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#might delete later this is kinda dumb lol
zarovich · 2 years
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the crushing loneliness of life has me losing my mind
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salted-seaz · 2 years
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ugh naruto is exactly my fav type of thing its so fun but they NEVER LET NARUTO GO FERAL AFTER LIKE THE SECOND SEASON AND I GET IT BUT P L E A S E so its taking me really fucking long to get through it
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michaeljoncarter · 4 months
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do you have any recommendations for dick and jason (together or separate, both is fine) comics for someone who’s just starting to read them? i have some knowledge of the characters and batfam and i’ve read several batman comics, but i never really got into the robins-after-they-were-robins comis so i’d like to start with dick and jason…thank you so much :)
okay, this was meant to be a sort of joint answer to this & another ask that was someone interested in getting into comics for the first time asking for recs, but then i accidentally deleted it :'') so just. pretend all the references in here to being a first time comic reader make sense in response to this question (and sorry to whoever sent that other ask!!!)
i'm probably not the best person to ask if you're looking for more up to date stuff, since i lost interest in the bats when i got to the new 52, and it's been… a while since i actually read either of their comics. so i'm just all around not the one to be answering a bat-ask with any sort of authority, but! jason & dick were two of the first characters i read when i was first getting into comics, too, so i can say with some level of confidence that they're a pretty good place to start, and i think i can maybe provide a bit of perspective that way by steering you toward the things i found easy & away from the things that were difficult as a newer reader?
so basically, this is going to be an extremely biased rec list where the most important thing is essentially just whether or not i had a good time reading it when i was like 17 that i'm writing while hopped up on cold medicine. so i don't know. it might (??) be a little helpful for brand new people, but hardcore fans might wanna just... keep scrolling & not click to see the details on this one lol
for jason, there are, sadly (?), way fewer comics to have to sort through
i can't tell if you only wanted post-robin comics or not, but just in case, jason's robin run was from Batman #408 - 429. if you're just starting out, this might be a bit… boring in the middle. the most (arguably only) important issues are #408 - 411, #416 for our first post-crisis jason & dick interaction, and #424 - 429. the Batman: The Cult miniseries is also set during his robin era, and is probably one of my all-time favorite comics, so that's definitely worth a look, too
post-resurrection, the first thing jason technically appears in is Batman: Hush (Batman #608-619). i don't know if this will be seen as a horrendous take because i've never really been able to get a read on what the general consensus on this arc is, but i think it's… fine? kinda boring. as someone who was just getting into comics for the first time when i read it, it just lost me. too much going on, too many characters i didn't know or care about yet. granted, i'm kinda dumb with zero attention span, so you may well have a very different experience... but i just think it's worth mentioning. jason's only there from #617 - 618, so if it ends up being the same sort of trial for you that it was for my impatient ass, you can just skip it and come back later when you're more familiar with batman comics as a whole (like i did)
and with that: THE BIG ONE
Batman: Under the Hood runs from Batman #635 - 641, then a pause for unrelated issues of bruce running around gotham (strongly recommend skipping these), then picks back up with Batman #645 - 650 and Batman Annual #25. Batman Villains: Secret Files and Origins (2005) also happened somewhere in here. it was published right after Batman #640, i think. it doesn't actually matter because jason doesn't even show up, but he DOES have a little character page. i just think it's Neat, and i never see it getting mentioned anywhere else. so here you go. a mention
also while this arc was going on, geoff johns went rogue and dropped Teen Titans (2003) #29 to kickstart jason's character assassination before they'd even finished establishing his character to begin with. this issue is one of those things where discussion of it usually ends with the internet equivalent of someone throwing a chair, flipping a table, or trying to burn a house down, so… all i can really say is i, personally, hate everything about it and as far as i'm concerned, it's non-canon. never happened. i don't know who that man is, but the things he does in this issue are, for whatever reason, pretty important to the history of jason todd as a character, so it's still a necessary read
now, from here, i'm gonna need you to BUCKLE UP because you are about to be exposed to some weapons grade comic book nonsense. Brothers in Blood (Nightwing #118 - 124) was the first we really saw of jason after his comeback arc ended. it's where he and dick interact for the first time after his death, and it is absolutely cuckoo bananas insane. if you've never heard anything about this storyline before, i am BEGGING you to not look anything about it up before you read it. go into this blind. it's so much more than just a story. it's an experience. this is unironically one of my favorite arcs of all time. going into this with zero prior knowledge as someone brand new to comics as a medium & still very unfamiliar with all their eccentricities is still to this day one of my FAVORITE comic book reading experiences ever. some truly groundbreaking stuff here
the next time (as far as i'm aware) that we get dick & jason interacting, it's very briefly in Outsiders (2003) #44 - 46
the only other jason book i really remember enjoying was another of the classics, the Red Hood: Lost Days miniseries that explores the time between his resurrection and reappearance. this one is a favorite, too, but for the right reasons this time lol
as for dick, there's… a lot
i'm gonna try to whittle it down to just the all-time faves, but if you're up for tackling whole series, pretty much all of The New Teen Titans (and all its variations/retitles) are at the top of the list. it's a lot of issues, yes, but it's very self-contained and imo a very easy read, which is important when you're new
i can never quite put my finger on what, exactly, it is, but there's something about some comics that just makes them hard to read--bad composition or pacing issues or something. especially as a newer reader, i had a hard time understanding wtf was happening in a lot of books, but New Teen Titans is one of those books that just flows. your eye naturally knows exactly which panel to find next, characters are distinct & easy to tell apart even in crowded scenes, and you're never confused about who's saying what. the number of issues can be intimidating, but it's a really, really good place to start for new readers, including and especially if you're interested in nightwing. here's a full reading order, if you're interested in giving it a go!
it's almost impossible for me to cherrypick a few "most important" issues for dick because there's an important character moment nearly every other issue, but if i absolutely had to pick just a couple: The Judas Contract, (along with being arguably the most iconic arc) is where he stops being robin & takes on the identity of nightwing for the first time. it starts way back with deathstroke's introduction in The New Teen Titans (1980) #2, but doesn't really kick off proper until The New Teen Titans (1980) #39, and then just after this, the book was renamed to Tales of the Teen Titans, the arc continued in Tales of the Teen Titans #42 - 44, and then wrapped up in Tales of the Teen Titans Annual #3
later, on the dick & jason front, in The New Titans #55, we get a bit of jason action with dick finding out about his death in this issue & going to confront bruce about it (it does not go well), and then Batman: Year 3 (Batman #436 - 439) is an arc that is both a sort of re-exploration of dick's origin and about dick & bruce dealing with the aftermath of jason's death
Titans (1999) is always high on the list for me, but it's hard to really think of any specific issues for dick specifically, so here's just a general rec. maybe something to come back to a little later, since there are a lot of characters involved, and you're sort of expected to be at least a little familiar with them beforehand
i'm doing some truly extreme time skipping here, and i'm sure more devout dick fans will (validly) have Thoughts about this (i'm gonna link some better rec lists from more competent people, dw), but outside of The New Titans, i have no strong feelings about, like, anything that dick grayson did throughout the entirety of the 90s. sorry! my recommendation is to skip straight to the mid-2000s. Outsiders (2003) is one of my all-time faves in general and definitely one of my favorite takes on dick
Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day is the thing that kicks off the Outsiders era, then Titans/Outsiders Secret Files (2003), and then starts Outsiders (2003). the first ~25 or so issues are full of the highest quality dick content
and, horrifying quite a few people, i'm sure, i am going to recommend jumping directly to devin grayson's run in Nightwing (1996). and then, insult to injury, i am ONLY going to recommend devin grayson's run
i'm sure a few people just closed the tab in a fit of rage, but just to preemptively defend myself here, this isn't necessarily a glowing endorsement of her take on dick (though i do like her run just fine & think she gets way more flack than she deserves, which is something i'm absolutely not interested in arguing about lol). it's just that i remember trying to read Nightwing (1996) as a newer reader, and i remember giving up on it multiple times because it just wasn't fun until someone finally recommended that i start with grayson. this is obviously a very subjective thing, but i think a big part of what made those early issues so difficult was just how much was going on around them
earlier issues crossover and tie-in and reference all these events that were happening elsewhere in the universe and just generally expect the reader to be able to roll with the punches a lot more, which is fantastic & exactly what you want when you've been reading comics for a while, but for someone still trying to get a feel for all of this, it just made things kinda frustrating and confusing and could be a pretty big turnoff. grayson's run is much more self-contained and easy to follow without needing that much prior knowledge (without going too far & ending up feeling detached & unrelated to the world around it). big disclaimer/warning that the portrayal of romani people here is… Not Good. to put it mildly
it starts with Nightwing (1996) #71 and runs with no crossovers all the way until War Games begins with Nightwing (1996) #96. i cannot in good conscience recommend that anyone read War Games, so… maybe (maybe.) just skim the tie-in issues and come back later if/when you're more invested in batman comics. otherwise, it might turn you off altogether, and that's… barely an exaggeration. it's pretty much exactly what happened to me when i stared my getting-into-comics-books journey with Nightwing (1996) very early on and made the mistake of actually trying to read it when i reached it. it may not be as bad in retrospect, but i'm biased and i hate it and i don't care. fuck War Games
Nightwing (1996) #101 - 106 are Nightwing: Year One, which retells dick's early days as nightwing & includes a revamped first meeting with jason. mixed opinions on this one all around, from what i understand, but here it is. after this, grayson's run ends right before Brothers in Blood starts in #118, and i can't really say much for the title past that point, as it was incredibly obvious nothing would ever top that masterpiece, and i decided to stop there
and i cannot, in good conscience, recommend anything past this point to a new reader. or anyone, really, but especially not a new reader. from this point on, things are messy, especially for jason. the only thing i really enjoy about post-Final Crisis batfam is damian's existence, and even that comes with its own set of asterisks because everything about this era was… something. it's not all bad, but i remember naively wandering into morrison's Batman & Robin as someone still new to all this, and all it did was make me question whether or not i should just call it quits & give up on comics as a medium right then and there lol
don't let that scare you away from those comics altogether, just don't be frustrated if you do give them a go & find yourself not understanding wtf is going on. no one knows wtf is going on half the time, especially where morrison is concerned. it's fine
and with that, i have talked WAY too much, so to close, let me offer you a few way more extensive recs from a few way more qualified people:
here's a general batfam reading guide
some dick recs: one, two, three
and jason recs: one, two, three
this post is sort of a big, rambling mess, but... hope it manages to help somehow! and for anyone else who manages to actually make it this far, feel free to add on if you think of anything else that might be helpful
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blueicequeen19 · 2 years
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Walking Away
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Honestly, I kinda hate this lol might delete later
Part two because I’m a sucker
My whole life I’d been plagued with always having the strength to walk away. It got annoying as I got older. Especially living on an island with Kooks. There were many times I’d wished I’d sucker punched someone instead of walking away. How I’d wished I’d taken the step and kissed someone first. The truth was, I wasn’t strong. I was a coward.
It’s late. Too late to be at a Kook party. I only left the house for this stupid party because my sister made me. We were eleven months apart but I felt much older than I was. Especially having to babysit my sister constantly. She would drink too much and I made sure she stayed safe then took her home so no one else could. That's what I was currently doing. Watching her drink from across the room while she flirted with every Kook that gave her attention.
"Hi." I jump as I turn to face JJ Maybank, the blonde klepto with too much charm for his own good but never backed down from a fight. We'd gone to school together our whole lives and this is the first time he's talked to me in a social setting.
"Hi." I say flatly, turning my attention back to my dumb sister.
"I'm JJ." He says and I roll my eyes. What a prick. "Do you want a drink?" He asks.
"I'm the DD, so no. And I know who you are. We've spent the last 12 years going to the same school." I bite out and his eyes narrow in confusion, like this is the first time he's noticed me. That makes me feel real good.
"Sorry, I didn't recognize you." JJ gives a nervous laugh. So maybe I've started wearing makeup and styling my hair differently. I thought I still looked like myself but apparently not.
"That's comforting." I mumble and he cocks his head at me with a smirk.
"Are you always this approachable?" JJ asks.
"I try but it's apparently not working." My eyes lock with his blue ones, his jaw clenching as he stares back at me.
"Why come to a party if you're not going to enjoy yourself?" JJ questions. Why couldn't he just leave me alone?
"Because someone has to babysit my sister." I snap. His gaze follows mine and we both watch my sister soaking up all the male attention she wants. He opens his mouth but I cut him off.
"We don't have to do this. I'm not a fan of small talk and I have no interest in being another notch on the Maybank belt." I turn away from him as his face darkens in anger.
Good. Maybe he'll leave me alone.
"I didn't come over here to try and get in your pants. Although, maybe I should have. Maybe I could remove the stick from your ass." I gasp as he turns and walks away.
Asshole. Even though he's right. I wasn't a pleasant person but it kept me safe. It kept my sister safe.
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Later that night, I get my sister home only to find out she'd lost her phone at the party. Once she's tucked into bed with a trash can next to her, I go back to find it. There's less people here than before and I assume it's because everyone is probably hooking up in whatever corner they could find.
I find my sister's phone by the pool, passing by a screen door when I see movement out of the corner of my eye. I stop and glance over to see some girl on her stomach on a couch, her body jerking with each hard thrust from behind. I can't breathe as I watch JJ fuck this girl. She throws her head back as she moans, his hand coming around to grip her throat as her body bows. I wish I could hear them. Not just see them.
I was frozen as I watched them, heat like I'd never experienced before went straight to my clit. I rubbed my thighs together, trying to ease some of the throbbing pain. He shoves her head back down on the couch, pushing one of her legs off the side of the cushion for a better angle. I could see him disappearing inside her. Over and over again. He wipes his hair from his eyes then locks eyes on me. I gasp as his eyes stay on mine while he continues to fuck her. JJ leans down, licking up her spine as he keeps watching me, his hips brutally slapping against her ass.
JJ whispers something to her and I see her hand dip between her legs. Her body shakes, her head thrown back as she orgasms. A moment later he follows, his face pinched up in pleasure has me ready to cum on the spot. Why was that so hot? I didn't realize I liked to watch people until this very moment. I feel his eyes rake over me before she leans back and kisses him on the mouth. He cups her throat as he kisses her, a knowing smirk on his lips as he does. When he pulls out I take that as my cue to leave, immediately running to the pool gate and booking it to my car.
I jumped in, turning the AC on full blast to try and cure the fever that riddled my body. I was wound so tight I could almost finger myself right then and there. It hurt. My pussy actually hurt from being so turned on. I look up just in time to see the girl leaving the house and walking to her car, a satisfied smirk on her face before she drives off. I jump when my passenger door opens and JJ plops down in the seat, dressed with flushed cheeks. My throat was suddenly so dry.
"Get out." I blurt but he leans back in the seat, just watching me.
"Did you like the show?" He asks and I feel my cheeks burning,
"I-I.." I don't even know what to say. All I want is to curl up into a hole and die. This was so embarrassing. I felt like such a creep.
"It's okay. I don't mind. I kinda liked having an audience." JJ shrugs.
"What do you want?" I finally ask, wishing he'd just fuck off so I could go home and relieve this tension.
"I want to watch. It's my turn." He turns in his seat so he's facing me, looking at my clenched thighs.
"You're out of your fucking mind. Someone could see." I snap and he glances out the windshield.
"It's three in the morning. No one will see. You know you want to. I bet you're soaking your shorts right now." His words send a pulse to my clit. He was right. I wanted to so bad. I couldn't describe how I was feeling. Embarrassed? Humiliated?
"You watched me. I get to watch you. Maybe getting yourself off will put you in a better mood." JJ slumps in the seat, spreading his legs and showing off the bulge between his legs. How was he hard? Didn't he just get off?
"You don't have to take your shorts off or show me anything. I just want to watch your face while you cum." I still have no words. My heart was racing and even with the AC on, I felt like I was sweating.
"Just picture what I was just doing. What you watched me do." JJ's voice seems lower, thick with desire. I closed my eyes, popping the button on my shorts then lowering the zipper.
There's suddenly a tapping on my window and my blood runs cold as I turn, finding Shoupe with a very unamused expression. I roll the window down, at a loss for words. I was going to go to jail!
"Why are you guys hanging out around here?" Shoupe demands. I don't realize that JJ has scooted closer until his breath hits my cheek.
"She's giving me a ride home, sheriff. Nothing illegal here." JJ says casually. He had one of those personalities that just made you want to believe whatever he said. Do whatever he wanted.
"Uh huh, well go. It's late." Shoupe jerks his head, signaling us to leave and I roll the window up as I put the car in gear. The mood was gone and my embarrassment was back. I knew where JJ lived since I had to pass his house to get to mine. I used to always see him and John B walking or riding their dirt bikes before we all got our licenses. I pull up outside his house, killing the engine so the headlights didn't shine into the house and wait for him to get out.
"You're taking me back to get my truck tomorrow." JJ says and I shoot him an angry look.
"You got into my car. I didn't make you leave your truck." I snap and he smirks, leaning across the console with his lip tucked between his teeth. His eyes lock on my shorts where they are still open, my black lace panties showing. I quickly fix my shorts and his eyes meet mine and I lean against my door to escape his burning gaze.
"I know but I need another excuse to get you alone again. I will see you cum. I can't wait." JJ gives me one more look over before climbing out and going inside without another word. I released the breath I didn't realize I was holding. My skin was buzzing again. When did JJ Maybank get to me this bad?
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I wake up to the terrible buzzing of my phone, scrambling across my bed to get it off my nightstand. I answer without looking to see who it was, knowing it's probably important at this hour.
"What?" I grumble.
"Y/N, I'm at Topper's. Can you come get me?" My sister says with a giggle and I roll my eyes.
"You snuck out?" I hiss, jumping from bed in my sleep shirt and shorts in search of my sandals.
"Don't give me shit. Just come get me or I'll walk." She threatens, hanging up on me without another word. Jesus Christ. Sisters. Why did I get stuck with the one that was the biggest pain in the ass?
I sneak out of the house and quickly make the twenty minute drive to Figure Eight. There's so many cars that I have to park several houses down and walk to Topper's house. The party has ventured outside and down the dock, people dancing and drinking everywhere as I make my way around back. I catch several guys looking at me and I glare back, not sure what the hell their problem is until I cross my arms, realizing I forgot a damn bra. I'd been in such a hurry to leave that I didn't put a bra on or change out of my very short sleep shorts. Jesus, half my ass was hanging out. I snatch up someone's hoodie and yank it on, embarrassed that it's actually much longer than my shorts. I wonder about the party in search of my sister when I finally spot her, smiling up at JJ. Something I can only describe as rage takes over and I march over, yanking her away from him.
"What the fuck?" She shrieks, yanking her arm away from me. Her eyes take in my appearance and they narrow in disgust. "Who's hoodie is that? Why are you dressed like that?" She demands but I ignore her, wanting to slap the amused look off JJ's face.
"Let's go!" I hiss but she yanks her arm free again with a scowl.
"I can't find my keys and I'm not leaving my car here." She scoffs, crossing her arms.
"Jesus Christ, don't set your shit down at a party!" I shout as the music is turned up obnoxiously loud.
"I'll help look!" JJ yells back and my sister beams like a kid on Christmas. I roll my eyes, stomping off in search of her stupid keys. I end up searching the entire first floor, growing angrier and angrier as I think about JJ hooking up with my sister somewhere. I go upstairs, looking for her rather than the keys. I pass a door that's half open and moans meet my ears and sending heat all over my body. Oh, god. Please don't be them.
I glance in, seeing John B and Sarah fucking on the bed. She was riding the hell out of him. She smiled as he praised her and told her how much he loved her while cupping her breasts. I pushed away from the door, ducking inside the bathroom across the hall but I could still hear them. I leave the lights off as I splash cold water on my face, trying to cool my body off. Why was I like this? The door quickly opens and closes and I squeal as JJ presses against my back. I whimper, feeling him press into my back. Was he always hard? What the fuck.
His hand find my hips, holding my gaze in the mirror as his hand dips under the too big hoodie and caresses me over my thin shorts. I grip the counter as fireworks go off in my body, making my toes curl.
"Look at you. You need it." JJ says, taking my earlobe between his teeth as he rubs my clit. Sarah was growing louder and I was growing wetter. "Let me touch you. Let me make it better. I promise you'll love it." JJ begs against my ear and I find myself nodding. Just make it stop hurting. "Take this off. I don't want to see you in another man's clothes." He stops for only a second, long enough to yank the hoodie off and drop it on the floor. His eyes roam down my entire body, caressing the skin of my stomach where my shirt had rode up before slipping down the front of my shorts. I couldn't hardly breathe as his fingers circled my clit and my body slumped against his as I panted.
"Don't hold back. I want to see it. I want to hear it." JJ kisses my neck and I whimper again, his fingers working so good. They slip lower just as I start to think I need more and they curl inside me. My arm flies up, gripping the back of his neck as his palm presses against my clit while his fingers jerk inside me.
"Yes. That's it. Cum for me. You're so fucking wet." I arch my back, crying out as Sarah does. My body trembles, an obscene wet sound coming from between my thighs as he works me through my high. His heavy breathing hit my ear and I locked eyes with him in the mirror, whimpering as I pictured him fucking that girl on the couch again. Only the girl was me. I came again as his hand gripped my nipple roughly through my shirt. I pushed away from him, leaning over the counter as I fought to catch my breath. I felt his hands slide up the curves of my ass before I looked up and saw him bring his wet fingers to his mouth, sucking them clean. Why was that so hot? I pushed my ass against him, silently asking for something I never thought I would. I needed more. JJ smiled before glancing down at my offering with a shake of his head, pressing his erection against me through his shorts.
"Baby, you're not ready for this just yet." JJ taunts, pressing against me again before slipping from the bathroom and leaving me alone, dying for more.
I quickly cleaned myself up, pulled on the random guy's hoodie, then went in search of my sister. After frantically looking for her and checking the whole house twice, I checked my phone to see a text from her. She found her keys and drove home. I let out a frustrated scream and stormed outside, letting the door slam behind me as I quickly made my way back over to my car. I stop abruptly when I see someone sitting in the truck parked behind me. It takes me a split second to realize who it is. He's leaned back in the seat, one arm clutching the headrest of the seat next to him, eyes closed and breathing heavily. He almost looks like he's sleeping. His lips part, brows pinched together as he lets out a long breath then I see a head pop up out of his lap. I spin around and drop down into my car.
Twice. That's twice I've caught him messing around with someone. I just watched him get a fucking blowjob in his truck. I bury my face in my hands as I try to cool my cheeks, forcing the blush to go away. I just wanted to go home. Why did I have to be such a good sister? I jump when I hear a door slam and I watch in my passenger mirror as the girl walks off in the opposite direction. I look in my rear view mirror to see that the truck is empty. Where did JJ go? My drivers door opens and I squeal as he leans down with a smirk, looking too amused for someone who just got head.
"Miss me?" JJ teases. I shove him in the chest but he doesn't close my door.
"You're impossible." I breathe.
"I told you I'd get you alone again. I knew you wouldn't leave your sister hanging." JJ says and I gawk at him. He planned this. "I hid her keys until you showed up." He shrugs like it's no big deal and I fight the urge to hit him like a maniac.
"Are you jealous?" He asks, smiling like a fool. What the fuck was his problem?
"Of what!?" I yell. JJ leans in, his breath hitting my ear as his lips graze my neck. His body has me caged in, unable to escape as his mouth sends goosebumps all over my body.
"The girl getting to suck me off after I turned you down." JJ growls, suddenly fisting the hoodie as he kisses my neck. "I told you I didn't want to see you in other guys' clothes." JJ snarls, biting my shoulder through the hoodie. I cry out and he suddenly rips it off me, tossing it in the yard. This fucking guy. I cross my arms over my breasts but it's too late. He saw how hard my nipples were.
"What is wrong with you? You had your chance and you turned me down. You think you're God's gift to women or something. News flash, I don't want your community dick!" JJ leans in, practically on top of me as he forces my legs apart and shoves his hand down my shorts, forcing two thick fingers inside me. I cry out, my back arching off the seat as he fills me.
"You want it. You'd agree to anything when I have you like this so don't lie to me. Maybe I just want you to mess with you. Maybe I don't even want to fuck you. I just want to drive you crazy with need then leave you hanging because it's fun. Because I like seeing you angry and suffering. Beg me and I'll give it to you right now in the back of this car. I'll make you wake up the whole neighborhood. Go on, beg me." JJ curls his fingers and I have no choice but to spread my legs, desperate for more. But I wouldn't beg him. Absolutely not. I clench my teeth together, turning away from him as he digs his knee into my seat against my hip while he fingers me.
"It's always you bratty, stuck-up girls that turn to putty in my fucking hands as soon as I'm inside you. You're not special. You're not better than me. You just need to be put in your place. Give up control once in your life." Tears spring to my eyes as his words hit home and I push his hand away, finally able to breathe as he steps back and slams the door in my face.
Maybe he was right. Maybe the only reason I was able to walk away so well was because it meant I was in control. I slammed my head back against the headrest, my thighs squeezed together as I tried to force away the ache in my body. I needed a release and I wouldn't get it from JJ Maybank. I would not let him control my body like that. I would get it from someone else.
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sunshinezei · 2 months
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so i found something out
also hi lol i haven't been using my phone much consciously lately i feel like i haven't posted in a while i've just been reblogging stuff when i open the app and i haven't used my laptop in a while either but dw i'll be more active and annoying soon <3
and also i haven't rly been doing anything actually when i think abt it unfortunately - makes me sad bc i was thinking abt how i used to watch supernatural and come and talk abt how much i enjoyed it but i don't watch any of my shows or anything rn - it's okay i'll get myself back dw i'm okay anyway
i can download one game on my psp on one of my memory sticks that has the software needed to run the games - this took alot of experimenting and disappointment to find out
on the others i can't
i rly wanna try to add games but the chances i fuck everything up are so high and the thing is already going through it it feels like the sands of time are running out idk
but i can download music on it :) like normal mp3s i know that (bc i just did it a few days ago and it worked but also) bc i did it the first time a rly long time ago! i remember bc i had this song on it which i still listen to from time to time it's comforting :) <3
so for now what i'm gonna do is i think download some music on it so i have a device i can just plug my earphones into and use to listen to music so i can be calm sometimes yk?
i wear a hoodie with pockets so i can keep my psp in one of them when i'm cleaning / helping out so i can use it then too :)
like tmw i'm gonna be making spring rolls - i can listen to music while i do that maybe
but also this feels like an unnecessary step in the wrong direction? like i've been depending on music less so this would kinda be bringing that back and just generally feels like i'll be told this is irresponsible and keeping up a bad habit of mine
idk man
i mean i usually put gmm videos on with my phone on like 2 levels volume (idk how to word that but not much like barely hearable) and doing stuff with that has been fine there have just been comments abt voices coming out of my pocket
which the thought of tiny rhett and link and gmm crew in my hoodie pocket is so silly and cute that makes my day rn to imagine that - again proves how easy i am to cheer up that that was a dumb thought but i appreciate it (also my go-to rn is the naked foods series i think it's called? the one where they get the same food from a bunch of places and pick their favs i rly like it and i'm thinking of making an activity with my sister where we watch and do the math that stevey (this spelling is probably wrong sorry) says at the end! (bc it'd be fun and she'd do some casual math))
i don't listen to music like at all anymore bc i've been so busy with my family and so drained at the end of the day that i don't prep for the next day so i don't charge my bluetooth earphones everyday (the only functioning earphones i can use with my phone) and bc of that i don't even use my phone much like there's voice messages i haven't gotten to
i haven't listened to anything from the people i like and the groups i like in so long
also this is probably why i'm so inclined (idk why that word specifically but i'm tired) to listen to music during the semester especially when i need to shut everything out and try and focus or fix things
so i'll try to find a balance
i was trying to revive the internet radio on my psp earlier but i couldn't do it :/ it's okay i rly don't want to mess it up it means alot to me i'm just glad it still works as it is <3
it's beside me rn on my bed :) i think i played it a bit before i slept yesterday and forgot it there
i remembered i played this game i had downloaded and it was rly underwhelming and tiring so i just played it till it said game over then deleted it so i could download another one to replace it and try that one later
maybe that can be a thing - i look for a game i might like that would fit the remaining memory and save it somewhere then download it and play it whenever i have a break
good thing i'm starting a bullet journal i can include this :) (overthinking it so i'm gonna go over alot of bullet journalling content bc what i thought it was was like anything and everything i want in one book it can be organized or not organized but generally like a contained mess? but it feels like that'd be my iteration of it and everyone else is doing the right way so i'll try to plan it out and see what i want it to be :))
this post is all over the place
lemme add to that - today i made a little written ad for my sister, posted it and asked her if she accepted - she said yes
it's basically me game-ifying her days a bit so she gets points when she does certain things - not super specific things but things she's generally expected to do when she's just doing well which she's trying harder to do rn right? so i told her since you're doing that anyway you'll be getting alot of these at the same time
this just motivates her a bit more and i think she needs that bc she accepted which means the weekend treats i made up actually sound good to her - lol making this was so quick i usually overthink everything like 500 times
some of the treats are drawing time with me, playtime with surprize guest (randomized) - i did that so it wouldn't just be necessarily me just in case that's an issue with anyone and there's night storytime with me bc she rly enjoys when i make up stories for her and i forgot the rest
but i'll be changing these up - like i can prepare things and have ideas for new stuff to do so if for ex. one of the things that tires her is how repetitive / mundane her school life feels this changes things alot for her and it gives her little goals and things to look forward to, things to work for apart from the big stuff that can just feel more like pressure on her than motivation yk? i feel like a bad influence but i'm trying idk
oh i got the idea for this thing bc i was making her a multiplication tables activity sheet - tiny page with just that square where u fill the numbers in
and i always wanna make her feel less bad abt anything she might be feeling bad abt - so i made myself one too so it'd be like hey let's see who can fill this out the fastest!! and we check each other's after too (i just thought of thattt crazy the things the mind can do when it's given some silence - and the craziness being referred to is normal thinking lol anyway)
she didn't have time for it and she slept later than she needed to for school tmw so i'll find some time to do it tmw :)
also i randomly started this points stuff when we were walking around a mall just us 2 and i could tell she was getting bored and tired :) noticed it ended up working when i told her whoever changed the fastest when we got home would get 5 points and she did it :) (closed my eyes so i wouldn't see bc technically i'm the judge bro if i don't see her and i go and change i win lmaooo but nah she won fair and square i was unbagging groceries or whatever bs i'm always up to some stupid shit) i might start a chart for this to keep track of the points and reasons and do the math and whatever
i wish everything i'm doing wouldn't feel wrong but we move idk i try to always ask and adapt
01:49 05/02/2024
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toixxx-ace · 3 years
Text
Hannibal brain rot warning
Okay but I’ve been listening to Killer Queen by Queen and I can’t stop thinking about an AU where Hannibal does drag and is a famous queen and Will is the loyal boyfriend who goes to all shows and yes they’re a happy cannibal couple
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lesbianklance · 3 years
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i love queerbaited zukka<3
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persefoneshalott · 5 years
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why is it that I’m able to spend so much time putting effort into something dumb but I find it so hard to focus on like. studying?
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uhhbeans · 3 years
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hjbbhhh ALYX,,,,,,
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andysbubba · 2 years
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home to me
↳ andy let you go once, he doesn't wanna lose you again
a/n: a little series? this one's probably gonna have another chapter or two hehe <3
𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲'𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
---
Andy's stomach churned when he sees you. In a very good way. It's been a good two years since the break up and he can barely believe that he's seeing you right then and there— in the corner of the cafe that Andy knows you love going to. Your voice made his heart flip. It's so goddamn beautiful and Andy misses it so damn much.
He doesn't even know why he's so stunned at the sight of you. It's the only reason why he's there— why he's always going there almost every weekend, hoping to get a glimpse of you sometime. You're in the fuzzy, furry jacket that you're always wearing on chilly days, your hair pulled up with a claw clip and your laptop right in front of you with a cup of coffee right by the side.
He tried to get over you, he really did. But even after all the women he met after you, no one made him feel the same way you did. The butterflies in his stomach he gets just talking to you like some teenager, or how his heart just flutters when you smiled at him with that beautiful grin.
Andy couldn't help but look at you every two minutes, while he's waiting in the queue for his turn. He's thinking of what to say if he even has the guts to walk up to you and say hi.
The break up wasn't necessarily bad... it was mutual. Kinda. You were in the middle of your studies and you just wanted to focus on doing well and getting your masters. It's not that Andy was a distraction— really, he actually helped a lot. But between studying and trying to make sure you don't abandon Andy, you realised that taking a break would be good for the both of you.
You were young, only 24 while Andy was 14 years older than you are. He's so mature and wise that you just felt that you just wanted to grow as your own person before you and Andy took it any further and got more serious. You thought that you'd work on yourself, fixing up your flaws and make yourself just grow into a better version of yourself. And as much as Andy disagreed, he didn't want to force you to keep being with him. He thought that maybe, you both could just grow as time passes, and that you can change right next to him.
But he just agreed with you, because he definitely does not want to pressure you into being in a relationship with him no matter how much he actually wants you to stay with him. So technically, it was a mutual break-up to you. But he didn't really feel the same.
And unsurprisingly, Andy simply cannot get over you. Two years passed, and he just wishes that you're by his side again.
"Hi! What can I get for you?"
Andy snaps out of his trance, stepping towards the cashier and ordering his coffee to-go with a bagel as well. He takes a quick glance at you before he decides to change his mind. "Actually— I'll just have those here."
Wait— you recognise that voice.
You instantly glance up from the screen of your laptop, watching the familiar back and broad shoulders standing at the cashier. Holy fuck- Andy?
Your gaze turns back down to your laptop, your mind trying to decide between approaching him or just letting him go... again... like you did 2 years ago. He still fits into those polo tees like a glove, the jeans barely doing his ass justice but it really accentuates his goddamn thighs.
Fuck. Two damn years and you still have it bad for him.
"Can I join?" Andy glances down at some blueprint or floor-plan thing you have on your laptop. "Unless I'm interrupting— you look busy."
"Andy—" You turned to him and back to the opened floor-plan on the screen. "No, no. Hey-" You lowered the screen and put it aside, leaving some space for Andy. You gestured at him to join you in the booth.
Andy takes up the offer, setting the cup in his hand and the bagel right in front of you before he slides in. "Hey,"
You let out a breathy laugh as you look at him, fidgeting with your fingers underneath the table. "Been a long time."
"Yeah," He nods, offering you one of his adorable smiles as he rests his forearms on the table. "I stopped seeing you around, thought you moved away."
"I thought you did— till I heard the news talking about one of your cases." You retort, lips curling into a soft smile. "How've you been, Andy?"
"Same old, y'know. Long hours at the office and takeout nights. Nothing really changed." Andy grins, "How's everything goin' for ya?"
Oh— and he definitely isn't wrong when he said 'nothing really changed'. For this 40-year-old man to still look like the Andrew Stephen Barber you met like 4 years ago? Phew.
"Uhm- pretty good! I'm uh- I just signed a contract with Perkins and Will."
Andy's lips curled into a wide grin. "You did it!"
He remembers?
Your head tilts as you look at him. "You remember?"
"Of course, hon. That's your dream firm." He reaches over table and pats your hand. "I'm happy for you, Y/n."
"Thank you, Andy," You brush a hand through your hair, eyeing Andy in his whole polo tee and jeans glory. "I'm surprised you aren't working on a Saturday morning,"
Andy lets out a laugh at your words, "Yeah- I just thought, y'know. Uh- I'm old enough to stop being such a workaholic."
You raised a brow at that, "Andy, you aren't old." You give him a suggestive glance as your eyes trace his whole figure. "Definitely don't look like it."
"I'll say the same thing for ya, Y/n." Andy didn't bother hiding his gaze either, eyes trailing down your body till it's back up to your face. "Two damn years and you still look as gorgeous as ever, sweetheart."
A breathy laugh leaves your lips. "Always as flattering as ever, Mr Barber."
"You know I'm an honest person, sweetheart." Andy winks before he takes a sip of his coffee.
You hum as you run your finger on the edge of your own cup. "I remember you telling me that all lawyers are really good liars."
You love how familiar this feels. It's like nothing has changed and both of you are back in 2019. Good, good days. Letting Andy go was a dumb move on your side, you realised that pretty soon after the break-up. You should've known that you and Andy would've made it work someway, somehow.
"C'mon, honey. Y'know I can never lie to you." The wide smile he has on his lips is as charming as ever and god if it doesn't just make you fall in love again- as if you ever fell out of love with him in the first place. Andy clears his throat, a hand inching to the back of his neck and softly rubbing the spot. You instantly realised that he's a little nervous. "You dating anyone?"
You let out an almost silent snort, scoffing at his question. "Ya think? I just called you hot five minutes ago, handsome."
Andy takes a bite of his bagel, looking up at you through those goddamn long eyelashes as his mouth moves to chew the food and those fucking pink lips making you stare at him like a horny teenager.
"You've got to stop staring at me like that, sweetheart." He warns, but the glint in his eyes is telling you that he really doesn't mind you staring him up like that.
Your brows raised immediately in defence. "Like what?"
You tried your best to fight the grin fighting its way to form on your lips. But Andy is a goddamn lawyer, after all. He knows his shit and he knows that you're just being a tease.
He huffs, brow arched as he looks at you. "Like you wanna eat me." He replies shortly, lips curling into a smirk. "Cause I was planning to take this slow after 2 whole years. And you aren't helping."
You hum, picking your cup up and taking a sip from it, hiding the grin forming on your lips behind the cup. "You can still wine and dine me if you wanna." You set the cup down and lean forward, head tilted to one side with your head resting in your palm. "But y'know, I'm pretty impatient."
Andy laughs, backing away from you and resting back against his seat. "Guess it's good that I've got enough patience for both of us, huh?"
You laugh at his words. "We'll see, Mr Barber."
He takes your words as an invite to ask you out. "Dinner tonight? My place."
You playfully rolls your eyes, ignoring the little flutter in your heart. "Who's impatient now?"
"It's a yes or no question, sweetheart."
"Still that cute little loft?"
"I'll text you my new address later."
You couldn't fight the grin forming on your lips. "It's a date."
---
He was at the grocery store when he pulled out his phone and goes to your contact to shoot you a text. It has always been there, saved and never deleted. He didn't want to get rid of the hope that he might have you back.
Andy: 242 Warren St [sent 3.24pm]
Andy: See you tonight, sweetheart. [sent 3.25pm]
You didn't reply so Andy just assumed that you read it. He's looking forward to seeing you again tonight and he's excited.
---
It wasn't till you got home that you realised that Andy doesn't have your new number.
-
LOL I LOVE CLIFFHANGERS.
thanks for reading and uhm come join my taglist if you liked this little chapter? I'm definitely looking forward to writing this one.
do tell me what you think about this, lovelies! i'm kinda excited to see where this goes
-haney
taglist: @milea @ajeff855 @fanofalltheficsx @justile @christowhore @amelia-song-pond @melissad1974 @thegirlwiththeimpala @bval-1 @suchababie @ephemeralfics@franzliszts-wife @tenaciousperfectionunknown @hallecarey1@paintdripsandbrownies-blog @notbrooklynsblog @perfect-peter@alwaysclassyeagle @coffeebooksandfandom @gitasor @mansaaay @iguess-vall @feralherbs @kaiparker-avengerssmut
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nextstopparis · 3 years
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So this is a random question and I'm not sure if you or any of your followers have an answer. There is a sometimes humorous thing about Merlin dressing Arthur. By humorous I mean when Arthur stomps around acting like he literally can't dress himself and makes Gaius help him. But to what extent does Merlin dress him? Merlin seems surprised when Arthur dresses himself but surely he's not helping him into his trousers and shirt every morning? I get armor obviously.
YEAH THE DYNAMIC IS REALLY ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!
bc you have scenes like 2.03
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where merlin only hands him his sword, doesnt even help put the red thingy on (im not sure what its called im sorry skdjncsk) or help arthur take off his coat or whatever.
and scenes like 2.10
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where arthur obviously dresses himself, and all merlin does is help him put on the red thingy
and even scenes in 4.06
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where arthur manages to put on the whole ensemble (shirt, jacket, belt) all by himself while merlin stands there contemplating how he's such a shit assassin...
and 4.07 -
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where arthur is very obviously capable of wearing his own shirt?? and again, someone (🤢agravaine🤢) helps him with the red thingy (although, in this case i feel like it's common courtesy being paid to the king or whatever)....
but then. despite those. they also give you THIS, FROM THE SAME EPISODE (4.07 deleted scene):
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WHERE HE'S RUNNING AROUND THE DAMN CASTLE IN HIS NIGHT CLOTHES BECAUSE MERLINS NOT THERE
AND THIS from EARLIER THAT SAME SEASON (4.01)
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"you're dressed?" "yes merlin, im not an idiot" I MEAN WHEN IT COMES TO PUTTING ON SHIRTS, I KNOW THAT BUT DO YOU???? also the way merlin asks, holding a specific shirt for him to wear makes it sound like??? he does help with arthur's shirts at least???
AS WELL AS THESE FROM 5.08:
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where gaius and gwen are both fulfilling merlin's role, and both of them not only help with his armour, but as shown above, also help put on his shirts (or, in gaius' case.. tries to lol)???? when just a season ago he was capable of it himself??? and im not even counting the times that merlin evidently wasnt with arthur, but arthur was dressed on his own anyway????
SO LIKE ITS ALL OVER THE PLACE ANON I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE?? i think merlin helps him with his shirts, but they never really go into trouser territory (unless you count 4.04 but that was more Comedy so. idk?) for me to give an opinion abt that part. it always kinda just looks like they all wear the same trousers for everything but. what do i know. as far as the shirts are concerned though, the thing is that idk if it has always been that way, or if merlin just gradually began expanding his help?? like first it walk helping with jackets and armour and handing arthur stuff, and turned into helping him with his shirts? and over time arthur began relying on it so much that by the end he was almost incapable of handling it himself??? idk
in this post (the tags) i sort of talked about how arthur's incompetency, specifically in the 4.07 deleted scene (look at this post) & in 5.08, might mostly stem from the fact that he's panicking over merlin's disappearance than anything else but. he still very obviously like. EXPECTS merlin to be there to help put his shirt on (esp. because in 4.01 the interaction makes it feel like arthur dressing himself is something he's doing TO SHOW that he can do it? as if maybe merlin does dress him but just this ~one time~ he's like look. i can do it too im not dumb) so.
id say merlin began helping put on his shirts during the later seasons (maybe btwn s3&s4? i dont really remember any dressing scenes in s3 but i think it might make sense bc it was btwn those seasons that arthur sort of began leading camelot as regent/took on the responsibility of king, if in every way but name, so the stress of that caused him to start depending on merlin heavily/spurred merlin on to try and do little things to make it more manageable??) and arthur just sort of. really started relying on that? lol?
IDK IM SORRY THIS IS JUST A REALLY LONG WAY OF SAYING I DONT KNOW KJDNCKSN MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS
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blushinggray · 3 years
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Free! The Final Stroke screeching/reaction (spoilers)
AHHHHH I JUST WATCHED THE FINAL STROKE MOVIE TODAY IN THEATERS ON PREMIER DAY AND IT WAS LAKSJDFOAIFJWOEI to summarize it all, it was Very Gay, which was to be expected but they DID NOT have to get so freaking extra with it 😩😩😩
much screaming and many spoilers ahead
FIRST OF ALL, KIRISHIMA NATSUYA: HE WAS SO FUCKING HANDSOME DAFKJOIEFJOSIDJF. SO HANDSOME. SO HANDSOME AND STUPID AND OVERLY FRIENDLY AS WE LOVE HIM TO BE ALKDSJFOAIEW.
he was in the film for a total of maybe 5 minutes altogether, which was kind of a lot bc the film kind of was just putting all the characters back in for the sake of putting them in imo? for the fans, lol. so everyone could see their faves. and in these five minutes that he appeared, our mans:
bragged about his little brother he's so proud of
got laughed at by nao for being natsuya (aka dumb and straightforward) as usual
trained with sousuke (he was hanging out in the same pool with him, nao, and makoto to train and aid in sousuke's rehab training)
got a call from ikuya after the international swimming competition in sydney!!!! in that same cafe he's always at!!!! and he was with nao at the time he got the call. casual and cool as always, being the cool big brother or whatever. he ended the call with a curt, "you got it. see you. don't catch a cold."
HE WAS HANGING OUT AT CAFE MARON WHILE THEY WAITED FOR THE SYDNEY COMPETITORS TO COME BACK TO JAPAN. HE WAS BEHIND THE COUNTER WITH ASAHI (WHO WAS HOLDING BABY TSUKIMI IN A CARRIER ON HIS CHEST!!!!!) AND HE THREW HIS ARM AROUND ASAHI AND WAS GETTING SO CLOSE LIKE ALKSDJFAOIEJAOEI. I have absolutely no clue what he was saying at the time bc i was too busy freaking out and trying to hold in the sounds bc the theater was so quiet. but his GODDAMN FACE. HE WAS SMIRKING. SO HANDSOME 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩
and of fucking course, they were all out together at a restaurant when the sydney competitors came back, and he was like, "wth no one else is drinking alcohol tonight?" and nao was like "ofc not haha" AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT
HE FUCKING FALLS ASLEEP AT THE TABLE AFTER DRINKING AND EVERYONE IS SURROUNDING HIM AND PATTING HIM LIKE "dude..." and ikuya is sitting there like, omg can't believe this mess is my brother....
i thought that just might be his last scene in the film but then we show back up to the kirishima household and natsuya is eating some sort of luxury holiday(?) bento and ikuya is like "aren't you gonna save any for me?" and natsuya's like "of course not. this is for me, you gotta wait until next year xD" and then ikuya just fucking SNATCHES up several different foods and stuffs his face with all of them and natsuya starts arguing with him over them laskjdfoawiefjao where was this brotherly affection all this time?????
and then cut to a few seconds later, natsuya's bumming in his room on the floor like in s3 when ikuya comes in and tells him about his new future goals and alskdjfaoei brothers sharing their ambitions together 😩😩 WHAT IS GOING ON. EVERYONE GETS ALONG SO WELL NOW???
NEXT: we'll go back to the beginning i guess lmfao but they're preparing for some sort of university festival
we start off with an easily misunderstandable shoujo-style situation where asahi is talking to ikuya like, "i know it's your first time... you don't have to be nervous. i know you can do it." and ikuya's like "no! i can't 😣" like the tsun he is backed up against the wall. and then it turns out they're trying to make a mille feuille cake.... but everything he's made so far looked like crepes
and for some damn reason, KISUMI comes outta nowhere into the kitchen and is like "ooooh what's this? a mille feuille cake? although they all look kinda like crepes haha ^^" and then ikuya RUNS THE FUCK OUT OF THE KITCHEN, yelling, "i told you i couldn't do it!!!" like the fucking tsun he is... and asahi is yelling at kisumi like "why did you just say that!!!" and starts rubbing his knuckles into kisumi's head and kisumi's just laughing like, "oh did i do that hehe"
and for some reason... seijuurou is working at the booth in his speedo and swim team jacket. i mean i'm not complaining but sir.... PLS TAKE MY MONEY AND GIVE ME YOUR FAT OCTOPUS BALLS. (he literally started a batter mixing competition with hoshikawa inside the booth, like what are they even doing in the same booth???)
then rin and sousuke show up to ikuya, asahi, and hiyori(?)'s booth, and they're offering them the crepes and then they get into a conversation about smth that leads into them showing the embarrassing photos they have of each other?????? like ikuya has a pic of rin in his maid costume for some reason??? (tho it isn't shown) and rin shows an embarrassing pic of ikuya he has in his phone that he got from natsuya???????????? and then ikuya starts chasing after rin yelling at him to delete it lasdkjfoaei
and then haru is off to the side selling ugly ass bird mascots again lmfao. bc ofc he is. love that weirdo
BUT THE REAL KICKER HERE IS KINJOU!!!!!!!!!!!
APPARENTLY, HIS VILLAIN BACKSTORY COMES FROM HIS CHILDHOOD CRUSH (/exaggerated) ON HIYORI ALSKDJFOAIE WHAAAT. apparently he was that annoying kid in the playground who would go up to hiyori and bother him bc he wanted a friend. bb hiyori was literally like "why are you even talking to me so much?" in his sandbox. and bb kinjou is like, "well there's gotta be smth you like, right? what is it?" and hiyori's like "well i feel kinda happy when i'm swimming... :)" as images of ikuya flash into his mind, that gay ass
BUT KINJOU'S GAY ASS EYES START SPARKLING TOO AND THEN HE'S LIKE "I GOTTA LEARN WHAT THE BIG DEAL ABOUT SWIMMING IS" and he runs home, begs his brother to take him to the pool. but next time he brings his swimming stuff with him to the playground, hiyori isn't there anymore and apparently he left for america at that time (or smth). so poor baby basically got ghosted
but hiyori still knows him when they're older!!!! kinjou shows up when they're throwing out the trash after the uni festival and calls out to hiyori to taught him (which is where that bullying preview scene came from i guess) and alkfjeoiaejoaifj omfg it's like that estranged childhood friends (sorta) trope but it'll never go kinjou's way bc hiyori is and will always be in love with ikuya 😔
kinjou would make such a good yandere tho!!!! he has a feral expression on a few times throughout the movie, and during a race he gets super competitive mid-race and... ngl he was kinda sexy 😳 i'm actually kind of surprised by how taken i was with him in this movie. doesn't help that he's unfairly handsome and his hair looks fucking amazing. i MAY OR MAY NOT be exploring this man in the future..................
i also found the ending with haru pretty interesting!!!! it kind of hints at neurodivergence? smth along the lines of disassociation or multiple personalities? (guess 50% off was kinda right on that end lmfao).
he gets obsessed with beating albert wahlander, which is the most fired up i've ever seen him (to the point of almost hurting himself) and then the shadow or whatever effect albert has on haru kind of just overtakes him and pushes haru out of his own body in a way... it doesn't make sense to describe it this way, i know, but haru is literally watching himself say hurtful things to his friends while being overtaken by this... albert obsessed persona?
it's so interesting to see haru being the one obsessing over someone instead of the other way around for once!!! at the end of the movie (after all the credits) haru says the same thing he once said at the beginning of season 1? about how "at age 5, you're a prodigy. at age 15, you're a genius. at age 20(?), you're average." and this is def gonna be explored/concluded in the second part of the final stroke movie so i'm excited for that!!!! april 2022 come at me!!!!
there were SOOOOO many other things going on, plot wise and fanservice wise, and ofc kyoto animation was fucking TOP TIER SHIT. all the water effects... there was a shot where haru was looking at his reflection in the water and they make a drop fall and spread and shake his reflection in the waves and it was lafkjsefoiaeja fucking glorious. the soundtrack was lovely too. there was a RADWIMPS-esque beginning song and a sexy ass electric guitar buildup for kinjou (which may or may not be contributing to my growing obsession with him...)
AHHHH!!!! it was so good and everyone was so cute and handsome and gay and funny. we literally see every single character we've met before in some way, shape, or form lmfao. i might just go back to the theater and watch it again on one of the upcoming holidays this week.... SO GOOD. SO GOOD.
I LOVE ALL THESE GAY SWIMMING BOYS SO MUCH 😩😩😩
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jaycewrites-192000 · 3 years
Text
Growl: Chapter 6
Warnings: None
Tags: @theravencawsatmidnight @etroman @kaariqueen
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Your P.O.V
I sat on my bed, phone in hand trying to think of what to say to Kyotani. I would type out a few words then immediately delete it, because it sounded really dumb or really desperate. "Why is this so hard?" I groaned. I could say whatever to Iwaizumi and Oikawa and it wouldn't bother me later on, but with Kyotani...I just really don't want to mess this up. I looked back down at my phone screen, took a deep breath and typed.
Me: Hey Kyotani, it's me Y/n, did you make it back home?
I held my phone to my chest, I didn't even want to see the speech bubble pop up. But when it did, and my phone dinged, my stomach did a backflip. I looked at my phone.
Kyotani: Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah? That was all he typed? I sighed slightly, well, he never was a man of many words.
Me: That's good. So, about coming over again. How does tomorrow night sound?
"Wow, way to be clingy." I mutter.
Kyotani: Sounds good.
I blinked a few times. "Whoa really? That worked?"
Me: Cool! I'll see you then.
Kyotani: See ya.
I let out a weak sigh and fell back onto my bed. Before I fell asleep I went back to the texts and changed Kyotani's name to:
🐶Mad Puppy🐶
He might have the personality of a feral wolf, but he could be as cute a little puppy. I smiled softly before drifting off to sleep.
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Your P.O.V
Your alarm jerked your awake early the next day. With a groan you sat up and turned it off and checked your phone, you gasped when you saw what day it was. "It's Saturday!!" You cheered before flopping back down on your bed. It might be immature for you to act like a child when it came to the weekend, but Jesus did you hate waking up early to go to some boring classes for eight hours a day. Besides, you had a very important day ahead of you. Tonight was the night you went over to Kyotani's place for dinner. The grin on your face only grew wider. "It's like a date...only his mom is going to be there too..."
Speaking of moms, you needed to tell your mom you wouldn't be home early tonight. "Oh great. She's never going to get off my back over this." You sighed. You got up and changed out of your pajama's and into some comfy clothes before heading downstairs. Your mother was just on her way out it the door once you got to the bottom of the stairs. "Hey mom!" You called, making her stop. "Yes sweetie?" She turns to face you. "Um, is it cool if I go over to a friends for dinner tonight?"
"Hm? You mean Iwaizumi?" She asks. "No, not him."
"Oikawa?"
"No."
"...uh, then who?" She mutters.
"A new friend. Remember that intense guy I told you about? His name is Kyotani." You tell her. "Huh, I see. Well first I'm happy that you're making new friends sweetie." Your mother smiled. "But are you sure this "intense" guy is a friend? I just want to make sure you're not being bullied."
"I'm not being bullied. He is a pretty angry person at times but, he's actually really cool too." Your mother took a minute to think about it. "Alright, you can go. Do apologize to them for me. I won't be there."
"You won't?" Your mother shook her head. "I work late tonight. I won't be home until midnight. Which I expect you to be home before then, understand?" Your mother raised an eyebrow. "Yes, I promise. I'll tell them." Your mother pats your head and opened the front door. "Good, I'll see you later." She waves before leaving the house. "Of course you're working late again." You mutter as you walk into the living room. It never use to bother you as much before, but the more you thought about it and the more you watch her leave, the more it bothered you. She was always working, even during the weekends. You two hardly ever talked at times. You sat on the couch and decided to watch your favorite show to pass the time.
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After a while, your phone dinged.
Shittykawa: Heeeeeey L/n-Chan! Wanna hang out? I'm free all day~😙
. . . . .
Shittykawa: Don't ignore me!😫
You: That was my answer.
Shittykawa: Your answer was pure silence?
You: Yeah. 😒
Shittykawa: Whatever.🙄 What are you up to?
You: Lazying about. Something you would know well huh, Lazykawa?
Shittykawa: So. Rude. What about later tonight?
You: Can't. I have plans.
Shittykawa: Liiiiike?
You: What's it to you?
Shittykawa: Come on! The least you can do is tell me!
You: Uggggh! I have dinner plans with Kyotani ok!?
. . .
You: Shittykawa?
Shittykawa: YOU HAVE A DATE WITH MAD DOG!?
You: It's not a date!!!
Shittykawa: Really? You? Him? Dinner??? Is it not clicking L/n-Chan?
You: His mom is going to be there, dumbass.
Shittykawa: I just can't believe it... You. And Mad Dog??? Of all people???
Me: What's so wrong with that?
Shittykawa: First, I can't believe you chose him over me 😭 Second, he's not exactly the ladies man. He's more the, scare and intimidate everyone he comes in contact with, man.
Me: Oh shut up Shittykawa. Kyotani's cool. Now if you'll excuse me, he's texting me right now. So I'm gonna get to that if you don't mind 😡 Besides, we all know you gay af.
You didn't bother to read what Oikawa texted next.
Mad Puppy: Hey. You still on for tonight?
You: Yeah totally! I'm really looking forwards to it.
Mad Puppy: Cool. My mom's been pestering me about it all fucking morning. It's like she's trying to play matchmaker. It's ducking creepy.
Your heart twinged a bit at that.
You: Oh yeah? Sorry to hear that.
Mad Puppy: It's whatever. Just telling you ahead of time, she's gonna keep this up the whole night. I just know she is. Anyway, I'll call you later ok? I gotta take Killer on a walk.
You: Ok. Talk to you later.
You bury your face in your hands. You had a feeling that tonight was going to take a lot out of you.
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Later that night you stayed close by your phone, just waiting for that call from Kyotani. You had already gotten ready ahead of time, just so you would have to be in a rush later. You wore a short (color) dress with leggings.
(I know that must suck, but give me a break idk what outfit description would satisfy you all lol)
You didn't want to be super dressy but you didn't want to look like a bum in front of Kyotani and his mom. Speaking of, your phone lit up as the ringer went off. You scramble to pick up your phone before answering. "H-hello?"
"Hey, just checking in. You all ready to go?"
"Yep, I'm ready. I'll be over soon."
"Oh uh, actually...I'm on my way to your place....I didn't want you to walk alone at night."
You held back an "aw", you knew it would make him mad. "That's really nice of you Kyotani. Thank you."
"Yeah, I just figured you'd feel more comfortable if you were with someone. Anyway, I'll be there in a few."
"Ok. I'll see you then." You hung up and held your phone to your chest, the brightest smile on your face. Who knew Kyotani could be so nice? You never thought that you would have fallen for someone who looks pissed 24/7, but here you are.
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Shortly after, Kyotani was knocking at your door. You took a deep breath and opened the door. "Hi." You say softly. "Hey." He responds. "You ready to go?" You nod and walk out the door before shutting it. "Oh yeah, forgot to mention, my sister will be there too." He tells you. "Really? What's she like?"
"She's a l bitch." Kyotani says bluntly. "Oh come on." You laugh. "Is she really that horrible?" Kyotani nods. "Yep." You just rolled your eyes. You didn't have a brother or sister, but you understood that siblings would pick fights and "resent" each other from time to time. "Is your dad gonna be there too?" Kyotani remained silent, his eyes narrowed. "No." Oh....You decided not to press for more questions, not yet at least. You didn't want to ruin the night by bringing up touchy subjects.
Before you knew it, you were at his home. Kyotani knocked on the door, which was immediately answered by his mom and Killer, who was barking and jumping on you. "Oh, look at you Y/n! You look stunning! Doesn't she Kentaro?" His mom gushed. Kyotani nods. "Come on in! Dinner is just about ready!" You thanked her before stepping inside. At the table was a girl with black hair and the same yellow eyes as Kyotani sat. She wasn't really paying attention to anything or anyone, aside from her phone, which she tapped away on. "Natsuki, we have a guest. Put that thing down for once!" Her mom says as she walks to the stove. Natsuki sighs heavily and puts her phone down. "Hey." She mutters. "You my dumb little brother's girlfriend or something?" You and Kyotani's faces turn red.
"Shut your trap, Natsuki!" Kyotani growls. "She's way too pretty for you, mutt." She smirks. "I said shut it!"
"Both of you shut up!" Their mother yells. "Sorry about my two idiots Y/n." She smiles. You just wave it off. "Uh, don't worry about it." Kyotani and Natsuki's mother set down a very delicious meal on the table. Everyone sat down and gave thanks for the meal before digging in. "Wow. This is really good!" You say as you take another bite. Kaori smiles warmly. "I'm glad you like it. You should take some home for your family. I may have gotten carried away and made a little too much. I was just so surprised that my son brought over such a sweet and beautiful young lady!" Kyōtani grumbles a curse under his curse. Your face warmed up. "I'm kinda surprised myself." You admit.
"Same here. Ken has always been weird. Never thought girls would be interested in him." Natsuki says bluntly. "Tsk. And I never thought guys would be into you, guess I was right, huh?" Kyotani counters. The two siblings were caught in a glare off with each other. "I say cut it out, both of you!" Kaori hissed.
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The rest of the night was filled with conversations about school, and marriage, much to Kyotani's dismay, and just causal convo. There were more compliments about how nice and cute you were from his mom, and some questions from his sister for you like "so how much did my brother pay you to hang out with him?". They had to be one of the most chaotic family you've met, but you did enjoy their company. It was getting late, time for you to head home. Once again, Kyotani walked you home. "Thanks again." You smile softly. "Yeah, sorry about my mom and sister. Must have been exhausting." You shook your head. "They were great. I had a really good time tonight. Make sure you get back home safe ok?" Kyotani nods. "See ya." He turned ad walked away.  You wave before walking inside your home. Your mother still wasn't home, you decided to head up stairs and catch up on your favorite anime.
While watching, your phone dinged. You looked down to see a text from Kyotani.
🐶Mad Puppy🐶 I had a good time too. Night
You smiled and texted back.
You Good night 😊
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sodasback · 3 years
Text
SPOILERSSSSSSSSSSS
Things I did notttt like in season 2:
Alligators 🐊 …. Yep just alligators
They made JJ seem a lot dumber this season. Like of course we love crazy JJ, but last season he still seemed like he could be a secret genius. Now I’m like alright this is just a dumb 16 year old who strikes gold every once in a while.
The girl John B flirts with at the bonfire … sooooooo cringey like I’m kinda hoping they meant for her to be thattttt cringe so we would just automatically hate her. But I think it was a whole unnecessary level.
Kie says she’s been friends with the boys since kindergarten at one point (alright we’re abandoning the 3rd grade thing fine) …. Like I just don’t get loving/understanding parents disliking your friends THAT much. Like I get Kie gets into a lot of shit because of them, but do they not realize how much those lost boys need a Wendy??
I feel like Kie had a weird trajectory this season, but I think Bailey killed it.
Topper def loves Sarah more than John b does.
Wish there was like something cute between Rafe and Wheezie at some point to make us believe Rafe has a sliver of humanity left in him and that Wheezie (and Ward) is the only person he wouldn’t hurt.
We did not get the scene of Plum pushing JJ against the wall. (Maybe it was supposed to be her instead of the other officer at one point, or there’s a deleted scene that NEEDS to be shared)
We didn’t find out about anyone’s Mom?!!! Like so many opportunities for John B, JJ and the Cameron’s to get a mom backstory. They’re some frickin Disney characters over here with no parents.
Like maybe he’s not supposed to be, but Luke feels wayyyy older than Anna. He graduated like 10 years before her lol and for a split second I was like nooooo JJ and Kie are brother and sister somehow?!!!! Lol glad that didn’t happen
I get he was going off the deep end and it would have been super creepy and tooooooo inappropriate but the Drew Starkey lover in me wants him to at least FLIRT with someone. I feel like when he’s all drunk at the bar, he could have at least flirted with a person. It would have been cringey but still.
Sad Pope and John B didn’t like acknowledge the fact that John B kissed Kie in season 1. Like something stupid about bro code but then John b being like I dgaf. Anddddd I kinda felt like there was perfect opportunities in the last episode for Kie realizing she loves JJ to be like “well I kissed the other 2 already might as well give this a shot before I finally realize I’m a lesbian and Sarah and I are meant for each other.”
Everything medical except for JJ’s explanation of rebound pain in appendicitis. Everything else was soooo bad. They use the ambu bag backwards. WORST fake CPR I’ve ever seen. She was dead for minutesssssss; that would have caused brain damage for sure. The “paramedic” who doesn’t know how to give epinephrine???
The amount of times Rafe almost kills Sarah. Feels like a lot lol calm down bro
I wanted something different/more between Jj and luke. Idk what but I feel like that could have hit better
Also feel like they could have done some serious foreshadowing in the whole JJ after his dad is gone and his little speech into really making us think they killed him in that last episode.
John B’s mom supposedly being alive and not hearing about or acknowledging her son is probably on international news several times in the last few weeks and ya know might get the death penalty apparently.
Things I Loveddddddd:
Heyward. That’s it.
Topper redemption
Kie and Luke *chefs kiss
How John B narrates at the beginning that everyone dies, making us think that we’re gonna lose a lot of ppl this season and it’s going to be Game of Thrones level of no plot armor for the characters and then literally not one of them dies. Like everyone we think dies comes back to life. Lol …. I love this in an ironic way.
Rafe’s “nature kills” speech
Every time Rafe talks to Barry and gets all hot
I wasn’t like a big shipper of anyone really, but after JJ asked how Pope was in bed, I was like kayyyyy they have to.
Love that Pope was the MVP this season. Like it was his season.
Ward not choosing his children …like I’m really glad they didn’t do that. Even though I def wouldn’t blame him for being like oh shit Rafe’s a psycho
There were some ACAB vibes that I liked. But glad we got some Shoupe redemption too.
Barry realizing Rafe is a psycho. Lol
Jorge!!!! I’m so glad we saw him again, but he didn’t mention the bike
John B and JJ reunion, but I feel like they should have leaned into it more
John B finally being like ...okay let me save my friends and surrendering to the cops. 
“Kay round 3 bitch” 
Drew has to come back next season otherwise this was all dumb af. soooo we’re getting more Drew. like there’s no way out of it!! 
I’m def gonna think of more later lol Thoughts???
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kuiinncedes · 3 years
Text
come morning light
another shadowhunter au oneshot time lol 🤪 this is directly related to my last one “and you knew what it was” (takes place before it) but you don’t necessarily need to read that first (it might make this one make more sense tho there’s like more background i guess kinda lol 😋)
kinda angsty mostly hurt/comfort-y and it is a shadowhunter fic so there’s a little bit of description of violence and injury but nothing graphic
title from “safe and sound” by taylor swift
also as always lmk if anyone wants any shadowhunter things to be explained :]
the full fic is under the cut and also on ao3!!! :DDD ahhh the first new fic i’m posting on tumblr and ao3 at the same time lol 🤪
--
“I’m fine,” Tina manages to say, teeth clenched and hand pressed to her side.
“You’re very much not,” Kurt says, all but dragging her over to a corner alley, out of the way of demons. “Don’t even try to pretend.” 
“What are you - I need to be out there - ”
“Getting yourself killed is not going to help Quinn,” Kurt hisses, but not unkindly, gripping Tina’s arms -- not too tightly, he hopes. He feels the tension in her muscles give in under his hands and then a sob bursts out of her like she can’t control it, and her hands shoot up to cover her mouth. The sobs tear out and part of Kurt’s mind thinks, finally, because, fuck, Kurt knows.
He recognizes this, recognizes it in Tina, but also recognizes it because he’s been so close to it himself lately. He’s been there. 
He helps Tina stand up against the wall, scribbling a quick iratze below her collarbone and watching for the demons because, by the Angel --
“Now is not a good time for this, babe,” he whispers gently, mostly to himself. He adds an amissio rune beside the iratze just in case; he didn’t get to see how deep the cut went, or if there was poison or anything, in which case it will be a much bigger problem. Thank the Angel that his rune-drawing has always been perfect, even when he’s barely looking and just scratching them out as quickly as humanly possible. 
“Stay here,” he says, and he knows Tina would object if she could, but Kurt really just needs to get rid of these demons as soon as fucking possible because there are fucking mundanes nearby and it’s so hard to keep track of everything when he feels the same, when he feels like he’s unraveling and has been for the last two days --
But Quinn is okay, he has to remind himself before he can start spiraling too. The parabatai bond doesn’t lie. He can feel it.
So the demons. 
Luckily, it’s a relatively common, relatively mindless brand of demon -- Kurt never knows the species off the top of his head, doesn’t care enough to memorize them except for the really dangerous ones -- and he’s able to surprise them, taking two out right off the bat. The other three give him some trouble, and he very nearly misses what would’ve been a more than somewhat painful strike but he gets away almost unscathed. A check on his Sensor that there aren’t any more demons in the immediate area, a check around him to make sure everything was well-glamoured and no mundanes saw anything of note, a quick iratze while he’s doing that and he’s back to Tina, who doesn’t look much different.
It’s not the first time Kurt’s had to help Tina calm down when the stress -- the everything -- gets too much and it just bursts out. It is the first time it’s happened in a situation that was so high-stress itself, so that was a little harrowing, but since that part’s over now, thankfully… 
He talks to her about their newest design ideas, which had screeched to somewhat of a halt because of Quinn, but they still float around in his head and he takes them out at night, modifies and deletes and creates and designs until he can fall asleep, so he catches Tina up on what he’s been doing with them. He talks about dumb stories of himself and Quinn when they were younger, training together to be parabatai and sparring when neither of them knew how to spar and they nearly killed each other, whether from incompetence or later, from overcharged feelings and tension during arguments. He talks about everything and nothing until Tina’s sobs have turned into slow breaths and an air of defeat.
Kurt takes her hand and stops talking. He’s not quite on the level of Mercedes or even Quinn in being able to tell what Tina needs right now, so he just waits. They have time; he assumes she probably wasn’t planning on getting much sleep tonight, anyway. Neither was he.
Tina calms down and opens her mouth to speak, taking a little breath, but Kurt interrupts, “If you’re about to say ‘sorry,’ forget about it.” Tina freezes and he smiles a little. 
She ducks her head with a breathy laugh. “Okay,” she whispers.
Kurt stands up and offers his hand. “Come on,” he says. “Let’s get some food to eat while watching a dumb cheesy movie instead of sleeping to take our minds off of the shitshow that is life as a Shadowhunter.”
“That sounds nice,” Tina says with a wince as she gets up, hand hovering back over her injured side that Kurt all but forgot about until now. Before she can say anything, he draws another iratze by the faded scar from the first one. 
“Better?” he asks after a moment, already prepared to immediately have to either draw another or pull out his phone to call Mike or the Silent Brothers. 
Tina nods, shooting him a grateful smile. “Thank you.” Kurt can hear the weight of everything she’s including in the statement; he smiles back at her.
#there is an annoying lack of mercedes in my fics 😔 annoying to myself#idk what to do about it apparently i've gotten into writing this trio most often lmao#not even as a trio really just a pair of them and then always thinking about the other one lol#what even is my writing why does this just start in the middle of nowhere and end in the middle of nowhere#why is that lowkey all i know how to do XD#this was also started during my fucking tumblr break laskhgufhdgjk like late at night and i just#dumped a bunch of words#apparently nothing gives writing inspiration like being on a tumblr break when ur addicted to tumblr and bored in the middle of the night#also i have a comment on my doc: 'lmao beth harmon who' as in from the queens gambit#bonus points if u guess where i left that comment 😂🤪#i should leave myself comments more idk why i don't bc then also i can remember the ~thoughts~ i have lol#anywayyyyyy i think that's it lmao#quinntina#my ficsssss#glee fic#glee#i don't remember how i tag these lol#this starts almost exactly like my klaine shadowhunter fic ..... idk how to write anything else apparently lmao just ~ignore that~ 😂#ew now if i edit after posting which i Often do i also have to edit it on ao3 ldksghljsdf#i was really nervous to post this earlier and now i'm not.... don't know if that's good lmao#this is like on a much smaller scale ofc something i've done before like i just break down crying when i'm stressed which is funnnnnn#especially in class during a socratic exammmmm two years in a rowwwwww and my brain still likes to embarrass myself with that memoryyyyyy :D#memories plural 🥰 lmao anywayyy
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whatiwillsay · 3 years
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Hey Cam... It's the roommate anon from Nat's blog, and I'm kinda totally freaking out a little bit again (kind of my brand at this point), and I know that you're a lesbian (at least, I think you are?), and I'm just trying to stay like calm at the moment.
And this is like a personal question and stuff, so I totally get it if you don't wanna answer, like no pressure at all. You can just delete this ask, and it'll be totally fine, I won't mind.
But did you ever like really struggle with accepting your sexuality, and did you ever get in these kinds of moods where you just felt really anxious about everything and like you really needed to try to be straight again?
It's such a dumb, stupid, embarrassing thing that's triggered this. Basically, roomie's wearing this like white T shirt that's very thin, and all she did was lean back on the couch and put her hands behind her head, except it was giving me really gay thoughts, and now I'm having a HUGE resurgence of internalized homophobia and really honestly and truly freaking the fuck out :/
No, like I'm literally hiding in one of our bathrooms right now. I locked the door, and I'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub typing this... all over a T shirt. Like it's so stupid, and I know that I'm gonna laugh about this later, but right now, I'm just so anxious.
And I kinda wanna just go back to guys. Like I feel like I really need to go back to guys and that I need to go back to being "straight", but I'm just trying to ignore that.
And I kinda feel like I can't breathe properly, and my chest just feels tight from the anxiety, and it's like so silly, right? Like it's so dumb. I mean, it's not like I haven't literally seen more than that before, but I think it's just because I know that I'm a lesbian now that I just feel really anxious about it. Things were different when I was "straight". I never felt anxious about any of this when I was "straight". Like nothing like this ever bothered me.
And now, my mind's like, "Go watch a homophobic video on YouTube." You know those rant videos that conservatives make where they just go on and on about how we're like immoral and wrong and all of that? My brain is really trying to convince me to go and watch one of those.
And I just eally needed some kind of distraction, and so I came on Tumblr, and I saw you on my dash, and I was like, "Okay, Cam's a lesbian, right? Maybe she can help."
(If you're not a lesbian, I'm sorry, idk where I got that idea from.)
But is this stuff even normal? Because in my mind, it does feel really ridiculous. Like oh wow, a hot girl's wearing a thin T shirt, let's go and lock ourselves in the bathroom and essentially try to do conversion therapy on ourselves. Like it's so silly, right. I know that it's dumb. And I know that I'm gonna be making jokes about this later. But right now, I'm just not feeling great about it at all.
Do you have any advice? And did you ever go through anything like this yourself with the internalized homophobia and the anxiety and this need to try to be straight when you first realized that you liked girls? Is this like a common thing, or is it more of a rare thing?
My head just hurts. You don't even have to give like proper advice, like even just a sentence would really help. You could even just reply with an emoji lol, and I would still appreciate it.
Also, could you maybe link me to any of your favorite Dianna interviews or videos? You don't have to, but I feel like it might just be a good distraction for me because I don't really know anything about Dianna or her personality at the moment, and so I've been meaning to watch some Dianna videos, but I wasn't really sure which ones to start with. Thank you
ok anon i want you to take a deep breath and look down at your hands and quickly count all your knuckles on each hand and try to ground yourself and then repeat after me, “what i’m going through is scary and hard but that’s part of being human and cam loves me a lot and is with me in this moment and isn’t gonna let me go through this alone.”  because i am with you! and i do love you! and i’m not gonna let you go through this alone (none of us are!) 
that feeling of repulsion at your natural attraction is really normal and i (and many others) have felt that.  girl i was just out on a walk and a very good looking girl ran by me on a jog and i deadass turned around and started to walk home i was so thrown by how hot she was and like it made me feel a bit paralyzed!  like that happened 15 minutes ago to me and i’ve been out to myself for quite a while!  it’s normal (esp for women i think) to feel overly self-conscious about our feelings and attractions because i think we’re so sensitive to people creeping on us we would never want to feel like we’re creeping on someone else.
but girl your roomie lets you see her naked i’m pretty sure she won’t mind you appreciating her form a bit and also noticing someone is attractive is not some kind of invasive or bad thing to do so please go easy on yourself!
here’s a dianna interview i like!
youtube
and if you’re so inclined you could listen to me and @thatskepticalbitchcara on our podcast 👀👀👀
here’s a link to my favorite episode
anyway i’m glad you anonned me, please always feel free to do so if you like! i love hearing from you and i love your story and i saw you told rep you had an internet crush on me and i just want you to know the feeling is mutual! 
sending you so much love and strength angel it’s gonna be ok! ❤️❤️❤️
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