Watercolor and Ink on Bristol Board
2020, 9"x 12"
Red Spider Mum, Chrysanthemum
My mum just called me a nerd for reading Hamlet.
Other people: my mum is my best friend!
Me: my mum is that one friend who convinces you to do bad things, blames you entirely and then laughs at the carnage.
Guilt - 17/01/2021
I have struggled with this emotion as long as I can remember. Some of it’s fairly complex but generally even the smallest of things will make me feel guilty.
Like today I meant to give someone in my family a ring and I completely forgot. I don’t even know how because I thought last night I must ring tomorrow but still managed to forget. I am very busy in the day looking after my little girl and doing jobs and things but I tell myself it’s no excuse. I just tell myself that I’m useless and they’re annoyed with me even though I’ve apologised a lot. I’m going to speak to them tomorrow so hopefully it’ll be fine, I’ll apologise again anyway.
“Sorry” is probably my most used word in life. I find a way to apologise for almost anything. Even if I message people I’ll be like “sorry to message” or if I don’t reply quickly I’ll apologise. I don’t like to bother people if that makes sense. I’ll apologise for things that weren’t even my fault or if I’m not sure I did something I’ll apologise anyway because I feel guilty. I don’t fully understand where this stems from but I do seem to remember in Lower School owning up to something in class that another pupil had done and I knew this but for some reason I felt it was my place to take the blame for it so I put my hand up saying it was me knowing full well it wasn’t. I can’t understand why I did that.
Maybe some of it comes from my Low Self-Esteem and feeling like I’m a bad person in some way. I could probably write a book about dealing with Guilt in life and apologising. I know I’ve guilty about far bigger things in life. As a child I do remember feeling guilty as I got older after my Mum died. I felt like I should have been able to help her more with her illness (despite at that age not fully understanding what was even wrong with her). Then as a teenager when I learnt about her struggles with her Mental Health; Anorexia and Depression, amongst other health difficulties I felt like I should have somehow known more as a child. Like I should have worked it out even though I was only 6 when she died. I realise now as an adult that of course I couldn’t have known what was wrong and there wasn’t anything I could have done but growing up it was really hard to understand the emotions I felt. I felt like somehow I should have helped her get better.
I also felt that my Mum was seen in a negative light so I guess I felt ashamed of who I was because I was her daughter. The image I was given of her was she was ill and not able to look after me, therefore she was a bad Mum. Don’t get me wrong she wasn’t able to look after me properly but I don’t resent her for that, she was very poorly. Of course I wish she could have got better and I do wish she’d been able to bring me up and look after me but my Granny did and for that I’ll always be grateful. My Mum did some questionable things and made some not so good decisions yes but she was ill and needed help. Anyway I remember asking my Dad once as a teenager when I was day doing my homework one evening at the dining room table if I was anything like my mum. His response as flat out “no” and that was it. I remember interpreting this more as “no and you don’t want to be like her” or he would rather I wasn’t like her. I don’t know if he meant that but I do know I am like her in certain ways. Maybe that was hard for him but as a teenager I felt on the one hand sad that maybe I wasn’t like my mum and on the other ashamed because I thought it was a bad thing if I was like my mum.
I think I felt guilty because I probably reminded him of my mum. I don’t know if these feelings growing up are linked to the fact I always feel guilty about things or separate but they definitely caused me a lot of problems in my mind as I got older. I’ll write more about that another time but tonight I just wanted to express a little about these feelings.
I may not remember my Mum but despite what I was told growing up I think she was brave and strong and fought her hardest. I know she loved me.
I hope you are at peace now Mum.
Thoughtful mother of the bride gifts to thank your mum for her support on your wedding day
An edit of the 17 best gifts, for every budget and every taste.
Proud mum is accused of being ‘racist’ after sharing a post congratulating her son
A mum has been accused of racism after posting a tweet congratulating her son on becoming the second Australian man to run the 100 metres in under 10 seconds.
Liz Jackson’s 23-year-old son Rohan Browning ran a wind-assisted time of 9.96 seconds in the famed event at the Illawarra Track Challenge on Saturday.
Browning’s time was the fourth fastest in Australian history, with the top three finishes…
the shadows console us, they caress us through the night.
it carries with it dangers, some regard it as blight.
Away these shadows whisk me, to a place with no time. A time when I didn’t know of the end that was in sight…
I just wish I was stronger
to wish nothing at all,
as my yearning for the past is my greatest downfall.
丢失但找不到, 我这么可以明白我的情况？ Jan 2021.
I’m a stay at home mum to two children, miss 1 and Mr 4, a partner and two dogs. I don’t have many friends and need a safe space to vent. I regularly try to make friends, but I can never find my tribe. So here’s my story or maybe just a place to get out all my emotions. Cheers
my beautiful muma. i know you’re still with us and i know how hard you are fighting, but i just wish we had more time. all the time in the world will never be enough. i don’t know how long we have left, but just know that whatever time we do i will treasure will it with every part of my being. i don’t think i have ever loved anyone more than i love you. you’re my best friend, my soulmate, my protector, my provider, my mum and my first love all in one.
Brief panic as your Mum says she wants to read your fics, quickly followed by a weird sense of relief as she’s not bothered some are NSFW…
I feel like I’ve got whiplash.
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My mum’s so fucking annoying. She said she would visit me in hospital today. i bet you can guess what happened, she didn’t fucking come. Instead she went to go watch a movie with my family except for me, no invitation or anything. She had the whole afternoon to come but at 5pm she decides this is the time when shell become a parent. Yesterday I was vulnerable and told her about how i’m struggling with my eating but that didn’t push her anymore to come visit. Like what the fuck?
Her siyahın önünde bir beyaz vardır.
I fancied a couple of glasses of gin tonight, so I had them and my mother accused me of drowning my problems in alcohol. She did the same thing a few nights ago and if she continues to do so, I might just have to start! Haha ❤︎
The new chapter of ‘My Love Letters to Life’ goes up tomorrow. ❤︎
Can’t believe my mother keeps getting mad at me for telling the Alexa to do things when it doesn’t respond to her
Gordon Ramsay’s daughter Holly goes purchasing with mum Tana amid third nationwide lockdown
Gordon Ramsay’s daughter Holly regarded stylish as she went purchasing with mum Tana in a submit shared on Wednesday, after celebrating her 21st birthday at dwelling earlier this month.
The aspiring mannequin opted for a smooth trouser swimsuit as she shopped with Tana, 46, in London in throwback snaps – earlier than England’s third nationwide lockdown.
Holly paired her trouser swimsuit with a…
Take This Quiz To Find Out Which Famous Aussie Mum Character You Are
Let’s be real — whatever result you get, you’re all super mums.
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