#my advice
inevitably-johnlocked · 8 days ago
hey Steph, um, you're the first person I'm admitting this to. but...I think I'm on the ace-spec. And sometimes i have these really bad doubts as to if i actually am or just don't want to have sex and have convinced myself just - *hug?*
Hey Nonny *HUGS*
First off: You're not alone, and this experience is not only relatable to me, but I have gotten a lot of DMs and asks about other aces trying to figure themselves out in a similar fashion. I've written numerous posts about it, and STILL have to answer an ask from years ago that asks me specifically about my "version" of sexuality and the story of how I figured myself out. But the short version (EDIT: It’s not short, lol) of it is this:
It's okay if you don't know right away what you are, and the process may take you days, months or YEARS. You are literally me back when I was in my early 30′s and suddenly realized I wasn't fitting into the heteronormative mould that people expected me to be in. And it's a TERRIFYING experience to have a sudden crisis in your 30's. Because we aces are SO used to the bigoted rhetoric of us being broken, or us not finding the right person, or we just need a good fucking, or medication will fix us. It's gross, and so SO wrong. And it’s VALID to be questioning before settling. My journey took me FOUR YEARS of trying on different flavours of asexuality before I settled on labels that fit me currently. It was a lot of soul searching and self-discovery, and I don’t regret it.
Asexuality is actually one of the broadest sexualities out there, with a HUGE spectrum and with SO many nuances and intricacies that the only way we CAN figure ourselves out is to, unfortunately, do our own research. It sucks, but I don't regret doing it for myself since I am now at peace with that part of my life at least. There's not many "public" support groups for aces, so we do have to go online and find the documents. 
So, this is my advice to you, Nonny: Now that you are ready to start your journey, and you're in the headspace to do so, I do implore you to START your journey at AVEN. It's where I started, and I read EVERYTHING on the site, and jotted down terms and info for me to research. One of the biggest things that helped me understand myself was learning about the split attraction model, and realizing that ace people experience relationships VERY differently than allosexual people. Keep that term under your hat for the future, but in your case, I think you should read up on "Asexuals and Attitudes Toward Sex", and then as an aside (since I DON'T know if your lack of attraction to sex is trauma-related), read this short post from a Nonny who ID'd as ace because of trauma (cw below link: light allusions to SA in ask). AND check out some Ace YouTube Channels... they’re small but SUPER interesting! My faves are Ace Dad Advice, Slice of Ace and Lynn Saga as the active ones I’m subscribed to. Ash Hardell has a great 3-part video series on “Everything Ace and Aro” and I REALLY like the Anthony Padilla “Spent a Day With Asexuals” video. 
I think these are all good places for you to start.
Here are some additional posts to carry you on your journey:
Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
The Trevor Project – Understanding Asexuality
Healthline – What Does It Mean to Be Asexual?
LGBTQ Centre UNC-Chapel Hill – Asexuality, Attraction, and Romantic Orientation
QueerEvents.ca – Asexuality 101
LGBTQIA+ Wiki – The Asexual Spectrum
Wikipedia – Asexuality
BBC.com – Asexuality: The ascent of the ‘invisible’ sexual orientation
Mindbodygreen.com – 14 Signs and Considerations to Know if You’re Ace
TeenVogue – What Is Asexuality: Myths and Truths About Being Asexual
And for some giggles, check out the subreddit r/asexuality. Beware though, there is some allophobia and shaming of sexual aces on many posts. I usually only go here for the memes, or just watch a YouTube Redditor read all the best ones, like Jammidodger and One Topic at a Time because they’re SUPER wholesome and silly.
“I’m ace but like physical affection”
Autochorisexuality / Aces Who Love Smut
“It’s hard to be ace in a hyper sexualized world”
Celibacy Does Not Equal Asexuality
Romantic Feelings vs. Platonic Affection
“I Think I Might Be Ace”
“Am I a ‘fake ace’? I feel like I’m betraying my sexuality“
“I’m ace but I have sexual fantasies. Am I still ace?”
“How Does One Find out they’re ace or Aro?”
“I’m not attracted to any one but my boyfriend, am I Demi?”
“Is it okay to still call myself ace if I am sex-repulsed because of trauma?”
“My cousin came out as Ace, family this it’s because she doesn’t want to marry” (discussion about asexuality vs celibacy)
The B(ace)ics of Asexuality 101
History of Asexuality
Let’s talk about asexuality!
You Might Be Asexual If
The Ace Experience
History of Asexuality (cis straight aces and queerness)
The Recent TERF and Ace Discourse on Social Media
Sex and Asexuality
Aphobic Rhetoric on Tumblr Queer Spaces
Asexual doesn’t mean non-sexual
Aspecs don’t need to have dated
Can I be asexual if…?
Asexuality and the LGBT Labels
You can be kinky and ace
The Card Suits
VIDEO: Split Attraction Model
And finally, because I feel like it's important for me to state this to you because you're alluding to feeling shame for I.D.ing as something you're not sure that you are: If THAT'S the label you choose right now for yourself, THAT IS WHO YOU ARE. Sexuality is fluid. I KNOW people who, after I told them I'm ace and they asked me questions about it, they always had a sex drive until recently and just... started thinking they might be ace now too. I know people who thought they were straight but really they're bi. And THAT'S OKAY.
And you know what? If you NEVER settle on a label, that’s okay too. Our labels just here to help us understand ourselves better, and if people have issues with that, then that’s their weird-assed problem to deal with. Nothing pisses off people more than trying to shame others for things and you not responding in a way they were hoping for, LOL. 
I hope these help you out Nonny, and FINALLY, I apologize for taking long to answer this I got lazy after my trip, LOL. Let us know how your journey goes! <3
Love ya!
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bittersweetsweetheart · 9 days ago
You will never be able to make everyone happy so focus on making yourself happy. Do what you want, wear what you want, look how you want. Live your life for you.
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renegadesnightmare · 12 days ago
Don't comfort yourself like you're comforting yourself,
Comfort yourself like you're comforting someone else.
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sixstepsaway · a month ago
Came for the Izzy meta, stayed for everything else!
Due to seeing your success with ADHD bullet journaling, I’ve looked into starting one myself. I really like the sound of your binder method, but I have one question:
Are you writing on both sides of each page? If so, wouldn’t the spreads get broken if you started moving things around? If not, is every other spread completely blank? Do you paperclip the blank spreads together or something to make double-sided pages?
Ty! ♥️
Ahh, thank you!
I tend to use both sides depending on the pages. If I do a cover for July, for example, I might do a calendar on the other side. My "How did July go?" page can go on the other side of my dutch door weekly, because it's not going to get moved at all.
I use some marker pens that bleed, so a lot of my pages are one-side only for that reason.
I'll pair certain pages together if they won't be moved around. So, for example my yearly pages go like this:
2022 cover | bleedthrough page, so blank | year at a glance | blank so i can add something if i want | cute divider page i can move anywhere | blank other side | double page future log | blank bleedthrough | divider | divider on the other side with a key | divider | divider | weight goal | wishlist on the other side | 2022 achievements | dutch door content tracker double page | stuff to get done page | growth tracker | art ideas | goals | watching tracker | things to check out | double page "year of art" spread | double page 2022 highlight reel spread | youtube tracker | deviantart watchers tracker | subs tracker | blank | weight log | daily gratitudes
so, the basics are that things i can pair that wont leave each other (wishlist and weight goal and achievements for example) can go on other sides of the page, but things like my trackers shouldnt touch other things like my gratitudes in case i move the gratutides into the monthly sections (I havent yet)
but 16 days each (ish) on each side of the montly gratitude page works well
In the months I either leave lots of blank pages because I haven't done a lot (this month is just cover and dutch door spread) or I pair it all together
then for my references section I'll pair things together that way, so I don't add anything to the back of, for example, my RegEx page, but if I put a lot of RegEx notes on there, they can spill over onto the back of the page because they'll move together
... I do not know if this fully answered your question, actually, but I tried.
I have once or twice created double sided pages using a glue stick for thicker paper, but no I don't use paperclips.
However, if you are thinking of something like that, I highly recommend washi tape for the purpose!!
I hope the binder bujo works out for you!!
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pinesfamfan · a month ago
"Enemies to Lovers" should not end in romantic declarations of love; they should either end with the characters admitting that they tolerate each other more than most, or cohabitating forever and never acknowledging that they are, for all intents and purposes, married.
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wild-penguin · a month ago
I have a crush on you..
I'm so sorry to hear that 😧💘
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soft-darling-sub · a month ago
Bahaha someone tried to scam me by pretending to be a wealthy sugar daddy wanting to give me an $8k weekly allowance. I decided to see how far the deception would go and ran with it up until they sent me a phishing email (which I did not open) from "PayPal by Square".
I told them that I was going to wait for my PayPal app to notify me of money received, and they kept trying to assure me it was real, then they tried distracting me with pics of their kids (?), tried guilting me into trusting them ("come on baby it's real, it's just processing"), and then told me I needed to sign up for some special debit card in order to access the money (??).
LOL DING DING DING, and there it is! Why do I have to sign up for some weird card in order to access the money in MY PayPal account? That doesn't make any sense.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I told him I've had sugar daddies before and they've never made things this complicated (just cash app me, it's that simple! But NOOO, he "lives in Germany and can't use Cash App", even tho my friend in Japan was able to send me money), and then I blocked his ass.
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Hello, I want some advice please if your not to busy.
Is it bad to give a character too many bad flaws or bad traits?
E.g. This character is abusive, arrogant, assertive, bossy, cocky, cold, conceited, controlling, cruel, cunning, deceptive, egotistocal, etc..
The good traits for them wouldn't be considered "good" after hearing all these bad flaws
Hey there!!
I think it depends on:
(1) the story you're writing. some stories just have unlikeable characters and that's okay! if you want to write about those characters, I definitely recommend reading some stories that are just about that and see how they handle it!
(2) their overall character arc, and development throughout the narrative. some characters start out bad, and develop.
For option 2:
They could be anti heroes. Those have very interesting levels of depth.
They could be morally grey! If they are deplorable, and you want to make them more likeable, give them some morals! For example, he is willing to destroy a village and kill people in search of something, but he spares the women and children.
They could be enemies of the protagonist and just evolve into friends. that's always fun and complex.
They might truly be irredeemable, and other characters simply don't forgive them for what they did, BUT - what if they evolve into characters that simply do better because they want to? I adore those characters.
In that second case, I also have a morally grey character that starts off deplorable and has literally all of those aspects you mentioned, except he still has morals in other aspects. Later on, the reader learns that his goals are morally good, but he just has nefarious ways of accomplishing his goals. He has the potential to be abusive to some people, but never to the hero - and he ends up falling in love with the female hero. Their arc together has them both change and evolve together! So they both become heroes, they just have different methods of achieving their goals. They bicker about it sometimes, but when it comes down to it, they balance eachother out!
But yes, I think having those types of characters in incredibly fun to explore, but approaching it with a purpose, and a bit of nuance is good also!
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adhd-adept · 2 months ago
Hi so i just got diagnosed with ADHD-I and i was having a conversation with my mother about it and i know for a fact that adhd effects all aspects of life but she thinks this only effects school? she told me we only did the assessment fr school and i genuinely dont know what to think like I'VE TOLD HER everything i know and i've told her all the ways it effects a persons life yet she doesnt seem to understand, like i still get comments about me being lazy and distracted daily and i dont know what to do
So I just want to clarify, you're saying that you've already discussed with her the way your ADHD is affecting your life, and she's not exactly being mindful of that when she talks to you?
My advice is that, from here, your relationship with her is going to take some work on your part - specifically, figuring out what works best for you, and potentially finding ways she can assist you in implementing your strategies. But have hope! It is possible.
If you and your mom have some time, you may try to ask her if you can bounce an idea for a plan off of her. Crucially, have a plan for what you hope to implement going into that discussion. Focus on the things you struggle with. Let her know that you struggle with it, but that there are some things you'd like to try, and what does she think? If there's a component that she can help with, outline what that is.
Hopefully, you will be able to implement some accommodations that help you, but even if not, it may help her understand that you care if you show that you've been thinking about this, and it's something you take seriously.
I don't know what exactly the think you struggle with is, so I will give some examples of my own solutions.
I don't have a very consistent appetite, and when I don't eat I don't focus as well. When my mom did a majority of the food shopping, I asked her to make sure we always had a few key foods (for me, that was sunflower seeds, trail mix, and canned soup) that I knew were easy for me to munch on and wouldn't quickly go bad, for the times when detailed food preparation was difficult.
Motivating myself to begin a task is often the hardest part of that task, so when my mom wanted me to do something like the dishes, I asked her to give me a time frame she would like it done by; rather than saying "do this now", it really helped if it was simply phrased "can you make that the next thing you do when you finish what you're working on now?" or "can you get this done before dinnertime?" Especially, for me, i tend to think of tasks as a sequence, so it helps me to place it before or after another task, rather than at a time.
I am very accustomed to the layout of my house, so if I need to do a task, I tend to set things where I will notice it - a post-it note on my pillow, for example, or the jacket I want to bring hooked on my doorknob. If you plan to implement something like that, let her know you'll be trying it, and ask her to let you know if she moves anything of yours.
When my mom wanted me to do tasks, I would ask her to text me right away; that way I would have it written down (and I would be able to see how much time had passed since she asked me) so I would have a reminder.
As an ongoing suggestion; If she does do something that helps you, tell her thanks. Even if it's a little annoying. If she says "Hey, were you gonna get up and do those dishes," say, "Thanks for reminding me! Give me just a moment to put away X." It sounds like part of the problem is that she's frustrated, and while that isn't necessarily your responsibility, you may still be able to do something about it just by trying to tell her that you appreciate it if it does seem like she's genuinely trying to help.
Conversely, if she's doing something UNhelpful, try to give an alternative instead of simply asking her to stop. In my experience, people who are getting involved with a problem don't want to be told to go away. Try to find a task that could help you. If she's given you a lists of chores, maybe ask "Do you mind writing that down as a list with check boxes?" Even if you think you'll remember the list, she might just need to FEEL like she's helping you.
I don't have more specific advice without knowing the specific details of your conflict. I'm genuinely sorry it's been frustrating interacting with her (and apologies for my delayed response) but hopefully it's alright that I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming that she's getting involved because she cares, even if she's not being as kind about it as she could be.
Start by showing her that you're putting thought into how to help yourself
And if you feel comfortable doing so, tell her that it's hurtful when she calls you lazy, or implies it. When you're really trying, and really struggling, only to have it come across as lack of effort, that can be really discouraging! Tell her so. hopefully she understands.
best of luck.
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ink-flavored · 2 months ago
quick question, so i few months ago i started writing a story that had been in the back of my mind for about a year. i’ve gotten a little bit into it now and i’ve been thinking about posting it somewhere. i’m not really sure where tho i don’t wanna post on wattpad any ideas??
Probably a good idea not to go for Wattpad tbh. I've never used it myself, but I hear the plagiarism is rampant, widespread, and there's not much you can do about it if someone steals your shit.
As for other sites, that depends on what kind of story it is. Tumblr is good for poetry, short stories, and episodic stories, since reading under the cut/keeping up with your stuff is a big ask for people in the social media age. Archive of Our Own does allow original works of any length to be posted, though it will be harder to find an audience unless you promote the shit out of it. Twitter is... not very good unless you're into microfiction or very short poems and already have a large following. If you want, you could always try getting it published in a literary journal, depending on the length (most journals are 1000 words max, but there are plenty that take longer).
Really, there's no True Single Answer. It depends what the story is, what you're comfortable sharing, and the things you can find online. I know I definitely didn't list all the options out there, there's bound to be some kind of writing club website out there where you can share your work with likeminded writers.
Good luck!
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one-heck-of-a-lawyer · 2 months ago
Study Tip: Do it Your way.
Your study program will have a recommendation for how to take notes or outline. But you know yourself. You know how you've studied best til now. You are going to be benefitted far more by adapting that to the new material than you are trying to study the “right” way. 
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theinternetisfulloftrash · 3 months ago
Hey, I’m the anon who asked for the advice last night, thank you so much I honestly appreciate it so so much that you took the time to write that, it’s helped a lot 🥺 I hope that you’re having a good day 😌
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You're very welcome!
I'm happy I could help, even the tiniest bit. I am having a pretty okay day today (I may have stayed up too late, but I always do), thanks for asking!
You don't need to 'try' to do anything you're not ready for, for anyone. That feeling of loneliness is one that won't be there forever, but if you feel like you're having trouble trusting people, even those with seemingly good intentions, it might be something worth thinking about addressing in talk therapy? You could be running away out of fear of opening up or self-consciousness, but there could be some deeper issues getting in the way of your happiness that you might be able to delve into and understand better if you had some help to sort them out and investigate. Meeting new people is hard for me to this very day, and opening up to my husband when we first met was not an easy thing to do. To be vulnerable and put yourself out there is a risk, and sometimes you can just FEEL when it's worth it.
As an aside, being ashamed and inhibited when it comes to our bodies and sexual expression is something that society has worked very hard to engrain in women for a very long time. I believe it to be partially responsible for me quite obviously repressing my clearly sexual nature, but I do not downplay the role of my own personality in that process. And it is a process. Becoming who you will be as an adult, learning about yourself, about what you want in a partner (if you even want a partner), none of it is a recipe that you have to follow. No one has the 'right' formula.
Getting to know yourself is one of the most valuable and important life events that happen in your 20s, and you are only just beginning that process. Do not rush yourself, do not attempt to live up to anyone else's expectations of you, and try to develop a relationship with yourself that will allow you to find happiness, in whatever form it takes. Self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-love <3
anon sent THIS ask last night and I'm pleased to see that they saw my response and sent this follow-up. If anything I can say when it comes to these kinds of issues helps anyone, I'm grateful to have a platform to allow me to do it.
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sixstepsaway · 2 months ago
So, uh, you regularly use your bullet journal, huh? If you don't mind me asking, any tips on keeping up with one? Asking for a friend of course. -dd anon
Not so much tips, but I'll tell you what works for me:
I don't use one of those Leuchtturm notebook type things? I use a binder. I have an A5 (5.83 x 8.27 in, since I know the US doesn't use As for their papers, I don't think) leather binder and I have a set of blue plastic A5 file type binders on my shelf.
I use a binder because my brain does not like the rigidity of the notebook style. If I fuck it up, I'm just...stuck with it? If I want to add a habit tracker before my weekly spread, if I've already done my weekly spread I can't. If I want to have a certain note section (like my RegEx reference sheet) close at hand, it can only be where I put it.
I bought a 3 - 3 hole punch and a box of A5 paper that's lasted me since 2018 so far, and I put pages in and out as I want.
I put stickers/designs on my binder to personalize it.
I enjoy art, a lot, so I treat my bujo as a pretty good way of doing some art and enjoying myself. So, towards the middle of every month (usually; I totally fucked this up in April and ended up doing my May spread literally on the fly week-to-week) I open my Pinterest board and I scroll through my sections and decide what kind of design I want to do for the next month. This month (June) is watermelon. It came out real cute. Last month I did a ship/nautical theme, but as it was such a rush I didn't really do a lot of it. I did the main cover page and the weeklies were all black with no real embellishments. I try to do a pretty spread for weeklies and a nice cover every month. I also do a dividing section of a nice "Welcome, [Season]" page to help remind my brain where we are in the year, a little.
I have some tabbed dividers I put in my bujo. Behind the first is my year-round stuff, so I have things like what I've watched, what I've achieved, subs on my currently abandoned Sims yt channel (see: internet being 500kb/s), plans and intentions for the year, year at a glance etc. I did all of my 2022 yearly pages last December. Behind the second divider is the month I'm currently in. If I do the next month soon enough, it goes right after. Behind the third divider is all the other months. So right now my bujo goes: 2022 | June | January | February | March | April | May | Notes Section. This way the current month is always at the front and easily accessible, and my year round is on hand too.
I have a three-surface set-up in my shoebox room. My main desk, with my monitor and keyboard etc, is front, then to the left I have my art desk I can turn around and work at. Behind me I have a trolley I built a couple of months ago. Because I have spare surface room and a spot I spend the majority of my time, my bujo lives, open to today/this week, beside my keyboard, permanently. Specifically, mine is directly to the right (as I use my mouse left-handed), always where I can see it, in front of whatever tea I am currently drinking and my water bottle. It's always there. No out-of-sight-out-of-mind allowed. I used a ring-bound notebook briefly last year before I bust my bujo back out properly and any day I moved it, I forgot it existed. So, my bujo lives right here. I don't go out so it doesn't go anywhere. Sometimes it gets moved to my bed so I can make a note I need to make, but it always goes back where it came from immediately. I think this is the most important point for me tbh.
Because my binder can't hold endless amounts of paper, when a 6-month period ends I take those six months out and put them in one of the plastic binders on my shelf. The second six months go after it, along with the year pages, and that binder becomes the year binder. I haven't fully done this yet, as I've only really perfected managing to keep my bujo up this year (but I've kept it up since January 1st, and since November if you include my using my notepad briefly), but I have my old pages in one of them. It works for me.
I start the next month/year early, so my brain can't trick me by going, "Oh, you can't use your bujo, you didn't finish it." And if I fail at that like I did in April for May, I just bully my brain into letting me manage for a month. It's not the end of the world.
There is apparently a text block limit so, here's a break to see some of my pages/designs etc:
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The nautical one for May was somewhat hastily done (I colored it in later, but I don't have a photo rn) and I'm sad about that. Might do another nautical one later this year, who knows.
I experiment every month. Different colors, different theme, different style, different hand-written fonts, different vibes, different experimentation. Keeps it fresh and makes me look forward to the next month. I don't do it in bulk for the whole year because idk what I'll be into by August, and because I'll be bored of whatever I did by then.
Every month I do a cover and my weekly spread. Those are my only requirements, but I can do more if I want to.
I experimented with the best way to do weekly spreads early this year. January I did boxes but no dutch door, February (up there) I did dutch door with no boxes. I hated the no boxes, I really like having things tidily put together? But I loved dutch door because I could put a little calendar on one side and notes/goals/to-dos/whatever where I could see them week to week without having to turn pages! Once I figured that out, my weekly spreads were easier to draw out and easier to use, and I could still experiment with the design (sometimes I cut out the side, sometimes the bottom, maybe next month I'll do the top! Who knows?) and have fun with it. The only month since February I haven't done dutch-door is last month and that was because I was literally doing each week on the fly in panic. I was doing the week I was on as I was on it the one week, it was a disaster lmao
I bought a snazzy rainbow bookmark and hole punched it and I use that to keep my page in my bujo, so I can get back to it easy when I have to close it (my ducks throw water everywhere when they're up here with me)
I have a simple key for my goals etc. Circles for things I need to do, circles with a clockface for things that are on a time-limit, circles with a > for things I'm bumping to another day, crossed out circles for things I no longer have to do for whatever reason. I fill in the circles when I've done the thing, which is great for my brain, and because my bujo and pens are right next to me, I can do it easily on the go.
Squares (with the same basic pattern) are for things I'd quite like to do but they're not pressing to-dos, just a good idea.
I added some other simple keys for things I use sometimes. I have a little pill capsule for logging any meds I take beside my normal (so the last 5 weeks I've been adding a little "💊 Elvanse [x]mg, #/7" so I know which day of my titration I'm on and which level I'm on. If I take a nytol or a melatonin or ibuprofen, I can write that down if I feel I should). A little bell is an event. An exclamation with a heart for its dot is a note. I had other ones but I've never used them.
This month I added a little side piece to my daily boxes. I put a ☀ and a 🌙 and under each I put, with my tiny little 0.05 fineliner (which I use for any writing I do in my bujo, to-dos etc) little daily to-dos of brushing my teeth, doing my skincare, taking my meds morning and night. It was a fun experiment and it's working for me, so I'll continue it next month! If it didn't work and I didn't use it, that's okay, it was just an experiment!
When the end of the month comes, at the end of the last day of the month I write out how the month went, either on a sheet I set up in advance all pretty, or just a normal plain sheet I add. I say what worked (dutch door, little suns and moon sections), what didn't work (no boxes, leaving it until the last moment) and what I want to change next month (add a mood tracker to my dutch door? not write week when I meant month?), then I move that entire month to the back of the second section, where I can get to it if I need to, and write out my to-dos for the next day.
I write tomorrow's to-dos before bed every night when I'm ticking off my meds, and add anything I might forget to them during the day.
I also added a "PRIORITY" top section to my boxes, usually in a complimentary color (this month's colors are green, yellowgreen and pink for watermelon, so the PRIORITY is in a nice green), and I got sick of writing "PRIORITY:" repeatedly, so this month it's a cute "!:" instead, which is the same thing.
welp ran out of space again. MORE BULLETS:
I love habit trackers but they do not work for me if I have to turn a page to get to them, which is why the sun/moon is working so nicely. I might expand it next month.
If I can't see something, it just doesn't exist, so anything important has to stay within my line of vision, hence dutch door and keeping my bujo right next to me.
I don't beat myself up if I don't do all my goals, I just focus on what I did do and use it as a way of managing my working memory rather than scolding myself. Monday my goals were to work on my sewing, start July, reply to my titration nurse, write, work on the ores for my modpack, shower, and post some metas on AO3. I did 5/7 of those things and showering was a square not a circle, so it doesn't even count. I did well, and having it written down reminds me to try again tomorrow, if applicable.
If I have ^ all those on my to-do list, and then I realize I need to, idk, clean my desk, I will add cleaning my desk to the list, so I can tick it off as done when I've done it, even if I'm already halfway through.
I've talked around this a few times but I'mma say it plainly: if something isn't working for me I discard it and try something else. Habit tracker? Gone and incorporated into the dailies. Mood tracker? Put it on my dutch door this month and have forgotten it most of the time, so I might put it on the left side (closest) instead of the right side next month and see if that helps? Too tired to do anything complex? Simple spread to get me through the month. Not enough energy to do a proper cover? Slap the name of the month down, color it, shove it in. Solved.
I might enjoy making pretty bujos and enjoying the artistic side of it, but it's my bujo, and aside from my parents seeing my designs when they stand by my desk, it doesn't have to be for anyone except me. All that matters is what works for me and what I enjoy.
So, the tl;dr and the tips I extrapolated from this ramble:
Experimentation with colors/designs/themes to keep it feeling new and fresh. Incorporate any hyperfixations in, if it helps (nautical theme lmao).
Discard anything that doesn't work, try new things every month until something sticks, then change its design rather than its function.
Please yourself and no one else, it's your bujo. Use it for what you need help with (working memory, in my case, rather than motivation or intense tracking of what I'm doing. I'm more likely to forget I wanted to do something to begin with, than I am to just not do it).
If you have problems like I do where you mess it up and you don't want to be stuck with it, swap to a binder you can move pages in and out of.
Keep it close and within your line of vision, open if possible.
Write down doing your bujo things on your bujo. Sounds stupid but if I write down "Start July" I have more of a chance of actually starting July than if I just imagine I'll get it done eventually.
Bookmark so you don't have to sift through pages.
Hope this maybe helps a little!
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teratocore · 4 months ago
Be nice to strangers.
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incandescent-creativity · 5 months ago
So I stumbled on your blog and noticed how awesome it is! I'm still new with Tumblr so I'm sorry if my question had been asked a lot of times.
I'm not really the kind of worldbuild, I prefer to write 'ahead' but after some time it lead to inconsistencies. I want to try worldbuilding but I don't know where to start? How to begin? Can you give me some pointers?
The beautiful nature of tumblr is that a good question can be pinned, reblogged, linked, etc! The annoying nature of tumblr is that sometimes you don’t see asks when they come in.
There’s plenty of worldbuilding advice out there, but for a beginner, I would say Build out what affects the story and/or characters. It’s all well and good to have aesthetic, interesting worlds, but if the characters never experience it, or it’s out of character for them to care or comment, you may have wasted your time.
Also, make a whole different doc or section for your worldbuilding! Or maybe a sticky note with the chapter or page numbers where you specify some worldbuilding stuff! That way you won’t have to scroll through your entire manuscript to find a detail you want to keep consistent.
Finally, inconsistencies are not the end of the world. Sometimes, leaning into them can lead to interesting plot points: conflict between characters, misunderstandings, a plot twist founded on what we thought was true about the world that turns out not to be.
Other times, you just have to let the first draft process take you along. Maybe you discover an inconsistency when you’re rereading or editing, and this will be a better place to deal with it than when you’re actually writing. During an editing phase, you’ll have the distance to know which option is better (which one you like better, which fits better thematically, etc).
At the end of the day, worldbuilding is just making cool shit up to decorate your world. So start with something you think is cool, and go from there!
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macabrecabra · 5 months ago
Art Advice: Not drawing for a day or two will not cause you to suddenly lose all art talent and make you a “bad artist”. Honestly? I just took a couple days off from really working on any serious renders, came back to a piece and was able to overcome the block I had!  Was struggling and getting frustrated....and best thing to do was step back, relax, take art vacation and let the brain reset, look at it with fresh eyes and quickly see what had to be done c:  SO ARTISTS LOVELIES: Take a break! It will be okay! You are all still talented beans who just need to let the brain get things in order <3 
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