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alienhazy · 7 months

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Jude 1:6

When I was born, I suffered two strokes while being held by the doctor.

My mom tells me that that was what caused my paralysis; two strokes, back-to-back, resulting in permanent damage to my brain and body. I can't talk, can't use the bathroom by myself, can't move any part of my body besides my fucking eyelids. When you're trapped in your own body, while everyone around you treats you as if you've never had an intelligent thought in your life, you start to harbor some resentment to the very people trying to help you, even if you can't do anything about it.

As a kid, I was very alone. I was the only child, and my mom had had me out of wedlock, which meant that I didn't have a dad, either. You'd think that as a result of this I would be close to my mom, would love and trust her, and yeah, maybe back then that was true. She never talked down to me, never treated me like I was some brain dead vegetable, cared for me…

For a while.

I'm sitting in my room watching the sun come up after another sleepless night of beeping machines, blinking lights, and the hissing of my CPAP that I wasn't wearing, since Mom had gone to bed drunk for the third night this week and hadn't put it on me. I wasn't sleeping, so it wasn't like it mattered, but that didn't mean that I wasn't extremely mad about it—I could literally die, and had I gone to sleep I probably would've. Maybe that was what she wanted.

Had it been any other day besides Thursday, the sound of the key in the lock of the front door would've scared me a bit, since my mom didn't have any friends and I certainly didn't, either; however, I knew who it was, and as if on cue, my nurse Tonya could be heard making her way down the hallway towards my room, her keys jingling and hard-soled shoes tapping against the (once pretty) hardwood floors. She said something before she entered the room, but I couldn't make out what it was, squeaking of the door hinges announcing her arrival in time with her sweet, cheery voice greeting, "Good morning, Billie Willie!"

I wanted to be mad that she called me that, but I could never be mad at her. She was the nicest person I knew and took really good care of me, even if my mom gave her problems by insisting we didn't even need a nurse. Bitch. "Oh, you're up already! And looks like your mom took care of your CPAP, too. Ready for your bath?"

Although I could move my eyes, I didn't and continued to stare out the window, that aching, horrible, unending sadness that always came around during the night sitting like a weight in my chest, the only thing I could feel on that part of my body; from my right, Tonya came into view and blocked the window as she began unhooking me from my machines, her dark skin flawless as always, the pretty emerald of her makeup matching the scrubs she was wearing, along with the necklace that dangled in front of my face as she checked my intubator. I've always thought she was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen, and was secretly glad when her transfer to a different patient was canceled after they died—you didn't hear that from me, though. "How do you like my new perfume? Blink for me," She requested, and I did so, blinking twice to tell her that it smelled good, because it did. Tonya smiled and gave my nose a boop, which, if it'd been anyone besides her, I would be pissed, but I know she did it because that was just how she was. "Good, I'll put some on you after your bath."

Off we went to the bathroom, Tonya pushing me in my wheelchair out of the doorway and down the hall, past my mom's room, which had the door cracked open; inside, briefly, I could see her passed out on her bed, holding her stuffed dog with a bottle of coconut rum (her favourite) on the floor, the lid gone and half the contents of the bottle spilled out everywhere. Had I been able to, I would've sneered, but instead I returned my eyes to the wall, the pictures hanging there beginning to collect dust; I'd seen them a million times before, but no matter how often they whiz by on my way to the bathroom, I still can't recognize any of the people in them.

Tonya used my foot in my stirrup to push the halfway ajar door to the bathroom open, her voice edging on sad when she saw the state of it; it was still exactly the same as she'd left it when she was here two days ago, my mom not even bothering to clean it or take care of the dirty laundry, the towel that was dropped on the floor soaking wet and starting to smell like mold. "Jesus Christ—oop, I mean, dang," She said in a hushed tone, coming around from the back of me to start picking everything up. "Gimme one second, Billie, I'm just gonna get this stuff put away." She lifted the wet towel between two fingers with a disgusted face, her perfectly manicured nails serving as tongs to hold it so she wouldn't have to actually touch it.

I hated how dirty the house was. I liked for things to be neat and orderly, everything in its place and organized for ease of access, but my mom was the exact opposite of that; she used to clean, I remember, singing along to music playing on the TV and giving me a little concert as she vacuumed. That was years ago now. I couldn't have been older than 12, and now, at the ripe old age of 20, my mom wasn't even a ghost of her former self.

I'd probably only been sitting alone in the bathroom for about ten minutes when Tonya came back with a clean towel, the front of her scrubs dampened around her pudgy stomach and normally bright face full of worry. However, she wiped that look away and gave me a smile, beginning to undress me so I could have my first bath since the last time she was here. "Off come the pants!" She announced as she always did, pulling them off of me with more ease than I expected, no matter how many times she'd done this; next was my underwear, then my shirt and bra, and before I knew it I was naked and being put into my bathing harness, the whirr of the motor lowering me into the tub the only sound in the quiet space around us. "Oh, forgot to fill the tub! Sorry if it's cold on your butt, Billie," She apologized, letting the machine finish its business as she plugged up the drain and started the water—lukewarm, how I preferred it. She had actually asked me when she'd done this for the first time, unlike my mom, who just used whatever came out of the faucet, even if it was ice cold.

She was right about the tub being cold on my butt and back, and there was some kind of pain, too, on my legs, which only got worse as the water reached me and began pooling around my body. I looked over to her and blinked as fast as I could, which wasn't very, a vain attempt to get her attention; she was busy with getting my shower stuff out from under the sink, though, and didn't turn around to look at me until the water was at my stomach, turning it off with a swiftness. The click of the top of the soap being opened, the splash of the water from her filling a cup, and then my body was being cascaded with water so temperate I could barely feel it, Tonya beginning to wash me with a soft, natural sponge—it'd been a gift from her. She said that it would help keep my skin soft, and although I wouldn't know if it worked, I did enjoy the way it felt when she washed me, making bath time that much more enjoyable. "Alright, I'm gonna roll you over, brace yourself."

I laughed internally at her joke, and she laughed aloud, a little chuckle escaping her always smiling face as she turned me slightly on my side, just enough to access my back and butt.

A pause. The energy in the room grew cold, Tonya's hands on my upper back stopping in their motions and in their tracks—what was she looking at? I got the chance to ask her, because she turned me back around and looked at me with complete seriousness, though there was that signature concern she seemed to always get whenever something was out of place. I blinked a couple times, and she held my hand, looking me in the eyes. "Billie, I need you to be honest with me, okay? Has your mom been taking care of you? You…" A beat, then she continued, "You have a few bed sores on your back, small ones, all the way down to your thighs. Blink once if she isn't."

Bed sores, huh? Well it was about time that something like that happened; usually, Mom would shift me around every couple hours, even if it was just rolling me to one side on my bed, but ever since Tonya had been here the last time, she hadn't done anything. I was surprised she even fed me.

I blinked once.

Tonya sighed, her head dropping and shoulders going with it into a slump. Nothing was said besides a whispered, "Okay," and then she continued in washing me, silence filling the room even as the water lapped against the side of the tub.

After my bath, Tonya finished up my basic needs like changing my bedpan, making sure I had all my medicine, along with a number of other things I didn't get to see due to where she'd put me in my room; my bed sores needed special treatment, but thankfully she'd already brought some stuff needed for it beforehand, like the mattress overlay to take pressure off the wounds and dressing to clean and cover them. I was kind of excited to get to lay in my bed, for once, as normally being confined there with only the lilac walls as entertainment was enough to bring me to tears, but I'd been in my wheelchair for a couple days now, and was really starting to get tired—it wasn't exactly the most comfortable thing in the world. For longer than a few hours, anyway.

Cleaning wasn't exactly a part of Tonya's job description; given the state of our house, however, it made sense that she'd want to get at least some done—that's what she told me, anyway, before leaving me there on my bed. From outside my window, I heard the sound of kids laughing and feet running on concrete, causing a pang of sadness to bite at my insides. Yeah, I've never known what it's like to walk, to talk, to do anything besides sit there and stare, but even just those small sounds, those of happy children with friends and working legs, was enough to make my eyes slide shut, my entirety wallowing in that melancholy ocean, slipping further and further beneath the waves, sinking like a stone.

I'd been fed, medicated, bathed, and now that my clothes were clean and my bed was made, I was quickly falling asleep, the sound of Tonya doing the dishes and the feeling of tears running down my cheeks the last sensations I experienced before I drifted off.

It was late when I woke, but not terribly; my eyes flickered open to the sight of the sun shining through my window at a slight angle, indicating it was probably somewhere around 3PM, which meant that Tonya had been gone for a while now. If I'd been able to sigh, I would've.

A blanket of eerie silence had covered the whole house, not even the low murmur of the TV in the living room breaking it—was Mom still in bed? It wasn't unusual for her to sleep late, but even at her worst, she still made sure to get up and check on me before heading back to sleep. Part of me wondered if she'd finally died, the alcohol and abuse of my pain medicine creating that fatal concoction that took her in her sleep, but even as I had that thought, I knew it wasn't true. I could hear the creaking of her bed, the quick dragging shuffle of her slippered feet to the bathroom, the retching into the toilet as she puked up last night's dinner of liquor and pills.

She never used to be like this. My mom had always been sad, the result of a boyfriend that ghosted her the second he found out she was pregnant, a mom who died only days after I was born, her siblings taking all her mom's money and leaving her nothing with which to care for her now disabled daughter. I'd watched her fight for even a crumb from the state, watched her grow and change just as she did me, but instead of her becoming stronger, she only deteriorated. It was sort of like we were mirror images of each other, my body physically reflecting the state of her mind—trapped and broken, hurting, angry. I used to feel bad, when I was younger, that I was requiring so much of my mother in order to live, and as a result forcing her to sacrifice her entirety. I remember when she used to read to me, not any books from the library, but stories she'd written just to entertain and please me. We would go on walks, hang out together, regardless of the fact that I could say and do nothing.

Yeah, I used to love my mom. But that was before she stopped loving me.

The faucet in the bathroom was turned on, and I heard Mom brushing her teeth and spitting into the sink, then heard the flick of the light switch, followed by her drag-shuffle back down the hall; however, she didn't go to her room. Instead, she stopped in front of mine, pausing as though deciding whether or not to check on the vegetable—me. Must've felt guilty, because she did, opening my door and entering very silently, no longer dragging her feet, but instead she walked as though she was trying not to make any noise. From the corner of my eye, I could see her stop beside me, her raggedy pajama shirt only barely showing off the shorts she'd been wearing since I was a baby. Her eyes were sunken, the bags under them puffy and dark; to be honest, she looked like she'd been crying, and had it not been a nightly occurrence, I would've felt bad (I still did, somewhere inside me, but it'd long since frozen over). "You're in bed," She said, her voice hoarse. "I guess it is Thursday."

Silence. She didn't move and neither did I, only looking at her out of the corner of my eyes as I stared up at the ceiling, making shapes out of the popcorn drywall. After a few seconds, she sat beside me, then gently pushed me aside, enough to give her room to lay down. Been a while since she did this.

More silence. It was at this point, when I could bare it no longer and finally decided to look at her, that I noticed she was holding a syringe. The fluid inside was clear, there was no label, nor was there a needle—it was just the syringe. I had absolutely no idea what it was, but it gave me a bad, bad feeling, a pit beginning to eat its way through my stomach. "When I was pregnant with you, I had all these ideas about what you'd be like," Her dark hair, the same shade as mine, hanged halfway in her face, the rest splayed over my pillow to become one with mine, indistinguishable as the expression that clouded her face. "I wondered what you'd sound like, how you'd cry, what songs you'd sing to. I thought, 'Will she be a happy baby? Fussy?' I thought maybe you'd be like me, always hungry and always smiling."

She rolled slightly over to set the syringe on my nightstand, then turned back to face me entirely; there was an emptiness there, in her hazel eyes, a countenance I couldn't even begin to decipher. What was she talking about? "Sometimes I wonder if what happened to you was my punishment. Then I think that maybe it was a gift, or fate, or the universe giving me someone to help ease my fucking agony."

I stared at her, but she wasn't looking at me anymore—her eyes were pointed down at her hands, which were entangled in her shirt. "You were never supposed to happen. I never wanted kids, but Simon, he… He wanted them bad enough that he was willing to force me. So he did."

Forced..?

It was starting to make sense, what she was talking about, but I didn't even get a chance to process it, because as soon as she'd finished her sentence, she sat up on one arm to stare down at me, her other arm coming around to rest on my chest, her hand flat to my sternum. My mom had always been thin, but with her addiction issues, she'd only waned that much more; it was obvious in how the veins of her hands stood out like ridges and valleys over the top—had I been able to, I would've sneered. "And then he left me. He gave me the burdening debt of a child, one that he wanted so badly, and left me."

She was starting to cry, but that only lasted for about thirty seconds, forcing her face to be neutral once more. "I wanted to be strong for you. I wanted to be the mother you deserved, but there's something wrong with me that I've dealt with for a long time, and I… I can't deal with it anymore." She cradled my face in her hands, and I could feel them shivering. In her eyes, there was… something, which I had never seen before, swimming in the amalgamation of colours that her irises were comprised of. A weakness—no, it wasn't weakness. It was defeat. Like she'd given up.

Everything was clicking together now; this whole time, when I thought she'd hated me, was drinking and abusing my painkillers to get away from me, but she'd really just been running from herself. Wait, the syringe; I wanted to look over at it, I wanted to tell her no, please don't do it, but all I could do was watch her, and wait.

She raised her hand, reached, and took up the syringe with ginger movements, holding it between us so that we could both see it. "Your morphine," She said, her trembling fingers only causing it to wobble even more, but still didn't spill a drop. By this point, she was no longer crying, but instead, almost seemed to be completely numb; there were still tear stains running down her cheeks, still snot running in a thin line down from her nostrils, but her eyes held no tears. I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. I wanted to hold her, like she'd hold me when the reality of the world set in at night, to cradle her head on my lap and sing to her just as she'd done with me—she needed to know that I loved her. I had been so hard on her, and the knowledge of this ate at my insides, even if she had no inkling of an idea as to what I truly thought. But perhaps she didn't need to. Guilt is a funny thing like that.

I could only lie there as my mom got up from the bed and headed over to the closet that held all my medical equipment, taking out a needle and tourniquet, fastening the needle to the syringe before setting it down and tying the tourniquet around her right arm, just above her elbow.

She may not have been crying anymore, but I was, I could feel it; big, fat tears ran down the sides of my face, my entire body coming alive with phantom trembles of anguish that were so strong, so potent, that I could almost see myself getting up from the bed and breaking that syringe before wrapping her in a hug and apologizing over and over. I'm sorry you lost yourself because of me. I'm sorry you didn't get to have the life you wanted. I'm sorry for being disabled. I'm sorry Mom. Please don't leave me alone.

Of course, she couldn't hear me, but then I didn't expect her to. She wasn't looking at me, and it was almost ironic—even now, when she's about to leave the waking world forever, she still couldn't find it in herself to do it.

Mom injected the morphine. She didn't say goodbye, in fact she didn't speak to me again after she did it; instead, she sat down on the floor next to my bed, rested her head back against it, and closed her eyes.

There was an anger inside me that grew ever stronger as time ticked by, eating away at the rest of my soul with every shuddered breath that escaped her now almost completely limp body. I may have never known a normal life since I was born, but I had been happy with the life we had lived—it was familiar, comfortable, perfectly fine. Mental illness is a monster, I know, I have to deal with it all on my own since I can't talk, but my mom had every opportunity to deal with this. She could walk for Christ's sake, but instead she chose to neglect me, neglect herself, and now, was essentially committing a murder-suicide since I had absolutely no one that was going to check on me for another two days. What the hell was she thinking?

God, I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry and scream and pound on the walls, I wanted to beat my mom to a pulp and demand to know why the fuck she was doing this to me. Wasn't my situation bad enough? Hadn't you stopped to think about what would happen to me? How could you be so selfish?

I watched a documentary about white torture a couple months ago.

It's considered one of the worst forms of torture, since it completely deprives your mind and body of all stimuli, essentially making you go insane. Sometimes I feel that that's what it's like to be completely paralyzed; you're trapped in the white room of your mind, with nowhere to run from the thoughts that haunt you. I wonder though, how a normal person would feel if they were placed in my body. Would they go crazy? What makes me so different from those subjected to white torture outside of their own free will?

Perhaps I was the crazy one all along. Or maybe I just got used to the monotonous shape that my daily life had formed into, both disgusted and comforted by the fact that I truly had nothing to look forward to; that wasn't always 100% true, but having no expectations afforded me the ability to be excited about something every once in a while. And now my mother has taken that from me, just like the way she took it when I was born, how everyone took it all from me, leaving me with the blood in my hands and the blame weighing heavy on my head.

Everyone else gets to take—except me. I have to give and give and give forever. When is it going to be my turn?

There were so many things I wanted to do, yeah, but I couldn't do any of them. I could do nothing but lie there with my eyes rolling back up to stare at the popcorn ceiling, with my mom's dead body beside me; I shouldn't fall asleep, I knew that, especially when I didn't have my CPAP in, but it wasn't like I could exactly keep myself from doing it. What else did I have to live for, truly? The burning in my chest ached with sharper teeth at that thought, milking more tears from my eyes and anger from the back of my mind. Fuck, I wish Tonya was here.

But she wasn't. I was alone, like always, and just as I had been born, I was going to die that way. Nobody to give a fuck. Nobody to comfort me.

The light faded from the corners of my vision, then disappeared.

#short story #my works

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frumfrumfroo · 4 years

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I can't believe how much they absolutely destroyed the Skywalker saga - not just this trilogy, but the OT as well. They now have 0 rewatchability knowing that all of the character's lives are ruined and then they die, even their children's lives are destroyed. They turned the entire saga into an irrevocable tragedy.

Not even a proper tragedy. Just shaggy dog nihilism that pretends it’s optimistic.

#I thought rewatchability was an important argument against all kinds of shitty ending stuff #little did I know it apparently doesn't matter #because people think 'full circle' means literally the whole story was pointless and that's a good thing #millions are dead everyone you ever cared about suffered and most of them died as well #but we're back exactly where we started soooo POETRY #love that feeling of deep and profound futility #that's what I want from a fairy tale #trosspoilers #salt #the fact that people can look at this and think 'yes this is poetic and meaningful' is almost more depressing than that LF made it #although I guess it's a chicken and egg thing

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cheesy-cakey · 3 years

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note this is a hatter au from a wattpad book I wrote.

You Weren't there

Kalim X Reader Angst

We had graduated.

We got married.

He inherited his family's riches.

We had a son.

We were happy...

We WERE.

I gazed out the window of my quarters.

I was no longer a Hatter... I was now an Al-Asim.

The Hatter name had died out the moment I decided to be a part of Kalim's family. I still owned our land and property. But I had no use for it.

I thought that this was going be our happily ever after.

Holding the one I love close. Kalim embracing me and our son.

But I guess reality doesn't have a happy ending... Especially us Hatter's.

As I watched the scene out the window.

In the garden was Kalim... With his 2rd wife and daughter.

Yes, that's right. I may be Kalim's first wife... but that doesn't mean I'm the only one.

I watched as he held her hand while with the other he carried his daughter.

I moved away from the window and sat on the plush bed of my quarters.

"How could I be so stupid. How could I be so blind. why did I think... That out of all the people in the world. I would have a happy ending." I muttered to myself as I leaned back on my arms tears pricking out of my eyes.

I went back to the window watching them hold each other close. I traced my hand on the glass feeling the coolness of the material.

I kneeled on the floor hand on the window sill while the other was on the floor.

"If happy ever after did exist~" I sang as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"I would still be holding you like this~"

"All those fairy tales are full of sh*t"

"One more f*cking love song I'll be sick" I sobbed as I was never meant to have a happy ever after.

3rd POV

Little did Y/N know that someone came to visit.

Watching through the crack from the slightly opened door.

Ali Al-Asim watched as his mother broke down crying.

"Why... why of all people... why does it have to be mother that suffers?"

He walked away knowing that it's better to not disturb her like this... He knew seeing him would just remind her of the happy ending she could've had.

He returned to him quarters and sat in one of the chairs in his room.

"Mother... You shouldn't be suffering like this... You told me father loved you... You said he loved you more than the stars in the sky... then why... why does he treat you this way? why does he neglect you? weren't we happy? weren't you happy?" He leaned his head back as tears pricked out his eyes.

"I never get to see you smile anymore. The smile that could shine brighter than the sun. Your eyes became dull... no longer full of hope and happiness like the stars."

he slammed his first into the table Infront of him as tears fell from his face.

"WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A HAPPY EVER AFTER!?"

The 15 year old couldn't bear to see his mother like this...

He's seen her cry too many times...

-Time Skip-

It was Ali's 16th birthday.

Which means a big celebration...

But his mother as much as she wants to attend she couldn't bring herself to leave her room.

The Hatter that used to be full of life, laughing, singing, dancing. The Hatter that enjoyed parties and seeing her friends smile... lost her spark.

-At the celebration-

"Happy Birthday, Young Master, Ali!" The servants cheered.

"Happy birthday, My son!" Kalim exclaimed as he greeted his first born.

"Thank you, Father!" Ali exclaimed with a smile.

"You're 16 now, which school do you wanna attend, Ali!?" His father asked excitedly.

"I want to go to Night Raven College! That's where you went to right, Father?"

"Yes, I did! Me and your uncle Jamil went there together!"

"Then it's settled, NRC it is!"

"I could have the headmaster make you dorm head as well!"

"No, Father. I wish to become dorm head with my own skills." He stated.

"Haaaah? fine, if that is what my son wants. Now everyone! enjoy the party!"

he walked away as he went to meet other guests.

A lot of people were here. His uncles from NRC. His Friends. even his half sister.

But there was only one person Ali wanted to be here.

Ali stood up from his seat and sneaked away.

He went to the quarters of someone he held dear.

he knocked on the door and heard a come in.

"Good evening, mother" he said with a soft smile.

"Ah! Ali, Happy Birthday" She replied with a tired but loving smile.

she was sitting by the window with it being wide open allowing the wind to enter.

He went closer the his mother and kneeled beside her.

"How are you feeling?" Ali asked.

"I'm feeling very well. So how is your birthday?"

"Nevermind the birthday. I just want to stay here with you" he said as he buried his face into her dress resting his head on her lap.

The lady giggled at her son's statement, watching him with caring eyes.

"I have a present for you" She said as she brought out a box.

Ali raised his head.

"Mother... you didn't have to" he said as he received it.

"Oh, but I do. this is something I've been meaning to give you"

Ali opened the box to see a top hat, a golden silk snake wrapping around the hat with a single Jasmine flower.

"It used to be mine. Sometimes in the Hatter family we give it to the person we marry but sometimes we also keep it. But this time it's time to pass it on to the descendant. I redecorated it for you. do you like it?" The elegant lady smiled as she remembered her memories with the hat and proud to be able to hand it down.

Ali looked as the hat.

"I love it... thank you mother" He thanked as he lied down on her lap once again.

"I'm glad you do, my dear son" She placed a hand on his white hair exactly the same as his father's.

Sher stroked his head gently as the moon shone down on them through the window.

-Timeskip-

It was now time for Ali to go to Night Raven College. He said farewell to everyone and as he was about to get on the Ebony Carriage he looked up to a window to see his mother smiling at him. he smiled back and entered.

-at the dorm sorting-

Ali was up next to be sorted.

"State thy name"

"Ali Al-Asim"

"The shape of thy soul... I see you best improve in Scarabia."

He stepped away from the mirror and joined the other students that were sorted into Scarabia.

He will make his mother proud.

-Time skip-

It had been a week since he had arrived. And just like that he had became a dorm head not from money but from skill.

He was currently in potions taught by Professor Crewel.

His phone then suddenly rang.

"Excuse me, Professor. I need to take this call"

"Of course, pup. but next time I won't be allowing it."

Ali answered his phone and it was one of the servants.

He was analysing his potion while he answered.

"What is it? I told you not to call me around this time because I'm in class."

"Apologies, young master. But it's about Lady Y/N"

"Mother? what about her? does she miss me? tell her I'll visit this weekend."

"It's not that sir"

"what is it then?"

"she umm"

"spit it out"

"The lady has passed away"

Ali suddenly dropped the beaker shattering it to a million pieces.

"Al-Asim! bad pup! what are you doing!?"

Ali stood up knocking his seat over. He slammed his hand on his desk that still had the shattered glass and spilled potion. good thing that the potion doesn't give much effect since it wasn't finished.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN PASSED AWAY!?" He yelled as tears pricked from his eyes.

"Al-Asim?" his professor called out worried.

"I mean what I exactly said, young master. The lady passed away earlier this morning. when the servant went to serve her breakfast she didn't wake up. they tried waking her up then realized she wasn't moving. they called a physician... and he said the lady had passed away"

"no... you're lying"

"Ali Al-Asim, what's wrong? Get your hands off the desk your starting to bleed." Crewel said as he took the boys hand from the broken glass and started cleaning it.

"Mother... is she really dead?"

"yes, sir"

"wait... your mother?" his professor asked

"As in... Y/N? she's... no longer with us?" his eyes wide as saucers.

Ali fell on his knees tears spilling not showing any signs of stopping any time soon.

"Mother... no... no... no no no NO! SHE CAN'T BE GONE!" He sobbed.

"Ashengrotto, take him to the infirmary to clean his wound up. The rest of you dismissed. I need to speak with the head master."

"Yes, professor"

-time Skip-

currently Ali was in the head masters office.

"Al-Asim. I heard what had happened. I'll let you go home for as long as you need. I apologize for your loss. You can use the mirror to go home." Crowley said as he watched the boy sob.

he himself wanted to cry since one of the most lovable students he had, had passed away.

"Your mother... was an incredible woman. Not only as a student but as a friend to the rest. It's a shame she... had to leave us so early. I thought that maybe... I'd be dead by the time she leaves."

"Thank you, headmaster... I'll be... heading out now" Ali exited the room and went to the mirror and went home.

Once he had arrived he was greeted by the servants but he just walked right pass.

His sister also greeted him, but he continued walking.

soon he arrived at his mother's bedroom. He saw her... looking like she's sleeping soundly... knowing she's never waking up again.

He walked to her bed side. held her now cold hand and feel to his knees and sobbed uncontrollably

"Mother!... Why.... WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE! I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU THE HAPPY ENDING YOU DESERVE! BUT WHAT!? YOU ENDED YOUR STORY WITH LONGING THAT WAS NEVER FULFILLED!? WHY!?" he cried... not leaving her side for the rest of the day.

During her funeral, all her friends from NRC came. Tears spilled everywhere as they found their dear friend no longer with them.

they approached Ali who just stood by her coffin.

"Sorry... for your loss... Ali"

He just kept silent.

For the long duration of her funeral... Not once did his father... the man his dear mother loved and longed for, show up.

This had made the boy even more upset. but that did not overpower the sorrow he had.

-Time Skip-

The funeral had long ended...

His mother was buried...

he returned to school but barely spoke.

"Al-Asim... pup. I suggest you go meet with Professor Yuu. You need it"

Ali merely nodded as he went to his magicless professor who taught about monsters and health.

"Ali... take a seat"

Ali sat down across him.

"You haven't been sleeping have you... you have bags under your eyes. You look pale. Ali"

He just sat there.

"I know... I know you're depressed... Your mother was my vice prefect back in our school days. she was a wonderful woman to be with... she laughed... she sang... she smiled... but you know what I love most about her?"

Ali looked up and looked at Yuu.

"She makes people around her smile as well. She wouldn't want you to act like this. Y/N, She too lost a parent in her younger days. But that didn't stop her from being happy... She always had joy in her eyes... and you know you have her E/C eyes as well"

"So please... Don't let this bring you down. Your mother... Be like her. someone who smiles, laughed and most of all makes others do the same. sure reality doesn't have a happy ending. But you're writing your own story so make sure it leads to one."

Ali thought about it. looks back down... looks at the mirror in the room and looked straight into his E/N coloured eyes.

"You're right, Professor. Even if mother is gone... I should make her proud" Ali stood up with smile.

Ali bowed.

"Thank you, Professor Yuu!"

"Just call me, Yuu."

Ali smiled and ran off back to his dorm and to his room.

Yuu on the other hand stood up and went to the window and looked at the sky.

"I wish... I could've held you one last time... Y/N... I loved you so much" Yuu said as he let the tears fall.

Ali pulled a box from under his bed and opened it...

It may not fit his outfit but it doesn't matter.

he stood up holding the object and went to a mirror.

He looked straight at it and placed the hat he was given on his head.

"I'll prove... that I can give us a happy ending, Mother"

and with that Ali changed... He changed for the better. all the old staff watched him... and it reminded them of someone who they once cherished in this school.

-Time Skip-

it's been 2 years since Y/N's passing. Ali Al-Asim was now 18 years old. A third year.

But what's interesting is. when his 1st year ended the mirror had announced something... He was transferred to a different dorm.

-Flashback-

Just as they were all about to leave.

"Wait... It seems someone's soul had reshaped into something new." the mirror had stated.

"What? but that's not possible" Crowley said in surprise.

"Ali Al-Asim... Step forward"

Ali hesitantly stepped up.

"Yes... it seems your soul had reshaped... though you are still suited to be a part of Scarabia... Your heart... Is perfect for the Ramshackle Dorm"

"Isn't that"

"Your mother's old dorm... well it seems like you're becoming just like your mother" Crowley smiled as he placed a hand on the boys shoulder.

-end of flashback-

And since then he became the dorm head of the Ramshackle. His hat suited his outfit. he was happy.

And right now the 18 year old was going to make a decision that'll change his life.

Currently standing Infront of his father, Kalim Al-Asim. wearing a somewhat butler outfit somewhat similar to that of what his mother wore back in her younger days as a Hatter.

"Father... I don't wish to be an Al-Asim anymore."

"What? could you repeat that?"

"I don't want to be an Asim."

"But son! you're my eldest! you're my successor!"

"And I don't want to be your successor!"

"why!?"

"I want to continue mother's legacy!" Ali yelled as he gripped his wrist behind his back while looking down.

"what?"

"I want to be a Hatter! I want to carry on the Hatter name! I want to do this for mother! it the least you could let me do"

"the least I could let you do?"

"Yes! The most you could do was probably be there for her!"

"Ali"

"You left her all alone! making her cry every night! every night for you!"

"She didn't get her happily ever after! Cause you weren't there there for her! you weren't there for us!HECK She would've been contented with just you being there even if you didn't love her anymore!"

"YOU DIDN'T EVEN COME TO HER FUNERAL!" Ali snapped.

"I know you are aware that You're naive, gullible, oblivious and all that. but please... just see it... the least you could do" Ali looked up and looked Kalim straight in the eyes.

Kalim staring back into E/C colored orbs that was exactly the same as his wife that had recently passed away.

He looked down and took a deep breathe

"Alright"

"Huh?"

"I'll... let you go..."

"Really?"

"yes... as you said... it's the least I could do for not even attending the funeral."

"Thank you... father" Ali smiled as he walked away.

this was a new start for Ali... Becoming just like his mother. Writing a happily ever after for them.

We can't say the same for Kalim though.

He sat at his chair.

His 2rd wife entered the room and sat beside him.

"What did he want?" she asked.

"To leave the family"

"what?"

"He... wanted to become a Hatter to continue Y/N's legacy."

"I see... don't worry I'm here... and besides I'm sure we can make a new heir."

"I'm not in the mood"

"But, dear~"

right then and there Kalim snapped.

"I SAID IM NOT IN THE MOOD!" He yelled.

"BECAUSE OF YOUR DAMN FAMILY THREATENING TO HURT MY SON AND MY BELOVED WIFE I WAS FORCED TO NEGLECT HER!"

"IF IT WASN'T FOR YOUR DAMN FAMILY I WOULD PROBABLY BE HOLDING HER RIGHT NOW WITH ANOTHER CHILD!"

"ALL BECAUSE YOU WANTED ME TO LOVE YOU! YOU'RE DELUSIONAL IF YOU THINK I WOULD!"

"What is it... WHAT IS IT DOES SHE HAVE THAT I DON'T!?"

"My heart... that's what it is... SHE WAS MY EVERYTHING! HER SMILE THAT WAS PRACTICALLY MY SUN! HER EYES THAT SHIMMERED LIKE THE STARS!"

"SHE DESERVES TO BE DEAD! SHE'S NOT FIT TO BE YOUR WIFE! SHE'S NOT FIT TO HAVE YOU! ME, ME, ME! IT WAS ME WHO SHOULD HAVE YOU! SHE'S HIDEOUS! SHE'S DUMB! SHE'S NAIVE! SO WHY WON'T YOU LOOK AT ME!"

"DON'T YOU DARE THAT ABOUT HER! FIRST OF ALL SHE'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN TO HAVE EVER EXISTED THAT EVEN VIL SAID SO! YOU WOULD NEVER BE AS BEAUTIFUL AS HER! SECOND SHE GRADUATED FROM NRC WITH TOP GRADES FITTING INTO THE TOP 50! SHE KNOWS MORE THAN YOU EVER WILL! AND THIRD OF ALL SHE'S NOT AS NAIVE AS YOU THINK! SHE EXPERIENCED THE CRUELTY OF THE WORLD TO THE POINT SHE WAS ALMOST BROKEN! BUT SHE JUST SMILED AND SAID THAT EVERYTHING WOULD BE JUST FINE! I BET YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT IF IT HAD HAPPENED TO YOU! FACE IT I'LL NEVER LOOK AT YOU THE SAME I DO WITH HER!"

"THAT'S WHY I KILLED HER SO YOU WOULD ONLY LOOK AT ME- MPH!" she clasped her mouth shut trembling from what came out.

"what? WHAT did you just say?"

"n-nothing!"

"WE HAD A DEAL! YOU WOULD LEAVE THEM ALONE IN EXCHANGE FOR ALL OF THIS!"

"I-I didn't mean to!"

"DIDN'T MEAN TO MY *SS! AS IF I'D BELIEVE THAT! JAMIL!"

Soon Jamil entered the room. in truth he was about to enter till he heard screaming and heard the entire thing.

"Yes, Kalim"

"Take her away. make her confess EVERYTHING that she had done. After that could you call Azul? I want to have a talk with him to deal with something."

"Yes, of course" Jamil left with the 2nd wife being taken away by guards.

"WAIT! KALIM PLEASE! I LOVE YOU! DON'T DO THIS TO ME!"

As they all left the room Kalim sat down and tears started running down his face.

"Why was I so stupid? thinking I could protect you without having to hurt anyone but as a result I ended up hurting you... then lost you. I should've dealt with them from the start. I should've just been there for you... now I not only lost you... but I lost our son too... haha! why am I so stupid?"

For the rest of the night Kalim just cried. knowing can never bring you back.

-END-

"isn't that an interesting timeline."

"Didn't know that there would be a bad ending to their story. I hope this timeline won't stick it would be so sad~" a voice said as she closed a book that's titled 'You Weren't there'

soon the book started to become grains of sand.

"oh? what is this?"

"The timeline is disintegrating"

"I guess that means that story won't be sticking around."She then pushed up her glasses as she looked back at the millions of books being written each having a pen that glows with inspiration and life."I wonder who's story would be finished next~ would the story disappear? or will it be part of the official collection?"

"Let's see what endings are in-store~ After all"

"I am the story keeper~"

#twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #twst kalim #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #kalim x reader #scarabia

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hwascripts · 3 years

Text

Masterlist

WC: Unknown

TW: Swearing, mentions of murder, a bit of angst, I think that’s it!

This is heavily unedited because it’s my Levi simp hours and I need Dad!Levi headcanons. Also your kid and Eren’s kid are gender neutral

Levi as a father

-I honestly don’t picture Levi as someone who planned on having kids but rather someone who ends up having kids by complete accident. Living in the walls during a war is absolute hell and he doesn’t want his kids to suffer the same way he did growing up.

-Whether or not the kid is adopted or his biological kid- it doesn’t matter to him, he couldn’t give less of a shit about the parentage of his kid...if he raises the kid then you better believe it’s his kid.

If your kid is adopted then here’s how I picture you guys becoming their parents

- During one of your expeditions beyond the walls you find (what you think is) an abandoned cabin in the woods. When you point it out Levi just tells you to ignore it and focus on the task Erwin gave you, but you have this weird gut feeling that someone is in there. While Levi is distracted you go off to the cabin and peek inside and to your horror- there is a small child, no older than a few months crying in it’s deceased mothers arms. You run over and pry the crying baby from the mother’s hands and immediately start trying to hush it’s cries

-Levi notices the fact that you’ve left his side after a few minutes of silence and he pinches his nose in frustration- of course you went to check out the cabin he told you to ignore. He flies away from the tree he was perched on and makes his way to the cabin to look for you- upon reaching the cabin his eyes widen from pure shock. Where the hell did you get a crying baby from? he can’t help but be filled with sorrow when he notice’s the child’s dead parents on the ground behind you- bandits had probably murdered them.

-The two of you have a huge argument about what you should do with the orphan child and this results in the two of you not speaking for over a week. But as the week goes on, he realizes that him and that baby are more similar than he thinks. Levi never had a father- the closest father figure in his life being Kenny who abandoned him at a young age, and his dear mother Kuchel who died of sickness when he was just a boy. Both Levi and the child didn’t have parents in their lives, fate cruelly ripping that away from them. He see’s himself in that baby.

-After a week of silence Levi storms into your office only to catch you asleep with the baby on your chest, his heart softens just the slightest bit at the image. He sits next to you and gently shakes you awake- careful to not wake the sleeping baby. Before you can even say anything he quietly states:

-”we’re not abandoning the baby, we can raise them together”

-All the worry and stress you carried melted away after hearing his words.

If your kid was biologically his, this is how I picture it turning out:

-The day Hanji informed you that you were pregnant was quite possibly one of the worst days of your life (sorry to be angsty) how the hell could you have gotten pregnant? the amount of stress, physical strain on your body and sleepless nights is not ideal for fertility- so how the hell did this happen?

-How the hell would you even tell Levi? The topic of children has never once come up and you’re sure he would never want to raise a child in the walls while titans destroy and kill everyone in sight. Besides- the two of you already have enough on your plates as it is.

- You’d tell him straight out that you were pregnant during your nightly tea time before bed, just straight up dropping the news on him. It takes a few seconds for him to fully register what you just told him but once he finally understands he drops his teacup, the boiling hot tea staining his jacket. All he can do is sputter like a fish out of water and aggressively try to clean the stain.

- I’m going to be realistic here- the last thing he would do is jump for joy and kiss you. I hate to be angsty again but realistically he’d probably storm off and go for a walk around the town while he tries to take in the news. I see him unintentionally ignoring you for a few days while he tries to accept the fact that the two of you are bringing a child into this world.

-After about a week he’s finally calmed himself enough to talk to you about the situation and what the best thing for the two of you is. Again, he isn’t happy that you guys are bringing a kid into this- but who the hell would be? but he sure as hell won’t take that out on the kid, he thinks that’s the most pathetic thing you can do as a parent.

-”look, our situation is shitty but I’m not leaving you to raise the brat on your own”

How he is as a father

- I’m not going to lie to you, he is not the type to coddle his kid or show them a lot of affection. To be honest he doesn’t know a single thing about parenting, the only “parent” he had taught him violence and then left Levi to fend for himself- but he does know that most children don’t grow up around violence so he refuses to be even the slightest bit like his uncle Kenny.

- 100% calls his kid brat, ankle-biter, kid...you name it- but he doesn’t mean it in a derogatory way because deep down inside he still has a soft spot for the kid.

-He rarely ever shows physical affection to the kid because he just doesn’t know how, he never knew the affectionate touch of another human until you came along. That’s not to say that he doesn’t love his kid- he would sacrifice his life without second thought to protect them.

-He doesn’t realize how distant and cold he can be to his kid until he overhears them crying to you about how “daddy doesn’t love me” and his heart just shatters into a million pieces because he DOES love them but for the life of him he just can’t find a way to show it.

-Levi ends up sitting down with the kid and having a conversation that was long overdue (for reference the kid is now 7 years old) and he admits that he loves them more than anything for the first time.

-Your kid just stares at him for a second and blinks because this is the VERY FIRST TIME they’re hearing their dad say I love you- Levi nearly has a heart attack when the kid launches themselves into his chest and starts sobbing.

-For the very first time in 7 years this kid is finally experiencing the love from their father (besides awkward headpats) and the feeling is just so foreign to both of them that even Levi sniffles a little bit

-Levi silently rocks them back and forth while he rubs their back, the child’s sobs turning into soft sniffles. But what Levi says next shocks all three of you.

“I’m sorry for being a terrible father. forgive me little one?”

-You don’t know what shocks you more- the fact he apologized or that he called your child “little one” instead of the usual “brat”. The kid looks at him while wiping their tears away.

“you’re not a bad daddy. I love you papa”

-To this day Levi swears he just had watery eyes because of the dust but you know damn well they were fat tears rolling down his face

-After this incident Levi swears to himself that he’ll be a more affectionate father, a father who tells his kid that he’s proud of them, a father who their kid can rely on.

-He’s tough on his kid and never lets them slack off, he scolds them whenever they make bad choices and sometimes your kid says he’s got a stick up his ass (you lightly scold them but the two of you always end up laughing because it’s true) but your husband deeply cares for your child and does it so they can grow into the best version of themselves.

-Did I mention that he absolutely flips the fuck out when your kid brings home Eren’s kid to introduce you to them? You have to sit on him to make sure that he doesn’t strangle the poor bastard.

“If that son of a bitch is anything like his father then they’re going home in a bodybag!” “Levi you can’t threaten them just because they’re Eren’s kid!” “Like hell I can’t! nobody is good enough for our child”

-Your kid quickly learns that they can’t bring their significant other home while Levi is there- unless they have a death wish. The two of you team up to keep Levi distracted for a few hours while the couple chills in your living room

-Your kid swears like a sailor (just like their dad) and Levi swears on his life that he’s not the one that taught them that.

“What the hell do you mean? I didn’t do shit! I don’t fucking know where they picked that up from!” *cue you looking into the camera*

-He’s so damn proud when he see’s his kid graduate at the top of their class. He doesn’t scream at the top of his lungs when your kid walks across the stage but he pulls them to the side after and congratulates them with a small smile on his face

“Good job. I’m proud of you, damn brat”

-Gives them one of his rare Levi hugs and the kid nearly drops the diploma in shock because “wtf dad never hugs me”

-You have to pinch his side multiple times during your kid and Eren’s kids wedding because he won’t shut the hell up with snarky remarks

“Say no goddamnit!” *you pinch him*

“Ow son of a bitch! what the fuck Y/n?”

“Would you shut the hell up and be happy for our child on their wedding day?!”

“I would if our child had taste and picked someone el- OW FUCK!”

“Shut the fuck up already and behave, Levi!”

-He grumbles while the rest of the former cadets and captains laugh at his sour look

Silly headcanons

-God could you imagine Levi and your kid sitting at the dinner table, it’s almost midnight and they’re arguing over a homework question neither of them understand. This is the night both of you hear your kid swear

“What the hell is this shit? Improper fractions are made-up bullshit”

“If you don’t know then how the fuck am I suppose to know?”

-It’s so silent you can hear a pin drop

“Levi come here for a second”

“Shit...finish this while I’m gone, brat”

-Your kid laughs their ass off while you pull Levi’s ear and drag him to your shared room

‘Yeah keep fucking laughing at your dad, brat!”

“LEVI!”

-An absolute nightmare when it comes to cleaning oh my god both you and your kid wanna kill him sometimes

“This shit isn’t clean, you wipe it down six times and then place it at an angle”

“Levi it’s a fucking T.V. Remote”

-The war ended years ago now and he tells your kid about all the titans he killed and the ass he kicked

“And then I sliced that ugly bastard titan’s head clean off!”

“Levi for someone who’s a clean freak your stories sure are gross”

-The noise the toaster makes when it’s done scares the shit out of him. He’ll be in the middle of scolding your kid and then he jumps because the toaster is done and your kid just thinks it’s comedic gold

“I fucking told you not to do that shit but you went and did it anyways, do you know how irresponsi-FUCK! damn toaster- Hey stop laughing brat I’m not done yet!”

That’s all I’ve got for now- stay tuned

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hamliet · 3 years

Text

Unless a Grain of Wheat Falls and It Dies...

Or, why I am pretty optimistic about the fates of Jean, Connie, Gabi, and all titanized people this chapter, which is also an excuse for me to talk about SnK’s allusions to Russian literature.

There are strikingly parallel ideas The Brothers Karamazov and Attack on Titan, as well as parallel plot points and imagery to the point where if it isn’t deliberate, it’s uncanny. (NB: before people yell at me about comparing a Japanese and Russian work, Isayama has used Russian names since the start of SnK--Shiganshina is a Russian name.) In particular, there are narrative allusions to a portion of the novel known as “The Grand Inquisitor,” which is a short story within a novel. The central thesis of “The Grand Inquisitor” is as follows:

nothing has ever been more insupportable for a man and a human society than freedom.

This parable is told within the story by Ivan Karamazov, a character whose intellectuality is his gift and his curse. He tells his brother Alyosha that the motivation for creating this parable is precisely the evils done to children (oh look, a major SnK theme) and specifically cites an example which was unfortunately taken from real life in Russia and which Isayama has an uncanny parallel:

I want to see with my own eyes the hind lie down with the lion and the victim rise up and embrace his murderer. I want to be there when every one suddenly understands what it has all been for. All the religions of the world are built on this longing, and I am a believer. But then there are the children, and what am I to do about them? That's a question I can't answer... If all must suffer to pay for the eternal harmony, what have children to do with it, tell me, please? ... if it is really true that they must share responsibility for all their fathers' crimes, such a truth is not of this world and is beyond my comprehension. Some jester will say, perhaps, that the child would have grown up and have sinned, but you see he didn't grow up, he was torn to pieces by the dogs, at eight years old...

... How are you going to atone for them? Is it possible? ... What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured? ... I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I don't want more suffering. And if the sufferings of children go to swell the sum of sufferings which was necessary to pay for truth, then I protest that the truth is not worth such a price. ... too high a price is asked for harmony; it's beyond our means to pay so much to enter on it... It's not God that I don't accept, Alyosha, only I most respectfully return Him the ticket.”

The actual parable of “The Grand Inquisitor” is Ivan’s answer to Alyosha’s question about Ivan’s lines above. Ivan tells a story about how freedom is actually what dooms humanity: it is the curse. (Alyosha does not believe this.) Jesus comes back to earth and is promptly arrested, because his existence and return threaten the wellbeing of society. To be happy, one cannot be free, but one or two strong people in society should be free and bear the burden for everyone else (you can see the parallels to King Fritz/the Reisses).

Nothing is more seductive for man than his freedom of conscience, but nothing is a greater cause of suffering... all his life he loved humanity, and suddenly his eyes were opened, and he saw that it is no great moral blessedness to attain perfection and freedom, if at the same time one gains the conviction that millions of God's creatures have been created as a mockery, that they will never be capable of using their freedom...

This is SnK’s thesis: to be free, there will be suffering. It is part of human nature, and yet to not have it is to be lost. But SnK, despite its explorations of human darkness and monstrosity, has a higher view of humanity than does Ivan. SnK’s view is more alongside Alyosha’s, who says what is honestly the truth about not just the Reisses, but Eren now:

"Who are these keepers of the mystery who have taken some curse upon themselves for the happiness of mankind? .... It's simple lust of power, of filthy earthly gain, of domination—something like a universal serfdom with them as masters—that's all they stand for.”

Mikasa is akin to the Christ figure in the story, akin to Alyosha: Christ is constantly asked to speak, asked to act, and he does not until the very last moment, when he kisses the Grand Inquisitor on the lips. After the story is over, Alyosha then does likewise to Ivan.

Not to mention when Alyosha worries about Ivan’s mental state, he then answers with this:

“Listen, Alyosha,” Ivan began in a resolute voice, “if I am really able to care for the sticky little leaves I shall only love them, remembering you. It's enough for me that you are somewhere here, and I shan't lose my desire for life yet.”

A simple leaf can save a life. A leaf can save the world. A leaf, grown from a tree that started as a seed falling to the ground, dead, only to grow life from that death. Alyosha himself notes SnK’s central thesis of chapter 137 in the (very long) novel’s final pages:

...some good, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a man carries many such memories with him into life, he is safe to the end of his days, and if one has only one good memory left in one's heart, even that may sometime be the means of saving us.

There’s a lot more to this, but this is the epigraph to The Brothers Karamazov, the central thesis of the entire novel:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." -John 12:24

Suffering can grow great fruit in an individual life, and by giving something up, by even death, something beautiful can come. Through cruelty, you can find life.

This is not just a long-running theme in SnK, but a pattern in its plot. Often those who surrender then receive exactly what they had surrendered (but admittedly, not always, like Erwin).

Mikasa accepted Eren’s loss, and got him back.

Mikasa let Armin go, and got him back.

Falco gave up hope of survival, and got another chance:

Hange was going to die alone, feeling guilty for having failed her comrades, but saw everyone again, and they told her well done:

Historia gave up being free, but now we know she will be.

Levi gave up on his revenge, and then got it. Annie thought she would never see her dad again, but she did. For Mikasa, accepting that she has to kill the boy she loves coincides not just with her acceptance of her love, but with the acceptance and knowledge that he loves her:

It always comes with sacrifice, increasingly hard sacrifice, but usually the seeds that are dropped grow and bloom.

This chapter, everyone surrendered their hearts. They let their dreams fall to the ground, and I honestly think the story will allow it to plant life. Yes, the world as a whole is saved and that is enough to make thematic sense, but it works even better if the very people who were titanized this chapter also bloom again. They chose to trust Mikasa, Levi, Falco, and Pieck to finish the task.

The characters giving up their lives only to get them back make sense, and give Mikasa’s sacrifice of Eren. For Mikasa, Eren was her world, and she gave it up when she had lost everyone else. She had nothing left, and she still did it. I would hope she’d be narratively rewarded beyond just the world being saved, because Mikasa has always been motivated by her personal relationships.

Moving on from Mikasa: Connie’s mom has been kept alive and the concept of turning mindless titans back to humans was already brought up specifically in relation to her:

Connie giving up on his mother a dozenish chapters ago only to get her back now--not through sacrificing a child, but through saving the entire world--would fit the themes and patterns of SnK.

Thirdly, Gabi should not die. She’s Eren with positive development, and cannot meet the same end. Even people who are skeptical of every titan being saved seem to agree that she’ll be fine. It’s possible she’s the only one saved, but imo, not likely.

See, the only shifter characters who are going to have the option of self-sacrifice are Falco and maaaaaybe Armin. The others look like they’re about to die right here and now, never mind choosing someone to save: the mindless titans are ripping at their napes. Armin also looks to be in bad shape.

Yet Armin cannot narratively commit suicide; two chapters ago he was still screaming at himself for being useless and thinking he would be better off dead. He’s already tried the heroic sacrifice, too, so why would it work this time around? It does not work for his arc. Falco dying for Gabi was the plan without any freedom from the titan curse; it’s more powerful if ending the curse changes things, rather than forcing him to make the same choice that Reiner has always been trying to make: a heroic suicide. It could happen; it’s just not as narratively strong.

As for whether the worldbuilding rules, we know that mindless titans are not truly dead nor entirely mindless; they just don’t have freedom. Ymir’s case of getting herself back after decades shows that they aren’t quite dead or absorbed. They still have consciousness that can be awoken; Ymir described it as being in a long “nightmare.” Dina still went looking for Grisha. Connie’s mom remembered and recognized Connie, telling him “welcome home.” There is plenty of evidence that there are parts of these people that are still in there even if they are forced to become monsters (oh hey, it’s an Eren parallel; he was conscious of it and had choices while mindless titans do not, but the parallel remains).

#snk 138 #snk meta #aot 138 #aot meta #mikasa ackerman #eremika #eren jaeger #armin arlert #the brothers karamazov #gabi braun #connie springer #jean kirchstein #ymir #falco grice #galco #reiner braun #annie leonhart #levi ackerman #historia reiss

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danniburgh · 3 years

Text

Give you what you want (Javier Peña x f!reader x Horacio Carrillo)

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader x Horacio Carrillo

Summary: You’ve been crushing hard on Javier - and Colonel Carrillo. And when they both find out about it, they can’t help but indulge you.

Word count: +11.1k

Chapter warnings: mild angst, mentions of violence, divorce talk, discussion of polyamorous relationship. OT3 SMUT, oral (m and f receiving), fingering, double penetration, alcohol, a lot of cum lol

A/N: this is a collab between me, @maharani-radha-writes and @queenofthefaceless, okay, yes this is a repost (basically the blog in which this os was posted blocked me). originally posted on april 6th 2021

ao3 // Masterlist // ko-fi

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓

Carrillo slammed his face on the steering wheel of his car with a groan. He had just spent all day in court finalizing his divorce—which had been going on for months—and just as he had gotten home, he realized that he had forgotten his service pistol at the office. Something he was not allowed to bring in the courtroom.

Fuckers.

He had separation anxiety from it, so even though he had multiple spares in the house, he had one trusty weapon, and he wouldn’t be caught dead without it. He glanced at the clock, and saw that it was only eight o’clock, so it wasn’t too late for him to swing back to base and grab it. Shaking his head, he turned the ignition of his car back on and reversed out of his driveway to head back to the station.

When he got there, he used his keys to enter through the back doorway, not really wanting to have to greet the guards at the front. He was just… way too done with people that day. Although he and his by then ex-wife had separated amicably (or as amicably as it could get), the divorce had taken a huge toll on him. He and Juliana had separated about five months before, and he had spent that time sitting in lawyers’ conference rooms, arguing over this and that. He was ready to just give her everything and anything she wanted if it meant he could get that painful process over with.

Truth be told, Carrillo was lonely. He had been for a long time, even while he was still married to Juliana. They had been less of a married couple and more like roommates for the past year at least, and it was getting to them both. His job was tough and dangerous–Juliana didn’t understand a lot of it. To be fair, he kept most of it from her, but that got exhausting after a while. He longed to just...let go, and he couldn’t do that with her. And after a while, she had decided that staying married to him (and his job) was more trouble than it was worth. He couldn’t blame her, not one bit.

It didn’t matter any more. He had firmly closed that chapter of his life, and was ready to move on. He didn’t know what the future looked like for him, but the only thing that he was sure of was that Pablo Escobar would be dead. He would make sure of it–even if he died trying.

After finding his service pistol, which had been stuffed in a holster under his desk, Carrillo closed the door to his office, and proceeded to walk down the hallway to the back exit. But he stopped when he heard voices coming from the bullpen.

Odd.

He hadn’t seen anyone when he had come in. He turned slightly and strained his ears to try to see if he could discern who it was. Then he heard the distinct Southern American drawl of none other than Steve Murphy. The man had been pulling late nights in the office ever since his wife got up and left him.

“All right, kiddo, care to tell me what the fuck your problem is?”

Who–? Was “kiddo”? It certainly couldn’t be Peña. It was a Friday night, surely Peña was off….doing something (or someone) else.

“What’s my problem? What’s your problem, Murph?”

Oh, it was you. The lone female agent of the DEA. Carrillo had been quite wary of you when you had joined the team about a year before. He really wasn’t sure what, if anything, you would be bringing to the table. And he thought that having two DEA agents was two too many already. But over time, you had proven to be a strong, capable, and intelligent partner, and his respect for you had grown.

Bringing you to Colombia had been a good decision, on the part of your superiors.

Now that he had identified the two people still stuck in the base, he should have been satisfied and been on his way. But something about Steve’s tone of voice kept him rooted to the spot. He really, really shouldn’t have been eavesdropping, especially since he was sure that it was a conversation he was not meant to hear.

“You’re on edge. A lot more than usual,” Steve said, “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, Steve. Just drop it,” you grumbled.

“Oh, so there is something?” Steve snarked, “Look, I normally would back off and leave you alone, but you’ve been highly distracted lately. And it’s affecting your work. I need to know what’s up or at least confirm that you’re going to get this resolved soon because we need your head in the game.”

Now that Steve mentioned it, Carrillo had noticed that you were...not yourself. And you hadn’t been for a while. But Carrillo was too caught up in his own drama to give it much of a thought.

“I’m sorry,” you sighed, “I’ll try not to be so scatterbrained. I’ll fix it, I promise.”

“Is this what I think it is? The thing you told Connie that I’m not supposed to know about?” Steve asked.

Carrillo knew he absolutely needed to leave. That was not a conversation he should be listening to. But he just could not help it.

“You’re going to have to be more specific, Steve. I’ve told Connie a lot of things,” you chuckled, nervously.

“I mean about–” there was a pause, presumably Steve looking around to check that nobody was there, “–your feelings. For, uh, ya know, Peña?”

Oh. That was news.

“And–uh–Carrillo I think?” Steve continued.

Wait...what?

Carrillo whipped his head around so fast that he winced as his neck twinged in protest. Since when...since when did you have feelings? For him? And Peña? What was happening? Someone needed to shoot him because that could not be real.

“Must you say it aloud?” you hissed.

“I’m sorry, kiddo, I don’t mean to embarrass you,” Steve apologized, “And normally I would mind my own fucking business, but this is getting out of hand. You really don’t think I notice the cows’ eyes you make at Peña when he’s not looking?”

“I don’t do that!” you denied, indignantly.

“Okay fine, maybe that’s a bit dramatic,” Steve conceded, “But the point still stands. You definitely need to get this fixed. Have you thought, oh I don’t know, telling Peña? Or even Carrillo?”

“Are you crazy?” you stammered, “Do you have any idea what that would do to my career? Not to mention that Carrillo is...fucking married?”

“Well, he’s divorced now,” Steve clarified, “And nobody has to know. It’s nobody else’s business but yours. I’m just saying, think about it ok? You deserve an outlet, just like everyone else.”

Carrillo decided that it was best to not stay and hear what you had to say to that. Instead, he hightailed it out of the base, as quickly as he could, trying to keep his footsteps light so as not to alert you and Steve to his presence. Once he was finally in the safety of his car, he put his head back onto the seat and let out a long breath, trying to figure out what he was going to do with that information. He couldn’t deny that the idea of you having feelings for him was incredibly flattering. You were a very guarded individual and quite hard to read sometimes–not so dissimilar to him. He would have never, in a million years, guessed that you would be interested in him, and that was mostly due to your closed off persona.

But to find out that you had feelings for both him and Peña? That was an interesting development. Carrillo didn’t know how to feel about that. But he can’t deny that it intrigued him...more than it should have. His mother would be completely mortified if she found out that he was entertaining this--whatever it was.

But his mother was not here. His wife was gone, and had taken the kids with her. It was just him, and his large house. And now, apparently, you and possibly Peña. Carrillo tilted his head contemplatively and started the ignition of his car.

Maybe...just maybe, there was something to this whole charade.

**Scene Break 1**

Steve was tired. Scratch that, he was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally.

Javier had been looking at you for far too long, and Steve could taste the yearning and the tension that lingered around the office when Peña looked at you. It was maddening, and Steve had no idea how Peña had managed this long without jumping you. After all, he never seemed to have a problem getting a woman’s attention and keeping it. So, why were you so different?

And the worst part of this whole circus is that you were so blissfully unaware of it. It made Steve’s mouth foam with rage.

When he told Connie over the phone, the previous night, what you had said to him and how you had confessed to being attracted to both men, she actually convinced him to talk to Javi on your behalf. Because Connie knew you, and she knew you would just shut up about it, guard it as if you were a dragon with a treasure, never say a thing, and suffer in silence until your feelings went away. And if they didn’t. Too bad. Steve hadn’t wanted to get involved. After all, you were an adult, and Javier was an adult. You should be able to sort these things out yourself. But alas, that had not happened. And if Steve didn’t do something about it, it was going to get out of hand, quickly.

So when you got up from your desk and got out of the office, Steve walked to Javier and slammed his hand on a pile of files that Javier was almost hiding behind.

“Yes, Murphy, how can I help you?” Peña drawled, trying to keep his voice as even and unaffected as possible.

“Don’t give me that innocent bullshit, Peña,” Steve growled, “I’m so sick of you.”

“What could I have possibly done now?” Javier huffed, pulling a cigarette out of his pack and lighting it. He figured that if he played dumb, Steve would go away.

Alas.

“You, and her,” Steve said, emphasizing his point by jabbing his finger in the direction of the door you had just walked out of, “There’s something between the two of you. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

Javier decided not to answer that. Instead he just took a puff of his cigarette and stared at Steve, daring him to continue.

“I’m serious Peña, stop playing coy. This is starting to affect your working relationship, and I’m getting sick of it,” Steve grumbled, “Do something about it. Now.”

It took a few moments of silence, but Javier finally decided to concede to Steve. Truth was, Javier’s head was full of thoughts. Full of you. Truth be told, getting infatuated with you was just a matter of time.

You were just… frustratingly attractive, incredibly strong and so damn smart. A dangerous combination, you were almost perfect. And that, scared the shit out of him. It had been a long time since Javier felt like that; he didn’t like the vulnerability of it all, he didn’t like how it was way too apparent that whatever you did, for small that it was, affected him in some way. He didn’t like the fact that he wanted to be with you all the time, see you all the time, talk to you all the time. He wanted to protect you all the time even when he knew you could perfectly protect yourself. And he had been feeling like that for months.

Javier interpreted that as karma, getting so madly, deeply into you and getting absolutely nothing in return. Until Steve chimed in, nosy as ever, to speak about something that was clear as a water drop but he just kept denying from himself.

He replayed what Steve had told him while he puffed from his cigarette and for a split second, and let himself smile at the words of his partner.

Steve was right. He was aware of how much he had been missing and how affected his job seemed to be because of how much time he spent thinking about you. It was so unlike him, and it was very unprofessional. But he just couldn’t help it.

You and your strikingly beautiful being. You letting him hold you close. You, with your hands on him. You and how sweet your lips must taste. You and how your naked body must look in the dimmed lights of his bedroom. Fuck.

So he decided, after his partner all but scolded him about being too dumb to realize, that he was going to face you and just… make things happen.

Steve smiled to himself while looking down at a file when Javier stood up from his own desk and walked out of the office.

“Attaboy,” he mumbled to himself.

**Scene Break 2**

You weren’t sure what it was, but suddenly the air in that bullpen had become oppressive, and you just needed to get out. Well, frankly...you weren’t stupid. You knew what was causing you to feel this way. It was stupid Steve and his stupid way of being right all the time, how the fuck did he do that? At some point, you were going to have to tell Javier (and possibly Carrillo, as well) how you felt, but if you could put it off for longer, you were absolutely going to do so.

You sat on the concrete wall bordering the police base, observing quietly as the citizens of Medellín went about their day, getting lunch and catching up with their colleagues. There was a man selling arepas just a few feet from you, and the smell was amazing. But no matter how tantalizing the scent was, you just couldn’t bring yourself to eat. All you needed was some air. Yeah, that’s what you needed. You’d be fine after a few moments.

Unfortunately, your peace wasn’t to last long, and as you were soon to discover, your observational skills would need a check up because Colonel Horacio Carrillo himself had just plopped himself next to you, and you hadn’t even noticed. Carrillo, for his part, waited a few moments before clearing his throat, startling you from your thoughts, and successfully getting your attention.

Ah shit.

One of the exact men that you didn’t want to deal with right now was sitting right next to you.

Joy.

“Those arepas look fantastic,” he remarked in that lovely accent you really liked, “Do you want one?”

You shook your head.

“No thank you,” you mumbled, “I’m fine.”

Carrillo hummed.

“I’m sure we could find something else if you would prefer. There’s all kinds of food in Medellín,” he replied. But you refused again.

“No, really, I’m fine. I don’t want any food,” you said.

Carrillo tilted his head and clasped his hands together, leaning forward slightly. He gave a small, almost imperceptible smirk, and if you didn’t know him so well, you would have missed it.

“I see,” he observed, amusedly, “So, then, Agent. What do you want?”

You frowned, and furrowed your eyebrows. What...what was he doing?

“I–I don’t want anything,” you replied, completely flabbergasted.

“Hmmm,” Carrillo began, “I don’t believe you. I think you want something.”

You raised your eyebrows at that. You’d never known the Colonel to be so bold.

“I want Escobar dead,” you quipped, “Same as you, I suppose.”

“Ah yes, I certainly want that,” Carrillo agreed, “But I want something else. Something that I imagine might be the same as you.”

You scratched the back of your neck, nervously, not sure where this was going.

“All right, Colonel, I’ll bite. What is it that you want?” you questioned.

Carrillo adjusted his position on the wall, turning so that he was facing you squarely. He looked you straight in the eyes before taking a deep breath, as if he was working up the courage to say something.

“You.”

You felt the air leave your lungs, Carrillo’s face was a puzzle laid before you but before you could say something else, you heard a deep, timbered voice calling your name.

You reluctantly turned around and saw Peña walking up to the both of you, you felt Carrillo shift beside you and let out a sigh, as if he knew something like that would happen.

“I was looking for you,” Javier mumbled, almost as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear but you.

“So, you found me,” your voice was shaky after the Colonel’s admission, and you tried to control it “What?”

“Can we–uh–talk?” he said, and you looked back at Carrillo.

“Can it wait?” you pleaded.

“No,” Javier declared.

“I think I know what this is about,” Carrillo announced, and you frowned at him, asking with your eyes for him to elaborate. But he just stayed quiet, looking between you and Peña.

“What do you mean?” Javier huffed, “This is a private conversation that I need to have with her.”

“I think we all need to have this conversation,” Carrillo mumbled, looking at the ground for half a second before returning his gaze to you and Javier.

“What are you two on?” you asked, frantically, “I am so confused.”

Javier glanced at the Colonel, at the way he was all but shifting around like a nervous kid. He realized Carrillo moved like he was hiding something, like he had a secret he so wanted to confess.

“Do you know something?” Javier questioned him, furrowing his brow. The Colonel turned to study him and there was a small moment in which they said nothing, and their eyes just locked.

And there, Javier saw him, as he was. Colonel Horacio Carrillo was an honorable man, everyone knew that, but as he was honorable he was dark, and Javier had a small suspicion of what he knew and was badly hiding.

Javier felt himself smirk at the man and Carrillo smirked back, and Javi knew it. Because he never misses things like that. For him is like having a sixth sense, somehow enhanced by his career and his experience. He just knows. Javier had never been indifferent to men. After all, being honest with himself, he had a little crush on Steve before he saw the wedding band. And Carrillo was… just his type. He never thought he would have the chance to even get closer to the Colonel like that. In the end, the time was not right and he was quite sure Carrillo wasn’t like that.

Clearly, he had been mistaken.

“Okay you two, I’ve had enough,” you grumbled, “What is going on? I’m sick of these games.”

“This is not a game,” Carrillo said, finally looking at you, you felt your frown get deeper.

“Then what is it?” you demanded.

Javier shrugged and took one last look at Carrillo, as if to confirm his consent, and replied.

“An arrangement,” he deadpanned, “With both of us.”

“If you want it,” Carrillo added, quickly.

You shot up from the wall you were sitting on and turned to glare at both of them. Javier put his hands on his waist and leaned on a leg, and Carrillo stood up as well, clasped hands in front of him, just waiting for you to say something. Anything.

Javier glanced nervously at Carrillo from the corner of his eye, searching his face for any sign of hesitation. I hope this is gonna go how you were planning, Carrillo, he thought, Because if it doesn’t and she refuses to speak to me again after this...I swear to god–

“Where did you get this idea?” you blabbered, feeling the sting of nervousness and insecurity settling into your stomach. Along with something else in your lower belly you refused to acknowledge at all.

Javier sighed, and shook his head.

“Steve Murphy has a big mouth,” he murmured.

“Dios mío,” you exclaimed, “He told you both?”

“Well, he told me,” Javier said, running a hand through his hair, “I don’t know about our Colonel over here.”

Now it was Carrillo’s turn to look sheepish.

“No, he didn’t say anything to me,” Carrillo admitted, “I overheard the two of you talking the other day.”

“You eavesdropped on me?” you gasped, “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. Is nothing I say private?”

Carrillo at least had the grace to look ashamed.

“It was an accident,” he tried to assure you, “But–I don’t regret listening in. I haven’t stopped thinking about it. About you.”

You scrubbed your face with your hands, trying to figure out what you were going to do. It wasn’t that you were–unhappy–more so embarrassed. You’d been carrying this secret for a long time now, and to have it so out in the open made you feel more exposed than ever. And you hated the feeling.

“I’m gonna need a minute,” you said, “Can we talk about this later? I need some space.”

Without waiting for a response, you briskly walked away from the police base and in the direction of the city. You weren’t sure where you were going or when you were going to be back. All that you knew was that your privacy had been massively violated, and you needed some space to collect yourself. Alone. And perhaps when you had calmed down, you could think about Carrillo and Peña’s proposal, like a functioning adult. But right now, you were too embarrassed (and aroused, let’s be real), to think straight.

Javier turned aside to look at Carrillo when your figure had disappeared into the city.

“So,” Javier broke the not-so-awkward silence, “Are you okay with this?”

Carrillo huffed at the question and glanced at the agent, noticing in him things he hadn't noticed before.

“Are you?”

Javier felt his stomach drop at the Colonel’s question… interesting.

“I’m all in,” he replied, smirking at Carrillo.

“Yo también.”

**Scene Break 3**

It was later in the afternoon by the time you had calmed down enough to return to work. You couldn’t believe what had happened today. You absolutely wanted to smack Steve. What you had told him was in confidence, and he had broken that trust. But you couldn’t deny that you were happy with the result. The idea of having even just one of those two men was enough to get you going, but both?

Men like them?

The pool of arousal was already forming in between your legs.

You could not deny how much you had wanted this, and how much you had been dreaming about it. And for a very long time. For god’s sake, you had lost sleep over this shit. It made you feel dirty, filthy, unprofessional. But you just couldn’t help it. You’d done a decent enough job of keeping your feelings in check, but now the cat was out of the bag.

And not only did these two men know how you felt. Apparently, they felt the same way. And for some godforsaken reason, they wanted you.

Were you really going to say no to an opportunity like that? Were you truly that stupid? No matter how much you were angry with Steve.

Connie would lose her shit when you'd call her to tell her about her husband’s work.

You walked into the bullpen and saw the office door opened, the first thing you saw was Javier’s face buried inside a file, his posture rigid and his hands grasping at the folder as if it were a lifeline.

He looked up and his eyes went wide when he saw you walk in.

But then you saw Murphy, sitting like nothing had happened and you saw red. You rushed at him and without a word your hand flew and you smacked him on the back of the head.

“What the fuck?” he yelled, and you heard Javier laughing behind you.

“You asshole,” you hissed, “Exactly what made you think it was a good idea to tell him? I trusted you to keep your mouth shut.”

“Excuse me,” Steve groaned, rubbing the back of his head, “I did you a fucking favor. I got tired of hanging around with you two idiots, just looking at each other and not saying shit.”

“You should not have done that,” you growled, fixing him with what you hoped was your most intimidating glare.

“Perhaps not,” Steve shrugged, “But I don’t regret it.”

“Can I–say something?” Javier asked behind you.

“No. Shut up.” you hissed without looking back at him.

“You do something like this again, and I’ll kill you,” you threatened Steve before storming out of the base, and into the parking lot. You sat in the driver’s seat of your car and banged your head against the steering wheel. You had had every intention of finding Pe��a and Carrillo and taking them up on their offer, but now all feelings of boldness had been once again replaced by shame and embarrassment. No doubt you were the talk of the police base, what with your massive crush on two of your colleagues.

Although you knew it was irrational, you couldn’t help but feel as though Carrillo and Peña were making fun of you. You knew it was stupid. Both of them were grown-ass men. They wouldn’t be so immature. If they didn’t like you at all, they would have just left you alone. But you just couldn’t help the raging insecurity you were feeling. Perhaps if you had actually told both of them, directly, how you felt, rather than let Steve Murphy do the hard work, then maybe you wouldn’t be feeling this way.

But that was all water under the bridge now, you supposed.

Later that night, you were heating up a pitiful TV-dinner in your apartment, not feeling up to eating, but you needed something, when your phone rang. You froze with the fork halfway to your mouth. There were only a handful of people who had your landline number, and even then, only a few of those people would have the guts to actually call it. This wasn’t going to be a fun conversation.

Sighing, you trudged over to the phone and lifted the receiver to your ear.

“¿Sí?” you asked, quietly, and you heard the low voice of Colonel Carrillo on the other end.

“It’s me,” he said softly, “You left work rather abruptly. I called to see if you were fine.”

“As fine as I can be, given the circumstances,” you grumbled.

“I’m sorry that things transpired the way they did, truly,” Carrillo mumbled, sounding genuinely apologetic, “But I meant it when I said I don’t regret finding out.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” you snarked, “You’re not the one whose colleague breached her trust.”

There was a pause before Carrillo spoke again.

“Do you regret it?”

Now it was your turn to pause, contemplating your words and how you would respond. You didn’t want to hurt him, but at the same time, you wanted to make it clear that you weren’t pleased with the means---even if the end was fantastic.

“I regret how this started,” you replied, slowly, not trusting yourself to say anything further.

Carrillo hummed over the line, contemplating your words.

“I can’t blame you for that,” he said, “But forget about Steve for a moment, please. Have you thought about it?”

You inhaled and held your breath for ten counts, trying to calm down your racing heart. You couldn’t deny that just the mere thought of being in the same room with these two men, especially in a non-platonic setting, was difficult for you.

“I think you know the answer to that, Colonel. You aren’t stupid,” you quipped, “Have you discussed this with Peña? I must admit, I am surprised at you both. This doesn’t seem like something either of you would be interested in.”

“We’ve discussed this, absolutely,” Carrillo said, recalling the deeper conversation he had with Peña earlier that day after you had slapped Steve, “I think we’ve both surprised ourselves, if I’m being honest. But if the attraction is there, it’s there. But I want you to know, there is no pressure. This only goes as far as you want it to go.”

You frowned at that.

“What do you mean?” you pressed.

“Querida,” he sighed, “What happens between the three of us–well–Peña and I know where we stand–it’s up to you now. If you don’t want this, then just say the word. We’ll pretend this conversation never happened.”

You took a shuddering breath and tried to respond as best as you can.

“I–”

“You don’t have to give me an answer now,” Carrillo interrupted gently, “Think about it. Make sure it’s what you want. Then you can let us know.”

“I–ok,” you stuttered, for lack of a better response.

“I should leave you to your evening. But think about it, and let me know what you decide ,” Carrillo said, “Have a good night, querida.”

“Sure, good night, Colonel,” you mumbled, hearing the click on the other end, indicating that Carrillo had hung up.

You passed the rest of the evening in relative silence, going about your mundane business with an extra air of heaviness. Slowly you could feel the embarrassment from the day give way to desire. As you lay by yourself in your bed, clutching at your pillow, you couldn’t help the acute sense of loneliness that you felt. After all, you hadn’t really had anyone before you came to Colombia, and your job here certainly killed whatever chance of having a relationship you might have had. It was why you had so easily fallen for both of your colleagues.

You were lonely. And they were lonely too. But it wasn’t just out of loneliness. You’d seen what Peña was like when he just wanted to have a warm body next to him. Just as it had taken courage for you to confess how you felt to Steve, it must have taken just as much strength for Carrillo and Peña to admit the same to you. This wasn’t going to be a one time thing–born out of isolation and tragedy–it would be something much more meaningful than that. You could feel it.

You glanced at the clock, seeing that it was just past midnight. Although you knew that Carrillo usually stayed up late, you didn’t want to bother him, so you dialed the number of the only other person who you knew would be up this late.

“Hello?” Javier Peña gruffed on the other end, clearly annoyed at having been woken up.

“Javier, it’s me,” you said, by way of greeting. You heard some rustling of bedsheets, no doubt Javier was fully awake now.

“Are you all right?” he asked, concern coloring his tone.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you assured him, “I just–I’ve thought about your offer. Yours and Carrillo’s.”

You heard a sharp intake of breath over the phone.

“And what do you say, cariño?” he questioned, hope ringing in his voice.

You took a deep breath, steadying yourself.

“Yes. I’m saying yes.”

**Scene Break 4**

You sat inside Javier’s car, silently, as he drove the two of you through the streets of Medellín towards Carrillo’s address. It was a Friday–exactly a week from when Carrillo had overheard you talking to Steve, and you were completely floored at how your life had changed that fast. You didn’t regret anything though, not one bit.

You were nervous though. Having one of these men was enough to make you swoon, but both? You weren’t sure what was going to happen. All you knew is that it would be a fantastic night. You just hoped that you could keep up.

A hand on your knee brought you back to the present, and you glanced over to see that Javier was eyeing you out of the corner of his eye as he drove.

“Relax, cariño,” he ordered, “It’s just us.”

You laughed.

“I know, that’s what I’m worried about,” you said, jokingly. But Javier wasn’t having it.

“Why would that make you nervous?” he asked, turning to face you when you had stopped for a red light.

“You two are my friends and colleagues,” you stated, “I don’t–want to disappoint you. Especially since we will have to go back to work after the weekend.”

Javier shook his head and pressed down harder on the accelerator, hoping that if he got you to Carrillo’s place faster, you’d stop your fatalistic thoughts.

“None of that,” he grumbled, shutting down your line of thinking as quickly as he could, “What happens between us tonight stays between us. That’s it. No pressure or expectations. Just enjoy yourself, okay?”

You nodded, not quite trusting yourself to speak. And thankfully, you didn’t have to say anything because you and Javier finally pulled up in front of Carrillo’s house. It was a much larger property than you had expected, with a beautifully-kept lawn and a mango tree just at the front of the house. It was a stunning place to live, and the thought that Carrillo had been staying there alone, with nobody to share it with, for the past several months just left you heartbroken.

Well. That was likely about to change tonight.

“You’re still sure, cariño?” Javier asked, taking your hand in his and staring at your knuckles, “If you’ve changed your mind, I can drive you back now. No questions asked.”

You shook your head.

“I’m completely sure, Javi. Don’t worry,” you assured him, and Javier nodded.

“Bueno,” he mumbled, “Let’s go.” And with that, the two of you walked up the path to Carrillo’s front door and rang the bell. Carrillo answered almost immediately, face relaxing at the sight of you.

“I hope you didn’t have too much trouble finding the place,” he greeted, stepping back to allow the two of you to enter his house.

“I have some wine if you would like,” Carrillo suggested, leading you and Javier into the kitchen after the two of you had kicked off your shoes.

Carrillo walked straight to the fridge and took out what appeared to be a pretty expensive brand of wine, but neither you nor Javier said anything in regards to it. Instead, you both sat down and exchanged a series of fugitive glances at each other.

You thought you needed the wine, the bitter, strong taste of alcohol to run through your veins in order to be able to process the moment in its entirety. But suddenly, as you glared at both Javier and Carrillo, there was no need for anything else. No liquid distraction to be drunk beforehand, no ridiculous and meaningless pleasantries or comfort words. You knew those men. You trusted them with your life every day when you went out there on the streets, and you trusted them just as much now. Their mere presence was sufficient to relax you and ease the tension, although you thought they would both agree that the tension was thicker than you could’ve imagined.

“I trust you both, and I care about you both, so damn much.”

It came out of the blue; you weren’t even sure you thought about it in your mind, and yet you said it nonetheless, standing up. Both of them seemed a little surprised by your impromptu confession, but patiently waited for your continuation, if there was any to begin with.

“What I mean is… why make this harder on ourselves? Why bother with small talk and awkward conversations when we can just… do it, enjoy the night?”

Javier was the first one who smirked. And of course he would, he was probably used to a lot of those moments, or similar ones, and had almost no issue baring it all, you thought. You swore, for a brief, almost too rushed moment, that you saw Carrillo hesitate with saying something and averting his eyes from both you and Javier, but you brushed it off. Instead, he looked tall and mighty at you, as his official position required, and smiled gallantly at you.

“You are the one in charge tonight,” he told you.

Simple, yet effective.

From the moment you heard that sentence, it did something to your ego. It gave you an unexpected boost of confidence, it sparked a desire, a flame so bright and hot you wouldn’t have believed it to be true in any other situation.

You took a few steps closer to Carrillo, all the while having Javier watch the scene unfold from the kitchen entrance. He stood up when you did, out of some long-forgotten courtesy that he didn’t used to care about anymore, and he just knew where it was all headed. He recognized the look in your eyes, the longing on your face. He knew what it meant, how much it must’ve consumed you, and he felt oddly enticed and captivated by it.

Just as swiftly as the night began, Carrillo’s hands rested on your waist while he kissed you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he only brought you closer to him; his lips tasted surprisingly sweet, with just a faint tint of nicotine. Your chest was pressed against his, warm clothed skin found yours and you shivered against him. His hands gripped your waist as if saying farewell to them and he slid them up your body. You could feel Peña’s eyes fixed in your bodies, staring at the scene, and when the Colonel broke the kiss to nibble at your neck, you opened your eyes to see him next to you; half-lidded brown deep eyes, an opened bottle of wine in one hand and his lower lip in the other. Your skin was burning, and you had barely been touched.

You smiled at him when Carrillo took your jacket off, Peña smirked and took a sip of wine directly from the bottle, careless about any pleasantries.

Carrillo’s wet tongue latched softly at your pulse point and ripped a low moan out of you, you closed your eyes again when his hands gripped your ass over the fabric of your jeans.

“Colonel, please,” you muttered, sighing as you felt his large hands had fun with your flesh and grip it after hearing the way you called him.

“Words, querida” he just replied, putting some distance between your wet skin and his lips.

“More,” you bit your lip, Carrillo smirked at you and you noticed the way his eyes darkened with desire in front of you. He turned to look at Javier, who was still standing at the kitchen entrance, palming his erection over his jeans.

“Bring that,” Carrillo said, pointing at the bottle, then slid his hand from your ass to the small of your back and guided you towards the staircase.

Between your hazed eyes and the cloud of lust that had begun to invade your mind you looked around Carrillo’s space and wondered how a man like him could live in a place that big. You smiled to yourself when he put his hand on the small of your back and soon enough Peña caught up to you, you felt his ever so imposing presence behind you.

Carrillo opened the door to the bedroom and pushed you softly inside.

You didn’t even have time to take your surroundings in when you felt a pair of warm hands find your hips and a set of lips grazing at your earlobe. Your eyes closed by themselves and the sweet, strong smell of Javier’s cologne invaded your nostrils as he pulled your back flush against his chest.

“Sh–shit,” you let out, half a whisper, half a moan, when you felt Carrillo’s hands roam around your waist.

You were losing yourself between the touch of the two of them, you shivered when Carrillo cupped your breast as Javier nibbled at the skin of your neck, from behind, you tilted your head to the side to give him more room to do whatever–the–fuck he pleased with your neck.

“Mírate, chiquita,” Carrillo whispered, you felt his breath on your lips and when you re-opened your eyes you saw him inches away from your face “you’re already wrecked.”

You felt Javier chuckling against your flushed skin, and you bit your lower lip, bringing a hand to the Colonel’s nape to pull him closer and kiss him again.

One of Javier’s hands found itself under your shirt, his mouth was moving and his other hand pulled softly at your shirt over your shoulder to find more skin to lick and kiss. Carrillo found the hem of your shirt and broke the kiss to look at you, as if asking for permission and reassurance that you wanted what he wanted. Javier watched the silent exchange and smirked against the skin of your shoulder, he gave it a last brush of his mustache and a last kiss before you nodded to the Colonel and he helped you out of the garment.

Carrillo smiled to himself when he saw what you’ve been hiding under it, a black, only-lace bra that showed the shade of your nipples, you bit your lip again when you took in his disheveled figure, his notorious erection under his military green pants that made the pool between your legs grow.

“How are you this fucking beautiful?” Javier muttered behind you, his mouth leaving a trail of kisses behind your ear to your nape.

Your breath hitched when Carrillo kneeled in front of you and you felt your chest heaving with desire when his large fingers dextrely unbuttoned your jeans and his thumbs hooked on the hem. He looked at you again and you nodded for a second time. Javier looked over your shoulder at the Colonel slowly sliding your jeans off your hips then your legs and he left his hands roam around the now naked skin of your torso. Your hands landed on the back of his head, and he took the hint, attacking the skin of your neck once again.

Carrillo threw your jeans away once he helped you out of them and you moaned loudly when his lips grazed against your knee. One of your hands dropped to grab Carrillo’s head as his trail of kisses moved up, up, up until he reached the soft skin where your thigh and your hip joined. You were sure he could smell your arousal, you were sure he could feel it at that point and you didn’t care, for once you let yourself only feel and let all thought out of your mind while you felt two mouths, two men, take care of you.

There was no hesitation from Javier’s side as his fingers gently grazed up your spine, expertly unclasping your bra, taking in the image of the straps loosening on your smooth skin. He was damn near panting at the mere sight, but he had to remind himself that that was only the tip of the iceberg. The moans you were letting escape your mouth as Carrillo pressed gentle kisses on your inner thighs aided him in no way. He felt himself get harder and harder and fought off raging instincts to turn that moment into another one of his one-night stands.

Javier made sure he tasted your skin while he took the straps from both sides between his fingers and slid them off your shoulders, he felt you shivering under his hands and over Horacio’s mouth and you could feel the smirk on your skin, once the bra came off, Javier took your chin and moved your head to face him, he pressed his mouth on yours, his tongue hungry for your scent, invading your cavities and feeling your warmth rush through his body with the speed of light. Everything about your scent was intoxicating and consuming, and ever so addicting that he could barely find it in himself to stop.

But then his calloused hands found your breasts and oh–oh, shit.

That first squeeze, tantalizingly slow and powerful, took you out completely. You gasped, and you weren’t sure if it was Horacio’s warm breath in between your legs or Javier fondling your breasts, but you embraced the overwhelming effect both had on you. Javier squeezed again, and moved around to locate the sweet torture of his mouth onto your nipples, taking one in his mouth whilst his thumb moved over the other one, twisting it in between his fingers as he nibbled at your skin. His tongue left a glistening trail as he peppered kisses in between your breasts, moving up your sternum, collarbones and neck and focusing on one particular spot that seemed to drive you wild. So much so that you reached behind your back to grab a handful of his hair, pull him in closer however you could.

“Lay her down, Peña,” Carrillo cooed, and the man followed suit.

You saw the Colonel untuck his shirt and take it off while Javier kneeled on the bed and helped you lay down on it, the softness of the sheets embraced you and the coldness made you whimper softly.

It was a premiere for him to witness Javier Peña, of all people, being so submissive and attentive, but he had other matters to focus on at the moment. His mouth left your already glistening and plump lips to grab the bottle of wine, your eyes followed him as you felt Carrillo’s hands spread your legs open and kiss the inside of your legs again, Javier came back to the bed and kneeled next to you, his hand gripping the bottle and the other cupping your face, he smiled softly at you and took a sip from the bottle; you moaned when Carrillo’s hands worked to get you out of your lace panties and Javier leaned down to you, the hand that cupped your face moved to your chin and he opened your mouth with his thumb, letting the wine pour from his mouth to yours, the wine was warm and it tasted sweet, when you closed your mouth and swallowed, Javier’s thumb grazed your lips and you heard a hard pant next to you, you turned to see Carrillo’s lusted face, you gave him a soft smile and he all but threw himself to you, kissing your mound, you moaned again and Javier leaned back, bringing the chilled bottle closer to your body, letting the tip of it graze against your warm skin, between the cold sensation and Carrillo’s lips tasting you, you were about to scream, Javier looked at you, smirked and pour some of the wine all over your breasts and abdomen, immediately reaching down on your again to lick the liquid off. A bit of the wine had traveled down your abdomen to your lower belly and found its way into Carrillos mouth, the feeling of the cold wine and their tongues made you growl. You had two pairs of equally sinful and skilled lips teasing and licking deliciously well over your exposed skin, and you had half of mind to grab either one of them and get to business. You couldn’t recall the last time you felt so aroused, but it was all a masterful torture and all for a good time. If anyone else was allowed to have their downtime, why shouldn’t you?

It was somewhat futile to even attempt to please either one of the men in return; their own pleasure seemed to be revolving around yours and they were both doing such an incredible job out of it that you had a hard time trying to keep track of where did the waves of pleasure come from anymore. It was all one big tsunami of feelings, from overstimulation to lust and appreciation and love in some form.

Carrillo continued his ministrations while Javier licked the remains of the wine from your body, his tongue traveled to your sternum and he took a nipple on his mouth ever so briefly, then he stood up and quickly undressed, not bothering to be cool about it, he just threw his clothes to the floor while he looked at Horacio have the time of his life between your legs, you let out soft moans and whispers and while Javier took off his jeans he saw your hand grip Carrillo’s hair as your hips hatched against the Colonel’s face. You felt his tongue flicking your clit and he pushed a thick finger inside you, curling it around, building you up and throwing you off the cliff with the same force he had put you there. You came on his mouth with his name on yours.

As you laid on the bed, legs spread for Carrillo as he helped you ride off your orgasm, Javier kneeled back on the bed next to your face, his hand snaked its way around your neck, gently grabbing both sides and helping you take his erection in your mouth, which you were more than happy to do. You could tell he was somewhat tensed: he was doing his absolute best to control his motions and to keep it at a normal rhythm, but the more you involuntarily groaned as Carrillo began to glide his tongue across your slit once again, building up your second climax, the more Javier was slowly losing bits and pieces of himself. Within seconds, you could just tell you weren’t gonna last long, but neither would Javier as he picked up the face and jerked his hips forward more and more, thus obliging you to take more of him in. You couldn’t explain it, nor find any logic behind the action itself, but you swore you felt his release in Javier’s impatient thrusts and, sure enough, mere seconds later, he finally came, grunting as ropes of his seed dripped down your jaw.

Your moans returned when Carrillo added two fingers to his mouthy torture over your clit, and you felt like you could explode. Not long after that all-too familiar gut feeling, that almost persistent desire to burn, you came for a second time, eager to jerk your hips forward and meet as much as you could of Carrillo’s tongue, but this time, the man’s grip over your thighs was impossible to break. He held you in place ever so expertly and ate you out like you were his favorite five course meal, soaking up every ounce of juice that you provided him with.

You temporarily lost feeling in your arms as you tried to raise them to make at least Javier pay attention, but words also failed to leave your abused mouth.

“Que buena chica,” Carrillo said from somewhere down below. (What a good girl.)

Your brain didn’t register what he said properly. All you could feel was a fire so intense, so vivid, you nearly saw stars. And something told you that was only the beginning.

And you were proven right.

In the momentary lack of physical touch, you thought about the moment itself, having two of the strongest, most desirable men eager to please you–simultaneously, might you add–and the more you thought about it, the more it threw you off completely. Why? You weren’t really sure. Perhaps it was the idea in the back of your mind that you wouldn’t have thought yourself capable of that. Or them, really. The activity hadn’t been exactly on your to-do list over the past few years and yet now, you couldn’t have thought of a better way to figure out your feelings for them, and to spare time.

The freshly acquired ecstasy was not only enthralling, but efficient as well.

After your second orgasm at Horacio’s ministrations you saw him between your lusted, narrowed eyes, undress completely, Javier was next to you, trailing his fingers up and down your wet torso–wet with wine and his saliva, what a fucking thought– while the both of you saw Carrillo take the remains of his clothes off and took in his lean figure, Javier smirked when he saw him whole and thought to himself the things he would do to the man if he had the time.

Javier wrapped his arms around your waist and helped you roll over to the side to face him, licking his bottom lip in the process and made sure you watched as he did so. He had been eyeing you up and down the entire day, whether clothed or not, and every glance he threw you, ever so dark and desirable, filled with subtext and desire, made you weaker and weaker, just like Carrillo’s touches were.

You reached his face and took his lips in yours, his tongue slid inside your mouth and as he explored the insides and his hand grabbed fistfuls of your ass, you felt the bed shifting behind you, and another hand snaked from behind and found your breast, you were being pressed against and between two bodies and the wam of them was driving you insane, when Carrillo’s fingers played with your nipple you bucked your hips forward and you felt Javier’s erection graze at your lower belly. Javier moved his hand from your ass to your thigh and then he let it slide to your pussy, you bucked your hips backwards and you felt Carrillo’s erection graze at your ass.

“How are you still this wet, bonita?” Javier asked, while his fingers found themselves between your lips.

“Don’t you know the answer by now, Javi?” you muttered, feeling the way Carrillo’s mouth found your shoulders.

You glanced at him and Carrillo the same way Javier looked at you and you understood in an instant why he always preferred to be that way. It was enticing, addicting and sinful, just the way he was.

And by the looks of it, Colonel Horacio Carrillo was no saint either.

“How do you want this to go, chiquita?” Horacio asked behind you as you moved your leg up to allow Javier’s fingers to find a way inside you.

You sighed. Why was he asking you that question when you weren’t even sure something like this would happen? For a brief, brief second you wanted to hide, just grab your clothes and hide. But you found yourself sandwiched between the men that you most desired and you just couldn’t waste this opportunity for the life of you.

So you rummaged around your deepest, filthiest fantasies you’ve had when everything had just been a sinful dream, a product of your lascive thoughts giving into what you catalogued as your darkest secrets and desires and you found one you couldn’t stop think about after it had given you a stars–behind–the–eyes orgasm.

“I want both,” you muttered, feeling the way both men groaned at your sides, “both inside me, please.”

“You sure?” Javier asked, pulling out his fingers from your cunt and looking at the way they glistened, you nodded.

“Words, chiquita,” Horacio said and you turned to see him, he leaned down and stole a short, deep kiss.

“I’m a hundred percent sure,” you murmured against the Colonel’s lips.

“Let’s get you ready, then,” Javier whispered on your neck and you sighed when his fingers slid back into your slit, you closed your eyes when Horacio played your nipples around his fingers and then his hand roamed down your body, finding their way to your pussy.

“Déjame entrar,” Horacio said under his breath, Javier stopped moving his fingers inside you and you squeezed your eyes tighter when Carrillo slid two more fingers inside your cunt.

“Fu–fuck, fuck,” you gasped, Javier let open mouthed kisses around your face and the skin of your neck within reach while your walls tightened around their thick fingers.

“You okay?” Javier asked and you nodded a few times before your body relaxed and got used to the intrusion.

“Mo–move,” you pleaded, feeling Horacio’s mouth nibbling at your shoulder and your neck.

Javier and Horacio moved their fingers at the same time inside you, looking at each other as if marking a dancing pace. You didn’t know what to do with yourself as they moved in and out and curled their fingers in all directions inside you, making you moan and whimper and open up more for them as they somehow found an identical pace to torture you with.

“Eso, eso nena, lo estás haciendo muy bien,” Carrillo praised behind you, feeling the way your walls were giving into the attention and dilating around their fingers (That’s it baby, you’re doing great)

“Más,” you pleaded, rolling your hips against their hands “Más, más,”

They grinned at each other, Javier’s eyes landed on your face and took in the way your features quirked in pure pleasure. Their fingers moving at the same time, pacing in and out faster. Javier’s mouth landed on your shoulder and Carrillo only took in the lewd noise his and Javier’s fingers were making as they pulled in and out at a murdering pace.

“Oh, sh–shit,” you bit your lip and tried to hide your face inside the crook of Javier’s neck but Horacio pulled you away with his other hand.

“We wanna hear you, querida.” he whispered behind your ear, you shivered again at the feeling of his warm breath and then it became too much, their fingers were covered in your arousal as you spread your legs impossibly wider as your throat began growling and your hands landed on both of them, digging your nails on their flesh. Javier hissed against your shoulder and Carrillo bit the skin of your mouth, both of them throwing you together from the cliff and your body spasmed between them.

“Oh my god, oh shit, fuck!” you screamed between their bodies and they slowed their pace to help you ride down your climax “please, please, fuck me, please,” you let out, almost desperately, eager to feel the same with them inside you. They slid their fingers out of you and you shivered again.

Your body was already a mess, after three powerful orgasms you were panting for air, the only thing you wanted was them inside you, you wanted to feel every ridge and every vein of them, you wanted; you needed to cum around them both.

“What is taking you so long?” you opened your eyes, quite frustrated at the lack of attention to your bodies, but the sight that you took in was otherworldly.

Carrillo had his fingers, his covered–in–your–arousal fingers inside Javier’s mouth.

“Fuck,” you let out, dropping your head on the mattress, looking at the way Javier grabbed Horacio’s wrist to keep his hand on his mouth and lick them clean of you while Horacio’s deep gaze took Javier in with a smirk adorning his face.

Horacio pulled his fingers out with a soft pop and they both looked at you, panting and brushing a nipple with your fingers.

“Next time you’ll have to put on a show for me,” you teased.

“You’re ready?” Javier asked, leaning down to kiss your temple, you looked at Carrillo and smiled at him as he licked his fingers.

“Very,” you replied, softly, your voice was already hoarse because of the moaning and screaming they had pulled out of you, they got comfortable on each of your side and you took a deep breath when Horacio lifted your leg and hooked it on his hip.

Javier was the first one to tease your entrance with the dripping head of his cock, when you felt it sliding up and down your slit you gasped and as he pushed himself inside you you grabbed his arm and licked any part of his skin available for you.

“Oh my god,” you cried out softly.

Javier was having a hard time staying still when your walls were warm and wet around him, his hands roamed around your body as Carrillo lined himself with you and him as well and then he pushed.

“Holy fucking shit,” you had close your eyes at the feeling of Horacio making his way inside of you, you breathed and panted and tried so hard to relaxe but they were thicker than their fingers and your pussy was clenching already around them. Javier took your hand and you squeezed his as both of them bottomed up inside you.

Horacio put his hands over the entanglement of yours and Javi’s and the three of you gasped and panted until your body stopped squirming between them and your walls stopped closing themselves at the feeling of two thick cocks making their way inside.

Javier had to close his eyes as well when he felt how your cunt clenched him tight closer to Horacio and he felt himself throb inside you, when he opened his eyes he saw you, open mouthed gasps leaving your body as it got used to being that full, and then his eyes traveled to Horacio, that buried himself in the crook of your neck, he supposed he was feeling the same way as him, trapped in a oh–so–tight hole with him.

“Move, move, move,” you all but begged, the initial sting of being filled like that disappearing and being replaced with the darkest, deepest, hottest desire you had ever felt, “fu–fucking move already!”

Horacio smirked against the skin of your neck at your demand and moved slightly to look at Javier, who nodded once and then, murdering pleasure; Javier pulled out and as he was thrusting slowly back in, Horacio pulled out and moved in as Javier moved out and you gasped and the air in your lungs left you for the time being as your cunt was filled with the two men you wanted the most.

It was pleasure delivered in a delicious swing of two hips rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth into you, making you impossibly wetter, incredibly hornier, and way too lost in the haze to even care about anything else.

The way that they were fucking you was shameless, the noises were lewd and your moans invaded the room as soon as they picked up the pace and kept driving into you at the same pace but in different directions.

Four hands caressed your body, two sets of lips nibbled at your skin, two tongues tasted the salty sheet of sweat that had covered your body, two thick cocks used your body at their will, making you want to explode; it was an eager combination of feelings and sensations pulled out of the most sensual, lechery, degenerated dreams you could ever had.

“Harder, please, pleasepleaseplease,” you panted out, gripping any skin and limb your hands could find. Your hips started rolling and rolling and rolling with them as they thrusted and pounded inside you.

“Mierda,” Horacio gasped behind you, biting at your skin, making you whimper.

“You’re so fucking tight, so fu–fucking good, baby,” Javier cried out as your pussy clenched around them and you absentmindedly rolled your hips harder.

It was an entanglement of limbs and wet skin, mouths clashing against skin, hands gripping and grabbing available flesh, a swing of bodies and a symphony of licks, kisses, hums, gasps, pants, begs and praises.

“Shit, sh–shit,” you panted harder and clawed at Javier’s arm when you felt the well-familiar tug on your belly of an incoming orgasm, you hummed and moaned and you felt lips in your ear, licking and nibbling at your earlobe, “I’m so close, más,”

Javier gritted his teeth when you demanded more and angled his hips to pound inside harder, Horacio followed his lead, dropping his hand on Javier’s shoulder for leverage. Carrillo’s touch burned in Javier’s skin and he felt his body stiffen with the feeling of his second release.

“Por dios, querida, me estás matando.” Horacio cried out behind you, feeling as well his body falling from the cliff. (My god, you’re killing me)

Javier’s free hand slid through your wet, glistening skin and his finger circled your clit slowly, you screamed his name, your legs buckled and your entire body squirmed with the sea of sensations your body was feeling and flooding with.

“Cum inside me, please, please,” you panted again, feeling the way your legs started to shake as both of their thrust became erratic and Javier’s finger kept circling around your bundle of nerves you exploded around them, gushing out and soaking them as your orgasm made you scream both their names.

“Mierda, querida, mírate,” Horacio grunted before he gave into the lustfulness of it all and came inside you and around Javier.

Once Javi felt the warmness of Carrillo’s release and the way you soaked both of them and his hand, he locked his hips with yours and spilled himself inside as well, gasping out your name.

“Ohmyfuckinggod,” you let out as a sigh, feeling your legs tremble with the strength of your climax.

The three of you stayed like that, joined, for a while. As your bodies relaxed you finally opened your eyes and saw the way Horacio’s hand was resting on Javier’s shoulder, wrapping you as well between them. Both of them breathing heavily, eyes closed, recovering from whatever the hell you had done was called. You sighed and smiled to yourself. If it weren’t for the four orgasms you had and the way your cunt was throbbing after the abuse and dripping with their seed, you wouldn’t believe it was real at all.

“How was that, cariño?” Javier asked, grazing a hand up and down your arm.

“That was–magnificent,” you gushed, not sure how else to describe that positively euphoric experience, “I think–you two have worn me out.”

Horacio chuckled and moved your head to press a kiss to your forehead, and shifted to allow all three of you to lie somewhat comfortably under the covers. You whined when they pulled out of you, solely because at the loss of them, you felt empty.

“Rest now, querida, we’ll be here in the morning,” he whispered into your hair, and that was all the permission you needed.

“We should–” you brought a hand to your mouth to cover a massive yawn, “–do this again sometime.”

After that, it didn’t take long before you had succumbed to the tempting pull of sleep. Horacio sighed and glanced over your shoulder at Javier, who looked rather worn out himself. Tenderly, Horacio reached over and brushed aside a small strand of hair that had fallen in Javi’s face.

“So, same time next week, then?” Horacio asked, giving Javier a lazy smirk, which was returned in kind.

“Yeah,” Javier mumbled, turning over to drape his arm around your way and bury his face in your neck.

“Absolutely.”

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blossomingimagines · 3 years

Text

Of A Broken Heart

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Stark!Reader

Word Count: 5,339

Summary: You never thought you would see her again. Never thought you would feel your heart skip a beat because of her emerald green gaze again. Never thought that you would let her back in. You also never thought that you would have to think about planning your brother’s funeral either. (Set after and during (sort of) Infinity War.)

Notes: Everyone requested a second part of Requiem... so I thought I would make one. I hope that you all like it. (Also the reader was under the assumption that Tony had returned. She wasn’t aware that Tony wouldn’t have a way back.)

Tag List: @username23345 // @stephanieromanoff // @ima-gi--na-tion // @chickenhavewisdom // @hi-i-1 (I’m not sure if some of you wanted to be tagged but you mentioned a part two in Requiem... so I thought I would do so just in case.)

Warnings: Mentions of alcoholism.

Your gaze was leveled with the sky. Tracing over the sparkling stars and the distant worlds dotted between. Worlds that you would never be able to make out with your naked eye. Even though you knew that they were there all the same.

Was Tony on one of them? Your mind cries out. Tears coming unbidden to your eyes as you tried to quell the incoming sobs. Was he all right? Was he already dead?

The thoughts were familiar to you. Looping constantly within your head like a taunt. Images of your brother’s dead body flashing across your mind. Hollow brown eyes, normally filled with so much life, staring into your own. Never to have the same spark again. To have mischief lurking within their depths as various emotions played through his brilliant mind.

Clenching your hands against the railing you were leaning against, you lower your head as you take in deep breaths. Ever since Tony had disappeared with the ship you had been left in an almost fugue state. Barely being able to interact with anyone. Barely allowing yourself the pleasures of living.

Eating had become a challenge because Tony could potentially not be doing the same. How could you possibly enjoy your meal if Tony was starving? How could you allow yourself the simple pleasures of Earth if Tony was suffering away from it? Away from you.

The thought of Tony truly being gone hadn’t fully set in. You had dealt with this before. Had lived with the knowledge that Tony could be lost to you. Afghanistan had been hell for you and for everyone that loved Tony. You hadn’t given up hope that he would be found. That your big brother, the only family you had left, would be returning to you.

You had less hope now. At least when Tony had disappeared in Afghanistan he had still been on Earth. Now you didn’t know what galaxy he was in… let alone the planet. His absence became more and more obvious the longer it went on. The days slipping past you like water through your fingers. The knowledge that Tony may truly be gone this time crushing you.

It didn’t help that you were surrounded by the people that hurt you the most. The people that you thought were your family but ended up being your biggest heartache. Closing your eyes once more, you crane your neck back. And even if you couldn’t see the stars you knew where you were looking. You had long since memorized the layout of the sky above your terrace in the Compound. It wasn’t the Tower but you didn’t think you could bear to set foot in it. Not without Tony being there to greet you.

You could hear the distant murmur of voices beneath you. No doubt the others trying to figure out what to do. The sound causes yet another stab of pain to lance through your heart. While you wouldn’t wish what had happened on your greatest enemy, you couldn’t understand how they survived when Tony didn’t. How they could be using the things he made for them after everything they had done. Didn’t understand why you had to see them every day and not Tony.

You still remember, with perfect clarity, seeing them again after so long. Remember seeing her again after everything.

You wished that your heart didn’t still react the way it did.

Stepping off of the QuinJet, you pull your jacket tighter against your body. Your eyes taking in the various faces as you went. Desperately searching for something familiar to ground you. You needed something to make sense. You needed to have someone you love be okay.

Spotting a familiar face, you break out into a run. Relief interlacing itself within your shout. “Wombat!”

At your yell, Rhodey whips around and pure relief flashes across his face. His arms are already opening for you as you barrel into him. Burrowing against him as you clung as tightly as you could.

“You’re okay,” you choke out with tears falling from your eyes. “You’re okay.”

Rhodey’s arms tighten around you at your choked statements. The pain he was holding back showcasing itself within the shaking of his arms. By the way, he followed every minute movement of your body as you shifted in his embrace. Finally, after a few moments, you take a small step back. Making sure that you maintained eye contact with him through it all. You needed him in your sights at all times. You don’t know what you would do if he disappeared too.

His pained gaze flits to various points behind you. His throat bobbing up and down as he tried to form his question. “Di-” He clears his throat. “Did Pepper make it?”

You nod. “She’s on her way now.”

Rhodey hums but his gaze still hadn’t returned to yours. Causing your own to narrow as worry started to fill your chest. “Rhodey.” You wait for him to turn back towards you. Even if his gaze wouldn’t stay solely on your own for long. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head but doesn’t offer an answer. Something that only causes your worry to grow that much more. Rhodey had made it his life's work to deliver the hard truths to family. You didn’t want to think of what this meant that he wasn’t able to tell you.

Stepping closer, you place a light hand on his chest. “Rhodey,” you implore gently. “What happened?”

There’s a tense silence until he finally meets your gaze. Tears finally begin to fall from his eyes as a pained sound escapes his mouth. “Sam.”

He didn’t have to say anything else for you to understand. You had already seen so many people you knew crumble before your eyes. Seen innocent bystanders disappear with the breeze as their remaining family watched in shock. The screams for help and the mournful howls of grief following soon after. New York City quickly became a desolate wasteland of what it used to be. The City That Never Slept growing quiet.

Wrapping your arms around Rhodey, you offer him another hug. There were no words that you could say that could take away his pain. No words that would ever make the grief go away. That would ever erase the image of ashen faces crumbling against the wind. Faces of loved ones, of people you didn’t even know, forever seared into your brain.

Raising your head, you meet Rhodey’s gaze once more. A small frown furrowing your brow.

“Where’s Tony?”

“We’ll have to take another jet to scope the area for more survivors. I thi-”

Whatever was going to be said was immediately interrupted by your entrance. Not that you cared for anything he had to say. Your gaze honing in on his baby blue one as you made your way towards him. While he didn’t look the same you could still see the self-righteous asshole underneath. Something that caused your anger to grow even more.

You didn’t notice the other occupants of the room. Didn’t notice the way pained green eyes followed your every move-- even though there was worry interlacing the expression. Didn’t notice anything except for Steven Fucking Rogers.

Even the splitting pain that erupted across your hand as you punched him did little to detract from your anger. All you could feel was your pain. Your grief at what had happened. No amount of physical pain could ever measure up to your emotional trauma.

“You asshole,” you snarl. “This is exactly what Tony was afraid of. This is exactly what he tried to protect the world from.”

Steve didn’t make any move to protect himself from your shoves. His blue gaze turning sad; almost remorseful.

“I know, Y/N.” He turns his head away as shame colors his face. “I know that this is what Tony was afraid of.”

“Don’t you dare say his fucking name like you’re still his friend. Don’t you dare act like what you did didn’t happen.” You scoff as you take a step back from him. Your gaze finally looping the room for the first time. Only briefly pausing over Natasha’s silent form. Hating the relief that flared through your body at the sight of her. An emotion that you were sure crossed your face by the way something shifted in her gaze. By the way, her stance loosened ever-so-slightly. Turning away from her, you meet Steve’s gaze once more. “Tony knew this was going to happen. It’s why he fought so fucking hard for the Accords. Why he fought so hard to keep the team together.”

Anger finally graces Steve’s face at your words. “The Accords were going to treat us as servants, Y/N. There was no way we could sign them.”

An incredulous laugh falls from your lips at your words. “This isn’t the forties, Rogers. You can’t just do whatever the hell you want and expect to get away with it. There have to be limitations on what people with your abilities are allowed to do.” You shake your head as you turn your back on him. Moving towards the door. “Tony was going to fight for your rights. He wasn’t going to let your humanity be stripped from you. But there had to be fail-safes in place to protect the innocent people of Earth.” You shoot him a glance over your shoulder. Withering with its intensity-- with your anger. “Or is one person truly worth more than the millions of lives you destroyed? Or the billions, maybe even trillions, that are now gone because you couldn’t see past your loyalty to him?”

“This isn’t my fault, Y/N.” Steve replies. “This is because of Thanos. He is the one we have to stop.”

A small smile quirks your lips at that. “Still the idealist I see.” You shake your head. “We all made mistakes, Rogers. Could have done things in a different manner. But never forget that you were the one that split the team-up. That you were the one that decided Barnes’s life was worth more than everyone else's.” You chance one more glance towards Steve. Your eyes are sympathetic because you already knew what happened to him. “I’m sorry for your loss. No one deserves to see their loved ones perish like that.”

Even though it’s better than not knowing...

Moving closer towards the door, you place a gentle hand against the wooden surface. Your gaze turning somber as you meet Natasha’s gaze once more. Maintaining eye contact even though you were speaking to the room as a whole. “Maybe the people we should have been protecting the Earth from were you.”

You don’t wait for a response as you’re already gone. The thunderous echo of the door slamming behind you being all that was left of your presence.

You find Thor outside with an anthropomorphic raccoon. Something that barely causes you to pause as you settle down beside the god. Your gaze remains level with the horizon even as you felt Thor’s gaze on your face. His electric blue eyes like a weight against your skin.

His deep rumbling voice soon breaks the silence. “Y/N.”

“Thor.”

A silence settles over the three of you. Your gaze never wavering from the setting sun. The silent fields rolling with the wind. A hollowness exuding from the world that left your stomach churning with nausea.

“Is the Man of Iron, all right?” Thor breaks the silence once more. His deep voice is uncharacteristically soft. “I haven’t seen him.”

At the question, your mouth thins into a line. Finally breaking your gaze with the horizon as you met Thor’s. “Tony isn’t here, Thor.”

The revelation causes Thor to reel back. His shock etching itself across his features. “Friend Stark was dusted?”

You shake your head; trying to ignore the pain that struck your chest at the very thought. “No, Thor. He went after Thanos with Peter.”

The God of Thunder’s brow furrows. “So you do not know if he lives?”

You shake your head once more. “No, Thor. I don’t know if Tony is alive or not. I may never know what has happened to him.”

There’s another moment of silence before another voice speaks up. Your gaze shifting towards the raccoons. Deep brown eyes, that reminded you so much of Tony, stare back at you.

“He’ll be all right. If he’s in space then that means he’s run into my team.” His pointed snout looks back towards the sky with a hint of longing across his face. “They’ll take good care of him.”

At his words, a breath of relief falls from your lips. Your shoulders loosen at the sheer confidence within the raccoon's tone. That is until Thor interjected once more.

“But what if they were dusted too, Rocket?’

There was no answer. Only the silence of the world, a world that would never be the same, settling over the three of you. Your eyes once again returning towards the sky.

All with different levels of longing interlaced within.

Staying in Wakanda was stifling. While it was a beautiful country with astonishing marvels, you couldn’t help but be weighed down by everything. From the silent grief that permeated the air because T’Challa was gone. To the dark looks directed towards the sky whenever an airship flew overhead. Not to mention being surrounded by Rogers and his team.

Pepper’s arrival was like a breath of fresh air. You weren’t sure you were still capable of smiling, with true joy, before she appeared. Her bright blue eyes meet your gaze across the yard. Her own bright smile, with unshed tears filling her gaze, appearing as she rushed towards you. Her slim arms wrapping around you in a tight embrace. The familiar floral scent of her perfume calming you.

You hadn’t been around when Pepper had seen Steve again. Hadn’t seen the colossal fallout that had occurred but you had definitely heard about it. Thor had been all too happy to tell you the tale of ‘Lady Potts decimating her star-spangled foe’. Something you were more than eager to hear.

Which is how Pepper had found the two of you. Laughing over Thor’s depiction of events. Her own agitation quickly falling away at your joy. And, while it didn’t last long, you were thankful to Thor for allowing it to appear all the same.

Returning to the United States, to New York City, was like stepping into a nightmare. At least while you were in Wakanda you could pretend that billions of people weren’t dead. That it hadn’t been something that affected half of the universe. Seeing the empty cars on the side of the road. The few people littering the street looking lost. Faces pale and emotionless as they shuffled aimlessly from place to place.

It was a sight that you would never forget. Yet another thing that you were going to have nightmares about.

The Compound wasn’t any better. Echoes of days long passed hitting you with full intensity as you made your way through the silent halls. The laughter that sounded so foreign to your ears now ghosting across your ears on a phantom breeze. Distant chattering that only seemed to fade the closer you got to it. Memories haunted the halls of the Compound. But nothing would ever be worse than the Tower. The place that you and Tony had built together. A great marvel that was forever placed within Manhattan's skyline. Knowing that he wouldn’t be there when you arrived caused you to stay away.

You didn’t think you would be able to handle those memories. Of lazy Sunday afternoons lounging around in pajamas while Pepper was taking various calls. Tony doing his best to make her break away from her no-nonsense CEO facade. Only succeeding once before Pepper shot him a withering look that held no heat behind it. The sound of his laughter bouncing off the hallways as he cheated at Mario Kart. Your own expletives joined in soon after as you were hit, once again, with a shell.

Knowing that the Compound did this to you; even though you rarely visited it. How could you possibly set foot in the Tower? The one place that had made you feel truly at home.

Drinking helped ease the pain. Helped quiet the memories that kept surfacing as you stayed in the Compound. You know that it wouldn’t be what Tony wanted. That he never wanted you to have the problems he had, but as the days passed. As the pain, the grief, continued to grow, you found it harder and harder to resist the amber liquid. Tony wasn’t there anymore. He wasn’t there to tell you a joke when you were feeling low. He wasn’t there to tell you that he loved you in his own special way.

He wasn’t there.

So you settled for the numbness and the sound of his voice in the distance. Always there in a dark corner but never obtainable.

Anything would be better than not having him with you.

On the second week of your stay in the Compound, the others appeared. The sound of the QuinJet only pulling your gaze towards the yard for a moment before you looked back down. You knew that they would be coming sooner or later. The world needed protectors. And they had just lost their greatest. The people of Earth needed to have someone to look towards.

It was only a matter of time before they called on them.

You didn’t even raise your gaze when you heard them enter. Their voices petering off when they noticed you sitting on one of the many couches with a StarkPad in hand.

“You didn’t think I would just let you stay here by yourselves, did you?”

Your question was only met by silence. You were hoping that they didn’t question you on how you knew. That they didn’t notice the dark shadows under your eyes from lack of sleep. Or the empty decanter on the glass table before you.

Steve was the one to respond. “We didn’t but I wasn’t aware it was going to be you, Y/N.”

Glancing up, you narrow your eyes. “Well, I’m the only Stark left so it shouldn’t be that much of a surprise, Rogers.”

You don’t wait for a response, suddenly finding it too hard to be in the same room as him, as you stand. Trying to ignore the way the room spun ever-so-slightly at the motion. Easily gathering your bearings as you made your way out of the room.

Trying to ignore the way an emerald green gaze watched you as you left.

You weren’t surprised when she found you-- annoyed maybe but not surprised. Sometimes you hated that she knew you so well. Hated that she could still read you like a children's book.

You didn’t bother to turn towards her as she stepped onto the terrace. Your gaze remains level with the horizon. Hoping, no matter how much it hurt, that you would see something. Anything. A single sign that Tony was coming back to you. That he was alive.

Feeling her warm presence settle beside you should have caused you to tense. Should have caused you to move away at the closeness. It should have caused you to do a lot of things but you don’t. You simply stay rooted to the spot as Natasha leveled her gaze towards the side of your face. Her keen green eyes took in everything that she could see.

You tried not to tense when her eyes flickered down towards your hands. Towards the glass that, by some miracle, hadn’t broken due to your tight grip. The amber liquid glowing softly underneath the moonlight.

She doesn’t say anything for a long while. Simply standing with you underneath the moonlit sky. The only sound passing between you being your breathing.

Until her husky voice finally breaks the silence. “He wouldn’t want you to do this to yourself, Y/N.”

You tense. “And how would you know what Tony wants Natalia?”

You didn’t have to be looking at her to see the wince that you caused. Your own heart feeling heavy at your acidic retort. But, unlike most people, she didn’t shy away from your anger. She didn’t even seem to be fazed by it.

“Because, despite what you may think, I still consider you and Tony my family. I know how much Tony loves you, Y/N. I know how much you love him.” She grows silent for a moment before she continues. Her tone much softer than it was before. “And I know how much I love you.”

Your eyes slip shut at the quiet admission. A painful lurch of your heart telling you what you had been trying to ignore for the last two years. That you love Natasha Romanoff. That you always would… no matter what.

“That’s not fair,” you whisper. Finally turning your gaze to meet hers. “You can’t just come back into my life after two years and say those things to me. You can’t just say you love me like it’s going to fix anything.”

Her eyes flash. Turning razor sharp before your eyes as she steps closer. “It could change everything, Y/N.” Emerald green implores you to listen to her. To actually hear and understand what she was trying to say. “I love you, Y/N Stark. You are the love of my life. You are the only love of my life. I hate myself for hurting you. For breaking us apart because I couldn’t see the bigger picture. You are the only woman that has ever made me feel cherished. The only person that has ever made me feel truly loved.”

You shake your head. “You left, Natasha.”

“Because you told me to,” Natasha cries. Her green gaze grew even brighter because of unshed tears. “Do you think I wouldn’t have stayed? That I wouldn’t have fought tooth and nail to keep you? That I wouldn’t have let this whole world burn if it meant I could be with you for one more moment? You told me to leave, Y/N. I had already broken enough that day. I wasn’t going to stay and break your heart even more.”

“And you think this time will be any different?” You ask with an incredulous frown pulling your brow down. “You think that I don’t have nightmares about my parents death? That I don’t see my mother being murdered while my father couldn’t do anything but watch? You think that I’m not haunted every single fucking day that the love of my life kept that from me. That you lied to my face about one of the single most important things in my life.” Moving away, after setting your glass down, you run a hand through your hair. Your mouth thinning into a line. “You don’t think I wanted you to stay too?”

At your admission, Natasha moves towards you. Her gaze desperate as she took your hand in hers. “This time I will, Y/N. I won’t let you go again. Doing so last time almost killed me. I promise that I won’t ever lie to you again.” She shakes her head as she takes another small step closer, her hand resting gently against your cheek. “I promise that I’ll love you the way you should be loved until our last dying breaths.”

Your eyes flutter shut at the touch. It had been too long since you had felt her. Felt the way her fingertips ran across your cheek. The simple elegance that she always exuded being interlaced with her love for you. But you couldn’t forget what had happened. Your heart lurching in your chest as you remember the sting of betrayal once more.

Pulling away from her, you take a few steps back and fold your arms over your chest. You needed to have distance between your bodies. You wouldn’t be able to think clearly if she was near.

“I need time to think, Natasha.” You finally say after a tense stare off. “I need to come to terms with a lot of things in my life.”

Nodding, Natasha takes a small step back. Even though it looked like everything in her body was telling her to move towards you. Her green gaze glowed with a gentle warmth. “I’ll wait for as long as you need, Y/N. I’ll be damned if I lose you again.” Turning away from you, Natasha pauses at the door. Her gaze meets yours once more with a small smile quirking her lips. “And, just so you know, I had nothing before I found this family. Before I found you.”

Then she was gone. Leaving only you and the echoing of her words behind.

Now…

You haven't truly spoken to Natasha since the exchange. She had kept true to her word about waiting for you. Her gaze always finds yours the moment you enter a room she was in. Always making it clear that you could approach her whenever you wished to. Though she never forced her presence onto you. Maintaining a respectable distance from you at all times. Not far enough for you to not know she was there but not close enough for you to feel crowded.

You had tried to come up with ways why you couldn’t let her back in. Her betrayal being the main factor but even you knew that it wasn’t valid any longer. Even Tony had told you to look past it. That Natasha was so head over heels for you that her reasons had been honorable. Severely misguided, maybe, but honorable.

Oh, Tony, if you were here I wouldn’t feel so lost. You would just tell me what to do. Give me your patented smirk and berate me about my head being up my ass. Lowering your gaze, you run a frazzled hand through your hair. If I get one sign that you’re alright I’ll give her one more chance. I’ll make it work because I know that this is what the universe wants. That you returning to me is a sign that I’m supposed to be with Natasha.

At your eternal declaration, you glance towards the sky. Hope fills your chest as you observe the moonlit sky. Only to quickly be crushed as the minutes ticked by and nothing happened. Your heart breaks even more in your chest at getting your hopes up.

Stepping back from the railing, you decide that it would be best if you headed in. Maybe drown your sorrows with a few glasses of whiskey before turning in for the night. Pressing your hand against the smooth glass of the door, you have to squint at the sudden light from behind you. Your eyes barely being able to focus through the brilliant blaze. Glancing behind you, your eyes widen at the sight of a spaceship being placed down onto the ground. Your breath catching in your throat as you leapt into action.

You didn’t even register your mad dash through the Compound. Didn’t notice the confused looks or the shouts of your name. Didn’t register the cold grass against your bare feet as you rushed across the lawn. All you could see was the spaceship.

All you could see was the hatch opening and two figures exiting.

All you could see was the exhausted face of your older brother. His dark brown eyes meet yours through the darkness. Relief flooding his expression as he hobbled towards you. Disconnecting from the blue arm that was keeping him steady.

All you could register was the feeling of having him in your arms again. Your nose pressing into his neck as you clung to him. Soft sobs rip from your throat as his calloused hands gently run through your hair.

“You’re alive.”

It was like a mantra that you brokenly repeated over and over again. Each time making it even more real that Tony was actually there with you. That he wasn’t gone. That you could still see, touch, and hear him.

His answering response never failed to bring more tears cascading down your cheeks. “I’m here.”

You could hear the others as they approached you. By the tensing of Tony in your arms you know that Rogers was at the front. Pulling back, you touch Tony’s face. A soft sob falling from your lips at how emaciated he looked.

Offering him a watery smile, your thumb gently rubbing against his cheek. “We’ll have to get some food for you. I don’t think the space diet suits you, Tones.”

He offers you a small smile in return. The familiar spark reigniting in his gaze before fading away. His next words came out in a dull whisper. “I lost the kid.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. Your own shock filled you as the devastation in Tony’s eyes became apparent. You had known for quite some time that Tony thought of Peter like a son. That Tony would do anything to keep him safe. You viewed Peter as a little brother you always wanted. A warm presence that filled your life with meaning once more. His childish antics brightening your day and bringing a smile to your face. Knowing that he was gone? That you would never hear his horrible jokes again? Or his anxious rambles? It broke your heart. For both losing Peter and for Tony having to witness it.

“I’m sorry, Tony.” You shake your head. “He was a good kid.”

“Yeah he was.”

Opening your mouth, you’re about to respond but a shrill cry breaks through. “Tony!”

Turning, you could see Pepper rushing towards you both. Her blue gaze locked with Tony as she ran. Without thinking twice you move aside as Pepper takes your spot. Moving away to give her and Tony some privacy. Or however much one could get in an open lawn.

Not realizing how close you were to the others, you flinch at the sudden presence at your side. Your gaze meeting Natasha’s. Her green gaze filled with warmth and happiness. A small smile quirking her lips as she observes the scene before her. Pepper’s strong hold on Tony not wavering in the slightest even as Rhodey appeared too. Both taking their turns in showering the genius with hugs.

Shifting, your hand gently brushes the back of Natasha’s. Her eyes shifted towards yours for a moment before returning front and center. Biting your lip, you deliberate on what to do. As Natasha had clearly just given you the sign that the ball was in your court. That however you reacted to this situation would be all up to you.

You could step away. Pretend like nothing had happened. That it had been a simple accident and nothing more.

Or you could take her hand and finally accept what your heart was screaming at you. What it had been trying to tell your stubborn mind for the last two years. That Natasha Romanoff was the love of your life and you were never going to find anyone like her. That despite all this tragedy you could learn how to be happy again because she was by your side.

I did promise the universe, you muse with amusement dancing across your mind. And I don’t like breaking promises.

So, without breaking eye contact with the scene in front of you, you take Natasha’s hand. Allowing a small smile to quirk your lips at the way she immediately interlaced her fingers with yours. Noticing the warm smile that was now curling her lips through your peripheral.

Squeezing her hand, your heart leapt in your chest at the answering squeeze in response. Your body singing with happiness at having Natasha returned to you.

Despite everything, despite all the hardships you would now have to face, you would be able to do so.

As long as you had Natasha by your side you could get through anything.

And nothing would ever change that.

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanov #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanov x reader #black widow x reader #black widow #avengers imagine #natasha romanoff imagine #black widow imagine #avengers #infinity war #of a broken heart #avengers x reader #reader insert

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pxedpiper · 3 years

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Horizon (20)

Plot Summary: Once a princess of a kingdom you loathed to call yours, you have somehow found yourself aboard a pirate ship, stuck on the ocean waves. Now you try to figure out how to escape them, but as you continue to journey with them, you find yourself wondering if you even want to.

Pairings: Ateez x Reader (Kim Hongjoong x Reader)

Content Warnings: Mentions of death and sexual implications throughout the fic, nothing ever specified in detail

Previous / Masterlist / Next

A/N: I don’t even want to think about how long it’s been since the last update but I am here now with a longer chapter for you all so hopefully that will make up for it !! And perfect timing since Ateez just had a comeback (which is AMAZING AS ALWAYS)! Hopefully I can get the next chapter out sooner but I won’t make any promises rip.

Inwardly, you cursed again as you looked back at the shocked faces of your mother and father, a reunion you were very much trying to avoid.

Trying to keep your voice calm, you responded to them, “What are you doing here? Where’s (B/N)?”

“He’s back at the castle- Never mind him, (Y/N), we’ve been looking everywhere for you! What were you thinking, letting that dreaded pirate take you away like that? We didn’t know if you were alive or dead!” Your father was quick to turn attention back to the situation at hand.

“He was going to kill everyone on the ship if I didn’t go with him, I figured one life was better than however many were on the ship that day,” You answered back, keeping your composure. Internally, you were hoping that your parents wouldn’t notice who you were with- or what you were wearing, for that matter.

“Well, it’s very well good that Admiral Reeves found you,” Your mother sighed in what you could almost be fooled to be relief, “Months of searching finally paid off, especially since that Sweet who’d taken you up and disappeared on us, we should’ve known better than to trust any of those filthy pirates.”

“Sweet is dead,” You told them, trying to leave out as many details as possible, “That’s why he never showed back up.”

“How do you know that- and where is Admiral Reeves?” Your mother exclaimed, huffing slightly as she waited impatiently, “Honestly, he tells us he’d be here with our daughter and sure enough, she’s here, but he’s nowhere to be found! Maybe we should-!”

“Reeves is dead, too. The whole ship is currently sinking, probably already at the bottom of the ocean right now,” You cut her off, knowing this wasn’t going to lead anywhere good.

“What do you mean, he’s dead-?” Your father cut himself off once he noticed your appearance, “By, god, what happened to you?! You’re covered in blood!” Hongjoong’s jacket had opened up due to you having moved your arms, making the massive bloodstains apparent.

“My, god, (Y/N), are you alright?!” Your mother rushed to you, checking you for any apparent wounds, “How did you get so much blood on your clothes?! Are you hurt?”

“It’s not mine.”

“What?” Your mother looked at you, confused.

“The blood,” You spoke slowly, “It’s not mine. It’s Admiral Reeves’s.”

“Admiral Ree-,” Your mother still seemed lost until the meaning of your words finally seemed to sink in. She let go of you, backing away slowly, “(Y/N), you didn’t.” It wasn’t a question, but you could tell how much she was hoping for you to deny it.

Instead, you shook your head, “I did. I killed Admiral Aldrich Reeves, just an hour ago, in fact.”

“Don’t be silly, now, how could a girl like you possibly-,” Your father started to scoff at you, but stopped once he noticed the serious look on your face, “(Y/N), cease this preposterous joke this instant!”

“It’s not a joke, Father,” You looked at him with a neutral expression, “The precious princess of this kingdom has just committed murder. What do you intend to do about that?”

“(Y/N), what have you done?!” Your mother fumed, finally dropping the concerned parent act, “You’ve committed one of the gravest crimes you could ever commit, and to a respected admiral no less! How can we look our people on the eye with a murderer as their princess?! We have no choice but to disown you!”

“No choice? Please, you disowned me from the moment I was born, don’t act like you care now.” You laughed humorlessly, “And don’t make me laugh, looking your people in the eye. All you do is look down on them, ignoring their suffering and their disgusting acts so you can live comfortably up in the palace! Half of them don’t even know there is a princess because you kept me locked away for so long! Please, for once in your lives, stop acting more righteously than you are! I’ve been around pirates for the past six months, and they’ve all proven themselves to be better people than you!” It was at this point your parents realized who your company exactly was.

“…So, this is where you’ve been the entire time,” Your father spoke slowly, “You truly are the most disobedient child a parent could ever loathe to receive, hanging around the very people I taught you to be wary of.”

“I was wary of them, at least at first,” You stepped forward with a glare, rushing to defend your friends, “But then I realized that they weren’t the true monsters; they never were. The real monsters were the Royal Navy, kidnapping normal sailors and putting them through hell- did you know Reeves physically and psychologically tortured his crewmates? Did you know that some of them even died because of him? Innocent men who wanted nothing to do with anything lost their lives because of monsters like him who were the ones who truly deserved to die! Tell me, were you aware of this, father?”

Your father was silent before he answered, “You have to understand, (Y/N), sometimes the methods used by the navy aren’t the most… orthodox, but-!”

“But, what?! You curse pirates for kidnapping, stealing, and murdering, but here you are, defending it once it’s someone of your own naval force! You’re no better than the pirates you love to hate so much!” You fumed, finally letting the frustration that had built up with your parents over the years out. “You say you have no choice to disown me? That’s perfectly fine by me, I already found a new family anyway.” As if to prove your words, Hongjoong, Jongho, and Wooyoung stepped up behind you, all of them on edge in case your parents tried to pull anything.

“So, you’re just going to turn your back on us, on the kingdom, to go off and play pirate with our worst enemy?” Your father just scoffed at you, “Time and time again you’ve proven yourself to be a disappointment, but nothing ever came close to this.”

“Don’t talk about her that way,” Hongjoong stepped up, glowering at your father, “If that’s truly how you felt about your daughter, why even bother to look for her? If even I, your so called ‘worst enemy’, can see how amazing she is, how blind to your own children must you be?”

“Don’t bother, Hongjoong,” You shook your head, “It’s probably just as I thought; the only reason you went looking for me was for sympathy, wasn’t it? Wouldn’t look good if the princess was kidnapped and there wasn’t even an attempt to find her, would it? Should’ve just said I was dead and be done with it, make things a lot easier for the both of us.”

“(Y/N), if you go with them, it’ll be war,” Your father warned, “It’ll be the entire navy against a ragtag group of pirates, even if it is the Pirate King. There’s no way you could win, not in a million year.”

“Oh, and if I stay? What, would you throw me in jail or have me executed?” You challenged, “You’ve already said you have to disown me. Are you too proud to just let me go?”

“You killed an admiral, how are we supposed to just let you go?!” Your mother shrieked, “You’ll be a wanted criminal!”

“Better than a captive princess,” You retorted, gearing yourself to run at a moment’s notice, “If it means going to war, then so be it. We’ll be more than ready to face your army. I’m not afraid of you, either of you!”

“Enough of this, guards, capture them!” Your father ordered, the guards surrounding them making their move towards you, but luckily you realized the situation quickly and began to run back towards the ship, the others following suit as you made to get away.

“San, please tell me you’ve gotten everything you need,” Hongjoong demanded as soon as you were back on the ship, meeting up with the carpenter who’d only just made it there himself.

“Yeah, at least enough to be able to fix it while on sea- why?” San asked, but Hongjoong just shook his head.

“No time to explain, we have to go, now! Everyone, get ready, we’re leaving!” Just as you were pulling away from the dock, you could still see your parents running up toward the pier, their faces filled with anger and disappointment. All you could do was look back at them, your own face showing your determination to prove them wrong, until finally you couldn’t see their faces anymore and you flopped down onto the deck.

“Ohhhh, what did I just do?” You groaned, cursing yourself at your actions, “Please tell me I didn’t just do that!”

“You did, and it was bloody brilliant, if you asked me,” Wooyoung spoke up, “I’d never seen you so mad before; Other than when you first got here, of course.”

“Brilliant? I just declared war on my own parents!” You exclaimed, sitting straight up, “I’m not even the captain, what right did I have to do that?! Not to mention that there’s no way a single pirate crew can bring down an entire kingdom, this is insane-!”

You were cut off by Hongjoong grabbing onto your shoulders, “(Y/N)! Calm down! We’re going to be alright! If you hadn’t declared war, I was certainly going to by the way they were talking about you. And you know I wouldn’t lead us into a fight if I didn’t think there was a chance we were going to win.”

“She has a point, Hongjoong,” Seonghwa spoke up, “We’re just one ship, how could we go up against the entire naval army?”

“I never said it would be easy, but have you forgotten that I am the Pirate King? Come now, you must know me better than that by now. Besides, I know someone, someone who can help, though I admit I am… slightly hesitant to ask for it,” Hongjoong replied, his voice certain until the last sentence.

“Why? Because they might not agree?” Mingi asked curiously.

“No, because it’ll give him an opening to criticize me and I’m not exactly looking forward to that,” Hongjoong answered, “But if that’s what it takes, then I’ll do it. I’d rather swallow my pride than let us go in at a disadvantage.”

“Who is it?” You questioned, curious to know about the man who made even Hongjoong hesitant to ask for help.

“You’ll be meeting him soon enough, so I guess I could say it, though I’m really not looking forward to it,” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, “It’s my mentor, Eden. The one who taught me how to be a pirate.”

“Ah, that’s right!” Seonghwa nodded, “He’ll likely be able to help. It may not give us the winning edge, but it’ll be something, at least.”

“And maybe we can go back to Elysia, try to see if we can squeeze anything out of Maddox,” Yunho added, “Better to try and fail than not try at all.”

“I’ve been wanting to pay a visit to Maddox again anyway,” Hongjoong frowned, “There’s some questions that need answering and he’s the only person who’s able to do it.” His eyes quickly shot to you before looking back towards the rest of the crew.

“I’d still like to go back to my family, if it’s alright with you, Captain,” Jongho spoke up, “It’d probably be for the best to let them know what’s happening, especially if we’re going at war with the kingdom.”

“Of course,” Hongjoong agreed, “If anyone else would like to see their families as well, I’m more than willing than to sail wherever we needed to.” He paused for a moment, as if waiting for an answer, but was met with silence. “Alright, we’ll head for Jongho’s family and then I’ll send for Eden while we’re there. No doubt he’ll take the chance to give me an earful…”

Later that night, you quietly climbed up the rope to the crow’s nest, now being quite adept at being able to do so without falling. Once you arrived at the top, you were shocked to find Hongjoong already there, seemingly waiting for you.

“Hongjoong? What are you doing here?” You asked, climbing up properly before sitting down next to him.

“I had a feeling you’d come up here, it’s what you always do during a stressful situation,” He replied, giving you a soft smile, “I figured we should probably talk about things, especially given everything that’s going on. And there’s something I wanted to bring up with you, as well.”

“What’s that?”

“How the hell are we from the same kingdom but never knew each other until that day at the auction?” In all the chaos that’d happened, you’d almost forgotten that you and Hongjoong had found out you were from the same kingdom.

“Well, I was a princess, and I was locked away for a long time, so it’d make sense we’d never met,” You reasoned, “I remember hearing about people thinking my existence was a myth, I was seen so rarely.”

“But that’s the thing, we did meet before, remember?” Hongjoong recalled, “In which case, it would’ve had to been then. But not once do I ever remember hearing of a princess, a prince, certainly, but not a princess. At least, not while I was there. I left when I was twelve, so you would’ve had to been born after that for me to not remember you, and clearly, you weren’t.”

“I don’t know, Hongjoong,” You shook your head, “I don’t remember you either, it’s not like I had the opportunity to. I’m not sure how we met before, but you’re definitely right, it had to be then…”

“If I can be honest,” Hongjoong spoke after a beat of silence, “I had a dream last night. One I couldn’t explain. It was the day I stowed away aboard Eden’s ship, but it was different this time. Before, I’d always remember running away alone, but this time, there were two other children with me. One boy, one girl. I woke up before I managed to get her name, but I have a feeling I know who it is.”

“Me,” You whispered, “But how? I don’t remember running around with anyone but my brother, let alone helping someone stowaway on a pirate ship.” Things were silent between you two before you spoke up again, “How…. How did you end up on Eden’s ship, then? Maybe if you tell me, then I can remember.”

“Being completely honest, I don’t remember anything from around that time very vividly, and I don’t like to, either.” Hongjoong sighed, “I was a slave, no parents in the picture. I used to be beaten within an inch of my life almost daily until, as I remembered it, I finally got the guts to runaway and snuck onto Eden’s ship. He found me almost right away, of course, but somehow he decided I was worth keeping around and ended up becoming my mentor. But if my dream is truly what happened, then you and I assume your brother saved me.”

“My mother always went on about how I wasn’t allowed out of the palace because I caused a scene in town, but I could never remember exactly what the scene was, and she’d never tell me,” You frowned, “But if what you’re saying is true, then maybe… that’s the scene she was talking about? It’d be very much like her to be mad because I left a slave get away. But then wouldn’t my brother remember as well? He’s never mentioned anything of the sort.”

“Well, you have said you aren’t the closest, maybe he does and just never talked about it,” Hongjoong wondered, “All this is mere speculation, anyway, at least until we talk to Maddox again. Let’s just hope we’ll actually be able to get some answers out of him.”

“All this is so complicated,” You laughed out, a bit out of exasperation, “To think this all started because you saw me at an auction.”

“It is hard to believe,” He chuckled, “But I don’t regret it. Honestly, that was probably the best decision I’ve ever made. I can’t imagine my life without you in it now.”

Pushing down the fluttering feeling his words gave you, you responded, “Neither can I. I’m glad, at the very least, I can be back on this ship with you. …I’m sorry, by the way. About not keeping my promise not to leave.”

“It’s alright, you’re back now,” He shook his head, hugging you close to him, “I’ll just have to make sure the opportunity for you to leave never comes again, is all. I plan on keeping you with me for a very long time.”

“That’s good, because I plan on staying with you for a very long time,” You smiled, “And this time, I mean it. No more running off without your permission.”

“Great, since you nearly gave me a heart attack with that stunt,” Hongjoong exclaimed, exaggerating his relief, “We really do need to talk about this hero complex of yours.” “Sure, right after we talk about yours,” You shot back, making him laugh out loud, you joining in right after.

He shook his head, grin still on his face, “We really are too similar, at least in that regard.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” You replied, “Just means we’re protective. Not a bad trait to have, I think.”

“You’re right,” Hongjoong nodded in agreement, “It’s not. But what is a bad trait is staying up all night. Come now, we’ll need our rest now more than ever. Let’s go.”

“Right,” You agreed, making your way to the rope ladder, “Good night, Hongjoong. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, (Y/N). I’m so relieved to hear you say those words again.”

“Why is it that whenever you come back lately, it feels as though you don’t have any good news?” Chunhei sighed, setting down Kangdae, who quickly ran his way up towards you.

“(Y/N)! You’re back!” The small boy cheered, making you giggle in amusement.

“Of course I am, I’m part of the crew now, remember?” You responded, kneeling down so he wouldn’t have to look up at you.

Jongho ignored the scene, answering his sister, “Unfortunately, good news seems to be rather hard to come across lately. Has anything new occurred while I’ve been gone?”

“I’ll fill you in as soon as you fill us in, you all look like you’ve gone through a war zone,” She joked, before her smile fell at seeing all your serious faces, “What’s happened? What’s going on?”

“Get mom and dad,” Jongho said grimly, “We’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”

As such, you soon found yourselves once again in Jongho’s living room, explaining everything to his parents and Chunhei. Once they’d heard you’d been kidnapped, Jongho’s mother gasped in shock.

“My god, (Y/N)! You aren’t hurt, are you?” She asked you, rushing over to you and checking for any major wounds.

“No, ma’am, I’m alright,” You chuckled slightly, “A little worse for wear, but nothing life risking. I’m healing up nicely thanks to Yeosang.” You could feel said boy straighten up beside you, likely gleaming with pride.

“That’s good to hear, dear, but if anything bothers you, come to me alright? I don’t like the thought of you being hurt,” She frowned, still looking over you just in case.

“I will, ma’am, thank you.” You agreed, satisfying her and making her sit back down. From there the explanation continued, and once you were done, you could hear a pin drop from how silent it was.

“Well,” Jongho’s father breathed out, “That’s a fine mess you’ve ended up in this time, eh, Pirate King?”

“It was inevitable anyway,” Hongjoong replied, “The Royal Navy’s been looking for a reason to start a full on war, we just beat them to the punch.”

“You do know this isn’t the same as the battles you’ve had in the past, do you?” Jongho’s father raised an eyebrow, “This is war. It’s not a simple business. There’ll be likely plenty of casualties, you might even be one of them.”

“I’m prepared to take on the consequences,” Hongjoong stated intently, “And it’s not like we’ll be going in alone. My mentor Eden has already agreed to meet us here, he’s on his way as we speak. He’ll likely arrive within the week.”

“We’ll also be going to visit Maddox, see if there’s any help he’s able to give us,” You chimed in, “It might not be much, but every bit of help counts.”

“Are you sure that’ll be enough?” Chunhei asked, looking extremely worried for her brother’s safety.

Hongjoong replied, “It’ll have to be. There’s not much else I can do, otherwise. But, I think it will be. I can’t quite explain it, but I have a feeling that things will turn out alright in the end.”

“Well, let’s hope that’s the case,” Chunhei sighed, “Oh, by the way, do any of you know a young girl around my age, Jiae?”

In a flash, Mingi’s head shot up, “Jiae? Did you say Jiae?”

“Yeah, she came in sailing a couple weeks ago looking for her older brother, said he was a pirate. And since you’re the only pirates I know, figured I might as well ask,” She shrugged, “Do you know her?”

“That’s my sister, what on earth is she doing here?” Mingi asked, urgency in his voice, “Is she still in town?”

“She’s staying in the inn in the town, I’ll go collect her for you! I imagine you likely wouldn’t like to have a reunion where people would be watching, especially since I’m sure you’d have much to talk about,” Chunhei got up making her way through the door, “I’ll be back as soon as I can! Hold tight, Mingi!” Once she was gone, you could see the way Mingi was starting to panic.

“Mingi, are you alright?” You asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Nodding, he started to take deep breaths, “Yeah, yeah I’m alright. Just… I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t expecting to ever see her again, and now she’ll be standing right in front of me soon. I don’t… I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, or say, or feel, and it’s all coming at me at once.”

“It’ll be okay,” You replied, grabbing his other shoulder to face you, “She’s been looking for you, so clearly she wants to see you. She’s likely missed you just as much as you’ve missed her, and she’s probably got the same thoughts going on in her head as you do. Just calm down, take a few deep breaths, and wait patiently. She’ll be here soon.” Mingi nodded again as he followed your advice, taking deeper breaths as the started to calm down.

It wasn’t too long after that a young girl, who you presumed to be Jiae, came running in, looking frantically, “Mingi!”

At once, Mingi was on his feet, rushing towards his sister until he was right in front of her, “Jiae!”

“Mingi!” In a second, Jiae had thrust herself into her brother’s arms, hugging him tightly as he returned it as much as he could, “I found you! Finally, I found you!”

“You did, you did!” Mingi beamed, pulling away to get a good look at her, “Look as how big you’ve grown! I can’t believe it…”

“Yeah, well, that’s what happens when we haven’t seen each other in years,” Jiae joked, tears coming to her eyes.

Mingi had his own tears as he asked her, “What are you doing here? What happened to mom and d-!”

“Dead,” She cut him off before he could finish, “They were blamed of piracy the same way you were, only they didn’t get so lucky. They deserved it, the rotten bastards, I’ve never forgiven them for how they framed you like that.”

“Who framed them?”

“Who indeed?” She answered back, “There’s a reason why I wasn’t framed either. I accused them anonymously, they never even had a clue. The minute they were hanged, I got on board a ship and made way to wherever I could that I could possibly find you. Anywhere that had a dock, I went on, looking for you as much as I could. Finally, all my searching’s paid off!”

“That was too dangerous,” Mingi frowned, hugging her close to him again, “But nonetheless, I’m glad to see you again, Jiae. I’ve missed you so much over the years, you’ve no idea.”

“Actually, I do have an idea, because I’ve missed you just as much!” She grinned, hugging him back just as tightly as before, “Now, care to introduce me to everyone?”

Eden arrived at the island within the week, just as was expected. If you were being completely honest with yourself, you felt a bit nervous at the thought of meeting him; this was essentially the man who raised Hongjoong, after all. You could only hope it went better than how him meeting your parents went down.

“What is Eden like, anyway?” You asked Seonghwa, standing next to him as you waited for the other pirate captain to board.

“Well, it’s a bit complicated,” Seonghwa tried to explain, “He’s not exactly the most agreeable person in the world, so you might not get along with him at first. But he’s a good man, truly, at least as good a man as a pirate can be.”

“That’s what you said about Hongjoong when I first came here,” You noted, “That he was a good man.”

“Where do you think he got it from?” This comment made you laugh a bit, “No, but you shouldn’t worry. Despite his attitude, Eden truly does care for Hongjoong and vice versa. The fact he’s meeting us here at all when it’d be in his best interest to stay away says so.”

“I see. Then it’ll be good to have him on our side,” You nodded, starting to feel less nervous.

It wasn’t long after until an older man with about shoulder length black hair appeared, a scowl on his face as he looked at Hongjoong and said, “And what a fine mess you’ve ended up in this time.”

“It’s not my fault!” Hongjoong instantly tried to defend himself, “I was simply just trying to protect my crewmate, they were the ones who declared war!”

“Yes, and whose wise idea was it to accept a princess as a crewmate, as if there wouldn’t be any consequences for it?” Eden raised an eyebrow, “You might be known as the Pirate King now, but I know I taught you better than that.”

“My god, you sound like his father,” You blurted out without saying, quickly covering your mouth as soon as you realized you’d spoken out loud.

“I’m not!” Eden argued.

“He’s not!” Hongjoong agreed.

“He is,” Wooyoung commented, the rest of both crews agreeing.

“Ignoring that,” Hongjoong turned away, trying to will away the red on his face, “It’s a more complicated situation than you think. I knew what the consequences were.”

“Tell me everything, then,” Eden ordered, “I’ll need a full rundown if we’re to have any chance of winning this fight.” After giving him a full explanation of everything that had transpired since you first boarded The Utopia, Eden nodded in understanding, “That’s quite a story. One I likely wouldn’t believe if it weren’t for the fact you were the one telling it to me, and I know you know better than to lie to me. So, what’s our plan of action then? Because me alone won’t give you the edge you need to win, though more numbers do help.”

“We’ll go back to Elysia and see Maddox,” Hongjoong stated firmly, “There’s bound to be at least some help he could give us. Having some sort of mystical help has to be some sort of leg up against the kingdom.”

“They’ve just lost an admiral, so that’s still a blow, even if only a minor one,” You added, joining the conversation, “And after that confrontation, I doubt they’ll be in the best mental state. Those are both advantages we can’t ignore.”

“But the same could be said of your mental state, Your Highness,” Eden responded, “How do we know you can keep your head clear and do what must be done to win this war?”

“Don’t call me that,” You warned, “I have no titles anymore. And don’t worry about me. I can handle this, especially since I’ve got the rest of the crew with me.” You could see Eden looking at you, seemingly scanning at you before looking back to Hongjoong as his eyes filled with what seemed like understanding.

“I see. Very well then,” Eden stated, turning back to Hongjoong, “You have me and my crew at your service. But don’t think that means you can order me around for no reason, I’m still your mentor.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Hongjoong rolled his eyes, “Now, if nobody has any objections, let’s make our way to Elysia! We leave tomorrow morning at dawn!”

“I’ll go let my family know,” Jongho sighed.

Mingi spoke up, “I will, too. I have to let Jiae know what’s happening and why she might not see me for a bit.”

“You just reunited with her, you won’t take her with you?” Yeosang asked.

Mingi shook his head, “No, it’s too dangerous. She shouldn’t be anywhere near a war zone. After the war, then maybe I’ll see about having her join us. For now, though, she should stay with Jongho’s family where it’s safe.”

San agreed, “That’s smart. That way, she won’t be alone either, she’ll have people to talk to. Especially since she and Chunhei are around the same age.” While they continued on with that conversation, you couldn’t help but notice that both Seonghwa and Yunho were both being uncharacteristically distant, Seonghwa excusing himself from the conversation and Yunho’s mind seeming to be somewhere else. It was then you remembered that they were the only two of the crew left that you still didn’t really know that much about.

Maybe it was about time that you fixed that.

#ateez pirate au #ateez fanfiction #ateez fanfic #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #hongjoong fanfic #seonghwa fanfic #yunho fanfic #yeosang fanfic #san fanfic #mingi fanfic #wooyoung fanfic #Jongho fanfic

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mochegato · 3 years

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Hope on Board

Chapter 11 - Zombies and Vampires and Werewolves, Oh My

Chapter 1 Chapter 10

“Are we ready?” Dick asked, looking to Marinette instead of looking around because ultimately, it was more a matter of whether she was comfortable and felt prepared than what they had. He really didn’t care about the movie or the snacks. He was just ecstatic to have Marinette in his arms and without worrying about making her feel like throwing up if he touched her wrong, or at all, or even looked at her.

Marinette looked around, taking stock of their supplies in the dark room. They had their huge bowl of popcorn, some chips, cookies she had made for them to snack on, disgusting looking cheap candy that Dick liked pushed as far away from her as it could be, she mentally thanked God she was almost completely over her morning sickness, otherwise she’d already be throwing up due to the smell alone, water, sodas, and ginger ale in the refrigerator. They had enough supplies to feed an entire group and she recognized that, but she couldn’t stop herself from going overboard for Dick.

“I think we’re ready.” She nodded firmly. “We’re ready for an entire movie marathon if we wanted,” she chuckled self-consciously.

Dick smiled and pulled her closer against himself. “I’m okay with that. As long as you’re cuddled up against me and I can sneak kisses from time to time, I’ll be happy.”

She grinned up at him. “Who says you have to sneak them?”

Dick grinned at the invitation and leaned down to give her a slow, sweet kiss. He pulled away, gazing into her eyes affectionately and rubbing her cheek gently with his thumb. “Are you comfortable? Do you need another pillow?”

Marinette giggled and looked around them. “Dick, I think we’re good. I think if we stacked up the pillows, they’d be taller than me.”

Dick pouted. “I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable.”

She cupped his face and pulled him down for a sweet, chaste kiss. “I know. Thank you. It means a lot. Now, what did you choose for the movie?”

Dick looked back to the television and started navigating to the show he wanted to watch. “I thought we could maybe watch that zombie show everyone is talking about. I keep hearing how amazing it is. They just released the entire series so we could binge on it.” Marinette tensed in his arms. He looked back at her apprehensively. “Or… we could watch something else.”

She looked up at him guiltily, a frown pulling the corner of her lips down. She started fidgeting with her fingers. “I’m sorry. I just… zombie stories… it just brings back some… um… flashbacks?”

Dick raised an eyebrow at her. “Flashbacks? Flashbacks to what?”

“Paris. Akuma. One of the most effective ones we had. She turned almost everyone in Paris into one of her zombies.” She shuddered at the memory.

He nodded and ran his hands over her arms. “Millions of zombies wandering around wanting to get you… yeah, I can see how that would be terrifying,” he soothed in an understanding voice.

She shook her head. “It wasn’t really the zombies that were so scary, it was… have you ever seen your friends give themselves up in order to give you a few extra seconds to get away? That’s what I see. Not the monster coming. My friends falling. The look in their eyes. The blood. The…” She stared at her hands for a few moments before glancing back up at him with a humorless smile. “Sorry. I just brought down the tone of the night.”

He shook his head. “No, not at all. We’re supposed to be getting to know each other better, right? This is a part of you I never knew about. I want to know. And, I have. Seen people give themselves up to save me, I mean. Not a mindless monster, but… yeah, I’ve had friends and family put themselves in the path of a rogue or a henchman in order to give me time to escape. It… it makes you feel unworthy.”

She nodded along with his words. “Undeserving.”

He nodded in agreement. “Even knowing I would make the same choice. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” He pulled her in for a hug and nuzzled into her hair to comfort her. “Any other horror movie tropes we should stay away from?” He tried to lighten the mood.

Marinette pulled away to think about it. “Growing up in Paris is kind of like a double edged sword when it comes to horror movies. They aren’t really scary anymore because we’ve seen them all in real life and the movies could never match how terrifying it is in real life, when your or your friends’ or family’s lives are actually at stake. But on the other hand, it triggers flashbacks.

“I mean we had zombies, obviously, werewolves, vampires, chainsaw wielders, ghosts, gremlins, invisible terrors, baby killers, like, babies that killed, literal nightmares come to life, apocalypses, firestarter, that one was particularly gruesome. I couldn’t go near any kind of flames for months. Mermaids, not the like, kid’s movie version. The drag you under the water to drown you kind. We’ve had shapeshifters, water monsters, dragons, dinosaurs… I think the only horror story creature we didn’t have is Frankenstein. But evil, deranged monster only concerned about his own desires, creating amalgamated creatures to enact his psychopathic will… yeah, almost daily.”

Dick stared at her blankly for a few moments, trying to process everything she just said. “… No horror movies, ever. Got it.” Dick nodded absentmindedly. “I never knew it was that bad there. Were you ever… did you ever… I mean… I don’t know what I mean.” There were so many questions he wanted to ask, but he didn’t know if he was ready to hear any of the answers. He wasn’t ready to hear the suffering Marinette had gone through. She shouldn’t have had to have gone through any.

“There are so many questions that could be. I’m going to need a bit more direction,” she chuckled mirthlessly. “Did I ever get hurt? Yes. Did I ever become an akuma? No. Did I ever kill someone as an akuma? Also no. What did it feel like? I don’t know. Was I the mermaid? I wasn’t. Did I get eaten by the dinosaur? Eh.” She made a more or less motion with her hand. “Did I ever date any of the heroes? Pass. Did I ever date any of the akumas? Once, to distract him so Chat could get him. Didn’t work. Did I ever have to watch my family get hurt or killed? So much. Did I have to watch my friends get hurt or killed? So often. Did I ever die?” She paused for a few seconds before shrugging in what she hoped was a nonchalant way. “Which one?”

Dick froze. His chest stopped rising and falling. He slowly licked his lips as he prepared them to form the words he didn’t want to say. “Let’s start with have you ever died?”

“Yeah, I didn’t think you’d miss that. I wasn’t thinking when I said it and then couldn’t take it back.” She looked away and took a deep breath. “Depends on the timeline. I don’t remember dying. I’m pretty sure that was a different me? Oh,” her face fell as if just remembering something. “I guess this me died a few times too. But I’m still here so that doesn’t count, right?”

He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to formulate his reaction. She had died. She was gone. Why did everyone in his life die? He would have never gotten the chance to meet her, to imagine their life together, their baby. “… I’m pretty sure it does. How… um… but…”

“One of the ladybug miraculous’ powers is reversing the damage done by miraculous users, including deaths,” she explained calmly. “The Eifel Tower was destroyed and brought back sooo many times.”

Dick nodded at her words, not really registering them. She had died and she was so calm about it. He studied her more intently. She was looking away, her body tense but trying to appear relaxed. No, she wasn’t calm about it, she just wanted him to be calm. She didn’t want to scare him. He took a deep breath and smiled for her, but still didn’t know what to say. He hugged her closer instead.

She stared at the popcorn bowl for a moment and grabbed a handful, popping one of the kernels into her mouth. “We even had a popcorn monster once. That one was amazing though. Like… have you ever seen the episode of Scooby Doo where the monster trapped them in a giant vat of Scooby Snacks or where the monster was a giant Cotton Candy glob? It was like that. Hilariously ineffective. Everyone kind of enjoyed that one. Alix set up a projector and put on an impromptu outside movie experience.”

She was making a joke. She was trying to lighten the mood. He could work with that. “Well that,” he reached over and stole some popcorn from her, “sounds fun. And that cure thing would be helpful. It would certainly be useful to have here.” She chuckled at his attempt. “Okay, how about a comedy, or a romance, or a Disney movie? Something happy.”

Marinette nodded. “That sounds good.” She watched as he scrolled through the movie options. “Oooh, how about that one? I love the Princess Bride.”

Dick smiled, “As you wish.”

She looked up at him with a curious expression, unsure if he understood the significance of the phrase. She turned to the movie and snuggled further into his chest deciding he didn’t and that was okay. It was still really early in their relationship. There were things she loved about Dick and she loved being with him, but she didn’t know if she loved him. She imagined he felt the same. They were getting closer and she was positive they were going to get there. Until then, she enjoyed all the time she got to spend with him.

He ran languid fingers over her arm as the movie started, enjoying the way her skin felt under his fingers, relishing that he could feel her. That she was there warm in his arms, not laying cold and dead in a box. He slowly moved his fingers to stroke her side and circle her hip, down along her thigh and back up, dipping across her lower back. She ran her fingers up and down his chest in response. They slowly became firmer strokes, getting bolder and running along the hem of his shirt.

His touches slowly became more caressing and lingering, lengthening the path and getting brasher. He grazed along her breast as his hand passed. She swallowed heavily, pushing further into his chest and moved her leg over his, rubbing it up and down along his leg. Their eyes were still focused on the movie, but neither was watching anymore. They both waited for the other to be the first to break and move their supposedly innocent movie night into something more.

Dick was the first one to break when Marinette dipped her pinky just below the waistband of his pants as she traced his abs. Not far enough to touch anything sensitive, but enough to send his mind racing and let him know she was interested in doing more than watching the movie. He cupped her face, staring intently at her for a few seconds before diving in to kiss her. She melted into his kiss. He moaned as her tongue slipped in to meet his. She pushed up to deepen the kiss and grant him more access to explore her body with his hands.

He pushed their stockpile of pillows out of the way and twisted them to lay her down on the couch. Her hair splayed out on the remaining pillow and she looked up at him with half lidded eyes. He traced the lines of her cheek and jaw, looking at her in amazement. The light from the movie was reflecting off her hair and eyes. She had pulled her lower lip between her teeth as she gazed up at him lustfully. Her shirt was pulled down just enough to get a good view of her breasts and the top of her lacy bra. Her hands were running up and down his sides and back causing shock waves of pleasure through him. “God, you are so sexy,” he murmured almost subconsciously.

Her lips formed a sultry smile as her hands found their way to his neck and brought him back down to her lips. She whimpered as his lips caressed hers and his hands massaged her. She reached down and started pulling on his shirt. He caught her intention and ripped it off, throwing it away to the side. It landed over the television, obscuring their view of the movie neither had any intention of watching.

Chapter 12

Tags:

@dickinette-february @demonicbusiness @ichigorose @iloontjeboontje @ladybug-182 @toodaloo-kangaroo @dast218 @golden-promises @trippingovermyfeet @emimar7 @laurcad123

#maribat #Dickinette February #dickinette #Hope on Board #Knocked Up AU #platonic jasonette #platonic adrienette #prompt - pillows

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mylifeisactuallyamess · 3 years

Text

General Hux x Female Reader/Ben Solo x Female Reader

A/N: This is a heavy chapter, Hux is just not coping 🥺

Warnings: lots of feelings and angst, implied suicidal thoughts

Word Count: 4411

Read Chapter 21 here on AO3

Masterlist

The day your husband woke up will never leave you. His body seemed to come to life before your very eyes, choking on his tubes, arms flailing against the wires as he tried to get his bearings. It wasn’t until you grabbed his face making him look at you, his beautiful green eyes dull and sunken but something sparked in them when he saw you. Hearing your voice calmed him and he lay back down, his eyes fluttering with sudden exhaustion and sinking back into sleep. You refused to leave him, not caring or paying attention to anything else on the base so much so that Poe dragged in a cot for you to sleep in. Rose and Finn would come in, bringing food and sometimes they’d stay and keep you company but everyone was so busy adjusting to a new way of life and making room for all the people that were now residing on Ajan Kloss.

Mitaka was the person you saw the most, he had recovered from his surgery and he told you how he had saved Armitage after he was shot, immersing him in the strongest solution of bacta he could find and moving him over to the Finalizer. He had then turned the ship against the Final Order, taking significant damage and finally arriving here only to plough the dead ship into the surface of the planet. Most of the time he just sat with you watching over Armitage like a silent guardian.

You were taking one very rare break from being at your husband's side, feeling the sun on your face and the breeze in your freshly washed hair. You felt the tightening of your belly but wearing the light clothing that had been given to you meant you could hide the changing shape of your body for a bit longer. You heard a noise, slowly opening your eyes you saw Kylo approaching. He looked different, the scar that you had traced so many times with your eyes was gone and he looked similar to when you had first met him, except now he was dressed like you. A shirt, leather trousers and boots, his hair was longer than you remember and his expression was softer, sadder even. He stopped a few large paces away, his eyes locking with yours when he saw you watching him.

“I heard what you did,” you said, turning back to bask in the light of the sun.

“I remembered what you asked me, how you asked if this war was over soon.” You dipped your head and scuffed your boot along the floor.

“What of it?” You asked.

“I remembered the desperation on your face and that’s what drove me to end this.” You let out a soft laugh.

“Don’t fool yourself.”

“It’s true!” He exclaimed, stepping towards you but you turned your angry gaze to him making him stop once more.

“You could have ended it at any time!”

“No! Not after he, him, Palpatine made himself known, if I had stepped down and disintegrated the First Order he would have swept in unchallenged and taken over the Galaxy yet again!” His expression was pleading as he tried to get you to see. “I had to wait, I saw the opportunity after Rey died and I took it. I had a choice and I hope I made the right one.”

“I guess we will see,” you replied, beginning to make your way back.

“How is Armitage?” He called after you but you didn’t stop.

“Like you care,” you shot over your shoulder suddenly wanting to be a million parsecs from him.

Hux’s recovery was slow but most of that was because he refused to talk, he would eat and drink and even walk around, using you to lean on but he would not talk. It frustrated you, making you grind your teeth in annoyance whenever you asked him a question and he stared into empty space like you weren’t even there. He got stronger but his nightmares got worse, his entire body would shake, sweat would drench his bright hair and he would yell so loudly. It ripped you to pieces seeing him so broken but refusing any sort of help. His body grew stronger by the day, no longer using you to balance himself and the walks you took lasted for up to half a day as though he couldn’t bring himself to return to the base.

You moved you both out of the medbay and into a hut, they were everywhere spreading far and wide to accommodate the people that now called this place home, the Resistance and First Order finally living in harmony. You felt a swell in your heart every time you looked at the encampment, a sadness that littered your soul when you realised the massive scar that now rendered the Galaxy. Many of these people didn’t know who their families were, where they came from. Some had nothing left and like you, nowhere to go. What had really been achieved except for the pain and suffering of all these people?

You sat up one morning, instantly noticing you were alone and panic slithered through you. You rushed out of your hut, barely pulling your boots on before you were charging into the jungle. Each pound of your heart matched the hurried rush of your feet and you retraced the paths you took with him everyday, but he wasn’t there. You tried to calm yourself but knowing how damaged he was inside you kept thinking the worst so you pushed yourself harder, struggling through the jungle only to happen upon the lake where the Finalizer still sat, dead and lifeless.

You nearly cried with relief when you saw him, his red hair a crowning glory in the early light of the day, his arms crossed as he stood like a statue surveying the broken remains of what used to be his home. You slowly approached, highly aware of how similar this was that rainy day on the estate.

“Are you just going to stand there My Lady?” You sucked in a breath, your eyes closing in relief at the sound of his voice, your heart beating with joy for the first in months.

“I do not mean to intrude,” you breathed hating the way your voice wavered with emotion.

“You’re not,” he replied but still he didn’t take his eyes off his ship.

“I’m so sorry Armitage,” you whispered.

“I should be the one apologising,” his face twisted with anguish and he turned away from the sight before him. “I’m sorry I ever married you and dragged you into this.”

“Please don’t say that!” It took you a moment to realise he wasn’t stopping and you hurried after him but he stayed just out of reach until you both got back to the hut. “Armitage!”

“You should just leave me, I’ve had plenty of time to think about it. I should stay here and face whatever punishment they deem fit.”

“This isn’t all on you, you can’t take responsibility for the entirety of this war!”

“Someone has to,” he muttered.

“It’s not your fault! I refuse to lose you again!” You almost screamed, making him look at you in surprise. Many emotions flitted over his face before he settled on that blank expression you knew so well.

“Why are you fighting so hard for this?” He asked dully.

“Why aren’t you fighting hard for this?” You cried back.

“You’re better off without me,” he shouted. His expression now one of distress as he ran a hand through his hair. “Everything is gone, everything I’ve worked for, fought for it’s all gone!” You went to reach for him but he pulled away from you, backing into the wall. “You don’t want me, you don’t need me. Just leave me alone!” Tears streamed down your face as his voice cracked, your heart was breaking from his words.

“You are worthy of love, Armitage.” He smirked and shook his head.

“How can you say that? How can you say that after what I did?”

“You didn’t have a choice,” he moved further away from you. Disgust lacing his features but you didn’t know if that was because of you or himself.

“Of course I had a choice. I could have gotten us out of there if I so wished.” His gaze rose to meet yours. “He got you out didn’t he? So why didn’t I?”

“Armitage please!” But he was beyond reason, lost in the hatred of his actions.

“You are better off without me, go to him, Kylo. He’ll look after you far better than I ever could.”

“Armitage, wait!” You followed him out of the hut, painfully aware that everyone in the vicinity was awake and listening to your conversation.

“No, nothing else you can say will change my mind…”

“I’m pregnant,” you blurred out loudly and you saw his back stiffen when he jolted to a stop, the few people you could see made shocked faces and disappeared into their huts. Finn and Rose paused to the side no doubt holding their breath as they watched the scene unfold before them. You wanted him to turn around, you wanted him to run to you, lifting you in the air with excitement but you knew he was going to be conflicted about this. Finally he did turn, his eyes on your hands as you twisted them nervously.

“Is it mine?” He asked stiffly. The question had you sobbing, you expected it, of course you did but you had hoped he wouldn't sound so indifferent about it.

“Y-yes.” He nodded before striding off. Words failed you, watching him leave you like this shattered your heart into pieces, littering the floor with your pain. You wanted to scream, to ask him to come back to face this with you but he was gone.

“C’mon sweetheart. He’ll be back.” Poe gently guided you back to your hut, you had no ideas where he had come from but you were grateful to him.

“How can you be sure?” You asked quietly, wiping your face.

“Well for one he’s got nowhere to go,” you glared at Poe through your tears but he at least had the sense to look ashamed at such a comment. “And two,” he continued. “For all his faults, Hugs is loyal to you. He’d never admit it to anyone, probably not even himself.”

“You don’t know him like I do,” you said softly.

“What’s that? I’m right? Yeah I’ll take it,” he smiled kindly at you. “I’ll go get some caf. I’ll be back ok?” You nodded, the smile leaving your face as soon as you were alone. You heard him talking to Finn and Rose, their voices trailing off as they walked away. You gently put a hand on your stomach, hoping Armitage came back soon. Poe came back and spent some time with you but you couldn’t follow the conversation, your eyes trained on the door waiting for Armitage to come back. Finally he made his excuses and left you alone, but it didn’t last long.

Your thoughts scattered when the door opened and you stood up, a flush creeping over your skin, a name on your lips but you couldn't utter it. Because it was the wrong man.

“You’re pregnant?” He asked incredulously.

“What do you want, Ben?” It still felt strange to call him that.

“I had no idea,” he rumbled.

“Yes you did. It’s why you saved me. Isn’t it?” He was too big for your space and you wanted him to sit down but you also didn’t want him to stay. “On the Finalizer, sending me to the Resistance you were giving me a chance with this baby.”

“I couldn't see you get killed!” He snarled curling his hands into fists. “I waited for Armitage to betray the First Order, his beliefs, to prove his love for you and he didn’t.”

“Because you would have killed him as soon as he put a foot wrong!” You hissed at him, trying to keep your voice low.

“Maybe,” he admitted. “I guess we will never know.”

“Please, leave me alone. He won’t come back if you’re in here.” You turned your back on him, hoping he’d get the message so you missed the crestfallen look on his face. The way his large hand went to reach for you but then he thought better of it and moved away.

“I didn’t want to hurt anyone.” You turned to reply but he was gone, the door closing softly behind him.

You paced, watching night fall beyond the walls of your little space, the fauna coming to life in the darkness and you sighed, trying to hold back the storm of emotions that threatened to engulf you yet again. You just needed to know he was alright. Your legs tired and you finally lay down, closing your eyes but sleep didn’t come so you stared at the door, tracking the rough wood yet again until he came back.

You sat up on the bed as the door slowly opened. He stepped in, his boots dragging on the wooden floor with each step, he didn’t look at you and instead rested heavily against the closed door. The fire had died down and there was silence outside indicating everyone was asleep. He slid to the floor, resting his elbows on his knees and thumping his head gently back onto the door. He looked exhausted in the dim light, his clothes slightly muddy like he’d been out trekking, his hair was wind swept but still as vibrant as ever. You ached to hold him close, to breathe your love into him so he could feel it but you knew he’d probably reject it right now. He was hurting, still coming to terms with the loss of everything he thought was important. He was having to rebalance, finding out the world did not run on the need for power and dizzying heights of control took time getting over. Nevertheless, you slowly slid off the bed kneeling just a few paces away from him, your hands clasped neatly in your lap as you gazed at him with sorrow filled eyes. The need to speak was driving you crazy, words filled your mouth before filtering out into nothingness not making it past the barrier of your lips. His eyes were closed, a pained expression pulled on his face and for a moment you thought he’d fallen asleep against the door when he shifted. His eyes opened and you rushed him, pulling him into an embrace that for once he didn’t fight. Neither of you spoke, taking the time to breathe each other in, accepting the first moment of comfort you had taken from each other since he had woken up in the medbay. He was warm and firm in your arms, alive and breathing as he wrapped an arm loosely over your back.

“Come to bed,” you whispered. “Please?” He had been sleeping in a chair no matter how many times you had offered him the bed he had refused to take it, until now. He stood almost swaying as you led him over, making him sit down so you could remove his boots and muddy trousers before letting him slip under the covers. You went to move away to let him rest alone when his hand shot out and grabbed you.

“Stay?” He asked softly and you tried not to smile. He moved over as you got in, not sure if he wanted to be touched or not but that uncertainty was banished when he pulled you tightly into his embrace and for the first time in a long time you felt contentment.

You awoke early again, feeling refreshed after a deep sleep because Hux hadn’t had a nightmare. You slipped out from under his arm and got dressed in some fresh clothes casting one last look at him you smiled before heading off to get some breakfast.

Poe was up early, sorting through the fresh supplies that had been brought back on the Falcon last night.

“Morning sweetheart, you look better.”

“I feel better,” you responded. “The trip was successful then?”

“We need to do another, even with people leaving to find their own way through the Galaxy there are still some arriving here because they have nowhere else to go. This lot won’t last us that long,” he commented.

“But it will do for now, you should be proud, General. You have created a safe haven for those who would end up wandering lost.” Poe sighed and you placed a comforting hand on his arm. “You know I will help if you need me to.”

“You already have your hands full,” he replied quietly.

“I am hoping my news will help him sort his priorities.” Poe’s eyes lit up and he grinned.

“A little bit of good news amongst the stress, how are you feeling? Here take some extra food,” he offered you.

“Poe I can’t, you have so many people to feed…”

“Would you just take it?” He growled, forcing more pouches into your arms. “I’ve got bottles of water as well…” you waited patiently as he retrieved a little crate and you placed it all in there, activating the hover mechanism on it.

“Thank you Poe.”

“Go go, I’m so busy,” he said, smirking, giving you a wink and making you laugh.

“Alright I’ll leave you to the very tedious task of counting!”

“Yes, thank you!” He called after you, picking up his datapad.

You had a little bounce to your step as you made your way all the way back to your hut, opening the door and guiding the crate in, you didn’t see Armitage sitting up at first. You closed the door and turned to give him a smile but the scene before made your blood run like ice in your veins.

“Armitage?” He was sitting on the edge of the bed running a hand over a blaster. “Where did you get that?” You asked quietly, panic licking its way through your body as he looked up at you. He looked so lost, his eyes were red and his pale skin blotchy, his red hair had lost its fire looking lank and dull as it slanted over one eye, his stubble was more pronounced today showing that he hadn’t attempted to shave.

“I just took it.” Your heart began to beat loudly, your pulse roaring in your ears, you wanted to call out for anyone but you didn’t know how he was going to react.

“What do you want with it?” You asked in hushed tones. He tapped it into his hand and you saw the safety was off, the panic heightened, thrumming through your body until it felt like all your hairs were standing on end.

“I didn’t know at first,” his voice was gravelly and tired. “But then I realised this could be it,” his shoulders rose and fell with a shuddery breath. “The answer to everyone’s suffering.”

“No one is suffering anymore,” you crouched down, slowly resting on your knees so you were on his level. “The war is o-over Armitage.”

“Then why do I feel like I’m still fighting?” He snarled. To your surprise he stood, the blaster gripped tightly in his hands and you felt like you couldn’t breathe. You were losing him.

You watched him pace in the small living area growing more agitated by the second, mumbling more to himself than you. “I am suffering, I feel so useless, there is nothing to aim for, not goals to achieve. No order, no control, nothing to strategise, no one to fight, I feel myself going crazy…” he stopped and looked down the barrel of the blaster. Your breath stilled, an ache bloomed in your chest as the seconds slowed to a crawl. Thoughts of getting up and knocking it from his hand flashed through your mind but you knew you’d be too late. “This is the only answer I’ve found,” his eyes dragged to you. His brows rose for a moment in an expression of sorrow as he took in your tear stricken face. “I’m taking responsibility….” No! You wanted to scream but the sound got lodged in your throat when his finger squeezed the trigger. You closed your eyes expecting a light, a bang, the sound of him falling to the floor, anything. But there was only silence.

Your eyes flew open at the sound of the door smashing into the wall and Ben came in, his chest heaving like he’d been running, his hand outstretched as he held Armitage in an invisible cage, he wrenched the blaster out of Hux’s frozen grip and tossed it out of the hut.

“What are you doing?” Growled Hux and his eyes blazed fiercely at the force user.

“I came to stop you,” Ben huffed, still catching his breath.

“How did you know?” You flinched as Ben pointed at you but his gaze was still locked on the ex-general.

“I could feel her heart, breaking from across the encampment.” A gasp left you as strong arms wrapped around your terrified form and Poe hauled you off the floor, also out of breath.

“I’m sorry sweetheart we came as fast as we could,” he breathed into your ear.

“Just let me go with dignity!” Hux glared at Ben as he snarled through gritted teeth.

“There is no dignity in this Armitage. You have someone who loves you, she wants you. Don’t throw that away, the chance of a life because the First Order no longer exists.”

“The First Order was my life! It was all I had!” Shouted Hux.

“And look what you have to replace it,” Ben snapped, gesturing at you clutched in Poe’s arms. “Don’t be a fool, don’t let your fathers ambitions rule even now. Because then it really all would have been for nothing. These people helping you would be for nothing.” Hux sagged to the floor with a grunt when Ben released him.

“Are you alright?” He asked angrily, turning his back to Hux. You nodded, shaking Poe off and rushing to your husband. You knelt next to his folded form, you wanted to reach out and touch him and you felt the frustration rise that you couldn’t touch him. Even though right now it was all he needed to remind himself he had you, he had reasons to live.

“You need to go. Now.”

“I’m not leaving you…” started Ben but you cut him off.

“Yes, you are. Go.” Poe tugged on the bigger man’s arm, his hazel eyes locked with yours for a moment before giving in and following the pilot outside. Your hands over your husbands shaking form but frustration made you move. Using all your might you pulled at him, making him sit up.

“Armitage!” You grabbed his face making him focus on you. His entire being quivering with pent up emotions ready to be released, his green eyes blown wide but they looked at you as he tried to keep himself together. “They’re gone, you can let go.” He sagged with relief against you, his face crumbling and you hugged him close as he buried his face into your shoulder.

“I can’t look at their faces anymore,” he whimpered. “All I see is what I’ve done, over and over again written in their eyes, in the words they say, how they act…all I see is the hurt that’s been caused, all because of me.” You held him close as he silently sobbed into you, giving him the outlet he needed without a word.

“It’s not you, this doesn’t fall on you.” You shrugged him off your shoulder, making him focus on your face. “Promise me, promise me you won’t pull that shit again!” Your profanity made him raise his eyebrows in surprise even through the storm of his emotions. “I need you, we need you,” you stressed softly. “Armitage please,” you rested your forehead against his pulling him close to you. “You are loved and needed and I will say it until you believe it.”

“What if I never believe it?” He whispered.

“We’re family. I know you’re not used to that, you feel alone, I feel alone! Our home is gone, all I have is you. And I can’t…..I can’t lose that. Please don’t make me!” You covered your face with both hands trying to stifle the sobs that shook your body. The feeling of utter hopelessness wrapped it’s fateful arms around you dragging you down into the dark abyss you’d been holding at bay for so long. You wanted to ask him why he wasn’t letting you in, to let you help him but you knew it was pointless. You went to get up, to move away or leave, just to distance yourself but your eyes flew open when you felt his fingers curl around your wet hands. He pulled them down from your face, his gaze searching yours, his expression sad as his mouth opened.

“You are my home,” he whispered.

“Armitage…”

“You want me to talk, I’m talking.” You hiccuped a breath at his firm tone, an echo of the man he used to be finally shining through, but he was right. You’d spent all the time trying to get him to open up. You should listen to him now. He reached for your cheek, his long fingers gently wiping your tears away. “Starkiller, The Finalizer, Arkanis, none of them ever felt like home after I met you. Took me so long to see it,” he murmured. “To see how you helped me face myself and now,” his gaze flicked down to your stomach. “Now you are making me see something I never thought I’d see. How can I be a parent?” You saw the uncertainty in his gaze, the way his brows tried to pull down for a moment. “What if…what if I….become like him?”

“You could never!” You reached for him, bringing him closer until his forehead pressed into yours. “I know you’re scared, don’t make that face, you are allowed to be. I am. I’m scared.” You bit your lip as you chose your next words. “It feels easier to walk away but it’s not,” you said firmly, threading your hands into his hair. “If we face this together we can do it, Armitage. We can get each other through this.”

#general hux x female reader #armitage hux x female reader #echoes of the heart #general hux x you #general hux x reader #armitage hux x you #armitage hux x reader #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren x you #my writing #mylifeisactuallyamess #cw: suicidal thoughts

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gravityunforgiven · 3 years

Text

Right Where You Left Me (Kakashi x OC)

Pairings: Kakashi x OC, Jiraiya x Tsunade

Synopsis:

She was the daughter of a Legendary Sannin, He, a son of a disgraced shinobi. Fate brought them together but life tore them apart. Will they be able to take control of their destinies and find their way back to each other?

...Or will they be another victim of the cruel shinobi world they are both a part of?

Chapter Four

"You didn't tell me." Kakashi's tone was almost accusing.

Their roles were reversed now. She was the one sitting on the bench of the locker room as he stood next to her.

You didn't tell me you were going to be a jinchūriki. You didn't tell me you were chosen.

Of course, that never happened. She was too late to do anything.

Akira looked up, her voice just as cold as his, almost menacing. "I didn't think you should know."

A deafening silence engulfed the two.

"He's dead." She breathed in conclusion. A silence fell over the two as their reality sank in. Minato was gone and so was Kushina. Kakashi knows they were an important figure in her life especially after her mother left the village.

Kakashi sat down next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

They didn't talk much for the next three years. He threw himself at work to relieve his pain and she did exactly the same to relieve her guilt but every now and then, Kakashi would find a neatly wrapped bento box placed on his front door and he would know it came from her because she was the only one he told about how much he hated eating his own cooking.

She remembered.

—

He just turned seventeen the first time he walked her home. Their friends threw him a small party ( against his will) in the dango shop for his birthday. Everyone in their class were invited and Kakashi actually had a good time himself.

Akira was not her usual self that night.

She had just returned from a mission from the Land of the Waves when Kurenai knocked on her door and dragged her to the shop. She was never the one for the parties but she sure does enjoy the company of her friends but she was just dead tired at the moment. The adrenaline cursing through her veins for the past week had died down and fatigue has taken its place instead.

It was half past one when the celebration wrapped. Everyone bid their goodbyes outside the shop and parted ways.

She headed west and him to the east.

However, Kakashi couldn't get Akira's unusual behaviour out of his head. He just turned into the first corner when he found himself running back, past the dango shop, and to the opposite direction of his apartment at full speed.

He found her walking on third street on the way to her house. Akira immediately noticed the familiar chakra signature and stopped on her tracks.

"Kakashi?"

He gave her a smile, his eyes crinkling in the process. "I thought you shouldn't walk alone at this time of the night." He shrugged.

Of course, that was a lie. She was more than capable of taking care of both of them but it was all Kakashi could come up in the short time he had before he was able to catch up with her.

She lived on the far west side of the village, in one of the quieter neighbourhoods. She had too much chaos in her life that she just wanted to have a little bit of serenity in the rare times she was actually home and she figured that the best place to get that was to be away from the center of the village and in a neighbourhood full of civilians. In here, she could just be a normal person just like every body else.

Their walk back to her apartment was quiet, peaceful, even. The two of them basked in the calmness that surrounded them and the presence of one another. There were no words that needed to be spoken, they both knew how nice it was not to walk home alone for once.

Kakashi was at a war with himself the whole way to her place. He didn't know what got to him and he did this. He was not typically the one who acts based on impulse. He was a shinobi, the kind who plans his every move and analyzes the situation he was in.

But this, right now. Walking next to her, Kakashi couldn't put his finger to what he was feeling but somehow...it felt right.

"This is me." She said, stopping in front of a moss-colored door.

He bid his goodbyes and left. But Kakashi lingered in her street a little bit more. He hid behind the shadow of a street lamp and stayed until he heard the click from her door as it locked and the first light in her home burst into life.

On his way home, he concluded that he was just being a good friend and it really was just late. He made himself believe that it was just a lapse of judgement on his side and it would never happen again but ever since that night, they sat a little closer to each other, sometimes their shoulders would brush and although Akira seemed oblivious about it, Kakashi was hyperaware of her skin brushing against his and he couldn't be more thankful for the mask he wore.

Kakashi tried his best to fight against his own instinct. It was no easy task especially for a shinobi who relies on his instincts the most, but for her sake, he did.

He knew he was bad for her and she was too good for him. Everyone he had ever loved died. His parents, his team and most recently, his sensei. He couldn't do that to her. He would rather suffer for the rest of his life knowing she cannot be his than bring her down with him.

He can't live with that. So he did. He did his best to do what he believed was right and ignored his feelings knowing she deserved someone better. Someone who could protect her more that he can. There were no labels between them and he settled on the privilege of walking her home when he had the chance. Every time, he would tell himself that it would be the last time he was going to walk with her only to fail again the next time.

Kakashi knew he was in too deep. He didn't know when he started falling. All he knew was that when he walked next to her for the first time nearly two years ago, deep inside, he wanted to be by her side for a very long time.

She made him feel safe, she didn't treat him any differently when people were calling him names and their friends looked at him with pity in their eyes. She has just always been there. She was his one constant since his days in the academy to his time as an ANBU. She understood his pain when he lost Minato and respected his space when she too was grieving and needed someone but most of all, he fell for her genuine kindness, her bravery and how she always puts others before herself.

It was during the time when Kakashi found himself meddling with Root Division business, a stern warning came from her. She said he may no longer recognize himself if he continued to deal with the division. She said it was made for people specifically like him. But when Lord Third was negotiating with Danzo, she volunteered herself to be in exchange for another wood style user, Kinoe. His abilities were only half of what she can do and yet she willingly went back into the dark so he could find the light. The Third strongly disagreed with this, but like before, Akira did not listen and she was back in the Root Division. She shrugged nonchalantly saying she needed more training anyway.

Kakashi asked if Kinoe knew Akira. He said yes. She was really powerful when they trained together and they became good friends since they were the same age.

When the Root Division was disbanded, Akira was back on the Hokage's ANBU. She was in the hospital for weeks, and when she came back, she was still wincing in pain.

This made Kakashi want to put her first for once. He felt like she had no regards for her life, like she didn't care about it. He knew what that feeling is like and he wanted her to know that she was so more than just another pawn in the war.

She was slowly becoming his world.

She made him feel things that he didn't even know existed, she made him do things he thought he would never do. She made him see the beauty of life once again.

She saved him.

For two years Kakashi kept himself at bay, wondering if Akira felt the same way as he did. A part of him hoped she only saw him as a friend and nothing more, he hoped that the meals she left on his door were just random acts of kindness on her part, he hoped it was just him making up stupid scenarios in his head because he knew wasn't strong enough to stop himself from caving in if she does.

Their friends eventually noticed Kakashi's odd behaviour. He looked for her as he passed through the sushi restaurant where she's mostly seen these days, it was her face he first searches in a crowded room, the one he hoped to see when he tagged along for dinners and the others eventually noticed.

They didn't really confront the two about what was going on (except for Gai which Kakashi outright denied) but they always had their suspicions that there was something more than what meets the eye.

He ran into her in the locker room the night he first held her hand. She just came from a week long solo mission in the Land of the Snow and though he wouldn't admit it, he missed her.

"How did it go?" He had asked her.

"It went well." She replied as she strapped her shoe into place.

She stood up from the bench the same time he sat down. Before she reached the door she called his name and told him she was going to report in to the Hokage and eat dinner after. She was out of the door before Kakashi could ask her if she wanted him to join her for dinner. He stared at the door, perplexed and unsure of what she meant.

He ate next to her anyway. That night when he walked her home on the now familiar streets that led to her house, their hands lightly brushed against each other. Kakashi's heart almost stopped when he felt her hand take his own.

It was warm. So warm that the heat radiating from their tangled hands traveled through his whole body.

She wanted him.

Akira held Kakashi's hand just as tight as he did with hers. They didn't have to exchange words to know how each felt. Their eyes already said a million words. It was just how it's always been with the two of them.

When they reached her house, Kakashi walked her up to her front door. He watched in amusement as she fumbled with her keys before finally abled to unlock the bolt and switched the first light on.

They stood in her doorway, both unsure of what to do next but when her green orbs met his dark ones, Kakashi knew there was no stopping them now. Whatever the consequence may be, there was no turning back. They were both in too deep that the world would just have to deal with them being together.

Kakashi leaned in and kissed her forehead. She smelt like oakmoss, like the forest after the rain. It eased Kakashi's nervousness.

"I'll see you tomorrow."

Everything fell into place soon after that. As the months passed by, the began to fall in love with each other, know each other, it was slow and gentle, like the flowers blooming in the spring.

They became familiar with each other's presence, their small quirks and habits, like how Kakashi likes his miso soup with eggplants in them or how Akira can't go to bed without a cup of warm tea and the way he would stay up late at night just to watch her sleep, wondering how he had gotten so lucky only to discover that Akira talks in her sleep. She mumbled words in a language Kakashi never understood but once in a while, his name would leave her lips and Kakashi swore he could feel himself falling in love with her all over again.

Kakashi never thought he could love someone this much. love. He was in love with Akira. He thought he loved her enough before, but now, having her in his arms, knowing her the way he was the only one allowed to, Kakashi asked himself what he could have possibly done to deserve her.

None of their friends knew. In fact, no one besides the two of them knew about their relationship for an entire year. It was the first time for the both of them and they wanted their relationship to be theirs for the time being. They knew the others would find out soon enough but for now, they wanted to relish the feeling of finally having each other after years of holding back.

It was a little after Kakashi had moved in to her apartment when the news broke out. He had been sleeping in her house for months and didn't do much "moving in" anymore since most of his things were already in her house anyway. In fact, her apartment has been looking more and more like theirs for a while. She had neatly folded her clothes to make space for his growing number of shirts left in her place months ago and the window sill that contained her worn-out books now has his as well.

Their relationship finally became public when Genma had caught Kakashi leaving Akira's apartment early one morning. It would have been harmless and easily dodged if Akira hadn't bolted out of the door to give Kakashi a kiss goodbye on his masked lips. Genma initially kept their secret for weeks but accidentally slipped up during a conversation which Kurenai and Gai immediately picked up. It wasn't long after that when the pats on the back were given followed with congratulations for the couple. Their former classmates weren't really surprised by the news, they always knew it was going to lead to this but what took them by surprised was how they were able to keep it a secret for a long time.

The answer was simple. They were both ANBU members after all.

Kakashi cherished their long walks together the most. After all, it was where everything started. They walked along the streets of Konoha, hand in hand with the moon shining brightly above them. No one could touch the way they laughed in the dark, talking about their future or the way they would spend hours on wrapped in each other's arms, watching the sun go down. He loved how the world seemed to fade away when he looks at her. All he could see was this woman who chose him despite his flaws and accepted him wholeheartedly.

They were no longer two seperate beings, they were two souls merged into one. This time, they will have each other to lean on for the rest of their lives.

That was the plan.

Life doesn't always go according to plan.

—

Next Up: Tsunade and Akira meets again.

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