Summary: You were feeling insecure and Erik comes to cheer you up …
Warnings: Some angst but fluff at the end.
A/N:This fic was requested for a skinny reader, but I did my best to make it for every female reader cuz we all go through an insecure moment
and I myself get that feeling where I just wanna lie under a blanket and starve myself, possibly every single day. I just wanna say that it doesn’t matter in what shape or form anybody is, we are all unique, beautiful and smart in our own way, and we all deserve to love ourselves. If anybody wants to talk about it I’m here. I
hope you guys like this one,
and if you have any requests feel free to tell me. BTW GIF IS NOT MINE.
You’ve been laying on your
living room couch for the past hour and a half, just randomly scrolling through
social media to pass time. For the past few weeks, you decided to start working
from home because of the pandemic. And you were hell-bent on convincing your
boyfriend Erik to do the same, which he ultimately agreed to do.
Summary: Owning a company and working for it is not easy, but with a special someone by your side, it can become bearable. But what if that special someone ends up making it harder than it already is ?
little bit of Angst and then more fluff.
guys, ever since I started reading fanfic, I’d rarely find any fanfic where the
reader is the ceo, and those are actually some of my favourites to read. I’ve
always wanted to write a fic where the reader is a strong independent woman, not
that those don’t exist I actually read plenty of them, and I got
recently inspired by@jalapenobarnes ‘ amazing series Sweet
Life, except that I wrote this one-shot for Erik Killmonger instead of
Bucky Barnes. I hope you guys like this one, and I recommend you read Sweet
Life because it’s honestly one of my favourites.
The light of your laptop in
front of you just blended with the sunlight breaking through your curtains.
It’s a normal office day, except, it wasn’t so normal..
Erik had been to the doctor with Gabby plenty of times before, but things were starting to change as she entered her final trimester. Gabby winced and reached out for Erik’s hand as the technician spread the cold gel on her belly. He grabbed it reluctantly.
“Do we want to find out the sex of Baby Stevens today?”
Summary : This is the aftermath of Y/N’s little incident …
A/N : Thank you so much to everyone who read the first part, and since a lot of people liked it I decided to try and write a second part. This the second part of A Little Tension, it’s kind of important to read the first part to understand this one. This is my first time writing fan fiction that’s why this fic is pretty short and to be honest it’s not really my best work, and hopefully soon enough I will get better and better. I hope you guys enjoy it.
BTW GIF IS NOT MINE.
“.. Well, that took an unexpected turn !”Those words were the host’s desperate way to break the tension between his two guests. At thankfully, they were enough to pull you and Michael from the staring contest you two found yourselves in. In your embarrassed state, you looked down at your high heeled shoes trying to, not only hide your face from the hysterically laughing audience but also to get over how crazy the butterflies in your stomach feel right now. And as cliché as it sounds, you couldn’t stop your brain from playing and replaying his exact words to you … Just to see you ..
Summary: Y/N admits her not so secret crush … On live TV.
A/N: Hey everyone, I just wanted to say that after having read soooooo many fictions for the past two years, I decided to finally give it a try and start writing. It’s on my new year’s resolution list, and I finally feel motivated enough to write and confident enough to post it. This is my first time writing fan fiction that’s why this fic is pretty short and to be honest it’s not really my best work, and hopefully soon enough I will get better and better. I hope you guys enjoy it, and I am open for requests if you have some. BTW GIF IS NOT MINE.
“Ladies and gentlemen, our next guest for this evening has been for the past five years the youngest avenger of Marvel’s, she won 2019’s best supporting actress for her role in “Little Woman” and has been inspiring many of us for as long as I personally can remember. Please join me in welcoming: Y/N L/N.”
At the mention of your name, the whole live audience stood up and went crazy cheering up for you. In your long sequin beige strapless dress, you marched elegantly to the stage, never letting go of your beautifully bright smile.
Pairing: Erik “Killmonger” Stevens x Reader (Any body type! <3)
Warnings: cursing, the nickname ‘lil mama’ being repeated over and over and over and over an-, soft!erik (kinda.), you playin’ hard to get (cause you are giirrllaaa)
Summary: During a business trip you best friend since say one, T’Challa (’Challa), put you on, you get a text from shuri explaining what happened. When you get there, you’re face to face with the outsider king, who has taken an interest to you.
AN; hey guys! thank you thank you thank you! for loving ‘the cook-out” yall dont know how much i’ve been jumping in my room because of that! and as a lil thank you, i present to you.. my newest erik killmonger series <3 enjoy!
So I came across MBJ’s interview onset gifs and the video (again) a couple of weeks! I also remember him interviewing w/ Oprah saying the role had began to make him depressed because he had to really dig deep to find the hurt Erik felt sooo I wrote the little one shot as MBJ’s significant other going through the lows of the role.Hope it’s good and someone likes it 🥴😅
“Me and Ryan … we’ve worked together a few times.” He stammered on his words. “And this is a project that we -you know- spoke about and once he heard about it” He rubbed his nose more signaling his irritation from all the questions. “Wanted me to do something different and play a villain” The sinister gleam had become evident in his now midnight black orbs. “my initial thoughts was like cool … when do we start?” He shrugged towards the interviewer.
Glancing at Michael one last time on your laptop screen, you’d realized the water on the brim of your eyes threatening to fall. While everyone loved the thought of an all black major cast and celebrated Michael for his role as one of Marvel’s greatest antagonists, you hated the role deep down in your core. You would never tell a soul that especially your friends and family but you saw what Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens did to your once happy, loving, and caring boyfriend.
The role had Michael eating different and even spending more and more of his time away from the house avoiding you like the plague. When he did decide to make an appearance at home, Michael isolated himself from you by taking up residency in a completely different room on the other side of your shared home. He shut you out of his life and one night ended up telling you how much he hated you and how much he wanted you to pack up and leave. Oddly enough you couldn’t leave. You didn’t want to leave him alone to go through this role. After awhile you two rarely spoke. He’d been quiet these days simply writing in his one of his many journals he always used to prepare for any role he had. His appearance was even different from the Michael you knew and so was the way he smelled. He was no longer the love of your life. This was a stranger…
The stream of tears fell down your cheek as you sat in there against the bed frame. Watching his Black Panther interviews had became a dirty habit of yours. You were desperate to figure out what happened to Michael. Searching for any clues in the context. Anyone on the outside would see Mike’s interviews and swoon over his appearance as Killmonger but you knew the truth. You knew how the role was eating him from the inside out but he wouldn’t dare admit. You knew how irritate and angry he was becoming when it came to interviews or being social. You knew and the only thing that you could do was cry.
“Michael?” You hummed hearing footsteps coming from the hallway of your shared home breaking you from your thoughts. He’d been ignoring you since his dive into that character. “Bakari…” You whispered before planting your feet on the plush carpet making your way towards ‘his room’. “Mic-“
“Would you stop calling my damn name!” He growled at you through clenched teeth. His dark eyes looked through you as if you were nothing to him. “I heard you the first fucking time!” His chest moved up and down rapidly. “What do you want, (Y/N)?”
Standing there feeling small under his harden glaze, you chewed on your bottom lip nervously attempting to muster up the courage to speak to him. “I-I” You hummed out playing with the hem of his once favorite t-shirt you wore. “I miss you.” Your breath hitched as he made way towards you looking at you intensely. This was the first time Michael had been this close to you .
The devilish grin spread across his face, “Nah.” He chuckled slightly. “I don’t believe that.” His head swayed back and forth before going back to his suitcase to ignore you again.
The hot tears flowed from your face once agin like a facet turned on high, while you stood there feeling completely shut out. “Where is Michael?’ You hummed looking at this angry stranger. “I fucking hate what this character did to you!” You snapped throwing one of the African souvenirs you’d bought when you went to set with him for a couple of weeks.
“You hate it?” Mike chuckled stopping mid fold. “You didn’t hate the shit when you were trying to fuck Killmonger.” He laughed deeply making his way towards you. “Or what about all the shit you bought with my money … off this role that you hate so much?” The only sound in the room was Michael’s panting breath against your left temple.
You wanted to deny what he said but you simply couldn’t. “You know what?” You peeped out lowly tired of the constant cries, the lonely dark nights and mourning mornings. “I can’t do this, Michael.” Your eyes averted to the left to look into those unknown eyes. “This role has done something to you You’re always hostile, sad, angry… ju- just not yourself.” The tears were flowing slowly onto your already stained cheeks. “Always looking as if you want to kill everything or everyone in sight.. including me.” You mumbled the last part. “I understand you have to do what needs to be done for this role but you need help.”
His eyes rolled at the thought of help. What help did he need? Michael knew once he was done with this role he could put Erik “Killmonger” Stevens to rest with all his other roles. (Y/N) was just being a spoiled brat because he was always away for the movie. He wasn’t angry nor hostile. He wasn’t sad or depressed. He didn’t have built up rage. That was all Erik and Erik wasn’t real. He had to make Erik come to life so he had to do what he needed to. He was angry. He was depressed. He was filled with rage. He was Erik and Erik was him. He was losing everything and everyone he loved. He needed help.
(Y/N) couldn’t look at Michael anymore. He wasn’t himself and although she loved him, she couldn’t continue to be his punching bag. She couldn’t continue to hold hate for the breakthrough role Michael so desperately was excited about. She loved him too much but you loved yourself even more. “I’ll always be here for you but I can’t stay here with you.” You mumbled into Michael’s chest. “Enough is enough.” You stood on your tiptoes as you placed a light kiss on his cheek, feeling him flench at the action.
Two weeks had gone by since the run in with Erik and her petty ass was honestly still livid. How dare he dismiss her with that “aint worth shit” comment. He was the one that wasn’t worth a damn, well maybe a good time, fine, brown skin god of a man but that meant nothing. She’d tried convincing herself that she was glad he didn’t attempt anything anymore. A complete fucking lie.
Erik hadn’t even noticed her nor had he spoke to her since. (Y/N) spent a few extra minutes in her car mirror everyday for the past two weeks making sure she looked drop dead gorgeous just to be seen.
“Kill! Mama com’mer!” That familiar thunderous voice echoed through the park as the clumsy puppy scooped up the ball heading towards him.
(Y/N) watched from the swings as Erik flexed his muscles, without intention, continuing to throw the ball at the pup. Damn was he fine. The way Erik paused to take a sip of his water allowed (Y/N)’s mind to turn. She’d imagined his lips attached and sucking from her honeypot instead of that stupid plastic bottle.
“Mommy! Look I’m flyin’!” Zeke shouted from the very top of the swing knocking her from the inappropriate thoughts brewing in her mind. (Y/N) fixed her slim fitted scrubs that clung to her body perfectly.
“I see baby.” She smiled watching her son in a fit of giggles. “It’s almost time to go though. Let’s go grab your bag.”
Zeke hopped from the swing’s set taking off towards their belongings on the bench. He’d been in a good mood all afternoon since (Y/N) worked while he was in school meaning they were going home to spend the rest of the night doing whatever Zeke concocted in his 4 year old mind.
“Doggy!” Zeke ran towards the parking lot as (Y/N) watched him right on his trail.
“Babe! Slow down!” She hummed making her way to the car as he waited for her to unlock the door. “Get in and eat your snack.” She smiled closing the door to the back. “Shit!” Clutching her imaginary pearls at the sight of the midnight colored puppy standing at her trunk. Killa watched (Y/N) every move intensely as she attempted to make it toward the drivers side.
“Kill?!” That voice. The sound of irritation bounced into the air. “Killa! Baby girl where are you?” “Kil-“
“Erik! Get your fucking dog!” (Y/N) squeaked out as Erik made his way towards her harnessing Killa with the leather leash. “I thought you said she was nice?” She rolled her eyes riddled with fear.
“She is.” A devilish grin spread across his face. “When bitches are nice to me…” Erik tightened his grip on Killa turning around.
Hearing the word made her bubble at her core. This patchy beard ass negro! “Bitches?” Her pace picked up moving towards him. “Fuck you, Erik!” (Y/N) screamed slightly above her regular voice catching the attention of a few parents. “I.ain’t.shit? Her hands smacked together in his direction with each word. “I ain’t shit but you wanted to get to know me?” She scoffed.
His bottom lip wedged between his teeth replaced the sinister smirk as Erik watched her become the brat he knew she was. “You done?”
“Am I done?” (Y/N)’s head snapped to the side. This nigga was really testing her again.
“Yea.” Erik closed in on (Y/N)’s personal space. The minty fresh breath, saddlewood scent and those intense dark eyes paralyzed her momentarily. “Grown ass women out here acting out.” He chuckled licking his lips. “Sounds like a brat to me.” Her breath hitched taking in the factual insult as he got closer to her ear. “I’ll straighten your lil ass out.”
“Typical niggas.” She turned around going back towards her SUV. “Kiss my ass!” She shouted before throwing up her middle finger.
“I plan to, princess!” Erik chuckled watching her ass jiggle in her scrubs while she strutted back to her car. “Keep that same energy when I do!”
“You could never handle me!” She called from her car window pulling off.
The sterile smell of the hospital filled Erik’s nose as he walked through the halls on the hunt.
“Sir may I help you?” A women at the NICU nurse station stopped him on his hunt for her.
“I’m looking for (Y/N) (Y/LN).” He smiled letting the gold glisten from his mouth as her gave her full name. Smiling the nurse paged (Y/N). “Tell her it’s her man.” He winked.
“You can have a seat.” Erik took a seat waiting for her to come. He questioned what exactly he was doing. Why was he so intrigued by her? Erik knew who he was and he knew he could have his pick of any women yet here he was interested in a single mom with a whole fucking attitude. Why was he popping up to her job on some stalker shit?
“Hey Leah.” (Y/N)’s sweet voice made Erik’s heart flutter for a quick second. “Did you say my man?” She laughed slightly. “Or was the radio going out because I def-“
“What’s up, princess?” The plum scrubs complimented her chocolatey smooth brown skin. Her plump lips shined slightly from her cherry lipgloss. Of course (Y/N) looked beautiful and of course Erik couldn’t stop the part of him that wanted her no matter how many times she acted fucking bratty.
“What are you doing here Erik?” Her eyes looked shocked and most of all surprised. “How did you even know my name- no, how’d you know where I worked?” (Y/N) fired of questions to Erik as he stood there still in awe of her beauty. The fuck was wrong with him.
Brushing his fingertips across the badge against her chest, “Your badge, princess.” A slight smile swiped across (Y/N)’s face.
“So not only are you rude … I can add stalker too.”
“Told you I wanted to get you know, princess.” He winked as his right hand found its way on her hip.
“I have to commend you for you efforts.” Her lips spread from cheek to cheek showcasing her pearly whites. No one had ever been so dedicated to get to know her … not even Zeke’s dad.”
“When I like it” That familiar intense gaze watched her. “I get it.” The roll of her eyes only fueled Erik more. “Don’t act like you didn’t want my attention, (Y/N). I noticed the extra time you spent in your car at the park or how those scrubs started to show that ass even more.” Erik gripped the other side of waist pulling her warm body closer to his whispering in her ear. “Bratty ass needs to be taught a lesson.” His soft lips grazed her ear with each word. Any outsider would assume the two were a lovely couple talking intimately.
The slight moan escaped (Y/N)’s mouth. “Uh- I- mmh…take this.” She scribbled down quickly on one of her prescription sheets. “I think maybe we got off on the wrong foot.”
After watching her walk off down the hallway, Erik looked down on the sheet to discover her phone number. “Got that ass.”
Pairing: Michael B(ae) Jordan x Black plus sized reader
Mbj with a black woman and he’s been cocky all date saying shit like how he can make her scream his name and shit like that but when the time comes he is just a real sweetheart who’s real loving and shit and it’s all fluffy smut please
Warning(s): NSFW 18+only, protected sex, oral sex (female receiving), fingering
Word count: 1093
Picture(s) found on: Pinterest/Google
you’re a goddess” Michael sighed while leaving a trail of sensual all over your
breasts. His hands massaging them before he took one of your dark nipples in between
his plump lips and began to suck on it while you let out loud moans, your
wetness pooling in between your thighs.
Pairing: Michael B(ae) Jordan x Black plus sized reader
Can I request an African American reader with MBJ. With the topic “ You know I can’t sleep without having you by my side.”
Word count: 729
Picture(s) found on: Pinterest/Google
irritated grunt left your lips as you rolled to your side again, facing the
window and watching the moonlight shine into the guest room. You hadn’t
bothered the close the curtains as the light somehow fascinated you.
Pairing: Michael B(ae) Jordanx African American plus sized reader
Can I request a one shot with MBJ and the reader (African American) sets the temperature in the house low at night just so she has an excuse to cuddle with him. Thank you! Glad your back.
Word count: 895
Credit(s): I don’t own the images, credits to owner(s)
“Show time” you thought to yourself while
smirking, it was ten pm and you and Michael were getting ready for bed. You
already had changed into an over sized shirt, not feeling like wearing your booty
shorts. Michael was brushing his teeth in the bathroom, rapping along to his favorite
song while you let out a shiver, your nipples hardening against your shirt.
Here is a sneak peek of my first Michael B. Jordan fic. It’s only a one-shot. I hope to have it completed by this weekend, but enjoy this peek until then. :)
Shante Hill started as a child actress on The Wire at the age of 13 in 2002. It wasn’t her big break, but it got her foot in the industry door. Before that, her parents had put her in a few commercials to get her experience. After a two season run on The Wire, Shante’s character was killed off, leaving the young actress hungry for more opportunities. That’s when she began taking her singing and dancing more seriously and years later caught a big break. Now she was one of the most sought after singers and actresses, building a legacy that would live on forever.
But, this fame came at a cost. Shante was lonely. When all the lights and cameras stopped flashing, the entertainer returned home to no one. She yearned for a connection with people but kept a guard up around her heart.
Attending the BET Awards gave Shante a chance to step away from that loneliness for a second and bond with her peers. The event was always one of her favorites because it was full of black artists coming together to celebrate their talents that were often ignored on other platforms. Being around such talent and energy was inspiring.
After the big show, the after party festivities began around the city. Shante was invited to Jaime Foxx’s party which wasn’t too far from the venue. As she partied with some of her backup dancers in one of the VIP lounges, she spotted an old friend across the room. They made eye contact and Shante waved him over with a wide smile on her face.
“Wassup, girl.” Michael cheesed, his deep dimples on full display. “Congratulations on the wins.”
“Mikey! Look at you, all grown up on me. Wassup, dude,” Shante squealed, throwing her arms around his thick neck and giving him a hard squeeze. His rippling muscles tensed when her body crashed against him. The smell of his cologne danced around her nose, intoxicating her senses. “Congrats to you too.”
“Aye, I could say the same about you! You aren’t my little Shante anymore,” his eyes fell from Shante’s toned shoulders, to her hips, then back up to her brown eyes. He drew his bottom lip between his teeth, humming a low “hmm” to himself. Or so he thought.
“And you still have that wandering eye,” Shante shook her head.
Michael’s eyes shot open in mock innocence, “Hey I was admiring an old friend. You looking good.”
“Well thank you, Killmonger,” she flirted. “You look good too but I don’t think you need to hear that from me. I saw that girl about to break her neck dancing in front of you over there.”
The Black Panther star grinned, shyly as though he didn’t hear that enough. “Thanks Te. But what’s been up? You did your thing on the stage tonight.”
“Trying to work on new music, man. I’ve been in the studio for the last month. Working on a movie too. I’m trying to be like you, dude,” Shante rubbed her elbow into Michael’s side.
“Hey, you already got that on lock. I appreciate the love though. Good to see us both getting that work in. What you doing after this,” he asked, still eyeing her like she was the only sweet treat in the club.
Shifting her stance to the other hip, Shante replied, “Going back to my hotel to chill. You wanna stop through? I haven’t seen your peanut headass in a couple of years.”
“Yeah, that’s cool. Hit me up when you get in. And I got your peanut head,” Michael pinched Shante’s cheek before placing a gentle kiss on it.
Prompt: Something quick & funny for my girl @eriknutinthispoosy! 😘 The gal in here is Black…dassit
“Ooh fuck!” You exclaimed as Michael went deeper inside you. Y’all two met at the Creed II premiere and y’all kept flirting with each other heavily and Airdropping each other all kinds of freaky shit in the theater. As soon as the credits rolled you dipped out & Airdropped him to meet you outside before the paps & the crowd shows up.
He pulled up on you with the quickness in his car and drove off to his hotel in Philly. You came all the way from Brooklyn just to get a glimpse of the nigga, but getting piped down by him was a huge ass bouns on top of you not getting worthy dick for months.
He had you arched on your stomach as he feverishly drilled inside of you, pulling on your expensive ass hair. “Easy my nigga shit, you fucking my bundles up!” you moaned aggressively. “Girl, I’ll buy you the whole damn hair depot after this; stop talking & throw it back… shit like that.” He hissed in your ear as he smacked your ass.
He flipped you over gripping your thighs and pushing me back till your knees almost touched your shoulders. His phone was buzzing away, probably Tessa asking him where TF he’s at for the after premiere party. What he was into right now shitted on any party that he was supposed to go to.
“Grab your fucking knees.” he demanded. You obeyed as he reentered your soaking wet core. “Ahh shit, shit, shit!” you hissed, slamming your eyes shut as his thrusts went deeper & faster. The sinful sounds of both of your moans and skin on skin contact filled the whole room.
“Lemme get a light on, I wanna see you come.” He turned on a light while still stoking you not losing pace, like the multitalented fucker he was. You slowly opened your eyes to see Michael still going strong but now you see a huge patch of skin on his beard.
You quickly covered your mouth to not release any laughter that was brewing inside of you. Between you having an orgasm or a laughing fit at what you just saw. You were trying to fight both as he was looking at you with such seriousness.
“Ay ma, you good?” He furrowed his brow at you with your mouth still covered. You nodded yes, but he wasn’t convinced. “Are you tryna laugh?” his pace cut in half. You shook your head no, but it still failed to convince him.
“Ah fuck, you saw it didn’t you?” he stopped completely but was still on top and inside of you. You swallowed your contained laugh hard and removed your hands from your mouth.
“Saw what?” You sheepishly replied. “Don’t play with me girl, you saw the patch in my beard. This shit!” he raised his chin up higher so now you got a full view of his facial pothole. You began to lose your shit and started busting out the ugliest laugh you’ve had in years.
Michael slid out of you, palmed his face & shook his head. “Ah shit, I knew I should’ve never stopped shaving it.” he sucked his teeth. You crawled over to him and placed your head on his shoulder. “No, no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make fun of you, it just caught me off guard that’s all. Lemme see?” he hesitated.
“C’mon Mike, don’t be like that; lemme see.” He slightly raised up his head and you placed your soft, delicate hands under his chin to feel where the patch was. “You’re Hands mad soft.” he commented. “Thank you.” you replied. “So whatchu tryna do?” he asked. “Hmm, this is actually fixable.” you reassured.
“Tell you what, if you buy me any new bundles of my choice; I’ll fix those patches in your beard with a home remedy.” you hopped up getting your clothes on. “That’s it?!” He asked. “Yeah, you kinda have my shit leaning right now and I can’t keep paying all this money for hair so that’s on you.”
You put on your underwear and heels. “Unless you want me to ask you to pay my student loan debt off too if you’re feeling generous.” you turned around to face him still nude in the bed, thinking about your proposal. “Aight, I’ll do it!”
“For real?!” you exclaimed. “Yeah.” He smiled. You weren’t tryna use him, you really wanted to help him, you were only shocked by how quickly he was willing to let you. “Yeah, I got you on the bundles and how much is the loan?” You raised an eyebrow at him. “You serious?”
“yOu SeRiOuS?” He mocked your tone. “Yeah, I’m serious.” “It’s 75 Grand.” you sighed in embarrassment. “That’s it?!” “I got you, give me your number and we’ll link up this week. You blinked twice trying to grasp the reality you’re in. Michael B fucking Jordan was supposed to smash & dash you, is now asking for your phone number asking you for hair growth advice.
You are in a total mindfuck, but you still gave him your number. He went into his bathroom for a minute, then you started to leave the room. Suddenly you heard him call out… “Hold up baby girl, what’s your name?” You palmed your face after you requested your Lyft. “Shit, I forgot. My name is y/n.”
He came back with a towel on and the shower was running. “Y/N huh? That’s a pretty name, thanks for the umm… help.” You two shook hands, smiling politely at each other. “How in the hell a quick fuck turn into a business deal?” you chuckled. “I have no fucking idea.” he chuckled back.
“My Lyft is about to pull up.” you alerted him. “Aight, I’ll walk you out.” he walked with you, holding open the door. You walked out as he stood against the doorframe watching you walk down the hall.
“You know we gon finish what we started right? Don’t think this is over y/n.” You smiled then turned around walking backwards. “Whatever you say… patch Jordan.” you smirked menacingly. He rolled his eyes and chuckled. “Awwww, you foul for that!” he winked playfully at you and bit his lip, then he walked inside his room and closed the door after you entered the elevator.
Erik grew up in a non traditional household. He jumped from foster home to foster home and never really made friends. From the suburbs to the projects, Erik had a horrible childhood. Finding his dad dead in his apartment really messed him up mentally. Erik swore that if he ever had kids, he would be a better dad. Living somewhere safe and doing whatever it takes to make sure his kid(s) didn’t go without.
Fast forward to the present. Erik Stevens and his girlfriend of three years were expecting a baby girl in the summer. Both Erik and his girlfriend got the nursery together in their shared three bedroom high rise condo, painting it in hues of grey and light pink. The theme was simple. Erik didn’t believe in all the clutter and fuss over the nursery. He didn’t want to overstimulate his daughter. He played classical music for her on his Beats pill speaker…even sliding in some Tupac and read her a bedtime story every night. He spoke to her through his girlfriends belly and made sure to rub cocoa butter on his girlfriends belly hoping his baby girl would get used to the smell since he planned on using it on her.
“Babe! Stop talking to her so she’ll go to sleep! She’s been kicking me since you got home and my belly is sore now” his girlfriend whined.
“I’m sorry baby. Imani is just happy cause she knows I’m going to read her a story” Erik climbed into bed and grabbed a book from his nightstand. Goodnight Moon.
After reading the whole book, he noticed his girlfriend was knocked out. He kissed her and closed the book.
“Goodnight Imani. Daddy loves you already” he kissed his girls belly then fell asleep.
3 months later: Due Date
Imani Nalah Stevens (Swahili) was born at 1300 hours on a Tuesday in June. It was both the worst and best day of his life. There were so many emotions surrounding that day that he was unsure of how to feel.
Fast forward to three weeks later. Imani was now three weeks old. Still tiny, fragile, soft and innocent. She smelled like baby and Erik couldn’t keep his eyes off her. He watched her sleeping every night, afraid that she would disappear if he closed his eyes for even just a second.
“Hey babygirl. You ready to take a shower?” Erik asked Imani in a baby voice. He picked her up out of her 4moms mamaRoo swing, gently, and laid her on his bed.
“Let’s get you undressed so we can clean yo stinky neck” he kissed her forehead. Unsnapping and pulling her grey onesie over her tiny head full of black hair, pulling off her tiny newborn sized diaper, Imani was now exposed to the cold air and almost immediately peed everywhere.
“What the fuck!?” Erik ran his hands through his locs and sighed before laughing. “It’s all good. Just don’t shit everywhere” he picked her up and carried her to the shower with him. Holding her tightly against his big keloid scarred chest, he climbed into the steamy shower. Imani started screaming and squirming around in his big arms. Erik struggled to keep his grip on the wiggly baby. Afraid he would drop her, he got out the tub and wrapped her in her fluffy white baby sized towel. As he exited the bathroom, he nearly slipped on all the water he managed to drip all over the floor.
“This shit is hard” he sighed. He laid Imani in the middle of the bed while he went to find his iPad to google search how to give a newborn a bath. “A sponge bath? Aight that seems easy enough” he grabbed a baby wash cloth, Chagrin Valley Milk & Honey Baby Soap, a bowl of warm waster and an extra towel to wash her on. Walking back to the bedroom, Erik noticed it smelled off. He got closer to Imani and seen her squirming. He dropped everything on the bed and dropped to his knees in frustration. Imani managed to take a shit all over his white sheets and her white towel.
After successfully giving her a sponge bath, rubbing a thin layer of cocoa butter on her already silky skin, and changing her into her pajamas, Erik fed her a bottle and rocked her to sleep. He carefully picked her up and laid her on the couch next to him. He pulled his Apple MacBook out and got started with his research, sliding on his gold rimmed eyeglasses and popping open a Dos Equis beer with his black leather journal and bullet point ink pen in hand.
Black single fathers support group
Black dads with daughters support group
His research wasn’t a total waste of time. He ended finding a few Facebook groups for single black fathers. He joined and looked through the threads, questions, suggestions. He actually gained enough courage to write a post of his own looking for advice.
Anyone else lose their partner during childbirth? Does it get easier? How do I deal with the grief while raising my daughter?
While scrolling through another group he joined, he got a notification. Clicking on the red 1, he seen someone commented on his post.
“It takes a while but it does get easier. Having family support and support of other dads definitely helps. I’m in Oakland, where are you?”
“I’m also in Oakland”
“I’m a single father to twin girls. 3 months old. It’s a struggle everyday but we manage”
“Damn. I’d love to pick your brain. I struggled to give my daughter a bath. Damn near dropped her in the tub. How do women make this look so fucking easy?”
“Lol, Let’s meet up and talk. I’m down”
Two days later, Erik and Imani met up with Sean from the Facebook group. Sean had two three month old daughters. Maya and Malia.
“Wussup bruh” Erik dapped him up.
“What’s good wit ya”
“……I don’t even want to think how difficult it’ll be to date again. Am I supposed to date again? Just doesn’t seem right. Me and my wife never had this conversation because we didn’t expect this…” Sean said as he rocked Maya in his arms.
“Is it bad that I don’t want to think about her? I want to move on so I can stop feeling so fucking sad all the time” Erik looked down at Imani who was in her stroller just looking around with her big grey eyes.
“Everybody deals with grief differently. I can’t tell you what’s bad but do what’s best for you and your daughter. Do you have support from your family or her family?”
“Nah” and Erik left it at that.
“Hm. Well I’m sorry to hear that. I think it’s important for black men to have positive influences from other black men. Being able to talk, support one another, encourage one another, especially being fathers, we have little ones looking up to us for direction. We have to be the leader and protect them. We have to be better than our parents were. I enjoyed being able to share my experiences with you. If you ever want to meet up again, chill, grab a drink cause god knows I be needing a fucking drink after the shit I deal with on the daily basis, let me know. There’s a group of us who go out and drink while three of the wives watch the kids”
“Shit I’m down. Thanks for hearing me out bruh. I actually feel a lot better. I thought I’d have to do this parenting shit on my own but it’s nice to know there’s other men out there who’s been through it and open to helping out lost brothers like me” Erik dapped him up and both men went their separate ways after exchanging phone numbers.
That night, Erik put Imani in her swing and sat it in the bathroom while he took a shower. Every time he would disappear from her view, she would start making snorting noises with her nose like a pig. He would peek his head out and say peekaboo and each time she would jump with a surprised look on her face. Erik thought it was hilarious.
“Aight mamas, it’s time for bed. Daddy is tired as hell” he laid up against the headboard and placed Imani on his chest. He pulled the comforter up over the both of them and he cut the light off. Imani wasn’t having that. She started squirming and kicking and crying.
“What I do!?” Erik cut the light back on and looked down at Imani who looked like her feelings were hurt. Face all red and eyes all watery. Erik picked her up and held her tightly against his chest as he walked her around the condo rocking her.
“Shh. Shh. Shh. It’s okay mamas” he kept trying to sooth her but it didn’t work. If anything, it made her jump each time she heard his deep raspy voice through his chest. Even when he tried to whisper to her she still jumped. Eyes all big like she was shocked.
Nothing worked. He tried feeding her. Changing her diaper. Removing a layer of clothes to cool her down but nothing worked. He laid back in bed with her on his bare chest.
“Oh shit! Duh!” He reached over to his nightstand and grabbed Goodnight moon. He turned on some Tupac to play softly in the background and dimmed the lights real low.
“…..goodnight Imani. I love you” he kissed her sleeping forehead and carefully swaddled her so he wouldn’t wake her.