i want to be mentally stable and shit but that requires work and effort and confronting my feelings and that is not happening any time soon
What I never realized but was always an issue that was never hidden and I was told by so many in various ways was I’m a glutton for pain and punishment cause that’s all I know! I self sabotage and I don’t even realize it.. I choose the narcissistic robots and unavailable over the healthy vulnerable and available.. the crazy part is it’s so damn simple right it all starts with a choice but I always choose wrong and I wonder why I feel empty!!! I don’t know how to just be happy sometimes I always get so scared that things are to good to be true so it’s hard for me to enjoy the moments live in the now I always Feel like something has to be wrong or whats the catch almost like I don’t deserve it but see those are my inner voices or shall I say inner demons ! I’m a good kind genuine person I do deserve all of that ! Fucks those inner thoughts soon they won’t even exists .. but for anyone else out there dealing with this as well just know your are enough you do deserve it and it’s ok to relax and just live in the moment! Good things happen to good people stop fighting it !! - love angelia l.
My body feels weighed down like there is something dragging hanging heavy on my ankles I can barley eat when I do I get sick to my stomach I’ve been to the dr had an annual checkup the works and the only thing wrong with me is low vitamin d levels but see this isn’t from a physical aliment maybe that would be more simple.. this is much deeper I’m releasing in a way that it almost feels like it’s taking over sometimes all I want to do is sleep but my mind won’t let me I want to eat but my body is rejecting it I’m emotionally just not there.. I need a distraction so bad but god and the universe got rid of those. So here I am laying down in the dark looking at the ceiling in dead silence all I hear is the squirrels running off the roof the wind and cars driving by. I feel depleted! I want to cry scream run crawl into a hole! I pray this is a quick wave so I can feel normal again. For the first time I have no answers and don’t have the energy to create or look for them I just wantl this to blow over so I can be me again.
Mark Sloan: A—
Me: And there goes my mental stability.
We talked about depression and eating disorders in class today and I felt so attacked I almost had a nervous breakdown:)
i am needed.
i am needed in this world.
i determine what holds value to me.
i am worthy of patience.
i am worthy of attention.
i am worthy of care.
i am loved, and i will feel loved.
i will love myself and,
i love myself now, here in this moment.
Congratulations and Thank you!
For you have reached the last day of the mental health journey of September 2020!
Thank you so much for the support and love that you have given us the group and most importantly Kalendaryo Kinaiya!
Always remember that your present condition doesn’t define where you will go, they simply state where you start. Stay happy, lovely, and mentally healthy!
Kalendaryo Kinaiya, signing out! Peace!