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kvndeathmusic · 4 years

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my favorite records of the 2010s pt 1 (the less great stuff/honorable mentions)

Neither this post or its followup are going to be in any particular order, however all the records I talk about here are, in my opinion, not as good as the records i will talk about in my part 2. they’re all fantastic but these ones slightly a little less fantastic than the ones in my “top 10″. none of this is based on stuff like 'influence' or whatever other critics base their lists on, this is solely how much I enjoyed these records. And keep in mind, I'm only human, I havent listened to a good lot of records I've heard others describe as top 10 worthy, these are just records I found and that I resonate with. long post ahead.

Vacation - Bomb the Music Industry (2011)

If you asked me what my favorite band is i will either say bomb the music industry or jeff rosenstock, but considering those are pretty much the same things it doesnt matter lol. While Vacation isnt a perfect record, it is one I love. It lacks some of the ska elements that I love about earlier BTMI records, but at the same time, it is the first record where Jeff’s “””solo””” career sound starts to form in tracks like Sick, Later, Hurricane Waves, Everybody That You Love, Everybody That Loves You, and Vocal Coach. And these tracks are all fantastic, especially the absolutely explosive opener Campaign For a Better Weekend. Where this album suffers in my mind is the fact that it exists as a weird hybrid middle ground between BTMI and modern Jeff Rosenstock, it isn’t really ska like old BTMI and it’s not quite to the same standard as the tracks on We Cool?. And some of the songs are just, not as good as the others, like Why, Oh Why, Oh Why (Oh Oh Oh Oh), which is washed out almost entirely in reverb, and tracks like Savers feeling barren and missing additional instrumentation. But fuck man I can not dislike this record or just call it “ok” because despite this I still listen to this record a lot, it’s so catchy and fun and Im a bit too chronically addicted to btmi.

Reflektor - Arcade Fire (2013)

i dont really get the hate/mixed feelings others have with this record. there’s so many good tracks dude!!!! sure theres a bit of a slump in the middle and it doesnt reach the same emotional heights as their previous records you gotta be ignorant to overlook this records strengths. while i do like The Suburbs more than Reflektor, man i just vibe HARD with some of these tracks; the title track, We Exist, Here Comes The Night Time, Normal Person, Awful Sound (Oh Eurydice), Porno, and ESPECIALLY Afterlife. Plus the cover art is cool and I like it. However Flashbulb Eyes is one of the worst tracks Arcade Fire has ever put out and I hate it immensely. And while far less offensive, tracks like You Already Know, It’s Never Over (Hey Orpheus), and Joan of Arc are just kinda boring and/or uninteresting. Now granted, I'm extremely biased when it comes to Arcade fire in general unless were talking about the trainwreck that is Everything Now. I started listening to Arcade Fire just before Reflektor came out, and I have a kinda sentimental attachment to the record. ill explain the feeling more when i talk about The Suburbs. anticipation oooooo.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar (2012)

i might get crucified by some for not putting this in my top 10, but whatever come at me i guess. gkmc is a fantastic record, but i do think the ending is weak, which is why it’s here instead of in the top 10. i mean, let’s be real, Real is a mediocre track, and while Dying of Thirst is an important track to the whole narrative of the record, it feels way too long. almost everything else about this record is fantastic, from the beats, to kendrick’s nasally flows, to the overall structure of the record spinning a tale of a young man battling demons both inside and out, and his eventual redemption. even if i find this record at times to drop pace, it really is flawless otherwise. it felt like a disservice to put this in the 20-10s, bc it’s a good record, but i had to make some compromises and this was one of them.

RTJ2 - Run The Jewels (2014)

el-p and killer mike are a perfect duo, and the tracks they make together are always total bangers. and for me, RTJ2 is the best overall, with RTJ3 in a close second. it’s hard to put this on the lower half of the list, some of the tracks just don’t work as well as the others, but despite that there’s not really any tracks i hate or dislike on this record, minus maybe crown. the pure aggression in the opening track Jeopardy sets the tone for an aggressive yet highly focused record. This is some of the best rap out there right now if you want some music to fuck shit up to.

Pure Comedy - Father John Misty (2017)

This record is both hilarious and extremely bleak. Josh Tillman is a master of satire and sarcasm, and Pure Comedy is the peak of his songwriting skills. The title track is one of the best tracks of the decade, period. And he keeps up the momentum on the following few tracks. The main problem with this record is its weaker second half, but even then it’s criminal to suggest that those songs aren’t good regardless. And despite the bleakness, the one line that sticks in my head after all this time is the line this album fades out to: There’s nothing to fear.

Knife Man - AJJ (2011)

Continuing on the trend of folky, satirical, and bleak records, Knife Man is AJJ’s defining record (next to their debut LP). AJJ blends loud, punky anthems with quieter, folk tracks that touch on sensitive issues in a way only AJJ manages to get away with. And there’s some genuine heart mixed in as well, with the final track Big Bird always striking a chord with me. However, I do feel the record is, let’s just say, padded at times in my opinion. Still, I can’t deny how much i enjoy tracks like Gift of the Magi 2, Hate Rain on Me, The Distance, and Skate Park. Speaking of which when I saw AJJ live recently they played none of those songs and that kinda sucked but hey it was like $20 I can’t complain. And speaking of not getting what I wanted...

You Won’t Get What You Want - Daughters (2018)

It was hard choosing between this record and their 2010 self titled record, but in terms of the overall narrative and variety this record shines through. If there was a number 11 spot in this unorganized list this would probably take that spot. It’s noisey, it’s abrasive, and it’s like nothing you’ve heard before unless you’ve listened to Daughter’s previous records. Tracks like The Reason They Hate Me are catchy in the weirdest and most unwelcoming of ways, Less Sex sounds like a long lost Trent Reznor NIN track, and Guest House is a masochistic and gut wrenching finisher. Fantastic record aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

We Cool? - Jeff Rosenstock (2015)

It’s obvious that I had to include this record somewhere on these list. It’s like a more refined version of the sounds that Jeff experimented with on Vacation. Definitely more punk than ska, but still some of those roots still shine through, especially in the track Nausea. Some of Jeff’s best songs are on this record, from the loud opening tracks Get Old Forever and You, In Weird Cities, to tracks dripping with bittersweet and moody lyrics like I’m Serious, I’m Sorry and Polar Bear or Africa. The main reason this record is on the back end of the top 20 is because the deeper cuts on the record do not match the energy and heights of the best tracks. Tracks like All Blissed Out, The Lows, Darkness Records and Beers Again Alone don’t feel like they belong and stick out a bit. They remind me more of the material Jeff put out on his 2012 EP I Look Like Shit. Mind you they aren’t bad tracks, but I’ll be honest I skip them often when listening to the record because i just wanna get back to the good good stuff.

Sports - Modern Baseball (2012)

Sports is one of the best pop punk records ever, if you can even consider it as such. It’s like a blend of emo and folk punk, and it works so well. A good majority of this record is on my main shuffle playlist. Is it pushing boundaries? Not really, but tracks like Re-Do, Tears Over Beers, and See Ya, Sucker are undeniably catchy and memorable. I NEED MODERN BASEBALL BACK TOGETHER RN. There’s not really anything that wrong with the record, besides maybe lacking in variety, but at 30 minutes, it’s a record that feels nostalgic even on a first listen, and continues to feel that way even after numerous re-listens. Speaking of nostalgia...

The Suburbs - Arcade Fire (2010)

Some background, when I was 13 (circa 2013), I only really listened to whatever my parents put on for me. From my mom, I “inherited” a taste for classic pop and 80s new wave. From my dad, I got metal and hard rock. The first time I made the conscious decision to listen to a record fully, based on my own curiousity, was when I sat and listened to Sgt. Pepper in the summer of 2013, which broadened the scope of what I thought music could even be. And later that year, the first band I got into after The Beatles? Arcade Fire. When I think of my early teens, the memories are set to this record. I remember listening to Ready to Start in my brother’s old hot ass car while driving to the local fair with some friends on a chill fall night, eating tons of junk and staying up past midnight back when doing that was edgy and cool and not a symptom of my depression.

If I was judging this record solely by its best tracks, it would easily be in the top 3. But I couldn’t place it in my top 10 because, frankly, some of the deeper cuts are lacking. I can’t say I like Deep Blue. I really don’t like Rococo. And Half Light I kills the pace of the record. But man, that title track, Ready to Start, Modern Man, Empty Room, Half Light II, Sprawl II... these songs defined my early teen years. I still tear up listening to the title track. Sure I have to skip a few songs when I re-listen, but I can’t place it any lower or my heart will break. It existing outside of the top 10 already hurts. And that’s all that’s left now. The top 10.

But first, some random honorable mentions that didn’t make this list:

Sound & Color - Alabama Shakes

Black Star - David Bowie

Saturation II - BROCKHAMPTON

Melophobia - Cage the Elephant

Teens of Style - Car Seat Headrest

How to Leave Town - Car Seat Headrest

Daughters - Daughters

Sunbather - Deafheaven

Bottomless Pit - Death Grips

Year of the Snitch - Death Grips (should be on this list tbh)

Doris - Earl Sweatshirt

I Love You, Honeybear - Father John Misty

Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes

Plastic Beach - Gorillaz

Boarding House Reach - Jack White

POST- - Jeff Rosenstock

S/T - Joyce Manor

Firepower - Judas Priest

ye - Kanye West

KIDS SEE GHOSTS - KSG

You Were There - Kill Lincoln

Flying Microtonal Banana - King Gizzard

Infest The Rats’ Nest - King Gizzard

No New World - Mass of the Fermenting Dregs

Bury Me At Makeout Creek - Mitski

Puberty 2 - Mitski

Unsilent Death - Nails

Itekoma Hits - Otoboke Beaver

Morbid Stuff - PUP

A Moon Shaped Pool - Radiohead

RTJ3 - Run the Jewels

Angles - The Strokes

To Be Kind - Swans

Undertale OST - Toby Fox

Scum Fuck Flower Boy - Tyler, The Creator

Igor - Tyler, The Creator

Weezer (White Album) - Weezer

nightlife - yuragi

#music #2010s

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madd-information · 5 years

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This is long so I submitted it this way instead of sending in like 1,000 asks. Hope that’s okay?

Hi I’m Twoot and idk if I have (have? Is that the right term?) madd but I might and I’m looking into it. I’ve tried to do some research but idk how well it matches up. For as long as I can remember I’ve sort of created my own worlds or pretended that I was part of some that already existed (based off of youtubers, shows, books, etc. When I was younger it was a big mix of me as a person experiencing it and a character as me experiencing it but recently it’s just been me as characters) It’s not *all* of my life but when I sat down to write this all out I realized how much it happens. and I’m an only child living with only my dad so i didn’t have many real ppl to play w growing up and I have a lot of alone time. I spend a lot of my (mostly) alone time (walking to and from school, being home alone, in bed at night (so much plot in the stories/worlds I build happens at night), and even sometimes in social situations,, tho it depends) doing what I have dubbed in the latest years “The Characters Thing” (I’m just going to call it TCT for now bc I’m not %100 sure if it’s madd or not so that’s just what I’m going to refer to it as here)

Usually when I get into something (bc of my adhd when I get into a fandom type thing I hyperfixate and *rly* get into it) my whole world revolves around that thing. I create a sort of au and story in my head and they often times never wrap up before moving on to the next one. While I’m involved in one of my hyperfixations I usually do TCT about them and start a storyline which I continue throughout my day. These can last from one afternoon (tho that’s p uncommon) to months. They change as my hyperfixations change bc once I tire of those the characters/world no longer interest me and my hyperfixations usually last for a couple months. Right now I’m into Moomin so for example I would be Snufkin or the Joxter (it switches who I am A Lot depending on what’s happening in the story/ where I am while I’m doing TCT bc I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is actually madd) and go thru parts of the story I’m making as them. I don’t think of myself as becoming them ig?? Looking back I’m still me,, I’m the body,, the one experiencing things but during TCT the concept of “Twoot” (me) is gone and I perceive things and react to situations (irl or in the story in my head) as the character. It’s never in third person as I am always a certain character and even if I imagine others I do not act as them even tho I sort of control them. Another thing I forgot to add is that I can switch between what character I am. It often varies from world to world and story to story but sometimes I switch characters randomly bc my mood changes and the way I’m acting would better fit another character or my hyperfixation might shift and maybe a different character seems more appealing at that time. It’s like when you’re reading a fic and some of the chapters are in the POV of a different character. Tho for me it’s never third person no matter what. I always see it thru the eyes of the character I am.

There can sometimes be multiple worlds/stories happening at the same time which sometimes stumps me on what one to continue with when I do TCT. The stories never happen at the same time but if there are stories that are super short (last for only an afternoon or so,, but again these are super rare) there might be characters from multiple things in the same place. One recently for me was a world of me walking back from school after a stressful class where two characters (strongly tied to emotions. The three characters here are the only ones that are tied to emotions and pop up when I am feeling a certain emotion. Tho there are exceptions like there’s a character that always pops up when I’m stimming.) Who represent pettiness and anger (Marvin from Falsettos being the main one. (The only time when I act as him is when I am feeling petty or selfish and angry bc falsettos isn’t my hyperfixation anymore and I wasn’t usually him when it was my hyperfixation) Little my from Moomin was the other but unlike Marvin me feeling angry isn’t the only time she pops up bc that’s not all she’s included for and she’s part of my current hyperfixation) where talking to me (At the moment I was snufkin from the Moomins who i use to make my emotions stable bc he is always calm and collected. He’s also the main character I am rn bc he’s my favorite and from my current hyperfixation) even tho Marvin is not from Moomin and little my and snufkin aren’t from falsettos. This kind of world with mixing characters and it being so short (only lasted for half of my walk home) is v v uncommon tho it does happen. It is also an example of one of the kinds of situations that happen when I do TCT.

There are three kinds.

One: Real world. This is where the characters (Sometimes just the character I am and sometimes there are others around me) are responding to things that are happening around me activity. Example: Worrying about a test I have, playing a video game, or doing something activity that is happening irl. This can easily bleed into the second type if I am doing something nonspecific like walking home or eating dinner.

Two: Imaginary situations: This is where I am doing something during TCT that I am not doing in the real world. Example: irl I am in bed but durning TCT I am walking around the forest(little irl movement and acting bc I am lying down and I cannot speak bc I might be heared by my dad) or irl I am just home alone but during TCT I am going shopping with another character (a lot of irl movement. I can talk, run around, grab props to use and use them, etc.)

Three: Including other people: This is why it doesn’t affect my social situations negatively. This is where I am interacting with other people and see myself as one character and those around me as others. This usually follows the rules of the forst kind bc I base things around what is actually happening. If I am around my little cousins sometimes I can play with them and suggest what we play using the world I’m focused on at the time (it’s not that weird bc I’m 14 and we don’t see each other that often but when we do we’re all v close and it’s not as weird or forced as it sounds) and I’m the character I am at that time and might even suggest them to be other characters from it. If not this can actually star a branching work with my cousins ocs as characters that I might or might not use if I continue that branch. If I am around friends we don’t play that often anymore bc were all about 14 so we play less and less but there was a long lasting hyperfixation that rly was great for TCT bc my friends where into it at the same time and often played and/or rped as these characters. So sometimes they might play along but most of the time for type three I only imagine them to be other characters. I assign them a character that matches who they are and hang out with them as I act on the way my character as they and build the story in my head as things happen irl. Examples: irl I’m eating dinner at a restaurant with my dad and grandparents but during TCT I am the character eating dinner with the other characters in the world in my characters dining room, irl I am in the ocean on a beach trip with my friends but during TCT I am a Character that is trapped on an island and swimming to somewhere else with the few other characters for company, or irl I am in a car going to a friends house while it’s late with her mom driving us but during TCT I am the character on a train traveling to to town for the first time to go to an inn while I chat with a character that is a stranger (even if irl she’s my best friend) and the nosy lady in front of us who keeps interrupting our generally peaceful train ride

I am always aware that I am doing TCT and usually (I think? I’ve never tried to specifically shut down any “sessions” of TCT) in control of when it stops/starts and there is no inner world. I am aware of what the body is seeing, hearing, feeling, etc. irl but TCT is happening on top of it(?)

If there are other characters besides just me in a scene (unless I’m with other people and assign them a character that suits them in my head) I see them even tho they’re not there? They are invisible but I can tell what they look like and where they are at any given time. In the “scenes” im never “transported” anywhere. Sort of. I can decide where the room I’m in is in the story (like I say that my room is really the inside of a tent or that the restaurant I’m in is the dining room of my character’s house) but it’s the same as how the characters look. I perceive everything as it is but imagine that things look different. This also happens with real people I assign characters to in my head. My eyes see the people but my brain, ig in my minds eye sees what the character they “are” looks like.

There are multiple different reasons that TCT happens for me. Most of the time it’s because I’m bored (I have adhd-pi (the inattentive type) so this happens quite a lot) but I also use it to deal with situations I want to personally distance myself from.

Like because I have sensory issues it’s Awful for me that I have to go out to eat with my grandparents every week and have to hear them chew food. So I start doing TCT and handle things how my character would handle it. If I end up spiraling and breaking down then TCT is torn away and my mind stops thinking of that as I am too preoccupied with the breakdown (usually dealing with personal things so it’s harder to place a character on it)

I have recently started to use TCT to my advantage during breakdowns and either acting as a more stable character they ig to calm themself down OR be Twoot (me) (this is v uncommon for me this past year or so unless it’s to do what I’m explaining now) and have the characters “there with me” to calm me down. It all depends on the specific experience.

What makes me question if madd is what I’m experiencing or not is bc It doesn’t usually affect my social life; if I’m doing TCT I just have my friends/family be other characters (tho I don’t tell them this ofc) and it’s not like an actual dream. I still experience reality while it’s happening and it’s not too vivid (I have memories of the parts of stories like they really happened but as I explained before things seem sort of transparent so they aren’t too detailed) also it’s not third person. I have to experience it in first person weather I’m acting it out (this is ideal, I do this if I’m home alone or walking somewhere alone. If I can’t speak and move around to act them out I mouth things out and imagine that I am doing the things, but not rly bc I imagine doing things in first person if that makes sense, or if I rly have to it all happens inside my head but that’s only if I’m in a social situation where I can’t move around. If I’m in a social situation with friends I can move around in I move and and act in the ways that the character I am at the moment would/ is in my story and have my friends be the characters while I build the story around what is happening irl)

If there’s anything else I should explain but at this time that is all I can think of to share. I hope this makes sense. If it’s not madd do you have any idea what it could be?

I always thought me doing this was normal then when I realized it wasn’t I thought it was just my adhd but I had kind of realized it might be something else and it made me think after I brought up the fact that I did this to my therapy group as a way to distance Myself from situations that are uncomfortable and deal with stress so I decided to do some digging and madd seemed rly close but I thought I’d ask someone before I go and self diagnose let alone talk to my dad about it.

#maladaptive daydreaming #actuallymadd #.#Oml this was so long im so sorry #it also probably didnt make muchc sense #oof #thank you for running this blog tho its lovy and thank you fir reading my cinfused ramblings!#submission

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tenacious-scripturient · 5 years

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a run-down of / my thoughts on the novel ‘trade secrets’

so! i’ve recently finished this beautifully written novel by @bettsican, and am anxiously anticipating for the second book in the trilogy! (seriously, give it a read. it’s a great lgbtq+ thriller and mystery story, i promise you’ll love it!! you can find trade secrets in many places, including amazon, where it’s only $6)

as i was reading it, i noted down all the thoughts i had. it was fun, interesting, and kept me on the edge of my seat!

oh, and spoiler warning, of course.

Chapter One

okay. this is interesting. why are they in paris? or rather, why are they NOT in paris?

2080. damn.

who is cooper hall and why is he important i want to knowwwwwwww

Chapter Two

HOLY FUCK

CHAPTER ONE WAS A PROLOGUE

OKAY IF I DIDNT NEED TO BEFORE I HAVE TO READ IT NOW

-ahem- anyway

nate literally everything you think of has to relate to smoking, doesnt it?

clyde you absolutely bitch raccoon

im sort of piecing together what’s happening here? either way this is a SUPER interesting concept.

i love the idea of every word being important

nate look at you being a nice guy. testing the CAPS before giving them to ur clients

or maybe it’s just good business

but whatever

okay, so credits are money in this world. but how do people get them? obviously there’s what nate’s doing but what’s the legal way to get them? ill probably find out soon

if it wasnt explicitly said by betty that nate ends up with another guy (i forget his name. cooper?) i would have thought audry was the romantic interest

audry you loving caring hypocrite

i feel like she’s gonna be one of my favourite characters

who is this young man that dares disturb nate’s slumber

cooper? cooper.

Chapter Three

nate get up

u turtle get up and hurry down the stairs

or—okay you can fall into that drywall that works too

ohhhhh so nate is a detective. that’s interesting

i also love this idea of keeping secrets (haha trade secrets)

dude are you sure that your embarrassing entrance wasn’t the ONLY reason you blushed? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE HEIG—

nate ur spending an awful lot of time looking at his features you funky little bisexual

oh damn ur smarter than u seem, just watching him take a single breath and you’re already making connections. i guess that’s why he’s a detective

im gonna assume this is cooper, even tho it never explicitly says so

i feel like we aren’t gonna get his name for a while, bc clients and whatnot and not getting attached

Chapter Four

NATE WEARS GLASSES???????

that’s kind of cute

im lowkey gay rn

anyway

NATE CALLED HIM SWEET-FACED AND PRETTY-FACED O K A Y

oh he has curly brown hair

and oh the glasses aren’t real glasses. oh. the use is actually pretty cool!

so from what im gathering civilians are people who don’t live in sanctuaries, and lemnis are people who do?

cooper sweetie why do u need so much money what have u done

nate’s pretty clever

HAH I WAS RIGHT WE AREN’T GONNA GET HIS NAME FOR A WHILE

well that’s that i guess

Chapter Five

he’s so timid awh

hehe he’s on nate’s bed

sorry

goddammit man calm down or else you’re gonna get everyone in a 5-mile radius around you arrested

wait…. zero-credit balance?? didn’t he just have a few hundred thousand credits???

OH THIS IS A FAKE PROFILE HE MADE

so cooper isn’t his real name either

Chapter Six

oh we’re back to 2080

oh they’re back in the apartment??

it was obvious before but at this point it’s confirmed that they’re going to be doing some travelling together or something

Chapter Seven

this is getting really interesting i dont wanna stop reading and type everything that comes to mind

these are gonna be shorter now hehe

“i’d been a petri dish of mixed emotions and wild chemical changes for half the day” I LOVE THAT METAPHOR LMFAO

what happened with nate’s mom

i want to know

my prediction: she wanted him to either change up or completely remove the chip bc she did something horrible? or maybe she just wanted to leave idk im bad at predictions

either way it said she was crazy

o h

that’s why he’s terrified of cutting the chip

poor nate

Chapter Eight

oh this is strangely intimate

very intimate

i feel that, because cooper has such high pain tolerance (or doesn’t show pain), he has some backstory for it

Chapter Nine

lmao nate just went off didnt he

THEIR FLIRTING IS CUTE FHJKJDLSKAJDKLSJAK

also is being lgbtq+ widely accepted as the norm in this setting? bc nate considered cooper to be flirting with him

ughhhh it’s so good so far, from the character interactions to the suspense, especially in this chapter

Chapter Ten

rude cooper is rude, rude nate is even more rude

F E D O R A

“coop”

Chapter Eleven

aw i love jimmy already—

WHAT THE FUCK COOPER

EXCUSE ME

JIMMY

WHAT

HOW COULD YOU

goddammit

what the fuck is cooper hiding

cooper oh my god

you

you’re playing a dangerous game, mate

are you really that heartless

“deceptively innocent eyes” you got that right

this chapter hurted

thanks a lot jess

Chapter Twelve

“like a weeping wound on the canvas of my home” this has got to be one of my favourite similes ever omg

the way nate’s describing cooper makes my heart hurt awh

i feel like butterflies have some sort of symbolism

maybe being ugly on the outside and beautiful on the inside, or vice versa? the vice versa was basically cooper lol

aye we finally get to meet audry!!

PEANUT BUTTER AND TRICYCLE I WANNA HEAR ABOUT THAT

i love audry omg

IT’S NATE’S BIRTHDAY?? HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA SMOKEY CONMAN

“bright eyes” is the cutest nickname ever

Chapter Thirteen

oh we’re back to 2080

wait what they’re trapped together

is this story gonna have a sad ending

please no

Chapter Fourteen

OH IT’S THE LINE ON THE COVER

i like that

nate’s back to where he left cooper

also if it wasn’t obvious before, it’s definitely obvious now that nate and cooper or gonna find each other again. hm. not sure how i feel about that

kind of pissed at cooper but also we need him for the story to progress

O H

COOPER IM ONLY KIND OF PISSED AT YOU NOW

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE

NATE IVE SAID IT BEFORE BUT YOU’RE PRETTY CLEVER

also who is ‘her’?

COOPER WANTS TO BECOME A?? LEMNIS?? GODDAMMIT MAN

I CAN FEEL THE PRESSURE RISING

nate’s in danger

wow this chapter is

a lot

i need a break

-cue a break-

Chapter Fifteen

i’m back

eisley is a cool last name

oh wait so even people outside of sanctuaries can become a lemniscate

i’m still not 100% sure what a lemniscate is

it’s so ironic elijah’s last name is king, but i assume you did that on purpose. i also like the slight nod to royalty by his first name

COOPER’S BACK

why hello there

Chapter Sixteen

they’re

competing

to become a lemniscate

and one of them dies

do they fight back?? is that why they end up in prison??? so many thoughts are going through my head right now

nate, your fantasy about becoming a lemniscate is surprisingly dark. i’m totally down for it

Chapter Seventeen

oh wait so joshua is cooper’s blackmailer?? Interesting that it’s a lemniscate

i keep forgetting nate is wearing glasses

cooper, my dude, calm the fuck down. you’re gonna get yourself and nate killed

it’s the return of soft™ nate

Chapter Eighteen

oh there’s another one

oh this is very ominous i don’t like

Chapter Nineteen – Twenty-One

okay i was eating while i read so i couldn’t type here but just know that these chapters were really really good

Chapter Twenty-Two

wait fuck what’s happening this is all happening so fast

cooper brought out his gun,,,, it’s aimed at ivonne,,,,,,, they’re walking,,,

OH IT WAS A FAKE KIDNAPPING

nice

i like ivonne a lot

Chapter Twenty-Three

the entire story just changed course

this isn’t just about cooper and nate anymore, it’s about a corrupt government

NATE AND COOPER ARE HOLDING HANDS AS THEY RUN THROUGH THE BARRIER THAT’S SO ROMANTIC

also the line “only the dead are ever truly free” is beautiful

THAT’S WHERE PARIS COMES IN

THEY ALL GO TO FRANCE DON’T THEY

I’m so curious to find out where this story is going

Chapter Twenty-Four

this is doin me a confusion

but tbh these hints/ visions of the future, if you could call them that, are giving just enough information to keep me super interested. props to you

Chapter Twenty-Five

AUDRY STOP TEASING NATE

just joking keep doing it, this might actually get their relationship somewhere

ivonne is definitely my favourite character so far. she reminds a little of melia from xenoblade chronicles, in that they’re both ‘royalty’ that rebel. also they’re badass and smart

oh fuck the brother is here

okay thank god he’s not an asshole

oh god things are happening again

Chapter Twenty-Six

nate stop ogling at cooper when you’re in a life-or-death situation

holy shit the lemniscate are messed up

this crew is pretty great, it sucks that it’s almost the end of the book

WAIT I FORGOT THERE’S A SECOND COMING SOON HECK YEAH

anyway

YES COOPER PULL THROUGH

awwww yiss

Chapter Twenty-Seven

O H

oh my god i ship them so hard

THEY KISSED

THIS IS SO STEAMY

this chapter was art thank you so much for this

Chapter Twenty-Eight

AHAHAH AUDRY

once again, i’d like to state how much i love her

oh the tension just grew twentyfold

this is… great

oh god nate what are you planning, you just got together with cooper and now you want to leave him?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

what’s with all the dancing?

Chapter Thirty

oh god the description

so he’s going around and giving people credits, all the while confessing things that would help the lemniscate track him down. i assume this means he’s going to die, but why?

just what are you planning?

oh we’re back to clyde, the guy who started it all. it feels full circle

Chapter Thirty-One

HE’S MAKING HIS CHIP SHOW THAT HE’S DEAD

that’s much smarter

FUCK

NATE YOU IDIOT—COOPER’S REAL NAME

SHIT NOW KING IS HERE

everything’s going downhill now isn’t it

Chapter Thirty-Two

wait that took an even darker turn

there’s so much happening right now i can’thandlethis

cooper and nate are couple goals

Chapter Thirty-Three

king isn’t as horrible as i thought

still horrible, but not a monster

NEVER MIND YOU’RE A FUCKING MONSTER WHAT IS THIS BS

cooper

actually

shot

nate

Chapter Thirty-Four

OH MY GOD

WHAT

THIS IS HOW YOU END IT

I CAN’T

HOW DARE YOU

i need the next book

like right now

what the hell

Final Thoughts

okay so this book was SO good, and so well written. like damn

aside from that horrible ending how could you do this to me

i’m joking, it was an incredible and emotional ending, i loved it and hated it at the same time

it very rarely felt static, and especially in the first half, there was a good mix of action and backstory/description. it was never boring

the story is just,,, so unique. i seriously haven’t read anything like it, EVER

the world-building?? Is?? so vast?? and insane??

the increasing tension and speed as the story progressed is perfect, i felt my heart beating faster the more i read

anyway that’s all from me

this book was amazing i cannot wait for the next

#writeblr #other writeblrs #trade secrets #phahbiyah speaks

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sadstonershawty · 4 years

Text

not that i thought genuinely that me and anthony were going somewhere bc i always have that thing in my head that’s like “this won’t last”....but i did feel like we were going SOMEWHERE emotionally. i don’t know where that somewhere was. i can’t help but feel like it’s over tho. idk if that’s my inner skeptic/cynic, or if it’s my intuition (which i think is one of my bigger issues.. my emotions are so strong that sometimes they flood out my intuition and i end up having trouble discerning between the two). part of me also feels tho like it’s not over. like something else will happen but i’m not quite sure what. it would really suck tho if, after the shit me and anthony have cultivated together (even if it is JUST some type of connection), he’s just ghosting me or something. i just would really hope that he would feel more emotionally responsibility than to just never talk to me again.

i think i also need to stop reading so much into it and stop giving him the benefit of the doubt, and just start taking shit at face value. bc what else am i supposed to do? after all, giving him that extra bonus just hurts me. like thinking “oh maybe he’s just doing this to see if i’ll make the extra effort to reach out” instead of seeing him not texting me back (yet still texting me sometimes?) is just him being uncommunicative and unreliable. i mean i knew i couldn’t fully depend on him like that esp at this juncture anyways. so i can’t say it’s THAT shocking. but it’s just fucking annoying. like if he’s just busy i wish he’d fucking say that. i’m a very understanding person and i would understand that 100%. bc i’m a supportive friend at the end of the day that really genuinely wants to see all the ppl in my life doing well and being happy.

i feel like, however, i have finally really accepted that whatever is meant to be in my life will be no matter what. and it’s weird...bc me and anthony seem to have found our way back to each other a couple times now. like we hung out in high school and he said himself he was so drugged out and depressed that’s why he ghosted me back then. so i don’t fr fault him for that (particularly since i already gave him shit for it and i can tell he knows it was shitty). but when i broke things off w him he still didn’t unfollow me, he still viewed my stories. and while i was the one to initiate us talking again most recently, he didn’t act differently towards me. like surprisingly enough he seems to have welcomed me back as if nothing’s changed each time (“welcome me back” the way anthony does anyways lol, but i know and have a pretty good understanding of him and do see that the things he does mean more than the things he doesn’t say bc i know he’s not good w words and that’s jus simply not how he shows his emotions fr). i don’t think fr that we’re like DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER, bc i’m very aware how much shit would have to change (like his mild drug addiction) for us to work. and like genuinely change, not just change FOR ME, which isn’t something i can force and i know that.

but i did our tarot cards type shit tonight and what i got from it was basically that i’m good/solid, how i’m going abt this is good/solid. i just need to be patient—- (w that said tho, i’ll only “wait” for so long before it’s dead to me....that means if he hasn’t texted me in like a week aka tuesday type shit it’s DEAD. i know i can have and also fucking deserve someone that holds space for me and does all the shit i want/need in a relationship. which i’m realizing more and more , what i thought i want/needed is not actually fr the case. the things i thought i wanted like a clingy type of person isn’t actually what’s good for me. the type that coos at me how beautiful i am and how great i am.....again, that usually overwhelms me and i’m seeing more that those types are ALMOST ALWAYS all talk. that doesn’t mean anthony is forsure the person for me, but i’m realizing what i thought i wanted is kind of the opposite of what i truly want and need from someone) —— and i also got that i cannot carry this shit on my own. i can’t make something work if i’m not being met halfway. more importantly , it’s not fucking fair to ME. i have done that so fucking much in the past that i can’t do it anymore and i am trying my best to simply NOT do that anymore. i’m becoming more precious to me in my mind, where i don’t want to put myself in these uncomfortable positions. because i really just deserve so much???? and i don’t have to settle lmao. at all. i accept that all the bullshit i’ve let into my life/condoned in the past was all for this feeling. i can’t be sad that “it took me this long” bc i am here now. and everything is as it’s meant to be. and i accept that. i accept all of the “bad” things. bc they weren’t bad things in hindsight. i wouldn’t be the same, had i not gone thru all of that. *i am as i should be and everything is fine* ........ but anyways, back to the tarot cards lol (bc i guess i’m so ADD even when i journal out my thoughts directly i end up rambling.. whatever hahaha it’s cool to read over in the future and see exactly where my mind was going and the exact thought processes without trying to edit myself or make it make sense to others bc i fr always be knowin what i mean lmao), i think it was also saying that fr we could have a future together tho. that doesn’t mean it’s guaranteed. but i think it was saying that if anthony can meet me halfway we can cultivate good, beautiful things together. but that doesn’t happen from pressing things or rushing shit. it doesn’t happen from backing someone into a corner and trying to fucking convince them to love me.

even if we don’t work out, even if he does/is ghosting me, i have learned honestly so much from this. i don’t think JUST this situationship, i think it’s a mix of things.....but i do think all of this is supposed to be happening rn. bc this is truly banging it into my head that i can’t force things, and when i hold tightly onto things that’s when they’re taken away from me. and by letting things run their course without expectations of the outcome or without some sort of timeline for shit; i cultivated a connection w someone i really never thought i would have any type of connection w at all??? and also learning by seeing that if u give someone the space without being so forceful to open up, and giving them the time, they will come to u at some point at least to some degree. forcing shit is just not the move and i don’t want to live like that anymore. i’ve been forcing the river to flow the way i wanted it to and that was causing me so much fucking pain and suffering. it was making everything in my life crumble. although that was a mistake, i am thankful for that. bc it made new things and ways of being emerge. i don’t want to go back to that way of being, so i won’t. i will let things come and go because that is the way of life. and it’s okay to let things go bc if they’re meant to be life will make that intersect again. when it’s right. or even not when it’s right; just to test u or end up teaching u a lesson in the end if u fail that test.

i have to trust myself , i have to stop doubting my emotions and my perception of things. because i’m not dumb. again, even if anthony does ghost me, i have to trust that what i saw and felt weren’t false. even if i slightly perceived things incorrectly , as i’m not a mind reader, and even as a very intuitive and perceptive being i am wrong sometimes. but i’m not dumb. i am not (esp at this point in time) THAT desperate for love that i would fabricate everything in my head. i might be wrong abt minor things that i perceive in these types of situations. but i know i’m not fuckin making up our connection in my head . like even w chad, where i’m over it enough to see it pretty fuckin clearly, (aka was prolly the most self destructive thing i let myself do this year lol) i may have fabricated the person he was in my head based on what he COULD BE (bc i’m the type of person that wants to see the good in ppl, where sometimes i lose my grip w reality and again, read into things and give ppl the benefit of the doubt TOO much based on incorrect assumptions), but i know i didn’t fabricate our like connection. i think realistically, he enjoyed the affection and attention i gave him more than he did the real me. but i don’t think he literally “didn’t care abt me” like gyen tried to say. which i think she was jus tryna protect me when she said that so i don’t take that to heart anymore. and even telling ken and vanessa (two of the most intuitive ppl i know lol), they told me they think he has some sort of feelings for me too as i thought. and i know that both of them aren’t the type to jus feed me bullshit. especially since i know they deeply care abt me and they know how i am sometimes aka go in headstrong if i think the other person has feelings (which again, proud of myself bc i haven’t done that here and i won’t again i’m promising myself rn). realizing how anthony is w him being an “actions and little shit OVER words” type of person, i see that he does have feelings for me on some level. seeing how he would explain himself to me even when i didn’t ask. and seeing how he started looking at me. seeing how at the beginning of us hanging out it would be ME that forced him to give me a hug when i left bc that isn’t his first inclination....and then how that developed into him starting to hug me on his own when he left.....and then to kissing me on the forehead as he hugged me..and then to actually kissing me when he left. especially how at the beginning of us reconnecting in like january, we wouldn’t fr talk that much (which tbh i’ve always liked in us bc we can jus chill without every moment being filled w talking...in a good way) and would ALWAYS have sex. to then, these past couple weeks when we’ve been hanging out he was actually the one not wanting to have sex bc he wanted to like just hang out ???? i know that i can sometimes see meaning in things that don’t always have meaning .....but again, i really do not think i’m making all of it up in my head. i think w someone that doesn’t express their feelings verbally very well, he was showing me in his own “anthony” way he cared deeply abt me.

((((( it does make me proud tho abt how far i’ve come seeing how i’m handling all this. i’m so reactionary and i know i’ve had the impulse to message him and go off a couple times now, but the fact that i’m giving him space and i’m not wracking my brain like “oh what if he’s w another bitch wah wah wah 😭” (esp since as i’m typing this the thought did come across my mind esp since when we were together i know he wasn’t physically w any other bitches since we spent so much fuckin time together, and i did see he still had the tinder app on his phone when we were hanging) but at the end of the day i know what a bad bitch i am. i know how amazing and wholesome and vast my love is. i know how intelligent and giving and warm i am. i’m becoming secure in myself enough to not worry abt other bitches bc while it’s not a competition, i’m not BETTER than anyone, i know there isn’t another girl like me. and the right person will see that without me having to prove that to them by overextending myself and shit. so even if he is w another girl.....okay? and he’ll see what a great fuckin girl i am esp if he is hanging w other girls lmao ))))))

so to reiterate myself, even if this is the end.....i’m okay w it. i respect that if that’s what comes , that’s what is supposed to happen u know? but i need to respect myself ; and if i’ve given anthony plenty of space and it doesn’t look like he’s coming back..then i’m cutting that bridge. i don’t need to leave so many doors open. bc i’ve done that and it’s exhausting. it’s exhausting to not close doors out of fear of things completely ending. and at the end of the day it’s not respectful to myself and my peace of mind. i haven’t decided fully if i want to say something to him in the case if he does ghost me or whatever. bc my initial inclination is of course to go off on him. but i’m learning my intial inclination is not always right. sometimes i feel torn between that, or not saying anything at all and just completely blocking him without saying a word just so he’ll know he fucked up/end up regretting it. but if that’s why i would do that then i’m not sure it’s in my greater good because i just don’t fr think i should do something just to make someone “feel a way” that i have no idea that they will actually feel. like it’s possible if i did that, he wouldn’t feel anything at all. maybe he wouldn’t even notice lmao. which i kinda doubt fr. i also need to check my real motives if i were to go off on him as a way of cutting that bridge. bc i always say it’s for my peace of mind to “close that door” but it might also sometimes be a way of reaching out one last time to GET that remorse. so maybe that’s why blocking someone on everything completely scares me? bc i wouldn’t ever know if they felt bad, which i think would make me feel weird. but i think maybe sometimes it’s good to just do that. idk. i guess i’ll cross that bridge when and if i get to it. i fr hope he would give me some sort of explanation, but i know i’ve felt before like someone SHOULD give me that out of respect for me. however on the flip i also know how much guys in general struggle w taking responsibility. and it seems like no guys my age , even AROUND my age, can fuckin do that. (which might explain my urge to go off on guys in situations like these. bc i think maybe my thought process is “if they won’t hold themselves responsible or try to make excuses for themselves, I WILL hold them responsible” and tbh rn i don’t have enough perspective to sort out if that’s toxic/damaging to myself or not...... food for thought tho lol. i’ll def think abt that more. bc we out here BREAKING FUCKING TOXIC AND SELF DESTRUCTIVE CYCLES RN BABY!!!!!!)

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survivorelara · 6 years

Text

Episode #7: “Bon Appetite Bitch” - Dani

Merge time baby, this is where the game starts. My first job is to figure out who flipped in that last tribal, I'm betting on Loris, but if it's John I'd probably understand as well. Regardless it's disappointing because as far as "OG Tribe Lines" it's now 5v5v2, which sucks.

I think I've likely got an ok position at the moment, the real move is trying to make sure I've got an in with a lot of people, and to make sure I find myself in the majority.

Here's hoping my first tribal council doesn't turn out to be my last due to social misplays.

We merged woo, my streak of never dying premerge continues :D. However, it does feel like an early merge. There's still 12 people left, I have a strong feeling someone ain't gonna make the jury... 👀

I just noticed im the only Aquarius left woot woot. Game wise, hello, it's merge. I'm finally messaging people, introducing myself and what not. I'll check in later to list all of the people that don't like me, but for now let's go into this hoping that I'm charismatic

Ok sooooo...... tribal did NOT go as planned but it still was good because I could’ve gone easily but drew t saved my ass because I saved his last week. we love good karma. Roxy literally forgived me without asking her to and we have merged so I don’t feel that at risk anymore. :) I just gotta keep talking to everyone so my name doesn’t get raised.

oh lord. You know idk what I’m gonna do yet Because I don’t want to work with pre friends but i don’t necessarily like my tribe either So that leaves me with loris Idk I’ll figure it out

For now, I'll do a hot or not and comments Roxy- NOT. I have to talk to her almost continuously or else she'll think we aren't allies and vote me out. (not that we are allies rn but still) Ci'ere- DECENT. He's nice but replies are sporadic and idk if he wants to work with me. Loris- HOT AS FUCK. my #1 right now, he's p cool <3 John - STEAMING? He is so nice and so cute but he seems close to purple drew. Purple Drew - LUKE WARM. Love the dude, but I am semi trying to avoid pre game friendships. Little Mix Drew- STRAIGHT FIRE. only bc of LM. in reality, more SEMI WARM. it may turn out that each side has a little mix supporter? Drachus - WHO TF KNOWS. I cannot tell if this man is playing me or not. He tells me he can't vote him out, but is that true? We havent been to tribal and he seems to be lying to me about how much he knows. If he really doesnt know all that... he seems like someone I can maybe work with. We've been loyal to the end for each other before. Just keep in mind- I'm not playing for 8th. Emma- queen? She's inactive but a great number for me. We tell each other stuff and she's just precious. Kori- challenge threat, and someone who I want to be my shield. Dani- shes so inactive bruh like what even Dylan- also inactive.

so its 5 revati, 4 auva, 3 zosma. Zosma and Auva have 2 a piece of people who I loved pregame and would consider working with. So who knows? I have a double majority, so lets not be surprised when I'm first out.

Well, I THINK I'm in an ok-ish spot. I've talked with a LOT of people, IDEALLY the next one gone is Sam just so that I can get Dani more on my side and make it clear that I wanna work with her.

I'm a little salty Altager didn't beat the basic tribe name of Orion... but I'll get over it... eventually...

In other news, I ate a burger today... it was adequate.

MERGE BABIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm elated to make the merge AND get to name the tribe! Like that's fucking sickening! I'm excited to see what the merge holds for me because that was a rocky pre-merge phase. Like obviously I wasted my idol, blah blah. And like I was an emotional mess like the entire way through. It sucks being the one that has to blindside people and like break hearts- but in the end, that's the way it is. I just love that I'm getting to play IN THE MERGE. Like I rarely ever do that because I am too much of a physical threat (in most ORGs) to be allowed into the merge. So I'm super glad that I get to play in the merge and I just have to put myself in a mindset where I can be carefree and not let the stress of the pre-merge weigh me down!

Well, The challenge went pretty well I think, not sure if I won or not though, we'll see.

I'm getting frustrated with Ci'ere though. Everytime we talk they take hours to respond, even when they initiate the conversation, and I respond within 4 minutes. My patience is definitely getting tested.

Well, I didn't win the challenge, I was closeish, got all the right constellations. I just kinda, didn't math correctly in calculating my Tiebreaker number... not sure what I even did to reach that number anymore.

Regardless, I just gotta keep the target off of me, get a feel for what others are thinking, and go from there. Ideally Sam or Ci'ere since Dylan who I'm still not a fan of won.

Ci'ere has been making a bit more effort with me, which has me a bit suspicious, so Sam is ideal just to make it clear to Dani that I DO wanna work with her.

What do people do when they merge? Like this concept is so foreign to me that this laziness is actually nice. Its peaceful and serene. Like my god. If this is the case, why the fuck do I not try to make the merge more often? Honestly, this revelation is so beautiful, I may ugly cry just thinking about it!

ok no offense but the conflict between dani and ci'ere seems literally so beyond fake i can't even comprehend it. maybe im wrong but like it feels so planned, like dan's funeral or smth.

also ci'ere just like formally asked to work with me which was really sweet so hi. they also spilled some tea about roxy/drew/drew2.0 and how theyve been working together without me so. yoinks. glad i won immunity because i wouldve been so lost

Man i'm finna make that bitch dani leave, im working my ass off to save ciere and get her outta here since she's HELLBENT on getting us out. No no, you don't do that. Hope you enjoy merge boot and hopefully just missing out on jury :)

So yeah, the main name floating around has been ci'ere. But the thing is, I've been talking with people and dani seems disposable to a lot of people. So i'm tryna convince the people i'm close with to vote her out instead of ci'ere. Because here's the thing, if dani survives until next vote and ci'ere leaves, she's going to be after me. What i'm saying to my crew is that if ci'ere survives, he'll be with us while dani isn't close with like anyone, she just talks to throw names out cuz she sucks at this game. so like, if people really want ci'ere out, it'd be so much easier to simply blindside him next vote if we wanted, because he'd feel so safe. Esp since im 95% sure one of those 2 have an idol, so i'm gonna try my best to either flush it from ci'ere, or blindside the fuck outta dani sending her home packing with it

suprise bitches after a boring pre merge i am actually playing the game i just need to see which side everyone is on i may use my idol to have my side be on control i could probably be first merge boot before i play yikes! also me and loris are powerful... he has the legacy advantage his mind omg

I hate this cast. Yell at me for a short confessional if ya gotta.

Deadass probably setting myself up for failure this vote with going after dani so hard but fuck it idc, didn't have a chance to get rid of her after louise had left and she told toby to get the fuck outta here, and now I do and she's going and hopefully joins him in the vl :) toby this one's for you homie, miss ya lots <3

W e l l, things have went left here at the Orion camp 😄 I woke up to Andrea & Loris letting me know that Auva 2.0 was after me & that I should play an idol if I had one. Apparently the Auvacados are getting bad vibes from me? However, Dani was the one that made a move against y’all so why am I getting getting ya knickers in a bunch? I previously started laying down the groundwork to have people turn on Miss Dani, but I decided to toss that plan out the window. Last night, Loris told me that John Coffey was the Revati that flipped last round and it’s because he’s friends with Drew H. I’m certain that the Drews, Roxy, & John have an alliance that finalized right before the merge. So that needs to be broken up right away. I went to Dylan, an OG Auva, to let him know that his old tribemates said he was on the outs and they made an alliance with Louise, Dani, & I. He seems to be interested in voting with me, and if he isn’t, then he’s a flop.

Sam called me “babe” earlier & I really cannot with this flirting strategy, but I’m not opposed to it! I guess I would consider him my final 2, but I’d say he’s playing well so I might need to cut him before that hehe.

I don’t like this back and forth running around nonsense, so I’m laying it all out on the table. I exposed the Auvacado 2.0 alliance. I hinted that I have an idol that I really don’t want to use, but I probably will just in case they think I’m bluffing & people don’t target me in the future for it. Apparently this caused people to start scrambling which I’ll have you know is my favorite type of egg. Deviled eggs are good af too 😈

Sam says that we shouldn’t go for Roxy because he has an in with Drew T. & that we should keep Dani the target because she threw out our name. Dani says that John & Kori threw out my name to her. Do I believe her? Not exactly. In the tribe chat when I asked Dani to vote for Roxy, she says that she likes her & would rather do someone else. This is a mess. So right now it’s looking like myself, Sam, Andrea, Loris, Emma, Dylan & Drew T.?

Why is everyone always going after me what the shit. Its drew t and h fault im like their fuckin scategost I jk I love them but im so annoyed why is the fall out if the shit theyfor do, gets blamed on ne when I havent dine anything loll fuck off

I love u drews tho

I knew going into the merge that I wanted Ciere out sooner rather than later; and when an alliance with Dani and kori was formed I thought I’d be able to get him out right away. Dylan won immunity which is awesome because he’s easily my favorite right now. Idk what it is about him but we just vibe really well right now. I’m not sure where I stand with old revati other than kori who asked me to be his final 2 the other day. I’m a wannabe puppet master and nobody was taking my bait to vote ciere. Well it seemed like they were until little rat decides to announce that I had an alliance with the Drew’s and Roxy. I went telling everyone the chat is barely even active and we voted together once. As of now the majority is seeming to want Dani and Kori isn’t answering aoooo idk who I’m voting for I kinda still want to do ciere cause I swore to Dani I wouldn’t vote for her, but I also don’t like her attitude all that much tonight. Same old Dani from unifinished business, but I actually was going to have her back. I’m a mess!!!!!!!!111

WELL BITCH I MIGHT BE GOING. These motherfuckers REALLY want me gone huh? WELL IM NOT GOING OUT WITHOUT A FIGHT. Roxy will rue this day. ROXY WILL RUE IT. She just fucked over her whole damn alliance.

Dani is voted out 9-2-1.

#episode #flyinghigh

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shxtteredmemories · 7 years

Note

For the self ship ask meme how about u and a fav of ur choice? (I havent gotten a chance to see ur baes but im gonna scroll around until i find em bc u deserve asks!!! Ill send some whenever u feel down unless im asleep bc...timezones maybe

thanks,,,,

sorry im not like??? good rn, but ill answer ur ask anyway

its below the cut because this is gonna get long

i assume you meant this one?

if not, just send the one you want and ill answer those too

here’s my f/o page just in case you haven’t found it yet; it details my faves, how the ship is, and a few extra notes.

Thunder & Lightning

1. How did you two meet?

I dunno, really? It was… really crazy at the time. I’d just came to the guild and… there was this asshole. I wanted to fight him, but having just joined… well, I wasn’t allowed up on the second floor… But, yeah, that’s basically it.

2. Was it love at first sight, or did it take awhile for you to warm up to each other?

Awhile? That’s an understatement.

3. What do the people around you think of your relationship?

Mixed opinions, I guess. Some people are for it, some aren’t. I don’t care.

4. Do you have pet names for each other?

Not really… well, maybe. He calls me “pipsqueak” a lot and I always call him “jackass,” so… take that as you will.

5. Have you given your ship a name?

Uhm, yeah? Well, I mean, I guess… I don’t know what I think about it, though…

6. Who is the more dominant one in the relationship?

… Laxus, regrettably.

7. What does each of you think about PDA?

I mean, I don’t really like to be touched? Especially in public, even if it’s just holding hands. Sometimes, it’s alright, but otherwise, I’m not really into it. Maybe if someone’s trying to flirt with him, then I’ll… y’know, try to assert myself. Laxus likes it, though.

8. What do you two find to be the most attractive about one another?

I like his confidence and willingness to speak his mind… He likes that I’m not afraid to back down from anything.

9. What do you two do to get each other “in the mood”?

… Uh. Honestly, sometimes I’m not even sure? It’s just one of those feelings that comes on suddenly. Buuut, if he could stop showing me his teeth and sticking out his tongue, that’d be great.

… Actually, I think that’s what does it for him, too.

10. What was your worst fight?

One time I said I hated him and didn’t want to see him again… and then left for days, so I guess that’s it? We were fighting over past mistakes, so… it was a really bad one.

11. Best gifts you two have exchanged?

He gave me this really pretty green and yellow gemstone that he came across during a job… And I buy him food every day, so take that as you will.

12. Do you want/have kids?

No. And no.

13. Have you ever broken up?

Once or twice, yeah. After some particularly bad fights, we’ve decided to take breaks. But we never really leave each other for long; we just kinda need time to think. We always get back together, apologise, and promise to do better. Back then, we were still kinda figuring things out, so.

14. Scariest moment together?

Whenever he’s really pissed, he gets kinda scary, but… One time, I went a little far with my magic and I think that scared him. … Every time he gets into a fight, he scares me, so.

I guess, in a way, we’re scared to lose each other.

15. Happiest moment together?

Every day one of us comes home. Whether it’s my place or his, whenever one of us steps through that door we’re just… so happy to see each other. He’s a bit more reserved with it, but… y’know. I can tell.

16. Are you or will you ever get married?

No, and probably not. Marriage is not really my thing.

17. Ideal way to spend time with one another?

Sparring or just listening to music together.

18. Who has the higher sex drive?

… Laxus.

19. What areas do the two of you like to be kissed on?

Laxus likes neck kisses and jaw kisses. I’m favourable toward shoulder and neck kisses… and clavicle kisses.

20. What are the biggest relationship flaws the two of you have?

We’re both too stubborn to let things go when we’re fighting. We always bring up the past and things we’ve done wrong.

21. In which ways are you two the most similar?

… We both control Lightning in some way? Annnd, I guess we’re really strong. Though his is more physical strength.

22. In which ways are the two of you most different?

He’s a lot more confident than I am, so… there’s that.

23. Who is the most affectionate?

It varies? Sometimes, if I’m feeling it, I can be. But sometimes he can be, too.

24. If the two of you are apart for a long time, who takes it the hardest?

Me. I get really lonely, really easily. Whenever he’s not around, I just�� don’t know what to do? That sounds like I’m wholly dependent on him, I know… but, it’s kinda true. I mean, I can survive without him, I’m not hopeless, but I just get this numb, apathetic feeling whenever he’s gone for too long; emotions become harder to manage.

25. Who said “I love you” first?

Answered here.

26. What was your first kiss like?

Kinda lame, actually. He was tired, I was tired, we both just kinda did it because we didn’t know what else to do… It was real early in the morning and we’d just woken up… And after staring at each other for a few minutes, I guess… we kinda just go the same idea?

27. Who asks to be sent dirty selfies?

Laxus. Sometimes as a joke, sometimes seriously.

28. Who’s more likely to send unsolicited dirty selfies?

… Also Laxus.

29. What do the two of you wear for couples Halloween costumes?

Dragons. I convinced him that it’d be a good idea, so we always go as noodle dragons. Every single year. His outfit is yellow, mine’s green.

30. Who is more possessive over the other?

We’re kinda tied?

31. Who is better at dirty talk? What sorts of things do they say?

You wouldn’t believe it, but my dumb ass is. I could probably say “chicken nugget,” in a sultry tone and he’d get weak in the knees. Something about my voice just gets him, I guess.

32. Is jealousy a problem at all?

No? Yes? Kind of? Sort of. We’re both pretty territorial… but we also mark each other up, too, sooooo.

33. What’s your favourite place to have sex?

Don’t- don’t ask. It’s better if you don’t.

35. Who is more likely to surprise the other by joining them in the shower?

Me. But that doesn’t mean he’s opposed to it. Conserving water and all that.

36. Who apologies the most?

Me. I just have a lot of unresolved, internalised guilt about any and everything.

37. Has anyone ever walked in on you two? What happened?

Once. And we DO NOT speak of it. Not going there, at all.

38. How do you comfort one another during difficult times?

We literally have no idea how comfort works. Cuddling? Listening to music? Listening to the other vent? If not one of those, then we have no idea.

39. How would both of you react to find someone hitting on the other?

Laxus tells me I have a look that scares people away from him if they flirt with him, so? And, Laxus, he just… looks intimidating in general; he has a resting bitch face. I assume that alone says ‘stop flirting with my boyfriend.’

#Ship: Thunder and Lightning #Luciel.txt #ask #anon

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