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teamatsumu · 4 months

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was i meant to love you? (part two)

pairing: miya osamu x reader

summary: the kanji on your arm says miya atsumu’s name, but every fiber of your being is in love with his twin brother.

word count: 3314

warnings: fem!reader, soulmate au, friends to lovers, some non canon events, swearing, angst if you squint, atsumu x reader, cheating trope (you have been warned), suggestive sexual content but nothing explicit

taglist: @hadukada @utopiamiroh @angstylittleb1tch @sassycheesecake

previous part // series masterlist

The thud of volleyballs and squeaking of shoes was quickly dissipating as members of the Inarizaki Boys’ Volleyball Team slowly cleared out of the gym. Everyone had done their share of cleaning, but your captain, Kita Shinsuke, was meticulous as ever, making sure the wet mops were clean so they didn’t stink up the storage room and all the balls were accounted for. As usual, he insisted you head out, saying it was already very late and he wasn’t comfortable with the idea of you still being out of the house at this time and in this weather.

The cold air stung you when you stepped out, choosing to forego changing back into your school uniform and instead walking home in your volleyball team tracksuit. Your wool scarf did plenty to warm you up, but it couldn’t substitute for the heat of your blankets or bed, so you hurriedly trudged on.

Your phone buzzed in your jacket pocket.

Samu: where are u? walk home together?

You frowned and sighed at the message. Osamu offering to walk you home meant Atumu would be there too. And you really didn’t want to be around him, not after your newly realized feelings. Or lack thereof, actually. You weren’t in the mood to once again be confronted by the fact that your soulmate didn’t make your heart burst with love like he should.

Your phone buzzed again, shaking you from your thoughts.

Samu: ur not at the gym?? its just kita here

You scowled, slowing to a stop. Where the hell was Osamu? You tapped on the little receiver icon, lifting the phone to your ear. Once the line connected, you heard his breaths on the other end.

“Why are you at the gym? You should’ve been home twenty minutes ago.” You asked, shivering. The twins had left after practice, knowing you often stayed late to tie up loose ends.

“I sat down at the store around the corner for a bit. I came back to check if ya were done. Where are ya?”

Before you could answer, heavy footsteps sounded behind you, making you cut the line when Osamu entered your field of vision. You felt your lips tug up, waving at him as he hung up and reached you, shoulders hunched to protect his neck from the cold.

“You’re gonna get sick.” You frowned as you watched him.

“Hello to you too.” He rolled his eyes and childishly stuck out his tongue, both of you falling in step as you trekked the way back to your neighborhood.

The walk was relatively silent, with Osamu offering you a packet of jelly beans. You popped one in your mouth, trying to rid yourself of the relief you felt when you saw that Atsumu wasn’t with him. It wasn’t something you were proud of, avoiding your own soulmate, but it helped that Atsumu was so focused on volleyball most days that he didn’t really care either.

You wondered if you should tell Osamu about it, but dismissed the thought quickly. Osamu didn’t even have a soulmate. If you complained about your own soulmate problems, it would make you feel like a monster.

Maybe you were a monster. An ungrateful one at that.

“Where’s Tsumu?” You asked, biting the inside of your cheek. Your guilt had spurred your question, and all it did was double the horrible feeling inside you.

Osamu shrugged. “He didn’t wanna wait at the store. Somethin’ about wanting to pee real bad.”

“Charming.” You deadpanned, before frowning at the boy next to you. “Wait, you were waiting? What for? Me to be done?”

Osamu only nodded, focused a little too much on his jelly beans. Your scowled deepened as did your confusion.

“Why?”

Osamu shrugged, still avoiding your eyes. “It’s colder than usual. And with the wind blowing like this, it might rain or storm. What if ya got stuck in it?”

Your heart skipped, mouth going dry as words failed you. You watched Osamu’s profile, the way his gray hair fell over his forehead, some strands catching his eyelids. His profile was all straight lines, the jut of his jaw prominent as he chewed.

“Samu…”

Unexpectedly, tears were pricking at your eyes. You choked out a surprised sob, your feet stopping as months worth of suppressed emotions overwhelmed you.

“What the-” Osamu’s wide eyes snapped towards you, crushing the empty snack wrapper and shoving it into his backpack before he turned to you. “Why are ya cryin’? What did I say?”

You shook your head a bit harder than necessary, trying to convey that no part of your fucked up, guilt ridden, fearful brain was caused by him. You waved your hands a bit, trying to say anything at all that wasn’t pathetic crying noises. Osamu softened a bit.

“Is this about Tsumu?” His voice was more muted now, and you almost didn’t hear it over the sound of the wind whooshing in your ears. You stared at him with wide eyes. Did…. he know?

Osamu gave you a sad smile and a shrug. “It’s pretty obvious. Yer avoidin’ him. Didja guys get in a fight?”

You shook your head, looking closely at Osamu. His face was blank, but open. He stared right back, and his eyes were so calm that it stopped your own flowing tears. Something in your mind was made up.

“Samu, can I confess something to you?”

He gave you an encouraging little smile. “Always.”

That did it. Your rant started there, on the sidewalk outside a closed down bookstore, and ended at your house, on your bed, both of you out of your outdoor wear and with steaming hot cocoa mugs between the two of you. Osamu had not only listened, but he had guided you all the way home while you lost yourself in your words. And he made you a hot beverage along the way too.

Silence stretched over you both when you finished, staring down at the mug before you. Your cheeks were warm, half from how heated you got as you spilled your heart out and half from being out of the stormy weather. Osamu had been smart to return to your house instead of his, so you could talk without fear of Atsumu listening. You stared at him when you finished, but when he didn’t say anything, you tacked on one more sentence.

“I don’t know what to do.”

The cry for help was clear in your voice, and it made him look up at you.

“I…. don’t know that either.” He confessed. “I wish I could tell you.”

He shuffled a bit closer to you, directly in front of you, and gave you the softest smile. Your heart skipped again, that same funny feeling you got when he told you he waited for you. And you felt, once more, the urge to hug him tight.

“I don’t….. really know how this soulmate thing goes.” He muttered, and you listened with bated breath. For the first time ever, Osamu was talking about his own lack of soulmate. “But I do know one thing. You and Tsumu have known each other forever. Whatever this thing is, it will pass. And the universe put ya two together, of course yer meant ta be. Don’t worry yer little head about it, okay?”

You felt your heart settle as you looked into Osamu’s eyes. So calm, so unlike your muddled thoughts. But his words inspired little comfort, but in his close proximity, you ignored it entirely. Your cheeks heated up, and you felt the urge to close the gap between you two even more. So you did.

Osamu wrapped you up in his arms when you pressed closer to him, not hesitating in hugging you tight. You felt your heart race faster, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. If anything, it made your nerves quietly buzz, a soft thrumming that felt so nice you nearly cried.

You didn’t even realize when you fell asleep, too exhausted from having spilled your whole heart out. So you definitely didn’t notice the wet sheen in Osamu’s eyes, or how he rapidly blinked his tears away to make sure they didn’t fall on you, his hold on your body gently tightening.

………………

Something changed after that night. Somehow, Osamu being the only one who knew your shameful secret brought you even closer together. While you didn’t talk about it again, Osamu subtly encouraged you to get closer to Atsumu, to spend more time with him and “mend” your failing relationship. To Atsumu’s credit, you two did end up spending an awesome night out together, which could technically be classified as a date but felt more like hanging out with your best friend. You giggled and laughed with him all night, like you used to, and some of the fear in your head melted away. Maybe Osamu was right. Maybe everything would be okay.

When Atsumu kissed you goodnight at your front door, you didn’t feel anything. But you weren’t worried. This would fix itself too. Just as everything else had fixed itself.

You entered your third year of high school with your boyfriend and best friend by your side, ready to crush senior year and then move onto adult life. Atsumu went to Youth Camp again, now being seriously looked at as a candidate for the pro leagues. You were ecstatic for him, and you trusted completely that he would crush it. Osamu was looking into culinary school, and you were looking into university as well in your own preferred field.

Graduation was an emotional affair, especially with the realization that you were splitting up from the Twins soon. You had been accepted into a university in Tokyo, while Osamu was staying in Hyogo. Atsumu was already trying out for the V League, and it had him bouncing from place to place.

Your mother was vehemently against you and Atsumu not staying together, which annoyed you. The idea of staying glued to his ass was not appealing. You wanted to carve your own path. It was only when you convinced your mother that Atsumu’s endless traveling would have him in Tokyo quite often did she feel satisfied enough, and so life as an adult began filled with a promise for new adventures.

It was away at university that you first experienced just how much you depended on the Twins. Especially Osamu.

Emotionally, Osamu had been your rock. He was always the one you went to with every rant, every problem, every worry. While Atsumu was helpful at times too, he was more of a talker than a listener. But Osamu always gave you his full attention. He would sit and listen to you for hours if you asked, chiming in at all the right places and really making you feel heard. When you started life at a new place, you were hit with the nasty, all encompassing feeling of missing him down to your very bones.

You texted him, you video called, you watched as the gray dye slowly faded from his hair, leaving him with his natural dark brown. He talked to you about culinary school, excited to share what new dish or flavor he had learned or created, and you watched as his face fleshed out more, losing almost all his remaining childhood fat and leaving him looking older. You supposed you changed in the same way, but Osamu never commented on it. He always talked to you the same, like you had never left.

You missed him terribly.

Your university friends were overly in awe that your soulmate was a pro volleyball player, and often thought you were on the phone with him when it was actually Osamu. It did hit you with a pang of guilt slightly, because while you also talked to Atsumu daily, it was never very long drawn out like it was with Osamu. You knew everything going on in his life, but you weren’t invested like you were in Osamu’s life.

And that little skip of your heartbeat never went away. In fact, it became more frequent. Whenever Osamu’s voice would first ring through your phone, your heart would jump, and your smile was automatic. His laugh would make you grin, and talking to him settled your nerves in a way no other person could.

It didn’t surprise you when a certain worry started sitting in your chest. A gnawing voice, low pitched but annoying, muttering in your head about how this was wrong, you should be feeling this way for your soulmate and not his fucking twin brother. You weren’t dense. You knew what a crush was. And you knew that these feelings were definitely indicating a crush. But you dismissed it as just Osamu being Atsumu’s twin. They were identical looking. So it was natural for you to like Osamu because he was so closely reminding you of your soulmate.

You tried to ignore the fact that your actual soulmate never made you feel this way.

Atsumu visited you often, maybe one weekend every month, which he would spend in your apartment. Your roommates would wiggle their eyebrows and make lewd, suggestive comments, saying something about how they should clear out for the weekend since you two would be getting loud and rowdy. It made you flush furiously, but you couldn’t exactly tell them nothing would happen.

You and Atsumu had yet to go all the way. The most you did was a makeout session that felt cold and distant. It was worrisome, it was a huge concern, but it was something neither of you talked about. You were comfortable with Atsumu. You would pig out on junk food, talk shit about old high school folks you both knew, he would whine about his teammates and you would fill him up on your share of university gossip, and then you two would fall asleep cuddled under your blankets. It was comforting, a slice of home, and so what if the thought of sex with Atsumu made you kind of uncomfortable and grossed out? It would pass. You were still young.

But then you would feel the butterflies burst to life in your stomach when Osamu called, you would watch his eyes through your phone screen, how every passing month made him look more like a man and less like a boy. His dark eyes, just as calm as they were when you were kids, but now….. sultrier. More dreamy. Sometimes he would send you a morning selfie, still in bed, just above the neck but you could tell he was shirtless, and you would imagine waking up like that, with his shirtless body next to you. And you would wonder what his skin would feel like under your fingertips.

This was bad. This was so, so bad. But you couldn’t control it. All you could do was deny the existence of these feelings. Waking up every morning and convincing yourself that the man in your dreams was not him, but Atsumu. Though you knew. Deep down, you knew.

You didn’t go back to Hyogo after your first year. Your parents had traveled down to Tokyo and you spent a wonderful two weeks with them before the new term started, and while Osamu groaned and complained about how bad he wanted to see you, you were relieved. You couldn’t see him, not when your head was messed up with thoughts of him. Thoughts you should never, ever have. You wondered, now very often, what you would do if you saw him in your current state. How badly you would want to kiss him.

No. God. No.

Once Atsumu became a starter for the MSBY Black Jackals, he and Osamu decided to get an apartment together in Osaka, the team’s hometown. Osamu had freshly graduated, while you still had one year left. And as per her nature, your mother started hounding you to complete your final year in Osaka. She wanted you to move in with the Twins, and for the first time in a long time, you were on board with one of her wishes.

You had missed them both so much. And you yearned for the time you spent every single day with them. The thought of sharing a living space with them was extremely exciting, so when you ironed out the details of your university transfer, you were on the first train to Osaka.

Halfway through your ride, Atsumu texted that he couldn’t make it to the station (since your train had been delayed and he had an event for later that night), and you tried to digest the implication of his untimely absence.

Osamu would be picking you up.

You felt anxiety creep up on you at the thought, fiddling with your hands and biting severely at your bottom lip. Shockingly, you had not seen Osamu since graduation. Your parents had moved to Tokyo after your first term, since nothing was holding them in Hyogo anymore, so you spent your breaks with them. And between Osamu opening his own Onigiri Place and working on his uni courses, he never got the time to come down and visit you.

Fresh in your twenties, you were a different person now. Tokyo had truly changed you, given you new experiences, new friends, new opportunities. For a brief second, you worried how your reunion with Osamu would go. You two had talked nearly every day for three years, but surely seeing him in person would be different, right?

You were right.

You found him standing next to a pillar in the crowded station, trying to stay out of everybody’s way. It wasn’t hard to spot him, since he was so tall. He had grown, which was a given. You should’ve known, because Atsumu had grown too. But you didn’t expect it. And you also didn’t expect him to have…. bulked up so much.

You knew he hadn’t really played volleyball after high school, so he had decided to start going to a gym instead. Your mouth went dry as you saw the results of it now. Osamu was wearing a tight compression shirt that hugged him in all the right places, broad shoulders, bulging biceps, down to his slim waist. His hair, now dark, looked softer than ever before, and you felt the urge to feel it between your fingers. His focus was on his phone screen, so he didn’t notice your distant gawking. God, he was…. a specimen. Was he always like this? Had you never noticed?

You felt your knees wobble like a baby deer as you walked closer to him, watching as he finally looked up and his eyes met yours. Something zipped through you like hot current, and you felt your ears buzz.

“Hi.” You sounded breathless.

“Hey.” He replied, and you saw, in real time, his eyes run over you from head to toe, before quickly snapping back up to your face. You saw his ears warm at the thought of you catching him as he looked you over, and you felt something liquid hot churn in your stomach.

When you hugged him, you experienced the true change in his strength. His arms were steady, torso firm but warm, and he smelled so good. You shivered when you felt his face find home in the crook of your neck, and you feared he would feel your heart as it jumped around frantically in your chest, trying to beat out of your ribcage.

He pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, and you were met up close with the wonderful, calm slate gray. You watched as his lips tilted up at the corners, as his cheeks twitched with that same, lazy smile.

“Missed ya.” He whispered.

“I-” Your eyes flickered, and you finally gave into your overwhelming urge, leaning forward only a few inches so your lips pressed firmly against his.

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