to skip from the last we saw of hanzo to the hanzo in overwatch 2 it feels like a lack of potential and even story telling?
Don’t get me wrong I love that hanzo is being given more personality and depth. It’s so refreshing that he gets to be something other than the ex-yakuza that murdered his brother lmao.
I guess I’m afraid that his development will feel rushed or like there’s gaps in it. I want to be able to see the rugged, tired bitter hanzo turn into the hanzo that literally contemplates the idea of settling down and adopting a dog, you know what I mean? I don’t just want it to be a thing that is skimmed over. I hope Overwatch touches on the more difficult situations in regards to mental health. And this isn’t just for hanzo, it’s for the whole roster.
I hope that each characters gets to grow and learn even if it’s unpleasant and “ugly” and that we actually get to SEE it in progression. Not just time skips and flashbacks or whatever.
Maybe it’s too early in canon mission events content to judge but it is something that has been in the back of my mind. I may be proven wrong later or be completely off but thoughts???
I do agree with this, though I don't think he should still be standoffish when he joins Overwatch, I do want there to be this awkward period where everyone adjusts to having him around. I also think that the reason for his character progression is going to be explored in his short story with Kiriko. It seems from the description that he's going to be getting some closure with his father, which would explain his change from OW1 to OW2.
However I think there is a different thing that could explain his change. Kiriko. I've explained this in passing but I think that both Genji and Hanzo are going to be given a second chance to be siblings, not to each other, but the people they have found on their own respective journeys.
Genji has stated that he sees Cassidy as a brother, which is interesting considering so far, other then Angela, since even OW1, he's shown the most concern about Cassidy's well being. Specifically his mental state. Unlike with Hanzo where is has been shown that Genji wasn't really knowledgeable of what Hanzo was going through with being the eldest son. Genji shows a lot more observation with Cassidy.
(Honestly I could write a whole essay about those two and how Genji is given a second chance to be there for who he views as an older brother BUT THIS POST AIN'T ABOUT HIM!)
I believe this is going to be the same with Kiriko and Hanzo but in reverse, while Genji gets the opportunity to look out for his older sibling, Hanzo actually gets to be an older sibling. He finally gets to relax and joke around, contemplate something other than Genji's death and how he can atone for that.
It would also be a nice parallel to Genji with instead of staying hang up on a previous relationship, he ends up creating a new one that is overall better for him.
It's also the matter of Kiriko and Hanzo's relationship is a lot more salvageable then Hanzo and Genji's. Listen, as much as I love those two, there is no way in hell they're going to get the normal sibling bond the fandom likes to give them. Even if that is the end goal for the writers, they would need to write a whole other novel for that kind of relationship between the two to not feel rushed.
Now I do want to point something out about his OW2 redesign because there's more then just the lack of Sake. It that fact that he's now covering his chest. This might not seem like a lot but in his first design he isn't protecting any part or any organ that is slightly to the right, in the middle, or the the left of his chest, meaning his left lung is exposed, his heart is exposed, his spine is exposed, basically a lot of stuff you would want shot at is exposed.
Combing this with and interaction with Genji from OW1, that is alluding to the fact that Hanzo "finds living challenging", then Hanzo covering his chest is a big step.
Anyway the fact that Hanzo is now on his way to being added to the list of characters who are practicing selfcare is so funny, cause out of all the characters to end up on that very short list at the beginning of Story Mode, I did not expect it to be Hanzo.
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skele-fucker · 5 days
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This is a stupid rant but
I'm so tired of the joke about people who romance Shane "wanting to fix him" or "having a savior complex" or whatever
NO!! I don't want to "fix" him! I want to be there to support him in his own recovery, and show him that people can love him even with his struggles!!!! And yes I get that his story kinda resets after you marry him, but honestly most of the romance-able characters are like that! ConcernedApe had so much other things to focus on, ofc the characters weren't gonna be perfect! it's clear how his story is suppose to progress, and a few missed lines, or not changing his loved gifts doesn't change that. although i will say i *really* hate shanes 14 heart event, cause what do you mean I HAVE to accuse my husband of relapsing, and can't trust him, just cause MARNIE thinks he must be drinking! other characters get cute dates and we get to be shitty partners :(
ANYWAYS
i know its just a joke, but as someone who struggles with a lot of mental health stuff, it really rubs me the wrong way. The idea that there's "something wrong with me" and I "have to be fixed" is weird! What my farmer is to Shane, is what I hope to have one day, someone to help me get passed all the dark parts of life, and come out on the other side happier!
Like i know it's a silly pixel game about farming, and i might be putting too much of "real life" into it, but whatever, i just finally needed to say smth, even if no one reads this or cares lmao
Rant over
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sukea69 · 9 months
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Tobirama and/or Obito for the ask game pls
Let's do em both hey
Tobirama
Aspect I love
His loyalty. I love the absolutely stupid lengths he goes to for ppl and things he's loyal to. Tobirama is totally willing to throw all morals, ethics and good sense out the window just as long as the ppl he's loyal to are safe and/or happy
Aspect I wish more ppl understood
His motivations for so many things stems from Hashirama. It's v clear that peace means little to him and that he'd prefer to keep fighting. That means that it's highly likely that the reason he became hokage and the reason he keeps trying for peace in his own flawed way is bc he'd like to keep Hashirama's dream alive, or has seen the way Hashirama's dream improves life for himself and others. Either way, all roads lead back to Hashirama for Tobirama
A headcanon
I really like progressive vitiligo for tbrm. He was born w average pigmented skin, but over time vitiligo spread and he lost almost all of his colour. He still has patches of pigmented skin, but it's all under his clothing.
Also he has light hair and specifically darkens his lashes and brows w makeup so that they actually stand out against his skin. If he doesn't, the hair is translucent and it looks like he has no lashes or brows
A character I love them interacting w
Hashirama. We knew this
A character I wish they'd interact w more
MITO. I'm feral for tbrm + mito SHENANIGANS
A headcanon abt them and another character
Mito and Tobirama have very similar curiosities towards jutsu and seal science. Working together amplifies their unhingedness by marked degrees, though, and sometimes they fight as they work which can be destructive. They invented edo tensei together while egging each other on
Obito
Aspect I love
HE'S SO FUNNY AND SO DRAMATIC lmao I wish I could be deeper than that, but truly that's the reason I love him
Aspect I wish more ppl understood
When he does bad things for his love of rin (who died in her early teens, and obito is late 20s/early 30s now) it's not a pervert thing. It's not a weird attraction to teenagers, and it's also not a purely platonic thing (tho if u hc that I'm not gonna stop u). It's a very real, potent grief that's stopped him from moving on. Some part of him is still a teen himself, watching her die in front of him, that memory branded onto his mind and he is physiologically incapable of letting it go and mentally/emotionally incapable of processing it. He loved her so much, and she died so horribly. He can't let go of that death or that love.
I truly don't think he's thinking v deeply abt what bringing her back would actually look like in regards to age and such. He's probably filed that away to be dealt w by Obito who has rin
A headcanon
One of obito's parents was a senju clan member, and lingering resentment from the warring clans period (only abt a generation and a half ago at the time, really not that far in the past) lead him to being ostracised by the uchiha clan. Funnily enough it was only really madara who didn't care abt that
Also he's bisexual but doesn't really have info on what being bisexual is and doesn't really do self examination lmaooo he assumes his attraction to men is weird anger
A character I love them interacting w
Kakashi! The drama! It's always so exciting and emotionally fraught and possibly very stupid. I love it
A character I wish they'd interact w more
Gai! I want obito beat up by a guy who's really pissed off abt what he did to Kakashi
A headcanon abt them and another character
Obito doesn't forgive Kakashi for killing Rin, no matter how much info is revealed that it wasn't his "fault". It was such an impactful and traumatic memory for Obito. This becomes very painful for Obito as watching Kakashi gives him quite a bit of empathy for him, and also weird fluttery feelings in his tummy. Which is anger, probably. Who knows? Not Obito
Obito has never managed to see Kakashi's face
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cheetahsprints · 5 months
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(If you don't like mentions of a slash ship featuring certain anthro hedgehogs just scroll past!!!! Quickly!!!)
TL;DR (You can skip this blurb if you want the full story)
I went from being like neutrally aware of the Sonic franchise characters' existence to totally obsessed practically overnight with Shadow and Sonadow. Went full speed ahead brainrot on them because of a freaking dream where cartoon (unspecified) Sonic & co accidentally entered the dimension of live action Sonic. Shenanigans ensued, most notably a dreambrain-hatched live action Shadow fighting his cartoon version because of his attitude toward Sonic & co.
(End of TL;DR)
[Text wall below for details]
A few nights ago I had a random as hell dream about Sonic the hedgehog and I am now here I have watched freaking Sonic Prime on Netflix because the mental images wouldn't leave me alone so I treated it like a weird message from the universe e send Help
My only previous interactions with sonic stuff was some person I followed on twitter for something else posting art of it (mega long time ago), watching the sonic live action movies why I have no idea (super long time ago), and that joke game that went surprisingly hard The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog which I completed even though the minigames to progress got hard AF for me (pretty long time ago) and like even before all that I knew of Sonic from ads, memes, and various posts on social medias. But I didn't fully engage with it.
Side note: the twitter posting was mostly sonadow and I would look it over like uh-huh ok the vibes check out and just keep scrolling like lsdfkjdskl but that is pretty much the main reason I knew Sonic/Shadow existed but at the time I didn't actively seek it out or try to learn more.
Onward...
My brain is so so so weird and the dream was somewhat vivid like watching a movie omg where the live action sonic and pals met the cartoon versions of the characters?? even though I never watched any of the cartoons before??? as such it wasn't a specific series, I just knew it in the dream they were from a generalized cartoon universe
Specifically it was Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles in the movie group, while the cartoon group had Amy and Rouge instead of the other two alongside Sonic, who I only even really knew about because of the April Fool's game. And Shadow was also there in both groups because why not I guess and they (the Shadows) fought each other because the movie one thought the cartoon one was a jerk lmao idk? Yeah my subconscious decided it couldn't wait for Sonic 3 and made up its own version of movie Shadow.
Early in the dream there was also a little kid clone of Sonic who belonged with the cartoon group. There were some cute interactions but in nonsensical dream fashion that character just disappeared later like he was never there lol
…There was some plot about the cartoon group needing to get back to their dimension because Sonic accidentally got them blasted into the movie one somehow... after watching Sonic Prime I'm like my dream was so FREAKISHLY similar to that show's plot, but I SWEAR I knew nothing about the premise of SP before the dream. Although, in the dream they were like... multidimensional travellers doing hero stuff and had met other variants before, just this time it wasn't intentional and it messed something up.
Uh getting off track... (which the dream itself did a lot tbf)
Anyway, what I remember is the movie dimension made the cartoon group look in the more realistic style so at first Shadow thought the actual movie group were the ones from his dimension (Shadow & Amy got separated from Sonic & Rouge) and was rude to them because he was so ticked off blaming Sonic for being a dumbass and yelling at Tails for not preventing whatever happened or something, so actual movie Shadow appeared like. don't talk to my friends that way asshole and beat the absolute shit out of him. There was an explanation Tails gave that the movie Shadow was more powerful for some reason I don't remember and Amy told cartoon Shadow to stop trying to beat him. But yeah bro was so pissed movie Sonic had to step in and physically stop him because he wouldn't listen to and/or overpowered anyone else. He reminded Shadow that the other Shadow was still him, in a sense.
Cartoon Sonic and Rouge appeared and Sonic started bickering with cartoon Shadow. but the movie versions were best friends so they were watching them like wtf is wrong with y'all. Movie Shadow got fed up quickly and punched cartoon Shadow again and stood protectively in front of both Sonic versions bristling and wouldn't take his eyes off his counterpart. Cartoon Shadow was so goddamn confused by Shadow's protectiveness and asked how Sonic had made movie Shadow his loyal bodyguard (derogatory) Amy and Rouge like explained the backstory to the movie crew, which is fuzzy to me but it was something along the lines of, Shadow had been brainwashed to rival Sonic, tricked to think that Sonic was evil (unbeknownst to that Sonic who in his pov had this random edgy hedgehog start attacking him out of nowhere during a mission) and they had a lot of intense fighting before Shadow found out the truth. But the two of them never quite got over the misunderstanding. Listen I didn't know Shadow's backstory, literally none of it, but I have read the wiki since ok
Meanwhile movie Shadow, in the dream, was made and raised in a lab and similarly believed he was made as Sonic's rival/equal. Behind the scenes some government thing or whatever were afraid of Sonic's power and wanted a backup plan. But some evil guy stole and unleashed Shadow. At first it was basically just a duel, Shadow admired Sonic, but the evil guy had put a chip in his head that when activated made him try to kill Sonic. Eventually he was subdued and the chip deactivated- and despite everything Sonic insisted Shadow come with him to his home and the rest was history. This unfolded in like flashback style.
There was a funny part where Shadow questioned Sonic's home like "What kind of base of operations is this?" In a very unimpressed tone. Sonic said sarcastically "Oh, sorry if you were expecting my own Fortress of Solitude." And I guess Shadow was allowed to watch tv because he got the reference and shot back "Does that make me Lois Lane?" Didn't make a whole lot of sense sdlfkjds but movie Shadow delivered this line very confidently and flirtatious and just walked away leaving Sonic shocked LOL
And then later Shadow complained that the government people would always rewind and loop the villainy parts and he never got to see if Lois and Clark kissed (It's been too long since I watched any Superman movies so I couldn't tell you if this makes sense) and Knuckles teased him for being a romantic, and then the whole team binge watched every Superman movie.
In the "present" at some point movie Sonic and Shadow pulled their alternate versions aside and like told them off for being mean to each other lmao cartoon Sonic was kinda like uwu I didn't know Shadow had feelings he's like a lone wolf and like was surprised by his counterpart's vehemence. Movie Sonic told cartoon Sonic that Shadow can be a great friend if you give him a chance. I don't remember the Shadowses convo much but it was a lot more chill despite the fighting before (though still prickly) because Shadow's reasons were more valid and it was more of a pep talk from movie Shadow that if he opened up more it might give the others around him more opportunity to know and accept him.
I remember there was this one specific heavy emotional line in the dream that stuck with me when I woke up said by cartoon Shadow about Sonic, "He's my best friend but I'm obviously not his" DFKLJDSKJ
Additional small detail that movie Sonic and Shadow had known each other for over 2 years during dream events. And they were quite close and in sync. But still bantery
My brain basically conjured a LITERAL FANFICTION in my sleep and I have been thinking about it a lot What's hilarious is I knew next to fuck all about these characters my brain pulled the plot points of this dream out of its ass
Typed out, this dream probably sounds a lot longer than it was... the "scenes" just felt oddly detailed for how mashed together and quick passing they were.
But yeah I kept thinking about the dream and like daydreaming more scenes and it somehow turned even more into Sonadow (like, I imagined Cartoon Sonic & Shadow finding out in a very abrupt way that the movie versions were an item. <- to my delight I did find a fic with a premise very similar to this just not movie universe related. Also played with the idea of Sonic and/or Shadow accidentally kissing the wrong counterpart in their excitement at being reunited which Awakened Some Things for the receiver of the unexpected passion😂 )
The dream kinda acted as a base that inspired daydreams to spiral out from my brain without permission but I just... mentally jumped into it because ships sometimes grab you like that.
And Sonic Prime made my sprouting interest worse, basically fuel to the fire, so now I am obsessed with them... like what a fucking way to get into a ship
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lastoneout · 5 months
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you absolutely do not need to respond if you don't want to but how does the "everything feels worse because i'm finally healing" differ from "everything feels worse because things really are that bad currently"? i always wonder if there's a way to tell them apart. glad you're getting recovering!
Imo the difference so far, is that back when I was still in an unsafe place that was making my trauma worse, between the hysterical sobbing meltdowns I just felt so....normal. I would freak out and break sometimes, but after that I would feel weirdly fine. Or even at times like I didn't have emotions at all? It was like my brain was going "there is no war in ba sing se" to protect me and keep me from freaking out too bad, and like it kinda was! My major coping mechanism has always been ignoring my emotions and shoving them all in a box until they aren't bothering me anymore. And when I was in those shitty situations that was helpful, because I needed to keep myself alive and I wasn't going to be able to do that if I was a sobbing mess all the time.
Also, the one time it got really, really bad, like I was so deep in a traumatic situation it was clearly just completely destroying me, I really did feel like that part in Inside Out where Riley's console just goes dark and none of her emotions can press any buttons. There was this overwhelming sense of dread and misery, and I could barely take care of myself at all. I stopped going to school and showering and I barely ate anything, I didn't talk to my friends, and tbh I did some stuff that I am SUPER not proud of, bcs my brain legit wasn't working at all, and it wasn't until I got out that I started feeling like a person again.
The pain of healing never feels like that. Yes, I am in a bad mental space a lot of the time, I'm depressed and I have nightmares that make me legit so depressed I spend the whole day crying, but there's like...idk this undercurrent of function and focus that wasn't there before. I can keep doing things WHILE being sad(for the most part), instead of only being able to function when I am repressing everything. And tbh it really does feel like I don't have a choice in the matter, which sounds bad but it's kinda nice? Like my brain is done repressing things and isn't going to let me do it anymore. Every time I try it's almost like there's a firm but kind voice in my head saying "no, we can't do that anymore, you have to face this, it's okay".
It's kinda weird too bcs the deeper into healing I get the less my old coping mechanisms help. Hell most of them don't even work anymore. As an example my mom got into a car wreck recently and she was in the hospital for a while, and when I found out I tried to go into my "no feelings no nonsense we have to be strong now" mode, but it didn't work?? I spent the whole time I was there crying, and like!! I actually was happy I was crying!! Because I've never been able to do that!! It's such a weird thing to be happy I'm upset but like, it means I'm making progress.
And that makes every single moment of misery bearable because I know I need this. I've needed this my entire life, and it hurts and is scary, and sometimes I do have to just zone out and play video games or spend a day in bed being sad, but I just...know it's the right thing. Idk how else to explain it, I just know.
It also helps that now I know what a happy, safe life looks like and I know it's there waiting for me. I know this work is worthwhile because I don't want to live my life the way I used to. And I am in a happy, supportive relationship that actively inspires me to work on myself and be a better person. I know not everyone has that, but framing it in a way where I am trying to be better not just for myself but for the people I love helps give me that extra bit of strength I need to keep going.
Anyway this is kinda rambly, sorry, but I did want to answer. If anyone else has any advice for anon feel free to add it on!! I have to go to therapy now lmao but when I'm done if I think of anything else I'll add it!
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theragethatisdesire · 8 months
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i’m sorry ur not feeling well 🥺💗 sending you positive vibes tonight!!
for the slumber party plz tell me allll about your favourite character that you don’t currently write about 🙊 i wanna hear all the secret deets
HEY TIFFFFF i appreciate it :( i hope i'm not like being annoying venting on here i'm just so miz and i know my irls are sick of hearing it lolol anyways!!!!
okay my current obsession is gojo. and bc i haven't actually started the fic yet, i don't technically write for him often, only per request. does that count? idk i wanna talk ab gojo lol
just gonna throw everything below a cut because idk where i'm headed with this. minors stay away!
this is like, canonical, but gojo's so fucking annoying LMAO like i just know he is the most obnoxious, can't-sit-still, sarcastic asshole on the planet. he really makes it hard to love him sometimes.
this....is not a spoiler for a fic i'm def not writing (wink wink) but i just don't think gojo could really properly fall for someone who was not powerful. like i think part of his distance from others is his (admitted) narcissism that is somewhat well-earned considering he is....gojo fucking satoru. he needs someone that is at least somewhat towards the top of their ranks in whatever they do.
i also feel like gojo would be encouraging to a fault? like always pushing you further towards your goals, stepping in obnoxiously if your boss doesn't notice you've been working your ass off for a promotion (again, annoying). like he won't rest until you've made progress.
gojo also gets baby girl-ified WAY too much
like hear me out
we see him through the eyes of the kids/around his students in most of s1, and that's not to say he doesn't have the potential to be a playful, lighthearted person *when he wants to be*
but remember that scene of him talking to the jujustu higher-up where the guy tells him to watch his mouth and gojo laughs in his fucking face??
he's an egotistical, all-powerful, ballsy maniac. like gojo is not braiding your hair and cooing in your ear 24/7.
he is slowly backing you into a wall and taking what he wants from you. like sorry he just is.
also gojo strikes me as someone who is ....nasty. like, blood and knife play, gun play, psychopathic kind of nasty in the bedroom. idk if i would personally ever write that, but he's been through so much and seen so much gore you know that that's fucked with his....tastes, so to speak
i do think however that gojo would be absolutely devoted to his partner
like it would take him forever to come around and accept that he now felt responsible for protecting yet another person and that he had accidentally formed a connection (i see gojo as also having a very weird relationship with his humanity vs. his divinity but more on that another time)
but once he's around? he's in it for life. i mean, even if you don't ship stsg, you must acknowledge that gojo has never been willing to truly let geto go. he couldn't kill him, refused to believe geto had done that even though geto was showing signs of deteriorating mentally.
he's the same way with his partner. good luck breaking up with gojo because it's going to be a years long process.
gojo loves someone who can push back at him. he doesn't want an entirely submissive partner (kinda like eren!)
he likes someone who will put him in his place, has a sharp tongue, isn't afraid to stand up for themselves or others.
love language is absolutely gift-giving like that man has to spoil his partner he can't help it
size kink. turns his infinity on mid-sex to punish you. wants to have sex where he stands overlooking tokyo in the s1 opening. always takes the blindfold off during sex. huge public sex guy. i said what i said. it's hard being correct.
i could literally go on for HOURS tiff you have no idea the grip this man has on me. i cannot wait to write this fic!!!!!!!! ah!!!!!
thanks for coming to my slumber party lovie kisses from me to u :)
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iraprince · 1 year
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hello!! your art tips were amazing and really helped me a lot, thank you for those <3 i just wanted to ask: do you have any advice for staying in the zone of suckiness… like when i draw something it’s never really what i wanted to come out but i know i gotta just keep going but i hate when it looks bad and it makes me not want to draw anymore 😭 just wondering if you’ve got any tips for how to power through that stuff 🙏
so, this one is really hard and i think it's an issue that u just have to kind of grapple with every time case-by-case (or at least it is for me...) bc on one hand, u will have more fun and progress more if u learn to push through/care less about those feelings, but also sometimes if u really are banging your head against a wall and it is straight up Not Fun the best thing u can do is let yourself fuck off and do something else for a while. my challenge is always finding the balance between those two options, or just learning to tell the difference, bc u don't want to be giving up every time u hit resistance and calling it "self care" but also beating urself up and dragging urself thru the gauntlet on principle isn't good either lol.
i think the thing that has helped me the most consistently is just trying to mentally lower the stakes. if you try to soften the emotional aspect of it, and put less weight on everything, it gets a lot easier to be chill about it. this involves a lot of asking myself "so what?", lmao.
"ugh this looks like SHIT, if i post this everyone is gonna think i'm some idiot who can't actually draw-" okay, so what.
"i've tried to draw this panel four times and i'm still not happy with it. i have to move on or i won't finish, but i know this panel is going to bother me every time i look at it!" yeah. so what.
"i thought i was doing well but then i zoomed out and the whole thing looks really weird and off-balance--" so what!!!! so what!!!! is someone going to die. am i killing someone. is my weird-looking art going to ruin someone's day. do i have some kind of sacred duty to sit here and hate it and redraw it over and over until i looks better. or is it, like, literally just not that serious.
and the thing is it IS serious in a lot of ways -- i've said this before, but the reason art (or any creative endeavor) gets so emotionally heightened is bc like, you give a shit about what you do!!! you care!!! you want it to look good, you want to be proud of what u put time and effort into, and you want people to like it and connect with it! that's the most normal thing in the world and we can't get rid of those feelings. but it's also not helping anyone, least of all yourself, to be so heavily impacted by those feelings that falling short of your own expectations is like, actually distressing. so for me soothing myself in the face of self-criticism by going "yeah, sure, you're right, this doesn't look the way i want it to -- but that's Okay. it's Fine for it to look kind of shitty. nothing bad is going to happen." has been pretty effective. i hope it can help you too!
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bloobluebloo · 2 months
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4. 12. And 13. For the violence ask game pretty pleas?? 👀🙏🏽✨️
4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?
HA, how deep do I go with this one? Finding out the person was writing essays on another site lambasting me and blaming me for "pushing them out of the fandom" because I didn't reblog some of their things? Or maybe when they said that I was influencing another popular artist to draw all my "Ganondorf wet dreams" (which was entirely untrue, not to mention said artist is literally my friend LMAO like sorry my irl friend discusses her stuff with me?). Or very pointedly spelling out that I was Muslim while highlighting how supposedly aggressive I was telling people to hate on this person on aaaaaaall these discord servers that I was supposedly in (which was literally none at the time). How about finding out that they had a habit of being aggressive to marginalized creators in dms while putting on a polite victim front with their public image? What I despise more than someone openly being a piece of shit is someone who is actually a piece of shit but puts on this progressive social justice persona because...well that's a different story now isn't it? Anyways. 12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them DOES THE WINDFISH COUNT? Listen okay, what kind of being is such that, when put into deep enough of a slumber, that it can conjure an entire world with people that build villages, that lead their own lives and have their own dreams and aspirations. Was the nightmare wrong for trying to stop Link from waking up the windfish, was it wrong for fearing for the end of its existence? Are we all part of a divine being's dream, at the whims of its will until it decides to pop the bubble and we all suddenly vanish? It's just such a compelling character. PS: I HAVE WINDFISH OCS I DEVELOPED WITH MY RP BUDDY WE ARE DEDICATED TO WEIRD DREAM WHALES THAT FLY IN THE SKY 13. worst blorboficiation
Link. Listen okay, I think Link is allowed to be sentimental. I think Link has a lot of trauma that he just never really has time to sit down and process because he has the fate of a country in his hands, and is being subjected to a lot of shit one after another. That being said, there is nothing that turns me off more than an interpretation that has Link crying at the drop of a hat, not because it is framed as him processing trauma, but rather because a cute little twink like Link would be super sentimental and absolutely needs coddling. Cmon guys Link saw Zelda turn into a dragon and was 😐the whole time; if he 's going to have a mental breakdown it's going to be a scene that should bear a lot of weight, not something that's happening every two seconds.
Link to the questions here
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heraldofcrow · 10 months
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I've actually lost a track of your BB progression, but who you liked first - Bloody Crow or Eileen? And why? And what made you like the second one, whoever it is?
Aahh, the question ever, yes!
My BB progression is a mess because I don’t think I even played it until 2017-2018, as I was too fixated on the Souls series, but it was this shot of Eileen that finally got me to give in:
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Not even kidding. This and the main poster of the Hunter got me to finally play Bloodborne because I had never seen such blatant Gothic panache.
When I actually met Eileen in-game, she immediately became my favorite character. So yeah, it was her that snatched me first. She was everything I wanted in a Soulsborne character. A deadly, older lady-warrior with a crow-themed get-up, a cool voice, and a mysterious aura/storyline. I started coming up with my idea for her backstory then and there. <3
Bloody Crow was…a weird one for me. I had fallen so hard for Eileen that I was really upset to see her injured, right? So, I went into the Crow fight royally pissed off and ready to gut whatever was waiting.
Granted, I was also expecting a boss fight and a tough one at that, considering Eileen had dubbed Crow a “thing.” (In English, of course).
But noooo, instead I waltzed into that cathedral in the dim blue-grey light and just watched this beautifully black-clad, crow-caped knight of Cainhurst walk towards me, outlined by the lavender glow of the Dream lamp, like an absolute fucking edgelord bastard. Complete menace.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so enticed by a FromSoftware NPC.
He then kicked my ass for the next several hours, and I think I fell in love lmao. But I was drawn in by the vibe of his fight, and his look mainly. I didn’t consider his character much at that point. I just enjoyed the mystery and my dance with his devilry.
Then I found Kuyuan’s/Endysis’s art of Eileen and little Crow a bit later, decided they were the best characters in Bloodborne, cried over them a lot, and I have never been the same since.
Bloody Crow became more human to me and more than just my favorite, villainous vampire-rival. Eileen only became even more beloved to me.
Now here I am in 2023, mentally unstable, and obsessing over these birds like a crackpot.
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shai-manahan · 2 years
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Finalized Update Schedule: October 8, 6:00 am (GMT+8) 
Hello! I hope you’ve all been doing well this week! Like I mentioned above, the update’s finally coming :) And there’ll be no further delays, I promise. I will be sending the edited last scene for the update to my testers later, or tomorrow morning if my headache still persists tonight, but I’m truly excited to show you this!
As of now, there are three main things I wanted to discuss:
FUTURE UPDATES
For the sake of my health, mentally speaking and to help my eye issues recover somewhat, I will be taking a one-week break from writing after every update. I’ll still be answering asks, but I’ll be limiting myself to that.
Reblogs for the updates are very much appreciated every time. That’s really the only way for me to reach more readers, and it’s also quite motivating when I see folks reblog my silly posts and my silly game.
I’m no longer going to write as many prompts as I did last year; I kinda learned my lesson with that (that was a very bad idea of mine). When I do share prompt lists, it will probably be every 2 or 3 months, and you’ll have to wait a week or two before I actually get to writing your requests.
My target right now is to upload an update every 2 months, although this will only be possible if I get to focus on writing.
Please expect there to be more edits to preceding updates once I upload the next ones. It’s just how I write. For all the years I’ve written screenplays, I’ve never finished one without making a lot of edits to the opening parts. This will likely happen here, too. What I plan, though, is to do these edits once I’ve given my updates to the testers and before publicly releasing them, so there will be no time wasted on it.
Any kind of feedback and/or suggestion will be appreciated every time I push out an update; they help in motivating me, which then equates to a faster pace of writing, as weird as that may sound.
The first book for Hollowed Minds is quite long, so I will be looking forward to your continued support!
If anyone here has a better sense of time management than I do, please help me out and give me some tips lmao.
PATREON
I’m planning to launch my patreon a week or so after the update; I’m also aiming to set up my ko-fi in a way that you could choose to get the same benefits there instead if you wish to.
I hope y’all wouldn’t see this as greediness or anything alike, but I’d definitely prefer to focus on writing Hollowed Minds as much as I can, without a lot of distractions. Gradually raising funds through these platforms would help in doing that, while ensuring that more frequent updates will come in the future and that everything with regards to my health would be properly taken care of. Setting this up will also help me manage my time more efficiently through stricter deadlines, and you’ll be free to cancel your subscription at any time.
I want to ask for your inputs with regards to the content you wish to see in here. So far, I’ve been planning for: sneak peeks, lore content and q & a, more plot-oriented snippets for the ROs, bonus short stories for the characters, access to polls, and a 2-week early access to the succeeding updates once applicable. I honestly don’t want anyone to just waste their money, so knowing what you want to see would be great.
A weekly progress will be kept free to view here on tumblr, though I will also start posting them on patreon and on ko-fi. (I might not post them at certain times if I feel like I didn’t have sufficient progress to report about.) 
FEEDBACK
I don’t like having to keep asking for them, but really, receiving any sort of opinion about the game and especially about its characters will help a tremendous amount. While I do have testers, it’s not as if they can catch every issue in it, so knowing how you feel about the overall flow will be appreciated.
I will be searching for more testers for the next update, so keep your eyes peeled!
Do note that you can choose to send your feedback here, on the discord, or on the forums, wherever you prefer.
I feel like I’m forgetting something, but uh, I’ll just reblog an edited version of this if I do remember. See you soon!
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sea-owl · 6 months
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in the same vein of her knowing something only haruka knows, sakura regularly brings up clan secrets without realizing and freaks everyone out lmao
Not only does Sakura bring up clan secrets but she also brings up village secrets that are part of the foundation to the village. As the wives of the founders Haruka and Mito defiantly knew some secrets.
Imagine in like a non massacre au baby genin Sakura just being the one who casually says this stuff but she doesn't know what she says are clan secrets or village secrets. Haruka is not gonna tell her those are secrets because she likes watching the chaos and Shachi secretly likes watching it as well. Sakura's not dumb either, she catches on at some point that maybe some of the things she knows she probably shouldn't. But hey she's having fun. Free entertainment is free entertainment they're not gonna be picky.
Meanwhile all these adults are trying to figure out how this civilian born girl knows all of this?! Sakura's had anbu stalk her, she's had Uchiha police stalk her, they even had Kakashi and Sasuke try to pry where she was getting this information from. But they come back with nothing. And Sakura doesn't know how to explain that she can speak with her past lives in her head and one of them just so happens to know all this.
Things come to head during the fight with Ino during the chunin exams.
So in my mind the Haruno thing with being able to communicate and interact with their past lives has always meant to be a defense mechanism against genjutsu and mental attacks like the Yamanaka's mind transfer jutsu. But because they are a civilian clan they never fully unlocked their chakra the way ninjas do so it never progressed to that point. Haruka, while never officially becoming a ninja, partially unlocked her chakra to the point she was able to perform some jutsus but mostly infused her chakra into her teas and poisons. This allowed her to look into Shachi's memories and made it harder to put her under a genjutsu. Sakura has fully unlocked her chakra so as she advances it brings up more of the defensive side to it.
When Ino put Sakura under the mind transfer jutsu the defensive side kicked into high gear. Sakura broke the jutsu but the second spirit that pushed Ino out was Haruka while Shachi checked over Sakura's psyche. That's when something weird happened.
A ghostly form came out of Sakura as if chasing Ino back to her body and that ghost actually pinned Ino to the floor. The ghost was a woman who wore a mask and had pink hair. Holding her updo in place is a hair piece that looked suspiciously like the Uchiha fan. If one were to try and sense chakra from her they would feel her's and Sakura's.
Sakura recognized Haruka right away, but she was confused how she was seeing her. Haruka was also confused by her surroundings. The match was called with Sakura as the winner since Haruka still had Ino pinned to the floor and then Sakura was swept away by Kakashi with Haruka following behind. She didn't trust any of these fuckers with her reincarnation. And what were they gonna do tell her no? Yeah right.
They were brought into a separate room where they joined by Fugaku not long after. This girl just broke one of the Yamanka's mind jutsus. already they don't want to bring in another one just yet. Too much mystery was surrounding this girl they needed to find out what was going on. Haruka does one of her favorite things and starts arguing with the Uchiha. Whoever this woman was she knows the old laws too well, and Fugaku really wanted to know why she wore the Uchiha fan in her hair.
"Don't worry Sakura they can't touch you. You did nothing wrong," Haruka reassures her reincarnation. She points at Fugaku. "Besides that one is more chomping at the bit to figure out why I'm wearing his clan symbol."
Sakura looked confused. "Wasn't that a wedding gift?"
Haruka's posture turned bored. "Yep, my husband Madara Uchiha gifted me this." She turned back towards Fugaku. She points to him and then back to herself. "Clan Head, former Clan Lady."
Well at least Fugaku now knew where Sakura learned all those clan secrets.
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So I'm aro and kinda ambivalent/slightly pos on sex stuff. So like from an aspec perspective on all your posts is very interesting to watch. Idk. I feel like people only use my identity to mask they still have growing to do and that sex isn't... Like, scary I guess? Its just a thing people do, Yk? Also that lots of different people have sex, conventionally unattractive people have sex, you don't need to "beautify" them. Adults have sex. These characters are all adults, by the end of the comics Scout is in his late 20s, like. I'm fairly certain these characters have had sex, and infantilizing characters like Scout, sometimes Engineer, or especially Pyro, whether they realize it or not, reflects on them and their feelings on how people "should act" and mental disorders. They can have sex! The sex can be weird! They are weird people! Like... They're adult men. They range from mid 20's to possibly their 50s-60's. Who are messed up a bit. I don't think they're timid little virgin babys who have never seen a genital or came in their life, like, be serious. I think it CAN be interesting to explore how someone in the 60's-70's would navigate asexuality in this scenario. Like, that can be an interesting take IF you put the actual thought, understanding, and nuances of being aspec. But like, it's always just like, filler sexuality here to be there cuz I don't have a strong grasp on the character. A pretty flag for the sake of having another flag. And because of that lack of character and world understanding they lean on stereotypes under the guise of progressive ideas.
Sorry about the all over the place rant, just been thinking about this kinda stuff every time I see ur posts.
Nooo don'tworry this is rlly nice to hear n a perspective I can't rlly give! Obviously I'm not aspec myself AHGKLAGA but I definitely don't like stuff like "well of COURSE Pyro is aroace bc they're baby uwu" it just doesn't sit right with me LMAO. None of this is to say that I think it's "wrong" to have ace Pyro or ace Sniper or ace whoever headcanons, of course I don't think that. I especially think it's really nice when someone sees themself in a videogame man, regardless of what their identity is. I just think yknow, stuff like "this guy has Brain Problems (Sniper has social problems, Pyro has delusions, Scout has a disorder I'm calling 'being in his 20s') and therefore does not have sex" or in Pyro's case especially "cannot even UNDERSTAND sex" is kinda just harmful and offensive across the board, to mentally ill people and aspec people alike. I'm always reminded of that ask I got like "if autistic people can't handle bright lights how are they supposed to handle sex" bc like 1) plenty of autistic people are perfectly Fucking capable of understanding, having, and enjoying sex and 2) ace people aren't ace bc they "can't handle" or "don't understand" sex LMAO. Sex is a thing some people have, and a thing some people don't, and like either of those things are good and okay and fine. Idk there's just a veeeery wide societal problem of really infantilizing both asexual people and disabled people that I think extends far beyond "fandom" or whatever, it's rlly deeply ingrained so a lot of people aren't aware of how they perpetrate it. Basically I just don't think an ace or aro headcanon should surround "X character is just completely incapable of understanding and/or consenting to sex or romance" ESPECIALLY if that character is disabled (like Pyro tf2, or even to a smaller degree like Sniper tf2 if the person doing it hcs him as autistic or whatever). If u want someone to be ace they can just be ace! It doesn't need like a "shy baby uwu" reasoning behind it
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spiralsandeyes · 8 months
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I loved reading the Magnoliaverse and especially playing with matches, and one thing that I ended up very curious about was more about Michael's backstory in this au? He's one of the characters who shows up a lot and has a lot of backstory vaguely referenced but never gets a perspective to explore that so I was wondering if you'd be down to share what ideas you had for his backstory while you were writing. Thanks in advance!
omg thank you so much for this! :')) answer got long so i'm putting it under a cut <3
it's actually kind of funny that you ask this... playing with matches has always been the heart of magnolia verse to me, and future installments were/are going to focus on the characters in that fic (particularly agnes, oliver, julia and gerry, with some others). most of them have pretty detailed backstories in my mind but michael was one of the ones whose history i've actually thought less about!
i did have a few things in mind - michael had one particularly shitty relationship when he was ~16/17 that he still carries a lot of baggage from. he had crushes before that but never anything he was brave enough to act on, so it was pretty formative for him wrt his expectations for relationships. he was basically being strung along and used by a guy who didn't have strong romantic feelings for michael the way michael did for him. michael also didn't have a lot of friends growing up, or at least not since childhood, so he really wants to be loved (in any capacity, but he's particularly insecure about the romantic). going back and forth with his divorced parents didn't help with this - he stays with his mom most of the time and had to move when he was ~13-14, uprooting most of his life to a different school where he knew no one, and he never really settled in and found friends there. he's also pretty socially anxious and until meeting gerry, hasn't quite figured out how to get out into the world. he's a homebody mostly because he doesn't know how to be anything else (yet), and though he has art school friends, they aren't very close. too much of his impressions of queerness and college life were formed by the internet/popular media and he has a bit of an inferiority complex about it - he's very aware that he doesn't Do Much aside from art and feels like a loser because of it. (this is an unfortunate combo with his body image issues, insecurities about what he can offer in a relationship, and him being very much starstruck by gerry's band, leading to some of the conflict you see in playing with matches). some other random details: he's out to his parents but has a slightly strained relationship with both of them (he's closer with his grandma on his mom's side!), he has severe adhd but i don't think he knows it yet, he's been drawing for basically his whole life but recently focusing on art forms that involve more physical processes because it's good for his mental health (atm it's various forms of sculpture).
but honestly i've thought a lot more about michael's future than his past! at this point i've been telling people for years that magnolia verse is still in progress and feeling more and more guilty when a completed work fails to materialize, but i still can't stand the thought of leaving it as-is and have to believe in my ability to finish one more fic, so... there Will be one more... but probably not anytime soon and it probably won't be gerrymichael centric. so i'll just tell you about the gerrymichael fic i DID have planned lmao.
so: ex altiora goes viral and gets very popular very quickly when they finish school and release a full album. the speed of it is great for their careers and bad for their mental health. agnes and gerry really struggle with it. gerry in particular starts getting a lot of fans which makes him REALLY nervous because he's going stealth, trying to hide from his mom, and just generally not super interested in being a public sex object! this is a little bit Weird for his relationship with michael. he gets pretty (reasonably) paranoid and wants to keep his personal life very private, but michael Does Not Get It and is hurt because he feels like he's being kept a secret. he's also a little bit jealous of the attention, though he won't admit it, and is overall experiencing new depths of insecurity that he will (eventually) Finally get to process because he still thinks of gerry as the Cool One with all the power in the relationship. meanwhile gerry is so anxious and trying to cope with the spotlight of sudden internet fame/irl fame in certain contexts (i.e. shows) and feels like he can't confide in michael about it. the tension in his and julia's friendship is also reaching a breaking point around then and they have a huge fight which leads to them (gasp) speaking honestly about thoughts and feelings they've had for years! but anyway. everything gets sorted out in the end, and michael and gerry end up much happier! michael resolves his issues, gerry comes out to the world, they work out boundaries together, everyone becomes closer :)
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arcplaysgames · 1 year
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HUGE fan of Naoto's shadow. The childishness of it, the big chunky ray guys, the jet wings, the racing stripes.
Naoto keeps being told he's so mature for his age, and it's very obvious that it comes from taking every youthful impulse and crushing it down into a little box until it reaches critical mass and explodes.
Also, this fight was pitifully easy lmao. Either I'm overleveled or the game was not prepared for me to bring in Kanji, who hits like a motherfucking truck. Also Yosuke now dodges like 90% of attacks and I have no idea how he's doing that but it's great.
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hoooooly shit this is so affecting. gold star performance form the VA. the sniffly loneliness of the shadow is so good. i want to hug them.
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KANJI THAT'S SWEET OF YOU BUT HE'S GOT A POINT, OKAY?
Naoto's gender is "detective" basically.
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asldkjflskdf OMG THE PERSONA IS SO TINY EEEEEEEEEEEE ITS SO CUTE uwu
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I KNEW IT WAS PART OF YOUR PLAN YOU LIL SHIT
also god i really need to contend with how to refer to Naoto. so far i just don't know enough about how they feel about their gender to just swap to "she", and BELIEVE ME, the way the game is doing it is giving me fucking agida, since I am looking through my screencaps and lemme tell you, Naoto doesn't indicate that's cool with them.
So yeah, I think I answered my own question there. Naoto is gonna be "them" in my mental narrative until further notice. Certainly until I know more about how they feel about all this.
I'm just saying, dude, if being a girl is a prison and being a boy is a slow poison, maybe opt out of both? That's what I'd do, pal.
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back home, Adachi is drunk???? Why are you here. Why are you drunk? I spoke to him on the way to find Naoto and he didn't seem terribly concerned about the disappearance.
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oh so dojima knows too. I wonder what his motivation is for not speaking up. He also, upon our return from Iwatodai, asked Reverie to befriend Naoto and indicated things were rough for them. So he's sympathetic to the ace detective's ideas about the case too.
(man even writing "them" is really hard. this whole situation sucks lmao. thanks persona. I might use they/he? nothing fits right.)
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I wish I could record clips because. There is something about this line read that made me stop and just stare at the screen for a bit... Adachi really really does give me Ryoji vibes, as in intense "I cannot trust you" vibes. But I'll get into that some more next post, as I did hit Rank 6 on his SLink, which is apparently the final rank????
ALSO THERE IS A WEIRD MOMENT THAT I LITERALLY CANNOT CATCH WITH A SCREENCAP. While Dojima is in the room, Adachi is doing the swaying drunkenly thing that Yukiko and Rise did too when they were "drunk" at the party. But like the moment Dojima leaves?
He stops swaying.
/lifts eyebrow
WITH THAT, I FINISHED NAOTO'S DUNGEON ON THE FIRST DAY. I gave the fox so much yen and just kept powering thru. SINCE THEN, I HAVE MAXED OUT KANJI AND YUKIKO! And I made a lot of progress on others. I'll summarize that later, it is almost midnight.
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nitewrighter · 1 year
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okay hi i have a lot of prompts and stuff to suggest bc i am the person that spent all night reading the kids continuity fic
- aedan and rei domesticity they are so cute
- aedan growing stubble, running out of razors, asking the twins for a razor and they flex and say they use hard light razors. then aedan having to ask jack where the razors are because he doesn’t know (this would probably be around the time he asks him about reaper LMAO)
- marti aim training with amelie?
- obv there’s already been a lot of gency but maybe some of them talking about rei and aedan and being nosy
- more genji pleeeeease he’s so cute <\3
Argh I have a really strong Marti idea but I've got a bit of brain burnout and my idea for her doesn't really match what you're describing and also I haven't written Aedan and Rei in what feels like ages and I miss theeemmmm. Also I like the idea of having some kind of... honeymoon post-Dragonback stuff and also Live Mercy Reaction.
-----
The afternoon sunlight was blazing outside, but Aedan could hardly tell with the windows tinted. He was chewing on his thumbnail as he watched a holographic projection of Andrea's cells. The sample wasn't nearly as stable as he'd like, given the fact that it was mixed with his own blood, but Morrison and Reyes's DNA at least made it easy to quickly distinguish the cells before they morphed back to nanites. She was virtually gone from his system at this point, so he knew any creeping feeling of her still in there had to be purely psychosomatic.
He managed to identify and isolate one of Andrea's neutrophils before it was destroyed and scan it quickly enough to create a rough holographic projection, and he rotated the projection in the air, frowning. He heard the whoosh of the lab doors opening behind him and said, without turning around, "Do you think I could get a blood sample from Morrison?"
"Maybe if you sneak up on him," a voice that was clearly not Mercy's spoke up from behind him and he glanced over his shoulder to see Rei holding two bento boxes.
"...thought you were your mother," he said blankly and Rei made a crinkly-eyed, pressed-lip smile at him, "Sorry--that was weird, wasn't it?"
"Not that weird," said Rei, setting the boxes down on the desk a safe distance from the monitor's keyboard and pulling up a chair, "It's nice that you finally have more lab privileges."
"You missed a lot in LA!" Aedan spun in his chair slightly to face her, "I mean, Marti and the others definitely trust me more than the old guard, but still, there's been a lot of progress!"
"'People will let you experiment with their blood' progress?" Rei arched an eyebrow.
"Well... no. But I was thinking I might be able to delineate the effects of the SEP serum better and isolate the stabilizing factors of his DNA if I have a sample," Aedan had fallen back to his previous train of thought.
"You've been at this for hours," said Rei, looking at the hologram.
"I just... wish I was able to find out more before my body destroyed all evidence of her," murmured Aedan.
"Well, what do you know so far?" asked Rei, looking at the projection.
"I know she's stable--incredibly stable."
Rei snorted.
"Well not mentally, obviously, but cellularly. I've never seen such seamless transitions between nanite and cell. I mean I thought her nanite secretions weren't as prominent as mine because she wasn't working with a biotic rig, or--you know, because she was kicking my ass, but I think mum managed to really perfect the metabolic processes with her," he made a kind of flailing, spread fingered gesture at the white blood cell hologram with both hands, "Just... specimen."
He felt Rei's hands lightly but firmly close around his shoulders
"Should I be concerned you're gushing about the girl who collapsed your ribcage?" Rei cooed, rubbing her thumbs at the tops of his shoulder blades, "And her perfect, perfect cells?"
The initial touch gave Aedan an involuntary shudder, but he melted into his seat as she worked at the knots at the back of his neck. "A lus na gréine, you have nothing to worry about. She's my sister from another amnio... nister... tank..."
"Okay that is low blood sugar talking." Rei slipped her hands from his shoulders and grabbed one of the bento boxes, plopping it in his lap, "Eat." She grabbed her own chair and bento box and sat down.
"It's just.. a weird relief in a way," he said quietly, still looking at the hologram, "One of the reasons I was made was to help try and find ways to stabilize Reyes. But if anyone's going to save him, it's her."
"Yeeahh it is a weird relief that she's going to save the guy who wants us all dead," Rei agreed, stirring up her own box. Aedan saw green. Some kind of salad?
"...I don't think he wanted you dead," Aedan said.
Rei looked up from her own bento box to him.
"There was a moment back in Urdr when we were shuffling through in those stolen uniforms, you were still a bit drugged up. He looked right at us and I could have sworn he knew it was me, he knew something was off, but he just... let us go."
"Well he must have changed his mind if he's sending Daughter Dearest after us," said Rei, taking a bite.
Aedan scoffed. "He could barely look at me knowing what I was, there's no way he would agree to--" Aedan caught himself and his face dropped, "...there's no way he would agree to Talon making another him."
Rei's chewing slowed. "...so it's messing him up just as much as Jack, probably?"
"Probably," Aedan shrugged.
"Eat," Rei said again, pointing at his bento box with her own chopsticks, and Aedan shuffled his chair slightly away from the holo-monitor closer to her, opened his own box, and started eating across from her. It seemed to be a loose interpretation of a sushi bowl, brown rice and surimi and edamame, with extra greens and a sliced up hardboiled egg on the side, all drizzled with sesame oil and soy sauce and doused with furikake and red pepper flakes.
"Avocado..." Aedan said, "The Californians got to you."
"Don't knock it. You need monounsaturated fats," said Rei.
"I'm not--thank you, for making this," said Aedan. He took a bite and immediately felt the calories hit in the only way they can when you've forgotten to eat for a lot longer than you'd care to admit.
"It's just tossing a bunch of stuff together in the mess hall, it's a lot better equipped than it was when I was a kid, really," Rei held up the bento box, "But I had to bring these from home."
"Back home with the folks, huh?" Aedan perked up in his seat, poking around.
Rei huffed through her nostrils, choosing her words as she chewed. "It's nice... " she said slowly.
Aedan considered leading with 'But..?' to prompt her to say more, but decided humor might be the better route.
"Ah, but you've tasted the freedom of Hollywood," Aedan waved his chopsticks around, "And so the tinseltown dreams have taken roost in your heart. Your soul forever unsatisfied until you're once again in the dazzling spotlight."
Rei snickered. "I was a stunt. And... it was weird. Using all my training to.. pretend to fight--even if it was as my childhood hero. And like, the whole time I had this nagging feeling that even if I could make a career out of it, I'd always feel a hole where the dragon was. And I felt like... everyone back here was throwing themselves into danger while I was licking my wounds and bouncing around in silly costumes. But now I'm back here and... I don't know. We fly everywhere. We go on these missions, but the world feels smaller somehow. It feels like a wall's come back up."
"You're telling me that squatting on a rocket launch facility and traveling pretty much exclusively for missions feels limited compared to having free rein in one of the biggest cities and entertainment capitals of the world?" Aedan smiled.
"Okay, when you put it like that--" Rei cut herself off to chew some more surimi.
"I felt the same way about Oasis," Aedan shrugged, "Even if it is a young city, it's done everything in its power to draw the greatest minds from all over the world. One of the tourism boards wanted to bill it as 'The New House of Wisdom' except that got shot down because it felt a little archaic, potentially orientalist, possibly muscling in on Baghdad's tourism... and also like it might be inviting disaster. But, point stands, you felt special while you were there. Chosen."
"And you miss all your fancy 'son of the minister of genetics' perks," Rei smiled.
"Not nearly as much as I used to, these days," said Aedan, "I might either be going crazy or Jack might be onto something about that 'building character' stuff."
Rei snorted. "Maybe I'm just being weird about moving back into my childhood room."
"Well I should let you know that in your absence I've upgraded the dormitories into quite the bachelor pad. Convinced the twins to put in some hard-light privacy dividers, moved some of the extra beds into storage...the holo-projector was always in there, but I have a couch now!"
"Aedan O'Deorain, are you inviting me to your place?"
"Door's open," said Aedan, shrugging.
Her mouth just quirked off to one side in a smile and they both continued eating, letting that percolate in the air between them.
Rei was scraping up stray edamame beans and bits of furikake from the edges of her bento box when she noticed Aedan had set his empty bento aside and his attention was drifting back to the giant hologram of the neutrophil, his expression hollow and searching. He had pretty much inhaled his food, which was good, but Rei had seen enough of Marti, Samir, and her own mother to know when someone's brain had driven them into a rut that they weren't going to get out of without help.
"You know, if she's already out of your system, it's not like you'll find new data now that you can't find later," said Rei.
"Mm?" Aedan looked back at her.
"You need a break," said Rei.
"But---there's the flow factor," said Aedan.
"Oh, the flow factor," said Rei, rising from her seat.
"And like, yes, this is probably trauma talking, but I want to feel like I came away from that fight with a bit more than memories of a giant hole in my chest."
"Aedan," Rei braced her hands on both of his forearms on the seat's armrests, "We did."
She looked at him expectantly with those big, dark gray eyes, and his own eyes widened. Technically, it had been a mission accomplished. They had set out with the intention of getting the dragon back, and, miraculously, they had gotten it back, even if it was far from the circumstances any of them actually imagined getting it. Surviving an encounter with Talon when none of them were really equipped for that level of combat was nothing to sneeze at, either.
And there was the other thing, Aedan thought, as Rei's mouth closed on his.
Surimi and hard-boiled egg, in general, are not the optimum pre-making-out foods, and Aedan honestly could have used a nap and a shower in either order, but after hours of staring at blood samples and holograms of the woman who had nearly killed him, just the sensation of having Rei on his lips made none of that matter. That itch wasn't gone from the back of his mind, though. He wanted to do more, to claw just a little further ahead in this fight, to find something that would turn the tide. He wanted the fight to be over. He wanted the world to feel open for her--for her to go to LA or Oasis or wherever she wanted, to not have to worry about everyone back here.
She sank into his lap and his arms wrapped around her, letting even those stubborn thoughts melt away, if only for now, if only for a few moments. He hefted her up in his lap and he felt her breath puff out of her nostrils in an amused sound--maybe he was adjusting her to get to a more comfortable position, maybe he wanted to get the point across that he had put some muscle on with Marti's team, but either way she dove into the kiss hungrily. Aedan's arm curled around her more, trailing up her back, as his other hand brushed down her hip.
And then there was the vwoosh of the lab door opening.
"Aedan, I'm going to need to commandeer the holo-projector from you for a minute, one of my colleagues sent---" Mercy glanced up from her tablet to see Rei and Aedan, staring at her, tangled up precariously in one swivel chair.
"...Rei," Mercy said, straightening herself up in the doorway.
"Mom," Rei said, not making any movement to get out of Aedan's arms.
"Eh--" Aedan squeaked, sheet white with ears redder than his hair.
"I can come back later," Mercy said with a terrifying blankness.
"Mom--" Rei started, but Mercy put both hands up as the door whooshed close in front of her once more.
Aedan's heart was pounding in his ears. "She's going to kill me."
"She's not going to kill you," Rei rolled her eyes.
"She's going to kill me," said Aedan, his mind blank with terror.
"Aedan, we're adults, it's fine."
"You didn't tell her!?"
"I was going to tell her," Rei gestured vaguely, "You know... when I figured out how."
---
Genji was at Athena's main monitor browsing through some old Blackwatch files when the door opened behind him. He caught the barest reflection of her silhouette before turning around and brightly greeting her with, "Angela!" before quickly realizing that she was panting hard and her hair was disheveled. "Did you... run across the Watchpoi--?"
"When were you going to tell me?" Mercy's voice was almost a growl.
"Tell you... what--?""
"Our daughter! And the clone! I mean--the boy! Moira-clone-boy!"
"Aedan," Genji said easily.
"They were in the lab... c-canoodling!"
"Canoodling?" Genji repeated.
Mercy huffed out a tense breath, "...kissing," she clarified.
"Oh," said Genji, visibly relaxing.
"Did you know about this?" Mercy briskly closed the distance between them.
"Well... emotions did get a little high in Shirakami-Sanchi, but it wasn't really relevant to the mission debriefing."
Mercy just folded her arms in front of him.
"And... I figured it was Rei's business to tell you."
"Well yes but--" Mercy caught herself, now coming to terms with the fact that she had raced over her out of an outrage that she was far from being able to articulate, and the more she thought on it, the more (frustratingly) her sense of her right to outrage seemed to slip away from her.
"I feel like we've had this discussion before," said Genji.
"We said there was a possibility, that's very different from them making out in the lab."
"Oh no! Not the lab!" Genji said with clear amusement, "No one's ever made out in that lab before!"
Mercy's shoulders slumped and she looked at him sourly.
"I'm sorry---" Genji caught himself, "Obviously, I've had more time to come to terms with this, and I was there when things... started, sort of--"
"What do you mean 'sort of?'"
"Well it's in the debrief that both Rei and Aedan were missing from our campsite when they encountered Andrea. Rei's debrief says she was going back to the pond to try summoning the dragon again, and Aedan's debrief said he had headed away from the camp to relieve himself, but... I'm not ruling out the the possibility that they also could have snuck off together."
"They were sneaking off together under yours and Hanzo's noses!?"
"Honestly with the state Rei was in during that whole trip, it seems pretty unlikely that they were doing that," Genji murmured.
"Genji..." Mercy pressed her knuckles to her forehead, the burn of outrage now simmering down to exhausted frustration.
"Look--don't worry about that. What I'm saying is, when we let her go off to LA, we agreed we would trust her judgment, right?"
"Yes..." Mercy said slowly, lowering her hands.
"And you do like Aedan--I mean, I know it's been hard for you, overcoming everything you know Moira is capable of, but you two really have come a long way since he's joined the team."
"He is a good lab assistant," Mercy conceded, before muttering, "Though clearly he's gotten a bit too comfortable in that lab."
"Plus... it's not like we can really judge on the whole 'falling in love with your rescuer' thing," Genji stroked a knuckle down her jawline.
Mercy's lips were pursed, but a smile was tugging at the corner of her mouth as she glanced off.
"And if it's any consolation, I know he's still terrified of you," said Genji.
Mercy snorted. "It is fun to put the fear of god into him," she mused. She paused, still not meeting his eyes, before sighing and slumping her forehead onto his shoulder. "I'll be fine," she said, her voice reverberating against his cybernetic chestplate, clearly trying to convince herself just as much as him, "It will be fine. I can be calm about this."
"You really ran across the watchpoint, huh?" Genji brought his arms around her and rubbed her back a little.
"...yes," she admitted, and he just chuckled and set his chin on her head.
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