Hey guys, I got my laptop up and running so that’s pretty cool that I can post to my Tumblr from there now. Just wanted to see how everyone is doing. I know these times are rough for everyone and if anyone wants to chat I am ALWAYS around to talk about anything, no judgement ever.
Think about it, you took your life and you became a soul capable of seeing everything. You can see the sadness on every person’s eyes that you left because you let your selfishness take over your system.
Suicide has never been an answer to solve problems.
Word Mental Health Day 10/10/2020
I wanted to let you guys know on this day and every day that you are not alone. You are allowed to feel however you are feeling and you are loved and have so much love and support for you. Mental health is something that needs to be taken more seriously. Your mental health well being is so very important. Please speak out if you feel trapped or you can’t take the pressure of your thoughts no longer, there are many professionals that jobs are exactly to help you and your mental well being. Please check up on your friends and family, not everyone shows how they’re feeling. And please look after yourself, I think you are amazing, strong and are so capable of achieving anything you ever dream of🥰💕
On this day I want to remind you that you are worthy and there are people out there that loves you and support you. Never think less of yourself and don’t try to please everyone because you can’t. It’s okay to feel lonely around people; everyone has their own lowest moment but it’s not the end it’s the start of your new experience try to get on your feet as soon as you can try new things.
Pairings: Benny Miller X Gender Neutral Reader
Word count: 900
Author’s Note: Hi everyone, as some of you may know today is World mental health day. I’ve been struggling with my mental health a lot the past little while but haven’t been able to express how I’m feeling to anyone. So I decided to write it out instead and it turns out it’s actually quite therapeutic. Descriptions in this fic are based slightly on my own experiences and I hope that I don’t negatively affect anyone who happens to read this. I just really needed to get it off my chest.
If there is anyone out there who reads this and like myself is struggling to talk to their friends and family members, feel free to drop me a message. Sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger.
Just know - It’s ok to not be ok, please don’t be so hard on yourself <3
Hope you guys don’t mind the tags:
All it takes is the smashing of the glass on the floor to finally break your composure. Tears prickle in your eyes and the feeling of despair washes over you.
’ you can’t do anything right can you?’
It’s as though all the strings holding your body up have been cut and you sink to your knees landing heavily on the floor. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, you just can’t seem to stop making a mess of things. A sob bubbles up in your chest, everything suddenly feels overwhelming.
You’ve been feeling off for the past little while but you always brushed it off whenever Benny asked you is bothering you.
“It’s nothing Ben, I’m fine. Don’t worry ” you would smile and reassure him. You can see he’s not convinced though. He keeps subtly hinting at maybe going to see someone to talk things out with. He’s more than willing to be that person to listen to you but he doesn’t think you will open up to him about what’s wrong.
But that’s the thing, you don’t know what exactly IS wrong, you can’t seem to put your finger on it and you don’t want to waste anyone’s time complaining.
It started off with little things. A loud noise seemed to be amplified tenfold causing you to feel overwhelmed. Your patience wearing thin easily and you end up snapping at any poor unfortunate soul. There are days when it feels a little harder to smile. You find it difficult to motivate yourself to do the things you usually love to do.
Other days there this restlessness inside you that makes you feel uneasy. You constantly have to move or you think you’re going to vibrate out of your skin. By the end of the day you are drained but when it’s finally time to sleep you can’t shut your head off.
It’s the nights however that are the worst. That’s when the little dark thought would creep in and whisper awful things that make you doubt yourself. It’s also when this feeling of unbearable sadness hits you the hardest. You don’t understand why it’s there inside you though. You have everything you could possibly want! A good job, a beautiful home, a husband who you love more than life itself who would do everything in his power to make you happy. So why do you feel so sad?
’It’s because you are ungrateful, nothing is ever going to be good enough for you is it?’ A little voice whispers.
‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’
It feels like someone is squeezing the air out of you and you claw at the top buttons of your shirt, gasping. The cruel little whispers seem to get louder and louder. All you want is for everything to be quiet. You feel like you’re drowing.
But a voice breaks through, a low soothing voice that is so much kinder than the others.
“Shhh sweetheart, it’s ok. I’m here, I’ve got you”
You’re not sure how long it takes but when you come back to yourself, he’s the first thing you see.
Benny. Your saving grace. Your light in the darkness. You’ve never been so grateful for him.
You’re lying across his lap on the kitchen floor and he cradles you to his chest like you’re the most precious thing in the world. You don’t deserve the smile he sends your way.
“Hi baby” he says with a soft smile looking down at you. He wipes the tears from your cheeks before he traces a finger gently over your brow and down the bridge of your nose in an attempt of comfort.
“I made a mess. I’m sorry” You whispered, looking away from him ashamed. A gentle hand turns your face back towards him.
“ None of that baby. It was an accident, as long as you’re ok nothing else matters. Tell me what you need sweetheart, let me take care of you. ”
“ Can we just sit here for a while. Please?” you asked tiredly.
“Anything you want baby”
He tucks your head under his chin and wraps his arms tighter around you. You burrow into his warmth, breathe in his scent and try to let all the negative thoughts in your head go. Somehow just him being here manages to quieten the voices. He begins to sing quietly to you and sways you both lightly side to side. It takes you a beat to place the song and a smile creeps up on your face when you realise what it is.
“….my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey….”
You feel warm. Safe. Loved. For the first time in what feels like forever you feel like you can breathe properly. It’s his husky voice and the way he gently rubs up and down your back that eventually has you dozing. Maybe tomorrow you might look into finding someone to talk to about all these confusing feelings. You know it’s not going to be an easy task, but hopefully you can find peace.
Just for this moment though you are content to sit here on this kitchen floor with your hero. His arms wrapped around you like a shield and keeping your monsters at bay. The last thing you hear before sleep takes you is him whisper into your hair.
“I love you baby”
in honor of mental health’s day, and in case nobody told you today, you are good enough, you are loved, amazing and needed in this world, don’t ever let that sparkle in you fade. you are made to leave a mark in this world, and each day you are one step closer to your goals. please don’t give up or surrender, you’re almost there. I believe in you. take good care of yourself and always be a good example of kindness. 💙💪
Today is mental health day so I need you to take it easy on your self you can be a bad ass tnw just know a fuker like me thinks of you! ❤❤❤❤
Ahhhhh, to be gay and mentally ill…
For the past few days I have had this crushing pain in my chest. I’m not doing okay. I took the day off work and lied and told them it was because of a flare of my IBD. Why do I feel the need to lie about mental health issues? Hide them from people? Does anyone else feel that way too?
How do you know if you are mentally healthy ?
Hmmm, that’s a good question. I always think that Body + mind = Health. We see our body in the mirror every day, that’s how it is. But we have to feel how good the mind is. Let’s talk about this–
First I ask a question, how do we know that our body is very good?
When we see that our bone and muscle capacity is very good and there is no problem in our body to do any hard work. Then we will understand that we have very good physical power.
If we look at this formula with our mind, then we will understand how our mental health is!
What is our inner reaction to any problem in life? Do we give up on a small problem? Or, solve a big problem effortlessly by planning? Or, solve many complicated events in a simple way?
Look closely at your attitude, then you will understand that the state of your mental muscle.
Let me tell you a story I heard: When it rains, when all the birds return to their homes, the eagle flies in the sky to enjoy the rain. The problem is the same for everyone. The way you look, that’s where the power of your mind lies. Thank you
I don’t usually post a pic… this barely counts? Maybe?
I came home from the office early today…
“Why?” You may ask? To “nap!” And by nap I mean to… lay on the bed naked (momentarily), listen to music, relax, maybe smoke, and do anything besides WORK!!
I have been putting in some LONG hours lately! I need some “me time”!! Hope you all do this for yourself once in awhile too!