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kasienda · 11 months

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You Don’t Have to Pretend with Me

“Can I talk to you?”

Carapace sighed at the question. “Yeah, of course.” And he obediently followed Ladybug.

“What do you have against Chat Noir?”

“Nothing!” he denied.

She gave him a flat disbelieving look.

“He has something against me!” Carapace insisted.

“Nino, I don’t get it. You’re one of the most chill, accepting guys I know. And Chat is the sweetest! I need both of you on the team. I literally don’t have anyone else I trust to replace either of you. I need you to get along. You think you can do that?”

Nino felt like he was being chastised by his mother for not getting along with his little brother.

He nodded. “Yeah, I will try.”

It shouldn’t be that hard. Nino didn’t not like Chat Noir. He thought the dude was cool and hilarious. His sense of humor reminded him of Adrien. Things hadn’t always been tense between them. When they fought back to back during Heroes’ Day, it had felt like they were brothers.

But it was clear to him that Chat Noir wasn’t his biggest fan. The other hero had been welcoming and kind to Rena Rouge on day one, to the point of borderline flirting (and Nino wasn’t a huge fan of that even now), while he had always been somewhat aloof with Carapace.

Then there was the whole Chat Noir is stealing my girl thing. And even though he knew that wasn’t what happened, it was hard to just let go of all those feelings, especially since Chat Noir had been acting differently around him after Rocketear. And maybe he had a right to be after Nino's akuma had thrown him into a van, but it wasn’t like Chat Noir knew that Nino and Carapace were the same person, so why had he started avoiding Carapace?

With all of that, it was easy to snap at the other hero.

...

Adrien couldn’t figure out why things between Adrien and Nino had always been so easy when things between Chat Noir and Carapace felt so hard.

Like, he knew he was different as Chat, but he was far less different as Adrien with Nino than anyone else. Or he had been before Rocketear.

And now? Now, he had no idea how he was supposed to act. Had no idea what Nino wanted from Chat Noir, but it was very clear he wasn’t measuring up.

Had Nino just taken pity on him that first day of school? Maybe Adrien was irritating all the time and Nino was just too kind to show it. Did Nino actually like him at all?

“Dude, you okay?” Nino interrupted his musings.

Adrien started and looked up into warm concerned golden eyes, and sucked in a breath.

That had to be sincere, right? Nino wasn’t pretending to care. He wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t care.

“Mec! What’s wrong?” Nino asked again.

“Nothing!” Adrien lied, pasting on a bright smile.

Nino frowned. “This is clearly not nothing.”

“I…” Adrien didn’t know how to talk about any of this.

“I don’t mean to pressure you,” Nino backpedaled immediately. “If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. I just…” Nino pursed his lips before pinning him with a look Adrien didn’t know how to interpret. “You don’t have to pretend. Not with me. Not ever.”

Adrien nodded, but he couldn’t be reassured. Because he knew Nino was wrong.

He had to pretend when he was Chat Noir.

And he knew that he wasn’t being completely fair, that Nino thought he was two different people.

But the hurt was still there, and Adrien didn’t know how to erase those feelings when he was hanging out with Nino.

And since he couldn’t explain any of it without revealing secrets he wasn’t allowed to share, he didn’t know how to stop pretending. That’s just what he did.

…

Nino watched as Adrien walked away. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong, but Adrien was distant. He wasn’t talking to him anymore. Not about school or home. Not even about stupid stuff like the latest anime he was obsessed with. And to make it worse, Adrien gave him more and more false platitudes and fake smiles.

Adrien was treating him the same way he treated Chloe. With polite indifference.

Nino couldn’t help but wonder what he had done wrong.

Nino kept trying though. He sent Adrien a bunch of cat memes, tried to invite him out to lunch, shared some of the music that he was working on, and he had asked what was wrong so many times, Nino suspected they were both sick of hearing it.

But Nino couldn’t give up.

Because what if this had nothing to do with Nino at all?! What if something horrible had happened to Adrien and he was just like this with everyone now?

He’d have to watch Adrien the next time he was around Marinette to check, but in the meantime, Nino wanted to break something.

And unfortunately for probably everyone, it was Chat Noir who happened to cross his path first.

…

It took Chat about a moment after Carapace had snapped at him to find his voice. And if it had been anyone else, anyone besides Nino, he probably could have taken it in stride. But it was Nino and Adrien was tired of pretending everything was okay.

“What the hell is your problem? What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me?” he demanded.

Carapace froze, his eyes wide and startled. “I don’t know!”

“You don’t know why you hate me?” Chat repeated in disbelief. That seemed kinda shallow for Nino.

“No! That’s not what I meant. I don’t know what my problem is. I swear I don’t actually hate you, dude.”

“You don’t?” Chat wasn’t sure he believed it.

Carapace slid to the ground and buried his head in his knees. He wasn’t shaking, so Chat didn’t think he was crying. At least, not yet.

“Are you okay?” Chat asked, falling into an awkward crouch near Carapace’s huddled form, but not anywhere as close that Nino would think he was pushing into his space.

Carapace shook his head, finally looking up. “I’m really angry.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I pride myself on being totally chill. A completely low maintenance dude. But lately, it seems like everyone is mad at me. And I don’t know why. And I don’t know how to fix any of it!”

“Who’s mad at you?”

“Who isn’t?!” Carapace snapped.

Chat was silent.

Carapace sighed and looked back at him. “Sorry. I don’t mean to unload on you. You probably don’t care about my problems. I know I’ve been a jerk to you. You’re just… larger than life, ya know? Doesn’t seem like anything can hurt you. And I…” he trailed off, not sure what he was saying.

“You’re jealous of me?”

Carapace shook his head. “No, that’s not it. It’s more like, I have to be strong for everyone. And you, you seem like you can take anything that life throws at you.”

“I’m your scapegoat,” Chat realized out loud. The tension in his body faded and he slowly took a seat next to Carapace. Closer than Chat probably would have, but not as close as Adrien wanted to. “Someone who can handle you lashing out at them.”

“Dude! I’m sorry! That’s so messed up. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. But yeah, I think that’s what I’ve been doing. With Alya, I didn’t want to be mad at her. It was easy to be mad at you instead - some anonymous hero who never seemed to like me anyway.”

“What made you think I didn’t like you?”

“You referred to me as the turtle when we met.”

“What?”

“When Rena joined the team, you were excited. You said her name and flirted with her.”

“I didn’t flirt with her!” Chat objected.

Carapace arched an eyebrow at him.

“I was just… trying to be charming. How do you know about it anyway?” Chat shook his head before the question was finished. “Right. You guys are dating.”

“Dated.”

Chat stopped breathing. “Y-You broke up?”

Carapace shrugged. “Yeah, it’s probably my fault. I guess I’m not good at this whole communication thing. I guess when I’m upset I just put my head in my shell and pretend it’s not happening.”

Chat swallowed hard and looked away. “How long ago?”

“About a month.”

“A month?!” Chat hissed. “Why didn’t… I mean, have you talked about this with anyone?”

Carapace shook his head. “There’s no one to talk to.”

“There’s no one?” The heavy sadness struck him in the chest harder than any hit he had ever taken. He had been so busy feeling hurt, he hadn’t realized Nino was hurting too.

“I’ve been pretty lonely most of my life,” Carapace said. “I was friendly with everyone, but I was never good at making friends.”

Chat drank in every word. This was all news to him.

“I thought that was changing. I made this really great friend at the beginning of last year and then there was Alya. And it just felt like everything was right. And then she broke up with me. And my best friend…” he trailed off. He didn’t even know what happened with Adrien.

“Yeah?”

Carapace shrugged. “I don’t know! He just clammed up one day. Started pasting on fake smiles the way he does for everyone else. He won’t tell me anything. And I’m scared he’s mad at me, but I don’t know what I did! And if he’s not mad at me, I’m terrified something happened to him and if he’s not talking to me, he’s not talking to anyone.”

To Chat’s horror, Nino started crying.

“I just love the dude so much,” his voice cracked. “I feel like I lost him too and honestly, that has hurt more than losing Al- I mean Rena. Fuck! I totally blew my identity this conversation, didn’t I?”

Chat burst into laughter. “If it makes you feel better, I already knew.”

Carapace’s face fell. “Oh. Is that… is that why you’ve been weird with me since Rocketear?”

“Sort’ve,” Chat hedged. It was really more complicated than a jealous Rocketear trying to thrash Chat Noir into tiny pieces.

“I’m really sorry for that whole mess.”

Chat shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Like I said at the time, we all have doubts.”

“Even you,” Carapace echoed.

Chat shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to talk about that particular bit of vulnerability.

Carapace was kind enough not to push. Chat shouldn’t have been surprised. Nino had always been great at respecting Adrien’s boundaries. But somehow, he was.

“Well, I guess I should thank you,” Carapace said.

Chat swung his head toward Carapace. “For what?!”

Carapace shrugged again. “I don’t know. Listening? Taking my crap? Just… I don’t know… being real with me? I promise I’ll try not to unload all my baggage onto you anymore, cat dude. Just because you can take it doesn’t mean you should have to. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Chat said.

“It really isn’t.”

This time Chat shrugged. “But in a way I feel flattered?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t get me wrong. I hate the unsolicited crit and the snapping turtle attitude. The total lack of grace or understanding when I’m late or can’t make it when you know I can’t explain anything—“

Carapace groaned, burying his face into his hands.

Chat laughed.

“But I am flattered that you could just be your raw unfiltered self around me when you couldn’t be that around anyone else. I don’t have very much of that in my life either.”

Carapace shot back up, his eyes wide behind his goggles. “What do you mean?”

“Just that I can’t afford to be myself most of the time in my civilian life. Partially because of my… umm… parents, and partly because I have to hide my identity. And I did have one friend,” Chat looked up at him then, “that I felt pretty comfortable around, but that’s been rocky lately, too.”

Carapace nodded. “I’m sorry, man. All of that is rough. What happened with your friend?”

“He doesn’t know about this half of me and it’s caused some issues. I’ve tried to pretend that everything is fine, but… I think I might have lost my best friend, too.” Chat admitted, glancing at him carefully.

Carapace nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry. I definitely know how that feels.”

“Maybe I’ll try talking to him again,” Chat said.

“Too bad you can’t just tell him who you are.”

Chat bit his lip. He wasn’t supposed to, and he definitely knew better than to ask for permission, but… Ladybug had told someone her identity. Would it really be so bad if he told Nino?

“Maybe you should try again with your friend, too,” he said.

Carapace sighed and looked up at the sky. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying with him, but I doubt it’ll go any different. My friend… he’s not allowed a lot of boundaries in his life. He’s scared to set them. And like, so when he does, I can’t push back. If I do, he’ll cave, like, immediately. And I’m supposed to be chill and laid back. He’s not supposed to have to try with me.”

Chat was stared at him, more than a little floored, but also a little upset at this new context.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just… that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”

“I love him.”

“Even so, you’re only human. Maybe he needs to remember that, too. And maybe he wants you to be able to be totally yourself when you’re around him, too.”

…

Nino was waiting on the sidewalk outside the school building. Adrien’s car would pull up in exactly four minutes - the same time it did every school morning. Other people arrived and chatted with one another as they moved up the stairs. But Nino could barely pay attention to any of it, his eyes on the road waiting for the familiar white vehicle to pull up.

He tapped his toe into the ground, and he tried to keep his hands in his pockets to look more casual, but they wouldn’t stay there as he kept fidgeting.

Why was he so nervous? This was Adrien. His best friend might not be talking to him, but he would still hear him out and he was always insanely patient.

When the car finally pulled up, Nino’s heart seemed to rise up into his throat and his palms were wet with sweat. He really shouldn’t be this nervous. Adrien was going to step out of the car and give him a polite and distant smile, and then start walking beside him as they headed to home room.

Only, that’s not what happened at all. Adrien stepped out of the car, but when he did he was beaming a megawatt smile brighter than the sun. When he walked up to Nino, he offered his fist and Nino had to scramble to meet it to play out their old secret handshake that they haven’t done… in weeks!

It felt good. Like so good, and Nino laughed more in relief than anything else. Had he just imagined the last few weeks of distance and cold shoulders?

He almost didn’t want to bring anything up, not wanting to upset this return to joyous normalcy. But at the same time Nino was so confused, and he needed to understand because if he did do something wrong, he needed to understand what happened so he wouldn’t do it again.

“Hey, dude? Can we talk before we go to class?”

Adrien nodded. “I think it’s long overdue.”

And Nino was thrown and relieved all over again that Adrien wasn’t denying that there was something worthy of talking about.

Adrien led them to a storage closet where he jiggled the handle very precisely and the normally locked door just fell open.

Clearly, Adrien had used this space before.

“Dude! Did you just break us into a closet?”

“Shh!“ And Adrien yanked him inside.

Two minutes later they were sitting side by side on upside down plastic buckets in the overcrowded closet.

“So what do you want to talk about?”

Nino clutched his own shoulder, and shot a glance at Adrien who was still smiling patiently at him. This felt like such a stupid question.

“Are we okay?” Nino made himself ask.

“We’re okay on my end,” Adrien said. “Are we okay on yours?”

“Yes!” Nino assured rapidly, but Adrien raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t actually believe him. And Nino wilted. “Actually, no.”

Adrien nodded like he was expecting it. Adrien knew something was off - he still wasn’t denying everything was fine.

“Go on.”

“You’ve felt really far away recently, dude. Except for today. I feel like I keep reaching out and I keep asking what’s up, but you never tell me, which is fine if it’s other stuff. You don’t have to tell me stuff. I just… you’ve been so distant, and it feels like you’re lying. Not that I’m accusing you of lying! I just… i just feel like I did something wrong. And I… I miss you.”

Adrien put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be far away and distant. I didn’t want to lie. I literally couldn’t explain what was wrong and I probably still shouldn’t.”

Nino held his breath.

“I was distant because of how you treated me.”

Nino was super confused. And it must have shown on his face because Adrien instantly held his hands up.

“No wait. Let me explain.”

Nino nodded.

“You’ve always said that I didn’t have to pretend with you, but it really really felt like that wasn’t the case.”

“Dude! I’ve always tried to just be chill and to respect your boundaries.”

“And you did… when you knew I was Adrien.”

“When I knew you were Adrien?” Nino repeated slowly, every muscle in his body was suddenly pulled tight. “There was a time when I didn’t know you were Adrien?”

This was sounding too familiar, but Nino couldn’t pinpoint why. And if the dread pooling in his gut was anything to go by, he didn’t want to.

“More than one time.”

Nino’s gut twisted further in on itself. “When?”

“When I was Chat Noir.”

Nino literally couldn’t breathe. His eyes were hot and his throat was caving in. And holy fuck.

He rolled forward, burying his face into his knees, as he tried to hold back the torrents that wanted to break forth.

He didn’t succeed. He shook like a musician just before going on stage for his first gig. But the wailing was so much worse than that.

Adrien was talking, but Nino couldn’t hear him, his mind too busy reviewing everything he had ever said about Chat Noir to Adrien, everything he had said and done to Chat Noir, who was apparently his best friend.

Adrien who was so good at taking heat and never saying anything because at home saying something always made everything worse.

Nino had always aspired to be an escape, a safe place for Adrien. And Nino had been betraying that every time he had used Chat Noir as a punching bag to lash out at when things weren’t going well for him.

“Nino!” Adrien’s hands were on his face and his shoulders, pulling him in. And Nino let him, feeling limp like a rag doll. “It’s okay now!”

Nino shook his head violently. It didn’t feel okay. Not remotely. “Dude! I’m… I’m so sorry,” he choked out.

“You already apologized,” Adrien reminded him gently.

This was why Adrien had been so happy to see him this morning. Carapace and Chat Noir had talked things out. “I know, but it feels so much worse now.”

Adrien nodded. “Yeah, it felt worse to me too. But Nino, you didn’t know.”

Nino only cried harder. “You weren’t supposed to tell me, were you?”

“Hey! This was your idea! When Ladybug finds out I’m compromised, I’m definitely throwing you under the bus.”

Nino laughed through his tears. “I’m fine with that. I would deserve it after… everything.”

“Nino, I was joking.”

“I wasn’t.”

Adrien sighed. “So, are we okay?”

Nino nodded rapidly. “If you think we’re okay, we’re definitely okay.”

“I’m uh… sorry about Alya.”

“That wasn’t your fault, dude! It wasn’t Adrien’s or Chat Noir’s.”

“I meant more that I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about it?”

Nino nodded. “It’s fine. I’m… not totally okay, especially when it felt like I had lost you, too. But,” and Nino pulled off what had to be the most watery smile, “I think I will get there. Thank you.”

“I love you, too, you know.”

“What?”

“You told me as Chat that you loved me as Adrien.”

Heat burned in Nino’s neck and ears. “I did say that. I didn’t know I was telling you though.”

“I know, but that’s how I knew you meant it, and weren’t just saying it to be nice to the awkward loner kid who needs friends.”

“Dude, before you joined our class, I was the awkward loner kid who needed friends!”

Adrien smiled. “But I never knew that either until you told Chat.”

“Gah! This is so confusing!” Nino complained.

Adrien grinned. “But it’s awesome, right?”

Nino mirrored the expression. “Hell yeah! Definitely awesome!”

And they stood and immediately pulled each other into a hug. And if they had been twenty minutes late to class, no one said anything.

…

“What the hell happened?!” Ladybug demanded of her earpiece.

Rena Furtive chuckled into her ear. “You’re the one that yelled at them. I thought you wanted them to get along?”

“I did! I do! But now-” She gestured to the two boys laughing their heads off as they kept trying to outdo each other with increasingly complicated stunts that they failed more than half of the time. “Now, they’re just being stupid.”

Rena Furtive laughed again. “I, for one, am glad to see Carapace so happy again. A mopey turtle is just wrong.”

And Ladybug softened. “Yeah, you’re right. A pouty kitty wasn't fun either. I’m glad they’ve bounced back.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Now, can you please go in there and show them how it’s done since I can’t? They’re embarrassing us!”

Ladybug laughed before launching herself towards the new tight-knit duo she had on her team.

“You guys, dating or something?” she asked, as she landed next to them.

Chat Noir and Carapace shared a look. It felt like they were having a whole conversation with just their eyes, and they suddenly both grinned and nodded at one another in agreement.

“Guys are allowed to have emotionally close friends, bugaboo!” Chat told her.

“Doesn’t mean anything is romantic or sexual,” Carapace added.

Ladybug held up her hands in surrender. “I’m not judging either way. Just happy that you’re finally getting along!”

#miraculous ladybug fanfiction #platonic adrino #caranoir enemies to friends #healing friendship #post rocketear #talking it out #one shot #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #my own content #you don't have to pretend with me

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jennagrinsoverml · 2 years

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I know you probably have a million rec lists you’re working on but I am wondering if you have any fics you’ve read since writing your rec lists that you would want to add to your existing lists? Or would you just make a part 2 for them in that case.

Ooh, anon, this is a great question! I usually don't add to my lists after they're posted, even if I come across a fic that would be perfect for it. (Although I will curse my luck to find the fic after posting lol) These days I don't do a lot of self-directed rec lists, since I get so many asks, so I haven't done any part 2s in a while.

The rec list I would most want to update/redo would be Season 4 Angst.

See, when I'm making my lists, I start them in my drafts and add to them over time. I don't add immediately when I'm reading. Usually I email myself fics, but previously I would sometimes copy and paste the fics into a word doc.

This turned out to be a mistake. Because...when I was doing the Season 4 Angst rec list...I forgot to include all the fics I had in my word doc. WHOOPS!

I felt so bad when I realized, but it'd already been reblogged a bunch, so it felt too late to change it.

So, kind anon, I'm going to take advantage of this ask to share the fics I wanted to then! (As well as a few more I’ve found since.) Not all of these are angsty, so this can be a general Season 4 rec list to supplement the angst one 😁

ours, always. By @theanxiouscupcake

Chat Noir knows this is not a regular patrol when he arrives to their spot. She's pacing up and down, muttering to herself, occasionally tugging at her pigtails. When he lands on the roof, she looks up, startled and as her eyes take him in, she jumps at him to swathe him into the tightest she’s ever given him.

“I- I swear, I didn’t mean to,” she says softly. “I- I mean I did, but I didn’t plan to do it! We were just- Everyone was so upset with me, and I couldn’t take it anymore, minou, a-and I…”

He tries to hug her again in reassurance, but she pushes away, eyes scrunched shut as she words burst out of her. “ I told my best friend I’m Ladybug.”

One-shot. This fic is, I think, what we all wanted after Gang of Secrets. That is to say, Ladybug actually TELLING Chat that she revealed her identity to someone else. And it hurts, and Chat is clearly hurt, and he’s allowed to be, but also Ladybug isn’t made out to be wrong or bad. It’s just this real portrayal of how that could have gone (how it should have gone).

The Break (My Broken Bones are Mending) by MoonlightShines

“I can’t believe you broke your ankle!” Alya bemoaned for the hundredth time. She fluffed the pillow underneath Marinette’s bad leg.

Marinette threw her head back on her bed with a drawn out groan. “I know!”

“Girl, what are we gonna do?”

“I don’t know!”

One-shot. The premise of this one is a little ridiculous with Marinette breaking her ankle, and then her and Alya deciding that she can continue to be Ladybug and maybe no one will notice. Needless to say...Chat notices. And proceeds to be sweet as can be because of course he does. And the whole thing is just so sweet and I loved the ending!

The Sun is In Your Eyes by @deinde-prandium

The morning after they’ve revealed their identities to one another, Ladybug and Chat Noir have a much-needed talk. Post-season 4.

One-shot. Oh man, I love this fic a ridiculous amount. We get post-reveal pre-relationship in the aftermath of all of season 4′s angst and it’s beautiful!! Chat trying to hold back because he doesn’t want to pressure her, but his feelings haven’t changed, of course they haven’t. And Marinette’s learned that her partner is the boy she loves and she’s afraid but they actually talk to each other and it’s absolutely beautiful!!!

they took the crown, but it’s alright by welcomedistraction

it doesn't surprise her that she falls for him in that moment. it only surprises her how long it took in the first place.

Two-shot. We all saw the way Ladybug looked at Chat at the end of Strike Back. Here we have the aftermath of Ladybug realizing her feelings for her partner, which leads to a sweet mix of angst and fluff, and an eventual identity reveal. It’s a sweet fic!

Build You Up by @coffeebanana

After the events of Risk and Strike Back, showing up to school and acting like nothing had changed feels wrong. Adrien doesn't want to be there, listening to the fears and criticisms of his classmates. Worrying about Ladybug. Trying not to let his doubts consume him.

But it turns out there's someone else who might want to be there even less than him. And maybe the answer to his problems has been sitting behind him in class all along.

One-shot. My absolute favourite post-season 4 fic! Like, this is EXACTLY the fic that I needed after watching Strike Back. It’s so, so good and there’s an identity reveal and I don’t want to spoil it, but this fic is gorgeous and you should definitely read it if you haven’t already! (And if you have, well, consider this an excuse to read it again!)

Off the Mark by @buggachat

Ever since Nino's (frankly embarrassing) akumatization into Rocketear, Chat Noir's behavior had taken a strange and sudden turn in the presence of Carapace, and Nino could only think of one possible explanation:

Chat Noir hated him.

Somehow, Adrien didn't seem to agree.

One-shot. This is adrino (can be read platonically) not love square but it’s so, so good. As you all may have realized by now, I’m an absolute sucker for misunderstandings, and I’ve been desperate for good fic dealing with the aftermath of Rocketear since it came out. And this is just SPECTACULAR! Nino doesn’t understand why Adrien’s so bothered, but of course it’s clear to us as readers, and it’s finally resolved so beautifully omg I love this fic!!!

#miraculous ladybug #ml fanfic #ml fic #ml fic rec #ladynoir #adrino #prpr #ml love square #ml season 4 #ml strike back #ml gang of secrets #ml rocketear #jennarecsml

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