i’m gonna delete this, i promise, but i just need one minute to be honest, because i said when i came back after my hiatus i was doing it for me and i wasn’t gonna get caught up in worrying about other people, but it turns out you need other people to write here so i guess i should have seen that coming.
i’ve never felt like i belonged here and i don’t have any real idea why. i post dozens of prompts and plotting calls and i used to do starter calls until i realized they didn’t work, as if anything has actually worked. i’ve never been able to establish more than a few long-term ic relationships, i’ve never had a thread that ran more than a couple replies, i can’t reach out to other writers without worrying about being overbearing, and when i ask what i’m doing wrong people say i’m not doing anything wrong and i accept that but the feeling doesn’t go away and nothing changes and i’m back to square one.
please don’t think i’m saying all this now just to wrench out some extra positivity from my followers, because i don’t want it. honestly, i don’t. i just wanna write with people without feeling like i’m on the outside all the time.