AKA how Chandler Bing keeps teaching me life lessons
There's a scene in FRIENDS when Monica and Chandler have one of their first fights as a couple. Chandler says, "I guess this is it now." And Monica is surprised that her boyfriend, good old Chandler Bing, is calling it. "If you give up every time you have a fight with someone you'd never be with someone longer than... oh."
Now, I pride myself on being Chandler Bing. My wardrobe mirrors than of Season 1 and 2 Chandler's 90s oversized fits. I also try to copy his mannerisms and over the top drama by being the 'funny one.' My sarcasm, I believe, can't be any more sarcastic.
I didn't think I would accidentally mirror him in this also.
There's this weird aftermath, the dust settling after a fight. You accept your wrongdoing and apologise for how it made the other person feel. That's my philosophy; you apologise even if you didn't intend to hurt someone because you still hurt them. It's not an original idea and I will try my best to live up to that as much as possible. And I like to think I do it often. However, I forget what it's like to be forgiven and the person move on.
I just... can't. Let it. Go.
I sit there, twiddling my thumbs. Are they still mad? Have they stopped liking me? Has this put an indelible mark on our relationship that will characterise every future interaction we may now have until the day we both die? Am I really just a shit human being?
The answer is no. I know that. But I just can't accept it. Because I'm thinking that that's it! There's no more to it! They're done with me!
Of course, self-compassion et al. Van der Kolk would have a field day with the trauma. Still, I panic. Telling me that life will go on but still busy makes me want to fling myself into an abyss. I understand the importance of space and time but in my experience, that's just delaying the inevitably realisation that the other person is done.
I will like to then conclude the cynicism of today's March writing! by bringing it back to Chandler Bing. When Monica told him it wasn't over, he smiled widely. And couldn't stop for the rest of the scene. "Okay, great!" He all but started dancing.
If Chandler Bing could finally get to a point where he could accept that people work through it - that the right people will work through it - then let that be my final lesson from the fictional character.
I never post enough Diecesca content and this plot is def one of their best. Diego trying to charm their way out is a fun callback to his old ways (not sure if intentional or not but I will pretend it is)