#more angst i am sad

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

i'm a little sad at how sparse steddyhands and stizzy art and writing is on here now after the finale (thankfully, i am still digging through the couple thousand fics up on ao3 so i'm not totally bereft)

because during the airing of the season there was new stuff in the tags every day, sometimes even every few hours, but i think the finale really punched all of us in the face

there's lots of good stuff from before s2 to go digging through of course, and ao3 and twitter still have some new art and fic and memes if you go looking for it, but the difference from before and now seems a bit stark

don't misunderstand me, this isn't me being defeatist, just being a bit melancholy (and mad at the s2 finale tbh lol) about it. shout out to the regulars i see in the tags still making stuff and posting jokes, ya'll are doing the most and i wish you all the passion and motivation and time to create in the world <3

#obviously in this day and age ppl seem to drop fandom right away after the media in question is done so it's not totally unexpected #but the stark difference between so much new art being shared during airing vs the sudden quiet after the finale was. damn. #the izzy tag and regular fandom tags are still pretty active but i have a very specific love lol and it is #stizzy #steddyhands #gentlehands #even the ed and izzy tags are a little more active tho that's mostly because of the meta and angst enjoyers (mood) #anyway as soon as i'm done with finals and have some free time during the break i am going to draw so much old man yaoi #and maybe finally do more of and share my steddyhands mermaid au lol #also one more thing #if i'm sad about how much less steddyhands and stizzy stuff is happening #i am sending so many thoughts and prayers ™ to the frenchie and izzy and lucius and izzy shippers bc goddamn #they also got fucked over this season #we all thought we were winning and then suddenly we all got smacked in the face about it adfgfkj

[annmarcus63]

The warm night envelops the camp with its deep black cloak. Jaskier is sitting in front of the campfire when Geralt appears from the shadows carrying a bag and a pot in each hand. The bard snorts and turns his gaze to the flames.  

"It's been two days, Geralt."  The witcher proceeds to hang the pot over the flames to heat its contents and offer the bag to Jaskier. He reluctantly takes it to discover that it's full of apples and grapes, his favorites. But Jaskier doesn't appreciate the gesture, being that Yennefer was the one who gave him the food. "I've waited for you for two days." adds Jaskier a little more firmly. Then Geralt sits down next to him on the log leaving inches between them, as he always does when Jaskier is upset. "I know." Jaskier lets out a disgruntled chuckle.  

"I know, he says. Well, I don't like it." The confession floating between them. 

"You never seemed to mind" Geralt responds after several seconds in silence. 

"No I didn’t, because it was different." And that's the problem, both have had affairs, lovers and adventures, both have enjoyed each other and others. But Yennefer...it's something else entirely.  

The wood gives way to the fire throwing sparks into the air, the crickets sing and Jaskier envies their joy. "We never talk about what we are to each other, I know it's not something you like to discuss." Geralt grunts softly to let him know he is listening. "But we had an agreement, or a pact so to speak: no matter who we were with or how many, we would always go back to each other. You would always come back to me.” 

"I'm here." replies Geralt somberly.  

"No, you're not." Jaskier hates himself for the tears clinging to his eyes. Don't cry, he begs to himself. "Not since the Djinn.” The bard turns tentatively to face the witcher. He carefully places one of his hands on Geralt's powerful forearm and clings to it, a little desperate, a little broken. "I'm here, Geralt, but I'm alone." Jaskier kisses Geralt's shoulder and then rests his forehead on it. "Come back to me, Geralt." He then raises his face to meet Geralt's disgruntled eyes. Such beautiful eyes. "Please, come back to me. I miss you. I don't want to lose you."

"You won't." Geralt puts a hand on Jaskier's and squeezes. "You won't." he repeats to convince Jaskier, or maybe it's to convince himself and isn’t that worrisome. 

"Please come back to me." Geralt then wraps his arms around him and kisses his temple and then leaves a wet trail all over his face.

That night Geralt takes him lovingly, slowly and affectionately, making him come twice. That night the soup over the fire burns. That night Jaskier realizes that it is inevitable that he will lose Geralt.

#geraskier #jaskier #the witcher #geralt of rivia #geralt x jaskier #joey batey #look! more angst #want to know what comes next? #yeah you guess #the mountain #I'm still menatlly on S1 #on other news #I am doing a master's degree and my university went on student strike. #i'm so so tired and sad #your kudos will save me! #don't forget to share #love u all #sorry for the bad spelling

[wikiangela]

tease tidbit tuesday💀

tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @daffi-990 @fortheloveofbuddie @disasterbuckdiaz @hoodie-buck 💖

hi! so, yesterday I randomly opened the doc with the buddie death cast au - which is a fic I started writing last summer on vacation and never got back to it but then made progress lol it's gonna be MCD, which i know is not everyone's thing so feel free to ignore this 🤣 it's basically buddie in the universe of the "they both die at the end"/"the first to die at the end" books so it's gonna be sad, sorry lol (I never even read mcd, idk why i'm writing this but this idea just wants to be written i guess haha) gotta put this weird mood I've been in lately to good use and finally write this 🤣 not sure if I'm happy with this snippet, but it all needs editing, the first two snippets were written on my phone and haven't been edited yet lol

I posted two snippets so far, gonna link them both snippet 1 | snippet 2

___

“Is all of this clear, Eddie?” she asks in the end.

“Yeah, sure, whatever.” he says shortly. He should've just hung up immediately. Or cancel this stupid subscription after Shannon died. Sometimes he wonders if maybe people who get the calls and coincidentally get into accidents, for example, just give up and refuse to fight because they think it’s their time. Not like Shannon could do much, her injuries were too severe when they got there, but the point stands. Maybe they get more reckless, thinking it doesn’t matter anyway. 

There’s a short pause on the line, but then Jane speaks up again, her tone softer, more sympathy seeping through.

“I know it’s not easy to accept, if you’d like some help with that, on out website you can find therapists and grief counselors specializing in-”

“Listen.” Eddie interrupts. He’s spent enough time in therapy. He’s not doing it on his supposedly last day. “I know it’s all bullshit. I don’t care. You said what you had to say, I listened, for whatever reason.” he rolls his eyes. He really should’ve hung up, or not answered at all. “Is this conversation over yet?” he asks and is met with another moment of silence. She’s probably wondering what everyone else always is: why is he even spending money on this if he doesn’t believe. He has an answer ready to go, but that’s not what she asks.

“Can I ask you a question?” she says quieter, whispering, probably not allowed to go too much off-script. 

“Sure, why not.” he shrugs. He’s wide awake now, anyway, he’s not in a hurry. Not like he’s dying anytime soon.

“If it was your last day, how would you spend it? You don’t have to answer, just think about it.” she adds quickly, her tone much softer and gentler now. Eddie’s mind immediately supplies a picture of Christopher and Buck, just a casual hang-out, like usual, maybe going to the movies, or the aquarium, or the planetarium, something fun for his kid. And later a gathering with the rest of their family, maybe a barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s, with Maddie and Chim, and Hen and Karen, all their kids, just everyone having fun together. Yeah, that’d be a perfect day. “There’s no harm in spending today just like this, if possible. Just in case.” Jane adds, still whispering. He doesn’t tell her that’s more or less his plan, anyway, for the evening after his 12-hour shift. During which nothing will happen to him, because Death-Cast doesn’t know shit. “Well, lastly, Eddie,” Jane’s voice is back at normal-volume, tone strictly professional but sympathetic, as she recites the end of her script, “on behalf of everyone here at Death-Cast, we’re so sorry to lose you. Live this day to the fullest.”

Eddie hangs up without a word.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gaydiaz @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @911onabc @housewifebuck @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @underwater-ninja-13 @eowon @loserdiaz @evanbegins @ladydorian05 @wildlife4life @nmcggg @diazpatcher @lover-of-mine @king-buckley @monsterrae1 @thewolvesof1998 @puppyboybuckley @weewootruck @buckaroosheart @spagheddiediaz @steadfastsaturnsrings @exhuastedpigeon @jesuisici33 @theotherbuckley @rainbow-nerdss @malewifediaz @giddyupbuck @diazsdimples @jeeyuns @epicbuddieficrecs @pirrusstuff @honestlydarkprincess @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks

#tease tidbit tuesday #death cast buddie au #buddie wip #buddie fic #buddie #wikiangela writes #my writing #fic snippet #my wips #angst #buddie angst #mcd #i don't know how yet but eddie will die in this one bc apparently ive been in the mood to break my own heart lmao #i wanted to say maybe i'd share smth happier tomorrow but i don't think i have any happy wips im actively working on rn??? #there are happy wips in general but im not really in the mood/inspired for those rn #ran out of happy when i finished the natalia fic i guess lol #who even am i lmao what's with all the angst and sad im usually all about fluff 🤣 #(gonna share some more of alive shannon tomorrow!) #btw if you haven't read the books and have questions hmu but also i'll try to make everything clear in the fic lol #but also SO recommend the books they're so good and so sad and I think about them like at least once a week (the prequel wrecked me)

[jenna-louise-jamie]

thinking about yassen gregorovich instead of sleeping (because i love him) and how he is a catalyst. yassen stabbs ash -> ash kills john rider -> ian rider raises alex -> yassen kills ian rider -> mi6 blackmails alex into becoming a teenage spy.

i have so many thoughts that i can't properly articulate. obviously this is a simplified chain of events, but yassen and his choices set off a chain reaction of the world's most unfortunate dominos. especially when you read russian roulette. to be clear im not necessarily trying to blame him for everything because that feels very mean. he was also just a 14 year old kid when everything in his life went wrong, just like alex. only difference being yassen literally had no one.

i think i should write an essay about this because i haven't even gotten into my thoughts about what yassen and alex's dynamic would look like past eagle strike. i would imagine it'd be similar to ellie and joel from the last of us part 2.

where obviously yassen loves alex and alex on some level cares for yassen back but struggles to reconcile that with the fact that yassen is responsible for his uncle's death. a very unforgivable act. it would be so messy and complicated and angsty, because on one hand here is an adult who truly cares about him and has a connection with him through his father. yassen could tell alex about john, and trust that yassen truly wants whats best for him. but he killed ian, and he cannot take that back.

while alex reels from those feelings, yassen is also trying to reconcile his love of alex with the knowledge that he on some level is responsible for the suffering alex endured at the hands of mi6. and possibly even the fact that alex's godfather is the one who killed john and helen.

#btw i think anthony horowitz killed yassen off so he wouldnt have to deal with this lmao #and sidenote ash is responsible for his own shitty choices but i think itd be difficult for yassen to cope with the fact that stabbing ash #led to some very bad consequences for literally everyone #are there any fics that are similar to what im describing?? ? #i read a ton of alex rider fics but i mostly read fluff because im actually too emotionally fragile to handle angst #i cried while reading stormbreaker and that book wasnt even supposed to be sad #if this is doesnt make any sense its because i woke up at 2 am and wrote this #its just word vomit; pure not proofread thoughts directly from my fucked up little brain #idk maybe someone will enjoy reading this #alex rider #yassen gregorovich #alex rider books #ian rider #john rider #chaotic ramblings #and final note i do not ship yalex #i was thinking of this more in terms of yassen having a weird guardian/parental relationship with alex #if it wasnt clear from my ellie and joel reference from the last of us #anyways im gonna go back to making shitposts and memes so i never have to feel anything again thank you goodnight <3

[saintchaser]

“goodbye, alice.”

“don’t do this to me, cissa.”

alice shook her head, and laughed. bitter and aching, a loneliness of some sort that she was sure she would never be able to hide, to push away from her sorrowed heart.

narcissa did not look at her. instead, she fiddled with the ring on her finger, the ring alice had worked a whole summer to afford.

she hadn’t taken it off, yet. alice had intended it to be some sort of promise ring. a lovesick, childish vow of some sorts that deep within her she always knew that would not be enough.

narcissa kissed her one last time. regret was heavy on her lips.

#NOBLEFLOWERRRR #i am so sad that i can’t weite fic this weekend but i am waiting for when i have a tiny bit of spare time (a fee hours) so i can write #something that’s more than five hundred words long #narcissa black #alice longbottom #nobleflower #nobleflower angst #my writing

[onlysanepeoplesleep]

possible tw: brief mention of an eating disorder and body dysmorphia (implied but it’s barely there??).

There was no doubt when someone said Kevin was beautiful or pretty. Everyone complemented his looks, even Tetsuji had said that his looks could be used and he should use them. He hadn’t understood when he was younger what that meant exactly, but he understood now.

You could get anything just by having a pretty face and an eye-catching body. Maybe that’s why he was put on strict diets in the Nest. So the photoshoots they took months later would show his slim waist and lean figure. Riko always said his eyes were the prettiest part about him, and thus were meant to be kept unharmed.

His face never showed any sign of the abuse he had received in the Nest, even years after people still believed he had had it easy. Maybe that’s why he hated his self-image so much, why he stared at the mirror for seconds longer than he should. Why he hated eating anything above the calorie intake he was meant to. Because he had had it easy. Life had been easy for him, he shouldn’t worry others with his problems because he didn’t have any.

He was fine because he wasn’t traumatised. He wasn’t hurt the way Neil or Jean were. He didn’t have lasting scars except for the one on his left hand — and even that wasn’t as bad as the ones Jean or Neil carried.

Everything was fine. He was fine. Nothing was wrong.

And yet… if something wasn’t wrong, if he was truly okay — then why did he still have nightmares? Why did he awake abruptly at night drenched in sweat and riddled with fear? Maybe he was a coward, why else would he have nightmares when his experiences in the Nest had been nothing compared to what Jean suffered. What Neil suffered. Why should he have nightmares when Neil woke from them more frequently? When Kevin didn’t deserve to be traumatised because he wasn’t.

Everybody believed that was true so why shouldn’t he?

Betsy would probably say it wasn’t good to think like that. It wasn’t healthy to undermine his own trauma (which he didn’t have) just because someone else experienced the same things — just differently. She’d tell him to focus on his own nightmares and focus on trying to heal, but what was there to heal from if he was fine? Because he was. He was fine, as fine as one could be.

So he didn’t deserve the small reassurances his friends gave him. Didn’t deserve any kind of affection from them especially because it should be the other way round, but Kevin’s not sure how to comfort people and he knows he should know because if he’s fine and everything in his life has been fine up until this point — then how come he can’t give solace to those whose lives aren’t?

Why must he be so selfish and rude and stupid and a coward? Riko hardly did anything to him. He wasn’t beaten as much as Jean, he wasn’t tortured as much as Neil, he wasn’t broken. He survived the Nest and was fine, so that meant he had no room to argue with those who didn’t. Those who were braver then him. Who endured the pain because they didn’t know much else.

Kevin had the key to his cage whereas Neil and Jean didn’t. That was the difference. That was why he was fine and they weren’t. That’s why they needed to be loved and cared for and he didn’t.

He was not fine. He hadn’t been fine in years, but he’d never voice that aloud. He’d never disagree when someone said he had it lucky; when they said he was spoiled for thinking he didn’t. Whatever horrors he had been through in the Nest didn’t matter because in the end, the only way for people to realise just how broken you truly were was if they had visible evidence. And in that, Kevin was lacking.

#haha I am having a field day rn #the words are just coming to me #I blame my lights for being so shitty #kevin day angst is a minuscule part of this fandom and I crave more #it’s currently 2:35 am in the morning pls do not blame me for my actions #kevin day #aftg #all for the game #the kings men #the raven king #the foxhole court #kevin day angst #sad kevin day #y aren’t these tags??? #give kevin some love y’all #neil josten #jean moreau #riko moriyama #tetsuji moriyama

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I'm finding it difficult to reconcile the fact that what I've always wanted and envisioned for Nikolai and his relationship with Fyodor based on fanworks and the very very little canon information we've had to go off of so far, will very likely be very different from what we actually get.

While I understand the appeal of Fyodor taking over Nikolai's body via his blood ability, and the inherent, romantic, ironic tragedy of that — for Nikolai, the person who yearned for freedom, to meet an end by having his soul eternally trapped in the body of the person he loved the most, while Fyodor lives on in his body, never truly knowing how much he was adored by him — I would just hate the idea of that happening now? It just feels far, far too soon for Nikolai to be dead, for his character to no longer have a role or a purpose; his mind and behavior is so utterly fascinating in all its bizarre contradictions, there's so much more to explore and discover with him, he's one of BSD's most complex characters, or at least he's set up to be, and I really hope Asagiri wouldn't throw him away this soon without doing anything more with him.

I never really thought that Nikolai would be the one to end Fyodor for good, way down the line (that can only ever be Dazai's job, to me, since he's his foil), but I always imagined he'd at least have some kind of role in attempting to kill him, since that's his ultimate wish. I imagined that it would be ugly, frenzied, unhinged, desperate, Nikolai finally being forced to acknowledge the horrible truth that's always been buried within his subconscious but he's never wanted to accept: that going against all human reason and killing someone he cares so deeply for will not, in fact, simply make those feelings go away, and will instead make them unable to ignore in his despair. The realization that he'll always be chained to human emotions, to love, no matter how much he thinks he can be free of them. And then, the ensuing breakdown from that. Yes, it's extremely fanficky lmao, but that kind of drama makes sense to me for him and them. It's interesting.

There was also the angst angle of Fyodor being immortal, and Nikolai's agenda perhaps stemming from wanting to save him from that, and being able to finally free him from it in the same way he himself wants to be freed. Killing being the ultimate expression of love, not too dissimilar to Mushitarou killing Yokomizo, both putting on an act of being hateful/vengeful/hostile towards the other in order to cope with the fact that deep down they can't bear the thought of them being gone.

But then we got Fyodor's "death" here, and Nikolai's reaction to it was so unbelievably underwhelming and calm that it made me question everything I thought I knew about Asagiri's writing skills him, and what the story is going for with him. And combined with this revelation now that Fyodor is (unsurprisingly!) immortal, but specifically in the way that he can be killed but supposedly resurrects endlessly (which I really like in of itself, don't get me wrong)... it makes me question what exactly Nikolai knows, or will know, and it somewhat destroys the potential angst we could get with them in the end, or at least drastically changes it.

If Nikolai already knows Fyodor can't be killed, that means we'll never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then has to face the fact that he did the deed and it didn't make him feel freed, and he instantly regrets it. It also means we'd never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then discovers he can't truly die, and the ensuing insanity that would occur from that. It also makes me even question the legitimacy of his reaction to Fyodor's "death" here... was it so damn apathetic and lukewarm because he already knows it wasn't permanent? I mean, I'd like an explanation for it feeling so ooc, it would make me feel better about that, but I can't deny that it would be disappointing to have yet another part of this arc that was just an act and not genuine feelings....

Now, that isn't to say that it's impossible to do anything interesting with Nikolai already knowing the truth. He could be wishing to try to attain free will through the illogical pursuit of an impossible task: in this case, killing Fyodor. There's a beautiful, tragic paradox in him wishing to attempt something to gain his freedom that he and we know is impossible, especially if subconsciously he takes solace in the fact that he'd be able to kill Fyodor without actually losing him for good. If Nikolai doesn't already know, assuming he's not dead he's likely going to find out the truth soon when he next sees Fyodor alive and kicking — I can't imagine a way he wouldn't find out. In that case, we wouldn't get the aforementioned scenario where he tries to kill him and discovers it's futile, which is the most juicy to me I won't lie, but I am still fascinated by the idea of how Nikolai will respond just seeing him suddenly alive again and having to process this after having just mourned him. It's interesting to imagine how he might respond to and treat Fyodor after at last knowing how it truly felt to lose him, and realizing how much he didn't want that, and then suddenly having him back. It might cause him to finally understand that his desire for freedom is unobtainable, and cause him to spiral, and fundamentally change their relationship going forward. An eventual tragic end for him such as Fyodor taking over his body would not feel out of place to me in that case, perhaps, but still not until we've had more time to see Nikolai reflect and see his possible change in perspectives.

I don't know, I'm just rambling at this point lmao. I know very well that so much of my expectations and desires for Nikolai and Fyolai are built up from fan content over the years just because there's been nothing else to work with, and that it's unfair to judge what Asagiri decides to do with him/them based on preconceived notions. Whatever he does could still be interesting in the end, even if it's not what I initially wanted or expected, and being open to being surprised is always a good thing. At the end of the day we still know barely anything about Nikolai, so it's not completely fair for me to judge something as ooc for a character we still know so little about.

But... it's because we know so little about him and have gotten so little of him, that at the very least, I'm gonna be really upset if he does die here from being possessed by Fyodor like people are worrying about. I really don't think he will, because I'm pretty confident the helicopter pilot is the one Fyodor swapped with/resurrected in the body of as per soup's theory, and again I'm not saying it wouldn't be fitting eventually... but I really don't want it to happen now. :/ I just think Nikolai still has so much potential as a character and so much more we need to see of him before his likely inevitable and tragic demise (however it happens), so whatever Asagiri decides to do with him I just really, really hope we don't lose him so prematurely; it would honestly be such a tremendous waste imo.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd 114 #is this meta? i don't know #more like just incoherent rambling lmao #i just don't want Nikolai to die man....... I really don't #i get that people are hyped up on the juicy tragedy of it all but plssssssss it's too soon for him to go #we need so much more of the enigmatic clown...... he's too interesting to lose just yet!!! #i'm sad at probably losing the outcomes i always hoped for him and fyolai but right now i just want More Of Him #he can't die so soon when he's barely even had pagetime #it COULD be fascinating to see Fyodor's reaction to taking over his body but....... i don't think he'd /have/ any right now #they need more time together before one of them dies #i always thought/hoped Fyodor would die first and Nikolai would be left alone to angst lmao but ugh........ #now it's really feeling like it'll be the opposite #which again doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing depending on how Asagiri executes it........ I just think this is way too soon for it to happen #i'm gonna be so mad if Nikolai just dies offscreen without us ever hearing from him again because Fyodor possessed his body #poetically cruel and tragic? yes. but also so anticlimactic at this moment in time #never getting to hear from him again......... #ugh i blame all the Fyolai fan creators; they've raised the bar too high 😭😭😭 #idk maybe i'm just talking out of my ass though. i probably am. i just feel conflicted about all this and need to see where it goes

[fisheito]

Lol angst ? about nukani , my super unserious gayporngacha game? Can't be that bad

(10k words later into a fic) Ooohh.ohhh it was a mistake. I should not have read this hahahahahahahgyrk *choking sounds*

#i typically stay in my lane (fluff) but when i exhaust the fics. we must venture into unexplored territory #but the unfortunate consequence of that is like introducing predators to an island ecosystem #I WAS NOT EVOLUTIONARILY PREPARED. I DON'T HAVE THE DEFENSE MECHANISM S #i AM prompTLY DESTROYED #OMG EVEN WHEN I'M READING ANOTHER FIC NOWADAYS #sometimes something will remind me of that eiden dies fic #and the images will flash thru my mind like Sad PTSD #and I'll just ☹️😭😥😭😟😭 #i was cocky. thought angst Wouldnt affect me. what a fool i was. where did that complacency come from #i am changed. i will never forget. i will treasure u even more eiden #u are more valuable than u could ever comprehend my dear little bluetwinkmenace pls stay healthy #tears threatening to spill outta my eyeholes while i'm gathering all the clan members into my embrace #picks up another gay little haremboy and shoves it into my protective hold #nOOOOO you stay with the others safe and cuddled and everyone loves u and everyone is fine and #squeezes them all 🥺☁☁☁☁☁☁ #i am reading words and acting in ways

[tomfrogisblue]

I have finally finished O Segredo Na Floresta.

I have cried more than I thought possible.

And I fear I shall never be the same.

#i have discovered that however bad quarentena was - cellbit has tons more angst material ready to unleash when least expected #it was so so so good but my god - i have never felt more empty #you ever see a piece of media and think yeh this is gonna change the way i view certain things forever - yep. #but now i enter the ordem episodes that arent captioned and only have the youtube autotranslate - the final boss for my portuguese knowledge #cellbit #ordem paranormal #this post is sort of my proof to myself when i actually finished the bastard - this season was three billion years long i swear #and still so long to go #cellbit will continue to stab my emotions for many more hours to come!!! #it is very late at night and i am very sad. TIME TO START THE NEXT ONE :D #o segredo na floresta #enigma do medo #bro i need to yell at someone about the last like hour of the damn thing because i have many things to say. or maybe just cry some more #at least my portuguese is much better now lmao. I'll get to a point where i can just listen to an episode with no subtitles if it kills me!! #hopefully cellbit will be back on the qsmp soon to rip my heart out with a cute lil cubito delivering heart wrenching angst for some variety #qsmp #ok sleep time lmao

[that-was-anticlimactic]

can we just talk about how kenji has one of the Most tragic abilities in bungou stray dogs??? like. the more i think about it, the more heartbreaking it is.

he's fourteen years old and has an ability people would die/kill for. in s3, chuuya called kenji the ada's "trump card", so it's safe to assume the rest of the port mafia thinks the same way. he is immune to literal bullets, to being whacked in the head by hard metal or pretty much anything, he can easily lift cars above his head as if they were nothing,,,

but only if he's hungry.

if you ignore that last bit, kenji has one of the best powers in the show. and like he still does, but my God. he's fourteen years old. he doesn't think his ability is all that impressive. he doesn't see the issues.

since he has a job, he probably doesn't Really eat lunch, and if he does, it's snacks. but also his job is a part of the armed detective agency. therefore, things happen all the time. who knows how long cases will run, who knows when someone will try to destroy yokohama or the agency or whatever. there's been many times when it's been clear that they've had to work into the night. then we have to ask: does kenji eat dinner? no. probably not. and if he does, he probably just eats a piece of fruit or something small. that way, he doesn't lose his ability. he is the agency's trump card, after all. and he knows how important his power is. i mean, that's one of the reasons he joined ranpo and the others when they went against fukuzawa's orders in s3. it's not explicitly stated, but i'd argue that it's implied. anyways. does kenji eat breakfast? well, i don't think so. why? he sleeps when he eats. why sleep so soon after he just woke up? he has to go to work, anyways. so he can't fall asleep.

so, we've basically established that kenji probably has an extremely unhealthy eating schedule due to his ability. but also,,, what about his sleeping schedule? what kind of relationship does he have with sleep? so, let's say he eats a full meal three times a day: breakfast, lunch, and dinner. let's say how long he sleeps depends on how much he ate... so let's say that a small snack is no sleep since it's barely anything, just maybe makes him a little physically weaker. and a normal meal is at least an hour. that's at least three hours of sporadic sleep during the day - one of them shortly after he wakes up. but you know what makes that even sadder? what if kenji doesn't sleep at night because of his ability. or, sleep consistently or well? we can assume the agency actually really wants kenji to eat, even if he falls asleep, so on days when he can't get away with not really eating, he sleeps during the day for an unspecified amount of time. his sleep schedule would get so thrown off. also, he was raised on a farm, so we can assume he wakes up really early anyways. maybe early enough to say that there isn't any reason to sleep because he would wake up soon normally anyways.

and... what if kenji can't sleep without eating? what if kenji has to eat to sleep? maybe it wasn't that way when he was younger, but the older he got, the more his body grew to rely on his ability's exception. like... that's just... really sad. this kid is fourteen.

and think about it. the agency is best friends because they are. they'd probably like to go out to lunch or dinner together. i bet half the time at least, kenji wouldn't eat. why? because he'd fall asleep. wouldn't want to ruin the fun. because then they'd have to watch their volume around him or try to wake him up (and i hc that it's really hard to wake him up for like... the first ten minutes after a meal at least - it gets easier the longer he's been asleep or the less he eats). and what if they can't wake him up? then someone would have to carry him back and that's so kind of them but, well, they didn't have to and now kenji feels like a liability or a burden. like he ruined all the fun.

and he works with the armed detective agency. they've got a lot of enemies. he is the trump card. the physically strongest on the team. also the most naive and, objectively, the kindest. oh and one of the two youngest. can you imagine how vulnerable he is when he sleeps? i would imagine the agency wouldn't want him to eat by himself in public for, you know, safety reasons. and that even includes the cafe downstairs. who knows what could happen if kenji fell asleep on his own? and that's probably why he went to eat with atsushi in s1 ep11: he was with atsushi so he could eat out. one of those rare chances. and if an enemy did get to him while he was asleep, he'd be pretty easy to keep out of it: just keep forcing him to eat. shove food in his mouth, force him to swallow. and there you are: you have the armed detective agency's trump card. and kenji knows this.

and the sad thing is? kenji probably doesn't even realize he's having problems. he probably thinks this is normal. something he just has to deal with - and i don't say that in a negative or self-loathing kind of way. a genuine "it's always been like this; i know nothing else" kind of way. he wants to help people: that's why he came to the agency. he couldn't handle not being able to help everyone back home. he needs to be useful, to help. he grew up on a farm: he values hard work a lot - that much is obvious. he feels like he can't help if he eats consistently. he's probably (albeit subconsciously, unknowingly) scared of what would happen if he did eat and sleep consistently. that means he's not useful, right? that means someone will get hurt because of him. he'd rather starve than someone else get hurt. he was given this ability, he has to use it to help people.

tldr: kenji's ability is so interesting and underutilized in the the manga/anime and in the fandom and is so overlooked in angst potential. his ability most likely has ruined his eating and sleeping schedule to the point where he doesn't know anything different and genuinely thinks it's healthy because it's what he's always done, it's what he was blessed with, right? kenji deserves more love in canon and by the fandom <3

#hi i had a breakdown over kenji but what's new #bsd #kenji miyazawa #bsd kenji #no but like am i wrong??? kenji has one of the most tragic abilities in bsd!!! like!!! #not only because he probably definitely has an eating disorder but also because it ruins his ability to sleep like #i just. #ahhhhhhhhhhhhh #he is SO overlooked CONSTANTLY and it makes me SO upset. like. gosh he is such an interesting character and this angst isn't like... #blatant because he genuinely has no idea anything is wrong!!! he thinks it's normal! and it prolly takes the agency awhile to realize oh #frick kenji is Not okay this is Not healthy because kenji genuinely thinks it is because it's all he's ever known #and yes i am writing a fic about this and yes it is like 5k words right now and yes it is still going #i have feelings!!! #if no one will care about kenji then i will!!! #that is a threat!!! #but like guys... come on! he's riGHT THERE!!! and it's SO TRAGIC!!! we love tragedy here right? look at kenjiiiiiiiiiii #sorry feelings have i #it actually gets more and more sad the more i think about it #he is. he is FOURTEEN. #anyways imma go work on the fic tehe???

[kmackatie]

one day I’ll write the shadowgast fic about the complexity and beauty of grief that has been floating around in my head for the last two years

#the two ‘sad’ kiss snippets I wrote are very much on the theme of what that fic would touch on #it’s more complicated than just angst #idk I have a lot of thoughts about this topic and I’m curious to see how my approach to it has changed #I wrote a fic based on grief seven years ago but I am a very different person now #musings #shadowgast #the mighty nein #critical role #cr: fanfic #my writing #this is really just thoughts tumbling around my head

[sunsetzer]

As someone who gets migraines especially from stress, I have started to hc Edgar as someone who gets stress migraines as well, because he's been running a kingdom by himself for ten years, and he had to deal with an alliance he Did Not want with the empire that totally killed his dad while also secretly helping a rebellion against said empire and also maintaining a persona to make the empire think he's too young and stupid to be doing that- *inhale*

AND THEN he breaks the alliance, and he's actively fighting the empire but he still has Figaro to think about constantly, and then the world ends and the castle gets trapped underground and he has to become a gang boss to find a way back in so he can save everyone before they suffocate- *inhale*

AND THEN they have to go find all their friends, and fight horrible nightmare monsters, and kill god, and finally try to rebuild the world that got destroyed post-game, and after all that now he's the leader of like... the only surviving nation after the apocalypse.

#and then i feel sad and want someone to bring him water and make him lay down #my mans cares so much abt his friends and his people even with a migraine hed try to keep working on whatever hes doing #edgar is def someone who acts more chill than he is theres no way he doesnt have anxiety #he just also has hundreds of people depending on him so he cant just shut down #final fantasy vi #ff6 #final fantasy 6 #ffvi #my post #edgar roni figaro #enjoy my late night angst i have plenty more where this came from #the returners live in my head rent free so i am thinking about them constantly #maybe i will post more hcs later

[darehearts]

what if i make the tarsus iv events from tos canon for my aos jim kirk tho 😵‍💫

#in case youre like /what drama is lucy rambling on about #about james tee again/ it's an earth colony jim was on that #basically got thanos snapped by its governor due to supply #shortages. he was just a little kid tho and oof. it could easily #work given winona's neglect of jim and i could justify his #presence there but that's such a dark path that........ given #how far along in my characterization i am idk if it's feasible #to suddenly inject it. it might be too late for it..... what #value will this add besides traumatizing jim further you #ask-- honestly it just gives me more conflicty content to #write. i think it might also have an effect on jim's extreme #behavior in certain cases... maybe i should elaborate on a #post instead of tags. i better go back to work instead of #thinking about sads and angst KSDJFSKJFKSJF #tbd

[anon-unofficial]

hey so. um. i was told that lmk didn't have any pain. and. haha. haha. haHa...what the f

#🅰️non talks #lego monkie kid #*glares at ceres* I TRUSTED YOU #/silly #gOOOOOOOOD MK YOU SILLY TRAUMATIZED BOY #HUGGING YOU AND SQUISHING YOU AND CODDLING YOU IN MY HEAD AS I AM TYPING THIS #(i also hope that there is more to it where that came from cuz im on s2ep9 rn and i want to really DWELL on the sadness and angst potential #(cuz from what i'm seeing in the main earlier episodes (I AM NOT COMPLAINING WHATSOEVER I DO KNOW THAT THIS IS STILL A KID'S SHOW)) #(forgiveness is very easy to come by in the main cast) #(i wanna explore trying to give them more negative aspects like holding grudges (either visible or invisible) and showing remnants of ptsd #from earlier encounters) #(just idk man I HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH GIVING EVERYTHING JUST A PINCH OF REALISM OK???? angst is my lifeblood you all should know that /lh) #edit: ok i just reread their response to my ask and turns out i accidentally left out the part where they told me there IS pain #oh #ahem #ahem... #edit2: I AM AN IDIOT. I FORGOT TO SEPARATE THIS EARLIER BUT PTSD IS **NOT** A NEGATIVE ASPECT AND I AM SO SORRY FOR MAKING IT OUT TO BE ONE #PTSD IS VALID AND THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE PTSD DESERVE TO FEEL SAFE AND HAPPY FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES #FUCK YOU IF YOU DON'T THINK THE SAME OK BYE

[cerulean-fantasy]

Ras’virelan

SO i'm not sure what to write here exactly, but yeah!! a quick impulsive little fanart of a character in @noverturemusings's fanfic: In the face of your light. which utterly RUINED me and everyone and their dog should go and read it. i am holding you at gunpoint

#dragon age #lavellan #m!lavellan #itfoyl #my art #hopefully i didn't go too overboard with the hair waviness i just. can never resist #ANYWAY JKAHGJHKSBGKJS #i have SO many thoughts about that goddamned fanfic i wish my head was less empty now that i can finally scream about it in here #i cried so many times you wouldn't believe #the happiness the sadness and angst the TWISTS and LORE BUILDING and it is just PERFECTION itself embodied in words #like you go into my head and yeet out all the things i'd die over in the best way and make something SO good #tfw you went in for solavellan and came out sobbing over even more than you'd ever thought #i want to draw them all tbhhhh #help me #super tempted to join the discord actually but i am very shy and have no guts so i am scared ;; #mostly a just lurker kinda person too akjhGKJHS

[littledreamling]

∇ - old age/aging headcanon (for dream and hob if they were human rather than immortal, i suppose)

Oh my friend, you have just unlocked a side of my mind that's rarely seen but so so feral!

From this headcanon meme!

I absolutely adore aging Hob and Dream. Even outside of a human au, I love the thought of them growing old together. Age continues to exist, even if the physical evidence of it (and indeed, the end result of it) does not. Hob still ages; each year that passes is another year since he last saw his mother, another year since he last rode a horse (he really wants to get back into that and keeps telling himself that this year will be the year, but it never is), another year since he heard his oldest friends' laughter. He feels the weight of his immortality every single day, and it's not an unbearable weight, but it hangs off of his shoulders nonetheless. Dream, too, ages. Perhaps not in the same way; his life is not measured in the same way as human lives are, he does not count each passing second as an added second to his never-ending, eternal clock, nor does he measure the length of the road behind him (or the road ahead of him) in human years. Yet he ages. If learning and growing and changing are all marks of growing up and growing old, then he is doing both. He was not always; for a long time, he had been stuck in time, neither adapting nor maturing in any conceivable way, but recent events (and a certain immortal mortal) have dragged him firmly into the realm of the aging.

And it's a good thing! Hob had learned the old aphorism long ago: change or die, and he had chosen to live. Living means changing; changing with the times, changing outlooks, changing opinions, changing biases. He is a master of change, moving from one life to the next with all the fluidity of a rushing river. His ability to do so is his aging. Likewise, Dream's willingness to, if nothing else, at least see Hob's point of view about change, shows his own aging.

But you didn't send this ask to hear me wax poetic about the philosophy of aging or changing, so here are my thoughts on old, human Dreamling.

Dream is a grumpy old man. He's the old man who worked every day of his life, without break or vacation, and his body is punishing him for it. He was definitely an artist of some kind, maybe a sculptor, maybe something else. It doesn't matter; at the end of his day, his knees click and his knuckles are swollen with arthritis and all of the muscles that had built up in his shoulders have languished in his old age. He can't hold a paintbrush or spin a pottery wheel anymore and it eats him alive with every sunrise. Hob, on the other hand, is the singular spot of warmth and light in Dream's life. Hob, a retired soldier, or maybe a life-long construction worker, has kept his sunny disposition (and, infuriatingly, his fit frame) into his older years. They're the quintessential grumpy one/sunshine one, though anyone who knows them personally knows that Dream has a soft spot for children, and for birds, and for anyone who has a story to tell, while Hob has a mean streak a mile wide if you get on his bad side. They spend their days sitting at the kitchen table, cradling warm cups of coffee or tea, or sitting on their front porch, cradling warm cups of coffee or tea, or sitting on a bench in their local park, cradling warm cups of coffee or tea. They always have warm cups of coffee or tea. They're well-known at the coffee shop, and Hob will recount the story of how they met in that very same shop loudly and at length to anyone who asks (and sometimes to people who don't).

On days when Dream feels as though he can't get out of bed, like his body is too heavy for the world, like his mind has fallen into such disrepair as to be unusable, Hob is the one who sits next to him, a warm hand on his shoulder, and affectionately calls him a drama queen. He'll roll his eyes at his husband's antics, but he'll bring him breakfast in bed anyway. And when Hob is haunted by old nightmares of a long life, not always well-lived, Dream will hold one of their countless books in long, shaking fingers, and he will read to his husband, poems and epic tales, and Dream won't tell Hob that he's not reading, he's reciting, because his quiver and eyesight have gotten so bad that he can't see the words clearly, but he knows them in his heart. And Hob won't tell Dream that he doesn't need to go through the trouble, that it's his presence that's grounding, not the words he's speaking; he'll sit in his presence and let the wash of words roll over him like a comforting tide, drowning his bone-deep anxieties. He'd listen to his husband read the phone book and still find enjoyment in that deep voice and the cadence of his tone.

And when they die, because they do die, they die together. Not in time, mind you, but in company. Surrounded by friends and family, the younger siblings of the Endless family, the children they adopted and the grandchildren, both blood-related and not. Morpheus dies first, his body breaking at the seams. He dies in his sleep, napping on the couch while Hob cooks dinner, and his last words are breathed into the quiet room, asking Hob for a blanket. The funeral is a somber affair, a solemn celebration of everything Morpheus had been; an artist, a husband, a father, a flawed man. The entire town attends, even those who had gotten yelled at from across the lawn or across the park (Dream had taken grave offense to anyone disrupting the local bird population, a story that gets told at the reception with teary eyes and wobbly smiles). When Hob gets home, their entire family is there, warm and laughing and joyful and he can feel his husband in the room, in the people they both had dedicated their lives to.

When Hob dies a week later, no one is surprised. It's his daughter who finds him, curled up on the very same couch, wrapped in the very same blanket, tucked lovingly around him, as if someone else had draped the quilt over his shoulders. She cries, because he was her father, and she loved him, and a part of her had hoped that he would be around forever. But there is a larger part, a much larger part, that finds comfort in the sight. Hob and Dream were never meant to be separated. Wherever they are, she reasons (because they were never a religious family), they are together. For now and forever. As they always should be.

#thanks for the ask! #anyway this got sad but I really enjoyed writing it #fun fact: my grandfather actually died how I described Dream dying #so that hit really close for me #I really love this idea (both ideas actually) and I could talk about it for way longer than this #dreamling nation is going to hate me for this one lmao #the angst king strikes again #I was really supposed to write tonight (and in a way I did) but this was far more fun to do #I made myself sad in such a good way #I hope this makes everyone else sad too #hehehe #i love how i say ‘rarely seen’ like this didn’t devolve into angst which I am very well known for lmao #the sandman #sandman netflix #dream of the endless #hob gadling #morpheus #dreamling #death cw #cw death #cw: death #major character death #my writing #death tw #tw death #tw: death