#mmmm it's good to be writing post-ep reactions again

[c-is-for-circinate]

So I have finally caught up with CR as of today’s rebroadcast, and oh MAN what an episode to be caught up on.

Most of those feelings are about Fjord, at the moment, because holy shit but in such a compelling way, I love this character and hell yes Travis for playing him this way, specifically in the context of how different characters feel about sacrifice.

We know, we’ve known for a few episodes (and man am I sorry I haven’t been jotting down post-ep notes for the past few eps, I have gotten out of the habit and I need to get back in) that most of the M9 expects they might die here, to one degree or another.  There’s been an absolutely fascinating range of reactions and attitudes around that thus far, too. 

Caleb, full of guilt and the desire for redemption, holding onto every intention of dying for his friends and the absolute conviction that’s a thing he can control and enforce on the world.   Caduceus, raised around death but never quite so close to him or so far away from home as it is now, saying his goodbyes and trying to make peace with a thing that clearly frightens him.  Beau, who expected to be probably-dead or at least much more alone by this age anyway, only talking about the possibility of her own death as a possible logistical necessity as she focuses not on what comes after but only on getting through this fight.  Yasha, who’s outlived so many people, who can rage through unconsciousness, even into death as though it’s only an inconvenience, making jokes-that-aren’t-quite-jokes about how she’ll probably be fine and survive them all, knowing she probably can.  Jester, who always, always tries to be positive, to make light, to be joy and fun that hides the darkness under the bed where it can’t be seen, saying “what do I need money for, we’re going into the North to die”, another joke-that-isn’t-a-joke, another fear that she can’t face or admit or buckle under because how selfish would that be, right now.  Veth, who feels so much desperate guilt and torn duty and half-broken devotion to her family, determined to survive, still so scared she won’t for their sake.

There’s so much focus from each of them on their own deaths, even as they try to protect their friends.  There’s Caleb and Beau explicitly willing to trade their own lives for the sake of the rest of the group if they have to, if they can; there’s Caduceus and Jester, less explicit about it but expecting to face one loss or another, resigned to it; there’s Yasha and Veth and expectations of survival already bound up in survivors’ guilt even before the question gets asked.

Or: the questions, plural, because there are two different questions being asked here: there's "am I willing to die to save my friends?", and there's, "am I willing to die to win this fight?", and they're all bound up in each other in slightly different degrees for each person. The consensus for most of the group seems very much to be that, yes, they're willing to die for the sake of this fight, that's what it means to be here in the first place; and as far as their friends go, well, if someone has to die during this fight, let it be me and not them. And that's beautiful and honorable and chest-aching in seven different unique ways for each party member, but the one I'm thinking about today is Fjord, who I did not mention on my list above, who has added one more question to his list.

Because while everybody else in the party is asking themselves what they're willing to trade their lives for for, Fjord has skipped over that step entirely (to save the world, to protect his friends, yes, yes, of course, obviously). The question he's asking, here and now, is "who else's life am I willing to trade for this fight?" And that is a question I find incredibly compelling.

Nobody else would've told the rangers to engage. I don't even think Matt as Essek expected Fjord to suggest they ought to engage, not directly; perhaps try to lay a false trail, perhaps try to implode the exit as previously mentioned, but not this. Fjord ordered half a dozen men into a massacre. He did it on purpose, to burn a few of his enemy's spell slots, to try and buy his team another hour of sleep. He didn't even have much expectation of victory. But he did it, because the math in his head said this would give the Nein a better chance in this fight, and winning this fight is more important than anyone's lives.

Even long before the Tombtakers showed up at Aeor, I kept thinking about that conversation with Beau about a fallback position for retreat. "There's no leaving this fight," Fjord said, "not for me, and not, I think, for you either." It's about the specifics, the logistics of not needing an escape plan because they don't plan to escape, but it's also very much a statement of intent. It's Fjord saying, I will buy this victory with my life, because victory is more important here than my survival. And it is, at least a little bit, Fjord saying, I will buy this victory with your life too, if that's what it costs. Because victory is more important here than anyone's survival. Because survival, at this point, is not even a consideration in the mathematical equation of tactics and necessity, except in that we can't win if we're dead. Our lives are worth nothing if we lose here, so we will spend whatever we have to in order to win.

It's a kind of ruthlessness I find incredibly interesting and appealing as a character choice, because there's little or no selfishness in the cold calculation of it. At no point is Fjord choosing or even contemplating anyone else's sacrifice for the sake of his own survival. He would die happily to save any of his friends, is more than willing to die in this fight himself, and would consider it a complete victory if doing so stopped Lucien in the process. It's just that Fjord also seems painfully aware that his own death isn't necessarily the price this victory is going to cost. If it's a choice between letting Yasha die and stopping this ritual, he already knows what he ought to choose. If it's a choice between cutting down Beau and Caleb to protect the part of the party that can still fight Lucien, or trying to save them, well, there's a reason he's the one Caleb asked to fulfill that promise. All else being equal, Fjord would save his teammates over himself, but that's never been how the throes of combat work, and all else is never equal. Fjord might be the only member of the group right now who would deliberately save himself at a teammate's expense specifically because he'd have the highest chance of stopping this mad city's return. And that is a lot.

All of which means I am incredibly excited to see what sorts of choices Fjord is faced with in the coming weeks. When it's more than just hypothetical, when it's Jester in danger instead of some nameless rangers on a mountainside, will he stick to his desperate pragmatism or will his love and protectiveness win out? How does he face himself after either version of that decision? What is he going to have to do? I cannot wait to find out.

#CR spoilers #episode 133 #critical role #fjord tusktooth #mmmm it's good to be writing post-ep reactions again

[atinytokki]

Here’s my first impressions (aka this is what 2020 is gonna sound like folks)

Alright so I’m really behind today, as some of you know I literally just got back from vacation and it’s also my first day of classes this semester and it’s just craziness. Yes I’m posting the first chapter of Yeosang’s spin-off today. But people seemed to like my first impressions of the last album so I’m going to do them again. Thankfully (?) this album is a lot shorter so I can pause and talk about stuff.

Warning! a loooong post, squealing, incoherent thoughts smashed together, and crying ahead. A lot of crying. Keysmashes included.

Post-MV thoughts before I listen to it again: There’s way too much to focus on and I’ve watched it many many times to look at the choreo and the storyline stuff that’s happening, but this is my first time listening without the video so I’ll notice more musically this time. But first I wanna say; YEOSANG’S LINES!!!! I’ve been screaming for forever that he has a beautiful deep voice and needs to be given parts that compliment it. And wow it finally happened :’) Anyway here we gooo

건배하자 like a thunder!! Can you believe they literally spoiled the entire hook of their next song in Beginning of the End? *flashbacks to my utter confusion when that happened* San sounds amazing and I like the little echoey thingies. Gives it a real nostalgic feel. Jongho already popping off vocally barely 10 seconds in. Mingi’s rap here and the transition to Hongjoong’s— rap line goals. The attitude in that mm-mm made me smile ngl. This prechorus might be my favourite part of the song. Seonghwa sounds heavenly. An EDM drop bringing back that hook, good decision and again it kinda feels nostalgic?? Especially the oh-oh-ohs which are also giving me a pirate drinking song vibe wow 0.0 Wooyoung with that 불러 불러 lol. Yes the Yeosang part!! I love a good post-chorus switchup and he. handled. it. perfectly. There’s even harmony, yall know how much I love harmony. And SINGING RAPPERS AHAHDJAHAK YESSSSS. Back to that glorious prechorus but it’s Yunho’s turn. This chorus is just such an anthem. I’m bopping rn. San in this bridge— he said I am a VOCALIST listen to my beautiful VOICE. Yay the rappers going back and forth again!! It’s like If Without You. Man I can’t believe I get to replay this song forever. 2020 is gonna be lit. You hit those notes Jongho! I’m always blown away by this kid, and that scoop earlier mmmm. Just nodding very energetically right now. Perfect end to the song. 100/10!!!!

Okay I’m pausing before the next one starts because no I am not prepared. It’s just like last time; I know Hongjoong wrote this and I know it’s gonna ruin me but I have no idea how and when and what it’s even gonna be like but anyway, too bad, let’s just go.

Oh kinda futuristic sounding opening with the synths? Yooo the vocal thingy in the background, sounds like a sample of some kind, that is super cool and I hope we get more of it. Ok I paused just to write that, let me unpause. This is gonna be a long one, I can already tell, sorry guys 😅 And the beat changed right before the vocalists came in. definitely a back and forth thing here in two registers, very sweet. Wow. WOW MINGI WOW. This rap is?? It sounds super mature and idk just full of confidence. I’m shook. Ok the chorus. Holy cow this is LIT lit. Nope nope I need to pause and go back. This is so chaotic, I feel like I’m missing things?? I’m listening to that chorus again because there were so many elements there. I just wanna take this song and break it down second by second to hear every single sound hahahah. I’m only catching an odd word or two here as far as lyrics go. Oml harmonies 💆🏻‍♀️ Alright Hongjoong’s rap. OMG if he sounded sassy in Answer this is a whole new level and I LOVE IT. Flow is 100/10. The “are you gonna take me there” gives me chills. This song needs a dance this chorus is TOO LIT. Am I at a rave rn??? Oh thank God the bridge took it back a level. Ok I’m pausing because I think I caught some of the lyrics this time. If I’m not wrong I heard 난 궁금해 저 끝이 궁금해, 더 가까이 조금 더 가까이 ? Which is something like “I wonder, I wonder about the end. Closer, a little bit closer” if I heard correctly. I need to look up the lyrics in full later because Hongjoong has a big brain and his lyrics are always 🤯🤩 Ok unpause. Final breakdown! Yep this is going on repeat the rest of today. Jongho yussss with the ad libs. No it’s over ㅠㅠ Alright this one is already vying for top spot this album. We shall see. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. HONGJOONG GENIUS.

Um so yeah I saw them perform this live for their anniversary thingy and cried so this should be fun. At least I already know the song so how much can it hurt me? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Smart of whoever put this album together to stick this song right in the middle and make us cry between head banging to the other songs. Mingi in the beginning is just 💖💕💘💝💓 San ballad king. I need more ballads from him. Jongho, of course, with perfect vocal control. Oh Seonghwa too, I need more ballads from him. Wooyoung with T H A T part. A tear is forming, I just love this chorus. People are saying the song should be in a drama and I 100% agree. Everyone together FOREVER YOU ARE MY STARRR. The little drum frills it’s so cute :(( Yay Hongjoong, and his cute little voice I’m UWUWU. Wooyoung with the high note and I’m ascending........... Chorus again and this is the real meaning of crying in the club. It just occurred to me that the second verse seemed really short. Yeosang + Hongjoong + that guitar in the bridge is *chef’s kiss*. This is so emotional, do we really need to do this at 4am?!? I’m just gonna vibe for a sec, it’s the last chorus. The ad libs were so perfect and the way it ended— wow. I need a moment.

From my understanding this is a full version of the Precious Overture they gave us last album. Tempted to go back and see my first impressions about that one, but either way i have a distinct feeling my wig is about to be snatched. Let’s GOOO

So far, it’s starting the same. Creepy humming and all. Okay scratch that, we have a vocal melody. Yunho sounds great ugh I’m so proud. Sorry, San’s voice just takes me to another plane of existence or something, how can it be that smooth and gorgeous, someone please explain. Building to something now... Oo. OO?! Hongjoong’s rapping. This is so cool oh wow, and into this vocal part which I believe is the chorus?? wOW wow it’s amazing to hear this having already heard the bgm, this is like a new level of appreciation. It really all goes well. Ah we have a switch up now with Seonghwa. guys GUYS GUYS you know how I feel about switch ups. Sorry I’m going back to catch something. The tempo changed here and really grabbed my attention. The bass is also super cool, it’s actually the same melody as the treasure opening (and the opening of this song) but much lower, I believe. Uh oh guys this might be vying for top spot too. Let’s continue. Ok Mingi’s rap which I’ve already heard. Um I’m confused now. It’s Hongjoong’s rap again? Is this the chorus?? Woah woah hold on I gotta pause. Because. Wait, what?? This is the chorus??!? Yoooooooo bold move! I have no idea what is going on but I love it. Continuing on. Ah yeah ok the vocal part with Yeosang again, so I guess the rap + vocal part is the chorus? Also I neglected to mention but Yeosang is killing this song. Ooh okay this bridge is building some suspense. Feeeelingggggg.... And now a shouted version of the rap for the final chorus. Okay wow I’m impressed that they took it this direction. And Jongho with the ad libs is PERFECTIONNNN. Oop okay they’ve added the revised-lyric Treasure part to the end here. And the lyrics are the same as in Precious (Overture) so I’m guessing we still didn’t find the treasure, good grief. How long is it gonna take to find this treasure 😅. And it ended like that. Well. WOW. Again, I could listen to this on repeat all day. Again, I am deceased. Instant fave.

I’m pretty sure this is the exact same as I already heard on the trailer thingy but we are gonna react to it anyway.

The orchestra really loosens my tear ducts like nothing else. It’s beautiful, who else is doing it like them?? “Did you find your treasure?” Yes, I found ATEEZ 🥺. The way he says “finally found it” . This is Maddox btw. Also about Maddox, hang on I’m gonna pause for a PSA: guys if you don’t know Maddox please PLEASE check him out. He’s doing the amazing narration on this (and Intro too), he’s a soloist under KQ and one of Ateez’s hyungs who they look up to. In addition to his superior narrating talents, he is also an amazing vocalist. If you like R&B and lo-fi music I would definitely recommend him, he just dropped a single called Color Blind, his insta is xxmaddox, he’s a great guy and YEAH that’s all for my plug but go stan him, he is deserving and proof of the fact that KQ artists are talent through and through. Unpausing! The way the orchestra swells and then goes into a piratey sounding theme is so motivating and familiar :))) “Can you hear those voices?” HNGJRKSNDN WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE SCARY. This is the Epilogue, it’s supposed to be like the denouement, the falling action!! The bad guys should be gone now! What’s next?? Treasure Ep: Answer to Question? Because that’s what I have after this album! More questions!!! Anyway, the bass here and the humming 👌🏻 100/10 for the instrumental. And in ATEEZ fashion, they leave me thirsting for more.

So that was my first impression/live reaction to the mini album! I think it’s Horizon and Precious fighting for #1 currently. Maybe I’ll reblog with second and third and fourth impressions... Thanks for reading if you got this far! And tell me what your first impressions were and if I missed something big while I was keysmashing. TTFN~

#ateez #ateez action to answer #ateez answer #ateez reactions #ateez first impressions #first impressions #keysmash #liveblog #tokki.txt