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slashingdisneypasta · 1 year

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Non / Disney Villains x Reader || Headcanons [PART 2]

More characters, more kinks- I hope you find something here! ^^ A part 2 to this post.

Topic: SMUT- again.

Warnings/kinks: NOT. SFW, I can tell ya that much!! Ruts, panty-sniffing and stealing, somnophillia, sex work, alien fucking, probable size difference, riding, tentacle sex, dub-con roleplay, cybug!king candy/turbo??, legit breeding, referenced non-con (Just saying you couldn't get away if you wanted to), monster fucking, one-night-stand, orgasm denial and edging, dumbification and teasing, hypnotism and possible non-con, voice kink, betrothal, age difference, sexual sacrifice?, Step Mother/Step 'Child' (Not really a child!!!! An adult!!!!!), finger-sucking kink, and manhandling.

Includes: Sheriff of Nottinhgam, Mr Scroop, Captain Gantu, Scar, Wheezy Weasel, Ursula, King Candy, Eris (Sinbad; Legend of the Seven Sea's), Steelbeak (2017), Smartass Weasel, Kaa, Shere Khan, Mr Swackhammer, Shan Yu, Queen Narissa, Prince John, and Oogie Boogie.

Okay, the Sheriff of Nottingham may not seem to be the type to be hounded by his animal instincts but he does indeed experience heats. It starts out pretty tame, he just starts to particularly enjoy your smell when you're around, getting a little more touchey feely with you and perking up when you're around- but then he's taking your underwear to work and visiting you multiple times throughout the day, and finally- he's got his snout buried in between your legs when you wake up in the morning. He couldn't help himself!, sorry.

The next time that Silver's crew turns up at your work (The Brothel), its Scroop that gets to you first. Now 'kind' is not a word you would use to describe this one but he is still experienced- the way that old alien uses your body that night is damn practised. He roughly spreads your legs to the perfect angles to receive his selfish thrusts, the mean smirk on his face punctuates all the awful things he says to you in just a way that has you even more turned on, and the cold way he looks at you sends tingles straight up your spine. When he leaves in the morning, the only tip he offers you is a warning not to leave here- he'll be back sometime.

I know someone has mentioned this before, but riding Captain Gantu?? He is so stressed and just needs to be enveloped by something nice, and hot, and all-encompassing for a good long while. Your cunt/ass is his first choice, so impale yourself on his huge cock and slowly rock your hips. Don't let it go too quick, either- Make it last for hours, just live with the full feeling for as long as you can. And watch the stress leave his body.

Scar's a dom but he expects you to do all the work- And call him your majesty, hm? The only time that he'll service you, is when he thinks you're going to leave him or he wants something from you. Then the manipulative little shit will prove how king-like he really actually is... at oral. His licks dipping into you/leading up your length are lazy but deep, and purposeful, and strong, and he takes his damn time, too- dragging out your pleasure and your perfect orgasm until you're twitching and writhing underneath him. Until he's good and ready (A.K.A, when he's sure you're so absolutely tongue-drunk you'll agree to anything). And oh, he loves the sight of you like this. He thinks, maybe he should do this more often... then shrugs. We'll see.

Another lazy one is Wheezy. You wouldn't think he has much sex drive, and to be honest it is rather low- or was. When he saw you, though, he knew he wanted you. And he wanted to make you feel good. He wont lift a finger until he deems it necessary, those cold eyes just watching you undress while he stands fully clothed and smokes, the tiniest smirk on his face. He might feel tired enough to even just keep standing there and let you suck him off, first. But then he knows he has to give back, though, so lie down now baby. Spread your pretty legs. Or he'll sit down at the edge of the bed himself and pat his lap, getting you to straddle him and ride him. His movements will be slow, but methodical.

And we've reached the tentacle sex and roleplay segment- with Ursula, of course. You get to be the innocent beach-goer and she gets to feel you up like you don't know eachother. Imagine you're relaxing, laying on a rock a little further out from the beach, in the deeper waters, with your eyes closed against the warm sun when something tubular and slimy prods and slips around the confines of your bikini bottoms- enough creeping over you lips. Because she's lubed up quite enough from being underwater and you've been slowly getting wetter and wetter waiting on her, it doesn't take long at all before one fat tentacle is pumping into and massaging your meaty walls, your back arched up, your shaking hands gripping at the rock and the towel beneath you and your moans muffled by the second tentacle gripping and squeezing around your mouth. Your orgasm is silent, explosive, and Ursula promises more later before disappearing back into the depths of the sea..

CYBUG KING CANDY FUCKS LIKE A DAMN RABBIT. Any time and anywhere- you are his mate and sometimes he wants you so bad that he drools... Luckily for him- he's so ginormous that you couldn't get away from him even if you wanted to. So he has you. And he can take you and shove his huge, seemingly eternally hard cock into your tiny perfect hole whenever he pleases- which is very very often. Also every time he mates with you, the intent is to breed, to make a horde of little him's and you's, because you're just so perfect and he loves you and- godddddddddddddddd he wants you so bad. Lay down gum drop, he needs you again now~

Like with Sinbad, Eris makes it no secret that she wants you. It probably wouldn't change her intent to use you and probably ruin your life for some chaos~~ But if you wanted to, she would happily spend a night with you. Unlike Sinbad? You go for it. Her mouth tastes sweet like ambrosia and she kisses deeply, stroking your tongue almost soothingly... before she edges you for hours, denying your orgasm until you cry for her. She's the goddess of chaos, cutie... what'd you expect? She's going to destroy you.

Oh my goodness, Syndrome is such a dick. He has you, his assistant and lover, going about business (At MEETINGS, with important potential BUYERS) with a powerful vibrator inside you that he has the remote for in his pocket. Most of the day its on, but on a lower mode, just steadily turning you on and making you sensitive so when other people ask you for things they find that you act... really nervous, and awkward. They figure its just nerves, though. Syndrome'll turn it up so you're dangerously close to just cumming on the spot when he asks you for something and you'll feel his eyes and smug smirk on you as you go to do that thing, legs shaking and just desperately trying to control yourself. And no- you cant go to the bathroom. This is very important meeting, Y/N. Damn.

Steelbeak LOVES dumbification. Just making you as cock-drunk (1) as fucking possible so he's the smart one, for once. And he's a big guy- so he can absolutely plow you until you're absolute mush. Definitely takes advantage of that, because he just Loves having you whine and not even be able to answer the simplest of questions as he slows down again to a terribly maddening speed and tucks some hair behind your ear- like what's four plus four baby??... What's our address?? Sugar, where we at right now? ... What time is it? ... Heh, no baby that's so wrong! He'll chuckle, when all you can manage is to beg him and call his name, squeezing tight around him. With you grinding against him and clenching him so freaken good he wont be able to hold off from giving you what you want for too long, but- It gives him such a trip and makes him so happy while it lasts. So when he gives you that look at the end of the day... you know you're in for a long night.

On how Smartass listens to Greasy a whole lot more then anyone thought: You thought being with the gangster was going to pretty boring; You know, vanilla. You would get undressed, you'd kiss, he'd get off and you would fake it. But... good lord, you haven't even managed to get all your clothes off and you've already had an orgasm?? And he's not done???? Smartass knows exactly where the erogenous zones are and abuses them relentlessly. He's not gentle, of course, he touches your skin roughly and sneers in your face- but good god the way he uses his tongue is downright disgusting. In a textbook way, because he's not a big fuckboy and he just knows this stuff in theory- but fuck! it works.

Kaa... well I think you know where we're going with this one. You know we had to discuss it. Kaa and Hypnotism~~ Whether you're going into it having asked him for it, having wandered into the depths of the jungle in search for him, or you're just a poor~ unfortunate~ lost soul that accidentally found yourself in his coils- you will be totally at his mercy. This snake has a dark, dirty, demented mind despite the gentle sound of his voice, and he'll have plenty of creative ideas for what you can do for him: Starting with bending over at the waist to pick some flowers for him like a sweetheart while he 'watches over you'~ to holding your own legs open nice and wide for him~

Shere. Khan's. Voice. He knows what his voice does to you, and he definitely abuses the advantage. He loves to prowl up silently behind you when your attentions are preoccupied and speak directly into your ear- making your squeak, or gasp, or sigh. Its just adorable. He also talks a lot during your private times~ together; Giving you directions, like- raise your behind, darling., Open your mouth, would you~ , and Take a walk, darling... lets see if you struggle at all. If not... well we aren't finished with each other, are we?

Imagine being the only other Larger Sized One of the alien species on moron mountain- this is because of evolution. And it means that you're supposed to be sacrificed married to Swackhammer. Become his partner. Now, imagine your wedding night. You don't know him very well, you've barley spent any real time with him... and he's peeling away your clothes and touching you like he owns you. Like you're his. He smokes in your face, too, and presses his mouth to your skin greedily, licking up and tasting you. And yet... you find yourself keening into him, arching your back towards him, moaning into his mouth... is this biology, or do you like this gross old man???

You're a sacrifice to Shan Yu from the people in a village who desperately want to be safe. So they take you from your bed one night, and throw you out into the snow before him in just your sleep-wear. You willingly, though, go with him when he flashes a dark smirk down. You willingly sleep in the same tent as him. And you willingly allow him to take you inside it every night, moaning loud enough to keep the other men awake. Since you were a virgin when you were given over, you know only the pleasures that he can provide to you and you know that makes you the naïve, sweet, innocent one of the group of men around you everyday, and you do get teased (And desired. Coveted. Watched). But when Shan Yu has you moaning like a very common whore in the nights, his mouth worshipping your cunt/cock or his powerful manhood grinding against you- you cant bring yourself to give a fuck.

Oh my lord- Step Mother Queen Narissa!! Your father is a King, and she married him to develop her wealth and power, but you're the one that truly intrigued her. You reminded her of herself, when she was younger... prettier... untouched. Well... mostly untouched. Her fingers are buried inside you/curled firmly around you most every night, but... that's just a little fun between the two of you.

Prince John for sure has a finger sucking kink, for sure. Just tuck your thumb over his bottom teeth while you stroke him down there, or offer your pinky to him while your other slips under his tunic, or have him clean up all your fingers after he made a mess of them. He's quite good at it.

Oogie Boogie and manhandling!!! Yes!!! I've read stuff with this before but I love it. He throws you around like a sack of potatoes! Wrapping his canvas arm around your wrist or your waist and tugging you in quite suddenly against him, shoving you down onto that table so he can 'assess' you~, dragging you to him from across the floor or that table by your leg, grabbing you and twirling you back to him as if its all just a game... Anything to keep you close, keep his face and his chuckles against your neck, his 'hand' pressed against your hot as fuck crotch.

(... yeahhh that pun may have been intended)

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destinylightsup-2006 · 5 months

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My Naughty List for Christmas (2023)

Here are the characters I think they're naughty. (As some of them are, and bullies too)

Mr. Krabs (SpongeBob SquarePants)

Plankton (SpongeBob SquarePants)

Bubble Bass (SpongeBob SquarePants)

Hades, Pain and Panic (Hercules)

King K. Rool (Donkey Kong)

Eric Cartman (South Park)

Peter Griffin (Family Guy)

Carter Pewterschmidt (Family Guy)

Bertram (Family Guy)

Penelope (Family Guy)

Jeffery Fecalman (Family Guy)

Chili Pepper Cookie (Cookie Run)

Devil Cookie (Cookie Run)

Licorice Cookie (Cookie Run)

Twizzly Gummy Cookie (Cookie Run)

Custard Cookie (Cookie Run)

Dr. Evilglaze (Cookie Run)

Shacka Rocka (Cookie Run)

Abalone Cookie (Cookie Run)

Princess Morbucks (Powerpuff Girls)

Nui Harime (Kill la Kill)

Evelyn Claythorne (Meta Runner)

Roman Torchwick (RWBY)

Tyrian Callows (RWBY)

Cardin Winchester (RWBY)

Red Prince (RWBY)

Jacques Schnee (RWBY)

Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel)

Blitzo (Helluva Boss)

Verosika Mayday (Helluva Boss)

Vector Perkins (Despicable Me)

Balthazar Bratt (Despicable Me)

Scarlet Overkill (Despicable Me)

.GIFfany (Gravity Falls)

Scanty and Kneesocks (Panty & Stocking)

Flim and Flam (My Little Pony)

Cozy Glow (My Little Pony)

Storm King (My Little Pony)

Prince Blueblood (My Little Pony)

Lighting Dust (My Little Pony)

Mane-Iac (My Little Pony)

Suri Polomare (My Little Pony)

Gladmane (My Little Pony)

Sludge (My Little Pony)

Sideshow Bob (The Simpsons)

Snake Jailbird (The Simpsons)

Fat Tony (The Simpsons)

Lyle Lanley (The Simpsons)

Chick Hicks (Cars)

Gaston LeGume (Beauty and the Beast)

Lord Farquaad (Shrek)

Rumpelstiltskin (Shrek)

Big Jack Horner (Puss in Boots)

Lifty and Shifty (Happy Tree Friends)

Aku (Samurai Jack)

Bender Rodriguez (Futurama)

Gruntilda (Banjo Kazooie)

Professor Poopypants (Captain Underpants)

Nabbit (Super Mario)

Phantom of the Bwahpera (Super Mario)

Mayor Shelbourne (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)

Eustace Bagge (Courage the Cowardly Dog)

Bendy (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

Kaos (Skylanders)

Gallaxhar (Monsters vs. Aliens)

Chris McLean (Total Drama)

Flintheart Glomgold (The DuckTales)

Bradford Buzzard (The DuckTales)

Dr. Facilier (The Princess and the Frog)

Percival C. McLeach (The Rescuers)

Lord Hater and Commander Peepers (Wander Over Yonder)

Aloysius O'Hare (The Lorax)

Harry and Marv (Home Alone)

Slappy the Dummy (Goosebumps)

Marx (Kirby)

Mr. Swackhammer (Looney Tunes)

Al-G Rhythm (Looney Tunes)

Junko Enoshima (Danganronpa)

Swagmaster6969696969 (SMG4)

Francis (SMG4)

Sir Benedict Cumbersnatch (Sunset Paradise)

Scar (The Lion King)

Starscream (Transformers)

Airachnid (Transformers)

Roger Smith (American Dad!)

Zim (Invader Zim)

M3gan

Trevor Philips (Grand Theft Auto)

Diesel 10 (Thomas & Friends)

Splatter and Dodge (Thomas & Friends)

Arry and Bert (Thomas & Friends)

Turbo (Wreck-it Ralph)

Syndrome (The Incredibles)

The Underminer (The Incredibles)

Bon Voyage (The Incredibles)

Kahmunrah (Night at the Museum)

Tighten (Megamind)

Bob Velseb (Spooky Month)

Oogie Boogie (The Nightmare Before Christmas)

NOTE: I do not own everything

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disney-afternoon-pictures · 2 years

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Worst Disney Remakes

I am not really excited for the remake of The Little Mermaid, I’ll take the upcoming Disney Junior TV show based on the 1989 movie. Anyways, here’s a list of terrible remakes to Disney movies.

1. Alice in Wonderland This movie kicked off the trend of making remakes to Disney movies common, and that’s not good. This movie should have been a live action/stop motion hybrid, because most of Tim Burton’s animated movies are stop motion. Face it, Tim Burton should do like Jack Skellington, and try to set things right. You know, have remakes to Disney movies very rare. That way, we’d focus more on live action Disney originals.

2. Beauty and the Beast It was coming in 2017, and everyone was very excited for it. I have read that according to Chris Plante, that if Disney keeps beating every other movie studio, eventually, they’ll buy one movie studio, and keep doing so by 2040, and they’ll become a single major studio. I tried to warn everyone not to watch this movie, but they wouldn’t listen and watched it anyway. Later on, I thought Disney wasn’t going to buy a major studio because it was 2017, but Disney was going to buy 20th Century Fox, and they completed it 2 years later. (They should have waited til 2025.)

3. Dumbo This is a live action remake nobody wanted because the original movie was just to cute for little kids. This remake has no stork, no crows, and no Timothy Q. Mouse. It had Danny Devito, the voice of the Lorax from the movie of the same name, Phil from Hercules, and Mr. Swackhammer from Space Jam, and Michael Keaton, the man who portrayed Beetlejuice and Batman. Take it from Dumbo and Alice, they both never saw Platinum DVD’s, and they had remakes directed by Tim Burton. I know it isn’t crazy, and I am not crazy, so there!

4. Aladdin Here is another terrible remake of a Disney Renaissance film, it’s pointless, Mena Massoud did a terrible job as the title hero, Will Smith has been playing as the Genie with no charisma, and there was no Prince Achmed. Here’s a fun tidbit, Alan Tudyk, the man who appeared in every Disney canon film since Wreck-It Ralph, voices Iago the parrot. There’s an annoying new character in that movie, and that is Dalia, and that isn’t good, plus Jasmine is worse that Theme Park Jasmine’s current design. (Disney should bring back original theme park Jasmine because she’s supposed to look like her in the 1992 movie.)

5. The Lion King This is an article on the highest grossing movie of all time, but it’s a bad one. It’s an argument between live action and animation, just like Bee Movie, and Lightyear, It has a bad direction on vocal performances, it made pointless changes to some elements, it’s out of place, and lacks the charm of the original. If there would be more Lion King movies, I’d swear there should be spinoffs made by Walt Disney Animation Studios, which should do better, because The Lion King is the Disney franchise that will never end, just like Toy Story. That’s enough, on to the next one. By the way, Donald Glover, the man who played Simba, used himself as a shield on Chloe Bailey’s sister Halle, the one who’s playing Ariel in The Little Mermaid remake.

6. Lady and the Tramp This one is the first Disney remake to hit Disney+. It isn’t as good as the original, it’s unfair, and there is no original bad kitty song. The original is more faithful and true, while the remake isn’t as such. It isn’t meant to be the same. (What a shame)

7. Mulan This one is a remake to the 1998 movie, but it isn’t very good. There are no ancestors, no Li Shang, no Cri Kee, not even Mushu.It’s pretty bad for the Uyghurs, because in the 1950′s, the Chinese invaded their land. Also, is was misrated PG-13, because it’s supposed to get the PG rating. According to The abridged history of Disney, 2015–2040 AD , there is a joke about this movie getting a sequel in the Stop what you're doing and listen to Blue Ivy's mega hit, "I Am Destiny's Child" segment, but however, the joke is coming true! So, tell Niki Caro that we don’t want a sequel to this, because this was a box office bomb.

8. Pinocchio The recent remake I thought was going to turn out the best. I was wrong, it turned out the worst. The reason is it lacks the charm of the original, the CGI animals look creepy, the Blue Fairy was criticized for being blackwashed, and it was Robert Zemeckis’ abysmal directing. The previous offering, Mars Needs Moms bombed so badly, it killed the studio ImageMovers digital, resulting in the cancellation of the remake of the non Disney movie, Yellow Submarine. Now that movie was a failure, just tell Disney we don’t want any remakes to Lilo & Stitch, Robin Hood, The Rescuers, Oliver and Company, and Tarzan. Now that this is done, let’s get to the conclusion

Conclusion Now that we are finished let’s talk about that upcoming Disney remake that I’m not excited for, you know it, it’s the remake to The Little Mermaid. I didn’t want to bring the photo cause I can’t even bear to look.The reason is that Rob Marshall blackwashed this character.

That’s right I’m talking about Ariel. The Ariel that’s not shown is black and has dreadlocks, and the Ariel that’s shown is white and doesn’t have dreadlocks. The reason is I would’ve loved to have Zendaya Coleman cast as Ariel, but she wasn’t in the mood for it. However, Chloe Bailey’s sister, Halle was chosen because she was talented, and she had nice singing voice. (I’m assuming that Marshall found the Bailey sisters by watching online videos on YouTube or something.) I predict for the remake, that it’s going to get worse, and I don’t want the original Ariel to be replaced. I am however looking forward to the second TV show based on the 1989 movie, on which I hope we will see the Ariel that’s shown. Hopefully she could be either be a little kid or a teenager, but we’ll have to wait for now. Thank you for reading, hope you’ve refreshed your memory on these, hope this has been a long time, so see you, bye.

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valefars-ghoul-outback · 1 year

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Did some Nerdluck/Monstar incorrect quotes

This is gonna be a train wreck, but fuck it! We ball!

Pound: Tell them to eat shit, Bang.

Bang: Tell them yourself.

Pound: Eat shit, asshole. Fall off your horse.

…

Bupkus: Would you like something to drink? *it opens the fridge* We have water, milk, juice, spiders, Dr. Pepper-

Pound: Spiders?

Bupkus: Spiders it is then.

Pound: No, that wasn’t-

*But it was already pouring her a brimming glass of spiders…*

…

Pound: I’m telling you, my team is competent.

Nawt, rushing in: Pound! Blanko tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now everything's broken!

…

Pound: They... Well, I wouldn't call it inheritance per se. What do you call it when you kill someone and get their stuff?

Bang: Um, murder???

Nawt: Adventuring!

Bupkus: Tuesday.

…

Blanko: How would you like your coffee?

Bang: As dark and as bitter as my soul.

Blanko, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

…

Blanko: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

Bupkus: We're chopsticks!

Blanko: Well... that's cute!

Blanko: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Pound: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

…

Blanko: I am an expert at identifying birds.

Nawt: Okay, what about those ones flying over there?

Blanko: Yeah, they're all birds.

…

Nawt: When life gives you lemonades, make lemons! Life will be all like "whaAttT?"

Pound: Life lessons that schools can't teach you.

…

Bupkus: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.

Pound: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.

Bupkus: Not when you’re playing with Nawt, it’s not. She put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

…

Bugs, pretending to be a priest: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...

Bang: I just wanna fucking marry Nawt!!

…

*At a bank teller window*

Bupkus, in a bad Italian accent: I'd like-a to make-a deposit!

Mr Swackhammer: HEY BUDDY, WAIT, I REMEMBER YOU!

Bupkus: *Frantically pours marinara sauce into the vacuum tube*

Mr Swackhammer: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, IT'S IT AGAIN!

…

Nawt: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.

Blanko: Jokes on them. I'll ruin their fucking life.

…

Bupkus: Are we tall enough to play basketball though?

Pound: Are you calling us short?

Bupkus: I'm calling us vertically challenged.

…

(How Pound came out)

Pound: Count me in!

Bupkus: Who the hell are you?!

Pound: Oh, you know my sibling. He worked at the in-park restaurant.

Bupkus: Oh yeah, Zilch! How's he been doing?

Pound: Oh yeah, not too good. He's been dead for the past month.

Bang: What the hell, and he didn't tell us?

…

Blanko: The greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from an all you can eat pizza buffet.

Bang: Why’d you get banned?

Blanko: Touched the rat.

Bang: … What rat?

Blanko: Chunky Cheese.

…

Bang, Entering Pound's room: Nawt did it again.

Pound: Peace disturbance?

Bang: What no-

Pound: Arson..?

Bang: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-

Pound: uh....Attempted murder?

Bang: NO, SHE ATE ALL THE GOOD ICE CREAM, WHAT THE FU-

…

Bang: Yeah, I don’t like people.

Blanko: Oh, well now that’s not fair Bang. Have you met all of them?

Bang: I’ve met enough of them. People. What a bunch of bastards!

…

Nawt: We’re going to defeat you with the power of friendship.

Blanko: We’re not friends.

Nawt, holding an axe: Then we’re going to defeat you with the power of incredible violence.

…

Bupkus: Hey guys! I drew everyone's soul!

Bang: Why is Nawt's a monster?

Pound: Bupkus, you forgot Bang's, there's only an empty space.

Bupkus, proudly: Exactly!

…

Blanko: What if Cinderella was a baking slave instead of a cleaning slave, and her name was Mozzarella?

Pound: Don't ever speak to me again.

…

Bupkus: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Nawt: I mean, not if they consent to it.

Pound: Depends on who you're stabbing.

Blanko: YES??!!?

…

Bang: Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle, and explode into bats to get out of all social situations.

…

Blanko: I hate to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.

Pound & Nawt:

Pound: Only one?

…

Blanko: I’ve made a spreadsheet of all the crime in Brooklyn.

Blanko: There’s so much crime in New York, no one should live here.

…

Bupkus, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Nawt: Gray.

Pound: Grey.

Bupkus, turning to Blanko: Now tell them what color you think it is.

Blanko: …Dark white.

…

Bang, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce.

Pound: Hey, do you take constructive criticism?

Bang: I absolutely fucking do not.

…

Pound: Want to hear a hard riddle?

Bupkus: Sure.

Pound: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll?

Bupkus: ...down?

Pound: N-

Blanko: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then.

Pound:

Pound: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... Jesus Christ…

…

Police: You’re under arrest for trying to carry four people on a single motorcycle.

Pound, with Blanko, Bupkus, and Bang behind her: Wait, what do you mean FOUR?!

Police: Yes…four.

Bang: Oh, my God, no, this is bad, this is so bad!

Police: Wha-

Bupkus: NAWT FUCKING FELL OFF!

…

Pound: Where are your parents?

Bang: What are parents?

Pound: That’s just about the saddest thing I ever heard get said.

…

Bupkus: Ah yes, the joy of hanging out with Nawt. You look away for 5 seconds to make sure something is set up correctly, and he bites the tip of a marker off.

…

Pound: Could you be anymore annoying?

Blanko: Yes.

…

Nawt: Pound and I are so close we even share a toothbrush.

Pound: I'm sorry, We what?

…

*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Blanko: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

Bupkus: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Bang: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.

Nawt: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC'.

Pound: *flips the board*

…

Bupkus: Blanko is not allowed to violate the dress code, even on 'casual' Fridays.

Bupkus: No matter how many times you say please, Blanko. They won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code.

…

Bang: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer.

Nawt: Why are we so awesome?

Bang: That's the best fucking question anybody's ever asked.

…

Blanko: Can I offer you a nice stick in this trying time?

…

Pound: The best person I know is myself.

…

Blanko: Hey Pound?

Pound: Yeah?

Blanko: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Pound:

Pound: ...What.

…

Bupkus: I'm against crime, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

…

Nawt: Why aren’t you sleeping?

Bang: I’m too busy plotting murder to sleep, Nawt.

Nawt:

Bang: ...The nightmares.

Nawt: *wrapping her arms around Bang* Awwww, sweetie-

…

Bang, looking at a dead phone: How do we bring this thing back to life? Magic? Live sacrifice? I know a guy in town-

…

Blanko: That’s the longest worm I’ve ever seen.

Bang: That’s a snake.

…

Blanko: Is the pink panther a lion?

Bupkus: Say that again but slower.

Blanko: I don’t get it.

Bupkus: He’s a PANTHER.

Blanko: Is that a type of lion?

Bupkus: No, it’s a fucking panther.

Blanko: *googles panther* They aren’t pink?

Bupkus: AND LIONS ARE?!

…

Pound: Nawt, If the thought of something makes you giggle for longer than 15 seconds, you're not allowed to do it.

…

Bupkus: How petty can you get?

Pound: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

…

Bang: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

…

Bupkus: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

…

Nawt: You don't think I can fight because of my height!

Bupkus: I don't think you can fight because you're in a wedding dress. For what it's worth, I don't think Pound could fight in that dress either.

Pound: Perhaps not. But I would make a radiant bride.

…

Bupkus: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Bang: What did you do?!

Bupkus: NOBODY DIED!

Bang: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

…

Blanko: Quitting! It's like trying, but easier.

…

Pound: I am your king, long may I reign!

Bang: Well I didn’t vote for you!

Pound: You don’t vote for kings.

Bang: Well how’d you become king then?

Pound: Bupkus of the Lake, its arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Pound, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I am your king.

Bang: …Listen. Strange people lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

…

Pound: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you.

Blanko: This is a sports-related injury. It makes me look cool!

Pound: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the locker room is not cool.

…

Pound: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes.

Nawt: Wow, I've gotta hear this.

Pound: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn't share.

Nawt: You forgot about pride.

Pound: No, I'm pretty proud of this.

…

Bupkus: How did you even get in here?

Nawt: Pound's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Nawt's door"!

Pound: I'm closing the window.

…

Nawt: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-

Blanko: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

…

Pound: Bang is forbidden from monologuing.

…

Pound: I still don’t have a New Year’s resolution.

Bang: You could lose a few pounds.

Nawt: You could be less lazy.

Blanko: Don’t be such a bitch.

Pound: Okay DAMN, SHIT.

…

Pound: I have locked Mr Swackhammer in a cage designed by his own art. Oh, he has been well and truly hoisted by his own petard.

Bupkus: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that.

Pound: I’m blackmailing him.

Bupkus: Oh, happy days!

…

Bang: Do you love Bupkus?

Pound: Yeah, I do.

Bang: Blanko! I told you I knew it! You owe me 100 bucks!

Blanko: We all love Bupkus. You should've asked if she was IN love with it.

Pound: I thought that was implied.

Blanko: ...

Bang: ...

Pound, looking straight at Blanko: Congrats Bang, you just won 100 bucks.

…

Pound: I printed up a bunch of fake safety inspection certificates. Go slap one on anything that looks like a lawsuit.

Bang: Pound, is that legal?

Pound: When the cops aren’t around, anything’s legal!

…

*Nawt drunkenly wanders around the house and Bang is drunkenly giggling*

Pound, completely sober: *sighs* Well, looks like it's just me and you against the world, Bupkus.

Bupkus, going to their room: Nope, just you. *shuts door*

…

Bang: Let’s write Pound a friendly note, shall we? Dear... Incompetent... Dumbass…

…

Pound: "What are you into?" is such a broad question, like do I reply with a TV series or choking?

…

Bupkus: I’m terrible at expressing myself.

Nawt: Don’t worry, actions speak louder than words!

Bupkus: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

…

Blanko: Some of us are still ‘it’ from a childhood game of tag.

Pound: Way to just fuck me up on a Tuesday.

…

Bupkus: Are pigeons drones?

Bang: What? No, I'm trying to sleep.

Bupkus: Think about it. How come you've never seen a baby pigeon? And why do you never actually see a pigeon nest? Because they're DRONES!

Bang: *Crying* Please let me sleep…

…

Blanko, near tears: Please, Bang, I don’t speak meme! I don't know what a 'yeet' is!

…

Bupkus: Wow, that was quick thinking on that phony sacrifice stuff.

Bang: Oh, that was all real.

Bupkus: Wait, you were trying to help them kill us?!

Bang: If I’m gonna be sacrificed, I’m gonna do it right.

…

Pound: That was a joke. Say ha.

Blanko: Ha.

Pound: Now do it again.

Blanko: Ha.

Pound: Congratulations, you are officially the life of the party.

…

Blanko: Yo! I heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts?

Bang: If a crocodile eats your dad, they become your new dad.

…

Bupkus: Happy Throwback Thursday! Here’s a throwback to when Nawt ate an entire tube of my lipstick.

Nawt, whining: But why would it be cherry-flavored if you can’t eat it?!

…

Bupkus: What’s your favorite color?

Pound: Stop asking stupid questions. Ask me something mature.

Bupkus: How many moles of sodium bicarbonate are needed to neutralize 0.8ml of sulfuric acid at STP?

Pound: …My favorite color is green.

…

Bupkus: Well, needless to say. Uh-oh Spaghetti-os.

#incorrect quotes #Nerdlucks #space jam #Pound #Bang #Nawt #Bupkus #Blanko #Pound x Bupkus #Nawt x Bang

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toyutopiausa · 3 months

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leam1983 · 7 months

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"But why, though?"

This is typically lobbed at us by desperate and unfortunate mid-tier dealerships who can't fathom that the current economical straits are indeed, fucking dire, and that some people would rather not pony up for an interest rate that's six to ten times higher than their current one.

To quote Mr. Swackhammer from Space Jam, who himself got it from someone wiser: The customer is always right. If it's too damn expensive, it is, in fact, too damn expensive.

Not that it ever stops some of them from reacting like overly-curious children at the stage where everything deserves a "Why?"

#work post

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monstermaster13 · 1 year

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Corey and Oats VS The Martians.

----------------------------

Sometimes what starts out as ordinary days turn out to be grand adventures and sometimes even the strangest things can happen, one afternoon in their home in Nile Road the duo were watching movies when they heard a strange humming sound, they decided to head outside to investigate it and what they saw was a floating spaceship which landed outside.

“Look Oatsie, there’s a spaceship outside.”

“Yeah, let’s take a look.”

The duo hurried over to where the spaceship landed and out of the spaceship emerged the Martians from Mars Attacks, lead by Corey covid’s creepy cousin Omi. ‘Well well well if it isn’t Corey.’ ‘Omi, what are you doing here?’ ‘Starting an invasion, what does it look like?’ ‘Don’t even think about it.’ Corey quipped.

Oats galloped around as he fought several martian invaders as he called upon Mel, Mel used some magic to fight off the aliens but one of the aliens zapped her and turned her into Mr Swackhammer from Space Jam. ‘Oh that’s just great, i’m the one character that shouldn’t be used as a transformation hyperfixation, you know there are actual Looney Tunes characters to turn into, why pick the guy that was just actually created for one movie and never appears again?’

“There Mel, it’s alright.”

“Yes, yes it certainly is.”

Luckily she returned to normal before being zapped again and turning into Stella the martian-woman….’Now this is more like it. I didn’t like that Swackhammer transformation to be honest, ick…total nightmare if you ask me, I mean I can get the Monstars but their boss? No thank you, not even Danny Devito’s voice saved it for me.’

Mel could never understand why Swackhammer was used as a subject in transformation pieces in general regarding Space Jam especially not when the actual Looney Tunes were options, other than the character being voiced by Danny Devito and being monster-like, she didn’t see the appeal in it, hence why she didn’t want to be him. She was glad to ‘Stella’ and liked the look very much.

Corey jumped in the way of another blast and found himself stretching and turning black as he turned into Marvin the Martian which he liked, he liked being Marvin. He zapped some of the martians and Corey played some bad karaoke songs to them which made the martians explode.

“We did it, yaaaay.”

“Now to face cousin Omi.”

The covid microbe faced his evil cousin in a battle on the front porch, using chairs and other things as weapons and Corey used some magic to send her flying, Omi cackled wickedly as she lunged onto him and attempted to jam her spikes into him, but he fought back and shot a spike into her which caused her to burst open before reforming.

“Alright alright, you win.”

“Yaaaaay. Now, do you promise to be good, Omi?”

‘Yes, I promise.’ Omi hugged her cousin and the two snuggled and played together, and after a hug the two of them walked back into the house.

Corey and Omi bonded together and hugged each-other, they had made up and were now on good terms. That afternoon they had some yummy treats and played together, he introduced her to all the other microbes and they had a fun time.

A couple of hours later they had dinner and after dinner they relaxed, exploring their home and learning new things, when it was time for them to go to bed they put their night-clothes on and they all snuggled up and had nice dreams.

But our adventure hasn’t ended yet, there are more ones coming up including a brand new special.

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louannajag · 2 years

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Check out this listing I just added to my Poshmark closet: McDonald's Warner Bros. Michael Jordan's Space Jam Blanko Stuffed Figure Toy.

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freshthoughts2020 · 4 years

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#space jam #tunesquad #mr swackhammer #lebron 17 #lebron

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skeksisloving · 4 years

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Oh shit. He's meeting all my standards. Good character. He needs more content.

#mr swackhammer #space jam #looney tunes

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slashingdisneypasta · 8 months

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How hot is that character? Ok let's see...

Swackhammer

Jim Bickerman

Toon Patrol (I know you're fond of two of them, but I'm curious about how you'd rate the other three XD)

The three evolutions of Otis Driftwood

I hope you enjoy these! XD

Swackhammer

I think its mostly the smoking for me and the voice XD But they do the trick, haha-

He also seems kinda feral and I'm into that *cough*

Jim Bickerman

I mean of course XDD He's so *hides in cushion* ahhhh! I dunno I dunno- just the untidiness, the f l a n n e l s, the beard, his expressions-- ah, don't ask me to explain myself I dunnoooo! XD

Toon Patrol

Otis B Driftwood

Not a bad lookin' rat man, but probably wouldn't have caught my attention without the other 2 movies XD

Uhhhhhhhhhhh??? Look him??????? XDD This was absolutely piqué Otis B Driftwood and you cant convince me otherwise XD

And they kept a consistent amount of hotness for this movie too XD Also his laugh when the clown pees his pants, I'm sorry, but that was oddly cute 😅😅😅 (I'M SORRY MR BAGGY!! )

#i do enjoy these thank you!!#especially getting to rank each different otis XD

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bballinspiration · 4 years

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Ah yes, it all makes sense now 👀😂

#Jerry Krause #Mr. Swackhammer #Space Jam #Chicago Bulls #The Last Dance #NBA #Ball is Life

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yandere-toons · 3 years

Note

Since you're willing to make stories for Space Jam, I'm curious to know what the little alien guys would be like. So here's a little challenge: A Headcanon for the Nerdlucks.

Nerdlucks (Platonic & Romantic Headcanons)

WARNING: yandere, authoritarian behaviour, implied death, psychological manipulation, toxic mindsets.

A.N. - The Nerdlucks are the reason I made that announcement. They become much more aggressive as the Monstars. Their names are colour-coded for convenience. If you would like a more in-depth guide to who is who, just say the word.

PLATONIC:

As the cantankerous leader of the expedition, Pound feels entitled to their friendship. He demands loyalty and unconditional respect despite badgering his friend about acting without his knowledge.

The impression that his approval is not a factor in their behaviour infuriates him and arouses fears of impotence. To assuage his anxieties, he adopts a domineering personality whereby nothing is allowed without his express permission.

Bang relies on his friend to make everyday decisions for him and ponders what they would do when faced with a choice. His self-image is puny and conditional on superficial strengths, and this fragility of character fosters a mental embellishment of their abilities.

He reveres his friend as the embodiment of an unreachable standard, declaring anyone who emulates them to be a fraud in need of correction.

Bupkus throws every scrap of energy into distracting his friend. Gloating and dramatic assertions of his being are necessary to captivate their mind, and the cheerful alien refuses to yield until they forfeit their earlier interests.

This penchant for showboating includes denying the notion that he is not their favourite person. Any evidence of acceptance is inflated, while each sign of discontent is blamed on the negligence of other people.

While a placid soul, Blanko is ardently opposed to the concept of separation from his friend. He is listless in their absence and expends his time imagining the next interaction.

No rigorous efforts are required to appease him, but subjecting him to isolation compels his desperation to insert himself into their life.

Nawt divulges every idea with thoughtless exuberance. He is an endless source of noise, and his friend is the constant recipient. The barrier between what they share with him and their life as a whole is defied, resulting in frequent debates about where he stands in their social hierarchy.

No inner code prevents him from hijacking their day because he believes that his rambling is an innocent method of bonding with his friend.

ROMANTIC:

Pound resembles a ruler doting on his favoured servant more than he does an equal companion, an unpleasant habit that he inherited from the vituperative reign of Mr Swackhammer.

His word is supreme, and any objections are silenced by arrogance. What limited awareness of relationships he possesses is tainted, culminating in misconstrued values and an emphasis on control rather than cooperation.

Every other soul in their life is competition for Bang. A perception of insignificance looms above the anxious alien, one that is reinforced whenever his partner enjoys the company of another.

No gift or show of devotion keeps their attention long enough for him to be validated, and everywhere he turns seems to deliver someone more appealing than him. He begs his partner to expel their friends and family from their life to conceal his insecurities.

Bupkus craves praise and seeks the admiration of his partner as if it were his source of life. The enervating despair when they are busy drives him to invade their personal affairs, just as the euphoria from snagging their attention urges him to perform rambunctious and often dangerous acts.

Sensing a loss of interest invokes feelings of terror in him, and he rushes to highlight every way that his talents benefit them.

Blanko has no clue what he is experiencing, but it fills him with a luscious sense of purpose. Discretion is absent from each conversation with his partner, a lack of tact that extends to following them after it ends.

He is blind to social cues and assumes that everything they say is truthful. Humour and sarcasm are best used sparsely lest he gets the wrong idea.

Peace is dead when Nawt spots his partner. The alien clings to them and raves about his accomplishments, which range from crossing the street by himself to fastening someone to a rocket and launching them into the abyss of space.

He interprets the slightest kindness as affection, and his colleagues are subjected to hours of anecdotes about their perceived connection.

Do anything you want with my work, but never make me boring!

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adamwatchesmovies · 2 years

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Space Jam (1996)

I remember when Space Jam was originally released. It was a big deal. The BIGGEST deal. I can’t tell you how I felt about it then, but I know how I do today. This movie is like getting hit in the head with an anvil. Sounds funny, but in practice...

On the intergalactic amusement park "Moron Mountain", profits are sinking. To bolster attendance, alien Mr. Swackhammer (voiced by Danny DeVito), decides to kidnap and enslave the Looney Tunes. Horrified at the idea of performing for screaming children for the rest of eternity, Bugs Bunny (voiced by Billy West) tricks Swackhammer’s minions into competing in a game of basketball. If the Tunes win, the extraterrestrials will set them free, but to stand a chance, they’ll need the help of Michael Jordan (playing himself).

Michael Jordan does a decent job considering he was largely playing against nothing on-set (the Tunes are hand-drawn so they were added in post-production) he's got to be the best basketball player-turned-actor I’ve ever seen… but he’s still no Oscar winner. He’s merely charismatic, which shouldn't be confused with “good”. You don’t get to learn anything about the man except that he likes to wear his old college shorts and that everyone loves him. You also don’t get to see a whole lot of awesome basketball moves. This means the weight of this picture will have to be carried by the Looney Tunes. How do they fare?

If you’re keenly familiar with Daffy Duck (voiced here by Dee Baker), Elmer Fudd (also West), or Sylvester the Cat (Bill Farmer), you might as well pull out your gun and put this film down before you even hit play. The spirit of the classic cartoon isn't present in this product-placement-laced film. The voices are so-so facsimiles at best, with Mel Blanc having passed away before the film was started. The humor doesn't feel right either. Instead of fast-paced action perfectly suited for short stories, we have a plot that’s slow, building up for about an hour to lead to a basketball game. Instead of having to outsmart his opponents, Bugs has to outmuscle them by using basketball skills. At a glance it might fool you upon closer inspection, all Space Jam and the classic cartoons have in common are similar-looking characters, anvils, and dynamite.

None of this would've mattered if the film was funny. Instead of just “going with it”, like you did when Wile E. Coyote smashed into what turned out to be a simple drawing on the wall, you can’t help questioning everything. If the Looney Tunes really wanted to challenge the alien invaders to a game they couldn’t lose, how about Russian Roulette? You go first! When the creatures steal the basketball-playing “powers” (that’s what they call them) how come they spontaneously generate clothes and grow to enormous size? If being tall is part of their "powers", shouldn’t the players (there are several NBA cameos in the film) shrink? Why does this picture include a reference to Pulp Fiction? What's Bill Murray doing in this picture except doing producer Ivan Reitman a favor?

Watching the film again, you find that it does not hold up. Take a look at the backgrounds during the big game. You’ll see that the animators simply could not handle the job that was given to them. The stands are filled with characters who've been copied and pasted by a computer that tried to randomly distribute them so you wouldn’t notice the doubles, but it you easily will. In the crowds, you’ll notice several turtles with mismatched heads, clearly an image link was misplaced at one point. You’ll see layering errors and eerily synched cheers by a half dozen skunks, all turned to the left. It’s so distracting the foreground could feature three bikini babes doing jump rope and spraying whipped cream at each other and you wouldn’t notice. Speaking of babes, the film also introduces a new Looney Tunes character, Lola (Kath Soucie). This character is nothing but a gender-swapped Bugs Bunny, but without the attitude that made you fall in love with, or any laughs.

Space Jam can be fun to watch if you're a supervillain in the making. Sit down with someone who remembers it fondly. Make off-hand remarks about the little imperfections throughout until you break them down and realize Space Jam isn't good. It’s not a good sports movie or a good comedy. (On DVD, July 15, 2016)

#SpaceJam #movies #films #MovieReviews #FilmReviews #JoePytka #LeoBenvenuti #SteveRudnick #TimothyHarris #herschelWeingrod #LooneyTunes #MichaelJordan #BillyWest #WayneKnight #TheresaRandle #DannyDeVito #1996 movies #1996films #Basketball

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kwebtv · 2 years

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The Canterville Ghost - Syndicated - October 15, 1986

Fantasy

Running Time; 96 minutes

Stars:

John Gielgud as Sir Simon de Canterville

Ted Wass as Harry Canterville

Andrea Marcovicci as Lucy Swackhammer Canterville

Alyssa Milano as Jennifer Canterville

Harold Innocent as Hummle Umney

Spencer Chandler as Paul Blaine

Lila Kaye as Mrs. Umney

George Baker as Uncle Hesketh

Dorothea Phillips as Aunt Gretchen

Bill Wallis as Fenton Cook

#The Canterville Ghost #TV #Syndicated #1986 #John Gielgud #Ted Wass #Andrea Marcovicci #Alyssa Milano #Harold Innocent #Lila Kaye

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trulyinspiringmovies · 3 years

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Space Jam

“Space Jam” is a nostalgic trip that holds up great in certain places and horribly in others.

Michael Jordan has just retired from basketball to pursue a career in baseball. Meanwhile, Mr. Swackhammer, an amusement park owner, decides he needs new attractions to bring business in. He ends up sending five little aliens to bring the Looney Tunes to him. Bugs Bunny and the gang challenge these aliens to a basketball game for their freedom. The Looney Tunes think they have the upper hand until the aliens steal the talents of five NBA players to help give them the edge. Now it’s up to Michael Jordan to keep the Looney Tunes from being enslaved.

Nostalgia is powerful. If I didn’t have a special place in my heart for this film, it would probably be three stars. However, since I grew up watching this movie, I can’t help but see it in a more positive light. For starters, the story for this movie is extremely light. I don’t expect a convoluted plot with plenty of plot twists, backstabs, and double-crossing because it’s a silly movie about the Looney Tunes playing basketball with Michael Jordan, but this is a little too bareboned. I would say that the plot is simple because this movie is aimed at kids, so I should give it a pass, but I was thinking this even when I was in elementary school. The background animation was horrible during the climactic basketball game in the third act. There were reused assets, sometimes the same asset copied and pasted across the same frame. The special effects with the humans do not hold up. Michael Jordan’s stretched-out arm and Wayne Knight’s flat body will give me nausea for the rest of my life. Michael Jordan is not a very good actor. Actually, that’s something I could definitely give a pass to because it’s not his profession and he did a good enough job that I didn’t notice as a kid. The best aspect of the movie has to be the animation. Man, it still holds up today. It boggles my mind that people can draw characters this expressive while also keeping in mind dynamic camera movements in relation to the subject. Also, the effects for when the cartoons interact with the physical world still hold up as well. The music in this film is iconic, even though the legacy of one of its artists has been tainted. I don’t think I could retroactively go in and condemn this movie for including that artist’s song. “I Believe I Can Fly” matches the tone of this film so well that I can’t help but feel nostalgic. All in all, this movie has a ton of jokes, visuals, and charm that still holds up today and is something you should definitely revisit if you haven’t seen this in a while.

★★★★

Rewatched on July 23rd, 2021

#Space Jam #March #1997 #Animation #Comedy #Children's #Adventure #Science Fiction #Sports #Fantasy #PG #Joe Pytka #July 2021 #4 stars

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