#my Seasonal Depression is acting up

[trensu]

okay, so it turns out that the hawkins halfway house fic is going to have six chapters, actually. i'm not gonna post anything on ao3 until i have the final chapter done. i'm currently working on that sixth chapter, but here's the rest of chapter five in the meantime.

Continued from here

-

The man chuckled goodnaturedly. “Didn’t say you were. What’s your name, son?”

“Steve,” he replied. The man chuckled again.

“Thought so,” the man said. At Steve’s questioning gaze, he shrugged nonchalantly. “You look like a Steve. I’m Wayne. Why don’t you come inside? The kids made a batch of lemonade earlier today and there’s a phone you can use to call a tow.”

Which was how Steve found himself seated at a dining table that seemed too large to fit in the room even though he and Wayne were clearly able to move around the place without crowding one another. Maybe the table looked bigger than it was because of the multiple frosty pitchers of various sizes haphazardly lined up on it. Each one seemed almost dangerously full. Steve was sure one unexpected bump would turn them into a river of lemonade.

“That’s…a lot of lemonade,” Steve commented.

“A couple of the kids’ friends are visiting,” Wayne said. “We don’t see them very often. One of them learned a new trick to keep things cold. He was only going to do one pitcher, of course, but you know how kids are. Everyone wanted to make their own lemonade and told Will he had to do it again for each one.”

Wayne used a potholder to grab the handle of the nearest pitcher of lemonade. If Steve didn’t know any better, he’d say the pitcher was coated by ice half an inch thick. Obviously the pitcher had to be made of fancy decorative glass like the kind his mother would’ve bought. Wayne poured two glasses of lemonade, handing one to Steve which he took gratefully. Wayne eased himself into one of the chairs. Steve joined him. He drank half the glass before asking.

“So where are the grandkids you’ve been chasing? The house seems pretty quiet for that many children,” Steve nodded at the series of pitchers.

“They’re not my grandkids. I’m not as lucky as all that,” Wayne said. “I’m just here to lend a hand where I can.”

“A volunteer? Is this like a daycare?” Steve asked, trying not to seem too eager. This could be something. It wouldn’t be parenthood, but maybe he could volunteer to help kids in some small way. He’ll have to look into that later. Robin would help him find something, he’s positive.

“...you could say that, I suppose. As for your other question, they’re all out back, probably in the woods burning off energy with some of the grown-ups supervising.”

“Well, I’ll try to be out of your hair before they come back,” Steve stood, taking both of their glasses to the sink and rinsing them out. He waved Wayne away when he protested about guests doing chores. “If you could tell me where your phone is to call a tow truck, you don’t have to get up.” 

“Son, I don’t need no mollycoddling,” Wayne said gruffly. Steve flushed.

“No, that’s not–I didn’t mean–” Except he did. Wayne had been out in the heat and sun with him for who knows how long, risking heat exhaustion for a total stranger. It was also evident in the way he moved that he had some joint pain, particularly in the knees. Steve sighed. “Heat exhaustion is no joke. I used to be a lifeguard, it can get pretty bad for, uh, people of your age group.”

“You’re as bad as my boy, I can already tell,” Wayne said. “Thank god Eddie’s out there with the kids or he’d give me a talking to, as if he had a leg to stand on. I’m able to get around just fine without anyone’s hovering.”

“Uncle Wayne,” a soft solemn voice interrupted. Steve jumped when he saw a kid at the dining room entrance. He hadn’t heard anyone approaching.

“Jesus,” Steve muttered to himself. “Pay attention, Steve.”

The kid had shorn dark hair and big eyes. They wore a dress that looked like it’d been owned by at least two kids previously, and a pair of old light-up sneakers. They held a cane in their hands.

“Well, hey there, little miss,” Wayne greeted jovially. “Do you need anything, El?”

“You forgot your cane,” El said each word carefully. She walked up to Wayne, leaned the cane against the dining table, and held his large hand in her two small ones, as if to reassure him. “Let Steve help. He is nice. Dustin said so.”

El must have him confused with some other Steve she knew, but damn if that wasn’t the cutest thing he’d ever seen. By the way Wayne smiled at her, he seemed to agree. He heaved a big sigh, as if relenting was a big favor he was granting her, and accepted the cane.

“Fine, fine, but only because a sweet young lady asked me, too,” he said. El grinned which lit up her previously somber face. “Why aren’t you outside with the others?”

“Too much sun,” she said. “Hurts.”

Steve could sympathize. Too much sunlight sometimes triggered migraines that would knock him down for an entire day, or more if he was unlucky. El looked a bit putout she wasn’t outside with the others.

"Sometimes, it’s better to stay inside when it’s like this. There’s always something fun to do indoors, too," Steve said.

“There sure is,” Wayne agreed. “Weren’t you practicing your braiding? Why don’t you bring your doll over, and you can show us how to do it.”

While El went to find her toy, Wayne showed Steve where they kept the phone. However, they were having some difficulty getting a call to actually connect. Steve tried the number for the towing company, the bookstore he and Robin worked at, and his own home phone to no avail. After the third attempted call ended with Steve nearly slamming the phone into its base, Wayne picked up the phone and listened to it for a moment before dialing a number. After a bit, he hung up the phone much more gently than Steve had.

“House is acting strange. I’ll ask Eddie to look into that. Or maybe Jeff. I think it likes him better, but don’t tell Eddie that,” Wayne said. “I can give you a ride home if you need it, once everyone’s back.”

“Thanks, Wayne,” Steve said with a rundown sigh. “I might have to take you up on that.”

By then, El had returned with a couple of long haired dolls. Once the three of them had settled in the spacious living room, El handed Steve one of the dolls.

“Uncle Wayne knows how, but it hurts his hands,” El explained why she only brought two instead of three dolls. Wayne grumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like ‘didn’t raise no narc.’ Steve suppressed a smile and tried to match El’s seriousness. “It is important to know how. I can show you.”

When Steve Harrington was in high school, he not only had the title of king, but had also gotten dubbed ‘The Hair.’ Steve earned that nickname for a reason. He had hair care down to an art. One of his favorite things to do with his various ex-girlfriends was helping them with their hair. All that to say, Steve knew how to braid hair. Steve knew how to braid hair in multiple different ways. 

There was not enough money in the world to get him to tell that to the little girl very patiently instructing him at that very moment. In fact, he made sure to fumble a couple of times so that El had the opportunity to correct him. She patiently did, each time, until Steve finished a braid to her satisfaction.

“You did it,” she beamed at him when they had accomplished a single braid.

“I had a fantastic teacher,” Steve nudged her, making her giggle. “Are you going to grow out your hair so you can have braids, too?”

“I do not know. Can hair do other things?” El asked. 

Steve reminded himself he was speaking to a child and should not go on with his detailed hair care lecture that Robin constantly made fun of him for; though, Steve liked to point out, it never stopped Robin from following his instructions. Steve claimed all the credit for her excellent hair, regardless of Robin’s indignant protests.

“Well, it depends on what kind of hair you have. Do you have straight hair or curly hair?” Steve asked.

“I have not decided yet.”

“I’m not sure that’s something you can decide, honey,” Steve said gently. 

“I can,” El replied simply. “Which is better?”

“Both kinds are good in their own way,” Steve said. “But I like curly hair. Curls are cool.”

“Curls are…cool?” El paused in thought and nodded to herself. “Yes. Dustin and Eddie have curly hair. I think they are cool.”

“I don’t think I’ve met them, but yeah, their curls are probably very cool.” 

El’s brows furrowed in concentration for a moment. Her short hair started to grow, as quick as a videotape on fast-foward, into dark ringlets. They continued to grow until they reached past her chin. She pulled one of them in front of her face, studying it, and letting it spring back in place. She looked up at Steve with a shy but proud smile.

“Curls are cool,” she said.

“Um.” Steve’s brain stuttered. He looked over to Wayne, who sat there watching them placidly as if nothing had happened. “Y-Yeah. Like that. Cool, very cool.”

“Did I do it wrong?” El said, curling in on herself as she took in Steve’s no doubt panicked expression. “Human hair is supposed to grow. Jeff told me.”

“That’s right,” Wayne said gently. “It grows like that but a lot slower. I’m sure Steve can explain. How often do you get your hair cut?”

“Uh,” Steve swallowed, trying to ignore his jangling nerves in the face of Wayne’s calm demeanor. “Um. Every–every few weeks. But, uh, R-Robin, my friend, likes hers longer and goes once a year, I-I think.”

“A year is a very long time,” El said quietly. She had shrunken her posture even smaller, eyeing Steve apologetically. “I am sorry I scared you. I did not mean to.”

She sounded so guilty and nervous, it sent a pang through Steve’s heart. She was a little girl who had been nothing but sweet the entire visit and Steve was freaking out over…what? Fast growing hair? Ridiculous.

“It’s alright,” Steve said, forcing more confidence into his voice than he felt. “I’m the one that reacted badly, so I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better.”

Out of the corner of his eye, a tension he hadn’t even noticed loosened from Wayne’s shoulders. Wayne’s grip on his cane relaxed, too. It struck Steve that if he had reacted aggressively, he had no doubt that Wayne would’ve put a stop to it one way or another.

“It’s okay. I understand,” El said, patting his arm as if she’d seen someone do it once but hadn’t had the chance to try it herself. Delicately but with intent. “Mike says humans are…scaredy-cats. That means you get scared easy.” She paused and her brow furrowed. “I do not know why there are cats. You do not look like a cat.”

At El’s earnest confusion, all of Steve’s pent up nerves and fear popped like a balloon into a fit of giggles that were only slightly off kilter. El let out a few shy giggles, too, and the last of the tension left Wayne as he relaxed back into his armchair completely.

“I really don’t,” Steve agreed. “But I like cats a lot.”

El lit up.

“Dustin is sometimes a cat!” she told him excitedly. She cupped her hands as if holding something little. “He is a very small cat.”

Yeah, Steve thought, sure. Why not have a boy turn into a cat with a girl who could fast-forward hair growth? Steve planned to get himself a drink later tonight. He thought he handled this pretty well, all things considered. He deserved a reward.

–

The three of them were playing the tamest game of Uno Steve had ever played in his life when he heard shouting. Wayne sighed a long-suffering sigh that was belied by a fond grin.

"Here comes trouble," Wayne said. El giggled in response. Steve took the opportunity to put down a draw four card for Wayne. Wayne took notice and scowled at Steve. Steve gave him his best innocent look but the effect was ruined by the sound of the front door slamming open.

"HOUSE!" a man shouted. "What the hell? Are you proud of yourself? Are you pleased? You made small children walk for an extra hour out in the blazing sun!"

The shouting was accompanied by stomping footsteps and exaggerated huffing and puffing. Laughter rang all the way through to the living room as children reacted to the dramatics. El brightened at the sound and quickly abandoned the card game to run to the foyer. The loud man seemed to take the kids’ laughter as encouragement. 

"More importantly, you made me walk an extra hour, House! These boots were not made for walking. Hey, El! Do these boots look like they’re for walking?"

“No,” El laughed.

"Maybe you should've worn tennis shoes instead, like I told you," a woman's voice pitched in.

"Don't know what you’re whining about," another man added. "I'm the one who had to carry Erica for, like, ten blocks."

"Hey, this is not my fault! None of this would've happened if House hadn't decided to move somewhere else without bringing us along!" the first man protested.

“I’m telling Nancy you got us lost,” a boy said petulantly.

“Not if you ever want to hang out with us again you won’t,” grumbled the first man in response. Then he called out, “Uncle Wayne, you in here?”

“Living room,” Wayne called back as he drew four cards to continue their game of Uno, despite the disappearance of their third player.

“Uncle Wayne!” a chorus of children’s voices rang. Soon, a horde of kids tumbled into the room.

A white boy with curly hair and a black boy both cried out excitedly when they saw who was in the living room. “Steve!”

Steve blinked in surprise. How did these kids recognize him? Had they seen him working in the bookstore? Steve was pretty sure he hadn’t seen either of them in the store before. 

The two other boys with them didn’t recognize him. They were both frighteningly pale, though in slightly different ways. The kid with the bowl-cut carried a blue tint in the skin around his lips, eyes, and fingertips in a way that made Steve shiver with a sudden chill. The other boy’s skin held a gray pallor that reminded Steve uncomfortably of corpses.

“This is Steve?” the boy with the blue-tinted skin asked curiously.

“This is Steve?” the gray boy echoed in a much more unimpressed tone.

“Steve?” Steve heard coming from the hallway. It sounded like the shouting man.

“Shit,” the curly haired boy said. The other boy shoved him.

“Way to go, doofus,” he said with a scowl.

“Hey! You said his name, too!”

“Yeah, said. Not shouted.”

“We said it at the same volume!”

“No we didn’t!”

“Have we met?” Steve tried to interrupt the bickering. His question went unheard under the boys’ loud voices. 

Before he could ask again, a man entered the living room and Steve’s mouth went dry at the sight of him. He was gorgeous. Rangy but firm, with a headful of dark curls that made Steve think of swirling schools of fish. His eyes were big and dark like seabeds. He wore a black sleeveless shirt with some sort of band logo on it. It was worn thin, and damp with sweat. The man glared at him like he wanted to flay him alive.

“You,” the man hissed. 

“Eddie,” Wayne said. Eddie whipped his gaze to where Wayne sat, unconcerned, in the armchair.

“Is that his car outside?” Eddie asked shortly. “How is he here?”

“Ed, calm down,” Wayne said.

“He shouldn’t be here,” Eddie growled. 

“I think he should,” Wayne said with a calm shrug. 

“Me, too!” the curly haired boy piped up.

“Children’s opinions do not count in this conversation,” Eddie snapped. “All of you, get to your rooms. Chrissy–”

“She took the girls upstairs the second you started your hissy fit,” a handsome man interrupted as he joined them in the living room. Steve vaguely recognized him from the bar he and Robin stumbled across months ago. Jeff, maybe? The word Jeffathan popped up in his mind, which was absurd. 

“Take that back, Jeffiam. I do not throw hissy fits,” Eddie said in a tone that Steve personally thought verged hissy fit territory. He chose not to offer up that particular thought to the conversation happening around him. Also, Jeffiam? What on earth? Jeff rolled his eyes.

“Sure,” Jeff said in a way that clearly stated disagreement. “C’mon, boys. We’ll let Eddy and Uncle Wayne figure things out with Steve.”

A series of loud complaints rose up. It almost distracted Steve from how odd Eddie’s name sounded when Jeff said it.

“You guys can stay up an extra hour past bedtime if you come along without fighting,” Jeff said.

The gray boy whooped and ran off the moment the words left Jeff’s lips, with the blue boy close at his heels. The two boys that recognized Steve shot him apologetic looks but chased after their friends with no other complaints. Jeff gave Eddie a stern look. 

“Think this through before doing anything, Eddy,” Jeff said, before turning on his heel and leaving.

That left only Steve, Eddie, and Wayne in the living room that was almost painfully quiet now that El and the other children were gone. Wayne looked as peaceable as ever, but Eddie more than made up for it with the glare that had not let up since he saw Steve. 

Steve had questions. A lot of questions. He couldn’t even begin to articulate his questions. His car broke down though there wasn’t anything wrong with it; the phone in the house wouldn’t connect his calls; a little girl grew her hair at will; there was possibly a child who could transform into a small cat; an entire building seemingly relocated without anyone noticing; and somehow, despite the impossibility of those things, all of it felt almost familiar.

“What is going on?”

“Why are you here?”

Steve and Eddie spoke simultaneously, though Steve’s words came out incredulous and Eddie’s were angry as hell. Wayne watched them both warily. He didn’t interject.

“I didn't come here on purpose,” Steve said defensively. He didn’t owe this man any explanation, he thought irritably, but Wayne had been so kind to him the whole time. Steve didn’t want to pick a fight with his nephew. “I was going grocery shopping and my car broke down. Your uncle was nice enough to let me use the phone but it didn’t work, otherwise I would’ve been long gone.”

“The phone works fine,” Eddie sniffed. “House just doesn’t like you.”

Wayne snorted.

“The problem is the other way around and you’re being too stubborn to see it, Ed. His car worked fine when I was behind the wheel.”

“You got into the car with him?” Eddie asked, aghast. “Uncle Wayne, stranger danger!”

“I am not a child, Eddie.” Wayne rolled his eyes, which seemed to happen a lot around Eddie. Steve thought about how Wayne had gripped his cane in that tense moment after El’s hair trick, and the way he had eyed him during it.

“I’m pretty sure he can take care of himself,” Steve muttered. Eddie puffed up like an angry cat, indignant at the comment.

“Nobody asked you,” Eddie snapped.

“Alright, what the f–” Steve paused, remembering there were children in the house, and course-corrected. “What the heck is your problem with me, man? You’re acting like I insulted your mother or something, but I’d remember you if we’d met before and we haven’t.”

Even as he said that, Steve couldn’t be sure that was true. A sense of familiarity lingered doggedly at the edges of his mind. Eddie’s beauty was breathtaking but it didn’t feel new. 

“Don’t take it personally, Steve,” Eddie sneered. “I don’t like any humans.”

Wayne coughed.

“You don’t count, Uncle Wayne, you’re a god amongst men,” Eddie said without missing a beat. For a brief moment, Wayne smiled crookedly at his nephew.

“You’re not human?” Steve asked, looking Eddie over more closely. He didn’t look inhuman. Then again, neither did El and she proved she wasn’t human pretty easily.

“Nope!” Eddie said with a mean sort of cheeriness. “But it doesn’t matter because you won’t remember any of this.”

Eddie started to hum a tune that muffled Steve’s mind. It was a beautiful song coming from the beautiful man, and Steve wanted to give him anything, everything, he wanted.

“Steve,” Eddie said his name like a song. “I want you to for–”

“Eddie Munson, that’s enough,” Wayne’s sharp tone cut through the hum in Eddie’s words.

The enchanting tune stopped abruptly. The absence left Steve reeling, like his mind was not fully connected to his body. He didn’t like it. Steve couldn’t tell if he wanted the song back or to never hear it again.

“This man has done nothing but be sweet to the kids,” Wayne said. “How many times has he shown up now?”

“It doesn’t mat–”

“Yes it does and you know it,” Wayne interrupted. “Twice with Jeff’s card and this is the second time House moved to find him.”

“But–”

“Dustin went missing for days looking for him, Eddie. You’re being stubborn and that put Dustin in more danger than Steve has so far.”

Eddie’s mouth audibly snapped shut at that declaration.  Eddie jerked back as if struck. A broken musical sound escaped his throat unthinkingly, and it sent a lance of pain through Steve’s heart. Steve wanted to do something to erase that pain from Eddie’s face, but his mind still hadn’t quite gathered itself. His tongue felt heavy and clumsy in his mouth.

“I understand why, Eddie. You’re not wrong to be cautious,” Wayne said. “But what was the point of getting House if you’re not going to trust it?”

Eddie blinked rapidly, eyes red-rimmed. He didn’t look at Wayne. Eddie’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. Then his shamed expression shifted into one of steely resolution. He stalked towards Steve. It would’ve been frightening if Steve had had his wits about him. Cool hands cupped Steve’s face and all he could see was deep, dark eyes he wanted to drown in.

“I don’t know how long it’ll take House to find you again,” Eddie said, and the music in his words was gentler than before. It kept Steve’s mind calm. “But I need you to leave.”

“Eddie,” Wayne said. 

The song strengthened to override the interruption. Steve wanted to kiss Eddie. He’d do anything Eddie asked for a kiss.

“Steve, will you be a good boy for me?” Eddie asked.

“Yes,” Steve gasped. He wanted to be so good for Eddie.

“Today is going to feel like a dream,” Eddie said.

“Nice dream,” Steve murmured hazily. A flicker of a smile from Eddie made his stomach swoop pleasantly.

“Yeah, a nice dream,” Eddie said. “You have to leave me now, but I’m going to miss you so much, Steve.”

Steve whimpered. He didn’t want to leave if it would hurt Eddie. He tried to lean forward, to press his forehead against Eddie’s and promise him his life if it would make that smile come back. Eddie's cool hands held him firmly in place.

“Listen to me. I’ll be so sad with you gone, so you’ll come back to me, won’t you? Come back to me in two days, Stevie. Promise me?”

“Promise,” Steve mumbled. “Two days. I’ll come back. I will.”

“I know you will. Now, go and I’ll be ready when you come back to me.”

–

The next thing Steve knew, he was in the parking lot of the grocery store and it was much later in the day than Steve had originally planned. As frustrating as the car trouble had been, Steve couldn’t regret the loss of time. Wayne was such a nice guy to have helped him fix his car and his nephew was gorgeous. His good old Harrington charm still worked like a dream because he got an invitation to visit again in a couple of days. He could scope out the nephew and see if there was maybe a chance for some romance in his future. 

He might as well try, since he had no luck in the adoption front yet. Though, he thought they mentioned something about running a daycare? There may have been some kids running around at some point during the car repairs. Maybe he could volunteer to help out Wayne with the kids. It wouldn’t be the same as fatherhood, but it would be something. 

Steve grinned as he got out of his car and headed into the grocery store. He couldn’t wait to tell Robin. Things were starting to look up!

I do not do those reader tag list things. If you’d like to keep up with my stuff please follow my writing tag: trensu tells stories

#hawkins halfway house for homeless horrors #trensu tells stories #stranger things #wayne munson #eddie munson #steve harrington #el hopper #steddie #i swear the sixth chapter will be the last one #after this fic is properly finished #everything else i write (IF i write it anyway) will just be random oneshots set in the 'verse #i do want to write more since i have backstories for all the kids #and eddie's backstory in particular i'm pretty excited to play with #but my seasonal depression is going to be kicking in soon and my carpal tunnel's been acting up a bit #not too bad but it can definitely get worse if i don't take it easy #and i have to start working on a sewing project that has a specific time frame for completion #but damn it! i wanna finish this fic!!

[drengar]

Just going to put it out there, a certain bird may take over my blog at times. I love all of my muses but Keigo just has a special place. He's my comfort muse and one that I can play just so easily. I'm just mentioning this as I've mentioned before that my depression is acting up but I still wish to be a bit active here.

#gun aghaidh「 ooc: mun things 」 #[i don't exactly like when one muse takes over my blog] #[and it was one reason why i debated on keeping keigo on his own blog] #[but i'm just going deal with it because i love my bird too much] #[and really with my seasonal depression already starting to act up] #[i feel i needed to get this out there even though i've already shown signs on this possibly happening at some point]

[hatake]

.

#been so tired of my youngest sister #she's in her early 20s and is very much always acting like it and it's exhausting #1) ur not the the center of the universe #2) ur not the most important person in anyone's life other than ur own #3) ur not that interesting your only personality trait right now is being mean to ppl and having a boyfriend so stop being so judgmental #she keeps doing this thing where she'll ''jokingly'' be mean then get mad/give me the silent treatment if i do it back #don't be a bitch if you don't want me to be a bitch back #and ofc every convo is about her or she's not interested in it #she always wants sympathy for the most minor of inconveniences but can't give an ounce of it to anyone else #I'm just tired #my seasonal depression is doing the flare ups and she is exhausting meeeeee

[gggoldfinch]

Wishing it was 1990-something and I had a cool counterculture boyfriend 😔

#my parents romanticized their youths when I was a kid so much that my life feels meaningless #maybe it’s the seasonal depression acting up lmao 💀 #this time of year (almost-spring) always makes me painfully nostalgic

[finalcreacher]

anywho- ed be acting up again 😗

#oh my god i think its just because of my seasonal depression #last spring i was worried someone was gonna send me to inpatient for wanting to k//ll myself lmao #and my ed was also hella acting up #i got really into smoothies and that would be the only thing keeping me together during school #like #thats all id eat *cries* #i should start doing smoothies again tbh #like that would be better than starving myself me thinks #tw vent #vent #personal vent #tw ed #tw eating issues #tw sui implied #tw suicide #tw sui

[ghostfacd]

SHE WAS LIKE A SHOT OF EPRESSO

pairing. tom blyth x actress!fem!reader (mentions of other actors x fem!reader platonically)

summary. in which you are the epitome of sunshine and radiance within your co stars OR all the times your co stars have talked interviewers’ ears off about you

installment of this au | read for context!

Time 1: Tom Blyth

“How’s Y/N as a cast mate?”

That question shouldn’t make Tom Blyth smile that wide — but he does — because he’s so utterly and unconditionally inlove with you.

“Oh gosh, I wouldn’t even know where to start,” Tom begins. “As her boyfriend, I think I’m being pretty biased when I say this, but Y/N Avocot as a cast mate has honestly been the best experience of my life. There has not been a day where she doesn’t make me laugh so hard that my ribs start hurting, and there hasn’t been a day where she hasn’t made me smile.” He pauses for a moment, pondering the next words to say.

“Y/N’s just that type of person, you know? She’s like the warm sunlight that engulfs you every morning you open your curtains, she’s like that newly brewed coffee that helps hydrate and bring you back to life. She’s everything.” And he says this in such a loving manner that the interviewer practically awes, the cameraman zooming the camera to show Tom’s dilated pupil.

“Your pupils are dilated!” The interviewer mentions, laughing as she points towards his eyes.

“Oxytocin is a warm hormone that’s released when you talk about someone you love,” Tom shrugs. “All my friends say my pupils dilate when I’m near Y/N, that’s just the effect she has on people.”

“Well there it is folks! Tom Blyth is truly inlove with Y/N Avocot!”

Time 2: Sean Kaufman and Lola Tung

It was an interview discussing the new season of The Summer I Turned Pretty, and it consisted of Sean and Lola who’s schedules were the only ones that were open that day.

“Guys! We’re so happy to have you today,” the interviewer starts.

“Why thank you,” Lola smiles brightly into the camera, smoothing out her dress.

“So obviously, this season is very important to the plot, it contains so much new exciting storylines including Sean’s character, Steven Conklin, and Y/N’s character, Ella!”

“Yes,” Sean laughs, his eyes crinkling. “It was very fun filming the scenes with Y/N, she’s like that little rush of happiness that you just wanna keep inside a jar.”

“Actually!” Lola speaks up, crossing one leg over the other as she leans forward to the interviewer. “Now that Sean’s mentioning it, Y/N really is a rush of happiness. God, everyday on set, I always think ‘I’m gonna probably have to say my lines over a thousand times and be tired by the time I’m done’ but Y/N comes right in, and she’s always making funny faces behind the director which just fills my heart with joy and it’s those little moments that make acting really worth it you know? Like even though I’m dying re filming the same scene over and over again — I know that Y/N’s always going to cheer me up by the end of it.”

“Wow,” the interviewer laughs. “I haven’t even asked you guys about Y/N yet but she seems to be very loved by the crew.”

“Oh yeah,” Sean nods. “Everyone filming loves her. I mean, how could you not?”

And the interviewer thinks the same question, because after interviewing Tom Blyth, she really believes that you really cannot not love Y/N Avocot.

Time 3: Timothee Chalamet

“Timo!” The interviewer greets Timothee excitedly, moving the chair so he could sit.

“Jacob! My favorite interviewer,” and maybe Timothee’s lying, because he’s seen about a million interviewers by now, but it makes Jacob smile, not so much hating his job anymore.

“Your new movie, Miracles in Love, can you tell me more about that?”

“Yes,” Timothee takes a deep breath. “It’s about a boy and girl in their early twenties figuring out what they wanna be in life. My character, Louie Marcel, falls inlove with my co star — Y/N’s character — Maeve Jones after they bump into each other at the bar and talk about how depressing their lives are. It’s pretty funny, y’know. How easy it was to film with Y/N, in fact, it came all naturally.” Timothee pauses, a small smile playing on his lips.

“When you say naturally, what exactly do you mean by that?”

“Oh you know Jacob,” Timothee grins. “It’s easy to fall inlove with Y/N Avocot. She’s a remarkable actress, and everything that I filmed with her feels so real that it feels like I’m really Louie and I’m really falling inlove with a girl named Maeve at the local bar near my university.”

“Oh wow,” Jacob, the interviewer, can’t help but gush at Timothee’s endearing statement. “You must be very good friends.”

“Us? Of course!” He laughs as if it was one of the funniest statements on earth. “I’m really good friends with her boyfriend too, Tom. They’re honestly the sweetest couple, don’t know if I’m inlove with him or her. Maybe both,” he jokes.

bellyapologist oh to be yn avocot and be so loved by her cast mates that they’re smiling each time they talk about her

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user1 literally like how do you not cry when you’re being called a literal rush of happiness

user2 lola and sean being so excited to talk about her even though the interviewer didn’t start the interview yet 😭

user3 shows that yn is rly a good person

timotheesgf YN AVOCOT LET ME BE YOU PLEASEEEE LOOK AT HOW TIMOTHEE TALKS ABT HER GOD LIFE IS NOT FAIR

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user4 “it’s easy to fall inlove with yn avocot” FUCKKKKK

user5 “everything I filmed with her feels so real” oh tom and kylie are punching the air rn

user9 she must’ve saved a planet in her past life cause..

user10 same energy as “she was like a shot of espresso” 😭😭😭😔😔😔

#Coriolanus snow #coriolanus snow angst #coriolanus snow imagine #coriolanus snow x you #coriolanus snow smut #coriolanus snow fanfiction #coriolanus snow x reader #tom blyth #tom blyth x reader #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #tbosbas #the hunger games x reader #timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet

[kuroakikitsune]

.

#love it #my so called friends havent noticed a thing #ive been quiet in the gc which is unlike me yet still seeing everything and even making tweets that will #up in their feed because i was curious #to see if they even bothered checking out my profile #and if they do they dont care #not a single one of them has checked on me #yet as soon as one of them is acting different i check to make sure theyre ok #and if i say something in the gc ill get fake sympathy #i thought at least one would check on me #my mental health has been shit enough lately and now i see how easy they forget about me. #and despite all that i am still doing things for them #which they are ungrateful for #i want to not post tomorrow's maybe then theyll realise something is wrong #my birthday is next month and im curious if ill be forgotten #everyone elses bdays were remembered #and one of their birthdays would've been forgotten if i hadnt steped in #and yet the others will probably take all the credit for it #this really is depression season #i feel so lonely #i just want a genuine friend #someone whosl cares back #and not only when it suits them #someone actually puts me before their other friends #if anyone reads all this #you must be really bored #tumblr is like shouting into the void #which ironically is almost comforting #i need to stop caring so much about people and become more heartless #but itd not in my nature

[gommyworm]

:^l

#winter is the worst thing to exist ever #i feel like apologizing for being negative but also like this is my blog .... so whatever #anyways these past weeks have been a living hell i havent been so close to swerving into oncoming traffic in a while #regulsr depressions being acting up like a bich bc i havent seen anyone other than my family in weeks #i wake uo at 6 whatever am. go to work. go home. make dinner for my family. sit and read webcomics for a bit. go to sleep. #havent even been sleeping well lmao one of the onky pleasures in my life is being unconcious so this sucks #i had skating classes once a week but that last last thursday so like i dont even get that anymore #and i dont have any monry to sign myself uo for anything else bc i gotta give my mom 1k and i need to pay my credit card n student loans #anyways regular depression + seasonal depression + pmsing like fucking crazy + got in a fight w my mom again #bc shes telling me to get married lmfao but like i dont even leave the house ? im too busy taking care of her kids ? #and i dont even have money to do fun things bc im too stressed about giving her money for my shit head brother ? also i have no friends ? #friend 1 lives in a city 8 hrs away fridnd 2 scheduke doesnt line up w mine often and hes got exams n shjt also hes dealing w his own stuff #friend 3 is my ex who my mom would literally kill me if she knew i was seeing lol so like my options are very limited ! #anyways either im gonna have to leave the country or kill myself soon bc i cant live like this for too much longer #i keep telling myelf like oh when the kids are a bit older i can finally leave but like goddd i cant do this for another 3 years #i have literally nothing to live for i hope i die soon #gommywords #sorry if u are one of my 3 aformentioned friends n u read this shit lol i dont have the courage or strength to talk to ppl about things

[sparxemberflame]

Huh

#my touch starvation's really acting up #and seasonal depression really is THAT bitch huh #fuck #I need some sleep #and cuddles and kisses and reassurance but that shit's about a thousand years away

[egcdeath]

the l word

pairing: joel miller x reader

summary: the five times you realized that you loved joel, and the first time one of you says it. 

word count: 9.1k

warnings: canon divergent, no apocalypse, 5+1 fic, hurt/comfort, a certain someone gets punched, brief mention of postpartum depression & abandonment, really brief mention of physical abuse in 3, fluff, domestic fluff, angst with a happy ending, found family

author’s note: happy very early valentine’s day! this is part three of the soccer parents au, you can read spectator sport (p1) and clean sheet (p2) here!

this fic would not be possible if it were not for the help of @freakinfairykind, who sent me the idea for scene 3 and listened to my thought vomit whenever i hit a roadblock! you can thank them for the brilliance that is what occurs in that scene :)! enjoy!

part four / series masterlist

Zero

After Nathan, you were sure that you would never fall in love again. Love was supposed to be beautiful and soft—a random bouquet of flowers, having a whole conversation with just your eyes, sweet messages sent to you when you expected it least and needed it most, and foot massages after a long day. For you, love had been nothing of the sort—settling for mediocrity, spitting out venomous words during arguments, and biting back tears on forgotten anniversaries. 

Love wasn’t kind or patient, or rainbows and flowers. Love was a storm cloud that followed you around when you were around him, pouring sadness and anger on you and striking you with lightning bolts of resentment. 

Maybe some people just simply weren’t meant for love. Maybe you were one of them.

One

After years of trying to hold together a failing marriage and hide the myriad of painful feelings you were going through for the sake of your daughter, bottling up your feelings had become your preferred coping mechanism to everyday stressors. 

For the most part, it worked for you. Sure, some days were harder than others, and the smallest confrontation or blip in the day would send you spiraling; but more often than not, you were able to compartmentalize whatever was bothering you and save it for a rainy day.

That was part of what worked so well about the relationship you had with Joel during the soccer season—you had the opportunity to unscrew the lid of the shaken bottle of your feelings just a little bit, taking some of the edge off by yelling about completely inconsequential things. But now, you don't have that outlet. And today was one of those days that you desperately needed it. 

Nathan had come by to pick up Chloe just a bit ago, and it was very obvious that she hadn’t exactly wanted to spend her weekend with him. Some of her friends were going to the mall and having a sleepover, and because Nathan wasn’t particularly fond of their parents, he’d very openly told her no. She begged and pleaded to stay with you (mainly so she could go hang out with her friends), which of course broke your heart a little bit, but also led to a pretty dramatic outburst from your daughter to Nathan when he’d picked her up.

“You’re raising a spoiled little brat,” he hissed at you, pointing an accusatory finger once Chloe was in the car. 

“At least I’m raising her. You only show up when it’s convenient for you,” you shot back. If Nathan wanted to stoop low, you could fall to his level. “Put your finger down. She’s watching us.”

“A little argument won’t hurt her,” he scoffed. “See? You’re proving my point: you spoil her too much.”

“Because years of watching her parents bicker wasn’t traumatic enough? Get in the fucking car, Nathan.”

He huffed, looking back at the car, then over at you. “Fine. But before I go, I’d appreciate it if you stopped talking poorly about me in front of her. Clearly she’s listening to you and acting out because of it.”

“Have you considered that you’re just a shit father and maybe that’s why she doesn’t like you?” you were already making your way back inside, feeling the avalanche of emotions beginning to stir inside of you, and a little frightened of what might come out next. 

“You’re still such a bitch. Every day I praise every deity that’s out there that I left your sorry ass.”

You were viciously fighting the urge to get the last word in, knowing that whatever would come out next wouldn’t be good, and you certainly didn’t want Chloe seeing you like that. You left him with a sarcastic thumbs up, then slammed your front door, taking deep breaths to attempt to calm yourself down.

You crumbled down in front of the door, still maintaining slow and deep breaths. It was no big deal. Nathan just says stuff like that to stir the pot. You just needed to find something to take your mind off of everything. Your mind went to the scarf you’d been working on crocheting, something you could mindlessly do for a little while while you cooled off. 

The scarf was going well. You were calmly crocheting the evening away when you checked your phone to find a few apologetic messages from your coworkers. Feeling confused, you went on to check your email, only to find that the promotion you’d spent the last few months of your life slaving away for had been given to someone else—someone who had worked half as hard as you, and even took credit for a few of your projects. 

Your hands shook as you set down your phone and attempted to pick back up the crochet hook. You were fine, right? Sometimes these things just happen. Sometimes you sacrifice hours of your free time, hours of time you’ll never get back with your child, or significant other, hours you’ll never get back of sleep, hours of-

You cut your mind off, tossing aside the scarf and taking a deep breath. You were gonna be okay. This just meant you could take your foot off the gas going forward, since your work, effort, and time clearly was not being valued. Maybe you would just sit at your desk and play games, then slap your name on projects and presentations like Naomi. Maybe you’d just-

Your phone began to vibrate on your bed and your immediate reaction was to silence it, but upon checking the contact name, you became slightly more inclined to answer. 

“Hey! I almost thought you weren’t gonna pick up,” the man on the other end chuckled. 

“Is everything okay?” you asked, although you weren’t sure you’d be able to handle anything else today. With how your day was going, Joel was probably calling you to break up.

“Better than okay. We finished up early, and Sarah’s already at her friend’s. You in the mood for some company?”

No, not particularly. In fact, if Joel came over, you’d probably end up going off on him over something you don’t really mean, successfully putting an end to the best thing you’ve had in a while. 

“Uh,” your voice cracked, and a rogue tear slipped down your face. You didn’t even know that you were on the brink of tears. “I’m sorry,” you uttered, digging the heels of your hands into your eyes. 

“Sorry for what? You don’t have to feel bad for not wanting me over,” he said genuinely, not picking up on your emotional state over the phone. 

“No, I do want you over,” you whimpered. “I just… I don’t want to lose you, too.”

“What? I promise you I’m not going anywhere. Well, I’m going home now, but I can also come to your place if you want me to.”

“Please,” you grit out. 

“You okay?” he asked, finally catching on to the fact that something was very off with you. 

“I don’t know,” you confessed. 

“Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“No.”

“You sure you want me to come over?”

“Yeah,” you sniffled, desperately trying to fend off your tears.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you soon, alright?”

“Bye,” you hung up, burrowing yourself under layers of blankets and curling up onto your side. Maybe this tidal wave of emotions would pass by the time Joel got to your place. You closed your eyes as you took deep, shaky breaths, wiping away stray tears every now and then as they fell. You could pull yourself together. 

You kept telling yourself this as you dragged yourself out of bed to answer the door, but the moment you saw Joel with a box of chocolates and a bouquet of flowers, you completely lost it. He immediately tossed the items down and pulled you into a tight embrace, not exactly knowing what was wrong, but instinctually wanting to comfort you regardless. 

You didn’t even really know what it was either. Sure, you were pissed that you’d lost the promotion, and even more upset that Nathan had called your daughter a name while insulting your parenting skills, but it was far more than that. It was every little thing from the past two months that had upset you in some capacity that you had decided to push as far down as possible. 

You sobbed until your throat was raw and your eyes grew sore from crying so much. The whole time Joel wordlessly held you, rubbing soothing circles into your back and swaying you back and forth just the slightest bit. You almost felt like your tears would never stop, and the more you willed yourself to pull it together, the harder it was to do so. 

Finally, you pulled away, head hanging with humiliation by the emotions abruptly pouring out of you. You truly felt like a live wire. You should’ve just told Joel not to come over. 

“Want me to run you a bath?” he asked softly, tilting your chin up so he could look at you, and rubbing a thumb over your cheek. “Or is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“A bath is good,” you said quietly, averting your gaze. You almost felt like a toddler in the midst of a tantrum. The shame of being a grown woman who couldn’t even control her emotions was overwhelming, but Joel didn’t seem to mind much at all. He simply led you up to your bathroom and quietly filled the tub for you, checking it every now and then to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Once the tub was filled up, he helped you undress, then held your hand as you stepped into the tub. 

“Would you like me to stay?” Joel asked as you settled into the tub. 

“Not really,” you admitted. 

“Okay. Just yell for me if you need anything. I’ll be downstairs.”

Somehow, the bath was everything you needed. It was just warm enough to relax your rather tense muscles, and just quiet enough to allow you to actually process your thoughts. You sat and soaked in the bath for a while, just inhaling the scent of lavender, and trying your best to let go of the feelings that you’d been holding onto for so long. 

Eventually, you felt ready to talk about things, and called out Joel’s name, who after a moment, showed up in your bathroom and sat down on a towel next to the tub. 

“How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching for your pruny hand. 

“Better,” you answered as you laced your fingers with his.  

“Well, I’m here when you feel ready to talk about it. And if you don’t feel ready to talk about it, that’s okay too.” 

“Okay,” you said quietly. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, the apology being more of a force of habit. 

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Joel  assured, “we all feel our feelings sometimes,” he pushed away a bit of hair that had fallen into your face. 

“I’m sorry you had to see me like this, I guess,” you continued. It had been a while since you’d shown any negative emotions in front of anyone, let alone a significant other. In fact, the last time you’d been sad in front of a significant other, you’d been laughed at and mocked. You’d been conditioned to see your own vulnerability as weakness, as a character flaw you needed to apologize for.

“Like what? Naked?” he teased, trying to at least make you smile when you’d clearly been feeling so down. “You know I don’t mind that at all. Seriously, though. There’s nothing wrong with being upset, and there’s nothing wrong with being upset in front of the people you care about.”

A tear slipped down your cheek. It had been so long since anyone had made you feel like you weren’t a burden for having a rough day. Joel gently brushed away your tears with his thumb, and kissed your forehead. 

“Thank you,” you muttered, feeling all sorts of feelings, particularly one feeling you couldn’t quite describe that had been lying dormant for years of your life. 

You eventually got out of the tub once the water had become too cold and you had become

somewhat of a human prune, and you found yourself curled up in bed with Joel, wearing a flannel that he’d left behind the last time he was over. 

“Feeling any better?” he asked once again, gently rubbing your back as a trashy reality TV show played quietly in the background. 

“Yeah,” you mumbled as you looked up at the ceiling, “it’s been a rough few months.” 

“Months?” Joel asked, scooting closer to you. “What’s been happening?”

“Too much to get into,” you sighed. “I guess it just all came out now.”

Joel turned down the volume of the TV, and turned his body so that he could face you properly. “If you want to talk, we have the time. I may or may not have drank a coffee on my way over here, so I’ll be completely alert for the next few hours.”

He gently grabbed your hand and squeezed it, a little reminder that he was here for you. 

“Today’s just been… bad. When Nathan picked Chloe up, she was upset so he called her a spoiled brat and said that it was my fault that she was one. Obviously I do a lot for her, and I know that I’m a good mom, but sometimes the way he talks about her scares me a little. I don’t want her to have self-esteem issues because her dad likes to name-call. I mean, she’s probably gonna have enough issues from our shitty relationship and messy divorce. That really upset me, but that definitely wasn’t the last straw or anything.”

Joel silently sat and listened, holding your hand and listening attentively.

“I lost the promotion, Joel. You know, the one I’ve been working absurd hours for? But it’s not just that, it’s just… there are months of emotions I haven’t had a chance to process. I guess it just all came out now after that.”

“I’m so sorry,” he said softly. “Nathan is an asshole. He shouldn’t be saying that kind of thing about his child just to make you feel bad. And your boss is stupid for not giving you that position when you’ve clearly earned it. Everything you’ve felt today is valid, but so is everything else that you’ve been holding in for the past… however long. It’s okay to feel your feelings in the moment instead of waiting for them to boil over.”

“I guess, it’s just… I don’t know. I’ve had to be strong for so long. I don’t know if I know how to not wait for my emotions to boil over.”

“Well, you don’t have to be so strong anymore. You’re not alone,” he assured you. “If you ever need me to watch Chloe because you need to go out to the middle of nowhere and scream, or just need someone to talk your feelings out with, I am more than happy to do so. Okay?”

“Okay,” you agreed, setting your head on Joel’s chest. 

You were getting that weird, dormant feeling in you once again. There was an odd warmth in your chest and butterflies in your stomach, that felt strange and familiar, but most of all, exciting. You had no idea what was going on, or what that feeling was, but you did know that you didn’t want it to stop anytime soon.

And honestly, it didn’t seem like it would. 

Two

Walking into Joel’s home to the sound of soft guitar chords made you feel a bit like you had woken up in a dream, or died and gone to heaven. It wasn’t often that you’d heard him play guitar. Sing? Sure! He loved to sing along to a song he liked on the radio, or do karaoke with you and the kids. But playing guitar was something that he seemed to like to keep to himself.

Joel had picked Chloe up from school, as you had an important work event that you’d anticipated going quite late, and as you’d predicted, it was nearly midnight by the time you got to Joel’s place. It was rare for you to see those two alone, without yours or Sarah’s presence, but you’d assumed the latter had gone to bed due to how late it was and the fact that they had school in the morning.

So hearing Joel play for your daughter felt… weird. But a good weird. Like he trusted her enough to be doing something that he often kept under wraps, even for you.

“I love this song!” you heard your daughter exclaim from the living room. You rounded a corner, not quite ready to appear yet, but curious enough to eavesdrop on the scene.

Joel chuckled at her reaction, “should we sing it together?”

“Maybe, I’m not very good, though.”

“I doubt that,” Joel said, continuing to play the introduction to the song on a loop. 

“I… fine, I’ll sing.”

The two of them began to sing along to the song, and you could’ve sworn that your heart did an actual flip as you listened. There was something very sweet about the whole scene, of Joel playing a song your daughter loved, of him assuring her that she was good enough, and singing something together. 

You should’ve felt bad for listening in on the scene, for invading on a moment that was clearly meant to be private, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to feel that way when your heart was so filled with… something that you couldn’t quite place.

The song came to a soft conclusion, and you figured there was no better time to finally step out from behind the wall than then. 

“You guys sounded so good!” you stated as you entered the room.

“Oh hi,” Joel greeted a little awkwardly, looking down at his guitar as if he’d been caught red handed. 

“Mom!” Chloe exclaimed, coming over to you and hugging you. “I missed you.”

“We were just killing time while we waited for you to get home. How was work?”

“Eh,” you shrugged, sitting down across from Joel as Chloe curled up next to you. “It was work.”

“Mom, did you know that Joel sings and plays guitar? He’s really good!”

“Really? I didn’t know that,” you acted surprised for your child, but looked mischievously at your partner. It wasn’t often that you had the chance to get Joel to play you something, and you refused to let the opportunity slip away from you. “Can you play me something?”

“He can!” Chloe accepted the offer before Joel could begin to protest. God, was this child your mini-you. “Go ahead, Joel.”

He looked to you as if he needed some sort of excuse to not do it, or encouragement to play (more likely than not, he was looking for an out), but you simply shrugged, far too enthused at the idea of him playing guitar for you. 

Just as the man sighed and began to put his fingers to the string, Sarah came down the stairs and plopped herself right next to you. 

“You guys are loud,” she stated, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. 

“Sorry for waking you up,” you apologized. “You were just about to miss your dad’s concert!”

“Oh good,” Sarah giggled, getting all comfortable next to you as she pulled a blanket over her lap. 

“I feel like this is a premeditated attack,” Joel held onto his guitar. 

“It’s definitely not. We just want you to share your gift with the world!”

“Alright, fine. Only because I like you guys so much.”

The three of you cheered from the couch as Joel began to play again, the soft acoustic notes of a love song you’d heard a few times before. As Joel played and sang, he looked straight at you, and you couldn’t help but feel like the lyrics were coming straight from his heart to you. 

That warm, fuzzy feeling in your chest that you’d become more and more familiar with over the course of your relationship began to reappear as you sat there, the moment a snapshot of the perfect domestic bliss that had become your home life. As you sat with your two favorite children in the world, and your favorite man, you realized that you’d never felt more content in your life. 

Three

When you agreed to come to a bar with Joel, you hadn’t expected it to be a quaint little hole-in-the-wall with great live music. 

The atmosphere was lively, the drinks were dangerously sweet, and best of all, it was cute watching Joel in his element. Part of you wondered if he ever saw himself up on the stage, playing for a little audience. Although, he was so bashful and shy playing in front of you and the girls that you wondered if he would like it at all. 

You finished off your first drink rather quickly, but you were feeling up for another, and prepared to head back to the bar. “Do you want another drink?” you asked Joel over the loud music. 

“I’m alright. Thank you, though,” he kissed your cheek, then looked back up at the stage, directing all of his focus there once more. 

You made your way back to the bar, where you ordered another fruity drink for yourself and patiently waited for it to be made, humming along to the cover being sung on stage. 

Being able to find out more about what Joel liked to spend his time doing was (unsurprisingly) quite nice. While he was vulnerable with his emotions, he was often a little more closed off when it came to sharing his hobbies and interests. You wondered how many of these live shows and open mics he was familiar with, how many local artists he was friends with. Would he ever feel comfortable enough around you to share those things with you? Well, you certainly hoped so. 

You looked around with a small smile on your face at the thought of learning more about your partner’s interests. Had he ever been the one up on stage? Maybe before Sarah was born and he was launched straight into the time consuming world of fatherhood. Although, he surely would’ve shared that with you by now.

You were drawn out of thought when eyes landed on a head of hair that looked a little too familiar for your liking.  

No.

There was no way.

This bar was definitely not his scene. In fact, if you’d suggested this bar, he would’ve laughed in your face and called you a hipster, before dragging you out to some stuffy restaurant where he’d complain about the portion size of both his meal and the bill. 

Your mind was just playing a mean trick on you. You’d had a somewhat stressful week, and sometimes drinking made you the slightest bit paranoid. Besides, it was just someone’s hair. Literally anyone could have that hair color, or hair cut, and although the world was small, it wasn’t that small. 

Just as you began to fall headfirst into your nerves, the bartender handed you your drink, and you walked back to Joel, head still in the clouds. 

You couldn’t shake that off feeling, even as Joel danced around with you and stole a sip of your drink, both actions bringing a smile to your face, but not quite quelling the growing discomfort in your stomach. 

You just needed to go clear your mind and freshen up. At least, that’s what you told yourself before telling Joel to keep your drink safe and power walking to the bathroom.

You stood at the sink, splashing your face with water as cold as the faucets would go. Nathan was not here. You needed to just relax, and enjoy the fun date that Joel had planned. You couldn’t keep letting this man ruin your experiences, even when he wasn’t present.

“You okay, hun?” a voice asked you while your head was bowed over the sink. When you looked up, your eyes nearly popped out of your head, as if you were some ridiculous cartoon character. 

Well. Your brain must’ve really been fucking with you today. Or the Universe just really hated you. 

Claire, Nathan’s new girlfriend, was asking you if you were alright in the bathroom of a bar that your new boyfriend had suggested. 

You were completely unsure of whether she knew who you were or not, although she seemed tipsy enough not to care. 

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled awkwardly at her. “But, uh, my mascara’s a little smudged. Any chance you have a makeup wipe?”

“Yeah!” she said, digging into her purse to check for the item. 

You’d never met Claire before, but as far as first impressions went, this one wasn’t too bad. She offered you the wipe, then stood next to you as you dabbed at your under eye. 

“You meet anyone fun tonight?” she asked, beginning to touch up her own makeup. 

“No, I’m actually here with my partner. He really likes the music,” you said casually, dabbing at the same spot so you could at least attempt to maintain your composure in an otherwise dramatically ironic and tense situation. 

“Oh no. Was he the one making you cry?”

“Cry? No! I was sweating. We were dancing,” suddenly, a slightly perverse question crossed your mind. “Does your partner make you cry a lot?”

“How do you even know I have one?” she giggled, sounding less accusatory and more confused. 

“I don’t I just-“

“No, not really,” she shrugged as she reapplied her lip liner. “He mostly just buys me shit and spoils me. What would I have to cry about? He’s a really good guy.”

Oh, you remembered that phase. Well, phases. The time after he’d slapped you during an argument immediately came to mind. Nathan could probably teach a seminar on love bombing, then making you feel guilty for having any negative feelings because of all the money he’d spent on you. 

“That’s good,” you nodded, tossing the used wipe in the trash and making your way to the door. “Thanks for checking in on me and helping me. Have a good night.”

“Hey, do I know you from somewhere?” she asked as your hand hit the door.

“No,” you replied promptly, maybe slamming the door behind you a little too hard. 

This was a lot to process, and a lot to take in. Despite having a fun time with Joel, you really just wanted to go home. Finding your way back out to him, you silently accepted back your drink and stood besides him stiffly. 

“You okay?” he asked, gently grabbing your arm. 

“Fine, just… just.. I have an upset stomach,” you explained. You were never a good liar, the concern in Joel’s eyes told you that you hadn’t suddenly become one. 

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” he said, rubbing your forearm gently. “Let’s go home, okay?”

You certainly didn’t protest as he began to lead you out of the bar, and you let out a sigh of relief at being able to leave before running into anyone else you knew.

Although, life was never that simple, was it?

As you approached the door, a familiar voice called out your name, sending a chill up your spine. Joel’s head whipped around from where it was coming from, and scowled when he saw who the voice belonged to. Ignoring him, the two of you continued your departure, a newfound urgency in both of your steps.

Once you were outside, you felt yourself puff out a sigh of relief. You’d managed to get out of the bar with only a brief conversation with Claire, and no direct interaction with Nathan. Now, if you could only get home, curl up with Joel on the couch, and tell him the absurd story of how you’d bumped into your ex’s new girlfriend in the bathroom. 

But the universe clearly wasn’t letting you off the hook just yet.

“Hey!” Nathan called as he stepped out of the bar, Claire trailing just a few paces behind him. “You’re such a fuckin’ bitch. Can’t even say hi to the father of your child.”

You were almost alarmed by the speed in which Joel marched over to your ex and reprimanded him. Not even wasting a moment, Joel shoved him back—a warning of sorts, with your knowledge that he was certainly holding himself back. 

“Leave her the fuck alone,” he barked. It was like no tone you’d ever heard him use before, not when he was upset with anyone, and not even when he was yelling at a referee for a bad call.  

“And who the fuck are you?” your ex shot back. 

“Does it really matter?” Joel pressed, not backing down despite the slightly shorter man getting in his face. “You’re not gonna go around trying to degrade women.”

“Oh yeah? You gonna stop me, Mr. Nice guy?” Nathan pushed Joel, but your partner barely budged. 

“You fuckin’ cuck,” Nathan muttered. “Why do you even care about this whore?”

Nathan took a second to think about it, glancing between the two of you before a light seemed to go off in his little brain. 

“Oh, I know. You’re that guy from the soccer games. You two together now?" His condescension was almost jarring to hear, and part of you worried about what your clearly inebriated ex might say or do next. “I see you’re still the community cumrag,” he directed at you. 

You hardly had a moment to process what was just said before Joel was swinging, clearly seeing red as he threw a hefty right hook at your ex, leaving a nasty crunching sound as he fell to the ground. 

“Don’t talk about her, or any other fucking woman like that ever again,” he squatted down to his level, and grabbed both of his cheeks. “Leave her the fuck alone, you understand me? Or next time you’re gonna wish it was just your nose.”

Nathan cradled his bloody nose and whimpered and Joel walked back to you, the fury on his face melting into something apologetic as you looked at him with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he began, cautiously approaching you as if he was something to be afraid of. “I shouldn’t have done that. I overstepped-“

“Joel. Don’t apologize. Do you know how much that asshole deserved it? You did everyone a favor tonight, but especially me.” 

You had never had someone defend you so literally before. Sure, your friends had argued with Nathan a few times on your behalf, but punching Nathan in the face had truly raised your expectations for anyone who claimed to be doing anything to help you. You don’t think you’d have felt this alive or cherished in years. 

“Now let’s get you home and ice those knuckles.”

Four

You were usually a big fan of rainy days. The sound of rain pattering against the window or on the roof of your car, and the smell of petrichor on the pavement were sensations you wished you could experience all the time. But today, you weren’t quite so pleased to see the rain. 

You’d taken the day off to spend it with Joel, who had specifically asked for you to take some time off to be with him. You couldn’t blame him, as you’d been slightly neglecting him after things picked up once again at work. You’d had a whole outdoorsy day planned, with a morning hike, a visit to a conservatory, and a picnic at one of your favorite local parks. Unfortunately, none of those activities could be done comfortably in the pouring rain. 

Instead, you opted to come back to your place after you dropped your kids off at school, and have a domestic little day-in.

After putting some homemade cinnamon rolls into the oven, the two of you found yourselves on your couch, comfortably sitting together and reading your own books while the smell of warm cinnamon filled your house. 

Occasionally, you glanced out your window, the scene of rain granting you a sense of serenity. At one point, you noticed Joel’s gaze out the window as well, and you couldn’t help but comment on it. 

“Don’t you just love the rain?” you asked, setting your book down on your coffee table. It was more of an excuse to break the silence than an actual comment, but you said it regardless.

“It’s nice,” he agreed, his tone oddly somber for a comment on the rain. 

“You okay, big guy?” you asked before moving closer to Joel. 

“I’m alright,” he smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. There wasn’t any real concrete evidence that something was off, but something inside you told you that something definitely was off. 

“You sure?” you asked, squeezing his bicep. 

“Yeah, it’s just,” he paused, looking down at his book as if he was about to go right back to reading instead of telling you the issue. After a moment of hesitation, he spoke once more, “it’s the anniversary of Diane leaving.”

Oh. So that’s why he’d asked to be with you today.

You’d never heard Joel say her name before. Sure, you’d seen her name written under a polaroid or two, but you’d never heard Joel reference her ever. Now that you thought about it, you didn’t really know what their deal was. Amicable exes? Divorcees? Was Joel a widower? You felt awful that you’d gone this far into a relationship and still didn’t know anything about his last significant one. 

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, not completely sure how to react. You mainly wanted to get a gauge on Joel’s reaction–just how upset was he? Did he want to talk about it? Or just get the importance of the day out in the open?

“It’s just… Today feels like that day in a lot of ways.”

You nodded slowly, still not exactly sure of how to approach the situation. You thought back to all of the times he’d been there to support you when you were having a rough day, and ended up asking aloud, “is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” 

“Maybe just listening, if that’s okay. It helps to talk about it,” he paused. “The rolls smell done. I’ll go get them,” with that, he was off to the kitchen, barely giving you time to react, or even protest his departure.

He clearly wanted to talk, but just wasn’t completely ready to do so at that moment. You could listen. You could be the best damn listener on the planet if that was what Joel needed from you. No matter what he revealed to you today, you were determined to make Joel feel comfortable, and know that whatever he was going through, he wasn’t alone—just as he’d shown you in the past.

By the time he came back to the living room, Joel offered you a plate with an iced cinnamon roll and acted like everything was normal. He sat back down next to you, stole a bite from your plate, then buried his nose right back into his novel.

You respected his right to process his emotions in any way he saw fit. All you could do was be a good partner, and offer whatever he needed from you to feel better, like he’d done for you so many times before. 

While you were fine with spending your day cuddled up on the sofa and reading, you were also aware that there were a good amount of house chores that were calling your name. Upon mentioning these tasks, Joel insisted on helping out, which was how you two landed in the laundry room, laughing at something stupid that had happened to you this week. 

While you loaded light clothes into your washer, Joel suddenly caught you off guard with a question that was a far cry from the banter you’d just been having only moments before. 

“Is it… are you okay with me talking about it?”

By it you could only assume he meant the giant elephant of a woman in the room. 

“Of course,” you turned to him, offering sympathetic eyes. 

“She left just a few months after Sarah was born,” Joel busied himself by pouring out laundry detergent and fabric softeners. “I just woke up one morning to an empty bed and a note in the kitchen saying she was leaving, she wasn’t coming back, and not to look for her.”

You were taken aback by the cruelty of such an abrupt ending, especially with such a young infant. You couldn’t imagine being put in those circumstances so unexpectedly. 

Joel casually poured the respective liquids into their proper places in the machine, then turned it on. “It was a day just like this. The nursery had a nice, big window that we put a rocking chair in front of. Sarah liked looking at the stars when she was younger, it always helped to calm her down. I remember holding her in that chair and bawling my eyes out while she cried too, and with all the rain against the window… it felt like the Earth was crying right along with us.”

You weren’t sure what to say or how to react, but it seemed like Joel was prepared to move right on, quickly changing the subject as he led you out of the laundry room. 

Baking cinnamon rolls had left a lot of dishes in the sink, but luckily for you, you had an extra set of hands to help you out. Joel was on rinsing duty, and you were on loading.

You quickly found your rhythm, as you often did with partnered tasks. You worked quietly while loading the dishes, letting the music from your speaker fill up the silence, but it was obvious Joel was lost in thought.

Eventually, he quietly began to speak again, “I kept trying to make sense of her leaving. I knew that postpartum depression hit her really hard, and that she was barely sleeping at night because of how often Sarah was crying. Sarah was a really sensitive, fussy baby. She’d told me how she’d felt a few times, and I always kinda thought things would just pass. Every new parent hits that roadbump where they just can’t see themselves doing this thing forever, right? Then, she just left. I thought maybe she just needed a few days away, and that she’d be back. But days went by, then weeks, then it had been a month, and it was still just Sarah and I.”

“Did she ever come back around?” you asked, setting down the last dish into the sink, then closing the machine.

“Never heard from her again.”

You closed the distance between you and the man, wrapping him in as tight of a hug that you could manage. 

“I’m so sorry,” you muttered into his shirt as he melted into your embrace. “I can’t even imagine how painful and stressful that was.”

As a mother, you couldn’t imagine abandoning your child; the tiny human being you spent nine months carrying, and would spend a lifetime loving. But as a human, you understood the stress of being the parent of a newborn. Waking up every few hours because your baby is crying and you’ve tried everything to get her to stop but she just… won’t. Paired with postpartum depression, which you were no stranger to, you could understand the circumstances that led Diane to feeling like she had no other option but to leave. But that didn’t, in any way, make it the right thing to do. 

As you held Joel, a sound you hadn’t ever heard from him escaped his lips, wracking his body. A guttural cry that had clearly been trapped deep inside of him for the longest time had suddenly escaped as he recalled an event that had clearly changed his life. 

You stood in the kitchen holding him for what felt like forever, when he finally pulled away, wiping his face a little bit. 

“Thank you,” was all that he managed to get out.

You laid next to him in bed after a rather emotionally loaded session of lovemaking, trying to catch your breath as the two of you recovered from the underlying emotional and physical aftermath of your fornication. As Joel spooned you, a question lingered on your mind. 

“Do you still love her?” you asked, keeping your eyes forward on the wall. You wanted to say you were sure he had moved on, but these types of situations were rather nuanced. There were just some bonds that regardless of time or circumstances, people continued to hold on to. 

“No,” he answered clearly. “I don’t hate her, either. I guess I just understand her. But that doesn’t make what she put me or Sarah through any better.” 

You slipped your hand down to where his were currently laying on your stomach, and you set one on top of his. 

“I’m not jealous, I’m just curious. Do you ever miss her?” 

“I used to,” he sighed, the close breath blowing some hairs on your neck. “I don’t anymore.”

Eventually, your laundry was dry, meaning you two needed to get out of bed and get to folding. 

“She has a new family, now,” he said out of the blue, as he folded up a pair of your pajama pants. “Husband, kids, dog, the full nine yards. Tommy found her Facebook a few years ago, but I still haven’t looked. I don’t really know why.”

You didn’t really know why either, but you knew exactly the feeling he was experiencing. Seeing your ex who you’d invested so much into and had a child with move on with someone was a particularly gut wrenching feeling. You could only imagine how much worse it was in Joel’s scenario, where Diane had abandoned him and their child, yet had a child and built another family elsewhere. 

“Does Sarah know?” you asked, putting a blouse onto a hanger. 

“Bits and pieces. She kinda just accepted that her mom’s not in the picture, but doesn’t know why she left or anything about her mom’s new family,” Joel finished up with his basket, then began to help you with yours. “Maybe when she’s older. Old enough to understand that it isn’t her fault and that these things just… happen sometimes.”

“I guess,” you frowned as you grabbed your last article of clothing and hung it up. “It shouldn’t have happened, though. Neither of you deserved to be abandoned.”

“It was gonna happen one way or another,” Joel shrugged, putting your baskets away. “Our relationship had been on the rocks even before Diane became pregnant. If it wasn’t then, it would be later. I’m just glad it happened early enough that Sarah doesn’t remember. You in the mood for a coffee?”

His words gave you a bit of whiplash, but you accepted the offer of a warm drink regardless. 

You sat at your table, stirring your drink as Joel sat down across from you. 

“Good, right?” he asked. “I think I’ve officially nailed the way you like your coffee.”

“It’s pretty good,” you admitted, taking a sip from a mug that Chloe had decorated in her school’s art class. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Good. It is one,” you hummed. 

It was clear that his mood was slightly improving the more that he talked about his experience. You wondered just how much of this information he’d shared with anyone else before you, as he told the story as if he were confessing something for the first time ever. 

“I’ve never told anyone this much about it,” he confessed. “I’m glad that of all the people I could’ve told, it ended up being you.”

“Joel, I,” the words popped into your head, but died on your tongue. “I care about you so much. I know this can’t be easy to talk about, so thank you for sharing this with me,” you squeezed his hands across the table. 

“Thank you for being so supportive. I also care about you a lot. So much that it scares me. Especially knowing that you could lose everything in a literal night,” he admitted. 

“Oh Joel,” you said softly. “I’m also scared. I’m always so scared that I’ll lose you and Sarah and this little blended family we’ve made. But if that’s the price I pay for… caring about you so much, I’m okay with being afraid.”

Joel looked at you like he had something to say, but instead sat there quietly for a moment, processing your words. “Do you want to watch an episode of The Bachelorette?” 

“Is that even a question? C’mon,” you stood up.

The two of you cuddled up on the couch once again, this time with a much lighter feeling in the room, partially due to what Joel had confessed to you, and partially due to the absolutely ridiculous content playing on your television.

“I’m sad that I had to go through what I had to go through, but I’m glad that it led me to you,” Joel said out of the blue, resting his forehead against yours.

You were glad that he found you too.

Five

It wasn’t every day that the forces of the universe seemed to be on your side, but for some reason, today was one of those days. 

When you’d been called into your boss’ office that morning, a pit formed in your stomach. You’d figured that the day you were going to be laid off was coming, especially following the whole promotion fiasco. As you walked into her office, you fully intended to be walking out without a job. 

Except, that wasn’t what happened. You had been promoted, and promoted into a position even higher than the one you’d previously been gunning after. 

Once you found out, you had to fight the urge to skip out of your boss’s office, singing and dancing with joy. Instead, you fought that urge by closing the door to your office, and calling Joel. 

“Hey honey, what’s up?” he answered casually. 

“Joel, they promoted me! And it’s an even better position than what I was trying to get before!” you squealed. 

Joel cheered from over the phone, making you somehow smile even harder. “Congratulations! I’m so proud of you. I can’t think of anyone who deserves this more than you.”

“Oh my god, stop it,” you giggled, putting your hands up to your warm cheeks. 

“No, I’m serious,” Joel countered. “I know a lot of hard workers, and none of them work as hard as you. You’ve sacrificed so much to get here and it’s finally paid off.”

“Thank you, Joel,” you had more to say, but you decided to keep it to yourself. Mainly, how did you get so lucky to end up with a man like him? 

“Are you busy tonight?” he asked. 

“I’m just dropping Chloe off at my mom’s, then I should be free for the evening. Why?”

“Why don’t you come over to my place so we can celebrate? You picked the right time to get a promotion. Sarah’s going to her uncle’s for the weekend.”

“Sounds good to me,” you hummed. “I’ll text you when I’m heading over.”

“Alright. Again, congratulations! So proud.”

You hung up and attempted to get back to work, but you were far too excited to focus for too long. You somehow made it to the end of the work day and to Joel’s house without spontaneously combusting from joy.

When you walked in, you were immediately met with the smells of one of your favorite candles, mixed with the mouthwatering scent of fragrant coming from the kitchen. 

“Joel, I’m home!” you announced, making your way to the kitchen only to find it very dressed up. The lights were dimmed, a crisp white table cloth rested on the table, and a gorgeous arrangement of flowers sat in a vase in the middle of the table, right next to a rather nice looking bottle of champagne. 

Joel was finishing up plating something spectacular as you came in. “Please, have a seat,” he directed. You didn’t need to be told twice. 

With the arrangement of the table, you almost felt like you were sitting at a fancy little restaurant, but better, knowing all the effort Joel had put into making the table look this way.  He brought over two plates, set one over at his seat and one in front of you, before leaning down and kissing you gently. 

“Congratulations. I am so, so, so proud of you,” he said after finally pulling away, reaching for the bottle of champagne on the table.

“If anyone in the world deserves good things,” he turned away from you so that he could safely pop the bottle. “It’s you. I’m glad you’re finally getting the recognition that you deserve.”

With the bottle opened, he poured you out a glass, then poured himself some. You lifted up your glass and Joel mirrored you.

“Cheers,” you said with a grin, tapping your glasses together, then taking a sip. Once you finished drinking, Joel leaned in for one more kiss before he situated himself back into his chair. 

“I think you deserve a promotion from best boyfriend in the world to best boyfriend in the universe,” you softly laughed, looking down at your plate. 

“Do I? I think anyone would celebrate the person they…” he paused for just a split second, and you probably wouldn’t have noticed it if you weren’t paying such close attention. “The person they’re sharing their life with if they made a big accomplishment like this.”

“Honey, you’d be very surprised. I can think of at least one person who would view this promotion as a bad thing.”

“Well, don’t think about them right now. This is an amazing thing, and we’re celebrating you today. Not an insecure man with a Napoleon complex and a small penis.”

You laughed out loud, nearly choking on a bubbly sip of champagne. 

“You’re right,” you picked up your fork and knife, reading to dig into the amazing looking meal in front of you. “Thank you for this, Joel. You always make me feel so appreciated and cherished. You’re truly one of a kind.”

He shook his head bashfully at the compliment, eating right along with you. It was almost cute how he never seemed to accept compliments, but certainly deserved them more than basically any other person that you knew. 

“You always show me how much you care about me. It’s only fair that I do the same.”

“You’re so romantic,” you sighed. “How can I guarantee that I can keep you around forever?”

“Just keep being you, I guess. That’s all I’ve really ever wanted.”

How did you get so lucky? How did you manage to hit the jackpot on men with Joel, almost let it slip through your fingers not once, but twice, and still managed to end up with one of your favorite people in the world? 

However it ended up happening, you certainly weren’t mad at it, and as you sat together, you hoped for things never to change. 

Plus One

Given that you practically lived at each other’s homes now, you often spent your mornings together getting ready to take on the day. It was cute how you both had your own little routines and were able to coexist in a tiny little space. 

Today, you stood in Joel’s bathroom, washing your face as the mirror across from you began to become progressively more foggy from the heat of Joel’s shower. 

“My hair is gonna be so frizzy,” you muttered to yourself as you rubbed moisturizer into your skin. 

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to come in here with me,” Joel shot back from the shower, turning the water off. 

“Whatever,” you grumbled, getting back to work on your face as Joel dried himself off and wrapped a towel around his waist. 

“You’re so cute when you’re grumpy in the morning,” he commented as he approached you, standing next to you at the sink. 

“I am not grumpy,” you argued, then paused once Joel gave you a very disbelieving expression. “Fine. I can get a little irritable in the morning. Especially when someone’s boiling hot showers make my hair get all frizzy.”

“I wonder who that someone is?” Joel looked around the room in faux confusion. 

“Ugh, shut up. You are such a dad,” you fought back laughter, but you couldn’t really help the smile that appeared on your lips. 

“Shutting up,” Joel acknowledged, grabbing his razor and some shaving cream to touch up some of his facial hair. You began to brush your teeth, focusing on yourself in the mirror to make sure that you were making your dentist proud. 

Your eyes eventually migrated and were meeting Joel’s in the mirror. You flashed him a big, foamy grin, and he immediately broke into hysterics, setting the razor down so he didn’t cut himself while laughing so hard. 

“Really?” he asked between laughs. “While I’m shaving?”

“Sorry,” you shrugged with a self-satisfied smirk. 

“You are such a dork,” Joel sighed as he calmed himself down, leaning against the counter as he began to work on shaving his face once more. “Ugh, I love you,” the words seemed to come out of his mouth involuntarily, if the horrified look on his face told you anything. 

It seemed like the whole house stopped after Joel said it, the dripping from the showerhead ceasing, the faint buzz of the air conditioner nowhere to be found, and the noises of your children downstairs coming to a halt.

You were shocked at the admission, and Joel seemed to be shocked that he’d said anything. 

Now that he’d mentioned it, you really did love Joel. You loved how he supported you, and how he treated your daughter like she was his own. You loved that he wasn’t afraid to fight for what he believed in, especially when that included socking your ex in the face. You loved his ability to be vulnerable with you, and the way that he seemed to always know what to say at the right time. You loved knowing that no matter how shitty of a day you’d had, Joel would always be there, ready to order your favorite foods and spoon you while decompressing with the worst, most trashy reality TV you could find. 

You’d spent all this time thinking that you’d never experience romantic love again, that romantic love was tumultuous and exhausting, when you’d been in love with Joel the whole time. 

You were one of those people who were meant to love and be loved. Joel had proven that much to you. 

“I love you too,” you confessed, toothpaste still obstructing your mouth.

Maybe love wasn't so bad after all.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fluff #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #joel miller imagine #pedro pascal x reader #soccer parents au

[yonpote]

ok heres how i split up the dnp eras (loosely based on dan's timeline in his interview w anthony)

2009-2011: the Sillies era :3 dan refered to it as being a dumb teen just posting cuz he was bored, which is like, thats what all of youtube culture was at this time. they met and like fell in love or whatever you know the lore dont you. phil moved from his parents home to his first apartment in manchester, and dan technically moved to uni but really he moved into phil's apartment to take advantage of his washing machine and ps1 and. yknow. other stuff. they officially moved in together in 2011 yippee hooray, the phanchester apartment holds a special place in my heart

2012-2013: THE SHIFT. they started getting Serious about youtube as a career, doing more stuff w the radio, superamazingproject started in 2011 but THE SHIFT is very easy to observe when you compare the first season of sap to the last season. ALSO. they were NOT A DOUBLE ACT AND NOT GAY 🙄. it could also be called the No Homo era lmao idk this is when a lot of shitty things were happening wrt leaked information, harassment of their families, and just generally becoming more in the spotlight especially while still in the closet being a horrible experience. but also, they moved to london and got cool opportunities with radio stuff and were starting to actually make a living on this shit.

2014-2016: Peak Dan And Phil™ Era. at the height of their popularity. they realized oh shit, we ARE a double act and not only does everyone enjoy us best as a double act, WE enjoy working together. tabinof, tatinof, dapgo, still doing the radio every month up until they start touring, 7 second challenge app, gamingmas, what the hell DIDNT they do during this time period (what they didnt do was uhh take care of themselves and not overwork and not blur their work and personal lives so much to the point where they felt like the whole apartment was a film set.)

2017-2018: Gay Softlaunch Era (aka post-baking aka glass closet) the baby steps toward authenticity, moved to the double apartment to separate work and life, ii's whole theme, dan talking abt depression, phil getting the quiff, both of them being gay as hell in every way other than saying it explicitly. important things of note: TRUTH BOMBS dropped, Interactive Introverts happened, still uploading gaming vids and honestly by the end you could feel their fatigue. and then they hiatused dapg.

2019-2022: ok these four years each feel like whole eras in themselves, but also theres an overarching theme. THE GAY ERA.

2019: im gonna futher split this year in half. first half- dad left to buy milk so other dad is taking care of us. rough six months for dannies im sure. important phil thing of note- he changed his film set from his "bedroom" to a fairly basic but cute shelf backdrop. honestly prob didnt wanna keep pretending that was his bedroom considering.... second half- DAN AND PHIL GAY. dan uploads his magnum opus. phil comes out via tweet. they go to japan and its really gay and it's The Trip to japan for them like yes they first went in 2015 and again in 2023, but Japhan 2.0 Was The One. what does this mean? proposal? anniversary? idk exactly but it was gay as hell dude and theyve talked about that trip with such love in their hearts.

2020: Phandemic (sorry that was bad) but also where tf is dan again? even with the big C-word happening, it was business as usual for phil, regular vids but make em gayer, caught a pigeon nbd, and end of the year introduces the Stereo app show Phil and Phriends where he's had chats with pj, louise, his brother, seth everman?????, and finally. dan reappears. they reveal that they bought and FULLY PLANNED a house together and are ready to move!

2021: they don't move house for another like six months! basically their house was (and is??) still being worked on AND they were in lockdown AND turns out at the end of last year, they were kicked from their Life apartment and were now living in the Work apartment so you can imagine what all of this can do to their psyche and lowkey they were getting sick of each other like it wasnt just bordering on phivorce it was nearly Phurder. Phidow. but to fill the time so that DOESNT happen, my favorite fucking thing ever happens: Lockdown Lads (and all the other names). the first taste of what a dnp podcast would sound like, with the added bonus of chaotic listener interaction. oh yeah also dan wrote a mental health guide book whatever (IM KIDDING I REALLY LIKE YWGTTN I WROTE LIKE TWO REVIEWS ON IT NOW) and they finally become Homosexual Homeowners. theres quite a bit more dnp content this year, dan being on phils channel a bit more, the phodcasts, dan's gay and not proud special.... oh yeah and hometown showdown i guess AND TEXT VIDEO 2!!! my favorite and my namesake!!!!!!!

2022: Prophecy Year..... but they didnt get married. dan returns with another longass video to say: hey i hate being a youtuber and also youtube majorly fucked me over. but also fuck that im gonna do a weird talk show and ALSO GO ON TOUR WITH THIS APOCALYPSE THEME! phil actually... slows down this year. more dan uploads than phil somehow??? but also Dan Is Leaving me is posted and i go completely insane and become the deranged individual you see today. WHICH FINALLY LEADS US TOOOOOO

2023-present: The Unhinged Era. dan's tour was a huge Emotional success for him but uh not without its hiccups due to management and all that and i think he and phil finally realize. Fuck It Who Cares. dan flies back to england FROM AUSTRALIA to make sure he can be with his future ex-husband on his birthday. CAKE HEART EMOJI. YELLOW PLAID SHACKET. they go on a gamer date and post a picture of playing footsies in a cab. THE PHUDE HAPPENS. they go to japan again and while this one will never be The One it was still a well earned holiday this time with bryony! and they took a bunch of very cute film camera pictures.... THIS IS ALL JUST THE FIRST HALF OF 2023 BTW. in phil news, he talks about going to therapy and figuring out how to manage his anxiety!!!! he changes his hair again!! he hires an editor, phan is his otp, he teases about the gaming channel a couple of times but so many of us already dropped any hope of that returning- OH WAIT WHAT THE FUCK?!!!? HUH!??!? they returned, and more chaotic than ever before. the gayness upped to the max, the Weirdness on full speed, the Horniness at Very Scary Levels Oh God Stop Talking About Dogging, phil can swear uncensored now???? and this energy has continued into today...

#the shift #softlaunch #myrambles #phan

[cinnamostar]

blankets and kisses

pairing : chan x gn!reader

summary : the bitter iciness of winter wore you down, yet your boyfriend knew how to melt away your sorrows

wc : 913

cw : alludes to seasonal depression, established relationship, comforting bf chan, fluffy, not proof read

a/n : this was entirely self indulgent LMAO sorry if formatting is bad though, im on my phone and wrote this kinda quickly bc i felt inspired hehe . also im floridian so i know nothing abt snow or winter so i did my best

in the hushed whispers of the night, you found yourself yearning his comforting embrace, a closeness you always craved and yearned for. the chilling zephyrs brushing against your skin, your hair bellowing in response as you shiver under the icy winds the harsh winter always brought in its company.

you couldn’t bear this season alone, it was taxing to repeat the same mundanity and solitude adulthood had introduced you to. daylight was always so fleeting and witnessing it had become a luxury during these cold months.

it was always the same deep blue morning sky that greeted you as you made your way to work, and after eight grueling hours, the same sky would be waiting to be welcome you once more, except this time with the sun rays barely peeking out from the edge of the sky. you hated this time of year, and you could never understand the holiday joy and excitement everyone seemed to buzzing with around you. what was there to enjoy?

the weather was unpleasant, the low temperatures of the world pricking the tip of your nose as you briskly made your way home, trudging your way through the light sheets of snow that covered the sidewalks. the glacial breeze never relented its attacks on you, always piercing through the layers of warmth you adorned yourself with.

the lack of sunlight allowed dreary, dark clouds take over your mind as you surrendered yourself to exhaustion. how much longer would your days be like this? how much longer would the wintry season plague your mind with somber thoughts?

you crack for the door open to your shared apartment, basking in its inviting warmth that provided you refuge from the world you had just shut behind you. the comforting smell of fresh linen making its presence known as a grateful smile graces your features. you gently place your bag on the small side table, shedding the layers of coats you had worn to endure freezing winds, not caring that they’d remain on the floor.

your mind was too focused on finding solace and reprieve to worry about your belongings as your feet dragged you to your living room. your own personal source sunshine that kept your afloat during these difficult times was waiting for you on the sofa, his head turning to your direction once he heard the pitter patter of your steps.

a smile stretches across his face, his eyes becoming crescents as he lifts himself off the couch to meet you half way.

“hi baby,” chan whispers as his arms envelope you, a chaste kiss landing on your forehead, melting away the restricting stiffness the icy winds had diseased you with. the tension in your muscles loosen under his summery touch, your mind relaxing knowing you had found safety in his arms once again.

“hi,” was all you could muster out, your sleepiness catching up to you as your heavy eyelids flutter shut, snuggling your head into his chest, taking in the comforting thumping of his heartbeat.

chan’s hand found itself resting atop your head, his other drawing gentle circles on your back, “i warmed up some blankets for us to cuddle up in,” he spoke, “i think you deserve some rest.” he knew this time of year was suffocating for you and without fail, he found ways to bring light and warmth into your gloomy world, whether it was through gentle words or acts of love, he was the healing your ailing mind needed.

his words were soothing to your worn-down soul, a small smile appearing on your face as you peer into his eyes, chin resting on his chest. “that sounds so nice, thank you, chan,” you feebly mutter.

without skipping a beat, chan swiftly lifts you up, carrying you to your bedroom as a hearty giggle escapes him, you squealing at the unexpected action. he softly drops you atop the bed, the sheets rippling under the sudden weight as you lost yourself to a fit a giggles, blood rushing to your face as you succumbed to the bustling butterflies that made themselves home in your stomach. chan lays himself next to you, hastily pulling a toasty blanket over your bodies. his arms pull you into him, your body fitting snuggly into his as his leg rests over yours. he cups your face with one hand as his lovingly gazes into your eyes, his eyes sparkling with adoration as he drank in every detail before peppering your face with kisses.

airy laughs continue to leave both of you, overwhelming you as each kiss tickles your flustered skin, leaving burning warmth and desire behind each kiss as your eyes squeeze shut. after bearing his feverish affection, he then places one last, languid kiss on your lips, lingering for a few moments before pulling away, beaming at your dazed state.

“i love you, y/n.”

“i love you too, chan.”

despite the brutal winter season that sapped the happiness out of you, as long as you had chan by your side, you knew you’d be able to uncover the joyful glee everyone else seemed to have. his very presence shooed away the heavy snow clouds that darkened your thoughts, rays of sunshine peaking out to thaw out the icy shell that encased your heart, reminding you that this too shall pass. somehow, in the midst of harsh snowstorms, he was a blooming flower that emanated infectious jubilation, and you were blessed to be able to bask underneath it.

#cinnamostar writes #stray kids fanfic #stray kids x reader #skz fanfic #skz fluff #bang chan x reader #chan x reader #chan x you #bang chan x you #bang chan #skz chan fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids chan #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines

[blues824]

But Mc having the holidays blues like really bad(I have them especially since I moves out, and live with roommates) it gets depressing, so instead of the Mc(reader) going with one of the students they go with the teachers and spend the holidays with them at their home!

Thanks for turning on anon! 🙇‍♀️💗

No problem!

You requested: Holiday Blues (slight pun because of my name lol)

Dire Crowley

His apartment was rather depressing, shrouded in black and darker colors. However, you help him decorate appropriately for the holidays. He makes you hot chocolate because he is just so kind, and he is definitely the kind of person to use his magic to lift you up so that you could place the star on the top of the tree.

This man acts like he did so much work, letting out a huge sigh as he sits down on his couch with a loud, dad-like groan. You rolled your eyes before taking his empty mug and washing it in the sink. While you’re doing that, he sneaks off to grab a present, and he slides it onto the counter when he comes back. It had your name in metallic ink, and was written in matte black wrapping paper.

Inside was a small golden locket key chain, and the sentimentality of it was what brought you to tears. You hadn’t received a present in a while, and so tears fell as you kind of just leaned into his shoulder. He didn’t really know what to do, so he awkwardly wrapped his arms around you and patted your back gently, and you just cried softly.

Divus Crewel

If anyone was more likely to take you in like he would a child to help you feel better about the holiday season, it would be this man. You would spend a lot of time with him, shopping and wrapping gifts for the other staff members. He makes sure to keep you distracted so that you have no time to mope about and wallow in self-pity, even if that’s all you want to do.

You help him decorate his apartment as well, and each ornament he has belongs in the color-theme he selected for this year, which was black, white, gold, and a splash of red. He, too, used his magic to lift you up so that you could place it on top of the tree. This is also a time where you learned that Professor Crewel preferred to remain well-dressed even in the comfort of his own home.

When he gave you your present, it had a well-written card on it. He told you how proud he was of you and how far you had come, and you didn’t even get to the gift itself before you started crying. He opened his arms to you, and you ran into them, sniffling your tears away. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head to comfort you, holding you as a moment of silence took hold.

Ashton Vargas

His apartment was… unique. His living room didn’t have a couch, but rather was a gym itself, despite the apartment complex having a gym. He claimed that they didn’t have the equipment he needed, and he kept you on an exercise regimen during your stay ‘so that you wouldn’t slack off.’ In reality, he didn’t know what to do about your seasonal depression, but he knows exercise can help, and he offers to exercise alongside you.

There’s not a lot of room to put up a tree, so you instead decorate the equipment stands, and you place the gifts that you wrap onto the treadmill that he owns. His kitchen has a few holiday-themed things, and you put lights on top of his cabinets so that the lights will shine onto the walls. It was simple, but it worked and spirited the place a bit more.

Coach’s gift to you was a few gift cards to a few different places in the town below NRC, as he didn’t know what you or Grim would have liked. He freaks out when you start crying, but you say, through sobs, that it was from being grateful. It had been a while since you saw someone as a family figure, and you were glad that he was the one.

Mozus Trein

When he had invited you to his house for the holidays, you were low-key kind of expecting a dungeon. Lo and behold, it was a small but warm and welcoming house. You met his two daughters, and they were very happy to meet you. They became your older sisters, in a sense, with how quickly they accepted you as their family.

A tree was decorated in the corner of the living room, and everyone sat gathered. Presents were passed out, and you were going about in a circle, unwrapping one present each. You were aware that you would be meeting your professor’s daughters, so you made sure to get them some gift cards, as you did not want to show up empty-handed. Trein told you that they would understand, but you were pretty adamant.

Eventually, it got to you, and you unwrapped the one from Mozus, him looking at you with an amused look. Inside of it were a few books to read in your free time that reminded him of you, and each of them had a message that he wrote within them. One of those messages was detailing how proud he was to call you one of his students, and that Lucius even liked you, and you wrapped your arms around him and started crying. He returned the favor, hugging you as though you were his child, and your newfound sisters joined in on the hug as well. Family hug.

Sam

He didn’t go home for the holidays, and opted to stay at the Shop because there were students who still needed things. That being said, he did invite you to celebrate in the shop with him. He’s kind of like your cousin with how close you two were. Anyway, you decided to help him decorate the shop appropriately, as it was feeling a bit dull in there. Lights lined the corners of the walls and the edges of the shelves, making it more festive.

The back of the shop looked similar, but there was a tree back there as well. His friends on the other side helped him decorate it, as well as you and Grim. It had a bunch of different colors, but it was able to portray the different personalities between the multitude of you. You smiled with nostalgia lining your lips at the star on top, and you had a feeling you were going to make it through this season unscathed.

Sam could tell that this time of year was hard on you, and it wouldn’t do any good for his little imp if they were to feel horrible by themselves. He didn’t really like this season either, but it brought in a bunch of sales, so he wasn’t going to complain. He would just invite you over to the shop so that you both could suffer together, and that suffering turned into joy as you joke around with each other while decorating.

#twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #disney twst #platonic #dire #dire x reader #dire crowley #dire crowley x reader #twst dire #twst dire x reader #twst dire crowley #twst dire crowley x reader #divus #divus x reader #divus crewel #divus crewel x reader #twst divus #twst divus x reader #twst divus crewel #twst divus crewel x reader #ashton #ashton x reader #ashton vargas #ashton vargas x reader #twst ashton #twst ashton x reader

[biribaa]

For the last tadc post were the reader who's abstracting in front of them can you do that with Jax, gangle, zobble, and Pomni please

Zooble, Pomni, Gangle and Jax x a reader who's abstracting in front of them

Technically a part two of these hcs.

TW/CW: spoiler and angst and blahbalhba

Zooble

Aw #$@!...

It's been months since Zooble has felt any serious feeling in this circus other than disinterest, boredom and stress, they can't even really describe any feeling that aren't one of these I just listed. Mainly now, at this very moment. Zooble stares at the mess that once was you, they didn't even notice their body froze.

And accepting that you suddenly just... gave up, is difficult. And, still, things are still the same, the same unnecessary adventures and stupid people that they have to deal with.

Don't get they wrong, they misses you. But they blindly can't get over you.

The day could be the same old thing, a silly adventure and Jax being an idiot, that suddenly Zooble will feel like something is clearly wrong(not that things already are), something is missing, they are missing something, did they forgot their foot? Maybe someone?

And when the reality hits they like a hard, cold, big rock, everything gets a thousand times worse. Zooble remembers the things you did for them, they for you. They never thought they would get into a cute romance, honestly...And here they are.

Certain thoughts itch in their head that maybe, just maybe, they were a bad partner. They know you're not stupid enough to be with someone you clearly don't like, but yet, Zooble can't help it.

Zobble never thought that they would want things to be only boring and annoying than this current situation.

Pomni

PAIN PAIN PAIN

Hell, reader, she is the newest character in the circus, she doesn't have an ounce of sanity to deal with something like this.

Everything inside Pomni seems to scream at her to do something but all she feels are her hands shaking like it's the European winter, her brain itching and the butterflies that were once in Pomni's stomach vomit and die.

She get's out all glitched out(and traumatized), but nothing will describe the agonizing silence after panicked screams and tears shed from the unsuccessful help.

For Pomni, Even though things are the same, everything sounds like the first time she came here again. Everything sounded like a headache, even though she can't get that stuff in the digital world.

Pomni didn't put you on a pedestal, she still has Ragatha as a friend. But, god, you were such a angel for her, someone she genuinely admired. And then, you simply disappeared like a dry leaf in the wind.

Of course Pomni blames herself for this, if only she could have been there for you before, helped you more, calmed you down more. Pomni's confidence only dropped after these events.

Ragatha is one of the only ones who really has open arms for Pomni to vent and have a shoulder to cry on. She's the second one she trusts most besides you. Oh, what am I talking about, she's now the only one Pomni really trusts now.

Gangle

Dont do this to my Gangle, reader... :(

Gangle can't use another comedy mask after what just happened to them and to you. Gangle can't just act like nothing happened to their lover. It was supposed to be you and them, forever, even in the worst places, why did this had to happen to you?!

This big episode- no, three seasons of depression didn't seriously bother the others, Jax was mildly irritated and Ragatha was worried, but it didn't hurt anyone other than Gangle themselves.

Rmember how sad Gangle is all the time? They are still sad but now multiplied by a hundred. Suddenly, everything, everyone, even themselves just felt useless, they can't even bring themselves to get up from the floor, It was as if the accumulation of sadness took physical form, and it was a giant gym weight of one hundred kilos.

Caine lied to Gangle once, saying that if If they participates in this adventure he could bring you back. The host's plan was to get Gangle back in the high spirits, but this only resulted in they becoming brutally competitive.

Everyone just sounds hard and boring, talk to others is hard, and get out of their bedroom sounds boring. Why leave?! They didn't woke up in your warm arms.

I wouldn't be impressed if Gangle suddenly had a tantrum, seeing the extent of their misery. Blaming everything and everyone for your disappearance, being the reason stupid or not.

They just miss you so much :(

Jax

Jax would never admit to being desperate, or even scared, when he saw you in that shape. Your mind shifts, and in a matter of seconds, you turn into a giant monstrosity he never thought you would become.

Process that you just... Poof, gone, was slow and silent for Jax. His pride couldn't process something that would leave him shaken.

The first few weeks Jax was just angry, angry and angry. He yells at Caine, Ragatha, Gangle, anyone who even slightly irritates Jax will end up getting into an argument with him. Just like I mentioned in the Zooble scenario, blindly, this just shows that Jax can't get over his loss.

The rabbit's frequent comedic sarcasm has now just turned into a sarcasm that he uses to aggressively retort against others. And the comments are few now.

Everything sounds so painfully boring without your stupid face and your dork personality, it itches his heart and stomach in ways it never did. He's just...stressed.

I believe that Jax is the character who heals the fastest from his loss among all other ones, at least a month and at most three or five. He just needs some consolations to get his ego back to its original size. Don't get him wrong, obviously he misses you.

#x reader #canon x reader #reader insert #tadc x reader #tadc gangle x reader #tadc jax x reader #tadc zooble x reader

[sunflower-lilac42]

✧ 𝐁𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐘𝐨𝐮 || luke hughes ♔

summary: when the depression strikes for no reason, luke is there as he always has been and always will be.

warnings: depression, parents fighting, family struggles

publish date: 02/07/24

notes: she strikes again! i literally don't know why i've been actually fucking grinding out fics but i don't know if anyone is really complaining about it. i hope you guys like this one. it's slightly based off of my life and also slightly based on this lyric from iris by the goo goo dolls "and i don't want the world to see me, 'cause i don't think that they'd understand". somewhat morbid but that's life (you guys asked for this) it's short, and there's a lot of story/world building and not a lot of luke but he's there, i promise. add yourself to the taglist ➺ taglist!

nhl masterlist | main masterlist

There was something about that time of year that caused her depression to hit its highest level. There were a lot of reasons that could’ve caused it, but there was none that she could say was right. It wasn’t seasonal depression, she had been asked that a plethora of times. It wasn’t a feeling of not being enough, she had been told that by multiple therapists.

She could say it was her parents fighting, her parents’ financial struggles, her brothers' snarky comments about how he couldn’t wait to move out and not deal with their crap anymore. She could say it was her family going to her for every little thing that went wrong, the amount of shit she gets from everyone in the family, the comparison of her to her brothers. It could’ve been a lot of things, but she wasn’t about to pin her depression on her family members, it didn’t seem right. 

Every one of her friends and family knew she had depression, it wasn’t a secret. She felt as if as soon as her parents were told about her diagnosis they couldn’t wait to tell every single soul they knew. She felt like she was a story waiting to be told. She often thought that if she had a kid who acted the same way she did, she would know how to raise them better. 

She hated critiquing her parents and her brothers, but they did it to her, didn’t they? She knew about the multitude of times her parents had gone to talk to her brothers about how she hadn’t been to class in a week, how she looked fine so there was no reason for her not to go. She felt like the little boy who cried wolf, however, for much different reasons. 

She always said she was sick when she felt this feeling looming over her so her parents wouldn’t get worried, and they would let her stay home from school. But then, she would actually get sick and no one would believe her. She was stuck in an endless cycle. 

Luke was worried. He had known about her tendencies to fall into this state of mind and not know what caused it. He knew about her family, the therapists, the psychologists, and the social workers. He knew about the multiple attempts everyone had made to get her to open up, about the amount of times she had screamed in her head at them that she didn’t know. He knew about everything.

It was easy for her to open up to Luke when they first met, he had this unmistakably calming and supportive aurora about him. He had bumped into her one day in freshman year, immediately apologizing for not looking where he was going. She had been on her way to the dining hall while he was on his way back, but he offered to take her there anyway. 

Ever since then, they had been each other’s rock. Luke asked her out two months later and the two were practically inseparable. However, this was the first time he had experienced this side of her. He could tell it was happening just slightly, her face said it all. He wasn’t entirely sure of what to do, she had always told him it was nothing to worry about and it should be better in a couple of days. But it wasn’t.

She wasn’t the best at answering her texts, not wanting to face the fact that she was not doing well. She had been cooped up in her room for almost a week now, usually occupying herself with reading or playing a game on her phone. She wanted to go to class, she wanted to do her work, she wanted to do better but she just couldn’t. 

She stared blankly at her phone as her podcast played through her earbuds. She had seen a text from Luke come through but she didn’t pay much attention to it. She felt bad for not answering, yet another part of her brain just accepted defeat and the fact that he might be mad at her. She had been able to get up and sit at her desk which was a step in the right direction, however she hadn’t done much since she got there. 

She heard a knock on the door, ignoring it at first. When the knocking became more persistent, she sighed and got up. Her, Luke’s, hoodie fell from its original bunched-up place in her lap as she walked over to the door. Her eyes had dark circles around them, her hair was tied messily in the back. She opened it and looked at the person standing on the opposite side of the door.

“Hi.”

Usually, she would’ve been excited to see her boyfriend but at this point, that was what she dreaded most. Her face looked tired as she stared at Luke with blank eyes, “Hi.”

Luke nervously shifted his weight back and forth between his feet at the sound of her voice. It was hoarse from the lack of use, it had unfallen tears caught in it, and it had a hint of harshness laced in it. His mind flooded with thoughts as her voice reached his ears, he hadn’t been expecting it to sound that way.

She looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something more but he didn’t. The lack of communication between the two caused them to stand in the doorway for three minutes. Luke’s nervousness and awkwardness were seeping into y/n’s body language as she toyed with her hair and stood with her left foot propped up behind her right leg. 

When they made eye contact, the tension in her body went away and her eyes softened, “You wanna come in?”

He nodded and she stepped back so he could walk in. Instead of going back to where she was previously sitting, she went back and climbed into her bed. The feeling of being able to be vulnerable in Luke’s presence made her want to curl into herself, she didn’t want to be vulnerable right now. She pulled her comforter up to her chin, creating heat around her.

Luke shivered from the moment he stepped into her room, goosebumps rising all over his arms. He sighed when he saw his girlfriend revert to her original space, moving to sit at the edge of her bed. He placed his hand on her calf, the sheets creating a barrier from them touching, “Hi baby.”

Those were the only words that both of them could muster, an awkward tension forming between the two of them for no reason. She just stayed staring at the wall in front of her. He let out a soft sigh at the lack of response and turned his head away from her to collect his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how to approach this, she had told him not to worry about her but he couldn’t help it. 

“What can I do to help?”

She shrugged in response, not giving him her full attention. Luke slowly moved his thumb to start rubbing her calf in circles as a form of comfort. Another moment of silence passed again, and the two slowly started to become more comfortable with each other once again. 

“Luke?”

“Hmm?” 

“Can you lay with me?”

Luke all but jumped onto the opportunity she gave him, slipping his shoes off and climbing in behind her. He wrapped his right arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. It was a mere five seconds before y/n was turning over and burying her head into his chest, “I’m sorry.”

“For what? You haven’t done anything wrong, baby.”

“For not responding, and for being like this.”

Before he had shown up she had hoped he wouldn’t even think about coming over. She hated when people had to see her like this. It wasn’t because of the way she looked but rather the thought that nobody would understand how she felt, that everyone would just complain about her problems.

But Luke was absolutely, positively in love with her. From the moment they met, the way he had been able to make her laugh within two minutes, the way she was able to ramble on about random things to a stranger amazed him. She had him wrapped around her finger since the moment they bumped into each other and there was nothing that would change that. 

He frowned at her words, “Don’t be sorry. You can’t control it.”

“I just wish it would stop sometimes. Move on from me.” He kissed her forehead and held her tighter, feeling angry at the world for doing this to his girl.

“I’m sorry this is happening to you.”

Her fingers went to tangle into his hair, her frowning at his apology. She played with one of the curls that had been sticking out amongst the rest due to its length. Luke calmed down at the feeling and gave her a small smile. It was hard for her to return the action, not having anything to smile about. 

Luke knew that was all he needed to do, just be there for her even if she said she didn’t want him there. Remind her that he would be there to support her through everything, even the parts she didn’t want him to know about. Reassure her that those feelings were common even if he didn’t know what it felt like. Love her as if the world was gonna end tomorrow. 

𝑻𝑨𝑮𝑳𝑰𝑺𝑻 ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

if your name is crossed out it means i couldn't tag you

@jasminecaskry85 | @lilyevanswhore | @shoesjr13 | @Exonct07 | @dancerbailey3 | @if-my-heart-bleeds | @prettyinsatiable | @hearts-4-luke | @sarawinson78 | @pucks-goals-penalties | @elegieseulogise | @crazycat-ladys-blog | @privatemythss | @5secondsofonedirection222 | @piavettel33 | @bohemianrapshawty | @mikayladavis | @klkennedy | @hockeyboysarehot | @whoopwhoop123 | @dasiysthings | @rleigh-47 | @ivy-34 | @itsnotgray | @daisysnhl | @love4ldr | @love4lando | @dyslecticdutchman | @thescooby-gang | @biscuit-muffin05 | @toasttt11 | @fratboyharrysgf0201 | @http-aatp | @biggiesmallspots | @kei943 | @Studio_reader | @ru-kru | @zebraszegras | @sleepybesson | @lausdigitaldiary | @eleutherafairy | @hockeygirl101 | @fearfam69691

#sunny lune writes #nhl #hockey #luke hughes #lh43 #luke hughes x reader

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

It's home cinema manufacturing time! 🏴‍☠️ Gonna put my pirate show on my shelf! (I'm doing an Arts and Crafts Project and I'm making it everyone's problem.)

After seeing how much they cost, I abandoned the idea of getting a Blu-ray writer for now. For the time being, good old DVDs is what it's going to be! My TV is old and not very big, so DVD resolution is gonna be fine.

It's been ages since I last burned a DVD. For the full experience, I'm gonna create nice menus and pretty sleeves for the boxes. Graphic design is my passion! Um.

Well. First needed to find a program to do stuff with. I'm a Linux guy, so I'm using Devede. (Which is free, btw. In case someone else wants to do a low cost spot of putting pirate show on the shelf.)

DVDs fit a maximum of 120 minutes of video. So, four episodes, I thought. But after a quick attempt, the program refused to do more than three (maybe because of the menu also taking up space, and four episodes cutting pretty close to the 120 min mark?). Anyway, three episodes per disc it is. It's a pretty nice runtime for watching the entire disc, IMO. An hour and a half, and then you can return to reality to realise you should probably eat something, or go to bed because it's midnight.

OFMD with its current two seasons has a total of eighteen episodes, which is divisible by three. You get the following setup:

Disc 1: Pilot, A Damned Man, The Gentleman Pirate - That's pretty good, Stede's introduction to piracy all on one disc!

Disc 2: Discomfort in a Married State, The Best Revenge is Dressing Well, The Art of Fuckery - All bangers. Great to watch together, our boys meet and shenanigans happen!

Disc 3: This is Happening, We Gull Way Back, Act of Grace - Many romantic moments, lots of great scenes, shit hits the fan at the end there. Alright!

Disc 4: Wherever you go, there you are, Impossible Birds, Red Flags - ... Pain and angst! What have I done!?! The disc of horrors. Gotta make sure to have tissues at hand when I watch this. But hey, it also has messy bun Ed! Small mercies.

Disc 5: The Innkeeper, Fun and Games, The Curse of the Seafaring Life. - Another disc with all winners. I love all these episodes so much! (You can watch this disc to recover from the trauma of the previous one!) But seriously, this one slaps.

Disc 6: Calypso's Birthday, Man on Fire, Mermen - Great combination again. Season finale! Love and excitement!

... Honestly, except for the psychological damage of putting all the most painful episodes together, this is coming out pretty cool. Says a lot about how good the show is. I actually really love all the episodes (yes even the painful angsty episodes of massive depression). Thinking about this little project really reminded me how much I love this entire show.

So, we got a tracklist, now menus, then we can burn this stuff!

I did the menu backgrounds in GIMP. Realised I have a big folder full of screenshots I took myself, screenshots someone else took and posted on Tumblr, official promo pics for the show, and I have no idea anymore where most of them are from, because I named the files according to what's on them. Which is useful for when you want to find pics (Need a picture of cursed suit Stede? I have files named that, easy peasy!), but not so great if you wanted to give credit to whoever took a given pic you used. (It's probably @sherlockig or @ofmd-ann or @blakbonnet. Please feel credited, your beautiful screens and gifs brighten my day, and some of them are now probably part of my DVD menus. Shrunk down and cropped, but, yeah.)

I originally wanted to structure my menus as having the title of an episode, then some pics from it, then the next episode, then pics from that, and so forth, but I couldn't convince the program to give me the necessary padding between the menu items, so I ended up just putting the episode images below the menu. Still like it.

Anyway, DVD menus can also play sound! Behold a crappy video of my beautiful creation (provided entirely for sound):

It plays Gnossienne N°5!

More crappy pics of my other disc menus:

Gonna make them some nice sleeves next. Some day. Gotta make sure they all work properly first. So. I'll be on my sofa, watching my DVDs. With menus! (Edit: here are!)

#piracy ho! #ofmd #teeny rambles #ofmd dvds