When 4 almost
“ Sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart” ~ Winnie the Pooh
“For many years the question of motherhood had been a very unknown grey area for me . After years of sadness and loosing my faith in me ever becoming a Mom , I am beyond grateful and beyond happy to say I am finally expecting my very first little bundle of life .
It’s been a surprise and a very big shock but it’s a Miracel all the same .”
This little piece above was suposed to be me announcing my wee miracle but I never got to post it .
October 14th 2019 I found out I was going to be a Mom for the first time . Happy was an understatement as to how I was feeling, I felt like my whole life in that moment had come full circle and completed itself .
Little did I know that a short 10 weeks later I’d receive the worst news possible , My wee little gem had passed away .
My whole world had exploded , absolutely abliterated in to millions of tiny pieces .
It has never been the same since .
Everyday I wake up and relive the reality Of not having my baby with me .
For weeks after wards I’d have to wake up and full remind myself that my baby was no longer inside of me . That I no longer have to avoid certain foods or activities, that I had created these new habits to adjust to growing a human .
As life had changed when she entered my life story , it changed even more when she passed on .
I know I am not alone in this , I am 1 in 4 . As I’ve come into the journey of becoming an Angel Mom , I realised that there are a lot of women who suffer with losses and it’s incredibly tough journey Togo on if your alone . I absolutely admire every Angel Mom & Dad , it is a title of someone who fights everyday to keep going and to get to the end of their own Rainbows .
Just seen what I wrote for my Baby Annocumet sitting in my drafts box and realised that although I didn’t get to announce my sweet gem , I can let people know she exsisted and that I am her mom and she is my Baby .
She exsisted and always will forever in my heart.
Lillian S Cooper Peterson Walker