#mmm yes i like stuff like this

[skull-turtle]

for the LAST TIME, what does "having a crush" even mean

#im so confused #i think i might have a crush #but maybe i just want to be their friend?? #but they make me feel giddy in a way none of my friends do #BUT i wouldn't really mind if they never saw me in a romantic light as long as I get to be close with them #BUT I DO LIKE THE IDEA OF DOING “DATE' STUFF WITH THEM #but i couldn't care less if that doesn't happen #i don't even really want to do anything to make that happen #but if they asked me out I'd say yes immediately #this is something i wouldn't do for my other friend so does this mean this is a crush??? #help #aroace #aromantic #arospec #qpr #mmm crunchy #lgbtqia

[bluepallilworld]

Smthn that I noticed alot on ur art is having a dark background with a very bright accent color (which look amazing btw) dunno if this will be helpful or not lol

@dragon-tamer-1

Thanks for the sweet words and reviews! ❤️❤️❤️

Now after many thoughts, here's the result:

#ask #art challenge #evil art style #lil moon #drag' #!¡ anon #...LJ I can't change my nationality silly #me doing artz #I love people telling me what they noticed I usually do artstyle-wise because there's always at least one thing I just never noticed myself #:D #well there are several things this time that are so very interesting #like the body proportions comment #I do always end up squishing a bit the proportions because yes cuter and it feels weird to do more realistic ones #like the background choice and bright accent color part #I always have such a hard time choosing a background color XD #I try so many colors before settling on one I might choose more often darkish backgrounds because it looks better with light colored bones #mmm I do draw often skelies or just pretty light themed ocs #I should add some darks to my team XD #the bright accent color? I didn't notice I just like colors ✨ And I'm absolutely enamored with glowing sparkling etc stuff so bright #the shading comment is fascinating to me prime good info I dunno how I want to shade Cell shading? It's so easy to mess it??? Rendering? Ho #does one do that properly??? Now I kinda stopped worrying and just shade like whatever pffft XDc so I like hearing how it translates from #your side ;D #I'm saving all the compliments in my special file btw #I'm very proud my drawings get percieved as soft and joyful that is absolutly a vibe I can bear with ;3 #also #a tear's soul #is the name of a project I'm still in the brainstorm phase #I did not intend to name drop that soon but I thought it fitted well the challenge #(‾◡◝)

[presiding]

What is your favourite thing about Billie Lurk?

(Answers are obvious possibly but i love when people talk about her👍)

thanks for the ask!! YEAH ME TOO I love when people talk about Billie! I can't say I have a favourite thing specifically, but I can explain why she's my fav. apologies for not taking this qn literally, but -

short answer: she’s really cool

& you can stop reading there, or, for the maybe 2 mutuals who might have time to read this my thoughts on her as a character, her meta, and her character as raw potential...

long answer:

i considered making this entire thing a gush so you could read a gush about Billie. but, part of what draws me to her is that she’s not always well written, and in fandom she’s underrated for a literal protagonist.

since you ask...

billie is a cool character

when I played Dh2 (hadn't played Dh1), I was excited to see a black woman with disabilities who was captaining a massive ship by herself. wow.

then I discovered Billie’s backstory with Deirdre, the way she responded to that, then having to survive while living on the run, and her bisexuality. as well as her history with daud & delilah. fascinating!

she’s an outsider who has so much to lose, and knows what it's like to lose everything - having lost everything not once but three times - but nevertheless speaks truth to power. she's so brave! she went and helped Emily & Corvo and she must have known they might kill her! plus, she’s smart, she’s funny, she gets shit done, she’s gorgeous.

but... the meta

mild critique of fandom & arkane incoming.

skip this bit if you want - you've been warned twice now - jump to tired Hayao Miyazaki and read from there if you'd like my thoughts on writing her.

i thought Death of the Outsider was going to be amazing and then... well. *sad trombone* i've written about that before so i won't keep banging on. i figured others must be disappointed too, so I joined a few fandom spaces in hopes of finding camaraderie.

most people with complaints about DotO didn’t like how the Outsider and Daud were handled. which is valid & I agree. but it seemed like most paid no attention to Billie; when people talk about her it’s with respect to Daud, as opposed to in her own right. you could argue for fandom misogyny because people don’t talk about adult Emily Kaldwin that much either, but in Billie's case, it’s misogynoir (compare & contrast with the popularity of thomas, particularly the popularity of thomas portrayed as a white man for no particular reason that i've been able to discern - i keep asking around, is it in the books???).

i think this is a LOT better now than it used to be, which is fantastic. or perhaps i have found the correct echo-chamber? ha.

ultimately, The Fandom is a fraction of the entire picture, and not even the important bit since The Fandom is not who these games are made for. you can't make money relying on only your hardcore fans even if all of them spent a fortune on merch, this is true for any AAA game.

while it's true that Billie is underrated from a fandom perspective - but Billie as an underwritten protagonist is squarely Arkane’s fault.

it was reasonable when she was a side character - the lack of info in Dh2 makes perfect sense (if anything there was more lore in Dh2 which is kind of wild)-

- but as a protagonist in Death of the Outsider?

.... there’s lousy writing, and there’s whatever is going on with Billie Lurk, a black woman who mostly exists as a foil or saviour for light-skinned characters. In her own game there’s barely any of her own lore except where it's relevant to saving two dudes.

lore hints at, but barely touches on what race means in the Dh universe (xenophobia is stronger in Dh1; separate essay i guess), but Arkane has patted themselves on the back for portraying non-white characters, which feels like the same thing as the aesthetic of diversity we're seeing in advertising currently because it’s in marketing trend guides. it's self-congratulatory and it's a missed opportunity for deeper storytelling.

you can see an example of diversity at its most shallow in the way that Billie’s written: there’s little engagement with her as an entire person with history & wants & preferences, and the world she walks through in that game feels like it has nothing to do with her. you could make a case for alienation as a theme, but then, how do you handle the titular premise of 'Dishonored' without ever letting Billie make changes in an environment without a chaos system? it's disappointing from that angle too.

in my opinion, whatever it's worth, it was an accident Arkane created such an awesome character - they needed someone to betray daud. congrats billie.

all this said, it makes her an underdog as far as characters to enjoy & create art & stories for. it's nice to find so many like-minded, switched on people! <3

billie's character potential

she’s got a wealth of unexplored lore, being deeply intertwined with both Karnaca & Dunwall’s fates & criminal underbellies, as well as her connections to the witches & whalers, and three Empresses.

she’s lived a few distinct lifetimes and in the games we get to meet her at two peaks (KoD & DotO) & a low (Dh2 as Meagan).

her voice is very distinct, her dry & often dark humour is entertaining & fun to write. her perspective is really interesting - she’s had the widest variety of void-powers of anyone canonically, and she’s also lived through the highest highs and lowest lows.

she's got everything going for her :) i couldn't really pick a fav thing!

#i assume my followers are cool enough to let me give a brief measured critique on fandom trends and DotO #thanks for the anon question!! what fun! #i love billie lurk <333 #jumped on the opportunity to rant n rave #what part of billie isn't my fav! (im a guy who likes the bad stuff too. mmm interesting meta) #trying to be not unfair or mean- i'm not targeting anyone but rather trends. and it's ok to be disappointed with something you love #fuck it. make it part of the appeal! her writing sucks! plenty of room for me & other creators! #its easier for me to indulge my billie brainworms when it sorta feels like she's not getting as much love as she deserves #you know? i want stories where her history is explored and her agency is important so i guess i'll roll up my sleeves #tumblr is a terrible place for this sort of critique IMO- lots of nuanceless empathy-free guilt-trip-ish rhetoric #so i hope i avoided that. but not so much that i seem forgiving. #that said i'm not tagging this one with fandom tags! no thank you. #i am blaming arkane yes. but that is also not without games industry context #i could complain about amateurish writing but that also never happens in a vacuum. industry problem(s) for sure. #people love to blame writers for things #and yeah a couple really fucking good writers can push a boulder uphill #but its usually a company problem #hire lots of diverse people in your company. give them authority and respect and reasonable workloads. and no crunch. #ah fuck this is a separate essay in tags. again #THIS WAS A SIMPLE QUESTION #*clutches head in hands* #uh if you're still reading at this point im SO sorry and thank you and i love you

[orathearsonman]

cookie run is so funny because the timeline is so… what??/?/?/? and the world is so… wgat?s//s/s/s////??? bc you can have ancient dynasty next to funkkn. bubblegumfunpopland. you can have a kpop concert in an old, centuries—old kingdom and everything is Fine. you dont NEED a modern or ancient au all you need is a “this warrior moved like 2 inches to the left and started a lollipop shop” au help me god

#things i tjought about while drawing caramel arrow #i was like mmm… modern au so she can wear a hoodie and be comfi #but all she needs to do is like. go out to mont blancs place or something and buy one #yes this is the stuff i spend my time thinking about #cookie run #cr #cookie run kingdom #cookie run ovenbreak #ovenbreak #crk #crob

[beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff]

worst thing ever is finding a song with the bessstttt sound but the cursive bad imitation of halsey esque vocals

#just happened and im going to die because of it #intro was so aphex twin good mmm yes so good then the singer comes in and its like aeugh instead of i or something omffggg #need to explode and die like can people just sing normally #halsey did it and she is the ONLY one whos done it well. #aside from dlid matty x #blah blah! #not 75 stuff

[scales-of-stardust]

My boss just gave me a monster energy to take home????????

Guys i’ve never had one idk what they taste like

#Like #I’m abt to go home I’ve been here since 7am #and he calls me over #and I’m thinking #Oh fuck am I in shit?? #nah #he asked me if my coworker will be good tonight #and asks me if I want to take home a monster energy #Which ofc I said yes bc mmm free stuff

[the-amber-droid-dreams]

ive always hated the whole man hating trend thats so prevalent among women and queer ppl nowadays but i especially hate it now that im bigender

like . i came out to my best friend yesterday and she was supportive abt it and then Two. Mfing. Texts. Down ! she tells me abt this new guy friend she made and says, i shit you not, that shes sorry for betraying me and all womankind for "enjoying taking to a Man"

#*ahem ahem* diluted ra///df//em juice *ahem ahem* #no i didnt say 'i Am a fucking man and im your best friend bitch what the fuck' bc calling myself a man is still embarassing as all hell #(bc of shit like this !!! like ik it wasnt intentional but god way to tell me u dont see me as anything but a woman fuck.) #instead i told her id be the last one to care abt shit like that bc . i also enjoy talking to men (???? what) #a couple days ago she said smthg like #'ew imagine being a man' #and then quickly followed by #'if you ever come out as a trans man i take that back' #which . made me feel many different feelings but ultimately made me decide to just Tell her yesterday #guess well see how it goes ?? #transmultiphobia #multigender #bigender #transphobia #transmasc #transandrophobia #yes i believe discrimination against transmascs exists. fucking crucify me for it. #🍒 #amber actually saying stuff #mmm gender

[cryptidm0ths]

Is it eichi......? *looks at you with my big starry eyes in tears*

nonono no do not worry its not eichi

#eichi is honestly potential blorbo material like if the himeru brainrot gets weak enought that i can think about another character i will #try and read more about him #bc he sound really interesting and ye between the things you write about him and stuff my other friends have said about him mmm want to #know more and maybe pry his mind open #the character i hate is really irrational and like its mainly a joke just primal instinct of punt into space #🌌🌌🌌

[fractallogic]

You know, I haven’t fully wrapped my head around how I’m going to incorporate it, but I had a great idea for this grant proposal that’s making me very excited

Because I think. finally. I will be able to justify testing arabic-speaking children. I will get to find out what kinds of errors THEY make learning my arabiclike made-up language.

And plus I’m realizing that I like portland more than eugene, and oops, the two Islamic schools and the one Arabic-medium school are all in the portland area oh no I will have to spend so much time in portland if I get this grant oh well

…plus I just really want to be able to stay in one place for three more years, and let scone live in Oregon like he’s really wanted to for YEARS.

I love arabic and I love my pastry and I love how kids do language. I am very excited about this part of the project and I just. The likelihood of it happening is vanishingly low. But it’s more likely to get this grant than getting a TT job. So.

#a ~10% hit rate for grants sucks yes; but compared to the ~0.5% hit rate I’ve had for prof jobs… #also new PI maybe you can support me for a year like you suggested you might be able to in a lab manager-cum-postdoc kind of role #that would be great. I would do that too. #I will happily continue leaning on my network to keep me in academia #as full of toxic bullshit as it is. sigh. #it hurts to feel like I’m so full of promise and so good at what I do and for some reason everything is just arbitrary #maybe I get to do this study; maybe I get to HAVE A JOB #like even working with this PI; everyone before has been all ‘mmm idk that doesn’t sound like a good use of resources’ #and so I was like oh okay this is never gonna happen that’s fine #but I’m talking to her one day (because when you get the chance to chat with the dept head you should!) #and she’s like ‘but wait why would it be not a good use of resources? I think this is potentially an interesting idea #so write me up a proposal and we’ll see if we can flesh it out some more!’ #so even the answer of ‘sure!’ to ‘maybe I can do this study… maybe’ I’d foreign and strange #same thing for this hockey concussion etc stuff #like I say ‘this is my INCREDIBLE pie in the sky idea; maybe someday #…but seems unlikely’ #and my current PI goes no yeah wait here are some things I’ve thought about in that direction #…and I happen to live next to retired NHL players… but it would be very weird of me to ask them so can’t do that right now; but future!! #and so I’m just walking around UO going ‘wait I really can just. do things? people are interested in my ideas?’ #(please remember that at a formative time in my research upbringing my advisor called me boring and also that he might not pass me #and like. you get rejected from research jobs and TT jobs and grants and everything #so it’s no WONDER I’m like ‘ah yes my ideas are stupid and boring and why would anyone else be interested in them!’ like any academic is) #anyway it’s amazing how little we as academics ask for #and still get told lol no that’s very extravagant of you #because it’s supposed to be a ~vocation~ and a ~calling~ so we should live like monks #but you know what monks are actually respected members of society and have food and shelter and care provided to them #so yeah if you want me to be a monk of linguistics then you need to fucking treat me like one

[bunnyb34r]

Almost had a breakdown at work today bc they're changing the layout nearly COMPLETELY and I was arguing with [relative coworker] that I KNOW they're gonna take the extra tables away, bc I KNOW how corporate thinks (ie: well just stock less/condense. It doesnt matter that WE ordered/put on the schedule 30+ items for you to have put out. YOU just arent selling enough!)) And she was like no I've been here this long, I know best

And so we're arguing and I'm reading out the layout in a passive agressive "no, I'M right" way and fucking Dumbass Husband coworker comes by and asks her if shes sad bc she looks sad

MOTHERFUCKER WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE!! GO AWAY FUCKHEAD!

And I was not masking and looked at him like 😐+😠 like fucking come on hurry up and leave I'm ARGUING

Anyway I was dropping fucks/fucking all morning bc it's just SO STUPID how they want things now and it's not going to work!!!

And apparently we're allowed to request price drops if theres too much product and like none selling and it's like okay that's great for the stupid Sharter's brand shit I have that nooooo one wants but everyone wants to look at the size 24m bc ooh it's on the BOTTOM

But I fucking have these shitty 3pack shorts still (we got a shipment of 800 at the end of june... price already lowered by half by then to like $6) and they're STILL NOT SELLING AT LIKE $4! I CANT MARK THEM LOWER BITCH

I mean I'll put in a request when I have time but I'm kinda hoping they just... get liquidated...

Oh and we think Dumbass Couple were high and that's why he clearly couldnt read the room (and other off/odd instances) but also bc his wife asked me if I had the Reese's ice cream we got for free today and I said no I cant have that and shes like "you cant????" Like dumbfounded and I said no I'm allergic and she paused and goes "peanut butter?"

Agsgsgsgs like no fucking chocolate YEAH PEANUTS DIPSHIT ITS THE MOST COMMON ALLERGEN agsggdgdgd

Oh and apparently their transfer got cancelled/rejected lmaoo so we're stuck with them 😭 ffs

#everyone that said they were gonna quit also did not - one bc family emergency she financially cant unfortunately get out of this hellhole #yet. and the other just can't get any applications accepted bc places dont wanna hire they wanna say they do #marquilla #work talk #im so fucking tired of this shit man like stop changing shit ffs #i literally was thinking yesterday how nice it is that i have the stupid brands together AND NOW I DONT BC THEY FUCKED ME UP #im just hoping shit gets liquidated soon... like please i have 400+ of these 2 pack shorts and theyre already marked down to $6 people just #dont want them!! like can you have your one sketchy friend who buys our clearance shit come and buy out our clothing again?? #it happened last year and it was so fun getting rid of everything sgsggdgd i was like YES YES YES GET RID OF IT! #and the guy was like... thats too much clothing WELL YOU DIDNT PICK IT OUT NOW DID YA? YOU GET ALL OR NOTHING BITCH #now he just gets like basics stuff sgsggdgd like mmm no fuck that shit

[aroaessidhe]

2022 reads // twitter thread  

The Past is Red

novella about a girl who lives on the great garbage patch in a flooded post climate apocalypse world

first part when she was 10, then when she's 29 recounting her life since then

stream of consciousness, nonlinear

an AI that made me cry

this is weird but i enjoyed it

#The Past is Red #aroaessidhe 2022 reads #also yes i am behind on these again..writing my silly little bullet points is hard ok #i could have done without the romantic subplot thing. like there's no development we barely know anything about him #i know that's because it started as a short story #i definitely loved just like....the worldbuilding and stuff. mmm tasty spec-fic post-apoc civilisation worldbuilding #the way that. the pre-apoc people (us) are called Fuckwits sjfjsdg #oscar (seasame street) is a god. #oh i just realised mars on the cover.... oh.

[orcelito]

well the good news is im gonna look the part of someone who hasnt been to class in several weeks

#speculation nation #i went and laid down for a Brief bit of sleepy tired. to recover from The Sads #1.5hr turned into 2.25hr (whoops) but im up again and i finally have my monster #mmm radioactive juice #honestly our presentation is horrifically underdone for us presenting in about 3 hours #(yes it's tht close. haha) #only one person entered stuff for it i think. im gonna put what i can #gonna have to bluff to hell and back for this one y'all. & doing that for public speaking... eugh... #like i got an idea of it. the problems is i really dont know my classes #i can talk about the structure though. probably. & the fact that we r gonna use threading & probably jar file transfer #& i need a way for the program to know whether the camera or user is connecting to it #biiiiiiiiggest fucking yawn. not bc i think it's boring but bc it's 6:23 am and i have had only 2 hrs of sleep (accidentally) #the good news is that once i finish this presentation. im done with the worst part of it #i'll have to stop by work for an hour or so to do the tips distribution. and then i can go home and sleeeeeeep #bc i thankfully have today off. and im gonna fuckin use it #wish the presentation was later in the day. that wouldve made things easier haha

[slugzcorner]

the urge to make a side blog just for rottmnt bc i cannot handle not looking the tags anymore and i know it’ll consume this one, i’m like the horny grip meme except it’s just me being autistic about ninja turtles—

#slugzrambles #god i fucking love them so much #bc i used to just- change this one but i really like how it’s basically all solar stuff but was never intended to be #maybe this all falls back to— i don’t like change #like what i established in this lil corner mmm don’t wanna change it she’s beautiful #what i tried ti get back into old account bc it was tmnt for six years and now i’m BACK in it #yes. #thank you tumblr for walking me thru options

[pokimoko]

Mmm, perfectly balanced.

#me #my stuff #when numbers match? mmm satisfying #am i fan of maths? not particularly? am i fan of numbers? yes #i'm the kind of guy who waits an extra minute to send a text just to have be a nice number (which for me is anything even) #or even sometimes more than a few minutes so I get a satisfying 10:10 or 21:21 #OR EVEN A WHOLE FUCKING DAY SO I GET A NICE DATE ON MY FIC #I KNOW I KNOW IT'S RIDICULOUS #it's a Thing okay my brain likes it #though in posting this i will be ruining the lovely equilibrium #but with me posting more lately the numbers probably won't match up much in the future if ever again #so i am commemorating this lovely sychronisation while i have the chance #also don't let the follower count fool you i'm pretty sure half of them are inactive or just forgot to unfollow me #i think the more accurate number would be closer to 70 maybe 100 #which is all my moon moots plus those lovely little guys who have stuck with me through all my fixations and leave a heart every so often #also you know it's obvious you don't post much when you've been here 7 years and you've only made 227 posts altogether... #me looking at my archive: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T POST ANYTHING IN 2016??? #what the hell was i doing that year? #because i was definitely on tumblr that year...2016 ace discourse my beloathed.. #definitely didn't fuck me up or anything #...actually you know what that may be the reason why i didn't post anything that year #yep that checks out #well i'm certainly making up for it now #MADE A WHOOPING 73 POSTS THIS YEAR ALONE #that's...fuck almost one third of all my posts ever holy shit #2022 the year i came out of my cage and decided i was doing just fine

[mrfoox]

I am kinda worried about changing medicine now for once since I've actually been accepted to an daytime course and I'd like to be stable enough to do it....

#miranda talking shit #I think i got lucky with venlafaxine bc that i think was symtom free so i stuck with it for years #Setraline gave me extreme digestive problems as well as making me... Unstable mentally #I want to find a medicine that works and i feel it does without so much side effects ): #I havent found any medicine i could say like... 'oh it works well' bc i find it hard to tell ? #Its just like..... Yea they arent bad? Theyre ok ? I always find it hard to say if medicine is working #Like noticing effects on things... I just dont pay attention to such stuff enough... Im just like 'huh i feel bad okay' i dont think why #So having docs asking how meds are working is like uh.... I guess they are ok...? #Unless they give me bad side effects im like... Ye they are ok #I know theres no magic pill thaf can cure my mental problems but i wish i could find one which i notice an difference somehow ? #With venlafaxine i think i just noticed i was a bit less anxious ... Bc i started to do more... Stuff i was too anxious about before #Nothing major but like i stopped caring if i wasnt dressed up to go to the store to buy something quick #Before i had to shower and have good clothes on and such but then i evolved to being like... Mmm... Throw on soft pants and take my crocs #It'll be fine lmao. Maybe that was just me aging and evolving on my own but who knows i think its hard to tell apart