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olivinesea · 3 years

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A Mixed Blessing

Chapter List

chapter eight: starting to rust

a/n: Just barely coming in at under a month, oops. I think I’m going to take a break from this one for now, it seems to be a little too much while my thoughts are occupied with school things. When I planned this all out originally, this chapter was a possible ending point but then I got ambitious and there’s quite a bit more plotted out after this. But it might be a while before I come back to it, we’ll see. Anyway, thanks for coming along for all the torture, I know it wasn’t a pleasant time but the hurt can be nice occasionally? I’ll try to write something a little kinder in the future. Warnings for all the same things —substances, abuse, some very dark thoughts and themes. ~5.7k

Aaron tries to keep it all together but the world is indifferent.

He tried to stay away, he really did. As if he could see into the future, he could imagine how quickly he would tarnish her smile, could picture it fading right in front of him. He had nightmares where Haley sat, unresponsive and slowly dissolving. But she was insistent, seeking him out, towing him along with her through her day. She’d find him at lunch and push half a sandwich at him once she realized he hadn’t brought anything to eat. Brought him along after school to loiter in the sun with the other theater kids killing time between the end of class and the start of rehearsals, loudly asserting their presence on the world. Aaron hung back, uncomfortable around such casual chaos, everyone moving too fast, speaking too loudly. Compared to his world, Haley’s life was bright, unrestrained, and viscerally present. He didn’t fit there. He stuck out in his silence, dressed in his dark clothes, still too big on him though he was finally starting to grow.

The other kids eyed him suspiciously, muttering quietly about him when they thought he couldn’t hear. Only Haley’s position at the top of whatever social apparatus they operated by kept them from outright excluding him. He didn’t mind too much, he’d heard worse, what did he care what these kids thought of him anyway? What did they know with their golden lives, their excitement, their expectations for the future? Haley’s people believed that the world was for them, would provide what they wanted when they wanted. He found it odd, watching them as they screeched and tackled each other, a blur of color so jarring he had to squint.

He could feel how his difference was noted, their eyes making the back of his neck itch. More than once he tried to disappear but every time Haley slipped her hand into his, squeezing gently, pulling him back toward the group. She’d smile, encouraging, her belief that it would all work out, that he could assimilate given enough time, was unwavering. Her optimism baffled him, sometimes even irritated him. He would inevitably feel guilty about that. Surely it was ungrateful for him to find fault in this girl who had welcomed him when there was absolutely no need for her to do so.

Not everyone was tolerant of Aaron’s presence. The drama teacher regarded him with suspicion, allowing him to stay but making it clear that she was doing him a favor. It helped that he was able to sing, shoring up the weak lower register of the female dominated cast. He was given a minor role, nothing too complicated, nothing that would embarrass them if he failed, as she assumed he would. Some of the other kids caught on to this disapproval, emboldened by it they became less subtle in the ways that they mocked him. Aaron tried to mind his own business, even skipping out on rehearsals when the attention became too much. But Haley inevitably found him, running to catch him after school as he tried to escape out a side door. She dragged him back again and again, refusing to give up on him. Insisting she had seen something special, something she thought she could coax out if given enough time—like a stray dog, so used to mistreatment that he bristled when people came near but still craved affection.

He followed reluctantly, acutely conscious of the growing dislike, mutiny thickening the air. Everything was too sharp these days, he’d lost his sources for getting high. All he had were his cigarettes, too afraid to steal alcohol from his father. He desperately wanted to go back into the woods, to fall back under the quiet spell of muffled words about nothing, watching the light filter through the branches, sparkling as the leaves moved with the breeze. He hated it here, in the building, surrounded by these people with their constant need to be heard, each louder than the last. The smells of the theater, new paint and old fabrics and so much dust made it hard to breath. The too bright lights, unnaturally hot against his skin, and the way every sound echoed made his head ache. He’d be long gone if it wasn’t for the way Haley’s touch made his heart skip, her fingers lightly brushing across his arm to get his attention. Or the way she looped her arm through his as she caught him in the hallway and insisted on walking with him to class, leading him along her sheltered path.

Aaron wondered at the lightness of her head rested against his shoulder as they sat in the grass, sticking her tongue out at something stupid another kid said, then smiling when she heard his smothered laughter. He let his attention drift, eyes wandering until he saw a group in the distance. He watched as they moved away from school, easily guessing where they were headed. He felt a pang of longing as he watched them leave, wishing he could still be part of that. He wasn’t sure he had been happy with Cole but he had at least felt like he was in the right place, like he had found someone who understood him. No one here was like him, no one less so than Haley. He was attracted to her in a different way, fascinated at how she viewed the world and how the world viewed her. He’d never known anyone who moved so easily through life, who was loved and desired by everyone she met. He couldn’t begin to imagine what that felt like though he agreed with the rest of them, she was something special. He didn’t understand why she wanted him around but he wasn’t going to contradict her. Still, he wished to be gone with the group as they sought out unobserved spaces.

“Aaron?” Haley squeezed his knee, drawing his attention back.

“Hmm?” He had no idea what she had been saying.

“Do you want to come to Mike’s house after rehearsal tonight? His parents are out of town.”

Aaron looked dubiously across the group at Mike, someone who was clear in his dislike of Aaron.

“Please?”

Aaron shrugged a shoulder, shifting uncomfortably and causing Haley to sit up.

“It’ll be fun. And it’ll be good for you to get to know everyone a little better. You’re so quiet all the time.”

“I don’t think he likes me very much,” Aaron murmured, watching as Mike narrowed his eyes in their direction.

“Don’t be silly,” she said as she hopped up. “C’mon, let’s go inside, it’s almost time.”

He looked up at her, now standing above him. Their eyes met and she smiled. She was pleased with how much he’d been softening. It had only been a few weeks and already he seemed more comfortable, at least with her. She congratulated herself a little, privately, on her success. People had gone out of their way to warn her when she started hanging out with him, bringing him places with her. He was bad, he was dangerous, he would hurt her. But she knew, had known from that first time she saw him looking at her, he wouldn’t hurt her, not ever. He wasn’t so complicated, she reasoned, they were all just scared away by his dark features, his perpetual scowl, the whispered rumors about his family. She, Haley Brooks, was better than that, deeper and more sympathetic. He wouldn’t be the first broken creature she’d healed, but he would be her biggest project yet. She didn’t imagine it could be that hard. Everyone was always happier around her, she could fix this.

He sighed, shaking his head and stood up. Sometimes he could see her watching him and he wasn’t sure he liked the look on her face. Like she was assessing him, marking his progress along some scale she had in her mind. Noting when he ate, when he was rested, when he laughed. He felt a little bit like an animal in a laboratory. But then she would smile at him and he forgot all his hesitation, forgot how he disliked being watched, how much he hated people thinking they knew what he needed. No one had ever cared like her before and he wasn’t sure what she expected in return. But he let himself forget all that and follow her where she led for another chance at that smile, another chance to hear her say his name, sounding so different coming from her lips that it might be a different name entirely.

One of her friends, already halfway back to the building, called Haley’s name and she skipped over to her, confident that Aaron would follow. He watched her go before turning back to pick up his backpack. When he straightened up, Mike was standing very close to him. Aaron wondered at how he’d moved so quickly.

“I hope you don’t think you’re coming to my house, loser.”

Aaron stared at him, debating what to do. He didn’t particularly want to go to this party, he’d really prefer not to go. But Haley had invited him and he didn’t like the way this guy was always looking at her possessively, then looking at Aaron like he’d like to strangle him. Not exactly subtle.

Mike stepped in closer. “Did you hear me? Or are you too high?” He turned to his friends and forced a laugh, “Maybe you shouldn’t have fried your brain with your little homo boyfriend.”

Aaron didn’t think, he just reacted, fist swinging up and punching the other boy in the jaw. He stumbled back, holding a hand to his face, eyes frozen wide in shock. Aaron didn’t pause, only advanced on him, swinging again. It felt good, the anger that was always simmering in his chest, the anger he only barely distracted himself from, finally had an outlet. It probably wasn’t a fair fight, Mike had been expecting Aaron to quietly take the insults as he’d been doing, pretending to ignore them as they needled him whenever Haley was out of earshot. But this insult was too far. More of a mean jab in the dark than an actual accusation, his words had hit a nerve and unlocked a force within Aaron.

Once he landed the first punch, his vision clouded over with anger and he continued to swing at the other kid. The other boys quickly jumped in, once the surprise of seeing Aaron actually fight back wore off, once they realized he meant to do real harm to their friend. He already had Mike pinned on the ground, lip bleeding, hands covering his face, before two more of his friends managed to drag Aaron off. He swung at them too, no technique but plenty of experience on the receiving end. He knew what would hurt and he had enough rage to power him through a dozen opponents. One of the others pulled him off balance, using his grip on Aaron’s wrist to fling him to the side. They blocked his path to Mike, who was scrambling backward on the grass, putting more distance between himself and this suddenly rabid opponent. Breathing hard, Aaron glared at the group, realizing he didn’t have enough strength to overpower them all, despite his murderous desire. He spit in their direction, then grabbed his bag and stalked away.

He didn’t have to think about where he was going. There was only one place to go. He’d tried to be a part of the regular world, a part of a world where time continued evenly, where lights turned on when it was dark and spotlights burned brightest on those with merit. He’d tried to fit himself into that space for Haley’s sake but he had only been fooling himself. They’d known he didn’t belong and he’d finally overstayed his welcome. It was time for him to retreat to the unlit corners of the world, return to the margins of society where people could avert their eyes, where it was easier for them to pretend they didn’t see the wrongness of the boy in front of them. He’d go back to the place in the woods and hope there was someone there that could give him what he wanted, could help him disconnect from this too bright reality. He was as sick of it as they were of him. He allowed himself a brief flicker of hope that he might find Cole out there, with his understanding and their shared history he didn’t have to think about his walls so much. But he stomped down hard on that desire, reminding himself how he had still ended up alone. No, it didn’t need to be Cole, it didn’t need to be anyone in particular, as long as they had something to get him high he didn’t care. It wouldn’t matter for very long anyway.

He crashed across the grass, his anger making his steps heavier, his thoughts louder. He didn’t realize he was being followed, that someone was calling his name. He didn’t notice until there was a hand tugging at the elbow of his jacket. He spun around fast, ready to fight. Haley shrank back at the anger in his face, the wildness in his eyes. He clenched his fists when he recognized her, trying and failing to pull back the storm of emotion that had been knocked loose. He never wanted to scare her but she was following where she didn’t belong. He only had so much control.

“Go away.”

“Are you hurt? Where are you going? Why’d you attack—”

She didn’t even have the question fully formed before he turned and started walking again, unwilling to be accused of something that wasn’t remotely his fault. He didn’t like the way it stung him, hearing that she assumed his guilt. He didn’t like that he’d let her get so close, let her have such influence over him. She ran a little to get ahead of him, taking a deep breath to steady herself. She was frightened by his fury, but she wouldn’t let him go this easily. Not after she’d spent so many hours persuading him to join her world.

“Aaron.”

He stopped short when he heard his name, looked at her with some of his anger melting into sadness, feeling betrayed even though he knew he had no one to blame but himself.

“I didn’t start it,” he could barely get the words out, hated how much he wanted her to believe him, hated that he had to explain himself.

She rubbed her face, trying to think as she pressed her palm against her lips. She found she was more frightened of this new emotion than she was of the anger. He looked so hopeless.

“I’m sorry, I just…” she didn’t know what to say now that she’d gotten him to stop, now that she could see past the heated front of anger and could see some of the broken edges he did so much to hide. Wasn’t this what she’d been asking for?

He watched her struggle with what to say, saw the moment the pity started to creep into her eyes. Before she could say anything else, before she could make him feel worse, he started walking again, pushing past her. “Just leave me alone,” he muttered. He didn’t bother to check if she followed.

When he reached the clearing it was empty except for one person stretched out on a broken down couch. At first all he could see was the back of their head, the dirty blond hair sticking up in places. The recognition was a visceral feeling, clawing through his chest. He almost couldn’t believe it was real, that he was getting exactly what he hoped for. Cole sat up when he heard Aaron’s heavy footsteps cracking through the dead leaves and sticks littering the ground. He remained seated, looking at Aaron idly, as if no time had passed, as if he’d only been waiting for Aaron to turn up after class. Aaron felt so many conflicting emotions, had so many things he wanted to say that he could only stand with his jaw clenched against the flood of words he knew he would regret. Cole twitched the corner of his mouth in a slightly mocking smile and Aaron snapped. He grabbed Cole by the collar, pulling him to his feet, unsure whether he meant to strangle him or kiss him. Cole’s gaze shifted to look behind him.

“Why’d you bring your girlfriend with you?”

Too caught up in the charge of the moment, Aaron didn’t understand what he was talking about. Cole pulled away and lifted his chin in the direction he was facing. Aaron turned and saw Haley. She’d continued to follow him, concerned about what he was planning on doing, haunted by the hollowed out look in his eyes. She stood, apprehensive, eyes darting between the two.

He scowled. “Go back to school Haley.”

“But—are you okay?” She stumbled over her words, staring openly at Cole. She’d seen him in the distance, even noticed how Aaron sometimes watched him when their paths crossed. He looked even more menacing up close.

“I’m fine.” His mouth pressed together, biting his lower lip to keep his composure. He didn’t understand why she was being so persistent, why she wouldn’t just go away like everyone else. When she still hesitated he got impatient. There were things he needed to handle and he didn’t need her here getting in the way. He waved his hand at her, brushing away her attention. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

From behind him Cole fluttered his fingers at her with false sweetness. She hated the way he was grinning at her, his obvious confidence that he was the one in charge of the situation. She glared at him and he laughed.

She looked one more time at Aaron, who was no longer paying attention to her, had turned back to Cole entirely. She shook her head. Fine, if he wanted this it was hardly her problem. What did she even know of his life anyway? Trying not to feel like she’d lost, she retraced the path back to school.

As soon as she was out of earshot, Aaron started in on Cole. His thoughts were disorganized and barely coherent but he’d spent weeks trying to understand the sudden distance. He needed Cole to explain, to know his reasons for turning on him so quickly after all that they’d shared.

“What the fuck—” He hadn’t finished his question before Cole clamped his hand over his mouth.

“Shut up.”

Their eyes met and there was a mental struggle for the upper hand. One thing that had changed in the past few weeks was Aaron’s strength. No longer constantly submerged in a haze of intoxication, he felt everything more pointedly and he was ready to direct that pain elsewhere. He wanted to bite Cole, to scratch at his face, to scream at him for way he’d been abandoned, the sickness and shame he’d had to endure on his own. But the warmth of Cole’s palm, the familiar smell of his skin, the muscle memory of being in this exact position was too much. He relented almost instantly, sinking into the couch, pulling his knees up against his chest and waiting to see what Cole would do next.

Cole watched him thoughtfully, interested by this new spark of resistance but also pleased that he hadn’t made it too far on his own. A little fight kept things interesting, staved off the boredom Cole so often felt. It was probably that girl he’d been with, giving him ideas. He could see he’d have to do some damage control to bring Aaron back completely.

“I’m sorry,” he looked down, measuring drops of sincerity. “My grandma, she saw…she said she was going to report you.”

Aaron was confused, he didn’t know exactly what she could report about him but he heard the edge in Cole’s voice, knew better than to dig deeper. Cole sat down beside him, pulling one of his hands loose from where he’d wrapped it tightly around his legs. He traced Aaron’s palm with his thumb, looking into his face again.

“You know I didn’t mean it right? I didn’t have a choice.”

Aaron recoiled, sickened by the number of times those words had echoed through his life. Worse though was how easily he was willing to give into them if it only meant he could have back a little of that warmth he had found. He ducked his head and shrugged.

Cole squeezed his hand. “Good, cause I think I’ve got something you’ll like.” He let go and dug around in the couch cushions, pulling out a crumpled paper bag. When he smiled at Aaron, that familiar greedy smile, Aaron admitted to himself that he wasn’t here to fight with Cole, that he had never been coming for that. This was all he wanted, was all he was good for: to be lied to and to be led astray. He didn’t mind as long as he didn’t have to be fully present for it. He sat up a little straighter.

“Alright, let’s do it.”

They fell back in with one another but it remained uneasy. Aaron was still not allowed back at Cole’s house and he was afraid to miss too much class. Lately his father had been grumbling about sending him away and he wasn’t entirely sure he meant away to live somewhere else or away from life entirely. There were no peaceful interactions between them, only lucky days where Aaron successfully avoided being seen. A sudden increase in truancy calls would not work out well for him. If he had been a little more mature, a little less caught up in his own teenage drama, he might have noticed the changes in his father’s face, the way the lines grew deeper as his frame grew thinner. As it was he only noticed as much as he needed to know to keep himself out of the direct path of destruction. He once might have cared to notice his mother crying more, even when his father wasn’t there to be the cause of it but he was long past feeling any sort of connection to her. If she was troubled, she could find someone else to support her. She certainly hadn’t done anything to help him all these years. Nothing that he could see.

At school Haley continued to pester him. She stood up for him against the accusations that he had attacked Matt for no reason so he was still allowed at play rehearsals. He went grudgingly, only because he couldn’t shake the way he felt bewitched by Haley. Now he tried even harder to stay out of any social situations, to keep things strictly professional with the group of theater kids. However, he couldn’t help but enjoy Haley’s company at lunch and in between classes. Much as Aaron had disliked her friends, he couldn’t resist the brilliance of her personality. She made him feel like being a whole person was possible, made him forget for a few moments what he really was. She may have made him a little uncomfortable but she was relentlessly kind, and he was more than expert at keeping things hidden so he let her think she was doing some good as she badgered him into eating more and forced him to study. Even if it was only pretend, they were both getting something from it.

Only after the school day was over would he would slink away to the woods where he’d meet Cole. Cole still wasn’t speaking to him on campus, too aware of how their obvious closeness before had been risky. He hadn’t changed in their time apart either, his mood still swinging wildly from affection to disgust. It didn’t feel great but Aaron needed him, needed what Cole could give him. Attention and a steady supply of drugs. He didn’t have to worry about his insufficiencies around Cole, they were too similar for him to care about hiding the difficult parts of his life, didn’t have to worry about being pitied, about someone trying to fix him. They’d dragged more furniture into the abandoned shed, found an old metal trashcan they could burn things in to warm the place as the months crept deeper into the dark end of the year.

By the time Aaron’s sixteenth birthday came and went he felt like he was leading a completely fractured life. At home he was a ghost at best, a target when not; with Haley a treasured curiosity, constantly examined and prodded into a more acceptable shape; and with Cole, he was himself, angry and violent but self-medicated to the point where none of it mattered. Any gentleness that had existed between them over the summer was gone, every interaction was rough and scrambling, followed by a shame that only dissipated once the high kicked in.

It became harder to hold all the pieces together. He would look at himself in the mirror and struggle to remember his own name. He started smoking pot during the day again, just to ease some of the jarring transitions. At lunch, Haley talked and talked and he wouldn’t notice when she asked him a question until she poked him in the bicep and he jumped like a startled cat. When she tried to ask him about it he got annoyed, snapping at her and walking away from school, not caring that it was the middle of the day and that this bad choice was sure to come back to him that evening.

The show opening got closer as he missed more rehearsals. He missed so many that he didn’t know what he should be doing when he was there, very obviously sticking out when he went one way while the rest of the corps moved in the other direction. The drama teacher pulled him aside, giving him an ultimatum that he needed to be present at every subsequent rehearsal or he would be cut. Not so secretly hoping this would be enough to get him to leave. He started to say he didn’t give a shit about her stupid play when he saw Haley anxiously watching their conversation and swallowed his insults, only nodding, looking away so the teacher wouldn’t see his contempt for someone who could think something like a high school play mattered at all.

He made it to all the rehearsals but he was sure to be high, not enough that he would be caught but enough to be clear that it didn’t matter to him if he did. He wasn’t sure why he continued to come, why Haley had such a pull on him. It didn’t make sense that he wanted so badly to make her happy when she was so different, so far removed from everything else in his life. Maybe it was that he knew that without her, there was nothing tying him to the regular world, the place of school and society and jobs and futures. She was the only person that seemed to care if he was around, an emotion he was long past feeling for himself. She was the last reminder that he was a human being, that he mattered to someone. It was the only thing standing between him and completely giving in to the destructive force that had been whispering promises of an easy solution to his problems.

It was just enough to keep him behaved around these people who hated him without knowing anything about him. They hated what he represented, hated the way he forced them to see that the world could be ugly and painful. They were offended that he dared to show himself among the normal people when he so clearly belonged to the underside. He kept quiet and kept close to Haley when he was at school, when he was in the theater. He wore the stupid costume, the silly hat, followed the directions barked at him, sang just loud enough to carry the rest. Then he slipped away as soon as he was able.

The week of the opening performance was a bad one. Cole, having recently gotten his hands on some speed, was off on a manic high. Aaron had tried it once but hated the way the uppers spiked his anxiety, the way he felt every eye on him like his skin had turned inside out. After that first time he had declined, preferring to find oblivion in whatever downers were available. But Cole liked it quite a bit. It made his already unpredictable nature even worse, even more dangerous. He’d spend these highs running all over town, breaking car windows for fun, stealing anything worth a couple dollars. Aaron hated it and did his best to hide from him while he was strung out like that.

The afternoon of the show’s opening he’d gone to an old, private hiding spot after school with the intention of getting so stoned he couldn’t feel anything that might come his way later. He succeeded only to remember belatedly what day it was. Haley had tried to remind him several times during the day but he’d been too high, too distracted to listen. Swearing, he ran back to school, not sure what time it was or what time he was supposed to have been there.

The house lights were already off, the audience quiet as the opening bars played. He raced to get into his costume, having to re-button his shirt more than once as the tiny objects refused to line up properly. He gripped his hat as he stumbled into the wings to the sound of the chorus coming in—the chorus he was supposed to be a part of. He thought he could probably just slide onto the end of the line without attracting too much attention. Unfortunately, he found his path blocked by the drama teacher, her face dark and angry, completely out of patience for this mess of a teenager. She stared at him, his eyes red and glassy, skin pale, insultingly obvious in his intoxication.

“No.”

He looked at her unfazed, barely registering her as more than an object to move around. When he tried to step past her, she blocked him again.

“Go home Aaron,” her voice was quiet but unfriendly.

He shook his head, “I’m going to miss my cue.”

She frowned, surprised that he was aware enough to even know when his part was. “You’re high, you can’t be on school property.”

Aaron glanced into her face now, paying attention. No teacher had ever mentioned being able to tell he was not sober before.

“If you don’t leave now, I will call the police.”

He stepped back, narrowing his eyes, gauging how serious she was, if she would really draw that much attention to the situation. Her expression didn’t change and he could tell she meant it. He looked past her once more, seeing Haley step forward into the spotlight to begin her solo. His heart twisted, thinking about how disappointed she’d be that he couldn’t make this happen for her. He’d tried, tried so hard to keep it together for this. She’d been so excited and even though he couldn’t feel any of that, he liked the way it lit up her face when she talked about the performance, about how her parents and her sister would be in the audience, about how she wanted them to meet him. He’d never planned on staying for that but he’d wanted to at least be part of the show, to at least give her that.

“Now, Hotchner,” she insisted, voice cold and unsympathetic. He shrugged and tossed the hat on the ground by her feet before turning and walking out.

He headed straight for the shed, knowing there were supplies there that he had slowly siphoned away when Cole was too high to notice. He’d been saving them, watching his little stockpile grow larger. He wasn’t sure exactly what he was saving it for, exactly what his intention was but now seemed as good a time as any to find out. He hoped Cole wasn’t there, at least not until he could get his fix. Nothing would matter then.

Once inside he turned on the camp lantern he’d stolen and climbed onto a rickety chair to reach the seam between the roof and the wall. He pulled out his supplies, examining them as he settled back down on the dirty old cushions on the floor and wrapped a blanket around himself. It was an old army surplus thing, scratchy and smelling of smoke but effective against the chill. He considered his options. There was a good amount in there, probably enough for two people if he waited for Cole to turn up. He could maybe ease him out of his frenzy, bring him down to Aaron’s level, to the place where they could float through time without moving, without worrying. He thought about the last time he’d seen him, the way his eyes had moved past him without any real recognition. He thought about the dark purple bruises on his wrist where Cole had grabbed him, twisting his arm and insisting Aaron give him whatever money he had.

Fuck him, he decided.

Cole would probably be angry if he came here and found Aaron high without him, would be suspicious of how that had come to be. He would probably regret not leaving any for him but just at that moment he didn’t care. Hurt and love and shame and desire were all the same to him, all more than he wanted to feel. He just wanted to feel nothing. He set himself up quickly, well practiced and sure of his movements. He glanced around the shed once, really seeing his surroundings, seeing how far he had sunk and he laughed as he pressed the plunger down. Anyone who heard him would have been alarmed, the sound more like an animal caught in a trap than an expression of human joy. His last thought as he sank back into the ground was that it really was too much for one person. Too much to be doing alone. Then he got what he wanted and everything was just black.

#criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #young hotch #young haley brooks #tw substances #tw abuse #a mixed blessing

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yurtletheturtlehenderson · 4 years

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Happy Thoughts || Mike x Powered!Reader

Requested: "hi, can you do an imagine where Mike gets hurt (because of Billy in season three) and Eleven gets taken by Billy and max is unconscious and the reader wakes up and rushed to Mike's side and heals him with her powers and he wakes up and they're relieved to see each other but they need to save eleven? i know this is a lot to ask but i hope you can do it 🥺"

A/n: Jesus christ, this took a long time to finish, I am truly sorry about that but sometimes it's just hard my dude. It's here now and I hope you enjoy it! Also yes, I borrowed from Finding Nemo, please don't come for me.

Warnings: mentions of blood, and this ain't really a warning but I sprinkled in some Elmax cause I think that shit is cute

Pain was the first thing you felt as you came to. A blinding, throbbing ache deep inside your skull from where you were struck. You try to remember where you are, get some sort of semblance of where you were. The ground was hard and chilled and you could swear you heard buzzing from some faulty bulb somewhere. That's when it all starts coming back to you. Starcourt Mall, running from the mind flayer, and Billy. Everything.

You forced your eyes to open, even if it brought more unwanted pain in your head. Sure enough, the lights were still flickering, but they slowly started to even out. With a grunt, you managed to pull yourself up, your sweaty skin sticking to the vinyl tiles. It takes a moment for you to blink away the blurriness in your vision, but when everything clears, you realize all too late just how bad everything is.

Mike, he's across the room out cold. And bleeding. Your stomach flips, heart plummeting, and hoping it's not as bad as it seems.

"Damn it," you groan, shuffling across the floor as fast and painlessly as you can to get to him. "Mike? Mike! Wake up!"

Your hands meet his paled face and as gently as you can you turn his head, only to find his hair sticking to the corner of his forehead and you wince. You realize now why your palms have grown sticky and you feel your stomach flip.

"Shit,"

You take a deep breath and prepare yourself for what you had to do. Your eyes flutter closed, and soon your mind was filled with warm memories. It was a bit easier this time around considering the environment. Sure it wasn't ideal, but it beat having whatever crazy new threat you and friends might have in the room with you. But again, healing someone was always stressful regardless, especially if it was someone important to you.

Which is exactly why you had to focus, and quick. He was losing a lot of blood, he must have put up quite a fight considering the damage.

Another quick and deep breath left your lungs and your hand came to center directly over his wound. Almost like a Rolodex, your best memories dance across your mind and you gladly accept the warmth it brings you.

Most of them, you've been noticing, involve Mike. Mostly little moments, but bring you great happiness and already you can feel a warmth spreading from your chest to your palms.

Racing with your friends last summer. Will had brought up the fact that, technically, Dustin still owed him a comic book. And that quickly snowballed into another race for more comic books that everyone took part in. In the end, it all came down to you and Mike.

"On my mark," Dustin declares.

One foot on the pedal, ready to take off in a moment's notice, you glanced to your left to see Mike doing the same.

Feeling a rush of confidence, you quirked a brow. "You hungry, Wheeler?"

"What?" Mike did a double-take, obviously confused though he was quick to dismiss it. "Hungry?"

"Get set,"

"Yeah," You repeated with a sly smile. "Cause you're about to eat my dirt,"

His face scrunched up once more, his mouth falling into a small 'o' as he tried to form a response.

"Go!"

A bright chuckle left your lungs and your legs had kicked into gear. The last thing you saw before you sped off was the precious look on his face. It was a delightful mix of offense and shock that quickly turned into a smile. You heard the sounds of his bike chains approaching followed by a low rumble in his chest as he let a hearty laugh.

"Hey! Get back here, L/n!"

You could feel the familiar tingle on your palms that felt as if your nerves were dancing. It was working.

Your mind jumps to another memory. One you could not believe you hadn't thought of earlier that had taken place only weeks before everything had gone south.

"You awake?"

You wade against the tides of sleep, trying your best to keep your eyelids open. The last remaining rays of dusk streaming through the high windows had faded out long ago, bathing Mike's basement in darkness. The only remaining source of light came from the small television across the room that you and your friends had camped out in front of. From your heavy cocoon of blankets on the couch, you lazily rolled your head to the side to look at Mike.

He was buried under a plethora of knitted blankets as well, and he was looking at you softly.

You nodded groggily and blinked heavily before putting on a weak smile. "Barely,"

Mike responses with a yawn, nodding his head briefly before picking it up and readjusting it on the couch so he was looking at you properly. The ends of his slip rise into a small smile at his unintended timing. The two of you share a smile.

Your head rolls around once more, but only so you can get a look at your friends around you. Long ago, El had passed out beside you, and she now lay unconscious on your lap. Her arm was draped in front of her, and on top of Max's shoulder. As for Max, her head was beginning to slip and now rested against El's hand. You had to strain a bit to see Will who was on the floor next to Max, cuddled up in his a blanket of his own using Lucas's legs as a pillow. Dustin had nested on top of the couch and against the wall, but you didn't need to look at him to know he was passed out as well given how much he was snoring.

You looked back at Mike once more, and two of you share a look of amusement at your friends. Particularly Lucas, who is fast asleep directly in between you two, his body as slid down the couch to a point you fear he might fall off.

"Y/n?" Mike whispers.

"Yeah?"

"I'm," he pauses, and you can almost see him casting away any nervous hesitation. "I'm glad you suggested this,"

You nodded in agreement, your chest growing warm as his eyes remained on yours.

"and, I'm glad you're here."

The warmth in your chest grew into a kindled fire, your heart thumping with every flicker while your stomach became occupied with butterflies. You smiled back at him, and you could feel the sleep pulling at you grow a little weaker.

"Me too," you mumbled, keeping your gaze locked on to his. "This is nice,"

His smile grew into a grin, and for one brief second you feared you had mistaken as a trick of the light, you thought you saw his eyes flicker to your lips. Your smile simmered away at your growing nerves, but you couldn't deny the exciting feeling of it all. You wondered how long you could go before your heart inevitably burst, but your question was answered just as soon as it was asked with a sudden and loud noise pierced the air.

Lucas' sleeping form came to life in a matter of seconds as his sudden burst of snores rocketed his head backwards into the couch nearly hitting your noses. The two of you freeze, not realizing until this moment that you had been inching forward, and watch as Lucas wakes briefly. His eyes flicker open before he rubs them sleepily and promptly passes back out against the couch.

Once you two are sure he is asleep, your eyes meet with Mike's, and all previous nerves are buried in your uncontrollable hushed laughter. The two of you snicker, though you try to silence it by burying your mouth into the edge of your blankets while Mike throws his head back at the ceiling and his hand clutched over his mouth, shoulders shaking.

Your laughs are mostly noiseless and ended up lasting long into the night before the two you promptly fell asleep against each other over Lucas.

Your mind flickers to countless other memories but in the back of your mind, you can't seem to shake the image of Mike and you on his couch that night. Not just the unspoken thing between you two but also the undying fits of laughter thereafter. Together overall, what you felt in these moments with Mike, and even now as you held his face in your palms you felt general warmth when he was around.

You take another deep breath and all this warmth and spreads from your heart to your palms and paints his forehead. You're eyes flutter open, and you try your best to fight the lightheadedness beginning to fog your brain and the heaviness of your limbs. You grimace as you remember where you are, but you do not dwell on this for long. Instead, your eyes fall to the boy on the floor.

His head is still painted his blood but the gash has faded to nothing but a thin white line. You hear a breath of relief escape your lungs and shakily you gently brush the hair from his eyes.

"Mike?" You croak. "Mike, come on,"

You fear you are too late, and in your rising panic you pick his head up once more and look for any more gashes you might have missed when suddenly you notice his eyes begin to flutter. A groan leaves his lips and he peels his eyes open, wincing at the harsh light.

"Y/n?"

"Mike!" You laugh in overwhelming relief and you smile down at him. "You scared the shit out of me, I thought- I thought..."

Your eyes begin to water and his began to adjust to the light. He looked around at the room.

"I'm okay, I'm okay," he tried moving his head, and hesitantly you released your gentle hold on his face. "W-what happened?"

You sniffled and stuck your hand out for him to take and helped him to sit up. You shook your head.

"Billy found us," you shook your head in disbelief and fear, and helped him to his feet, a confused frown molding onto your face. "I don't remember much after that,"

You looked around the room and your stomach flipped when you noticed it had begun to spin. You shuffled on your feet aa your balance begins to weaken and that's when you feel a gentle hand on your back. You looked back at Mike to find him watching you worriedly. His eyes fall to your upper lip, this time in worry and seeing the blood dripping from your nose he realizes what the problem is.

The expression on his face changes subtly many times as if he didn't know what to say first. He settles into a look of genuine concern and it's then you realize his hand has yet to leave your back.

"Are you okay?" He asks finally.

You nod, and your nose involuntary twitches as you feel the blood continue to trickle down your lip, tickling your nerves. You wipe away the blood and plaster on a weak smile.

"Yeah, thanks. Just takes a lot out of me sometimes,"

"Thanks," he mumbles.

You nod once more, and you look around the room, finally addressing the dread that had been plaguing you since you woke. You gasp suddenly when you see another pair of pale legs, painted with scrapes and brushes peeking around the corner from the hallway.

You ran forward, pushing past your wobbling knees and dropped to the floor beside Max. Mike was quick to follow, his expression of worry matched yours completely when he saw her and you felt a surge of guilt for not spotting her earlier in your frightful state over Mike. Though this evaporates for the most part when you realize she does not seem to have any critical injuries like Mike had.

Grabbing her shoulders you begin to shake her gently. Mike leans over your shoulder and lays a hand on her arm and begins to shake her awake as well.

"Max?" He calls.

She does not respond, only shifts around as you two try to shake her from sleep. You look fearfully into Mike's eyes before looking around the room trying to collect yourself and stifle any climbing panic. That's when another heavy weight falls on your shoulders when you realize you three are the only ones in sight.

"Mike? Where's El?"

His eyes widen, and he looks around for a brief second and you know he is experiencing the same fear as you croak when it dawns on you.

"Billy,"

You take a deep breath, your hands beginning to sweat and it mixes with the remanents of Mike's blood that still stains your hands. You turn frantically back to Max, now even more desperate to wake her, something you hadn't previously thought possible. You shake her once more, your voice rising in panic.

"Max? Max come on, please wake up! Max, we need-"

She groans, brow furrowing and seeming to experience what both you and Mike had just experienced. She squinted against the harsh light and you felt a completely different kind of pit form in your stomach knowing what you had to tell her.

"Max, we need to leave-" your voice grew hoarse as you continued. "Billy, he... Billy took her. El, she's gone, we need to go help her,"

Her eyes shoot open before blinking rapidly, still not fully adjusted to the light. Nevertheless, her actions are already more urgent and she struggles to sit up. Her face flushed with worry.

"What?"

"Come on," Mike says, and the two of you offer your hands to her. "Let's go get her back."

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

As promised, here are a list of resources I encourage you to explore

Want to register to vote but you're not old enough? You just might be old enough to pre-register! This link will lead you to the official list of states and the earliest age at which you can pre/register: [x]

Below will be a link to a masterlist of ways and a variety of resources that help the Black Lives Matter movement, including petitions that are completely free to sign: [x]

And here is a masterlist of black mental health resources. Please know I care about you and I hope that you are getting the resources you need to take good care of yourselves. This might be something you know about and/or have seen already. On the off chance it's not, I hope it can be of use to you: [x]

#mike wheeler x reader #mike wheeler x powered!reader #request #mike wheeler #requested #billy hargrove #max mayfield #el hopper #eleven #battle of starcourt #the mind flayer #implied elmax #slight elmax #elmax

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fandomoblivion · 4 years

Text

Ella Enchanted (prologue)

Fandom: Stranger Things season 3

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Reader

Summary: (Y/N), also known as Nine, was a girl being experimented on all her life by the Hawkins Lab, conditioned into following every command her brain heard. She managed to escape the lab, with the help of her little sister Eleven, and was taken in by Hopper. Now, it’s a year later, and the three of them are a happy family. She just got her first job, where she works alongside Steve “The Hair” Harrington… who her father doesn’t much like.

Warnings: Swearing, violence

Word Count: 1,356

Notes: This is the “Lot of Livin’ To Do” redo! Even if you read that prologue, please read this one as well, since I nearly doubled it in length!

“I thought you forgot about me!” You sobbed, your face pale.

He held your head up, his eyes wild. “Never, Kiddo. Believe me, I would never.”

You clenched your hand around your open wound on your stomach, crying both tears of pain and happiness that you had been found.

“Shit, we gotta go, like, now.” He said, covering one of his own hands around your wound, trying to apply pressure and stop the never-ending bleeding while trying not to hurt you still.

“What?!” You cried, your breaths heavy. “N-No! They- Them! They’re still out there! And- and, and I wanna...” You dissolved into heavy sobs in his shoulder, and he held you tight against him, knowing that, in this second, he could protect you.

“Ssh... Kid, listen. El got them. They’re dead. But I promised her that when I found you, I’d take you straight to her for help. And... and I’ve found you.”

He hoisted you to your feet, and you almost collapsed instantly. “Shit.” He mumbled a quick, “C’mon, Kid. Up we go,” while picking you up in his arms.

“Thank you Hopper.” You whispered.

He huffed. “Don’t mention it.”

“Can you… tell me a story?” You asked, your head spinning from the amount of blood that had escaped.

He sighed. “Once upon a time, there was a guy. And a girl.” At this point he was more carrying you than helping you walk. “They went to high school together. They used to meet under the bleachers, in the stairwell, wherever they could.” Your breaths were sharp and ragged. “They smoked together. And one day… Joyce-”

He looked down, and your eyes were closed. “Fuck. Kid!” He said, shaking you in his arms. When you stirred, but didn’t wake or open your eyes, he broke into a sprint down the hall.

“Someone! Anyone! Help!” He yelled.

Mike and Lucas skidded down the hall. “Hopper!” Lucas yelled. They ran to each other, and the two young boys quickly spun around to match the direction that Hopper was running in with you.

“We need to find someone.” Hopper said, his breathing ragged.

Mike cursed. “Mrs. Byers is down the hall, but she still hasn’t found anyone.”

“El!” Lucas yelled. The young girl turning the corner.

“Stop!” She yelled, halting all of you in an intersection of corridors. “Put her down.” she said, pointing at your body.

Hopper set you down on the cold linoleum floor. He watched as your chest rose and fell shallowly, one arm loosely draped over your own face.

The crimson stain of your shirt was growing ever larger, and it almost made Hopper’s stomach queasy.

Eleven closed her eyes and gripped one of your hands in her own.

“Mike, take off her shirt.” She said, turning her head toward Mike, but keeping her eyes closed.

Mike’s face turned bright red. Lucas awkwardly coughed and looked away as Mike lifted your shirt, revealing the most horrible gash in your skin that Hopper had ever seen. And he was in the police force.

He watched quietly as Eleven kept your hand in one of hers, and placed her other hand lightly on the injury. And although you weren’t conscious, your body contracted in pain when El’s small fingers touched it.

There were footsteps down the hall as Joyce came from one hallway, followed by Nancy and Jonathan.

Everyone now was gathered around you and Eleven as the cut noticeably faded. The blood that had escaped your body already had stayed, though, keeping your skin shiny and your shirt damp. She moved her hand from your injury to putting two fingers on your forehead.

The absence of El’s hand showed your stomach had completely healed. Hopper, at the sight of this, let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

El’s hand started shaking, and it stopped as your eyes flew open.

“Fuck.” You mumbled, your wild eyes looking around at everyone. You reached your hands out, silently asking someone to help you sit up a little. Dustin and Lucas rushed forward, helping you lean up against a nearby wall.

Your body shook with sobs. El sat down next to you and silently rested her head on your shoulder. You took your hand in hers. You looked down at her, smiling through the tears coursing down your cheeks. “Thank you, Eleven.”

“Son of a bitch, I know who you are!“

“Dustin, language.” Joyce mumbled, making everyone laugh through their blurred eyes.

“Sorry! It’s… it’s just… I didn’t know there were more.”

“Of course there are. She’s number eleven, you dumbass. That means there’s at least ten more.” Mike said, hitting Dustin upside his head.

Hopper and El helped you to your feet. “I’ll take her home with me so El can watch over her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to have her sister back.” He looked to Eleven, who smiled in agreement.

Joyce smiled and nodded. “I think that’s a great idea, Jim.”

Hopper huffed and nodded, and he and Eleven helped walk you down the hall, towards the exit.

You looked down at your wrist at the small “9” imprinted into your skin. You were scared beyond your wits, but insanely excited to see real sunlight for the first time. You were going to be a normal seventeen year-old.

-----

Since you had left the lab, you been living with Hopper and Eleven. He had a nice home, a little cabin deep in the woods. You had agreed with both of them that until you all knew it was safe, you and El were not to leave the house without Hopper.

Which meant you almost never left the house.

From one prison to another.

You and El shared a room, but she soon grew restless. Soon enough, she was requesting your help every night to check up on Mike and his friends to see how they were doing. Now, you didn’t know these kids. They had only seen you once, when you were being rescued from Hawkins Lab, and since then Hopper had disallowed any contact with them.

When El ran away, and Hopper had to leave to help Ms. Byers and her son again, you wanted nothing more than to leave too. You had the chance, too! No one was home, and you could set out to have your own adventure, and come back before Hopper even knew.

Unfortunately, Hopper had told you the four words you wished he hadn’t.

“Don’t leave the cabin.”

So you couldn’t.

See, Eleven was tortured into having telekinetic powers. You had heard whispers through the lab of another kid being “conditioned” into being able to create illusions in the eyes of others. Your brain was altered to obey every command it heard. Yup, you were a regular ole Ella Enchanted.

So you didn’t leave the cabin. Yup, you were stuck there, bored out of your mind. You cleaned up the glass that had gotten everywhere from El’s little outburst. You rearranged all the furniture. The tv was broken, so you couldn’t even watch the news… you were cut off, isolated once again.

And then, Hopper came back. They tried to act as though they had never left. Hopper fixed the television, repaired the windows, and for Christmas, he adopted the two of you. Turns out, Eleven found out who you two really were, outside of the lab. Her name was Jane, and yours (Y/N).

She still went by El though.

You helped her get ready for the Snow Ball, which you begged Hopper to let you go to, until you found out it was for middle schoolers. You asked him what middle school was, and he explained the American public school system.

You hated it.

He also told you you’d have to jump in, head-first into your senior year of high school. You didn’t understand why, you had an education back at the Lab, but Hopper insisted. He forged school records, showing fake grades for fake courses so you could still graduate with everyone else. He wanted you to live like a normal seventeen year-old, even if it was just for one year.

Which meant you needed to enjoy your summer before high school.

---

TAGLIST (bold means tumblr wont let me tag)

@a-hopeless-and-imaginative-girl . @alina-margaret . @anamcg317 . @annaewww . @blackandwhiteimagines . @bubblegumcat229 . @bucky-newtlock . @canny1902 . @christinawxxx . @cosmickha0s . @creativedogs . @darkcrystal-wolf . @editsbyjenny . @eyeballtoes . @fandomsstolemylife00 . @fanatic-anne . @fredweasleysupportgroup . @ginger-swag-rapunzel . @golddvstwoman . @gracelynns . @grippleback-galaxy . @gruffle1 . @hananabee . @heavenlyholland . @hellhoundschewtoy . @in-my-dreams-2000 . @mackycat11 . @megsell99 . @metuel18 . @morganmindflayer . @notvvarriors . @opalrustad . @potterhead-witch . @queen1054 . @sheridans-dynamos . @thecaptainsgingersnap . @thegloryofliterature . @thoughstofaredhead . @ucantknowmeyet . @wastelandkitties . @whataloadofmalarkey

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tammythompson-singslikea-muppet · 6 years

Text

Richie? Part 3 final

Heeelllloooo after days of trying to juggle writing, school, and actually sleeping I have finished part 3 this is will be the final part and to tell you the truth, this is the first story I have ever finished so im kinda proud of my self.

Low-key Stan x reader vibes sorry not sorry

Warnings: intense fluffiness

Part 1 Part 2

Mike looked up to his friends

“El.” Realisation washed over the boys faces. You look up confused.

“She’s Mike’s girlfriend we were supposed to be waiting for her at the house.” The boy with curly hair explained.

“Im Dustin by the way, that’s Lucas, Will, and Mike.” Dustin pointed to each boy. You smile hearing the name Mike.

“I have a friend named Mike back home.” You pull yourself up from the ground.

“Well when we get back home you can tell us all about your friends, Im sure you miss them” Mike says. They all get on their bikes and Dustin turns to you.

“Come on you can ride with me” You hop on and say thanks. As you’re riding and you get closer to your house you ask Dustin to stop.

“I’ll be right back!” You yell as you run into your house. You run upstairs and touch up your eyeliner having cried most of it off. After, you go downstairs and grab your own bike and head out

“Alright let’s go”

We get back to the house and run downstairs following the boys. A girl with curly hair was sitting on the couch. Her face lit up when she saw her friends

“Mike”

“Hey El this is (Y/N), she’s new in town.” The girl named El seemed less than impressed, but honestly you feel the same way about meeting people today, and everyday to be honest. You give a small smile and a wave. She returns the small smile and turns her attention back to Mike.

“She’ll warm up to you it just takes some time.” Will explains. You nodded.

You guys spend the next two hours or so talking about various things, school and stuff like that. They even tried to teach you a little bit about DnD. You told them about Derry and your friends and how it’s kinda nice that you now have people to talk to about all the geeky stuff you were into like Star Wars and comic books. Stan would listen while bird watching but didn’t really have anything to say, and Richie was more into the arcade which you also took joy from. Bill was into movies but not all the same ones you were into, so it was nice to have people like the same superhero’s and comic books as you do. You luckily got to avoid anything about Richie’s death. You couldn’t stand having to lie to everyone about what really happened. Richie died a brave hero trying to help save his friends, but all anybody would know was that his foot missed a branch and he tragically fell out of a tall a tree the wrong way. And the boys relieved that they didn’t yet have to explain anything about the Demogorgan or the upside down, but of course that wouldn’t last long in Hawkins.

When the time came around to take more evil the truth on both sides was revealed leaving alot of people in shock. The next summer your mom and dad surprised you with a trip back to Derry. You were ecstatic to be able to see your friends again. As soon as you told Stan that you were coming back for two whole weeks he knew that he absolutely had to finally ask you out on a date, something all the losers has tried to get him to do countless times before Richie died and before you found out you were leaving. He was so discouraged when you had decided to meet up at park, him about to ask you on a date, when you told him you were moving. He knew that this was his only chance not knowing when you would be back again. When you had gotten back to Derry you found out you would be staying at Bill’s which you were very happy about. Those two weeks were the happiest any of you had been since Richie passed. You hung out with Mike at the farm for a day which was super fun. You all had a movie night over at Bill’s which ended in you falling asleep first with your head on little Stanley’s lap. You guys did everything you would usually do back in the good ol days. You all updated each other on you lives during a trip to the quarry. They were suprised to hear what you all had gone through back in Hawkins. They all asked if I had a picture of Mike. You had told them the story of the first time you saw Mike and when they heard you were coming back for a visit they told you to bring a photo. You told them it was with your stuff over at Bill’s, so you got dressed and headed over to his house. When you got to the room you were sleeping in, that used to be Georgie’s room, you head over to you bag and pull out a picture of Mike, Jonathan let you take on his camera. Mike obviously didn’t know you had taken it. He was just talking to Will, but it was still a good photo

“Holy sh-shit” Eddie grabbed the photo,

“Wow he really does look like him.” They all pass around the photo, your attention more grasped on something else in the bag.

“You kept his glasses” Eddie said softly sitting down next to you.

“I have his Freese’s shirt sitting in my drawer.” He admits

“One time when the boys were hanging in my room Mike had found them on my desk and put them on. When I turned around I nearly had a heart attack.” You laugh a bit.

Two days before you had to leave was your date with Stan, he set up a little picnic by the quarry knowing it’s one of, if not your favorite place in Derry. It was the sweetest thing anybody had ever done for you and you couldn’t keep the smile off you face. You and Stan had a crush on each other since anyone can remember. You always say next to each other at lunch ever since Kindergarten, back then you would even hold hands every recess on the play ground. In second grade you would share kisses on the cheek, and finally in fifth grade shared your first actual kiss. So to say that this was long awaited was a bit of an understatement. It was the best afternoon and you just wish Richie could have been been here, him being you and Stan's number one supporter. Needless to say you guys were inseparable the next two days.

Before you were to leave Stan was keeping you company while you packed. Mostly so he could slip a letter inside your bag, but also to do this. You felt a hand on your shoulder and when you turned Stan placed his hand on your cheek and brought his lips to meet yours. You felt pure bliss kissing back the curly headed boy. You pulled away when you heard you mother aww. Both you and Stan turned away blushing.

“I’m gonna miss you so much” Stan sighed.

“Me too, Stanley"You rest your head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms you. A few moments pass the Stan speaks up.

"We should go downstairs” And you do just that, Stan offering to carrying to your bags and doing so anyway when you tell him you can handle it. And just like last year you hug all the losers goodbye this time giving a Stan another kiss.

When you get back to Hawkins your friends await your arrival at your door step.

“Hey! Welcome Home!” Lucas engulfs you in a hug along with rest of the boys, Max and El.

“Alright, alright give a girl a little room to breathe!” You laugh. You all go upstairs to your room where you empty your bags on your bed eager to put everything back where it belongs and throw your clothes in the laundry.

“Oooh what’s this.” Mike teases.

“Oh look it’s from Stan” Dustin clings the envelope to his chest falling dramatically on to your bed.

“What? Give me that!” You snatch it out of his hands. A white envelope with

To: (Y/n)

From: Stan

Neatly written on the front. A smile graces your face. Your first instinct is to open it right away, but you though it best to do so in private, so you put it down on your desk next to Richie’s glasses.

“Oh no you are opening that now” Max says picking it back up handing it to. You think for a second then open it. The first thing you notice is picture. You pull it out and see it a photo of you and Stan on your date at the quarry You knew the rest of the group did a little sitting and know you knew to thank Mike later for a photo you would cherish forever.

“ Oh my gosh is that you guys on a date?” Max gushes. You nod blushing.

“Little creeps were spying on us” You saying jokingly. Next item in the envelope was of course a letter.

Dear my lovely (Y/N),

From the first time I saw you the

first day of Kindergarten I thought

you were the most beautiful I had

ever seen. I still think that to this

day. You will forever have my heart

(Y/N) (Y/L/N), and I will always

hope to call you mine someday.

That afternoon at the quarry was

one I’ll never forget. Bill and Richie

have always told me that I was

head over heals in love with you,

and that’s something I don’t think I

can deny anymore.

I love you (y/n) (y/l/n)

and I always will. I hope we make

it back to each other some-

day and we can spend the rest of

our lives together, that is all I

hope for, and I hope you feel the

same way

- Stanley

P.s I really regret not kissing on our date

If I didn’t kiss you when I gave you

this note please yell at me.

“Oh my God, that’s so sappy.” Will says with slight disgust.

“Well you heard the kid he’s been in love with her since Kindergarten what do you expect.” Mike laughs. Sniffles could be heard as Dustin fakes wiping a tear away

“So beautiful” He mumbles. The room erupts in laughter. You put the letter and the photo on your bulletin board and spend the rest of the day hanging out in Mike’s basement.

The End

Thank you all for reading I really hope you enjoyed.

Tag list: @justandloyal2961 @itsau @chelseamosbey @silinceikillyou @loveroflps59 @holywinchesterness @pinkhappypanda

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mclennunf · 7 years

Text

This Boy - Chapter 15

A/N: thank you all for reading - i hope you're enjoying :) uhm... warning. sexual content.. like very sexual.. side note this is my first time writing anything like this so i apologize in advance

~John's~

George and I had been hanging out on breaks at school, meeting with Paul and practicing music for our new band -The Quarrymen- and I realized that George was actually a cool lad to hangout with, even if Paul wasn't there. He was much better than I was on the guitar, but of course I would never mention that to him. George was like Paul's younger brother, they were just that close. Everyday we met just around the corner from Paul's house and walked to school, chatting about the song George had just learned, or the new record one of us had gotten. But today we met at Paul's.

It was Paul's first day back at school.

George and I both knew Paul was nervous, even though he wouldn't admit it. He had healed up very nicely, but his one rib didn't quite heal the way the doctors had hoped - it still bothered him immensely on a bad day, but for the most part my bluebird was back to normal.

George and I waited patiently outside Paul's house, smoking cigarette after cigarette. "Think he's gonna bail?" George asked me. Probably, cause of good ole Johnny being here. Bloody hell, I had been doing so well without the voices recently. I think it had something to do with Paul doing so well.

"He might. I hope not though, he's gotta get back inta' the groove, y'know?" I said, kicking a rock into the street. "Ah, if it's not my two favourite band mates!" We heard Paul's voice and whipped our heads around. He was standing on his doorstep with a wide smile, his uniform tie loose and crooked. "How are you feelin' mate?" George asked as Paul approached us. I flashed Paul a very sweet smile. "I'm feeling quite grand today, actually." Paul smiled as we began to walk. It was so relieving to see him this way. Not gonna last bloody long with you around. I shook my head and began to focus hard on blocking the voices out. I needed to be here and be focused for Paul. It was hard enough knowing I wouldn't get to be with him all day.

"If that bloody little prick Ritchie gives ye' a hard time, ye tell 'im to come find us, we'll teach him a bloody lesson." George said as he flashed his fang-like teeth and nudged my arm. "Aye, we will lad!" I agreed with him as we approached the school. "I've gotta run inside early, got a few things t'take care of. See ye at lunch, lads?" George asked. It was extremely obvious that he had nothing to do, he just wanted to leave us alone.

No, I hadn't told him about Paul and I, if that's what you're thinking. George either had an idea about what was going on and didn't want to ask any questions, or he thought that we liked our time alone. Either way, I think he knew. We waved and nodded, agreeing to meet him later.

I turned and looked at Paul, and just like that the world became invisible to me. Everything but his smiling face was blurry.

"Are ye nervous, m'love?" I asked, subtly touching his hand for a moment. It felt electrifying to touch him, and just a quick light touch wasn't enough. "I'm fine, John. I'm just glad to be out of that bloody house y'know? Start of a new life." Paul smiled, referring to the fact that he didn't worry about his father anymore, Mike was happy and they had a wonderful Aunt to take care of them. "I wish I could kiss you." I mumbled so that he could hear. His face lit up. "I really want to kiss you, John." Paul said as he put his hand on my forearm. Don't you wanna shag? Cause yer a bloody queer, remember? "Ugh, fuck." I rolled my eyes.

"John, don't take this the wrong way, but have you ever thought about seeing a doctor or somethin'? Y'know, for the voices." Paul asked, getting extremely quiet. I shook my head. "Don't start, Paul.. Please." I kept shaking my head, looking down at the ground. "I'm sorry. I just worry about ye..." Paul admitted. I began to feel bad, the kid just wanted to help. "I'll think about it, okay? Just don't bring it up." I said as I tried to smile at him. "C'mon, we're going to be late." Paul said, grabbing my hand and dragging me toward the door of the school. People are gonna see. I ripped my hand out of his. Paul turned around and looked at me with an eyebrow raised and a pouty lip. "Sorry, Macca." I said sincerely. He tilted his head sympathetically; he knew I was a lunatic. He's going to leave you eventually, you're too crazy.

Unfortunately, I believed the voice that time. But that didn't mean I was going to push him away. I'd just appreciate every waking second I was blessed with by his side.

"Comin' t'class baby or do ye need some air?" Paul asked me as he stopped in front of our first period class. I shook my head and opened the door for him. The class had already started, so we quickly took our seats. All eyes were on Paul, and I could tell he was uncomfortable. Word of him being in the hospital because of his dad had spread quickly. I just hoped people would respect what he'd gone through and leave him be.

"Welcome back, Mr. McCartney." The teacher said and smiled at Paul, who nodded as he pulled out his notebook. The poor lad hated the attention.

Paul contently took notes and paid attention throughout the whole class. It was admirable, really. He looked so happy to be learning, to be normal. I was so relieved he was doing well. This was the lad I'd fallen in love with. By the end of class, Paul was just listening to the teacher with his eyes glued to the front of the room, playing with his ring. Fuckin givin' another bloke a ring. What would Julia say? I was happy I'd given him the ring. I had used the money I had saved for a new guitar to buy it, but there was no way I would tell him that. A new guitar could wait.

George and I followed closely behind Paul, he was very quick to leave. I assumed he was eager to start his next class. "I think he's gonna do just fine." George said, smiling. I nodded in agreement. "Aye fuck you!" I heard Paul say. My head shot up to see him pinned against the lockers by a that bloody Ritchie kid and a few of his friends. Kill him. He's hurting Paul. George ran up behind Ritchie and started yelling. I knew George wasn't the kind of kid to fight. Kill him. He's hurting Paul. I was frozen, they weren't swinging at Paul or anything, but Paul's feet were dangling in the air, and his eyes were full of fear. Paul was looking at me.

I didn't speak, I didn't make my presence known until I was holding Ritchie up against the locker above my head by his collar. Kick his fucking ass. Paul is scared. I punched him in the gut multiple times before I felt Paul tugging on my jacket from behind me. I couldn't hear anything I was so mad, so I didn't know if he was yelling at me or not. I finally dropped Ritchie and he and his friends bolted away. Gone bloody soft, you have. I turned around, breathing heavily and ready to fucking kill someone when I saw his face. He was clear in all of my blurred vision. "John.." I heard him say. "M'sorry, Macca." I mumbled, not taking my eyes off of him. I felt George put his hand on my shoulder. "Are ye okay mate?" He asked. I nodded, still not taking my eyes off of Paul.

"I'm gonna take 'im outside for a smoke. I'll catch up with ye later ok Geo?" I heard as I watched his mouth move intently before feeling him grab my forearm and direct me toward what I assumed was the door. He sat me down on a bench, I just kept staring into nothingness. You're a daft git, you should've taught them a lesson. "John are you okay?" You shouldn't have just let them go like that. "John, are you in there?" He's the reason you're like this.

"John!"

I whipped my head around and made eye contact with him. His beautiful eyes. "I'm so sorry Paul, did I hit ye? Are ye okay!?" I asked, touching his hands and feeling that familiar spark throughout my body. "John I'm fine, are you okay?" Paul asked me, looking genuinely concerned. "Paul I'm fine. I just got mad seein' ye like that y'know? Me mind takes over and I don't have much control. I just have t'protect you." I admitted, wanting to do one thing and one thing only. To kiss him. "God, Paul..." I mumbled. "What is it John?" He said as he put his hand on my thigh lightly - to seem more like a friend I assumed. I had forgotten we were still in public.

"I love you so much." I whispered, looking down at my feet. "I love ye John, I just worry, y'know. C'mon let's go home." Paul said, standing up. "Why? We've still got classes." I asked standing up behind him. "Because I'm having a hard time not being closer to you." Paul said as he raised an eyebrow almost seductively. I raised both of my eyebrows and followed close behind him, nearly drooling over the sight of him walking away.

I knew that wasn't going to be the last time Paul brought up the fact that he was worried about me, but I didn't care. I'd push through this.

Right now I had something else on my mind, I just hoped Paul was ready to act on it with me. He just thinks you're crazy now, gettin' all violent like that. "I was protecting him." I mumbled. Paul turned around and tilted his head at me. "What was that?" He asked. I shook my head as we entered his house, which I hoped was empty. I smiled when we found that it was in fact empty. I sat down in an arm chair in the living room. "C'mere, Paul." I ordered. As Paul got closer to me, I grabbed his hand and pulled him in. I grabbed his hips and pulled him even closer to me so his belt was right in front of my nose. I smirked to myself when I felt his hands in my hair.

Paul crawled on top of me, now straddling my lap. He wrapped his arms around my neck and arched his back as I began kissing his collar bone and unbuttoning his shirt. "John..." I heard my name escape his lips. Stop. I grabbed his shoulders and pulled his face toward me and I kissed him, hard. My hands slowly lowered down his back and soon found the waistband of his pants. My whole body shuddered when my hands cupped around his ass. My jaw dropped at the feeling. Paul didn't pull his face away when my mouth opened, he just smiled against it and kissed down my neck.

"Paul..." I moaned as he lightly bit my neck. I felt myself grow even harder when I felt his hard dick rub against me. It was almost too much. It was almost overwhelming. It is too much. It is overwhelming. He's like a precious angel and you're ruining him. I pulled my face away and looked at him. He was like an angel. "Are ye ok?" He asked, our noses almost touching. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against his. It's too much for you. I took a deep breath, taking him in before I felt him climb off of me. My eyes shot open. "W-where are ye goin?" I asked, sounding extremely pathetic. "You're overwhelmed, John. It's alright, I understand." Paul told me as he sat down on the sofa across the room. "No, no I'm not Paul, I swear." I almost begged him as I walked over and sat down next to him, putting my hand on his upper thigh.

Paul looked at me, hesitantly. He doesn't want you. I leaned in and tried to kiss him, but he pulled away slightly. "Paul?" I raised an eyebrow and pulled my hand away. "I'm worried about you, John." He told me. He's scared of you. "Are you afraid of me?" I asked as I stood up and began pacing back and forth in his living room. He's scared of you.

He's scared of you.

Back and forth.

You're a freak.

Back and forth.

He's scared of you.

"FUCK!" I yelled as I slid down the wall, my head in my hands. Paul was immediately by my side. "Baby.." I heard him whisper as he pulled me into his arms. "Baby talk to me, please don't hide anymore." He told me, kissing my head a few times. I kept shaking my head. I hated how vulnerable I had become so quickly. So broken and fragile, you are. "Paul I c-can't do it anymore, I'm goin' out me brain!" I began crying hysterically into his shoulder and I expected him to let go, but he kept his arms around me tightly. "You're strong, John. We can fight this." Paul reassured me. He said we can fight this. He was in this with me. I barely believed it.

"John look at me." Paul instructed. I did so, trying to wipe away the tears falling down my cheeks and hold in the tears forming in my eyes. "You saved my life and made me the happiest I've ever been, John. YOU did that. Even though I was beyond broken, you stuck by me.. Even when I pushed you away." He began tucking my hair behind my ear as he spoke. "You stayed regardless of all the shit. I'm going to make sure you're okay, and I'm going to stick by you regardless. D'ye hear me?" He finished.

I leaned in and kissed him passionately and desperately. I climbed on top of his lap this time, and he held me close and kissed me back. "I...love...you.." I muttered between kisses, and I noticed the tears had finally stopped. Paul's hands were now on my ass, squeezing and pulling me closer to him. "Paul..." I moaned into his mouth, I loved having him in control. I loved having him make me feel so safe and taken care of. Hey, no voices for once. Nice, innit?

It wasn't long before Paul's hands found their way to the front of my trousers. I felt him fumbling to unbutton them, as if his life depended on it. I needed to be closer to him. I desperately needed to be closer. Finally my trousers were undone, and he shoved both of his hands back down on to my ass, pushing my trousers down with them. "Oh, fuck..." Paul moaned quietly as he moved his hands slowly around my waist to the front of my underwear. He teasingly played with my waistband and I felt myself become even harder than before - which I didn't think was possible.

I felt as though he was waiting for some kind of permission, a confirmation that I wanted this. I nodded as I kissed him just as harshly as before. Finally he pulled my underwear down, struggling to get them all the way off of me and then throwing them into a corner. As he did so, I began unbuttoning his pants. "I need you." I moaned into his ear and felt him turn into a puddle beneath me. I was almost shocked by the size and perfectness of his cock. "F-fuck," the words escaped from my mouth. We made eye contact and stopped kissing for a moment. I knew what was about to happen, Paul was about to fuck me. "Are you okay with this?" He asked, panting. I nodded. "John are you sure?" He asked again as he began kissing my neck. "Fuck y-yeah Paul, please..." I begged. I didn't expect our first time to be like this, but it was perfect. "You gotta uhm... lube it up.." Paul said, as he looked down at his cock with a raised eyebrow. I knew what that meant.

I slowly slid down him and got close to his cock. He already looked worn out. I kind of had an idea on what to do - I'd received them before... I grabbed him and took all of him in my mouth, not caring if I chocked. "FUCK!" Paul moaned loudly as he thrusted toward my mouth, his fingers now tangled in the hair on the back of my head. My mouth began to drip with saliva as I moved faster up and down him. "C'mere, oh fuck- JOHN! Yer gonna make me fuckin' cum!" Paul said as he threw his head back on the couch. I slowly pulled away. I didn't want to though, he tasted so good.

I climbed back on top of him. "Are y'ready?" He asked, his voice sounding husky and sexier than ever. I nodded, "Yes please." He helped spread me, and I slowly put the head of his cock at my entrance. I was petrified, I knew it was going to hurt. "Deep breath." Paul instructed. I did as I was told. STOP. I shook off the voice in my head and focused on Paul. I took another deep breath and felt him begin to penetrate me. STOP! I bit my lip, holding back a scream. "Sl-slow down," I asked him and he did. "It's okay, John luv. I've got you." He told me. STOP!! "Say that again." I begged. Don't stop. Having him tell me that was so amazing sounding, so sexy and so calming.

"I've got you." He slid slowly deeper inside.

"I've got you." Deeper.

"You're mine." Paul grumbled when he realized he was 100% inside of me.

My God, it felt good. "How does that feel?" He asked. I could tell he wanted to start fucking me, but he needed to make sure I was okay. "Move, move now," I said breathlessly. He did so. He slowly began thrusting inside me. "Fuck John, fuck yer so tight, fuck!" His pace began to quicken.

Then it hit.

He hit something.

"FUCK PAUL! DON'T STOP!" I dug my nails into his shoulders and arched my back, tilting my head back with it. I had never felt something like this before.

And then he grabbed my cock and began working me there, too.

"Cum with me, John, I'm almost there baby, please cum with me!" Paul yelled as he quickened his pace with his hand and with his cock. It was euphoric. "P-Paul, I'm gonna cum," The words were barely understandable. And then, we both exploded. It felt like fireworks. No, it felt better than fireworks.

After he filled me up, and I wiped my mess off of him, I climbed off of him and collapsed on the couch beside him. We were both panting uncontrollably. "Well, that was fuckin' amazing." Paul smiled and grabbed my hand. "Quick, but amazing." I laughed and squeezed his hand. "Let's go lay down in my bed?" Paul suggested, standing up and grabbing my clothes for me. I felt my cheeks become red. "Fuck, you've put a spell on me McCartney." I said as I pulled my trousers back on. Paul winked as he did his fly and button back up.

You've done it. You've become a full-blown fucking queer. "Shut the hell up." I mumbled to myself, then smiled smugly at the fact that I felt confident enough to stand up to those bloody voices. Paul smiled at me too, almost as if he knew what I was thinking about. We lied down in his bed and he wrapped his arms around me. I honestly loved feeling so taken care of. I'd never felt that way before. I loved seeing that ring on Paul's finger, too.

"John?"

"Yes, m'love?"

"I love you."

"And I love you."

#mclennon #mclennon fanfiction #this boy

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