#my brain and body are very stupid | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sciderman · 27 days

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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks

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gumnut-logic · 7 months

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It’s Thursday again, but eh.

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Virgil had eleven tonne over his head when John interrupted him.

“Thunderbird Two, we have a situation in New York.”

Virgil grunted, steadying his load as Alan darted in and grabbed the two rescuees. His suit beeped at him, complaining about load limits. But the site had been too confined for a pod so the exosuit was it.

And pretty much every heavy lifting muscle he had.

“Clear!” Alan’s voice was sharp and professional.

Virgil’s HUD agreed. With staggering footwork, he lowered the concrete slab as carefully as he could.

Broken concrete groaned and rumbled.

Much like Virgil’s back.

He was panting when he finally let go, chest heaving.

“Repeat, Thunderbird Five.” He couldn’t remove the gasp from his voice.

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#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #virgil tracy #nuttyfic #wip wednesday #my muse is erratic as hell at the moment #everything has stopped due to health stuff #very annoying #hopefully i can crank it up again soon #stupid body and brain #we’re supposed to be making stuff

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box-dwelling · 6 months

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trick or treat !!

Boo!

Never mind it's just a baby

#i will do more of these with things other than just my kittens i swear #they are just like 90% of my camera roll #anyway this is peep #he is very stupid and has no brain and hits things if he likes them #i think he has cat autism because he cant read other cats body language for shit #trick or treat ask game #cats #Halloween

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sherlock-is-ace · 2 months

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#panic attacks leave me feeling like shit for the rest of the day and that seems illegal #what do you mean i go through th worst feelings ever for a number of minutes and when it ends i still feel like absolute shit #the embarrassment of being seen as you lose all control of your body and emotions #and then your brain staying foggy and shitty all day #panic attacks should be a one time thing #i hate them!#kdfhgdfg #i was researching phsychiatrist yesterday because every day it's getting harder to deal with my brain hating me #but boy oh boy are they expensive!!! mental health doctors are never covered by my health inssurance and they're one of the most expensive #types of doctors out there and you can't just go once. it's a long term thing #so i very much doubt i'll be able to afford it #specially because my stupid work is not regular so maybe i can afford like 2 sessions and then never again for like 4 months...#i hate this so fucking much #and it's sort of a vicious cycle because i can't pay for therapy because i don't have regular work #and i can't find regular work because my anxiety paralyzes me most of the time...#but it's fine... could be worse #we still can afford food and pay for services so it's fine #i just wish my entire wasn't in other people's hands you know?#the people ruining this country the people who politely say ''thanks but you're not a good fit for our team'' etc etc #angel talks #personal #please ignore this post it's actually fine. i'm fine and not in danger of doing something stupid or whatever #it's all fine i'm just venting cause as i said my brain is foggy and putting things out there helps a bit

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caterpillarinacave · 20 days

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So you choose not to step through the door, after all why mess with nonsense when you're already in nonsense? You check the items in your pockets, your phone you shut off to conserve power, the dog tag, key and top clink together but offer no help, and when you fiddle with the walkie-talkie you manage to get it to turn on, excitedly you call out to the void but only static responds, which is disappointing but predictable, so you put the items away and hunker down for the night, looking at the sky you can see that the stars seem strange, though you're no expert, and the moon seems to have a second smaller moon near it which looks pretty cool but is a stark reminder of how not on your own world your predicament has landed you.

In the morning you begin looking through the nearby bushes and plant life taking note of anything strange, you notice the berries you had been picking before you stepped through the door are also growing around here, they look and taste the same, and some other plants seem pretty similar to the forest from before as well, although the further away from the door you go the more unfamiliar plants you come across (of course that may just be your lack of familiarity with plants) and the few animals you have noticed are bizarre in a way that you can't explain, like the people from town, they seem almost perfectly familiar, just a little off and the noises they make have you thinking they wouldn't be able to communicate with their counterparts either, brushing aside another branch you come across a strange funnel made of metal which you pocket and what looks to be a regular whistle, you wipe it down and blow but hear nothing aside from the air going through, you consider it is either broken or maybe a dog whistle, as you go to put it away you hear something big running in your direction, before you can decide how to react a large creature storms out of the bushes and stops in the clearing before you, it's huge as a horse with paws and sharp teeth it licks as it looks around and spots you, it shakes its head again reminding you of a horse, then steps closer before turning and staring expectantly, you get the feeling it's waiting on you, impatiently, and you realize it seems to expect you to get on its back. Do you get on?

Yes.

#I am a terrible terrible Irish child #Clearly all those folk tales whose only moral was “don’t climb on the strange horse” were lost on me. Technically not a horse though. So. H #Uh please don’t run into the bog with my on your back strange horse thing.#…This may be one of my worse ideas #On one hand moving away from what appears to be the only connection my world doesn’t sound like a great idea #Back through the door is logically the the best bet. However I’ve already explored the area #The only thing to do would be to just sit there for hours and that will get me nowhere. The things that do have leads like the walkie-#Sputtering are things to pay attention to but not things that are likely to change if I don’t move. The whistle is the newest thing-#And let’s be real I’ve been in the bramble for like 14 hours without the neurospicy meds I am teetering on dangerously antsy #Probably better to get on the horse before I come up with something more stupid #It’s interesting my world flora seems to surround the door. I wish I’d payed more attention before I stepped through #If the nearby flora on the other side seemed like it would come from this world it would suggest that the door just leaks between universes #In two ways. If it’s earths flora then it’s either only leaking one way which we could no from one step through #Or - which we will not know but should pay attention for if we step into some other world - if the earths flora shows up around EVERY porta #Which would suggest earth is the base in some way #It might be beneficial to climb a tree to try and see farther out #Though I don’t exactly get many opurtunited to haul myself up a tree so I would put to much stock in a)my upper body strength #And b) my ability to chose a tree that won’t kill me #It’s defintley worth taking in as much info as possible. I’ll try and notice things like different winds gravity tempature ect #What should i tag this all. Help I got lost in a blackberry bush? Anon who takes me to alternate planes of reality?#I know #Guys I got lost in a bush #That’s a good one. Nothing weird there at all.#FINE I’ll rage it “guys I got lost in a blackberry bush”#I wonder what makes things so familiar. Perhaps this world exists very closely to the other. Perhaps they’ve crossed paths before.#Perhaps they’ve shown up in our dreams. Perhaps I have bad memory and my brain gaslights itself into thinking everything’s familiar #I wonder maybe the horse is a horse/dog thing- that would explain the likeness to the dog whistle (?)#This can’t get any worse I say doing something that could very much make it worse #Eh what’s the worst that can happen. At least I don’t have to pay taxes in this world #Guys I got lost in a black berry bush

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greencheekconure27 · 8 months

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Anxiety is so stupid ugh.

Oh nooo we have a deadline coming up let's have tummy ache and heart palpitations about it, surely this will help me solve this faster! 🙄

#very slow lions are chasing me #thanks brain 😒#the rational part of me is calm if only my body would stop experiencing physical reactions ugh #general randomness #stress #stupid counterproductive bullshit

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imwritesometimes · 5 months

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wouldn't it be funny if I could write again lollollol........

#got a very sweet comment on a fic today and I was like oh my god. oh my goddddddd. ppl *still* like my stuff.#ppl still like my silly little stupid little stuff that I had stupid silly fin working on & it's dumb and silly but I shared it!#and ppl like it!#and I'm like not pushing myself anymore. like before I was kinda trying to force shit to happen #like sitting in bed with an open notebook/laptop like CREATE BITCH!#and I'm not doing that anymore lol and being on my meds has really made me feel SO much better #but also like I just don't.... have any ideas anymore. can't rotate blorbo like a rotisserie chicken anymore #I lay down to go to sleep now and because my body is not operating under severe extreme toxic anxiety levels anymore #I just fckn fall asleep. like I'm OUT. good night. sleepin. snoozin. zonked. 7+ hours.#no more blorbo thoughts at the end of the day I'm TIRED and my brain FINALLY shuts off #I hope one day I'll write again. I had so much fun with it. I have had a couple Thoughts #since I have been on my meds #but they're nothing more than a few quick sentences scrawled in a notebook.#it's like I'm doing so much other stuff and having fun in other ways and SLEEPING FINLALLY SWEET GOD ALMIGHTY #there's just like zero processing left for original blorbo ideas #this doesn't make sense and I bet you were all relieved cause I haven't ranted in tags in like months but hahaha #🤡 I STAY HONKIN'!!!! 🤡#(I'm actually really in a really good place mentally rn I promise like the best I've felt in years I'm just ahhh!! tonight lol)#erin explains it all

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sovaharbor · 2 months

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do you know how fucking stupid it is to be terrified out of your mind over leaving the house and being in a car for ~40 minutes tomorrow. do you know how fucking stupid it is to overhear your mom on the phone with your dad as they bicker over what could possibly be so scary about going to a doctors appointment tomorrow. do you know how fucking stupid it is to get so anxious just Thinking about tomorrow that you start shaking and have to force-feed yourself your favorite chicken gnocchi soup while you literally try to not vomit from the sheer amount of anxiety you are feeling. do you Know how Stupid it is.

#i am the world's biggest fawking idiot #and my body and brain are a very close second #DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING STUPID IT IS TO HAVE A PHOBIA OF VOMITING AND YOUR BODY'S MAIN RESPONSE TO SEVERE ANXIETY IS TO MAKE YOU SO NAUSEOUS #THAT YOU GAG ALL DAY AND NEARLY HORK WHILE TRYING TO FEED YOURSELF FOOD. DO YOU KNOWWWWWWWWW.#i literally dont know what god i angered to make me an anxious almost-puker at this point in my life but it's awful and i hate it thanks #i think the worst thing is ive been telling my dad for months that i didnt think i'd be mentally ready to go to this appointment #because i freak out just going 5 minutes away to publix. and this is a 40+ minute drive going like 60 mph and im like!!! haha!!!!!!!#i literally just want to cry and curl up in a ball and do absolutely nothing at all ever i feel so stupid lol...

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currentlyonstandbi · 1 year

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#look this was probably the most experimental post i've ever done considering i had to make the newspaper article from scratch #and to be entirely honest i uuuh im not happy with it lmao #i should've done an obituary instead of the article but too late ! i have no energy to start again #but whatever .the point is that the article is supposed to allude to alex's death okay so yes obituary would've worked better but too bad #idk i think i just had a massive brain blegh halfway through which sucks because i was thinking about this post all day #but the idea behind the whole concept and the QUOTE in the first place and the stupid article concept #was the idea that nigel wasn't the only one to kill himself at the end of the film #alex did too . just not in the literal sense #alex kills the old version of himself . kills the who he used to be #this did not do that quote or the intention behind the post justice but i'm just gonna dump it here and go #also deep in tags is the best place for me to put the random shit i'm thinking of and i've had the trainyard scene on my mind lately #but i left my thoughts to simmer too long and now it's been reduced into thickness 😞 but anyway #greg may have been too much of a coward to give them the maraclea ending they deserved #but he will never be able to take away the fact that the trainyard scene will always be their version of the myth TO ME and me only probs #okay because that story is supposed to parallel the typical conventions of marriage - the consumation when he lays with the body #and then 9 months later the skull symbolises a birth resulting from their union #that moment at the railway ? where nigel shoots himself with the very gun alex is holding?#that's their consumation babes; their union; their wedding #'pray for me pray for yourself we're one now' may as well be their vows #and what do we get as a result of that union 9 months later? we get jack #jack is the product of these 2 people becoming 1 and just like the skull granted great power to the lord #so too does jack grant power to alex; the power to take control of his life and forge his own path forward #me making this post 🤝 cats : oooooo big stretch #seriously #lowkey glad no one will see this in the tag search lmao #like minds

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faneth · 1 year

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i need brian de palma to stop whatever hes doing and help me finish my damn oc backstory

#my head is empty my brain is stupid my body is so very sleepy #and the game is so soon

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piplupod · 5 months

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hate that you can have possibly the most horrific realisation of your life and your body completely freaks out and starts fighting itself and you are just expected to keep going with your day like normal. i feel like maybe i should get a month away from any and all responsibilities at the very least to recover and adjust to having this knowledge

#my god!!! my god!!! the horrors do not end!!!#in fact old horrors will come back to haunt you again!!!#i wish i had not gone digging and prodding but oops i am so stupid and also i cannot stop my brain from putting pieces together!!#i have a counseling appt tomorrow but i honestly dont think i can bring this up. how do u bring up such a thing! esp when u have no proof!#i do not think the pieces would all fit together so perfectly and the body and brain would not react so violently if it were not true thoug #i do not want it to be true dear fucking god can this not be true please. can i be mistaken maybe. can it be just a series of coincidences.#i do not know how to cope with this if it is true. and the most awful thing is i'll likely never know for sure #i do not have memory of any of those times. i will never know unless another part comes forward w memories #and maybe its better to not know? but i feel sick. i feel so very sick!! i cannot deal w this!!#Chase took over for half the day and he's sooo pissed at me for digging but i sincerely could not stop putting things together #everyone in the brain is so mad at me i think fsdjkl i feel so awful and sick and the body is so fucked up now #i want to bring it up w counselor but i'd have to bring up a lot of other things and she's about to go on pregnancy/maternity leave #i dont want to be... burdensome. and idk who will be replacing her #idk !!! i wish i could just undo all of that thinking this morning!! i fucked up!! i shouldnt have thought about it!!#i regret it but i also cannot stop wanting to know the truth!! and i hate this!! i dont want this to be real!! please i hope its not!!#pippen needs 2nd breakfast

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opens-up-4-nobody · 7 months

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...

#hmm its been an interesting week i suppose #very busy in a good way. but that is always how it starts. i make myself so busy and it feels good and then i wobble and fall out of my body #so im feeling wary. also bc ive been under sleeping more than ususal but im not really tired but im also not boiling out of my skin with #energy. i just feel ok. so thats good. but also a demon in the back of my head is always like: then stay up all night. lets see how far we #can push this. which is not good. and in fact ive been proscribed like basically emergency mood stablizers to knock me out if i start like #losing my mind and not sleeping lol. bc i dont wanna b getting ready for something big and like completely unavailable to control my #ability to think. and ive also been proscribed birth control to get a handke on my fucked up hormones. so we'll see if that makes things #less all over the place. hopefully it works bc im so busy i kinda dont have time to like freak thr fuck out #but i am a lil apprehensive bc like i can count on my hormones to make me feel things when a lot of the time i dont have much emotional #range. so its like fuck finally i can cry abt this. or like fuck this is so beautiful. but then i also cant function sometimes #so i guess i just gotta see what happens. sigh. also the typical frustrating in having to read so much. like ppl hear im dyslexic and r like #oh do u want accommodation? like literally wtf r u gonna do to help me as a grad student? it just takes an agonizing amount of time to #understand thing. i have my computer read to me and i suffer. theres literally nothing else to b done abt it. and fucking next week i have #to teach a fucking lab abt reading scientific papers. they have to read a paper in class. fuck off. those r the types of exercises that make #me feel so fucking stupid. like do this thing right now. read it right here and answer questions abt it. and i fucking read it and retain #fucking nothing. im fucking 26 and literally in my grant writing class i have to apologize to every person before i give them feedback like #lol sorry i can barely fucking read. i fucking cant understand language. its fine but it sucks. theres nothing to do abt it. it just makes #me mad i have to teach a class that would have made me cry as an undergrad. so ill prob hold their hands thru it more than the other TAs #will. bc fuck u im not making them read a whole fucking paper in class. fuck u #plus the frustration of not being able to express myself well in thr moments. like theres a delay in my brain so i feel so dumb when im #trying to convey myself off the top of my head. like give me time and ill write it all out for u i just cant actually process wtf ur saying #to me. also i probably spaced out for a sec so i missed part of the convo lol. frustrating but at this point its just how it is. it makes me #more empathetic when i have to teach i guess. like listen ive got all kinds of fucking learning probs i just wanna help u learn something #how can i help? fucking dyslexia. god. i dont wanna prep for class this weekend. ive gotta show up like yea i kno reading papers is hard at #first but it gets easier! fuck u. its worth the suffering if i enjoy to topic but its always suffering. but thats what i get for going into #academia. thr dr who proscribed me stuff was like well sounds like u have a stress trigger and ur a phd student where life is stress... u #gotta figure out whats gonna work for u. sometimes thats a career change. not in like a pushy way just like: if what u do makes u suffer #then wtf r u doing? and hes got a point. but in contrast to what i was doing this is a massive improvement #well see if its manageable. ugh. i just wanna draw #unrelated

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nyxi-pixie · 2 years

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the concept of vecna gets me miggling so many maggles bc here u have some loser dude who never had any friends who is just privy to all these other loser kids' deepest darkest secrets and hes clearly hoping for gold w this heavily traumatised kid that he zooms into the hell dimension.

hes like aw yeah this kids gonna have some dark shit up in there. but all it is, is will going 'wow mikes so pretty cant believe all those people were right abt me bein a fruit salad aw shucks D:' (im so sorry william this is not to make light of ur issues with internalised homophobia and self hatred weve all been there)

but still like. hes been thru Mega Trauma and vecna has been INSIDE HIS BRAIN rooting around through his cerebral cortex and its all abt this dude who is Just Some Guy

MAGGLEMAGGLEMAGGLEADFGSFAGDJ

#there are parts of s2 that still make me shiver bc the whole thing is fucking creepy n omg my Boy </3 #but viewing it through this lens of ol' vecster having to backseat drive wills body while wills brain is on a loop of <3mike<3 #is so fucking funny #bc henry is so dramatic abt his problem #s #hes like waa waa my mommy didnt like me that much #and wills been straight up abused by his dad but hes just like uh no im not gonna think abt that its Designated Mike Time rn #'this is all hc tho u have no evidence ur insane' bro look at s4 this man shld be falling apart w so much ptsd but hes just like uhh #im a lil sad cos mikes not been being a very good friend recently but other than that im mostly doin alright!#stupid gay people (affectionate)#byler

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milo-is-rambling · 1 year

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Day whatever it is recap!