#mori: 'yes those still exist'

[videogamelover99]

i love akutagawa he's like what if someone's parents get divorced and the kid's still attached to the shitty father bcuz Issues but then wine mom got the custody

Wine mom did not sign up for this wine mom wants an OUT.

#everyone shoukd listen to the pm onsen cd drama actually #mori sending chuuya to take care of aku knowing full well it is the optimal solution: 'think of this as a vacation' #chuuya: '...vacation.' #mori: 'yes those still exist' #he takes care of everyone while complaining about it the whole time XD #asks

[raynecos]

Sour Wine (Skk)

Authors Note: Hi! im not expecting anybody to really see or read this seeing as how its my first tumblr post with something of actual substance or content, but i've made the decision to start writing (again), so thats what this blog willl mainly be used for :], i hope you enjoy if you're reading this! -Rayne Credit to my lovely amazing perfect boyfriend for the plot of this fic <3 TWs: Alcoholism, Suicide Part One: Empty Bottles, Part Two: Coffees Only As Bitter As You Let It Be

Chuuya

However much time has passed, Chuuya wouldn’t know. One moment he’s in his penthouse, lighting a cigarette and opening another bottle. Next he’s sitting at a table among many important faces, the names of which he also wouldn’t know. Given he’d never bothered to learn, and why should he? Drowning out the voices just as much as usual, it’s all a jumble, mixed tones mumbling on and on about numbers, kill counts, drug shipments, and the like. “Chuuya, are you listening to me?” He jumps, looking up from the pen in his hand, Mori’s eyes demanding an answer. “Yes sir.” Chuuya responds quickly, adjusting his expression to appear more alert, as the boss's eyes seem to stare daggers into him, and those blades sting. 

Walking out of the dark, emotionless, and weirdly wet room, he truthfully still doesn’t know what it was Mori was saying. If he didn’t get called back into the office then it couldn’t have mattered anyways. After walking out of the building, the route back to his home was simply muscle memory. Drunk drivings a crime, but who cared, he’d already committed plenty. 

The picture on the auburn coffee table stood out more than usual, Dazai standing behind holding Chuuyas hat while the shorter (but definitely still growing) ginger frustratedly reached for it back, the one behind the camera being Akutagawa. The day of that particular picture's events, shortly after hearing the click of the camera, Chuuya’d been told Dazai wanted a humorous photo of them together. “Just in case something happens, you never know with the mafia. Wouldn’t want me gone without a constant reminder to you that I existed.” 

Those words meant something entirely different now.

Chuuya reached over and slammed it face down, not wanting to see that constant reminder, not while he was sober. The sight of the frame taunting him to undo his action, just to see his former partner's face once again. It wasn't the same. It’d never be the same. Three years since he’d lost his best friend, the only person that made life seem actually worth living. Three years since he lost the love of his life, he should’ve said something, anything. Followed him some way or other, he shouldn’t have needed a car to pursue him.

Three bottles in one night, not even close to a new record. 

None of his decisions were his own, his body moving of its own accord, missions and meetings all a blur. Nothing was interesting anymore, nothing about this job was tolerable, he’d even resorted to cheap booze to keep from remembering why he was here in the first place. 

Only recently turned 21 years old, but it’s nothing new. When you’re in the mafia, following drinking laws, or any laws for that matter, isn’t really a priority. Walking through the main building, it’d be much more surprising to not see somebody under the age drinking. Whether that be a 12 year old or someone who’d just turned 18, nobody’s getting through their tasks sober. Didn’t matter if it was training, a mission, or if you got called into Mori’s office to be told you’d look better in a different color tie, getting through a day without a drop of alcohol is far more impressive than any combat techniques or efficiency picking locks. 

Chuuya sighed, leaning back further in his seat, the black leather cold to the touch. His coat strewn across the coffee table, alongside those three empty bottles, one toppled over leaking the leftover drops of blood red wine onto the wood, likely to stain. The only sound filling the deafening silence of the room being the silent tick tick tick of the clock on the wall. Too much room to think, it was frustrating. Just as he began to think ‘One more drink, just one’ a pin dropped. A metaphorical pin however, in reality it was that the phone had begun to ring. Chuuya sat up slowly, eyes heavy, glancing towards his cell phone which he’d thrown onto the kitchen counter when he’d gone to retrieve the last of his wine. Walking closer to the ringing noise, he hardly realized he was swaying slightly, thankfully not toppling over entirely. His body was on autopilot, not really aware of any decisions he was making. Picking up the phone off of the marble counter without a thought about it. 

“What do you want?” Chuuya stated into the phone with an annoyed tone. Caller ID didn’t do shit for him, no idea who was on the other end but whoever it was they had interrupted his (truthfully nonexistent) thoughts, and that’s just rude.

“Shit” responded a familiar voice on the other end, the call ended quickly, knocking Chuuya out of his trance for a moment. “Hello?” he said as he looked down at the screen, only to see he was no longer talking to anyone but himself. “Jesus christ.” he slipped the phone into his pocket, reaching up to the still open cabinet where he’d usually keep his drinks, only to reel his hand back in and find it empty. He’d forgotten he’d finished off his last 19 bottles in the span of that entire week, a skill only a true alcoholic could master. That and drunk driving, because somehow he’d managed not to cause an accident in the past 5 years, and he definitely wasn’t starting now. Because next thing he knew he’d driven down to a liquor store nearby a river running through Yokohama. The water sparkling, reflecting the lights of the nearby streetlamps, the sunset spreading an orange hue across everything. Hardly anybody walking along the sidewalk, a few cars driving by on occasion, likely people on their way home from work.

Chuuya, who’d become slightly more clear-headed since leaving his penthouse, passed by a few pedestrians while walking along the path from his car to the store, then suddenly stopped.

No reasoning for it, just a feeling that he wasn’t sure how to explain. He turned his head, glancing across the area next to him, and there was the explanation, seemingly right in front of him. The brunette he’d spent all his time mourning losing, the man he wished he would have confessed to before he lost his chance. Standing on a slightly elevated platform looking out over the river's water, was Dazai Osamu.

Chuuya’s eyes widened, tears starting to form in the corners of them, he wiped them away before they could block his vision. Before he realized what he was doing, his feet started moving on their own, no regard for any potential oncoming cars, or people minding their business trying to walk by, he started walking fast, quickly breaking out into a run. Trying to get Dazais name out of his mouth but his throat drying up and lips shutting on their own before he had the chance, choking out a string of incoherent sounds as he pushed himself as far ahead as he could go. 

Right as he’d reached that platform, right as he’d gotten closer to his lost friend, suddenly there was nothing in front of him. Dazai had disappeared, right out of thin air, no longer a person standing in front of Chuuya, just empty space. Was he a hallucination? Confusion overwhelmed Chuuya, reality snapped into him for the first time in those three years, like a rubber band being stretched and threatening to break. He looked down at the platform, seeing stones forming the ground into a slight curve, noticing that in the direction that Dazai seemed to be facing there was a small wall formed as a blockade to prevent a fall. And below, the river that not long before he’d been admiring.

Dazai jumped. 

#dazai #dazai osamu #chuuya #chuuya nakahara #soukoku #skk #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd fic #fanfiction #skk fanfic #skk angst #bsd angst #bsd fanfic #bungo stray dogs fanfic #skk angst fic

[saaraofthesand]

Vomit About Abilities and Their Users

These are just random thoughts I’m having on a Sunday night. It’s not really like a good essay with sources cited or anything.

Part 1: Chuuya, Mori, and Atsushi

Stormbringer confirms something important, which is that all abilities and manifestations of those abilities are part of the characters.

I’m glad this is basically explicitly stated in that LN because there are a few characters (and I’m using 3 in this section) whose abilities people tend to treat as separate beings.

A. Chuuya

Before Stormbringer (and alas, even after) a lot of people thought that Arahabaki and Chuuya were separate entities with Chuuya forced to host a being called Arahabaki because his ability was compatible with it. But Stormbringer shows us that Corruption (Arahabaki) is just an extension of Upon the Tainted Sorrow. One that Chuuya has little to no control over, but an extension nonetheless. It isn’t a separate being. It’s just as much a part of Chuuya as anything else.

B. Mori

The Chuuya-Corruption thing is why the way the fandom often treats Elise was so confusing to me. Because Elise isn’t separate from Mori. She isn’t her own person. She IS Mori, and I mean that very literally. Yes, he dresses her up and gives her what appears to be her own personality, but she’s still very much an extension of Mori himself. And for a while (and this essay finally gave me evidence), I’ve suspected that she doesn’t represent what Mori wants to have but instead what Mori wants to be.

C. Atsushi

So, Byakko is treated as separate from Atsushi to a lesser extent, but I’ve still seen it done so I wanted to mention it. The thing is, I think Dead Apple may have confused a few people. I mean, it confused all of us but here I’m specifically referring to Beast Beneath The Moonlight.

Dead Apple wasn’t about Atsushi accepting his ability i.e. Byakko. It was about Atsushi accepting himself, his trauma, and his ability as a part of himself and that trauma. Byakko is a very literal defense mechanism that Atsushi manifested to protect himself from physical danger, and Dead Apple is about him coming to understand that.

Essentially it boils down to this: abilities are part of the characters and they can’t (and shouldn’t) be treated as separate because they tell us something about those characters.

Part 2: Abilities, Trauma, and Conditions

Okay, so it’s well established that abilities are linked to characters’ trauma, and in the same way, I think the conditions surrounding those abilities are also related to their trauma.

A. Yosano

I never see anyone talk about this, but Yosano’s backstory shows us that the conditions around her ability didn’t always exist.

Thou Shalt Not Die as first introduced to us only works if the person being treated is close to death. But in her backstory, the first time we see Yosano use her ability, not all of her patients have fatal injuries. When Yosano stops wanting to treat the soldiers because they should be allowed to die or recover naturally, Mori forces her hand by giving them fatal injuries.

In my opinion, that basically tells us that new trauma can change how someone’s ability operates.

B. Kyouka

Kyouka is really interesting because her ability itself is not a result of her trauma since her mother gave it to her. However, the conditions of her ability may be the result of that trauma.

The way Demon Snow operates before Kyouka is under All Men Are Created Equal is almost reminiscent of dissociation.

Kyouka has separated herself from Demon Snow to the point that it follows orders on auto-pilot whenever someone calls Kyouka’s phone. At the beginning, she’s just a conduit for her own ability.

But like with Yosano’s conditions, the condition of Kyouka’s phone hasn’t always been necessary. In the scene where Kyouka’s parents die, her mother doesn’t communicate via phone. She just tells Demon Snow what to do as she passes it to Kyouka.

Unlike with Tsujimura’s mother (we’re getting there), the instructions left for Demon Snow by Kyouka’s mother (i.e. “Protect my daughter”) don’t seem to have specifically influenced Demon Snow’s behavior, except for when Demon Snow killed Kyouka’s mother. Otherwise, Demon Snow can still be easily used by others on people who Kyouka doesn’t need to be protected from.

Had the transfer not been traumatic for Kyouka, the conditions likely wouldn’t apply. She would have full control over Demon Snow on her own.

C. Tsujimura

Basically what I said with Kyouka, except where Kyouka’s mother’s instructions don’t seem to have specifically influenced Demon Snow, Tsujimura’s mother’s did. Her instructions were, "Kill anyone who my daughter Mizuki Tsujimura tries to kill right before she kills them," which is a LOT more specific and essentially turns Yesterday’s Shadow Tag into an ability that cannot be triggered at will.

And I still have a lot of questions about YST, but I’m putting them aside because…

D. Q

Okay, we’re getting into the territory of conjecture now. And you can take all of this theorizing with a grain of salt. I just have so many thoughts about Q.

You know how Q’s ability will only work on people that injure them? Yeah, I’ve always had questions about that condition. Was it always a condition of their ability? Or did it come about after Q was brought to the Port Mafia?

Because Q hates Dazai, and has zero control of their ability once it’s activated. We have canonical evidence that Dazai resorted to abuse when training subordinates while he was in the mafia, and No Longer Human is the only thing that can stop Dogra Magra. Q cannot terminate their own ability. Something, something, it’s almost like Q was conditioned to be that way.

Say, Q didn’t want to use their ability or was resistant Dazai’s methods of bringing that ability out. It’s possible that Dazai started resorting to physical abuse as a trigger, and then would use No Longer Human when they didn’t need Dogra Magra anymore. But that came back to bite him because physical abuse became the only way to activate Dogra Magra and No Longer Human became the only way to stop it.

Again, this is all just theory. It could be nothing. But I wanted to throw it into the ether.

Essentially, abilities and/or their conditions are all related to a character’s trauma. Which also makes me think it’s possible that characters could’ve manifested entirely different abilities (or no abilities) if their trauma or circumstances had been different.

And that makes me wonder if the need for conditions could be healed with like therapy or something.

Part 3: Abilities Are Not Genetic

So, I know I may make some OC people upset, but yeah… abilities aren’t genetically inherited traits, or I should say, we have no evidence to suggest they are. We actually have more evidence to suggest they aren’t genetic in any way.

First, with our sibling pairs: the Akutagawas and the Tanizakis (Ik there are theories that Naomi isn’t real etc etc and while I find them intriguing, we’re gonna ignore them for this discussion). If abilities were inherited traits, then we’d likely see them in both siblings, but we don’t. Now, we could argue that the gene is recessive or something (I haven’t done Punnett squares since I was in ninth grade shut up). But thematically, genetic abilities don’t make that much sense anyway for a story like BSD, so I’m not going to go into possible biological explanations, Kay?

Our biggest evidence that abilities aren’t inherited is actually found in the characters of Tsujimura and Kyouka. I’m going to look at Kyouka specifically.

Kyouka was the child of an ability user. Yet, she wasn’t born without any kind of ability and it doesn’t seem like she would ever have manifested one of she hadn’t inherited her mother’s.

As I already mentioned, abilities are essentially manifestations of characters’ trauma, and as such, they’re more likely to be a phenomena that is possible in the universe of Bungo Stray Dogs, and not traits the characters are born with. Especially considering how different each person’s ability is. You aren’t born with your trauma, so you aren’t born with your ability.

#bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd chuuya #bsd mori #bsd atsushi #bsd yosano #mori ougai #chuuya nakahara #atsushi nakajima #akiko yosano #kyouka izumi #mizuki tsujimura

[jimmy-j-james]

Back for another random thought

Ghost is Crywank.

Does he listen to them? Likely not. But would he relate to nearly every song you’d play him? No doubt.

Songs and lines I think would relate for this sad, old, British soldier:

Memento Mori —

“Everyone I love is gonna die, and I will die as well. I think about this before I sleep, and have since I was a child.”

“In my life, will I make a difference? In my death, will I be missed? Will I be granted some sort of an afterlife? Or will I just cease to exist?”

“Maybe I’m still a stupid little boy, too weak to understand what will come..”

Honestly, just the whole song considering I’ve just listed most the lyrics.

Gb Eating Gb Whilst Listening to Gb —

Lowkey, this song is how I think Ghost reacts in relationships. Not specifying because I know people have different ships and opinions (know I’m my heart I think of Soap and him), but I have no doubt that he’s going to be a guilty man for stupid things.

“Don’t let her see, how fast your heart is beating.”

“Would it be cruel, be cruel, be cruel, to let my eyes return to you?”

“I’m an overly sensitive,” not that I see him as such openly “impatient little freak. You’d do better to turn your back on me.”

I Am Shit —

Honestly, another song I’d say matches fully for the most part.

“When I’m thinking too much, I realize I’m unkind. Pretend that I’m nicer than I’ll ever be. I am selfish and deluded, enjoy my hypocrisy.”

It’s Okay I Wouldn’t Remember Me Either —

“I can hide from friends but I cannot hide from you. These chemical reactions are dividing me.” Soap.

“Self-deprecating thoughts interrupting all the time. Emphasizing all the traits that I wish weren’t mine.”

You guys are catching my drift by now, yeah?

Notches —

“No one to wonder when I’ll be home.”

“I want to feel more than just sorry for myself.”

Dead family, Y’know?

Obsessive Muso With No Friends —

More of a ‘how I see teen Ghost’ than anything else, or even just recruit Ghost.

“One more night alone in my room, listening to music I think makes me cool.”

“It’s not cool being lonely, not cool being cold. Not cool being someone you wouldn’t want to know.”

JK —

Again, teen Simon or some shit.

“Yes, I know, I think I am a joke, I know I am a joke, I am a joke somewhere.”

“Yes, I know, I’m easily provoked, I try to play it placid but I just can’t take a joke. I guess that’s the part that’s funny, I guess I’m a real dummy, As I cannot hide my upset, I run crying home to mummy.”

“She said ‘first thing tomorrow we take you out of school. You don’t have to get a job. To start a family would be cruel. It is such a pain to have to be related to you.’”

A Deer Mistaking Candles For Headlights —

“You can call me a coward and you’d be correct.”

“Now I’m shutting my mouth until this is over.”

“Distant but rational, bringer of rage.”

Only Everyone Can Judge Me —

“And this confidence I fake only makes matters worst. I am not a stallion, I am just perverse.”

“Everyday feels the same. Oh, it’s the routine, and it’s the regret.”

There’s definitely more, but those are some of my favourites. Anyways, in turn of getting this brain rot out, I’ll work on posting the Price Smut I’ve got stashed.

#ghost mw2 #ghost mwii #ghost mw3 #ghost mwiii #cod headcanons #cod hcs #simon ghost riley #simon riley

[alovelyburn]

Didn’t the author of March comes in like a lion help Miura write Farnese? Iirc I read something saying it was specifically because of how he struggled with writing female characters. Could be remembering wrong though. I wonder how much she contributed in terms of Farnese’s character

It was Kouji Mori that helped him design/write Farnese as far as I know, but yes someone did help him. He said it was because Mori was popular with women, lmao. I wouldn't be surprised if he did speak to Chica Umino as well, though, I just haven't personally run into that attribution.

I think one issue is, and here I'm going to generalize but we're all manga fans so we probably all know this about Japan... not the most progressive place on Earth when it comes to gender roles. I'm not surprised that an older Japanese man who didn't spend a lot of time with women would struggle with writing them when these rigid gender roles are kind of ingrained in their brain.

The West still struggles with this, too, but Japan's always been more regressive in that area, and this all happened decades ago.

This is a bit of a tangent, as I am wont to do, but honestly my position on gender/sex in Berserk is complicated. Because I do think it's very progressive in some areas, but I also think it's very regressive in other areas. I can tell that Miura had good intentions and was trying, but also that he struggled with it, and that Berserk is published in a stroke book.

I have a lot of sympathy for both the critics and the defenders, and I'm honestly both of those things, myself. That said, I do have a little difficulty braining people who deny that the issues exist. I feel like it's fair enough for someone to be more bothered by these things than, say, I am? But I also feel like saying (for example) that Casca's rape isn't sexualized is just objectively inaccurate.

#ask #anonymous #ariel talks about berserk #how many times can i use regressive in one post #lets find out

[enby-mori]

II. "I'm not wearing any underwear" / suits / hair pulling

The Armed Detective Agency were not sticklers for dress codes- nearly all of their employees dressed peculiarly, some would say down right casual.

But this week would be different- had to be different.

They, and several other organizations, had been invited to a celebration. One with a dress code that had each member dreading the coming day.

Dazai's thoughts on the matter were simple: he had no interest dressing in mafia black- those days were behind him, and wouldn't he look so much cuter in this evening gown, Kunikida-kun~

Kunikida was just glad they had managed to settle one member's outfit so quickly- yes, Dazai, you look lovely.

The President, on account of regularly attending several meetings with government officials and contractors, already had a suit.

Of course, this did nothing to dissuade Ranpo from throwing a fit.

"You never got a suit with me!"

So the entire agency, excluding Dazai who was vehemently enamored with the first dress he found, were cramped into what would have been a spacious shop had they come in fewer numbers, armed with a budget that made Kunikida suspect the President himself squirreled away funds for such an occasion.

The President remained silent on the matter.

The venue was spacious and grand, easily able to hold an event of this size whilst appealing those with finer taste.

Yukichi was more impressed by his detectives' ability to attract the attention of their Port Mafia counterparts in such large crowds.

Each organization had used separate entrances: the Port Mafia, ever the ones for flare, entered through the front. The Armed Detective Agency chose to sneak in through the back.

Yet, through luck that only his employees seemed to possess, they had paired off into their respective couples.

He could hear rather than see Dazai and Chuuya kicking up a storm amidst their waltz across the dance floor, stepping on each other's toes when they deemed appropriate.

Dazai's gown accentuating the Executive's suit rather perfectly. Yukichi was sure there was something to be said about that 'coincidence', but not one that hadn't been voiced by the other upon contact.

"I see you are still bending to that boy," his own counterpart voices, teasing as the man was inclined to.

Yukichi spares Mori a glance before returning to survey the crowds. There is nothing he can say to refute the man's words- they are both dressed in a fashion that compliments their companions for the evening.

His dark blue- nearly gray- to Ranpo's deep brown three piece.

Mori's mafia black with a lilac pocket square for his Elise's equally dark dress, the ruffles on the skirt revealing a light purple color underneath with each step.

Really, there existed no scenario where either party left unscathed.

BONUS

Ranpo takes his seat beside the President, scooting the chair slightly closer.

The President, ever attuned to Ranpo's whims, lends his ear.

"..I'm not wearing any underwear.."

The President's fingers roughly tug a strand of his hair, a sharp "behave" reaching his ears.

Ranpo giggles softly, leaning into the older man's side.

With the President at his side, this long and boring party would not be as nearly mind numbing as predicted.

There was plenty to get up to in the midst of the crowds and the shadows of the halls.

The night would pass them by.

@fukuranweek

#hey #i actually managed to get both cards in this time #so proud #fukuran #ranfuku #tantei soujin #writing with the in-law

[wyvernet]

OC Showcase! [ Furry Edition ]

I hope you guys enjoy this small batch of OC's of mine!! I have TONS more, but Tumblr will only let me post so much XD [ Post requested by @blocked-zombieartist!! ]

Cutter Candy (Originally named Cutton Condy, and was a gift from a friend! though I don't remember who </3)

Forren (an OC I made in Fer.al! he looks spooky cause he's just silly like that X3)

LSD (originally made for a roleplay where drugs, chemicals, etc were personified how we imagined them! it barely went anywhere though </3)

Obey (originally made as an SCP OC! he has lots of neat stuff about him but i'd have to go looking through a handful of channels to find it all LOL)

Hesoris (a galaxyspace OC! his name is a mix of Hesperos and Moris :3) (First piece is a gift from an old friend of mine!)

Dawn (an MLP Changeling OC that regularly disguised as a Kirin! and her partner in crime, Dexter who was one of my old friend's OC's) (Art piece by an old friend <3)

Miiky (originally named Melancholy. I'm not sure his original purpose, but he's a silly little guy and i love him lots <33)

R.A.M (Random Access Memory) (an edgy furry OC turned silly guy!! a weird sticky liquid electricity constantly flows from his bandaged eye)

Casey (originally named Cinnamon! she's a living chocolate rabbit like in those easter packages! yes, she can be eaten and regenerate her body)

Cat-Putt Piorum (silly little gradient OC who's a dual-tailed fox and an alien!) (also, have a WIP drawing i'll likely never finish where i was gonna lightly redesign him X3)

Hypryst (kinda pronounced like High Priest! he doesn't really have an origin point, but I originally created him because of @vivalaplxto's OC's Mac and Exavior X3)

Khroma (a self-indulgent Sonic OC that has WAY too much going on LMAO, he's basically the embodiment of "be cringe, be free" <3)

StarLord (originally a Doctor Who companion OC that I made with my friend Shadow!) (secondary image is what he's originally based off of, the OG creator of the image is fine with his existence!)

Jessie (a Minecraft OC originally based off of a skin i saw! though I have no clue where the skin is or how to find it TwT)

Truxby (an OC originally gifted to me by someone whom I don't remember </3 i really need to draw him more LOL)

Thresh (a thresher shark OC originally made for my friend's mini-universe! a very silly guy who I still love to bits despite the negative emotions attached to him now <3)

Daivat (an orca OC! same origin as Thresh :3)

and lastly, Aspect Ratio! (a skibidi toilet OC I originally made to pair with my ex-boyfriend's OC named Ace! he also has negative emotions attached to him now, but I still love my little cinemaman silly so much <3) (secondary image drawn by my ex-boyfriend!) I have tons more OC's, like TONS more, but Tumblr only allows 30 images per post XD I hope you guys like them all!!

#wyvern speaks #oc #my ocs #oc art #oc showcase #hitting the image limit #art #sillies!!

[aro-pancake]

So Monday night we watched Pacific Rim.

Then, yesterday we met up with a friend, who mentioned to mr Pancake that Uprising exists. He got curious, so we watched it.

There is so much wrong with that movie.

I'll put a cut here because a) it's Spoilers if you haven't seen either movie, and b) it's a long, long rant.

I would die happily without remembering that movie even existed. So, thank you, friend, for reminding me of it. 😒

First things first, they're ignoring the established lore. On the words of Ron Pearlman, Kaiju bone sells for 500 dollars a pound, so why are there still so many carcasses laying about?

Also, the war ended 10 years ago! Why are Jagers still in production? The whole shebang of the first movie was that the program was ending, and they were given a final shot at the Jagers before the walls were done. The governments didn't want to keep the Jagers then, they sure as fuck wouldn't want to keep them after the war!

(Attack on Titan looking kinda weird.)

And why do they have Jagers strolling around casually? Those things are heavy and expensive to maintain. They would stay in docks until they were needed, make quick work of the Kaiju and return to docking. What's fueling the Mark VI Jagers?

Why wasn't Jake ever even mentioned in the first movie? Where did the kid come from? He just popped up and we gotta swallow it now? And this kid wouldn't be poor! His dad was Marshal Stacker Pentecost, ffs! His sister is Mako Mori! His family are all high ranking war heroes!

Then... There's the kids. The biggest human issue we had in the first movie was actual tension between the GROWN UP pilots, who were dealing with the apocalypse incoming their way. Now, we have kids fighting over who's getting the top bunk.

And don't (please do) get me started on the drift. First movie? They were all family. We had two Russian siblings, Chinese triplets, father and son, twins... People you already share memories with, what makes it easier to drift.

The second movie? They tossed a bunch of random kids together and expected them to drift on day fucking one! Not even Mako and Raleigh managed to drift on day one, and he was ready to give her the world the second she showed up. They actually spent time together before attempting to drift. Talked. Got to know eachother for a couple days.

Yes, sure, there was the impending apocalypse knocking at their doors so they had to speed run a drift compatibility. But it made it believable. The cadets on Uprising didn't have to deal with the world ending.

That Chinese lady? Boss, have the whole "I hate repeating myself" thing? Did they want to divert us into thinking she was the BBEG when Newt (Charlie Day, my second favourite character in the first movie) was acting completely out of character and LITERALLY DATING A FUCKING KAIJU BRAIN? LIKE THAT WASN'T INCRIMINATING ENOUGH?

[deep breaths] ok. I'm calm.

And did they want the boss lady to be a strong female character? She was annoying. They already had a strong female character. Yes. Mako Mori.

I'm honestly glad she died when she did, before they had the chance to destroy her character for good.

And why did they present the solution (Jagers still in commission) then the problem (Obsidian Avenger/return of the Kaijus) to justify the solution?

It's been 10 years since the war! The world wouldn't still be in shambles!

I would have liked that movie if:

"look, we built some Jagers again to put as a display/just in case, and transformed the Shatterdome into a wartime museum."

"oh no. The Kaijus are back! Who can help us now?"

Put together a ragtag band of fighters, trained by Mako and Raleigh (happily married, thank you. Also, please feel free to send some fluff fics of them my way), and they have to help new pilots to find their way into the drift. There would be a lot of awestruck new pilots, being like "omg, we're being trained by them!", while others are like "what do you know? Your war is over." And they have to wrangle the kids to get a fighting force to go and destroy the Kaijus.

That would make it a better movie. Not necessarily a good one, but one where we're willing to suspend our disbelief and fall back into the amazing lore of Pacific Rim.

Yes. I like the lore of Pacific Rim. Sue me.

ETA: it was such a bad movie, I only remember the names of two characters, Mako because Mako, and Jake, because he's supposed to be the main character.

#pacific rim #pacific rim uprising #talk about a bad sequel #for an amazing movie #pancake comments #pancake rewrites #movie critic #movie review #movie critique #is it too much to ask #for a sequel that isn't a moneu grab? #stuff the movie did wrong #movie analysis #movie critical #guillermo del toro #Guillermo del toro needs to go his game #i miss hellboy #his last good movie was Pacific Rim #it was a downward spiral #this movie is so badd #it made my bad movies radar break #I need Mako and Raleigh fluff fics as brain bleach #i want to forget

[anxious-little-faicye]

Dear Unus Annus:

Hi. It's been a while huh. Another year, another 365 days have passed, another chance to remember you. Because today you have a whole community at your feet dressed up in black and white, remembering what it once was. Today we cry, we mourn, we laugh, we tell stories of stupidly insane videos, we come together once again as the family we used to be, because today we don't forget. We will never forget. How could we? Pee sauna (god why Evan), the dance of Italy, three mile mark, meaty claws, scp amy, camp unus annus, the grip was loose, heehoo, and so on so forth.

Yeah, we wouldn't even dare to forget those memories, because at the end of the day that's what matters. I hate to bring the cliche phrase we Unus Annus fans are tired of quoting but, it's right: "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". Of course we're allowed to feel like shit because yeah, it hurts. Every last bit of it, hurts. The good, the bad, the funny bits, the sad bits, everything. But like Mark said... that is the beauty of it. It was just a Youtube channel trying to send a message to the world, and my God the world replied back. It managed to impact us all, to cut through us, to give us a new perspective on life, to help us on our darkest times- and is all because a couple of friends wanted to say something. Something worth remembering. Something that years down the line, people would still talk about. Something so powerful, yet so simple.

Memento mori. Remember you will die.

... so don't waste any second of it. Yes, not every moment can be this huge life-changing, meaningful thing, there are gonna be some things that simply are just that, a breeze that flies by, unimportant. But I think those are the most impactful, the type you do not really appreciate until you lose. The small details that make everything worth it, that gives life a purpose, meaning. We have to make the most of what we have with what we can, because one day it will be all gone, one day you'll wake up and realize you have lost it all. And when that happens. Well.

Smile because it happened. What really, truly matters isn't the fact that is gone... Is that it once was. We once were.

And as for me? There is so much I want to tell you, so much that has changed. I have changed. Evolved. Turned into what I hope a better person. Because this year was the worst one of my life, and I wish I were exaggerating. Anxiety crisis after anxiety crisis after anxiety crisis, countless panic and anxiety attacks, physical symptoms that could freeze even the strongest of men- palpitations that wouldn't stop, numbness on my face and fingers, a feeling like I couldn't talk without messing languages up, and above all... A constant feeling that I was going to die.

Every night I went to bed thinking "this is it, I won't open my eyes tomorrow". Every day I woke up with my heart pounding in my ears and my limbs frozen in fear for a threat that didn't even exist. And the pressure on my chest, God, that fucking pressure... I never felt such an anguish as that before. It was debilitating, exhausting, frustrating. I felt terrified, I simply could not live. Locked once again on my house, but also in my own mind- the worst prison a person could have. I stoped everything.

That until I realized what was going on: I needed to let it all out. And so I spoke with the people I needed to talk, started medication, worked on myself after 18 years of life... And I began to live again. To feel alive. I found my own voice, my burning flame inside that drives me to heal, to become a better human being each day, to never give up. Hell, before i hated going out, now you won't see me in my home. I hanged out with friends more, I talked through every single issue I had, I grew.

Now see me here, Unus Annus. Two years after you left us, after I ran away from my abusive household, one year after I started with my anxiety crisis and the start -even if I didn't knew at the moment- of my healing journey. I am a new person, I grew in every way, shape and form you can imagine, I died. I died so the new me could be reborn from the ashes, I died so my inner child could let go, I died so the anguish could be left in the past were it belongs. I died to face death itself. Look her in the eyes and say "I accept you". I'm not going to say I still don't fear it, but I know it is not my time yet. I know when the time comes, I'll be ready. I know death, death makes everything worth it. The fun times with my friends and the activities as a camp counselor at my school and the fireplace we hang around after putting the kids to sleep with the rest of my co-counselors and the laying down with my best friend forgetting about our problems for a bit and the laughs and the pain and the tears and the everything, the nothing, the joy of being alive. The same joy Unus Annus taught me.

If I am here standing today is because two people decided to start a channel that would have a begining, a middle, and an end. And that end, that moment where the Livestream cut off and a million people were left to stare at the void of a black screen, that is the lesson I take from it. That is the moment that saved me. That is the moment that taught me that nothing is temporary, so you better make the most out of it. Enjoy, enjoy for all those times you couldn't, never waste a single opportunity to say what you think and do what you feel is right and risk it all for that crazy idea you have and live. Live because life is a beautiful thing l, and after 18 years on this Earth I can finally see that. Live like there's no tomorrow because fuck, there might not be one. Live because no one will give you back the seconds you missed out. Live. Love because you deserve. Live because there is no because, just for the sake of living.

Live, live remembering you will die. The end will come, and when it does... Go out with a goddamn bang. Go knowing it was all worth it.

Life was worth it.

Unus Annus was worth it.

So thank you. I know each time I do one of these memorial letters I say the same thing but, I don't care. Thank you Mark, thank you Ethan, thank you Amy, thank you Evan, thank you Lixian, thank you Marcus, thank you Rachel, thank you Vincent, thank every single person that had a role to play so that the insane ass project of this channel could be made into a Thing. Thank you for creating such an impactful message that has affected me in the best of ways. Thank you for saving my life, being there for me when all I needed was a reason to keep going, and knowing that another Unus Annus video would come tomorrow and that I had to be there for the ending pushed me through one of my darkest times. Thank you for never giving up even with a FUCKING GLOBAL PANDEMIC in the way. Thank you for taking the time to remember this channel in each anniversary. Thank you for being a friend, a counselor, a distraction in the middle of pain, a father, a brother, a safe space to be in. Thank you for creating such a wonderful community, I met some of my best friends here. Thank you for inspiring me to push my work out there, to never give up on my projects, to pursue my dreams even if they are absurd- because who knows, that crazy idea everyone is telling you is imposible could be the best decision. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for everything.

I miss you, and I will continue to miss you every day of my life, but I promise I will always smile when I do. You were and always will be a legend, like it or not. You'll always be in my heart, always, until the day we can meet again in whatever weird way death works.

Thank you @crankgameplays, thank you @markiplier. Thank you for the adventure of my life.

Memento mori, until the next year,

Unus Annus.

#and as always this isn't a goodbye #just a 'see you latter' #memento mori #Unus Annus #markiplier #crankgameplays #amy nelson #faicye speaks

[bacondaddy]

Some DBD Ghostface headcanons: Obligatory these are my headcanons I want to post for fun. Triggers: Weed, alcohol, cursing, it's Ghostface he's a killer what do you expect The entity gives him weed. No stop this man asks for weed from spider mother. He'll share it sometimes, maybe with Bill during a trial 'cause let's face it, that man needs some whee lettuce after dealing with trials all day. Ghostface has done trials both extremely high and extremely drunk off of whatever alcohol he can find. Said trials always start with "HEY I HAVE A MORI WHO WANTS A SELFIE", and everyone knows this is going to be one of those "I'm going to tell this story for 45 years even when I'm fucking senile" trials where it's the best trial in years or so hilariously fucked up it becomes an inside joke. He may not have a realm to stay in but that implies he would actually, y'know, stay in one realm for more than an hour. He roams. He roams a lot and sometimes he hides in the trees in between trials. No, I literally mean in the tree, as in 25 feet in the air staring at people. The day he met Leon fucking Kennedy was the day he learned really fucking fast that flashbangs exist in the entity's realm now and they hurt like a bitch. This man literally has a perk called I'm All Ears, he can't hear survivors if theres a flashbang making his ears ring louder than The Knight's loud ass footsteps. And yes, Leon immediately told the entire camp about how Ghostface screamed when the flashbang got him. Trapper tried to keep GF out of Macmillian Estate when he first arrived. Evan quickly realized that nothing he did could keep him away, so he gave up and still never found out how he was getting in. Ghostface responds to any variation of his name, and it's the Funniest Shit to him when the survivors get scared by it. "The. Yknow the uh. Casper Mask dude--" "You rang?" "h ow the f u ck are y ou he re" He lets Nic Cage go. Every round, no exceptions. Whenever he gets asked why, it's always "It's Nic Fucking Cage"

#dead by daylight #ghostface #headcanon

[yenkat101]

Dating headcannons Beast AU pt 3

25 post event. 3/25. -pt. 4 (Tetcho and Jouno)

Characters: (Fukuzawa x you) (Mori x you)

General: headcannons

Text type: Pine point

Warning: so far, none to mention expect Mori's violent tendencies such as threatening and being his dirty minded self (only mentioned, not described) and a few curses (maybe)

Master list

Ogai Mori

- honestly Mori would be very similar to the original au but with a few tweaks here and there.. apparently he can't be the exact same..

-would Mori be touched starved? honestly Mori wouldn't be touched starved, but he does act like it... Similar to the original au, It is well-known that he would be all over you, because you're so dear to him.. Sometimes he would leave you alone in peace or he would be in your personal space 24/7..

-how would they act around you?

-you really can't tell what's he's like in general because it's like he has 4 faces... 1. His clingy whiny self.. 2. His calm and slightly romantic self... 3. His disappointed and slightly stern self, 4. His sexually sadistic self... and 5. the one you don't regularly see, he's absolute furious self (he doesn't act like that in front of you because he doesn't want to scare you off) but the majority of the time he acts like haft of 2 and 3 on a daily basis

-The same as the Original AU, he doesn't really give out affection.. it's most likely the other way around.. But there's some occasions that he would give you affection without any problems.. like if you're mostly strained or facing something negative... He may initiate affection first in order to comfort you..

-Even if Mori isn't the boss of the Port Mafia he still likes to have the title of being superior.. So it isn't hard to believe that Mori would have the most control in a lovers relationship..

-honestly this would be surprising to most people around his social circle.. but he craves almost any sort of affection with you (but now he can express it whenever he wants, since he's not the boss of the Port Mafia anymore) If you do something very cute that involves affection, he'll be all over you cooing you for being so adorable..

-Mori doesn't need courage to ask you out.. he just does it at the right time with the right planning.. and somehow you're crazy enough to say yes..

-Similar to the Original AU, Mori has two types of dates.. one moment he's acting like one of those single quirky tired dad's that want affection and bring you around town walking around with his orphans then the next moment he's acting like a rich romantic man and bringing you to a fancy dining area.. (somewhere not too popular because he doesn't exactly want you to meet Osamu Dazai at all)

-honestly there's not really much hesitancy within the relationship other than your own.. (if you have any that is) like if you are his darling.. then the word hesitancy doesn't really exist in his vocabulary.. like if he wants something from you, he does it.. no harm done, right?

-working in the orphanage with Mori, I swear almost anything that happens there is wholesome because the kids probably like you and there would be so many wholesome moments between you and Mori (obviously during work hours/daytime because we're taking about Mori here..)

-Similar to the Original AU, Mori is all for living together because it makes it easier for him to 1. To Communicate with you whenever he wants 2. Insure your safety and 3. To see his adorable s/o's cute domestic home life.. (I'm talking about those wholesome moments where you wake up all sleepy and still want to sleep.. *in he's eyes your absolutely adorable when you do that*)

-trying to sleep in the same bed as (them),

-would they be big spoon or small spoon most of the time?

-how do they respond to you giving them innocent affection in bed? When would you get away with making them the opposite position?

-if you live with him.. then on the first night you're probably sleeping in same room as him.. because what's the fun of having you over and he won't be able to sleep with you.. that's just unamusing or at least in his opinion..

-most of the time Mori would be big spoon, He loves the feeling of you within his arms and likes cooing you.. Not only that, but it gives him a sense of superiority, he feels like he's protecting you and he knows for a fact that you're safe in his arms..

-the only way Mori would ever be a small spoon is when he's feeling like it.. like example, you offer your chest or your thighs as a pillow.. if he's in the mood then he would lay on it.. mind you his hands will 100% wander off.. (unless there's kids around- NM if the kids are under the age of 15 he will not be doing that *rip 15+..*) Another reason that will least likely happen, is when Mori's in the hospital unit because he injured himself.. he may or may not use you as a pillow with the excuse that you're more softer than the pillow.. (Mori gets so jealous when the kids spend way to much time cuddling you)

-almost anything goes when it comes to affection.. like arm hooking, hand holding, embraces, hugs, kisses, cuddles, ect..(unlike the Original AU, Mori doesn't need to hide the relationship.. so expect to be bothered because he wants affection..)

-Mori jealous while in a relationship, okay.. unlike the Original AU, Mori's most likely to actually get jealous if you spend too much time with the kids or if a person you get along with starts flirting with you.. (as I mentioned earlier he can get jealous if you do spend way too much time with the kids) but let's get back to the adult flirting with you.. it most likely happened when Mori was showing a couple around the orphanage (little did he know, one of them were unloyal to their lover) and when they laid their eyes upon you, they couldn't help, but with you.. you not being able to catch the drift thought he was just being friendly and funny.. later on Mori found himself alone with the flirter and threatened him (doesn't mean Mori's not a apart of the Port Mafia anymore, it doesn't mean he doesn't know how to kill someone) yeah you had to witness a divorce later on (I know it's not important but I have to say it.. the kids had so much fun watching the drama.. because they're not stupid, they knew exactly what Mori was doing and they had so much fun watching it unfold in front of them)

-if you think very lowly of yourself? He's not having it.. your his darling, it's impossible to worthless.. all of you belongs to him, why would you dare think lowly about yourself? If it's because of past trauma, he'll try to comfort you without triggering you.. If it's because someone told you that, then that person will be having a stern talk with him.. or if it's just an orphan, he'll still have a stern talk with them but he will guide them to not insult others because it's mean..

-unlike the Original AU, Mori's slightly better at cooking because he actually has the time to practice.. Mori wouldn't exactly improve for you because he's still a busy man after all, but sometimes he spends his time improving his skills... His heart flutters and skip a few beats when you cook for him.. he thought you looked absolutely adorable in a apron, placing your home made food on the table.. he would certainly tease you about it.. with the line "awe.. your already preparing to be my little adorable house wife/husband"

-overall, Mori in a healthy relationship would be like... He's a gentleman, romantic, clingy, whiny, flirtatious, manipulative and mysterious.. he's not entirely touched starved but acts like it and he would be easily categorized in yandere.. he's also very protective and teasing as well..

(I don't write Fukuzawa for this AU)

25 post event with (Fukuzawa x reader) and (Mori x reader) 3/25.

#bsd x s/o #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd x y/n #bsd pm x reader #bsd pm x you #bsd pm x s/o #bsd pm x y/n #bsd mori x s/o #bsd mori x you #bsd mori x y/n #bsd mori x reader #bsd beast x reader #bsd x beast reader #bsd mori x reader beast

[hatsunerandal]

part six of my playlist analysis!!

part 1 <;- part 2 &lt;- part 3 <- part 4 <- part 5 <- BACK TO THE SOUP WITH YEE

la seine - vanessa paradis no fucking clue what theyre saying but lockwood does idk he just knows french i feel it in my bones. he taught lucy the girls part and they sing it together. he didnt tell her wtf it meant hto and i think thats funny.

merry go round of life - nuvo orchestra THEY DANCE TO IT IN THE KITCHEN LATE AT NIGHT WHEN GEORGE IS ASLEEP SO THEY DONT WAKE HIM WAILS SOBS CRIES.  father - the front bottoms do i remember lockwoods canon relationship with his late father? no!! have i decided he has daddy issues?? yes!! (other than his dad being. dead. yk) young girl a - siinamota go look up the english lyrics. have fun. :) a match into water - pierce the veil we've seen how protective lockwood is of lucy, now what if someone almost killed her? think about that for a little bit smile. faster car - loving caliber this is about to give some people fucking WHIPLASH. im not even gonna explain this one cuz i wanna see how many people get it. its only sex - car seat headrest this song is just me projecting onto lockwood so im not. gonna vent here LMAOO laugh till i cry - the front bottoms more lockwood being reckless after lucy left? methinks yes. meteor shower - cavetown (i dont support or even like cavetown all that much i just have an emotional attachment to this song dont kill me please) RHHHGHGHGHFH THIS SONG IS SO CUTE ITS SO THEM ITS SO DOMESTIC AND SILLY JUST IMAGINE IF THE PROBLEM DIDNT EXIST AND THEY COULD GO OUT INTO A FIELD AT NIGHT (if they lived somewhere were feilds existed obv) AND LOOK AT THE STAIRS IM ACTIVELY SOBBING. ribs - lorde this song puts me into an immense state of grief everytime i hear it because it has one of those "nostalgia for something that never existed vibes" and i cherish it so dearly for that and it just gives them vibes. it fits their trio so well (i love holly but she doesnt exist yet here). alien blues - vundabar this is self explanatory i think. come a little closer - cage the elephant this one is similar to ribs for me. where is my mind - the pixies soft nighttime vibes reading together before snuggling up and going to bed <33. its ok i wouldnt remember me either - crywank lockwood thinking about death and how much he has to work with death just knowing jess is right there :( its one of those days when he just cant. get out of bed. luce and george always help him through those days, but its still hard.

memento mori - crywank same thing slightly different font. creature - half.alive uhh fuck you [throws religious trauma at lockwood] my alcoholic friends - the dresden dolls angry lockwood, but not anyone in particular, just angry at the system and the way it treats kids. because its a fucking nightmare and i hate the government. two birds - regina spektor owie owie owie norrie and lucy but the one who stayed didnt have a choice :(. i love you so - the walters rrhhfhhfhfhfhd angst angst angst theyre both feeling like their to much so they both start distancing when literally all they want is to be in the others arms but they cant because theyre afraid. goodbye, my danish sweetheart - mitski i love this song sm its so lucy idek why its just. her. cigarettes & feelings - the haunt absolutely locklyle skirting around talking about their feelings for WAYYY to long. perfume - lovejoy ouch lockwood constantly smelling lucys perfume wherever he goes after she leaves, he sees her shadow everywhere, thinks he sees her out of the corner of his eyes, but shes not there. its all futile! its all pointless! - lovejoy lockwood and his suicidal-ness just thinking for to long about how long he has to live and how hard it will all be. ramblings of a lunatic - bears in trees lockwood ranting to lucy late at night with her hands in his hair just listening to him talk about random shit but theyre together so its ok. snakes - mccafferty i have a slight mccafferty problem can you tell? i dont even know it feels like another just 'them talking' song. the house with no doorbell - mccafferty this entire song is so lockwood coded i will die on this hill. drop from our windows - mccafferty same as the last one. fentanyl - mccafferty i dont actually really know for this one i just think its lockwood vibes. water fountain - alec benjamin what lockwood thinks is gonna happen if lucy hangs out with kipps LMAOO. this is sorta a joke but hes genuinely scared that kipps is going to steal her from him. nights like these - pigeon pit another lucy-and-lockwood-are-both-having-breakdowns-and-panic-attacks-but-seperately-wishing-they-could-be-together type beat. little lion man - mumford & sons lockwood thinking about jess -> could also be lockwood thinking about how he drove lucy away after she left. trees II - mccafferty jesus i have a mccafferty problem. 'i need you more than you need me' NO YOU BOTH NEED EACHOTHER AND YOU DONT RELAIZE IT BECAUSE YOURE TOO BUSY BEING SCARED OF OPENING UP TO THE OTHER ONE DAMMIT. twin size mattress - the front bottoms yk i had to. lockwood is an angsty lad we know he aboslutely loves tfb. aesthetic? (more like ass-pathetic) - panuccis pizza lockwood you sad sad little man. internet ruined me - wilbur soot OK I KNOW. WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. but the actual sound of it gives lockwood vibes. not the lyrics but the sound. first love/late spring - mitski this is such a lucy song come ON its so her the whole 'i was so young when i behaved 25'??? literally her. helium - glass animals its just. its so them. also kinda feels like george watching their relationship unfold and being jealus vibes WHICH IS WHY I PROPOSE QPR- [gunshots] https://open.spotify.com/track/2BlDX1yfT0ea5wo0vjCKKa?si=32f77e7933024562 <- link because i dont know japanese!! this!! song!! if you where on anime tiktok at anypoint in time you know it and you know why its here.

1983 - neon trees dancing in the kitchen vibes. little talks - of monsters and men this song makes me so distraught but its another situation with talking to the moon (bruno mars) where its lockwood talking to himself in his room, pretending hes talking to lucy. and the series goes on!! we're more than halfway through tho :D part 7 here we go!!

#lockwood and co #locklyle #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #george karim

[genderqueer-karma]

hi~ welcome to my blog! ♡

(if you follow or are already following, please like or interact to let me know you've read this)

BASIC INFO:

☆ my carrd ☆

☆ My name is Dio, but you can call me Dora or Devin as well. Ultimately though, I prefer Dio if I don't know you irl. Bonus points if you can guess how many inspirations I had on that ;)

☆ I'm Black. Keep that in mind, always.

☆ I'm a minor. If that bothers you, feel free not to interact.

☆ My pronouns are they/them. I also use þei/þem (still pronounced they/them), but mostly jokingly. You may use she/her if we're close, but please ask beforehand! He/him is fine for jokes, but not always. And finally, never use "it/its" for me, since I personally find them to be dehumanizing. I'm a black enby, so surely you can understand why I feel that way. Any neos and whatnot are just what they are 🤷‍♀️. I'll let you know for sure if a pronoun makes me uncomfortable.

☆ I have two active sideblogs:

@dios-multiverse ~ my writing and oc sideblog

@crucible-memes-4-salem-teens ~ my sideblog based on the 1953 play The Crucible where I am head mod.

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MY CURRENT INTERESTS:

♡ Ace Attorney! I love the silly little lawyer game, so feel free to talk to me about it! I've watched playthroughs of the trilogy and am currently playing Investigations 2 as well as the TGAA duology. In addition, I've watched most of the stage plays as well as the anime and the live-action film. I have yet to watch the musicals. Plus, AA gave me my current problematic fave~

♡ Ouran High School Host Club! OHSHC is a lifelong love of mine. However, I've only watched the anime and have only read the first three volumes of the manga. Still, I don't mind spoilers, so if I come across them, I'll be okay. I don't have a *favorite* host, though I am somewhat partial to Mori-senpai.

♡ JoJo's Bizarre Adventure! This is a recent interest of mine, so I've only watched up through Part 3 (started Part 4 recently!) and have yet to read the manga for any part. Once again, I have no qualms with spoilers, so feel free.

♡ Markiplier! Once again, lifelong appreciation for him as a person and creator. One of my favorite series from him is probably his playthough of West of Loathing, though I love most of his other videos as well and find myself coming back to his channel again and again.

♡ RTGame! Another favorite youtuber of mine. I love most of his videos as well, though his Planet Coaster videos are what drew me to his channel initially. I really like his content, so I frequently watch his videos.

☆ The Crucible! Yes, that play from the 50s. It gripped me in a hyperfixation when I was in 11th grade and hasn't let go since, hence the blog! I also like other works of "classic literature", though my interest in those is a bit more tame.

♡ Percy Jackson and the Olympians! (and related franchises, such as Heroes of Olympus). Though I'm out of the "target" demographic for those books, they are still near and dear to my heart. However, (possibly controversial opinion) I don't like Jason Grace as a character. Sorry guys, but he's mid. 🤷‍♀️

♡ My Chemical Romance! This band has stuck with me since middle school and I did cry when I found out they got back together, so jot that down. Also stream Foundations of Decay.

♡ Fall Out Boy! Another lifelong love of mine. I've loved this band since before I knew it existed. It truly has been there for me from the start. Also, MANIA is a good album, you guys are just anti-black. 🤷‍♀️

♡ MALICE MIZER! I've only recently started listening to them (and the members' solo work), but so far I really like them! It feels weird to be obsessed with a band that was created and broke up went on indefinite hiatus before I was even born, but I'm used to it at this point. Like the blog description says: I experience gender envy for Mana-sama.

♡ Queen! I typically only listen to music from the 90s and 2000s, but I love Queen a lot. Like with Fall Out Boy, I liked a lot of their music before I even knew it was them, which is interesting for a number of reasons.

♡ ABBA! Another golden group from the 70s. Absolutely love them and I think it's funny how they can now say they went on a 40-year hiatus. How many of your faves can say the same?

♡ BABYMETAL! While I'm not caught up on all the lore (I'm getting there, okay?) I really do like them. I'm actually a fairly new fan, having only started listening to them in 2019, right before METAL GALAXY came out. When that album came out, I obsessively listened to Night Night Burn! almost every day. It was crazy.

♡ Honorable Mentions: Greek Mythology, the novels Homegoing and Transcendent Kingdom by Yaa Gyasi, too many WEBTOONs to name (though currently I'm really into Get Schooled), Waterparks, DE'WAYNE, Kero Kero Bonito, MARINA, Lil Nas X, and Paramore!

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DNF (Just remember, I firmly stand with all of my marginalized family. My love for them overrides my hatred for you 100% of the time.):

× Anti-Black/Racist/Neo-Nazi. I don't tolerate that shit here. Leave me and my blogs alone.

× TERF/SWERF. Our trans siblings and sex working siblings belong in our community. If they hadn't fought for us, we wouldn't be able to live freely now.

× Homophobes. I'm not explaining this one. Just know you shouldn't care who other people want to kiss or fuck.

× Exclusionists. Ace people, Bi/Pan/Poly/Omni/etc people, and Nonbinary/Genderqueer people do not have to explain themselves to be allowed to exist in our community. I don't care if you don't understand their identities. It's not their job to teach you.

× Transmeds/whatever the hell you people are called these days. Trans people do not need to suffer for you to consider them valid.

× Anti-Semites. Idc. Y'all's hatred of Jewish people is quite literally irrational. They haven't caused any problems for you and don't secretly control the government. Don't believe everything you read.

× Islamophobes. Again. As a whole, Muslims are not causing problems for you, and if you think that, you're too far gone.

× Pedos/MAPs/NOMAPs. It's not okay or right or normal to be an adult attracted to children. I don't give a fuck. Get away from me. Even when I ultimately do become of legal age, I still don't want you fuckers around.

× Pro-ship. Idc if it's fictional. It's weird. I personally just feel like "ship and let ship" can't and never should apply to real person, pedophilic, abusive, or incestuous ships, and that's a normal opinion to have. It doesn't "squick me out" if it's straight up illegal! It disgusts me.

× AO3 simps. I use AO3! I like the platform. Its tagging system is well-organized. However, I would not put my moral character on the line for it. It's not that deep, babes. I promise. No one's going to cleanse the internet of your Destiel smuts.

× DDLG/DDLB/MDLG/MDLB. Why does other people acting in child-like manners or dressing like children arouse you? Quickly. Prove with facts and research how that doesn't make you adjacent to being a pedo. Fuck off.

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Finally, I hope this blog is a safe and happy space for everyone to be in! Let's have fun together~!

#yo it's d :) #i realize now after looking over this i sound like a weeb. i am not a weeb. i am not an otaku. do not group me with them. #intro post

[estrellamorningstar]

Self-Care [Part 5]

Warning: Smut, NSFW, 18+

Summary: Celeste´s getting more... familiar with other Survivors

Word Count: 3784

          When Celeste comes to she feels the worst she has ever felt after a Trial, her heart is beating so hard she's not sure if she's actually come to full consciousness yet. She can still feel where the knife penetrated her flesh, but as she tries to feel the non existing wounds with her hands her brain catches up and she finally opens her eyes and looks around. The nurse that has been assigned to her tonight looks worriedly at the monitors. Her assistant hands Celeste the drink and she can tell that the cup is much heavier than what it normally is. 

     ''Drink it all. It will make you better. ''

          Celeste is still trying to calm her heartrate and sits up as she tries to remove all the sensors that are keeping her attached to whatever the hell just happened to her. She had heard of Killers doing this, but it was the first time she experienced it herself. 

     ''We should have left you unconscious a little longer to let your conscience switch over to reality, you're feeling rough because this was your first Mori.''  The nurse comes over to Celeste and without a warning holds her head still and blinds Celeste with her little examination flashlight. The nurse doesn't say anything, but takes some notes. This is the first time she has given Celeste any information, usually it's just instructions.  

     ''Mori? ''

      ''Yes, the Killers like to call it that. It's a sadistic way for them to finish their Trials usually. It's rare they do it at the beginning of the match, but some Sponsors will give them extra Bloodpoints. Drink up.''

          Celeste looks at the strange liquid in the cup and wonders what would happen if she just allowed all the feelings from the last Trial stay within her -  feel the anger and humiliation and learn to overcome those feelings in a natural way. Whatever is in that liquid seems to remove the majority of emotions gained from most Trials. Celeste leaves the cup on the side of the table and stands up to leave, hoping that the nurse won't notice, but the nurse clears her throat and points at the cup with the pen she's writing her notes with. It was never going to work. Celeste downs the liquid and an immediate burst of energy and calmness takes over her. 

          As she walks out of the Main Building Celeste notices Carlos leaning against the fence, watching the camp. When he hears her footsteps he turns and opens the gate, not taking his eyes off her. 

     ''How are you feeling, Cielo? ''

          He nicknamed her Cielo after struggling with pronouncing her name, Carlos explained that it means sky in Spanish, funny how languages work, Celeste's mother believed in astrology and  had named all of her children after celestial objects, she would have loved that nickname. Celeste is feeling more elevated than she usually is -  a double dose of what the Survivors have started calling Sunshine clearly is doing its job. Carlos has been trying to mentor Celeste and she have gotten to know his facial expressions, but as she's looking at him she can't quite figure out what is going on behind that man's eyes. He looks relieved, angry, concerned and just tired. 

     ''I'm alive,''  Celeste says and accepts his hug. This is the first time anyone has hugged her since she's come to the Trial and she appreciates how warm his body feels, physically and just.. it's nice to be hugged. She realizes that if it weren't for Sunshine she'd have burst into tears by now. 

     ''I'm sorry, I tried to get to you,''  Carlos looks Celeste all over as if trying to find any wounds on her. It must have looked quite as violent as it felt because he really does seem to be feeling guilty. She feels a shiver run down her spine, his hug actually made her feel warmth throughout her body and not having his arms wrapped around her makes all the difference.

     ''There was nothing you could do. He said it was from Wesker, I don't know what he meant.''

          Carlos's expression changes once again, he doesn't seem to be able to hide any kind of emotion. It's quite refreshing to Celeste, especially since her whole life she's tried to be the one that nobody messes with, even if she was just pretending. This serum is really making her feel things she shouldn't -  the gravity of whatever's happening is clearly distressing him, but she's standing there gushing over how this man, who clearly would have been a Gladiator in the Roman times, because he is able to feel emotions. 

     ''Listen, you need to get some sleep, but we should meet up later. ''

          Celeste takes a long, hot shower and lays down in hopes to just sleep the mess that's inside her head off, but once she closes her eyes she gets mixed images of Wesker, Carlos and Ghostie. She feels guilty for making Carlos feel whatever million emotions he's feeling at the mention of Wesker, she feels angry with Ghostie, she feels like whatever he did to her was unfair, he didn't even give her a fighting chance and for what? What IS Wesker playing at, sending other Killers to get her? 

          Every time she has started Trials recently she has been looking out for that telling metal chest, hoping to face Wesker again. Celeste got deceived once - she saw the metallic looking box and then got chased and obliterated by Nemesis who seemed to have no care in the world, he genuinely seemed to be having the time of his life, she actually didn't mind getting hooked by him, apart from the pain of course. But right now Celeste is hoping to face Wesker finally, that pride is taking over again, she wants to show him that she has gotten better. She has some tricks up her sleeve and she wants to escape the Trial, leaving Wesker exasperated. That thought is the one that makes Celeste fall asleep finally.

*************************************************************

          Celeste gets woken up by a knock on the door. She groans loudly, hoping that whoever's at the door will get the message, but Kate's voice makes Celeste open her eyes and get out of the bed. 

     ''Come on kitten, it's time to get up,'' Kate started calling her that ever since Wesker's Trial. 

          She opens the door and immediately gets annoyed by how flawless Kate always looks. She smiles and places a mug of coffee in Celeste's hands. Celeste closes the door behind Kate and falls into the armchair near the window. She takes a long sip of the dark coffee and looks over at angel that is Kate, she has brought Celeste coffee on numerous occasions, but today was really needed.

     ''I saw how rough your Trial was yesterday,''  Kate says quietly as she sits on the end of Celeste's bed and crosses her legs under her, Celeste can see the same concern in Kate's eyes as she did with Carlos. 

     ''I think you will have a few rough months ahead of you, they're bound to get bored. Most new Survivors get put through hell at the beginning.''

     ''I know it will end, I just didn't sign up for this, Kate.''  What did s she sign up for? She stares in the coffee cup, trying to muster the strength to even think about a time when she will be able to just get through the Trial as if it's a normal work day. 

     ''Carlos seems to know something,''  the shadow of the hug Carlos gave her washes over her body. She looks outside the window, it's another sunny day, the weather is just made for being outside. 

     ''Carlos seems to be very concerned for you. You should have seen him yesterday after you got Moried. He made Ghostie's life hell, I have never seen him quite like it. And personally, I prefer Carlos's way of courting you.''

          Kate's expression changes from serious to the kind of an expression Celeste used to see on her friends when discussing boys. A girly laugh manages to escape her, and blood fills her cheeks.

     ''Carlos is obsessed with Wesker,'' Celeste has decided to not allow any more fantasies distract her from getting through the next few months. She gets up and grabs a toothbrush from the bathroom hoping that Kate has not noticed the redness that has creeped into her cheeks. 

     ''Besides, Jill and him have some history.''

     ''That was beforethe Trials, and not that kind of history,'' Kate emphasizes the that.  Celeste peaks at her from the bathroom door and cocks her eyebrow at Kate since her mouth is full of toothpaste and can't say anything. Kate gives Celeste a knowing smile. 

     ''I think that Carlos and Jill have less history than Jill has.. history.'' Kate looks at the bottom of her coffee mug as if trying to read the future.  ''Besides Jill was here way before Carlos and there was a rumor going around that she had hooked up with one of the Killers.''

          Celeste spits out her toothpaste and rinses quicker than she has ever done. 

     ''She did what?''  Celeste never realized that the Killer and Survivor camps have access to each other. Or that there is any contact between the two sides of the Main Building. The Survivors are always watched and directed to the exit without even a chance to take a wrong step. 

     ''Well, that's what the rumor was. But apparently something bad had happened between Jill and Wesker before they were sent here. And Carlos had been there for her, so I think that he's just used to playing the hero.''   Kate shrugs and gets up from the bed, grabbing the coffee mug from the floor where Celeste left it. All this new information makes her feel way too many things at once and she has so many more new questions that need answered.. 

     ''But who was Jill hooking up with?''  Celeste almost slips up and asks ''and how?''  but she stops herself. It isn't a question she should be considering. 

     ''Nobody knows, she could still be with them, Jill doesn't really like to get too personal. But you should talk to her about some of her perks she could sell you. Trust me, that girl knows how to piss off Killers. ''

          Kate looks at her watch and starts heading for the door. 

     ''I'm on kitchen duty today, but please don't get back to sleep, I know you're tired. Go soak up some sun.''

          Celeste hears the door close and decides that today she will have a self care day while the sun is still shining. 

*************************************************************

          After spending some time applying creams and cleaning her hair Celeste heads down to the kitchen to prepare a bowl of fruit that she takes outside to the grassy area just near the woods. She has made heself a picnic consisting of the most delicious fruits and cheeses, and the day is good. She lies on her stomach on the soft picnic blanket and reads her book, but soon enough she finds herself reading the same words over and over again, not really understanding the meaning of them, as her thoughts slowly drift to Carlos. She realizes that, between how concerned he seemed the night before and Kate putting thoughts in her mind, Celeste finds herself wondering if this whole time, that she's been in the Trials, has put her body through so much stress that she never even thought about being intimate with anybody, and now that there is a rather good looking, strong and masculine man showing vulnerability she suddenly just feels needy. She needs  to know what Carlos's body feels like under those fatigues he's always wearing. Celeste certainly could feel a solid body in that rather surprisingly soft hug he gave her. She turns over on her back and watches the tree tops just above her, trying to not allow herself get sucked into a fantasy she will never fulfill like she's done so many times before.

          But her imagination takes over before she tries to stop it and that hug Carlos gave her just outside the gate turns into an image of him turning Celeste around and pushing her into the fence,  moving her hair away from her neck  and with a hot breath in her ear whispering I need you Cielo. Celeste can almost feel his hands slide under her shirt, she can imagine that  he would use one hand to wrap around her waist and pull her tighter into him while the other teasingly would slide over her skin, inch by inch, feeling it's way up over her ribs and covering her breast in such a way that the fingertips of his index finger and thumb would squeeze her nipple just enough to get a moan out of her.  Celeste bites her lip and crosses her legs, realizing that her imagination is no longer only making her feel things in her fantasy -  her body is very much screaming for some attention, a whole month of feeling almost exclusively only adrenaline and fear she now finds herself going the complete other way feeling unbearably aroused and sensitive. Suppose that all those emotions can go hand in hand. She hears steps approaching and the shadow of Carlos disappears from the oak leaves she had been staring at while day dreaming. 

          As she turns around to find out who the owner of the footsteps is, the fantasy Carlos gets replaced by the real Carlos and Celeste just feels her cheeks get hot. She sits up and turns to face him, using the sun shining right in her face as an excuse to cover her eyes with sunglasses. 

     ''Kate said I could find you here. Do you mind?  I think I have something I can help you with,'' Carlos's eyes seem to take in her whole body from above, his eyes lingering slightly longer on her bare legs. 

          Celeste nods and watches him sit down on the blanket, he leans over and grabs a grape and for a moment seems to enjoy the sun as much as she is. Carlos reaches behind him and pulls something out of his back pocket, at first Celeste is not sure what it is but then she realizes it's a.. flashlight? The flashlight has been the only item she has stayed away from, mainly because she needs to not be an absolute whimp when using one, so that takes Celeste out of the equation. Carlos places it in front of he and smiles as if he's just come up with the Christmas present of her dreams. 

     ''Carlos.. I don't..''

     ''Wait,'' he interrupts Celeste before she can put her abilities down again, '' don't underestimate it.''  He picks it up again and takes it apart. 

     ''This is the best flashlight anybody can have. It will last you the whole Trial and it's easy to handle. ''

          Carlos shows Celeste the different features of the flashlight as if he's trying to sell it for a living. He explains to her why the filter he's added to it makes it easier to blind the Killer. 

     ''I have spoken to some people and everyone is willing to help you practice. We will make a plan to keep you safe just so you can get a hang of it. Some Killers cannot be blinded, but Wesker never uses that perk.'' He looks annoyed once more. 

          Carlos places the flashlight in Celeste's hand and shows where the button is. She's surprised to find it to be very light and almost perfect for her grip. 

     ''Why do you hate Wesker so much?''  Celeste pretends to be more interested in the flashlight in her hand than the question she has been wanting to ask for a while now. She can almost hear Carlos think, looking for the best way to answer her question.

     ''I have seen how easily he can manipulate people. He isn't doing this for the same reasons the rest of us are. I think even the other Killers aren't too happy with him.''

     ''Ghostie seemed to be happy enough to send me his message,''  Celeste can hear the hurt in her own voice and feels vulnerable again. 

     ''Ghostie isn't exactly someone who has any real values. For Wesker he's like a toddler that can be bought over with candy,'' Carlos looks towards the Main Building, it's not noticeable, but Carlos has been in the camp for so long he probably has walked as far as the campgrounds are, his gaze turns back to Celeste. He reaches out and puts his hand on hers, trying to reassure her.

     ''You have learnt a lot in a very short period of time, I think that the flashlight could be what makes your time here much, much easier.''

*************************************************************

          That night is the first night in a very long time  Celeste doesn't get picked for the Trial. She almost feels like she doesn't know what to do with a whole night off. She watches Ace, Meg, Ada and Kate walk through the gate. Celeste waves goodbye to Kate and goes to sit down next to Bill who seems oddly awake. She catches a glimpse of Carlos and Jill discussing something funny and feels a slight hint of jealousy. She feels like she's being seen as a damsel in distress when she knows that she could make Carlos laugh if she was more relaxed. Bill pushes a glass of whiskey in her hand. She downs the burning liquid in one go and thanks him. He leans back in his camping chair smiling knowingly to himself. Celeste can imagine that being the most left alone person on the camp Bill probably knows more about what's going on around here than anybody else. 

     ''You will get there, kiddo.'' He says quietly to Celeste and looks up at the TV. It's comforting to know that people can relate to how she's feeling. Only a few people have been here from the very beginning, so the majority of Survivors would have felt similarly inadequate at some point. 

          Celeste looks over at Carlos and notices that he's alone. He seems to feel her looking at him and when he meets Celeste's eyes he winks at her and gives her a cheeky smile. Celeste feels flushed again and returns a shy smile. She's not sure why she's finding it so difficult to approach him and be herself. Celeste forgets that she's watching people getting chased down by crazy Killers as she tells herself off for acting like a teenage girl. She's never really had problems with men, but the kind of men she's used to dating doesn't compare to how that one damned wink made her wish she had invited Carlos to stay and enjoy the sun with her. He had lingered for a moment when he got up, but Celeste just smiled awkwardly. 

          Celeste gets snapped out of her afternoon in the sun with Carlos by gasps from several people around her and looks up at the screen. The screen is just foggy. She seeks explanation from Bill who's  looking over at the Main Building. 

     ''They had a technical problem. It happens sometimes, '' he explains. 

     ''Are they going to be OK? ''

     ''Oh yeah, we're having a party tonight. ''

          While she waits for the four Survivors to return, Bill explains that if there is a malfunction with any of the simulators the Trial doesn't go ahead. It has happened several times, especially after system updates, but it's nothing to worry about. Survivors just use it as an excuse to get drunk and dance away the night. And that's just what happens.

          David and Claudette are making cocktails for everyone. It's a great night - Celeste's laughing so much and it's another one of those rare occasions she manages to forget where she is. By the time she decides to slow down with drinks she's already two cocktails over her limit. Celeste sits down and watches a knife throwing match between Meg and Ace. Her head is slightly spinning and she already feels sorry for herself tomorrow. She hasn't seen too much of Carlos the whole night, having so many people around the fire is a rare sight, it's hard to keep an eye out for anyone. Everybody is still dancing away and Celeste decides to do herself a favor and get some water and possibly some fruit. 

          Celeste makes her way inside her building, the kitchen is lit up by the reflection of the fire so she doesn't bother with the light - she knows for a fact that she will blind herself. She thinks to herself that maybe being here has made her more aware of potential hazards as she opens the fridge and blinds herself  with the fridge light anyway. Celeste grabs the jug of water.

     ''Stop being so cocky, dummy,'' she mutters to herself and turns to walk towards the cupboard to find a glass, but once again, Celeste gets caught by surprise as she hits someone with the jug and nearly drops it. 

     ''Careful, Cielo,'' Carlos's voice catches her ears before she even sees him. He grabs the jug from Celeste and places it on the counter just behind her. Celeste can feel the warmth of his body and holds her breath, a million thoughts rushing through her mind, dizzy from alcohol and desire. She hears the jug hit the counter, but he doesn't move away, the light from the fire makes his eyes light up in a similar way that reminds her of Wesker, only there isn't a hint of mockery in the  way Carlos is looking at her.

          Before she can act out her very recent fantasies, Carlos has moved his hands from behind her to Celeste's face. He pushes her head slightly up with his index finger as he holds her chin with his thumb and watches her for a second, waiting to see if she will protest. No protest comes and he takes it as a sign to lean down and claim her lips, that lust that's inside her just explodes at the taste of his hunger for her and Celeste's hands are running through his wild hair as if the two of them have done this a million times before.

#fanfic #dead by daylight #lemon #smut #carlos oliveira #albert wesker #the mastermind

[junophontes]

thinking about this theme that I don't know how to describe other than "futile attempt at permanence". Like those signs at nuclear waste locations that give warnings in different languages and pictures, that people put up in hopes of keeping people away, but that they know will probably prove ultimately futile because of the nature of humanity to forget and explore.

People trying to make something permanent, to acquire immortality, all the while knowing that it WILL NOT LAST. This doesn't include things like emperors trying to become immortal, they still retained the delusion that such a feat was possible. I'm talking about facing impermanence, the ultimate truth that the consequences of your actions will eventually be forgotten and null in the face of entropy, and not ignoring or fighting it, or giving up, but walking directly through it. The acceptance of the two most dissenting states possible - permanence and impermanence - simultaneously. A self-encapsulating paradox.

Immortality and entropy, the greatest lie and truth, respectively, to ever exist - such a dichotomy that they can't even be accurately described as both existing at all - held nonetheless within a single being. I mentioned before that this state is not fighting impermanence, because I think it's more subtle than that. It's fighting, yes, but not fighting against impermanence; rather, fighting in spite of impermanence.

Given that distinction, this starts to seem a lot like Camus' thesis, which I'm not opposed to. The myth of Sisyphus might be another good example, then; a man, clever beyond compare, labors endlessly as punishment, with no hope at anything resembling either success or escape. What does he think? Is he bitter, hopeful, angry, relieved? Camus claimed the only feeling that could sustain such a man would be spite. And perhaps it has worked to some degree; after all, we still know his myth, he has gained some form of immortality.

The declarations of spirit are varied with this theme. Some of my favorites, naturally, come from Kill Six Billion Demons:

"I don't need to win in order to WIN. It's not for you, it's for ME."

"It's never going to end, is it? / All we can do is keep moving forward."

"To break infinity requires only one motion."

"Here is a proper way. Now discard it."

Others are less direct, but approach the same concept:

"Life's a never-ending wheel"

"Memento mori"

"Burn my dread"

"Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair! / Nothing beside remains. Round the decay / Of that colossal Wreck"

There's undoubtedly more. I don't know. My poetic attitude has run dry. I'd better quit while I'm ahead. It was probably more of a message for myself, anyways.

Bend all things to thy will. Fight without restraint and rest without worry. Live.

#long post #poetry i guess

[bunchofstraydogs]

Dazai Osamu in a relationship

Just a lil warning before you proceed: dis a chonky one, kay?

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Depending on why Dazai is in a relationship affects how he will act with his partner.

If Dazai is curious about them, enough to enter the relationship,

it will last at best a handful of months, at worst about 2 weeks. Enough to get to know them, test them out in terms of reaction, values, honesty and morality, and get bored of them. Thus leading to him braking up with the person or, if he predicts that the person would react badly and cause a scene, get them to break up with him. But even that is dubious because i doubt Dazai would make the relationship official. He would probably just act as if they're dating, leading the partner to believe they actually are without having to verbally confirm anything, and then as soon as he loses interest, pulls a now-you-see-me-now-you-don't and disappears with little to no notice. Hey, he never said they were dating, he calls everyone Belladona, the fault is that person's for being delusional. Yes, he is an asshole, what did you expect of Dazai?

But if Dazai is in love?? Unrecognizable.

I will make a separate headcanon(? whatever these are I'm writing) on what i think a person should be like to sweep Dazai of his feet, but now i want to concentrate on what he would be like in such a relationship.

Is it possible for Dazai to fall in love? Absolutely. He loved Odasaku and Ango, perhaps not romantically, but he's definitely capable of love. People like him- aware of the world's cruelty, dealing with demons and guilt, roaming the world for the sole reason that they haven't died yet, hoping to find something worthwhile they can feel the need to be selfish about and call theirs; don't fall in love, they crash desperately. It takes a lot for them to feel those emotions, but when they do, they can never really let them go.

He would try to act as he usually does in public and try approaching the subject of his trepidation and disarray in many different ways. Distancing himself and going as far to actively avoid them would just come back and bite him in his boney ass. To effectively avoid someone, you need to know their schedule, hobbies, interests, habits, etc. And having learned that would just constantly remind him of them, they'd never leave his mind. He'd look on the clock, see the time and know that they'll be in that specific class because he knows their whole curriculum and class schedule/ at the grocery because they're surly out of their favourite snack/ doing black laundry and yes, he knows unnecessary details about them as well. After that disastrous failure, he comes back running and commences new ways to handle that person. These beta testings are for him as much as they are for them. Just how much and what exactly does he feel for that person, what buttons can he push and which ones he doesn't want to.

When i say Dazai in love would be unrecognizable, i mean it. Not superficially, where everyone can see it, but where it matters.

After doing his best to rail in the unfamiliar feelings under control, going as far as using some of Mori's techniques, the realization of the situation he's found himself in hits him hard.

He comes back as if nothing happened.

The deadpan that person gives him and a "Are you done with your bullshit or do you need some more time to brood about issues you made with yourself?" He doesn't even blink, "Oh, my Belladona! Does that mean you've missed me? Were you worried about me as well??"

All of this was said in your typical, Dazai maniac style, the only difference is that he actually wants an answer. He wants to hear the confirmation, in whatever form it may come- he can read between the lines and body language, just give him something to work with. He's desperate.

While the public Dazai persona won't change, his inner musings and his approach to the love interest will.

Osamu will, sometimes sneakily, usually not so subtly, immerse himself into their daily life. Get them accustomed and used to his presence. What this will do is cause a sense of familiar coexistence, that of people living together; make the person unconsciously continue to include him in their activities; learn to depend on him (not in a unhealthy, yandere way, but if their car brakes down or they're feelinh unsafe, Dazai will be the first person they feel the urge to call) because Dazai can be reliable and he will be reliable for that special person. He will also be the first person they share good news with as well, because if someone is always there for and with you, it's only natural.

Make no mistakes, Dazai is transparent only when he wants to be.

The reasons he does this is because 1) he wants to gauge their reaction to his great interest in them, 2) mask his subtle advances which are the most important part of integrating himself into their life, 3) to get that person in the position where he needs them to be for him to move on to the next phase of his plan.

Now, i may have said plan, but that's a somewhat loose term since what he'll do next depends on their reaction. He definitely has a rough outline of the whole thing in his head, but he's also adaptable and ready to react accordingly to whatever they may throw his way.

[I will be using l/i or LI for "love interest" bc I'm tired of writing that person or whatever, okay? Good.]

Once his l/i made effort to go out of their way for him or commit any type of love language, basically:

act of service- pay for his bills, massage his shoulders, buy crab based food or alchohol he really likes for their own fridge so that he can have it when he's over (often) even if they don't like those things especially then

words of affirmation- thank you Dazai, how was your sleep?, please take better care of yourself i can't help you if you're not making an effort

physical touch- ruffle his hair, lean on him when tired, hold his hand or wrist because it's crowded and it would be a pain to search for you Dazai

gift giving- "I noticed you were running out of bandages", "I bought you food, figured your lost case would forget to eat", "saw this mackerel, reminded me of you^^" "BELLADONA, NO >:("

quality time- spending nights with him because he has insomnia, playing games at the arcade, drive around town run from the cops

He would be overwhelmed. In the best way possible. He'd feel overwhelmingly good and pleasant and warm and worried.

He didn't feel like this, ever.

Not even with Odasaku and Ango. They were probably his first friends, but that's the thing. They didn't make his heart race, they didn't throw him into panic attacks, they didn't overwhelm him, they didn't keep him up at night because he couldn't get them out of his head or completely monopolise his mind during the day.

He gets panic attacks.

A lot of them, actually. Usually he can fake being fine, but sometimes he hyperventilates and can't breathe and all that he can smell is the blood on his hands and his chest is as hollow as l/i's eyes. He knows what can happen. They can and will be used against him. Hell, it could even be an accident. He is vulnerable just because they exist and he can't do shit about it.

He could do his thing: pull some strings, have them move to another country and never speak to each other ever again. He has the power, but he lacks the strength. He could do it, but he doesn't want to. His thumb won't press the numbers, his voice died out, his mind went blank.

The wind blows and it carries their scent with it. The bells ring and it's their laughter that resonates within. His bandages ruffle and it's the warmth of their touch he feels. He's dying, but he's not just ready yet to leave. Hopefully, Odasaku will patiently keep a seat for him.

That was what gave him away, actually.

That's when Ranpo realised, with zero doubt, that Dazai Osamu is in love.

Dazai could be going on and on about suicide.

Enter l/i.

"I found an amazing tree yesterday with really sturdy branches. I wanted to test them out today, but i promised l/i I'd go to the new bakery with them today and who would they go with if i die?? Unacceptable!"

Ranpo: "A new bakery? I'll happily take your place."

"UNACCEPTABLE!!"

With every panic attack he feels stranded on an island in the sea of death.

He's exhausted. For the first time he finally wants to escape alive. Then they walk in and the storm in the sea moves to his heart. And into his stomach and his hands and his knees.

"I'm here for you, Osamu. Everything is going to be fine."

His insomnia goes by a different name now.

It still keeps him up at night and makes him restless.

But this time, when he fills his nth glass of whiskey for the night, when the TV is muted and the trafic quiet, when he can hear their breathing beside him in their shared bed, he raises the glass to hope for the halcyon days.

●

Fucking finally. You think you're exhausted, you waste of bandages?? I have a final today I'm going to fail and actually wrote about your musky ass. You try doing that with my brain.

Hope you guys like it and if you made it this far, here's a cup of ☕ or 🍵, whichever you prefer. I wrote him as i see and envision him. Hope it all makes sense. He's a complicated character, but he is still human and he is not immune to emotions.

Have a good one~☆

I will probably come up with more things for him, because i doubt i covered everything, but for now this shall do.

#bungo stray dogs #bsd #dazai osamu #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu headcanons #dazai osamu x reader #dazai osamu in a relationship