#mention of dogen
Police: "Well What we have here...Kops this is teank theef! Looks like Dogenman is at it again. What would we do without superheroes?"
Oleander: "But I didn't do anything!"
Police: "Grand theft auto is a Felony..."
Based on Spongebob Season 9 Episode Patrickman!
Of course I could not forget this. Here's Raz smiling at the cabin door happily in front of and for Dogen to take him on a special tour of the minds of the residents/innmates of Thorney Towers, while everyone else sets up surprise party. Based on Spongebob's Big Birthday Blowout. Happy 16th Psychonauts :)
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As Dogen gives Raz the directions of the Basic Braining test, Raz feels at ease, and Oleander too. They relax in the tank and smile. Raz guides and drives the tank with his feet. Oleander doesn't know (Yet) that Raz is cheating! Based on Spongebob Season 1 Episode Boating School.
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Raz: "Dogen You can't do that he's the teacher!"
Oleander: "What about the teacher? *Grabs the paper from Raz and Raz Screams* What-I? AS IF I REALLY LOOK LIKE THIS?! *Puts the drawing away in his desk with his foot*"
Based on Spongebob Season 3 Episode New Student Starfish.
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Oleander: "Guards!!!!! Guards!!! They're back!!!"
When Oleander goes to prison Raz and Dogen attempt to break him out and rescue him. Since Oleander has been there, he starts going crazy and Raz and Dogen are around making him crazy. Based on Spongebob Season 3 Episode Doing Time
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Edgar makes his "Salsa Imbecilius" accidentally go all over the camp and everyone acts like Dogen. Oleander doesn't know how to drive his jeep anymorel. Only Sasha and Milla can fix this before everyone is dumb forever! Based on Spongebob Season 9 Episode Sasla Imbecilius.
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When Raz, Lili, Dogen, Benny, Loboto, and Oleander find out that someone carries a mysterious illness around the camp, they all have to be in quarantine. This makes them all run around crazy in the dining hall, except for Raz. Based on Spongebob Season 12 Episode Kwarentined Krab
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Raz: "Hey do you know anything about the lake monster?"
Oleander: "Lake monster? You crazy! There is none here!" *Laughs like a creep*
Camp Whispering Rock idea: Raz, Dogen and Young Sasha are told about the lake monster by Loboto. They tell Oleander. He does not believe them.
Raz: "Are you sure, you're sure, you're sure, you're sure, you're sure, you're sure?"
Oleander: "Actually RAZPUTIN, I will Play!”
Oleander picks up his jeep and struggles to see if Dogen is hiding under it for Raz. Based on Spongebob Season 7 Episode Hide and Then What Happens?
Oleander finds a wet drool-like substance in Raz, Dogen, Benny, and Sasha's cabin and he assumes it's Raz' frog that ruined his garden. He grabs a sleeping Dogen. Raz says "That's a Dogen!" Oleander looks at Dogen and tosses him aside. Based on Kamp Koral Episode Camper Gary.
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Oleander: "HAVE YOU EVEN TRIED TEACHING HIM BASIC BRAINING?!!!!!"The gang aside from Dogen, who is with Raz celebrating his birthday, don't know how to decorate for Raz' surprise party. Oleander yells. Based on Spongebob Season 12 Episode Spongebob's Big Birthday Blowout.
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Dogen made a drawing of Oleander as the "BIG FAT MEANIE". He passes to Raz like a note, even though they are sitting right next to each other. Raz doesn't laugh and Oleander sees the drawing and becomes it and gets mad. Based on Spongebob Season 3 Episode New Student Starfish.
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Oleander tried to catch Loboto whom he, Raz, Lili, Dogen, and Benny thinks feigns illness. The trash goes all over him. When the health inspector comes, he is covered in trash and coughs. He thinks they are sick. Based on the unaired Spongebob Season 12 Episode Kwarentined Krab.
Critique of modern Zen
Does modern Zen resemble the Zen (C. Ch'an) of old China? It would seem that it doesn't. While many modern day practitoners, who frequent American Zen centers believe, to the contrary, that it does there is no historic evidence that this is the case. First, it is a fallacy to think that early Zen was a school of meditation (S. dhyaana, C. Ch'an, J. Zen). The word *Ch'an* (J. Zen) was reinterpreted in the Sung period to mean "enlightenment", not meditation. In fact, followers of Ch'an (J. Zen) in the Sung denied that their tradition taught meditation. They argued that Zen was synonymous with Buddha Mind, as an enlightenment tradition transmitted outside the common teaching; and had little or nothing to do with practicing meditation (C. hsi-ch'an). Even a close examination of the word *dhyaana*, in light of traditional Buddhist practices, reveals that seated meditation is not suggested in the meaning of this word. In Sanskrit, the word merely expresses the ideas of contemplation, reflection, and mental concentration, being more akin to the Greek meaning of *theoria*. What is lost sight of in the modern day practices of Zen, is that Zen's traditional goal is the realization of Buddha Mind. Consequently, any and all forms of meditation must be subordinate to the goal at hand, namely, enlightenment. Meditational forms can never become the goal itself. Historically speaking, many Zen priests became enlightened during work, rather than during seated meditation; or from reading, as was the case with the great Hakuin (1685- 1768).
Modern Zen, its practice, is chiefly Soto. But more specifically, it revolves around the strange teachings of Dogen Zenji. The often murky writings of Dogen, have their appeal to a certain type of Zennist; but what Dogen says about Zen, nevertheless, has to be examined and tested against Zen's historical and spiritual culture. Japanese Zen has another tradition besides that of Dogen Zenji, the father of that lineage being Bu'nan Shidoo (Munan) whose vision gave birth to the great Hakuin Zenji. Bu'nan, to change the subject somewhat, reads differently than Dogen. For one thing, he is clear rather than obscure.
To illustrate the strangeness of Soto *sitting methodologies*, I am sure all of you remember the anecdote where Nan-yueh likens his disciple Ma-tsu's zazen to the futility of polishing a tile in order to make a mirror, pointing out the limitation of seated meditation (knowing whether to whip the cart or the horse). So what does the genius Dogen Zenji say about this particular anecdote? He argues that the act of polishing, in fact, creates a mirror out of a tile! Just in the same way that sitting on a zafu makes one a living Buddha! Actually, here are Dogen's words:
“We truly know that when we make a mirror by polishing a tile, Ma-tsu becomes a buddha. When Ma-tsu becomes a buddha, Ma-tsu immediately becomes Ma-tsu. When Ma-tsu becomes Ma-tsu, zazen immediatley becomes zazen.”
Maybe the foregoing explains the general irrationality of most modern Zen temples (with the exception of Ch'an and Son traditions). It would also seem that Dogen is quite ignorant of Buddhism. Generally speaking, the Five Aggregates (skandhas), making up the physical body, including the senses and consciousness (vij~naana), are not regarded to be vehicles (yanas) though which enlightenment is accomplished. The real question for orthodox Zen was WHO held up this half-alive corpse? And WHO is fixated to the Five Aggregates, constituting the ego-form?
The extreme emphasis, in modern Zen centers, on seated meditation alone will not advance a student of Buddhism to the level of wisdom the Buddha attained under the Bo- tree. Without extensive Sutra study and proper instruction in Dharma, no actual advance can be made to the other shore of intuitive wisdom. Also, it is rather curious that most Zen centers make little or no mention of the *stages of a bodhisattva*, nor is there any mention of what actually constitutes the credentials of a genuine Bodhisattva; that, in fact, the rank of a Bodhisattva only occurs in the ecstasy of *bodhicitta*. Yet, traditional Zen never departed from the Bodhisattva path and strove to met the demands of the path. Now, modern Zen has lapsed into anti-intellectualism concerning the study of Dharma and the Bodhisattvic path. Some even hold that it is merit not to read traditional Buddhist literature. Moreover, some practitioners believe it a virtue to act unreasonable, as if insanity were the mark of enlightenment. Some Buddhists, like myself and others, are very displeased with this new trend. However, we don't blame it on the practitioners. It is rather the fault of their teachers who suffer from religious ignorance.
Text by Zenmar, the Dark Zen mystic
The Manual of Dark Zen – FREE BOOK GET YOUR COPY
1 (for your original story), 8, 20?
1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?
Oh! I wasn’t expecting a question about original stories. The main one I’m working on now is about dragons, but I wanted to take it in a different direction from most other dragon stories. Reah is the protagonist and she’s a young adult dragon, but her species is pretty small, maybe only a little bigger than an ostrich.
Here’s my most recent drawing of her:
She’s actually bipedal, but I’ve been working on drawing her in other positions.
Early in the story she also meets Terrell, a creature (called a Korva, or Korva-kah or plural Korva-ki), who is like a raven and seems to be a genuine friend, but he has a lot to hide.
I have a lot that I want to do with the story, but I’m still playing with the overall plot. In a perfect world this would end up being a full comic...
8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?
In general, yes. I tend to write fics because I wish they existed.
20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)
BC asked for my fic “Just Keep Waving.” Because I’ve been watching all the super in-depth Mouse Guard commentaries lately, and this is a short fic, I’ll just upload the whole thing and sprinkle rambly commentary throughout kehehehe
This is a prequel one-shot to Psychonauts, about Loboto’s childhood. I wrote this in a different style than usual, in present tense, and I opted to never use Loboto’s name except in dialogue.
A/N: Warning for themes of parental abuse and harm to animals.
Keeping the original author’s note. It’s not kidding.
He'd never be able to tell you when he first found out that his parents didn't like him.
It seems like something he's always known. One of those things like how the sky is blue, the earth is round, gravity pulls everything to the planet's center, teeth are fascinating—and his parents want nothing to do with him. Maybe it's because of the "teeth" thing.
I had to start off on a really sad note, because Loboto’s backstory IS sad. It’s something you don’t immediately realize when playing (or watching) the game, because it’s shown chronologically backwards, but I assume that anyone reading this already knows what his parents did to him. So I start with the state of their relationship immediately- no false suspense here.
I also want to drive home that this is Loboto’s perspective by pointedly mentioning teeth in a few instances. I see teeth as being the first thing he might notice about someone, rather than say, their eyes, hair, or clothes.
Odd things seem to happen when they're around him.
One day while he's playing with blocks on the floor, his mother mentions offhandedly that she's freezing cold; well that won't do, so he imagines her being warm, and the hem of her dress starts smoking. Every evening he knows exactly when to meet his father at the door just before the bell rings, no matter what time the man gets home from work. And as a punishment one time his mother puts one of his favorite stuffed toys on top of the refrigerator—not less than an hour later she returns to see him perched atop the fridge, playing happily with his stuffed manatee with no explanation as to how he had gotten up there other than a blank look and a confused "I jumped."
This- especially the last part- was meant to echo the beginning of Harry Potter, where he winds up in impossible situations due to his powers acting up and causing strange and unexplainable things to happen around him.
As soon as he's old enough they send him to a small school nearby. The teacher reports that he is usually a bright, quiet boy, though he has trouble sharing with the other students. He is especially keen to keep his stuffed toys to himself. His parents, who haven't known he's been taking those to school, ban him from doing it any longer, and the next few days he becomes even more withdrawn in class to the point where the teacher calls home again to claim that he never showed up at all.
The second mention of stuffed animals. They were clearly important to him, given that he loved them as a baby and even managed to keep one into adulthood.
Also, I don’t know how clear I made it that the teacher didn’t think he showed up to class because he made himself invisible without realizing it.
Trying to explain that it's a mistake does no good. He knows for certain that he's been going to school all week, but his parents conclude that the school must stress him too much and so decide to educate him themselves. Their homeschooling consists of handing him thick medical and scientific journals to study while they go to work, leaving him alone at the house all day.
My goal with this whole story was literally just “How do I make his parents the Actual Worst without being physically abusive” because I didn’t want to go that route. Parents can absolutely be abusive and neglectful without raising a hand against their child, and I thought that was important to portray.
He hadn't much liked his fellow classmates. But it had been his first time seeing other children his own age. Vaguely he wonders, while flipping slowly through the dull pages of a medical paper on brain surgeries, if he ever will again.
Brain surgeries- starting his brain obsession early, I see. Also, having a hard time at school may not be the only reason for his parents to want to isolate him from others...
He's always enjoyed keeping animals, and now he relies on them both for company and for entertainment. His parents don't allow any messy animals with fur in the house, but he's sometimes allowed to keep fish, which he enjoys immensely. They're beautiful little things—he particularly likes the bright blue and green ones. But they never last long before he finds them floating belly-up in their tank.
He buries each one outside by the fence, beside a little mossy stone.
Adult!Loboto seems to have some kind of fixation on fish. He doesn’t seem to mind harming them for his experiments, but I thought that, as a child, he might have genuinely loved them. Enough to give every one of them a proper funeral and burial, anyway.
One time he tries sneaking in a tiny little turtle. He'd found it at the lake and smuggles it inside in his pocket. It seems that if he listens to it closely he can even hear its thoughts. To him, it sounds like a girl, and so he names it after his mother (the only girl he's familiar with besides the cleaning lady, whose name he doesn't know). It looks cramped inside his old fishbowl and he reasons it needs a bigger body of water, so he sets it down on the floor while he fills up the bathtub. Minutes later he realizes the turtle is gone—there's a sickening crunch from downstairs, followed by a shriek.
His father storms in and bans him from dragging in any more animals from outside. He takes this a step further and never gets another pet again.
Aaaaand here’s the harm to animals tag. I didn’t want to tag it as abuse because it wasn’t intentional harm, which I hope got across, and it’s at least... “off-screen.” I also made the turtle a girl so that people wouldn’t assume it’s a young Mr. Pokeylope, and gave the implication that Loboto can talk to it, like Elton talks to fish or Dogen talks to squirrels.
I thought it was very like a little kid that he wouldn’t think through the impracticalities of keeping a turtle in the bathtub. It makes sense in his mind.
His father didn’t technically ban him from ever getting fish again, but as Loboto’s had nothing but tragedy with his pets, and he blames himself for the turtle’s death, he can’t bring himself to ever try it again.
Sometimes he wishes he could play with the children next door. They're a large family, six children that he's seen, and they know he lives here. Sometimes they come over and knock on the windows, beckoning him outside, but his mother disallows it.
"Diseased," his parents call them with a collective shudder, and his mother continues, "Any time I see them they always know exactly what I'm thinking before even I do. It's unnatural."
A psychic family that his parents are revolted by, probably again inspired by the Dursleys in Harry Potter.
The kids eventually stop trying to get him to come and play and the family disappears a few months later. Apparently they've moved away. He hadn't even learned their names.
His parents rarely talk directly to him. They seem… distant, almost afraid of him, though he isn't sure why. They never enforce it, but it's clear they prefer him to stay shut up in his own room, at which point they talk openly to each other about a great many things that they'd never say aloud when he's nearby. He becomes adept at moving silently and unnoticed around the house, finding hiding spots wherever available and eavesdropping just to feel like he's a part of their lives. He remains still and silent while listening in and is never caught once. Sometimes he finds he doesn't even need to hide. He simply sits in what should be plain sight and wills himself to be unseen, and so he is. He can sit right between them and not make a sound and they'll converse as if they aren't bothered by his presence.
This is to connect to Rhombus of Ruin, where kid!Loboto overhears his parents’ discussions from hiding places like inside the closet and under the table. It’s also somewhat of a reference to Milka Phage’s backstory in the Campster, where becoming invisible and unnoticed is the only way she can sit in the same room as her mom.
It's a couple of years into his toddlerhood before he learns, not that he's able to move things by just thinking about it, because he's known it all his life, but that no one else can.
This story sort of jumps backward and forward in time. Here it’s talking about his being a toddler, where earlier in the story he was a few years older.
He never sees his parents doing it. When he goes to school, the other children stare at him in awe and ask him to do it again and again, which he does—not just moving things, but conjuring up faint, glowing yellow hands and controlling them. It becomes a neat trick. Occasionally when he meets other kids in the park they edge away from him when he demonstrates it, or else try it themselves and run away crying in frustration when it doesn't work. There are complaints from other parents to his own, who fervently deny that their son has anything to do with such things. It must have been the other child. Eventually, trips to the park become more and more infrequent, and then stop altogether. He asks why. They tell him he's sickly and fresh air will do him more harm than good, and that the other children he'd met will only make him sicker.
He doesn't feel sick. He wonders if it has to do with the magic hands and decides to never show the trick to his parents.
That doesn't stop him from trying it himself, though. The silverware drawer opens with a rattle. He has to stand on tiptoes to see inside clearly. One by one spoons float out and twirl in the air. He finds, by concentrating on both ends of the spoon as if physically grabbing them with his hands, he can bend it in half right before his eyes.
It was only after I wrote this scene that I found this comic: https://blow-it-to-smithereens.tumblr.com/post/183642794371 and I really, really like it. I’m not sure whether I prefer the comic or this version.
He is stunned. A metal spoon and he'd bent it like folding paper. The spoon drops to the floor and he mentally grabs another one, trying it again—and again, and again, starting to laugh.
He's forgotten to be quiet. The click-clack, click-clack of high-heeled footsteps rush to the room and his mother lurches into the doorway, staring at him. Right hand held straight out, left hand hovering at his temple with fingers splayed, a spoon hovering in turn in midair at his eye level.
"My good silverware!" his mother shrieks. "What do you think you're doing to—to—What are you…" She trails off, finally noticing the floating spoon, and she sags weakly against the doorframe. "Cali…? What… what are you doing…?"
The first time his name is brought up. I like the head canon of his parents, or at least his mother, giving him that nickname.
His heart is pounding like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't have been. Well, he probably shouldn't be bending the spoons, but wouldn't she think this is neat? She is talking to him!
He tries a smile. "Look, Mother," he says, and concentrates on the spoon again. "Look, look what I can do!"
I wanted to emphasize that he was just a kid looking for acknowledgement and love from his parents.
Before both of their eyes, the spoon slowly bends in half and falls to the ground. He looks up at his mother's face, still trying to smile, hoping for a look of pleasant surprise—Look what I can do, isn't it neat? Can you do it, too?
The word stuns him. It had been his mother's voice, but he hasn't seen her mouth move.
He can't. He can't be this. This isn't right. It's not possible, it's not natural!
He draws backwards, his back banging into the open silverware drawer. The tone of her non-voice is something he hasn't heard from her before. She'd been dismissive, yes; irritated, yes; but this? Is it anger? Fear? Both?
The first time he reads minds, and it’s THAT. With this scene I was thinking back to another Psychonauts fic I read a long time ago, which I forget the name of, where Raz suddenly gains this power while performing at the circus... and is bombarded with the audience’s thoughts about what a terrible acrobat he is.
"Mom…?" his voice shakes. Don't be angry with me, I'm sorry! What did I do? He looks down at the ruined spoons, eyes wide. "Maybe I can bend them back?"
"Don't touch them!" his mother snaps. He whips his head up to look at her. Her face is bone white; at his gaze, her cheeks flush and her eyes narrow. She is mad at him. However, her voice changes from a shriek to something low and steady, struggling to remain calm. "Go to your room. Now. And stay there."
He doesn't need telling twice. Hands shaking, he leaves the counter and edges around her, watching her the whole time. She stares at him but doesn't meet his eyes, then turns to look back at the spoons.
Not possible. Not possible. I didn't think it was real. How do I explain this? When I tell his father—
In my mind this wasn’t so much his mom realizing what her son is for the first time, but more having to accept it when she sees proof with her own eyes.
It's that voice again, the voice he can hear but can't, emanating from his mother in waves. He claps his hands to his ears but can't shut it off, because it isn't in his ears, it's in his head, and he's never experienced anything like this before—
He rushes up the stairs into his room and slams the door closed, leaning against it and panting.
I knew it, I shouldn't have showed her, I should've kept it secret, she hates me now, they both hate me, I messed up all the spoons, I messed up my toys…
Are those his own thoughts? His own voice? How can he tell? How did he know what his mother was thinking?
His father will be coming home soon, he knows, he's coming home early today—how does he know that? Why does he know?
And, like any kid, he doesn’t know what he did wrong.
He has to know what they're saying. He has to find out what they want, what they'd never tell him themselves.
They don't talk to him anymore. They talk about him, when they don't think he can hear. But he can, always, whether they're saying things out loud or not. They don't like his way of making things float by just thinking about it, or being able to start fires the same way. He quickly stops showing off those things. They don't want to see it. He never, ever tells them about being able to hear thoughts. If that's really what it is. If there's one thing he knows, it's that people shouldn't be able to do that. But it seems that somehow they can just tell, and he remembers what they thought about the neighbors before they all disappeared.
From overheard conversations he learns that he's to be sent away to the hospital. Something about a "procedure," but he doesn't know what that word means. All he knows is that it's all because of the spoons.
His parents are scared of him. Parents shouldn't be scared of their kids.
A reference to Paranorman: “He’s my dad. He shouldn’t be afraid of me.”
He's scared of them, too, but mostly he's scared of himself.
Whatever a procedure is, maybe it'll end this.
I do worry that this ending is a little rushed. I remember I started writing this on a whim when I was in a really low place mentally (hence the turtle death, which may be the darkest thing I’ve ever written), and before I’d finished I came out of it and didn’t feel like writing something so depressing anymore. A good thing, but it may have made the story suffer a little.
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screenshot taken from linked youtube video (x)
how is everyone doing? have you been able to get back into the flow of studying? it’s always difficult after the festive period so don’t stress too much if you haven’t got into the flow yet!
i’m glad i started 2 different study challenges before the holidays, because they make me think about studying even when i’m not in the mood.
so, without further ado, it’s time for day 7 of the Langblr Challenge
7. Hardest thing about your target language(s)
especially when there’s like a billion strokes...
i mean look at the monstrosity in this image... 44 strokes...
this is the kanji 憂鬱（ゆううつ）meaning depression! doesn’t looking at it give you depression... this kanji is pretty infamous and you’ll see a ot of youtubers mention it (like the absolutely iconic Dogen)
although, sometimes writing kanjis can be a lot of fun, especially when the stroke order just flows.
if you’re interested in the stroke order of 憂鬱, i found this video which is really satisfying to watch
i don’t know how they make their characters look so perfect... whenever i write it always looks off... they must practice like crazy
the day i can write 憂鬱 perfectly without any practice is the day i’ll consider myself having mastered japanese
until then, i guess i have to just keep writing!
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We're having a whole ass trial basically and Dogen is just chillin in his dope ass cell, listening to the whole ordeal. *presents evidence but hardly mentions what it is* "I have no idea if he presented the keys or the chessboard but I can tell that shits gettin fucked!"
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I love you Matt hcs so much! So much inspiration for mine too!
Have you got any post-cannon hcs? (Maybe angst/Whump one? But that’s not so important I would love to hear any ^^)
Thank you sm!! :D
All right SO, my main niche in the fandom is fleshing out the Ace Attorney prison, examining the relationships between all the characters there, fleshing everyone out, considering their character arcs, etc. It’s definitely something I put a lot of thought into and get excited about ^^
I imagine there being three main prisons:
The canon prison shown in Ace Attorney Investigations: 2. Prisoners are allowed one animal companion, there’s a supplier with influence over the warden (and, imo, the guards as well), it’s overall a prison that can be interpreted as more relaxed--with limited corruption, due to the fact that, in my opinion at least, Sirhan Dogen wouldn’t put up with much BS. Although he can’t control everything, Dogen has a decent amount of power that he uses to make his prison livable.
This is the opposite of Prison A. Damon Gant is in charge, but in a different kind of way; after being Chief of Police for so long, he still has a lot of power and connections, and many officers hold respect and / or fear towards him. The prison is a hierarchy of power and control with a lot of corruption, and anyone who doesn’t work for Gant is in danger.
The women’s prison. Dee Vasquez has the upper hand here, due to her outside connections with the mafia. She handles things in a more manipulative, underhanded kind of way--isn’t so much focused on the prison at large, but moreso on securing her own matters. She uses protection or exploitation sparingly, and when she does, she deflects attention off of it as much as possible. While the prison isn’t as horrible as Prison B, it’s not as safe as Prison A.
Now that the environment has been established, time to get into the details about Matt:
Matt Engarde went to Prison A.
In Ace Attorney, fame and riches seem to make little difference when it comes to putting someone behind bars. However, the game does show that it can add complications, and affect things to a certain level. With that said, here’s how I imagine things went over with the arrest:
Things are a whirlwind of chaos and fear and pain at first, but it doesn’t take him long to get a deal set up with the prison. Sometime within the first week of his imprisonment. Thankfully, this is done quickly enough that his assets haven’t been transferred to his parents, yet.
His sentence is 10 years. No death penalty or life sentence, because the deal is that, for each year that Matt Engarde is alive and healthy, the prison receives $500,000. This would give them ample reason to take measures to protect him from De Killer.
Matt doesn’t have an endless amount of money, and he also doesn’t want to be stuck there forever. In his mind, hopefully De Killer would be behind bars or dead by the end of those 10 years, and if not... well, he’ll figure it out when he gets there.
He’s given the cell down the hall from Sirhan Dogen, the infamous assassin. This scares the HELL out of Matt at first, but the guards assure him that it’s for his own safety:
However, since he’s placed in this cell before the deal is made, there was an ulterior motive as well. Due to the fact that Shelly De Killer is another infamous assassin, Warden Roland considered it a possibility that he’s one of Dogen’s outside contacts. If Dogen were to rat out Matt’s location to him, the prison would be prepared to capture and arrest De Killer, and it would be confirmed that they had been contacts.
Obviously, Dogen could rat him out no matter which cell he’s in, but it’s more convenient to place Matt there as bait since the hallway is monitored so heavily--they’ll be prepared to restrain both De Killer and Dogen if/when that time comes.
If the deal were made beforehand, he likely would have been sent to Prison B; even though it’s a harsher atmosphere, no one in there is presumed to be a contact of De Killer’s. While he could have been transferred at this point, it’s decided that they’ll stick to their regular plan, just with added precautions and safety measures.
Matt, although suspicious, never has any sort of confirmation that he’s being used as bait--at least, not until years later.
Interactions and Reputation
I get into it a bit in this fic*, but the gist is this:
There’s no point in continuing to act charming when everyone knows it’s BS, and any chance of Toughness or Good Standing he could have had are kinda... shattered by his frequent (very loud) panic attacks late at night.
For the first year, he doesn’t bother trying to make friends. He doesn’t care about them, they won’t care about him, and he’s not interested in playing a tug-of-war with power dynamics when he knows he won’t always necessarily come out on top. So he’s kind of a loner here. Occasionally entertains himself by picking fights.
*(Spoiler warning for AAI2 in the fic I linked!!)
From this point, I can see it going in several different directions. I have two different fic AUs where things turn out differently in each one, and I also have an extensive role-play I did with a friend of mine. In terms of imagining his “canon” life and his future, I definitely learn towards the events that transpired in the role-play, so I’ll focus on those.
(My friend and I made a post analyzing his personality and character arc, so most of the things I’ll mention here have been mentioned in this post in greater detail. HOWEVER the post is EXTREMELY long and also contains major spoilers for AAI2. So if you want to avoid spoilers and also want a summed up version, feel completely free to just read the summary below!) (oh also, with relation to the post I just linked, tw for?? a variety of common triggers)
I should mention that this might not be COMPLETELY spoiler-free, but I do avoid saying the spoilery name. It’s hard for me to accurately gauge what is and isn’t revealing, since I already know all the spoilers haha.
And, without further ado:
-Everything about his world has been turned upside-down. Instead of being adored, he’s despised. Instead of being the one with power, he’s the one under the thumb of others. Instead of a life of comfort and privilege, he’s confined to small, uncomfortable areas, and is barely paid anything for his labor. Additionally, he could be killed at any moment at any hour at any location--and this is something he’s forced to endure for years on end. The entire situation is incredibly stressful and traumatic for him.
-About a year after his arrest, a guy moves into his cell with him. Things align in just the right way that a friendship of some sort is formed between them: the guy is friendly, pretty, relatable, into some of the same hobbies he’s into, and he has power within the prison walls. It’s beneficial to form a friendship with him... and the guy isn’t annoyed with him for his (now much less-frequent) panic attacks, but rather, shows sympathy.
-Neither of them particularly trust one another, but they enjoy each other’s company.
-Humans need comfort, and Matt is no exception. Under the intense trauma and stress he’s enduring, it’s all too easy to form some sort of bond with the nice guy who dances with him and pets his hair and holds him.
-It’s important to mention that Matt is rendered unable to do his usual power & control shit. And he especially can’t get away with that kind of stuff when his new cellmate shows up. The guy is Very Alert to underhanded behavior (due to his own underhandedness + the fact that he’s dealt with one too many bastards), and is quick to call Matt out on even minor things. So Matt’s options at this point are either:
a.) try his manipulative shit and lose any small amount of power or comfort he may have had, with an added risk of retribution
b.) resist all forms of connection / interaction with other people, and just be miserable and alone and scared all by himself
c.) be friends with the guy WITHOUT being a shady douche, and getting to enjoy the comfort and benefits that provides
-So... YEAH. Long story short, he makes friends with the guy. And, also, lowkey catches feelings for him.
-Matt also makes friends with Simon Blackquill a couple years later (and that has its own backstory)
-His previous ways of moving through the world do not work at all here. In the end, Matt’s main goal is to get what he wants, and to feel good. With the circumstances, he has to completely change his approaches in order to meet that goal.
-Matt may be cold and uncaring towards other people’s emotions, but it’s clear that he does have very intense emotions. He shows much more vulnerability and pain now than he used to, because doing so makes him more sympathetic to his friends--but he also needs to learn to not be as manipulative about it, and to actually consider the other person’s emotions instead of making it all about himself.
-He does ultimately decide to make the overall changes necessary for healthy interpersonal connections, since it’s in his best interest to do so. It’s not easy, and he hits plenty of road bumps along the way. It definitely dredges up a lot of shit, a lot of painful emotions; he’s extremely self-protective, and genuine vulnerability is hard and frightening.
-The tl;dr is that he’s dragged through a healing arc, kicking and screaming the entire way.
That’s what his life in like in prison, overall! There’s a ton of aspects and details, but I figured it’d be best to cover the basic storyline ^^
I also have thoughts on how things would go after he’s released from prison.
...OH SHIT I COMPLETELY FORGOT TO MENTION THE SHELLY THING LMAO
I’m gonna make a post where I detail out what happens, and then link it here when I finish.
Edit: Here it is!
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y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories
what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???
alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".
so lets just get into it:
what is adhd actually?
adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.
long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).
theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.
hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)
hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.
personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different.
so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?
well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:
raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age
lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.
social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.
raz and his borderline stupidity
time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.
i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.
empathy over sympathy
one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and
although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.
miscommunication and disconnect
sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.
alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd. this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be v e r y enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k
of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:
he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information.
just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?
this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.
so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess
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