#mind my author's notes

[radlymona]

Grown men yet to learn what a children’s fantasy novel series is. More at 11

#hp #jkr #u see this type of take every other week now and it’s as stupid as ever #yeah I couldn’t get into the kids fantasy book because #*checks notes* the sports game didn’t have the same rules as my real one #mind u the second dude has the audacity to use the word badness while criticising an authors writing ability

[ghouljams]

Ngl I love that you haven’t gone in and explicitly explained how magic works in this world because it’s like the readers are figuring it out alongside MC is and it’s very fun. Also with the addition of Koenig and his magic, I love the idea that different magic users have different…textures? So that MC has gotten so used to the way that Ghosts magic feels that having Koenig or anyone else tap her makes it feel like she’s wearing a super uncomfortable sweater or an I’ll fitting pair of jeans and she hates it. Just another way for Ghost to keep her coming back home to him.

You have no idea how much I love writing magic systems, especially from an outsiders perspective. Even the language around the magic is from the MC's limited terminology: tap/tapping. It's all very tactile because that's the only way to experience it as an outsider to it.

Anyway I've rewritten this answer a million times and I've explained too much every time so instead of explaining anything I'm going to give you some magic we haven't experienced yet. Fae names >:)

"Do you have a last name?" You ask, feeling warm and floaty, still coming down off of whatever Simon dosed you with. Your thoughts are still sticky with him, you blame that for your suchor sweet ideas of where this relationship might be going. He pauses with his lips against your shoulder, his fingers tracing senseless circles over your stomach.

"Not anymore," he tells you quietly, resuming his affections. Dragging his lips up your neck, and moving your hair aside to kiss the top of your spine. You're held tight against his chest, and your brain is still a little slow to catch on to whatever that might mean.

"That's fine," you sigh, cuddling back against him, and sinking into the haze of Simon's aftercare, "you can take mine."

Something in your chest lights up gold and pulls taught. The ever present buzz of shadow under your skin stops, at the same time Simon does. It's jarring to lose after feeling it so long, jarring enough to snap you back into yourself fully before the buzz returns.

"That's-" he cuts himself off with a hum, buying time for himself. You wiggle a little, loosening his grip enough to turn over so you can face him. "That's not something you can offer lightly."

You still feel that shine in your chest as you say his name, subbing in your last name for him. He shivers, his pupils blowing wide, eating away at even the whites of his eyes. Theres that pulled taut feeling again, like something latching into place between you. You start to say it again, enjoying the way it feels in your mouth, but he stops you.

You say it again with a smile and shriek with delight when Simon rolls on top of you with his own grin.

"That'll do," his voice is strained. He's quiet for a long moment, the gold in your chest holding you quiet as well. "Only when you need me," he tells you finally, seriously, "and I promise I'll come running."

#just as a fun author's note in my mind the offered last name is Darling #because i have a nasty habit of calling MCs Darlings #this is subtitled the MC accidentally fae marries Ghost #cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod x y/n #cod ghost #ghost mw2 #ghost mwii #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon ghost x reader #call of duty modern warfare #simon riley #reader x ghost #ghost x reader #mw2 fanfic #simon riley x you #fae!ghost

[sylviaplathenthusiast]

i do not excuse the actions of my favourite characters. i accept and embrace them. i welcome them with open arms. i settle into bed with my favourite characters, brush through their hair with my fingers and say “that’s it, baby, be a menace to society, just like that”

#its all justified #love them because of their flaws #marauders #sirius black #regulus black #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #pandora rosier #remus lupin #when the authors note is like ‘we gotta keep in mind that *character* is going through this this and that’ #and im like BORIIIIING #i want chaos #bitching moaning #be a horrible person #i still know youre my baby girl

[welcometoteyvat]

@apologems asked for wanderer & furina (among others) for the random characters prompt. I was gonna post all the pairs in your ask together but I love instant validation so they're getting split up lol. here, have too many words. feedback deeply appreciated!! <3

———

Furina opens her eyes to blank, vast emptiness. The cream tiled floor of the Palais Mermonia stretches on and on beneath her, the white-veined marble mirror smooth. It reflects the dismal cloudiness outside—if there even is an “outside” in this strange space. She wonders idly whether she could ask Neuvillette to cheer up a bit, to make the dreary grayness go away, or whether he would even listen to her requests like he used to. Rain seems likely.

She supposes she should walk around and find a way out of this place, even though it doesn’t seem very urgent. Nobody needs her to take care of anything now—they won’t be waiting for her return. Her footsteps echo against the marble—one, two, three—one, two, three. Is it possible to dance a waltz with just herself and the empty silence? Oh, but there’s someone a ways away, over there. Maybe they could dance with her, and it won’t be as lonely.

The figure in the distance is dressed all in blue, wearing a wide brimmed hat with strips of fabric dangling from the edge. They turn when she comes close, and their eyes meet; it’s a young man, with red eyeshadow, a bored glare, and puffy cheeks on a pretty face. It’s rather striking how he looks so sharp yet soft, swooping curves and hard angles, all at once.

“So, whose funeral is this?”

“What? Where?” A funeral? But she didn’t see a coffin…

“The dead body’s right there. Are you walking around with your eyes closed?” He sneers, and gestures carelessly to the bare floor in front of her.

“There’s… nothing there.” That catches the hat-guy off-kilter. He narrows his eyes, and his gaze is like a quick knife.

“Don’t play dumb, idiot. It’s quite obviously you, isn’t it? Look at that white vest and suit.”

“I—what?” There’s really nothing there. She’s definitely alive, too—no dead double in sight. But—what is he saying about a white vest? Unless… this is one of those fantasy children’s novels where everything is just a rabbit-hole dream? Just in case, Furina blinks a couple times. She opens her eyes, and—huh?!

“Same stupid rooster-frill tailcoat, small blue top hat, frivolous accessories, mascara eyelashes; the only thing different is the long jellyfish h—”

“Wait! I can see someone, but it’s not me. It’s a child, wearing all white with a purple veil.”

And she expects him to scoff again, because maybe she really is seeing things, maybe her acting has gone a little too far, but instead, Hat-guy blanches. He throws her another sharp, piercing glance, seems to find nothing—and then—and then, a terribly familiar smile creeps onto his face. The sight of it makes her bones ache and her eyes fill with inexplicable tears.

“Well, if that’s what you see, I suppose this is a funeral for both of us. Hah, how curious.” His voice has turned into sandpaper and tea's bitter dregs, scratchy with loathing and cynicism and absurdity. Now he's turning towards her, and in his fierce gaze she sees... her old self, lying there on the cold not-Palais floor. Her eyes stare unseeingly at nothing, and that horrible, wretched smile is frozen on her lips. Furina flinches. She wants to throw up, to pluck out her eyes, to claw at her face until it bleeds. She looks away instead. She knows that Hat-guy is watching her and is grateful he doesn't comment, and when she finally meets his eyes again, she is grateful too that his face is carefully blank. He simply offers Furina his hand and says, “Shall I do the honors?”

She nods, and takes his hand.

A fire blazes up immediately, engulfing the dead child and his purple veil. Furina watches as its clothes disappear in licks of flame, as its doll joints are exposed, then stripped away, until nothing remains besides a pile of ash, and a small, blackened kernel that might have once been a heart. She wonders what Hat-guy saw—a little Oceanid, evaporating into nothingness at the final curtain call? Perhaps it doesn’t matter. It’s past now, regardless.

Furina doesn’t know when it starts to rain. The last embers have long since blackened when she realizes that the downpour is soaking her clothes, running down her cheeks. Water drips from the edge of Hat-guy’s hat, dampening his knee-high socks. Yet he makes no move to leave, so neither does she.

They continue to stand there, long after their clothes are soaked all the way through. Two false gods, drenched, alone.

———

a/n: idk whether I handled their emotional states correctly please give feedback if ooc. this entire thing is just "it's about THE NARRATIVE PARALLELS" and i dont even know whether it's the interp I wanted. extra ending thoughts include this wouldn't happen in canon bc i think wanderer is already at a place where he's partly fixed. maybe emotional closure. idk idk. people who think more about furina and scara should give me your theses on them. and of course, if you're wondering What Even Happened In This Fic, don't worry, so am I. didn't stick the ending but that's ok

also on ao3 ig

#TIL it's palais mermonia not palais memoria #i am illiterate #apologems #anyways thanks for the ask! im probably giving u a rain check for thma + kuki and shen.he + bz #just because i dont have many thoughts rn JSKDFJKDSHGKDSLJ i can more clearly see how sh and bz would interact #but am still thinking about specifics. like i see the vision etc its just not condensed in my mind's eye #not much for thma and kuki though the thought soup is still stewing #the others will hopefully come slowly but steadily :-) #wanderer #furina #scaramouche #playing gods #new r/ship tag :) #teyvat thoughts #genshin impact #genshin wanderer #asks #extra secret authors notes here: #i was gonna make this a lot more surreal bc i really enjoyed one fic i wrote that was surrealismmaxxing and chock full of descs #but it just didn't turn out that way #this was also gonna be short but i decided to add descriptions to it and it got longer. then it got longer and longer. idk #also ignore teyvat lore idk this isn't happening in canon or in modern au it's just there. surrealism etc make up whatever logic you want #genshin fic

[sleepdeprivationitself]

Decided to color a Jon sketch so that I could have a colored version for my Archivist playlist

#jon tma #tma fanart #jon sims #tma #the magnus archives #author is sleep deprived #i had a lot of fun with this #its not perfect #but like im new to digital art anyways sooooo #anyway dont mind my silly little math notes on the sketch

[glimmerglanger]

Chapters: 1/6 Fandom: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi Characters: CC-2224 | Cody, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Original Female Character(s), Other PT Characters Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Control Chip Removal and Aftereffects, Emotional Dysregulation, Pining, non-con not between the main pairing, And Occurs Off-Screen (See Author's Note for More Information), Temporary Obitine, Brief Quinobi, Therapy, Recovery from trauma, Eventual Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Some Brief Instances of Self-Harm, Coping Mechanisms, Healing, Abuse of Prisoners, Torture Summary:

The very first piece of profanity Cody ever heard came from the mouth of one of his trainers. She’d been a quiet woman most of the time, especially during training, where she mostly communicated with her hands. But she’d tripped up, once, in the mess, and hissed out, “Kark,” under her breath after the clatter of sound from her armored foot striking a chair.

OR, the one where Cody sees some of the more horrific parts of the galaxy and takes the long and difficult road to recovery afterwards.

#my writing #codywan #hey please mind all those tags #torture #canon typical violence #non-con (not between main pairing) #more info is found in the author's note #more than half this fic is in fact healing recovery and therapy

[kenobihater]

you ever write up a combination of words you're really proud of at the time bc you think it's vivid but it's actually so atrocious that you remember it eight years later bc it's burned itself into your long-term memory? just me?

#i'm literally laughing my entire ass off rn. i can't believe i found this fic i wrote at 15 and orphaned when i came to my senses abt both #my complete inability and total aversion to writing first person as well as the fact that the english language should never have been #subjected to its words being done dirty like this 😭 #also i straight up fucking LIED in the authors note??? i said i'd broken my knee as a kid which is categorically false. i fell down some #stairs and banged it up and it's a tiny bit weak ig but i didn't break it? all any teens born after y2k know is eat hot chip and lie... #still not over the first line... the flip flop bit i remembered but i'd COMPLETELY forgotten 'a shriek seeped out of my throat'. girl. what. #how does a shriek seep exactly? the world may never know... #and the use of 'groped' is also sending me 😭 AND 'crash bash whump thump' girlllll send help holy shit i can't stop coughing & laughing #the rest of the fic isn't quite this bad but it's very purple yet ineloquent and rough. it's a good reminder of how much i've improved and #honestly i'd rather read this utterly amature fic bc it's at least charming in its lack of skill rather than infuriating like some of my #oneshots that are still on my page bc they're more comprehensible but just bad enough to make me cringe. getting mad at this oneshot would #be like getting bad at a kid's stick figure drawing. like. it's just kinda cute to see someone starting out on their creative journey #my old sw oneshots on the other hand are like the awkward growing pains of puberty. you just can't help but wince at the reminder #this is okay to reblog btw bc it's objectively hilarious and i don't mind ppl finding humor in it #len speaks

[ressonancee]

i have this really fluff idea about the reader taking off the makeup of idol boyfriend but i can only conjure the idea in my brain with jihoon

#and i am like #you have 13 boys to write about #pick another one #but my mind just goes boink jihoon #t: authors note

[grumpy-nyks]

The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Davor edition

I-I think Ms. Verner doesn't like him...😳

Davor "Dove" Kovač 🐝 RO: Becca Warrick

Personality: cautious // aloof // pessimistic // flirtatious (only towards Becca ...and Reese??) Traits: head // independent // resistance // believer Past affinity: math Primary ability: extrasensory awareness Past susceptibility: forward. 'it’s better to push forward. don’t look back on the past when you have new places to be and things to achieve.' <<< his motto

🕊️ Fernweh: Davor lived a happy life there and didn't think about leaving in the future. Maybe for some trips, but he knew it would always be his place, his safe place... 'It was a mistake to come back here.' - that was his first thought when he tried to fall asleep on the first night in Fernweh. The nightmares came back as he thought they would. He wants to leave as soon as possible because he feels that it is not safe for Becca to be here.

🕊️ Gramps Dan: That was his gramps who taught Davor how to play the guitar. As a young child, Davor always admired him and believed he was the most intelligent person in the world. After the death of his parents and how his grandfather treated him, he was devastated and angry. He wanted answers soo badly but didn't get any. He lived loathing his grandfather ever since. The news of his passing stirred up a lot of negative emotions that Davor had previously managed to suppress. At the beginning of the story he couldn't care less about his grandfather, but because of his journal he started to believe him. Things that his granfather lived through made Davor even more angry at this messy town …but he's willing to forgive his gramps…

🐝 Becca Warrick: It was a ...funny story that brought both of them together and they look after each other ever since. He considers Becca as his precious (not in a negative-possessive way) treasure, he literally can't let anything bad happen to her. That was also she who came up with the nickname 'Dove'... (and she's literally the only person who calls him that, others wouldn't dare...). He had feelings for her for quite some time but didn't act on it... until now. Although he didn't express it, he felt very nervous about Becca being in the town where he grew up. He was curious (but also scared) about what she could think of this town. He felt like he was revealing more of himself to her…. and he forgot about any worries pretty fast, because the town started being weird as fu--.

🕊️ Reese Verner: Back then Davor was quite cheerful and enjoyed competing with Reese regularly. They teased each other a lot. Davor always thought that Reese had a crush on him, was it true tho? donut know, but he certainly had. ...why does he appear in his nightmares? Maybe the crush stage never disappeared...? Seeing him again was a nice experience, sure... but ignoring the circumstances, he is still unsure if it was worth it and is struggling with his thoughts… Would it be worth it to return to Fernweh just to see him... again? welp, good thing he doesn't have to think about it much, am I right?

🕊️ Sofia Dorran: The two of them maybe did not have a strong relationship, but he knew Sofia is the ideal person for engaging in intelligent conversations. He enjoyed spending time with her, solving the puzzles that gramps created for them both. Davor wasn't a fan of fantasy books, but she managed to change his mind about them. Davor knows that Sofia did take good care of his grandfather, but he still doesn't quite know if he's grateful for that or wished she spent her time more... valuably... He was tempted to ask Sofia to borrow that book she found in his grandfather's bedroom, but he thought better of it. It's better to leave Fernweh… Even so, his curiosity wasn't properly fed.

🕊️ James Corvin: Maybe not brothers by blood, but definitely brothers by choice. Davor treated him as if he was the brother he always wanted to have. Back then Davor always placed a high value on his family… until now. At the time, Davor tended to be more impulsive and James was usually the one who kept him from getting into trouble (which often involved Reese). It was really hard, for both of them, to see each other after so long. Their first interaction was pretty awkward... I would even say that most of their interactions were . James noticed how Davor changed the question is: for the better or worse? I don't even know. Everyone can sense, that things around them are different now, and they aren't as close as before. Will it change?

🕊️ Alek Corvin: …To say that Alek wasn't a fan of Davor would be an understatement. Was it because James spent most of his time focusing only on Davor trying to get him out of trouble? Did Alek observe any possessiveness from Davor towards James? Or maybe simply because of the bond between those two, which was truly something that others would envy and desire? Davor never considered it, especially when he left Fernweh permanently. :)) As you can imagine, Alek doesn't seem very happy about Davor's return… But he took an interest in his new friend, Becca, which did not go unnoticed by Davor and he isn't really happy about it.

🕊️ The Waitress: Oh boy, it seems that Davor has taken up a new hobby, which is glaring harshly at the waitress. He finds her mistrustful and he smells trouble. Had they met when he was younger, there may have been a slim chance of them getting along.

🕊️ Waffles!: So um… Davor has a little issue with dogs and because of that his relationship with Waffles isn't as wonderful as I wish it would be... However, I believe that with time and help from Becca, they will eventually become friends.

#actually about his scar i have this whole headcanon... featuring some...umm.. doggos and Becca... 👀 especially how they met #(Davor was always team cats but after that incident even more xD) #also ouch that naming scene it hurt me so much! but i get it ;; aaaa! Davor why are you being so problematic Waffles is wonderful!!! #it was really interesting for me to messing with Davor in nightmares and showing him Reese!! the feelings the emotions aaaa #also yeeaah Davor thought several times if it would be a good idea to come back to Re-- *cough* Fernweh... and then Becca happened... #generally speaking Davor has a keen interest in Slavic mythologies and culture particularly those from western and southern regions of- #-Europe. I imagine that his father has roots in these regions and he took great pride in his heritage. Often taking about it to Davor #...and since Sofia's a smart girl she lent Davor a fantasy book written by Slavic author who took a great inspiration from Slavic myths👼😊 #yes it was enough to change Davor's mind about fantasy books XD he never really read one before he just assumed it's BORING! #and now I'm sure he will throw questions at Sofia about this book she found even more since he's staying at Fernweh... I can imagine how- #-they both are staying up late studying it and comparing their notes... it would remind Davor about the time they were kids- #-it seems that his Gramps gave them both the last puzzle to solve... will they succeed? #and ooohh that will be a hard time for James and Davor... that rejection at the end of book one wont help them im sure XD #about Davor's 'possesivenes' over James... Davor was needy that's true but he would never think about 'stealing' James from Alek or- #-'claiming' James belongs to him. I hope im not crossing a line here but in my headcanon Alek was TOTALLY jealous over their friendship #and Alek THOUGHT that Davor was receiving more attention from James 👀 #//which obv isn't true because James would never allow it. Alek is always a number one in James' heart// #in mine too I love A!!!! 💖 they're a BABY #but i must say that Davor didn't really think about Alek's feelings back then. he wasn't aware how Alek could feel- that's not an excuse #super curious about book two and how his relationships with every single one of them will develop!!! #fernweh saga #oc: davor kovac #no i totally did NOT change his surname..

[50044w44s]

the tw of my last chap are killing me, i didn't even remember

#ao3 #fic on ao3 #fic writing #my fic #fanfiction #fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #fanfiction writer #fanfic on ao3 #ao3 fanfic #ao3 funny #ao3 writer #ao3 memes #funny ao3 tags #funny ao3 notes #author notes #criminal minds fic

[yaoimongerer]

There Is a Light Mature, Sasori/Deidara, 2.5k words

The humiliation of being nursed back to wellness was something hot and squirming-writhing-seething, but Sasori never gloated. He tended to Deidara with emotion that he could never quite place – it was in his eyes, the only part of him still alive. They glinted with something that reminded Deidara of his cruelty, but softer. More personal. Self-indulgent prompt fill for day 5 of Sasori Week.

Tags: Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, Poisoning, Grief, Character Study, Dubious Consent, Whump, prompt: partners, Prompt: Fantasy, sasoriweek, sasoriweek2023

#txt #my fics #sasoriweek #sasoriweek2023 #there are more warnings in the authors note #please be careful!! this might be the first darkfic submission for sasori week ToT #i am not very kind to sasori here #so again #PLEASE be mindful #all that aside #i hope that this is enjoyable!! happy reading!!

[ineffable-kelpie]

Rating: T

Wordcount: 12,435

Chapters: 2/?

Summary:

Crowley has spent the last two years learning to cope with Aziraphale's absence. So when Aziraphale shows up with no memories, and Crowley is the only one who can help, it's not an easy thing to deal with.

(Crowley’s perspective of the events of Light the Corners of my Mind)

#good omens fanfic #ineffable divorce #the possible sidequel that I vaguely mentioned in the author notes is here! #sort of #I have not finished a full draft #I definitely intend to #but if you've read Light the Corners of my Mind you already know what happens #and if you haven't read Light the Corners of my Mind maybe you should read that one first instead #to be completely honest this whole fic was an excuse for Crowley and Nina to drink and bitch about their exes together #anyway I have no idea what the posting schedule will be #my current plan is to just post a chapter every time I finish a chapter #which will definitely be more than a week between chapters #especially to me especially if it's you #cyankelpie's fic

[dramatic-dolphin]

ngl, "don't normalize x" discourse is going a little too far sometimes. like, i'm not sure some of those things CAN be normalized. what'll happen if we "normalize selfcest"? will people start hooking up with their clones? opening portals to another dimension to fuck their au!selves? i just don't think we're capable of normalizing this. on a practical level.

#sorry i just saw one of the most mind-boggling author's notes i've ever seen #“we shouldn't normalize it” well i have good news????? #anyways this is up there with “survivors of necrophilia” as one of my favorite unhinged discourse phrases #that was also a fun one

[lowoliet]

i've been thinking about the parallels between sherliam and lawlight and now i'm obsessing over the idea of a moriarty the patriot au

#times like this when i wish i had the motivation to actually write 😔 #death note #lawlight #moriarty the patriot #sherliam #sherliam is just lawlight with a less homophobic author change my mind

[mikkouille]

wait actually connecting the dots was the guy telling us the fight would go well when we were half a party of first timers also the one who forgot to lb3 us like bro was a tank one of em. jffjjssn he forgor.

#the one guy who does know the fight gjdjsjsbsbsbd #no one doing trial roulette at midnight we were all here to discover it #actually the coach review im doing in my head is critical again i realised i once more forgot to hit SSS like i have to figure out a spot on #the hotbar for me to remember #ok authors notes and definitions ¹LB for Limit Break: staple of FF big ability that you get to use after certain conditions #in this case for the time spent in the fight (+other little things but mostly its about the time spent). in the context of this tale #a protective one was needed to supershield us from death. hence 'tank lb' speaking of ²Tank: one of the three key roles in a fight #alongside Healer (self explanatory) and dps (damage-per-second– hence damage dealers) the tank is solid and takes hits #so that the others dont have to. its sturdy and healthy and looks particularly yummy tovthe enemies to make tjem want to hit Just this guy #in this specific story there were Two tanks #one of them seemingly having knowledge of the specific fight we embarked on #the other likely not. neither of them activated the special limited use bug spell we needed to survive though (only they can) #and for ur curiousity dear scientual i play as damage dealer. so that i cant be the bearer of thus sort of mistake ever 👍 #though granted dps also could do LB fumbles in this specific fight apparently. twas the fight disclaimers on the guides jdjfjfd #'do NOT cast dps LB UNLESS the boss himself os casting something or else he'll activate invulnerability and make it all useless' #+8second of invulnerability??? bro i just elected to not even try it even before the fight went. awry. #even tho technically my position is good for damage lb its ok given how it went i doubt anyone would mind that no one hit the lb gjdjsjsjsks #to be fair its one of these situations where its better left to the healer in case all goes wrong again #(author note damage lb does big damage. healer lb does big heal and if maxed out on its capacity can even ressurect anyone dead) #(hence. given the struggle. it was better off being theirs even outside of the odd conditions of the boss turning invulnerable) #dont think anyone used it tho #its ok.

[sebastienlelivre]

and some things you just can't speak about | episode 6x18 coda | buck/eddie (mentions of buck/natalia and past eddie/marisol) | 2.3k words (AO3 link in the source)

Eddie comes to a realization, and hope is a living thing that's going to kill Evan Buckley.

It's seven in the morning after a dreadfully boring twenty-four-hour shift, something so quiet no one even wanted to think that word lest they ended up unleashing five alarm fires after five alarm fires. Even Ravi had settled for trying to beat everyone in the station at pool until even that got boring. But it's over now, and they have forty-eight hours off, and Eddie stops in the door just outside the station staring up at the way the sun is gleaming off the surrounding windows.

Buck isn't even sure Eddie is aware that he's right in the doorway, not until Buck bumps shoulders with him to get his attention, and when Eddie looks over at him, he blinks his eyes slowly, and there's a smile, something small and intimate, something that makes Buck's breathing stop and his heart skitter for a moment. "Oh," Buck breathes, which makes Eddie's eyes narrow in confusion, but Buck just shakes his head before saying, "You okay?"

Eddie smiles then, and it's like he lights up, practically glowing, and it's something Buck has gotten used to in the three weeks since Eddie had informed the house about his new girlfriend and how much fun she is. Practically glowing is Eddie's default these days, and Buck isn't prepared to examine why that makes his stomach drop.

"Me? Yeah, I'm good," Eddie replies to his question, his smile never dimming, and Buck bites back some bitchy comment about how getting laid regularly would do that to someone. He swallows and clears his throat with a shake of his head as he tries to get hold of himself. There's no reason for him to act like that, he likes Marisol well enough, she makes Eddie happy, which should make Buck happy, and besides, Buck has a girlfriend too, and Natalia is nice and funny and she challenges him in a way no one else has since Abby, but his stomach is still sour at the thought of someone else making Eddie light up like that.

Eddie is still looking at him, his smile falling into one more fond than anything, his eyes clearly concerned at Buck's sudden silence. Buck smiles, though, shaking his head as they both step out of the way of the door, letting the rest of the A shift actually leave the building. "That's, um, that's good. Things're going good with Marisol, I guess?" This is new ground, this is top of the list of Things They Don't Talk About. Buck has never questioned why, he just knows there're some things he doesn't actually want to know. Eddie and dating is the only thing he can't look at that still leaves him in ruins every time he tries.

"Ah," Eddie says, or rather vocalizes, and when Buck looks at him in confusion, Eddie just laughs. "I, um. We broke up. On Thursday." The 'before shift' is implied, that he hadn't felt it was important enough to mention is also implied, and Buck blinks at him. That...seems sudden. He says that out loud, because Eddie snorts as he crosses his arms over his chest. "She wasn't what I was looking for." Eddie glances at him, then looks away, squinting up at the glinting sunlight, and his smile is small, but there. Buck feels like his heart is in his throat at the sight of it.

"What, um." Buck can feel the confusion crossing his face. "She made you happy, what could you even...." He coughs and shakes his head. That isn't what he had meant to say. "What are you looking for then? She seemed perfect." Buck gestures vaguely. "The way you talked about her, she seemed perfect."

Eddie hums, but he shakes his head. "Oh, she was nice, fun, hilarious when you really got her going, but I...." He trails off as he lets his eyes return to Buck. "Neither one of us was looking for something serious, not with each other."

Buck plasters a smile onto his face that he hopes seems genuine. "Is there someone...." Buck clears his throat before he continues, "You already found someone else?" He bumps his shoulder against Eddie's hoping to ease whatever sting may have been in his words, hoping it seems jovial and like real camaraderie and not like Buck's brain is slowly short-circuiting. "Who's the lucky girl?"

"There is someone." Eddie is sounding the words out like he's choosing each one carefully, and he's watching Buck out of the corner of his eyes. Buck swallows, his throat working soundlessly, knowing that his reaction is entirely not what it should be. He has Natalia. He likes her. He does, he could even fall in love if he let himself. But Eddie's words make his stomach churn and twist.

"Well, that's good!" Eddie chuckles then, shaking his head, and Buck is confused again. "Isn't it? You wanted to get back out there, you did, now you've found someone, a-a forever kind of someone?" Buck tries to force levity into his voice. Eddie blinks at him, and Buck knows he doesn't buy it.

"It could be," Eddie says, canting his head slightly as he looks at him. "They're...well. It's complicated."

"Complicated? Eddie, you broke up with someone for 'complicated'?"

Eddie snorts, shaking his head. "No. We broke up because it wasn't what either one of us really wanted, complicated...." Eddie takes a deep breath. "Complicated has always been there."

Buck blinks at that before exhaling. "I really don't know what that means," and Eddie laughs at him, but in that way that makes Buck's entire body feel warm and bubbly.

"The person I'm interested in is already in my life, they're just...." Eddie smiles a little, and it's almost sad as he looks away from Buck, looking across the parking lot this time. "I don't think they know. How I feel, how I hope they feel." Eddie shrugs. "Complicated," he adds with that soft smile again.

Buck looks at him then, studying him in the early morning light, and there's that feeling like hope, that feeling he had thought he had buried a while ago, right about the time Eddie got shot and Buck found Taylor. He swallows again, opening his mouth to say something, finally settling on, "You really like this person?" Buck knows what that traitorous feeling of hope wants, but he also knows that's impossible. Eddie's...Eddie, and Buck will not sully him or what they have.

Eddie grins again, and he's back to glowing, but now Buck knows it's not because of Marisol, and the sight doesn't hurt as much as it did before. "They're...smart, funny, reckless and stubborn in ways that make me want to strangle them sometimes," and Eddie is laughing a little as he speaks, looking up under his eyelashes at Buck. "And beautiful, so beautiful it makes my heart stop just thinking about...." He pauses before he finishes, "Just thinking about them," with that small smile back on his face. A smile just for Buck, and that feels like a betrayal to even think.

For the moments after Eddie finishes speaking, Buck just breathes, trying to keep his mind from racing in the direction the hope in his chest is rapidly climbing toward. "You're being cagey about pronouns, Eds," Buck says finally.

"I am?"

"You are." Buck doesn't push it, though, he feels like something is strangling him, trying to stop his lungs and his heart at the same time, and he can feel something he wants but cannot have that's so close, but he swallows and forces himself to look down as he scuffs his shoe again the gravel in the parking lot. "So this perfect, beautiful person, why haven't you asked them out?" When Eddie looks at him, Buck shrugs. "I'm assuming you haven't yet." He shoves his hands in his pockets and exhales, taking a chance to look up at Eddie. "Why don't you...why don't you tell them everything?"

Eddie's got that fond smile on his face again, and for some reason, Buck can feel a flush start to spread across his cheeks. Surely it's just from the early summer warmth and nothing else. "Ah, remember complicated?" Buck narrows his eyes, but he nods. "He's seeing someone, and she seems lovely, and who am I to ruin that?" Buck's mouth is dry, and he knows (he knows) there are other options, other people (Josh, maybe, or Terry, o-or anyone), but that hope has moved from his chest to his throat and he's never going to be able to breathe again.

"Eddie," and the name comes out softer than Buck wanted. He needs to stop this immediately, he knows that, but Eddie holds up a hand to stop him from saying anything else.

"He's seeing someone else, and I know he's not ready to be...more with me, not yet." Eddie's smile is still incredibly fond and Buck swallows the lump in his throat because the look in his eyes is very close to love. "So this, right here, right now, I'm not demanding anything, Buck. I just need him to know that I'm here. Whatever he needs, whenever he needs it, I'm here."

Buck's mouth is too dry for him to speak right away, and he takes the moment to try and catch his breath. "I need...you are talking about me, right, because I can't speak f-for Josh or...." Buck trails off with a shrug as Eddie scoffs, but when Eddie looks over at him again, he's got that look in his eyes that makes Buck's blush deepen, and Buck takes a deep breath. "I...he knows. He does."

"Then maybe...maybe eventually."

"Eventually?" The word comes out slightly strangled and rough, and Eddie tilts his head at him.

"Mhm," Eddie hums. "Eventually. I can wait. I've got time." He looks away from Buck, tilting his head up to bask in the sunlight, and Buck stares at him, at his profile, the way it seems like sunlight was built just for him, just for this moment, and when Eddie turns his head to look at Buck, the hope in his throat strangles any sound he could have made. "He's worth it."

"No matter how long? Could, um. Could be awhile." Buck doesn't really know what he's saying, and Eddie just looks at him with amusement, but there's something else, that look that is so close to love, and that flush spreads across his cheeks again. Buck starts worrying at his bottom lip with his teeth, and Eddie reaches up but doesn't say anything as he presses his thumb against his lip, pulling it away from Buck's nervous tic.

"No matter how long," he says, softly. It is so incredibly fond, and loving, and a thousand other things that hope is screaming in the back of his mind about, things he can't trust, can't pay attention to. Buck has Natalia, he likes her, he could even love her. Buck doesn't trust his voice right then, though, but he nods, slightly. He glances off across the parking lot, staring at the cars pulling in for the next shift, knowing they should leave before someone decides they're covering another twenty-four-hour shift.

"I, um. I need to get some sleep," he finally says, looking back at Eddie, and there's a reckless urge right then to ask if he can come over, if he could sleep on Eddie's couch again, but he swallows it back. "I have a date. Dinner and the movies. Maybe if we're out in public things will stop going wrong and weird." Eddie turns to look at him with lifted eyebrows before Buck continues. "Neighbor burned popcorn and set off the sprinklers, and then the next night, Maddie came over in a whirlwind of wedding planning emergencies. Being Man of Honor is stressful," and Buck is almost laughing when he looks up at Eddie who appears to be very tempted to say something right then. "And if you say anything about the universe screaming...." Because Buck's mind is already helpfully doing that, and he can't listen to it, not right then.

Eddie smiles instead, and it actually reaches his eyes. Buck isn't sure if he was expecting Eddie to be hurt by the date, by Natalia in general, but he seems....he still seems happy. "You should come over for dinner tomorrow," Eddie offers. He's still glowing, talking about his break-up and his complicated new maybe-forever love hasn't dimmed that, and hope is stabbing in Buck's gut now, twisting and writhing like this is his one chance, but Buck swallows hard. Eddie takes Buck's silence for hesitation, and he continues, adding, "Natalia is welcome too, Buck," as if the issue is Buck's girlfriend, and not that hope that feels like it's going to strangle him and disembowel him at the same time.

"Eds," Buck breathes, the name coming out in a rush of air, but he shakes his head, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck. "I'll have to check, see if she wants to start meeting everyone." Because technically she hasn't said, they have kept a lot of their lives separate, and Buck is just as guilty about it. He doesn't even know how to bring up everything about Christopher, doesn't even know if that might be the thing that makes her run for good. Eddie smiles again, and the hope twists its way back to Buck's throat and he can't really breathe.

"Well. It's a standing offer," Eddie says, and he offers that damned soft smile at Buck, something more personal, one that makes his heart jump, battering against that feeling of hope that is still strangling him. Then, suddenly, that smile flares bright and happy. "I'll even make sure it's not as awkward as the dinner with Taylor."

Buck can't help the sudden bark of laughter before he says, "I knew that was intentional," and hope is no longer strangling him, but it has settled, warm and heavy in his chest.

He doesn't know what to do with it.

Yet.

Maybe eventually.

#911 #buddie #911 fanfic #buddie fanfic #my fic! #like i say in the author's notes #i'm bored with finale and s6 discourse already #so keep that in mind