#midnight thought

[ajokeformur-ray]

I don't like the idea that you have to forgive and/or forget in order to heal or move on from something.

I haven't forgotten what my abusers did to me (apart from memory gaps caused by trauma, but give me a day or so and I can recall it pretty succinctly in a word document since the memories come back in bits and pieces. I know what happened but it feels like it happened to someone else), and I haven't forgiven them, either.

But I've moved on.

I'm healing every day.

I didn't receive closure. I didn't receive an apology. I didn't receive anything but consequences from a situation which wasn't my fault.

But I've rebuilt my life and every day, I become more and more someone they wouldn't recognise. The skin I have today is skin they have never touched. I got out of it alive, I saved myself, but I didn't have to forgive in order to heal.

I did that myself with more violence than anyone will ever know.

This isn't true for everyone. Some people need or want forgiveness or to forget, or both.

But not me. I remember as much as possible given the trauma I was put through. I don't forget, I haven't forgiven, but I am healing all on my own, without their input.

The idea that forgiveness MUST come from yourself or you'll never heal has never sat right with me. It has implications I don't agree with and I haven't quite figured out why yet, but I'll ask my therapist next week if we have time.

#midnight thought #i feel like this has a nasty implication totally unintended by my wording #but i can't find it so maybe im just overthinking it

[duskytaless]

I reached the end, and I felt relieved the journey was over. I could finally rest. But, who was I kidding? A new one started right away. Now, what do I do with the fatigue from the last journey?

I forgot end is also a beginning. Life is a cycle. It has no end and beginning. We, tiny humans want to add a start and an end to forget Life's length is immeasurable. What we need to walk this long lentgh is to learn to rest while we take the journey.

#women writers #words #spilled words #spilled journal #midnight poetry #midnight thought #original quotes #original writing #poetry #prose #life advice #lifequotes #quoteoftheday #writers and poets #writers on tumblr #writing #spilled heart #mental fatigue #healingjourney

[lavena]

Okie doke, here we go. Slight TW for mentions of grotesque imagery and pain, really not that bad just pulling out a tooth too early, and peeling scutes

So I have a head cannon for 2k3 Mikey, I forget what episode, but it was one of the like first 5 I think, where the boys were going scavenging and Raph asks why Mike isn't helping and Don says something along the lines of "would you rather him be bored or be goofing off" and pretty much immediately Raph is like "nope, yeah, goof off over there bub" and they don't revisit that I don't think.

ANYWAYS as a kid with ADHD even with so many things to occupy me, watching Bones or House, coloring, playing with my dogs all at the same time being bored can be utterly brutal. And I didn't have a phone, or cable or internet (still dont) so I had no way to get that quick serotonin or switch to re-engage myself, and I was like 6 or so, and it was like 6 at night during fall so sun, no outside fun time for me. So I occupied myself in a less than ideal way.

In this case, here is where the like slight grotesque bit comes in, one of my teeth was funky due to an accident at a bouncy house a year or so before, and so I decided I was going to take a pair of pliers and spend the next three hours in the bathroom pulling out one of my front teeth, and it worked, I did it, was probably not the best idea cause that tooth took almost another year to grow in, but none the less I occupied the time, and it got my mind off being so aimlessly bored.

Now imagine mikey doing this as a kid, before he had cable or video games, or a way to get a quick release. Imagine his brothers being tired for the day, dont want to play with him, and he is just beyond bored and needs something to occupy his hands, his last sheets of paper were already full and he wasn't allowed to paint on the walls cause last time Raph ran into one and was left with a pink nose for a week. Its about time for their scutes to peel anyways so why not just start early. He wanders off into a corner somewhere and finds any tool he can put his hands on, a kitchen knife, and screw driver, maybe even just his own nails. And just begins peeling at the edges of his shell. Sure it hurts and feels weird, plus his back is at a weird angle from trying to get it off, but none the less he weasels his way between the new scute and the old, and peels it off. The thing is, the scute under is sensitive and wasn't quite ready to be exposed despite the edges lifting on the old scutes. Eventually one of his brothers or even splinter will wander in on him prying off bits of shell, and be rather horrified at this discover as you can imagine.

Anywayss. I mostly see people highlighting the silly funny, ooh shiny bits of ADHD and not the bizarrely self destructive kids with it can get into with boredom, even if they are "occupied" by games, and animals, and siblings, and shows, our brains can just go " yeah this isn't as entertaining as it was five minutes ago, and the twelve other things I could be doing atm don't sound interesting enough, so let's do something that distracts my hands and my nervous system by causing controlled pain with an end goal in mind. 🙃👍

#tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt 2k3 Michelangelo #adhd #adhd stuff #tmnt michelangelo has adhd #mikey has adhd #just me self inserting cause I am majorly self destructive #childhood adhd #tmnt raphael #tmnt 2003 raph #tmnt 2003 donatello #tmnt 2003 splinter #tmnt #tmnt headcanons #tmnt 2003 headcannons #headcanon #adhd brain #midnight thought #tw gore #tw mention of pain #idk how to tag stuff #how do you tag #me and adhd #are the best of buds #when i am not tearing myself apart #i need to know #that i am not alone in this #not just me right

[fen7685]

Ok doesny anyone else think that dragons are just scaly cats with wings

#cats #dragons #midnight thought #sleep deprived ramblings

[mylifewithborderline]

#stars #fullmoon #moon #moonpicture #talkingtothemoon #talking to the moon #full moon #therapy #midnight walk #midnight thought #depression #mental health #mental breakdown

[luend]

Midnight Brain: Uploads

OKAY SOOOOO

Uploading, I have recently and previously and just generally for all time been someone who checks dates. That includes on the back of the cereal box, the calendar everyday and most importantly to this midnight rant on uploads.

So I wanted to divulge a feeling a get very often that is when the upload happened yesterday. This feeling is the joy of knowing the project is not abandoned but the frustration at knowing that you will have to wait for its continuation as "It was just yesterday they can't have continued already"

#TLDR I found new media that i need coninued #midnight thought #upload schedule nightmare

[cantputitintowords]

I had wanted to watch that's 70 show for a while now (kinda for the clothes too) but *some* things lately made me not feeling like it anymore

#is it worth it #midnight thought

[iamnonsense]

Bakit ba parang ako yung nappressure sayo? Diba dapat ikaw yun?

#personal #nonsense #love #random #rants #random thoughts #rant #him #midnight thoughts #midnight thought #tagalog #hugot

[inked-up-gentleman]

"Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now take what's left and live it properly."

- Marcus Aurelius

#midnight thought #words #stoic #wisdom #veteran #OIF #OEF #GWOT

[shortkingvi]

we seal mike flanagan away for a year and then every october he re-emerges like a progressively more insane little show business gremlin to put a curse on my bloodline

#every fucking october now i’m forced to face some deeply buried truth that i’ve avoided about my life #he said oh you thought the catholic trauma vampire show was bad? check this out #fall of the house of usher #midnight mass #haunting of hill house #haunting of bly manor #mike flanagan

[stardynamite]

Part 3

Idk man, I guess I’m still going with this comic ToT

Previous / Next

First

#mhc #rottmnt #save rottmnt #unpause rottmnt #my art #rottmnt leonardo #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt raph #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #BTW I ONLY JUST NOTICED IT WAS 3 AM WHAT THE FRICK #I THOUGHT IT WAS MIDNIGHT I SWEAR #the pacing is weird in this one but this comic was supposed to be short #ALSO i found a screenshot of leo that was just to marvelous and it inspired one of the panels lmaooo #art

[duskytaless]

I can see how blind I was. I mistook your decency with care.

#writing #words #one sided love #romatic #journal writing #original #spilledink #midnight thought #wattpadwriters #women writers #prose #quote #relationshipquotes #feelings #quoteoftheday

[words-at-night]

#quotes #dark academia #wordsnquotes #beautiful quote #dark academism #beautiful words #dark aesthetic #quoteoftheday #book quote #spilled poem #spilled poetry #poetry spilled ink #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #self love #sad songs #sylvia plath #franz kafka #midnight musings #moodboard #musings #makeup #music #lyric posting #lyrics #aestethic #academia #literary quotes #quotation

[perpetualcynicism]

“May I hold you?” you ask Jing Yuan one afternoon as you lie sun-warmed in his garden. 

You almost think he is asleep until he invites, “Please,” carrying a smile in his voice. 

With ginger movements, you reach over and place your hands on either side of his face. It begins as mere holding, but soon you find your touch roaming. You smooth your fingers over his eyebrows and trace down to each side of his jaw. From here your hands climb up again, and once more back down, mapping out each crevice and dip of his face, his skin, his bone, until you are certain there is no part of him remaining that you do not know better than you know yourself.

You play this game with yourself, sometimes. You imagine people not as people, but as planets. After all, what is a person anyway, if not a world of their own? You trace the ridge of his nose, and imagine there lies a mountain range. Around his eyes you find oceans. Where his cheeks dip, there are valleys, and a river runs between his lips.

“What are you doing?” Jing Yuan asks. There is an element of amusement to his question, but his voice is primarily gentle. Endeared.

You still your hands. They rest on his cheeks while your thumbs brush back and forth over his skin, holding him. Though the world melts back into the familiar shapes of his face, there is still an assured sturdiness to his features which is grounding; a gravity which draws you towards him, as if you were the moon to his planet. Small, perhaps, and bare, but casting light on him wherever you can.

You answer, “I think I’m holding the world in my hands.”

You feel Jing Yuan’s smile through the way his cheeks press into your palms. Two hands cover yours, large and calloused, but gentle, and hold yours securely in place against his face. There is the tender press of lips to your skin as he turns his head enough to kiss the inside of your palm.

You hear Jing Yuan’s smile through the way his words come warm and bright and filled with adoration. You wonder why you thought him a planet, when he is so clearly the sun.

“And I am being held by the universe.”

#i’m sorry i don’t know what this is #it’s past midnight and i needed to get this brainworm out #my thoughts are literally comprised of jing yuan these days and i don’t know how to fix it #enjoy this random and hopefully not-too-pretentiously-written drabble i suppose #(my writing style goes weird after midnight sometimes and i mistake myself for a poet (which i am most certainly not)) #honkai star rail x reader #jing yuan x reader #jing yuan

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i think that in small tightknit communities, all residents should receive a coupon book on their bday that allows them to commit [x] number of nonviolent crimes per year

#'tsk tsk the Johnson boy is breaking into the cemetery to perform Midnight Rituals again' #'oh leave the boy alone he just had a birthday' #'but MOM why can i go with my friends to break into the old haunted saw mill?' #'well jason you should have thought of that before you before you graffitied ACAB on the side of the police station' #'but MOM it was an act of political protest' #'i know sweetie and i respect your freedom of expression #but the fact remains you used your last coupon. no trespassing in abandoned factories until you turn 17' #'but MOOOOOMMMM' 'sweetheart ur bday is in 7 weeks pls chill ur ass'

[fairy-switchblade]

you know when a butch goes in for a cuddle and they put their head onto your shoulder and your instincts take over and you go to gently scratch their fuzzy head, and you know how in that moment you have never felt so soft in your entire life

#butch lesbian #butch #butch femme #Femme #femme lesbian #femme4butch #femme4masc #Midnight thoughts