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amor-immortalem · 3 years

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Can I Stay Up Here With You Forever Ch.2

Warning: abuse apologizing, mention of past physical abuse, implied manipulation, abuse minimizing

Taglist: @mediocredetective

“Here you go Solomon,” Asmo says as they pass the phone to the sorcerer. “Arella says she wants to ask you something. I’ll be back.” And with that the Avatar of Lust took his leave, leaving their older brother with a look of confusion as Solomon moved away from where he literally had the second-born tied down so he couldn’t move. He turned his lapis gaze over to his younger brother who merely shrugged as he went back to chowing down on a bag of crisps he had raided from Purgatory Hall’s pantry.

“Don’t ask me, I don’t know anything,” Beel said with a mouthful of crisps. “I’m going to head home too though. Dinner’s starting soon. Do you want me to try to save you some? It’s Lucifer’s night to cook.”

“Nah... it’ll just go to waste. Lucifer’s still probably mad at me so I doubt he’ll let me inta the house for the rest of the night.” The Avatar of Greed chuckles sadly. “So don’t worry. I’ll see ya tomorrow!”

The Avatar of Gluttony nodded as he left and Mammon impatiently waited for Solomon to come back.

“I’d offer you something to eat or drink but it looks like you’re... a little tied up at the moment.” Simeon tried to break the tension in the room with the unhappy demon.

“Why did ya have ta go ‘n call Arella like that, huh, Simeon?” Mammon asks, eyebrows knit together in frustration. “I told y’all I was fine, my arm was just a bit busted was all. I woulda survived without her knowin’ ‘n now she’s gonna go off the deep end thinkin’ I need ta be saved or some shit like that when I can take care of myself.”

“She loves you, Mammon. All she wants is for you to be happy and safe. You know that.”

“All of ya are makin’ it sound like Lucifer just straight up broke my elbow for shits ‘n giggles when it was an accident. I’m the one who didn’t wait for him ta let go a me before I started pullin’ ta get away, so really it’s my own fault that it’s broken.”

“Yeah, but things like this seem to happen between you and Lucifer a lot- and I mean a lot a lot.”

“Yeah but... he loves me though. He only does things like this because he loves me. I’m his favorite and he just wants me to learn my lesson is all. If I wouldn’t screw up all the time this wouldn’t happen as often- o-or at all even. ‘Sides it ain’t like I’m the only one who ever gets punished. The rest of my brothers all get their punishments too when they screw up. It’s all fair.”

Simeon gave the demon a doubtful look. “You seem to be the only one who gets any physical punishment though...”

“Yeah, but that’s only cuz I’m a blockhead who just doesn’t learn his lesson. I mean the physical stuff only started within the last century- that's when my dear ol’ brother got fed up with wastin’ his breath. You’d think I’d learn by now huh?”

The angel tries to find the words to say what he’s thinking but he can’t, so he just goes about it in a different approach. No wonder Arella worries about him like this. His brother has him completely manipulated into thinking this is acceptable.

“You... you can’t seriously think that, right?” Simeon asks incredulously. “Mammon, this isn’t okay. Regardless of whether your brother actually loves you or not,

“He does,” Mammon interjects.

“He shouldn’t constantly be putting his hands on you for even the slightest of transgressions- especially if it’s due to something you can’t help, like your sin.”

“Of course, it is. C’mon, Simeon, who’re ya kidding? We’re demons! Our morals are different from those of the Celestial Realm or the Human Realm.... That’s just the way things are down here. Do ya gotta like it? No, but y’all gotta accept it.”

“Don’t you think you sound a little... how do I put this... brainwashed?”

“Whaddya mean?”

“Well... I just think maybe you’re so blinded by your love for your brothers that-”

“Hi! I’m back!” Asmo called as they lugged a heavy suitcase behind them. They plopped down on the couch. “Miss me?”

The pair just sort of regarded the strawberry blonde-haired demon as they sat next to their older brother.

“Goin’ somewhere, Asmo?” Mammon asks as he eyes the suitcase, “Wait a minute is that my suitcase?”

“Hm? Oh no, I’m not going anywhere. You are.”

“Huh? I’m not going anywh-”

“Well it was nice talking to you, Arella. I’ll untie him now so you can summon him. We’ll talk in a few weeks, yes?” Solomon promptly reentered the space, “Perfect- oh look Asmo’s back too. I’ll let you go then.” The call ended as Solomon undid the spell binding Mammon to the couch with a wave of his hand.

As Mammon stood, a portal opened up in front of him. “I’m not goin’ through that.”

“And why not?” the angel asks. “I thought you’d be delighted to have the opportunity to go stay with your human for two weeks.”

“Alone. Might I add.” Asmo smirks with a waggle of their brows.

“Shut up, Asmo!” The Avatar of Greed turned a shade of bright red, “Of course, I know we’d be alone! Who else would be there? But....”

“Are you scared Lucifer will be upset that you’re up there without his permission, Mammon?” Simeon asks.

“No! I ain’t scared of Lucifer! What gave you that idea, huh?!”

“You do realize you’re being summoned right? You don’t get much of a choice in that matter. Now, get going before you end up getting pulled through and hurt your arm again.” The sorcerer takes Mammon’s suitcase and tosses it through the portal, leaving the demon to squawk indignantly as he chased after it.

“You suck, Solomon!” Is all that could be heard from the other side of the portal as it started to close and the silver-haired human only rolled his eyes, chuckling amusedly.

“Have fun in the mortal realm, Mammon!”

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The one thing Mammon hates about being summoned is how nearly every time he goes through a portal, he nearly slams into whoever it is that summoned him if they’re standing in his way which is exactly the situation he finds himself in with Arella right now- not a good look for his image, it's very ‘uncool’.

“Hey,” Arella smiles as she wraps her arms around him once they come to a stop.

“Don’t ‘hey’ me. I’m mad at ya.” The demon says with a deep scowl on his face.

“I’m sure you are. How’s your arm feeling? Does it still hurt?”

“I’m fine, Arella. Stop treating me like a kid.”

“Huh?” Arella asks, confused as she removes her arm from around him. “I’m... sorry?”

“Ya should be,” Mammon hums as he turns his back to her. “I told ya everything was fine. Ya didn’t hafta go ‘n do all this. I can take care of myself when it comes to my brothers so I don’t get why you think ya gotta get involved every time I get in a situation with one of ‘em.”

“I just thought... well I guess it doesn’t matter. You’re right.” She walked away headed to where the kitchen was to clean up the mess that had been left from the cup of tea she’d had before all of this.

“Huh? Whaddya mean by that?” The demon followed after her looking to continue their small spat.

“Exactly what it sounds like. You’re right. You can take care of yourself when it comes to your brothers and there really is no need for me to insert myself into the situation but I love you and I hate seeing it happen and not doing anything to defend you so... I’m sorry. If it offends you that much, I won’t do it again.” She says as she washes her cup and the other dishes she had left. “Do you want me to send you home after dinner?”

“I.... no- but not because I don’t want to go back and deal with Lucifer...” The white-haired demon takes a seat at the kitchen island resting his chin on his arms. “I only wanna stay cuz I missed ya...”

“I missed you too...” She rubbed his back as she leaned down to place a kiss on the top of his head. “I’m sorry you feel like I’m treating you like a kid... if you want to stay the whole time you can treat it... like a holiday of sorts.”

“Where are we anyway? I know ya said ya were sellin’ yer old house...but the air smells different. How far away did ya move? Are we still in England?”

“About that...” She looked away sheepishly, “I kind of told you a little white lie... I sold that house about a month or two ago. What I’ve been doing since then is house-hunting and all the things that go with buying a house in another country... We’re in Germany- Berlin, exactly.”

“You lied? Oh, you’re horrible.” The demon feigns a look of hurt as the human laughs. “But seriously, baby, why would ya move so far away?”

She shrugged. “Wanted a change. I can speak German so why not- it's not like I have any family to miss back in England, anyway.”

He nods at that. “So no one knows where we are?”

“Nope,”

“Not even my brothers?”

“Not even your brothers.” She smiled. “I told you: if we wanted to, we could disappear up here and no one would ever know.” She cupped his face in between her hands. “You don’t have to go back home if you don’t want to...”

“I don’t have to decide right now, do I? You won’t leave if I want to go home, right?”

“No, of course not. I wouldn’t ask you to choose between me or the Devildom- there's a lot to give up down there. You can think about it while we’re up here for the next two or three weeks and if you want to go home after then, then I will still be with you, okay? I just want to give you options.”

He nodded as he moved to wrap his arms around her in a tight hug. “Thanks, Doll.”

“Anytime, Baby.” She hummed.

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Find more on my masterlist

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me! shall we date?#obey me angst #mammon angst #obey me mammon #obey me simeon #obey me asmodeus #obey me solomon #obey me oc #arella

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stanknotstark · 3 years

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Devil In The Details

I had fun writing this I’m not sure it’s what you really wanted tho...I’m not sure if I’m gonna write the reader part yet tho idk is that something everybody would want? A reader who doesn’t like the sand? Cuz someone gave me an idea for it...*cough my wife *cough* hahaha Idk after reading this tell me if you want a reader part and if so I’ll write it!

Summary: REQUEST. Loki hates the sand and after a nasty prank you decide to exploit this small detail.

“I can’t wait, Loki! You’ll love the beach!” You smile at Loki who gives you a smile back. You don’t miss how his smile is stretched thin. He hides his feelings really well but not from you. You can read him like an open book and while you know it disturbs Loki that you can, you still have pride about it.

You know Loki is going to hate the beach. You’ve noticed that when he eats he can’t stand having crumbs on his hands and constantly wipes them on his napkin and tries to do everything in order to not eat with his hands. After a particular mission involving Sandman Loki had taken an hour-long shower and wouldn’t let you touch him until you yourself had washed away all the sand as well. He has this small thing about crumbs, or sand, or any small particles, that you plan to exploit. You want revenge.

Loki had pulled a prank the other day and it had involved you. You had been hanging out with Natasha and Wanda when Loki had come up and kissed your cheek. He pulled back, his hands grabbed your hair, and you heard a snip of scissors. You sat there frozen watching Natasha and Wanda’s reaction. They both looked behind you at Loki with wide eyes.

Loki isn’t stupid. He knows you take a lot of pride in having long, beautiful hair. He couldn’t have missed that when it rains you’re more worried about your hair getting wet than yourself. He couldn’t have missed that you’re constantly running your hands through your hair to make sure it’s perfect at all times.

Loki isn’t stupid.

At least, not often.

You stand to full height and turn to Loki slowly. You can feel your face fill with fury as you look at Loki who stands there, holding your beautiful locks, with a sly smirk on his stupid lips.

“Run.” You grind out. Loki is quick to turn and start running and when you start to chase him he actually starts laughing. The gall of this man. “Loki, I’m literally going to kill you!”

Loki makes a turn and races for the door that leads to the stairs, your lock of hair waving in his hands with furious movement as he runs. “If you catch me!” He throws over his shoulder while laughing.

You both reach the stairwell and Loki runs down the stairs, landing on the common area floor, and he throws the door open with wild strength so it stays open long enough for you to throw yourself into the room behind him. You reach out a hand and grasp his shirt in your fingers but he pulls forwards and the shirt slips from your grasp.

“Loki!” You yell enraged. He answers with a snicker.

The dead man running sees Steve and Tony standing close and talking so he pushes in between them. You follow, shoving Steve with a small sorry. Loki runs into the dining room and you both stop running, staring each other down from across the big table.

“Darling, listen-” Loki starts holding out his hands in a placating way. You growl as you watch your beautiful hair wave in his hands, causing the opposite reaction Loki was going for. He notices what’s going on and magics your hair away.

“Listen-”

“What’s going on?” Tony asks as he rushes into the room behind you with a concerned look on his face. He probably noticed how your face had murder written on it.

“I’m going to kill Loki, that’s what’s going on.” You move to the right but Loki moves to the left of the table to keep a good distance from you.

“If you would listen-”

“What did he do?” Tony asks over Loki’s response. Steve walks into the room and sees the tension. He moves towards Loki. You assume it’s because he’s trying to protect Loki from you. Smart man.

“He cut my hair.” You growl out, glancing at Tony whose eyes become comically large.

“Loki, I thought you were smart. That was a stupid move, really stupid, like, I can hear the wind whistling through your ears bud. ” Tony tells the god who rolls his eyes.

“If any of you would listen to me-” Loki is cut off when you yell and jump the table to slam him to the wall. Steve is quick to grab you around the waist and pull you from Loki. Your strength is no match for a super soldier’s strength. That doesn’t stop you from fighting Steve’s hold though.

“I did not cut your hair!” Loki yells, pushing from the wall and holding his hands out again.

You look over his face and calm yourself. “Steve, did he cut my hair?” You ask the man holding you, not trusting Loki. Steve still holds you but holds you at arms length so he may examine your hair.

“Uh, there’s-” He starts but Loki waves his hand at you. “Oh.” Steve exclaims, shocked. You feel one of his hands come to your hair and caress at the locks. “No, your hair is fine.” He finally concludes.

You close your eyes and take a deep breath through your nose. The tears that come can’t be fought.

“Darling-” Loki says in a sorrowful voice as he reaches for you. You shake your head, jerking from Loki so he can’t touch you. You pull from Steve’s grip so you may leave and cry in peace. You know it’s just hair and maybe it’s stupid to cry about but you had really felt true fear that he had messed with it.

It’s a whole day before you let Loki approach you again. By this time you’ve already made plans for revenge.

When you arrive at the beach you don’t miss the grimace Loki gives as he looks at the sand. He wipes it off his face when you fully turn to him though.

“Find us a spot and I’ll get all of our stuff.” Loki tells you when you both get out of the car. You let him have this small time to mentally prepare himself for the torture you’ve prepared for him. You make your way down to the beach and find an open spot to set up that has an umbrella to protect you both from the sun. Loki is slow-going to make his way towards you. You watch as he really tries to not wince every step he takes in the sand. You kind of hope sand makes its way into his shoes.

He quickly sets two towels down under your picked spot then watches as you undress to your swim suit under your clothes. When you bend over to take your shorts off you hear Loki give a sigh and start undressing.

Good, you can’t help but think.

When you’re undressed you glance at the bar nearby. “I’ll go get us some drinks.” You state, grabbing your wallet and leaving Loki. When you reach the bar you order your usual drink and Loki’s favorite when he’s having a rough day, gin and tonic. You order and turn to watch Loki.

Loki stands there under the umbrella glaring at the towel on the ground as if it might actually bite him if he lies on it. You chuckle under your breath. You then watch him shake his head and sit on the towel with hesitance. He sits with his knees drawn up as if trying to minimize how much of his body touches the sand that no doubt got on his towel.

The bartender brings your drinks over and you pay him. You’re quick to come back to Loki and hand him his drink. When he takes a sip he sighs and thanks you in a grateful tone.

You sit on your towel and give him a smile as you sip on your own drink. “So, I was thinking, have you ever built a sand castle?” You ask with a raised eyebrow at your uncomfortable lover.

Loki looks over to you with a look of dread that he is quick to hide, just not quick enough for your keen eyes. “No. Isn’t that an activity for children?” He asks, trying to deter your plans passive aggressively.

You shrug and give an embarrassed smile. “It is...I just-” You cut yourself off to make your acting more dramatic, “Never mind.” You babble out and look away from Loki to the crashing waves and open water.

You can tell Loki doesn’t take his eyes off of you as he wages war in his mind.

“Perhaps you could show me how to do it, I’ve never tried.” He tells you with open honesty.

You look over to Loki with soft eyes. This man was truly in love with you if he’s willing to build a sandcastle with you. It’s nearly enough to make you stop your plan of torture.

Nearly.

You nod at him. “After our drinks I’ll show you!” You say in an excited voice, your body slightly jumping in place like an overexcited child. Loki loses his look of distress for a second as he lovingly smiles at you.

You set your drink aside and lay down on your towel. Your hands come to clasp over your stomach. You don’t outright look at Loki but you watch from your peripheral. He looks at you with apprehension.

Loki sets his drink near yours between the towels in the sand and looks out towards the water. You hold back a snicker as he closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. He slowly lowers himself to lay on his back. He lays there really tense for a few seconds before he forcibly relaxes.

You get a good idea and smirk to yourself.

“Sweetheart, you seem tense, do you want a back massage?” You ask Loki who looks at you with wide eyes.

“I-um…” He responds.

You sit up and tap on his arm, telling him to turn over. Loki follows your prompt and turns onto his stomach. You straddle his hips and run your hands down his back. He shivers, probably because you had let your hands touch the sand before you dragged them down his bare back.

Without Loki watching you, you let out a wicked smile.

You work your hands into his built up knots. “What made you so tense?” You ask as you dig into one of the knots and Loki groans. He turns his head to the side so he can partially see you from his peripheral vision. “Probably the fact that I made you cry.” The god lies with ease.

You hum. “You won’t ever touch my hair for a prank again, will you?”

Loki chuckles. “Never.”

“Lesson learned then.” You shake your head with a smile. You knead your knuckles into a particularly nasty knot and Loki hisses, his body tenses up, and his hands come to rest on each side of him. His fingers twitch like they want to dig into the ground but he remembers it’s sand.

When you get that knot worked out Loki relaxes under you again.

“I truly am sorry, darling. I did not know how much you valued your hair otherwise I would not have done that prank.” Loki apologizes again. He had apologized the second you let him talk to you again after the prank. And again right before you both went to bed too.

“I know.”

“Do you? I cannot help but feel as if you do not believe my words.”

You sigh and get off of Loki and sit on your towel. Loki is quick to sit up again, looking at you. His hands rub across his chest so the sand that was stuck now falls off him.

You grab your drink so your hands have something to do. You look at the sand and think about what you want to say. Loki patiently waits.

“I know you’re sorry, I know you won’t ever do it again I just-” You let your eyes trail from the sand to the waves. “I’m still hurt about it. I know that’s unreasonable I just...I don’t know, I mean I know it wasn’t anything personal.” You let your feet toe at the towel's edges. When you look over to Loki he is looking at the sand in thought, his fingers fiddle with the drawstrings on his bathing suit. He takes a few seconds before he looks up to your eyes.

“What may I do to make this up to you?” He asks you with raw seriousness.

You slightly raise your drink. “Finish your drink so we can make a sandcastle.”

Loki takes the hint that you don’t want to talk about this subject anymore and picks up his drink.

“As you wish.” He says, knocking his drink with yours in a small cheer.

You both finish your drinks in a comfortable silence, watching people run past and children splash in the shallow waves.

Loki finishes his drink first, you follow not long after.

“Sun screen!” You say, digging in your beach bag and pulling out a SPF 100 bottle. Loki helps you with your back and you his. You grab the plastic sandcastle bucket from your bag then the both of you are crawling from under the umbrella into the sunlight towards the wet sand.

You hand Loki the bucket mold. “Fill it with the wet sand and compact it.” Loki does as you tell him. You’re impressed when he digs a hand deep into the wet sand and doesn’t even flinch. When he fills the bucket up and compacts it you bring him to the dry sand and he understands what to do. He sets the bucket on the sand and lightly taps at the plastic so the sand will come out without sticking to the bucket.

You appreciate the view. Loki is on his knees in the sand, he worries over the bucket with a focused look on his face. His chest glistens from the sunscreen he put on and there is a slight blush that crosses his chest under the sunlight. The solid green swim trunks make his pale skin glow. He muscled legs stretching and flexing as he moves around the bucket.

Loki slowly lifts the bucket and a perfect castle sits in the sand. He is quick to smile back at you, satisfied with his work. It’s enough to make you fall deeper in love with the man.

He quickly stands and comes to your side. “Shall we make it bigger?” He asks you with giddy excitement. You let out a small laugh and nod.

Loki quickly collects more wet sand and you start searching for seashells to adorn the sandcastle with.

By the time Loki finishes the castle it is three buckets high. Three castles support two castles, then those two castles support the last one on top. You show Loki all the shells you picked up and both of you chatter excitedly as you decorate the sandcastle.

You don’t miss that Loki makes sporadic trips to the water so he may wash the sand off of him. He tries to lie about it when you ask and responds that he’s just getting overheated and needs some water on his body to cool him down. If anything, you think it’s probably a half-truth.

When Loki comes back and you put the final shell on the castle you stand and smile at Loki sheepishly.

“Loki…” You start. Loki grabs you by the waist and hugs you to him, swaying from side to side.

“Yes, darling?”

You pull away but Loki doesn’t drop his hands from your hips just holds you at arm's length with a cute frown.

“I...Well...Ok, see, I wanted revenge for what you did and now I’m starting to realize I shouldn’t have done this.” You get out in an apologetic voice, a slight wince on your face.

Loki’s frown lifts to a look of amusement. “You knew I wouldn’t like the sand…” He replies softly.

You actually cringe at his remark. “Possibly.” You say in a high-pitched voice.

You gasp with a horrified look on your face because two kids run past and when one throws a handful of sand to the other kid it misses and hits Loki’s back instead.

You bite your lip when you see sand falling from his hair and face. At least the kids apologize before they’re running off laughing again. You simply watch as the amusement falls from Loki’s face and he closes his eyes.

“May we leave?” He says in a dangerously calm voice.

You nod but realize he can’t see it so you blurt out a yes and rush to your spot to pack everything up. Loki is right behind you, making sure to pick up the bucket you had brought, and as you panic he grabs your arm so you look at him.

“Calm down, sweetheart. I will not die from a little sand.” Loki says in a gentle and calming tone.

You feel your shoulders relax and take a deep breath. You nod and begin packing the stuff again, this time slower. Loki helps and it takes less than five minutes to begin your trek back to the car. As you pass the showers you bump into Loki’s side and nod at them. Loki looks at you gratefully before he’s handing you the beach bag and rushing over to the shower. You follow him, just slower. When you come to stand at the edge of the shower you watch Loki wash off with a lot of appreciation.

The water cascades down his back and your mouth goes dry when Loki brings his hands up and through his long black locks, tilting his chin up into the spurting water as he does. When his face isn’t in the direct spray he looks over at you. A smirk crosses his face as he rubs all the sand off his body and watches you watch him. When you catch his eyes you clear your throat and look away. Loki chuckles but doesn’t say anything, thankfully.

Once he has washed off what he can reach without undressing completely he comes to your side and grabs the beach bag from you once again. You both begin the trek back to the car, Loki dripping wet as he walks beside you.

“I’m impressed.” Loki states out of nowhere. You look over at him dumbfounded. “I’m impressed because you noticed a small detail about me and exploited it as revenge.” He explains with a small smirk, he doesn’t look at you though, just keeps his face forwards.

You let out a devious laugh. “I am dating the God of Mischief, gotta keep you on your toes somehow.”

Loki doesn’t answer you, merely shakes his head as he now genuinely smiles.

When you reach the car Loki packs everything up as you start the car so it can cool off. Loki doesn’t use one of the towels to dry off probably because they had been on the sand. He gets into the passenger seat, wet.

“Stark has the money to clean his cars without a second thought. I am not using one of those towels to dry off.” Loki confirms your suspicions when you look at him with an accusatory look.

You can’t fight the laugh that bubbles out and Loki smiles at you as he puts on his seat belt. You shake your head and focus on backing out of the parking space.

When you’re on the road back to the tower you let your arm rest on the console. Loki is quick to hold your hand in his.

“I love you.” Loki exclaims out of nowhere as you sit at a red light.

“Even after I made you go to the beach as revenge?” You ask as you squeeze his hand.

Loki squeezes back. “Even more so after that.”

“Never had a woman stand up to you after your pranks?” You ask. The light turns green so you can’t see Loki’s expression.

“Never.”

You hum, glancing over to him, when you can, and you find him smiling a loopy smile as he watches the road.

“You can prank me, that’s fine, just don’t ever do anything with my hair, please?” You focus on the road as you speak.

“Of course.”

“Just know, if you prank me there will be revenge.”

You can hear the smirk in Loki’s response. “Oh, I was hoping there would be, darling.”

Tag list: @justfangirlthingies @biancablack2474 @creeping156tin @ajeff855 @high-functioning-lokipath @silver-lupines

#loki x reader #request filled #loki #loki laufeyson #reader insert #my writing #I JUST REALIZED I NEVER MADE THEM GET IN THE WATER WHOOPS #oh well

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drabbles-of-writing · 3 years

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Reverse Au! Dump

Don’t mind my idea dumping here. Brain decided to have fun while I was at work and I have too many wips as it is, so… Thought I’d ask before I dumped, experience. Used morningmark’s comics as a base, so if you want reference. Now this isn’t all that well compiled, but here it goes.

Magic in the Other World is varied as it is crazy. So many styles over the generations and not a lot of organization. There are some that try to categorize it all, but that works as well as you’d expect. Some were lost, some erased, some weren’t passed down/recorded because “the power is all mine! Ahahaha!” It took a lot of time and collaboration, but eventually a sort of system was installed to help out. Still a lot of work to do, but its a step forward. Nowadays the term Wild Magic is generally reserved for those that aren’t all that well documented and understood.

Some Magics are very powerful and desirable, but also tend to be very high risk/high reward, kinda pass/fail, pretty literally Do or Die most times. So not a lot of people can use those or are even willing to. Story says this one guy named Odin hung himself on a massive tree by his own spear for nine days, no food water or rest in constant pain before he could unlock the secret of Runes. But it’s also said he gouged out his own eye to drink from the Well of Wisdom so…

There are lots of different ways to channel magic too: wands, staves, jewelry, certain gems, familiars, potions, enchanted armaments, chants, scripts, etc. Each tool has its own advantages and disadvantages and play into a Witches’ style. Every Witch has at least two methods of spellcasting. Only children have one. Haven’t thought of how Luz gets her Palisman though. Maybe its one of those magic Artifacts like Dr. Strange’s cloak, Elder Wand, Thor’s hammer, or a Green Lantern’s Ring. Something that can’t be recreated because the secret is lost, materials no longer exist, too hard/dangerous to make, accident that can’t be recreated, etc. Happens more often than people like.

Camilla is sometimes called the Blue Witch. She’s a healer by heart and trade, but push her and she will become a one Witch Battleship. Bismark who? Aaaaand she just deleted a whole battalion. And the fortress behind them. Hide me. There are the very rare occasions, like count on one hand rare, when someone near and dear to her heart is in trouble that she takes up her other job. She’s especially terrifying when she decides to torture, those who know how to heal the body know best how to break it. Many shades of Blue, some are very close to Black. She doesn’t necessarily hate Humans exactly, but doesn’t have the highest of regard from past experiences.

Luz has training and is a proficient Witch for her age. Camilla and her father were adamant about having a general knowledge/skillset alongside her specialized skill. Jack of all trades and a master of none, still better than a master of one. She has gone through the system for her magic with varying success. Oracle magic? Zero talent. Bard classes? She can play an instrument, but can’t sing at the same time. When she does sing she tires too hard and messes up. It’s only when she doesn’t try, like absently singing along with a song or playing by her heart, that she’s good at it. Beasts? Can use them, but would rather play with them. Bleeding heart and all that. She does have a good handle on healing magic partly due to Camilla drilling necessary skills into her and partly osmosis. Her father arranged for some CQC lessons from an old friend of his which the girl loved. You get the idea. It wasn’t until she discovered Glyphs that she found her niche and her skills took off. Glyphs are one of those ‘eccentric’ or 'archaic’ styles since they haven’t been used in so long after being lost and are barely understood. She still has a long way to go, but she is on her way.

Luz never really had much in the way of friends, partly cuz of high profile parents which leads to certain pressures and a target on her head, partly because of her magic style and personality, and partly because of the trouble been going on. Luz grew up her whole life with this tension of a group of anarchists trying to burn society that’s just trying to do the right thing. The anarchists started small, but have been a growing problem the past few decades with talk how to 'reshape the world’ in not a good way. Anyone with critical thinking skills can tell this is a bad idea, but they are too brainwashed to notice. They harass anyone who doesn’t follow their rhetoric and attack anyone who even questions them. Luz’s parents put a real kink in a lot of their plans for years, which makes Luz guilty by association.

Luz got caught in one of those sudden larger scuffles and was accidentally chucked/blown through a portal created by an attempted tactical retreat that went off course. Hence why she can’t go home because she hasn’t learned how to do portals yet. Those are high level anyway so how did these guys pull it off so easily? Luz has a hard time blending in obviously. Learning how to use a phone was a fun endeavor. Internet was a trip. Luz is amazed how these people can do all this cool stuff without magic. Keep a low profile sure, she can pass off as a weird out of town kid. Keep the beanie on, underperform in gym and stuff because some things don’t change, like genetics. Someone sharp eyed will see discrepancies. The Beanie has a small Glamor spell built in that covers her witchy traits but she forgot the ears which is why it sits like it does. Luz can erase memories in case she has an accident, but it’s less of a 'remove my face from this picture with a scalpel’, and more of a 'lemme just hack off the past hour or three from your brain with an axe.’ If she tries to take any more then she starts burning into some more dangerous territory and those Wiped are groggy and disoriented for a while after already. Then the magic attacks start happening and her heroic instinct/anti-bystander complex kicks in and there goes that. It runs in the family so Camilla isn’t surprised in the slightest when she finds out.

“Oh titan, why did you curse me with another me?” “I’m right here Mami!”

Eda has a shack very akin to Grunkle Stan. Lots of junk that Lilith can’t believe that people are dumb enough to buy. She’s also involved in some not so legal dealings on the side. Well, Eda isn’t actually hurting anybody and the tax dollars she should be paying would only go towards some politicians’ next yacht or another pointless overseas 'investment’ instead of where it’s supposed to go so. Eda does give some good intel on occasion and a place to vent so Lillith overlooks her. Lil’s more of the secret police for witches and a petty crook isn’t part of her job anyway. Eda understands Luz’s predicament and is willing to help. The cover story is that Camilla work in hospitals and has to work crazy hours while her dad passed away so is living with Eda for a while. King is that kind of critter that grew up weird and acts like ten different animals all the time.

Gus is the nerdy kid who infodumps on everybody, even if they’re not listening. Loves anything fantasy/sci-fi related and plays Minecraft too. A good kid at heart, but needs some social skills. Keep him away from anything more sugary than tea. Luz learned a lot listening to him. Not all of it is entirely useful, but still. Some of his ramblings give her some good ideas for magic and stuff, like putting Glyphs on cards.

The Blights are the cool rich kids obviously, and have some discipline and social issues. Big family name makes them intimidating for normies and a meal ticket for the unsavory. These kids need real friends. They decided to act out to get some attention from the parents who then decided to ignore them. “If you’re going to act like a child tantrum, get treated like one.” Ed is perfect for Drama classes, if he were allowed to partake. Can’t decide what Em is great at, hacking perhaps? Amity’s car is an inheritance from the only family to treat her as such Twins aside, even if she’s too young to remember it. She only remembers that she has feelings surrounding the car. All three of them were pretty impressed with Luz for standing up to them, calling them out on their shit, and not giving a crap about their family name. Being treated like a normal person is pretty weird. Can we get her to do that again?

Amity tried dating Boscha once, didn’t work out very well. Boscha is still hurting over Amity’s comment of “I’d rather go date the new weird kid (Luz) than go back to you.” It’s one of the reasons she goes after Luz. She has that kind of Bud personality from Spider Man, feels lesser and so acts out so much.

“Wow, this new Witch is amazing. Not as cool as the original Witch.”

“What is it with the Witch with you?”

“Oh, she’s a hero. Looks out for the city and the little guy. She inspires me. Makes me want to be a bigger person. *sees Luz* What’s up Luz-er?”

And that’s what I got right now. I know there was more, but it’s lost to the void right now. Might come back later, maybe not. Lemme know what you think.

............

DAMN you weren’t lying when you said you had an info-dump this is *chefs kiss* you got me intrigued now

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if-found-return-to-gusu · 3 years

Text

Happy Birthday to Me Pt 11

I thought this would be a great time to throw back another jar of wine. I’d almost made it to the tray of Emperor’s Smile when all of a sudden I was lifted BODILY FROM THE FLOOR AND CARRIED TO THE FUCKING STAGE AGAIN.

DAGE I THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL!!! :( :( :( :(

And apparently SangSang had shoved Lan Zhan up there too!?!

“Come on guys,” I said, trying to save us both because Lan Zhan looked positively mortified, “Clearly Lan Zhan doesn’t want to sing again!”

I started to walk off the stage, determined to throw a wrench in whatever scheme those blasted Nie brothers had concocted, but I was too late.

DaGe stood in my way as that damn song from the end of Grease started playing. That fucking ‘you’re the one that I want’ song.

Y’ALL AIN’T SLICK

I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING YOU ASSHOLES

YOU THINK YOU’RE CLEVER

YOU THINK YOU’RE SO SMART

I kept trying to get off the stage but I think DaGe might qualify as an actual landmass because no matter what direction I tried there he fucking was!!!!

And then

The wind up had finished and the song had gotten to the words.

And I heard Lan Zhan start to sing.

In that smooth deep voice of his (Which is nothing like John Travolta but ooooh so much sweeter).

I swear to god I almost passed out when I heard him singing “I’ve got chiiiiils. They’re multiplyin”.

Like HOLY FUCK

IS THAT ALLOWED?

IS THAT ALLOWED????????????

Well of course I had no choice but to join in now! If Lan Zhan wants to sing it with me then that’s what he’s gonna get.

But I decided that if I was gonna suffer, so was everyone else.

I picked the highest register falsetto screech I could manage.

‘YOU BETTER SHAPE UP! CUZ I NEED A MAAAAAAAN”

That’s what you get, Nie Brothers. I hope you’re satisfied.

Dickwads.

Not gonna lie though.

Once I got over the initial mortification, it was actually kinda amazing.

I know they threw us up there as like a sort of weird pseudo confession on my part but what it ended up as was a beautiful disaster.

(So Me in a nutshell)

In the end some of the girls started doing backup vocals for us from the crowd too! You know those parts in between where the background singers just go “Oooh Oooh”.

It was great!

I was exhausted by the time it was over though. We took our bows and I ran off to get the drink I’d been coveting. I wasn’t gonna let anyone stop me this time.

Taking an entire bottle for myself, I went back to sit and watch the next performers.

Wen Ning finally worked up the courage (or drank enough wine) to get up on stage himself. And of course he chose one of the absolute BEST karaoke songs ever. Bohemian Rhapsody!

Fuck yeah! You can’t just have karaoke and NOT sing Queen! It’s against the law of parties!

He started off so shy (which worked because the song starts slow anyway)

But with our encouraging cheers he soon got past that. Soon he was screaming “MAMAAAAAAA OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH” into the mike with all the passion his quivering body could muster!

It was amazing.

We all went in like he was singing the greatest performance ever. With lots of whoopings and “SING IT MY BROTHA!” from Wen Qing.

Apparently Lan Xichen took it as a personal challenge and decided to pull out the next obvious must have for karaoke parties and started singing Journey.

I swear hearing that man rasp out “JUST A CITEH BOI!!”

This one turned into everyone singing because how can we resist?

Oh my favorite though had to be when the Nie Brothers went up and started singing “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast.

OH my god that was incredible.

DaGe got up there with a chair and started sulking while Nie Huaisang chose the track. And Nie Huaisang went along with the perfect LeFou.

He leaned his elbow on DaGe’s shoulder with this sycophantic pout on his face.

“Gosh it disturbs me to see you, DaGe, looking so down in the DUMPS”

OH god it was PERFECT. He changed out every single “Gaston” with DaGe.

And DaGe’s voice was PERFECT as Gaston! Sign the man up for Broadway!

He started that bit about eating raw eggs (gross) and just BELTED out the word “barge”

Like Fuck. This man had to be taking singing lessons on the sly or something!

(I’m gonna ask SangSang about it later if I remember. Because he HAS to be taking lessons.)

After that the party started to wind down a bit. After another couple songs I looked over to the cake, thinking about stealing another sliver, and was dismayed to find out how little of it was left!

So while everyone was distracted I snuck over to steal…. Well the rest of it. Haha.

I hid it in the cafe’s fridge to be wrapped up more… securely later.

It’s my party. I do what I want. And I wants cake!!!

Fortunately everyone was so worn out as we all started crashing from our party high that no one noticed my temporary absence.

Like a fucking ninja!

Well…. I say I took all of it.

Evidently I missed a piece. The cakes that Lan Zhan had been holding had somehow never left the chair I’d apparently set them on.

We discovered this by way of Lan Xichen’s ass.

Sat square on ‘em.

Never let this man have alcohol. Just. Don’t do it.

Well he screamed, which made A-Lian scream, which made Lan Xichen cry. It was a mess.

And that is the note my birthday party ended on. Lan Xichen started wailing in DaGe’s arms about how he’d ruined Lan Zhan’s cake and how sorry he was. For his part DaGe seemed to be handling it well with some comforting pats and quiet ‘there there”s.

The kids looked dead on their feet by then anyway so it was probably best to end the celebration anyway.

I couldn’t have had a more perfect birthday.

I watched as everyone started cleaning up. I tried to help a few times and got scolded again, so I just kinda sat there to people-watch instead.

It wasn’t until the peacock went to get Shijie’s coat that I remembered!!!!

I can’t believe that we almost forgot the most important tradition!

I launched myself up to her crying that we forgot!!

And Jiang Cheng being himself tried to shame me by saying I was too old, to which I proclaimed that I was absolutely NOT too old. Never too old!

Shijie just giggled at us before giving me my owed kisses. One cheek kiss per year I managed to not die.

Except she miscounted! I only got 28! I didn’t want to be ungrateful, but birthday kisses are birthday kisses! And if I’m expected to live to 30 I’m gonna need all 29!

I pointed out to her that she still owed me one.

“I know I know,” she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. (And people wonder where I learned it from. Pshh). She pulled a tube of BRIGHT red lipstick that I’m pretty sure I’ve never seen her wear before. She put it on carefully before pulling me in to leave the largest kiss she could on my forehead, no doubt leaving a perfect red kiss mark on it.

She just laughed at me when I claimed that was cheating.

Cheating at what? Who knows. Still cheating. But she just booped my nose and kept giggling.

That’s when we noticed A-Ling trying desperately to get her attention with big watery eyes.

“Aw, A-Ling. Do you want a kiss too?” she asked sweetly, laughing again when he nodded with an even bigger pout. She knelt down to give him just as big a kiss on his cheek, leaving a bright red mark that surely matched mine exactly.

And then she straightened up to kiss her husband who seemed to be sulking like he wanted one too but wasn’t willing to admit it. Looked like a bright red polkadot on his forehead. Right between the eyes. He looked ridiculous.

A-Lian’s subsequent kiss was more pink than red at this point as she was slowly running out of lipstick. It was around this point that I felt a bump at the back of my legs. I looked down to see little A-Yuan peering at the display of kissing. His finger was hooked in his mouth, a habit we’re still trying to break him out of, and he looked so shy as he watched. I shifted a bit so Shijie would notice.

Fortunately she did. I think he might have run away if I’d pointed it out verbally. She crouched next to him with that heart melting smile that only Shijie can do and asked him if he wanted a kiss too. He squeaked a little but nodded anyway and was rewarded with his own pink stamp on his cheek. He giggled and hid his face in my leg.

She straightened up and the mischievous glint was back in her eye as she focused on Jiang Cheng who seemed to just be milling in the area, pointedly looking out the window rather than at the festival of smooches.

“You want a kiss too, A-Cheng?” she asked teasingly. He scoffed and claimed he was too old. Clearly it was a ruse because he absolutely did want a kiss but his pride wouldn’t let him accept one easily.

Too bad for him DaGe had no such issues. He pushed him aside and claimed he’d take it for him then. Shijie laughed then and gave him a nice big kiss on his cheek.

This set off a chain reaction as a rather disgruntled Jiang Cheng was forced further to the side by a still overly excited Lan Xichen who was whining that he wanted a kiss too! DaGe happily obliged, kissing his forehead (Much to Lan Xichen’s quite obvious delight).

Jiang Cheng, to his credit, did his best to look like he wasn’t sulking, but our Shijie can see through us no matter what front we put up. She’s magic like that.

“You know you want one too, A-Cheng,” she said before snatching him and planting the biggest kiss yet on his cheek before he could manage to squirm away.

He couldn’t quite disguise how happy this made him. Adorable.

He’d better be ready for his 28 kisses when it’s his turn this weekend.

After that it was all hugs and tears (the latter pretty much exclusively from Lan XIchen who seemed to remember his butt was full of cake). I’m pretty sure some people double back for more hugs. And Gamby and Aunty Yi each added to my collection of kisses, each taking a cheek.

When Jin ZiXuan’s turn came for a second I thought he was actually going to hug me. I was ready to fight for my life, but it wasn’t needed .

“Oh look!” he said instead, “It’s WELL past 10:30 now. Wei Ying! Happy Birthday you dick!”

Cheeky bastard.

He was immediately slammed by the consequences of this by his son tattling on him to Shijie, claiming his father had said a naughty word.

I was still laughing as they shuffled out of sight when I got a solid smack on the arm.

Why do people keep hitting me????????????? Whyyyyyyyyyy

“Happy Birthday,” he said, not quite looking me in the face. You can’t expect Jiang Cheng to be sentimental AND make eye contact. Not possible. “Keep in touch, will you?”

I promised I would and pulled him in to one last hug, which he actually let me do without a fuss.

The Wens were the last group to shuffle out but not before I caught Lan Zhan and A-Yuan sharing a big hug.

Oh my heart. ARGHHHHHHHHHHH.

They seemed to be talking to each other about something but I couldn’t catch what either was saying.

And then they were gone.

Huaisang left shortly after them after some more birthday wishes and just like that I was alone with Lan Zhan.

We looked at each other in the dim lights of the Cafe. I could look at him forever.

Once again this man had somehow managed to leave me speechless. Just… Everything he had done for me came washing over me all at once. We moved at the same time, each of us pulling the other in for a tight embrace.

I thanked him again for giving me the best birthday I’d ever had. And he made my heart freak out again by telling me that I was worth every moment of it.

I felt him place a kiss on the top of my head after saying that.

Fuck Lan Zhan! Do you want me to hit 30? Because if you keep this up I’ll die before I even get half way through my 29th year!!!

He told me to go upstairs while he locked up the cafe and finished the cleaning that wouldn’t be able to wait for tomorrow.

#wei ying #wei wuxian #mo dao zu shi #cql #the untamed #mdzs #Long Post #(Modern AU!)

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imacrowcawcaw · 4 years

Text

Eyes of Juniper Ch. 1 (A Metallica Fic)

Ao3 Link

Author (as known on Various sites): Lady Lover- Rockfic, Luluthechoosingcrow - AO3, theladylovingcrow - Deviantart and Wattpad, @sammy_bluebells - Instagram, @imacrowcawcaw - main Tumblr, @insannywestan - Sanny shipping Tumblr Pairing: Lars Ulrich/James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett/Cliff Burton, Lars/Female Character (briefly), Lars/Male Character (kinda, more just awkward one sided flirting then Lars gets rescued by his knight in a ratty Motorhead shirt) Fandom: Metallica Tags/warnings: Sex-swap AU, early 80s era 'tallica, smut, gay smut, also het smut since the whole gender switch thing, drinking and alcohol, lots of cussing and profanity, should warn that Lars goes into detail about taking a piss cuz ya know it's new to him, Idk I'll add tags per chapter as I think of shit

Notes:

1. Okay, so I spent like months thinking about whether to do this or not. On the one hand, yes this has so much potential to be fun (and I've seen some other sex swap stories i like). On the other hand, a lot of the whole sex/Gender swap thing is really stereotypical gender shit and goes against what I personally believe. But, creative juices won out and I'll try to keep true to character as much as possible while also making this funny and not too misogynistic (if that's possible).

2. This is a work in progress! I started it a year and a half ago, and now a friend is helping me continue

3. This story is inspired by the song 'Jewel of the Summertime' by Audioslave (on their album Revelations) I love this song and it is awesome you should totally go listen to it.

4. The witch-lady is inspired by Aine, Celtic goddess of love, summer, wealth, and sovereignty. I literally just googled 'goddess of love' then scrolled through a list to find someone other than Aphrodite (don't get me wrong I love Greek mythology but it just wasn't right for this fic) and came across this girl. I only did a quick Wikipedia read, I'm not planning on going too heavy into her myth and more just using her for the plot but.... If anybody is more well versed in Celtic mythology and I seem to get something wrong, please feel free to comment and I'll try my best to make it accurate!

5. Woo damn that was a lot of stuff, I don't blame you if you didn't bother reading it. Now, on with the show!

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1984 (Lars' POV)

The first thing I felt when I woke up was this odd sense of.... well, just something being fuckin' off. Like I was missing something, but also like I had gained something? I felt like a brand-new person, although in my gut I was still me.... Man, I must have had WAY too much Jager last night, it's fucking with my head.

I slowly peeled the itchy fleece blanket off of my body and rolled onto the floor, which was about a foot from the bare mattress. We really needed to invest in some sheets, especially if we wanted to keep bringing chicks back to the house. Apparently, most girls are not at all impressed by stained, lumpy mattresses with almost no bedding on them.

Speaking of girls and mattresses, didn't I bring one home last night? I raised my head slightly from its position from the threadbare carpet and looked at the bed, trying to see if Anna (Was that her name?) was still there. Yep, there was a naked hippy still passed out in my bed, sweet!

I groaned quietly as I stood and shuffled my way out the door and down the hall to the bathroom. It was then I noticed that I didn't really have the usual alcohol-and-early-morning-and-piss induced erection, but my bladder was still straining. Huh, weird.

Whatever. I just wanted to pee, get rid of that feeling in my gut, and get that dead possum taste out of my mouth. Pushing open the door and wincing as the creaky hinges screeched through my headache, I pulled down my boxers and reached for my dick.... What the fuck?

WHAT THE FUCK?

WHERE WAS MY MOTHERFUCKIN DICK?!

Trying not to panic, I looked down, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment so I wouldn't have to see right away. But, of course, that kind of defeated the purpose of looking down, so I opened them again. No dick. The hell was going on?

Taking a deep, calming breath, I tried to think through this rationally. My dick, for whatever reason, was not where it was supposed to be. But, my bladder was still full and begging to be released, so obviously my system or whatever was still working. That need to pee was turning into a burning pain, so I tried to come up with a solution. If I don't have a cock, then I can piss through....what, exactly? Is there anything down there at all? What is even going on!?

Pulling in another deep breath through my nose, I let it hiss out between clenched teeth as I slowly, so slowly, touched my fingers to my abdomen and moved them downwards, dreading what I would find. Annnnnd....... Yep, there it was.

Velvety soft lips, slick, pungent juices; anatomy I knew so well but never, EVER expected to feel on myself. My crisis would have to wait a minute, though, 'cause my bladder was going to explode and no dick be damned I needed to do something about it.

Gingerly sitting my ass down on the toilet (god, so weird sitting down just to piss) I tried to slowly let it out. The feeling was...well there was certainly relief of the pressure, but it also felt strange in a way I couldn't really describe. I could possibly get used to it, not that I'm planning on staying like this or anything.

Cringing as I wiped, I slowly pulled the boxers back up to my hips that I just now noticed were a little wider than usual. And my hands, were they smaller? Softer? My chest too....HOLY SHIT I HAVE BOOBS! That, I might be able to get used to.

I turned to the mirror, and was quite shocked at what I saw. There was a girl standing there, with large, doe-like green eyes staring back at me from underneath brown bangs. She had a nice tan on her upper body, although her breasts were still pale where she clutched at them, small rosy nipples poking through her fingers. A pair of black cotton boxers stretched tight around the small curve of her hips, but hung loose around her milky thighs that almost touched. And this...this chick was me. ME.

Shaking my head, I splashed some water onto my face and rubbed my eyes, hoping it was just a fucked up dream. No such luck.

I was considering hiding in the bathroom forever, because no way in hell could I let the guys see me like this, let alone figure out how to explain, when I heard a scream. It sounded a lot like Kirk's voice, so I pushed my problems to the back of my head and ran into the hallway, stopping dead in my tracks at what I saw.

Anna, or whatever her name was, stood at the top of the stairs, dressed in flowing black robes with green Celtic designs all over them. She had jewels and charms hanging from her waist, wrists, neck, and ears, each tinkling as she tossed some sort of... Powder onto a very shocked looking Kirk. Or at least, I was pretty sure it was Kirk. He (she?) seemed to be in the same boat as me as far as bodies were concerned at the moment.

With a final dusting of powder, witchy-chick turned to me and smirked. "I hope you learn your lesson, I'll be back in a week. And as for you...." She turned to Kirk, "Well, you're just too damn cute! I couldn't resist seeing what a pretty girl you'd make!"

"This is your fault? You bitch! " I yelled. "Why the hell did you do this to us? Who are you? Change us back, then get the fuck out! I don't wanna be a damn girl, and neither does Kirk!" God this was fucking insane, that chick was crazy!

She hissed at me, eyes flashing in a way that could not be human. "Now you listen, GIRL. You'll stay like this for as long as I deem fit. You need to learn some respect for women, and being one is the best way to do that. I suppose you don't remember what you did last night?" She asked, looking bored and ready lo go fuck up someone else's life.

I thought hard, then it came creeping back to me. The bar, the Jager, the flirting with a group of girls, copping a feel and getting slapped, then her changing her mind and coming home with me, talking dirty in her ear, then unworldly sex, her whispering what sounded like a spell in my ear as I came... Holy shit.

"Is this about me grabbing your ass? I'm sorry! Please don't do this!" I begged, finally starting to let the situation sink in and desperation set. This could not be happening.

"Hmph," she snorted, "Begging isn't going to get you anywhere. I've seen humans beg for much less, and they still didn't get it. No, you'll love your life as a woman for a week, both of you, and hopefully you'll come to realize the struggles and terror that comes with it. If you've learned your lessons and are truly sorry, then you will be turned back. If not... Well you'll just have to stay like this until you do."

And just like that, she turned with a flourish and disappeared into thin air. My morning could not get any crazier, I was sure if it. But, because I wasn't actually sure and was suddenly doubting all logical occurrences in the world, I knocked on the wooden railing. That done, I turned towards Kirk.

He (seriously, do I call us he's or she's now? This is so fucked up) was shaking like a leaf, looking like he'd fall over any moment. I went over to grab him, calm him down, something.

"Shh shh, it's all right, Kirk," I muttered in his ear, awkwardly patting his back. I never thought I'd need to, but it really fucking sucks I can't comfort him any better than this. It was like this sour feeling in my chest that nestled in right next to my heart, whispering how awful I was at this and how he's probably mad at me for getting him into this situation.

Before I could ask him if he wanted to punt me out of a window, though, I heard some shuffling and talking coming from downstairs. James and Cliff were headed up here. As much as I wanted to hide for a week until my fuckin' "lesson" was up, I couldn't exactly drag Kirk into the hall closet in his current state, so I stood my ground.

"Hey, ladies, we do appreciate the service you've done our ugly ass friends, but could you keep the cat fight down until you've left the house?"

Ah, James, the man still didn't know how to talk to women after all this time. He was either too shy to form a sentence, or he put on this macho bravado that turned him into a drink asshole. Either way, this lady was not pleased.

By now I guess the guys had reached the landing Kirk and I were at and saw me hugging him, because Cliff chimed in, "Aww, they've made up! Good! Now, can I ask what exactly you two were telling about so loudly that it woke me and my boy James up? Did Lars do something?"

My back straightened at that, and I turned my head to him indignantly. "I did fucking not!" I retorted, even though apparently this whole situation was my fault. No need for them to know that, though.

"Holy shit, Lars!?!" James screamed.

I sighed. "Hi, Jamie."

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Chapter 2

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pinkykitten · 4 years

Text

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive?

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head.

2. Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby. 4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts?

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different.

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again.

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it.

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer.

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot.

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible.

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys.

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much.

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho.

3. What is the last song that inspired you?

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making.

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical.

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH

#ask #@writing-with-melon #rambles #writing #tips on writing #unus annus #david dobrik #netflix #buzzfeed unsolved #peaky blinders oc #kobe bryant #mac miller #tony stark #peter parker #the greatest showman #tom thumb #troy bolton #zac efron

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golden-redhead · 4 years

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Quarantine asks! 1, 17, 28?

1. Animated character that was your gay awakening?

God, I WISH I KNEW! There were... a lot of them. Like, way too many to count if I’m being honest, the fact that it took me so long to fully accept that I’m bi is an actual crime and the ultimate proof that I am dumb. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. But yeah, Jasmine from Aladdin in that red clothes Jafar puts her in near the end of the movie definitely deserves a huuuge shout out! Little golden had a lot of thoughts about it that she had no idea how to express, but tbh even thinking about it now, years later (I must have been like... 5? when I watched it for the first time? maybe a liiiitle older??) I can’t help but blush even though now I recognize that she was horribly sexualized and that sucks. Also Raven from Teen Titans, she was my favorite character for so many years and I loved everything about her! Seriously, I was such a gay kid and yet it took me 16 years to consider that I might be bi and another 6 or so to actually accept it and realize that I am almost exclusively attracted to girls lol.

17. Fruity or herbal teas?

Definitely herbal teas! My favorite tea is a mix of black and green tea and it’s perfect. I have a pretty big tea collection, even though I don’t drink them much recently. Among my friends tea is probably one of the most popular gift choices.

28. What’s one thing you’re trying to learn/relearn in your downtime right now?

I still work the way I used to, because lessons online aren’t that much different from lessons in a classroom, so I don’t have that much free time? I mostly watch cartoons, so I am not being as productive as I’d want to. But I started to draw more and I’m working on my own story (that I’d love to make into a cartoon, even though it’s probably one of those dreams that never come true). I ordered kalimba at the beginning of April cuz I wanted to learn how to play, but it still didn’t come ;-; I want to make a handmade kokoshnik decorated with flowers and I have lots of materials but I am so afraid I’ll fuck it up cuz I’m bad at handmade stuff so I still didn’t even try XD’’

Quarantine Asks: Questions You Usually Wouldn’t Think of Asking But You’re Bored AF

#thank you for asking!!!!!#I need more #boredom is killing me today

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

Text

Survey #246

(song lyrics here idc)

What is the most you’ve ever eaten in one sitting? I don't know. Probably too many slices of pizza back when I could kill pizza if I was hungry enough. How often do you skip breakfast? Rarely. What’s the longest you’ve gone without leaving the house? A couple+ weeks, probably. Where are you going the next time you go out? School. What kinds of things are likely to make you cry? Reunions of like any type, seeing things (esp. animals) in pain, if my feelings are deeply hurt, deaths... stuff like that. Really nothing unusual. What are some things that make others cry that don’t make you cry at all? Hm. I dunno. I'm sure there's something, but I'm unsure. If you drink/smoke, how often do you do these things? I don't smoke, and I'll ever only have like a drink or two on some holidays or for my birthday. What website do you spend the most time on and why? YouTube because it essentially replaces television for me. What’s the most amount of time you’ve spent online? Is this usual for you? Oh my god don't ask me this. What is one belief you used to have, but no longer do? In what ways are you influenced by the opinions of others, if ever? The one I disdain the most was being homophobic up to my late teenage years. I wanna curb stomp that ignorant fucking kid. I wouldn't say I'm influenced by other's opinions on things very much. What was the last thing to make you feel good about yourself? Drinking water lmao. How would you describe your overall (or preferred) personal aesthetic? My friend recently described me as a "gothic lolita" and y'know he's onta something. What kinds of small judgments are you likely to make about others? *Small* judgments? Uhhhh... God why am I blanking on surveys so much lately. What was the last thing you did mostly because society expected you to? Shower, 'cuz I seriously wasn't feeling it but needed to anyway. When was the last time you felt out of place? I had to babysit my nephew on my own early last month and I felt like I was in a different universe. I felt so, so unfit in the position and just all-around uncomfortable. I love that boy to death but babysitting is noooooot my thing. Do you believe in aliens, spirits, or angels of any sort? Yeah. Well, not "angels" by true definition, no. In what ways are you superstitious? I'm not. Where was the last place you went walking and how far? Would you rather exercise alone or with other people? Like, for fun? Not since I was at Sara's. I DO NOT like exercising in front of other people at all. What kinds of nail polish colors do you prefer to wear? How about makeup? Black is the entirely superior makeup color. How would you describe your own relationship with makeup? It's just for fun for me when I actually feel like it, and even that's rare. I usually only put makeup on for some pictures. Who has been in your life the longest amount of time? What about the shortest? My mom the longest, and my school teachers the shortest, I guess? Who was the last person to leave your life? How about return to it? My fucking therapist that deserves my fist through her face. Return, uhhhh yeah I dunno. It might be Sara, and that was yearsss ago. When it comes to travel, what kinds of places intrigue you most? Wildernesses, especially with mountains, rivers, waterfalls... that kind of stuff. Do you think humans colonizing Mars is a good idea? Would you go, if you could? No. Focus on the goddamn planet we're already on. If it was a life or death situation, I'd go, but otherwise, I'm staying here and at least trying to patch it up. What is the farthest you’ve walked in one day and what made you do it? Oh, many miles, I'm sure. I used to walk for literally hours out in my yard at night with my iPod. That was so common for me. Funny how now I'm recovering from muscle atrophy in my legs. Do you have a chore/housecleaning routine or anything like that? A "routine," no. How organized would you say your living space is? The house is currently a travesty. What is something important that’s often on your mind lately? Success in school. Do you find it easier to forgive yourself or others? Others. Have you ever had to call 911? For who/what reason? Yes; Mom thought she might've been having a heart attack. Thank fuck she wasn't. Do you like oatmeal? If so, what kinds of things do you like in it? Oh yeah. It's like a regular for me now that I'm big time trying to lose weight. I like the apple cinnamon one. What was going on the last time you felt nostalgic? Thinking about that walking question. How much attention do you pay to the movements of the stars and planets, and do you believe they influence anything? The most non-Pagan belief I have is being void of this one. No. When was the last time you were afraid to tell someone something? Heh, speaking of being (mostly, ig) Neo-Pagan. Classmate and I were doing an assignment getting to know each other and she asked my religion. She was a serious Christian and was clearly SO uncomfortable when I awkwardly answered lmao. When was the last time something didn’t go the way you expected it would? My disability case hearing just a week back. I expected to be way, way more terrified, shaking even, and was prepared for an intimidating judge. Just in general I was afraid of it being "court-like" and with a lot of people, but it was okay. I think having my attorney there was crucial to my (relative) calmness, though, because I was comfortable with and liked him. What is the most difficult or involved video game you’ve ever played? Most difficult that I ever tried, Dark Souls. Quit that waaaay early. Hardest that I've beaten, I honestly think The Legend of Spyro: The Eternal Night. Don't even @ me w/o trying it yourself 'cuz that game was so fucking hard to where I rage-quit for years until beating it. I did play it a second time for fun, though. Still hard. Most involved, oh, easily World of Warcraft. Years of effort put into too many characters la;ksdjfawoei Have you ever taken lessons for anything? Yeah; dance for a very long time as well as guitar. What’s your favorite band’s name? Well Ozzy goes solo. Btw I nearly died when I heard the Parkinson's news wtf life how dare why him- Who is your last sent text to? My mom. What’s your favorite flavor of Gatorade? I do noooot like Gatorade. What does your bikini look like? Oh hunny I'm barely comfortable in a one-piece. Do you drink the milk after you finish cereal or just leave it in the bowl? I can almost never drink it. The taste is just changed and is usually gross. Have you ever worn glitter eyeliner? No, yikes. Imagine that getting in your eye. Has anyone ever called you a hippie? I don't think so. Did you have any unread texts this morning? No. Have you ever been involved in strength training? No. Who is the last person you kissed? Sara. Have you ever been to a pottery painting store? No. Are bonfires common with you and your friends? Not at all. I don't think I've ever done that with friends. If you’re really quiet, what is probably the reason? I'm thinking about something intently. What does your boyfriend/girlfriend call you? N/A How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? A whole lot. Do you use lotion? If my skin is particularly dry. Have you ever used a sewing machine? No. Is hairspray a staple in your morning routine? I've never regularly used it. Do you believe in teenage love? Fuck yes I do, I can promise you that. When is your favorite TV show on regularly? It's discontinued. Who is your favorite person to waste time with? Sara. What has been the most significant thing to happen to you this year? Well, it's the first day of February, so I'll imagine you're asking about the past year, in which case I went back to school. What kind of kid were you when you were seven? Happy, weird, kinda hyper, outgoing and goofy. Do you always eat those mints you get at some restaurants? Yeah, if they're not the semi-soft ones that kinda melt in your mouth. Ew. Is there a subject you know so much about that you’d be able to teach it? Sure, but nothing like seriously important. Do you believe that being ‘cultured’ is important? Why or why not? I mean, probably if you travel. It's definitely wise to try to act at least semi-"appropriately" in another country. Where did you purchase the computer you’re using right now? Best Buy or Office Depot, idr. Do you think it’s fair to compare Family Guy to The Simpsons? I don't care? Will you miss CDs if they end up going obsolete? Why or why not? Not really, I just don't care. If you could relive one hour of your life so far, what would you choose? I don't have a clue. Do you think animals have a sense of humor? Probably. Animals can definitely act silly. Are you proud of your hometown, or do you try to distance yourself from it? That place is shit. Has your idea of the perfect romantic partner changed with age? Oh yeah, to a degree at least. I had such a fairy-tale ideology on love back then. How many cars have you ever owned? Myself, zero. Can you do math in your head well? I almost can't at all. What’s your favorite flavor of potato chip? Oh man, that's hard. Maybe salt and vinegar. Do you ever read the weather forecast? I mean I'll check the app on my phone occasionally. Do amusement park rides make you sick? Thus far in my life, no, but I'm too afraid to try some out of fear of that. Who is your favorite Star Wars character? Don't even like SW. What kind of cheese do you put on your sandwiches? American. What radio station do you listen to the most? None. Who was the last person to give you a gift? A family friend for Christmas. How old were you when you got your driver’s license? I'm about to be 24 and still don't have it. What was the first thing you ever learned how to cook? Scrambled eggs. Did you ever collect beanie babies? Maybe? I know I had one big one (me and my sisters had a matching set of different colors; mine was pink, what a shocker), but idk if I actually collected them. When was the last time you got a haircut? Early last month. Have you ever been to a bachelor/bachelorette party? No. How many people can you say you TRULY love? Romantically? Two. Platonically, a whole lot. Where are you most ticklish on your body? My feet jfc. Have you ever bailed anyone out of jail? Nope. What’s the last board game you played? Shit, what's it called. Something with my nephew. It's the one with the popping dice in the middle and four different colors to move around the board. "Sorry!" or something? Have you ever given someone a fake phone number? Might've when stupid kid me made prank calls. Do you have any bumper stickers on your car? No. Do you leave good tips when you eat out at restaurants? I've never been the one paying. Do you still own any VHS tapes? I'm sure Mom has home videos stored somewhere. If there was a real Jurassic Park, would you visit it? Oh fuck yeah 'cuz I'm dumb and love dinos. Have you ever gone golfing? Not legit golfing. Do you know any sign language? No. How many friends do you have that are married? Close friends, like people I still regularly talk to, none. Do you still have your wisdom teeth? Yes. Did you have a swing set in your yard when you were a child? Yes. Do you eat your mac & cheese with a fork or a spoon? I don't really care so I haven't noticed which I usually use. Where did you have your first kiss? His bed. When you were a kid, were you ever afraid of cooties? Lol no. Do you ever go Christmas caroling in December? No, I could never omg. Which overrated tattoo are you sick of seeing? I don’t care. Get what you want. What was the last thing you taught a younger kid? Apparently to say "aw shucks" at everything lmao. Are the clocks in your house mostly digital or analog? Digital. We have on analog in the living room. How long have you had your television(s)? God, years. A loooong time, but it's a fine TV. Do you like watching movies made with CGI or do you prefer hand-drawn ones? I tend to enjoy CGI more. I like realism in what I watch. Where did your parents buy their car(s)? Dad, idk. Mom got hers for free; a dance friend ran into a deer, so the front bumper got fucked up, and she wanted a new vehicle. Mom took it because shit, it was drivable, and she DIY fixed up the bumper to make sure it stays in place. Literally with zip ties and duct tape lmfao but HEY it WORKS. Do you know why your grandparents chose your mother’s name? No. Do you think you’d do well at teaching the English language to a foreigner? I think I'd be at least decent. What is a store you like that is exclusive to your country? Idk what's only exclusive to the country. If you attend school, what time do you usually get home after? Like, 4:35 or so. Mom finishes her field work at 4, and afterwards we go home. Have you written a resume before, either for yourself or someone else? Yes. What is your favorite thing about snow? IT'S PRETTY. What do you usually do when you have trouble sleeping? Try to go back to sleep at first, and if I really can't, I get back up on the laptop for a while. Are you satisfied with your social life (or lack thereof)? NONONONONONONONO. What TV show do you just assume you wouldn’t like? 13 Reasons Why. Do your friends have more money than you? lol duh I make none. Who always has the power to make you feel intimidated? Pretty much men as a whole...

#survey #quiz #questions

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queen-writing-sideblog · 5 years

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Coffee and Cigarettes

Chapter One

This is the little surprise I was talking about, first chapter of my first fic!! Thank you to all of you so, so, so much for 100 followers (I know I’m a bit late, but it took me a minute to finish, so.. shhhh), but thank you all so, so much for sticking along for all of this. I know I haven’t been updating as much recently, but now that this is finished, I’ll be a lot better about it, I promise, I hope you enjoy!!!!!

Staff dating wasn’t against the rules. It was… slightly frowned upon by some of the board members, but it wasn’t against the rules. That hadn’t been an issue for Roger for the three years he had been working there, so he hadn’t thought anything was going to change when the school hired a replacement for the teacher that had taught engineering and wood shop.

Boy had he been wrong.

They wouldn’t normally cross paths. While their classrooms were in similar parts of the building, teachers didn’t tend to wander around the school because, obviously, they were working. That wasn’t how they ended up meeting, though.

No, the very first time Roger met Mr. Deacon was in the break room when he turned around too fast and accidentally hit him with a muffin and almost spilled coffee on him.

What a fantastic, completely Rogeresque way to meet someone.

To his defense, it was before seven o’clock in the morning, nearly an hour before school was due to start, and he’d been up late the night before, grading the last minute summer work that had been submitted to him minutes before the deadline.

Stupid slackers.

Then again, that had been him when he was in high school, so he didn’t really have much room to talk.

And regardless of how little sleep he’d gotten, there he was, bright an early. For all the work and extra hours teachers put in, they didn’t get paid nearly enough, so he in the mornings, his breakfast off of the coffee and assorted, slightly stale breakfast items that resided there.

His slightly stale breakfast item that was now a shower of crumbs coating the shirt of a complete stranger.

“Oh! Oh, I am so sorry, mate, really, I-”

“Oh, no, no, you’re alright. It’s early. Looks like you haven’t had a sip of coffee yet either, so I’ll let it slide this time around.”

As soon as the air around them lightened up a bit and he let himself relax, it struck him how… easy on the eyes this stranger was.

“Ah, right, right, I’ll take my free pass and be more careful next time. I’m Roger Taylor, by the way. I teach biology. Room 137.”

“Oh, alright, hello, Mr. Taylor. I’m John Deacon, I teach engineering and woodshop and… I’m in room…” he dug a piece of paper out of his pocket, “room number 146.”

“Ah, so you’re the new guy that’s replacing old Bernes.”

“Would appear so.”

“Well, I already like you better. He was a creep.”

“Was he, now? Well, I might be a bit biased in saying this, but I don’t believe I’m much of a creep, so I do hope that helps.” He offered a gap toothed smile and Roger felt something unfamiliar bubbling up in the pit of his stomach.

“Well, you’re already much, much, much better than he is.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

They stood there for a moment in silence, sipping their coffee before one of them spoke again.

“So. Where’d you come from. Somewhere… North, I’m thinking?”

“Wow, look at you. Yeah. Up in the midlands, Oadby, actually.”

“Really? And how’s that? Living there, I mean.”

“Dull. Very dull. Very boring. Not a lot of stuff going on up there. I wouldn’t recommend visiting. There isn’t much to do, the people are too nice to not be hiding anything, and most of the hotels have rats.”

“I’ll keep that in mind next time I’m going on holiday, ‘cuz that’s something teachers do so often.”

The comment earned him a little laugh and another one of those smiles, and something so simple shouldn’t have made him as happy as it was.

He was man enough to admit that he pretty things, attractive people. He was also man enough to admit that John happened to fall under this column. Which meant he was able to convince himself it was the mild adrenaline rush that came from making an attractive person laugh.

Like when he picked up women -or men, he wasn’t really picky- at bars and made them smile and laugh and blush.

Except for the fact that this was his new coworker, they were in a teacher’s lounge in a high school, and he didn’t have the intention of going home with him. Because that would be entirely unprofessional and he didn’t want to do it either.

Alright, maybe if the setting was different, he might. But that meant alcohol would be involved, as well as a location that was much more likely to foster raw, sexual attraction.

Seven in the morning in a break room in a high school packed with other teachers, crappy coffee, and assorted bread products was neither the time nor the place.

And it seemed that it wasn’t going to be much of an issue, just a passing thought.

Which it was.

For now at least.

Over the course of the following weeks, Roger found himself and John becoming more and more friendly. He’d begun to worm his way into his little friend group, clicking almost instantly with Freddie, and bonding over some science geek stuff with Brian. He fit in like the fourth piece to their puzzle.

It was nice, meeting someone who he worked with that was good for more than discussion on the woes of being a teacher.

Sure, he’d had Brian and Freddie before, but it was nice to have a third friend, and to no longer be the ‘baby’ of the group.

(Normally whenever it was brought up, he was quickly mention the fact that he was twenty-six years old now, but it was quickly dismissed in favor of making fun of him.)

And John, he had come to find, was actually a rather interesting person. He loved music, but he didn’t think he could sing, so he stuck to the instruments. Specifically the stringed sort. He apparently had a bass, an electric, an acoustic, and a rhythm guitar at home, as well as a keyboard. That he offered lessons to bring in some extra money and because it was something he enjoyed doing. That music was a passion of his, and he’d been into it since he was younger, fell in love with the records his father would bring home every once in a blue moon and found that that aspect of his story was similar to Roger’s.

He’d learned that he’d been a tinkerer ever since he could hold a screw driver. Making magic out of scraps by age ten, which could have been a profession on it’s own, but he’d fallen in love with teaching and had gotten his masters in that after getting his bachelor of science in electronics. That he was still a tinkerer and he would buy bits and pieces of this and that when his budget allowed to make little things and that he had never once called a repairman because he’d always been able to fix the issue himself. How he would fix neighbors broken down appliances for free just because he wanted to. He’d even offered to come look at Roger’s busted air conditioning unit sometime.

That he had a sister named Julie, that she was seventeen and was preparing for her A levels, that she was very bright and that he was a very proud big brother. That he was a mama’s boy, spoke to her every other day on the phone. That when he was growing up, he’d taken over the typical ‘man of the house’ role since his father passed when he was young, that he didn’t get all sad and weepy when talking about his dad, just got a nostalgic, fond look in his eyes. That he’d just gotten a puppy named Eleanor and a ferret named Robert. An odd combination, Roger thought, but who was he to judge when all he had were a few fish.

Needless to say, he’d learned a lot about him in the short span of time they’d known each other in and he found him to be rather intriguing.

They’d slowly become the sort of teachers that bothered each other during prep periods. John would come bug him when he was doing notes and Roger would throw popcorn at him when he was trying to teach. It was nice, he thought.

Roger had finally given in to John’s offers and invited him over to have a look at the air conditioner. It was much cheaper than calling an electrician and John had insisted he didn’t mind, so he’d decided it wasn’t such a bad idea. And he wasn’t sure how much longer he could deal with keeping all his windows open and using a fan in its place. He was becoming a baked potato in his own home.

When John had gotten there, they’d exchanged pleasantries before Roger had led him to the source of irritation and he’d gone straight to work.

The conversation kept up while John.. well, Roger wasn’t quite sure what it was he was doing, actually, but.. That was besides the point. He was fixing the stupid AC unit for him and now Roger wouldn’t die of heatstroke or something stupid like that.

He’d take a break every once in a while to have a drink and wipe the sweat off his forehead before diving back into his work. It was a nice almost silence they lapsed into, with an occasional joke, or comment, or John asking Roger to grab him a drink if he wouldn’t mind. It was certainly much better than the awkward work around that would be involved with a repairman and not nearly as expensive either.

It took a little while, but eventually Roger heard the familiar whir of the air conditioning unit kicking on.

“You’re a miracle worker, Deaks!”

“Ah, nah… just a fan that fell loose and some mixed up wires, is all. Nothing, really.”

“I could kiss you.”

He huffed out a laugh. “Think I’ll pass.”

“How can I repay you?”

“Oh, no, you don’t have to do that.”

“Well.. I can at least buy you dinner.”

“Well…”

“I’ll get takeaway and you and I can watch a movie.”

“Yeah. alright. Fine.”

“What catches your fancy tonight, Sir Deacon?”

“Sir?” He cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Just go with it.”

“Alright, well.. How does Chinese sound?”

“His highness shall be dining on the finest Asian cuisine tonight.”

“The finest, huh?”

“Or the cheapest.”

“Perfect.”

Roger ended up calling in to order the takeout and decided to let John find something for them to watch. He was mildly surprised when he plopped down on the couch and the TV was playing the opening credits to Peter Pan.

“A Disney man, huh?”

“Shut up. They’re good movies, believe it or not.”

“Okay, okay, okay, I won’t make fun of you. It just… you don’t seem the type.”

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.”

“Touché.”

“I am not often what meets the eye.”

“Is that so?”

“It is so.”

“I’ll keep that in mind, then.”

“Good.”

John ended up staying much later than Roger had thought he would. By the time he checked the clock, it was already half past ten. He opted not to say anything about it, though, because he did rather like John’s company. He had a good sense of humor and he liked to point out the flaws of and make fun of poorly made movies which Roger had discovered when they’d come across some old movie that seemed like it had a budget of forty dollars.

By now, though, they’d lulled into a comfortable silence like it had been before, only interjected by an occasional joke or comment.

By the time they got to the end of that movie, it was even later. Obviously. Because that’s how the flow of time worked. But it was late enough that Roger was tired, and by the looks of it, so was his company.

“I should get going.” He stretched his arms above his head. “Work tomorrow and all.”

“Stay.”

“Are you sure that’s-”

“I mean, here. Like… on the couch. It’s late, you’re tired, you shouldn’t be driving. We can carpool tomorrow.”

“I don’t have anything to wear.”

“You can borrow something of mine.”

“I don’t have a toothbrush or anything. I don’t think I’ll be borrowing that from you.”

“I’ve got an extra in the cupboard.”

John gave him a skeptical look and for a minute Roger was worried he was going to say no.

“Yeah, alright, fine.”

“Great. I’ll grab you a pillow, the blankets are next to the couch.” He gestured in the general direction they were in before going off to get a pillow from his bed.

John was doing something on his phone when he got back, presumably texting his neighbor, asking her to keep the dog overnight, something he’d heard him mumbling to himself about when he was walking away.

“Oi. Watch that,” He grumbled, setting the pillow down at the edge of the bed.

“I remind you that you are a guest here and I can kick you out at any moment.”

“Fine.” He plopped down on the couch, tugging the blanket over himself and folding up his knees to fit onto the couch.

“Goodnight, Mr. Deacon.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Taylor.”

When Roger got up at three in the morning to get a glass of water, he nearly jumped out of his skin at the body draped across his couch before remembering it was just John. As he was pouring his glass of water, he took note that when John wasn’t all curled into a ball, he was much too tall for the couch. Part of his legs hung over the edge of the couch, all the way up to his knees, and an arm was dangling over the side of the couch and he’d miraculously knocked the blanket off and into the middle of the room.

Without much thought, he bent down to scoop the blanket up and draped it over John, who made a soft, sleepy noise in response.

The… domestic nature of it all made something warm and fuzzy climb up his rib cage and wrap around his heart which startled him more than the thought of a stranger in his flat. He pushed them down quickly, going back to bed and leaving the untouched glass of water on the coffee table where he’d set it down earlier.

The next morning, Roger learned that you got places much faster when you used the carpool lane, and that John fancied cars nearly as much as he did,complaining about some of nicer cars that weren’t taken care of well as they took turns naming models and makes of the cars on the road.

(Which I will not be doing because while I am all for researching for things, I do not understand much about cars at all, and… yeah. No thank you. Sorry).

When they got to school together, Brian happened to be coming into the building as well, offering a raised eyebrow in regards to the fact that they’d obviously come to school together and the shirt John was wearing was one Roger had been wearing on Friday.

When they got into the break room, John went to get coffee and Brian cornered him.

“Please tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”

“Excuse me?”

“He’s wearing your clothes, Rog, and you carpooled.”

“I did not sleep with him. He came over to fix my air conditioner, stayed over too late and I let him sleep on the couch.”

“That’s all?”

“Jesus, Bri. I’m not stupid, that would be a bad idea, even I know that.”

“Okay, okay, fine.”

When John got back, he couldn’t help but think he certainly wouldn’t have minded if that happened.

And, yeah. Maybe he was a bit screwed.

12 notes · View notes

snowyfrostshadows · 5 years

Text

Easier Said

“I wouldn’t call your bet stupid…”

“Oh yeah?” Matthews shot him a look that was half glare, half resignation. “What would you call getting Captain Grif to give me an honest to god compliment within the next twenty four hours?”

Bitters couldn’t help wincing slightly at his friend’s phrasing.

“….hopeless.”

“-And when I win, you have to not only admit how lazy your Captain is, but you have to tell my Captain how awesome and cool he is to his face.”

Matthews’ face darkened as he actually stood up to lean over the still sitting Palamo. “Fine.” He practically snarled, ‘But when I win, you have to tell your Captain that you’ll be taking relationship advice from mine since he gets more action in a week than yours has in his entire life.“

Palomo stared slack-jawed up at Matthews, reply clearly lost at the normally reserved and polite private’s ruthless terms. To be fair, the only one not staring at Matthews was Bitters, who was taking advantage of his friend’s glare fest at the other lieutenant to swipe his drink and downing it. If Matthews was at the point of picking fights, then any more alcohol in his system would probably kill him.

“I-you-Fine!” Palomo sputtered out. “Not that it matters, cuz the chances of you winning are slim to none!”

Matthews’ expression somehow managed to darken even more. “We’ll see about that.”

And with that, Matthews spun on his heel and left the mess hall, not even bothering to wait for a response from Palamo.

Bitters sighed. He should have known better than letting Palamo sit anywhere near them. Green Team’s lieutenant had a habit of annoying just about everyone around him. It really had been too much to hope that Matthews would somehow be immune to him.

“We win, I get your dessert rations for a month.”

“Wha-?”

Not bothering to wait for a full reply, Bitters also got up and left. Like a true maverick.

By the time he caught up to Matthews in their shared room, his friend was already passed out in his bed.

The responsible thing would be to wake him up and make sure that Matthews was actually aware of what exactly he’d gotten himself entangled in this time and figure out some way of fixing or undoing it. But, Bitters was not in a responsible mood tonight nor did he want to hear Palomo bragging over a ‘easy win’ so soon.

Deciding to just let Matthews wake him up for training in the morning and dealing with it then, Bitters headed for his own bed.

With as early a riser Matthews was, he figured they’d have enough time to figure something out.

…

Matthews did not wake him up.

In fact, for the first time that he could remember, Bitters got up first.

At least, that’s what he thought until he took a closer look at Matthews and realized the blonde was awake and just staring at the ceiling.

“…Kyle?”

“Mm?”

“…You doing okay?”

“Depends. Did I really get into a shouting match with Palamo that ended in a stupid bet or was that just a nightmare from too much alcohol?”

“No, that bout sums it up.”

Matthews groaned as he covered his face.

“…you could take it back?”

Matthews shot him a dirty look. “And listen to Palamo go on about how great his Captain is and that he feels sooooo bad mine can never measure up?” He snorted. “I’d rather go one on one with Locus than that.”

Bitters gave a small grunt of agreement. Compared to sitting through a three hour spiel from Palamo, anything seemed like a cakewalk.

“So. Any idea on what you’re going to do next?”

“Maybe stay here. Never leave the room. Can’t lose a bet if the other party never sees you again.”

Bitters gave his friend a long look.

“That’s it? That’s your plan?”

Matthews shrugged.

“Christ Kyle! You can’t be hung-over enough to think that’d actually work?”

“What else am I supposed to do?!” Matthews wailed “I made a stupid bet because Palamo wouldn’t shut the fuck up and drunk me forgot that Captain Grif would rather run laps than give me an actual compliment! I’m not you!”

“He doesn’t exactly compliment me either Kyle.”

“But he made you his lieutenant! That might as well be a compliment!”

Bitters snorted. “He’s also kind of nuts. I can walk right out of training and he’d give me a thumbs up or something.”

“Exactly! He likes you and nothing I do is right! Palamo is never going to let me live this stupid bet down.”

“I wouldn’t call your bet stupid…”

“Oh yeah? And what would you call getting Captain Grif to give me an honest to god compliment within twenty four hours?”

“…hopeless.”

Matthews made a strangled angry sound before turning to face the wall.

Normally that would be the end of the conversation as Bitters waited for his friend to get over himself and bounce back to being his usual annoying, optimistic self but something Matthews had said wouldn’t leave him alone.

'I’m not you’

Which, yeah. Was obvious. Matthews was bit of a kissass to Grif. Bitters couldn’t care less what their Captain thought of him. Matthews was physically incapable of not following an order while Bitters had yet to follow one without dragging his feet first.

But, they weren’t complete opposites.

They both enjoyed the less than strenuous training Gold Team offered. Matthews could be amazingly (and even terrifyingly) protective of his food and even Bitters had some small fraction of respect towards Grif.

The longer Bitters mulled over these facts, the less The Idea seemed absurd. Heck, if they could pull this off, the amount of obnoxious rubbing in Palamo’s face it’d provide was almost (almost) worth more than the other lieutenant’s desserts and hurt pride.

“Hey Kyle.”

“Mrrgh.”

“I know how you can win that bet.”

A small squeak on Matthews’ bed was the only indication Bitters had his friend was listening.

“You can be me.”

Silence, then “The fuck is that supposed to mean Antoine?!”

Bitters released a long suffering sigh. “And to think, everyone thinks you’re the smart one. Simple. We trade armor for the day.”

“……that couldn’t possibly work…could it?”

Bitters shrugged. “I don’t see why not. It’s not like Grif’s ever seen us out of armor before and I think we know one another well enough to impersonate each other for at least a day.”

Matthews frowned. “…what about talking? I’m pretty sure this whole thing would be over once one of us opens our mouths.”

“Easy. You don’t talk, I’ll tell everyone you’ve got a cold or something and I” Bitters shot Matthews a smug grin as he lowered his voice into a rough approximation of his friend’s voice. “Imitate you.”

While not perfect, it was a good enough imitation to pass if you’d only heard Matthews once or twice in passing or if you didn’t care enough to investigate further. Instead of being impressed by this rather amazing secret ability of Bitters’, Matthews looked furious.

“You told me that wasn’t you!”

Oh. Right. He had used that skill before to 'volunteer’ Matthews for extra watches and other boring tasks. Whoops.

“Eh. You would have done that stuff anyway.”

“Well yeah, but only if was actually me volunteering in the first place and not my so called friend setting me up for MORE work!”

Bitters held his hands up in a placating gesture.

“And that was wrong of me and I feel just horrible about that.” Aside from a disbelieving snort, Matthews didn’t interrupt him. Bitters chose to take that as a good sign. “Now, we could either spend the next week arguing over it or put my impressive impersonation skills to good use and go with the plan most likely to end with you rubbing in Palamo’s face how much better our Captain is than his.”

Matthews’ pissed off expression shifted towards a more thoughtful one. Good. He was wavering. Time to pull in the ultimate trump card.

“Think about it Kyle. Compliments from Captain Grif. All. Day.”

And with that, the last of his friend’s resolve crumbled.

“Fine. But if we’re going to pull this off, we have to be at the top of our game. No slacking, Bitters.” Matthews couldn’t help the smug glee that crept into his voice “As everyone knows, I don’t slack off.”

Maybe. Just maybe, they could win this.

….

Grif raised an eyebrow as he watched the last two members of his squad come into training nearly an hour late. Which, wasn’t much of a surprise in Bitters’ case. The lieutenant was a maverick after all. Matthews being late on the other hand was much more shocking. Usually the kissass in training was the first one here, setting things up so Grif wouldn’t have to.

Until today apparently.

“About time you two showed up. I’m actually a little disappointed in you Matthews. Expected more from you.”

Instead of blubbering apologies right then and there like normal, the kid just stared. To be fair, both kids were staring at him, but coming from Bitters, that wasn’t much of a surprise. His lieutenant wasn’t exactly the chatty type in the mornings. But Matthews…

Suddenly, Bitters elbowed Matthews in the side causing him to cough a little.

“Sorry Sir. We uh had a late night drinking. Well I did, Bitters wasn’t feeling well so he retired early and I uuuuh…overslept? But once I realized how late it was, I rushed both of us out here because I’d hate to ever disappoint you Sir!”

Grif glanced over at Bitters for confirmation only to find his lieutenant staring up at the sky, clearly wishing to be anywhere but next to Matthews. Which, Grif could absolutely agree with.

“Aside from the fact that you apparently drink, fine. I’ll forgive your lateness this one time if you promise to never repeat this grave transgression again.”

“Oh of course Sir! Consider this an important lesson learned!”

Cripes. The kid actually saluted at that. Even Bitters thought it was overkill judging by the embarrassed flinch of his shoulders. Normally Bitters had his reactions hidden to a T.

“Whatever Matthews. Bitters, I want you to direct drills while I observe from ov-”

“Aaactually Sir.” Matthews interrupted. Actually interrupted. The hell???? “Bitters can’t talk today. His throat’s super sore from coughing all night.”

Grif stared at the two of them. Between Bitters looking as if he was wishing the ground would open up and swallow him (a fair feeling considering how closely he was standing next to Matthews to be honest) and Matthews rocking on the balls of his feet, something seemed…off.

It was probably nothing, but it couldn’t hurt to keep an eye out for whatever they (most likely just Bitters) were planning.

“…fine. Let everyone know they’ll be doing laps in ten minutes or so.”

Matthews gave him another salute. “Ab-so-lutely Sir! You can count on me!”

As the two of them walked off, Grif could have sworn he heard a groan from Bitters. And while it was good to see some things never changed, Grif couldn’t help wonder if it was proof of Matthews’ claims of the lieutenant being sick. The maybe groan he heard was a tad deeper than he normally heard from Bitters.

…..

“What the fuck was that Bitters!?” Matthews hissed at him over their private com.

“Uh, me being you? Duh.”

“I do not sound like that!”

“Overly peppy? Practically falling over yourself to please Captain Grif? Saying 'Sir’ every other word? That’s you dude.”

“Is not! I am not that obnoxious sounding!”

“HEY REEDS!”

“What are you doing?!”

“Proving my point.” Bitters muttered before raising his voice to the other solider who looked way too confused at being addressed by 'Matthews’ for Bitters’ liking. For God’s sake, Matthews wasn’t that much of a recluse.

“…yeah?”

“Bitters and I are having a little debate and need help resolving it. Impersonate me.”

Reeds just stared at them. “You want me to…what?”

“Impersonate. Me. God’s sake Reeds, pretend you’re me, it’s not that hard. A fucking Fed could probably do it.”

Beside him, Matthews shook slightly as he held back a laugh. How the nerd wasn’t more popular in their little squad boggled Bitters’ mind sometimes as he actually had a pretty good sense of humor. Ah well, it was their squadron’s loss.

“…I uh. Okay. Um….'Oh wow Captain Grif! You’re sooooooo amazing! I wish I was half as cool as you! Do you want me to draw you up some battle plans? Steal, I mean fetch food for you? I can do both!’ …..do you erm, want me to keep going?”

Bitters snuck a look at Matthews. If they weren’t currently wearing helmets, Bitters was ninety percent positive there’d be an extremely pissed off look on his friend’s face. Making sure he was on their private channel first, he couldn’t resist the urge to rub salt in the wound.

“What do you think Kyle? Should he keep going?”

“Fuck. Off. Antonine.”

“Hey, be happy I didn’t throw actual money into this thing. You’d be so broke right now.”

Switching his external mic back on, Bitters couldn’t keep a smug tone from leaking into his voice. “Nope, that��ll do it. Thanks a lot Reeds. You were a big help.”

“Uh huh….I’m just….going to finish warming up for training. Over there.” And without another word, Reeds ran off as far as he could from Matthews and Bitters short of actually leaving the training area. Weirdo.

“…that actually reminds me.”

Bitters did not like how suddenly light Matthews’ voice just got. Considering how pissed he’d sounded ten seconds ago, the easy going-ness he heard now did not promise anything good.

“You should do some warm ups too. The more the better.”

“.. the fuck I am.”

“Oh yes you are~!” God fucking dammit. Matthews was practically singing with glee now. He only did that when he knew he’d just about won an argument.

“Warming up before training is very important so you don’t sprain anything. And well, I just wouldn’t be 'me’ if I didn’t do more than the required amount to make up for being late.”

“…”

“Chop Chop Bitters. Time’s a-wasting.”

“….God I fucking hate you.”

Matthews shrugged. “Your idea man.”

“I should have just left you to mope to death in our room.”

Matthews only reply to that was giving him the finger and walking away.

“Where do you think you’re going?! Matthews? Get the fuck back here!”

“I’m just doing what you do during warm ups. Ditching 'me’ and moving suuuuuper slow. Better pick up the pace Bitters. I think Captain Grif’s heading over.”

…..

Nearly a half an hour later, Bitters was certain he’d made a huge mistake.

Palamo’s wounded pride and desserts were sooooo not worth giving a 110% percent towards training.

It wasn’t as if Bitters was out of shape or anything. Being in a war and training for it your entire life tended to keep a person relatively fit.

The only exception to that rule being one Captain Grif apparently.

No. What was quickly wearing him out was doing the regular training while ALSO keeping Matthews from being well, Matthews.

To be fair, Matthews was doing a pretty good job at not being his usual kissass self. Mostly.

There had been a few close calls that had required Bitters to 'accidentally’ tackle him. Like now for example.

“OW! I wasn’t even jogging Bitters what the fuck?!”

“My bad. Toootally thought you were there. Would hate it if the whole thing fell apart because Grif accused you, I mean me of suddenly giving a shit about running drills.”

“And you running into me every five seconds won’t!? I do not pay that much attention to you during training!”

“Mmhm. So you do admit you pay attention when I do follow the day’s regime huh?”

Matthews shoved him. Actually shoved him.

“That is not what I meant and you know it!” Matthews shrieked.

“Hey!”

“Shit.” Both teens said at nearly the same time as they watched their commanding officer march towards them.

“I don’t know what you two think you’re doing today, but knock it off or so help me, I will actually expend the effort it takes to separate you!”

For whatever reason, Matthews chose that moment to act like himself. The nerd actually had the audacity to flinch and stiffen his posture at Grif’s threat.

Bitters was going to murder him.

“Matthews.” Bitters said slowly over their private com. “What. The fuck. Was that?”

“Shit.”

“No kidding Sherlock! What were you thinking?! Don’t tell me you honestly can’t bear the thought of us being separated!”

“Oh for God’s sake-Being on opposite sides of the training field would be a god damn blessing! Get over yourself Antoine!” Matthews hissed over the line.

Blitters blinked at that and tried not to acknowledge whatever…feelings…that stirred up. He could do that later, when he didn’t have an image to maintain.

“…okay. What was up with you freezing just now?”

“Palamo’s heading this way.”

“Fuck.”

….

Grif was no stranger to being ignored. In fact, being ignored had worked out fairly well for him for the bulk of his military career.

This, however was pushing it.

Aside from a weirdass reaction from Bitters earlier, both kids were ignoring him in favor of a private conversation between the two of them. And he only knew that because Matthews was visibly reacting (albight slightly) to whatever Bitters had said.

Suddenly, Matthews turned to face him.

“Looks like Palamo’s joining us today, Sir.” There was a couple second delay before the 'Sir’. Almost as if Matthews had just tacked on the word last minute. Unsure whether to be concerned or suspicious over that, Grif turned to watch Palamo join his squad for (presumably) the day

Ever since the entirety of Green Team save Palamo died during a mission, Tucker had been shoving the kid off on the other Captains under the guise of 'it’s not fair to just train one kid, how can the poor guy learn the value of teamwork if he doesn’t have a team?’.

On one hand, Grif was impressed at Tucker’s dedication to skipping out on his one job at the rebel base. On the other hand, however, he was getting real tired of being stuck with the kid whenever Tucker wanted to bother Kimball and Felix for the thousandth time.

Simmons may have set up a very strict 'No-Palamo-Is-Not-Allowed-On-My-Team-Ever-Again-Or-I-Swear-To-God-Tucker-I-Will-Run-You-Over-With-A-Fucking-Tank’ policy, but Caboose was still an option. Amazingly, unlike Tucker, no one had died on his team. And Caboose liked literally everyone. Grif should not have to watch more kids than he already had to.

Grif sighed; heavily regretting putting on his helmet this morning. Visors had a horrible habit of blocking his fingers from rubbing his face in exasperation over the stupid nonsense that was his life.

“Matthews, go greet Palamo and I dunno, run laps with him.”

“Do I have to? Palamo fucking su-”

A hard smack interrupted the rest of the sentence but it was already too late. Grif was staring at them again, suddenly very glad for his helmet. He was 90% sure he’d just lost his usual blank poker face.

Matthews was rubbing the side of his helmet where Bitters had smacked it while (presumably) glaring daggers at the lieutenant. As soon as he realized Grif was staring at him, Matthews’ posture instantly straightened.

“I mean…of course Sir! I would love to…do what you just said! Hanging out with Palamo is just…the…greatest…thing ever…”

“….Are you feeling alright Matthews?”

“Never better Sir!”

“…Uh huh. Just. Go greet Palamo already.”

Matthews gave him the absolute quickest salute he’d ever seen before booking it towards Green Team’s sole member. Grif waited a couple minutes for Matthews to be out of earshot before glancing at Bitters.

“If Matthews shows any more signs of snapping, throw him at Palamo. Maybe then Tucker will quit dumping the kid on me.”

Bitters gave him a stiff nod before following after Matthews.

Grif watched him go. Either something most definitely was going on and both kids were in on it or Matthews was a whole lot more capable of a Simmons level breakdown than first thought.

Either way, today was turning out to be more headache inducing than first thought.

…..

“ 'I’d mess this up? I’d mess this up?!’ Bitters, what the hell was that just now?!”

Bitters flinched slightly at Matthews’ near hysterical voice over their private com.

"I uh. Forgot to turn my external mic off.”

“…Okaaaay. Why. The fuck. Did you say that in your impersonation of my voice if you thought no one would be able to hear you?!”

“…Force of habit?”

“Bitters!”

“You try yo-yoing between voices and not get mixed up!”

Matthews groaned as he ran a hand over his helmet’s visor. “Fiiiiiine. Thanks to you, Captain Grif thinks I’m like, three seconds away from 'snapping’ and I dunno, murdering Palamo.”

Bitters’ pace slowed as he mulled that comment over in his head. “That…could be considered a compliment if he thinks you could beat Palamo in a fight.”

Matthews snorted. “A well placed rock could take Palamo out.”

Bitters gave a small hum of agreement at that. Palamo was utterly useless in a fight; well, anywhere out in the field to be honest. How he’d lasted this long truly had to be one of life’s great mysteries.

“…-do about Palamo?”

“….What?”

Matthews sighed. “I said, what are we going to do about Palamo? I mean, don’t you think he’s going to notice something’s up?”

“Nah. Palamo’s an idiot. I bet I could speak normally to him and he wouldn’t question it in the slightest.”

“…You’re kidding.”

“Nope. I say we continue as planned and not stress over Palamo being here. Heck, if he’s tagging in on today’s training, we won’t have to track him down later to prove you winning the bet since he’ll be able to witness it first-hand. Win-Win.”

“Mhm. You’re being suspiciously optimistic about this.”

Bitters shrugged. “As much as it pains me, I know Palamo more than I’d ever willingly want to. Which means, I know for a fact we’re fine.”

“If you say so.”

Bitters decided against responding to that as they were within speaking distance with Palamo. Before he could call out to the other lieutenant, Palamo spotted them and quickly closed what little distance had remained between them.

“Heeeey Matthews! I’ve been thinking about our bet and-”

“You’re ready to throw in the towel? Smart.” Bitters quickly interrupted. Granted, that wasn’t something Matthews would ever do, but the sooner he shut down whatever 'idea’ Palamo had about their bet, the better.

Unfortunately, Palamo didn’t seem thrown off by 'Matthews’ being rude. “Haha no. I was thinking since Bitters threw in another demand if you won, I should add another thing too! To keep it fair, you know? So, after a lot of thought, I decided. I win, in addition to telling Captain Tucker how great he is, you’d join Green Team!”

Matthews and Bitters both stared in silent disbelief at Palomo’s, quite frankly, stupid idea.

”…that seems a bit much in exchange for some desserts Palamo.“

Green Team’s sole member shifted slightly. "Not really….I heard from Jenson who heard from Captain Simmons that some ice cream was recently found and it’s supposed to be allotted into our upcoming dessert rations and I’d really like to have some without getting a brain freeze a minute into eating it. Like erm, y'know, last time?”

Bitters blinked behind his visor. Well fuck, how was he supposed to talk them out of that if the New Republic really was getting ice cream again?

“Oh. Is that all?”

Bitters snapped his head to stare at Matthews who was actually speaking through his external mic in the absolute worst impression Bitters had ever heard in his life of his own voice what the fuck?!

“If we get ice cream, you can keep it.”

“Really?”

Matthews shrugged. “Sure. I mean, this’ll be what, the second time in years the New Republic gets that treat?”

Palamo was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Aww thanks Bitters! I knew you were ni-” he froze, suddenly suspicious, probably finally picking up on Matthews’ god awful impersonation of Bitters. “…What’s the catch?”

“No catch. Matthews stays on Gold Team and you keep your ice cream ration. Aaaaand, as a show of good faith that I’m not tricking you, you can have Matthews’ share, regardless of the outcome of the bet.”

Bitters stared at his friend, certain that Matthews maybe had just actually lost his mind. “Are you uh sure about that Bitters? That seems a bit much.”

“I"m sure. Palamo really missed out last time with as big of a brain freeze he had then. I figure, this time should be better.”

“Yeah Matthews. Bitters knows what he’s talking about.”

Matthews gave a small nod. “I do. Sides, everyone knows it’s impossible to get a second brain freeze in your lifetime. Especially if you double the ice cream intake and eat it faster than the first time you had it. Matthews can back me up on this fact right Matthews?”

Bitters smirked as realization at what Matthews was doing finally hit him. The guy could be downright diabolical when the mood struck him to be. “Oh absolutely Bitters! It’s a well documented fact proven by numerous studies!”

'Matthews’ confirming his friend’s claims seemed to be enough to convince Palamo. Bitters couldn’t help thanking whatever God existed that the other lieutenant was such an idiot. It made him annoying as fuck, but it did have its’ perks.

Now that their pre-emptive petty revenge had been taken care, Bitters eyed Palamo curiously.

“Why would you even want Ma-me on Green Team anyway?”

Palamo anxiously rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh. No reason.”

Bitters gave him the flattest, most pointed look he could while wearing a helmet. Palamo, for once in his life, got the hint.

“Fine. I was just trying to rebuild Green Team.”

“…Starting with Matthews.”

Matthews’ impersonation skills were utter garbage but the way he deadpaned that statement so flawlessly gave Bitters some hope that his friend might one day stop giving a shit about every little thing.

Palamo shrugged. “Sorta. I figured he’d be the easiest to convince to join Green Team.”

“….You do realize that’s never going to happen right?”

“Well, not with Matthews obviously but-”

“No one is going to join a team where ninety percent of its members died during their first and only mission.”

Bitters quickly stifled a snort under some fake coughs. “Sorry,” he threw in another fake cough at Palamo’s suspicious look. “Helmet’s been acting up today.”

Instead of dropping it and moving on to say a different topic like any normal, rational person would, Palamo, the weirdo, perked up.

“Oh! I can probably fix it! I used to help Rodgers with his helmet all the time!”

Bitters took a step back. “No it’s uh fine. I can do it later.”

“Don’t be stupid. It’ll only take me like a minute to figure out.”

To Matthews’ credit, he didn’t just stand around to watch their whole plan fall apart. He put in a valiant effort in trying to hold Palamo back from getting anywhere close to Bitters or at the very least focusing his attention elsewhere.

Unfortunately for both of them, Green Team’s lieutenant could be fairly single-minded on things. One minute Matthews had a decent grasp on Palamo’s shoulder and was pulling him away and the next, he got a rather painful jab in the gut from one of his captive’s elbows.

Taking full advantage of the sudden momentum no longer being held provided, Palamo basically tackled Bitters and took off his helmet.

“God Matthews, was that so ha…” Palamo trailed off as the realization of Bitters being in Matthews’ armor and not Matthews settled over him.

Slowly, as if in a daze, Palamo looked between the two Gold Team members.

“…You dirty fucking cheaters.”

Bitters gave him a small shrug. “We were just stacking our odds to better our chances.”

“That is the literal definition of cheating!”

“It absolutely is not! Matthews, back me up here.”

Matthews hesitated just long enough for Palamo to take full advantage of and turn things back in his favor. “Ha! Told you!”

Bitters rolled his eyes. “Whatever. What are you going to do? Consider the bet forfeit?”

"When I’m basically winning? Hahahahaha No. I’m thinking letting your Captain know you two switched places for the day. Can’t imagine he’d be too happy with that fact you know? He might even have you guys removed from his team!”

Bitters snorted at that. He highly doubted Grif would even be slightly annoyed at his and Matthews’ failed gambit let alone mad enough to kick them off Gold Team. That shit required paperwork, and Grif did not do paperwork.

Unfortunately, Matthews, the idiot, fell for Palamo’s bluff hook, line, and sinker and panicked. And, as Matthews often did when panicked, he did something stupid. Which, in this case, was 'tackle Palamo with no follow-up plan or thought to possible future consequences’.

Bitters sighed as he moved to pull his dumbass friend out of what was quickly turning into an actual fight. Well, he would have if Palamo didn’t punch his still unhelmeted face because SOMEONE thought it’d be a fantastic idea to just toss the thing after stealing it.

Bitters stumbled back rubbing his sore jaw, thankful nothing seemed broken.

The responsible and Matthews-esque thing to do would be to suck it up and go right back in there and break up the fight. But metal on flesh really fucking hurt and honestly, fuck Palamo,

Just as Bitters was really about to get into the fight himself, somebody grabbed him by the back of his armor and pulled him back with enough force that he nearly landed flat on his ass. Bitters just barely managed to get his bearings back in order in time to witness Captain Grif of all people pull Matthews and Palamo apart.

“What. The fuck. Is going on here?”

Silence met him. If Bitters had to guess why, it’d be because all three of them were having trouble processing the fact of Grif doing anything remotely solider-y.

Grif sighed as he turned to face Bitters. “Matthews. Tell me what happened.”

“Nothing Sir. Just a uh, small disagreement but nothing major. We were actually on our way back to training.”

“Training’s over.”

Whatever retort Bitters thought he could use died on his lips at Grif’s nonchalant tone. Surprisingly, Palamo was the first to pull himself together enough to continue the conversation.

“I just got here! Training can’t be over already!”

Grif shrugged. “Funny thing. When two lieutenants and Matthews of all people start ducking it out in the middle of the training field, it turns out no one wants to run laps and would rather watch the fight.” Grif’s voice hardened. “So again. What happened?”

Again, none of them answered him. Grif sighed. “Alright. We’ll take this elsewhere then. I am not standing around in the sun in full body armor while you three play the quiet game. Follow me.”

Grif led them to the main building on base and the first room with chairs.

“Sit down; helmets off.”

Bitters took the seat between Matthews and Palamo. It didn’t take a genius to figure out Grif wanted their helmets off so they couldn’t talk privately with each other to figure out a plausible story and to make them crack faster.

Honestly though, Bitters wasn’t too worried about Matthews. As long as he didn’t look at or make direct eye contact with anyone, the guy actually had a pretty decent poker face. Add in the fact of Grif thinking he was Bitters, who wasn’t known for sharing anything if he didn’t want to share; chances were good he’d be ignored.

Which just left Palamo. Who was probably two minutes away from ruining everything unless Bitters could somehow discreetly knock him out without Grif noticing.

“Uuuuuh Captain Grif Sir?”

Or Palamo could just ruin everything now.

“Yes, Palamo?”

Green Team’s lieutenant eyed the members of Gold Team curiously.

“Aren’t you going to say anything about Matthews and Bitters wearing each other’s armor?”

“….They’re what?”

For one glorious moment, there was pure, utter silence. And then, unsurprisingly, Palamo broke it. Laughing so hard Bitters was surprised he didn’t fall out of his chair.

“Seriously?” Palamo leaned forward to get a better look at Matthews. “Captain Grif doesn’t know what you look like? My Captain does.”

Bitters shot a look at Matthews. He was just barely holding his poker face together, but judging by the tenseness of his jaw, he was about one word away from doing something stupid. Again.

Bitters jabbed Palamo in the side hard enough to turn the other teen’s snickers into wheezes for air. “Excuse us for not wanting a stray bullet to catch us unaware or did you forget what happened to General Stone?”

“…huh.”

Belatedly, Bitters realized he’d just used his regular voice, effectively outing himself and Matthews. He might have been more upset over that if not for the fact of the current rate on how badly things were going, it was going to come out eventually. Better now than Palamo somehow twisting everything later.

Grif’s gaze bounced between his two soldiers. "….mind telling my why you two switched armor?“

Before Bitters could even attempt a bullshit excuse, Matthews surprisingly spoke up first.

"It was a bet Sir.”

“…a bet.”

Matthews nodded. “Yes Sir. Bitters bet I couldn’t be lazy and I bet he couldn’t keep up with training.”

“Uh huh. And that made you trade armor why?”

Matthews paused for a second at that. “We…decided that you’d be the best impartial judge and thought if we wore our regular armor, you’d…end our bet before it could even begin?”

Grif nodded like that made sense. “And Palamo?”

Matthews’ voice hardened slightly “He was sticking his nose where it didn’t belong.”

Palamo made to object to that, but Bitters quickly stomped on his foot, amazingly without Grif noticing.

“Huh. Alright. Nice job Matthews. Didn’t think you had it in you to be lazy, so color me impressed. Try to apply that to training more. Bitters, I’m disappointed in you man. Thought you’d be better at faking effort. Palamo. Mind your own fucking business next time. I think that covers everything. You’re all dismissed or whatever. Do not bother me for the rest of the day.”

As soon as Grif was out of the room, Bitters threw a smug look at Palamo, who short of being sick, couldn’t possibly look any paler than he did now.

“Did you hear that Palamo? Captain Grif just complimented Matthews twice.”

Palamo gave him a shaky nod. “I did.”

Bitters’ voice turned smug. “Which means Matthews won the bet. Hey Matthews! When do you want-shit.”

While Palamo looked sick from nerves, Matthews was slumped in his chair like he’d just been shot.

Bitters shot the other lieutenant another look. “I’ll contact you later over the helmet radio to let you know when you can fulfill your end of the bet.” He couldn’t resist a smirk. “Enjoy the rest of your day Pal.”

Palamo groaned, something Bitters elected to ignore in favor of helping his friend to his feet.

“C'mon Kyle. This is just sad.” He muttered low enough that Palamo wouldn’t be able to overhear.

“Captain Grif complimented me. Me!”

“Mmhm. He sure did. Good going there buddy.”

Matthews’ awestruck smile was contagious, it wasn’t long before Bitters was wearing a small, genuine smile as well

“….You wanna know what could have made this better? If I could I have recorded him saying that.”

“Maybe. But not having a recording makes it more…I dunno, special?”

Matthews’ expression softened a little. “Yeah…”

“You know, we could probably record Palamo making a idiot of himself tomorrow in front of Captain Tucker.”

Matthews snorted. “We could.” An excited look crossed his face. “Hey Antoine. When we get back to our room, want to crack into my Victory Food Stash with me?”

Bitters’ grin widened. “Fuck yeah! Don’t even have to ask.”

……

The next morning, Grif took his usual seat by Simmons at the Captain’s Table in the mess hall.

He listens juuust long enough to register that Simmons and Tucker are arguing about training stuff before tuning them right the fuck out. It was way too early to be thinking about being a real actual solider in a real actual war and all that entailed in his humble opinion.

Instead. he spent his time scanning the mess hall. Unsurprisingly, it’s still fairly empty as most of the rebels are either getting some much needed rest or out doing more soldierly things like patrols or some crap.

He just barely registers Bitters and Matthews leaning against a nearby wall talking to each other before he notices Palamo making his way towards their table.

Grif can’t help internally groan. The kid might not be on his team or even be looking to talk to him but usually, just the sight of the his lieutenant tends to put Tucker in a bad mood. If Palamo’s starting his kiss-up-ery shtick this early, it’s going to be a looooong day of listening to Tucker’s bitching.

“Uh. Captain Tucker Sir? Can I, uh, talk to you?”

Tucker heaved an overly dramatic sigh. “You already are.”

Palamo squirmed slightly, looking (in Grif’s slightly confused opinion) as if he was as eager to talk to his Captain as Tucker normally was to him. “…right.” The kid took a deep breath, almost as if he was bracing himself. “I. I can no l-longer take relationship advice from you Sir.”

“Fucking finally” Simmons muttered beside him as Tucker stared at his lieutenant as if Palamo had suddenly grown a second head. “Not going to-? Who the hell else around here are you going to get dating advice from!?”

Palamo looked ill. “From C-Captain Grif sin-since he gets more a-action in a-a week than you have i-in your entire life.”

Simmons choked on his coffee while Tucker gave Grif the biggest look of surly betrayal as if he’d been the one to insult him and not a dumbass kid.

Before Grif could even attempt to deny or defect any more accusations, Palamo was talking again.

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it! I still want your advice!”

“Then why the fuck did you say that!?”

“I lost a beeeet!” Palamo wailed.

“To who?”

“…Matthews…”

Tucker stared at Palamo. “You lost. A bet. To Matthews.” Palamo nodded miserably. “How? Matthews should be like, the easiest person to win anything against!”

Grif frowned at that, oddly insulted on the kid’s behalf. Sure, Matthews was an annoying suck up but he wasn’t the worst person on base.

“He uh. He said he could get Captain Grif to compliment him.”

Correction. Matthews was the absolute worst person on base because apparently, the kid had perfected the fine art of bullshitting his way past every single one of his emotional defenses.

Resolutely not meeting Tucker or Simmons’ twin looks of shock, Grif grabbed his glass of orange juice and started downing it in an attempt to buy himself some time.

Thankfully, he didn’t need much time to figure a decent enough-ish comment to get the others to leave him alone. Heck, it might even be good enough to make Tucker actually do his job for at least a day if he was lucky.

With far more nonchalance than he had when he first grabbed it, Grif placed the glass back on the table and gave Tucker his best 'I-couldn’t-care-less’ look.

“Nothing wrong with a little positive reinforcement here and there. You should try it sometime.”

With more ease than he currently felt, Grif got up from the table, grabbed his (mostly) empty tray and disposed of the contents as he left the room; noting that Bitters and Matthews who, no doubt had known exactly what was going to happen earlier were no where to be found. Likely booking it the second Palamo starting crying and taking his (probably) dared comments back.

He was honestly torn.

On one hand, he should probably punish the two of them for making him part of the butt of a joke, even if, Tucker by far had gotten the bigger hit from it. On the other hand though, he couldn’t help being mildly impressed.

Matthews had taken a pretty big gamble and somehow managed to come up on top, Via a lot of overcomplicated work no doubt, but still. It was fairly impressive for the little kissup.

Eh.

He could take his time on this. He was a Captain after all and hell. It might be hilarious to watch the two of them worry over a punishment that might never come.

The day was looking to be off to a good start.

#red vs blue #tw: language #my fics #long post #me; five months ago: man i'll be lucky to hit 3k words *writes almost seven thousand*#this was fun but boy did it get long geezus fridge

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heliantyr · 5 years

Text

ALRIGHT!

Time for questions! I’m going to put 1-9 here plain and simple, and then the rest will be under the break just so that you don’t have to scroll to oblivion if you don’t want to see this! Let’s go!

1: Name

My name is Jude, or Coreta if you wanna use my pen name! A few of you might also know me as Virchude since that’s my main blog!

2: Age

I won’t tell you plainly, but I am still in high school.

3: City that you live in

I’m just gonna tell you which state! I live in the lower peninsula of Michigan!

4: What do most people not know about you?

I’m almost certain that none of you know this, but I am the youngest of my dad’s (kinda) six kids.

5: What do most people know you for?

If we’re talking just here, I hope to all get out it’s my headcanons, but in real life it’s the fact that I get offended rather easily...

6: Hobbies!

I do a lot of pointless writing (meaning I never finish anything)... I also draw a lot of random junk, I rad a shit ton of fanfiction, I sing/write songs a lot... uuhh and do nothing.

7: What are your passions?

I have a very large passion for helping those around me who have suffered like I have mentally and emotionally. I also really like debating (more like arguing) with people about politics!

8: When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?

Just yesterday my mom, older sister, and I ended up accidentally sitting down in the living room and ranting about how shitty out lives are... so.......... yeah

9: have you collected anything? What is it?

I have a small hat collection (that I hardly ever wear), and I’m beginning a plant collection! There is also a ever fluctuating collection of cups and bottles in my room T-T

10: List ten things off your bucket list (I may not remember half of these TvT)

*Take a trip back to Colorado with my friends

*Start a business

*Travel to at least 8 countries

*Go to Andorra

*Be known for some great feat

*Have one of my works (whether art or writing, etc) become famous or greatly known

*Meet one of my favorite actors/band members (doesn’t matter who)

*Learn to swim...............

*Make drastic strides towards saving the planet

*Meet more people from my dad’s side of the family

11: What was the last thing you learned?

Seeing as I got out of world history an hour and a half ago, we learned about the Cold War and how the USSR fell apart because of silly putty

12: How many relationships have you been in?

Counting the ones that didn’t mean shit, 4. Only counting the ones that actually meant something, 2.

13 + 14 I am not answering.

15: Favorite food

Menudo. Fuckin love it

16: Favorite drink

hm... either tea or ginger ale, but out of a shot glass TvT A TWO LETER OUT OF A SHOT GLASS

17: What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?

I went to NYC over my birthday weekend this year with my school’s choir, and our tour leader on my bus got me a pastry in Little Italy! It meant so much because I didn’t even know her!

18: Are you optimistic or pessimistic?

I’m usually pessimistic unless my friends are also being pessimistic, cuz then I’m frigin sunshine and rainbows!

19: Do you sleep during class?

Not very often, and only if what I’m doing isn’t actually important.

20: What is the most expensive thing you own?

If not my actual bed, my laptop, which is $200.

21: What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?

..... I... Don’t know... uh I got a huge fukin thing of cocoa butter lotion at the dollar tree... and it’s kind of multi use?!?

22: How many time a day on average to you check your phone?

.........don’t look at me like that.

23: Text or call?

Text. I wanna call people, but what if they don’t pick up? Or it’s really awkward? or I can’t hear them? or vise versa? or-

24: Opinion on long distance?

Sounds like torture. I honestly couldn’t do it.

25: What is your definition of success?

Feeling satisfied or content with what you’ve done.

26: Favorite song?

um. At the moment, Killer Queen by Queen.

27: Favorite artist?

Music wise, Patrick Stump. Art wise, Van Gogh.

28: Celebrity crush/crushes?

That’s a long list. But my main two recently have been Sebastian Stan and Tom Holland...

29: When was the last time you read for fun?

Aside from fanfiction? Last Wednesday night I stayed up reading Shakespeare’s sonnets to myself...

30: Favorite flower?

chrysanthemums!

31: What is the best gift you could receive right now?

A confidence boost that lasted at least the rest of high school...

32: Any guilty pleasures?

Day dreaming about random shit.... random weird shit about people I know...

33: What is one thing you’d like to change about yourself?

Hm... I think I’d change my mental health. I just wanna be perfectly okay for once.

34: What do you search for in a friend?

being able to understand me, relate to me, and be weird with me. Also mutual interests. And reasonable barriers.

35: How many times have I said “I love you” in the past month?

You expect me you count???? A shit ton! Do you know how many times a day I have a family member leave the goddamn house????

36: Where dd you last go other than your room/home?

School.

37: Why do good things happen to good people?

Because that’s not how life works. Our society constantly has people suffering, no matter who they are or what they’ve done.

38: In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out, or being stabbed in the eye?

Seeing as I’m just about used to the pain of being left out, I’d say being stabbed in the eye. I am such a wuss T-T

39: How many green shirts do you own?

1. It’s a St. Patty’s day shirt.

40: Do you like anime?

noooooooooooo.......... not at allllll.... TvT I’m tired!

41: What do you invest the most time in?

Either videogames or fanfiction.

42: What is the name of the last book you read?

The Hobbit (even though I haven’t finished yet)

43: What’s the difference between loving and liking someone?

No clue... Still trying to figure that out.

44: Where are you most productive?

My art classroom

45: List three things you enjoy doing with friends:

*Complaining about life

*being gay

*Pretend to kidnap one of them my dragging them around the floor during lunch

46: List three things you like to do alone:

*Listen to music

*Think

*Read

47: Do you think that world peace will ever exist?

As long as there are living things on it? Never.

48: Do you have any allergies?

Absolutely none! I knew this kid in the third grade who was allergic to nuts, milk, AND gluten!

49: When was the last time you cussed at someone?

My friend and I got into an argument about who the best actors are during english....

50: What was the last promise you made?

.......Is it bad that I don’t remember?

51: What was your last dream about?

I had a hedgehog (which I really frikin want), and I was taking care of them, and hen this asshole in my grade was in my living room and I had to be nice to him.

52: If you won a trip to Hawaii and could take 5 people with you, who would they be?

*My best friend Kiara

*My friend Raph

*My other friend Molly

*My other other friend Faith

*My dog

53: How many countries have you visited?

1, if you count the fact that I live in one!

54: What is your favorite medium of art?

Music. It moves me so easily.

55: When was the last time someone complimented you?

My friend Laura jokingly complimented my hair during english (we were looking at old english compliments) and she winked at me TyT

56: If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?

uh... hol up, wha?

57: Do you consider yourself mature?

At times, yes.

58: How many days in your life do you think you’ve wasted on tumblr?

so frigin many, but there’s more to come!!!!

59: What is your favorite quote?

“I was so good at sports when I was in high school, that I started a band.”

-Patrick Stump

60: If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?

*Be kind to all (see how that’s turned out???)

*Spend life learning. Try to find the lesson in your experiences.

*Mental growth is more important than anything

61: What is your greatest accomplishment?

Being alive today.

62: Do you believe in the death penalty?

No, not really.

63: What are your goals in life?

To be a better person than my mother is, and to help others on a mental level.

64: What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?

I honestly have no clue... maybe something weird?

65: If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.

I would have to go with.......... oo that’s hard................... the bnha universe T-T I want powers!

66: What were you like in 2013?

I was an awkward, abusive, shitty little child.

67: Do you have a job?

Nope! I’m planning on possibly finding a part-time one soon, though!

68: Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.

His name was Parker, and he was a year older than me. He was my first friend other than my older sister, and I loved him so much. I don’t remember much, seeing as the last time I saw him I was five... It was early fall, just when the leaves start to fall. We had one of those trees in my front year that dropped the seed thingies that twirled around. Parker and I would always toss so many of those in the air until out hands got cold... I really miss him.

69: If you could change one thing in society, what would it be?

I would get rid of corrupt governments and people in positions of power.

70: How many all-nighters have you pulled before?

Never have I pulled one for school, but I find myself staying up til the crack of dawn the day before school starts, usually. Or on nights when I can’t but help contemplate everything to the point of not being able to sleep at all.

71: Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is it?

Tumblr is one of my favorites, but Ao3 has my ass.

72: What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?

Nothing. I tend to be very hard to bribe. But if I reaaallly needed the money, I wouldn’t be able to kill someone, I’ll tell you that.

73: Does money equal happiness?

It can for some people, but not for all.

74: How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?

I don’t know, a few? I’m never truly happy until my thoughts leave me alone.

75: How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?

More than happy, I can tell you that.

76: What’s the funniest joke you have ever been told?

My generation is going to save the planet.

77: When was the last time you looked at the news?

We actually watched a news clip during history today!

78: If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?

Stop being a dick!

79: What is your favorite animal?

A hedgehog!!

80: If you could earn a million dollars for pretending to be dead for three years, would you do it?

NO! I have people who would miss my sorry ass, then murder me for coming back!

81: What is one thing everyone is bad at?

Having a lot of friends. A lot of the time (in my personal experience), the more friends you have, the less time you can spend with them, and the less close you are, until eventually you can’t keep dividing your time!

82: What time do you normally sleep? How many hours do you usually get?

uuuhh... yes, and not enough!

83: Does age necessarily equal maturity?

No, but that does not excuse digusting things like p*****ilia.

84: What is your favorite clothing store?

....The Hot Topical.

85: In the winter- beanies or gloves?

why not both?!?!?!?

86: Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?

Wings. I can’t swim, and I panic underwater.

87: If you had the power to erase someone from the world so that nobody remembered them but you, would you do it?

That depends, does it fuck up history? Cuz in that case, no!

88: What do you fear the most?

Being abandoned by everyone.

89: How many digits of pi can you recite?

3...

90: If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, what year would it be?

2015, so I could leave a better version of my for my friends that I leave at the end of the year,

91: Describe yourself in one word.

Invasive

92: Describe your last victory.

I had a conversation with that asshole from my dream without arguing with him.

93: What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?

SO! This one time towards the end of the school day in the seventh grade. This one kid (let’s call him V) was sitting next to his friend (C). I look over as I go to shoulder my bag, and V is running his hand down C’s thigh. V catches me looking, and goes “WHAT?! he did it first!” like that made it better! (and it kinda did because that’s still one of my best stories!)

94: What is something you will never forget?

Something traumatic

95: Would you rather forget all of the past, or remember everything in vivid detail?

Vivid detail. Then maybe I could win arguments with my sister!

96: Have you ever broken a bone before?

yeah... I fractured the growth plate in my foot in the sixth grade... by walking.....

97: Is it harder love someone, or hate someone?

love is so hard....

98: Coffee or tea?

I drink both, but tea ftw!

99: What are some little things you do that have changed your life in a positive way?

I have become more friendly with my dog, and he actually likes me now!

100: How many hours do spend on tumblr a day?

quite a fukin few....

#asks #long post #bnhahc #get to know me #get to know jude #not headcanons

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thevampirediariesdiary · 5 years

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2.07 Masquerade (part II)

(part one here)

Jeremy rushes back to Bonnie and Elena’s side. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Are they?” Elena asks. “They’re stuck in there with her,” he answers, and tells Bonnie what Katherine said about the witch; Bonnie goes off to look for Lucy. Jeremy tries to give Elena the Gilbert ring, telling her that she needs it more than he does; “What I need is for you to be safe,” she says. The scare with Jenna a few days earlier clearly hit her hard; she would rather risk herself than anyone she loves.

“The three of us together, just like old times!” Katherine says. “The brother who loved me too much...and the one who didn’t love me enough.” Stefan watches her, stoically. “And the evil slut vampire who only loved herself!” Damon finishes drily. “What happened to you, Damon?” Katherine says, clipped. “You used to be so sweet and polite.” “Oh, that Damon died a looong time ago,” he answers. “Good,” Katherine says, “he was a bore.” “Oh, why don’t you two stop antagonizing each other?” Stefan says, and asks Katherine what she wants with the moonstone. “Does Elena enjoy having both of you worship at her altar?” she asks. Stefan and Damon exchange amused looks. “That was desperate, Katherine,” Stefan says, “don’t you think we could see right through you?” Behind him, Damon does this:

A gesture which seems to answer Katherine’s question “Kind of”, or “Who wouldn’t?”. “So it doesn’t bother you that Damon’s in love with your girlfriend?” Katherine says, innocently curious. “Stop it,” Stefan says, coldly. “Or what, you’ll hurt me?” she says, and snorts. “Come on, Stefan. Everything I feel, Elena feels. So go ahead! Or better yet? Kiss me, Damon. She’ll feel that, too.”

“So what happened to Amy?” says girl whose name I can’t remember #2. (RIP Amy, I’m sorry I could only remember your name in The Good Place and not here.) “She disappeared,” Matt says, and proceeds to act like a drunken asshole, making fun of Tyler for his dead abusive father. Tyler still won’t fight him; but Matt tackles him to the ground. Caroline hears the commotion and runs in to tear Matt off of him. “Stop!” she tells him, while Tyler looks a little spooked that she threw a full-grown man halfway across the room. “I can’t,” Matt grunts, “let me go, I have to finish!” “What’s wrong with you?” Tyler shouts. Caroline looks into Matt’s eyes; comprehension dawns, and she elbows him sharply in face. He falls down, unconscious. While Caroline is seeing if he’s okay, girl #2 picks up a letter opener from the desk and says flatly “Matt failed. If Matt fails, I can’t.” “Tyler, look out!” Caroline yells; he spins around and whats-her-name stabs him in the shoulder. He lashes out blindly; she falls, hits her head on the edge of the desk, and doesn’t move. “No, no, no,” Tyler says, his voice becoming panicked. He drops to his knees, begs the girl to wake up, open her eyes.

“Oh my god,” Caroline breathes. “This can’t happen,” Tyler says. “This can’t be happening.” He stands up, starts to pace, then drops to his knees and punches the ground. “Tyler, what’s happening?” Caroline asks.

“Get away!” he says. “What’s happening?” she screams.

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a werewolf.

“Damnit,” Damon complains, “where’s that witch?” Katherine gasps. “We could play charades!” she suggests, proving once and for all that she is evil incarnate. Stefan monologues about Katherine’s history with the moonstone; she says her bargain with the Lockwoods of old would have worked if people hadn’t found out she wasn’t in the tomb. “Thanks to you, by the way,” she says, turning on Damon, who raises his glass to her (how did he find bourbon??). “Have I mentioned how inconvenient your obsession with me has been?” “Hmm,” says Damon, “you and me both, honey.” Detective Stefan continues to monologue, finding his way back to the question of who Katherine was running from when she faked her death. Katherine continues to throw non sequiturs at him, telling him he looks good in a suit, and that she watched him and “that wench Lexi” at a Bon Jovi concert in the 80s. “Who were you running from?” he repeats. She mouths ‘I love you’ silently, which, since Damon’s back is turned, seems to be an absolutely surprising concession to his feelings - or else an attempt to make Stefan feel like they’re in cahoots together. Who knows.

Bonnie finally tracks down Lucy at the party, who tells her “Tell your friends to hand over the moonstone, and all will be groovy.” Lucy senses that Bonnie has the moonstone, Bonnie senses that Lucy’s trustworthy. It’s all very witchy.

Damon pours himself another drink. “I’ll have one of those!” Katherine exclaims. “Right away Miss Katherine,” says Damon, in a very sad impression of his former self. He hands her a drink, and then tackles her while she’s distracted. “As soon as the spell’s lifted, I’m gonna drive this stake through your heart,” he tells her. “God, you’re hot,” she answers. “When did you get so hot?” Stefan pulls him off her, and Lucy appears in the doorway with the moonstone. “The spell on this room has been removed, you’re free to go,” she announces. “Thank god,” Katherine whines. Lucy hands her the moonstone, Katherine looks pleased for only a moment and then begins to choke. “You should have told me another witch was involved,” Lucy says coldly. “She’s a Bennet witch, Katherine, but I’m sure you knew that.” Katherine falls to the ground, gasping. “Wait, Elena!” Stefan exclaims. “Elena’s fine,” Lucy says. “The spell’s broken, she’ll heal quickly, Bonnie’s with her.” Both boys watch Katherine slip into unconsciousness; the reality that the long fight is over begins to sink in. “I apologize for my involvement,” Lucy says, and leaves.

Caroline tells Mrs. Lockwood that Sarah (that’s her name! RIP Sarah) was drunk and dancing and she tripped, and then, when she’s gone, tells Tyler that she’ll deal with Matt. “What are you doing?” he asks sharply. “I’m fixing a very bad situation,” she answers. “Why?” he asks. “I did this. I killed her.” “No!” Caroline says. “You…didn’t mean to. And I think it’s best, for everyone –” “But, she’s dead,” Tyler interrupts her. “You don’t know what that means.” “Actually, Tyler,” Caroline says, looking him in the eyes, “I think I do.” He sighs, says, “No, you don’t, Caroline.” She looks him up and down, says, “Has your wound healed?” He checks his chest, and looks at her, stunned. “How did you…?” She just looks at him, steady and confident. She doesn’t say anything, but she’s not going to let him think he’s all alone in this, like she thought when she turned. She’s found her life’s purpose: Caroline Forbes, ambassador to new supernaturals.

Lucy tells Bonnie that they’re kind of related, and that she’s been a wakeup call for her: “I gotta stop letting vampires control me.” “Please, don’t leave,” Bonnie begs. “I have so many questions. I don’t wanna be in the middle either, I hate it. How do I stay out of it?” “Unlike me you’re one of the good ones, Bonnie,” Lucy says. “The middle of it is exactly where you need to be.” Balance, etc. blah blah blah. “You take care, cuz,” she says. “Don’t worry, you’ll see me again.” And then she left the show, never to return (as far as I remember). “Hey,” says Jeremy, coming up next to Bonnie, “I was gonna head home, can I offer you a ride?” He looks at her teary face, asks, “Are you okay?” She nods, asks laughingly, “When did you get your driver’s license?” He laughs too, says, “I’m not a kid anymore, Bonnie.” Dun dun duuuun.

“Brave” by Tawgs Salter starts up: “I think I’ll be brave, starting with you, but I’ll fall away if you tell me to.” Shit’s about to go down. Stefan finds Elena at the edge of the lake; she reassures him that she’s okay. “I heard about Katherine,” she says. “Is she really gone?” “Yeah,” Stefan says. Elena lets out a sigh; he smiles at her, takes her face in his hands. “I was so worried about you – ” he starts, but she cuts him off. “Stefan – ”

She takes his hand, removes it from her face, and then looks away – she can’t say it. “Katherine being gone doesn’t change anything for you, does it?” Stefan realizes. “I wanna be with you Stefan, you know that,” Elena says. He nods. “But first,” she says, “I need to wake up and know that the people that I love are safe. I need to feel safe. Do you understand?”

“Yeah,” he says, quietly. “Yeah, I understand.” They lock eyes for only a moment, and then she nods, and walks away from him. This is an important moment in Elena’s journey – she still wants to be with Stefan, but she doesn’t want to hide with him anymore, she doesn’t want him to be her escape. She doesn’t want life with him, loving him, to be the only thing in her life that makes her feel alive. There are so many things, so many people in her life that she loves – and she wants to be secure in that before she starts something with him. He was the first thing to make her feel alive after her parents died – but now she wants to wake up all the way. If they can start over again later with that foundation, they might actually have a chance.

Katherine wakes up in the dark, on the dirty ground, with the moonstone next to her. She drags herself to her feet and makes for the doorway, only to hit an invisible wall, again. She begins to panic, and then somebody enters across from her.

“Hello, Katherine,” Damon says. He’s not glib or sarcastic or self-deprecating, or any of the other things he was when they were trapped together in the Lockwoods’ upstairs room. He’s subdued, maybe even a little sad. “Where am I?” she asks. “Where you should have been all along,” he says. “I thought you’d have learned your lesson by now, messing with a Bennet witch.” “You should have killed me,” Katherine hisses. “Death would have been too kind,” Damon answers, the slightest quaver in his voice. He steps forward, and takes hold of the stone door to push it into place. “No!” Katherine says. “No, Damon, don’t please. You need me, Elena’s in danger!”

He stops abruptly,and without seeming to intend to, breathes, “From who?” Katherine takes a shaky breath, but says nothing.

“You’re lying,” Damon realizes, bitterly, adding in a small voice, “you’re always lying.”

“Why do you think I haven’t killed her?” Katherine begs. “Because she’s the doppelganger, she needs to be protected.” Damon takes this in, says simply: “Then I’ll protect her.” “No,” Katherine breathes. “While you rot in hell,” he says. “No,” Katherine begs, “please, Damon, I’ll do anything! You need me!” His stony mask breaks, but he shuts her in. “You need me!” she screams, falling to the ground as the darkness envelops her. He takes a step back from the door, lets out a breath, and sets his jaw – but you can see the glint of tears in his eyes as he turns towards the exit.

And then Elena gets kidnapped walking to her car.

Now. Let’s recap the recap, since I’m at this point over 5000 words total. This is a perfect arc finale for several reasons:

1. As discussed above, the episode leads to real growth for the protagonist. Elena’s journey to feeling alive is, arguably, her central arc for the duration of the entire show, and it’s majorly thematic here.

2. There’s a perfect mix of things going according to plan, things being hidden from the audience, and things that are genuine twists. It’s great to see Caroline turn Katherine’s victimization of her around on her, the fight in the upstairs room is, as previously stated, fantastic, and the revelation that Elena and Katherine are linked is a great twist. Lucy choosing to turn on her isn’t a very satisfying solution, but I think maybe it could have been if Lucy had been a recurring character, as they clearly meant for her to be. Then, the twist that they don’t kill Katherine packs a serious punch. Even the sideplot with Tyler is handled well – Matt’s sweet conversation with Elena early on and his tragic-glance-exchange with Caroline make it believable that this just might be his last episode.

3. ��Katherine’s fate has a real poetic, ironic justice to it; it isn’t merely cruel. If you look at the way Teen Wolf disposes of their villains, for example, the first three go like this: traumatized, criminally insane burn victim is set on fire; traumatized, criminally insane near-drowning victim is held forcibly underwater until he drowns; mutilated revenge-seeking sorceress has her true, hideous appearance revealed before she’s killed. That’s not what happens with Katherine – she’s not subjected to her worse fear, or to something generically painful. She’s put “where she should have been all along”. Damon wanted to save her from the tomb – but she didn’t want to be saved, didn’t want his efforts on her behalf or his love, and precisely because of that she ends up in that same place, where she never actually was, except no one wants to save her. And she really does know things that are essential for Elena’s safety – but because she lied, and specifically lied about being in the tomb, Damon won’t believe her. Because she rejected him, and because she lied, the one person who would have gone to the ends of the earth to save her closes the door on her and tells her to rot in hell.

4. There is a natural opening for the next phase of the story; questions are left unanswered, and the next twist (Elena getting snatched) doesn’t come out of left field. The transition from 2a to 2b, from Katherine to the real big bad, is seamless. This villain bait-and-switch is on par with Spike and Druscilla being joined by Angelus in Buffy season 2.

#rewatch #tvd #2.07 #masquerade

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omgnsfwisnsfw-blog · 5 years

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Game #3: Dirty Laundry

“OH MY GOD. OH MY FUCKIN’ GOD. I CAN’T BELI— ACTUALLY NO. I TOTALLY CAN BELIEVE IT. I NEVER DOUBTED YOU FOR A SECOND.”   The way Mike McGuire was acting, you’d think that she was the new TV Champion. But she wasn’t. Her partner, John Bishop Church was. That seemed completely irrelevant though. He’d won a hard fought victory over the legendary veteran Ruthann Hunter, gone the distance, and prevailed. She’d stood beside him in his moment of triumph and, as she looked to him then, he shone. As if for a moment, all the misfortune he’d borne was gone.   Now, though, a lot of that shine had been knocked off. His brow was furrowed in concern for his opponent, and still as before, his partner was beside him. She settled down, her own jubilation dropping a bit. You never wanted to see this sort of thing happen to a peer, especially not due to a match you were in.   “…you okay?” “This is what I mean. Inside there, Mike, you turn it off. But what I saw afterwards. That didn’t feel right.” “Course it doesn’t. It sucks when this sort of thing happens. But don’t start blaming yourself for it, okay? I know you. Turning it off or not, you’d never hurt somebody in a way they couldn’t bounce back from.”   She patted him on the shoulder, then fidgeted a little.   “I got you something. I knew you were gonna win, I’ve known for a while. We’ve worked too hard, YOU’VE worked too hard. So I got you a congratulations present. You… still want it? I get it if you want me to sit on it a bit.” John looked down at the title and stared at his own reflection in the silver plate. “You’re right. And a part of me wants to wait until later but this is special. And I couldn’t have done this without you.” She smiled at him, and reached into her bag. Shuffling some things around, she pulled out a box wrapped in shiny green paper, tied up with an orange satin ribbon. Reaching out, she handed it to her partner. “It ain’t much. Just somethin’ I thought you could use on the tour comin’ up.”   And much to her amusement, John neatly removed the ribbon, removed the tape on either side of the gift, and carefully undid the wrapping paper. John stared at the box and she knew this wasn’t disappointment, it was just him. “What is it?”   “It’s a Kindle Fire. Kinda like an iPad, sort of, but this one’s special. Cuz it does the stuff a tablet does, but at heart? It’s an e-reader. You can buy books on Amazon and they get downloaded right to the Kindle, and then you can read ‘em on here. I can get it set up for you later, and there’s even a gift card in the box so you can get a couple e-books to get you started.” She rolled her shoulders a little, smiling.“Figured it’d save you from having to pack extra to bring your books along.”   “This is really neat. Thank you.”   So they’d spent their first evening with one of them as champion playing with the Kindle- getting it set up, picking books out, learning how to navigate the pages. Picking out which apps to add and which to avoid, at least for now. Church was still trying to get the hang of it a while later, but Mike was certain he’d learn. He always picked things up eventually- after all, he was ridiculously smart. But with that out of the way, it was time to look forward. And oh, what a forward they had to look toward. Finally. At long last, after ducking and dodging them for weeks, Rob ‘Cherry’ Garcia was finally going to be standing across the ring from them. Granted, he had a friend- a turncoat, no-good piratey friend- but still. This is what they’d wanted. Title on the line or no, it was well understood between the upstart members of NSFW that they wanted to test their mettle against the best. They had stood toe to toe with the Trinity in a match that Mike could barely remember- being dropped on one’s goddamn head onto steel will do that- and had come out on the losing end, but had proven that they weren’t going anywhere.   She’d felt awful, though. And not just in the physical sense- her head had been splitting for two days, during which her partner insisted she stay down and rest- she’d felt that the failing had ultimately been hers. After all, through her hazy memory she could distinctly recall she ate the pin. She’d been slumped against the cold painted cinderblock afterward, holding an icepack to the opened goose egg on her head, trying to keep blood from dripping into her left eye.   “…sorry, dude. Really. I shoulda done better.” John, who was sitting on the well-worn wooden bench, drenched in sweat and slumped against the concrete wall of the now emptied out locker room, shook his head. “Why are you apologizing?”   “…I dunno. Fuckin’ can’t remember the last fifteen minutes so good. Pin was mine though. Musta been me who fucked up.” “We are a team. One perceived setback would never shake the foundations of this partnership. A million of them, even.” “Jeezus, you’re sweet.” She smiled a little before wincing in pain, hissing softly through her teeth. “Okay. Won’t… beat myself up anymore. Reckon I got beat up enough, huh?” And she didn’t. She’d felt plenty terrible over the next couple days, but none of it was from guilt. By the third day she’d been on the mend, and now she only had a scab under her hairline that she supposed would wind up forming a pretty righteous scar. A lesson learned and the rest of it left behind them, their eyes now firmly focused ahead on what was shaping up to be the most exciting week of their young partnership.   Her eyes flicked over to her partner, nestled in the window seat, clouds and blue sky drifting past. He had been messing around with the Kindle she'd gotten him for a while, but eventually opted to stop playing with it, stuck it in the magazine pouch, and was now deeply focused on what he was doing, pencil scribbling away in a notebook- one she recognized right away from the slightly rain-warped cover. It wasn’t just any notebook- it was the one he wrote his prose in. His really, really good prose. She’d read a piece of it- not exactly on purpose- and Church'd caught her. It’d been late- way later than she thought it was. She had to have read the entire thing four or five times, though she at least had the tact to not venture elsewhere in the notebook. She was captivated by this story, but part of her knew she really shouldn’t be reading it. In fact, she should probably stop altogether. Just as soon as she finished this read through…   “…what are you doing?”   It was a soft inquiry, but it nearly made Mike jump out of her skin. It was 1 in the morning- holy shit, had that much time passed?- and he usually got up for a drink of water around now. But here she was, her hair still mussy and a little damp, clothes likewise, sitting in the dark by tablet light. All she could muster was a very sheepish smile and a statement in the tone of someone who knew they were in some degree of trouble.   “…it’s really really good?”   “Okay.” Church pulled out the chair across from her and sat. “It’s just … something to pass the time.” “I still don’t think I oughta’ve read it.” She closed the notebook, sliding it across the table to him. “I’m sorry. I just… I saw it was out in the ring when it started raining fuckin’ buckets, and I didn’t want it to get ruined, so I ran out and got it but it still got wet so I opened it to make sure the words didn’t get all fucked up and kinda got sucked in.” She was rambling a little, and she scratched the back of her head, looking down at the tabletop, fingers fidgeting with each other. She might not have felt so guilty about it, but something told her that what she read hadn’t been ordinary prose. The name of the spaceman was a big clue, and the entire series of events just rang way too familiar. No, she’d accidentally stumbled on some sort of fictionalized diary or something. Had to be. “It’s okay. Th-thank you. I would just like if you asked. That one. I didn’t have access to a pencil so when the lights went out and I couldn’t read anymore I’d think of my own stories. But I think I forgot most of them. They all got replaced with stuff i don’t like to remember.” “Hey. Just so you know, if that ever happens here- like if the power goes out again or somethin’ and you can’t sleep and it’s too dark to read… you can wake me up. It’s okay, I won’t be mad’re nothin’. I don’t want you t’ have to have nothin’ but thoughts you don’t wanna think. Cuz I know what that’s like and it sucks.” A brief vision of a hospital room in the dead of night passed through her head. She shook it out and sighed, her fingers fidgeting a little more. “So… you really almost left, huh? I thought I heard the front door open and shut in the middle of the night, but I was also half asleep. Thought I dreamed it.” Suddenly, the power flicked back on, the AC sputtering a bit before kicking back to life and the lights illuminating the previously dark kitchen in a sudden flash of brightness that made Mike blink. She’d felt suddenly exposed, though, her expression more pensive than she’d really wanted to be revealed. Church looked at her and at first it was the same blank expression he always seemed to give her. Sometimes when when they conversed, she imagined a complicated set of cogs, pulleys, and levers working in his mind to put together a careful calculated response, but here it seemed very different. His fingers pinched at the corner of one of her green plastic placemats. His mouth was slightly agape. Church looked down for just a moment but when his face raised up to her hers, the normal expression resumed. “Yes. I guess I did. My life has been for public consumption for a long time now, Mike. I thought it would have gotten better but at that time I had been made to feel like I was nothing. And then you come along. You’re the first person to come along and lend a helping hand.” Church shook his head. “It was a shock to the system. And I hated it. I just wanted to have what i had before. I know, I know that sounds weird. Because it was nothing. But it wasn’t, Mike. It was all I had. But then even, you appeared in my door way and brushed away all of that pity. You wouldn’t allow it. I’d been thinking about that a lot recently. I wanted to tell you but sometimes I can’t figure out how to say. I feel so frustrated sometimes. I can’t seem to put the pieces together.” “It’s okay. You don’t have to. If it’s meant to come, it’ll come. And if it ain’t… you don’t need to say stuff out loud for me to get it. I mean I ain’t psychic or nothin’, shit no, but… heh. I guess that don’t make a lot of sense either but, eh. I dunno. I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is, even if I ain’t really some super cool space hot-rod rescue ranger, I think I’m really startin’ to get you. Maybe. I’m trying anyway. But either way… I’m glad you changed your mind, bud. I’m really… really glad you did.”  Stretching, she stood up, striding along the aisle and swishing aside artfully to avoid a flight attendant pushing a minibar. First class had its perks- they’d decided to treat themselves. The big cushy seats and special amenities were fantastic, and Mike had to say that even the staff even seemed cuter. Allowing herself a slightly longer than necessary glance at the liquor-serving blonde’s firm posterior, she loped along the length of the aisle before turning back. Comfy chairs or not, this was a long flight- both she and Church’s first overseas. She’d never dreamed of going someplace like eastern Europe, and yet, here she was, on a plane bound for Minsk- not quite the dramatic, romantic setting of Moscow, with its distinctive colorful onion domed cathedral and palace-like seat of government where Putin made late night overtures to his favorite tangerine puppet, but still. A country she’d never been to. Sights she’d never seen. There was a serious thrill in her gut that had nothing even to do with wrestling, and it harmonized well with the thrill that absolutely had everything to do with it.   She was so happy and excited that she could almost forget about that morning. She’d been all packed, with Church putting his last few odds and ends in his suitcase. She was pacing around the house, giving everything a once-over- lights off, back doors locked, tarp over the ring, et cetera- when she saw a figure through the front door window.   It was too early for the Uber she’d sent for and she didn’t think she recognized his face. Slipping out front, she narrowed her eyes, folding her arms, sizing up the unfamiliar man standing before her. Dark hair. What she’d call an outright punchable face, with a big awkward looking grin and almost weaselly looking eyes. He looked, in her opinion like a complete shitheel, and she squared up a bit. One would get the distinct mental image of a ferocious guard dog, set to rip any perceived threat to hearth and home to fucking shreds.   “Who are you an’ the fuck do you want? Make it snappy, bucko, we got places to be that ain’t here.” “David Hodges. I’m a reporter.” the suit looked past her and eyed the house number plate that was drilled into the wall beside the door, “Miss McGuire, I presume?” “You certainly fucking do. News hound, huh? Unless you’re here to tell people about the greatest fucking tag team the world’s ever seen since the goddamn Hart Foundation, you don’t got shit.” However, he didn’t react to that all. “I see. Miss McGuire, do you know a Melissa Perez?” “Yeah, she’s a feckless fucking cu*t. What about her?” Mike’s stance didn’t start out warm and welcoming, and was getting more hostile by the second. She didn’t seem to have any intention of backing down. David looked down at a sheet of paper clutched in his head, “Melissa recently tweeted that you, an employee of…” The paper rustled.“Extreme Wrestling Corporation, are living with a fellow employee John Bishop Church. The same John Bishop Church that was exonerated for the murder of his wife Christina. And their unborn child. I’ve talked to her. She has texts between you two that prove this connection. It’s one thing to appear at the work place together. That’s a job. It’s another thing all together to … well, I’m not going to say what Melissa says you’re doing with him. I think it’s quite obvious.” “Yeah, if you’re a fuckin’ rube.” She took a deliberate step forward. “You don’t know shit and I ain’t telling you shit, and I’ll tell you why, fuckwad. You said the magic word with your own stupid mouth. Exonerated. The whole fucking thing is online. The facts are right there on any public fucking record, black and white. Anything else ain’t your business, or anybody else’s business, and you’re almost lower than rat shit if you came all the way over here for dirt based on a tip by my FUCKING EX GIRLFRIEND.” He smirked in the face of all of this anger. “Is John in there right now? I met him a few months back. Not too talkative, is he?” “I wouldn’t want to talk to your stupid weasel-lookin’ ass either.” She deliberately avoided the question, though her poker face was immediately wrecked by a flick of her eyes to the door behind her. Stay in there, buddy. Just stay put for a little while longer, you don’t need to get mixed up with this. Just stay there. Please. “So you mentioned exoneration, Miss McGuire. He confessed. Quite vividly. It’s all there for the public to listen to.” It’s at this point that most people would have acted shocked. Or, perhaps, began to germinate a seed of doubt. But Mike was not most people, and if the reporter expected her to waver at all in her stubborn refusal to cooperate, he was about to be sorely disappointed. She bared her teeth in a snarl, and the emeralds of her eyes could cut glass. “People confess to a lot of shit. Drill into somebody long enough an’ they’ll tell you they’re fucking B.D. Cooper just to get you to lay the fuck off.” “He said he did it.” “Piss fucking Christ, are you deaf and stupid? Did you not hear what I just fucking said? What, you want me to toss you in a room for thirteen fucking hours and ask you the same questions over and over and not let you eat or fucking sleep till you answer ‘em in a way that suits me?” “Right. Detective Ray Geschkes was in charge of that interrogation. I’ve listened to the whole thing. He was on the force for thirty five years. 13 hours or not, that interrogation was by the book. John confessed. He wrote it down. He signed off on it.”   “By the book. By the FUCKING BOOK. Don’t you dare say that. That fucker planted evidence. And it was STUPID evidence. You know how I know? Church doesn’t fucking drink. At all. Made margaritas yesterday afternoon cuz it was fucking hot. Regular for me, virgin for him, and he still didn’t have any. So Mister By-The-Fucking-Book is a nasty little mental midget for planting DNA on something that Church wouldn’t have fucking touched to begin with.” Another step forward. “Go ahead. Say one more stupid thing. I fucking dare you to not just turn around, get in your ugly-ass car, and leave like a decent human being.” He raised his hands defensively. One hand clutched a pocket-sized tape recorder. “Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Miss McGuire. Speaking of saying stupid things - they’re all right here. And you’re right. But that doesn’t explain everything else. Decent human being, huh? You fell for that dopey aw, shucks act hook, line, and sinker, didn’t you?”   Her movements were whip-quick. One hand jutted out like a striking cobra and grabbed ahold of the reporter’s necktie, dragging him with it halfway across the yard before stopping. She was just a few short inches from his face. “Listen up. You know what I have to do? I get up at five in the fucking morning. I filter through hundreds of fucking Facebook and twitter comments and delete the vilest shit you could ever imagine. Small, cruel little fucks like you, calling him the worst kind of names and tellin’ him to do shit that you oughta be doin’ yourself. But I delete it. All of it. Because he don’t deserve to see that. He gave you fucking people twenty fucking years. That’s enough. That’s more than fucking enough. Now get off my fucking property before I get all Stand Your Ground on your pathetic ass.” And the reporter backed away slowly. “That’s alright.” And he was half way into his tan Corolla when he shouted over the roof of it, “Miss McGuire. Send me a DM when John becomes your next Steve. Maybe then we can work together to shine a light on this whole ugly ordeal.” And seconds later, he was gone.   Mike was speechless. She was absolutely livid. Her hand was shaking as she checked her phone. Five minutes. Not a ton of time. She ran to the driveway and threw Alundra’s door open, slammed it behind her, and screamed. She screamed for about a solid minute. She would’ve very much liked to hit something but she’d recently finished repairing damage to her baby- she didn’t want to cause the Mustang any more. Panting, she slipped back out, and opened the front door, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand and trying to sound chipper.   “Hey buddy, Uber’s gonna be here in three. You ready?” “Yes. Hey, who were you yelling at outside? Another salesman? It seems a common occurrence these days.”  “…nobody. Nobody worth a pint of horse piss. Doesn’t matter. Next couple hours, we’ll be headed to motherfuckin’ Belarus. … Fuck, you know what? Let’s do something ridiculously indulgent. We deserve it. Let’s upgrade our tickets to fuckin’ first class. Cushy seats, leg room, open bar, and no dickfucks allowed.” Church nodded. “I trust you.” She bit her lip, paused, leaned forward, and gave him a quick but firm hug. As brief as it was, there was something fierce in it, something incredibly protective. She pulled back just as a lime green Volkswagen with an Uber sticker on the back windshield pulled up in front of the house. She locked the door behind them.   But that was this morning and thousands of miles away. And as she headed back to her seat, she couldn’t help but pause, a huge grin crossing her face. The gangly teenager in the aisle seat was likely the child of one of the wealthy people occupying one or two of the other cushy chairs. Or maybe they’d gotten a cheap upgrade and decided to fly in style. But either way, one eye was covered by a deliberate shocking violet comb-over of bangs, their grin had the telltale silver gleam of new braces, and they were wearing an NSFW t-shirt. And fiddling with one of their ridiculous fidget spinners. Good to know at least one of those things sold.   “Holy crap, you're Mike McGuire. Awesome.”   “Nope. YOU’RE awesome.”   Mike gave the kid a clicking wink and a double finger point, and found her seat next to her partner, closing her eyes. It was still a long way to Minsk. A couple hours’ nap later, the camera clicked on. Two mildly jet lagged but happy travelers grinned into it- one muted, one big and toothy.   “Say hey, EWC faithful! It’s ya boys, NSFW- one of us, who I really need to mention, is YOUR NEW REIGNING AND DEFENDING EWC TELEVISION CHAMPION- and we are currently on a plane- IN FIRST CLASS, BAY-BEE- headed to Belarus. It’s our first trip overseas, and frankly? We’re pretty fuckin’ hyped.” “I am ecstatic.”   “We’re gonna be landing before long, but before we have to fasten our seatbelts, put our tray tables in the upright position an’ turn off all electronic devices, we thought we’d take a couple minutes to say… Jesus fucking Christ last week. The so-called top of the pops around here may have got the better of us, but at the end of the day, does anybody really give a shit? Same old rhetoric, different fuckin’ day. Yeah yeah, I know we didn’t come out on top and I got knocked fuckin’ loopy for my trouble, but our opposition totally failed to live up to our expectations. And they’ll totally be crowing their asses off about it too, dollars to fuckin’ doughnuts. They’ll come out with their cool music and awesome pyro and toss a couple Benjys to the monkeys in the truck for some nice piped in crowd noise, and go on about how they put down a couple of big-mouthed upstarts. IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE PROPHECY. VOLUME 2 COMING SOON. Maybe Reid’ll even get a new Xbox One from his parents for doing an extra good job.” The camera panned to Church’s blank expression towards his partner. “The Trinity. They’re in our rearview mirror. Mike, some would say that we are the masters of foreshadowing.” “And why is that, my erstwhile compadre?” “Our friend. And I am being insincere when I say that. Our friend found himself a partner after all.” Mike gave a curt nod.   “He did indeed. Or should I say- a pARRRRRtner.” “You’re allowed one of those. Only one.” “Noted. It was fuckin’ worth it. But somethin’, no pun intended as I’ve hit my limit, smells real fuckin’ fishy here. Cap’n Darkwater isn’t supposed to be the kind of pirate that would associate with a bilge rat like Cherry Garcia. Ain’t he supposed to be a nobler breed of buccaneer? What, did his morals and sense of fucking decency walk the goddamn plank? And don't think that sad line about being keelhauled into this is gonna make us shed a fuckin' tear for you. Who in their right goddamn mind would believe a fuckin' pirate, one who's obviously just proven he's a fuckin' moral degenerate?” “Seems like that charade of his burned to cinder when his greatest opportunity blew up in his face.” “Bitter, bitter pirate. So now he’s back in fighting form, and he decides to put the screws to Nostalgia and get in bed- oh, sorry, was FORCED into bed- with Garcia. Come on, dude. I kinda really hoped you were better than this.”   She shakes her head and looks, if briefly, sincerely disappointed. John’s reaction to that isn’t the same. It’s unflinching. “I’m not surprised. His charming roguish qualities seemed to be an act. It’s easy to mug for your adoring public when everything seems to be going his way. There is no explanation. No excuse. No wiping away the cowardice he displayed. Many eyes were opened that evening to his true nature. But his transformation was a long time coming. He has weathered the storm of his would-be challengers and when they seemed to be out of play - here he comes to take possession of something he never earned.” “What a combo. A guy handed a belt and a guy who had to fucking make one up.” “They do have something in common, though, don’t they?” There was a plain sense of amusement plastered on Mike’s face as she looked up at her partner, brows raised inquisitively.   “What’s that?” “Delusions of grandeur. One’s obvious enough. It drips out of every word he says. The other. The big guy. Mike, I want to level with you on something. The virtuous marauder act only suited him when he needed it. He’s a charlatan afforded the privilege to buy his way into this fantasy of his. He’s a stereotypical romanticized idea of a pirate and believe me, it’s easy to rationalize the crimes committed against the oppressors that were the English and Spanish. But like that matters to him. If he stopped playing pretend and looked into the mirror, he’d see that he’s become the very thing that his predecessors fought against.” “What he oughta do, frankly, is use those big bucks of his to buy a DeLorean, slap a Flux Capacitor in that son’bitch, and head Up North circa 1995. He’d be right at home with all the plumbers, clowns, and garbage men. But before you go and do that, Cap’n, some food for thought. See, Garcia here. You know why he is, or was before you sailed into the picture, a tag champ all by his lonesome? I’ll tell you. All his buddies fucking ditched his sleazy egomaniac ass. How long before it grates on you too? And once it does, then what’ll you be left with? Your reputation’s fucking shot, dude, and you’ll have pissed it down your leg for nothing, and that, me hearty, is just sad.”   She shook her head, tisking. “See, we are pretty good at foreshadowing because what waits for us at the end of this journey?” “A decisive victory over the tag champs, that’s what. The belts may not be up for grabs this time around but that’s okay. Ain’t nothin’ new for ol’ Cherry Garcia. We ain’t ruffled. Us beating you is gonna send a big fat message to the guys in the front office. If they ain’t noticed us yet we are gonna MAKE ‘em take notice by swabbing the deck with the goddamn champions- not too tall an order considering one was just handed the belt out of nowhere and the other’s too lazy an ass to ever defend the fucking things.”   She leaned forward.   “Speaking of tall orders. Don’t think I’m scared of you, Captain Kangaroo. You’re a big guy.” “For you.” Mike held up a finger and tilted her head off camera. There was audible snorting before she rejoined the shot. “God Bless the fucking internet. But yeah. You’re way bigger than me. Maybe even a tad bigger than my partner, but that ain’t stopped him from chucking guys about as big as you around. How about he sends you sailing for real? I’d sure like to see that, but not before I take a nice chunk out of your pirate’s booty myself.” “With his looming visage, it’s so easy to forget the other part of this equation and just what he is capable of.” “What… IS he capable of? Making his own belt and pretending it’s a fucking accomplishment? Perpetually coming up shorter than he says he will?” Church smiled at her. “She means that it’s a constant part of the remnant’s makeup. There is something that he is good at. He’s gonna take one look at NSFW and he’s gonna laugh. We’ve got ourselves an easy night, he’ll say. That’s the delusion kicking in. This newly minted duo, they’re going to overlook us. They’re the superstars here and we are their tune up. That about cover it?” “Other than him being a delicious nut-free ice cream? Nope, that’s it. But, oh dear team of Pirate and Puss, you’ve got us pegged all wrong. This won’t be a night off. This may well be the worst fucking night of your lives. Because we want this. We’ve been trying to get your attention for weeks, and now that we’ve got it, we ain’t lettin’ you take your eyes off us. We’ll be haunting you like the fuckin’ Flying Dutchman from here on out. And there’ll be a whole fuckin’ fleet behind us. Do you hear that? The dead ships are comin’ up from the maelstrom and they’re comin’ for your stern. You’ll come out and they’ll be chanting our name. The people who want something different, somethin’ to fuckin’ believe in. Like this awesome kid right here.”   She swung the camera around. The purple haired teenager across the aisle and a few seats back, suddenly realizing they were in an honest to God NSFW promo, waved a skinny arm wildly and gave a whoop.   “NSFW, YEEEEAH!”   The camera swoops back onto them, Mike giving a smirking nod.   “Just like that. Every fuckin’ week. Louder and louder until you’re left with one single solitary question.”   Her face splits into a huge jawbreaker of a grin.   “What’s cauuuusin’ all this?” “It’s us. In some small way, we quantify the idea that the time for polite discourse is over. Whether it’s bigots, wanna-be fascists, ideological frauds, or text-book case of narcissism and a scalawag who talks out of both sides of his mouth, we are going to show the world how to take them down.” “By playing fair… and maybe a little dirty too.” Church opened his mouth to object, or at least that is what Mike anticipated. “Just a little.”   That huge grin grew a little more devilish. “But how we do it ain’t as important as the fact that we are. Don’t look behind you for us, mates. Look beside you, and later, look in fucking front. Cuz we’re Not Sailing in your Fucking Wake.”   There was a tinny voice over the intercom that they were approaching their destination, and the camera cut out.  

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readysetgaikokujin · 6 years

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Quick thingum about Office Relationships!

HAHA it’s not quick because I don’t know how to police my own writing. But here we go anyway! Under the cut is my opinion about ALTs fitting into the sea of coworkers they’re dashed from straight off the plane and beyond. I include a helpful list, a bit of side-eye, and my own experience. Read on!

I see a lot of ALTs who complain about office interpersonal stuff. It ranges from a very general “meh”-ness to a very real, culture-shock-like hatred of the Japan they’re in. The reasons why are varied and mostly just... people things, imo. For example....

Their coworkers ask them the same questions over and over. Their coworkers don’t talk to them at all. Their coworkers don’t seem to like them. Their coworkers go to lunch without them, or didn’t tell them about a meeting, or wanted to reschedule their welcome party until a month later, or laugh nervously too often for their tastes.

And honestly, I have to wonder how much of that is the coworkers’ fault, and how much is the ALT in question just... waiting to be liked. For no reason. While they continue to be unlikable.

Now I get it, sometimes you try super hard and it still sucks. I am NOT saying that does not happen, BECAUSE IT DOES. It’s a risk with all human relationships that we take.

That is the worst case scenario, I think, yeah? You put in all the effort, you make the cookies, you answer the questions, you pose the small talk, you try and smile and try and smile and they still don’t really like or include you.

But I’m not talking about that. I think if you’re conscious of trying, you’re most likely someone who has tried and done been trying. And I respect that. And you.

I’m pinpointing the people who complain about their coworkers and how “mindless” or “meaningless” it all is, but then wonder why they’re not talked to at the drinking party. I’m side-eyeing the people who post about how they deliberately tell their coworkers lies about small talk questions because they hate answering them. I’m talking about the people who just sit there silently seething (AT ALT-ONLY EVENTS TOO) and then wonder why a) nobody wanted to talk to them and b) why they are unhappy.

I don’t want to talk to a wet blanket, and we share a language. You have to got to acknowledge that it’s not “Japanese people don’t know how to small talk”, it’s more “I MYSELF AM WET BLANKET”.

I firmly believe that you get love back from the universe that you input into it. It takes time, and effort, and it’s sometimes scary or backfires or is stupid. That’s fine! Do it anyway!

“But Sami,” you say. “I don’t know how to.”

“It’s okay, friendo,” I tell you. “I STILL don’t know what I’m doing, because we’re all just adults bouncing about trying to be good at what we do!”

Seriously.

If you get here, and you’re nervous, here is a small list of ways to ingratiate:

1. go to the party if you can make it 2. MINGLE AT THE PARTY, this doesn’t mean drink! Just talk to people! If you haven’t noticed, they are all ASKING EACH OTHER the same bullshit small talk questions, because humans use a script until they get comfortable with each other, or until someone confident enough breaks the mold. And that is okay!! 3. give little presents. Not necessarily expensive ones, but my crew is STILL talking about when I got apple pie moonshine for them, even though I DIDN’T EVEN ATTEND THAT PARTY. 4. bake or make something, if you can do a hometown recipe they’re gonna love having an excuse to talk to you about something other than the seasons, your Japanese level, or the weather. Trust me. Give them more options on the dialogue wheel!!! 5. smile. This is harder when you have a default face that isn’t a nervous smile, I know. My anxious ass smiles all the time =_=;; Just try it out when you give the otsukaresamadesu in passing. I even throw in waves and winks. Someone’s gonna have a stroke someday, I’m sure, but it works. I’ve got a hoard of dudebros who wave back. 6. be patient. With them, with yourself, but mostly with them. You have no idea what kind of ALTs they worked with before you, and some of them might’ve left a bad taste in their mouths. They might have been made fun of for pronunciation in English. They might have been told off for trying to help them look at the schedule. They might feel like all foreigners are prickly, just like you might worry all Japanese people are quiet. Wrong. Give it time and patience. 7. get you some cheddar off of somewhere and make Red Lobster style biscuits 8. involve your JTEs in your self-intro games, so you can learn about THEM too 9. invite teachers to observe your lessons if they seem into English 10. when you get here, see if someone wants to go grab a power lunch with you, cuz it’ll be summer vacay for crying out loud!! If your supervisor doesn’t do that with you, I will drive there myself and take you to kaitenzushi omfggggg

Ten things. Ten things to try.

But the most important thing to remember is this: You are not coming here as the protagonist of your solo story, you affect everyone’s stories you come into contact with. For better, worse, or absolutely neutral. Once you stop thinking of people as accessories to your life, and people with their own thoughts and actions, the world will be your oyster. Nom nom.

It shouldn’t be that hard. But in talking with military friends, non-JET ALTs, and just expatriates living in Japan... the struggle with immediate and unfounded entitlement is REAL, fam. And it gets old for your coworkers as well as your ALTs in the prefecture. Which is why fifth years like me have gummy old jaws where we used to have toothy ones, because we got tired of gnawing down the same bone of “just stop expecting everything to be about you and how great you are omfggggggg just be nice to people”. This dog too old for that now.

Also, anecdote time, because my office is so hot that if I stop typing I will fall the hell asleep:

I came here with NO Japanese. I was memorizing “osaki ni shitsureishimasu” on the freaking airplane. I didn’t know what yakisoba was, or how to eat ramen, or even how to read most katakana yet. Imagine trying to make coworker relationships when you have to both resort to gestures and helpless looks and all that effort on both sides?? It must have been a pain in the ass for my coworkers cuz I know at times it really was for me!

So I started to take the initiative. I would bake a ton, give out some sweets every month or two, and copy the katakana from an online dictionary to say what the ingredients were. I’d ask coworkers to translate ceremony titles for me, then look up words to listen out for in the ceremony itself. I’d go to all the nomikais and nijikais even if I wasn’t drinking, and I would try to sit with new people every time at the after-party! Even if we didn’t understand each other haha. I would smile every time I got nervous, and I tried my best to absorb as much Japanese as I could in my own way.

Fast forward five years. I can speak okay now. I can listen even better. My coworkers, I feel, know who I am, and not just a “that’s Sami” knowing. But they know my hobbies, my drives, my teasing, and how I like to be teased back. They interact with me easily because I put myself out there to be interacted with, in English or Japanese, doesn’t freaking matter. They’re people looking to reach out. I can understand most everything that comes my way because most things that come my way are things I’ve experienced and beaten, like mini-bosses in my Japan RPG adventure. I can make small talk but the beautiful times are when I don’t have to anymore.

Yes I was here five years. Yes you might have shorter time than that. Yes it is still doable.

So like.... you can totally be a part of whatever school you’re going to be placed in. I say this because I hear of so many ALTs saying shit like “coming here without knowing a bit of Japanese means you’re just a burden” and “you will never be accepted as Japanese no matter what you do”. And to that I just say “well you’re right, but also thhhbbbbbbbpt.”

We all have the potential to be burdens or not, and it ain’t got much to do with language ability Sharon. And my appreciation for how Japan does things doesn’t exactly ingratiate me with Americans neither! So have a stick of gum and calm down.

There you have it. Go forth, be merry, and don’t go around expecting people to love you for being a surly, quiet, asshole who doesn’t share any of their personality with their coworkers. I get it. I had a MySpace once, it’s edgy to not care about what people think of you. But it’s fun to have relationships with people and care about what they think, even if this job is temporary.

#unsolicited advice #incoming JETs #JET programme #JET program #living in japan #coworker relationships #my school is often called the 'drama/manga' school because of the way they interact with me and each other #and its not something im watching #im actively IN IT #i believe you can be too if you have the energy for it #and if you dont?_#don't post on fb blaming your coworkers!#not having the energy to do this stuff is JUST FINE #but putting the entire burden on relationships onto the people who you're working with is unfair and rude as fuck #they already do so much for incoming ALTs that other adult jobs in the world do not have to do and do not doooooooooooooooooo #appreciate!!!!!! it!!!!!!!!#also #this isnt shitty vibes #this is the precursor to having no shitty vibes #preventative non-shitty vibes haha

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