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emmyrosee · 1 year

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“Daddy, Uncle Shi-Shi called you a news-ance.”

From underneath the cabinet, Atsumu’s head slammed into the wood above him, whatever he was doing suddenly not mattering. Rintaro, who was holding the tools, now was absolutely cackling at the entire scene. The now wounded blonde slowly pulls his head out of the cabinet, a massive hand cradling his head and a look of betrayal on his face.

“He what!”

“Well, when you called Uncle Shi-Shi after lunch to tell me to come home, ‘nd he asked if you were done, ‘nd you said no, he got mad when he hung up and called you a complete news-ance.”

Rintaro’s cackling reached new levels as Hisako looks quizzically between them, hand smacking his knee and gasping for breath he cannot seem to catch.

Uncle Shinsuke, who was just supposed to have Hisako for the day while Atsumu fixed the sink- right, that’s what he was doing, pre-slander and concussion- but when the job became too much, Atsumu figured he’d have Hisako dropped back off at home to have some lunch and her nap, so Kita could go about his day; no matter how much Kita adores Hisako, it can be hard to balance errands with a four year old.

So much for being courteous.

“Daddy, Uncle ‘Taro, what’s a news-ance?”

“It means your dad’s annoying,” Sunarin ungraciously explains, leaning against the counter. Hisako tips her head in confusion, and Atsumu gives him a glare.

“It means,” Atsumu sighs, “that Uncle Shi-Shi got mad that I was busy but still wanted you home. He didn’t think it was a good idea.” Then, under his breath, he mumbles a quick “didn’t stop him from dropping you off, though.”

“Oh…” Hisako seems to ponder this before she nods, letting Atsumu duck his head back under the sink. “Well I don’t think you’re ‘noying!”

Atsumu groans as his child picks up Suna’s description of a nuisance, “I’m glad baby; why don’t you go put on paw patrol, I’ll bring you lunch in a minute?”

“Okay daddy!”

Tiny feet toddle off, and from above the cabinet, Atsumu hears Rin stifle a laugh. “Damn, she’s funny.”

“Don’t encourage her, she turns every single uncle of hers against me.”

“Pretty sure you do that to yourself, my guy.”

“Give me the pliers and stay quiet.”

A few moments later, a small voice comes back into Atsumu’s earshot again, this time directed mostly at Suna.

“Uncle ‘Taro?”

“What’s up, lean cuisine?”

“How come Uncle Shi-Shi uses those big words, but mommy just says daddy’s ‘noying?”

His head slams back into the cabinet, once again whining in pain, and Suna’s laughter of betrayal once again filling the Miya home. A trip to the ER would have to wait; this is far more important.

“She WHAT?”

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velvett-tearss · 2 years

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ok im so done

does anyone know that one fic where atsumu and reader break up after being together for a few years bc his mom kept pressuring him to get married (bc osamu just had a baby or smth like that) and atsumu ends up going to their old shared apartment and reader is there and reader like runs away but he ends up catching them in the doorway of their old bedroom and he apologizes and then they fuck 😭

#haikyuu fic #haikyuu fanfiction #atsumu angst #atsumu imagines #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu imagine #miya atsumu x you #haikyuu atsumu #hq atsumu #miya atsumu crack #miya atsumu fluff #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu

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leti666bigboss · 1 year

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part 1

featuring: kuroo tetsuro, kozume kenma, yamamoto taketora, yaku morisuke, haiba lev, suna rintaro, the miya twins, terushima yuuji

genre: crack

warnings: terushima's might be just a liiiiiitle bit suggestive

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mangobursts · 1 year

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bonus:

#haikyuu #hq #seventeen #svt #the only meme redraw i'll ever post here #bc it still cracks me up loll #going seventeen #gose #hoshiumi kourai #miya atsumu #bokuto koutarou #yaku morisuke #fanart

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hotvinimon · 3 months

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Miya Osamu <3

“Samu…Samu…Don’t look directly, but I can see your doppelganger… just behind you.”

You and your sweet, loving, handsome, onigiri man of a boyfriend were on a night date in the street of Shibuya. Osamu was busy in choosing what to eat first, while you took pictures. Suddenly you saw Osamu’s clown toghether with a curly haired, bitch-faced man, an orange head and an owl faced beefy boy.

To say that you were shocked would be an understatement. A guy… or I should say Samu’s clown was chatting with his friends just few meters behind your boyfriend, only his hair's more blonde, and his vibe's more... clownish.

“Doppelganger ??? what do you even me-” “CAN’T YOU FUCKING WHISPER ?? AND DON’T LOOK LIKE THAT. BE MORE SUBTLE.” you whisper yelled.

Suddenly the doppelganger looked in your direction and frowned comically and advanced towards you.

“OH MY GOSH, SAMUUUU, HE'S COMING... HE'S COMING THIS WAY!”

Samu quickly looked into the direction, and unlike you he was frowning ??? similarly like his doppelganger ??? what the heck was going on. Was there some kind of invisible mirror thing that you couldn’t see.

Even the doppelganger's buddies seem cool, like they're in on the joke.

The doppelganger was now, standing in front of you and looking at your boyfriend, like he was communicating with his eyes. Before anyone could say anything…

“OMYGODOMYGODOMYGOD… CAN I TAKE A PICTURE WITH YOU SIR ????”

All eyes are on you, but who cares? It's not every day you meet your boyfriend's mirror image.

“Oh.. of course cutie, are you a fan ??”

“Well, I’m a human but I’ve never seen my boyfriend’s clown my entire life.” you giggled like a kid.

“DON’T DO THAT”. That ‘DOPPELGANGER’ yelled at your boyfriend.

“I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING.”

“YOU ARE MAKING GOO-GOO EYES AT HER. LIKE YOU MAKE AT FOOD.”

“I AM NOT.”

“YES YOU ARE”

All you could hear for next fifteen minutes was funny curse words and skin slapping sounds. Meanwhile, the curly-haired dude shoots you a concerned look.

“Ohhhh… so you are his big brother. Nice to meet you Tsum, I’m y/n, Samu’s s/o.”

Unlike your fictional brain, the ‘DOPPELGANGER’ turned out to be your boyfriend’s twin brother.

“Nice to meet you too y/n/n” Atsumu showed his signature smirk.

“IT’S MIYA TO YOU AND IT’S Y/L/N TO YOU.”

"WHAT THE HECK, BASTARD? AM I SOME GIRLFRIEND STEALER?"

"MORE LIKE AN UNINVITED DATE CRASHER."

"AT LEAST I'M EYE CANDY."

"YEAH, WELL, MOM LIKES ME MORE."

More insults fly, more slaps echo, and the furniture starts to question its life choices. Meeting your boyfriend's twin? Not too shabby after all.

Keys -

y/n - your name

s/o - sgnificant other

y/n/n - your nick name

y/l/n - your last name

Requests are open

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1zukuz · 1 year

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WRONG INITIAL !!

HOW haikyuu boys react when you don't get their initial on your nails !

INCLUDES: cussing + fluff

ATSUMU, KAGEYAMA, BOKUTO, KUROO, SUNA, KENMA, OIKAWA

lol if ur name starts with a y i apologize kuroo didn't mean it

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easybrainrot34 · 2 months

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He’s the kind of man that not only comes to girl's night out but is fully welcomed. Like POV he’s your boyfriend, you set up a girl's night, and he is fully integrated into girls night. He can be the DD, he can be the man who goes on a snack run, he can be the one who starts the evening by passing out shots like he can do it all. Oh you think you’re the host tonight ? Wrong. it’s him. If one of your friends becomes an emotional drunk, he becomes a therapist. If one of the girls is falling down drunk he’s giving piggyback rides. If it’s a girls night in and the charcuterie board runs low, he’s in the kitchen restocking it.

At least every girl has at least told you twice that they wish they wish there was a clone of your man. But if one of the girls is being suss, you know getting a little too flirty trying to get a little too close to him, he gently reminds them that he is wifey’d up. He also knows all the tea, all the drama, and is fully giving out advice (but if you don’t want advice, he’ll just let u rant).

- Bokuto, Kuroo, Daichi (specifically with him, he’s the kind of man to take everyone’s keys before the drinking starts), Mattsun, Iwazumi (although he has made everyone swear up-and-down that they would never tell Oikawa about girls nights, because he’s just not dealing with that), Ushijima (yes, he’s very stoic, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know how to have fun), Tendou (if somebody tries to mess with any of you at the bar, he’ll fight a bitch) , and of course, Atsumu

‼️sidenote, I typically write head cannons in a genderless way so you don’t have to be female presenting for this it’s just basically anybody but men because the boys night would be totally different lol‼️

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu crack #haikyuu!!#headcanon #hajime iwaizumi #kotaro bokuto #kuroo tetsurou #atsumu miya #matsukawa issei #daichi sawamura #ushijima wakatoshi #tendou satori #haikyu #mattsun #x reader

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izvmimi · 6 months

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cw: minors dni. no actual smut but like a lot of allusion to sex. minor violence. this is definitely a crackfic.

There are few things you remember from the house party you had last night, but a few things are certain - one, you and Atsumu fucked, two, you and Atsumu really fucked, the type of sweaty, passionate and nasty fucking that you’ve been hoping to do since you first got to flirting and cheeky banter, and three, you’re still slightly hungover, having stumbled out of his apartment to get to work before he even woke the next morning. He was cute even slumbering, you remember, smiling as you start to recount some of the most savory parts of last night's session, toes practically curling in your heels as you stack up your papers to pack up for home. Your work day came to a close sooner than you could imagine, and Atsumu has already invited you on another date for this evening, this time at one of the nicest places in town. Perks of dating a professional athlete, of course.

There’s just one thing you have to make sure you take care of first, and that is, retrieve a pair of scarlet lace panties, likely on his bedroom floor. You’d been mortified at first when you realized you couldn't find them, but somehow throughout the course of the day your friends convinced you that it was sexy more than anything to leave them behind for someone who was that into you. You had to admit that it was odd that Atsumu made no mention of them in your texts, but when you make it there before you head out to dinner together, you could make use of the flirty exchanges practiced in your head.

—

Atsumu is out, sneaking in a 1 hour training session and a couple mile jog when he gets a text.

Where are you right now?

It’s not from you, but from Kiyoomi’s girlfriend, rather. This surprises him enough to skid to a quick stop. He remembers cleaning the house properly before leaving, but sometimes Sakusa can be really particular, even if his partner has managed to convince him to be less meticulous over time. There shouldn't be a problem with the post-party cleanup.

But Kiyoomi can just text him whenever he wants; he doesn’t have to go through her. Atsumu scratches his head but texts her back.

Jogging? He texts. What’s up?

Honestly, you should just keep doing that until Omi calms down because if he sees you, you’re dead.

Atsumu looks up and he’s already just a few feet from their apartment. He scoffs, then slips his phone back in his pocket. She’s known to be dramatic anyway and he’s still sweaty and has a date to prepare for in a little over a half hour anyway. He jogs up the stairs, congratulating himself on his pump, knowing his arms and shoulders will look extra good in his fit later on today.

As soon as he makes it just two steps from the front of the door, it swings wide open, enough that the handle opens and hits the opposite wall with a crack and his seething, red-faced roommate grabs him by the collar.

“What the-”

“WHOSE ARE THESE?!”

Kiyoomi is far stronger than he looks, and in Atsumu’s confusion he lets out a yelp, as Kiyoomi practically lifts him off the ground and thrusts a pair of soiled panties in his face, enough to make him sputter in shock. When he finally lets go, Atsumu swatting at him, the bottle blond stumbles back and he can see Kiyoomi’s partner slip into view behind his roommate from the door, her face in a frown and arms crossed over her chest. The sight of her pisses him off more.

“I did tell you to take another lap,” she murmurs. Atsumu glares at her, but his attention shifts back to Kiyoomi who throws the burgundy garment back at him.

"Whose fucking panties are these?!"

“I don’t know where these are from man?!” Atsumu yells, throwing them back. Sakusa dodges, then bucks at him, fists up before his girlfriend shrieks his name and grabs hold of his arm, begging him to relax.

“Stop!”

Sakusa whips around quickly to glare at her as well and she frowns.

“What do you mean, stop!? You just chewed me out for nearly half an hour and now you’re acting like I’m unreasonable???”

She pouts, embarrassed, but then sighs. “Okay, how would you react if some random dude’s jockstrap was in my apartment? How am I supposed to guess it’s your roommate’s?”

“Who just wears jockstraps? What the hell are you talking about?”

“Don’t make fun of my analogies!”

Atsumu looks back and forth between the two of them, still confused, but then it clicks and his eyes widen.

“Oh…” he starts but Sakusa’s dark eyes snap back at him.

“Don’t say oh like you don’t know what happened, I’ll knock your fucking teeth in,” he hisses. Atsumu reels but then flashes of what exactly happened last night run through his mind and it clicks.

He… didn’t take your intense makeout session into his room.

It wasn’t his room, it was Kiyoomi’s.

The dresser you leaned on while taking backshots? Not his. The mirror through which he watched your ass bounce up and down his cock? Also not his. The bedsheets you twisted and came over and over again on? Not his! He must have fucked you on every single surface… not one of them his.

“Fuck,” is all that he manages to make out. Sakusa glares, but by now he’s calmed down, and his girlfriend has managed to sheepishly rub his shoulder into calm behavior.

“I’m getting a hotel tonight and you’re paying for it.” Sakusa turns on his heels, taking his girlfriend’s hand, and the door slams. Atsumu is left to look at a pair of scarlet panties sit forlornly in the corner.

He has to admit. They are a sexy pair.

—

Atsumu meets you outside his apartment, just moments after Sakusa has sped off in his car, and he’s dressed but visibly distressed. You smile at him but notice his unrest.

“Hey.”

Your heart pounds. Maybe he didn’t think the panty drop-off was cute?

He doesn’t seem upset though. He gives you a weak smile back, then pecks you on the cheek before handing you a parcel in a brown paper bag. Your stomach turns.

“I.. uh, think you left something last night,” he says in a small voice.

Shit.

“Yeah.. uh… sorry.”

The two of you stand in front of each other, bashfully. You let your hand run through your hair, then smile.

“I thought it would be cute,” you start explaining before regretting it. Atsumu offers you yet another weak grin.

“It would have been… if uh, it were the right room.”

#atsumu miya x reader #atsumu x reader #atsumu crack #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagine #daydreams: hq #mimi's notes

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kiwanopie · 2 years

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Top 10 anime men who will lay pipe expeditiously. Haikyuu Edition. *Reupload*

cw: piv, dirty talk, general adult themes. minors do not interact

Akaashi |Run Time: Within the first month| Not exactly a prude, just believes that being more intuned with your partner is necessary to satisfying sex. Plus he likes the build up between general interest and sexual tension. If we’re being honest, he’s probably been thinking of putting his hands all over you since the second date. But he’s courteous enough to let you know that he actually wants to get to know you first. Likes to call you after work during the talking stage just to ask you about your day. Invites you over on his off days to make sure you’re comfortable around him. But again, he’s been holding himself back for a while. And he’s not too coy for a little phone sex in the meantime. - But, boy does he completely lose it when you crawl into his lap during one of your hangout sessions. Your friends still don’t believe you when you introduce them to the guy that “fucked you within an inch of your life” before you officially started dating.

Iwaizumi |Run Time: Within the first few weeks| He likes to believe that the reason he doesn’t rush it is because he’s “old fashioned” and that he’s mature enough to understand that “it takes time for these kinds of things.” Whole time he’s just busy. Trust me, deep down he knows if he had it his way he’d have you folded over three ways to Sunday after the third date. But he has the physical health of like twelve overgrown toddlers to manage and the team moves around pretty often. So, it’s just quick coffee dates and video calls for a while. But trust me, the moment he has time on his hands you’re done for. I suggest clearing your schedule before you meet up! You’re gonna need some time to recover.

Oikawa |Run Time: Within two weeks| First week down though and you can see it physically hurts him that he’s not fucking you as soon as he wants to. Only reason he’s holding out though is because he actually likes you, so he doesn’t want you to think that’s the only thing he’s seeking out. - But you know that meme of that guy who looks like he’s this 🤏 close to having a stroke with all those veins on his face? Yeah. Soon as he knows you’re on the same page though he’s slutting himself out to you like his life depends on it. And he talks the nastiest shit. Will tell you everything he’s been wanting to do to you and then show you in frankly exemplary detail.

Hinata |Run Time: Within a week| To his credit, he’s the most unafraid to let you know how smitten he is with you from the jump. Gave you your phone back after putting his number in with his info under “Shoyo 💕❤️” and told you to call him if you’re looking for someone to treat you right. Literally told you the night you actually hooked up that you were only doing missionary to start off, and when you asked why he replied that you were “Too pretty to fuck in anything but,” With all the sweet talk he uses in the week leading up, you’re not wrong for being completely out of your depth when he fucks you like he hates your guts. But don’t worry, the love’s still there! You’re even prettier when he’s fucked the brains outta you <3

Kuroo |Run Time: Within the first couple of dates| Class traitor often forgets the line between courting a significant other and a sugar baby. Thought the best way to charm your pants off was to buy out the restaurant you’d have your first date at and surprise you with a birkin bag. Isn’t ashamed to let you know he gets off on watching you spend his money and when he’s booking a pent-suite for your third date it takes a very necessary pause during dinner to establish that 1.) Yes, he wants to be your boyfriend. No, he didn’t know that this wasn't the right way to do it. And 2.) He’s only been spending this much money because it’s the only thing stopping him from cumming in his pants the moment he gets within a foot of you. Weird guy. Rearranges your guts like no one’s business.

Bokuto |Run Time: The date after the first| He tries…so hard to hold out, he really does! It’s just god you’re so fucking sexy. Everything you do has his brain short circuiting and he’s starting to want you so bad that it’s making him itch. Your thighs are so squishy and your lips look so plump. Everything about you looks soft to the touch and since meeting you he hasn’t been able to blow a decent load without imagining it’s you squeezing him so tight. Really, the only reason he made it this far is ‘cause first date jitters are a bitch and at the very least he has the decency to let you know he likes you first. - But then you show up in this cute little dress that keeps riding up your thighs when you walk, and the way you pout as you try to pull it down has his head feeling all fuzzy. He tries to stay cordial as he opens the door for you to slide into his car, but the way you smile up at him as he closes it behind you has his resolve breaking into pieces. Lucky for him you’re perceptive enough to notice the literal dick print in his pants the moment he climbs in; and he lights up like a Christmas tree when you suggest a quickie before dinner. Spoiler alert: It won’t be a quickie. Get your refund back on that reservation, sis.

Atsumu |Run Time: The first date| You can’t blame the guy for being shamelessly attracted to you, can you? Who cares about old fashioned courting! It ain’t worth the money if you ain’t walking funny? - All jokes aside though, he’s a firm believer in if two consenting adults like each other enough, they should be able to fuck whenever and however they want. Doesn’t find you any less respectable for letting him put your legs behind your ears on the first date. Although that was after he’d already bent you over in his car, folded you over his kitchen counter, and had you leaving drool stains on his hallway area rug. Eh, you’ll plan your next date in the shower - little hard to talk though with your face pressed against the glass.

Matsukawa |Run Time: Scheduled a time and place for you to link before hand| Hey, if you wanna turn this thing into a relationship then he’s up for that too. But he’s not gonna stress himself trying to hold back from fucking your pretty little brains out. Soon as he gets the O.K. he’s picking a time and place and hightailing it over with no stops in between. And he’s not bullshiting when he says he’s gonna fuck you stupid. The guy digs you out like he’s trying to ruin you for anybody else. But it’s not entirely his fault! He gets sick of carrying that meat missle around too 😔

Hanamaki |Run Time: Straight up just asked if you’d let him| Hedonist to the max. And no shame either. The moment he gets the feeling that you might be sexually interested in him, he’s diving in with no goggles. I mean, obviously he cares about your interests and your pursuits in life; might even think you’re nice enough to take home to mom’s one day. But that’s not what his mind’s set on right now. Only thing in his head is if he should start with collapsed doggy or drill you in from the side just to get you drooling for him that much quicker. But hey, dick was so good you forgot he don’t got a job!

Honorable Mentions!

Sakusa (Surprisingly)| Comes off as a prude because he apparently has “High standards.” Can’t admit that if he finds you attractive enough, he’ll just straight up fuck you. |

Terushima |Likes to “Do you like my tongue ring?” Himself into some pussy.|

Sugawara | Plays the part of a good loving school teacher just looking for a companionship. Gives it up as soon as he sees you’re into him.|

Osamu | “m’not a scrub like my brother.” No, baby, you’re a whore.|

And finally number one…

Suna! |Run Time: Text him at 3:00am and he’ll be there by 3:05am| Standing at 6’3.2 and 176lbs, you have caught the affection of a man who truly believes that “a hole is a hole” once he’s found himself physically attracted to someone. That’s not to say that he’s particularly loose with what he’s got but if you’ll take it? Once hiked to your place in the middle of January with basketball shorts on ‘cause you sent him a “U up?” Text in the middle of the night. Woke up the next morning with a fever but god was that pussy worth it. Fucks like he’s trying to prove something so you’re in remission for the next couple of days afterwards. And then will have the nerve to wanna be the little spoon after the fact. - Tries not to look as elated as he is when you finally tie him down but with the way he turns your insides into mush the night following, you can tell he’s pretty excited to finally call himself your boyfriend.

reblogs are appreciated 💕 ps, tumblr pls suck my balls? 🥺

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splitontendo · 1 year

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HAIKYUU CHARACTER ON TWT!!

(tw) ft: yachi, yamaguchi, miya a, hanamaki, lev, semi, bokuto, kuroo, suna & kita.

#haikyuu #haikyuu crack #hq smau #haikyuu texts #haikyuu smau #hq #hq texts #haikyuu social media au #yachi hitoka #yamaguchi tadashi #atsumu miya #hanamaki takahiro #lev haiba #semi eita #bokuto kotaro #kuroo testuro #suna rintaro #kita shinsuke

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emmyrosee · 2 years

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The first word Atsumu’s little girl says, is a swear word.

It’s not like he was actively trying to get her to swear, honest! If anything, you’d been trying to get her to say either mumma or dadda, jingling toys in her face to encourage her, calling each other such nicknames (the jackals have an absolute field day with it) for her to recognize, but she was not budging. She’d merely giggle or blink confused at the two of you being wildly dramatic in your actions.

And sure, he should’ve been more careful, but it’s all ‘Samu’s fault!

Well. According to Atsumu, anyways.

“You sure you should be walkin’ around with her while you call me?” Osamu asks, his own phone propped on the register while he counts the receipts from the lunch rush. “I’ll be over in a minute anyways, and you’re not the most… agile.”

“Who you callin’ not agile!” Atsumu whines, scrunching his face up as his little girl paws at his cheeks. “Name one time when I wasn’t agile!” When Osamu opens his mouth to speak, Atsumu cuts him off with a quick “don’t answer that” and a small scowl.

“‘Tsumu, if you can spell agile-“

“I don’t get paid to spell, let alone for free, for you.”

“I’m just sayin’ you’re a little clumsy ‘s all,” his brother defends, stapling the receipts all together. “And I’d hate to have to text your wife that you dropped the baby, while tryin’ to tell me you’re not clumsy.”

“I’m so hurt you think so low of me,” Atsumu whines. “I’m just carrying my kid around, what’s the worst-“

Before he can finish his sob story, a loud THWAK! rings out in the room, so loud it even causes Osamu to look up; he slow smirk curls on his lips, and a smug ‘you okay?’ falls unsympathetically, while Atsumu’s face pales, and he sinks his teeth into his lower lip. It wobbles in pain, and his eye twitches to try and hide the tears that well in his waterline, and who the fuck decided to put a coffee table right there anyways-

“FFFFF-UCK!” The blonde screams, eliciting squealy giggles from his daughter, and deep chuckles from his traitor of a brother. “O-oh my God, what the fuck! Jesus Christ, I thought we’d moved this fuckin’ thing!”

His body fills with nausea as he struggles to not burst into tears in front of his brother, his child still laughing with absolutely no remorse or sympathy, that little monster. Slowly, and with a grunt of pain with every step, Atsumu limps over to the couch, setting his child and phone down to cradle his possibly broken toe. Osamu, still wheezing from his laughter, merely rolls his eyes as he listens to his brother struggle, a sigh to further calm himself easing past his lips.

“Jeez, dude, ya stubbed your toe, how bad could it-“

“Shut the fuck up, I feel like I’m going to puke!” Atsumu snarls, panting and groaning in pain. “I think I fuckin’ broke it-“

“Oi, watch your mouth-“

“Oh, what, ya think your niece is finally gonna fuckin’ say her first word, we’ve been trying to get her to fuckin’ say something for the past fuckin’ eight months-“

“Fffahk!” The toddler parrots, with absolute perfect timing. Her tiny eyebrows furrow, as if the word feels strange on her tongue, and if Atsumu thought he was going to puke before, now the bile was actually rushing up his throat. Osamu cackles on the other end, his face red and body squirming as he laughs freely, hands even coming down to smack his leg. This, in turn, causes his niece to pick up Atsumu’s phone and look at her uncle, cooing happily at the sight.

“Oh my god, I needed that today, whew!” He wipes a tear from his eyes as Atsumu slowly brings the phone up to his face, still pale but only now because his child said her first word, and it was so far from the words he’d wanted her to say.

“Oh I’m so divorced-“

“Oh, you so are.”

“Uh… what do I gotta pay you to not tell my wife, your best friend and the love of my life about this?”

“Oh, trust me ‘Tsumu,” osamu begins with a sigh, grabbing his phone to head to the kitchen and make his twin his promised lunch. “There is not a thing you could pay me that could keep me quiet from this.”

“‘Samu please, be merciful, I don’t ask ya for much-“

“Okay, now that’s funny.”

Sure enough, just a minute later, his phone buzzes with a text from you, excitedly asking what your two year old’s first word was.

“OSAMU!”

“Osss…mu!”

“Oh now you start talking.”

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lees-chaotic-brain · 5 days

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Atsumu has a question, and you have no idea why he's asking it

CW: swearing, talk of hypothetical drinking, hypothetical accidental cheating, texting au

Taglist: @arlerts-angel @ponderingmoonlight

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Note: this is my first time writing a smau, so we'll see how this goes. let me know if you want part two!!!! also, please do not pay attention to the time stamps lol. the last one is from atsumu's pov

#lee's brain writes #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smau #atsumu x reader #miya atsumu x reader #texting au #haikyuu crack #atsumu x you

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nejibaby · 1 year

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locker room diaries

Pairing: Miya Atsumu x Fem!Reader

Word count: 0.4k

Description: hinata and bokuto (and sakusa) just had to put their noses in atsumu’s business

Bokuto Kotaro lost a round in a stupid rock, papper, scissors match, and now he’s forced to address the elephant in the room.

“Hey, Tsum-Tsum! T’was a nice practice match a while ago huh?” He asks as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Guess so,” Atsumu grumbles.

Bokuto’s shoulders drop. He’s not really sure if it’s a good idea to even talk to Atsumu right now. He almost gives up, but when he peeks over to the back of the locker room, he finds Hinata giving him a thumbs up while Sakusa tries to act like he isn’t interested in whatever’s brewing up.

So Bokuto tries again. “Did— uh— did something happen? You seem a little… different?”

Atsumu sighs dramatically and slams his locker shut. He presses his forehead to the cold metal.

The thing about Atsumu is when someone pushes him to share whatever’s on his mind — even if it’s just a tiny little shove — he gives in immediately. He runs his mouth to anyone who shows a tiny bit of curiosity or interest in him.

“We had a fight,” he says.

We, he says, which means it involves you, his pretty wife who has the Miya Atsumu wrapped around her dainty finger.

The alarms in Bokuto’s head rings. He realizes he’s not equipped with enough knowledge on how to deal with this. “Oh. Uhm… well—”

“I’m sure it’ll all work out!” Bless the soul of Hinata Shoyo coming up at the moment to say something in his stead.

“Don’t know about that,” Atsumu mumbles.

“Wanna talk about what happened?”

He picks on his nails as a frown pulls on his lips. “I said something dumb. Something along the lines, ‘Is Google male or female?’ or whatever.”

Sakusa snorts, and luckily, it falls on deaf ears.

“But then before she could answer, I told her, ‘F’course Google’s a female, honey, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.’”

The locker room stills and silence ensues, but Atsumu is quick to break it. “But I meant it as a joke!” He whines. “She got mad anyway. And after a few exchanges, my lovely and supportive wife apologized for the first time ever.”

Hinata perks up. “Well, that’s good, right?”

Atsumu pouts and looks at him straight in the eyes. “She said she’s sorry she ever married me.”

Hinata freezes and Bokuto gapes.

But Sakusa, well, Sakusa is unable to stop himself from saying, “Called it.”

And it’s a miracle that this mere line gets Atsumu back to his normal self. “Shut yer mouth, Omi-Omi!”

Sakusa Kiyoomi just shrugs, but thanks to him, Atsumu’s back.

Although now they’re all roped into helping Miya Atsumu make amends with you.

a/n: don’t know why i searched up relationship jokes in the first place but at least it gave birth to this sldjdjkakajs

feedback and reblogs are appreciated!

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taiyou-hibiscus · 5 months

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Hinata : Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Bokuto : They do!

Atsumu : ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

#incorrect quotes #haikyuu #hinata shouyou #miya atsumu #bokuto koutarou #msby black jackal #sakusa kiyoomi #msby atsumu #msby bokuto #msby hinata #crack

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hotvinimon · 6 months

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Atsumu : So, what d'ya think ? Good idea right ?

Osamu : Yeah... Whatever floats your titanic.

Atsumu: But titanic sank.

Osamu: Yeah, just like your IQ when you came up with idea.

#drabble #haikyuu #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu x reader #crack post #crack fic #haikyuu incorrect quotes #atsumu imagines #miya atsumu #miya osamu #osamu x reader #osamu imagine

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simpforanyanimeguywithdarkhair · 2 years

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THIRD TIMES THE CHARM

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#Genre: Fluff

#Includes: Miya Atsumu x Fem Reader ft. Osamu Miya

#Description: Miya Atsumu just can't seem to get you out of his head after first laying eyes on you but asking you out proves to be rather difficult.

#WC: 2.1K

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[17:45]

The hustling and bustling of Ongiri Miya is drowned out by the music flowing through your headphones. You keep your head down and gaze centred on the laptop in front of you, making the final touches to your internship application that you had been spending the past few hours perfecting. You desperately needed and wanted the position you were currently applying for as it would give you the relevant experience while also looking very attractive on a CV for potential employers. Ongiri Miya was your go to study spot – it was the perfect atmosphere to get your work done, a nice welcoming environment that wasn’t too loud or quite (unlike the library that was eerily silent) and you found yourself the most productive there, plus the food was to die for.

The ringing of the door that signals there’s a new customer falls on deaf ears as you go over the words written on the screen that are starting to blur together the longer you stare at them. You double check the email you’re supposed to send the application to and before you can hit send you sense a presence beside you. You briefly glance up and are met with a towering figure who seems to be talking a mile an hour and you can’t tell if the redness creeping up his cheeks is from a lack of air or nervousness. Coming to the realisation (unlike him) that you can’t hear him due to the headphones still firmly planted on your head, you move one cushion aside and catch the end of his sentence “…if that’s okay with ya, totally fine if it isn’t and I mean it! Its totally okay to say no!” he ends his speal with a shy smile.

You both stare at each other in awkward silence for a beat before you open your mouth “I’m so sorry but what were you saying?”. He blinks a few times before proceeding to open his mouth and promptly shut it, rushing out his next words “nothin, sorry to bother ya”, you’re met with the back of his head as he spins on his heels and speed walks out the restaurant. You continue to stare at the space his bleach blond hair used to occupy, and it takes a minute to gather your thoughts, tilting your head in confusion at the whole interaction and worrying over if you offended the strange yet handsome man somehow, you were genuinely curious at what he had to say. You shake your head, dispelling those thoughts, you had enough to worry about and with that you hit send to the email you were previously working on and gathering your belongings to head home.

[17:50] – ATSUMU

The ringing bell signals his presence as he opens the door to the place he’s at more often than his own home. He looks around for his brother that’s absent from the behind the counter and instead of catching sight of him, he sees something much better – you. He can’t seem to drag his eyes off you as he reflexively walks to the counter, his gaze not once straying from your pretty face. He doesn’t think someone’s presence has made his heart stutter and knees wobbly like yours just unconsciously has and he hasn’t even talked to you yet. His brother makes his way from the back, brow raised as he follows his line of sight, smacking him upside the head to get his attention “Its rude to stare ya creep” “I wasn’t starin, I was admirin!” he weakly defends. “Anyway, who’s the girl?” he wastes no time asking, “Ya mean the one ya were droolin over?”, Atsumu doesn’t bother denying that because he might as well have been, “Either way, how should a know, what a can tell ya is that she’s a regular – here every week same time”. He makes sure to store that piece of information for later because he has a feeling he’ll need it. Now that he knows Osamu’s useless and can’t give him any more information, he starts to walk up to you – starting of with a confident stride that slowly turns into hesitant baby steps the closer he gets to you.

Now that’s he’s closer to you, he can make out your pretty lashes that flutter every time your eyes move across the screen and plump lips that your teeth are currently gnawing on. He feels his heart pick up the pace and hands slowly start to sweat and before he can even get your attention his stupid mouth opens, and the words just start spewing. His brain screams at him to stop because he knows you can’t hear him because of your headphones, yet his mouth seems to be on a different wavelength as he continues his word vomit that even he knows makes no sense.

He thinks he could die just there as you glance up at him with confusion displayed on your face and he knows you can see the blush spreading across his face. If his previous rambling didn’t make him want to die, he definitely wants to drop dead now after hearing the words that come from your mouth. However, all of a sudden, his mindless mouth is silent and doesn’t know what to say and his brain just so happens to have shut down and he thinks its probably some fight or flight bullshit and his brain has chosen flight like the coward it is because not a single coherent thought is present. So, he says the only thing that can get him to quickly escape the situation he’s created because he’s 99% sure he can hear his asshole brother cackling in the background and just like his coward brain he chooses flight and briskly walks away before he can see your reaction.

“Idiot, idiot, idiot” he chants under his breath as he walks away, head lowered in shame. Where had the once smooth Atsumu gone, he has never had any trouble talking to girls, throwing sly winks and flirtatious smirks was second nature to him yet stood before you he suddenly turned into a fucking virgin. There’s no way he was living this down (he knows Osamu’s not going to let him forget) but now he knows for sure he has to try to ask you out again, if not for his bruised ego but because you were clearly special if you had him stumbling over his words and doing the walk of shame out of his brothers’ restaurant.

[18:30] – The following week

He had been waiting for over an hour now and you were a no show, your usual spot sat empty, and he was starting to get strange looks. Knees rapidly bouncing and eyes darting to the door every time he heard it jingle but was met with a face that wasn’t yours had disappointment shooting through him and the rational part of his brain was trying to convince him it wasn’t because of him and the situation last week that had you avoiding Ongiri Miya like the plague. He had heard from Osamu a few minutes prior that you hadn’t stepped in since last week, yet he still held onto the sliver of hope that you may pop in today – the same day and time as last week. Yet as the minutes ticked by and people filtered in and out of the doors, you had yet to make an appearance and he felt himself quickly slumping in his chair and thinking he might as well give up, it was a long shot anyway and he doubts you want anything to do with him after that embarrassing display he put on last week.

While the angel on his right shoulder tells him not to give up and tries to convince him that you may have found his bashful confession endearing, the devil on his left shoulder berates him for even thinking that. It convinces him that he’s so self-absorbed to think that he’s even playing on your mind, why would a pretty little thing like you waste even a millisecond thinking about him? You probably wiped his existence from your mind the second he walked out the door. “Can ya leave now, yer scaring away ma customers” his brothers voice comes from behind him. He debates whether to wait a few more minutes just in case but he knows better and he’s starting to feel a little pathetic, so he gives Osamu a solemn nod before picking himself up and dragging himself out the door.

The best thing for him to do now was to just forget about you because he’s uncertain about if he’s ever going to see you again. However, that’s easier said than done because you’ve been playing on his mind the moment he saw you and everyday after that, multiple what if questions infest his mind every day and night and he makes up scenarios of what he would do if he did see you again.

[9:28]

The past few weeks have been hectic with university and your internship application being accepted which resulted in interviews, workshops and getting to know the people who are going to be supervising you. While it was fun it was also extremely nerve wracking as you were going to be working at a big company with some very important athletes that you are going to meet very shortly. You wash your sweaty hands and brush away any fly aways to ensure you look the utmost professional and for some reason your brain thinks it’s the perfect time to draw your attention back to the unexpected encounter you had a few weeks ago at a certain restaurant. The situation had been playing on your mind for a while now and while at first it was confusing and albeit awkward it now brings a smile to your face and has you chuckling. You slowly started to find the unnamed stranger endearing and dare you say…cute. You hadn’t really had the time the process how he looked and what he was saying but after a few recollections of the memory you found yourself smiling at the whole ordeal and your curiosity piqued at what he was asking you about. Unfortunately, you hadn’t had the time to go back to Ongiri Miya with how busy you were, and you were certain he probably wouldn’t have even been there with how quickly he had ran out, you doubt he’d even be able to face you if you saw him again.

Deciding that you looked presentable enough, you walked out of the bathrooms and into the gymnasium where the coach and managers stood and took your place beside them. You anxiously twiddled your thumbs as you waited for the players to emerge from the locker rooms and during this time one of the coaches started to make conversation. You talked about what university you attend and your hopes for the future as the athletes made their way into the gymnasium and you could see them gather together from your peripheral. As you wrapped up your conversation you could sense a pair of eyes on you – not just looking but staring intensely.

You turned to the small crowd gathered in front of you and swept your eyes over them as the coaches introduced you and the plan for today, nothing seemed out of the ordinary until your eyes flickered back to a familiar mop of blond hair and a pair of brown eyes stared back at you in shock. You were sure you sported the same expression as you took in the MSBY uniform the cute stranger adorned and quickly shook yourself out of those thoughts as you shot the rest of the team a friendly smile. After the coaches finished their speech, the players started to disperse yet one made their way towards you with a soft smile.

“Hi, I’m Miya Atsumu, I never got to introduce myself before” he shyly chuckles out and once again there’s a rosy tint to his cheeks. “Miya? As in…” “Ahaha yeah, ma brother owns it” you stare at him in shock for a few seconds “I’m such an idiot, no wonder you looked familiar” “if anyone’s an idiot it would be me” he cringes in embarrassment, and you can feel yourself smile at the sight. “Well why don’t we start again, I’m L/N F/N nice to officially meet you” you hold your hand out and he wastes no time in softly grasping it and shaking it. You find yourself missing the comforting warmth of his calloused hand as he takes it away and you both just stare at each other in silence for a few seconds before he coughs out “I was asking ya out” “huh?” “That day ya know, I was asking ya out on a date” he mumbles, and it takes all your effort to bite back a cheesy grin because he really was too cute for his own good, “Well then Miya Atsumu, I think you owe me a date”

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