#midnight is in this world too but she’s relevant to later plot so they don’t meet her or any of the other adults at first

[patchofhope]

pspssp let me hear about ur rewrites

Ok in honor of it being 413 im gonna actually sit down and share some of my personal changes that will be made to Homestuck Lore. One day I'll actually do an ENTIRE rewrite (because rewriting things, as in ACTUALLY writing them, makes me so goddamn happy u don’t even know) but heres some of the major changes. (Apologies for any grammar mistakes, my brains on full zoomies mode)

There are more than two fuschia bloods at a time, and traditionally, they're supposed to duke it out by a certain age to decide who becomes the heir(ess), but by the point the story takes place, it's more or less accepted that a lot of fuschia bloods just… don't want to do that? So they don’t. some hide out as anons, some just don't bother to turn up. The reason Fef's the heiress is bcus she basically turned off every fuschia blood in the area from fighting bcus of how sweet she is (and probably unintentionally stopping a couple assassination attempts in the process). It also helps since Gl'bgolyb is around, but that’s besides the point.

Vriska finally gets to be 'literal child in a really shitty situation with horrible influences doing what she thinks is right but is proved wrong later on and learns from her mistakes' instead of just 'hurr hurr vriska bad' bcus seriously I hate the way her character was handled

Gamzee is no longer just a haha funnie clown troll who go crazy and instead his mental wellbeing is taken seriously because it pisses me off endlessly that him 'snapping' is treated with the same amount of 'respect' as a serial killer in a shitty horror movie. No. Actual mental decline and recovery for you because attention to detail (even if it does nothing but make me, and maybe a few others, happy) is one of my beloveds.

I'm probably gonna change up the entire genetics for trolls too since the 'genetic behaviour' stuff that’s in canon just… That is Wrong and I shouldn’t have to explain why. Also just because I wanna throw in more spice to break up the monotony of grey, and actually paying attention to their biology instead of treating it like a joke is one way to do that. (seriously, what animals do you know are just. Grey. Like just one shade of grey with no features.) And bcus I get WAY into the actual internal biology of any species I make/touch to the point where I literally plot out how their organs rest in their body.

The dancestors actually get the respect they deserve as individual characters, instead of being walking stereotypes.

The carapacians get ACTUAL LOVE because HOOHOO INSECTOID PEOPLE??? ILL GLADLY WORK WITH THAT!!!

Midnight Crew + Felt get a better story (still time shenanigans, but I'll actually keep a fucking timeline of events, because it always loses me). Oh, and each one gets a proper personality instead of 4 of the Felt feeling like the same character copy pasted. (Its unfair. You will not do that to my squishes)

The kids get complete reworks, and along with it comes NEW potential points of conflict. And also Genderfluid!June who realizes it p early on because, while I may dislike HS2 greatly, June is… beloved to me. But I still love og John. So why not have both?

I will love each and every character in this goddamned webbed comic because the creator sure as fuck didn't. Stories for everyone. Everyone gets a resolution of some sort. EVEN DAVE. ESPECIALLY DAVE.

THE SPRITES WONT BE FORGOTTEN THE SECOND THEY STOP BEING USEFUL???? SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT.

And finally, because thinking of so many things at once causes space brain, the world will actually be built. Because above biology and character interactions, the thing I love most is fleshing out the areas around them. No more 'Lands getting mentioned once and not being relevant ever again'. Every single land will be visited at least once. It's a long enough story, there's plenty of time. (this mostly means a lot more time spent on the Troll's session, because I genuinely wanted to know what they were all up to before the meteor.) Theres a whole bunch more, but I can't just sit here and keep writing this forever so, I'm cutting it shorter than I want to. (infodumping go brrrr)

#cy answers #homestuck #its 413 babeyyy #lore drops #cy rewrites media because they can #genderlfuid john/june my beloved #i think its bout time for the reread of homestuck #it has been a while #and my memory is that of a fruit fly #but the spn brainrot #if it wasnt the hs rewrites you wanted to know about sorry but its 413 and i kinda assumed #feel free to ask about the others #or my ocs #or literally anything

[ihavesomethingtoaskofyou]

Not related to Seteth that much, but just wanted to say regarding this new chapter in FEH after reading your post about it- 1: I agree with all your points. 2: If you haven't played it yet, please do. It clears up a few things you've mentioned, though the story is still confusing as ever

YEAH I did actually. I’m still... Man. This story just threw me into a loop. I never Made a post after he actual chapter came out. because I’ve still been trying to figure out how I feel about it.

But thank you so much for sending this in! I’ve really been thinking about making another post discussing this but never got around to it because I didn’t want to turn this into a “Lin has feelings and opinions about FEH” blog. Though there is an Alfonse ask blog if y’all want my opinions on FEH there.

To also just mention this- I live where FEH resets is midnight but atm where I am it’s three am and I deadass stayed up until three for this chapter and BOY do I have opinions. Last time I stayed up for FEH reset where it was at three intentionally was Mila banner so I could summon for Líf. As much as I always say FEH bad and FEH stinky, I’m so attached to Alfonse that I’m the fool here.

This is going to be long because I’m going to mention a few things I’ve thought about since the midpoint and just going back to it. But basically, a whole bunch of things relating to Book IV and Book III because those are the only two really relevant anymore (thank you IntSys for at least attempting to make Veronica relevant. Maybe we should get her and Bruno as units and not their alts and more about them-)

ALSO WHEN I WENT BACK IN THE CHAPTER FOR THIS LET ME JUST SAY

Why does when you’re engaging an enemy does it look like you’re in front of the summoning stone. At least in the last part of the chapter. Please IntSys, this chapter already brought me enough pain.

A lot of this is may seem like “Wow that’s obvious” but still.

Starting with the beginning of the book, and all of it really. It’s so confusing. And what did this really... Have to do with the “plot”. It’s like IntSys forgot about the Embla and the conflict with Askr. Sure, Book II was somewhat related, and Book III was actually pretty related with the whole Líf/Alfonse and Thrasir/Veronica thing. Book IV finally doesn’t feel as disconnected from the rest of the “plot” (I say “plot” because it’s a tough subject on what the plot of FEH is) as the whole, “He died because of what happened in Hel/with Hel” thing. Book IV is literally some fever dream.

Alfonse being dead did not hit me well. Now this may sound childish, but when FEH first came out, I had finally moved back to my home state yet was still alone and all. All the friends I had left me one way or another over the years so when I first started playing, Alfonse was instantly one of my favourites. It wasn’t an “Oh haha he’s hot” thing but more of a “He gets it”. So with the whole Kiran is actual Alfonse detail?

Yeah me too. 

With Kiran being from our world, you’d assume shitty things happened to them. It’s our world after all. So one could assume, going to Zenith was probably nice for them. Again, we don’t have any information about Kiran because they’re supposed to be us, but by the way Kiran hasn’t tried to leave yet (Unless they have and IntSys just. Didn’t show us until sometime later to fuck everything over) they wanted to stay. It makes sense they would want to stay, and have grown attached to the Askran trio and other Heroes as the summoner support exists (I say that as if my summoner supports aren’t Alfonse and Líf). So you could say that’s one reason they became Alfonse for his book, but honestly I  say there’s more to it than “I didn’t want you to live without Alfonse/I wanted him to keep being able to go on adventures with his friends”. I definitely don’t think it was Kiran being selfish though, just putting that out there. I think it really does have to do with Alfonse and the game isn’t just saying that to not be like “Oh well in reality Kiran doesn’t want to leave”. 

I went back to through the last part of the chapter again and I’m not wrong.  Freyja’s line to Kiran saying they were all alone further supports the whole “Kiran finally has friends” thing.

I’m not going to quote Alfonse’s lines again, but I will quote Líf’s. Many of the things Líf says suggests that he was close with his Kiran. And obviously that means Alfonse and Kiran are close and the likes yeah yeah but. Looking at Líf’s lines...

“Get close to someone, and the pain of parting will be much more acute. You and Alfonse must remember this.”

“If you want someone to patrol with, ask Alfonse. I am not your comrade. But...be careful. Please.”

And then his whole level 40 conversation honestly.

“I once made a vow to Kiran... The summoner of my world, I mean. We trusted each other. I swore that I would keep Kiran safe... But in the end, I was unable to keep that promise. Alfonse must not make the same mistake I did. And I will protect you myself. Yes, I will continue to fight. Not as Alfonse, but as Líf. For your sake.”

Since Líf is technically still Alfonse, even with different futures, it suggests that no matter what, Alfonse and Kiran has a strong relationship and deeply care for each other. I’m not saying it’s something romantic because again, Kiran is the player and some people may not like Alfonse, but you can’t deny the in game relationship between the two is important to each other. So in all reality, part of the real reason could be that Kiran couldn’t cope with Alfonse’s death. Again this is just me speaking here but. I dunno.

I don’t think I need to say this but. The whole “changeling is Sharena” was to get everyone to focus on Sharena so Kiran being Alfonse was more surprising. With what happened, there’s no way they’d pull that too. Or they would but I feel like that would be more annoying than anything? IntSys definitely is aware how people feel about this chapter. There’s no way they wouldn’t.

Now to compare that part from the midpoint to the chapter!

Earlier, I started theorizing why “Alfonse” was in our world. I mentioned how close Alfonse and Kiran are, why Alfonse would be there, why “Kiran” came at “Alfonse”, but it’s really proven now. This may not have been noticeable because it was short, but “Alfonse” doesn’t seem phased at what “Kiran”’s doing. When Kiran comes towards Alfonse, we never knew the motive but for that short time you can see Alfonse’s face (I suggest watching the midpoint in .5 to catch it) and he just. Seems like it’s not really a shocker to him. He only just looks so dumb and needs a small bap in the face. So it’s like Kiran was aware they were going to see Alfonse again. 

I’ve put this in my writing about this chapter but, there’s a possibility Kiran also wanted to lead them all to him through this to try and help him or whatever. Though that’s more just me writing angst off of my feelings of him being dead.

But as Freyja said, this is just one whole dream. So that would imply next chapter everyone will wake up and Alfonse would be alive.

Yeah.... I don’t think that could work. Because then Hel would have to be a dream. 

Or you know.

They could break the fourth wall in a terrible way. Where everyone learns about FEH. And that’s what she could’ve meant by “everything is a dream”.

But I highly doubt it.

I hope the next chapter isn’t disappointing and that Alfonse can come back. Perhaps the Light’s Blessings can come into play? Become story relevant too.

This all may have not made sense but, I really do have opinions for the chapter.

Apologies if this doesn’t make sense, I’m still trying to wrap my head around a lot of things.

#feh #fire emblem heroes #feh book iv #feh book 4

[iheardarumorxxx]

Midnight Sun, Chapter Ten - Theory

Alright, time to jump back in. Took a couple of days off, refreshed my brain, now I think I can handle more of this asshole.

instead of answering my demand

See that? See how Eddie just goes ahead and tells us that he’s being a demanding little shithead? More shades of that controlling tendency that he has all throughout the series, outright stated. This is literally the first sentence of the chapter, and he’s not even pretending to be subtle about it.

describe it so that she would understand.

Yes, because ‘I can read minds, but only if they’re relatively nearby, and it gets easier to pick out voices as I become familiar with them’ isn’t clear in the slightest. See that, Eddie? I just explained for you with 23 words, instead of going off on some dumbass tangent metaphorthat takes up an entire paragraph  like you do here because you think that the human mind is so small and weak that it can’t possibly comprehend cut and dry explanations.

The fact that Eddie thinks he needs to explain things in analogy for Bella because she won’t get it if he doesn’t really goes against this supposed idea he has about her being smarter and so above the other pitiful hooman folk. Either she’s too human to understand like everyone else, or she’s smarter and more rational and would get it without the metaphor. Pick one, Eddie.

I will say, one thing that I took from the Twilight series that still sticks with me is the phrase ‘Holy crow’. I do, in fact, use it unironically. It’s absolutely stupid, but I like the way it flows off the tongue.

Anyway, Bella just shouted it because Eddie is bending the car to his vampire physics again and going 100MPH, which, I would like to point out, she would have absolutely realized before now if she wasn’t so blatantly unobservent. She would have felt it, it wouldn’t have taken looking at the spedomoter to realize it.

“We’re not going to crash.”

Eddie is absolutely certain of this fact, and I am too only because SM would never let anything like that happen to her little woobie vampire and her SI Mary Sue. However, let’s apply real world logic to this for a sec. Just a sec because this story can’t handle real world logic for too long, but. They are presumably on a highway, going 100MPH at let’s say 930 to 10ish PM. I’ve never lived in Washington, but I’m going to make the presumption that there probably isn’t too much traffic this late, though, perhaps a bit more if it’s a Friday or Saturday night. Perhaps Eddie can keep perfect control of his own car, even going that fast, while most likely paying little to no attention to the road because he is constantly looking over at Bella in the passenger seat. He has his mind-reading power, which he probably uses to help him drive, and maybe there isn’t another car directly behind him based on how fast he’s going. 

He’s still not taking the other drivers on the road into account. What if the car in front of you that you are rapidly coming up on because you’re going so fast sees a turtle or a deer or some other kind of animal in the road and swerves to avoid it. Since this is real world logic, even if you see it coming with your mind reading power, you can’t make your car stop on a dime going 100MPH. You’re going to crash, and since you are going so fast, it’s gonna be a pretty nasty one. Your vampire body can handle that, because you’re a marble adonis god, but Bella over there is squishy and human. You slam those breaks, seatbelt aside, she’s gonna end up through the windshield or strangled to death by that seatbelt. 

He’s assuming that his vampire magic strength and perfectness is gonna be enough to protect him from literally everything. It will, because this book is not realistic in the slightest, but he’s still a dick for not taking into account the other drivers on the road. And not taking into account the fact that Bella is clearly upset and terrified that he’s going so fast.

Two and a half paragraph rant over one line. Check.

Bella spills about how Jacob told her the old story about the Cullens being sparkley, evil vampires who aren’t allowed at La Push because the wolves will eat them. And I have to say, because this story is the entire basis for Bella knowing that Eddie and his ilk are vamps, how the hell does it take her so long to figure out that Jacob is a werewolf in New Moon? Like, I know it’s because she’s stupid, but since she’s supposed to be wise beyond her years and smart and shit, why did it not click that both sides of the story must be true.

Rant for a different book, but.

I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter a small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead.

This is it. This is the line I’ve been waiting for. I knew it was coming and it STILL pisses me off so damn much reading it. Do you see that? Do you see it? Eddie is talking about straight up genocide. He is literally talking about killing hundreds of people just because some teenage kid told an old folktale to a girl he thinks is cute to try and impress her. I would like to remind you of that line that Alice said earlier: “It helps if you think of them as people.” IT HELPS IF YOU THINK OF THEM AS PEOPLE, EDWARD!!! These people have done literally nothing to you! If you wanted to go, say, beat up Jacob Black for spilling your secret, that’s one thing (A terrible thing that is bullshit, even if Jacob gets a jerkass makeover in a few months) but you are literally la de fucking da over the idea of going down to the reservation and murdering every man, woman, and child there because of some bullshit technicality broken treaty. HOW THE FUCK DOES ANYONE THINK THIS GUY IS THE HERO? HOW DOES ANYTHING SEE HIM AS A GOOD LOVE INTEREST? HOW IS HE A PROTAGONIST? HE’S A FUCKING MURDERER, PLAIN AND SIMPLE SPELLED OUT RIGHT THE FUCK THERE! It was spelled out pretty damn well in that first classroom scene, but here we are reinforcing it, and this is the guy that SM said she was willing to leave her husband for. THIS GUY. 

I hate it. I hate him. I’m not a happy camper.

And I’m gonna move on before I burst a blood vessel from how mad it makes me.

Bella goes on to tell Eddie that she flirted the story out of Jacob, and that she doesn’t care. He replies with “HOW CAN YOU NOT CARE! I’M A MONSTAH!” and she just shrugs and pops her gum. Eddie is just absolutely shocked by this because how could she not care? He even wonders if there’s something wrong with her. The answer is yes, she’s clearly a hybristophile, but that’s beside the point. 

The ‘how old are you’ ‘17′ ‘how long have you been 17′ ‘a while’ exchange is actually kind of cute, on it’s own. Had it been in a better book, it might have made me smile a little. But in Twilight it just felt like forced comedy, and here with Eddie being all Emo about being a monstah and also being condescending and clearly angry about Bella knowing his secret, it comes off a lot darker in tone. It could have come off as a playful exchange between people getting to know one another, and instead, it’s a darker tone and it’s almost uncomfortable. The movie had this problem, too, where they made it all dark and angsty instead of just being a cute little exchange that it should have been.

“I can’t sleep.”

This is more of that thrown away world building that SM does. First it was the Vampires never Change thing and now the can’t sleep thing. It could have been so fascinating to explore what not being able to sleep does to the psyche of these Pires. How different vampires get used to that sensation over different periods of time. Did it unsettle Eddie at first when he was turned and just couldn’t sleep anymore? Was Jasper already a night owl who barely slept, so it wasn’t much of a change for him anyway? What do they do to fill their time? If their hobbies and interests never change, it seems like they wouldn’t be using all that newly acquired time to learn new skills and hobbies, even if that particular ‘never change’ plot point isn’t explored either and never actually seems relevant to them. Has a Pire ever tried to sleep anyway? Just lay down and closed their eyes and waited for eight hours to pass, hoping they would drift off? This is interesting lore. It’s something that could have given depth to the vampires instead of being a throwaway plot point so Eddie could watch Bella sleep at night. I’m disappointed. I want a good idea to actually be used well.

Edward calls Bella observant and to that I can only say ‘Ha.’ 

Eddie finally realizes that Bella has the hots for him too and it’s so UWU and trite, but he has to go and bring up that stupid Hades and Persephone metaphor again and piss me off in the process.

The get to Bella’s house and take forever with their goodbyes, and right at the end Eddie goes on about how he’s got this new hunger in him just looking at Bella and feeling how warm she is and shit and it’s just him being horny again, but nothing happens and Bella heads inside. But don’t worry, Eddie assures us that he’ll be in his usual perch in the rocking chair later that night to stalk her and watch her sleep, so everything is well.

She couldn’t love me the way I loved her

GET IT? BECAUSE VAMPIRES ARE BETTER THAN YOU(tm) AT EVERYTHING INCLUDING HOW HARD THEY LOVE? Seriously, so damn sick of this idea that the vampires in this universe just do everything and see everything and smell everything and feel everything just so much more intensely than the pitiful hoomans. I still have a rant about it. It’s still coming. Don’t worry.

A casual throwaway mention of the Voltouri here, AKA the vampire Mafia that make and enforce the rules. They don’t actually matter or have any real power in this series, and they suck, but nice little nod to the audience as a reminder that there is supposed to be a governing body in the vampire world.

Carlisie and Eddie boy are off to take care of the rapist who almost got Bella, and the entire fucking drive, Carlisle is just sitting there thinking about how wonderful Eddie is and how he deserves happiness and it’s such bullshit for him to be thinking that way when he KNOWS that Eddie can read his thoughts. He’s literally just showering him in compliments for the sake of it just so that Eddie can hear them and puff up his ego. I don’t buy that it’s just passive thoughts. He wants Eddie to hear them.

We all know who Carlisle and Esme’s favorite child is.

We end the chapter with Eddie going back to Bella’s house to watch her sleep, deciding to take it upon himself to wander around her house uninvited, and the rambling on about how Bella clearly doesn’t have a guardian angel because she crossed his path and no guardian angel would allow that. Then he makes some crack about being her guardian vampire, talks about how, oh, it’s actually a good thing that he took it upon himself to break into her house to watch her sleep because he got her another blanket because she seemed cold, and smiles to himself when she mumbles his name in her sleep. 

That’s it, chapter done, I’m tired. I’m gonna try to crank out another one (maybe two) tonight, but no promises because this one really took a lot out of me. These characters just suck. Anyway, as always, feel free to message me or DM me to talk about the book, recommend future projects, etc. And you can always buy me a snack using the CashApp tag in my bio. Until next chapter, good damn bye.

#sierra recaps stuff #midnight sun #midnight sun spoilers #twilight #ms chapter 10

[mst3kproject]

Terror in the Midnight Sun

Let’s see… aliens?  Check.  Sasquatch? Check.  Weird Scandinavian production trying to look like Hollywood? Check!  Bring on Terror in the Midnight Sun.

A glowing orb comes in for a landing in the arctic.  Word of this spreads quickly, and soon an expedition is dispatched to retrieve the unusual object.  One of the scientists on the trip is a Dr. Wilson, who is excited not just by the meteor but by the opportunity to visit his niece Diana, who is in the area training to be an Olympic figure skater.  Upon arrival, the scientists learn that some monster is going around killing people and reindeer, leaving gigantic footprints, and carrying off pretty girls.  When they follow its trail, they learn that what landed on the glacier is no meteor – it’s a spaceship, and the aliens’ pet Yeti has kidnapped Diana!

Yeah, that’s the movie all right.

Like a number of MST3K features, including The Touch of Satan and Blood Waters of Dr. Z, Terror in the Midnight Sun has several titles.  In its homeland of Sweden it is called Rymdinvasion i Lappland (Space Invasion in Lappland), while in English-speaking parts it is frequently Invasion of the Animal People.  Of these titles, not one of them is accurate. There is only one ‘animal person’ in the movie, and the single ship and crew really aren’t enough to constitute an ‘invasion’.  As for Terror in the Midnight Sun, that one may sound good, but there’s no midnight sun in the movie.  Rather, characters keep talking about ‘it’ll be dark soon’ and ‘we won’t make it by nightfall’.  Points for poetics, Title Guy, but none for relevance.

As well as alternative titles, there’s a whole alternative version of this movie available, produced by Jerry Warren of Wild Wild World of Batwoman fame.  It reportedly begins with John Carradine telling us why science is good, followed by a prologue in which Diana is abducted and then released by the aliens prior to the events of the original film.  I did not watch that version.  The one I did see was plenty weird enough.

Another random thing we have in common with multiple MST3K movies is the preponderance of padding.  Lost Continent was mostly Rock Climbing and Racket Girls contained far too much wrestling.  For Terror in the Midnight Sun, it’s skiing. Diana and hunky geologist Eric Engstrom spend a day on the slopes to show us that they’re falling in love. Later, the couple attempt to ski back to civilization to get help, after the yeti destroys the party’s small airplane. The nomadic reindeer-herders who live in the area ski everywhere, and we have to watch even when they’re not going anyplace plot-relevant.  And I sure never thought I’d see a movie with a torches-and-pitchforks mob chasing a monster on skis yet here we are.

Besides the skiing, Terror in the Midnight Sun also lingers on things like planes flying, couples dancing, and yetis blundering about.  There’s a gratuitous song sung by a gratuitous lounge singer.  People wander around in a blizzard in ways unpleasantly reminiscent of Hercules wandering around in a sandstorm.  All of these last just slightly longer than they should, and I imagine Joel and the ‘bots having a very hard time with them.

For an old, cheap, black-and-white movie, the photography is surprisingly good.  We can always tell what’s going on and tell the characters apart, although don’t ask me to remember anyone’s name besides Dr. Wilson, Diane, and Eric.  Cinematography is just good enough to make you think that filming an arctic landscape in monochrome has untapped artistic potential – but not good enough to realize that.  Instead, I found myself noticing that the characters’ surroundings are not nearly as bleak as the miniature shots and the dialogue are probably trying to suggest.  There seem to be plenty of trees and rocks and cabins around, while we’re evidently supposed to believe they’re miles out on the tundra.

Again like many MST3K subjects, Terror in the Midnight Sun has a pretty girl in it for no better reason than that movies are supposed to have pretty girls.  Diana is otherwise entirely useless.  She invites herself along on her uncle’s expedition for no reason at all besides possibly that she’s bored, and she brings nothing to the party whatsoever.  The movie bothers to establish her as a skilled skater and skier and then never makes use of either talent – when she and Eric try to ski to the nearest settlement for help, she runs into the only tree for miles around and sprains her knee, so he has to leave her behind in a rescue cabin to be kidnapped by the Yeti.

I think this injury is what’s supposed to prevent Diana from escaping the Yeti… only it doesn’t keep her from running around for hours in the snow.

She’s also here to fall in love with Eric, because the reason movies need pretty girls, besides the audience’s opportunity to ogle, is so that the heroic male lead can get to touch some titties as his reward for saving the day.  The whole arc with the two of them is really weird.  They have a bit of a meet cute when Diana calls out “hello, darling!” to her uncle (who does that?) and Eric thinks she’s talking to him.  Dr. Wilson warns Diana that Eric is known as a heartbreaker who can’t stick to one woman, but this doesn’t seem to discourage her.  The lovebirds then have their skiing day, when Eric knocks Diana over and she retaliates by stealing his skis and leaving him to walk all the way back to the lodge!  He arrives tired, wet, and angry, and she asks him what took him so long… but twenty minutes later he still wants to dance with her.  What the hell do these two see in each other?

When she sees the Yeti, Diana screams and faints. It carries her off back to the crater where its extraterrestrial masters – pale coneheads in long robes – are waiting.  She wakes up and sees them, and screams and faints again.  Her entire purpose in the plot is to give the movie an excuse to show us the aliens, and the whole ‘alien’ thing itself is ultimately quite useless. In fact, the movie would probably have made more sense if the Yeti had been an Earthly monster.  At the climax, she remains an inanimate object in the Yeti’s arms.

By now we’re pretty convinced the creature isn’t going to hurt her on purpose, but the movie never says what it plans to do with her instead.  In the Creature from the Black Lagoon movies, the monster’s interest in the women was overtly sexual. In Giant of the Twentieth Century, the Yeti thought the two human children were young of its own species in need of protection. Here?  I dunno.  Diana’s in the movie because movies are supposed to have pretty girls, and the Yeti menaces her because that’s what happens to said pretty girls in movies.  Nobody’s meant to care about the reason.  The writers sure didn’t.

The Yeti itself is doubtless what you’ve been waiting to hear about.  It’s the real star of this movie.  While the aliens and their ship don’t look too bad, either, the Yeti suit is clearly what the film-makers are most proud of, and it gets plenty of screen time. It’s a pretty fun Yeti as crappy movie creatures go, around twenty feet tall (except when it’s carrying Diana, when it mysteriously shrinks to more like seven feet) and shaggy, with big tusks sticking up from its lower lip.  The script doesn’t give the guy in the suit much to work with, but he manages to convey that this is a creature capable of both violence and gentleness, even as its actual motivations remain a mystery.

The motivations of the aliens are equally murky.  The climax of the movie happens when the angry mob on skis chases the Yeti to the edge of a cliff, where they throw torches at it until its fur catches fire.  It is then kind enough to put Diana down, before toppling off the precipice to its death. And then, with their Yeti dead, the aliens just fucking leave!  Only minutes later, their glowing ship rises out of the snow where we’ve all been assuming it’s stuck, and flies away across the sky.  The movie treats this as a victory, never entertaining the idea that they’ve, say, gone to get reinforcements.  Dr. Wilson watches them go and muses, “I wonder if they found out what they wanted to know.”

Personally, I don’t think the aliens were here for any sort scientific or military purpose.  Instead, imagine you’re on a cross-country road trip with your buddies, and somebody brought their dog.  That’s fun, but it does mean that every so often you’re gonna have to stop somewhere to let the dog stretch its legs and pee on a few things.  With me so far?  Okay, imagine that on one of these stops, the dog digs up an anthill, and the ants retaliate by setting it on fire and pushing it off a cliff.  You’d leave pretty damn quick too, wouldn’t you? I don’t think we have to worry about these particular aliens ever coming back.

#mst3k #reviews #terror in the midnight sun #episodes that never were #all these movies have bigfoot in them #poor john carradine #50s

[extreme-technicality]

Im only messing with you 😘 while im here though could i have some fic recs puh-leaaase - 🍍

Ooh honey, you have no IDEA the can of worms you just opened :D (since this list is so long I’m gonna split it up into SFW Complete, NSFW Complete, SFW Ongoing, and NSFW Ongoing)

SFW Complete:

The Invisible Girl [sonamae]: OK SO it’s Hagakure-centric, with background Hagakure x Shouji and KiriBaku. My favorite part about this is that the romance is important, but not the focus. The focus of this oneshot is on the family she creates with Bakugou, Satou, Todoroki, Kirishima, and Tokoyami. Go read it, it’s great. BIG BROTHER BAKUGOU FTW!!!!!

Ground Zero [sonamae]: Speaking of Big Brother Bakugou, this is the next oneshot in the same series as the above one, but from Bakugou’s pov. Again, the romance is important but not a focus, and that’s so fucking refreshing and I love it so mUCH idk what else to tell you. Just go read these two. The rest of the series isn’t complete, but these two specific fics ARE, hence why they’re in the Complete section.

Lighting The Beacon [M3zzaTh3M3z]: This is one of the first bnha fics I’ve ever read, and I’m so glad this was my introduction to the fandom!! It’s a pretty fluffy oneshot, starting off with Kiri asking Baku out and Baku rejecting him because “who ever heard of a gay hero?” Aizawa hears about that (the basics, no details like names or anything), and things…start to change. Mic says he’s married to a man (its Aizawa), All Might comes out as pan, ace Midnight…and at the end, Bakugou asks Kirishima out very publicly. It’s so near and dear to my heart, and it honestly deserves more attention than it gets.

You’re only relevant until you’re older (they’re gonna talk about you over and over) [futurehearts]: Pro-Heroes Red Riot and Ground Zero are happily married and Baku has a reputation to slowly destroy :D (he’s soft, mainly for his husband, and he knows it…and now so does the rest of the world lmaooo).

Love Notes [PurplePersnickety]: Kirishima gets really, REALLY sappy love notes on his desk for a week or two and works to figure out who it is (spoiler alert, it’s Bakugou being a Soft Bitch). When Kiri asks him about it, he confesses everything and they date in secret for six months before telling the whole class (oneshot).

Sonder [Maplefudge]: I bet this bitch thought she wouldn’t get a shout-out well guess what you write good and there’s nothing you can do about it This is the first work of maple’s I ever read, and it’s perf <3 I’m love. It’s a look at the “totally platonic” (how much sarcasm can I add to two words?) Kiribaku from members of the class, over the course of 13 chapters. It’s full of fluff, useless mutual pining, obliviousness, and “platonic bro kisses”. Read it if you need to scream at some useless gays.

Anger Management [Julietwasanidiot]: The entire fandom is gearing up for S4 by writing hurt/comfort KiriBaku post-raid fics, and I am HERE for it. Because of when it’s set though, there’s going to be spoilers so if you’re anime-only you migt want to steer clear of this one. It’s got an ICONIC rice-and-anger line, though.

Stupid Mistakes [lemxnfox]: Kirishima and Bakugou got in a fight! They fight a lot, but this fight they’ve been fighting for six months and the class is #OverIt. They concoct a plan to lock the two of them in a room and force them to make up– and they DO. Side ShinKami and TodoDeku.

No More Fragments [Ischemia]: Canon-compliant…to a degree. Shinsou takes his place as the Superior Purple in Class A, gets himself a boyfriend (Kaminari) and a squad (the Bakusquad)…and loses it. Or does he???? Canon-typical violence, side Kiribaku, mystery plot.

Caught In My Own Web [anxioussaliorsoldier]: SHINSOU IS IN 1-A!!!!! And he fucks up when trying to use his capture weapon lmao. Kaminari finds him and they recreate the iconic Spider-Man kiss…and then Shinsou passes out from the blood rushing to his head. It’s cute guys.

Be Selfish For Me [A_Reflective_Projection]: WARNING– the entire thing is Aizawa asking 1-A to be careful as pro heroes, by taking them to a hero graveyard. It’s painful. It’s sad (especially when Aizawa brings up a classmate of his who died in their first year as a pro). It ends bittersweet, and there’s some good Dadzawa content in there. The most present ship is Erasermic, and that only really makes an appearance in the last chapter.

Closer [MikeWritesThings]: Fluffy Erasermic, canon universe, where Aizawa starts calling in to Mic’s radio show cuz he misses him. It’s sweet af ❤️❤️

Meaningless Holiday [dysonQueer]: It’s a sweet Valentine’s Day fic, canon-compliant, with established Erasermic for the soul. I highly recommend it if you’re having a rough day and you need some feel-good fluff

Come Back Toe Me [Milligramme]: Aged-up, Pro Hero fic where Kiri has a shit day heroing, but he isn’t physically hurt. Not until he breaks his toe on the coffee table, that is. He can’t stop laughing, and Bakugou can’t stop worrying about his dumbass boyfriend.

Kiss Me Through The Screen [Ischemia]: Aged-up fic with ShinKami as the main focus and some side KiriBaku, but…uh, most of the Bakusquad aren’t full-time Heroes. Kami dropped out of UA completely, and Shinsou never went in the first place. So, Kaminari is working at Jirou’s cafe and works as a SFW camboy at night, while Shinsou is a teacher and watches the stream nightly. Later there’s a plot around a stalker, again please keep yourself safe Pineapple Anon!!

If I Don’t Act… [SilentNorth]: This is gritty and painful, but don’t worry! There’s a happy ending :D (I rarely read/write/recc pure angst, you’re safe here my child). Kiri is a college dropout working two jobs, living with Mina as his roommate, and with a hero complex the size of Texas. Enter art student Bakugou, who can save himself thank you very much. Some mention of depression/attempted suicide, as well as slightly less than canon-typical violence, please keep yourself safe and skip it if that’s going to trigger you, Pineapple Anon.

Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all [theroyalsavage]: A Kiribaku “10 Things I Hate About You” AU where Todoroki asks Kirishima to fake-date Bakugou so he can date Midoriya. Everything is going smoothly until Kirishima accidentally falls in love *gasp*!!

The Skeletons Inside Of Us [firelord_zutara]: Erasermic, quirkless AU where Mic was the lead singer of Aizawa’s favorite local band in college. Aizawa has a crush on him, they lost touch after college, and they didn’t meet again…until their nephews (Aizawa adopted Midoriya, Shinsou is Mic’s sister’s kid) meet and by extension, the uncles. Background ShinKami and KiriBaku, written for EraserMic week (7 chapters).

Life’s a Drag(on) [PurplePersnickety]: FANTASY AU!!! You know, the Fantasy AU from the third ending. But altered, juuuuuust slightly. Bakugou lives in(? ish) a village and helps a dragon when it’s hurt. A day or so later, a (hot) new guy comes to town named Kirishima, and the dragon keeps coming around. Shenaniganery follows. :DDD

Space Dust [PurplePersnickety]: Do you like Star Wars, Star Trek, Firefly, and/or Men In Black? Then you’re gonna fuckin LOVE this :DDD It’s got half-alien Kirishima, cyborg Bakugou, mention of a larger universe outside of the planet (outside of the oneshot too, lbr). It is a oneshot though, even if it is a long one, with canon/typical violence and mention of kidnapping and child experimentation. Please put your mental health and well-being above everything else and skip it if it’s gonna trigger you!!!

Achromatopsia [PurplePersnickety]: DID SOMEBODY SAY SOULMATE AU???? No? Well hAVE ONE ANYWAY!!! Kiribaku soulmate AU (oneshot), where you only see in one color until you touch your soulmate for the first time. Fun fact, achromatopsia is the complete inability to see any color!! I’m sure that’s not gonna have any bearing on the story whatsoever…

NSFW Complete:

A Cast for your Heart [KTG]: Heads up, this is LONG. 90 chapters, 268k, it’s magic and sex and drAGONS and angst and almost-dying!! The fantasy system is completely original, set in modern times, and the OCs??? Don’t get me STARTED. Kiribaku, Tododeku, and Seromina are the bnha ships present as well as a lot of OCxOC ships. There’s also a sequel set to come out this month (July 2019)!!

Long Time Coming [Madam_Muffins]: I’ve probably recc’ed this before, but I just. I just love this one so much, ok? It’s massive Kiribaku slow burn, outlining what might happen if Bakugou is just a little bit more emotionally constipated. Baku fucks up, gets help, he and Kiri get together (and fuck a little), and there’s elements of the Reincarnation and Fantasy AUs in there towards the end!! Go read it, madammuffins is my amazing tumblr mom and I love her to bits.

SFW Ongoing:

Engraved In Your Mind [Hejter]: FACEBLIND BAKUGOU KATSUKI!!! It’s canon-compliant, except for that little detail, but she writes it so WELL that now I can’t look at canon!Bakugou without thinking that he’s faceblind. Kiri finds out and starts working to build trust with Bakugou and help him on his path to becoming the top hero, and it’s GREAT. Slowburn Kiribaku. Like,,,SLOW.

Define: Oblivious [PurplePersnickety]: I bet you thought I was done with the Purple reccs. I’m never going to be done reccing Purple. Deal with it. I mentioned, in the summary for Love Notes, that there was a six month time skip? This is what happens in those six months. SeroKami and MomoJirou are side ships in this one.

The Right Thing [TuesdayTerrible]: Established Kiribaku where they’re graduated from UA, and living together, and being pro heroes…and then one day Baku finds a little girl who tried to kill herself cuz she was quirkless. Needless to say, this strikes a chord in Bakugou (cuz…yknow, he kinda told Midoriya to kill himself in like episode one and then it was never addressed again). He can’t stop thinking about her, and while we haven’t gotten there YET it looks like it’s gonna end with him and Kirishima adopting her and Bakugou apologizing for the bullshit he put Mido through. There is mention of a suicide attempt (clearly), skip it if that’s gonna trigger you!!!

Hands Off! [PullingAllMighters]: Much like Kiss Me Through The Screen, Hands Off! is a non-canon compliant aged-up AU where not everyone is a full-time hero. Kiri is, Kami and Sero are his sidekicks, Ochako is in a different agency, and everyone else is doing Other Shit. Bakugou hasn’t revealed his full backstory yet, but it looks like he was a Pro Hero until a year or so ago when something bad happened and now he’s got PTSD. His old apartment building burned down so he’s living in Ochako, Momo, Jirou, and Mina’s guesthouse until he finds a job and another place to live. This has a fresh take on the hero system, and I really really enjoy it so far!! There is, however, a fairly detailed scene of Bakugou being triggered so if reading that would trigger you, please don’t!! Keep yourself safe, Pineapple Anon!!! Endgame Kiribaku

Blood of my Hand [PurplePersnickety]: Is it obvious yet that I LOVE purple’s writing??? This, I believe, was the gateway work, and I’ve dived headfirst in and not looked back. Fantasy AU, slowburn Kiribaku, and it’s. I can’t even sum it up. There’s too much. It’s too good. Game of Thrones WISHES it could be what BomH is. There’s mention of slavery and past child abuse, please skip that if it’s going to trigger you!!

A Boy and his Dragon [VanHan]: Oh look, another fantasy AU. Have you figured out that I have a type yet? Kiribaku but the Kiribaku hasn’t really happened yet, cuz Bakugou is a literal child who got kidnapped and is probably gonna get sold. He doesn’t even know Kirishima is Kirishima, he just knows him as the cool dragon in the cage. This one just barely makes the SFW list, because there’s no explicit mention of fucking, but there’s a really really gross pedophile that shows up fairly early on and hasn’t died yet. There’s also graphic depictions of violence in the first chapter, and once you combine those two things I would absolutely understand if you decided to give this one a pass, too.

Everglow [Maplefudge]: ANOTHER fantasy AU?!?! In MY fic recc list?? It’s more likely than you think. This one just started, and it’s got that enemies-to-lovers shit going on. Dragons plus my favorite tropes = FUCK YEAH!!!

Crimson [Crocodillia]: I bet you thought I was done with the fantasy AU reccs, didn’t you? Well, HAVE ANOTHER!!! This one has strong HTTYD vibes, and I’ve literally never seen anyone try that before with these characters!! So far there’s only two chapters, but I am HOOKED and if you like HTTYD…you’re gonna like this, too.

Becoming Human [FoolishFortuna]: Demon!Bakugou becomes Human!Bakugou when he refuses to take a kid’s soul. I think we’re three chapters in and he just got to earth and met Kirishima, as well as a few holy people (Midoriya, Ochako, Iida, and I believe Tetsu). Now he gotta find his daughter and keep her safe. Kiribaku with some fairly graphic descriptions of torture and cannibalism in the second chapter, don’t read it if that’s gonna trigger you!! Also he pretty brutally rips apart the girl’s abusive parents.

Surviving for Second Chances [SilentNorth]: TWEWY Kiribaku AU!!! There’s some differences between the original game and the fic, for pretty obvious reasons (medium, objective, and character differences being a few), but this got me to FINALLY watch a playthrough of the game cuz I’m too broke to go and buy it myself!! Kirishima as Neku and Bakugou as Joshua, plus Mina as Shiki and TodoDeku as Rhyme and Beat. Canon-typical violence, and we just finished up Week 1!!

Love And Other Allergens [thefrailtyofgenius]: A Quirkless AU where Todoroki is a lawyer with a flower shop underneath his apartment. Todo finds out he’s allergic to one of the plants, buys a different bouquet every week instead of, yknow, asking for help like a normal human being (I say, knowing damn well I’d just buy allergy medication and not even try to figure out what I’m allergic TO), and accidentally falls in love with the cute (and absolutely fucking ripped) flower boy (Midoriya lmao). It’s LONG. The TodoDeku is extremely slowburn, and there’s a fuckload of side ships. An incomplete list: Erasermic, Kiribaku, ShinIida (Shinsou and Iida), and MomoJirou. Bonus Endeavor’s Bad Parenting, Midoriya Hisashi’s Bad Parenting, and both of those assholes getting locked up forever :D (I’m so serious about the length tho, it’s like 40 chapters or something).

NSFW Ongoing:

Mixing Signals [Shippeh]: Kiribaku aged-up, but they’ve tried to date multiple times and every time Bakugou fucked it up. Every time they broke up, they pretended like they’d never tried in the first place (which…oW), but this time. THIS time, Bakugou swears he’s gonna make them work.

Heartbeat Thunder [Shippeh]: This is one of the few ABO fics I’ll recc, because it’s not just “ooh heat sex fun times”. This has THOUGHT put into it. They’re confused kids goddamnit, let them be confused!!! Basically Kiri doesn’t ever want to rut so he’s suppressing everything about being an alpha, while Bakugou thinks that trying to hide from your secondary gender is stupid. They do fuck tho, which is why the fic is in NSFW Ongoing.

Take a Chance On Me [FanficIsMyThing]: The other ABO fic I’ll happily recc. Kiri is an alpha which lets him be a hero, while Baku is an omega so he’s gotta be a vigilante until the laws get changed. They run into each other on patrol a few times, Baku helps Kiri and crew out a few times, and every time Kirishima *mysteriously* fails to catch the vigilante Chemical X. They haven’t actually fucked yet, but there’s been enough sexy times to put this squarely in NSFW territory. And it’s not just sex!! I don’t wanna spoil, but it’s good I swear.

Opposed to the Typical [Heronfem]: A model/fashion designer AU featuring HoH!Bakugou, model!Bakugou and designer!Kirishima, as well as a metric shitload of others. Basically Kiri is an intern with Fatgum who gets called to help another studio with their fitting, gets assigned to Bakugou, figures out he’s HoH and handles it like a champ. Because he does it so well, whenever Bakugou needs to get his measurements taken again, they immediately call for Kirishima. And ofc they gonna fall in love :3c But its more complicated than that, and I don’t wanna give too much away, but make sure that you pay attention to any trigger warnings at the start of the chapters!!!

#kingdomheartstrashmouth #ask dadzawa #pineapple anon #nonnie #kiribaku fic reccs #shinkami fic reccs #tododeku fic reccs #erasermic fic reccs #bnha fic reccs #did i reccommend enough? or do you want more? cuz i have. sO many. like this is only a little bit my dude. #how many did i even put up there? like DAMN. and i know i forgot some really really good ones too

[homespork-review]

Homespork Act 1: The Note Dawdling Tension Plays (Part 3)

CHEL: John heads outside, finally, but finds the mailbox empty and the car locked with a package inside. It seems he’ll have to confront his father to get the game he seeks. And then, we get the internet equivalent of a splash page, with ominous wind chimes, slow-pan animation, and lyrical text.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day.

Regarding the term “ominous”, it applies in ways Hussie intended, implying the strangeness to come, but also in ways he may not have. Notice anything absent from that animation? Go on, guess.

FAILURE ARTIST: John’s neighborhood is more bland than Privet Drive.

CHEL: True, but “character” wasn’t really what I meant. What would one expect to see at least one of, in a nice suburban neighbourhood, even a bland one, in the daytime, when we know John’s dad is home from work, even if through a window? What are we not seeing here?

FAILURE ARTIST: No people and not even any pets.

CHEL: Hot dog, we have a wiener. Not character, characters. There are no signs of life at all. Not even a wild bird. Now, John is the focal character here, so that might come under the heading of unnecessary detail, but considering what happens later, this becomes very creepy. The big dangerous thing has not happened yet, so there should still be people in the neighbourhood, and the sound of wind chimes implies at least one of those houses is inhabited. But we don’t see them. Come to think of it, John never mentions his school at all, nor any other friends apart from the other kids featured in the comic, and nor do they. It’s as if they literally sprang into existence on that day and got plopped down in place just in time to be in the comic.

FAILURE ARTIST: Given that John is home in the middle of what would be a school day I think he might be home-schooled.

CHEL: That didn’t occur to me. I’m a Brit and I guess I was thinking “Easter break”, but the school year pattern in the US is different. But that raises further questions. Doesn’t he know any local kids? His dad works full-time and he has no other family - when does his dad find the time?

FAILURE ARTIST: Maybe it would be Spring Break in Washington State. I don’t know.

CHEL: Regardless, it’s eerie. If he’s home-schooled, he still ought to have some local friends or at least be on wave-hello terms with neighbours, unless he really is stuck in his bedroom almost all the time. I’m tempted to add an ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY point for the implication that John’s been raised locked in a room, but that’s just silly speculation so I won’t.

While on the topic, John does live in a literal suburb, but I’m not going to give points for WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM here. That count is for when the characters’ behaviour comes across as white/suburban/wealthy and that contradicts how the author is trying to present them. John is supposed to be the everyman figure with an ordinary life, living in a regular respectable town.

Let’s move on. It’s time to confront the Parental Figure.

TIER: John finds himself heading to the kitchen to retrieve his game, and it's now that we get a good look at his dad, along with one of the neat little details about Homestuck's world being brought to the forefront.

I am of course, talking about STRIFE!

"[S] John: Enter and Strife!" (Watch on YouTube)

The more or less fighting system for lack of my vocabulary, and seemingly a thing you just do in this world.

CHEL: John gets to actually use his “hammerkind” weapon, and Dad’s preferred method of combat is offering yet more cake.

FAILURE ARTIST: John threatens his father with a hammer. In the real world, this would be horrifying. But it’s not in this video game world. The other Beta Kids have “STRIFE” with their parents and in only one case does it end up as being treated seriously. Yet that will wait to be seen.

CHEL: One case which is significantly less disturbing than one of the other cases, in some ways. But yes, that’s for later. To be fair, John could have been trying to hit the cake with the hammer, not his dad, but most parents still wouldn’t be pleased to have their kids waving hammers in their direction regardless.

ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 2

TIER: After a short few rounds, John manages to properly distract his dad and successfully gets to his mail. A winner is you Johnny boy. Then we find ourselves with another hit of sylladex fuckery happening, joyous.

When we get back to John's room, it's pesterlog time, this time with a little sneak peak at the last of our fabulous foursome of thirteen years olds, gardenGnostic, or GG! They're only present for three short lines, but damn if they aren't pretty telling. From what little is seen they're an overall pretty chipper person, and to me at least adorable with those emojis.

CHEL: The beta’s finally in John’s hands, after all that effort to get it. So what do we do now? Why, it seems like a great time to go waste some time reading an entirely different imaginary webcomic promoting Hussie’s other work! Though, to be fair, the Midnight Crew will turn out to be relevant later. Keep that name in mind.

FAILURE ARTIST: The Midnight Crew actually started as the OCs of Problem Sleuth fan Mayonka who paid to have a extra episode.

CHEL: And then, FINALLY, he installs the thing, and it... gives us a loading page, and he goes off to read up on data structures and fuck about with his fucking sylladex some more!

TIER: The sylladex thing really knows how to wear its welcome thin with the shenanigans, thought I'll admit that John getting a razor embedded into the face of one of his posters was amusing in how dangerous the dang thing can be.

GET ON WITH IT!: 3

"Get on with it! (Monty Python)" (Watch on YouTube)

CHEL: Because I’m feeling bitter, I’m adding another point too!

HOW NOT TO WRITE A WEBCOMIC: 5 The Lost Sock - wherein the plot is too slight Here the main conflict is barely adequate to sustain a Partridge Family episode. Remember that this drama has to carry the reader through 300-odd pages. The central dilemma of a novel should be important enough to change someone’s life forever.

Our main plot hasn’t been introduced yet, so as far as the reader knows, what’s happening now is the plot. Getting a video game out of the kitchen should not take this long and is not much of an epic adventure! By now, Hussie’s committed almost all of the sins listed in HNTWAN’s section on beginning a story! NOTHING IS HAPPENING!

Okay, something happens. It’s not plot, but it’s adorable. John opens the birthday present from Dave, to discover a souvenir of his favourite movie; the very stuffed bunny prop featured in Con Air. Look at how happy he is!

TIER: I do believe that up to this point, there hasn't been much of a plot, just people doing stuff. It's boring in the same way that someone telling you about an average day is, not much going on to be honest.

FAILURE ARTIST: I enjoyed reading Act 1 when I first read it but I was coming in under no expectation. Homestuck as a deep meaningful story hadn’t begun yet.

CHEL: Okay, NOW a thing is happening. The game is installed, on comes the loading page, and… Well, that’s peculiar. Now, at last, we see what the big deal with this game is. It permits TT, who installed the “server” section of the game while John installed the “client” section, to reach into his actual bedroom with the cursor and move things around, place bizarre-looking machinery in the rooms, or even add parts to his house a la The Sims. Now that’s a game worth the hype it got! Too bad it took almost 140 pages to actually reveal this.

The kids don’t seem very surprised by all this, yet the reviewer hadn’t heard the game could do that. One would think even such a disaffected dudebro would be curious about that, if he knew. Maybe the game really does have some kind of built-in failsafe to keep adults away?

FAILURE ARTIST: This is a world people have inventories instead of pockets and an RPG battle starts every time you argue with your parents.

CHEL: Does that apply to all people in it, though, or just the lead characters? They are, as it turns out, special already, and we never see a person who’s not involved.

John wants to try moving things around, but he needs the “server” CD-ROM to do so, which is still in the car. TT’s attempts to help result in not only a large machine called a “Cruxtruder” blocking the front door, but also the toilet, which John earlier accidentally filled with cake during sylladex shenanigans, being ripped out and dropped in the yard, and the bathtub similarly ending up in the hallway, which is pretty funny, I admit.

EB: you can see me, right. EB: tell me what is wrong with this picture.

Perhaps sylladex shenanigans could be trimmed without being deleted entirely. SBurb shenanigans, similarly, are funny but might possibly do better to be compressed into fewer pages, but that’s not as big a deal, I think. The shenanigans aren’t entirely TT’s fault; she keeps losing her internet connection due to bad weather. GG’s earlier mention of an explosion near their home implies that things are starting to happen around them, too. Meantime, John finds a sledgehammer, a much better weapon, the implication being he’s going to need one, even if he turns out to be unable to lift it. TT helps him to hit the Cruxtruder with it, and said machine produces a glowing… thing and starts a four-minutes-and-thirteen-seconds countdown. Countdowns are never good in this context.

The glowing thing is a Kernelsprite, which needs to be “prototyped”, so into it goes the harlequin doll, causing it to take on the shape of a harlequin’s head and hand. Attempts to use the mysterious machinery TT has deployed result in the production of a shiny blue cylinder called a cruxite dowel and three green cubes labelled by the game as Perfectly Generic Objects, using up the game’s abstract building currency dubbed Build Grist. Wasting time playing with the machinery proves to be an unwise idea, however, as John looks into the sky and sees…

Even worse than the meteor heading directly for his house, Dad is coming back!

FAILURE ARTIST: THIS is where I came in. It is the most impressive flash animation so far. It is still awkwardly animated compared to later ones.

CHEL: I think it’s one of his earlier efforts, so I wouldn’t say it was bad. It succintly gets the point across and it’s better animated than anything I could do.

John messages TT again.

EB: oh man who cares about the bathroom, now there's a meteor heading for my house!!! TT: I see. TT: Do you suppose it has anything to do with the game? EB: i don't know, maybe! what do i do! TT: I think it's very likely. TT: The walkthroughs vaguely suggest an impending threat before they end. TT: The already poorly constructed sentences become even more curt and ambiguous. TT: As if written hastily and with a sense of alarm. TT: Actually, their dedication to updating the walkthrough under such circumstances is admirable.

TT concludes that if the meteor is caused by the game, succeeding at a game objective must be the way to stop it, and investigates while John talks to TG, resulting in one of my favourite conversations in the comic, but also leading into another count.

EB: we'll talk later if i am still alive and the earth isn't blown up. TG: like the size of texas TG: or just rhode island TG: theyre always throwing around these geographical comparisons to give us a sense of scale like it really means anything to us TG: but its like it doesnt matter its always just like: WOW THATS PRETTY FUCKING BIG TG: like mr president theres a meteor coming sir. oh yeah, how big is it? its the size of texas sir TG: OH SHIT TG: or, how big is it? its the size of new york city sir TG: OH SHIT TG: sir im afraid the comet is the size of your moms dick TG: OH SNAP TG: sir are you familiar with jupiter TG: you mean like the planet? TG: yeah TG: well its that big sir TG: hmm that sounds pretty big TG: i have a question TG: is it jupiter? TG: yes sir, earth is literally under seige by planet fucking jupiter TG: OH SHIT TG: anyway later

I don’t know if TG is supposed to believe John here. If he is, then we get another count:

HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 1

FAILURE ARTIST: Hate to be a killjoy but the line about your mom’s dick is transphobic.

CHEL: My original intention with the PROBLEMATYKKS count was to point out cases where it wasn’t justified by the character saying it, so I wasn't going to count this. Thirteen-year-old boys trying to be witty say all sorts of awful bullshit. Though the writer’s old enough to know better and it didn’t ever get called out, so yeah, okay, I’ll expand the original intention.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 4

The rest of it’s still funny, though. Besides, I was more immediately concerned with the fact that TG seems remarkably unconcerned about the possible risk to his friend’s life. There isn’t really anything he could do about it even if he tried, obviously, but one would expect he’d at least say “oh shit, run!” or something. This will become a recurring pattern in the comic, as will be shown fairly soon, hence the DO NOTHING count.

FAILURE ARTIST: I think that conversation is also from real life. Hussie and a friend talked about meteor movie conventions and Hussie decided to use it. However, I assume during that conversation they weren’t threatened by an actual meteor.

CHEL: Possibly he’d have done better to make it clearer that TG did not believe John actually had a meteor heading for him. John is a known joker, after all. It would be quite easy, and I would have assumed that in a comic which had had fewer unremarked wacky happenings already.

Dad Egbert is also remarkably calm about the bathtub in the hallway. TT’s attempt to move it is foiled when her connection is lost, causing her to drop it in front of John’s bedroom door, trapping him inside. John is now on his own.

#homespork #homestuck #homestuck meta #literary critique #sporking #homestuck reread #homestuck review #homestuck let's read

[dillydedalus]

what i read in july

THAT’S MORE LIKE IT aka i’m finally out of the (relative) reading slump for good & my bro james joyce was there

men explain things to me, rebecca solnit the original mansplaining essay is great, and still scarily relevant; the others in this collection (most on feminist issues) are also quite good; some aspects are a bit dated & problematic so be aware of that. 2.5/5

erschlagt die armen!, shumona sinha (tr. from french, not available in english) short but very impactful novella about a young french woman, originally from india, who works as an interpreter in the asylum system and becomes more & more broken by this system of inhumane bureaucracy and suffering, until she snaps and hits a migrant over the head with a wine bottle. full of alienation and misery and beautiful but disturbing language - the title translates to ‘beat the poor to death’ so like. yeah. 3.5/5

fire & blood: a history of the targaryen family I, george r r martin look, it’s a 700-page-long fake history book about a fictional ruling dynasty in a fictional world, and i’m just That Obsessed & Desperate about asoiaf (and i don’t even care about the targs That Much). anyway, now i know more about the targs than any ruling family from, you know, real history, which is like, whatever. this is pretty enjoyable if you are That Obsessed, although i will say that some bits are much better than others (there are some dry dull years even in everyone’s fav overly dramatic dragon-riding incest-loving family) and the misogyny really is. a lot. too much. way too much. BUT i did really like Good Best Queen Alysanne (her husband king joe harris is alright too i guess) and i found my new westerosi otp, cregan stark/aly blackwood, who both have Big Dick Energy off the fucking charts. 3.5/5 (+0.5 points for cregan and aly’s combined BDE)

the old drift, namwali serpell hugely ambitious sprawling postcolonial nation-building novel about zambia, told thru three generations of three families, as well as a chorus of mosquitoes (consistently the best & smartest parts). there is A LOT going on, in terms of characters, of plot points, of references to history (the zambian space programme) and literature (finally my knowledge of heart of darkness paid off) and thematically, and honestly it was a bit too much, a bit too tangled & fragmented & drifty, and in the end i probably admire this book more than i liked it, but serpell’s writing is incredibly smart and funny and full of electrical sparks 3.5/5

a severed head, iris murdoch the original love dodecahedron (not that i counted). iris murdoch is fucking WILD and i love her for it. this is a strange darkly funny little farce about some rich well-educated londoners and their bizarre & rather convoluted love lives. not as grandiosely wild as the sea the sea, but fun nevertheless. 3/5

midnight in chernobyl, adam higginbotham jumping on the hype bandwagon caused by the hbo series (very weird to call the current fascination with chernobyl a hype bandwagon but you know). interesting & well-written & accessible (tho the science is still totally beyond me) & gets you to care about the people involved. lots of human failure, lots of human greatness, set against the background of the almost eldritch threat of radioactivity (look up the elephant foot & see if you don’t get chills), and acute radiation syndrome which is THE MOST TERRIFYING THING ON EARTH . 3.5/5

normal people, sally rooney honestly this is incredibly engrossing & absorbing once you get used to how rooney completely ignores ‘show don’t tell’ (it works!), i pretty much read the whole thing in one slow workday (boss makes a dollar, i make a dime so i read books on my phone on company time, also i genuinely had nothing to do). i also think rooney is really good at precisely capturing the ~millenial experience in a way that feels very true, especially the transition from school to uni. BUT i really disliked the ending, the book never engages with the political themes it introduces (esp. class and gender) as deeply as it could and the bdsm stuff never really gets TIED UP LOL. so overall idk: 3.5/5

störfall: nachrichten eines tages, christa wolf quiet reflective undramatic little book narrated by a woman waiting to hear about the outcome of her brother’s brain surgery on the day of the catastrophe at chernobyl - throughout the day she puts down her thoughts about her brother and the events unfolding at chernobyl, as well as the double uncertainty she is trying to cope with. really interesting to read such an immediate reaction to chernobyl (the book came out less than a year after chernobyl). 2.5/5

the man in the high castle, philip k dick it was fine? quick & entertaining alternative history where the axis powers win the war, some interesting bits of worldbuilding (like the draining of the mediterranean which was apparently a real idea in the early 20th century?) but overall it’s just felt a bit disjointed & unsatisfying to me. 2.5/5

fugitive pieces, anne michaels very poetic & thoughtful novel about the holocaust, grief, remembrance & the difference between history and memory, intergenerational trauma, love, geology and the weather. i’m not sure how much this comes together as a novel, but it is absolutely beautifully written (the author is a poet as well) and very affective. 3.5/5

american innovations, rivka galchen short collection of bizarre & often funny short stories about neurotic women whose furniture flies away, or who grow an extra breast, or who are maybe too occupied with financial details. very vague & very precise at once, which seems to be the thing with these sort of collections. 3/5

fool’s assassin (fitz & the fool #1), robin hobb YAASS i’m back in the realm of the elderlings!!! i thought this was one of the weaker installments in the series - i still enjoyed it a lot, and Feelings were had, but it just doesn’t quite fit together pacing-wise & some of the characterisation struck me as off (can i get some nuance for shun & lant please?) and tbh fitz is at peak Selfcentred Dumbass Levels & it drove me up the fucking wall. molly, nettle & bee deserve better. still, completely HYPE for the rest of the trilogy. 3.5/5

JAMES JOYCE JULY

note: i decided not to read dubliners bc it’s my least fav of joyce’s major works & too bleak & repetitive for my mood right now AND while i planned not to reread finnegans wake bc……. it’s finnegans wake…. i kinda do want to read it now (but i also. really don’t.) so idk yet.

a portrait of the artist as a young man, james joyce y’all. i read this book at least once a year between the ages of 15 and 19, it’s beyond formative, it is burnt into my brain, and reading it now several years later it is still everything, soaring and searing (that searing clarity of truth, thanks burgess) and poetic and dirty, and stephen is baby, and a pretentious self-important little prick and i love him & i am him (or was him as only a pretentious self-important teenage girl reading joyce can be him - because this truly is a book that should be read in your late teens when you feel everything as intensely and world-endingly and severely as my boy stephen does and every new experience feels like the world changing). anyway i love this book & i love stephen dedalus, bird-like, hawk-like, knife-blade, aloof, alienated, severe and stern, a poet-priest-prophet if he could ever get over himself, baby baby baby. 5/5

exiles, james joyce well. there’s a reason joyce is known as a novelist. this is….. a failed experiment, maybe. a fairly boring play about an adulterous love-square and uh… love beyond morality and possession maybe??? about how much it would suck for joyce to return to ireland??? and tbh it’s not terribly interesting. 2/5

travesties, tom stoppard a wild funny irreverent & smart antic comedy inspired by the fact that during ww1, james joyce, lenin, and dadaist tristan tzara were all in neutral zurich, more or less simultaneously; they probably never met, but in this play they do, as dadaist poetry, socialist art critique, and a james joyce high on his own genius & in desperate need of some cash while writing ulysses, AND the importance of being earnest (joyce is putting on a production of it) all collide in the memories of henry carr, who played algernon & later sued joyce over money (tru facts). not my fav stoppard (that’s arcadia) but it’s funny & fizzy & smart & combines many many things that i love. 4/5 

ulysses, james joyce look i’m not really going to tell y’all anything new about ulysses, but it really has everything, it’s warm & human(e) & cerebral & difficult & funny & sad & healing & i always get a lot out of it even tho there’s bits (a lot of them) i’ll never wrap my head around. ultimate affirmation of humanity or whatever. also stephen dedalus is baby. 5/5

dedalus, chris mccabe the fact that this book (sequel to ulysses about what stephen dedalus might have done the next day) exists and was published ON MY BIRTHDAY is proof that the universe loves me. 

anyway this is very very good, very very clever, extremely good at stephen (less good at bloom but his parts are still good), engages w/ ulysses, portrait & hamlet (& others) very cleverly & does some cool meta and experimental shit. y’all it has stephen talking to a contemporary therapist about how he’s stuck in joyce’s text which is all about joyce & very little about whoever stephen is when he’s not joyce’s alter ego/affectionate but slightly amused look at younger self and ithaca is an interview w/ the author about how his relationship to his dad influenced his response to ulysses and I’M INTO IT. the oxen of the sun chapter replaces the whole ‘gestation of english prose’ w/ just slightly rewriting the first pages of about 10 novels published between ulysses and now & it does lolita w/ “bloom, thorn of stephen’s sleep, light in his eyes. his sire, his son’ and i lit. screamed. anyway i don’t want to give this 5 stars (yet) bc i think some of the experimental stuff ended up a bit gimmicky & didn’t add that much to the text but fuck. that’s my boy & i want to reread it right now. 4.5/5 ALSO it’s a crime no literary weirdo woman has written ‘a portrait of the artist’s sister’ about delia ‘dilly’ dedalus, shadow of stephen’s mind, quick far & daring, teaching herself french from a 3rd hand primer while her father drinks the nonexistent family fortune away and her older brother is getting drunk on a beach & starting fights w/ soldiers bc he’s a smartarse

#the books i read #long post

[thebicanary]

seriously big spoilers, don’t read on if you haven’t seen or don’t want to know about endgame

i’m pleased with endgame, i really loved it and i didn’t realise that is apparently an unpopular opinion until i got onto old tungle dot com here. everyone i know who was also at a midnight launch was happy with it, people came out of it extremely satisfied so... idk. but here’s why i loved it:

- it was funny. and i have issues with the comedy and comedic timing of a lot of marvel movies not giving time for dramatic moments to fucking breathe before going into a joke or a wise crack but both infinity war and endgame balanced the comedy and drama well imo

- let’s not lie to ourselves, it was complete fanservice for a good chunk of the movie. but it was the best kind of fanservice. there were so many moments people fucking CHEERED AND CLAPPED in the cinema when i saw it, like cap wielding mjolnir against thanos, when the avengers and the armies of wakanda and so many systems thanos destroyed came to help fuck him up, on your left, pepper in the rescue armour, the mcu ladies gathering for a big showdown while carol is transporting the stones etc.

- tony’s death is utterly heartbreaking, especially in light of him and pepper having a child and tony trying to forge a life with a family in the wake of the snap. but it was a satisfying and fitting end for his time in the mcu. this all began with iron man in 2008, this all began with tony and rdj, it would not have felt right for anyone else to defeat thanos in the end, and i think we all knew defeating thanos would require the sacrifice or a life or two. most expected it to be steve, but tony fits better imo. his decision to use the stones to save the world while knowing his body would not be physically capable of handling it was heroic, and heartbreaking, and he got a beautiful send off. It was a great way of honoring tony and rdj’s contributions to the franchise and i was sobbing.

- i’m actually glad carol was not the big weapon to be used to defeat thanos in the movie like was teased in promo material. the fact that the majority of fighting against thanos was from the big three original tentpoles of the mcu (tony, steve, thor) working together was exhilarating, satisfying, and ultimately how it should have gone. i also like that they’ve established carol as not just a defender of earth - that the snap affected many other planets and she is choosing to help all of them as best she can, not just earth. she only properly comes back to earth when thanos arrives with his army to help with the fight. would i have liked more of her present after enjoying her so much in her solo outing? yeah, but this was the end of 22 movies, a lot of characters deserved and needed time, and she is the newest addition. it’s fair that she didn’t get too much focus when this was essentially a love letter and goodbye to characters who have been around in the mcu (NOT THE COMICS, OK. YOU GOTTA TREAT THE MCU AS OBJECTIVELY SEPARATE BECAUSE A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE WATCHING THESE MOVIES WITH LITTLE TO NO COMIC KNOWLEDGE, THEY’RE ATTACHED TO THE MCU, NOT NECESSARILY MARVEL COMICS). also the new haircut is big sexy and i hope they keep it.

- BIG UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME: i liked steve’s ending, fucking sue me. people saying he abandoned bucky, bucky clearly knew he as at least CONSIDERING remaining in the past, if he had not outright told bucky that was his plan. steve choosing to retire from the fight makes sense for his arc. people hating him for going back and not doing anything with hydra/shield/bucky/etc. did not pay attention to the (admittedly flimsy) laws of time travel established. steve could not go back and change their pasts to directly affect the present, it would simply create an alternate timeline. THIS IS WHY THEY HAD TO DO A SECOND SNAP IN THE FIRST PLACE. STOPPING THANOS FROM DOING THE ORIGINAL SNAP WOULD NOT CHANGE ANYTHING IN THE TIMELINE THEY RETURNED TO, BECAUSE IT WOULD JUST BE A BRANCH FROM THAT MOMENT. the whole reason the stones had to go back in the first place was so those extra timelines weren’t created. it’s not hard to theorise and imagine steve actually did save bucky and stop hydra if you want to, but by the laws established in the movie, it would not directly impact the timeline of the already established movies. feel free to imagine that old steve was from another timeline where he did all that - but he unfortunately can’t save the bucky standing next to sam and bruce there. him going back to live out the rest of his life in peace with the woman he loves does not erase what he has done in all previous movies. it gives him a fucking break and allows him to do one thing for himself and his happiness that largely has little consequence, and means we get to see an end to steve as cap without him dying. i’m ignoring the icky sharon situation simply because it hasn’t been acknowledged anyway since civil war and it wasn’t properly built up to before then anyway so fuck it. and peggy gets to be happy too - whether she would have been happy or not without steve, does it really matter? there’s a timeline where she gets to be happy with him like she did want at least at one point, so fuck it.

- on that note as well the ancient one didn’t say changing the past would doom the alternate timelines, she said taking the time stone from them would doom them in that timeline, because they wouldn’t have the time stone anymore, it would never be given to strange and he would never be able to defeat dormammu. which is WHY. THE AVENGERS WERE GONNA TAKE ALL THE STONES BACK TO THOSE POINTS IN TIME, SO THAT THINGS CONTINUE ON THE COURSE THEY ORIGINALLY DID

- as with anything involving this much time travel PLOTHOLES ABOUND but i can largely ignore them just for the fun the movie had with it, and i don’t care enough to really see them resolved. nebula killed her past self but is still around? the thanos dusted at the end is actually past thanos as are all his lackies and so won’t be around to create infinity war which is required for endgame to happen? fuck it, i guess it’s just another branching timeline. idc, love karen gillan as nebula can’t wait to see her as a permanent gotg. thanos getting dusted was a nice satisfying fu. loki just up and disappeared with the space stone when they failed to get it from the avengers point in time (LITERALLY Y’ALL TWISTING YOUR NICKERS ABOUT STEVE AND IGNORING THAT THIS WOULD ERASE LOKI BEING THERE FOR DARK WORLD BECAUSE HE WOULDN’T BE THERE FOR THOR TO TAKE HIM HOME, AND SUBSEQUENTLY THEN NOT BE THERE FOR RAGNAROK.) but again, this is a movie that is largely serving as fan service/a love letter, so i’m electing to ignore it. this is a superhero movie, for gods sake, i don’t need it to make sense 100% of the time. we don’t question a lot of the other rules this universe has established in the past, and also in this movie (like y’all they just up and survived thanos bombing the avengers compound til it was dust. CLINT SURVIVED THAT. HE’S A HUMAN HE HAS NO SUPERSUIT OR POWERS. HE SHOULD’VE DIED. BUT AGAIN. DO YOU GIVE A FUCK THAT THAT IS IGNORED? NO. BUT YOU WANNA GET PISSED ABOUT STEVE GETTING A HAPPY ENDING).

- clint finally having plot relevance and a good storyline in an avengers movie hell yes. he opens the movie and it’s a great way to frame just how fucked the world was thanks to thanos after infinity war. his decision to go on a killing spree is kinda understandable - thanos’ snap didn’t differentiate between good and bad, he’s bitter that his entire family was wiped out but asshole murderers and drug dealers still exist? it’s an approach to vigilantism that i enjoy unpicking in superhero stuff, it’s why i like heroes like red hood.

- it’s a shame nat had to die, and that her and gamora won’t be coming back from the soul stone sacrifices (unless they pull a “actually they got brought back too” thing later. star lord was running a search for gamora at the end after all). but makes sense narratively that she was the one to go rather than clint. he had his family, it would just be one more depressing thing to have his family come back with him not there and nat the one to break it. seeing her go is sad, for a character that largely unfortunately hasn’t got much focus or (well written) development in the avengers movies, but it was a fitting end to her whole “wanting to wipe the red from her ledger” deal, and her and clint’s friendship was beautiful.

- i love hulk!bruce. i love bruce embracing the hulk, not being afraid of him, or his nature as the hulk anymore. it was a nice way to end his arc too.

- ‘nother unpopular opinion, i don’t hate how thor’s arc went either. i would love him to be the leader of asgard, and maybe that can be his future. i’m disappointed it’s not him now, but i think it’s a reaction to the unexpected popularity ragnarok got, and as a consequence that his mcu character got where previously his solo outings had been considered some of the weaker instalments. there’s not much big superhero action to be had in him ruling new asgard, but the potential for another thor outing, or a stint with the guardians, offers more chance for marvel to rake in some more millions with his popularity. doesn’t mean he can’t become ruler of asgard later, and i hope that will be his fate eventuality. but it also nicely rounds out the core three passing down legacies - steve leaves his legacy as captain america with sam, tony leaves his legacy as iron man with the ironfam and peter, thor leaves his legacy as ruler of asgard with valkyrie. we know peter continues on as spidey in his next movie, rhodey will likely at least have a supporting role in future avengers stuff/other heroes’ movies going forward, sam will likely be captain america in the sam/bucky tv show, and valkyrie was a popular side character with potential for stuff going forward (that rumoured lady sif show could be about new asgard or involve valkyrie in some form?). thor probably got the least out of the core three, but i think it’s because they now want to keep the potential for more thor in the future.

- the final fight was epic, and it put into context the line up for the future of the mcu we have and how exciting it is (spidey, captain marvel, black panther, doctor strange (never thought i’d say that but infinity war and endgame really made me like him and the mystic arts element of the mcu more), potential legacy characters like sam, rhodey/pepper, valkyrie, wanda, because i don’t think her story is done yet, the guardians, scott and hope).

- the final credits with the original 6 avengers getting special sliders with the actors signatures was a real nice touch i got goosebumps.

- it was a good way to wipe the slate semi-clean for a next generation of the mcu, without completely killing off and erasing all that came before. the mcu isn’t like comics where it can just perpetually exist in an undefined era where characters don’t age for years on end, there do need to be definitive ends to some of these characters and their arcs unless you just wanna recast them every 5 years so they can remain ageless.

#endgame spoilers below the cut #just my general thoughts that i wanna just shoot out there #really don't read if you don't want to be spoiled #endgame spoilers #spoilers #avengers spoilers #this is pro endgame btw lol i know y'all gonna hate that but #not all my thoughts because i wanna rewatch it again so my brain can actually retain the info #but i enjoyed it! idc #and this isn't in a 'the last 5 minutes left me on a high at 3am so i forgot about the things i didn't like until later' like with tlj #there was no sinking moment of disappointment for me ONCE during this movie #whereas for like the first 1 and a half hours of tlj that's all i felt

[hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews]

The Umbrella Academy Season 1 Episode 7

Time for a different kind of flashback. This time, it's Leonard's backstory. Or should I say... Harold Jenkins? When he was born, his mother passed away. His father became a physically abusive drunk, and Harold always had a black eye or bruise.

Harold loved the Umbrella Academy. He made himself a little costume and went to the academy (well, it's on a public street, so it's hard to keep people away). He jumped over the barricade and tried to convince Reginald that he was special, too. But... Reginald was himself.

When Herald got home, he then took a hammer to his father's head. And got 12 years for finally snapping.

He was also the one who took the journal from the dumpster after Klaus tossed it, which is something that we already knew. And after he read it, he knew he had to get closer to Vanya, because reasons.

In the altered timeline, when Five jumped in on the conversation, Leonard overheard them saying “Protect Harold Jenkins”, and about how they should kill him.

This leads him to take Vanya up to his grandmother's cabin in the woods, where he encourages her to try and learn how to use her powers. Vanya, however, just finds the entire thing absurd, and says “How do actors manage to keep a straight face during scenes like this?” (For those of you who don't know, Vanya is played by Ellen Page, who also played Shadowcat in the X-Men franchise for a while, so I'm sure that it's some kind of jibe at that.)

They go to dinner in the nearby town, but when they come out, there's some... local flavor leaning against the hood of Leonard's car, drinking beers. He asks them to leave, but they're like “Nah man, we're comfortable here!” They then suggest that they could uh... take turns with Vanya in exchange, but this leads to a physical altercation. Leonard is... well, have you ever seen Big Bang Theory? Let's just say that the Leonard from that and Leonard in Umbrella Academy are very similar in terms of being beaten up. Vanya sees two thugs wailing on him, while a third restrains her. She snaps, rushes to Leonard's still form, and then there's this massive wave of energy. All three thugs are pushed back so hard that one crunches into a wall and leaves blood, and another crashes into the side a nearby parked van and dents the door.

Later, Vanya is shown into Leonard's hospital room, where he's shown to have an eyepatch over one eye. I'm sure that this is relevant to the prosthetic eye Five found.

Meanwhile, Diego, Allison, and Five head to the police station to try and find the file of Harold Jenkins. Diego tries to ask a police friend of his (another one, obviously). The guy warns Diego that the police are after him for the other detective's murder... despite the fact that Diego's signature weapon is knives, and the detective was shot. His prints are all over the scene, and everybody knows that their relationship was rocky. The detective doesn't think Diego did it, because he knows Diego isn't like that. But is he able to get the file for Diego. Allison is horrified to discover that Harold is actually Leonard.

They go to his house, where they start looking around for... something. Allison goes up into the attic, where she had previously left off. The body of the first chair violinist is gone now, but what remains is his creepy serial killer shrine to the Umbrella Academy. He didn't get rid of his things after his public “argument” with Reginald, but rather, scratched out all of the eyes and burned the faces of the figurines. (The figurine he stole from the academy was Reginald, the only one that he didn't have by the time of the incident.)

Just then, Five keels over from a piece of shrapnel in his side; it must have gotten there during one of the multiple grenades he threw in the previous episode. They take him back to the house, where Diego is surprised to see Grace walking around. After patching Five up, Diego and Allison leave to go try and track down Leonard. Diego read the file, and there's one other relative listed: the grandmother. He looked into it, and found property up on such-and-such lake.

But as they're leaving the academy, the police show up to arrest Diego. Before they get to him, Diego tells Allison that she has to find Vanya. She leaves, and Diego is arrested.

While the three of them were doing that, Luther went upstairs and rediscovered that Reginald hadn't given two shits about what Luther had been doing up on the moon. However, instead of being comforted by Allison (with her lips against his), he has... Klaus. Klaus however, is oddly supportive of Luther, and encourages him to stop drinking. Luther says that he wants to forget things like Klaus, but Klaus tells him that he doesn't really want to do that.

Luther runs off, and Klaus spends hours looking for him. There's a long bit where Ben argues with Klaus, and remind shim that Luther would drop anything in order to save Klaus. Then, Klaus ends up at a rave, where Luther is dancing and having a lot of fun... with drugs and a random rave chick. They also think that he's a furry, which... okay. Sure. Not going to touch that, but sure.

Klaus runs around after a pill he tossed away, and has a PTSD flashback to when David died. He then sees some guys seemingly going to attack Luther, and jumps onto their back.

He wakes up on a forest path; everything is black and white, except for his “Florida sunset” tanktop. A girl comes riding up on a bike, and there's this heavy implication that she's God with a capital G. She points him to a shack not too far away, and doesn't say anything when Klaus asks if David is in there. He goes running for it...

And ends up in an old-fashioned barber shop. The kind that give you a shave. Klaus sits in one of the chairs, and somebody puts the barber cape around him, and a hot towel around his face. Surprise! It's dear old dad. They talk about how Klaus pumps his body full of poison, while Klaus throws the horrible thing that Reginald did with Luther's moon samples back into Reginald's face. Reginald also implies that Klaus's powers could probably be a lot stronger than they already are if he wasn't so afraid.

Klaus wakes up at the rave, totally not dead, but like... passed out for a moment. He runs from the party, while Luther remains behind to make out with the raver chick.

And finally, Hazel's and Cha-Cha's storyline. Not much changed with Five coming back, because they were always involved with the time travel nonsense. However, instead of following the same story we've already seen before, we instead follow Hazel as he gets the order to kill Cha-Cha, instead of Cha-Cha as she gets the order to kill Hazel.

After leaving Cha-Cha at the hotel after they didn't kill each other in the forest, Hazel goes to the doughnut shop. He mentions wanting to leave his job to the waitress, and wants her to go away with him. She agrees, but encourages him to talk to Cha-Cha about him quitting the job. He promises to pick her up at midnight, and they'll steal away together.

He returns to the hotel, where he discovers the order to kill for Cha-Cha half-burned in the trash can. After she fails to kill him in the empty shower, he knocks her out and handcuffs her to the radiator. He tells her that he wants out of the job, and she's oddly calm about it... until she suddenly isn't. She promises that if he doesn't kill her, that she'll spend the next three days (until the end of the world) searching for him and his “crusty doughnut whore”. (Ouch.) Hazel doesn't rise to the bait, and just leaves her there, screaming at him.

And... I feel like I'm forgetting a sub-plot for this episode. This review seems a lot shorter than usual. But like usual, if I can't remember it just minutes after having finished watching, then it's probably not important (for now). However, I have realized that this show is full of lots of tiny details that don't seem important right now, but later come back and are super important. So I'm sure that it'll come back sooner or later.

#the umbrella academy #The Ravenclaw mod

[incarnateirony]

The reaper non-retcon(undrum)

Old meta/plothole issue has resurrected itself now with "Wait, if there's only X amount of angels, what about reapers? Reapers became angels in later seasons! Are they retconning that retcon?!"

There was never a retcon.

There was a lot of headcanons assumed into meta and canon understanding that were (understandably) read as canon that then got etched out and here's why.

STARTING POINT: The word “angel” simply means “messenger,” and while we’ve equated it to species, in 4x1 itself Castiel clarifies, “I’m an angel of the lord.” - an angel in service to and created by God. It seems like “of the lord” is an unusual qualifier if there’s no other kinds of angels out there or like he’s from The Master Angel Race with other subsets all just being beneath whatever he is. It enters casual usage as the most present, but these angels still identify Chuck as their father.

On the other hand, we have “angel of Death,” which do clearly operate under Death. And Death HIMSELF, before he ever popped up in the show, was called this in SEASON FIVE.

Supernatural 5.10 BOBBY Not this guy. This is—this is the angel of death. Big daddy reaper. They keep this guy chained in a box six hundred feet under. Last time they hauled him up, Noah was building a boat. That’s why the place is crawling with reapers. They’re waiting on the big boss to show. (…) BOBBY The angel of death must be brought into this world at midnight through a place of awful carnage.

Death was referred to as the Angel of Death even before (and for) his release, as far back as season 5. This is in no way a retcon.

Okay then, obviously season FIVE was where the retcon was, and we just... missed it? Cuz Kripke said no angels before S3!

No, actually.

1.12 Faith

Sam: You really think it's THE Grim Reaper? Like, angel of death, collect your soul, the whole deal?

Even before Kripke said “no angels”, which I’ll address later on, and shows literally proves this point about the fandom conflating things based on their assumptions.

Also,

I know there was some confusion. I get WHY people read into the "angels are reapers and working for heaven," because April just further flummoxed everybody. However, April was hired, and rogue reapers are also canon.

9.03 CASTIEL Who hired you? I assumed with Naomi gone, things were in chaos. APRIL New sheriff in town, Cas. He hired a bunch of us. I got lucky.

Tessa’s gripe was the inability to cross souls over the threshold once the gates closed, which again has marginal relevance in comparison to serving God or being the same type of messenger. This has always been part of reaper duties, even before the word "angel" baffled everybody despite it being used in S5 as well.

In fact, what the angels did with April in 9.03 literally inspired how Castiel got his hands on converting Tessa to their forces in 9.22

TESSA When Castiel came to me and told me what I had to do, he said I was chosen because I was strong. Others...they couldn't handle this. They're too weak. [she looks at HANNAH] (...) DEAN No, forget Cas. Why are you doing this? What would make a person want to pop their top, huh? I mean, look, I've been in bad shape. I have. But I have never been that damn low. TESSA I guess I just can't take the screaming. DEAN Who's screaming? TESSA All of them. The lost souls. The ones that can't get into heaven now that it's been boarded up. I hear them. They are so confused. They're in so much pain. All I want to do is help them. It's what I do. It's my job. But I can't. So I suffered... Until death, nothingness. Suddenly, it didn't seem so bad. It seemed quiet. DEAN So, why don't you just jam an angel blade in your throat and call it a day? TESSA I thought about it. But I was too weak. Till Castiel gave me a reason to die.

That’s it. Just a reaper that couldn’t do her job and was tormented by it to the point that Cas merc’ed her into cooperating in taking back heaven.

That’s it. That’s all that says.

Oh look, Metatron takes over and angels hire a reaper and Cas gets ganked, then learns from that, and turns around and recruits reapers to do things to get back at Metatron. 

But they were RECRUITED.

GADREEL

Tessa, Constantine -- I recruited them, and you brainwashed them into blowing themselves up.

Also,

5.21 DEAN Well, I got to ask. How old are you? DEATH As old as God. Maybe older. Neither of us can remember anymore. Life, death, chicken, egg. Regardless – at the end, I’ll reap him, too. DEAN God? You’ll reap God? DEATH Oh, yes. God will die, too, Dean.

Death is clearly independent, and at least equal to, if not above God in his presence. Chuck did not create Death. Roughly as old as god (probably even 'before time', though that is unconfirmed), chicken or the egg, unable to tell what came first; Death also has its own respective domain now seen in 13x5, much as God had Heaven. The origins of hell are curious, and vague, but only ruled by fall and things created after the fall. It isn’t part of the Light-Dark-Nature balance really, as much as “how to sort souls” and punishment. That’s a whole other topic-bag but Death has its own domain like God had Heaven. Reapers have NEVER been implied to be part of heaven's order, but Death's natural order.

Death, and God, are two very different important forces. God is Light, Amara is Darkness, Death is Natural Order, so to speak. Messenger of Divine Order vs Messenger of Natural Order. These are all three very canon elements. Reapers have always been assigned to death and "angels" as WE identify them (see: Angel of the Lord) to God, however, there is the qualifier of Angel of the Lord, Death HAS been called Angel of Death from go despite NOT being under Chuck's domain (clearly), and these are all existing since S4-5. And frankly, since S1.

While calling out plot holes has its points, one must make sure there are actual plot holes, and not assumptions of plotholes based on pre-existing headcanon (such as the exact limits or definitions of angels versus potential inconsistent or shorthand dialogue, versus what we've seen on record and in effect). Yes, it takes some viewer-end explaining and line-drawing, but that’s also a good deal of entertainment. Not everything gets ELI5′ed. But with regards to “why aren’t the reapers angels in heaven if they were in S9~” - that’s because even then, it was never implied they were. That was an assumption. There were a lot of fandom end assumptions off of partial lines, when pre-existing lines give solid corroboration. Death-Angels report to Death (and possibly the Thanatology area if at all, it's implied that their relationship with Death is much like angels with God, and few have seen God), Divine-Angels report to Chuck and Heaven. 

So no. There’s no evidence to say it’s an oversight that Reapers aren’t being counted in angel headcount.

TLDR it’s extremely presumptuous of fandom to keep projecting this as a plot hole off of projected headcanon interpretations of what was there rather than original substantiating quotes, mechanics, and even earliest-form revelations (Kripke era.) There is no evidence there was ever a retcon, no evidence that reapers REPORTED to heaven (some go rogue and run back doors or take bunk jobs, but that is being a renegade), and no evidence whatsoever to make this actually look like a sequentially dropped ball on the parts of the author as much as a serial misconception from viewers. Is it somewhat unclear? Yes. But a gaping plothole or retcon? Or even now a retconned-retcon? Nah.

This is just a failure to differentiate “Angel of the Lord” which runs heaven and is the species we casually refer to as angels, and “Angel of Death”, starting as far as S1 in use, and never-once applied as working for heaven. Just assumed against bold dialogue choices.

There was never a retcon. They hired reapers. People are conflating the use of “angel”. That’s it.

Yes, Kripke said no angels before S3; no, that doesn’t mean Reapers were never called angels of death (1x12) (this ALONE differentiates the usage in dialogue, as Kripke already used Angel of Death for reapers, but said “no angels”, meaning Angel of the Lord as we casually call angels is SOMETHING DIFFERENT, although BOTH ARE CALLED ANGELS.); no, canon never said they were part of heaven’s function beyond the delivery of souls at any point; no, they have never, as a whole, reported to anywhere but Death, spare for those hired or merced onto other roles (rogue reapers, like fallen angels); no, reapers are not, and have never been, canonically tied to being the SPECIES we know as Angels (angel of the lord, distinct from angel of death, both of which are age old lines, and the angel of the lord being S4+ only.) Reapers were never adapted into angels of the Lord. Ever. That’s all in the fandom’s head.

Nothing ever had to be changed or tampered. Nothing had to even be underwritten. There was never a retcon, just a lack of understanding from the viewership turned widespread fanon. 

This starts in S1 and continues through current. Insisting otherwise despite all of the various information above is more trying to demand erasure of multiple blatant elements under “interpretation”, in the interest of claiming they’re retconning the retcon, instead of having maintained a consistent continuity the fandom misinterpreted in the middle despite dialogue. They aren’t retconning a retcon, because there was never a retcon, and I’m honestly not sure how this was taken so widely into fandom circulation that there was with these sentiments already committed to screen.

Reapers have never been Angels of the Lord, as we identify Angels as a species. They have been another angel/messenger type dedicated to Big Daddy Reaper. Since. Season. 1. And never committed to heaven as much as were hired and/or recruited temporarily. They are not part of heaven’s works. Canon never implied this. That’s all headcanon.

#supernatural #spn #canon #retcon #angels #reapers #meta #mine #my meta

[cantcomeupwithacreativename]

The Experiment Chapter 4

(Bro the spaces are even weirder on here)

On my way back to our alley, I overheard a conversation between a mother and a pro-hero. He is black with locks all over his costume. The mother has a small child in her arms. He looks about 5 years old. The mother is sobbing, and the child looks terrified, with red eyes, like he had been crying.

"Thank you so much… I- I can't ever repay you. I thought I would never see my baby again… nobody else cared… he was gone for so long… a month… they- they said he'd most likely be dead after a week. They… they wouldn't look anymore. "

"It's all right. I can't imagine if that was my little one. There aren't enough heroes who understand." His deep voice rang through my ears.

"How-how old are they?"

"Just over a week now. I gotta go. Be safe, keep him close."

I started to think, what would've happened if that hero wasn't there, if he didn't find him. Would the kid be sold? Experimented on? Obviously they didn't plan on killing him, or they wouldn't have kept him alive for over a month.

This led me to think about how many people are missing right now, with no heroes to find them. There aren't enough heroes in this world. Maybe Kei could be a hero. She would be good at it. She caught those freaks so easily.

I think of this all the way home. How Kei would be a good hero. On my way back, I hear a muffled cry. My head snaps to attention. Two figures are in a dark alley, one tall, with broad shoulders, and the other small, feminine, and young.

"Don't scream." His voice sounds disgusting.

A young girl, younger than me, looks terrified under his gross hands.

I creep behind him. He doesn't see me. I smash the back of his head with my wings. He falls to the ground, unconscious. The girl took one look at my scarred body and sprints away. She probably thinks I'm another villain.

I had a weird, happy feeling in my stomach, and I didn't realize the smile creeping on my face. It felt good to help people. Is this what heroes save for? This feeling? I liked it. Maybe I could be a hero.

I left the alley after wiping the smile off my face.

After I got back to Kei, I went to bed.

In the morning, I talked to Kei.

"I was thinking… what if we became heroes?"

She looked at me to see if I was serious, then burst into laughter.

"I don't want to be a hero!"

Oh. I didn't say anything after that. She noticed my silence and added,

"But you'd be a good hero. You could always just try for a school. and see if you like it. I heard U.A. is free, so long as you pass the entrance exam."

I thought it over. Maybe. I'd have to train really hard. I heard it's extremely hard to get into. Plus, you have to be smart. Maybe I could start working out and ask Kei to teach me. I never bothered before, I just didn't care. I remember those workouts that one winged guy taught me. What was his name? Keilo?

"Hey Kei?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you teach me school stuff?"

Her eyes lit up. "Sure!"

(Time skip: a week later)

My wing muscles are burning from the workouts I've been doing. I can lift myself off the ground now. I've been following the workouts that boy gave me. Thank god for Kei. When I need water, she's there, a fresh shower after every workout. She's been an amazing teacher, and I was a fast learner. My favorite was (favorite subject)

There was one thing that I didn't understand about Kei. Why did she live on the streets? She was smart, pretty, and had a strong quirk. I just could figure it out. It had never been brought up, and she had never told me.

"Hey, Kei? Why do you not have a house?"

She was silent for a moment, and then said,

"I was kicked out."

"Why?"

"My… my…. parents found out I had a girlfriend. They saw us kissing."

"Oh. I'm sorry… "

"No need to be sorry, it's not your fault." She said, faking a smile

(Time skip: Halfway through U.A. entrance exam)

I fly up to the 3 point robot, stabbing it with my feather-blades. That's 27 points! I just repeated that with all robots I saw, the ones that weren’t already being fought, that is.

(Feather blades look like this. You can harden your feathers/wings and shoot them out. [Like angel from X Men apocalypse])

(Time skip: After exam)

I don't have an address, duh, so I just put down a house a couple miles away from the alley. I hope I get in! I also put a fake name on my papers, for good measure. I don’t think any paperwork was done on me in the first place, or any records anyway, but better safe than sorry. After a while of deliberating, I end up with the name Y/N F/L/N. (fake last name, your real L/N will come in later)

The results are supposed to arrive this week, and I am currently at the house that I claimed I lived. As I open the mailbox I see 3 white envelopes. One addressed to a girl named Kyoka Jiro, which was coincidentally, also from U.A. the second looked like bills of some sort, and the third was addressed to Y/N F/L/N, from the U.A. hero course! I sprinted as fast as I could away from there, letter in hand, missing the pair of black eyes watching me from the window.

When I met up with Kei, we opened the letter together, and a hologram of Allmight appeared.

“Greetings Young F/L/N! I Am Here! To Welcome You! You passed the written exam, and the practical exam with a score of 31 points! Welcome to the hero course. You will be starting your long journey to the road of Heroism in class 1-B. School starts on…..”

Kei shrieks, cutting him off.

“YOU MADE IT IN! I’M SO PROUD OF YOU,” I open my mouth to say thanks, but she cuts me off, “HONESTLY, I DIDN'T THINK YOU COULD DO IT!”

“Uh, thanks?”

(Sorry for another skip, but nothing plot relevant happens between so, Timeskip: morning of 1st day of school)

First day of school! I’ve never been to school before! Kei says it’s nothing too special. I have to take a shower before I go, and we washed the clothes last night. Washing clothes is a weird process. We have to use this huge bottle of clothes soap that we rub in with our hands, and use Kei’s quirk to wet and rinse the clothes. Then we just leave them out to dry, or if we’re in a rush, use my wings. It takes a while, and we don’t need to impress anybody, so washing clothes is a rare occasion. Taking a shower is also a rare occasion, but I have a feeling it’s going to have to be less rare because of school. Kei got me deodorant the other day! It may not seem big, but that classifies as a ‘non-necessity’ so I’ve never gotten it before.

After my shower, I got dressed and I stretched my wings. Nowadays, I keep them out at all times, because, protection, the look, and they hurt to put back. They tuck nicely against my back so that I don’t hit much with them. I begin the long trek to school. It takes f o r e v e r.

Once I finally arrive at the infamous school, I spot a familiar face, or rather, hair. It’s the kid from the sludge villain attack, the one who all the heroes were chewing out. I was going to say hi, but decided not to, because it would be awkward if he didn’t recognize me.

On my way in, I notice more than a few people staring at me, mostly my scars. Whatever. I’ve never been self conscious about them, why start, you know? F you. I’d rather have a few scars than no arms at all…

Ok, class 1-B should be around here- Holy s h i t this door was huge! Are there giants here? Do I just go in? My lack of experience is really showing. I push the door open and glance around the room. Oh. Oh shit. They all have uniforms. I’m the only one not wearing one. I don’t know what to do, so I just walk in. Maybe the uniforms are optional. I pick a random seat, near the (back, middle, front) and sit. I end up next to a kid with pitch black skin and white hair. He doesn’t say a word. Good. I don’t want to talk. Unfortunately, the other girls don’t seem to understand this, and they bombard me with questions.

“What’s your name?”

“How’d you get those scars? Are they part of your quirk?”

“What’s your quirk?”

“Who’s your favorite hero?”

“Do you want to be my friend?”

“What are you named?”

That last one came from a girl with big, American eyes. She looks nice.

“I’m Y/N, What’s your name?” I tell/ask her.

“My name is Pony. I’m from America.” She says.

“Cool.”

To the rest of the group I say, “My name is Y/N, my quirk is Raven, my favorite hero is Midnight, and sure I’ll be your friend.”

They continued chattering until the teacher, a big burly guy with pointy bottom teeth and a glare, walked into the room and took us to ’orientation.’ During the assembly, Allmight gave us a speech about what fine young heroes we would become, and to do our best, Plus Ultra style! Then we spent the rest of the day learning where things were, the teachers, what we would need to bring, but most importantly, each other. Apparently, Vlad King thinks that socializing and making connections is extremely important for people our age. He gave us 15 minutes of free time to just talk before moving on with the tour.

The teachers called us out for a lunch break, and the food smells so good. I glance around the room, and, of course, there aren’t many seats open. The only one I see is an almost empty table, save for a kid with Half red half white hair and a scar on his eye. Looks almost like mine, but it doesn’t look like fire caused it. More like frostbite.

My feet are moving before I make my decision. It was like they knew.

“Hi! I’m from class 1-B, can I sit here?” I ask

He looks me in the eyes and says,

“No.”

“Oh. Uh ok…”

“You may sit over here if you please.” A feminine voice calls out. I turn to see, and it’s a really cute girl with a ponytail. She is tall, with black hair.

“Ok thanks!” I say, as I make my way over to her.

We ended up chatting for a while. Apparently, she is in class 1A, wants to become a hero to give back to the people less fortunate than her. Aka: a richy rich girl. I think we’ll be good friends. She even made me a uniform!

And my g o d Lunch rush is amazing. I haven’t had anything this good ever. To be fair, my standards are pretty low, but it was still amazing.

On my way back to the classroom, I see Pony being cornered by 2 guys and a girl.

“Stupid American! You don’t even know proper Japanese! Go back to where you came from”

I don’t think she completely understands what they’re saying. Naturally, I do what I would’ve done if I saw Kei being cornered. I walked right behind them, shouted at them, and punched the first one to turn around. It made a delightful cracking noise, as my fist made direct contact with her nose. Blood running down her face, staining her uniform.

“Bitch!” She shouted at me as her fist swung towards my side. I took a step back, and missed her ‘punch’ completely. One of the guys got into a defensive stance in front of the bitch, and the other stepped forward and tried to hit me. I simply hardened my wings around me, and his weak hit did nothing.

As I raised my fist to punch the bastard, I felt my wings soften back to normal and a string thing wrap around me. I stared directly into red eyes.

"What the hell are you doing?"