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Many days, I wonder if I go back to certain comforts because they just feel good or because it is an addiction. I wonder where my desire for more stems from. I still feel a longing to travel and immerse myself in new cultures and challenge myself to see new perspectives. I also have this deep desire to be successful; to feel like I’ve made an impact in people’s lives. Call me naive, but I am ambitious. I want to spend my life with meaning. I just don’t know how. I am also embracing a mental journey down minimalism and mindfulness. I’ve reduced some of my hobbies and impulse buys. I’ve saved a lot of money by making some of my beauty products. I have been eating vegan more often and drinking more water rather than sodas or juices. 

Of course, there are creature comforts. I get a lot of satisfaction out of my technology, my music, my Netflix, and messaging my ex boyfriend. I wonder where it will lead. I wonder if it will bring me happiness. I am trying to be more thoughtful about what is happening to me. I’m still very deeply in love and longing for companionship, something deeper than initial passion. I want a romantic love. I wonder if binge watching the Vampire Diaries has made it worse. Gosh, I just want what Klaus and Caroline have. 

I have also been trying to learn more about Buddhism, and I know that it tells me that suffering is necessary. This break up is suffering for me. I know that it’s trying to teach me to be happy alone. I was born alone and therefore I wont necessarily die without a partner. I am trying to find a middle way, to really grab at relationships that I want to foster while also focusing on myself and digging deep into figuring out my needs. I encourage others to try what I am doing, especially if they are going through a particularly difficult break up or other difficult changes. 

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