#mlergh

[sleeplessvalley]

god I'm letting someone else front after I'm done typing this, I just need to express it or I'm going to pop like a balloon

like fucking

I have early memories scattered everywhere

in 1st grade where a kid insulted my shirt (and I still hold the grudge for some reason)

the time when we were making a little neighborhood with milk cartons on the floor in 1st grade and I knocked a little toy car into it; nothing even happened to the carton houses but I got yelled at for it. other people had knocked things off their tables into it and were only told gently to go in and pick it up

the many, many, MANY times my writing stuff would go missing from my desk, from 1st grade to 5th, and if it happened to anyone else it was always to the other 'weird' kids

1st grade, we were doing the 'who took the cookies from the cookie jar' with the whole class and the teacher just skipped over me

1st grade, a couple of kids would run away from me whenever I tried to play with them. naturally I chased them because I wanted to talk to them and shit, but they wouldn't even give me the chance to talk and I do remember them both calling me names

how MY ENTIRE CLASS aside from one girl (who moved to oregon before the next schoolyear started) in 2nd grade thought I was weird and I knew, just knew, that people were avoiding me the whole year. when she moved I also had only one friend until 4th grade.

3rd grade. in its entirety. was awful. my teacher then was strict but she hated me in particular, made me feel awful for not knowing how to read a clock of all things because nobody told me how, and having difficulty with a research project on leaves (such a long story), various classmates humiliated me and my wax museum project, the nurse would get upset with me for not taking my asthma medication. there's so much stuff that happened in this year alone and I don't remember all of it, but I remember a lot of tears both at school and at home because my mom would get angry with me.

I also remember in 2nd and 3rd grade I was put into some little program during school that I thought everyone went to and only just recently realized it was for problem kids, what with all the board and card games on being a good kid and being nice to others and stuff. this continued until 5th grade, and then in 6th until I graduated highschool I was switched over to the school therapists

a girl in 4th grade telling me she was a better girlfriend than I was in regards to a kid we were both friends with. I wasn't interested in him and told her we were just friends, she insisted I was and this quite literally led to her and her friend group bullying me from 4th grade through to 11th (it would've been until my last day of highschool but covid hit us in march of 11th grade, which is. something I shouldn't have to be thankful towards a virus for)

one boy in my 4th grade class just yelling at me that I was weird and that I should leave him and others alone

as mentioned prior, from partway through 2nd grade until 4th grade, I had one friend. a group of girls invited me to sit with them for lunch one day near the start of the year and I thought finally, this is it, these are going to be my friends, they seem to like me. this is a surprise tool that will help us later.

various other things in this year that I also don't remember. sums up to more tears at school and at home.

by fucking 5th grade. 5th grade. I was saying that I wanted to kill myself and seeing an OUTSIDE therapist for that

5th grade is also the year when everything started going downhill. near daily I'd get yelled at by my teacher, or my mom, or the afterschool people, for forgetting something in my classroom. usually a piece of homework. only here did my mom really start noticing all the problems I was having, and she thought it was a goddamn developmental thing that could be fixed? so she took me to a neurologist and that's how I got my ADHD diagnosis. I remember none of it but she tells me the story. of how she went with me, the doctors said that, and her response. which is and I shit you not "how can that be, my kid has been fine and suddenly it's a complete 180 compared to before". never got support for that. still haven't, probably never going to.

I'm not even getting into everything that came after in detail. all that's important is that in the middle of 2016 I was put on an anxiety medication, it completely fucked me over and made me depressed, shortly after 8th grade started I lost everyone who even tolerated me at the time, and I wanted to commit suicide so badly that it resulted in the only time I've ever tried to harm myself. got suspended from school and sent to a mental hospital, then was playing catch-up for a month.

all that.

all that, and I sit here going 'I don't have very bad trauma. there was one incident in 2016, but nothing more than that' while continually thinking all my abnormal responses to things now are normal.

and I sit here having gone 'but how could I have OSDD. how could I have ASPD. it doesn't make sense, I've had a pretty normal time' in the past.

#daitex.t #mlergh #safety pins for imperfections #suicide mention #kids are... really good communicators. and I say this because I've worked at summer camps before #if not one but SEVERAL kids come up to me and say 'I don't want to play with [x] for [reason]' #then either there's a behavior that needs to stop. or the kid in question is wired differently. #and in cases of the latter it tends to be worse #god. I just. I haven't had trauma as bad as some others with DID/OSDD do #but I absolutely have trauma! #like wow. I wonder why there's a system member from when I was seven/eight and in third grade. this is a complete mystery.

[snxpdragons]

Going to work the day after you've had an emotionally exhausting night should be illegal

#i have to work ten hours bro give me a break !!! i was going through emotional turmoil!!!!! #also yesterday just sucked so bad in general #but mlergh whatever its fine. its fine. (sigh) #txt.exe

[rachelillustrates]

Thank Gnome it’s Friday!!

AND for Fanart Friday bonus, more Pike and Scanlan of “Critical Role” again, drawn for fun at the end of my birthday celebrations last month.

I want to ship them SO BAD. As I mentioned before, I played Gnome Clerics and Gnome Bards almost *exclusively* back when I was actively playing the game, so I have a soft spot for them both as a result, and thusly believe their love could be SO lovely (…..I know that reasoning is flimsy, shush. It’s a compulsion). But I wish, SO much, that Scanlan would fight harder for Pike if he really loves her and wants to be with her. Thus, the above – though I acknowledge that he couldn’t really ask her to stay since Pike’s leaving is always dependant on her player having to leave for work.

BUT STILL, story-wise.

Mlergh.

Again, though I have heard whispers of what happens between them, we are not caught up – episode 38 as of this writing – so no spoilers please!!

~

Bonus art and stories ~ Prints, comics and more!

#critical role #thank gnome its friday #thank gnome it's friday #gnomes #pike trickfoot #scanlan shorthalt #pikelan #critical role fanart #dungeons and dragons #dnd #ooh shiny #fae #faerie #fanart #fanart friday

[ferahntics]

Probably no Meta Knight bday drawing cause I am not getting any ideas and I’m a little ‘mlergh’ with drawing rn so apologies :’D

#might do something but it will be very late kjdhfg #and i dont wanna force something out when im not feeling it #i'll get back to posting drawings soon just sulking atm cause Work

[isabela-mad-rigal]

AU where Bruno can see into the past as well as the future, and whenever he looks into someone’s past his eyes glow in a warm pink colour instead of jade green, as warm pink is the inverted colour of jade green. Just like the past is the opposite of the future.

#not me thinking out loud on tumblr dot comblr haha #I was inspired to make this post after reading a fanfic where he could see into the past as well #but his eyes didn't change colour when seeing the past #they were still described as 'his eyes went green' or something #mlergh #encanto #bruno madrigal #bruno

[icypantherwrites]

Bruh. Don't you think you're being a little too hard on yourself? Are you okay?? I mean, rewriting 27 chapters. Holy fuckshit. Are you well rested at least? Stay well man.

Does six hours in 48 hours count?  I’m a terrible role model for healthy sleep cycles. Do not copy me xD

Ah, in my defense I never meant to go quite so far. The goal was to just rewrite a little bit, fix up some characters (cough, mainly Keith and Lance) to where I didn’t cringe at some of their dialogue and call it. But the plot for the rescue and Haggar’s reasons to keep Lance (his quintessence) were very convoluted and messy and so once I “fixed” one thing there to have it make more sense I had to fix the next and so and and so on. My snowball turned into an avalanche.

A fucking huge avalanche.

That and one of my biggest (I think at least) qualities as a writer is my emotion and I felt that in a lot of the early chapters (apparently the first 27, which gets us through the rescue) were flat for me. I was spending a lot of time on advancing the plot (and making it messy too, see above xD) and some of the characters suffered, Allura and Pidge in particular I feel after the huge disservice I did to Keith. Sorry Keef. You’re better now ♥ 

(dios this is getting long, sorry) I also realized that since I grew as a writer in the later chapters the recovery and healing portions dedicated to Lance’s suffering where greater in response than honestly to what he went through (at least it felt like that to me), his reaction to Haggar in particular. So I really wanted to flush out all of those moving parts; the torture, the drowning, the possessiveness, the guilt and really use those to instead break Lance by the end and make him believe he was weak, rather than he going in at the start already so, so down on himself which is not true to his core character. It’s fine for him to compare himself and think compared to the others he is the weakest link on the team, but he’s not an abject failure and he needs to get broken down and manipulated into that point of view more than I showed.

So tldr; yes, needed at least 27 chapters and I’m definitely going to be dabbling into more (particularly to ones that were in relation to bigger changes, i.e. Shiro and Keith’s relationship, operation quintessence leech, etc.). I’ve added about 22k worth of words to the fic at this point during the rewrite so you know it’s changed up quite a bit xD I am currently knee deep in 27 and hope to finish it this weekend (I’ve got plans today during my free time so no writing for me) and dabble into a few of the other sections I know of and then revisit still earlier chapters and see what else might need a little padding. But hopefully almost there?

I pray so xD If you re-read and a particular passage catches your eye please do drop a comment on the fic; I’d love that sort of feedback ♥

#icyanswers #As Color Fades Away #rewrite #writing #fanfiction #improvement #shoot me #with a tranquilizer #i want to sleep so bad #but my body hates me and sleep #except when it can't sleep so I'm going to be miserable company tonight #Mlergh #Seriously though if you reread the fic please leave a comment on the revised chapters #it would make my day #leave one too on chapter 80 please xD #maybe see some more of you there

[thetimecrystal]

:3c 🍀

Mutuals send me “♧“ and I’ll do this!

You’re my: friend!!! How I met you: through the rammstein and o//omph! fandom, and we just started talking? (this is quite a bit ago, my memory is not good enough for this) Why I follow you: great art, similar-ish fandoms sometime ago and just yaknow? cool! Your blog is: great! Your URL is: lovely Your icon is: nice A random fact I know about you: you're vegan and also bad at facts...? this is not a roast do not worry General opinion: you're just real cool!!!! A random thought I have: should i watch john wick?

#i am so sorry these random facts are throwing me off #i have such a bad time just being like MLERGH fact #like i just cannot be like your vibe is xyz which is how i remember most people #mica speak #asks #chachamaru-chan

[tr-u-ce]

Why are brown eyes so pretty :(

#Lu and Ben and josh all have the prettiest brown eyes #And im just sorta like #mlergh #And lucy has amazing green eyes like they're so clear and gorgeous #And im still like mlergh #:( #But srsly brown eyes are like my biggest weakness I love them so much I hate you all #Also luke has really nice long eyelashes so I'm even more pissed

[fatherlyfrog]

Well if you're on a mission that's diffwreng!!! (Alreqdy in bed)(pitiful) go fuck em up but come to bed after okay sweetie <3

mlergh mlergh okok..............love you

[sleeplessvalley]

actually, no. get the fuck out and stay out if you have a problem with me posting about anything I like that's harmless. if that issue is entirely your own as well: I don't want to see you again <3

(dw about my ranting in the tags if you can see this lmao, this isn't about anyone that can see it. just! angry)

#daitex.t #mlergh #safety pins for imperfections #like I said in that other post I'm done putting up with it lmao #I am posting about two guys from pokemon who like trains. they run a subway. that's it. I like them a lot and think they're neat #plus the stuff from legends arceus gives lots of room for more content about the two (/three if you count elesa) #will say it again: don't shit on other people's interests where they can see #I literally don't give a fuck if you have negative opinions about something I like. just DON'T SAY IT TO ME OR WHERE I CAN SEE #IT'S COMMON FUCKING SENSE TO KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF #aUGH I'M REALLY MAD OVER THIS STILL #grumbling sounds. et cetera.

[shapa-likes-art]

25

25- draw a piece!

Mlergh

#oh hey look its cha #ask #theatre-geek #ask game

[surohsopsisofclouds]

Me: *pokes at Moon to see if hey want the front*

Moon: "Mlergh..."

Me: "Ok, I guess not then."

#suroh rambles #luke talks #heir not even close to being awake and its 2pm #*shakes head*

[rachelillustrates]

Hello dear followers, but particularly #tockthegnome readers - as many of you might be experiencing, my state (among many others) is basically on lockdown to help prevent the spread of COVID-19. Which means that non-essential businesses have been temporarily closed until further notice. Which means that my printer is currently closed too. Which means no print copies of issue 3 until they open back up. 💫🌼 So 🌼💫 Issue 3 will still release on schedule, just digitally for now on my #etsyshop . It will also be available complimentary for all my patrons on Patreon, no matter what pledge level, so don’t forget to sign up there for that and for many other bonuses (including #worldbuildingwednesday and #wip shots of each new page)! As I’ve said before, bonuses and page progress will continue as usual in the face of everything that’s going on too 🖤 I hope you’re all staying as safe and sane as possible, and no matter what, may we all keep creating as best we can 💗💚💗 Thanks, always always, for reading and for your support! #announcement #printcomics #comics #gnome #gnomeswoman #gnomes #orcs #adventure #fairytale #truelove #indiecomics #queercomics #traditionalcomics #fantasycomics #etsy #etsyseller #patreon #patreonbonus ~~~ Image description: a hatless Gnome woman sits half slumped at a table with a cup of tea pulled close to her, her right hand on the rim of the cup as it sits on the table surface. Her left hand props her head up. Her cheek is smooshed into that hand, and she looks intensely dissatisfied with begrudging acceptance. A small speech bubble over her right shoulder says "Mlergh." Her long hair is messily braided and draped over her right shoulder, while the steam of the tea pours upward almost into her face. https://www.instagram.com/p/B-Iu0wqDgx0/?igshid=1i9g87u0z6vmc

#tockthegnome #etsyshop #worldbuildingwednesday #wip #announcement #printcomics #comics #gnome #gnomeswoman #gnomes #orcs #adventure #fairytale #truelove #indiecomics #queercomics #traditionalcomics #fantasycomics #etsy #etsyseller #patreon #patreonbonus

[just-one-of-those-doodles-blog]

Don't smoke, fools.

#don't smoke #colorful #cigarette #smoke #watercolor #art #mlergh #whateves #practicemakesperfect #practicemakesperfectbutittakestoodamnlong

[hungry-and-stressed]

Avengers Endgame? More like Avengers will End my life mlergh

#spiderman #tom holland #iron man #tony stark #iron dad #spider son #avengersendgame #avengers4 #avengers endgame #peter parker #robert downey jr

[icypantherwrites]

Hey Icy! If it’s not a problem, could you give me some advice? I want to ask an author how they are doing on a commission that I’ve paid for. This person had some problems in their life that postponed the commission and I told them I would wait (it really is no problem at all!), but... I requested it back in June. And I’ve checked up on that person, but it’s been 20 days of radio silence since then... I really don’t want to seem rude, but I’m kind of scared they might have forgotten about me?

Hmmm, it’s hard to give advice on this as every author is different, but it sounds like the two of you were in contact at one point twenty-ish days ago as I’m assuming they responded to your first inquiry and you then followed up that you were okay with waiting? This is just me rambling at my own personal ideas on how to go about this.

Radio silence is definitely frustrating. I know I went a bit dark for the past week but whenever I do go off, even for a few days, if someone was waiting on something from me (commissioner, for example) I do communicate my absence as best I can. Assuming they are actually radio dark (no updates, no posts, no activity) then I would not take the quiet personally; some people when they disconnect disconnect all the way. 

If you are concerned about your commission ever being done you could always try reaching out and requesting a refund and state you will re-pay when they are back and active again; I personally would be fine with such a course as if you pay for a service then it should be returned or communicated in a timely manner.  If you don’t hear from them then you could open up a paypal dispute (if you paid that way; i’m uncertain how it works via ko-fi or venmo and other transaction methods) to have your funds returned.

I always like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I know a lot of stuff can happen in the world and sometimes the “I’ll get back to you this weekend” can morph into two weeks later or sometimes later still. It’s aggravating to be sure, especially to be the one waiting with no correspondence, but if the author told you that they were having some personal issues and needed to step back for a bit I would be the one saying take all the time you need and I’m not here to be a stressor. 

There’s nothing wrong with reaching out either with just a check in of “thinking about you, hope all is going well” and inquiring about them rather than your commission; people first, always (in my book). Hopefully they will respond and you can open a dialogue then about your commission. 

I have no idea if that was helpful, sorry, you get the sleep deprived exhausted ramblings of an author who has been acting as a dispatcher (when she is not one xD) for almost the entire night and all I can think of are ten codes and file numbers. Mlergh. But fingers crossed everything works out!

#icyanswers