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pineapple-hoseok · 3 years

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Happy Birthday!

Pairing: Yoongi x f!reader

Genre: A whole lot of fluff, soft Yoongi, 13+

Warnings: Some cuss words and Yoongi being a lovesick puppy

Word Count: 3.7k (wow that’s the longest one shot I’ve ever written)

Summary: It’s your birthday and Yoongi doesn’t know what to get you. He has a huge crush on you and he wants everything to be perfect.

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Your birthday was tomorrow. You knew it, your best friend knew, the boys knew it, Yoongi knew it. How could Yoongi forget one of the most important days of the year? Well, it wasn’t as important as everyone was hyping it up to be, but it was for Yoongi. Especially because he had the biggest crush on you since Jimin introduced you to him and the others over a year ago. And he was going to use this day to finally tell you how he felt, using the advice Jimin gave him.

The only problem was, he didn’t know what gift to get you. You were supposed to be meeting up at their dorm tomorrow afternoon so they could celebrate with you and Minah, one out of two of your best friends, and he still had no idea what to buy.

Even as he stood in the middle of the shopping mall about a mile from the dorm, he was clueless and running out of time. So he did what he thought of as a last resort and dialed a number.

The boy on the other line answered with a tired ‘Hello?’, making it clear to Yoongi that he had just woken up from a nap. “Jimin-ah, I need your help.”

“Are you trying to find a gift for Y/N but you have no idea what to get her so you’re calling me to see if I can give you an idea of what to buy since I’m her best friend and I know her better than she knows herself?” That left Yoongi speechless.

Jimin knew of the older boy’s crush on you, hell, all the boys did. Even Minah, who was also one of the densest people in all of Korea, knew. Everyone could tell by the way Yoongi’s mood would lift every time you walked into the room, his obvious attempts of getting closer to you on movie nights, spending hours in his studio showing you songs he’d been working on, even letting you hear him sing after he swore he didn’t have the ability to. And when you told him you loved his songs and his voice, he felt his heart do a backflip in his chest. But somehow, you didn’t notice.

“How the fuck did you know that?” Jimin rolled his eyes so hard, Yoongi could practically hear it.

“You’re so easy to read when it comes to her, hyung.” The Busan boy sighed, sitting up in his bed once he realized he wasn’t getting any more sleep. “You already know Y/N’s really into photography, and I just happen to know her camera just broke. She needs a new one.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened, wondering to himself how he didn’t think of that before. “Thanks Jiminie, I owe you.” Jimin mumbled a simple ‘hell yeah you do’ and hung up the phone, but not without reminding Yoongi how much he loved him. The older male externally gagged, but internally smiled.

He knew you would never accept a brand new camera from him, but he was going to force you to take it, since he knew how much photography meant to you. He couldn’t live with himself if he knew you couldn’t do the thing you loved, and that he had a way to help. So he walked into Best Buy and made a beeline to the camera section. He knew absolutely nothing about cameras, but he was lucky to have a worker show him the best one for taking 4K pictures. Yoongi thought you’d really like an upgrade from your previous camera, which was kinda crappy considering that you got it for cheap.

Oh yeah, Yoongi thought, Y/N is definitely going to kill me. The boy, who usually kept his feelings to himself, found himself smiling at the thought of what your reaction would be. You’d definitely give him the worst death glare you could muster up, but he knew you would be actually trying your hardest not to cry. So as he swiped his credit card in the card reader, his excitement to give you this gift only grew.

Yoongi sat at his desk later that night, ignoring the calls of all the boys and their questioning of the bag he had in his hands. He pulled out a piece of paper and a pen, getting to work on the second half of his gift for you.

Meanwhile, you were laying on Minah’s bed while staring up at the ceiling, your best friend sitting on her desk chair. You had no idea what she was doing, but you didn’t question it. Everyone seemed to be keeping something from you lately. First, Minah begged you to sleep over, then you caught her talking to Jimin on the phone about god knows what. Now, she was telling you that the two of you were going over to the boys’ dorm because she forgot her favorite sweater there.

You fished your phone out of your pocket and texted the only person you thought you could get information out of.

If Hoseok didn’t know anything, that means they probably kept him out of it. He was probably the worst liar you had ever met, he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. But you dropped the subject as soon as Minah stood up from her desk chair. She gestured for you to move over so she could get in the bed too. Back in Busan, you, Minah, and Jimin had been sleeping in the same bed since you all were in diapers, so this wasn’t weird at all to either of you.

“Minah?” You spoke in a soft voice, causing the girl to turn to look at you.

“What’s up?”

You bit your lip, thinking for a second. “What if everyone forgot my birthday? The only person that has said anything about it was Hoseok.”

Minah had to keep herself from smiling. “I’m sure everyone remembers, there’s still a half hour until your actual birthday. Don’t worry, okay?”

You took her word for it, trying your best to calm your racing thoughts. For the next half hour, you and Minah talked about memories you both had from middle school, including the time the two of you drew all over Jimin’s face in middle school when he fell asleep in class. He was still holding a grudge against the two of you for that.

Before you knew it, the alarm clock on Minah’s bedside read twelve am.

Minah jumped up and wrapped her arms around you, screaming ‘happy birthday!’ so loudly in your ear that you were sure her neighbors heard her. You laughed, the girl’s strength knocking you down on the bed while you hugged her back.

“Thank you, now get off of me!” As soon as she did, your phone rang. It was your parents calling you from Busan to wish you a happy birthday. You thanked them, making sure to tell them that you were gonna visit soon before you hung up. Other than that, you had no more calls. Not even from the person you wanted to call you the most, Yoongi.

Everyone knew about your crush on Yoongi, the two of you were really bad at hiding your feelings. But apparently you weren’t, because neither you nor Yoongi knew how the other felt.

Every time you hung out with him and the boys, you always found yourself smiling more than usual whenever he talked to you. And the moments you two spent in his studio listening to a song he wanted to show you only made your stomach fill with butterflies. He seemed to get you more than anyone else did, not even Minah and Jimin. You also couldn’t forget how gentle he always was with you, despite what people have said about him having a cold exterior. Whenever you had a movie night with the boys, Yoongi would always end up sitting next to you, even sharing his blanket with you when you got cold. He’d scold you whenever he caught you speaking badly about yourself, telling you never to do that again. Whenever you were upset and needed comfort, he always let you call him no matter what time of night it was. You couldn’t help but fall for him, which is why you felt disappointed when you didn’t get a text or call from him at midnight.

Your lips turned down in a small frown, but Minah didn’t notice. Instead, she explained that the two of you should sleep so you could go to the boys’ dorm early in the afternoon. You turned onto your side, pulling the covers over your shoulder as you closed your eyes and let sleep take over you.

You woke up to the sound of a higher pitched male voice singing happy birthday. As your eyes opened, you noticed it was Jimin singing to you while holding a cupcake with a single candle in it, Minah smiling widely behind him. They gave you a second to sit up in Minah’s bed, a wide smile taking over your features. You closed your eyes, making a single wish before blowing out the candle on the cupcake Jimin was holding out for you. He set it on the nightstand, allowing you to jump into your best friend’s arms and thank him profusely. Jimin’s arms picked you up and lifted you off of the bed, spinning you around once before setting you down on the floor.

“Happy birthday, loser.” You laughed, reaching up to ruffle the boy’s hair.

“Yah, that’s noona to you.” You honestly didn’t care about honorifics, but you did it just to tease Jimin about your one year age difference like you always did. He rolled his eyes, pushing your hand away from him while you laughed even more.

“Now go brush your teeth and put on something nice after you shower, you stink.” Minah pushed you towards her bathroom, leaving you confused. If you guys were only going to the dorm to pick up her sweater, why did you need to wear something nice? At this point you learned not to question anything Minah said, so you just went along with it and started getting ready.

About an hour later, you were dressed in a black skirt and a matching black blouse that you found in Minah’s closet after you forgot your clothes at your house. All you did to your hair was brush it out and style it a little, but you liked the way the wavy style looked on you. Once you stepped out of the room, you found Jimin and Minah whispering about something, with Jimin briefly looking down at his phone.

After you cleared your throat to get their attention, they turned to look at you.

“Perfect, let’s go.” Jimin grabbed your hand and brought you over to the door, telling you to put on the black low top vans you came in before leading you and Minah to his car. Throughout the entire car ride to Bangtan’s apartment building, Minah kept bouncing excitedly in her seat. Jimin on the other hand, kept telling her to stop before he threw her out of his porsche.

Soon enough, the three of you arrived at the building, making your way up the familiar elevator before walking down the hall. You were about to put in the code to the front door before Jimin slid in front of you so he could do it himself. What a child.

He sent a quick text from his phone before putting in the door code. The lights were off inside the big apartment, and you wondered where the boys were. Were they all out and Jimin was the first one home? Dismissing the thought, you took your shoes off at the entrance and put on the slippers the boys got you a few months into your friendship with them. You were about to start looking for Minah’s sweater until all of a sudden, the lights turned on and six boys jumped up screaming.

“Surprise!” You would’ve fell on your ass if it wasn’t for Minah who caught you from behind, everyone laughing at your reaction. All around you were balloons and streamers in an array of colors, the entire living area of the dorm looking festive.

You started tearing up, your hand fanning your eyes as you looked around at the seven boys -- plus Minah -- that planned this surprise party for you.

“You guys did all of this for me?” They all nodded, all of them running over to hug you before you could burst into tears. You hugged all of them individually, each boy wishing you a happy birthday. Hoseok came up to you, wrapping his arms around you in a friendly hug. Aside from Jimin, Hoseok was the next boy you considered as one of your closest friends in Bangtan.

“I swear, Y/N, I didn’t know anything about this until an hour ago.” You laughed, hugging the boy tightly.

Next was Yoongi. He walked up to you with a smile on his face, holding his arms out for a hug. Your arms wrapped around his neck as his wrapped around your waist, your heart doing backflips and somersaults in your chest.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you to say happy birthday at midnight, they took my phone so I couldn’t contact you and ruin the surprise,” He spoke, his lips right next to your ear making his soft voice send shivers through your body. You hugged him for a second longer than the other boys before pulling back from the hug.

“It’s okay, I wasn’t worried.” That was a lie, but you decided that Yoongi didn’t need to know that.

The two of you walked over to the living room where the rest of the party was, your body immediately taking a seat next to Seokjin when he offered you one of the switch remotes to play Mario Kart with him.

That’s how the party went for the next few hours. A Mario Kart tournament between you and your eight friends took up a lot of the time, but you ended up beating everyone. You knew all of them had let you win, because there was no way you could beat Seokjin, Jungkook, AND Taehyung. But you didn’t mind, you got a crown made out of paper as your prize.

At last, it was gift opening time. Everyone sat on the living room floor, letting you use the couch as your throne as you opened each gift.

“I told you guys not to get me anything.” You whined, earning a bunch of comments from the peanut gallery to shut up and open your gifts.

So that’s what you did, starting with a gift from Jungkook. He got you the new pair of vans you’ve been wanting and were telling him about last week. Taehyung got you a gucci necktie to match his, Hoseok got you a pin that says ‘I <3 New Zealand’ from when they visited the year before (which you laughed at), Seokjin got you an Eevee plushie to match his, Namjoon got you a copy of the book he was reading which you asked him for a while ago, and Jimin got you a signed cd of his single ‘Promise’. After each of the boys gave you their gifts, you hugged each of them and made sure to tell them how much you really liked everything.

Then Yoongi gave you his. It was in a wrapped box and it felt heavy. You prayed that he didn’t get you something expensive, after you specifically told everyone not to buy you anything expensive. But you carefully opened it anyway, the wrapping paper revealing the box of a brand new Canon camera. A chorus of surprised sounds came from everyone, your eyes widening while looking down at the box. This camera was a huge upgrade from the shitty one you had before, which broke after some random guy bumped into you while you were taking pictures one day.

“Min Yoongi, I’m gonna kill you.” You mustered the best death glare you could give him. If looks could kill, the boy would be six feet under by now.

“Well I’m not taking it back, and there’s no refunds or returns so you have to accept it.” He wore a smug smile on his face that you wanted so badly to wipe off completely. You would definitely murder him in his sleep later.

You set the box down next to you and sighed in defeat, going over to hug him too.

“Thank you, it really means a lot to me.” Your voice was soft as you thanked him, and you could feel him smile against your cheek. You were about to go back to your seat when Yoongi stopped you.

“Actually, there’s something else I have for you,” He looked around at the curious eyes of everyone staring up at him, “in private.”

This set off another chorus of ‘woah’s from all of the boys, Minah only snickering in the corner. After telling them all to shut up, Yoongi stood and gestured for you to follow him to his room. You stood and followed closely behind him, ignoring the stares you felt on the back of your head.

Yoongi led you into his room and closed the door behind him so you two would have privacy. Your heart was beating wildly in your chest, wondering why he brought you here.

“So I kinda wrote you a small note, and I didn’t want you to read it in front of everyone so I brought you here.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper, handing it to you with red cheeks. You didn’t know how to react except for responding with a small ‘thank you’ before opening the note.

Dear Y/N,

I kinda feel like an idiot writing this letter to you, but I didn’t know how else to tell you. Okay I’m just gonna say it, I like you. Like really like you. I like spending time with you, whether it’s with the boys or alone, I like showing you the songs I’m working on, I like when you sit close to me on movie nights, I like when you smile and literally light up any room you walk into, I like how little strands of your hair fall into your eyes and you don’t even notice it, I like the way your dimples pop out every time you smile, I like everything about you. I really like the way I feel when I’m around you, like I get this tingly feeling in my stomach and I can feel my heart do little flips in my chest, and I just feel really happy when I’m around you. Everything in me just wants to keep you happy, because you look really beautiful when you smile, and your laugh is probably more contagious than Hoseok’s (and that’s saying a lot). My point is, I’m wearing my heart on my sleeve right now and I just wanted to ask you something.

P.S: Look back up at me when you’re done reading this.

You had tears in your eyes by the time you looked back up at a nervous Yoongi, his hands shoved in his front pockets to keep himself from fidgeting with them.

“Now that you know my feelings, will you please be my girlfriend?” Yoongi couldn’t tear his eyes away from yours, not until he heard your answer. Right now, he was giving his heart to you in hopes that you wouldn’t break it. He was revealing a vulnerable side of him that only you got to see, and that he had never shown anyone.

You smiled as a few tears slipped past your eyelids, which made Yoongi immediately go into panic mode.

“Oh shit, did I do something? I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that-“ You cut him off by chuckling lightly, shaking your head.

“Shut up and kiss me, idiot.” Your hands reached up to rest on his cheeks, pulling his face closer to yours until your lips met his. Almost immediately, his hands rested on your waist, pulling your body closer to his.

The kiss lasted a little less than ten seconds before both of you hesitantly pulled back just enough to look at each other’s faces.

“Yes,” You spoke softly, causing a confused look to take over Yoongi’s face. Laughing lightly, you realized he completely forgot about his question. “I’ll be your girlfriend.”

Yoongi smiled his gummy smile that you absolutely adored, his arms wrapping around your waist to hug you again. The size of your smile mirrored his as your hands ran through his hair.

“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.” His head pulled back, leaning down to kiss you again. You broke the kiss after a second, though, much to his dismay.

“As much as I just want to kiss you all night, we have a crowd of people waiting for us outside.” Yoongi whined, only making you laugh more. But you were serious about going back out there, taking hold of his hand and walking back out of his room. The two of you walked hand in hand back to the living room, smiling at all of the surprised faces staring back at you.

“Finally!” Jimin called out, earning himself a slap on the back of the head from Seokjin. But everyone agreed with Jimin’s opinion, congratulating you and Yoongi.

You all decided to end the night with cake and a movie. Everyone called for you to pick the movie while Minah got up to grab the cake in the kitchen, so you picked ‘Toy Story 2’ again. They all started complaining, but you just smiled and pressed play on the screen.

Instead of sitting on the couch like you normally would’ve, you decided to sit on the floor in between Yoongi’s legs, leaning your back against his chest. You felt two strong arms wrap around your waist, looking back to see your now boyfriend looking back down at you with a smile on his face. Making sure no one was looking, you leaned up to quickly kiss his waiting lips before resting your head back on his shoulder, your arms resting on top of his.

This was officially the best birthday ever.

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misha-moose-dean-burger-lover · 4 years

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Natural Selection.

Cas is 'The Secret Boyfriend' in Dean's phone.

He was originally Cass, till Cas saw it once and was horrified enough for Dean to feel guilty.

Soon enough, he was Cas <3 because he happened to leave his cell lying around Sam.

And then, when Cas and Dean started - well - calling each other boyfriends; Charlie had frowned when he'd referred to it as starting to date, because apparently, they'd been doing that for years already - Dean changed it himself to 'Bf', induced by a particular drunken night of missing him terribly.

There were further transitions, all revolving about the same theme. There was a certain thrill, Dean realised. Occasionally, Cas would want to know what he was being called that week, with that soft smile on his face, and Dean would be proud to tell him.

Sometimes he'd have to explain the nicknames. Good times.

He never has to ask, though. Dean has been Humanity in Cas’s phone, long since Crowley got his hands on it.

One sunny morning, during breakfast in their windowless kitchen, Cas asks him again. Dean just nudges his phone in his direction, occupied in trying to get his omelette fit in the pan just right.

Cas laughs when he sees, Cas, secret boyfriend. He reads it aloud to Dean, who has his back turned to him, shirtless and apron adorned.

Dean practically stutters around to stare at him. "But -" He was sure he'd put Cherrypie earlier that week, so how could it have changed since - unless, of fucking course, Gabriel must have got his hands on it again. Goddammit. It seems to be his newest way of annoying Dean. "I didn't -" He begins.

But Cas has a faint smile on his lips, as he edits it himself, nimble fingers now having learned to be quick as they dance across the keyboard.

Dean leans over his shoulder to read, and Cas tilts his head to let Dean see. "That made it seem like there might be others." His scruff strokes Dean's bicep as he told him. It tickles.

"Other secret boyfriends?" Dean repeats, licking his lips, leaning in further and allowing Cas to press his lips to the corner of Dean's shy smile.

"Other Cas's." Cas corrects.

"Nah." Dean shakes his head, if only to get Cas's lips to move against his cheek. "You're the only Cas for me, Cas." Cas's lips curl into a smile, and it's a smooth transition, he can feel it right on his skin. Dean loves being close to Cas.

"You're the only Dean for me too." Cas tells him frankly, dimpling as he finally plants an actual kiss on Dean's lips, by using a hand to turn his jaw to get it on the mark just right. Dean's eyes close instantly, when Cas cups his face. They linger.

For a moment too long, or maybe too little, they're lost. Then, Dean lets his hand fall on the back of Cas's neck, and ghost the inside of his collar, and Cas shifts in his seat, putting some distance between them. If Cas hadn't pulled back just then, Dean could bet he would've ended up straddling him - even for as sweet as they'd been kissing.

Cas sighs, softly, as if he was returning from somewhere. "Dean, I think your omelette just turned into scramble."

"Oh, well." Dean grins, straightening. Satisfied. "You'd eat whatever I fed you."

"You've taught me that's love." Cas throws back, half accusatory, mostly just smiling. Dean feels a flutter in his insides at the word, as he turns back to the stove.

And that's the story of how Cas started being called The Secret Boyfriend by Dean's phone.

***

There's Cas smiling at him, head tucked under Dean's arm and everything, whenever he unlocks his phone to his home screen.

When Dean got his first phone under his real name, he was seventeen.

John surprised him with it.

It wasn't even his birthday or anything. There was a vamp nest, a couple cities over. And that time, Sam had won the argument with Dad, and the brothers were to stay behind - and go to school, Sam had primarily argued - while John went off to take care of the hunt. But it was close to holiday season, so no motels had vacancies for more nights than one, and they were looking to stay indefinitely - so John's only option had been to rent a flat.

It was a one bedroom place, the kind which would've been cramped if they'd had any furniture at all. The building had an air of misery, but it was probably just the cold. Even the landlord didn't live there anymore.

But now, Sam was thirteen and tall, and Dean worked weekends - so they were old enough in John's book, to be left back; with money that wasn't theirs, and that one cellphone with a month's bill paid. Dean's first phone.

The next day, lying on the bed because they hadn't bought a new couch and Dean definitely wasn't going to touch the one that'd come with the house unless at gunpoint, Dean set his first wallpaper.

It was Gunnar Lawless, flexing a bicep, and smirking over his shoulder, head cocked as if to look right into Dean's eyes, as he stared at his screen in wonder. Someday, he'd have guns like those, and friends like him. Someday, he'd be a man like him.

John returned in a week's time. They drove away. (Didn't even tell the landlord they were vacating the house, because then they'd have to give reasons. Lying wasn't a problem. But it got boring, sometimes.)

Dean grew up.

When he hit nineteen - around the same time he moved to that one highscool in Texas where he'd eventually meet Rhonda Hurley, he made a friend.

Ben was cool. He taught Dean things, though he probably didn't know Dean was learning from him. Dean was good at that.

Once, Ben had snickered at some guy's clothes. Said it was a lot. Guys were supposed to keep it cool. Keep it simple, keep it casual.

Those had been the origins of 'Less is More'. The basics are the classics, a little is a lot, things like that. If you were untraditional about things like mobile wallpapers, you were trying too hard.

Dean knew that was stupid.

Dean also knew he was going to change it to the default.

He felt good about it for just about a minute, and then just foolish. He would even have changed it back, Ben could screw off, he didn't care, if only he'd kept staring at his screen for longer. But break was over, and Dean picked up his books and Ben picked up his, and they went off to class.

Sadly, the boring grey squares stuck with Dean for much longer than the school and his friend did.

Much later, when highschool was all done, and Sammy was all gone - Dean changed it to Baby.

It had been a night spent wholly driving, with Dad passed out next to him. Don't worry, he was alright. Just the final showdown of a hunt, and then the alcohol. Never a good pair, Dean remembered thinking, back then.

It was a good angle for Baby, showed off her strength, magnificence and color. Dean felt almost proud of the photo he'd taken. The aluminium glistened and the glass had a cleaner sheen somehow. She looked terrific, headlights blazing and everything - and it was his. They'd had that conversation earlier that night, and though John had been sufficiently drunk, Dean knew he'd remember his words. The Impala was his. Hell, Dean didn't spare a thought to the former definition of cool, as he changed his wallpaper.

His car was what was fucking cool. Anybody who wanted to tell him otherwise could go screw himself.

Baby stayed on Dean's homescreen for a long time.

Sometimes he'd replace it with newer, better pictures he took of her. Sam would grin, tell Dean he was very good at photography for someone with such a crappy camera, and Dean would flip him off with a mirroring grin.

Baby finally got off his screen, years later.

Dean didn't know what had got into him, but he swears to himself that he was at least a little bit drunk to have been googling 'I Killed Hitler' quote images.

It was also weird how he got one which matched his tastes perfectly - black background, text in unavoidable bold purple. There were a lot of options on the internet.

That part was stupid, too. He knew that none of them killed Hitler. Of course, because it was he who did.

But he did end up finding the perfect one, and Dean had it on his screen for a good bit of time too. He'd occasionally shove it in Sam's face, for example, to prove a completely unrelated point - just to savor the way his brother looked at him like nothing annoyed him more than Dean did.

And then, there was that day, when Cas came back from his run with Sam - he accompanied him on the days when it looked like Dean wouldn't get up till they're back, Dean knew - and promptly declared that he was going to start taking selfies.

Apparently he'd seen many people doing it, had been seeing them do it for years, and was affirmative that he wanted to try it. It almost certainly didn't help when Dean informed him that he hadn't taken a single selfie in his entire life and that he was living just fine.

Cas had always been stubborn.

And he had a phone, now. And, he certainly had always had a way with Dean.

"Why are you so difficult, Dean? Why is it so hard for you to smile at the camera?" Cas grumbled, probably fashioning his tone to sound doubly as annoyed as he was.

"'Cause it's not the camera. I'm smiling at myself here, Cas." Dean rolled his eyes. "It's dumb." He had his phone held at eyelevel, he refused to take it any higher. Then what would be the frigging difference between him and those -

"Then smile at me." Cas interrupted, as an effective idea came to him, and he slid into the picture next to Dean. "There. It's not dumb to smile at me, is it?"

Dean sighed, maybe a little flustered. Cas was pressing up against him pretty close to get in the frame. "You know you're really frigging weird, right?"

"I have a fair idea." Cas beamed at him, and pushed Dean's face with his own to fit fully. Dean had to resist snorting at that. What a complete dork. "There." Cas announced. "We look good. Click on the button. It's the white one -"

"I know how to take a goddamn photo, Cas -"

"- then why aren't you doing it?" Cas cut in, slipping into the tone he saves for when he wants to pretend he's really had enough of Dean's fusses. "I don't see you taking the photo, Dean -"

"I can't do it with the hand which is holding the phone, you stupid -" Dean groaned, trying to twist his arm out of where Cas had squeezed it between their bodies, in his nagging at Dean. "It'll fall if I do that. And I can't use my other hand, because then it'll block your face -"

"Oh, leave it to me." Cas huffed, frustrated, and taking the phone from Dean's outstretched hand. "I'll - let me do it, Dean. I'll do it." Dean clawed at the air to get the phone back but Cas was stretching it away now. At least Dean got to untangle his other arm, and didn't even notice as he slung it around Cas - out of habit, or something. "Now you smile, and I'll just press the button in the middle, and -"

"I know how to take a photo, goddammit!" Dean snapped, right as Cas took the photo. Cas turned at him with a frown, because of that.

It came out pretty candid, was all the praise anyone could offer.

They took more photos. Dean even smiled in a few - believe him, he tried not to. Cas smiled in most, and in some rare ones, the smile crinkled his eyes and showed off his gums - and they luckily coincided with exactly one of Dean's smiling photos, and it was a perfect one, that one.

If it means Cas will smile like that, Dean's going to take more pictures.

It's not till weeks later, when Dean's scrolling through his gallery looking for something important, that he sees the picture for the first time. It's almost impossible to look away.

He can't seem to recall the other details surrounding it, anymore. Just what the photo shows him, and just the way Cas looks in it, with his hair dark and wild, and his eyes shining from having gotten Dean to comply. Collar slightly upturned from Dean's arm making it that way, and his head turned slightly as if he were about to just look at the real Dean before the camera captured the moment. His smile, proud of the fancy new activity, with glances of barely there dimples hiding in his stubble. He's beautiful, and he's happy, and it's a good picture, if there ever was one.

And of course, in the picture too, Dean's only got his eyes on Cas.

In that moment, Dean Winchester had found exactly what he wanted to see, whenever he unlocked his phone, for the rest of his life. And that's the story of how Dean found his wallpaper, for the ages.

(And yes, ever since they enabled different wallpapers for the lockscreen and the homescreen, he's had eleven year old Sammy dressed as a pumpkin for a school halloween fest, on the former. He collected the photo from Missouri some time ago, and Sam detests it audibly, so obviously Dean isn't going to change it ever.)

***

The story about ringtones isn't even that long.

It started off with 'Wanted Dead Or Alive', because the spunky, daydreaming teenage boy he never got to be, but maybe also did - seemed to connect to Bon Jovi's lyrics on a stupidly basic level.

His ringtones made their way through the classics. Bob Dylan, Elton John, John Lennon, Bruce Springsteen. Had Eye Of The Tiger for a long time. He had Kansas, Guns 'N Roses, Pink Floyd. He remembers he had Smoke on the Water for a while. All good ones.

After dying a hundred and four times in 2008, he switched to Heat Of The Moment. Sam bitchfaced at him all through those weeks of Asia.

Kevin was the one who brought to his attention, years later, that if they really committed such criminal levels of identity theft, they should try to blend in more. It was right after his phone had suddenly come alive with Freddie Mercury singing, in the middle of a discussion with the sheriff.

"Good taste, no offense." Kevin had begun. "But you've gotta step it down, if you don't want to be noticed any more than you already do."

"He's right." Sam had joined in. "At least give up something. Nobody can get you to stop your vintage muscle car around, and she drives like a farm tractor on some roads, Dean."

"Shut your face, bitch." Dean had thrown back, instantly. "Kevin's obviously talking about your golden frigging mane, okay? Get the damn thing cut, and I'll look into silencers or whatever."

Of course, neither of those things ever happened, or would ever happen. But Dean did listen to their resident prophet, and change his ringtone to the Apple ringtone most important people have.

Instead of a legend singing at him, he got musical beeping in a ridiculously annoying rhythm. But it stuck.

It stayed, for good.

(Well, there was that one night, when they were all high in spirits and drunk in celebration, just Cas and him that too, and it had seemed genius to get Cas to record a message for his ringtone in his worst, deepest deadpan.

Cas was easily convinced - the terrific inebriation levels in both of them had to have helped, too - and Dean had woken up in the morning to his phone ringing in Cas's mechanical voice, except this time it was actually machine-driven. "Dean. Dean, pick up the phone. You're being called. You should pick up the phone, Dean. I think -" and Dean hadn't got to hear more of it, completely grizzled by sleep, because although he fucking loved Cas's unfairly hot voice most days, he'd snapped and picked up the phone - only to have Sam cackle at him from the other end and smugly ask him how he likes his new ringtone.

Maybe it had been Sam's idea, after all. Dean obviously would never recall, and the smartass must've known that. He knows all the kinds of drunk Dean can be.

Also, Cas did say 'Dean' a lot, didn't he? But that's a story for another time.)

That's all that can be said on the matter of ringtones. Dean goes back to the beeps soon enough - they're also kind of easy to get used to, he hadn't known that before. Sam has 'normal' ringtones too, and it's fun to try and guess whose - and which of their dozens of phones are ringing, especially on inventory days. They made it into a game years back.

Cas, on the other hand? He keeps his phone on vibrate, ever since Jack confided in him how cool it looked, when in the middle of a crowd, or a heated scene, no one notices but Cas feels the vibrations first, and noiselessly picks up his phone and begins to speak.

Like a spy who wears a secret headset, Jack had gone on to say. The perks of basically being a wave, Dean had scoffed, grinning still. He was supposed to be the cool dad. You get to hear all your fellow wavelengths.

Cas had just shrugged.

So on vibrate, it stayed - and no one really knows if Castiel even has a ringtone, let alone what it is. The vibration mode is a good enough explanation.

Dean, though, has a fairly good idea of what it might be.

After all, he was who Cas approached for help in retrieving it off Dean's own gift, into his phone's storage.

It's the twelfth song on the mixtape.

Ramble on.

***

Lucyyyy! This one's for you! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, and I know I'm late, oh so late, but you're very sweet to still allow me to give you a present ❣️✨ Hope you enjoy this, @all-or-nothing-baby, and everyone who reads this should go wish her a belated happy birthday~~<3

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tired-pidge · 5 years

Text

Titans Sleeping Headcanons

I cannot wait for season 2

Rachel

Rachel doesn’t want to go to sleep, she dreads it

She’s suffered from night terrors from a young age, developed around 5/6 years old

and to top it off as she got older (around 10), her powers maturing, and Trigon began to take hold she began having nightmares on the regular too

She only really sleeps because her body makes her

When she falls asleep it’s almost always unintentionally, which is why she usually sleeps in her clothes

She doesn’t like sleeping in the same room as others

She is a very deep sleeper

Other people can’t wake her up, she has to wake up of her own volition

She sleeps in the fetal position most of the time

She doesn’t move around much in her sleep unless she’s suffering from her night terrors or nightmares

Prefers to sleep with a stuffed animal

Probably wants to be able to share a bed with others, for comfort purposes, but is scared too

Because she tends to sleep fully clothed she doesn’t really sleep under the covers on her bed

She prefers blankets over duvets on her bed

She used to sleep with a white teddy bear called stitches, it has red stitches up its left arm because the arm broke off when she was 6 years old, but didn’t bring it with her when she fled Traverse City

Gets about 4-5 hours of sleep a night

Has issues getting to sleep when it’s hot

Manageable bed head

Gar

Gar is a restless sleeper

He’s also a pretty light sleeper, with most urban/city noises waking him up easily

He isn’t bothered by heat at all when sleeping

He is, however, bothered by the cold and will bundle up real good during the cold winter months

Gets the best sleep with ambient rainforest noises playing, they remind him of his time in the congo with his parents

He takes tactical gamer naps

Forgets to sleep when he’s doing something he’s enjoying

Like, he’ll be playing a video game and one minute it’ll be half nine at night and the next time he looks at the clock it’ll be like four in the morning

Lays in bed on his phone or 3DS for at least an hour after getting into bed

Sleeps mostly on his side, rolling from one side to the other

Needs a double bed or he risks falling out of bed

Prefers to sleep with a duvet rather than blankets

Would definitely let others share a bed with him, for emotional support/comfort or just because there aren’t enough beds wherever they are

But you shouldn’t share a bed with him, you will end up either tangled in knots with him, accidentally kicked out of bed or just kicked in general

Gets around 7 hours of sleep a day, this includes his naps

Snores, but like quiet baby snores - almost like he’s purring

Can’t use his powers in his sleep

Can’t be bothered to get changed into pyjamas so just sort of half undresses and leaves it at that

Cannot sleep in jeans

Terrible bedhead

Definitely has issues getting up in the morning

Kori

She is a tall girl and a tall girl needs a big bed, a queen size at least

In smaller beds she has to deal with her feet hanging off the edge and she is not about that life

She is a pretty deep sleeper but she has like, a sixth sense that wakes her up whenever there’s danger about

She doesn’t move too much in her sleep but will move a bit over the course of the night

Once she’s asleep she doesn’t have much issue sleeping through any noises going on outside but can have issues getting to sleep if there are any noises she finds annoying happening

It would take her a while to get used to sharing a bed, or a room, with someone who talks or snores loudly in their sleep

Sleeps mostly on her back

Is like a hot water bottle X10 for anyone she shares a bed with

Almost always sleeps completely naked, she just feels more comfortable sleeping without clothes on

Uses empty duvet covers rather than duvets or blankets mostly

Isn’t really affected by the heat or the cold that much when in bed and can sleep through it all

A night owl

Often ends up sleeping on her partner’s arm and leaving them with a dead arm in the morning

Doesn’t have bed head, her hair is always alienly perfect

She gets a pretty decent amount of sleep but doesn’t seem to have an average amount of hours per night, with the amount of sleep she gets vary quite a bit depending on when she decides to go to bed

If she isn’t driving she’ll fall asleep pretty easily in a quiet car

She doesn’t have any issues with waking up in the morning

Probably the one who has shared their bed with others the most

Dick

A very light sleeper

He isn’t a light sleeper naturally though, he was trained to be a light sleeper so he’d always be able to counter or evade attacks on him when he sleeps

Doesn’t get nightmares on the regular but they do happen, he’s seen and done a lot of shit after all

Doesn’t move, like at all when he sleeps - he’s as still as a corpse

When he’s sleeping in a place that he feels safe and comfortable in he will let himself fall into a deeper sleep

When he’s in a deep sleep he’s a talker

Most of it is incomprehensible mumbling and he switches between Romani and English frequently

Always sleeps up against a wall, unless the bed is in the middle of the room, with his back to the wall so that no one can sneak up on him,

Lays flat on his side with one arm under the pillow

Is used to sleeping in a king sized bed from his time in the Wayne manor but can sleep relatively comfortably in any kind of bed

Also a night owl, spends a lot of his evenings working on cases or, back in his Robin days, on patrol and stuff so he doesn’t get to bed until late

Doesn’t need a lot of sleep to function

Gets around 4 hours of sleep a night

Prefers duvets

Would share a bed with people, purely because he knows he can probably kill them if they try anything

Doesn’t have any preference to the hot or the cold because he’s been trained to endure both

Takes up surprisingly little room considering he’s a pretty big bloke

Bedhead but sexy bed head because he’s a Wayne and that’s how they roll

Jason

He gets sleep whenever he can

Growing up, he was either on the streets of Gotham or being dragged around by uncle Ray on his bar hauls, he didn’t know when he’d next be able to sleep safely so he’d always take full advantage of a safe place to sleep

He sleeps in hour long intervals

Also a pretty light sleeper, will wake up at the slightest sound of movement within his vicinity

Tends to make himself as small as possible when sleeping, it's a habit he picked up when he was younger trying to keep himself out of sight

When he’s truly relaxed he’ll spread out big time and will take up the majority of the bed

Doesn’t move much in his sleep

You can’t tell if he has bed head or if his hair is meant to look like that

Doesn’t go to bed until late because of patrols and training with Bruce

Gets around 6 hours sleep a night

Takes 10 minute power naps if needs be

Will sleep in a car if it’s a long car journey and he trusts the people driving

Has a king sized bed at the manor and he doesn’t know what to do with all of the space, is used to sleeping on things much smaller

Can sleep pretty much anywhere, whether it be on a flight of stairs, a sofa, bed, the floor, etc.

Doesn’t get bothered by the cold too much any more but that does not mean he won’t hog any blankets or duvets that he’s got

Probably wouldn’t share a bed with someone unless he knew them really well

Fetal position

Tends to sleep in corners if he can

Didn’t really have good pyjamas growing up so now that he has the quality rich kid pjs he uses them

Donna

Gets at least 8 hours of sleep most of the time

The hours decrease dramatically when she’s working on one of her more dangerous photography pieces, outing dodgy politicians and exposing underground criminal operations with her photos and all of the research that comes with them

Is a bit of a restless sleeper, she’ll toss and turn a bit but not a lot

Usually sleeps in a normal double bed

Uses duvets in the autumn and winter and blankets in the spring and summer

Doesn’t deal with dry hot weather very well when trying to sleep

Tends to lay on her back with one arm over her stomach and the other at her side

Doesn’t sleep on one side of the bed or the other, she sleeps in the middle of the bed

Doesn’t go into a deep sleep or a light sleep, she’s sort of in between

She doesn’t deal very well if she gets woken up in the middle of a sleep cycle, it’s really hard for her to wake up properly if her sleep cycle is interrupted

Sleeps in a nightie rather than pyjamas

Sleeps with her hair up to avoid getting strangled by it in her sleep

She prefers sleeping in pigtails because she sleeps on her back, if she slept on her sides she’d have it up in a ponytail when she sleeps

She moves her legs when she sleeps but not her top half

Is more of an early bird than a night owl

Those who she shares a bed with always say that she’s always the right temperature for them

Hank

This man does not get much sleep at all

And the sleep that he does get is pretty crappy

He’s kept up most of the time by the pain and when he’s not kept up by the pain he’s kept up by his own thoughts

He doesn’t move much once in bed but it’s hard for him to get comfortable as well

Tends to sleep on the side of the bed that is closest to the door

Sometimes pretends to be asleep so he doesn’t worry Dawn but she can always tell he’s pretending

On the nights he takes his drugs and drinks he’ll knock himself out cold and get a pretty decent sleep but always wakes up with a hangover so it doesn’t really matter

Lays on his back with one arm wrapped around Dawn

Doesn’t really care whether he’s got a duvet or blankets

Is used to sleeping in a queen size bed and is too big to really sleep in anything smaller than a double

Has to have a fan on in the hot summer months

Tends to sleep in, especially if they’ve been out doing vigilante stuff the night before

Snores a bit

Dawn

A very quiet sleeper

Will wake up at roughly 2 every morning and stay awake for about half an hour before going back to sleep

If she’s suffering from a headache / migraine she’ll wake up every four hours to take more painkillers

Goes to sleep before Hank does

Sleeps on her side, curled into Hank with her head on her chest

Finds hearing his heartbeat to be soothing and it helps her sleep

Hogs the covers

Prefers a couple of layers of blankets to a duvet

Gets cold easily in bed

Tries to stay awake with Hank but always fails

An early bird

Always has Hank’s meds ready for him in the morning when he wakes up

Sometimes has trouble getting out of bed because Hank’s hugging her so tight in his sleep

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everlastingcaptainswan · 6 years

Text

One Phone Call (1/1)

Summary: Emma reaches out to Killian after years of silence and it’s easy to say his whole world is changed with just one phone call.

Notes: this is a one shot I’ve been working on for a bit, hope you guys like it!

AO3 and FF if that’s your thing.

Emma had been placed with Ingrid and her two adopted daughters, Elsa and Anna, right after her birthday in October and when spring rolled around all anyone in Storybrooke could talk about summer. Emma thought it was odd, but then Storybrooke was an odd town. Emma didn’t understand what everyone was so excited about until the first weekend of summer was upon them. There were more tourists than she had seen in the small town before and a festival was in full swing. Every business in town was booming which meant there was at least one if not two of the four women working at Any Given Sundae at any point during the day. The endless money from tourists and the fun summer nights were great, but Killian Jones is what made Emma’s summer the best she’d ever had.

The Jones brothers visited their aunt that summer and it caused quite the drama amongst the young girls in town. It was seemed every girl had a favorite Jones brother if not both. One of the few exceptions to this rule was none other than Emma Swan. Of course this caught Killian’s attention, not to mention it was a small town and she ran into him everywhere. Eventually the tension got too much for either one of them to handle and that’s how she was pinned against a tree making out with Killian. He’s the one who taught her about sailing and she drove them everywhere after an unfortunate accident town when he drove on the wrong side of the road. He made her laugh, smile, and not have a care in the world. He gave her new books to read all the time. All he wanted to do was write. He was always scribbling in some notebook or another. She would just smile and take pictures of him through her camera lens.

They dated the rest of summer and before either one of them knew it August was coming to a close and they were both due at their perspective colleges in a matter of days. The sea breeze blew through her hair and she gripped onto him tightly. This feeling sunk deep within her stomach, one of impending doom, one that felt like she would never see him again. They promised to write because neither of them could afford international calling. Although they both thought it would be better if they didn’t stay together, too many miles between them. She kissed him for the last time tears in her eyes, thumb rubbing across his cheek. He kissed the top of her head before getting into the car with Liam headed to the airport.

The days after his departure were some of the worst of Emma’s life. She hated being without him, but her and Elsa were due at BU and she tried to shake off her heartbreak. Emma tried to enjoy being a college freshmen. She really did, but she had no interest in any of the clubs or partying every single weekend. Then she had to battle waves of nausea in her nine am lectures until finally one day she didn’t even make it to class before throwing up. When her period was very, very late she put the pieces together and wanted to cry until she had no tears left.

Her and Killian wrote back and forth until the stick had two pink lines. Her whole world stopped and she had no clue how to tell him. She sat down to write the letter almost every night. Elsa encouraged her to tell him, that he deserved to know. She knew he deserved to know, but a kid is a lot of work and responsibility. All he wanted to do was write and go to university. She knew the moment she told him he would hop on a plane and race to her front doorstep. It would change their lives forever. Emma wants him to be able to fulfill his dreams, if she tells him he won’t get to do that. Instead she stays silent, much to Elsa’s annoyance. Emma makes her promise to not tell either of the Jones brothers, her sister agrees saying it’s not her secret to tell anyway.

He sends her letters for a while even though she doesn’t respond. She reads them, but never responds to them. The letters stop one day and at first she’s not sure why, but later she’s sure at some point Elsa told him to stop writing. It’s probably for the best. Once she’s sure he won’t send a letter again she places all the pictures of him and letters in a old shoe box. Looking back she realizes that the last letter arrives three days before Charlie is born.

Emma makes it through her first semester of college, but decides to take the next one off because she needs to live off campus to raise her kid. She finds a crappy job waiting tables. She has a very small apartment but she makes it work. Anna and Elsa help out wherever they can. She has her little boy a few days before Memorial Day. She’s never been in more in love with anyone in her entire life. He looks exactly like Killian, dark, unruly hair and the bluest of eyes. She convinced herself that Charlie was the only man she would ever want or need in her life.

Days, weeks, months, and years pass until she finally finishes school and has her art degree in photography like Killian always told her to do, claiming she had real talent. She starts being part of galleries and doing bail bonds work on the side, to pay the bills. She loves every moment with Charlie and she truly loves her life. She didn’t think it would turn out this well in those first couple months of her pregnancy. It all worked out in the end for the most part.

There are moments she feels guilty Killian’s missing this, but once his first best seller hits the shelves she stops feeling guilty. If he had known about them he never would’ve been where he is now. She of course buys a copy and reads it. She has tears in her eyes by the end of it. It was amazing, she knew he he had talent, but over these last years he really progressed in his writing.

A few weeks before Charlie’s sixth birthday Emma is tucking him in bed when he blindsides her more than she ever thought he could.

“Mom, who’s my Dad?” he asks, which sends her reeling. She knew this conversation would come up one day. Emma just didn’t know that day would be today.

“He’s a good man, who gave me the best thing in my life, you,” she smiles, brushing hair out of his eyes. It’s too long he needs a haircut.

“Then why isn’t he here? Does he not love us?” he asks, confusion crossing his little face. Her heart breaks in her chest. She never thought how this would hurt her boy, she thought it was fine just the two of them.

“Charles, he loves you so much. It’s complicated, but he does,” she tells him.

“What about you? Doesn’t he love you?” he asks his eyes searching her as Killian’s once did. Most of his mannerisms are like his father’s and he’s never met Killian.

“Kid, real life is not like fairy tales and it’s not as simple as loving one another. I promise we will talk about this more, but you need to go to bed,” she tells him. He sighs, but listens to her. She kisses his forehead and a little smile crosses his face. Emma turns off the lights before leaving the room. Once the door shuts she moves to her own room and completely loses her shit. Tears flow down her face and she pulls out the shoe box she could never get rid of. She goes through the old memories. Emma will never forget that summer with him.

She dries her tears and gathers everything onto the kitchen table. She pulls out a blank piece of paper and writes what she never had the courage to before.

Killian,

I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have sat down to write this letter. I never knew what to say, you were the one who had a way with words. I hope you are doing well. There is something we should talk about it, but it’s not something I can write in this letter. My number is listed below, call me anytime if you want. Although if you never want to hear from me I understand that too.

Emma

Before she can tear up the letter she seals it in an envelope and places the correct postage on it. She scrawles his address across the envelope, she prays he hasn’t moved in the past few years. She runs down to the lobby of her apartment building shoving the letter in the outgoing slot. It’s too late now. There’s no way of getting it back. She trudges up the the stairs and crawls into bed.

It takes a while, but a couple weeks later when Charlie is at a playdate her phone rings and she picks it up.

“Swan,” she says curtly. There’s silence on the other end. She pulls the phone away from her ear glancing at the number, It’s an international number and she gasps realizing who it is.

“Hello,” she says again, still in a little bit of shock he actually called.

“Emma,” Killian sighs into the phone and tears spring to her eyes.

“You got my letter,” she states firmly. Not knowing where to go from here.

“Aye, that I did lass. After all these years you think you can summon me at a moment’s notice,” he says voice full of anger. She expected no less, he had every right to be mad.

“I’m sorry. I truly am. I didn’t reach out to you to mess with you,” she tells him, knowing he’ll be difficult about this.

“Then why did you?” he asks, still not believing he was actually talking to her after everything.

“Because your son is asking about you and I don’t know what to tell him,” she tells him, hoping to rip off the bandaid and get right into it. There’s a long moment of silence.

“I’m sorry what?” Killian says still in shock.

“We have a son, Charlie. He wants to know you,” she states simply as she can. God this is going horribly right now. He’s going to hang up and then she’ll really be the worst mother ever.

He’s a father? A father to a child. The idea floats around his mind for a while.

“Why didn’t you tell me? You didn’t think I’d be on the next plane to Boston to be with you?” he manages to get out.

“That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you because I knew you would. I wanted you to have everything you wanted in life, we would’ve held you back,” she says softly.

“Emma,” he says broken hearted and angry. Angry she did this all alone, angry that he missed it all, angry she didn’t tell him.

“I know it was wrong, but at the time it seemed like the best option. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but he wants to know his father. I can’t deny him that,” she says shifting from foot to foot, not knowing what he’ll say next.

“I can’t deny him that either. I’ll be there on the next plane out,” He tells her. Her heart pounding in her chest.

“Okay,” is all she manages to say before he hangs up, which she wholeheartedly deserves.

When Charlies gets dropped off that afternoon, she sweeps him into her arms.

“Moooom,” he groans, “I wasn’t gone that long.” She kisses his forehead and sets him down.

“What a mom can’t miss her only son?” she questions him.

“You’re allowed, but you usually don’t after a playdate,” he says squinting at her. She smiles and goes into the kitchen to start dinner. Charlie follows her.

“Something else is going on,” he says sitting at the island watching her work. He has the same look on his face as Killian would all those years ago when she didn’t want to talk, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. She stops what she’s doing and looks at her son.

“You asked me about your dad a couple of weeks ago. I said things were complicated and they are. I talked to him though and he’s flying out to meet you,” she tells him.

“Really?” he asks, shock and awe visible in his eyes. She smiles and nods.

“Really, he texted me before you got home. His flight gets in tomorrow morning, you’ll be in school,” she sees the sad look on his face and continues on, “I’m sure he will be here for dinner,” she tells him and her son smiles.

“Where does he live?” he asks when she resumes making dinner.

“London, so he has a long flight ahead of him,” she says over his shoulder.

“You’ve never told me how you met him. You just told me that he was a good man and that’s why I have his last name,” he says. She sighs. He’s right she did give him Killian’s last name, but only because she took the name Swan as a reminder about the bad families in the foster system. She wanted the best for Charlie. The best family possible and that certainly wasn’t under the Swan name.

Ever since he asked about Killian their whole summer has been playing through her mind.

“You know Grandma’s ice cream shop?” she asks him and he nods, “well one day the summer after I graduated high school he came in and he was full of charm and had a smile on his face. That day I was the one girl in the shop who didn’t fall for his charm. I didn’t like him at first, but he kept coming into the shop and kept talking to me even when I didn’t want to talk to him. He never stopped coming in though and he always made me smile. One day he asked me out and I said yes,” she tells him with smile. Emma doesn’t mention on that date within twenty minutes they were making out.

“He doesn’t sound so bad,” he comments. She makes her way over to his stool at the island. She places a hand on his shoulder.

“Charlie, he’s a good man and he wasn’t here because he didn’t know about you. That’s my fault. It’s not an ideal situation but he wants to know you,” she tells him, worried about his reaction.

“He does?” Is all he asks. She nods and kisses his head. She moves to brush hair out of his eyes, but with his new haircut there is nothing to brush out of his eyes. He’s growing up so fast.

Emma’s a nervous wreck all night. She cleans every surface in the apartment and goes to bed too late. She doesn’t sleep well either she tosses and turns all night long. When her alarm goes off she’s up and moving around the apartment. She’s going to see him for the first time since he said goodbye all those years ago. Needless to say, but she’s freaking out. She never moved on from him, she never really stopped loving him in the first place. He definitely hates her and she can’t stand that fact.

She wakes Charlie up and helps him get ready for school even though he doesn’t want to go. She has to all but drag him. Even that almost doesn’t work. She has to promise to have Killian come with her to pick up at school today before Charlie goes willingly.

Emma rattles around her apartment until Killian texts her that he’s landed. The real freaking out begins at that point. Because for the first time in years not only is he in the same country he is, but the same city. That thought alone makes her want to throw up or pass out.

The knock at her door an hour later sends her into a frenzy. She has to compose herself before she opens the door. It takes a minute, but she does. The door swings open and there stands Killian Jones. In dark wash jeans, black long sleeved henley, and a black leather jacket he looks almost sinful. He now has stubble growing in that he wasn’t able to grow when she knew him. He looks damn good. Angry as hell, but good.

“Killian,” she says her mouth dry.

“Emma,” he says the muscles in his jaw twitching. She steps back and opens the door.

“Please come in,” she says. He does looking around her place, his shoulders tense.

“Charlie’s in school, but I thought you’d like to come to pick up with me here in a little bit. If that’s alright with you,” she says, unsure of what he’ll say.

“Aye,” he snaps. She sighs, he’s mad with her and he has every right to be, but he can’t be like this infront of Charlie.

“Get it off your damn chest,” she says crossing her arms.

“Pardon me?” he asks her, taken aback by her comment.

“You’re mad with me and you’re sure as hell not going to meet our son looking murderous he’ll be scared of you. Get it out while you can,” she tells him.

“How could you not tell me? Is this why you stopped writing me?” He says through his teeth.

“Yes, once I found out I stopped writing. My entire life was changing and I had no idea how to tell you. I couldn’t act like that nothing had changed. I knew the moment you found out you’d be on a plane here,” she says as calmly as she can.

“That would’ve been the worst thing in the world?” he asks exasperated, his accent ringing through her apartment.

“Yes it would’ve been because you wouldn’t have been able to finish college and become a writer. If you had come back here to us one day you would’ve resented me or worse him because you couldn’t have been a bestselling author. I can live with you hating me, but not that,” she raises her voice.

“I never would’ve resented you or him. We would’ve made it work,” he tells her.

“I’m glad with hindsight you can say that, but being eighteen and pregnant I did what I thought was right. Now I know I was wrong and I am sorry,” she says. Her phone rings before he can answer. Looking down she sees that it’s Tink, her boss, who might have forgot to tell she wouldn’t be coming in today.

“Sorry this is work,” she tells him and he nods, “Swan.” She says into the phone. She wanders into the kitchen away from him.

“Emma, you’re coming in today right?” Tink asks her.

“That was the plan, but something eh came up,” she tells her.

“Oh come on I have the best honey trap for you. The skip is known to be in this bar all night, it’s easy money,” she tries to win Emma over.

“Yeah I really can’t today,” Emma sighs, knowing she should get that skip for the money, but there is no way she can leave in all of this.

“Are you alright? Is Charlie okay?” Tink asks worried.

“He’s fine, I can be in tomorrow,” she tells her.

“Come back when you’re ready. I don’t want you distracted,” Tink says and Emma agrees. They say goodbye and she returns to find Killian looks at all the pictures scattered across the room.

“Sorry about that,” she says to him. He looks up at her, tears in his eyes, “Killian?”

“He’s got my eyes,” he says pulling himself together. She chuckles.

“He’s got more than that. Your hair, your smile. Hell he’s a carbon copy of you. He has most of your mannerisms as well,” she tells him. Right then she almost tells him that when Charlie was born she gave him the last name Jones because even then she knew that he was more special than the name Swan, which she took to remind herself of her hardships. She wanted to be sure he wouldn’t ever know any of the pain that she did growing up. Killian isn’t quite ready to hear that yet.

“Mannerisms huh?” he questions.

“Yes, he’ll lift his eyebrow or the way he looks at me when he knows I don’t want to talk reminds me of you,” she explains and Killian nods.

“Am I keeping you from work?” he asks her. She almost forgot about the phone call with Tink.

“No, I have pretty flexible hours. I just didn’t mention to my boss I wasn’t coming in today,” she explains and sees the time, “We should get going though.”

“Aye, of course. Lead the way,” he gestures towards the door. They fall into a comfortable silence on the way to the school. Emma can tell he’s still upset with her, but not seething mad like he was. He’s calmer now and Charlie will love him on sight.

Killian Jones has really thrown her day off because she forgot to tell Regina she wouldn’t be working and that causes another confrontation in her already messy life.

“Emma, I thought I was picking up the boys today?” Regina asks walking up to Emma and Killian in front of the school.

“Yeah you were. I just didn’t work today and well eh,” Emma begins to ramble on.

“You played hookie to be with mysterious hottie? That’s not like you at all, but good for you. I didn’t know you were dating again, it’s good you’re getting back out there,” Regina praises her and Emma would like to die right there. Killian looks just as taken aback as she does. Realization crosses Regina’s face.

“Oh you’re Charlie’s dad,” Regina says hands on hips, looking back to Emma, “We have a lot to talk about. I’ll call you later?” Emma just nods and Regina gives them some space.

“I’m sorry about that,” Emma says still a little shocked.

“I- wow wasn’t expecting that. She picks up Charlie sometimes?” he asks wanting to change the subject all together.

“Yeah we usually switch off. Her son, Henry and Charlie are best friends. Regina and I are the only single moms in the class, so we became friends too,” she explains and he nods. He’s about to ask about the hottie comment when the school doors burst open and all the kids come flooding out. It doesn’t take long for Charlie to spot them and come running towards them. He stops in front of them breathless looking from Killian to Emma.

“You’re my dad?” Charlie asks his eyes finally landing on Killian.

“Aye, lad I am,” Killian says, kneeling to get onto his level. Charlie’s head snaps towards Emma.

“You didn’t say he talked funny,” he observes. Emma’s jaw drops and Killian laughs.

“Charles! Apologize right now,” she says shocked.

“No need, I thought it was funny,” he smiles at Charlie, who beams back at him.

“Would it be alright if I hugged you?” Charlie asks Killian.

“Of course,” Killian barely finishes saying before Charlie slams into him wrapping his arms around him. Killian holds onto him tight and looks like he may never let go. They do come apart and Charlie insists on holding both Emma and Killian’s hands on the way home. Killian looks over Charlie’s head to Emma.

“Charles?” he asks her, a smile on his face.

“He needed a strong name, but you know he looks like a Charlie,” she shrugs.

“Aye, that he does,” he smirks.

“You know I can hear you guys right?” Charlie says with a scowl on his face. Emma rolls her eyes.

“We’re well aware you can,” she tells him. Charlie just continues scowling. When they get home she lets Killian and Charlie have some time together alone while she pretends to clean the kitchen even though it’s spotless.

“So lad do you like to read, or play video games, perhaps you like sports?” Killian asks trying to gauge what his son likes to do for fun. His son. He still hasn’t wrapped his mind around that fact yet.

“Mom says I can’t play video games till I’m older. Me and Henry are playing soccer in the fall. I like to read, but I like the stories that mom tells at bedtime the best,” he tells Killian all the while still working on building his lego set. Killian just hands him the pieces that he needs and he watches his son build away.

“Good bedtime stories are pretty great,” he confirms and CHarlie looks at him.

“Can you tell a good bedtime story?” he asks his dad.

“Well I don’t know I’ve never told one before,” he says. Charlie resumes with the legos.

“Oh well you should definitely see how Mom does it. Are you going to stay until bedtime tonight?” Charlie asks.

“If that’s alright with your mom then of course,” Killian smiles. Charlie stands up then looks to his mom.

“Mom, can Dad stay until bedtime?” he shouts to her. Emma just smiles.

“Yes, he can, but we talked about indoor voices remember,” she says sternly with a twitch of her eyebrow.

“Sorry,” he says at a normal volume and she nods, signaling her approval. He turns back to the legos and Killian.

“Can I ask you a question?” Charlie asks him.

“Of course, lad,” he nods and hands him another bright red lego.

“Do you and mom love each other?” he asks quietly, surely to make sure Emma doesn’t hear them. Killian sucks in a breath before answering because he certainly didn’t see that coming.

“That’s rather complicated, I’m afraid,” he answers unsure of what to say. Charlie rolls his eyes and sees exactly what Emma was talking about. The boy has his mannerisms, down to his dramatic eye rolls.

“That’s what Mom said too,” he sighs. This takes Killian aback because he has no clue what Emma has said about him.

“Your mom was right,” he states.

“Are you mad that Mom didn’t tell you about me?” Charlie asks blatantly. This shocks Killian too.

“You know about that?” he asks surprised.

“Yeah she told me. I think she didn’t want me to be mad at you, which I’m not,” he says. Killian doesn’t know exactly what was said, but from what Charlie is telling him he’s starting to suspect Emma has never said a bad word about him to Charlie at least, which he is eternally grateful for. Killian places a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re not mad at me, but are you upset with your mom?” he asks.

“A little,” the kid shrugs, not wanting to look at Killian.

“Hey, look at me,” Killian says softly and Charlie does, “Now, your mom has her reasons for what she did. She was trying to protect you and me. It’s clear to see how much she loves you. I was mad at first, but then I met you. I could spend a long time being mad, but I would rather be happy and spend time with you. Doesn’t that sound better?” Charlie nods and hugs him. Killian fully envelops Charlie in his arms.

At that moment the front door swings open and Elsa walks in not really paying attention to what’s going on in the apartment. Charlie and Killian break their hug to see what is going on.

“Emma, no arguing with me. There’s this guy I think you’ll like and you know I told him you’d be interested so really you have to go otherwise you’re making me look bad,” She looks up from her phone and spots Killian, which causes her jaw to drop. Emma comes out from the kitchen hands on her hips.

“Stop setting me up on blind dates. I’m not going. As you can see I’ve got other stuff going on,” Emma scolds her sister.

“You told him!” Elsa says shocked.

“Obviously. Come on we’re not having this conversation here,” Emma says dragging her sister across the apartment and into her bedroom.

“When? Why?” Elsa asks as soon as the door is shut.

“Charlie asked about him and I reached out. Killian got here today, so relax. Also really barging through the door and talking about a date?” Emma asks shaking her head.

“I didn’t know what was going on here,” Elsa defends herself.

“No, that doesn’t matter. I don’t want Charlie hearing that stuff okay?” she clarifies with Elsa.

“You’re right, we should probably go back out there,” Elsa suggests. They both collect themselves and head out. Killian and Charlie are waiting for them. Charlie runs to Elsa.

“Aunt Elsa,” he says as she scoops him into her arms.

“Hello there my favorite nephew,” she says before kissing him on the cheek.

“You always say that, but I’m your only nephew,” he pouts.

“You are, but that doesn’t mean you’re not my favorite,” she says kissing him again. Emma smiles and this and catches Killian’s eye. He has a raised eyebrow and she nods in the direction of her bedroom. Once the door is shut he begins.

“Does that happen often?” he asks curious.

“Which part?” she asks crossing her arms.

“The whole thing!” Killian says throwing his arms up in the air.

“Elsa has a key, so she does barge in often. The date thing on the other hand does not and I certainly don’t bring men around Charlie, if that’s what you’re concerned about. I just talked with Elsa and told her not to bring up dates around Charlie again, which I thought she knew. I cannot control everything,” she shrugs.

“I’m glad you don’t bring men around our son. You know if you wanted to go out I could watch Charlie tonight if you wish,” he offers even though the thought of her going out with another man crushes him.

“That’s kind of you, but I figured out a long time ago that dating and parenting don’t mix. I won’t go out with whoever Elsa has rustled up this time,” she sighs, “any other questions?”

“Many, Swan. Too many for right now though we should talk later,” he tells her. She smiles at the use of his old nickname for her.

“After Charlie goes to bed,” she tells him. Killian nods and she leaves the bedroom without another word.

“Where did you two run off to?” Elsa questions with a stern look at Emma. Charlie pokes his head around her legs.

“We were talking about dinner and I think if you might just be in luck and get pizza for dinner,” Emma smirks and Charlie’s face lights up. Killian comes out of the bedroom to Charlie jumping up and down.

“We’re really having pizza for dinner?” Charlie asks him. Killian smiles.

“Of course, lad,” Killian says playing along. Dinner goes along well and Elsa stays with them. Killian pulls her aside at one point.

“You’ve stayed in touch over the years and I’m fairly certain you’re in love with Liam,” he tells her, like it’s all supposed to mean something.

“All those things are true. Your point is?” She shrugs, indifference in her eyes.

“You never said anything to me about him or what was going on with her. You wrote and said to stop writing her, that she had moved on,” he says with raised eyebrows.

“It was her choice to tell you and she’s my sister, my family. I’m sorry she came first. I always encouraged her to tell you. You can’t change the past, but you should call Liam he would want to know,” she tells him before helping Emma get things together for dinner.

While waiting for the pizza to arrive Killian brushes against Emma.

“Pizza?” he asks.

“You saw his reaction. He goes nuts for it. I can’t tell him we were potentially arguing,” she whispers.

“Potentially arguing? Is that a thing now?” he teases her.

“Oh shut up,” she says and the doorbell rings. She hops up, grabs some cash, and heads toward the door. She opens it and none other than Liam Jones stands there angry as hell.

“You’re not pizza,” she states.

“Is he here?” he asks. She nods and opens the door wider. Killian and Elsa are standing in the kitchen. Luckily Charlie is tucked away in the living room watching TV.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here?” Killian hisses, trying to keep his voice down.

“I could ask you the same thing. After years of silence she writes you once and you came crawling back to her,” Liam snaps. Emma crosses her arms and looks at the floor.

“Liam,” Elsa says in a warning tone.

“No, she didn’t scrape him off of bar floors or help nurse his hangovers,” Liam shouts this time. Charlie appears in the doorway, looking scared.

“Mom?” Charlie says tears pooling in his eyes. She opens her arms up and he runs into them. She picks him up and holds him tight. Liam is standing there with his jaw slacked.

“Liam, you’re allowed to be pissed. You’re allowed to hate me. You are not allowed to scream, yell, and scare my son. If you continue to do any of those things I will throw you out on your ass, is that clear?” she says sternly, while holding onto Charlie. All Liam can do is nod, shocked. Emma takes Charlie out of the kitchen and into his room shutting the door. She sits on his bed and holds him out a little. Tears are flowing from his eyes.

“Hey, there kid. What’s wrong?” She asks while rubbing his back.

“Why was that man shouting? Who is he? Why is he so mean?” He asks, blubbering through the tears. Almost struggling to breathe.

“I will answer all those questions, but you need to breathe in and out for me,” Emma says in a quiet, calming voice. It takes a couple of breaths but he eventually calms down.

“Now, that man was your uncle. He’s your dad’s brother. He’s angry because of me. He’s mad about the whole deal with your dad. I’m sure your dad didn’t mention his trip to see us and that worried your Uncle Liam out there. Did the yelling scare you?” she asks and he nods, “It won’t happen again. You know how I said things were complicated?” she asks.

“Yeah,” he sniffles, resting his head on her shoulder.

“Families are complicated and messy. Sometimes they fight, but in the end they make up. Most importantly they love each other. Right now we’re in the messy part, but soon the make up part is coming,” she tells him. Emma wipes the tears from his cheeks.

Outside of Charlie’s room Liam, Killian, and Elsa are having a faceoff.

“She has a kid?” Liam says eyes wide and obviously freaked out, “Who’s kid is it?” Elsa rolls her eyes.

“Liam you saw Charlie. Now, please tell me who’s kid you think it is,” she says throwing her braid behind her shoulder.

“Sorry not all of us knew he existed until a couple of seconds minutes ago,” he snaps at her, then turns to Killian, “This is why you’re here?”

“Aye, how’d you know I was here?” Killian asks.

“The letter was on your desk, not hard to figure out where you’d go,” he shrugs.

“Now, that’s cleared up. What the hell give you the right to barge in here and say everything like that?” Killian snaps at his brother.

“I was protecting you,” Liam defends himself.

“No, you were being mean and cruel. I know you weren’t aware about Charlie, but you ever pull a stunt like that in front of him again Emma’s not the only one you’ll have to deal with. Is that understood?” Killian says mad as hell.

“Aye, but-” Liam starts.

“No buts Liam. I’m grown up I don’t need you protecting me anymore. Back off,” Killian says with a certain fire in his eyes. Emma comes out of Charlie’s room with that same fire in her eyes.

“You,” she points at Liam, who now looks terrified, “Now he’s stopped crying and I had to explain some things to him. Things I was saving until he got older, but now I had to do it early and I can have you to thank for that. You and Killian are going to go in there and you will apologize to that boy for scaring him. Then you will properly introduce yourself to him. I swear if you ever do anything like this again I will put you on your back,” she snaps. Liam snorts.

“I’m sorry what was that for?” Emma asks hands on her hips. Killian edging closer to them.

“Lass, you’re terrifying I’ll give you that, but you can’t do that,” he says shaking his head.

“Oh you’ve gone and done it now,” Elsa says. Emma walks up to Liam and flips him onto his back, with a large thud on her floor. She places a foot on his chest. His eyes closed and groaning.

“Now listen here. Right now you don’t like me and frankly I don’t like you. You’ve come into my house, insulted me twice, and scared my son, your nephew by the way. You’ve now seen my threats are to be taken seriously, so when you’re ready you’ll gather yourself and do what I told you,” she orders him. He agrees this time without being rude, so Emma takes her foot off his chest.

The doorbell rings and this time it actually is the pizza. Elsa takes the money and gives it to the delivery guy and takes the pizzas.

Emma stands in Charlie’s doorway while Liam delivers his apology and introduces himself. It all goes much better than Emma ever expected it to. Once it’s over they leave his room and enjoy the pizza. Trying to be sneaky Liam and Elsa hold hands under the table, but everyone besides Charlie notices. During dinner Charlie asks a question that throws the brothers for a loop.

“Mom, are they going to be here for my birthday?” Charlie asks wide eyed.

“Seeing as your birthday is tomorrow, I think so, but you should ask them,” Emma smiles. Charlie looks expectantly at Liam and Killian.

“Will you be here?” he asks excitedly.

“Of course I’ll be here. I planned on staying for a few days,” Killian smiles.

“I’d be more than happy to stay for the lad’s birthday,” Liam agrees, totally caught in a trance by his nephew.

“Yay! What about my party?” Charlie asks. The brother both look to Emma.

“It’s after school on Friday, which also happens to be the last day of school as well. You’re both more than welcome to come,” Emma says with a raised eyebrow.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Killian says and Charlie looks positively overjoyed.

“I’ll be there as well. Missing one more day of work wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” Liam agrees. Charlie practically falls out of his chair because he’s so excited. Emma smiles, but it falters when she realizes that these men could have been a part of Charlie’s whole life and made him this happy all along.

After dinner Liam and Killian play with Charlie while Emma and Elsa clean up.

“You got awful quiet at the end of dinner there,” Elsa notices the change in her sister’s attitude.

“Just thinking,” Emma mumbles.

“I know when something is wrong with you,” Elsa states hoping that Emma will tell her what’s going on.

“It’s just Charlie was so happy at dinner and it’s because of them,” she gestures towards the living room, “What kind of mother am I to have kept that away from him?” she says tears in her eyes. Elsa places a hand on her back.

“Look you did what you thought was best at the time. Charlie is not an unhappy kid. He is one of the happiest I know, he just has more people to love him now. He absolutely adores you, he thinks you’re the greatest mom ever. He loves you. You’ve always done your best and that’s all you can do,” Elsa encourages her. Emma holds her tears at bay, but the guilt still weighs on her.

Before they put Charlie to bed Liam and Elsa leave for the night. Charlie is pretending to be half asleep. Killian is ready to scoop him in his arms and take him to bed when Emma stops him.

“I will make you brush your teeth even if you are asleep,” she scolds and Charlie opens one eye.

“I don’t want to,” he pouts.

“Tough luck, kid. Get up, let’s go,” Emma tells him. Charlie sighs and both parents escort him into the bathroom and wait for him to be done.

“How did you know he was faking it?” Killian asks in a whisper.

“He hates brushing his teeth will do anything to avoid it. Pretending being asleep is his new trick,” she smiles.

They get him changed into his pajamas. Emma tells one of her bedtime stories including a wide range of voices. Each of which sends Killian into a fit of laughter. Charlie shushes him every time and Emma just smiles. Once the story is over Charlie settles down Emma kisses his forehead, Killian does the same and it brings tears to his eyes. They leave his room and shut the door. She places a hand on his shoulder, they look into each other’s eyes. Before either of them can say anything. Emma walks into the kitchen. He follows her. She grabs two glasses and a bottle of rum from the top shelf.

“I don’t know about you, but it’s been one hell of a day. I need a drink,” she states pouring one glass.

“Aye, I could use one as well,” he sighs and they sit at the kitchen table. She pours him a glass and passes it to him.

“You said you had questions,” she says before taking a drink.

“Aye, I do. I want to be a part of Charlie’s life,” he says.

“That’s not exactly a question,” she points out, “If you want to be a part of his life I’m certainly not going to stop you. He likes you.”

“What do you and him need? I mean raising him on our own couldn’t have been easy,” he rambles on a bit.

“Killian, I’m not going to ask you for money. We don’t need that. That is not why I reached out to you,” she says anger bubbling up inside her. How dare he think she needs his money.

“You haven’t told me much about your life, how would I know that?” he snaps getting angry himself. She takes a breath, knowing he deserves to know how her and Charlie started out.

“I finished college a little late, but I got there. I had to take some time off because of being pregnant and just figuring out how to be mom. I got my degree and my first solo gallery opening is next month. It took a while to make any money as a photographer, unless you really love weddings, so I work part time as a bail bonds person. Turns out I’m pretty good at finding people,” she tells him, “what have you been up to?”

“I’m proud that you followed your dreams, I know how talented you are with that camera of yours. Finished college and my first book was a best-seller, which was not expected. Still live in the same house, but Liam moved out and got a flat closer to his job,” he tells her, she knows there’s more to the story, but for now she doesn’t say anything.

“I read your book,” she admits. A smirk crosses his face.

“Really? What did you think?” he asks her.

“It was amazing truly. I loved it. I knew you were that talented. I never doubted you’d go far,” she tells him.

“Thank you, I mean it I want to be here,” he tells her taking a sip.

“And what does that mean to you? Cause if it’s a monthly check I don’t want it and Charlie won’t either,” she says sternly. Killian winces at this.

“That’s not what I meant earlier, I was just trying to help. I want to see him often. I’ll move here, if that’s alright with you,” he says.

“Of course it is. I told you about him for a reason. For a long time I thought that I could do this on my own, that I should let you live your life, achieve your dreams. Obviously, he needs you in his life,” she tells him.

“Then I’ll be here, I’m not going anywhere,” he says and she believes him, finishing off her drink. She turns to pour herself another one.

“What you said earlier about dating and parenting not mixing, what did that mean?” he asks her. She sighs and finishes her drink in one gulp.

“The few times I tried dating as soon as they found out about Charlie they didn’t want another date. So, I just stopped, It wasn’t worth it,” she shrugs. Oh and I never got over you. I compared each guy I went out with to you and they never matched up. I’m still in love with you. She adds to herself.

“That’s ridiculous. I’m sorry to hear that,” he says voice full of sincerity. She just shrugs. He refills his glass.

“It is what it is. Oh god what about you? Did I drag you away from a girlfriend or wife?” She doesn’t know how she’ll handle it if he’s with someone. He takes a sip before he answers.

“No, just me, love,” he says. She’s taken aback by this because it’s the first time he’s called her that.

“Ah well at least there’s not that complication,” she says.

“Aye, I got close to marriage once though,” he says his cheeks a little rosey from the rum.

“Oh yeah who?” she asks, more curious than anything else.

“She was one of my professors my third year, hindsight probably wasn’t the best idea. She was a recent divorcee and I thought she hung the moon. To her I was young and fun and a totally different from her ex-husband. We loved each other, but tragically she died in a car wreck,” he explains. Emma reaches out and touches his hand.

“I’m sorry that happened, but I’m glad you had someone like that,” she tells him. He nods and her hand slips away.

“Thanks, love.” He takes another sip of the rum.

“Now, how much you wanna bet your brother didn’t find a hotel and went home with Elsa?” Emma smirks and Killian laughs.

“Oh he’s most definitely there,” he chuckles and she just shakes her head.

“I’m turning in for the night,” she yawns, “I don’t know if you have a place to stay, but you’re more than welcome to the couch.”

“I um got a hotel, but what are the plans tomorrow for the lad’s birthday tomorrow?” he asks, slipping on his leather jacket.

“Nothing really in the morning, but after school I was going to take him to get ice cream and then go to the park. He loves this little hole in the wall diner. We went there a lot when he was young, the owner knows us well. Gifts after dinner. Nothing too elaborate, since his party is the next day,” she explains.

“Sounds grand. Can I bring by breakfast, walk to school with you two?” he asks, scratching his ear. His nervous tick never went away.

“That’d be nice. We leave for school at 7:40, so any time before then would be great,” she nods. He smiles.

“Noted, but I’ll let you get to bed. Goodnight, love,” he tells her and she opens the door.

“Goodnight.” He walks out and she shuts and locks the door behind him. She leans against the door. Spending all day with him nearly broke her heart. God she loves him so much. She knew she’d always love him, but dear god. It was so hard to be with him all day. He looks so good, he always did, but he grew into his lanky body. He looked like a strong man now. She ruined everything with him, he’s the only one she’s ever loved. It just may kill her to be around him and not be with him. The only that will get Emma through this is Charlie, she’s doing this for him.

Killian leans against the door after he hears the lock slide into place. Oh gods she is beautiful. She was always radiant, his Swan, but both of them grew out of their lanky youths and she was a woman. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. After Milah’s death he thought he would never love again, but his love for Emma snuck up on him from the dark shadows of his heart. Maybe it never went away, but just hid until she came back into his life. Came back with their son. A son who looked just like him. Emma was wrong though Charlie has her smile and her laughter. All day he wanted to touch Emma, to reach out to her and let her know it would all be okay. It came as a shock to him when she reached out first, when she grabbed his hand. He could still feel where she touched him. Being around her will be difficult, but they both have to focus on Charlie.

The next morning Killian comes by at 7 o’clock sharp. Donuts in hand and bearclaw for Emma. He hopes she still likes them. When he knew her all those years ago she would have torn someone’s arm off for a bearclaw. He knocks on the door and a couple minutes later Charlie comes to the door fully dressed.

“Mom said I had to answer the door since she was only half dressed,” Charlie shrugs. Killian laughs and follows his son in. He shuts the door and locks it behind him. Killian sets the donuts on the island.

“Happy birthday my boy,” Killian says and Charlie jumps into his arms. Killian holds on tight.

“Thanks, Dad,” Charlie says and Killian kisses his head. He gently sets the boy down.

“Now, have you eaten yet?” Killian asks and Charlie shakes his head, “Swan, what does the boy drink at breakfast?” Killian shouts.

“Milk!” Emma shouts back.

“You know I could’ve told you that,” Charlie says full of sass, which he got from both his parents.

“I’m sure you could have, but I never want to upset your mother. Now how about you help me get some drinks together and where some other things are?” he asks. Charlie nods enthusiastically. He gets Charlie started with some milk and insists the boy sit down. He does begrudgingly. When Emma comes out fully dressed for the day there is coffee ready and Killian is making eggs.

“Wow, we should have you around more mornings,” Emma jokes, “What’s going on?” Killian throws a towel over his shoulder.

“Well Swan, our boy here will be ingesting quite a lot of sugar and I figured some protein wouldn’t hurt him,” he says.

“Good thinking,” she said looking in the box, “You bought bear claws?”

“Just for you my dear, the lad likes regular donuts?” he asks looking at Charlie, who’s nodding.

“He does, I’ll deal with these don’t burn the eggs,” she tells him. She notices his eyes are racking over her. He is most definitely checking her out. She shakes her head and pulls down some plates, she cannot think about that right now. Charlie picks out the donut he wants, Killian scoops some eggs on his plate. Emma pours some coffee and bites into her bear claw. She then gets a call a few minutes later.

“Yeah, no I’ll be in,” a pause and she paces, “You have a case?” another pause, “Okay you know I can’t tomorrow,” she frowns, “You’re planning a take down saturday. Alright I’ll work something out.” She hangs up and takes an aggressive bite of her bear claw.

“A take down, love?” Killian asks curious.

“Yeah, it sounds worse than it is,” she shrugs. Even Charlie gives her a look.

“Sometimes she wears a nice dress to them,” the kid shakes his head.

“A nice dress hmm?” Killian teases with a waggle of his eyebrows.

“I’m not explaining that one in front of our son, who needs to finish up his breakfast,” she scolds. Charlie sighs and finishes eating. They get their things together and head out. Once again Charlie holds both parents hands.

“So why does the birthday kid have to bring the cupcakes? That seems a little backwards to me,” Killian says.

“That’s what Mom says, but it’s just how it goes,” Charlie shrugs and Killian just smiles at his son’s witty comeback. The both kiss him goodbye and Henry helps Charlie carry in the cupcakes.

“So I have to work today, but I’ll be here when school gets out,” Emma states.

“I figured as much, but I was going to set out and get his gift for tonight. A lego set a good idea?” he asks unsure.

“Actually yeah. He’s got the one that’s a house, the firestation one, and the police station just so you don’t buy the same one,” she shrugs.

“Thanks, love. I’ll see you later,” he smiles. His has grazes her arm as he walks away. The move leaves her shocked and standing there speechless. Even the littlest touch leaves her wanting more.

“When were you going tell me about him?” Regina asks as she walks up.

“Soon, but he hopped on a plane the night I told him and was essentially here the next day. Sorry I didn’t call, things got more complicated last night,” Emma sighs.

“Family is always complicated. Will the complications cause a problem at the birthday party?” Regina asks, crossing her arms.

“No, it’s fine now. I’ve got to go. I’ve got the boys for pick up. Alright if Henry gets ice cream with us?” Emma asks.

“Of course. I’ll pick him up before dinner,” Regina nods as the women head in different directions.

That day Emma decides to take on what has been deemed a relatively easy skip. Tink claims she’ll be done before lunch and well she’s wrong. Emma barely tackles the guy down by two and she manages to scratch up her arm when she tackles him. By the time she she gets him to the police station and has her slip signed it’s almost three. She’s definitely going to be late. She speeds most of the way to the school. Luckily she gets there a minute before the bell rings and runs up to drop off. Killian is pacing waiting for her. When she runs up he looks relieved instantly.

“Where the bloody hell have you been?” he asks in a hushed tone as the bell rings.

“I had a skip that took longer than I thought it would,” she hisses, trying regain her breath. Charlie and Henry run up to them.

“How did the cupcakes go?” Emma asks with a smile. Both the boys are beaming.

“Great! They sung Happy Birthday,” Charlie cheers with a smile.

“Of course they did, lad,” Killian says.

“You’re right he does talk funny,” Henry says to Charlie. Emma rolls her eyes and Killian laughs once again.

“You must be Henry,” Killian sticks out his hand, “I’m Charlie’s dad.” Henry takes his hand and they shake.

“So who’s ready for ice cream?” Emma asks hands on her hips. Both boys jump up and down. They walk to a small ice cream shop near the local park. When the boys are finding a table in the shop, Killian gives her a curious look.

“Love, what happened to your arm?” Killian asks brow furrowed.

“Just got a little scratched up in the take down,” she shrugs it off as she heads out after the boys.

“Swan, you need to take care of that,” he tells her.

“I will when we get home,” she tells him when they reach the table. The group has a nice time, even though Killian keeps giving Emma worried looks. After ice cream they let the boys run their sugar rush off in park.

Once they get to the apartment Killian entertains the boys while Emma cleans up her scratch. She’s definitely had worse, so she’s cleaned up and bandaged in no time at all. Killian approaches her in the kitchen.

“All better, Swan?” he asks and she nods. Regina comes by soon after to pick up Henry. From there Emma, Charlie, and Killian head to Granny’s, the beloved matriarch welcomes them with open arms.

“It’s been too long since you brought the young boy around,” Granny tells her from across the counter with a look.

“I know, but since it’s his birthday I told him we just had to come see you, tradition and all,” Emma smiles at the woman. After hugging Granny Charlie has dragged Killian into their usual booth.

“The man is his father?” Granny asks, eying Killian.

“Yeah, it’s all rather new. I’m not used to sharing him quite yet,” Emma explains.

“You seem to be doing just fine,” Granny says, giving her the smallest of smiles. Emma nods and joins the group at the table.

“I told Elsa to meet us here I’m sure she’ll bring a long Liam,” she smiles at Charlie, “Are you getting your usual, kid?”

“Yup,” he nods not even picking up a menu. Killian picks one up and looks up and down the choices.

“What’s good here, lad?” Killian asks his son. Charlie perks up a little at this.

“Pretty much anything, it’s Granny’s. You can’t go wrong with much here, but mom always gets grilled cheese and onion rings and I like the chicken strips and fries. What does Aunt Elsa get I can’t remember?” he asks Emma.

“I like The BLT,” Elsa says as she approaches the table with Liam in toe, “but Granny has a good french dip as well.” Liam slides in with Killian and Elsa slides in next to Charlie. Charlie gives her a hug and she tells him happy birthday. The brothers need a few minutes to make a decision, but in the end they do. The little family has a wonderful dinner full of laughter and celebration for Charlie. Granny even brings out a cupcake with a CJ and a candle on it. Liam and Killian are both confused by it, but continue on singing happy birthday. Charlie screws his eyes shut and blows out the candle making a wish. When Charlie is about halfway through his cupcake Liam has the courage to ask the question.

“CJ? Am I missing something?” Liam asks the table and Killian lays eyes on Emma across the table. Elsa’s head snaps towards Emma.

“I thought you told him everything,” Elsa asks Emma, who clenches her jaw at this comment.

“Almost everything I was getting there,” Emma hisses through her teeth at her sister.

“Ladies,” Killian says expectantly.

“CJ stands for Charles Jones, of course,” Charlie himself pipes up, finally finishing his cupcake.

“Jones?” The brothers say at the same time.

“Yeah,” Charlie shrugs, “Mom said I looked so much like you I had to be a Jones. That I didn’t look like a Swan, I’ve told her that’s not how last names worked,” Charlie says with a shake of his head. Emma kisses the top of his head and wipes the remaining frosting off his face.

“You’re special so I had to give a name that was special too,” she smiles down at him. When she looks back to the brothers they are clearly having a moment. They gather themselves together rather quickly.

“Of course he needed a special name,” Liam confirms and Killian nods. Killian can’t take his eyes off Emma he knows there is more backstory to why Charlie has his surname, but he won’t ask her here. Gods every time he thinks he getting even slightly used to the idea of having a kid something comes a long and knocks him off his feet.

Liam insists on paying for dinner, Elsa just rolls her eyes and Emma doesn’t argue, she’s not one to turn down free food. With the promise of gifts at home Charlie nearly drags all of them out the door.

Once home the gifts are gathered and Emma is even surprised that the one from Killian is wrapped.

Anna sent her gift to Elsa who hands it over to the birthday boy, who is jumping up and down with excitement. She sent a book full of pictures from all the National Parks (being a park ranger herself it’s a pretty typical gift from her other sister). Next Charlie tears into Elsa’s gift, which is a giant set of sidewalk chalk with almost every color you could think of. Charlie proceeds to give his aunt a big hug saying he loved it.

The gift from Killian is next, although he claims it’s from both Liam and him. Charlie smiles and rips off the wrapping paper. It’s a huge lego set of a pirate ship and Charlie’s eyes go wide.

“No way! Pirates!” Charlie almost yells out. He barrels right into Killian who accepts him with open arms.

“Thanks, dad!” Then he hugs Liam as well, “thanks Uncle Liam!” Both of the men looked all choked up by this.

“Of course, son,” Killian smiles at him. Emma brings out her gift, which is new bike with a giant bow on it. Charlie just about loses his mind.

“A bike?!” he shrieks, surprised.

“Yes, you outgrew your little trike a while ago, but you must wear a helmet at all times while on it,” she tells him and he nods. He crashes her with a giant hug too.

“Thanks, Mom,” he tells her. She beams down at him.

“You’re welcome, Kid. Now, I want a picture, so get on that thing and smile,” Emma commands him. He follows her request and gets on the bike. Emma snaps a few pictures on her phone then with her camera. Liam and Elsa bow out around then, wishing Charlie a happy birthday once again.

“Does he have a helmet already, love?” he asks her, while she’s taking yet another picture.

“He needs a new one, but I didn’t know what would fit him at the store, so I’ll probably take him sometime this weekend,” she shrugs, deciding that she finally has enough pictures.

“Maybe we could all go after school tomorrow?” he asks her.

“It will pretty busy with getting ready for his party, I was thinking Saturday,” Charlie attempts to pedal forward slightly on the bike, but Emma catches him just in time, “I don’t think so, kid. Nice try though. No biking inside the house either.” she scolds him. He sighs and his shoulder droop.

“No pouting, lad. Your mom is right. Besides after you get a helmet I’m sure you’ll have some time to ride this weekend,” Killian tells him and Charlie’s face lights up.

“Will you teach me how?” Charlie asks him. Killian looks to Emma who gives him an encouraging nod.

“Of course I will. I’m sure your mom will be there to document everything,” Killian says placing a hand on his shoulder. Emma smiles then notices the time.

“Okay, kid it’s way past your bedtime and you have school tomorrow,” Emma tells him, just as he lets out a yawn. Killian and Emma help him get ready for bed. As soon as his head hits the pillow Charlie is asleep. They shut his door quietly on their way out.

Killian turns to Emma with an expectant look.

“Love,” he sighs, not quite knowing where to start. She walks away to clean up all the trash from Charlie’s gifts.

“Killian, I don’t have it in me to fight with you about whatever it is you’re upset about,” she tells him.

“That’s too damn bad. When the hell were you going to tell me he had my name?” he asks her keeping his voice quiet. She throws the trash down on the floor in frustration.

“I was waiting until you used to having a son, before telling you that. Are you really that upset he has your name?” She says crossing her arms.

“No, I’m not upset because of that, but why on earth wouldn’t you give him your name? I just don’t understand,” he says shaking his head.

“I was always going to tell you about him, at least that was what I kept telling myself. I wanted you to achieve all your dreams and having a kid is hard and you were a continent away. I know I hurt you and I’m sorry, there’s no changing what happened. The day he was born I saw his little blue eyes and his almost full head of hair, I almost broke down and called you. I wanted to tell you, truly I did. He just looked so much like you and I only ever associated Swan with being left behind, about not being wanted. He couldn’t have that name, I never wanted him to feel like that. You and Liam were everything a family was supposed to be and I wanted him to have that. I wanted him to know he was always loved,” she says tears brimming in her eyes.

“He knows he’s loved, he has so many fantastic women and friends in his life. Love, at that point why not just tell me?” he asks, moving closer. Slowly closing the gap between them.

“Don’t you get it? I love you too much, I couldn’t be the reason you would put all your dreams on hold,” she says frustrated.

“What if this was my dream? Being with you, having a family. I love writing, but Emma don’t you know I love you and Charlie a million times more than any job?” he tells her and she just stands there blinking at him. Did he say that he loves her? How?

“I- you can’t love me, I hurt you,” she stammers, tears flowing down her cheeks.

“Emma, I loved you since we were eighteen. I was mad and hurt, but that never stopped me from loving you,” he says.

He cups her cheek with his hand, his thumb brushing her tears away. She pulls him close and her lips brush his ever so carefully. Their lips brush against each other once more before she kisses him. Her fingers move up into his hair. She forgot the feel of his lips on hers, about how well he could kiss her. God she never wanted this feeling to end, like she found her other half. They just seemed to fit together.

The feel of her in his arms once again was something he would never tire of. Her soft lips against his. He fears this isn’t real and clutches to her tightly, never wanting to let go, never wanting this moment to end. He had missed her deeply. Even when he was with Milah, he knew something wasn’t quite right. There was always something missing. The simple fact is she wasn’t Emma.

When they part minutes later Emma is pressed against the counter, thoughts of cleaning up long forgotten. The kiss took their breath away and they lean against the other for support. He kisses her forehead before disentangling himself from her. She grabs his hand and looks into his blue eyes.

“It’s late and we have an early morning,” he states.

“I know, but stay please,” she asks him, pulling him towards her bedroom. He’s taken aback by her request.

“What about Charlie and the mess?” he says looking around.

“You wake with the dawn, if I remember correctly. Charlie, won’t know. I’ll get the trash in the morning. Unless, you don’t want to stay,” she stops and looks back to him. He pulls her into him and kisses her, pushing her into her bedroom door. He pulls away and places a hand on her hip.

“My love, there is nowhere I’d rather be. I just don’t want to traumatize our son,” he tells her with a smirk.

“He’ll be fine, he’s out like a light. You haven’t called me that in a long time,” she says.

“Well, it’s been awhile for us,” he points out and she cringes at this. She’s reminded of how their in this situation because of her. She looks down not wanting to see the look in his eyes. He tilts her head up to meet his eyes.

“Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. Don’t beat yourself up, my love,” he tells her. She nods and opens the door. They don’t waste any time getting into bed. He just pulls her into his arms and holds her.

“You know I’ve been wondering something,” he muses, quietly.

“What’s that?” she asks, grabbing his hand. He intertwines his fingers with hers.

“Do you know when Charlie was conceived? Because these past couple of days I’ve been trying to figure out when it was,” he tells her, his head dipping to kiss her shoulder. She chuckles.

“I’ve thought about that a lot. I’m pretty sure it was the time on the boat,” she says turning to look into his eyes. Realization dawns over Killian.

“Oh yeah it was definitely that time,” he smirks, “Although I wondered if it was the time we went skinny dipping.” Emma blushes.

“Hmm, no that would’ve been too early in the summer. God, I miss those days,” she says.

“Things were easier back then,” he agrees and she nods.

“Killian,” she starts not quite knowing what to say, but knowing they have so much to figure out. She feels so at ease with him, it can’t be so easy to fall back into a relationship with him. Can it?

“Don’t worry about it now. We have time to figure everything out. It’s late it can wait for the morning,” he whispers and she relaxes in his arms. Not long after they both fall asleep.

Sometime in the early morning hours Charlie is standing at the edge of the bed shaking Emma awake.

“Mom,” he sniffles and she opens one eye, still half asleep.

“Kid, what’s wrong?” she asks, blinking sleep out of her eyes. Killian stirs next to her.

“I had a nightmare,” he tells her. She sits up and pulls him up into the bed. He nestles into her chest and she rubs his back. Killian finally wakes up and sits up in bed too.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, his voice full of the drowsiness of sleep. Killian slowly sits up.

“Nightmare,” she tells him. Charlie turns to Killian, who wipes the tears off his son’s cheek.

“Lad, you want to talk about it?” he asks and Charlie shakes his head.

“Are you and Mom getting back together?” Is what their son asks instead. They both get wide eyed and look at each other. They certainly haven’t talked about this. Killian takes the lead on this one.

“That’s a little complicated,” Charlie sighs at this and Killian stops talking, surprised.

“Charles, what’s with the attitude?” Emma asks.

“You said the same thing when I asked you about Dad. Why is all of this complicated?” Charlie sighs dramatically.

“You’ll understand when you grow up, but your mom and I had this long journey to get where we are now. I’m not going to speak for her, but I love her very much. I love you very much too, so no matter what I’ll always be here for you. How does that sound?” Killian tells him and Charlie nods, yawning. He leans back into Emma’s chest.

“Alright, you need sleep. We’ll talk more later,” he tells a half asleep Charlie.

“I can put him back in his bed,” Killian offers. Emma just shakes her head. She places Charlie between her and Killian, who scoots over to make room.

“He usually sleeps with me after a nightmare,” she whispers. Killian nods and all three settle in, falling asleep quickly.

As Emma stated Killian was up with the dawn despite the late night. He kisses both Charlie and Emma on the forehead before making his way into the kitchen. He cleans up the mess from the night before and gets coffee started. Emma treads out a few minutes later, looking around the kitchen.

“You didn’t have to clean up or start coffee,” she tells him and he wraps an arm around her waist, bringing her in close.

“It’s the least I could do,” he tells her.

“We have so much to figure out,” she says, her voice muffled as she buries her head into his chest.

“We do, but let’s get the lad to school first,” he says and she agrees. He kisses her quickly and she has to make herself leave his arms to wake up Charlie.

Once everyone is dressed and fed the three of them head out the door. The walk to school is quick and when Charlie sees Henry, he says goodbye to his parents and runs off to meet up with his friend. Regina spots them and heads over.

“Do you still need help setting up the party?” Regina asks, an eyebrow raised.

“Yeah the more hands we have the quicker this will get done, if you don’t mind,” Emma says.

“Of course not,” Regina says.

“Great, just come over to my place at three and we can load up the cars and head over,” Emma smiles.

“Good, I’ll see you then. You’ve got the boys of this half day nonsense?” Regina says shaking her head.

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Emma confirms. Regina nods, heads to work. Killian turns to Emma.

“Where is the party?” he asks her as they walk back.

“This arcade place with ball pit and games. He’s been dying to do the bumper cars,” she tells him.

“Ah I see, sounds like a fun time,” he says and she nods. An awkward silence settles between them. The knot in Emma’s stomach grows and grows the closer they get to her place. When the front door shuts behind them, they turn to each other.

“What are we doing?” she asks crossing her arms.

“Do you need a label for us?” he asks her.

“You know I have never cared about that, but Charlie will ask more questions and so will our family. I have never cared for gossip, but parents talk and kids are mean to those who are different,” Emma says.

“You think he’ll get bullied because we’re together?” he asks.

“Having a single mother didn’t do him any favors,” she shrugs, “Again, kids are mean.” He walks up to her and places a hand on her shoulder.

“My love, we love each other and we have a child. I intend on moving here and spending time with my family. We will deal with the rest as it comes,” he tells her. Emma presses a kiss into his lips. He holds onto her tightly as he deepens the kiss. Her hand clutches his bicep and his arm wraps around her waist. She pulls back and rests her forehead against his.

“As much as I’d love to kiss you all day, we’ve got stuff to do for the party,” she tells him. He kisses her forehead.

“Of course, my love. What’s first?” He asks her. Emma sets Killian up with putting together the gift bags that follow the pirate theme they have going for the party this year. Once he gets going, she heads out to the bakery.

When she returns Charlie’s pirate ship cake in hand she spots Liam and Elsa in her kitchen helping Killian.

“Called in reinforcements?” she asks Killian, who smiles at her return.

“No, they just showed up. Told me that they have some news, but refused to say anything until you showed up,” he tells her. She slides the cake into the fridge for safe keeping.

“What’s the news?” Emma asks looking from her sister to Liam.

“I’ve decided that I’m going to move here,” Liam tells them, wrapping his arm around Elsa and bringing her close. Emma’s jaw drops and she looks to Killian.

“You are? What about your job?” Killian asks, shocked.

“There are more important things than work and I’m sure I’ll be able to find something here,” he smiles. Killian is in shock, when they were younger Liam and Elsa were together at the same time as Killian and Emma were dating. Unlike Emma and Killian they tried to make long distance work and ultimately it didn’t. Their break up was a blowout and they were both furious with one another. A year or two later they ran into each other when Liam was traveling for work and they reconnected. Ever since they have used their vacation time to be together and when they are away from each other they weren’t a couple. Killian knows it has been hard on Liam because he has been in love with Elsa for such a long time and has longed for more with her.

“So, are you finally going to make an honest woman out of her?” Emma asks half joking.

“Actually yes,” Elsa says smiling as she sticks out her left hand, that has a ring with a huge diamond on it.

“What? When?” Emma asks, pulling Elsa’s closer to examine the ring.

“Last night. He said he was tired of being a continent away and that he wants us to be together,” Elsa says absolutely grinning ear to ear.

“Oh congratulations!” Emma says enveloping Elsa in a big hug. Killian still hasn’t moved from his spot. Once Emma lets go of Elsa she nudges him not that gently and he seems to snap out of it.

“Congratulations brother,” he says hugging Liam.

“I was starting to think you were going to be stuck that way,” Liam whispers and Killian shakes his head.

“I just didn’t think you were ever going to give up your job and move here. I’m glad you did. Both of you deserve to be happy,” Killian tells him.

“Thanks little brother,” he says.

“Younger,” Killian corrects him and Liam laughs.

After they pick up Charlie that afternoon the day becomes a whirlwind of preparation for the party. Luckily Henry is there to distract Charlie and keep him busy. Once Regina arrives they load up her car and head over to the arcade. While Liam and Killian are off distracting the boys Regina finally can have a word with Emma.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Regina asks with a raised eyebrow. Elsa looks at Emma, who sighs, but tells Regina everything.

“So are you with him or what? Because you two have been sharing yearning looks all day,” Regina states.

“I don’t yearn!” Emma exclaims and Elsa just laughs.

“Oh come on. You never stopped loving him. That’s why you haven’t moved on from him,” Elsa says eyebrow quirked.

“I don’t need to be psychoanalyzed thank you very much,” Emma snaps. Elsa reels back from her sister’s sharp words.

“Emma, you didn’t answer the question,” Regina points out, hands on hips.

“Yeah we are, he said he wants to be here with his family,” Emma says not really looking at either one of them.

“So did you sleep with him?” Elsa says bluntly and Emma just glares at her sister.

“No, they have too much tension they haven’t slept together,” Regina comments off handedly.

“Seriously? I bet Liam twenty bucks you two jumped each other,” Elsa sighs. Emma puts her hands on her hips.

“Seriously? You’re betting on us?” Emma asks and Elsa shrugs. The group falls quiet as the first kids arrive.

The party goes off without a hitch. The kids have a good time and Charlie opens all his gifts. Killian is great at wrangling the kids and keeping them out of trouble as much as possible. When the last kid is picked up by their parent Charlie is sleepy and Killian carries him out to the car. They put him to bed while Elsa and Liam bring in the gifts. Soon after the happy couple leave for the night.

Emma smiles just as Killian practically plops into a chair at the kitchen table. Chasing six year olds around for an evening is exhausting work.

“You know Elsa and Liam are betting on us?” she asks. This catches his attention.

“What was the bet?” he smirks. Emma blushes.

“Whether or not we’ve slept together,” she says shaking her head. He quirks his eyebrow at this. He stands up from the chair with a sudden surge of energy and moves closer to her.

“You’d think they’d have better things to talk about being newly engaged in all,” he says, his voice becoming low and husky. He’s so close now he’s pressing her ass into the kitchen counter.

“You would think so,” she says with a mischievous grin on her face. He licks his lips before she reaches up, her lips claiming his as her own. The kiss deepens and he will never tire of having her in his arms. Their lips never leave each other but slowly they make their way towards her bedroom, various items of clothing being strewn across the floor on the way.

The next day Killian wakes early, kissing Emma’s forehead before he leaves the bed. She stirs when senses his absence from the bed. Her eyes flutter open and she sees him getting dressed. He smiles when he sees she’s awake.

“It’s six am on a Saturday, where could you possibly be going?” she mumbles, sleep thick in her voice.

“I need new clothes my love,” he says sitting on the edge of bed in front of her.

“Are you sure you do?” she teases him and he chuckles.

“Hmm as tempting as it would be to spend the day naked with you. I’m afraid our son would object,” he tells her.

“I guess you’re right,” she sighs.

“I’ll be back before you know it. I’m just going to grab a few things,” he says to her, about to leave. Her hand takes his causing him to stop.

“You know you could just bring your things here and not have to waste money on a hotel,” she says her eyes gazing into his.

“Are you sure?” He asks, brushing some hair out of her face.

“Yeah you should be here. I want you here and I’m sure Charlie does too,” she says blushing. He kisses her lightly and then pulls away.

“There is nowhere else I’d rather be,” he says smiling, “I may gone for a bit to get his straightened out, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” She nods and kisses her again before leaving. Emma drifts back to sleep.

About an hour later she wakes again and knows Charlie will be up soon. She slips on her robe and when she makes it out to the kitchen she finds that Killian has already picked up and folded all the clothes that were left on the floor.

She begins to brew some coffee and starts a load of laundry. Not long after Charlie comes out in his pajamas, rubbing his eye.

“Schools out kid you can sleep in,” Emma tells him. Before he can respond his stomach growls and she laughs.

“Let’s get you some food,” she says ruffling his hair. He climbs onto a stool at the island while she whips up some pancakes.

“Is dad coming back today?” Charlie asks her and she flips the pancakes before answering trying to gather herself. She looks over to him.

“Yes he is. Actually your dad is staying with us for a while. How do you feel about that?” she asks him.

“Happy, I like dad. You really think he’ll teach me how to ride my bike?” Charlie asks.

“Of course he will. We’re getting you a helmet today,” she says turning her attention back to the pancakes.

“So you and dad are together?” is his next question. She piles some pancakes on plate for him.

“Yeah we are. What do you think about that?” she asks setting the plate in front of him. Charlie dumps syrup over the pancakes.

“It’s good. He makes you happy. You smile more when he’s around,” he smiles before taking a big bite of pancakes.

“Yeah he does,” she smiles before making more pancakes. Her phone rings as the same time as their is a knock on the door. Emma directs Charlie to see who is at the door and answers the phone.

“Emma, can you still do the take down tonight?” Tink asks her on the other end. Charlie walks in with Killian, duffle bag in hand. He smiles at her and silently takes over the cooking.

“Yeah I can do that tonight. Who’s the guy?” Emma asks. Tink gives Emma a run down of his crimes and promises to send a picture later on. The guy likes to hang out in a dive bar across town and he’s most likely to be there. She’ll have to wait until late tonight to go over there. Once she hangs up Killian sets pancakes in front of her.

“Work, my love?” he asks kissing her cheek. Charlie’s face wrinkles up at this.

“Are you guys going to be gross all the time now?” he asks, annoyed. Killian laughs and so does Emma.

“Why yes my son we will be. That’s what happens when you love each other,” he tells Charlie and Emma kisses Killian once again. Charlie groans in the background.

“It was work I’m going to have go in late tonight. Would you stay with Charlie?” she asks him and he smiles.

“Of course.”

The trip to the store for a helmet was a whole ordeal in itself, more of one than Emma thought it would be. Killian insisted Charlie have the best helmet the store could offer, which she agreed until she saw the price tag. Surely the twelve dollar helmet was just as good as the thirty five dollar one. Killian would not budge and she gave in saying he could waste his money on whatever he liked. Then Charlie insisted on having a red helmet, color was the most important thing to the six year old. That was why their quick trip ended up taking an hour.

Emma and Killian take Charlie to the nearby park to teach him how to ride his bike. With the camera strapped around Emma’s neck she’s ready to take a million pictures of the two of them.

The bike still has the training wheels for now just to let him get used to the bike. She’s sure in no time he’ll be able to ride without them. Killian coaches him through all the motions and he’s doing fine. Emma’s snapping away taking pictures.

“I want to try it for real,” Charlie tells them. Emma looks surprised, but Killian doesn’t miss a beat before taking off the training wheels. Killian holds on to him for a bit around the part, but he lets go and Charlie speeds off for a few feet and when he looks like he’s about to topple over Killian catches him.

“Ah careful lad, balance is a little tricky on this suckers. Try again?” he asks and Charlie nods determined. It takes a few tries, but eventually Charlie gets the hang of it and is doing laps around Emma and Killian. By now Emma has a million pictures and a few videos as well.

“Look at him go. To be honest I didn’t know we would be taking off the training wheels,” Emma tells Killian.

“He was determined, nothing was stopping him. Reminds me of someone,” he chuckles.

“Who?” she asks her brow furrowed.

“His mother of course,” Killian says slipping his hand into hers. She blushes and shakes her head.

“You’ll be safe tonight?” he asks her.

“Of course, I always am,” she tells him and he brings her hand up to kiss it. Charlie comes to a halt in front of them, a little out of breath.

“Yes?” Emma prompts while he catches his breath.

“I’m hungry,” is all he says.

“Bottomless stomach this one,” she teases him, “come on, it’s almost time for dinner anyway,” she says. Charlie leads the way home on his bike while Killian and Emma trail behind him.

After they put Charlie to bed that night Emma gets ready to catch her skip. Tink says he hangs out in a seedy hole in the wall bar on the other side of town, so Emma dresses the part and hopes to catch his attention. When she walks out Killian’s jaw drops. It takes him a minute to collect himself but he does.

“Is this what Charlie meant when he said you dressed up?” he asks pulling her close to him.

“Yes, it’s called a honey trap,” she tells him.

“Should I be worried you’re dressing up to go see other men?” he jokes and she laughs.

“No, but if this you being jealous I find it incredibly hot,” she whispers in his ear before kissing his cheek and walking out the door. He has to adjust himself and damn her for turning him on before leaving. He sits up on the couch waiting for her to come back because he won’t lie he’s worried about her. Killian knows she’s strong and can handle herself, but while she’s worrying about everyone else someone should worry about her.

Typically honey traps go one of two ways. One, she puts a boot on the guys car so he can’t run too far when they figure out who she is. Two, they fall into her trap and don’t realize what is going on until the cuffs are on. The guy tonight fell outside the norm and decided to punch her in hopes of getting a head start on her, which she was not expecting and didn’t have time to dodge. Much to his dismay Emma taught him and took his ass down to the station. She gladly takes the slip from the officer on duty before storming out. The piece of shit clocked her jaw. It wasn’t broken or out of the joint, but it certainly hurt like hell.

When outside her apartment door she takes a deep breathe before walking in. She finds Killian passed out on the couch, she walks over and kisses his forehead. He stirs at this and when she quietly says his name.

“You’re home,” he says still struggling to wake up.

“Yes, now it’s time for bed,” she says walking into the kitchen. She grabs a bag of peas from the freezer and gingerly places them on her jaw, even then she winces. Killian walks in rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“My love, what happened?” he asks, concerned.

“The skip got a little angry, but I got him in the end,” she says.

“Will let me look at it?” he asks and she nods. He takes the frozen peas from her. He grimaces, already the beginnings of a bruise are starting to form on her jaw.

“Yeah that will bruise. Would you like something for the pain?” he asks her tenderly kissing her temple.

“Please,” she says reapplying the ice pack. He comes back with some pain killers which she gladly takes with some water. He leads her to bed and holds her in his arms.

“I like having you here, I like coming home to you,” she mumbles into his chest.

“There is no where else I would rather be,” he says kissing the top of her head. They have more to figure out about their new life and each other, but they will do it together. Killian still can’t believe his life changed with one phone call.

Emma drifts to sleep in Killian’s arms and this feels like home to her, being right here, hearing his heartbeat. Between Charlie’s questions about his father and that one phone call their lives changed in the best way possible.

#oneshot #CS One shot #cs #cs au ff #cs au fic #cs ff #captian swan #emma swan #killian jones #teen pregnancy #I had your kid and didn't know how to tell you #summer love #reunited

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sanguinesprout · 7 years

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It’s been ever so rainy and cold lately... (gloomy feels and stuff about money, re-motivating myself and general updates)

I’m... gnnrgh... I’m sad. And confused. And tired. And feeling quite hopeless once more, why must it be so? Man, this sucks :<

I feel like I don’t know what I ‘m doing again and even though I know there’s stuff to do I keep distracting myself with pointless things and driving myself crazy with all the conflicted feelings and anxiety inside... The bouts of frustration and migraines are cropping up and spiralling outta control like nobody’s business and beating my down so badly ;^;

It’s just there’s too much cooped up in my head. Too many things to worry about, too many things I want to say and do but I feel I can’t because of the fear trapping it all in and the pressure just continues to build up and it hurts and feels so constricted in my head, my heart and just everywhere. I wish I could gather my thoughts and just get things under control and running smoothly like other people can but it’s just so hard and so exhausting just trying.

I need to stop and refocus myself, calm my mind and chest, c’mon I can do it..! I’m struggling now but I’ll be fine, I’ll find my way out of the storm and I’ll be able to see and breathe clearly again, it’s going to be okay... so don’t worry yourself so much, you're trying and that’s enough... *hugs self*

Welp... ran outta time to write and it became the next...next(?) day. Time meaning space to be all secretive and weird contemplative as my sis came home and I didn’t want to feel on edge. Why am I like this...? :<

I got real sad again later, thinking and being reminded of my much less than ideal financial situation and joblessness got me in such a low mood. The loneliness and want for attention or some kind of reassurance or help kinda crawled out and just sat there too. Money is such a troublesome thing, I regret the times in the past where I whittled it almost completely away by frivolously buying unnecessary amounts of things of interest (probably to try cheer myself up). The happiness from material items is only temporary, fleeting and quickly forgotten. I’m such a wasteful person in so many ways orz. But I’ve learned from my mistakes! (Mostly... kinda... lol) So that’s something! :D

I’ve really been wanting to buy a new phone because mine is so old and dysfunctional in too many ways to list and I’ve been suffering with it for half a decade because I didn’t want to waste money or for my parents to waste their money on me. There were a few times in the past and even recently where I had a chance to get a new one or few times I did purchase a new phone but swiftly returned it either because I felt guilty about it or it just wasn’t right cause I’m so damn nit picky. I don’t want to keep waiting because I have done it so much already, waiting and missing opportunities... I don’t even know how to phrase what I’m trying to say or what even I am trying to say .__.

Some people don’t even have a phone at all, it makes me feel like such a spoilt and horrible person but it really is in need of replacing... It’s just I don’t have an appropriate amount of funds or that I am aiming for something of the calibre that I don’t need but just want. If I had that new and functional phone I feel like it would bring back some of my lost motivation and give more opportunity for me to try harder to grow my skills also. Photography and other creative skills, social skills, those kinds of things which I’ve yearned to improve but lack the equipment or means to carry out. I bet I sound so damn ridiculous right now, I don’t even...

Right before my eyes my sister got a new phone, she’s had a few in the span I’ve had one, but it’s true, she can afford to because she has a job. I’m happy for her but I know I am envious too, not just that she has a phone, but that she has a job, that she’s not scared to try or to put herself out there etc etc. Also when someone really wants something and has been holding back but someone else just gets it right in front of them, it just idk it kinda stings and brings on those nasty emotions. Everyone tells me to get a job and then I can spend or save money, and of course I know this too. It sounds so simple to them and even to me sometimes and I just wish I could but there’s so many health factors and stupid fears holding me back, it’s so hard. I’m so weak... But, I can’t give up trying, I’ll get there someday.

Anyways enough of that, I’ll figure it out, it’s not of major importance right now. I worry all the time about being a burden to my family financially, we’re definitely not well off in terms of money or health or anything and I don’t want to bring anymore strain to it :< Those whole few sections of garble were so negative and gloomy and unimportant. I feel like such an ass... but this blog is here so I can vent and write out my real feelings... it’s okay... it’s fine, it’s good to do so, keep going..! ><

*Le few days later* Uh... uh what was I saying? @.@ Lolol I was originally gonna post on the day after my first therapy appointment but then I got lazy/avoidy and thought I’d wait till after the next one, but then I changed my mind again and welp, now the next app is tomorrow, oh well xD

*le even moar days later* Hah! Now it’s been another whole week... mega ||ORZ...!!!!1 I remember I was going to write about how the therapy went but I think I’ll put it in a separate post just to keep things more organised and less lengthy, makes sense mmm k! I’ll continue with my other misc updates I guess ^^

Welp, I got a new phone... Though there’s that niggling feeling of guilt still there (especially since my parents will only get handy downs from my sister to save money), I’m glad I was able to do so and I’m very thankful to my family members that helped me obtain it both financially and physically. I chose one that is on the expensive side, but not too bad in terms of other phones on the same level which are considerably much much more pricey. It’s one that feels like great value for the spec it has and I hope it lasts me lots of years without messing up, I have a bit of a curse when it comes to technology lol.

I can do all sorts on it which I couldn’t do before, from some of the more basic stuff to some cool new stuff, it feels really refreshing but makes me kinda nervous too. I can actually download and use the tumblr app there, I’m hoping I can make use of it now that it is finally functional and easily accessible. I want to make a lot of good memories with it, snippets of daily life with my family, some creative stuff, whatever I choose to do online with it and that kind of stuff C:

In terms of life skill improving/adulting these past weeks I actually cooked my first sort of dish all by myself! It was fish cakes ^^ It was when I went to my sister’s house again for some more crafting time. I was actually having a crappy day/was in a super low mood that day (which got worse being in the same environment as last time) and actually had a bit of a breakdown on the journey to the supermarket to get ingredients. Idk... I was just so hesitant and scared and avoidant and got into a bit of an argument with my sis who was driving and all the sort of thoughts that had been bringing me down lately just surfaced again all at once and I tried so hard not to but the tears just came busting out.

I cried so hard and so pathetically and while I know it is not a bad thing to cry and rather a good one to let things out I just didn’t want to feel so weak in front of my sister or in front of shoppers that may pass by in the car park. I know... crying =/= weak but feeling so emotionally vulnerable, it just sucks. I didn’t cry for too long even though the intensity of my sob-fest one was one of the strongest I’ve ever had, because I still wanted to go in, get my ingredients and cook my first dish. I wanted to do this to prove to myself and my parents that I’m capable, I can learn to be independent, that I’m not useless... I’m not, I won’t be, I can do this!

My sister encouraged me and comforted me, telling me stories of when she had also cried in the car during stressful occasions with her boyfriend or with dad. I want to mention again how grateful I am to have her, even though our lines get crossed and we stress at each other a lot, she is there for me and I want to be there for her too when she needs it. It was because of her that I have the opportunity and the boost of motivation to try cooking something on my own.

I sat in the car in the corner of the car park (which she kindly moved to by my request) and when I had calmed down enough and wasn’t so puffy we went in and looked for the ingredients together. When it came to getting fresh produce I also learned how to use the labelling scale machine by my sis’ instruction which felt like something great too! ^^ I mean it probably sounds super lame and straight forward but if I was on my own I probably wouldn’t of even tried or had a bit of a panic. Idk... I just feel like for new things, witnessing someone’s demonstration or instruction is much more helpful and I’ll feel less like I’d make a fool of myself.

Okay so I got the stuff and then I made it following a brief internet recipe. My sister left me to do it all myself while she did her stuff upstairs after getting out all the necessary equipment for me so there wasn’t really much pressure unlike what it’d probably be like if I did it at home. It did take me much longer than I though it would but I was very careful about everything and as I am a noob I did make some small mistakes, but I was proud I did it! I wonder if my parents were too..?

I finished cooking them at home (which my mum wanted my dad to do for me but I was adamant on doing it myself) and my parents tried one fish cake each over supper, though it was not perfect they were not mean to me about it which was nice. I thought my dad might be more critical and at first I thought he was a bit annoyed at me but I think he can see my efforts and how excited about it I was. It was fun and it has given me more motivation to try something else next time. I’m glad I tried, pursued something and competed it even though I was trying to get out of it last minute. I’ll give myself a pat on the back, because I did it! :D

I also went to visit my grandma with my family yesterday, which is something I have not done in probably a year or so. That’s kind of one of the other things I think about a lot and am also kind of envious of others about... I am not close with any of my relatives and it feels like a chore for my family to visit or be visited by them. I wish there wasn’t this language barrier or this physical and emotional distance between me, my family and my relatives, it blows.

It was nice seeing her and she had a good chat with my parents (though mostly random negative health stuff and gossip) and little with me and my sis. I noticed my mum doesn’t seem that close with her, look at her much and only chipped in to conversations at times while my dad generally was the one to initiate and continue the chatting. It feels... Idk... it makes me sad of course. But I wonder if it is because she doesn’t like seeing her mum growing old and living on her own, that it reminds her she is also getting old which is always on her mind too as well as it just being that way. When we were leaving I hugged my grandma, it wasn’t a proper bear hug or anything, just a pat on the back loose gesture because she probably didn’t expect it. I’ve never hugged her before after all, but I wanted to and no language barrier can get in the way of it. My sister followed and did the same too. It brought back an element of warmth and closeness which fizzled out when I couldn’t converse earlier. I want to spend more time with my family and relatives, I need to try harder.

Though I feel as if I haven’t done much on the surface, these things I did recently to do with family and therapy felt like such big and meaningful steps and I hope to continue even more. Also I said I was going to post stuff that I made to my main blog and to other places a long while back and and I have been hesitating and holding back out of fear and uncertainty non-stop. Well, I’m gonna start doing it for reals real soon. There’s no rules and there’s no need to overthink it, it’s just a place to store my progress and memories in essence but in a slightly more open space. I have the material, the means and I’m gonna try my best to grasp onto the motivation, I can’t keep excusing myself for those any more and I most certainly can’t let my silly fears win!

I should probably get to writing my therapy posts and getting all my other important health things done and organised too. C’mon I can do this! I came on and continued writing this post even though I was struggling and scared to, another one should be a piece of (sour but refreshingly zesty lemon) cake! *salivates*

Mmm...alrighty, off I go! >:D (Maybe some lazy time first though my eyes huuurt @w@)

Have a nice evening and keep kicking butt~! ^^

#avpd #anxiety #depression #self-motivation #feelings #family #*pats self on back*#Believe in yourself #keep going #you can do it!#Let's try our best! :3

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disanddatmedia · 4 years

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The year I was 24.

The year I was 24, was the biggest year for me. Right before I turned 24, I was living at home, dating the person I thought I would marry, and just ignoring any problem I can for the most part, pretending everything was fine. I was just doing what I did for years, not changing or evolving or anything, just staying the same.

The week before my 24th birthday, I moved out of my parents' basement into an apartment that I thought I would be sharing with my Girlfriend at the time. We were hiding our relationship from her family so the plan was for her to move in a month later. The end of November came and nothing. Moved the deadline to mid December, nothing. Moved it again to end of December, nothing. Moved to mid January, nothing. End of January, nothing. Mid February, nothing. Finally moved it to end of February with me saying

"look, we agreed to get this apartment, it's a bit pricey but it was no problem cause we both be living here, but its been like 4 months and you made no effort to move in, if you don't want to live together just say so, but if you do and not here by the end of the month, were done, I'm done having my hopes up for nothing."

So she agreed to end of February. She told her family and that was a complete shit show, which ended with us breaking up. Now when February came around I became extremely depressed, I didn't think she gave a crap or loved me at all, and instead of hearing me out or helping me when I told her that I was extremely depressed, she said

"what else is new".

That hurt like a mother fucker. After me and her broke up at the end of February I had a complete mental breakdown, at the worst time possible. It happened when driving a crappy old truck, in the middle of winter, going 130kms down highway 63, with my breakdown consisting of me clawing at myself, I almost drove off the road like 7 times and still have scars from the clawing (my left arm, small dots). I stopped and became uncontrollable, my life was fucked up, the person I thought I was going to ask to marry me was gone, and no one was checking in on me, no one lived with me, I felt utterly alone for the first time in my life. I'm pretty sure subconsciously I was trying to end my life in that moment by car accident. The next day, I walked across halfway across town to seek professional help, was too scared to drive.

In November I also had an idea, to live in a truck/van and just drive around, travel all over the place, even designed a plan for the truck (lost the papers). In November I started to do photography and songwriting less and less to where I didn't even want to by the end of February, I had no desire to do those things. Part of this was, there was I wrote for my Girlfriend at the time, I wanted to play it for her first for so long and I tried, and tried, but the time was quote "never right" according to her. So I lost the motivation to write, which also did the same for photography. Once April came around I picked up both again, and even better than before, with photography I learned the F-stop finally, with song writing, a sudden surge of creativity came over me and I wrote a bunch of songs, even some more with guitar, also learned them and learned the song "Tell Me Who To Be" by "Cosmo Jarvis".

In April, I went down to Calgary and Edmonton to visit my siblings, when I got down there I tried weed for the first time, I decided to try it after 8 and a half years of depression and anxiety so I said fuck it, It now helps with bad days and to get off of "work mode" after work. I also decided that I was going to grow out a mohawk and dye it different colours, I wanted to since grade 10 but at that time I was in the Air Cadets and I loved it, after aging out, the best friends I had at that time, I knew they wont approve of it and didn't want to lose their friendship (which I'm no longer friends with any of them), to this day it's a long, kickass mohawk thats black for spooky month (next colour is red for Remembrance Day and Christmas).

Right after Christmas, my parents broke the news to me that my Pepére had throat cancer, it explains the Christmas phone call, where he didn't want to say hi, that really sucked, broke my heart. My mom then told me that she was leaving to go back east to take care of Pepére and Memére (she had many problems), as a result, she gave me her cat to take care of, Turbo the 20lb lazy boi who a goof. At the end of his stay, he was on a diet to get to a healthy weight, which didn't last long when he went back home. Mom was gone for 7 months.

At work in January, my boss left for maternity leave, leaving me in charge for a month and so, this was extremely stressful as I was already dealing with everything outside of work, barely made it before the next boss came in, he came however when everything in my life was falling apart, not a good way to introduce yourself.

After I became single, my neighbor gave me really important advice.

"In life, there is Truth, the capital T stands for TRUTH, which the lower t is truths that don't change (life breathing oxygen, needing sleep, etc), stuff that will never change that ALWAYS stays true, truth is stuff you THINK will always be true but can change (relationships, state of life etc.), remember that Truth always has two types of truths, look to see which what something falls into. I will take that advice to heart.

In January I started to go to a DnD group to get out of the apartment, something once a week to look forward to, I played a half elf, half reaper, the son of Lady Death (think Death the Kid from Soul Eater, that basically was the character), the first time I really played DnD and now it's something I will play if given the opportunity.

Mid April came and with that, a twist in events. A coworker of mine needed a place to stay, so they stayed on my futon, during her stay, we helped each other with our break ups, I helped her get back on her feet and she helped me regain my confidence again, we became fast best friends during her stay.

During this time also, a trusted source told me that my now ex and (at that time) best friend of several years were hooking up behind my back for at least 2 weeks after me and my ex broke up, knowing how I was NOT okay after the break up, made me pissed, but then I remember and event in January, where with this new information, made me 99% sure she wasn't moving in also due to her cheating on me with said "friend". Pissed off, I completely dropped not only him as a friend, but also his two roommates, fuck that I'm not dealing with any of that bullshit, who the fuck does that? It broke me, just when I started to get better I was pushed back down to the dirt. Backstabbed by someone I consider a brother. With this, I also had to stop playing DnD since he was in the group I played in and I couldn't bare to even look at him or hear his name nevermind be in the same room as him, those two will never get my forgiveness. Funny enough, May came and it was discovered that he had gotten my ex girlfriend pregnant, so good riddance.

The month of May, I have also taken in my friend/coworker's friend in on and off as well, this was a bit of a headache but in my true self, I will help anyone who needs it. When I decided to have a housewarming party for myself (a bit late but oh well), which was fun, until that friend started to have a complete mental breakdown, she wanted cocaine, no one was letting her leave, meanwhile others were just trying to pretend nothing is going on (I don't blame them).

During this month I started liking the friend that was staying with me, something I was proud of myself was that I made damn sure to separate those feelings with what advice/things needed to help her, also to be able to realize that it won't be a good idea to date her, not compatible is all. Regardless of that we did become closer and she was able to get my confidence up to "go for it", which includes playing the songs I wrote for the first time to anyone.

I remember when I came back from my April trip to Calgary and Edmonton, I decided that I was going to move to one of those places, after spending half my life in a small city that I have a love-hate relationship with. I knew that I needed something new, it would be the perfect year to do so, my lease was up at the same time as my last week of paid vacation. I asked my sister and my brother for information of their city (since they live in those cities), my sister put effort into telling about her city so Edmonton it is. Doing something this big is scary but doing this will help me mentally, being away from my haunted past, making a new life with a new me.

I started to talk to two of my friends again after drifting away due to my ex, and I started to plan out a road trip, where one of my stops will be where one of them lives. If you're reading this, by the way, I'm sorry that happened, the relationship I was in wasn't healthy.

I started making a patch jacket, I have grown out the mohawk to a good length, dyed it green, blue, and red (currently black now), started really getting into the music from the band "The Speakeasies Swing Band!" and other areas of music, go out until 3am just doing random stuff, alone or with people, at times even all night, so that I could live life, practice playing the songs I wrote more, doing more photography, and finally, finally, I started to feel better, I started to notice that I was becoming someone new, someone more, me.

Fast forward to the summer, I was out hiking, swimming (including skinny dipping), out late at night, long drives, all that good stuff, and then, my road trip comes.

My road trip changed me, exactly what I needed and it changed my life. My trip starts with Edmonton. While there for the first pass, I had edibles for the first time, by accident mind you. How? You know when you ask your sibling for a bite of something and take a huge bite like an asshole? Turns out my sister was eating a homemade weed brownie. I went out and took photos at night, this led to what I thought was me breaking a law, by swimming in the fountain at the legislation building, when I got there to take photos, strangers were swimming in the fountain, it was 1am, I said "fuck it" and join in, it was really relaxing and amazing. Went to a food festival and tried some weird food, including octopus.

I then went to Calgary, traveled all around, found a piano and played it, took loads of photos, rode on an electric scooter, met up with my aunts, brother and his fiancee, and two of my old friends. While staying in Calgary, I took a one day trip to Drumheller, saw dinosaurs, went on a hike (in the badlands), got heat exhaustion, and went home. Also went to Cochrane, kinda technically maybe trespassed to take a photo, maybe I didn't though.

After Calgary, I was off to Banff! On the way was horrible traffic, like deadlock traffic for two hours. I stopped in Camrose for what was 30 minutes, as soon as I got there it rained, as soon as I left, the sun came out. When I got to Banff, I went to some hot springs, it was relaxing, another thing to scratch off my bucket list. After I left the hot springs, I saw a trail going up, I hear a couple walk by which I only heard "one and a half-" I assume they were talking about kilometers, turns out, the hike was one and a half HOURS, so I hiked, completely unprepared, 100% up hill, for one and a half hours, to get to the very top of Sulphur Mountain. The extremely difficult hike was completely worth it, when I got to the top, I felt the universe again, hear her in the wind, saw her in the rays of the sun, shining through the clouds, hitting the surface of the bottom of the valleys, seen the tops of mountains, I screamed in triumph and in victory. When I had that moment, I knew I was in a better place, that everything was going to be okay, that I'm more myself than ever before, the best I've been in 9 years. I started my way down the mountain, I got to the bottom, went to the bus stop, that's when I met a travel friend, we talked and we decided to hang out that night, we grabbed a drink, we went dancing, I wore my kilt, and I noticed my confidence was higher than it was before.

My next stop was Blind Bay, I stayed with an old friend, while there, I made one day trips to Revelstoke, Kamloops, and Kelowna (all great places). I met her boyfriend, who is a great guy, drove a car you drive on the right side of the car, it was great. This part of the trip would end with confusion, unanswered questions, and sadness, my old friend, my best friend for 9 and a half years, looked me in the eye and said, "I can't do this anymore". Apparently the reason was because I have been miserable since high school, which didn't make sense since when I got there, I was doing great, she didn't deal with the worst back in February and March, and life happens, it goes up and down. Just left not knowing what the fuck really happened. So I left British Columbia, with one less friend, but one extra travel friend.

I arrived in Edmonton again and hung out with the travel friend the first night, it was nice and she told me a really great piece of advice I also will never forget: "If you think of it, do it in 5 to 10 seconds, if you don't, then don't do it", basically if you want to do something, like kiss a pretty girl you're dancing with, if it takes more than 10 seconds to do, don't do it so just do it within 10 seconds. The 10 second rule. The next morning, We went to a farmers market, the first one I ever went to. The rest of the time I relaxed, being exhausted from going, going, going, going, going.

So, after my trip, I realized that I have more life in me, I was different, even my taste in food changed, even my tolerance for spice was back to where it was before an incident in high school fucking it up. I was a changed man, a better man.

When my roommate came back, she changed too, not for the better unfortunately, she came back and immediately started asking for favors, at some point, I thought she would want to hang out with me, but no, she went back to the ex she ran from, and only contacted me or a few others only if she needed a favor, I ghosted her cause it just got too much, she would ask for drives all the time, and in that moment, I stopped. letting her walk all over me. I did see her before I moved, and she seemed to be back the way she was, the person I knew, which is nice, to me, it must have been a rough patch and hopefully she is better.

I was again living alone, this time, I started to learn how to be comfortably alone for the first time in my life, I found peace in being alone, anxiety still comes around but I have more control over it, I understand why people like being alone, there's a peace to it, to control your environment around you.

I moved 99% of my stuff down to Edmonton at the start of October, so for the next month(ish) I lived with very little, like a minimalist lifestyle, which was very interesting, learned that I don't need most of what I have.

During this last month, I went through a lot of stress at work and left that job, on my second last day I trained someone new who became my friend quickly, also went to my works awards ceremony and got my five years award. I got my first paid gig for photography and took some of my favorite photos ever. I started to learn more songs on the guitar, even played a few of those for other people. I had a going away party, invited people over, played games, laughed, played guitar, and then went to a karaoke bar where we sang, drink, and were complete goofs. I also was able to tell my friends how much they mean to me before going.

I moved to Edmonton, living with my sister, sister-in-law, and sister-in-law's best friend will be interesting. I went job hunting for the first time in five years, and my car was involved in a hit and run, I'm able to drive still but I was surprisingly calm for how I thought I would be.

So, I went from a depressed, anxious person who was only kinda himself, with little confidence, living at home with my parents, dating a girl who stopped caring, living in a town I hated, to someone that worked on fixing on my depression and anxiety, that knows how to be comfortably alone, confident, stopped letting people walk all over me, better at my passions, dropped shit friends, learned who I was, is now more my true self and is living in a new and bigger city to live a more exciting life. For years I was depressed, anxious, nervous to express myself, and would just do what would only make someone else happy, not to make me happy, worrying about what others would think of me, friends with people that held me back, and now, I don't have those problems, I get to leave all that behind me, in the dust. The year I was 24, was the worst and best year of my life, the biggest changes of my life happened, an epic year of ups and downs. It was wild and great, ill never forget anyone that made this year the way it was, and ill never forget the year that everything changed, when I was 24.

(p.s. sorry for the mess this post is)

#oneyear #change #long reads #lifeisgood #lifechanging #betterthanever #disanddatmedia

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