#most of my job is sleeping in my car and fucking around for 12 hours

[room13]

Celebration

Tangerine x F!Reader

Warnings: +18 smut, dirty talk, fluff

Tangerine came back home from a job the previous night, and the minute he and Lemon got off the airport and into his brother’s car the only place Tan could ever think of going to was your flat, and so he did. Lemon left him at your building’s front door and at that moment Tangerine felt like he could finally breathe again. The first thing he did once he entered your flat in the early hours of the morning was to go straight to the bathroom for a much-needed shower. Even though in his tired state he could simply just lie in bed and call it a night, he knew how much you hated when people laid in bed with street clothes or unshowered, so without thinking twice he entered your bathroom and took the warmest shower his body could handle. The last thing he remembered before sleep took over him was going to your bed - in all of his naked glory - and cuddling you tightly in his arms.

After a stressful 12-hour shift at work, the only thing you wanted the most was to get home and sleep. Fuck your 4th anniversary, fuck celebrations, and fuck everybody! Your new boss was a complete asshole and was getting incredibly difficult to find the motivation to get up every morning and face a job that used to be your biggest dream - which undoubtedly now was nothing but a nightmare.

“Fucking asshole! Can’t tell the difference between a needle and a toothpick, and now he wants to tell me how I’m supposed to do my job? Yeah, right. When you’re able to do your fucking job properly then you come talk to me, you little fucker” You murmured to yourself as you turned around to lock the front door.

The sweet scent of the roses was still absent to you as well as the imposing figure of the British man who now stood behind your frame with a dishcloth tossed over his shoulder.

“I can take care of him for you, poppet. It would only take me a bullet”

The thick accent made you jump in fright, and with your hand pressed against your chest, you slowly turned around to face your handsome boyfriend “Jesus Christ, Tan. Don’t sneak up on me like that! You almost gave me a heart attack”

“I’m sorry, love” He chuckled and pulled you in for a tight hug. Tangerine’s lips engulfed yours in a deep, loving kiss and soon enough you giggled at the feeling of his mustache tickling your upper lip.

“Do you want me to shoot him in the parking lot?” Tan asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Oh my god, no” You laughed before swatting his chest playfully when he asked “A beat down then? I can send him to the ICU so you can go there and turn off the machines” He smiled wickedly when your eyes widened in shock.

“Tan!” You reprimanded as he shrugged “What? It’s a good option!”

“Okay, that’s enough” You held back a faint chuckle as you pecked his lips “I appreciate the thought, even though it’s wicked and murderous. You k-“ You stopped mid-sentence once you caught a glimpse of the scenario behind your boyfriend.

The candlelit room and dozens of roses spread throughout the entire house was not something you’ve ever thought Tangerine would do. He doesn’t consider himself a ‘romantic man’ and made that very clear from the beginning of your relationship, but every time that man did something for you, you never failed to be amazed by how much of a hopeless romantic he is.

“Oh baby, this is beautiful! You did all of this for me? Tan, you’re so sweet” You caressed his cheek and laid a soft kiss on his exposed chest.

“Well, ya know, I was waiting for you to come home then I got a bit bored and did this” He waved his hands around the perfectly decorated living room “It’s nothing, really” Tangerine shrugged “It’s not a celebration or anything like that”

“So you’re telling me you didn’t do this because it’s our anniversary?” You squint your eyes playfully before pulling him closer to you by the waistband of his gray joggers.

“Is that today? Oh, who would’ve thought? I guess it’s just a mad coincidence, innit?” Tangerine shrugged again as his fingers began to massage the sore muscles of your neck.

“So you just bought dozens of roses for no reason?” You moaned softly at the perfect pressure he was applying to your tensed muscles.

“They were on sale” Tan teased with a playful smirk “I love when you moan for me” His growl was low and possessive against your lips and his hands instantly left your neck to take two handfuls of your ass.

“Yeah? Like this?” You moaned again, while Tan’s teeth tugged on your plumped bottom lip. His hands began to roam through your body, taking handfuls of your curves and exploring the body he has missed so much the last couple of weeks “Exactly like that, poppet. Fuck, you make me so hard for you”.

Your hands wandered down Tangerine’s body, feeling his chiseled torso beneath your fingertips. His hands traveled up your sides until they stopped at the back of your head, gripping two handfuls of hair, tugging at the scalp, and making you moan against his full lips.

“Fuck me, Tan. Make me your obedient little whore” Your whisper came out soft and sweet, lowly professing your lust as if it was a dark secret.

Tangerine’s growl earned a small giggle from you, that was easily replaced with a surprised gasp once your back hit the concrete wall behind you.

“Oh poppet, poppet” He tsked his tongue in disapproval “That naughty mouth of yours is going to put you in big trouble, little girl” Tangerine’s hand began to roam through your curves, pushing your uniform pants down your thighs and tapping your leg for you to kick the fabric away from your feet.

Your lips innocently smiled at him but your eyes held that teasing gleam that made Tangerine’s cock stir in his pants. “I was only asking for something simple” You begin, thumbs hooking on the waistband of your black cotton panties and dragging them down your thighs.

“And what are you asking for, love?” Tangerine smirked, eager to hear the dirty words spilling out of your mouth.

The pads of your middle and ring finger settled on your clit, drawing lazy circles on the bundle of nerves. Your free hand pulled Tangerine towards you until he was close enough for you to palm his hard cock through the sweatpants.

“I want this inside me, fucking me hard and deep enough for me to feel you here” You quickly touched your lower belly before closing your fist around Tangerine’s erection through the fabric, the firm pressure of your grip making him groan loudly “Fuck, poppet. That fucking mouth”

“Just think about it, Tan” You teased with a grin, “Think of how good your cock is going to feel slipping into something tight and warm”

Tangerine growls, quickly pushing his sweats down his muscular thighs and gripping his uncut length to rub it against your wet folds.

“I don’t want to think about it, love. I want to feel it” Tangerine pushed you up against the wall, firmly holding you against the concrete and tapping your thighs for you to lock them around his waist. He aimed his tip against your entrance, slowly teasing until he thrust into you with one swift motion.

“Oh fuck, yes. Jesus, you’re so fucking wet” Tangerine grunted against your lips, already settling a long and deep rhythm to his rapid thrusts. He made sure to let you feel his every inch coming in and out of you.

“Such a tight cunt, poppet” He nibbled on your bottom lip, “I love fucking you”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck yes! I’m fucking addicted to it” Tangerine’s thumb began to circle your clit, instantly making you melt against the wall.

“Look how good that cunt takes me. Takes the whole fucking thing. So warm, wet, and tight for me” He grunted, momentarily speeding the rhythm of his thrusts.

“I have a surprise for you” You giggled before moaning “Put your hand further back” You instructed and so Tangerine did.

His hand left your bundle of nerves to travel back towards your ass. Tangerine’s fingers slipped inside your spread ass cheeks and he growled upon feeling the tangerine shaped cool metal.

“Oh poppet, I’m gonna fucking ruin you tonight”

#tangerine x reader #tangerine x you #tangerine fluff #tangerine imagine #tangerine smut #tangerine bullet train #tangerine x y/n #tangerine fic #tangerine x plus size reader #tangerine blurb #tangerine fanfiction #bullet train x reader #bullet train x you #bullet train fanfic #bullet train imagine #bullet train tangerine

[chrissturnsgirlll222]

second, never first

part three | part one | part two | part four

chris x fem!reader

summary - you grew up hating one guy all of high school but suddenly become close friends, but as time goes one feelings develop, only its one sided.

warnings - mentions of underage drinking, swearing, use of y/n, BOYS (no smut… for now lol)

word count - 1k

-

the weekend went by slowly and all i could do was count down the hour, minutes and seconds it would take for me to see chris again. of course we text back and forth here and there but usually seeing eachother in person was i enjoyed the most of course.

i hadnt talked to anna in person since the party either. it was obviously expected that she would leave me to be chris and matts job to take care of so i wasnt shocked when she didnt call or text to check on me either only to ask if the guys snap she got was hot.

-

the following day was finally a monday. finally out of my house and finally get to see chris.

i was eager to see both him and anna but mostly just nervous to see how chris would be around me now that hes seen me naked.

“what are you starring at?” anna says

“nothing im just tired” i say.

“i cant believe you got so fucked up this weekend” anna says

i internally cringe at remembering my sloppy state, “i know i can never do that shit again i was violently hungover.”

“good thing i was there to take care of ya” chris says patting my shoulder and shaking me gently.

“you took care of her?” anna says confused.

“yeah she just stayed at my house, i obviously couldnt let her go home like that. she couldnt even drink water by herself” chris says

“thank god you did i was a mess.” i say

“what did you have to pour it down her throat” anna says laughing.

“yes and i had to get her changed and brush her hair and give her advil and carry her up the stairs an-“ i cut him off

“ok ok we get it i was a sloppy drunk mess” i say

brush my hair what the fuck is he talking about.

“where the fuck did you sleep i know his mom would not be happy if you slept on their couch.”

“we both slept him my bed” he says

i stay silent and just look at chris whos lookinf at anna.

anna didnt speak about the party once after that conversation. i kind of got the vibe that she was mad that chris took care of me, there was nothing to be upset about. he wouldnt have had to take care of me if she would have just beought me to her house.

ding

ding

“ok we need to get to class” i say grabbing my school bags and my drink from lunch

everyone else does the same and we get iut of my car.

were all walking into school and anna walks into her english class as me and chris make our way to our history class.

the whole class was kind of awkward.

i just didnt really know how to behave around him. clearly nothing changed between us since this weekend, in his eyes.

for me i couldnt stop thinking about it all.

i totally thought he would tease me about that night about how sloppy i was for days but other than that conversation we just had with anna he didnt talk about it.

we were just listening to our history lesson and suddenly i get a notification from chris

monday 12:45

chris: im so bored and do not understand shit were learning

i look up at him from where were sitting on opposite sides of the class

me with my friends on one side and chris with his gross jocky friends on the other

y/n: same this class is always boring as hell

chris: i wish we could kill our teacher honestly like look at her

chris: she just needs to get fucked and maybe she would be less miserable

y/n: i bet you think you could change that

chris: oh im sure i could

chris: ask her for an extra help lesson and bend her over that very desk

chris: would solve our problems

i gasp and look at him to find him smiling at his phone.

y/n: chris that woman is 40 years old and probably with a husband

chris: dosent change the fact that she wants this dick

“christopher” our teacher says loudly snapping both of us out of our texting

he doesnt say anything just looks at her smiling

“how many times have i told you to get off that phone” she says sternly

“in the hallway now” she says pointing to the door

he gets up and walks towards the door and looks at me “ohh were going to be alone now” he whispers to me walking past my desk and smirking.

i giggle and watch him walk out our teacher following behind.

chris often got in trouble in school but he never did horrible with his grades. ive been helping him here and there with history as i am a pretty good student.

i just enjoy reading and writing so history and english have always been my strong suit so he often asks for my tutoring or steals my answers i guess i should say.

around 5 minutes later chris walks back into the class grinning ear to ear.

we finish up our class and chris just ignores me on his way out with his friends. this happened everything we werent alone, he always acted like i wasnt there when his other friends were around.

i didnt mind this as i did the same

he always said it had to be this way since me and anna would ‘scare away the pussy’ is what he would say.

-

the day finishes up and i go home after school and start working on my bio homework i have.

ding

ding

i look at my phone to a notification from chris

monday 4:13

chris: can you come over i need help with history

-

thank you for reading xx

taglist: @sleepysturnss @blahbel668

#chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #sturniolo edit #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #sturniolo smut #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x y/n #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo x you

[banannabethchase]

Secrets to Hide - also on AO3

~

"Be very careful who you lie to" is advice Claudio Castagnoli should have taken before he married Jon Moxley, and before he started sleeping with Wheeler Yuta on the side.

Warnings: Major character death, infidelity, murder, graphic depictions of violence (see AO3 for more details)

~

This is very loosely inspired by Two Black Cadillacs and Sarah's prompt, but I went the Sara route and Schrodinger's Prompt-ed this bitch. Tis a dark one, folks!

~

+6 months, 12 hours, 24 minutes, 5 seconds

Mox slings his arms around Wheeler’s shoulders. “I mean, it’s one of those things you can’t explain, right?” He gazes at Wheeler, feeling something too close to love bloom in his chest. “Sometimes people are brought together by grief. Memory of the loved ones lost, you know.”

Wheeler beams at Mox. “It’s weird, but it works for us.”

Eddie snickers from where he’s head first in a bowl of soup.

“What?” Wheeler asks. “Not a fan of love?”

“You guys are terrible,” Eddie laughs. “Jesus.”

Mox and Wheeler share a knowing glance, then turn back to the group.

Ruby laughs into her soda. “Eddie’s just jealous because Mox promoted Wheeler over him.”

“He wasn’t even working there at the time,” Mox says, taking his arm back. He turns to Wheeler. “And Claudio, rest his soul, rated you highly in your performance reviews. You were the only reasonable person to become the gym manager.”

Eddie shrugs. “He’s right, Roo. I’m just glad I got a steady job again. Beauty in tragedy, right?”

Mox nods. “Beauty in tragedy.”

Wheeler leans over and kisses Mox’s cheek. “I gotta get home, baby, but I’ll see you tomorrow at work.”

Mox kisses Wheeler gently, still reeling from how different this is from before. From who he used to kiss. “Okay,” he murmurs against Wheeler’s lips. “I’ll see you later.”

He watches Wheeler walk off and turns to Eddie, who has the most knowing of smiles. “You two sure are a picture,” he says.

Mox shrugs. “You find love in the weirdest ways.”

~

+7 days

Mox gets home from the service past midnight to see the door cracked open, just the slightest. He pulls out his pocket knife, wishing he’d listened to Eddie years back telling him to grab something bigger, and slowly walks into the house, locking the door behind him. There was no car out front, no bike, nothing.

“Hello?” he calls. “I just came home from my fuckin’ husband’s funeral, so if you wanna die, now’s a good time to show yourself.”

He recognizes the chuckle as the figure slides out from behind the door. “Hey,” Wheeler says, smiling. “I had the Uber drop me off at Kroger, then walked here.”

Mox freezes. “Shit, did I awaken some sort of serial killer shit in you?” He holds out the pocket knife. “It’d be great if you didn’t kill me.”

Wheeler laughs a little as he shakes his head, a glint in his eye that intrigues and worries Mox. “Not my plan,” he says. His steps are slow and deliberate as he comes up to Mox. “What do you say to a little celebration?”

Mox raises an eyebrow. “That’s – that is not where I saw you going with this.”

Wheeler drops to his knees in front of Mox, and his brain starts to scream in a combination of his blood zooming southward and the alarm bells of fucking the guy who just helped kill your husband. “Come on,” Wheeler says, and he begins to see how easily Claudio was seduced by those eyes and that smile. “I can’t be the only one who felt it.”

His hands settle on Mox’s belt buckle.

Mox should refuse. Mox should kick him out, not even pay for the cab, and send this kid packing. He should go back on the promise, should make sure Wheeler Yuta can’t set foot in this town again without getting his ass beat.

“Fuck, yeah,” Mox says, and Wheeler’s hands undo his belt.

Wheeler’s smile feels like heaven around his cock, and it’s only a few moments before he’s in this, fully. Good decisions be damned. He’s at worst a murderer – this doesn’t even make the list of bad things he’s done.

“Get up,” Mox says. “Gotta – there’s no bed in the main bedroom, obviously, but the guest –”

Wheeler stands and wipes his mouth, nodding. “I, uh. I know where that is.” He shrugs, apologetic eyes. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Mox says. “It’s all mine now.” He grins at Wheeler. “Including you, I guess.”

Wheeler laughs as they tug each other into the guest bedroom, bite marks and scratches blooming as Wheeler fucks him into the mattress without a care in the world.

“Surprised,” Mox gasps, scrabbling for purchase against the cheap mattress and bedspread. “When I walked in on you and Claudio, you were bent over for him.”

Wheeler laughs, hands gripping Mox’s hips tighter to drive into him. Mox whimpers. “Yeah, well, Claudio always liked to be on top, didn’t he?”

“He always did.” Mox groans as Wheeler wraps a hand around his cock, unrelenting thrusts meeting focused, concentrated strokes. It’s strangely easy to speak of Claudio in the past tense. He’d expected it to take longer. “Liked his – oh, god – liked his men on his knees for him.”

“Now you’re on your knees for me,” Wheeler growls, and Mox comes without warning.

~

+6 days

The funniest thing about how the memorial service was set up, Mox thinks, is that there’s a massive area specifically for former colleagues. There’s about a dozen of them, and Mox has only met around half. He wonders if Claudio was fucking anybody else in this group, if anyone else should have been in on the plan.

If Claudio lied to everybody about who Mox was.

“Mox?” says a small, blonde woman. “Are you – you were Claudio’s husband right?”

Mox nods. “I was.”

She takes his hands and smiles at him. “He was a wonderful man,” she says gently. “I’m sure you miss him dearly.” Mox tries his best to smile back at her. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Did everyone know about me?” he asks.

“Some, yes,” she says. “But we were all quite focused on the work. You know how it is.”

Mox doesn’t. In his line of work, you often learn who people are before you join them in the ring. “I know,” he lies. “Thank you.”

The line of people stretches far, and Mox is wondering if he should have just had Claudio be cremated with how long this is taking.

And then a familiar pair of eyes meet his further down the line, and he nods once.

He braces himself to meet Wheeler for the first time officially, talking aimlessly for a moment with one of Claudio’s aunts, who weeps into his shoulder until she moves down to Claudio’s mother.

“Hi,” says Wheeler, smiling sadly. “I’m Wheeler Yuta – I worked with Claudio.”

Mox nods, holding his hand out to shake. Wheeler does, and it’s a completely different shake than the first one: meek, gentle. As much as a show as everything else the two of them are doing. “Oh?”

Wheeler nods. “He was a good man.”

“Yes,” Mox says, the lie sparkling between the two of them like a firework, “he was.”

Wheeler joins Claudio’s work friends in throwing roses into the casket, bumping the back of Mox’s hand with his as they pass wordlessly on the path. Mox knees in front of the casket, hearing the weeping of Claudio’s family behind him. His eyes are dry but red.

“Good riddance,” he murmurs, so quiet he can barely hear himself. “Until we meet on the other side.”

He exhales and stands, and meets Wheeler’s eyes one last time.

~

0

“Babe?” Mox yells, throwing open the door. He drops the groceries on the ground. He hopes it’s not suspicious he only got things that don’t need the freezer.

His heart is already racing, expecting to see Claudio tidying the bathroom or making dinner. Maybe half alive on the floor of the bathroom, puking up every last ounce of life in his body. “Claudio, where are you?”

His hands shake as he walks through the rooms of their house. The kitchen, where they’d cooked countless meals: empty. The living room, where Claudio had fallen asleep in Mox’s lap more times than any one man could count: empty. The bathroom: empty. The guest room: empty.

Mox takes a deep breath before pushing open the door to their bedroom.

Claudio lay in the bed, color wrong, completely still.

“Claudio?!” Mox shrieks. He runs to him. Despite how much he wanted this, despite the fact that this was the ultimate outcome, the panic of a dead body in front of him, of his husband’s dead body in front of him, sends shocks of adrenaline and fear through him. He shakes Claudio’s shoulders, frantic, trying to see if there’s anything left in him. His head shakes around violently, and Mox realizes the chill against his fingers is Claudio’s skin.

He makes the strangest wailing noise as he fumbles in his pocket for his phone, dialing 9-1-1 with shaking hands. “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

“I – I came home, and he was in bed – he’s so cold.”

“Who is, sir?”

Mox takes a deep breath, voice shaking. He’d thought he’d have to act this part. He didn’t think his reaction would be genuine. “My husband.”

The next hours are a blur – police officers, EMTs, the phrase, “Dead on arrival,” the bedroom blocked off. He doesn’t stop shaking the whole time.

“Sir, is there anyone you can call?” The police officer – Mox thinks her name was Grant – asks gently.

He nods. “I – my friend Eddie.” He fumbles for his phone. “I – I’ll stay with him.”

She slides him her card. “If you need anything, or have an idea of who may have done this.”

Mox nods absently, putting his phone to his ear as it rings. “Eddie,” he says. “Claudio’s gone.”

~

-5 days

“Alright,” Eddie says. “I got the stuff. All I gotta do is get Ruby to give it to her friend Toni, Toni drops it off for the DoorDash order, and we’re in the clear.”

Mox fidgets, glancing down to the phone, where Wheeler is on the other line. “Are you sure we can pull this off? If they can trace it back to us, we’re all fucked.”

Eddie shakes his head. “This shit’s fast acting and it can’t be detected after four hours, so, as long as you’re out of the house while it takes effect…”

“I’ll be out of there,” Mox assures him. “I’ll run errands or something, be somewhere with lots of cameras.” He turns to the phone on the table and leans in. “Wheeler, your job is to make sure he takes his ass home the second he starts showing symptoms. If he doesn’t get home, the plan doesn’t work.”

“I can make that happen,” Wheeler says through gritted teeth. “He…he listens to me. Trusts me with the gym.”

Mox holds back a laugh. “Course he does. But, Wheeler. You have to make sure he drinks that specific coffee,” Mox says in a low voice over the phone. “If he doesn’t, or if it gets into somebody else’s hands…”

“He’ll drink it,” Wheeler assures Mox. “He always chugs the coffee when Door Dash brings it at 9:45. Like clockwork.”

“Is it the same person every time?” Mox asks. “Because if it is…”

Wheeler shakes his head. “Different people, and he never interacts with them.”

“Okay,” Mox says, exhaling. “Okay, this is gonna work. It’ll work.”

~

-10 days

“You want to what?!”

Mox glances around the sports bar. He’d never be caught dead in here, is the thing, which is why it works so well for cover. People all around them are screaming about some hockey game. They’re completely drowned out, and no security cameras in the place makes for the perfect hidden spot. “He’s gonna keep doing this shit if we don’t stop him,” he says quietly. “And if I leave him, I’m left with nothing, and so are you.” He glances around again. “The only way out of this is killing him.”

“That seems extreme,” Wheeler says, dark eyes panicked. “Mox, I know we both hate him, but – is murder the answer?”

“Legally?” Mox says, stretching out. Wheeler’s eyes slide to his tattoos, and Mox decides not to be too much of a dick about that. “No. Logically? Rationally? Hell, morally? Yeah. Yeah it fucking is.” He focuses his eyes on Wheeler’s. “You’ll lose your job at the gym if you tell him. His next of kin might promote you to manager if you kill him.”

Wheeler’s eyes widen. “You – really?”

Mox nods. “And nobody would suspect it. Not for a fuckin’ second. If I knew about you, I’d hate you, right? That’s what everybody would think. But if it’s you and me behind the scenes and everybody else thinks I’m just a grieving husband promoting my late husband’s best reviewed employee, nobody’ll look twice.”

Wheeler stares at a knot on the sticky wood table for a few minutes. “Okay.” He lifts his head, finally, to meet Mox’s eyes. “If you take care of the – of the logistics, I’ll do what I need to do to help.” He nods. “You swear I get the gym after this?”

“I’ll be owner in name only,” Mox says, sticking out his hand. “I mean, I need a little cash flow to pay the bills, but, other than that? It’s all you.”

Wheeler nods, shaking Mox’s hand without an ounce of hesitance. His grip is strong, which Mox should have expected, but then there’s a fascinating fire in his eyes that Mox wants to get to know better. “Okay,” Wheeler decides, nodding. “Okay.”

~

-12 days

The text comes at 7:30 before his match, when Mox is backstage smoking a cigarette.

“The fuck is that?” Eddie asks, leaning over to check his phone. “Everybody you know is either here or – well, wherever the fuck Claudio’s at.” He shakes his head and scoffs as he takes another drag of his cigarette. “Not here, I’m guessing.”

Mox exhales. “If I tell you something, your ass better shut the fuck up for the rest of your life about it, you hear?”

Eddie pauses. “Oh. That sounds interesting. Lay it on me.”

“He’s been fucking one of his employees. Told the kid I was dead.”

Eddie’s jaw drops, and Mox allows himself a moment to be pleased, because it’s hard to rattle Eddie with something as simple as words. “No fuckin’ shit.”

“None,” Mox replies. “You were right about him.”

“Yeah, but I’m not happy about it!” Eddie says. He chucks his cigarette to the ground and stops on it with the heel of his boots. “The fuck you gonna do about it?”

Mox wiggles his phone. “Answer this text, first.”

“You gonna give me, like, an ounce of detail for what that’s about?”

“This is Wheeler Yuta,” Mox says, shoving the phone to Eddie. “The sidepiece. The other man. The –”

“Fuck, I get it,” Eddie grumbles. He scans the text. “You guys are gonna meet up?”

Mox takes the phone back and nods. “Kid seemed pretty pissed about the whole thing. Didn’t like how he was sympathetic for a widower who was actually a sleazebag.” He looks at Eddie. “What’s with that look?”

“Just,” Eddie exhales and drops his head against the wall. “He fucked me around at the gym, then he cheats on you and pretends you’re dead?” He looks at Mox, eyes bright with anger. “This fucker deserves more than just a consequence.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying,” Eddie says, “that you have a decision to make.”

~

-13 days

Mox is fidgety and panicked outside the Starbucks. It’s probably a terrible decision, harassing this kid at work. But a more terrible decision was fucking his husband, and the kid did that first. So.

He shoves open the door once the rest of the customers have left and the kid, Wheeler Yuta, looks up at him, almost bored.

“Are you here to rob us?” he asks cooly. “We’ve been watching you pace back and forth outside for, like, an hour.”

“Actually I’m here to ask why you’re fucking my husband.”

Dead silence.

The girl behind Yuta, one with brown and blue hair and admittedly impressive galaxy makeup on her face, steps away. “I’m gonna make the guess this doesn’t have to do with me,” she says, backing out of the situation, “but yell cantaloupe if you need help, Wheels.”

“It’s not me either,” Wheeler says. “I’m not fucking anybody married.”

Mox boils with rage.

“Oh, really?” Mox asks. He whips out the framed photo of he and Claudio kissing at their wedding in navy suits with matching floral patterned ties, then the one of the two of them showing off their rings in front of the courthouse. “You didn’t have this guy’s dick in your ass yesterday?”

Mox watches the kid – confusion, recognition, horror. He’s either the actor of a generation, or something far more insidious is happening here. “You’re – Claudio’s still married?” he asks, voice pinched. He braces himself on the counter. “This – no. He said he – he said…” He trails off. “Are you Jon?”

Mox nods slowly, unsure of where this is going. “Uh. Yeah. Jon Moxley. Formally Jon Castagnoli.”

Wheeler shakes his head, then barks out the coldest laugh Mox has ever heard. “He told me you died,” Wheeler mutters. He finally looks up at Mox. “He said he was a widower, that you died in some weird – I think he said incident with a table?”

Mox exhales long at that. “Of course. I’m a wrestler – I had a rough table spot a few years back, but it sure as shit didn’t kill me.” He clenches his fists, then realizes he’s mirroring the kid in front of him. Hunched over the counter, bearing the weight of life changing news.

“We should meet up and – and go over this more,” Mox says. He scrawls his number on a napkin and shoves it across to Wheeler. “A place you’re not at work.”

Wheeler nods, holding the paper in his hands. “Yeah. I’ll, uh. I’ll text you.”

“Hold that thought.” Mox pulls out his phone and changes his Pin number. Now it’s the date Claudio has been claiming Mox had “died.” “Alright. Text me any time. And please don’t fuck my husband again.”

Wheeler laughs, a little panicked. “I don’t plan on it.”

~

-14 days

“How was work?”

Mox does his best to keep a mild, disinterested look on his face as Claudio saunters into their kitchen. He’s covered in a sheen of sweat. Mox doesn’t want to know from what.

“Lovely, darling.” He leans in to kiss Mox, who makes the mistake of flinching. “Everything alright?”

“You’re sweaty,” Mox says, forcing a laugh. “As hot as you are, armpits are armpits.”

Claudio laughs, easy and jovial, and Mox wonders if this is how he feels after nailing the client. “Alright, alright, I’ll take a shower. Then dinner?”

Mox nods. “Was thinking we could order in – I’m feeling something Italian.”

“Hmm,” Claudio says. “I was thinking sushi.”

Mox refuses to let out the scathing remark that pops into his mind. “We could do sushi.”

Claudio empties his pockets onto the kitchen table, as always, and Mox does everything he can not to snap up the phone right now and demand an explanation. Claudio leans in and kisses his forehead. “After my shower, we’ll order.”

Mox nods and follows Claudio with his eyes until the water starts. He takes note of where everything on the table sits, then snatches the phone up. Long ago Claudio had admitted to using his birthday for every four-digit password, and it works in Mox’s favor. He scrolls through the messages as quickly as he can – everything is innocuous, other than his communications with Claudio, of course. Nothing’s in the texts, in the phone log.

At every noise, Mox’s head snaps up and he checks the hallway, ensures he can still hear the water running and Claudio’s warble of whatever pop song is popular right now.

Mox is taken back to a few weeks ago, when the gym had shifted from an 80s playlist to something more modern, and he’s horrified to realize it’s probably on the recommendation of Claudio’s boy toy.

His entire body goes cold.

“Playlists,” he mutters, opening Claudio’s Spotify app. He checks – and there it is. His heart races as he pulls up a playlist called Gym Songs. There’s only one collaborator, and Mox can’t help himself from smiling cruelly. These stupid Gen Zers not knowing basic internet safety. His entire name is there.

Wheeler Yuta.

“Stupid fuckin’ name,” Mox mutters. He opens the Facebook profile attached to the Spotify account and memorizes every detail he can. The kid is 26, works at the gym and a Starbucks around the corner from where Mox and Claudio live. Mox is disgusted even further – Claudio should know better than to fuck a employee. The kid’s got a degree in kinesiology, which Mox will have to google later, from some fancy private school. It stings.

He sets Claudio’s phone down after deleting the search history from Claudio’s Facebook and clearing the Spotify screen back to the home page.

He grabs his own phone, scrolling through random car videos on Instagram just for something to do.

“There we are,” Claudio says, beaming as he saunters back into the kitchen. He smells like the body wash Mox bought him for their anniversary a few weeks before, smoky sweet. Mox wants to squirt it into Claudio’s eyes. “Sushi, yes?”

Mox nods, holding up his phone. “Already got DoorDash ready.”

~

-14 days, 19 hours, 42 minutes, 8 seconds

Mox had expected this to be a sweet little surprise – grab the Swiss chocolates, put the pretty flowers in a vase, hold the card awkwardly so he can push open the door to his husband’s gym. It should have been flawless.

So why the fuck is Claudio bent over a twink-adjacent, too hot for his own good client in the owner’s office, railing him into oblivion?

Both grateful and infuriated by the small door window, Mox hightails it out of there and chucks the gifts in the trash.

“On our fuckin’ anniversary,” Mox grumbles, slamming the car door shut. He can’t decide if he wants Claudio to know he walked in on him, and instead drives himself home to stare at the bed he’s shared with a man he thought he knew.

#wtf i like wrestling now??? #What even did I do here #madly in love with leather daddy jon moxley #in which sara writes #sarahcakes613 #is getting tagged because it was her idea and her fault

[nhasablogg]

The After

Fandom: Stranger Things

Characters: Jonathan, Eleven, Will

Summary: After leaving Hawkins, Jonathan decides it's his job to take care of them all.

A/N: I wrote this back in 2019 after I’d deleted my blog and posted it on AO3 in reaction to the season 3 ending. Now, with season 4 just about to come out, I figured I could post it here. I hope you like it! If you see any weird formatting it’s because I just copied and pasted it from AO3.

Words: 2k

The drive away from Hawkins wasn’t silent. None of them talked, but the small things that did make sounds occupied the entirety of the car, until Jonathan felt like he didn’t fit anymore. El’s deep breaths, Will occasionally sniffling, the fucking car keys dangling from the ignition, and Nancy’s goodbye ringing in Jonathan’s ears. He felt bad for the others. If he hadn’t been driving he would’ve gone insane ages ago.

He glanced to the side. Will had his head turned away from him, as if contact would burn him. All around them, endless trees, a blur of yellow that couldn’t have been that interesting to look at to begin with. Will, entirely still except for his hands continuously wringing the hem of his t-shirt, was most likely aware of Jonathan’s gaze on him and yet did not acknowledge it.

He caught El’s eye in the rearview mirror, but only for a second before she averted hers. She stared at her lap for a beat, two, and then out the window like Will.

Jonathan turned back to the road, cleared his throat, but no words fell out of it. He had nothing. He’d run dry. He couldn’t fix this for any of them.

What a fucking mess.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Will suddenly said, breaking the spell. “Or the woods. Whatever works.”

Jonathan pulled into a gas station only a couple of minutes after, Will slamming the door with slightly too much force as he exited. Jonathan caught El’s eye in the mirror again. “You need to go too?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“You sure?”

She cracked a smile. Out of all of them, she was somehow still the one able to smile. “I’m sure.” “Okay.”

“Do you need to?”

“What?”

“Go?”

“Oh. No, I’m good.”

Her smile grew. “You sure?”

He let out a laugh, turning back to grin at her. “I’m sure.”

“Okay.” Will was quick, and they caught up with Joyce in no time. She’d probably not even realized they’d stopped, which was good. Jonathan was sick of worrying her.

The first day at the new house, too many hours away to visit Hawkins regularly, was chaotic. Furniture being moved around, giving out bedrooms, trying to fit everything in a space they didn’t know. Trying to make it familiar, with a whole new family member being present. Maybe it was a good thing that El became a part of them here. She wouldn’t have to feel like an intruder when none of them knew the sounds this house made anyway.

“Of course you’ll all have your own rooms,” Joyce was saying, an edge to her voice.

“But where will you sleep?” El insisted.

“The closet fits my bed just fine. We don’t own that many clothes anyway.”

El turned to Will, as if looking for assistance. Jonathan was glad his mother was pushing for this, though. He couldn’t imagine having to share his room and having to put up a front all the time, as selfish as it sounded.

“You’re all too old to share a room with a family member,” Joyce continued when Will made a move to speak. “I don’t want to make this worse than it is, okay?”

Jonathan shut himself in his new bedroom as soon as he could, feeling like a pre-teen again. They hadn’t fixed up the phone yet, so he couldn’t call Nancy, as much as he wanted to. He was aware that it was a bit sad that El and Will missed more than one person, but Jonathan had never been much for friends anyway.

He sat on his old bed, looking at the new walls. They were white. Bare. Standard in a new home, but the texture was all wrong, and the position of the window was all wrong, and no matter how hard he’d tried he couldn’t replicate his old space and it was all wrong.

Jesus. He was literally acting like a 12-year-old.

He knocked on Will’s door. “Buddy, can I come in?”

He heard a mumble, and then Will opened the door for him, not even waiting to hear what he wanted before he was walking back toward the bed and allowing Jonathan to enter on his own.

The room looked sad. Possibly because Will got rid of so many of his things during the move, but even the couple of posters on the walls didn’t manage to make it feel like a home. But maybe he was being dramatic.

“You okay?” he asked, taking a seat beside him.

Will shrugged. “I’m all right, I guess.”

“You need help unpacking anything?”

“I’m good.”

“All right.” He leaned back, resting his body on his elbows. “Your bed is so squeaky.”

Will huffed out a laugh. “I should’ve asked for a new one while I had the chance.”

“Too late now,” Jonathan said, reaching out to poke his back. “Oh, hey, I’d almost forgotten how ticklish you were,” he said when his brother jerked away.

Will shoved at him. “Shut up.”

Had the circumstances been different Jonathan would’ve launched a proper tickle fight, but he had a feeling Will wouldn’t appreciate it right now.

“You know you can talk to me, right? If things seem terrible.”

Will nodded. “I know.”

Jonathan poked him again. “At least you’ve got Eleven.”

Eleven. They both realized it simultaneously. As awful as things seemed for them, it was probably worse for her.

***

Jonathan hadn’t spoken much to El, despite her having dated his girlfriend’s brother for a while. He was happy to see that she felt comfortable around them all, especially Joyce, but he was aware of the fact that, if El would pretend to be fine to anyone, it would be to their mother. She wouldn’t want Joyce to feel any worse than she already did. El was a lot like Will in that aspect.

Jonathan frankly had no idea of how to approach her naturally, so he let the knowledge that they now lived together be the main reason. “Hey.”

She looked up from her bowl of semi untouched cereal. “Hi.” “You mind if I join you?”

“No.”

He took a seat across from her, the table small and old and quite honestly falling apart. They smiled at each other, a bit awkwardly, but it felt genuine. They were in a tricky situation, what with suddenly being siblings, sort of. Jonathan had always wanted more siblings. A sister. And he reckoned El having more people to care for her wouldn’t hurt.

“Will and I are thinking of exploring the area today,” he said, realizing too late that this would’ve felt more casual had he gotten some breakfast of his own to eat. “Wanna join?”

That was the start. Her nod, her insisting Joyce came with, and pretty much a whole day of walking around and talking as if nothing was wrong. Maybe that was the first step to things feeling more okay, but he definitely knew that was the start of their growing relationship. Or at least he hoped so.

The three of them started reading comics together. Playing games, sometimes with Joyce joining in. They still hadn’t really talked about everything, but Jonathan knew that they probably needed the distraction more than the therapy right now. They needed the bad jokes, the nights spent cooking, movies, trips down memory lane, trips to the store, the laughter. Will had started laughing again too.

Joyce, not yet.

One thing at a time.

They were in Will’s room, the three of them. They’d started gathering almost every evening, not really doing much, but needing the company as the sun started setting earlier and earlier. Will was leaning against the headboard, and Jonathan was leaning into him, mostly because he enjoyed the way his brother was laughing as he tried to shove him away.

“You’re heavy,” he whined, El watching them both act like fools from the foot of the bed.

“Oh, excuse me. I didn’t come here to be offended.” He emphasized his point by lightly pushing Will away with his shoulder, making him laugh even harder. “Why are you laughing, huh?”

“I’ve never seen you like this,” El suddenly said. She was grinning when Jonathan looked at her. “Either of you.”

“This tends to only happen behind closed doors,” he said, sitting upright to give Will more space again. “I wouldn’t want to embarrass him in front of his friends.”

Will rolled his eyes. “More like you don’t want to act like an idiot in front of Nancy.”

“Nancy knows every side of me, trust me.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Why?”

Will flashed him a grin. When did that kid get so cocky? “She hasn’t dumped you yet.”

“All right, you know what?”

Will’s giggles came easily the moment Jonathan’s fingers found his ribs, but the laughter was deeper, the flailing limbs longer. He almost got elbowed in the face two seconds in, but he reckoned he would’ve had it coming.

“Stop!” Will cried, nearly falling off the bed had Jonathan not grabbed his arm. “Come on, don’t be mean!”

“Because you were being an angel just now.”

“I’m sorry!”

They were finally okay to do this. Jonathan hadn’t realized how long it had been.

“El, do you know about tickling?” he asked, glancing at her for long enough to see her nod.

“Hopper,” was all she said. Jonathan couldn’t really picture that man being playful, but maybe he was being unfair. He hadn’t known Hopper like that, after all.

“Good, that means I can do this without alarming you.”

It was only a quick squeeze to her knee and a couple of pokes to her belly. More he didn’t dare do, but she was laughing nevertheless, hands raised as if ready to fend him off. Will, sweet Will, was still giggling beside him.

*** 

There were bad days too. Days where Jonathan wanted nothing more than to talk to Nancy for hours and hours, but then Will needed the phone, or El, or their mother, and Jonathan wanted to throw a temper tantrum because he hadn’t held Nancy in his arms in weeks and they were depriving him of his sole comfort.

But then he realized it was the same for them. And he also realized that Hopper was gone, so El - and his mother, for that matter - had more to be angry over. Had more to mourn.

He caught Eleven in one of those moments, when the tears kept streaming down her cheeks and seemed to never stop. They were home alone, Jonathan returning to a seemingly empty house and finding El in her room, the door open. She was holding that piece of paper again. The one they’d jokingly started calling the script. Hopper’s words sloppily written down, unaware of what they would come to mean. Jonathan hadn’t read the whole thing, but El was compensating for it by reading it over and over.

He didn’t say anything as he entered. El moved over to make space for him on the bed, wiping and wiping at her face as if she didn’t want him to see, but there was no use.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing her wrist. “It’s okay.”

They sat in silence, El’s sniffling occasionally breaking it, and Jonathan was reminded of that car ride all those weeks ago. He wasn’t foolish enough to think things would ever feel entirely okay for her, and he wondered how many times she’d cried without anyone consoling her.

“You know what helped us when Will went missing?”

She wiped at her face again. ”What?”

“Looking at his things. Remembering the good times.”

El had a box of Hopper’s stuff. Of the things she’d decided to keep. Jonathan had seen his mother look at them from time to time, when El hadn’t been in. They made her cry, but it also seemed to bring her peace.

Joyce and Will found them on the floor a while later, Hopper’s things spread out around them as El told story after story about each item. Joyce put the groceries down and joined, adding facts and stories that El hadn’t known, the two of them crying and laughing simultaneously.

Jonathan watched Will linger in the doorway and reached out a hand toward him. He entered, sat down, leaned into his brother, and listened.

#stranger things #stranger things fic #tickling #tickle fic #jonathan and eleven and will #the after #n writes

[wyrdify]

A bit of an explanation for the stronger depression because I’m an info-dumper, and this shift is boring as fuck right now anyway. Plus, I know it affects my ability to write, and, well, I haven’t done that in a while, which is what most of y’all follow my blogs for.

---

We’re gonna break it down into parts:

Seasonal depression. Winter tends to increase my depression overall due to less sunlight, colder temperatures, and more time indoors. This is something to check on for yourselves, by the way. 

Apartment bound. Save for the one night a week when I get to go to trivia, I am basically stuck in my apartment 24/7. We are working to get my car fixed to help remedy this problem, but I have not driven in over a year, and we’re entering the winter season in New England.

My soul-sucking job. I cannot emphasize this one enough. My hours just got cut again for the week of 12/11 when I was promised they wouldn’t be, and I’m going to have to scrounge around to get them back up to 28.75. That’s all I’m allowed to work, and that’s for $12.75/hour (minimum wage). Management is poor and retaliatory, coworkers/assistant managers micromanage me to death, I don’t get recognition or praise for the work I do---the list goes on. But, because I can’t drive myself anywhere, and other work-at-home jobs that aren’t strictly customer service are hard to come by, I have to stick with it.

December in general. It’s a hard month for my family. Eleven years ago this Christmas Eve is when my paternal grandmother passed away (maternal passed away last year in late November, and I wasn’t as close to her for various reasons). While the wound isn’t as fresh as it was when I was 21, it still fucking hurts, and I still have trauma related to this whole Christmas season that I’ve been trying to deal with. When your grandmother was the center of your family, and she was the one who made Christmas a big deal at her house, the holidays lose a lot of their cheer. 

I have bipolar depression (bipolar II). If you want to learn more about what that means, Mayo Clinic does a decent breakdown here about bipolar in general. I’ve had this since I was at least in my teen years---that’s when I remember the depression getting worse, at least---but I wasn’t diagnosed until a couple of months ago. It means that when I hit a low, I hit a low, and I can stay in it for days to weeks at a time. Hypomania? Lasts maybe a few days if I’m lucky. Then there are the mixed episodes, also known as depression with the energy to act on it (for me, at least).

I’m not out to my in-laws. Because these are the holidays, I’m spending more time around them. I love my in-laws, but they are staunch conservative Catholics, and I’m not out to them as nonbinary. I get misgendered (not intentionally) a lot when I’m around them, and it’s hard. I’m sure a lot of my gender-nonconforming friends here can relate.

---

What I’m doing about each of these things:

Seasonal depression: Being aware of it, turning lights on, and staying on top of my diet.

Apartment bound: Working on getting my car fixed (husband is researching tires), finding opportunities to get out when possible.

My soul-sucking job: Just taking it one day at a time, venting here and there, keeping my head down, doing the bare minimum work wise*, focusing on what I can control, continuing to look for other jobs, working on a loan repayment plan to get my FAFSA done to get college restarted so I can work on an MLIS, not responding to work emails or slack messages while not on shift.

*paying minimum wage = minimum effort

December in general: Acknowledging the grief, communicating about it and when it’s hitting harder, not pushing myself too much. Also going to try and decorate the apartment for Christmas to get some of that holiday cheer in.

Bipolar II: Educating myself on my disorder, therapy, medication (and working with my med manager), tracking my sleep, journaling, writing poetry, tracking my moods.

Not Out to my In-Laws: Husband and I need to find a time to talk to his mom alone about it, and that’s probably not gonna happen for a bit. So, I’m tabling it for now.

---

Doing all of these things doesn’t change that the depressive episode is still hitting hard right now. It was super bad yesterday, and I’m sort of crawling out of it just now. I’m still going to isolate for the time being, especially since I have the Bioshock collection to distract me for a bit (started yesterday, and whoo boy it’s a trip so far). 

I’ll respond to discord messages when I get the energy, and my brain stops being snappy. That’s one part of depression no one likes, and it’s one reason I isolate: I can be mean, and I don’t want to be mean to my friends. My brain goes “Lol no one’s listening to/they’re ignoring you anyway, so go isolate.” You know, that leftover toxic thinking from being raised by abusive parents where I had to scream for even slight acknowledgment. Super fun. I’m working on challenging it, but, in the meantime, I just step away and not talk so I don’t say something mean. 

Anyway, this got longer than I thought it would, and I got distracted several times by work. Thanks for reading if you did. Have Vincent sitting on the internet as a reward.

#thewriter; post #tbd #depression tw #death tw #grief tw #mental illness tw #[ maybe I should make a ''kai infodumps shit'' tag ] #[ I could use it for all sorts of things too ] #[ not just about myself ] #[ like my faerie queene rant ]

[purplesurveys]

1600

Are you going to be busy tomorrow? Not at all. I don’t have to report to work until January 4th, so the next week and a half is just gonna be filled with naps and maybe binge-watching sessions here and there. And 5x the coffee I would normally drink, hehe.

What was the last topic you read about on Wikipedia? The plot to Good Will Hunting. I was watching it earlier with my parents but it’s been a while since I last saw it, so I looked up the plot just so I knew what scenes are coming. Such a good fucking movie.

Have you ever donated money to Wikipedia? I haven’t.

Is your country part of the Commonwealth? It is not.

Around what time of the year do you start your Christmas shopping? I start in mid-November, then I kinda just work in weekly batches from there. For online orders I make sure all my orders are in a week before Christmas to give enough breathing room for shipping; but in the case of presents I can buy at the mall I usually save them for last and just brave the Dec 22-24 crowds lol.

Do you have blinds or curtains on your windows? I have these pull-down blinds that I want to replace with blackout curtains. But for now, they do the job.

What are the most common birds you'd see around your home? Just the maya. Sometimes I’ll spot crows and doves.

Did you sleep well last night? Very well. I passed out as soon as we got home; I got so little sleep in the last two days. But since yesterday was the last family gathering we had to go to, sleep felt so much sweeter knowing we didn’t have to go anywhere else and socialize for 8-12 hours anymore lol.

Did you live within walking distance of school when you were a kid? Not at all. My grade school/high school was in the upper part of the city, i.e. on top of a mountain; there was no way I could’ve walked to it. The Philippines also isn’t a very walkable city in general – you need cars to get to anywhere.

What board games did you play when you were growing up? Nothing too varied. Scrabble was a favorite.

Do you know any sign language? Just certain words here and there. I definitely can’t communicate fluently.

When was the last time you bought new clothes? What did you get? Last week. I was buying clothes for Hans when I ended up spotting this oversized fit t-shirt that I really liked, so I got that for myself too lol. What, other than books, do you have on your bookshelves? My room is in the middle of a renovation so I currently do not have a bookshelf, but the shelves on my TV stand (closest thing I’ve got to a bookshelf) are home to most of my K-pop merch. Do you ever watch streamers on Twitch? Nah. I tried getting into it a few times but the platform is just not for me. How close are your nearest neighbours? It’s just the house right next to ours. Healthy distance and we don’t have to worry about them overhearing our convos or being creeps, but it’s right next to ours nonetheless.

Has your house ever been broken into? How did you find out? No. That is one of my biggest fears.

What do you usually eat for breakfast? Iced coffee.

What's the first thing your hand touches if you reach to the left? My chair. Describe your favourite mug or cup. It’s just a bronze Starbucks cup. Nothing too special.

If you could teleport to any country right now for a holiday, what would it be? South Korea.

Are you overwhelmed right now? Naw, I’m as relaxed as relaxed can be. I’ve really needed this break.

Did you share a bedroom with someone when you were growing up? I shared a room with my entire family - parents, two siblings - until I was 10, which was when we moved out of our extended family’s duplex. My parents also attempted to have me and my sister share a room since our new house only had three rooms; eventually they just had the balcony rebuilt as an extra bedroom for my brother, while my sister and I got our own rooms.

Have you ever had anything dry cleaned? I don’t think so.

How many group chats are you in? Do you participate in them much? Must be anywhere in the 30-50 range. Filipinos love their group chats; we make one for pretty much anything that involves >2 people.

What's the best concert you ever went to? Paramore, 2018.

Do you like to watch subtitled movies? Yes. Everything I watch has to have subtitles, even if it’s in English. I fucking hate it when actors mumble and I end up missing sentences lol.

Are you still in touch with any of your exes? Gross. No.

How old were you when the first American Pie movie came out? 1.

Do you know how to change the oil in a car? What about a flat tyre? I don’t know how to do either. Which is why when we were hit with a flat tire on our way back to Manila last weekend, I only did what any Gen Z would do - post and smile with the said tire LOL What do you do for work? I work in public relations and work with several high-profile clients.

[bucklikethedollar]

i love a tag game i love talking about myself i love @knightrelic for tagging me in this

1. nickname: bucky actually is my nickname! my last name is buck, so bucky was kind of a natural next step lol. even my dad used to be called bucky when he was younger

2. sign: pisces sun, libra moon, gemini rising. i do not believe in astrology and the only one of those i knew off the top of my head was my sun sign lol

3. height: 5’11, but that bumps up to 6’ if i wear my docs

4. last thing you googled: “did chadwick boseman do his own singing in get on up”. my dad and i watched it last night and i was curious lol. for those interested: it was mostly recordings of james brown, but but boseman did do some singing in select parts (he was great btw) and all of his own dancing!

5. song stuck in your head: father and son by cat stevens. i have a playlist called “most beautiful songs ever written” and that’s on it

6. amount of sleep: i went to sleep at around 3, and technically woke up at like 10:15, even though i stayed in bed and chilled for like 45 minutes before getting up, so that’s ~7 hours

7. dream job: tattoo artist! saving up for my third tattoo rn, and i wanna see if there are any shops looking to take on apprentices or receptionists or something as soon as i have the time

8. wearing: cassette tape socks, green pants with a chain for a belt, plain black sweatshirt, red & blue flannel, and earrings that look like i have screws stuck through my ears

9. books/movies that define you: not 100% sure if i understand this one, but i’ll just ramble a little i guess lol. movies: my own private idaho, bill and ted’s excellent adventure, monty python’s meaning of life, the muppet movie, walk hard, the silence of the lambs, the wall. books: house of leaves (mark danielewski), johnny got his gun (dalton trumbo), the raw shark texts (steven hall), the martian (andy weir), the time machine (hg wells), eunoia (christian bök) , frankenstein (mary shelley), the great gatsby (f scott fitzgerald). that is… more than i intended to list for either category lol

10. favorite song: in general it’s the re-recorded version of bloodstains by agent orange, but i’ve been listening to a lot of showtunes recently so hosanna fro jesus christ superstar and try me from she loves me are up there too

11. instrument: i’m mainly a singer & guitarist, but i also play ukulele and harmonica (i’m a bit better on ukulele but it’s been a looong time since i’ve practiced lol). i’m working on learning poems, prayers, & promises by john denver on guitar rn and man is it a doozy. guy fucking loved his altered travis patterns huh

12. aesthetic: i have,, no idea. sometimes (usually when it’s warmer) i lean a little towards grungy, but nowadays i look a little more like a cool librarian just cause it’s cold, but then i tend to look kinda preppy when i have to dress up for something, and i also have “sexiest person at this grocery store” disease so it’s… kind of all over the place. i like fun socks? i wear a lot of jewel tones??

13. favorite author: there are very few authors of whose works i have read more than one, but my all-time favorite book (house of leaves) was written by mark danielewski, so i’ll go with him. that being said, madeline miller writes gorgeous prose, james joyce has fantastic control of the english language (even if ulysses murdered me), and andy weir is fucking hilarious

14. fun fact: ooo lemme think. my belly button is off-center. i can wiggle my ears. my mom owns a car that used to belong to billy joe armstrong and i got to drive it to my senior prom. i can tap dance. i have a small but growing collection of funny mugs i find at thrift stores. i don’t know how to dive. i once drank worcestershire sauce on a dare from my sister. i’ve lived in arizona my whole life but i’ve never seen the grand canyon.

i guess im supposed to tag 14 people for 14 questions but like bracken said i don’t know 14 peoples so i’ll just tag @commander-vas-normandy @mattmurdockspainkink and @localmvthman along with anyone else who wants to do it! :•)

#bucky’s thoughts #probably went a little overboard on most of these but as previously mentioned i like to talk about myself lol

[survey--s]

553.

If you have a job, how long is your shift? Generally I work 5-6 hour days which is plenty long enough considering I’m on my feet all day walking dogs - it’s pretty physically strenuous.

What was the last thing you received in an envelope? A letter about the cats’ insurance renewal.

Do you ever wear your hair in a pony tail? Not really, I tend to have it up in a messy bun 99% of the time as it’s quick and easy and keeps it out of my face.

When was the last time you got a new phone? About eighteen months ago I think.

Do you wear your watch on your left or right arm? I don’t wear a watch.

What was the last kind of pop you drank? Pepsi Max.

Do you think you’re single because you repel the opposite sex? I’m not single but what the fuck kind of question is that? lol.

What language did you take up in high school? I took French from about age 5-6, then Latin for a couple of years, then German for five years until I went to university.

Why are you home? Because it’s Saturday night and I have nowhere else to be lol. Plus I’m out first thing tomorrow morning.

Do you like sunflowers? Yes.

Whose bedroom were you in last? Mine.

Are you counting down for anything? Meeting Reuben the puppy tomorrow morning! He’s not even mine but I am ridiculously excited hahah,

Are you watching TV? What’s on? Re-runs of Mock the Week.

Have you ever been bitten by a mosquito? Sure.

Do you have a sweatshirt on right now? No, it’s waaaay too warm for that.

Where is your ex? I have no idea. I think he still lives in the same town but who knows with him - he probably lives with the latest poor girl to believe his sob stories.

Have any pictures on your dresser mirror? No.

Did you hang out with anyone today? What did you do? Just Mike but we haven’t really done anything particularly exciting. Just chilling out at home and enjoying not having to be anywhere.

Have you had any beer this week? No.

What channel did you last watch on tv? Channel 4.

What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? I have no idea, probably an Amaretto and coke.

Currently waiting on something/someone? Nope.

Last time you painted your nails? I painted my toenails a few days ago. For my fingernails, probably when I got engaged in Lanzarote lol.

What was the last thing you watched on television? Mock the Week.

Is your shirt yellow? No. I don’t own any yellow clothes.

How old will you be in 12 months? 35.

What did you do last night? Watched TV, messed around on my phone and had an early night.

What woke you up this morning? Mike’s phone vibrating for no apparent reason.

Do you sleep naked? No, I normally wear underwear and a t-shirt. I don’t find it comfortable to sleep naked, I get too sweaty.

What should you be doing right now? Nothing.

Looking back, did you ever think you would be where you are now? I honestly never imagined that my life would turn out this way but I’m eternally grateful that it has.

Do you have make-up on? No.

Have you kissed anybody in the last 4 days? Yes.

Have you ever held hands with someone in a car? Sure, loads of times.

The last person you kissed whose name started with a J or R? J - Joshua. R - Richard, but both of those happened about a decade ago lol.

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches? Yeah, by about an inch and a half.

Would you rather be called honey or baby? Neither really, but baby is probably the best.

The person you have the most feelings for calls you right now, what do you do? Ask him what he’s forgotten as he only left home about 20 minutes ago.

Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? ^^ because he just left a while ago to go fishing. And I don’t really feel the need to be in constant contact all the time.

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? Yeah.

Your last kiss meant nothing to you, right? Wrong.

Where is your phone? On the sofa to my right.

Will you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yes.

What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed? I don’t want to have a baby with anyone.

Where did you get the shirt you are wearing? eBay.

Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years time? I hope I’m still married in five years, yes.

Would you ever try being a vegetarian? I was vegetarian for a few years as a teenager but it’s not something I’d willingly choose to do again.

Did anyone call you babe yesterday? No.

Did you ever slam a door on someone? Of course.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night? Yeah, plenty of times. I live five minutes from the beach.

I bet you’re thinking about someone right now? Susie as she just liked something I posted on Facebook.

Are you in love with someone right now? Yes.

What have you watched so far today? The Simpsons and Mock the Week.

What is the weather like right now? Hot, muggy and sticky. Bleurgh. It’s gross.

Are you talking to anyone on AIM right now? Who? Ha wow, how old is this survey? I miss AIM.

What is your favorite card game? I’m not really into card games.

What kind of pet do you have? Any certain breed? Two black moggies (one long hair and one short hair) and a tan & white beagle.

Do you wish someone was dead? No.

What’s your favorite ice cream? Lately coffee or vanilla.

Have you ever given a toll collector 75 cents in pennies? Not personally, but my dad used to pay them in coins.

Give me the link to your favourite Youtube video: I don’t really have a specific favourite.

The last time you hurt yourself-how did it happen? Just getting jumped at by a dog - I think it was Ollie lol.

What’s the name of dance you can actually dance to? YMCA.

If you could have any pet you wanted, what would it be? Another dog lol.

Did you ever have an invisible friend? Yeah, one called Rosie and one called Samantha.

How many emails were you sent today? A few but they were just from random companies rather than specific people.

Favorite sleeping position? Curled up on my right and cuddling my bear.

What are you drinking right now? Nothing, I’ve just finished a Pepsi and debating what to get next.

What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? Raspberry vodka mixed with lemonade.

How many hours of sleep do you get each night? It depends, normally anything between 6-9.

Are you a good morning person? Yeah, I’m actually fine to get up early as long as I’m left alone for the first hour. Physically I’m really productive, I just don’t want to talk to anyone lol.

Have you ever been on a diet? Yes.

What’s your favorite dessert? Cheesecake, tiramisu or pavlova.

What was your favorite Christmas gift you got last year? My dad gave me £1000.

What have you thought up yet for this year’s list? Nothing really, I would rather have money so I could just choose what I want/need over time.

What’s the best activity you’ve done so far this summer? It’s not quite summer yet.

#survey #surveys

[schecterism]

I found a way to move out of my abusive parents house and my emotions are really all over the place. I've been trying to get away from my mother ever since I can remember; my dad spent years trying to get full custody of me as a kid, but of course it never happened since he died before he could swing it. in many ways its bittersweet. I love my mom but I know she doesn't love me. I care for her and yet I know the inverse is not true. and finally something happened that made me realize I stopped caring and stopped valuing the possibility of someday winning her love. my parents have beat me down every time I've tried to do anything for myself. they took the car my dad left for me when he died and used it so often that I still don't have a license at 23 and that the entire car is almost unusable from them trashing it. any time I try to do anything positive they don't let me do it. they treat me like a child while yelling at me to grow up. they beat me down and yell at me tell me im nothing and won't even let me keep my food in the house anymore. so I'm done. I called my grandparents who know my mothers character and know how awful she is and they told me they can take me in temporarily. my boyfriend's grandma, the wonderful woman that she is, told me she can rent me a room at her place for 50 dollars a week as long as I have a job. utilities all included, bed included, most everything included. everyone around me has offered to teach me to drive on their own time, something my mother would never do. she'd even tell me if I wanted to learn so bad I should just get behind the wheel and figure it out!

I'm so terrified to be on my own in the adult sense. nobody to buy me my shampoo or pads or other incidentals (yes she was abusive, but she would mostly get me things I needed so I couldnt say she never did anything for me, and anywaysshe constantly held these things over my head in case i ever 'made her mad'.) I'm scared ill never see my parents again because I've never lived without them. I tell people it's so much more comfortable to sit and do nothing than to dive in to being on my own, but it isn't really true. how is it possibly easier to stay somewhere where I'm constantly gaslit, made to feel small, yelled at, chastised, screamed at for bringing food home, and treated like nothing more than a doormat? it's not. but I guess I was in it so long that I have no idea what life could even be like without it.

and I really love my room. it's my sanctuary and I'm so incredibly sad to be leaving it. it's really something I love. i can't believe I have to leave it and it's so sad that I have to. but I'm not progressing at home. I've spent six years doing nothing but playing sims and crying my eyes out and compulsively scrolling my phone to escape the abuse and sleeping 12 hours a day. they beat me down to the point of never even trying anymore. I did everything for some scrap of approval and when I didn't get it I quit. I quit college, so many jobs, so many hobbies. but I'm done. I'm finally done and there's nothing more freeing and exciting than knowing that I'll never be that again. I'll never be a doormat, a little dog performing tricks, a nail being hammered down, a worm constantly wriggling away from two massive hawks. I'm so excited to be safe. and I'm so so goddamned excited to be unburdened.

it's sad to know I don't have parents. I don't have a mom, not really. my step-dad is nothing to me. they don't love me in any real way or actually care for my wellbeing. they're needlessly cruel most of the time and play games to watch me squirm. I feel like a little girl most of the time now, like I'm just reaching out for my mom and begging for her and pleading with her to stay and be my mom and to choose me, please please fucking choose me over that asshole. but she won't. she's admitted that he is more important to her and that she will never be the mother I want. and I guess I should take her at face value and drop her. im finally done. I'm finally going to be free of her.

#me #personal #abuse #narcissistic abuse #cptsd

[ffrankenffucker]

Love my job. I've been sitting here for seven hours. Literally just been on my phone applying to other jobs that don't make me clock in for 60 hours/week.

#most of my job is sleeping in my car and fucking around for 12 hours #my enclosure isn't enriching :(

[hangovercurse]

Crash Into Me

You’d been MGK’s assistant for years, but you never thought you had a chance at anything more with him until one stoplight changes everything.

Request: “ok im so sorry if this is 2 specific but ive had this idea for ages abt pining!colson x an insecure/clueless!reader who has been his assistant forever. she gets into a car accident and calls him hours later to tell him that a temp will be taking her place for a few weeks (bc of injuries) and he's like ?? why?? she explains nonchalantly, then kells kinda freaks out and shows up at the hospital all worried”

Colson Baker X Reader

Warnings: Cursing, car accident (descriptive)

A/N: This was cute 😊

Word Count: 3185

“Alright Kells, I’m out for the night. I’ll email those tracks to the board when I get home and I’ll let you know if I get any updates for tomorrow’s press.” You told the blond man who was sitting on the couch as you put your laptop into your bag. You tried not to yawn as you heaved it over your shoulder, “anything else?”

You glanced at the kitchen clock that read 2 am and let out a small sigh. You were used to late nights given your job as assistant to a rockstar, but most nights you were able to leave before 8 pm. Tonight you and Colson had gotten really invested in the tracks you were editing and lost track of time.

“Y/N,” he turned to look at you with puppy dog eyes. He wanted something that you really weren’t gonna want to give him. “Could you come over early tomorrow to help me pick out what to wear for the Vanity Fair interview?”

You chuckled, “you know they have their own wardrobe department?”

He sighed, “yeah but you know me so much better than all those stylists. I trust your opinion more.”

You rolled your eyes as he tilted his head, begging you. “Fine, but I’m buying us coffee with your credit card.”

He broke out into a smile, “thank you, love you!” He called as you walked towards his front door.

“Whatever, I’ll see you tomorrow.” You told him, taking your car keys into your hands, and stepping out into the LA night. There was a soft breeze that shook the trees slightly, making you smile. It felt nice outside for the first time in a while.

Because of this, you decided to drive home with your windows rolled down, letting the wind flow through your hair. The roads were pretty barren by LA standards, so traffic was pretty much non-existent. You were sitting at a red light, your fingers tapping against your steering wheel as one of Colson’s songs played through your speakers softly.

You reached to turn up the volume as the light turned green. You pressed the gas, your car moving forward into the intersection. Suddenly you heard a loud squeal of brakes, looking over to your passenger window to the sight of two headlights barreling towards you. You tried to speed up to get out of the way, but it was too late.

The truck rammed straight into the side of your small car, pushing your vehicle over into the car next to you. You put your left arm up to shield you from any flying debris, but it was futile. The infrastructure of your car fell apart at the force, the dashboard collapsing onto your right leg. Luckily, your left leg managed to avoid the destruction.

You could barely feel the force of the whiplash due to the pain in your abdomen at the deployment of the airbag. Glass from the car next to you fell into your car through your open window, cutting into your skin.

And then all of a sudden, everything stopped. The truck that had hit you had stopped moving, allowing you to fully assess the damage. Your car was totaled for sure, and your leg was definitely crushed. You cried out in pain, breathing heavy and trying to see straight. You could hear the sound of sirens in the distance, giving you some sense of relief.

When the paramedics got to the scene, you were the last passenger to be taken out of the crash due to your car being in the center. A firefighter had to break the glass of your windshield, which was already cracked, in order to pull you out. When you told him your leg was stuck under the dashboard, he sent a team of men to lift it from your foot and another to pull you out of the wreckage.

They were all amazed you were still conscious but got very worried when you told them you couldn’t feel the pain in your leg. You rode in an ambulance to the hospital, the EMTs helping pick the glass from your skin and assessing your injuries. You made jokes with them to calm yourself down, something that you did with Colson and Rook whenever they got into accidents while you were out with them.

You thought about giving them Colson’s name when they asked about your emergency contact but decided against it. You didn’t want to worry him until absolutely necessary. You figured you’d see what the doctor had to say and if you wouldn’t be able to come back to work, then you would tell him.

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the doctor said. In fact, you wouldn’t be able to leave the hospital for at least a week due to your shattered leg, bruised abdomen, and concussion.

The leg would require at least 2 if not more surgeries to repair and you would be on close watch for development of a more serious brain injury. After that you most likely wouldn’t be able to be back on your feet for another 8 to 12 weeks, which was kind of a requirement for your job.

It was almost 5am, so you weren’t necessarily thinking straight when you called Colson from your cracked phone. He answered, his voice conveying how tired he was. “Y/N? Everything okay?”

“Hey Kells, I’m not gonna be able to come in early tomorrow, or at all. I’m gonna start looking for a temporary replacement tomorrow if I’m feeling up to it. Oh! And I couldn’t send those tracks to the board, sorry.” You told him, only half registering the words you were saying.

The confusion was evident in his voice, “what? Why do you need to find a replacement?”

You realized you had forgotten to tell him what happened. “Oh, yeah! It’s kind of funny.” You started, chuckling but then realizing that laughing made your stomach hurt even more. “And by funny, I mean not funny at all. I got into a car accident. Some dude ran into my car in an intersection and now I’m in the hospital.”  

“Which hospital?” Colson asked, suddenly much more awake.

“Hollywood Presbyterian.” You told him, “why?”

He sounded like he was rushing around, which he was. “I’m coming to see you.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, “why? I’m fine, you don’t need to do that. You have a big interview tomorrow, you should sleep.”

Colson sighed, “fuck the interview, I’ll be there in a few.”

“Colson you don’t-“ You started, but he hung up before you could tell him not to come.

Why was he rushing to see you in the hospital? Sure, you were friends, but he had much more important things to worry about right now. And besides, you were more casual work friends. He wouldn’t even know you existed if you didn’t work for him. Sure, you had a huge crush on him, but he was your boss, you were just someone he asked to do things he didn’t want to do.

 20 minutes later Colson ran into the hospital room, stopping when he saw you in the bed. Your face was red from chemical burn and a few cuts of glass. Your right leg was propped up with basic bandaging around it. His heart broke at the thought of how much pain you had probably been in.

“How are you feeling?” He asked softly, moving to sit in the chair on your left side.

You shrugged, “I’ve been better.”

“Why didn’t you call me sooner?” He asked, eyes full of pity.

“I didn’t want to bother you unless it was serious. Figured I’d find out if I would have to miss work before telling you.” You said, squeezing your eyes shut as a headache washed over you.

Colson’s mouth gaped open, “you didn’t want to bother me? You got in a car crash and you weren’t gonna call me unless you would have to miss work?”

You shrugged again, “yeah. If my laptop wasn’t completely crushed in the accident I would’ve just found and sent a temp in tomorrow, but obviously that’s impossible.”

“Y/N you’re kidding me, right?” He asked, exasperated. You furrowed your eyebrows in response, causing a sigh to fall from his lips. “Y/N I don’t give a shit about a temp; I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Oh, I’m fine. A little shaken and these headaches are killer, but they gave me a lot of pain medication so, I’m fine.” You smiled at him, your thoughts racing as you tried to figure out why he cared so much about how you were feeling.

He nodded, hand reaching out and landing on top of yours gently. “So, do they have to do surgery? What all did the doctors say?” He asked, worry in his eyes.

You nodded, “yeah, at least 2 surgeries. One around 11 am and then depending on how that one goes they’ll schedule the next. And they have to watch me to make sure my concussion doesn’t get worse.”

He pulled out his phone, typing away. “What are you doing?” You asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

“I just emailed the PR liaison for Vanity Fair and told them I wouldn’t be able to make it to the interview.” He responded.

“Why did you do that?” You asked through a yawn.

He looked at you like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world, “because I have to be with you right now.”

You were very confused as to why he thought he had to be here. “Colson, I’ll be fine. You should go to the interview. You don’t have to stay here.”

“I do have to be here. I want to be here.” He said, sternly.

“Why?” You asked, trying to keep your eyes open.

“Because I wanna make sure you’re okay.”

“I’ll just call you after the surgery, it’s no big deal.” You responded lazily.

He shook his head, “I want to stay here with you, Y/N. Okay? I care about you.”

You were too tired to process what he was saying at this point, so you just let out a hum. “I need to make sure you’re okay. I need to see you being okay. When you called me, I swear I was gonna have a heart attack if I didn’t see you.” He continued.

You were barely awake at this point, letting out a simple, “I’m okay” before slipping into unconsciousness.

 Suddenly you were back in your car, “Bloody Valentine” playing from your speakers. The sky was dark green, almost like a painting. In front of you, the red light turned green. Like clockwork, you pressed the gas, moving into the intersection. Suddenly, the lights disappeared, and you heard the familiar chilling sound of breaks squealing. You looked over and saw those headlights coming towards you, getting closer and closer, brighter, and brighter.

You screamed at the sight, the familiar paralyzing fear coursing through your body again. “Y/N!” Your name played through the radio. That’s not in the song, you thought. “Y/N!” Colson’s voice rang out again before the truck made contact with your car.

You woke up in a cold sweat to Colson standing over you, hands shaking your shoulders lightly. “Y/N.” He said, relieved when your eyes began to open.

Your entire body was shaking like a poodle and your arms subconsciously reached for Colson, hanging onto his shirt for dear life. “It was just a dream.” He whispered as your eyes darted around the room. “You’re okay.” He reassured you.

“I’m sorry.” You muttered, hands leaving the fabric and moving to cover up your face. “I’m sorry.”

Colson sat on the bed next to you, legs hanging off the side as he stroked your face gently. “It’s okay, baby.” He turned to the nurse who opened the door, a worried expression on her face. He shook his head at her, “sorry, she just had a nightmare. She’s okay.” The nurse nodded but stayed in the room anyways, checking your vitals.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled again, the words seeming to be the only thing you could say.

Colson shook his head, “stop saying that, it’s okay.” You pouted at him, trying to scoot over so he would lay down next to you, but it was way too painful. “What are you doin?” He asked, a smile on his face.

You sighed, “wanted you to sit next to me but I can’t move because of this stupid leg.” You motioned to the leg in question.

Colson chuckled, “I can sit next to you in the chair.”

“That didn’t work last time.” You whined.

He looked at you with an expression that was both amused and confused. You were definitely still high on pain medication. “What didn’t work.”

“It didn’t stop the nightmare.” You frowned, hand reaching for his. He chuckled, standing up fully and looking at the nurse.

She flashed him an amused smile, “If you want, we can try to move her. I don’t know how much we can do without hurting her ribs, though.”

Colson nodded with a gracious smile, “hear that? We can’t move you because of your ribs.”

You glared at him, “I may be very high right now, but I’m not that high.” You said, making him giggle. “She said you could try.”

Colson let out an exasperated sigh, one arm going under your back and the other under your left leg. “Is this what it’s like taking care of me all the time?” He asked and you nodded your head firmly.

“Yep. Except I am much smaller than you, so you have less work to do with me.” You smiled as he lifted you off the bed, which quickly turned into a grimace. “Ow!” You yelped and Colson quickly set you down, slightly closer to the right side of the bed.

“Fuck, sorry princess. Are you okay?” He asked, voice soft.

You nodded, sucking in your bottom lip to block the whimpers of pain that threatened to escape your mouth. “You probably don’t remember, but one time you were so crossed that you called me to pick you up from a party. But you couldn’t make it out of the car, so I had to carry you into your house. And then you demanded to sleep in your own room, so you made me drag you up the stairs instead of passing out on the couch like normal.”

Colson let out a breathy chuckle, glad you weren’t hurt too much. He carefully sat onto the cot next to you, pulling up his right leg to sit on the bed. His arm wrapped around your shoulders and pulled you into him slightly. You shifted so that you were comfortable, left hand finding his own left hand and holding it. He brought his left leg up onto the bed so he was fully laying with you.

Your head rest on his chest, a soft smile on your face as his thumb rubbed circles on your hand. The nurse left, satisfied that you wouldn’t hurt yourself further. Colson pressed a small kiss to the top of your head, causing your eyebrows to furrow.

“What time is it?” You asked him, to which he responded by pulling out his phone and showing you the lock screen. 8:47am. You nodded, a frown on your face, “did you get any sleep?” You asked him softly.

“I’m fine, I was asleep for a few hours before you called me.”

You sighed, feeling guilty. “You should go home and get some sleep.”

You felt him shake his head from behind you, “I’m staying right here.”

Despite wanting to force him to go home, you couldn’t help the happiness you felt at his stubbornness to stay with you. “You know you don’t need to be here. I won’t be offended if you leave.”

He chuckled, “stop trying to get me to leave. I’m here. On my own accord, okay? I’m gonna take care of you.”

You paused, thinking about the word floating around your head. “Why?” you whispered.

Colson’s face scrunched in confusion, “what do you mean “why”? Because you’re my friend and I care about you.”

“I mean, yeah. But I’m not like a “drop everything” kind of friend, I’m just your assistant.” You muttered.

Colson made an “are-you-serious?” face and let out a snort. “Seriously? You are so much more than you give yourself credit for. You mean the world to me, of course I’d drop everything for you.”

You couldn’t think of a response, his words making your heart race. “oh.” Was the best you could come up with.

“Y/N, seriously, you think way too low of yourself. You’re amazing.” He said, nose burying into your hair.

You shrugged, “you only say that because I take care of you when you’re drunk and help you do all the things you don’t want to do.”

Colson’s expression softened, a frown forming on his face. “I’m saying that because I think the world of you. You’re the kindest, funniest, coolest person I know. I meant it, when you told me you were in the hospital, my heart almost stopped. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about you being hurt.” He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing, “I wish you could see how much you mean to me.” He mumbled.

You were quiet for a little while, processing what he had said. “You’re only saying that because I’m in the hospital.” You muttered, a frown on your face. You were trying to keep your hopes low, knowing once you were out of here, he would regret saying any of this.

“Y/N, are you being serious right now? I’m saying this because I’ve been fucking in love with you for the past year and a half.” He said and you could feel your breath catch in your throat. “I can’t believe you don’t see it.”

You bit your lip, turning to look up to him. “I just- I didn’t want- you wouldn’t.” You stumbled over your words, taking a deep breath, and starting again. “I didn’t want to read too much into it or get my hopes up. I figured you’d never be into someone like me so I just told myself you were being nice. I thought you only treated me well because I worked for you.” You mumbled.

He frowned, holding you tighter to him, “I am so, so into you. You are the only woman in my life who has ever stuck by me through my worst shit. Like even when I was a total jackass you stayed with me. How could I not fall in love with you?”

You bit your lip, tears threatening to spill at his sweet sentiment. You’d never had anyone say something that kind about you. You’d always assumed people only kept you around because you did stuff for them, but here was the man you were in love with telling you that he cared about you for you.

“I love you too.” You whispered, leaning your head further into his chest.

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #mgk fluff #machine gun kelly #colson baker imagine #machine gun kelly imagine #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker fluff #colson baker angst #colson imagine

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Going Back Home

Summary: Claire never thought she would be back in the town she grew up in. But after her fiancé broke off their engagement, leaving her 5 months pregnant and alone she found herself calling Frankie Morales in the middle of the night, one of her childhood friends who insisted that she booked the next flight out. Trying to fix her life with a little help from her friends she would find out soon that going back would be the best decision she ever made.

Pairing: Frankie Morales x Claire Beck

wordcount: 3.1k

Warnings: more or less unplanned pregnancy, break up, mentions of sexual encounters

A/N: I am a weak weak person so here it is, a chaptered fic. I will try to update this weekly, but no promises. Rating will go up later. I'm attempting slow burn. Let's see how slow lol Let me know what you think. Reblogs are, as always, appreciated 💙

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Taglist in reblog

Even Though most of her happiest memories were connected with this town, the town she spent most of her life in, Claire never thought she actually would be back here. And certainly not pregnant and all by herself.

It wasn’t that she had been unhappy here. Claire just always wanted something… bigger. Something more. Something exciting. After her parents died and most of her friends moved away, there was nothing holding her back. Well, that wasn’t true. Frankie and Santiago were there. But only when they weren’t overseas or god knows where, which left her with her dream of being a journalist in a small town where she had no chance to ever make it.

She still remembered Santi’s face when she announced that it was her turn to leave just before they were about to be gone for months again. She had gotten a job in New York and thought for days about what to do until she took the job. That was eight years ago and they hadn’t seen each other in person since then.

Yet when she called Frankie three days ago in tears, it was like no time had passed. She wanted to call Santiago first, but she knew him. If she had told him what happened to her he would have gotten into his car and gotten to her, no matter if it took 3 straight days. No, she had called Frankie. He had listened to her for hours until he made her promise to book the next flight out.

When the fuck did her life become such a shit show?

Only a week ago, she had the dream job, was engaged and 5 months pregnant.

Claire was happy. Until her fiance came back from a work trip and suddenly announced that he wanted nothing to do with the child and moved out within days, leaving her on her own. Not even his phone number was working and she wasn’t gonna show up at his work. She wasn’t that desperate. She should have seen it coming. John never planned to have kids. But when Clarie found out that she was pregnant he had already asked her to marry him and maybe he was too proud to end the engagement back then. Thinking back maybe this was the reason he stayed. Because a part of him wanted to spend his life with her. They didn’t fight. He just moved out, told her that he would take care financially of her and the child, but that he didn’t want to be a father.

The first days she was just numb. Trying to wrap her mind around the fact that the man she thought she would spend the rest of her life with, left her while she was pregnant with a child they didn’t plan but that she loved without a doubt. That was what kept her going. Her little bean. Claire would do anything to protect her little girl.

The guys to this day called her bean. She found herself thinking more of them since John left. Even without seeing them in the last years, they still stayed in contact. Not a week went by where she didn’t receive a letter. They had a group chat that was only used when they were at home and the bachelor was on. Cause fuck did they all hate that show but they watched it anyways.

Claire was okay with the whole suddenly being on her own thing, until she felt her baby move for the first time and turned in her bed to wake her fiance, finding the side empty and cold. For one tiny moment, she had forgotten that she was alone in a city where she had only a couple of friends who were his friends rather than hers. She had always had a hard time finding friends. That probably wouldn’t change.

Sucking her bottom lip in, she rested one hand on her belly as she waited for her luggage to arrive. She slept almost through the entire flight. Claire had gotten rid of the last eight years of her life in the last 48 hours. She wanted to start fresh. She needed a fresh start. Even if she had no idea how to deal with all of this on her own.

A woman next to her helped her get her suitcases on the cart, noticing that Claire was on her own. Pushing the cart through security she saw Frankie as soon as the door opened and next to him Ben, Will and Santiago who all smiled at her, while she felt the first tears escaping her eyes.

She had met Ben and Will only a couple times, they were living an hour away, but they became part of the group immediately. Once upon a time her childhood best friend, Leah, was in that group too. Claire hadn’t thought of Leah in a long time. She had died in a car accident almost 12 years ago.

Arms pulled her in a warm embrace and even after years of not seeing each other for such a long time, she still noticed Frankie’s scent.

“We got you,” he whispered, kissing her hair. She sobbed once before she was pulled into Santi’s arms.

“Look at you,” he smiled before he looked down at her belly.

“And look at you?” he smiled and leaned down.

“Hello, this is your favorite Uncle speaking,” he winked, bending down to speak directly to her belly, making her chuckle.

“Oh please, we all know I’m gonna be the favorite, hey bean,” Will hugged her.

“Don’t listen to them baby girl, we know they're all gonna spoil you rotten,” she grinned, letting Ben kiss her cheek.

“So you’re staying?” Frankie asked and you nodded.

“I already called some realtors. I wanna get this over as quickly as possible. Already sold everything back in New York,” Claire said, looking at the two men who formed most of her teenage years.

“Okay. Let’s get you out of this airport first. You okay to stay with Frankie? He has the biggest house,” Santiago asked, pushing the cart as you slowly walked towards the exit with Ben’s arm around her shoulder.

“Uh… I don’t wanna impose. I could just take a room…”

“Fuck no. Stay at my place. It’s my Pa’s old ranch. I’m renovating it.”

“What? No way!” she said surprised but Frankie only nodded.

“Yeah after Liz and South America I needed something to keep me busy. Also needed more space for Elena,” he explained. A small smile sneaked to Claire’s face.

“I still can’t believe you’re a dad Frankie.”

“Can’t believe you gonna be a mom. Fuck we’re really adults now, huh?” he winked and Claire sighed.

“Certainly didn’t plan it that way. Or planned it at all,” she said sadly before she shook her head as if to get rid of the sad thoughts clouding her mind.

“I meant it, Claire. We got you. We are bored most times anyways.”

“Hey speak for yourself, Fish. I got a business,” Santi said.

“Yeah. Yeah. Me too. But after work you’re either drunk or after some pussy so?” Ben grinned, making her chuckle.

“So still no ladies in your life, boys?” Claire asked as they reached what definitely was Frankie’s truck. It had his company name on it. “Morales gardening”

“Nope. But now that you’re here we could finally….” Will started only for Claire to look away in disgust, making them all laugh.

“You ready to become a Daddy, Will?” she asked, her hands both on her belly.

“Uhm… of course?” he answered and she chuckled.

“That’s what I thought,” she patted his cheek.

“Come on. Let’s get you to bed. You must be exhausted,” Frankie said and opened the door for her.

“We’ll see you tomorrow for the BBQ,” they all waved. She waved back, letting Frankie help her inside before he closed the door behind her and hopped into the driver’s seat.

“BBQ?” she asked.

“Can’t blame the folks from wanting to welcome you, bean,” he winked.

“What folks?”

“Ya know. Folks. You gonna see,” he looked at Claire. He felt better now that she was here. Frankie had missed her these last years, the couple of calls throughout hadn’t nearly been enough. And when she called two days ago in tears… He would have gotten the chopper and flown over but he couldn’t risk it. He had to be on good behaviour to be able to keep seeing his daughter.

“I missed you, Francisco,” she whispered.

“Missed you too, Bean.”

The sun was already setting when Frankie drove down a familiar path. Claire had spent countless days on this ranch when she was younger.

“How is your Dad doing?” she asked softly and Frankie sighed as he killed the engine in front of the house.

“I fucking hate that I can’t take care of him on my own, but he’s hanging in there.”

“I’d like to visit him if you’re okay with that,” she reached over squeezing his hand and he looked at her with a small smile.

“I bet he would love that.”

“And I’m sure he would have wanted it this way, Francisco. You know your dad. He wouldn’t have wanted you to drop everything for him. Don’t be too hard on yourself,” she said quietly.

“Damn I really missed you Bean,” he shook his head.

“Missed you too,” she let her head fall against his shoulder.

Claire didn’t really have eyes for the house, all she wanted was to go to sleep.

“I finished the guest room this morning for you,” Frankie said, setting one of her suitcases down as he opened the door.

“Please tell me you didn’t work overnight to finish this,” she sighed looking at him. He was rubbing the back of his head, pulling the cap he was always wearing down and avoiding her eyes.

Knowingly she shook her head, but couldn’t help the smile sneaking to her face.

“I won’t say it. But please don’t touch the walls, they might still be wet,” he said and she chuckled.

“Okay. Bathroom is over there. The shower isn’t working yet but you’re welcome to use mine. Will is coming over to take a look and make this one work. Other than that if you need anything just ask. Until you found a place this is your home.”

“You really didn’t have to do this, Frankie,” she said quietly, feeling overwhelmed by all of this. So many things had changed in such a short amount of time for her and she only now seemed to realize that she was indeed about to be a single mom.

“I wanted to. You’re… You don’t deserve to be treated like this. So let us help you, okay?” he said softly and she nodded but avoided his eyes.

“Okay. Go to sleep. My room is down the hallway if you need anything,” he stepped closer, kissing her forehead and for one tiny moment, she felt like the 15 year old teenager again who was crushing on Frankie Morales.

“Good night, Francisco,” she smiled.

“Good night, bean,” he whispered before he turned around and closed the door behind him.

Claire looked around, in awe of the room, the bed looking so inviting to her. Sighing she walked over to the window, knowing she would be able to see the whole property during the day. Crossing her arms in front of her she closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of nature that she had no idea she had missed living in the city for all these years. She felt a fluttering in her belly, her hand wandering down to feel a kick.

“We’ll be happy here, I promise,” she vowed, rubbing over her belly.

She didn’t want to disturb Frankie, even though she could hear the TV running so she just washed herself at the sink before she put her Pajamas on and sat down on the bed. She would unpack tomorrow. For now she had to sleep.

The sun wasn’t even up when Claire woke up. She turned in bed, propping herself up so she could look out the window and watch the sunrise. She had to make a plan. A plan that included finding a house, a doctor and help. Though help would be her smallest problem. She already looked at houses in the area and it didn’t look good. If she had more time she would buy the house just down this road, but there was no way the house would be ready before her due date. She would ask Santi for help. He had a lot of connections through his business. Though Frankie too. Claire knew that he had a little gardening company since he lost his pilot’s license. He never really talked about it, but then again, they didn’t talk that much. She knew that he had some problems with drugs in the past, but that he has been clean for almost two years and was doing better. She also knew that there was a lot more to this story then he had told her. Maybe they would have time to talk. To really talk. Groaning to herself, her quiet and peaceful morning was interrupted by her bladder. Time to start the day.

For a minute she wondered if she could risk sneaking into Frankie’s room to take a shower when she heard music playing. Grabbing her bathrobe and toiletries she opened the door and walked down. Now being really awake she had time to take in the house. It seemed like there still was a lot to do. The walls were still unpainted, the floors still old, though she could see he already started with the floor the closer she got to the kitchen.

Frankie was sitting at the kitchen island, a cup of coffee in front of him as the radio quietly played in the background. He had a serious case of bed hair and she smiled to herself. He hadn’t noticed her yet and she found herself thinking back to all the times she had thought that maybe there was something more in between them than friendship. And maybe there was at one point a long time ago. But that was before he joined the military. She might be selfish for it, but she couldn’t be in a relationship where her partner was gone all the time. She needed someone to be there. Even Though there had been times in the past she had found herself asking if maybe she should have risked it.

Instead she had slept with Santiago.

Yeah, that was a big fuck up. Well it was also a pretty good fuck but it was just once and they definitely were better off as friends. She still didn’t know if Frankie knew. Not that she had to explain herself. Frankie always knew what effect he had on the women around him, and he sure as hell took advantage of it. And now she felt nothing more than love for him. As a friend, nothing more.

“Good Morning,” she said quietly and Frankie turned his head, yawning at her.

Chuckling she walked over taking in the kitchen, setting her toiletries down.

“You weren’t kidding when you say you were still renovating,” she sat down next to him. He got up from his seat walking over to fix her a mug of tea.

“Still hooked on Strawberry tea, I hope?” he asked and she nodded, surprised that he remembered.

“Yeah. Though the kitchen and living room are supposed to be finished by the end of next week. So sorry for the noise in the next couple days,” he walked over and set down the mug of tea in front of her.

“Hey it’s your house. I’m just thankful you let me stay.”

“Of course. Couldn’t let you stay in the dumpster motel in this town,” he winked. She took a sip of the tea and it was perfect.

“So what are you planning for today?” he asked.

“I probably should start looking into houses. I’m kind of on a timetable here,” she rested one hand on her belly and Frankie followed her movement.

“Yeah. I think Pope already called someone for some houses. It’s not looking good.”

“Yeah I thought so. Everything I found on the internet was in really bad shape,” she sighed.

“It’s gonna work out. And if you don’t find something, you’re welcome to stay. The place is big enough,” he shrugged and Claire laughed quietly.

“Yeah I bet you can’t wait to live with a hormonal pregnant woman and then with a newborn,” she joked.

“I lived with Pope. Nothing can be worse and…”

“And?” she asked.

“I already lived with a hormonal pregnant woman. It’s not that bad,” he shrugged with a small smile. She looked at him with a small smile on her face.

“You say that now. Wait till I’m craving your mug cake at 3am now that I’m living with you,” she joked. Frankie laughed.

“Wow I haven’t had one of those in at least 10 years.”

“Well then it’s about time.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, looking at Claire. She looked more relaxed today, like she had a good night’s sleep and he was thankful he put in an overnight to finish the guest room for her. She deserved to relax. When she told him that she not only was pregnant but dumped by her fiance Frankie was furious, yet at the same time he already decided that he would take care of her and help her with everything she needed. It was the least he could do.

Even though they grew apart in the last years, she still was one of his best friends.

“Okay. I’m gonna go take a shower. I got to drive out to check on a project. You gonna be okay here for a while?” Frankie asked. Claire nodded, grabbing her mug of tea.

“Just tell me when you’re going out so I can take a shower,” she said.

“Thank you, Frankie,” she whispered when she stopped next to him and softly kissed his cheek, before she walked down the hallway. Frankie looked after her with a soft smile before he got up to get ready to head out.

Next chapter

#my writing #going back home #frankie morales #francisco morales #frankie morales x ofc #pedro pascal #fanfiction #fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic #frankie morales fanfiction

[pixiedoodlein]

Such a nice few days of delicious food and laughter that felt like pre-pandemic normalcy, only so much sweeter now after living in a vacuum for so long. A went to the city Fri to get some work materials, see his mom, retrieve one of his best friends to come visit. I had a nice quiet time (except for a few hour span of many work zooms and climbing toddler) home alone w/ the kids (school canceled for ice- I love that the snow day is definitely not dead around here). Sat AM I spoke to the director of the MFA program I went awol from 12 years ago; I reapplied and got readmitted, they’re honoring most of my old credits and I can finish most of it within a year mostly from home. We will all spend summer 2023 in Chi so I can do the workshops on-site that I can’t do remotely. She was so nice and amazing and encouraging and I am so excited to have that creative community again.

The dudes got home Sat afternoon & it was so fun to get to be a hostess again, cleaning & cooking & conversation with a very smart very hilarious friend. We ate very much and very well: elaborate salads, chocolate cake, lots of green veggies, frittatas, steaks on the grill, etc etc etc. Sunday A took him to see a cool project he landed, it’s something super historic and excellent for his portfolio, with a very tight timeline (the next month will be hectic, but immediate $; these quick, intense projects work much better for our current schedule/ lack of childcare than him having a FT job). We stayed up late with friend every night laughing and telling stories then A and I stayed up way, way late every night after friend went to bed, talking about my writing ideas, problem-solving his work puzzles, brainstorming the micro & macro of our house plans and projects (there are many to do over the next few years: expanding the living room, putting in gray water system/ garden room off our bedroom, building out the kids’ bathroom and a green roof, digging into a hill for a garage). We are very sleep deprived but as a couple we need those expansive expanses of time to talk and hang out a few times a week or we start to get at each other’s throats.

Friend slept in little guy’s room and my kids both camped out in the living room, they were so cute snuggled up tigether on the pull-out couch with the cat and dog. A and I took turns sleeping in; Sunday I slept til 11, I never sleep til 11! Monday the guys spent all day outside tromping around our forest and then today we all hightailed it out of country wonderland after brekky to bring friend to the airport in the city an hour away (not to be confused with The City, NYC. I thought it was odd that friend was flying to NYC instead of driving but flight was very quick and only slightly more $ than a tank of gas). Then we went to Carmax to sell A’s car and I was shocked that the price they gave was the price they’d quoted online. It’s a fancy make but 100k miles, some big dings (not even dings actually and not even dents- the car is legit fucked up), and a can of white paint once spilled in the trunk, and there’s something wonky with the suspension and the brakes; I was not counting on getting this much for it and it’s a very happy surprise to be able to replenish our savings account & pay off a big chunk of credit cards. We can’t share my Subaru forever & will need to get him another car, but we can share for a while, while he waits for a decent old cheap truck to pop up in a cornfield (one of the probs with fancy car was it’s computer controlled so he couldn't work on it himself, frequent very costly trips to the dealership for big & small repairs, but something older / simpler he can have fun rebuilding/ fixing up).

Then we went to the children’s museum which was SO crowded (for around here) but it was still fun, would’ve been stressful though if we didn’t have a 1:1 ratio. The kids/ all of us were so happy to be out in the world engaging with new things/ people, something we used to totally take for granted. Every time we spend time with people aside from the people in our family little guy makes speech leaps and today he was melting my soul zooming around with the “packpack” he brought full of cars, it was so fucking cute and we really need to get him out into the world more the way I did with M when she was a toddler. Many people were maskless at the museum and he took his off after a few min and I just tried not to panic aka not to think too much about it and to just let him have fun. We joined this museum when we moved here and though this was only our 2nd time going it’s one of those things we’re membership pays for itself if you go more than once so we didn’t feel pressure to stay for eons, we did it for 2 hours and when it got annoying to carry coats & tantrums started we left. A says he wants to bring little guy back on a quiet weekday when M/ all the other big kids in the area aren’t on vacation next week. Oh! And little guy used his first public restroom with a scary automatic flusher today! He consistently pees & poops in toilet at home & at A’s parents’ house when we go to the city for a weekend, but if he goes out diaper-less near our house we are either just walking around our woods or the neighbors’ and he drops trou outside, or on the occasional diaper-less trip to the supermarket he pees in the parking lot before we go inside (I’ve really embraced the whole IDGAF rural lifestyle). Today we had him in a diaper but when I took M to pee at the museum he said he had to and he did! I swear cloth diapers have been the key to his uncharacteristically drama-free success in this area. Then we picked up over-priced but very good sushi, (sushi is not something we can get near home), drove back to the county in the rain, and picked up Rusty from daycare. I figured better to spend the $25 and have him playing with other pups today vs tearing apart the house I just cleaned. He’s generally a good dog now (A still has not fenced the yard but it doesn’t matter anymore because Rusty will run off and play in the woods right around the house but doesn’t bolt too far to hear us or go down the road) & much better than he was in the heyday of hellion puppy era of a few months ago, but he still is a paper shredder, a wood eater, and goes nuts pulling dishes out of the sink and chewing them up if we dare leave him home alone with dishes in the sink. And then we watched movies and kids stayed up too late again and camped out on the couch again. I am so fucking glad I took today & tomorrow off work. Have an epic to do list tomorrow but it’s all fun stuff or at least fun-ish. Our family friends w/ 2 kids are coming to visit in April and I’m so looking forward to having guests around again!

[tomtenadia]

Be my Cytosine

Rowaelin month day 12 - delayed love confession

Ok, today’s title is a weird one. If you have a knowledge of basic biology you will know that DNA has four nucleobases called Adenine (A), Guanine (G), Cytosine (C) and Thymine (T). You should also know that C always pairs with G and A pairs with T but in RNA A cheats on T with Uracil. This should help to understand the confession at the end. In the fic Rowan is a geneticist... ( a field your truly finds extremely fascinating).

Apologies for the biology lesson. I felt I had to give an explanation for the weirdness of the title which is, by the way, also a play on the phrase Be my valentine...

Anyway... enjoy it!

Aelin was at the pub waiting for Rowan. He had texted her to meet him at their pub. She had a tiring day at work and was more than happy to finish off the day at the pub with her best friend.

Aelin was a high school teacher and Rowan was a scientist. He worked in a lab as a geneticist.

They had friends in common, and they met through them but their beginnings had been turbulent. The man had confessed he hated her guts and she had admitted she was not his fan either. The animosity had lasted for about a year. Then something shifted and slowly their relationship settled and they became friends. Until the she broke up with Chaol, he kicked her out of the flat and Rowan had been the first one to offer her his spare bedroom. So they became flatmates and the friendship blossomed even further to the point she could now call him her best friend.

What she had never had the guts to tell him was that she had been in love with him for a while now. But she had kept it to herself. They lived together and it might complicate everything between them. So she had pined in silence. Not even her friends knew about her secret.

*

Rowan was looking forward to meet Aelin at the pub. He had big news and she was the first person he wanted to share it with.

The job offer had been the culmination of years spent on books, his PhD years spent in labs day in and day out and then his currently living in a lab. but all of the sacrifices had finally paid off. He had been offered the position as a lead scientist in Doranelle as a part of the research team at the country’s most prestigious hospital. It was the opportunity of a lifetime.

He had spent the day in a daze.

Now he was driving and he hoped she would be happy for him.

Once at the pub he parked and finally walked in. He scanned the venue and finally spotted her blonde hair. She was sitting at a table with two pints in front of her.

“I got your favourite as soon as you told me you were five minutes out. Still nice and cold.

They clinked their glasses and Aelin took a huge gulp of her beer.

“Long day at work?” He mused at the avidity with which she drank the first gulp.

“Teenagers and their drama…” she explained “and on top of that, parents who think they can tell you how to do the job that you have been doing for the past ten years.”

“Just tell them to fuck off.”

“Says the man who works all day with petri dishes and DNA. They at least don’t talk back to you.”

Rowan chuckled “DNA mutating might be its way to tell me to fuck off.”

Aelin snorted so hard at the joke, while she was taking a sip that she had inhaled a bit of the beer and was now coughing after the drink went down the wrong pipe.

Rowan patted her back and she coughed a bit more.

“Are you okay?”

Aelin nodded “sorry I just imagined a DNA strand unfolding and in cartoon style morph back into a middle finger in the microscope.”

This time was the turn of Rowan to laugh. She loved that dynamic of theirs. She had even brushed up on some of her high school biology to make jokes. Once for Samhain she had dressed up as a Punnett square. Rowan had laughed for then minutes, then went and corrected it, saying that the combinations were incorrect.

Rowan cleared his voice and the atmosphere shifted all of a sudden “I got a big news today.”

Aelin grinned “Spill you heterozygote beans, Whitethorn.”

“I got a job offer.” He admitted, taking a sip of his beer “An hospital in Doranelle has offered me a lead scientist position for their project on genetic mutations. They read all my papers on a specific disease and its onset. Now they want me to work in one of their state of the art labs.”

Aelin gasped. That was an incredible opportunity. She knew how hard he had worked to get where he was and the job offer was the reward for all the time he had sacrificed and personal life as well. He and Lyria had dated for a couple of years until she left him because he was more dedicated to her job than her.

And if a part of Aelin was elated for him, the other, the selfish one, was hurting. He would leave. He would have a brand new successful life in Doranelle. Away from her. It hurt.

“Ro, that is absolutely amazing,” she hugged him hard and tried to hide the ache in her heart. 

“I will need to leave in two weeks. I can move the lease of the flat to your name, I— ”

Aelin shushed him “let’s just celebrate tonight.” He nodded and toasted to a new adventure.

*

Two weeks later

Aelin had begged Rowan to let her drive him to the airport. He had tried to convince her that he was happy to take a taxi, but Aelin had been stubborn and now she was helping him unload his luggage from the trunk of her car.

Her heart was racing. The previous night she had cried herself to sleep. The idea of him leaving her for good was killing her.

She accompanied him to check-in and forced herself to calm the tears that were now threatening to spill.

And when he started walking to the security area, the place where she knew she’d have to eventually say good bye to him, she froze.

Rowan noticed she had stopped “What’s wrong, fireheart?”

Aelin looked up at him, tears finally broke free “I love you.” She sobbed. “Rowan Whitethorn, I love you. You are the C to my G.” She let out a wet chuckle “not A since it cheats on T with U.”

Rowan laughed.

“What I am trying to say is that is you. Only you. And I know it’s the wrong time because you are going away to your dream job, but I had to tell you.” She was now sobbing and Rowan pulled her to his chest “you are the most amazing woman I ever met and I don’t deserve you.” He pulled back but kissed her on the forehead “be happy, Aelin.”

And he slowly walked away from her. Aelin watched at him disappear through the barriers. Never looking back. Aelin cried and cried. She stared at the screen watching the message switching from Boarding Now to Gate closed. She sat on a chair in the waiting are and let her desperation take over.

*

It was half an hour later when she heard a voice call her name. She hadn’t moved from her chair, she just could not leave.

It couldn’t be. He was on a plane.

She stood and turned and saw Rowan standing near the chair with his duffel bag on his shoulder.

“Rowan?” She breathed, her voice shaken by sobs “the plane.”

“I got off the plane.” He chuckled “and pissed off a lot of people since now they have to unload my luggage.”

“You got off the plane.”

He nodded again and took a step to her “I sat at my seat and all I could think was your confession. And realised that I have been an idiot.” He took her hand “I love you, Aelin. You are as well the C to my G. It took me almost to take off to realise it but better late than never.”

Aelin threw herself in his arms and he held her tight “and where else will I find a woman who uses genetics for a love declaration? That was super hot.” Aelin chuckled while inhaling the scent of pine and snow that was so typically him “what about your job?”

Rowan shrugged “my boss was quite gutted at losing me. I guess they will be happy when I phone tomorrow and tell them that I am happy to go back if they still want me.”

“But—” Rowan shushed her with a kiss.

“No buts, I have no regrets. This is the right choice.” And he kissed her.

A few minutes later a voice called him “Mr Whitethorn.” He turned and saw an airport attendant carrying his luggage.

“Thank you, and I am sorry.”

The man grunted something and walked away.

Aelin grabbed one of the bags and his hand and they walked out.

“Let’s be clear, I blame oxytocin.”

Rowan stopped and pulled her to him and then lifted Aelin in his arms, not caring about all the hundreds of people around them.

“I love you, Aelin Galathynius.”

#rowaelinmonth #rowan whitethorn #aelin galathynius #rowan x aelin #rowaelin #fluff

[melxncholymermxid]

2021: A Year in Review

I'm normally the last person to toot my own horn and give myself flowers, but I've seen a couple posts about what we all accomplished this year, and I wanna partake.

Early 2021 was rough. A close friend had recently been in a car accident and without a car. I'd been with her at the time and we worked together, so I offered to drive her around. She has kids so it wasn't just work, it was day care, school, groceries, her dates (she had an awful breakup in summer 2020 and she was starting to get over it), smoke seshes (she lived with her mom and without a car had nowhere to smoke and she needed to to be able to eat/sleep/etc), and any other obligations she had. This lead to having issues with getting to work myself, along with burn out and resentment on both ends in our friendship.

We also got two new managers who came from a less busy store and, to be fair to them, had no idea what they were getting into. I slowly became one of the most depended on in my department while simultaneously getting shit from managers who only seemed to notice me when I did something wrong.

I started a new job in May while continuing to stay at my old one. Haven't done that since I was 18 and my new job was EXTREMELY physically demanding. Between the two jobs, stress and little to no free time to eat, I lost quite a bit of weight. I've always had body image issues and the threat gaining it all back if I quit kept me at a work flow that I knew I really couldn't manage.

At my former job there was a posting to work at one of the locations in the Hamptons (an hour ride from where I lived). They offered to pay for travel and to raise the rate up to $18 (I made 15 and had never had a raise in nearly 2 years). This sounded like a great opportunity. The pros were

A break from my toxic store

More money

Change of pace

More freedom at my new store vs my old one

The cons however clearly outweighed them

1hr drive in traffic

Rude tourists and rich people

Still maintaining my 3-4 am job and barely sleeping before going in @12 (leaving at 11)

Working 8-9 hrs an hour away meaning getting home at 10-11 and sleeping 4 hrs before getting up and getting to my job at 3

Doing the hour drive every day, back and forth because my other job was right around the corner from my place

Not seeing my nana enough and feeling neglectful

After starting I learned that the "travel pay" was deducted from the check, and with the increase of income meant more taxes. In the end I think I made less/the same amount of money.

After the summer was over, and being practically begged by my new friends I've bonded with over the past 3/4 months to stay, I went back to my old store that was just as bad, if not worse then when I left. Another new manager and new hires that did not give a fuck (honestly, I get it) that had replaced all but one person from the old crew. When I returned, aside from getting shit from coworkers who looked down on me for leaving them, I was also alone for 6 out of my 8 hours I worked every night, closing alone. This included:

cleaning the entire department: foors, ovens, fryers(multiple times during a shift if the deli manager complained about the smell), all the dishes from the day (including morning crews mess), tables, the rotisserie chicken warmers(3) in the store, dusting the shelves in our department, and whatever else they needed

Doing 5+batches of rotisserie chickens in a small oven because our rotisserie oven was deemed unsafe by our Union and the store wouldn't call maintenance

Making fried chicken and getting a talking to every time it was empty even though it takes 15 minutes to cook and I could only make 4 packages at a time because one of our dryers was also broken

Spitting all of these chickens plus 3 bins for the morning(45 minute job) to use even though I can count on one hand the amount of times that I've walked in to work with full containers

Doing the prep work our full timer didn't get to that morning (even though when I didn't finish everything she was the first one to bring it to a managers attention)

Cooking the afternoon/night hot bar food, which pre-Covid was a 2-3 person job

On top of the stress of doing all of this alone, I was also ALONE, left to my own negative self talk and self deprecating inner monologue. It didn't help that I only got shit from every single one if my superiors

A rude older coworker who I always hear the shit she says about me from other people

A manager who to this day I still believe didn't like me because I'm black

A new manager who was the most disappointed that I left the week before he transferred to run our shit hole of a department

And multiple upper management who didn't understand how I couldn't handle the jobs of 3 people by myself

After two weeks of being back and already losing my second job, I quit. I was jobless for the first time in over two years. I was 23, an adult, and had nothing to show for it.

I live with my nana because my mother spent the first 20 years of my life being emotionally neglectful and abusive. After moving out 3/4 years prior, she's had a lot of shitty circumstances and even tho our relationship has gotten better, I've carried around guilt of leaving her a year or two after my dad left.

Late 2020 was awful in terms of my body image, sexuality, romantic/sexual relationships. I swore off the possibility of a love life; coupled with the burn out of early 2021 I started to enter my ✨nothing matters✨ phase.

Why was I killing myself working? What future was investing in?

The only positive I could cling onto is that I had saved enough to take a break from the work force. I decided to use my time to look and see what the community college was offering. Seeing as there were plenty of courses that had late registration, I enrolled and started a pharmacy technician program. I was going back to school.

As difficult as it's been to return to a school environment after 6 years of mental burnout from work and adjusting to online schooling, it's the best decision I've ever made. The program only takes a year and sets you up with a job after you complete the course and qualify for the cert exam.

Through the school I'm actually able to get mental health counseling for the first time in my life. I believe in therapy and medicine, but I never believed it would work for me. Somehow my suffering was so unique, I was beyond help. Obviously I'm not "cured", my depression didn't disappear overnight, but just talking to someone once a week who I know is there to help and not judge has made a huge difference.

I also was able to qualify for health insurance, and I have a whole bunch of doctor appointments set up after the new year.

In conclusion (gd this is so long), in the year where day-to-day I felt the least in control and on the right path, looking back now I realize even though its not easy, and there's a lot of work I'm not used to anymore, I am on the right path.

As someone who is incapable of setting long term goals on my own, school gives me a feasible, time constrained goal to work towards, and just a week ago I took a midterm and got the highest grade in my class.

As someone who has felt needy and stupid and wrong my entire life, I can now see a professional and have learned that I, as a person am okay, and everything I've deemed a weakness is just a response to the trauma I didn't believe I had. My anxieties and so many things I'm insecure about are coping mechanisms my childhood self needed in order to survive on my own mentally and emotionally while I was physically being depended upon by my parents to act as a third parent my whole life.

I had a breakthrough the other day regarding my pessimistic, existentialist attitude towards life and also my relationship with myself.

My self hate is rooted in the envy of what I believe I should be and my high expectations that I hold not only myself to but others as well. I'm far more judgemental of others than I previously thought. As someone who prides themselves on being kind and people pleasing and just being a non confrontational person by nature, this all trickles down and concentrates in how I feel about and regard myself.

The person that I hate isn't me, it's the version of myself I've always aspired to. Yet the person who deals with this hate is my inner child. I'm currently very detached from my physical state rn, seeing as I don't know much about her, but I know my inner child.

I know 4 year old me that had to adjust to no longer being the only child.

I know the 8 year old me who blocked out the fact that my dad repeatedly left my mother to raise me and my siblings on her own, on and off for most my entire childhood.

I know 11 year old me who was depressed, going through puberty and was constantly othered in middle school. The 11 year old who just wanted to feel pretty and wanted and had unmonitored internet access and talked to any adult man who wanted to talk to, and SEE, me.

I know 12 year old me who only felt release and control when seeing blood stain my sleeves with holes in the thumb. And later, the 12 year old who was caught and promised that she would start to be listened to and cared about more.

The 13 year old got used to promises not being kept.

15 year old me had to adjust to new people in a new state. She was warned since she started school that we would always move, but after 11 years of knowing everything she experienced was temporary, she had no idea how to "settle in".

16 year old me had a father leave home for the final time. And after mourning the lost of a parent, had to unlearn everything she knew about her favorite parent. While he was there emotionally, when he was there, he was probably the #1 factor in my mom hating her life and not being able to express her love for us properly. I thought for years that she fucking hated me, only to realize she didn't know how and couldn't afford to get help. And the 1st man I ever cared about turned out to be a cheating deadbeat who had no issue leaving the woman he used to love and 4 kids he still convinces himself that he does love to go see family who never really fucked with us like that. He got to have a girlfriend or two and travel while my mom looked for love in anyone who would offer, in return for a place to stay.

17 year old me graduated and became the only parental figure to a 2 year old step brother that her mother and abuser then-husband were too busy to give a shit about. Then I was finally able to get a job, through a very gracious gift from my nana that I couldn't even truly enjoy because mother used to resent me for my relationship with my nana.

I never got to experience a stable childhood, and because of the failings of adults before me I'm fighting an uphill battle. But for all these iterations of me, adult me has to step up. I can't be another adult who let's them down.

I think I've never felt ready, and possibly will never feel ready, for kids is because I've got plenty to handle already.

Not so much a resolution, but some semblance of motivation for 2022 and onwards:

Whether it's work/school related, fitness related, mental health related, etc. I'm not just doing it for me. I'm doing it for the child who had to do everything herself and then some.

Sorry about the long post, if you made it this far thank you, I love you. Have a happy new year 💓

#long post #trauma dump #2021 recap #new years resolutions #inner child work #burnout #depression #anxiety #therapy #college #life update

[steve-rogers-ruined-men-for-me]

Teach Me

Summary: Bucky’s worried about you overworking yourself at your teaching job. 

Warnings: some swearing, cute couple shit

Words: 2014k

A/N: this is my first full fic! I’ve really missed writing just for fun and I have a few more fic ideas and hc ideas in the works! please please please comment and let me know what you think! 

No matter what, you always came to bed when Bucky did. Sometimes you stayed up on your phone or reading but you always at least sat on the bed with him. He knew that you had a big week coming up, with your principal coming to observe you, midterms drawing closer, and your students struggling with the new curriculum the district was imposing. 

You were a high school English teacher and Bucky had met you when your school had put on an assembly about the history of the Avengers. He had noticed you in the back of the auditorium, wearing a soft blue dress and encouraging your students to ask him questions about his prosthetic. He shyly asked Tony to see if he could contact the school later and get your number. He had rolled his eyes at him and had walked up to you and asked in plain English, “The Manchurian Candidate over there wants to take you to dinner. If I set up the reservation and promise to make him show up, will you go?” Your jaw had dropped and you had numbly agreed. James Buchanan Barnes wanted to go on a date with you? Despite your doubts regarding the reality of the situation, you showed up outside the quiet Italian restaurant and the rest was history.

Bucky smiled at the memory of you dressed in a red silk jumpsuit with your hair braided back. You looked like a modern version of the girls he flirted with during the forties. Only, back then, he had been wondering how to get up their skirts but now he was more concerned with taking his time getting the jumpsuit off your gorgeous body. He felt a twitch between his legs and, smirking, shook the feeling off. He padded down to the kitchen, thinking you had gotten hungry. When that search yielded no you, he wandered through the rest of the downstairs. He noted that your car hadn’t left the driveway and checked the calendar on the fridge to see if he had the opening shift at the mechanic’s tomorrow (he mercifully did not). But he took note of how small your writing was on your to-do list for Monday. 

Feeling a pang in his chest, he remembered how he had begged you to let him have your full attention on Friday and Saturday.  While you’d reveled in your domestic bliss, by noon on Sunday, you had been buried in your office with your laptop, surrounded by books, papers, and highlighters. Smiling to himself, he realized where you were. He headed up to the attic loft, converted into your office. The walls were a soft gray and the couch the two of you had bought for your tiny first apartment was squeezed against one wall. 

Bucky’s heart tightened as he saw you sprawled on the couch, wrapped in one of his massive flannels. Your desk light was on and the desk was messier than he’d ever seen it. Your blinking phone alerted him to the fact that you’d set an alarm for midnight, but had been so tired you’d slept through it, a given considering you were working yourself to the bone and it was two a.m. Afraid to ruin your organizational system on your desk, he returned the pens and highlighters to the little decorative cups you kept them in, saved every file you had open on your laptop before closing it, and pushed the papers in imminent danger of falling onto the floor farther back on the desk. 

Content that he had lessened the burden of cleaning you’d have to do tomorrow, he crouched next to the couch. Gently smoothing a stray hair out of your face, he whispered, “baby...come on, get up, let’s go to bed.” You opened your eyes slowly and then jerked upright, sending your phone flying and Bucky scrambling backwards. 

“What time is it!” you cried, frantic. You ran towards your desk, frantically pinging your phone from your Apple Watch. Your clock on your desk blinked back 2:05 a.m. at you. Bucky picked up your incessantly beeping phone and handed it to you as you slumped in your desk chair, head in your hands. 

“I just wanted to get this stupid assessment plan done,” you whispered. You hugged his flannel tight around you as tears started to fall. Bucky turned your swivel chair so you were facing him as he knelt in between your legs. You dropped your upper body and rested your forehead on his shoulder as you sobbed. The weight of turning in grades, making assignments, checking in with your students to make sure they were doing okay, it was weighing on you. Bucky had noticed you sleeping less and drinking more coffee but hadn’t truly realized the toll it was taking on you. Kicking himself for making you spend time with him instead of alleviating your burdens at work, he pulled you out of the chair to sit between his legs, curling you into him and rocking gently. After a few minutes, you tilted your chin up and scooched back. Sitting criss cross between his legs, you cupped your chin and closed your eyes.

“I don’t know what to do, Buck,” you said sadly. You tugged on a loose button on your sleeve, looking like a lost puppy. Bucky knew how much you adored teaching and how much you loved your students. You were always baking treats for them when they did well on exams, buying bagels so that they could eat breakfast, and extending deadlines for the kids who worked. He knew that the American school system had changed since the 1940s and when you had shown him what you had to teach in a week and just how much time and energy went into lesson planning, he almost formed his own teachers union to advocate for you. 

When he found out your dismal salary, he had to take a walk. He spent an hour with Tony railing against your pay and the administrators who punished you for the test scores of students that you had no control over. Tony sat him down after an hour of not being able to get a word in edgewise and finally pledged to harass the local school boards (and the Board of Education if they would call him back) about raising teacher salaries. Bucky had walked home to you pouring over birthday cards your sixth period juniors had given you because they’d gotten a tip that it was your birthday. (Peter helped Bucky hack your Google Classroom). He felt a wave of pride come over him as he looked at you, his selfless girl, thrilled that she was having an impact on the kids she loved the most. You getting so down on yourself broke his heart. 

“What’s wrong with your assessment plan?” he asked, intertwining your hands with his. You looked up angrily. “What ISN’T wrong with it is a better question!” you cried. “The district made the test up and it’s on a fucking scantron because what fucking isn’t these days and it’s not taking into account the fact that school is not the main focus for so many of these kids that have to fucking work and help support their siblings and all they are is numbers on a fucking piece of paper that tells you nothing about the effectiveness of my teaching or the district’s ability to educate them as a whole!” Bucky blinked rapidly as you huffed. You didn’t get angry very often, but when you did and you started to monologue, he understood why you received a distinction with your English degree. 

“Baby,” he started gently, “can I ask you something you may not like?” He knew that you were a planner and that the odds were you were beating yourself up about a task that had taken your coworkers thirty minutes to do. You always wanted to do right by your kids but if you didn’t start sleeping and taking care of yourself, you were useless to everyone, including yourself. You looked up at Bucky through teary eyes.

“Are you going to ask me if the plan’s done and I’m just being picky?” you asked in a small voice. Bucky stood up, taking you with him. He pressed your frame against him, putting your arms over his shoulders and resting his hands on your waist. He stayed to sway slightly, trying to lull you back to sleep and to try to help quiet your mind. “I wouldn’t say picky I just...look. I’m being selfish. I want you to come to bed with me. I want you to play with my hair and whisper that you love me when you think I’m out cold asleep,” he gushed, noting the slight blush that crept up your cheeks. “You are incredible. Your admin are literally fucking stupid, doll. Nothing you do will change that. You are trying your best and if you think that your kids won’t benefit from the 12 different plans you’ve cooked up, then you’re crazy. Your kids don’t need a version 13, baby. They need you whole, in one piece, and ready to fight for them if they need.” He kissed your forehead, trying to ease your creased brow. Giving in to his ministrations, you sighed. You thought about how this plan should’ve probably only taken an hour. But then you rewrote the plan for the week based off of if your kids took a lot of time on the test, a little time, got anxious during it, caught on fire during it, committed larceny during the test and you had to contact the police. You knew it was overkill but you also knew that budget cuts were coming, contracts were up at the end of this year, and you and Bucky were saving to buy a house instead of living in a condo forever. 

“Buck?” you whispered. He lifted his chin off your head and looked down.

“Yeah, doll?” 

You felt the exhaustion settle into you all at once. “Can we go to bed?” 

Picking you up and putting you in a fireman’s carry, Bucky held you the whole way down to your bedroom. He pulled out a shirt of his for you to sleep in while you brushed your teeth and rinsed off in the shower. He walked in right as you were towelling off and he slipped it over your head with ease. He offered to blow dry your hair but you declined, favoring slipping into a warm sleep with him. He cuddled you close, forgoing asking you to play with his hair in favor of trying to hug all the pride he felt about you into your body via osmosis. Your head was resting soft on his chest, one arm curled protectively around his torso. His metal arm was tucked up and around your shoulders, keeping you comfortable. His flesh hand caressed your arm around him to remind you that he would always be there for you. He loved you more than anything. As your breathing evened and his hand on your side rose in gentle time with your breath, he decided that he was going to call Tony tomorrow. He knew a few people who owed him from his time as the Winter Soldier and if they didn’t want their dirty laundry exposed, dammit he was going to make someone in the district fix the stupid test until it worked how you wanted it to work. He hugged you closer to him, giving you one final squeeze before he started drifting off to sleep. He slipped into a dream where he was a professor and you a naughty schoolgirl and he had just convinced you to bend over to pick something up behind his desk when...a loud snore from you jolted him back to the reality of his exhausted teacher girlfriend wearing his baggy shirt, with hair going every which way. There was no plaid skirt here. Only love and admiration. Bucky kissed your temple and willed sleep to come again. 

#buckybarnes #bucky barnes headcanons #bucky x reader #buckybarnes x reader #bucky barnes fluff