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mermaidgirl30 · 2 months

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✨Welcome to the Moulin Rouge✨

A/N: I have been wanting to write a Joel inspired Moulin Rouge story for a couple months now. Didn’t know what the storyline would be, didn’t know how to quite put it together until I was listening to “Mr. Brightside” by The Killers. Needless to say, the song majorly inspired this one shot. So I hope you enjoy all the angsty Joel feelings since this is in his POV 🥰 We love a good angsty, jealous Joel. Enjoy, lovelies! This might very well turn into a full series once I finish up some of my other wips if people are interested ❤️ Comments and reblogs always make my day 💕

“His eyes upon your face. His hand upon your hand. His lips caress your skin. It’s more than I can stand.”

- “El Tango De Roxanne” from Moulin Rouge

Rating: Explicit (18+ MDNI)

Pairings: Joel x you

Word Count: 1.5k

Tags: Angst, longing, love, jealousy, flashbacks, no outbreak! Joel

Summary: Welcome to the Moulin Rouge where touches and gazing eyes turn to feelings and longing that overpowers all senses. That’s where Joel meets you, the girl of all his desires. The girl that starts a fire inside him that he can’t control. But he’s not the only one after her. No. And he’ll have to share even though it destroys him.

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

The night is dark, foggy, a haze of misty rainfall that pelts against his thin tan jacket. Drip, drip. The rain comes down harder, beating against the slicked back tousled curls that now lay flat against his head. The air is cold, numbing, just like his chest feels now. It’s as icy as his begrudging, still beating heart.

He can hear it, feel it. Almost like he’s there in the room right now with you. He can feel the way the other man claws at your soft skin, hear the stadistic words that spray like venom out of his dirty mouth to you, can taste the way he dips his vicious tongue into your inviting mouth as you swallow the guilt and disgust away deep down your closed up throat. It burns like hot lava, burns like the back of a knife that cuts deep into his skin that smothers all nerve endings in one slice.

He can hear your faint cry of moans, feel you come apart around the other man, taste the stench of regret on your binded hands. You’re supposed to be his, not the other man’s. Mine, mine, mine. That’s all that plays in his aching mind.

Jealousy. That’s what this is, that’s what it’s always been. Ever since he found out that you belonged to him. Terrance. The other man. The absolute pain in his spine. And it wasn’t by choice, it was never by choice. It was arranged, an untieable agreement that was set in place by your uncle long before he even knew about it.

It was about money. It was always about the fucking money. It was to save your future, to get you out of the Moulin Rouge. But it was also about all the money your uncle would get out of the arrangement. And it was so fucked that he couldn’t quite wrap his head around the mess he was tangled in, but he wanted you. He wanted you so goddamn bad and nothing could keep him from having you.

The rain continues, lightning crackling in the near distance as the Moulin Rouge sign blinks big red letters over the whole city to see. It’s pulling the men in, calling their names to invite them into the twisted little fantasy where they’ll spend all their money and pay anything to sleep with the beautiful women of the Moulin Rouge.

The jealousy eats at him, consumes him as it twists its suffocating roots around his wrists and binds him to the ground where he has to watch you go into that back room of the Moulin Rouge with Terrance night after night.

It’s dismantling, unnerving to watch when there’s nothing he can do. He’s just a poor carpenter. He has no money to save you from this hell, has nothing to give except himself. But you always tell him that’s enough, that he’s enough for you. Because you want him, just like he wants you. He tells you he’s not good enough for you, can’t give you a bright future that you deserve. But you tell him he’s enough, more than enough. And it shakes him to the core every single time you tell him this.

His fingernails dig into the backs of his palms, almost to the point of feeling warm blood all over his hands. It’s too much, this is too much. He can hardly stand to even think of you in another man's arms. It burns, stings, pulls at him as his mind breaks apart. Ticking and ticking until he’s almost combusted into dust and remorse.

He needs to feel you, needs to wrap you in his arms as he holds you close in his little barely affordable single bedroom apartment. You always say you don’t care about the money, always say you just want him. And it makes the yearning even worse. Makes it barely tolerable.

You’ll come back, run to him when it’s all over, tell him how much you hate Terrance. Tell him how mean and cruel he is and that he just uses your body like a piece of meat, a golden trophy to display to all the rich, entitled pricks in that burlesque. It makes him sick, sicker than a starving dog. He wants to wring Terrance’s neck until he stops breathing, wants to really make him feel the pain that he does when you’re rolling around the sheets with Terrance, forced to perform for him. It makes him sick to death.

He takes a drag of his cheap Marlboro and inhales the toxic smoke as it soothes his racing heart, slowly blowing it out to try and clear his foggy, lovesick brain. He can almost smell the expensive brand of Cuban cigar Terrance lights after he fucks you, can almost see the way you lay there cold, lonely, in a heap of shame against the damp sheets. And it makes his skin absolutely boil with fury and resentment.

He’s not like Terrance. No. He cares about you, deeply, irrevocably. He’s always so careful with you, always so gentle and soothing and loving. He never does anything to hurt you, always puts your needs first, always takes care of you after he makes love to you in his tiny apartment. He loves you. Just like you love him, immensely.

He remembers the first night he came to the burlesque. He wasn’t even supposed to be here, but he found a group of unlikely writers that dragged him to the Moulin Rouge, to his doom. Remembers how he bought a bottle of whiskey that was so expensive he didn’t eat for two days after. He remembers the night so clearly, just like it was yesterday. Just like it was happening now.

He remembers seeing you for the first time up on that lit up stage, remembers how you kept glancing his way, eyes locking with his as you pulled him into a trance that was so strong that nothing could break it. He was hooked on the first look of your long waves that spiraled down your back, entranced by your big, beautiful eyes that called to him like a siren’s forbidden song, captured with the way your short, flowy pink dress hiked up your smooth thighs as tall, translucent heels wrapped around your feet as tight as they latched on to him.

He wasn’t supposed to end up in that dark room alone with you, wasn’t supposed to put his calloused hands on your smooth porcelain skin, wasn’t meant to dance with you to that slow, romantic song as he wrapped his arms around you and breathed in your sweet vanilla perfume. He wasn’t supposed to cup your chin and pull your lips up to his wanting mouth, wasn’t supposed to chase his tongue with yours as he drank down your cherry flavored taste, wasn’t supposed to get lost in your lips as he kissed and nipped at the plush skin, getting drunk off your taste, off your scent, off your skin.

He wasn't supposed to fall for you after one kiss, wasn’t supposed to tear off your dress and throw you on the bed as he crawled onto the silky sheets and crowded your body with his own. He wasn’t supposed to make love to you, wasn’t supposed to even be near you, but he did. He did. And it was the best thing he ever decided to do in his miserable life.

He was hooked right off the bat by your charm and your beautiful smile and the way you talked about your love of books. He wasn’t supposed to keep seeing you in secret, wasn’t supposed to keep coming back to you inside the burlesque, wasn’t supposed to fall for you when you had your entire life mapped out already.

He wasn’t supposed to fall completely in love with you. But he did, he did. So he’d take what he could, even if it was forbidden. Even if it meant there was a chance of getting caught. It was worth it to him, you were worth it. If he was caught, Terrance would surely put a gun to his head and pull the trigger, end the suffering he has to endure day after day. But he can’t stay away from you. No. You were his, and he was yours. Two doomed souls to walk the eternities of hell at the Moulin Rouge. Two fiery souls that burned for the other, pined for each other.

Forbidden love is like a bad habit that takes over every bleeding thought of the day. Inescapable, paralyzing, intoxicating. It feeds on you like a slow, corrupting disease. Consumes every part of your anxious, debilitating thoughts. But if that means he can have you, he’ll suffer. For you. For you he’ll do anything. Cross the entire ocean just to see your bright, starry eyes one last time. For you he’ll do it all. Anything. For you are his perfect diamond in the rough, his constant. Just as he is yours. The forbidden fruit you were never allowed to taste. But you did, you did.

Welcome to the Moulin Rouge where tainted dreams die and longing for the unreachable becomes your worst nightmare. The only thing that holds you up now is him. Only him. Your favorite forbidden desire. Your escape. Your lover.

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scarletttries · 1 year

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Forever Mine (Kendall Roy Succession Request)

Pairing: Kendall Roy (Succession) x F! Reader

Rating: Explicit (Breeding Kink/ Jealous Kendall)

Word Count: 2.1k

Request: "Hiii Scarlett!!! I LOVE to read your kendall roy writings💜 can you write something about kendall trying to get you pregnant( bc I LOVED breeding kink) ?? Or having rough sex bc getting jealous of one of his friends' attention to u??"

Author's note: Thank you so much for this excellent request, I kind of combined the two ideas into the below fic for you 🥰💕

Forever Mine

"How can a company that makes more money than really exists in the world still need more investors?" You sighed into your fizzing glass of champagne as you continued to circulate through the crowd, Gerri stifling a laugh at your side.

"How'd you think the rich stay rich? They never use their own money for anything." She feigned a smile as a group of men shuffled past, their metaphorical wallets straining against the fabric of their designer suits as they moved. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go make them all feel important, so I can keep my job." You could see her eyes roll as she plastered on a fake smile and left you stood by the bar, hoping that Kendall would get bored soon enough and call it a night for the both of you. You never minded being his plus one to events like this, the chance to see him in his charming element not one you'd pass up, Ken stealing glances your way all night with a smile on his face that he only wore for you. But after a few hours the conversations always wore a little thin, and you usually found one of the old guard hovering beside you to make sure you weren't doing anything that might get people commenting.

"Are you waiting for a drink?" An strangely familiar voice snapped you back to reality, spinning on your heels to find a tall, well-built man in his fifties smiling at you like a lion spying a gazelle.

"No, I'm all set thank you, just pausing here for a moment." You replied with a courteous smile, taking a small step backwards as if you were blocking the bar that spanned the length of the decadent hall.

"Would you mind if I 'pause' with you for a moment?" It was then that you placed his suave voice in your mind, the man an up-and-coming congressman that couldn't stop appearing on ATN news shows, repeating whatever lines Logan's team had written from him that day. As he leaned over the bar to ask for a whiskey you took the opportunity to glance around for an exit plan, but with groups of investors all deep in conversation on every side of you, you swallowed the acid in your throat and resigned yourself to an uncomfortable conversation with the awful man in front of you.

"Of course, it's a pleasure to meet you congressman." Kendall would've been able to tell your polite tone was entirely fake, but the man in front of you smirked proudly at the title, pleased you knew who he was and hoping to score more than financial backing from you this evening.

"The pleasure's all mine." He stretched out the hand that wasn't holding an ornate crystal glass, taking what should have been a courteous handshake way too far as he leant forward to bring his lips to the top of your hand, still curled in a stomach curdling smirk as they pressed against your skin. "Now tell me, exactly how much would I have to invest in Waystar for you to leave this shindig with me tonight?"

"You might have better luck if you don't hit on the date of the richest man in here." Before you could spit out your own retort, you heard the dark drawl of Kendall appearing beside you, face twisted in stoney discontent as the political pawn tried to save face a little.

"Fair enough, I know when I'm beat." He raised his hands in fake surrender as he backed away, but not before throwing a final uncomfortable wink your way, "You know who I am, if you change your mind." You could feel Kendall's hand fall to your lower back in response, trying to keep you in the palm of his hand, as if this disgusting character could actually pull you away from him. Hoping to lighten the tension between the two men before Kendall pulled some strings and ended this man's career, you let out an uneasy laugh,

"Well you've got my vote." You cringed at the hollow chuckle from Kendall beside you as your politician smiled again and stepped off into the crowd, looking for easier prey, leaving you to try and reassure the embodiment of jealousy beside you.

"Kendall, you know-"

"You ready to get out of here?" He cut you off before you could start, the unsettling smile on his face difficult to read as he threaded his fingers through yours and scouted out the nearest lift to take you out of the events hall and up to the hotel suites the Roy family had booked out for the night.

"Yeah, of course, let's go love." You said the final word extra softly, watching the corners of his mouth twitch slightly, unable to contain his warmth at the affectionate pet name, your love the truest thing he'd known in his complex life.

You felt his hand squeeze yours as he led you through the crowd until finally the two of you were alone, the chirpy elevator music cutting through an otherwise tense silence.

"You know I was trying to be polite Ken." You offered reassuringly, Kendall keeping his gaze fixed to the floor numbers illuminating on the touch screen beside you.

"I know honey, it's not your fault men can't fucking stay away from you." His tone was almost vindicative as the doors finally opened on your floor, a sprawling penthouse for just the two of you, another exquisite home away from home for the night.

The moment the doors behind you slid shut, Kendall was on top of you, his teeth clashing against yours with the sheer force of his passion. The crash of his lips took your breath away as his hands found your hips, gripping them tight enough that the silky fabric of your dress bunched in handfuls as he guided your back to the chaise longue that stood at the opening of the suite, the bedroom far too great a distance to travel.

As your lower back met the antique fabric, Kendall's hands skimmed up your the length of your spine, sending shivers through your body as his lips moved hungrily to your neck, a devouring the soft flesh there enough to leave a trail of deep purple lovebites,

"Why is it so fucking hard for everyone to see that you're mine?" Kendall panted into your neck as he pulled the straps of your dress down your shoulders, handling you with rough, frantic movements, his chest heaving against yours as he worked to free you from the satin that came between you.

"I'm all yours Kendall." You breathed out as your dress hit the floor, relishing in the guttural growl the words drew from the still fully-dressed man, drinking in the sight of you as he cupped your cheek in his hand and drew you in for another hungry kiss.

"I know love, I just think we need to make that more obvious." His tongue danced against yours as his eye fluttered shut, shrugging off his jacket as you pushed it from his shoulders. His lips trailed over your chin and down your throat as he sunk to his knees. He sucked and nipped at your exposed skin, his hands running along your sides as his head sank between your breasts before settling at your stomach, peppering the soft curves with kisses as his fingers tugged your panties down your thighs, helping you step out of them so nothing obstructed his perfect view of your body.

"How are we gonna do that?" You questioned absentmindedly as you let the sensation flooding from his sinking kisses run through your veins, his lips inching closer and closer to your tingling centre. You didn't miss the devilish glint in his eye as he paused and looked up at you, face hovering so close to your entrance you could feel his hot breath against your sensitive skin.

"I can think of two ways." He nuzzled his nose softly against your clit and watched the way your body reacted so desperately to his touch, your hips twitching forward and your chest rising as you gasped at the contact. His tongue darted forward to add to the sensation, lapping at the bundle of nerves while one hand snaked up your inner thigh. The moan you let out as he hummed against you only made him happier as his fingers toyed with your slit, now wet with your slick from the way he'd manhandled you. "It's so easy for me to tell you're all mine when you get this wet for me." His fingers dipped inside your entrance as he spoke, you knees all but buckling at the relief in your throbbing core at the contact, the arm of the sofa behind you the only thing keeping you upright.

"All for you Kendall." His name came out entirely in moan as he plunged two of his fingers into you with a frantic rhythm, wanting to get you more than ready to feel the rest of him deep inside you.

"Maybe I should let everyone know just how much you like my fingers inside you by putting a fucking enormous diamond on yours." He watched, enamoured by the way you eyes shot open at his words before clenching shut as his lips found your clit again, bringing you so close to the edge of your pleasure that all you could do was smile and hum in agreement at his words. As he started to feel the familiar tremble of your thighs he pulled his hand away, groaning at the needy whimper that left your lips as he did.

"Ken?" Your eyes were as pleading as your words as you watched him unbuckle his belt, rubbing your thighs together to try and ease some of the frustration that was pulsing in your centre.

"I think the second way is much more fun though." His eyes were dark with desire as he kicked off his dress pants, letting you see his hard length leaking excitedly as he grabbed your hips and helped you fall backwards onto the long loveseat behind you, quickly following suit, kneeling in between your thighs to keep your legs spread for him. He ran his tip through your dripping folds, watching you whine and flinch at the sensation, trying to drive him into action,

"What's the second way to let people know I'm all yours?" Kendall watched your chest rise and fall as you panted out the words, so sensitive from being brought to the edge that his teasing had you writhing around underneath him. Grinning like a devil he finally lined himself up with your entrance, waiting until he spoke to buck his hips harshly into you.

"To get you pregnant. Fuck!" He cried out as slammed his hips against yours, hitting the spot deep inside you that had you arching your back and crying out in agreement. "You'd like that wouldn't you. For everyone to know how well you take my dick. How full I get you."

"Yes daddy," You moaned, overwhelmed by his relentless pace as he fucked hard and fast into you, his hands running over your stomach until they reach your bouncing chest. His hands cupped your breasts, fingertips teasing your nipples as he stared down at you, completely dominating your body.

"Everyone would be able to see these get bigger, and I bet they'd get so sensitive I could have you in tears just playing with your nipples. We can practice you having my lips on them all day until you've soaked through every set of fucking lingerie I've ever bought you." He could see the wide desperation in your eyes as your pleasure climbed again, every pinch and thrust setting every cell in your body alight.

"I'm so close, please." You cried out, volume almost a scream as you begged for your release, Kendall's own thrusts losing rhythm as he fought to make this moment last forever.

"You want me to cum in you? You want me to fill you up and make you lie here until your carrying my seed? Until it's clear to everyone that you're mine forever?" His questions were all but drowned out by the chanting yeses that spill from your lips as your walls clenched around him and your body started to shake with your release.

"Yes Ken, I'm yours forever." You managed to breathe out as the waves of pleasure washed over you, amplified by the incredibly feeling of him spilling inside you, the warmth deep in your abdomen somehow more intense than usual knowing that Kendall's breeding kink had been fully awakened, and he wouldn't satisfied until he'd filled you with as much of him as you could take.

Leaning forward his elbows settled either side of your head, lips meeting yours for a sweet kiss as he repeated the words, "Mine. Forever."

"All yours love." You echoed softly, the devotion in his eye clear as his lips returned to yours again and again, drinking in the sweet taste of your affections.

"You know we're not leaving this room until you're so full of my cum, it's dripping out of you, right?"

#writing #fanfiction #one shot #requests #kendall roy headcanon #kendall roy succession #kendall roy x reader #kendall roy #kendall roy imagine #kendall roy smut #kendall succession #succession imagine

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doctorgerth · 1 year

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a/n: Ngl, this piece had me kicking my feet ahhh I’m down so bad for Smoker 🥰 He’s such a grumpy gus when he’s in love <3 Not sure if I really captured Smoker/Tashigi’s relationship well here, my apologies! Read to find out if Smoker gets a lil lip action or not! 😉💕

pairing: Smoker x GN!Reader

word count: 1.6k

candy heart prompt: Miss You — Missing the Other

SMOKER + MISS YOU

You’d been away on your mission for a few days now and Smoker wasn’t handling it well.

The Marines were uneasy, sensing their Commander’s own unease taking over the entirety of the base like a thick fog. Most avoided his presence unless directly commanded by him as they noticed he was grumpier than usual, enforcing mundane tasks out of frustration and rebuking his subordinates for even the tiniest of mistakes. One person was able to place Smoker’s discontent, and she only gently teased him about it.

“It seems a little gloomy without (Y/N) around. Don’t you agree, sir?” Tashigi spoke up in the quiet office as she organized a drawer in one of the filing cabinets.

He only grunted, not even bothering to look up as he continued scanning documents, scribbling notes, and signing his name. Tashigi spent a lot of time organizing papers that could keep her superior distracted enough to lessen his fussing at Marines undeserving. He preferred seclusion anyhow, that much she understood. What she failed to understand was that she was encroaching on said seclusion. Especially as she kept pushing the subject of you. Wasn’t the point of all this to keep him from thinking of you?

“I hope (Y/N) is okay. I wonder how the mission is going. Do you think they’ve met any interesting people?”

The idea of you meeting people, both dangerous and friendly, left a bitter taste in his mouth. He was fully confident in your capabilities, he wouldn’t have signed off on your mission otherwise, but the fact that he was not there to ward off anybody with any sort of ill intentions towards you made his gut twist. Smoker didn’t even want to think about the friendly ones. Who was making you laugh, keeping you company, who you might be interested in. He’s always felt a sense of protectiveness towards his subordinates, but there was something entirely different in his sense of protectiveness towards you. He’d never felt jealous in regards to his other subordinates, to put it plainly.

Tashigi was rambling while Smoker’s thoughts were once again riddled with you. Your name curved easily along a signature line meant for him as your name slipped past his mentee’s mouth in every other sentence. He mentally cursed and balled up the paper, throwing it at Tashigi’s forehead to shut her up. She gasped as it bounced off her glasses, making them crooked in the aftermath, and landed on the floor with a soft thud.

“What exactly are you trying to do here, Tashigi?” he growled. If she said your name one more time…

She glared at him as she straightened her glasses and picked up the paper, unfurling it much to his horror but he remained stoic as her eyes lit up with pure amusement upon reading his penmanship of your name, “Just trying to get you to realize that you miss them. That’s all, sir.”

“And what good do you think that will do?” he barked out. He was painfully aware that he missed you from the moment you stepped off base. It wouldn’t bring you back any sooner, and it wouldn’t make him feel any better by coming to terms with it.

“Have you told them how you felt?” she pushed. Always pushing.

Could she see the red heat he felt creeping up his neck? “I’m not having this discussion with you. You can either leave my office or I’ll have you fired for inappropriate conversations in the workplace.”

Tashigi pursed her lips, muttering under her breath, “Well, in that case you should be fired for having inappropriate feelings in the workplace.”

“What was that?” Smoker bellowed as he stood from his chair, nearly biting his cigars in half. He felt his right eye begin to twitch and he had half a mind to throw another paper ball at her. Maybe enough paper balls from the entire stack of the piss-poor distracting paperwork.

Tashigi waved her hands in front of her in surrender, “Nothing! What I meant to tell you is that (Y/N) is…”

“Stop saying their name!”

“I’ve only been gone for five days and you two are already bickering?” Your voice echoed down the hall and he wondered if was imagining your voice again. Yet there you were, standing in his office, not a scratch on you as you sported that comforting smile on your face he’d missed so much. He felt his shoulders relax as he exhaled the breath he’d been holding since you left.

“Returning today,” Tashigi finished, turning to you with a salute, “Welcome back, Captain.”

“It’s great to be back,” you grinned, keeping your eyes trained on the tall, speechless, white-haired Marine officer standing stiff behind his desk, “I missed the G-5.”

After a quiet moment of longing stares, his body finally began working as he discarded his cigars in the ashtray and his boots echoed heavy as they approached you. Such a simple thing, but you missed the sound of them. Now that he was standing before you, towering over you, you realized you missed the smell of smoke too, along with the warmth he constantly radiated when standing so close. Your body reacted to every sense of him. You missed him dearly.

Tashigi quietly slipped out, gently closing the door behind her as she left to finally give her superior the privacy he’d wanted.

“Didn’t miss me too bad, did you, Commander?” you teased, stepping closer, an unseen force pulling you closer to him. That same force tugged consistently at your heart for the five long days you were away.

He smiled, a notion reserved only for you, as he pinched your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “Only a little, I suppose.”

There it was, that tension between the two of you that only grew stronger with each moment you were alone. It felt near suffocating after your time apart. You knew he didn’t speak to anyone else like this, didn’t stand so close to anyone else like this, didn’t look at anyone else like this. You were something else to him, and he to you. Something beyond Marine rankings and camaraderie. As shameful as it was for a Commodore to pursue his subordinate, you weren’t sure how much longer you could hold your feelings back. You’d hoped your mission would have cleared your head, but it only drew you closer to him. Made you crave his affections even more.

Intimate touches have been exchanged in secrecy between the two of you as feelings were realized, but you needed to feel his lips against yours. To know for sure that he wanted this too. You wanted so desperately to make this agonizing yet exhilarating tension tangible. The way he continued to hold your chin up, brown eyes reflecting the loving stare you offered him, forehead colliding softly with yours, it felt as if the pieces were finally falling into place.

His eyes were first to flutter close, making your heart do somersaults in your chest, and as you followed suit, you felt the ghost of a kiss along your lips before the echoing purururu of his Den Den Mushi made the two of you jump.

Smoker’s eyes opened, staring down at you as if he was seeking your approval to ignore the call. He could care less if the entire world was ending. All that he wanted was standing right in front of him. He didn’t want to lose this moment.

“You’d better answer that.” Your hand caressed his cheek, thumb grazing across his stubble as you reassured him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

He groaned loudly, like a child throwing a tantrum, and stomped over to his desk, answering the phone with distinct annoyance, “What the hell do you want?”

Silence. His furrowed brows softened, face slackened.

“Yes, sir. I understand. Thank you.”

You grew a bit worried, unable to read him as he hung up the receiver with a quick gacha. Smoker ran his fingers through his hair, making you feel overwhelmed with adoration and anxiety as you waited with bated breath.

“Is everything okay?” You were almost afraid to ask.

Another long beat of silence. You were sure you weren’t breathing at all, until he finally relayed the message with a smirk on his face.

“I got promoted to Vice Admiral.”

The happy sound you emitted was sure enough to alert the whole base as you threw your arms around his neck and squeezed him tight. Smoker squeezed back eagerly, cherishing the feeling of having you in his arms. He was unable to express it, but he hoped you knew that he was glad you were the first person he got to tell; that you were by his side when he got the news. Climbing the ranks to increase his ability to act freely has always been his goal, but the promotion felt a bit sweeter having you to celebrate with.

Tashigi returned to the room out of concern, coughing awkwardly when she caught the two of you still locked in an embrace. When Smoker shared the news, passers-by overheard and entered the office with almost hesitant congratulations. Soon enough, his entire office was full of subordinates all congratulating their new Vice Admiral. Pride swelled in your chest as he shook the hands of his subordinates and offered light smiles of thanks. So many smiles in a day — was it possible to fall even harder for him?

When everyone was preoccupied in their own conversations, Smoker bent down and whispered in your ear, “They’re hosting a banquet for all who received promotions at Headquarters. I want you to come with me.”

As if your heart couldn’t feel any fuller, you were sure to burst as you grinned from ear to ear, whispering back and squeezing his hand discreetly, “I’d be glad to.”

a/n: Soooo close! But still some happy moments here! This ending was almost entirely different (and lamer tbh) but the idea of Smoker finding out he was promoted to Vice Admiral with reader seemed like such a special moment to me and one that doesn’t *entirely* ruin the missed smooch moment. That’s another one safe until Round Two! Perhaps our next character won’t be so lucky…or will, if you consider a kiss pretty lucky. ❤️

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baconcolacan · 6 months

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I'm the anon that had brainrot for two days over Regimen, and op you are under no obligation whatsoever to continue it. You are so strong for writing anything that brings you pain, and even stronger for having gone through anything similar to it as you mentioned.

Thank you once again for having written anything at all in the first place, you have such a wonderful skill when it comes to literature. Please write only what you want to <3

🥺🥺🥺 Anooon aaaaaaaaaaaa 🥰🥰💕🥰🥰💕

idk how to respond to this Im kicking my feet red in the face agrjajsaaaaaaaaaa

thank you for being so understanding, but I really really do wanna end it properly. One day I might.

#asks #anonymous #regimen ao3 #I literally have the end plotted out its just a matter of writing from A to B #raahhhhh I’m gonna bite my word doc

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0celesteisthebest0 · 1 year

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Gold Rush

Summary: Sometimes things in life are unfair. Sometimes love doesn’t prevail

Word count: 5,733

Pairing: Javier Peña x female reader (no y/n)

Request by @swiftpascal , thank you for your patience and your support Vi! I hope that you like the finished work!

Authors notes: Hi guys!! Aaaaaaa this is my first fic of the year! I hope there is a lot more to come this year 🥰 This is something that is a little different than my other work and I hope that I did my best! Mind the warnings because this is chock full of angst. But yeah I hope you enjoy and thank you for reading 💕💓🫶

Warnings: Angst/ no happy ending, Javier’s POV, Shifting POV, angst and I mean a lot of it, friends with benefits situations, complicated feelings on both parts, P in V, Dirty talk, praise kink?, overstimulation, unrequited love, oral sex, and slight canon divergence.

——<><>—<><>——

Javier learned this early on, it was a lesson that was repeated to no avail.

The world was cruel. The intentions of those you thought you could trust could flicker in seconds. He was jealous of those who were able to hold on to hope throughout the years. That even through exceeding circumstances, the hope to keep going through the motions wasn’t scrutinized.

He's tried to but time and time again that hope flickers. Especially at moments like these. Right back in the eye of the storm. The place where all his nightmares formed.

Back at Bogotá, back in the deep pile of bureaucratic bullshit and the countless lives that were viewed as indispensable. He could just hear his fathers words in his head when he set foot in the embassy building again.

“Don’t try to change it. Most likely the world will change you.”

He never did listen, did he.

——<><>—<><>——

“He's interested in you, don’t you know, I saw him giving you eyes earlier when you were giving him papers,” Katie continued to badger you about the personal life you had no interest in dealing with at the moment. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to have a relationship. You did…things were always in the way.

As Katie continued to give you her evidence for the affection of an Agent Feistl, your focus was on the numbers of the elevator increasing after each floor as you waited for it to open and let the two of you in. The rumble of your stomach also gave you more important things to think about rather than having to hear Katie ramble about nonsensical ideas regarding flirting in the embassy. You skipped out on breakfast again and the thought of taking an early lunch became more appealing.

“Pin it Katie, what do you want to eat for lunch, we can talk about all your little theories then,” you grinned at her and she smiled amused that you were actually going to talk to her about this stuff again.

“It’s rude to cut me off when I’m on a roll y’know?” She huffed and was going to continue her ramblings that you grew familiar with. “I’m just trying to urge you to pay attention to him so you might finally get out of your shell.”

You rolled your eyes at that statement and the elevator doors creaked open. The two of you were entering the room in sync when the familiar voice of Agent Stoddard greeted the two of you with a wide smile.

“Good morning,” Katie chirped at him but your attention was drawn to the strong nose of one Javier Peña. He looked so different yet the same and you couldn’t quite believe that he was back. You heard through the grapevine of course that he’s been promoted but you thought you would have more time. More time in remaining composed around him and not cracking against the stare of his dark brown eyes. The words of Katie hit your ears and you continued to stare at his broad back that filled the suit jacket.

No more half buttoned short sleeves instead he switched them out for the proper suits that you’d see the higher ups would wear. It seems so strange to reminsee over the past when he was right here.

Stoddard’s voice breaks your haze and asks Javier a question as the elevator door closes shut. “Sir, can I ask?” Javi’s head tilted towards him in a mixture of intrigue and annoyance. “What was Escobar like?”

“Never met him.” He rasped out and that deep voice made you shut your brain. Javier’s hand twitched to the side and you did your best to zone back into the conversation with Katie but she seemed to be staring at you intensely.

She tilted her head towards Javi and you stared anywhere but him. Well you tried to but the curiosity that bit at your neck made you gaze back to him. A magnetic pull to him that you could never fight.

You made eye contact with him briefly and even more memories flooded your being.The way in which you were able to unravel under his gaze in seconds. FIngers pumping in and out of your being and the soft praise he would whisper in your ears hitting you in the present again.

The silence and stuffiness of the elevator was getting to you and the trained glare of Javier was making your body sweat. You avoided him again and asked Stoddard for a different floor. Hopefully you were able to escape into the secluded bathrooms of the third floor without needing to go back to your responsibilities.

The elevator doors creaked open again and you murmured to the agents a quick goodbye. The last thing you saw was his dark eyes, flooding with memories that you can’t forget.

——<><>—<><>——

Every hour he spent in Colombia was a reason to drink. From the people praising him for being the agent who was a part of the Escobar raids, to being confirmed again and again by Stechnor that he was just a face. A pawn to the larger scheme of unnecessary interference of other countries governmental structures. His part here was miniscule and he couldn’t change anything.

Stechnor already reminded him of that fact as he tried to decompress from the obstacles of the first day. Right in this bar, he just couldn’t get peace from the constant bureaucratic garbage that he didn’t appreciate before he left.

The words of his father continued to echo in his ear and the drinks were just making it clearer. He needed something to satiate the wounds that were marked deep within him, something that would forget the tainted word of “hero” that so many tossed around when they were around him. He dug in his suit jacket for the pack of cigarettes that he craved now more than ever when he heard that familiar laughter that tugged his chest. He couldn’t help but turn to look at you, your eyes glimmered in the dim bar lights and the turning of his stomach was making him sick. You were surrounded by others from the office, your smile was so bright and your wit was always so quick. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t miss you. That he didn’t imagine you in his bed like those brief moments in the past. That seeing you smile right now, made him crave something more than the smell of cigarette smoke.

Javier bit his tongue at the thought and your stare from earlier made him sigh. It wasn’t as bright and vulnerable as it is right now. The vacancy and regret made his fingers twitch and grab his cigarette pack tighter.

He should go talk to you. But that hesitancy you had in the elevator lingered and he couldn’t quite let that go. Stoddard barked out a laugh that led to Javi's eyelid to twitch. It seems that one day he wanted to be alone and away from everything work related it appeared right in front of him. He drank the rest of the whiskey and decided to go talk to you even if it was in front of others at the office.

As he walked towards the group, your eyes raked his figure immediately and Katie stopped her conversation with Stoddard almost immediately.

“Peña, glad to see you’re done sulking,” Katie tried to joke about the sudden interest in the group. Her lips curled upward and her nails tapped against the table.

“Curiosity got to me. Wanted to see what the laughter was about,” he scratched his chin lightly and turned to see you, trying to avoid him but also interested in what he was doing.

“Sir we assumed you wouldn’t want to come today-“ Stoddard stumbled through his words to explain why most of the office was there and he wasn't. Honestly he didn’t care for the excuse, the boss never came with him or Steve when he was just an agent. He halted him from continuing.

“It’s alright Stoddard,” he turned away from your uneasy stare. “Things are gonna pick up from here so just…” he stared at you a little hopeful. “Enjoy yourselves.”

“You aren’t going to stay Sir?” Katie asked at the somewhat impulsive need to come talk to them. She seemed more interested in what he was doing than you were but he guesses time just changes certain things.

“No, have a good night,” he turned away towards his forgotten seat to pick up his jacket and tie. The bartender walked past him again asking him if he wanted another drink but he stalled for a minute before responding in quick spanish telling him to give a round to the table in the back. As the bartender readied the drinks, he paid his tab and left the bar. The tension in his shoulders increased as he felt the warm outside air, and the craving for touch nipped his neck.

Nip it in the bud and just smoke something to calm down. He quickly lit the cigarette and took a slow drag of the nicotine that slowly coursed through his veins. It was able to cloud his mind momentarily and smooth the tension building between his brows.

“You left without letting us say thank you, Peña,” your voice cut through the clouded feeling. He took another drag of the cigarette and eyes you slowly. Your arms were crossed, your fingers messed with the sleeves of your dress shirt.

“Thought you were avoiding me,” he muttered out not wanting to deal with the small talk that he was so familiar with nowadays.

You didn’t say anything after that comment other than staring at his features with a squint. He didn’t budge from the position he was in and continued to smoke the rest of his cigarette without a care of what tomorrow might bring.

“I was,” you remarked quietly, not staring at him head on like you did initially. “Javi, I didn’t expect you to come back.” The words fumbled out of you slowly and he knew there was something more that you were holding onto.

“Is that a bad thing?” He muttered, eyes trained on you to see if you would make any sudden movements.

All you did was huff out a sigh and turn your head towards the sidewalk. “You should be asking yourself, Javi.”

He stilted for a minute, a minute too long for your liking it seems, because you started to change the subject.

“Congrats on the promotion by the way… and thank you again for the drinks. Have a goodnight.” You said, unsure of yourself, but started to walk off alone and he instantly started to move to your side. He wasn’t ready to let this go and there was something in the air telling him to do something.

“Your poker face has been better, Brazil,” the nickname flowed out of him in a way that he didn’t expect. You immediately stopped in your tracks of the nickname that he always teased you with.

“Don’t call me that Javi,” your voice came out breathier than you intended. The nickname that always seemed to make you smile had the opposite effect. He honestly didn’t expect the small joke between you, him, and Steve to last so many years without resentment but now it seems to have ended. Nevertheless, Javi pushed through that bubbling anger.

“Why not? Talk to me Brazil, what’s wrong?” You huffed again and that unsteady breath from before made you stutter out the next words.

“You never called Javi,” his breathing stopped with how open you were towards him, “maybe I expected too much but I thought you’d call.”

Clearly he believed something different regarding your emotions towards him and right now those shimmering bright eyes from before we’re fighting tears.

“I’m sorry,” he knows what he said fell flat. How could he explain to you that he thought it was for the best that he didn’t say anything to you. That this relationship was something that could be manipulated. That this couldn’t work no matter how much he wanted it to. That you deserve someone better.

But he knew you didn’t want to hear that. Instead his hands moved your face to look at him to try and show he meant it. That he wants to repent for his cowardice.

“Let me make it up to you,” you bit your lip at the thought. Your check was warm against the palm of your hand and you nodded for him to continue his thought. “Is that alright baby?”

The tension decreased from your shoulder and you let out a deep shaky breath. With a nod, he moved closer to your forehead, pressing a gentle kiss to your skin.

The past craving for the touch of skin was sated momentarily but he knew with you he craved more and his apology wasn’t over.

——<><>—<><>——

Hurried movements were carrying you to your apartment, Javier guiding you to your room at a quick speed. Clothes were removed hastily in the pursuit of heated skin against one another, Javier left you craving everything and you were having an internal debate over this fact.

The rage and hurt bubbled in your chest for those days and months he was away. It was silly to believe what you felt could be more but yet…

The sincerity in his big brown eyes lured you in and now you were diving headfirst in the pools of pleasure that he promised you. The apology he couldn’t say through words, instead he said them through each searing kiss he planted against your lips. The teeth that nipped at your lip and bit down to make your whimper in a mix of pain and pleasure.

His deep voice rumbled in satisfaction from the noises he pulled and brought you closer to his being. His hands moved your hips to sit on his lap, moving them on his growing length that was still clothed from the tight dress pants he has on. His hands moved from your hips to your breasts. Rough fingers pinching the growing buds of your nipples, making you whine against him as his wet mouth continued to assault your neck. Your hips started to grind against his thigh in hopes to get friction against your clit.

“Let me feel you baby,” one of his hands continued to squeeze your breast while the other moved down to feel the wetness that dripped in your inner thighs. His fingers were covered in your slick and he continued to rub his hand against your entrance causing you to whine for him.

“Stop teasing me Javi,” you huffed out, getting even more frustrated than before. He chuckled before letting two fingers go inside you with relative ease. “Oh fuck Javi keep going.”

He didn’t stop and his palm was grinding against your clit making the orgasm crash down on you. You gripped his shoulders to keep you steady as his fingers continued to pump in and out of you.

“I’m not done apologizing, hands and knees, let me make you feel good,” he bit your earlobe to emphasize his point and patted your ass to get you moving out of his lap and at the center of the bed. You obliged, craving more of him and your anger with him dissolving by the seconds. He did something to you that you couldn’t understand, where just being around him made you feel at ease. Even though he didn’t call back you held onto the moments you had with him.

Javi slapped your ass and you moaned out in surprise. He grabbed your ass tight and pulled you closer to the edge of the bed. “You gonna be good for me sweetheart.”

“Javi,” you couldn’t take it anymore, your inner thighs were dripping and he kept pulling you from what you really wanted.

Him.

“Answer me baby, you gonna be my good girl tonight?” You whimpered out a reply, overwhelmed by his voice. “With words.”

“Yes Javier,” it was breathy when you said it and he seemed pleased with you.

He grunted something you couldn’t quite hear and heard him rip the foil of a condom. You felt the tip of his length at your entrance and you moved slightly to accommodate his size.

“Fuck you’re so wet,” the tip of his member slowly pushing into your entrance. You gripped the sheets tight as he slowly inched inside you.

A shaky breath and a loud whimper was all that you let out as he buried himself in you. He snapped his hips against you and you nearly crumbled against the bed. Grasping onto the sheets to steady yourself from his hard pace. His grunts mixed with your unsteady moans. His strong palms held your hips tight as he started slow thrusts in and out if you.

“Ah- Javi,” you were craving something more and he started quickening his pace making you wail out in surprise. He was able to read what you wanted in seconds and you chalked it up to him being an agent but maybe it was something more.

Fuck what if it was something more. The thought of it crawled up your spine and the pressure of pleasure was reaching its point. This feeling causes your arms to buckle and the side of your face pressed up against the sheets.

“I can’t-“ you whimper out, tears starting to stream down your cheeks. The position he had you in was deeper than before and the need to cum was overwhelming. You were teetering over the edge, unable to let go. “I-“ his pace quickened as the pleas left your mouth.

“Come on sweetheart,” his deep voice rough from over exertion. His fingers were bruising your hip with how hard he held you. The pounding sensation of your heart was heightened from his thick fingers reaching between where both of you were connected. His fingers rubbed at your clit, making your thighs shake. You let out a loud whine and the building pressure snapped.

You shattered in two as he continued to thrust into you, telling you praise as he joined you in the overwhelming pleasure that was Javier. He grunted as he thrusted one more into you, slightly off beat from his previous movements. The room was filled with shaky breaths and your body slumped deeper in the bed. Javi’s lips meet your sweaty back and he kisses your spine in appreciation. He slowly pulls out in the process and you hiss at the emptiness.

“Goddamn you’re beautiful,” you felt him shift behind you, what you assumed was removing the condom and quickly cleaning up the mess. What you didn’t expect was Javier’s mustache tickling your inner thigh. He sucked the soft flesh making you whimper slightly. “Tell me to stop if it’s too much.”

“Please,” that was all he needed you to say as his mouth delved into your wet and overstimulated folds. His tongue darted to lick up your arousal and he groaned, shoving his face deeper into your sex.

You couldn’t help but cry out in pleasure as he got lost in the essence of you. Javier’s dig into your hips and continued to happily lap you up. The sting of overstimulation was growing to its breaking point and the suck of your clit made you lose any sense of control leading you to the brink once again.

Gold blinded your sight as Javier’s grunting faded into the background. The shimmering feeling made you slump into the bed and gently bat away Javier from your folds. He chucked quietly at the little motion but he understood ultimately and his fingers slowly moved to your back to ease any tension.

Fuzziness encompassed your muscles and Javier’s warm hands felt warm in the sweat that covered your body in a sheen. Javi murmured something to you that you couldn’t hear through your tired state. He didn’t seem to want to repeat himself so you turned to look at him staring at you intently. His brows pinched in the middle and you knew he was heavy in thought.

“Javi,” your voice cracked in exhaustion, “what’s wrong?”

His signature frown furrowed and he got you to move to your side so you wouldn’t comment about his sour mood. Javier laid next to you, pulling you close to his middle, the feeling of his relatively soft touch compared to the grip he held on our hips.

“Don’t worry about me,” he muttered quietly, his voice sounded like it could just unravel in any moment. “Get some rest,” he nudged his nose against your neck, making your already aching body shiver slightly from the motion.

“Are you going to stay?” he used to stay til breakfast in the past but… was it a question you shouldn’t have asked? Even in your growing tired state, you just wanted a blunt answer to all the confusing feelings you held with Javier.

“Do you want me to?” Another question…that you didn’t know the answer to.

You sighed quietly and the now too quiet room. There was a voice in your head to hold on to that feeling before, the one where looking at him acting like nothing has changed between the two of you made you furious. You wanted to hold onto it tight but you just…couldn’t.

“I do,” it was barely a whisper but he held onto you tighter once you spoke those thoughts aloud.

He hummed and traced your skin in a slow pattern. Etching himself on your skin until you no longer recognized yourself.

His weight was like a blanket of comfort that shielded you from this cruel world. Warm and steady and slowly your body fell apart under his warm arms that wrapped around you tight for the night. There were rarely nights where you felt like this, like something prized or worth something and falling into sleep with pleasure tinging your bones was delightful.

Shifting and pulling to and fro. Mending and melting to you bed until you were taken apart over and over again

A shift.

Another pull and a tug, into the being you once were.

A shift, a pull, and a tug, back to earth and slowly this momentous feeling lost its rhythm and the smoke screen of comfort was pulled from you as the golden rays hit your window. You weren’t fully awake but you felt that pleasant weight lift from you.

Moving of clothes and a flick of a lighter told you he was awake but you still felt like you were between realms. You did your best to turn to see what was happening but all that your drowsy eyes were registering was the drag of smoke that Javi puffed out solemnly.

His eyes met yours and they wavered.

A shift pulled you closer to his shadowed silhouette.

“Close your eyes, you got a couple more hours,” he commented.

“Javi, what are you doing,” he took another drag. Slowly he moved towards the bed and to you, depositing his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand near your bed.

His thumb rubbed your forehead and he slowly placed a kiss on your forehead, comfort surging your sleepy body.

“You don't have to worry about me, get another hour baby,” he murmured into your skin and moved too quickly for your liking.

You were going to argue, your body was telling you to, but the tired sensations and the night of pleasure were weighing you to the bed. Maybe another hour wasn’t such a bad idea.

Maybe…

A shift, a pull, and a tug led you to sleep dreaming of Javier’s warm body once again. But there was a sensation of emptiness beside you that didn’t satiate that heat from before. You kept tossing and turning and coming in and out of sleep.

You continued to be in and out of realms, not sure as to what was a dream and what was reality. All you could really do was reach out to the empty spot beside your bed…

The dreams no longer bleed into one another and the sensation that claws your throat returns in full force. The bed was empty and your stomach was turning into knots at the feeling you knew a little too well.

Javier left without saying goodbye.

Maybe this was just letting off steam like it was all those years back.

——<><>—<><>——

Gilberto Rodríguez, one of the top men of Cali. The man who got caught, the man who he was able to catch even with the corruption of the American and Colombian governments.

But before it was the men of Cali it was Escobar.

The only thing that Javier could compare between these two ruthless groups of men were the same. They reminded him too much of the story of King Midas. Javier was somewhat young when he heard the tale of the greedy king but the story stuck with him now.

The inherent greed of these men that led them down a world cold and gold. Everything they touch gets polluted and so many lives are lost everyday.

He can’t help but ask himself when will this end? When will they understand that it’s about so much more than greed and power. When he was younger and learning of all the tales and myths of the past he never thought he would be here in a sham war, fighting tooth and nail to get what he thought was justice to this world.

The world kept changing in ways he didn’t understand and this included with the Narcos and the corruption that has been laid on his chest.

Day in and day out he continued to work tirelessly to find the soft spot of these supposed kings.

Javier couldn’t help but wrap himself in the idiosyncrasies of stories and realities to cope. Especially now with another stress that was plaguing his life.

You.

He was holding off for a good reason, it was for your safety after all. But he couldn’t help but feel regret with every single thing he does interacting with you. Being hot and cold, leaving without saying goodbye.

It nagged at him anytime he saw you in the office. The nagging sensation grew into a need that he kept trying to push down so it wouldn’t linger. But it kept growing into a horrible beast of jealousy. This was what he wanted…well it wasn’t what he wanted but it was what needed to be done.

You, six feet away from the constant hurricane that was Javier Peña.

But god it was so fucking hard for him to not stare anytime you passed files to Katie or to give soft touches to Feistl. It moves so fast from him and those nights together in your bed that fateful night linger in the air when he's in the office too late.

He should’ve stayed that night, he keeps thinking about that and the regrets just pile on. But seeing you everyday makes him need you more and more. Why couldn’t this just be easier?

It's the question that keeps bubbling in his mind the farther and farther you get from him. He feels you giving him the cold shoulder after the hurried night together and each day he keeps cycling through this purgatory of finding these drug lords away from the eye of the CIA.

And everyday he sees you slipping away from him and everyday he wonders why he couldn’t just tell you what's on his mind and why it's so difficult for him to say something.

So he just waits and admires from far away as it seems to him you are moving on from the mess that is him. First it was the soft little touches he noticed Feistl gave you then it was you staying with Feistl in late hours of the office.

You congratulated him on Gilberto and kept it as cordial as possible between the two of you and it ached. It didn’t matter if he felt so much for you, you clearly wanted nothing to do with him but he should tell you…

He couldn’t let his feelings get locked in the battered suitcase he leaves in his empty apartment, but the danger of admitting it all was still hanging in the air.

His mind was fickle in these moments, the adrenaline from the sweat filled forest still leaving a thick fog in his brain. Work was still a huge focus in his mind that he had to keep in line with, getting the proper flight to Miami to lead the wife of his witness to testify in court. To finally catch Miguel and be able to end the Cali cartel once and for all. To finally do something right.

It was the thing that was tumbling through his mind as his feet moved on their own to your apartment. He had to finally do something, to talk to you, to not just let this flicker and pull apart into threads he couldn’t he couldn’t tie back together.

So there he stood, at your door, knocking slowly and waiting for the sparks of nerves to reach his veins. There was conversation behind the door before you opened it, your face's easy expression contorted into something that he didn’t want to be at the end of. Sadly, Javier knew he wasn’t a lucky man.

There was an abrupt silence as you stared at him, mouth closing and opening, not knowing what to say. Your eyes were fixed on his, watering slightly and he realized his mistake as soon as he saw those tears starting to form.

“Why are you here Javier,” your voice was surprisingly steady.

Your brows furrowed from his lack of reasons spewing from his mouth. His mind was yelling at him to do so many different things at once, making him overwhelmed.

“I wanted…” he huffed in frustration and just shook his head. He was too late, he knew whatever he’d try right now was a last ditch effort to fix what he’s done wrong. But he was too late... ”I should’ve called.”

You huffed out, slightly annoyed that he was bringing this up again, but you centered your breath to tell him off. “You should’ve done a lot of things Javi but you didn’t. And I can’t keep asking for reasons why you-”

Your frustrations were interrupted by a familiar voice calling for you in your apartment. “Sweetheart, come back in.”

Feistl’s voice echoed in his ears as his voice cemented the end of his hope. You replied back to him but he couldn’t bring himself to hear you through his turbulent thoughts.

“I should go,” he sighed, knowing that it didn’t matter what he did now. He should’ve done it sooner. Javier turned down your hallway to give you a private moment with Feistl, he needed to leave you alone once and for all.

“Don’t run away from me Javier,” your voice was stronger than before, echoing in the hall. “Why are you here? Please… I can’t keep wondering why you left.”

The sincerity made him freeze and the feeling burning in his chest was making him panic. He didn’t know what to say to you, you were an Achilles heel to his hidden heart. A soft spot to his hardened life. You were attached to him in a way where removing you was lethal.

He moved closer to you, holding your shoulders to support his failing heart, and finally looked at your bright teary eyes.

“I care about you,” he spoke quietly, not knowing if all his jumbled thoughts would come out. “But you deserve better than me and…”

You found it.

He wanted you so bad but you knew that you deserved better.

“I can’t- I can’t ruin what you found,” Javier said with much more force than before. You sighed out quietly and he couldn’t help but rub at your shoulder in sympathy. “I’m sorry, I should go,” Javier stuffed his hands in his leather jacket, to finally remove the need to touch you.

He didn’t know what else to say to you as you stood there eyeing him with remorse and hope on what could’ve been. You stood in place as he turned to leave. The echo of his dress shoes tapping at the old tiles hummed in his ears as he rubbed at his face in stress.

The steps of another followed after him as he reached towards the stairs. He knew it was you but he didn’t know it was best to turn and see your teary eyes. But he turned towards you and your furrowed brow.

“I loved you too Javi… I loved you too” you muttered the words he couldn’t say out loud. “Goodbye Javi.”

You left him near the stairs alone, finally leaving him first this time.

A shaky sigh left his being and he rummaged through his jacket for his pack of cigarettes.

You loved him.

And he messed it up.

“Fuck,” he cursed in silence, and stared down the spiraled staircase. Spiraling thoughts and overwhelming him.

He never did listen, and now he was sinking in the turbulence of his own emotions. The golden feeling when he thought of you turning into a bitterness rushing down his throat.

His thumb flicked at his lighter to light his cigarette. Javier closed his eyes slowly breathing in the smoke and reorienting his heart to go back to the bureaucratic bullshit of his life.

His feet dragged him down the spiral staircase and took him out to the streets of Colombia. Something that plagued his mind in the dark of night.

The growing connection he's had with the narcos has corrupted him. Corrupted him beyond a normal life and has changed every sector of his life.

The world was cruel, he’s learned his lesson but this time it hurt more than before.

You loved him, yet he ruined it.

He huffed out the smoke and hoped that whatever came next would soothe the ache of his heart.

It seems like everything he touched would be tinted in sadness. Unlike the narcos who touched countries, stripping them of their resources and corrupting them into a cold metallic gold that would abide by their rules, his touch corrupted something else entirely.

Love and all its hopeful elements.

Always a lifetime’s away from reach.

#angst #no happy ending #javier peña x reader #javier peña x f!reader #smut #my fanfiction #javier peña #narcos fanfiction #javier peña fanfiction

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