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#migraines

Dear Diary (Trigger warning),

My mom commented on my lack of eating and I kinda got a little pissed because I’ve told her how nauseous I’ve felt a dozen times but she doesn’t listen to what I say unless it somehow effects her. She asked why I drink Monsters a lot and I had to remind how it’s the only thing giving me energy to do anything, like I’ve told her before. She’s commented on my lack of sleep and I told her its hard to sleep when you want to vomit and most nights I only get 3 off-and-on hours if that. But I can’t help eating or sleep. It just is what it is. 

As much as it fucking sucks and how I feel like I’m rotting from the inside out, I cannot do anything to help. No doctor has a clue as to why. Home remedies have little effect. Medicine has little effect. I feel like the more I try to lessen the pain, the more I feel myself leave my body into a pit of darkness to where everything turns black and a sense of peace with no pain sinks in. Inviting but I feel like I’m literally losing myself. I haven’t let myself surrender to that darkness but every day is getting harder. I just want the pain to stop. If I’m not supposed to die, no attempt to better the situation helps, self harm only makes me feel alive with each drop of blood but it doesn’t ease the pressure, drugs have zero effect. I’m starting to wonder…

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i wish strobing/flickering/static hadn’t become shorthand for dreamlike/surreal… i really want to be able to escape into all the weird lsd dream emulator-style games on itch.io but they all have strobes and flickering and glitchy effects that melt my brain in a bad way

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Dear Diary,

I’ve detached so much the past few days, I still don’t feel human. Migraines and nausea are back, 6 day cycle. Woot. My dog is still bleeding but the vet nor the specialist have a clue as to whats wrong with him so they are guessing. I finally got the call that the new med came in and the Vet said it would be a one month supply but he gave me three months for the same price. We have no idea if it will work but for now, it’s 3 more months with him. The downside is, I can’t handle seeing his blood, just knowing he is suffering. I lose it every single time. Every night he will be on the couch and I’ll head over to the computer just to be near him because he moves when I sit with him. So then he throws his body back, lays his head on the arm rest and tears literally form down his eyes and he looks so sad. And fuck, I lose it every time. I haven’t cried so much since 2012 before I attempted suicide. I’m starting to feel that broken. I forgot what it felt like, I thought I knew before but it’s like de ja vu. This time, I’m not graduating high school and trying to figure out college. This time, I’m watching my dog suffer and wither away because no one can help because no one knows whats wrong. But thats life right? Life and death. So why is it so bad if someone cuts their life short themselves? We all die in the end.

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I’m doing that whole long and never-ending process of trying to identify migraine triggers and one I’m currently confused about is caffeine.

I started cutting out caffeine as a teenager because of anxiety, so my tolerance is admittedly quite low. Since that time, though, I’ve always still indulged in things like decaf products and dark chocolate.

Then comes the revelation that ohhhh, shit, I have adhd, and even drinking decaf coffee does wonders to help me function. (I’ve still avoided full caffeine tea and coffee through all of this because again, anxiety).

Lately I’ve been sticking only to decaf black and green tea, but still been getting migraines just as often (if anything, they’ve been amping up because of spring).

So I guess I’m like?? Can decaf tea of all things contain enough caffeine to trigger a migraine??? It seems so inconsequential. And I make sure those are my only sources of caffeine, too; sodas, dark chocolate, sports drinks; I’m wary of all of it.

Honestly I’m really hoping caffeine is not that large a factor. Like I said, small doses really help my adhd brain function. And I’ve been told by my psychiatrist that she “would never put me on stimulants” because of my history with anxiety and ptsd hyperarousal.

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Tiger King (2020)

This is a Movie Health Community warning. It is intended to inform people of potential health hazards in movies and does not reflect the quality of the film itself. This evaluation has not been reviewed by any medical professionals.

Tiger King has two moments that show severe strobe lights on emergency vehicles. One is during a nighttime parade in episode 5, and police vehicles in episode 6.

There is extensive but mild handheld camera work throughout the series. One drone shot is shown many times.

Flashing Lights: 8/10. Motion Sickness: 4/10.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: This series features real footage of a suicide, an incident where a person loses their arm, and extensive neglect and abuse of animals.

moviehealthcommunity
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Presto (2008)

This is a Movie Health Community warning. It is intended to inform people of potential health hazards in movies and does not reflect the quality of the film itself. This evaluation has not been reviewed by any medical professionals.

Presto has a glowing light on a character’s face, electrical crackling and an explosion in a medium shot.

There is also a rapid zoom out to a poster, a quick pan to a cage, a cage jumping up and down, a shot overlooking an audience from the top of an auditorium, a rapid zoom to a character, a character running towards the camera, a spotlight moving quickly around a curtain, a foot chase around the back of a stage, and a shot of a character dangling at the top of the auditorium.

Flashing Lights: 5/10. Motion Sickness: 3/10.

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Your Friend the Rat (2007)

This is a Movie Health Community warning. It is intended to inform people of potential health hazards in movies and does not reflect the quality of the film itself. This evaluation has not been reviewed by any medical professionals.

Your Friend the Rat has a gun flashing, lightning strikes for several seconds, fireworks swirling and exploding, a section that emulates a silent film complete with film grain and burns in the frame, a rocket blast illuminating the screen

There is also a title sequence that unfolds sections of the screen, pulls down a projection screen from the top of the frame, a shot of an aircraft diving at a slant, exaggerated character movement, an instance where the camera shakes, a shot of a spinning globe, a wood chipper-like effect in extreme close-up, a zoom into bubbles, quick pans and dutch angles throughout and two characters walking and interacting with a disclaimer.

Flashing Lights: 10/10. Motion Sickness: 10/10.

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Ratatouille (2007)

This is a Movie Health Community warning. It is intended to inform people of potential health hazards in movies and does not reflect the quality of the film itself. This evaluation has not been reviewed by any medical professionals.

Ratatouille has shots of a CRT television in tight shots at night or in dim situations, flashing lights that last three seconds when the screen is otherwise pitch black, a lightning strike in a tight shot that causes the characters skeletons to appear for two frames as well as sparking off of a metal object, bullets destroying objects in extreme close-ups, a shotgun blast in rainy conditions, flames in extreme close-up, headlights passing by at night, and a sequence where cameras flashing all around a character in dim conditions,

There is also a pan from the treetops overlooking a house down to a window on a house, characters crashing or rushing into the frame, a camera that follows a character at high speeds, numerous shots where we see the world from a character’s point of view (including one above a river), two sequences showcasing swirling and beating motion graphics, walk and talks in close-up and low-angle sequences, quick pans throughout, two shots positioned on a shelf looking down on a character, two dolly zooms towards the beginning and end of the film, rapid zooms throughout, shots of a character or object in a reflection (often in a close-up), exploding objects in close-up throughout the beginning of the film, rotating shots in low-angles and overhead, a pan along the barrel of a shotgun, multiple instances of the camera focus and refocusing, a shot of a character swaying on a lamp, a low-angle shot of the ceiling cracking open, multiple chase sequences in vehicles and on foot, gas being sprayed in a sweeping shot, an overhead shot of a raft, a sequence inside a swere that includes handheld camerawork, fast camera rotations and water splashing onto the lens, a shot overlooking a city from a rooftop, a camera sequence where the camera moves around a kitchen in close-up, sometimes circling around certain stations, an overhead shot of a mirror, a sequence that follows a bike around a city, a dutch angle, a zoom out to an overhead shot of a room, cars passing above a character, quick panning and extreme close-ups of documents and a trunk shot.

Flashing Lights: 8/10. Motion Sickness: 10/10.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: There is imagery of a character vomiting out a window and another character gagging, carcasses of dead rats hung up in a display

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Mulan (1998)

This is a Movie Health Community warning. It is intended to inform people of potential health hazards in movies and does not reflect the quality of the film itself. This evaluation has not been reviewed by any medical professionals.

Mulan has one sequence during a thunderstorm with severe but very brief strobe effects, a TV static effect, and strobe effects attached to explosions and fireworks.

The camera work is very smooth whenever there is camera movement. Two sequences feature multiple flying shots at extreme heights over hundreds of people.

Flashing Lights: 7/10. Motion Sickness: 3/10.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: Although this film is rated G by the MPAA, there is war violence, including one shot with realistically dark red blood staining a wounded person’s outfit and hand.

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Migraines suck ass!

Whyyyy does it have to be possible to be genetically predisposed to chronic migraines??? And why does my neck have to be such a little bitch that goes out of alignment so super easily, thus triggering a migraine??? Ughhhh!! This is the second one in what? A week?? It’s such a bitch move on my body’s part. I’ve got shit to do, dammit!

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Originally posted by tvneon

Morning love ones! Right now it’s about 7:30 in LA. I’m up a little earlier, because I have a little zoom meeting in a few. However I wanted to stop in any talk to you guys. Yesterday was a really rough day for me. Migraines. Again. All Day. It was torture fam. The pain lead me down the research rabbit hole. When I first started researching my migraines, I thought it was because of the weather and season. I honestly do think the season change is apart of of it, but I also think it’s a little deeper than that. I think I might be prone to high blood pressure. It definitely runs in my family. Now, this is just from my research. Yes, I’ve thought about going to the ER, but my symptoms are bearable, and with everything going on right now, I know the safest place is probably my home. So, with that being said. I think it’s time for me to change up my lifestyle a bit, especially the way I eat. I think it’s starting to catch up to me. Keep in mind guys, I turn 30 this year. So my body is probably going through all types of changes. It’s normal. The older we get, the more we should listen to our bodies. I also think I should give up alcohol all together, which is cool with me. I wasn’t that hard of a drinker anyway. ( Much love to everyone who can drink anyone under the table!! You’re very strong lol.) But I think it’s time for me to move on to new things. More veggies and fruits in my diet, less sodium in my diet just in case I am prone to high blood pressure. I guess I’m moving into another phase in my life. I’m not going to lie, this is difficult for me because I was that kid that could eat anything and not worry about it. But I guess not anymore lol. I’m sharing this with you guys because sometimes we get in denial about aging and our health. But it’s pretty serious, especially if certain thing run in your family. If it’s time to make a change, make a change. #oklilash

Side note: I started working on the migraine journal, I don’t have a release date or deadline as of yet. I’m still gathering information and outlining it. I’m definitely going to keep everyone updated on it, so stay up for that. Keep your spirits high, and I hope you guys have a great day.

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