Ok so here it is guys as promised my take on if a relationship can exist without trust. Now this stems from a conversation that I had with a group of friends that came up from discussing that dreaded 10 letter word “infidelity”. When asked my take on how it’s affects the trust level for me my response was “I never trusted him in the first place so it didn’t really affect me with that shattering effected”. By now I’m guessing you’re having the same train of thought as my friends when I said this; “What the hell are you talking about?” 🤔🧐
Well hear me out and let me explain why I have this view and what led to this view and how it has been so far.
My reasons for omitting the trust part and when I saw trust I’m referring to the ‘Will he cheat?’ part is because growing up I have seen many cases from people close to me and have heard, read and watched stories of how cheating had dramatically affected and altered a lot of people who have been cheated on because the trust they had in their partner was broken. Now I promised myself that I will not allow that to happen to me. To find myself so broken from the betrayal of someone that it damages me and rob me of finding my happiness. So how has it been working so far? Not bad to be honest I have had 2 serious relationships so far in my life and the last one really put to test my theory.
My recent ex and I practically grew up together and were best friends, we turned into lovers and then it ended. Now during the course of our relationship I have had to deal with infidelity, when the ‘blow’ of him cheating came to light what affected me the most was the fact that he tried make it look like I didn’t know what I was talking about despite the evidence, now I am a Scorpio and we don’t play that ‘act dumb’ foolishness. In fact because I kept myself open to the possibility of him cheating it reduced the shock and the effects it had on me.
Was I hurt? Hell yes!
Was I broken? Not one bit
Did it affect my outlook on relationships and trying again? Not at all
Did I genuinely love him? As hard as I could.
The idea in society is that you can’t have a stable relationship or truly love someone without trusting them and I can tell you that’s a lie! I did it and the good book also taught us about trust remind us that we are ALL humans and are short of perfection, the Bible tells us to not trust us known because in reality anything can happen because you can’t really know someone just as how we may not even know ourselves. We know what we would want to do in a certain situation but when that situation eventually comes out actions and decisions may change on impulse. As humans what we can do is just love, have fun, enjoy the ride and let the chips fall where they may. Yes we want monogamy and the faithfulness and all that jazz but the truth is it’s a risk we take when we decide to love and while we want these things from our partners how sure are we that we can give it to them?
Live Love Laugh that’s my motto, that’s how I keep sane, that’s how I protect my heart, my mental, emotional and spiritual. I could be wrong and many would disagree. Let e know your thoughts though and thank you again for reading.
You know love is a funny little 4 letter word that is often misinterpreted and identified. These days a LOT of persons including myself have wrongly identified this little word and incorrectly used it to justify wrong decisions. I mean the meaning and example of what it is/should be is clearly outlined in songs, poems, scriptures, movies and stories but hardly anyone ever gets its right.
Although we incorrectly identify it deep down we do know what LOVE is and what it should be like. Love is selfless, caring, pure and breathes positive energy. It makes you feel good and comfortable, it erases fear and springs peace.
When you love and get love back in return it makes life worth living and trying despite the odds. For the past 28 years I been searching for this 'love' and have wrongly tried to justify the "short comings" all because I found some traits of what real love is and held on to hope that eventually it will become the real deal. Because of fear of trying again, trusting and failing at seeking I found myself sticking to the closest form of love I found and fought hard to evolve it because I was of the false hope that if you fight and prayed hard enough it can be better.
The truth is that you can not fix what isnt fixable or doesn't want to be fixed. Being a sexual abuse victim i used to use my past as a safety net and excuse for why I stay or why I'm afraid to take a leap and try. In talking about my past and coming to terms with what my reality is I realised that being abused does not mean I will not find this LOVE and that I have settle for the few scrapings I have found. I realised that it can and does get better and the only one holding me back is me.
Not because it has become a norm in society for persons to not honour love and commitment anymore means that it has to be my reality too, there is still people out there who believe in and honors love just as much as I do! 😁
Who knows he maybe from another country, background, royalty even or a celebrity. Either way I am open to it! Yes I know that I still have some barriers to work through due to being abused but to be honest i love my barriers because they protect me and my heart. I want to see what's next I'm excited for what's to come and as such I am looking forward to seeing what's a head.
My next blog will be focusing on a very interesting topic “Can there be genuine love without trust”? 🤔
You can message me your views on this in the meantime. Thanks for reading!!