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#my brain does this kind of thing whenever i am the most excited about something and i dont know why
mothprincess · 1 year
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do you have any tips for someone who wants to get into writing? i feel like i'm too stupid no thoughts head empty kind of person but i still want to attempt it because i want to create something i can be proud of (& i need a creative outlet bc my life is falling apart). i guess this is too broad of a question but maybe you can recommend some books on writing or just books you loved in general? <3
stupid people don't ask such good questions and seek out advice ♡ write without shame or embarrassment write without thinking about what a poem (or prose, but i will focus on what i have the most experience with) should look like write about what the wind sounds like (does it sing? does it warn you of something? is it cold and blistery?) or how you feel about someone in your life (is your heart warm? like it's about to burst? is it cold? cold like what? vanilla soft serve that runs down your knuckles?) write with honesty and introspection (conversely, make shit up whenever you want if it makes the story more interesting) allow your mind to be spontaneous. you don’t have to write about roses or depression. you can write about how it feels in bio lab, how your heart is like a test tube i like to tell people to make their brains as fluid as they can. if you’re at a lack for words, try reading something well-regarded that may expand your vocabulary and scope of knowledge my writing takes inspiration from the following authors and works: PROSE • sputnik sweetheart by haruki murakami • norwegian wood by haruki murakami • the wind-up bird chronicle by haruki murakami • deathless by catherynn m. valente • comfort me with apples by catherynn m. valente • the virgin suicides by jeffrey eugenides  • the bell jar by sylvia plath • cat’s eye by margaret atwood • bunny by mona awad POETRY & OTHER • ariel by sylvia plath • the unabridged journals of sylvia plath • les fleurs du mal by charles baudelaire • the anatomy of being by shinji moon • dream work by mary oliver • the wild iris by louise glück • love, death, and the changing of the seasons by marilyn hacker • the letters of vincent van gogh • the letters of vita sackville west to virginia woolf ^ these are heavily magical realism and/or with psychological and introspective themes. if you want to feel inspired but aren’t sure where to begin, you may start with shakespeare, emily dickinson, or sappho. classics tend to be safe choices that are full of rich vocabulary 
does anything excite you? use that as a compass. if nothing excites you, perhaps explore why. excitement need not be high energy. even an unexpected bouquet of flowers can bring about excitement and romanticism, at least for myself i did not learn to write poetry through formal education or classes. it is strangely intuitive and one may always write free verse poetry. anne sexton started writing poetry at the suggestion of her psychiatrist, for example. if you are interested in learning how to write, i really like skillshare for learning new things (this is my referral code, if you or anyone is interested: https://skl.sh/3Proh0p) otherwise, i own mary oliver’s a poetry handbook but am yet to have read it, myself. i haven’t read much on how to write but it would be wise to look at the syllabi of college poetry and writing courses, like this one and this, where you can find several suggestions anyway, best of luck to you, anon. please feel free to share what you have written with me when you do write something ♡
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spiritdreamt · 2 months
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songs and quotes for the muse ♥ under the cut 'cause it's long tagged by: @shilohgreen tagging: @allevils, @publicabsent, @painmon, @slashaer, @dumbthink, @princetorn, and you!!
five SONGS for my muse:
—bag of bones by mitski. mercy on me, would you please spare me tonight? / i'm tired of this searching, would you let me let go? / and i can take a little bit more / let's shake this poet out of the beast.
—liability by lorde. the truth is, i am a toy that people enjoy / 'til all of the tricks don't work anymore / and then they are bored of me. / i know that it's exciting, running through the night, but / every perfect summer's eating me alive until you're gone.
—styrofoam plates by death cab for cutie. you're a disgrace to the concept of family / the priest won't divulge that fact in his homily / and i'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet / you can deck out a lie in a suit, but i won't buy it / ... and just 'cause he's gone, it doesn't change the fact / he was a bastard in life, thus a bastard in death.
—fake out by fall out boy. do you laugh about me whenever i leave? / or do i just need more therapy? / love is in the air, i just gotta figure out a window to break out / buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out.
—waiting room by phoebe bridgers. and when broken bodies are washed ashore / who am i to ask for more, more more? / but you're breathing in my open mouth / you're the gun in my lips that will blow my brains out / i want to make you drive all night just because i said maybe you should come over / i want to make you fall in love as hard as my poor parents' teenage daughter / she'll be the best you ever had, if you let her.
five QUOTES for my muse:
she does know the earth / is run by mothers, this much / is certain. she also knows / she is not what is called / a girl any longer. regarding / incarceration, she believes // she has been a prisoner since she has been a daughter. persephone the wanderer, by louise glück.
i'll hurt myself first. i know the places that are the most delicate. i'll do the hurting from now on, as long as all of this stops!!! the secret diary of laura palmer, by jennifer lynch.
i was a very lonely child and it's funny but the first word that comes to my head is "starved." i felt starved of affection, starved of love and i felt that it wasn't ok to ask for it. maybe there was a sense that if i deserved it, it would be there. there must be something i'd done which meant i didn't deserve it. to die for, by carol lee.
i had a room to myself as a kid, but my mother was always quick to point out that it wasn't my room, it was her room and i was merely permitted to occupy it. her point, of course, was that my parents had earned everything and i was merely borrowing the space, and while this is technically true i cannot help but marvel at the singular damage of this dark idea: that my existence as a child was a kind of debt and nothing, no matter how small, was mine. that no space was truly private; anything of mine could be forfeited at someone else's whim. in the dream house, by carmen maria machado.
i'm a strange new kind of inbetween thing aren't i / not at home with the dead nor with the living. antigonick, by anne carson.
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ecoamerica · 19 days
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bubblymochicat · 2 years
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Hello there
Im droppin in you ask box to ask questions about Hanahaki wukong au and some ideas that i had
So does it afect his powers and mayby his behavior or do they stay the same? Or like each time they incounter macaque does it start hurting more or less? Also how do others react to wukong having hanahaki? Will they know why?
And the idea so i myself have this hc that the reason swk left macaque was some what of similar to why he left after mei got the fire and left like maybe at one of the fights the two were at macaque ends up geting badly hurt and wukong realises that macaque could have died just bc he wamted to protect him and then tells macaque that its better if they split up so that mac wouldn't get hurt . But macaque didn't see it as an act of consern and thout wukong thinks that he is weak and then they start fighting at some point the fight becomes physical and then swk almost kills him but then realises what hes doing and steps back and just leaves leaveing macaque to think that wukong lookes down on him and stuff. If you want you can use it
I just for some reason live the idea and want to see how you go with it.
Okay, to start off, thank you so much for reaching out with this ask!!! I am so excited to have people ask me stuff :D!!!
Now, back to business. When I was thinking about this concept I didn't really think much about Wukong himself would change on the surface. Kind of the only difference attitude wise that I was thinking would him being a little more subdued and a little quieter.
Not alarmingly so, just a smidgen. His power would basically be unaffected by it unless he's around Mac, because then it gets harder to suppress the coughing and plants taking root in his lungs.
Basically, if he's around Mac for long periods of time, or kind of lingering on his feelings for him, then his magic has to work harder to try and suppress the hanahaki, making him get drained easier. Again, no drastic differences, but subtle stuff.
You know I gotta keep it subtle to build up to that big dramatic reveal 😂.
As for others, I gotta do a little deep dive into my brain to explain the vibe for this. For this au, I feel like Wukong wouldn't immediately realize that he has hanahaki. Like he legit went like 200 years or something occasionally hacking up flower petals whenever he though of Mac and just kind of went with it/ignored it.
Aaayyyyy, procrastination king
He probably didn't even notice it for a while since his magic was subconsciously full body tackling it. I lowkey feel like he wouldn't really realize what's wrong with him until MK first meets Mac. He sensed his essence or whatever the fuck they do and the hanahaki flared up for the first time in like a century.
After MK left he probably collapsed in a heap as coughs ripped through his throat dragging a fist full of bloody flower petals up his throat. Leaving him confused, scared, and a smidgen concerned.
At that moment he realizes what he has and immediately starts doing everything he can to hide it from everyone. So others probably wouldn't even know. At least not until SWK gets body snatched by LBD. She would probably use it to try and gain leverage in a fight.
Most of the gang would be confused as to what hanahaki is, except Mac and Tang. They know and are very concerned. Mac is very confused because, wtf do you mean SWK has a deadly disease for unrequited love??? How?? When did he fall in lo- IT'S FOR ME?????
Like I said. Dramatic reveals. Ooooooh, but what if no one but Mac knew what it waaassss. If that were the case, then the team would be confused and concerned but probably forget about it during the fight.
I'll have to think more about the reveal and reactions.
Your headcanon is beautiful 😍 That is a very Wukong thing to do. He would spend so long feeling so bad and making it worse by pushing Mac away 🥲 I'm pretty sure that's what actually happened between them. Just some big dumb misunderstanding because they are bad at feelings.
Sorry for the really long response, I get very excited when people ask me stuff
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zenaidamacrouras1 · 10 months
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Writer’s Asks - 4, 6, 13, & 20!!
4. What themes/concepts in the canon do you most enjoy exploring in your fan works?
She-hulk addressed this playfully, but there are a lot of adult orphans and people with other trauma and loss, which is something I want to explore. Often the trauma is unaddressed and leads to the hero doing dumbass shit to make the plor more fun, which is less exciting to me than thinking about productive ways to work through trauma and make good choices that are the braver and more emotional because of the person's history.
I also relate to the working for a greater cause even though it is painful and hard, found family, moral ambiguity that leaves space for the characters to have dignity. One thing about Marvel is it doesn't typically get too dark and typically leaves some dignity for the characters to find moments of joy and growth.
I'm not saying it always does that, but those are the moments I'm looking for and writing from
6. What is your writing process like? Describe it.
I don't typically outline and if I do they are super minimal. I mostly write in order. I rarely put in a placeholder like (research what kind of dinosaur later) but will instead figure it out then. Whenever I come back to a note like that I want to stab myself.
My brain is messy and I have so many typos and mistakes and I really want my fics to be both multilayered and easy to read which means I have to clean up so much.
I do a lot of editing and usually am on a third or fourth draft before I share my with a beta reader and then may do two more rounds of edits before posting .
13. What are some must-read fanfics in your fandoms? Why do you admire these, and how have they impacted your works?
Coffee and Infinite Protection Detail is one of them I would say is must read. There are so many core themes of the Stucky fandom in there, I think it's helpful to have a basic understanding of the fandom if you're getting started.
I have a million recs I could make depending on what people like.
20. What’s your favorite work you’ve ever written?
Probably Backhoe. I like all my fics thats I've finished, but that one was the hardest and I think it paid off.
From this (ask game)
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gravitywonagain · 1 year
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Rules: Post the names of all the files in your wip folder regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet of it or tell them something about it.
hehehe... hahahahaha... oh this is gonna be... embarrassing, mostly, but also very fun!! thank you for tagging me @amethyst-noir <3<3<3
A Necessary Evil [wangxian]
All the Monsters Come Out at Night [wlw wangxian]
Alone on Lunar New Year? Mad at your dad? [wangxian fam]
Assassin's Creed AU [wangxian]
Beating Like a Hammer [wlw wangxian]
Boy Meets Sword [mxy&suibian]
Breathing You In (I Don't Wanna Stop) [wangxian]
Bury the Sunlight [burial mounds fam]
Caiyi Town (Gilmore Girls AU) [wangxian fam]
Can't Cheat Death While You're Digging Your Own Grave [nhs&wwx]
Control [beefleaf]
Do you like apples? [wangxian]
Dreaming in Red [wangxian]
Dresden AU [wangxian fam]
Edges that Scratch (and notes on the Expanded Monterey Genderverse) [wlw wangxian]
Fierce Corpse JYL [yunmeng siblings]
Fire in the Back of My Throat (Sunshot Band AU) [wangningxian]
Fresh Powder in the Pine Trees [wangxian]
Gui Daifu | 鬼大夫 [burial mounds siblings]
Gun Oil [sunny bees]
Hand in Hand with a Brother (Demonic Shuangjie AU) [yunmeng sibs]
High Fidelity [wangningxian]
Homeless AU (and a treatise on the US treatment of felons by librarian LWJ) [wangxian fam]
Hot for Teacher [wangxian]
I am Not a Vessel for Your Good Intent [wangxian]
I Got Dumped in Tokyo [wlw wangxian]
Immortals [lan wangji/&wen ning]
In the Parking Lot Between a Dairy Queen and a PL$ Check Cashers [junior quartet, zhuiyi]
Inquiring Minds [wangxian, wwx&jc]
Let Your Brain Run Wild (Everybody's Nephew Band AU) [junior quartet, zhuiyi]
Let Yourself be Loved (Definitely Not a Queer Eye fic) [wwx&fab5]
My Heart's Like Yours [wangxian fam]
Paint My Body Gold [wangxian]
Parker [leverage ot3]
Ramen House [wangxian]
Rope Burns [clexa]
Roses Don't Know When They're Dead [xuanli]
Sign Your Name Across My Body [wangxian]
Teal Eyes [fair game]
The Bar [thunderblink]
The Korrasami Sexcapades Playlist [korrasami]
The Too Personal AU [wangxian]
The Trashbag AU [korrasami]
The Water's Right, It's Sinking In [wangxian]
Turnt Up at the Club [sunny bees]
Under Streetlights [wangxian]
Undergrad Groupchat [wangxian]
Urban Fantasy AU (What Does the Huli Jing Say?) [wlw foxxian/dragonji]
WAGBFM: Can You Hear That (Whistle) -- A Nighthunt [junior quartet]
WAGBFM: Devil's Worst Nightmare -- A Rendezvous [mianqing]
WAGBFM: Nails in My Coffin -- A Marriage [songxiao]
WAGBFM: The Killing Kind -- A Prequel [wangxian]
Weird West AU [wangxian]
Words are Gonna Bleed from Me [wangxian]
WQ Soul Sacrifice Ritual AU [burial mounds siblings]
You Got Me Bloodshot [wangxian]
水 | Paradoxes [xue yang, yiling wei sect]
wow. okay. sure. at least 50 is a nice round number?
(i put the main focus in brackets when i start writing a thing, but sometimes that changes and i forget to update so... idk if all of those are super accurate or not? i guess we'll find out!)
Tagging: anyone who wants to do this! it's very fun! and also painful. but mostly fun! and i'm super excited for questions!
ask away! i'll answer whatever, whenever :)
ETA: still open. open forever. maybe i'll even try to keep it updated if people want that?
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italiantea · 1 year
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19, 26, 36 !!
19: A fact about your personality
oh yeesh. tmi hashtag its not that deep rambling ahead:
so a stupid thing about my personality is that i have a deathly aversion to uh. how does one put it. 'being a poser'. my weirdass third culture upbringing has resulted in a considerable level of indifference to 'fitting in'. or perhaps just some heightened sensitivity to that familiar feeling of alienation. either way, i have to do things in a way that feels natural and authentic to me, and am strangely repulsed by the feeling of actively adopting behaviours of a certain group of people. i suppose this stems from some kind of conflict of identity: not a native, not an immigrant, not a tourist, but some secret other thing. a confusion on whether to approach things from the point of view of an insider or outsider when i am neither. something like that. it's probably not that deep. or is it.
anyway this manifests itself in various ways. for example, i cannot bring myself to adopt a new name, even though i have had more than plenty opportunities to do so, both irl and online. i know multiple languages but can never bring myself to use internet slang from a different cultural sphere (<- you will never find me saying wwwww. i will cringe to death before that happens.) i have a hard time calling myself a member of a category of people (artist. athlete. engineer. nonbinary. part of a certain fandom,,,) i'm also just a pretty emotionally detached person in general who experiences genuine passion for very few things, and i find it very hard to feign interest in things even if it would be more convenient or polite to do so. ever since the day in first grade when i first asked my older brother how to make powerpoint presentations, ive spent a stupid amount of time agonizing over writing genuine essays instead of just typing up some bullshit. (i have wasted...so much time... on things that dont matter...) and i feel bad whenever friends send me an excited text gushing about something and my response is all deadpan. like literally i could just add some exclamation points and it would be better but i cant even bring myself 2 do that because it feels fake😐
anyway this is not to say any of the above mentioned behaviours are being fake or a poser or cringe or whatever. im just personally allergic to doing it because my brain is stupid. if you're one of those people who can just decide on day you want to go by the name Sock then go off, all the more power to you
26: My biggest pet peeves
hm. noisy people, i guess? there was a kid in my class in high school who had the Loudest most obnoxious reverberating voice who would invite all his drama club friends over to our classroom during lunch break and i Could Not stand him. other than that, sudden announcements of plans too close to the date
36: Where I would like to live
hmm, cant think of a specific place but somewhere with good public transport. convenient shopping nearby. maybe some greenery, idk.
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kazimirfiles · 1 year
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I'm copy and pasting this since my pea brain can't always describe myself, so let's go! CREEPYPASTA MATCHUP TRADE CREEPYPASTA MATCHUP TRADE!!!
I'm a really quiet person, preferring nonverbal communication, but I'm also timid around people.
My friends say I'm really caring and funny, i noticed that I'm usually a parental figure to people younger then me, but I'm not the best at caring for myself. I definitely do care too much for people/animals, even objects sometimes. I like water a lot, not for drinking but the feeling of it or the noise it makes! Water is like, sensory heaven frfr. I'm also into creepy things, it's been my special interest since I was a lil kiddo !
Five positive traits would be that's I'm (according to others) understanding, funny, positive, caring, and a good listener! Five negative traits (that I've noticed) are that I'm quite awkward socially, I easily become a nervous wreck, timid, and I can be too positive. (Quite a few people have gotten upset at me for that last one </3 /lh)
I guess it would be important to mention things like my bad memory and obliviousness to my surroundings. I focus too much on things rather than barely focusing at all. I'm also not active at all, I'm super low energy (physically) and I tire myself out a lot, though I have a pretty energetic personality. My ways of showing affection are physical touch and quality time! I'm super touch starved tho </3 as most of us on this site are /j
I don't like traveling too much, going places im unfamiliar with is usually something I avoid. I also hate ovens, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY BUT IM LIKE- SO SCARED OF OVENS? Reaching in them freaks me out LMAO, same with heated metals.
I should also mention that people being angry in any way will make me panic, my lil' pea brain does loops around my skull whenever someone around me is angry, especially when it's someone I care about but I can't help them. Probably the 'tism workin' with past experiences /lh
Idk if you'd like physical traits, my pfp resembles me quite a bit but I'm 5'7"! Cute things about height differences are just so /pos
Anyways, I'm so excited to see who you'll write!! Just please make sure the character is 18 or over! Have a funky fresh day!!
HELLO! I too am also scared of ovens I’m ngl LOL. Anyways, here we go.
You’re matched up with…
Eyeless Jack!
• Okay, first thing’s first. How did you and Eyeless Jack meet?
• It was very simple actually. A couple of friends (who are not the best influences on people) convince you to go to a nearby forest with them. A camping trip basically!
• Let’s just say that these “friends” I’m talking about were nothing less than immoral. Well, they were immoral, mostly by cracking disturbing jokes out loud in the forest and disturbing the wildlife they find in the forest. The whole time you just walked behind them with a timid look, wondering how on earth’s fuck you managed to hang out with such shitty personalities.
• One the bad and less than socially-acceptable jokes that one of your friends made just so happen to be heard by Slender himself. Surprise, surprise, you guys walked into his territory.
• Slender’s existence doesn’t really have a purpose. He’s a demon that kind of just wanders around, finding and tinkering with things that fascinate him, sometimes even just straight up taking thing with him to his mansion (that includes people as well).
• He was not very pleased with the ludicrous jokes your friends were making. If there’s one thing Slender likes to tinker with, it’s humans. He finds them to be fascinating creatures, somehow capable of deep existential thought. He thinks it’s bizarre how humans are capable of being saints one second and complete psychopaths the next minute.
• Within the blink of an eye, Slender snatched all of you up and into his mansion, all within a millisecond. You all found yourself in a cage in a room that was filthy. The smell of blood and something rotting was filling your nostrils to the point of it being unbearable.
• Lemme just say that it was quite a disorienting experience for you to see a tall, pale-white, skinny man with no face in a suit standing before you. Immediately afterwards, he killed your “friends”, given that he saw no use for them afterwards and ultimately saw no redeeming qualities.
• But you? He kept you alive. Why you may ask? He couldn’t help but notice that out of all the friends, you seemed to have an ounce of humanity still left within you.
• Those “friends” of yours were corrupted, evil, and wicked. Even if they were just teens, Slender himself knew of the future awaiting for them. No, he doesn’t have future-telling powers. It’s more like he observed their current behavior and played out a future timeline in his head for each of your “friends”.
• Slender kept you around for more experimentation. He’s a very curious thing, so he very much wanted to figure out why you were the way you are.
• And that’s when Slender kept you around his mansion. Yup! This is your new home now whether you like it or not!
• He let you explore a bit but he did warn you of some residents here.
• To be honest, you were a bit scared to explore, but the fancy paintings, the chandeliers, and the fancy rug carpets overwhelmed you quite a bit.
• You just sat on the couch, eyes red with dry tears due to the grief of being separated from your home. That was when a certain someone who had exceptional hearing came walking down the hallway.
• It was Eyeless Jack. You were a bit frightened at the tall man with a navy blue hoodie and a mask with two eyeholes standing frozen mid-walk.
• It was kind of awkward really. He didn’t really know what exactly to say to you. The only reason he came out of his room was to check where that crying sound was coming from.
• He didn’t talk to you actually. He just turned the other way and walked back to his room. He didn’t forget you though. In fact, he was practically waiting the whole day to tell Slender who you are and what you’re doing in the manor.
• The whole day passed and everyone else also walked by, giving you weird and confused looks. Nobody really talked to you though. They just walked by and ignored you.
• The next day you woke up to Slender standing above you while you were on the couch. It was quite the jumpscare, honestly, but this thousand-year-old demon really is out of touch with how humans interact.
• After a few talks of where you are and what your purpose here is at the mansion, Slender assigned you a partner to help keep watch of you.
• That person was none other than Eyeless Jack! From the very start, Slender could tell you were a quiet and timid person, so he figured that someone who’s on your level could help you relax more. Well, besides the fact that Jack is a cannibal, he does know how to control himself.
•And from then on, that was when your relationship bloomed! It was kind of slow at the start but the goodness of your heart almost made him attached to you.
I decided to end it here since I took too long. This pretty much only includes on how you two met. Hopefully you enjoyed!
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wellfell · 6 months
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*sighs* Please do not block me because I have got to say something. Like you said, if I loved you less, I could talk about it more. I FEEL THE SAME. And god, I love you so much. Knowing you for so long, it's been ages and all these years you have put up with my idiot self. I just, go roll your eyes because it's going to be emotional, grab your support knife. You are my greatest inspiration to write and strive to be better. Your writing has been, since day damn one, been heaven and I always get so excited whenever you write and post, not just our stuff but in general, you getting excited about things. I have so much I want to say but can't find the words, alright? You are such a joy to be around, you are so creative, so talented, your entire blog literally transports me into another dimension. Not just Akina here but any previous blog before. I am so fond of all the ships we have ever written whether they were super soft like the crime babies Milos and Kirill or Liz and GJ and the genius idiots Mart and Serkan. You have stuck with me this long and now you will never ever get rid of me, I hope you are very well aware of it. Your OC's are always the most dimensional characters you could ever imagine, there goes so much thought, preparation and love into it and I am never not in awe about it. What I mean to say is, I love you so much. With knives. Guns. Whatever. All of it. I wish I could phrase it properly but I literally smile so big when I see you on the dash, when we talk, when we write, I get little hearts in the eyes. Okay, I will stop being gross now. Here are some hearts. 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤 And some knives so its not that serious ;) 🔪🔪🔪
no i will literally block you . i'm holding my knife i'm inching closer to the window .. how dare you fr . bc yeah , if i loved you less i'd talk about it more . and you know what , i genuinely adore you so much . whenever i come online i know that you might be watching and something in me just kinda makes me want to post more things because i know someone is watching and more importantly supporting my content . it's such a nice feeling and ik whatever i will do i won't be able to make up for it . your brain is so b i g , like the map you drove for your book must be enough to say that . you're so kind , you're so full of warmth even tho sometimes you can get violent but only with your characters ; which i support , truly , fully . and gOD !!!! do you remember marty and serkan like ew ew they were so gay for each other they were kinda desperate . and gangjae is a little head over heels for a hot milf who likes knives as much as he does phew , sometimes he calls her when he's high in the club and says something stupid like ' my strippers are hot but none of them are as hot as you are :( ' . stupid bastard . bUT ANYWAY what i wanted to say is that i'm slow with most things , i don't write with you as much as i actually want to but know that god please know that you're always on my mind . i would die for you . now get out bc it got so mushy man wtf . 🔪🔪🔪
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zephiesjournal · 1 year
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wednesday, october 26th, 2022
alright so. in the middle of writing the part of yesterday’s journal where i got up to gamble in the middle of writing about gambling, i again got up to gamble. let’s hope that doesn’t become pavlovian. i couldn’t find any other sites that i could be at least hopeful wasn’t a scam so i resorted to an overseas crypto casino i had to use a vpn to access, which i assumed meant i’d have to jump through hoops to make payments work. i initially threw away another £100 on this site, feeling completely out of control of my actions, and said yeah i’m probably okay with draining my whole bank account today it’d be a nice fresh start, which again is probably the dumbest thought that’s ever crossed my mind, and i knew that at the time even while thinking it. i deposited another £100 and then things all turned around.
i don’t even know where to begin really, i didn’t write down anything during the many hours i spent on this one slot, starving but not wanting to pull myself away from it until i hit this bonus wagering requirement. the whole site was in bitcoin but, an abbreviated version that i guess isn’t standard so i could not find anywhere online that could convert for me so i actually knew how much i was betting and winning. there was this one slot that was weirdly nice to me, i did not deserve it in the slightest but it was putting big numbers in front of me consistently. i think one spin won me 27 thousand somethingbitcoins which again i couldn’t tell how much it really was i just knew it was a hell of a lot more than i had to begin with. i eventually started having auto-spin and immediate results on all the time because that was the only way i would ever be able to get through the wagering requirement in a day since the maximum bet for the bonus was really low, i think.
i’d seen this before though, make a pretty amount about midway through the wagering so it seems like there’s hope i can make it through to the end then it all just comes crashing down before i get there. eventually i stopped even having excited reactions to decent spins because no matter how close i got to completing wagering i knew at some point, somehow it would all end, or i wouldn’t be able to withdraw, or something just something would go wrong, not to mention being all too aware of how much my brain was being abused hitting spin thousands of time. eventually upon checking the bonus page the amount i had left to wager was less than i had, like wow i’m actually going to at least make most if my money back probably i thought. i think when i deposited £100 i had around 5 or 10 thousand whateverbitcoins and the most i had at one point was over 70k, and by the end it was around 55k.
thank god for the wagering requirement because i just wanted it to end, to actually be able to stop and withdraw, whereas if there wasn’t one and i could withdraw whenever i definitely would have kept going until i’d lost it all. i must have had to wager thousands of pounds and i can’t believe i managed to. then there was just the matter of finding out if i could actually withdraw it, because i was using a vpn and i’d signed up with a fake address but it’s crypto stuff so maybe none of that matters or the cryptoheads in charge don’t even care. also every time i’ve been forced at gunpoint to make a crypto transaction i am nothing but anxious that it’ll even go through, and if it does i’ve somehow enabled some kind of fee that takes away half of it. i truly could not be sure how much i was even withdrawing no matter how many conversion sites i tried, they all seemed to give varying amounts, i assumed, and hoped, it was probably around £4 or 500, and that i was incredibly lucky to be forgiven and have, i think, made my money back after this small weakness period. then the blockchain thing converted it to $1200 like no that’s not right, then i realized i couldn’t even remember how many millibitcoins it said i had when i deposited to the casino. transaction finally went through after a lot of refreshing and checking the “confirmations” and it sure was a grand.
i was in a perpetual state of relief the rest of the evening, like i’d just stared complete financial collapse in the face and made it out alive. i can’t believe how ready i was to throw it all away but i somehow doubled what i’d lost, and i genuinely felt like never doing that again because i knew how lucky i’d gotten. screw that self-help book i downloaded it turns out the cure to my addiction was to basically have a near-death experience. i truly feel like my luck bone has been sucked dry, and now i’m back to having £2k after months of depressed frivolous spending. now i’m wondering if i should even buy that new pc or see if i can have enough to move out soon, there’s still the issue of having to pay 6 months rent upfront due to being unemployed when i move cities but there’s gotta be some landlord out there who’ll hear that universal credit will cover £550 of my rent and be okay with that. now would be an amazing time to move out, would be an infinitely nicer “fresh start” kind of thing for 2023 than emptying my freaking bank account.
aaanyway i played the new world of warcraft patch for a while and wrestled with the UI the whole time, felt like i’m finally falling out of these time vampire games because i’ve had this improbable chance to finally get my life together bestowed upon me. but now do i gamble on a new pc that could either heavily delay how quickly i can move out or give me the opportunity to make even more by finally getting back around to this monetizing myself thing. ouhgghhh, i think i can at least focus on preparations in the meantime, might even keep me off those damn videos game having a system that increasingly seems like it can’t run them without wanting to throw up everywhere. the best thing that new wow expansion can do for me is up the system requirements. god i did not deserve today.
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drbarty · 3 years
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/spends all morning filming plague doctor content/
/edits my plague doctor watercolor for posting tomorrow/
/checks the presale number on my plague doctor novel/
/sits at my computer for two seconds/
/my meloncholic brain:/ I haven't been plaguecore enough today
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stannienight · 2 years
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hi hi!! i saw you didn’t have many asks so i took this as my chance😈
i haven’t rlly seen this anyway but hcs of saiki with an s/o who’s like just as pretty as teruhashi or hell even prettier if you will. (idk it’s rlly up to you) but instead she’s actually just as sweet as she is on the outside, in the inside. also bakes and brings him sweets bc that’s all i’ve ever wanted to do☹️
hi!!! i'm sooo sorry i'm late i got like two root canals and then had a migraine for three days straight- anyways, excuses aside, here are your hcs! i hope they're what you expected them to be i'm not really sure T_T
(sorta long because my brain runs at 100mph)
s/o uses she/her pronouns!
saiki's really beautiful s/o headcanons
- he unintentionally compares all of teruhashi's and his s/o's thoughts and LOVES the difference
- every time they meet someone new teruhashi thinks along the lines of "they're probably stunned by my beauty" but his s/o just thinks like a normal person "damn those are some nice shoes" "omg i have the same earrings" "their eyeliner is so on point ugh"
- of course teruhashi is very jealous, not only because of saiki dating but also because his s/o's prettier (her focus shifts from saiki to being even more beautiful which is an absolute win for saiki as well)
- saiki remembers his s/o whenever he listens to "what makes you beautiful" by one direction but he'd never tell her
- no because how does she have no idea that she's absolutely stunning people literally fall at her feet when she enters the room-
- whenever they're in public saiki can always sense the adoring thoughts people have over his girl so he makes it very blatant that they're dating (arm around the waist, forehead kisses, the works)
- she gets hit on SO often saiki is tired at this point
- superpowers aside he gets jealous sometimes too you know
- if he sees a man making her uncomfortable he will reflexively yeet them into the stratosphere
- "saiki that was a bit unecessary-" "are you okay?" "am i... yeah... thanks :]" "good :]"
- saiki feels like he doesn't deserve her a LOT because he's soOoo average (lol you wish saiki) and she's absolutely drop-dead gorgeous
- also often thinks he's wrong for dating her because she deserves better and he's not really great at showing affection (he doesn't touch her much because he's afraid he might accidentally blow her up or something, and he's a tsundere in general)
- but when she bakes stuff for him he knows he has found The One™
- she brings him a present. he looks at her adorable, excited face. he looks at the present. it's sweets. he swears his soul leaves his body for a moment. wants to propose to her instantly
- is plagued with the thought "how did i get this lucky" every single time he sees her
- he loves listening to her thoughts because although she's so gorgeous she thinks about such MUNDANE things like what she wants to have for dinner???
- her mind is as beautiful as her, she has the most amazing creative ideas as well and saiki will fondly listen to her speak about them even though he already knows
- she's so kind too she basically changed saiki's perception of humanity
- he always had a thing against good-looking people because they get an ego about it but his s/o absolutely clueless about her beauty
- saiki sometimes tries to show her how beautiful she is but she puts it down to him being a sweet boyfriend
- that being said she isn't self-deprecating or anything, she just doesn't think much of appearances and saiki thinks that's wonderful
that's all, i hope it was okay! <3
send me more asks for hcs, oneshots, or anything in general!
(i have also joined the haikyu fandom so i will take asks for that as well, if anyone has to offer any <3)
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ecoamerica · 19 days
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youtube
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bluecookies02 · 3 years
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Can I please request for Hawks, Dabi and Aizawa walking in on their S/O using a vibrator on themselves? (Btw they don’t know that they have it also their s/o aren’t moaning their name just heavy breathing) please thank you! Can be headcannons or Drabbles. Thank you!!💕
YESSSSSS, ALL OF MY HUSBANDS, ABSOLUTELY
(NSFW // minors do not interact)
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TAKAMI KEIGO/HAWKS
He rarely comes home early, on contrary he's always held up by the commission well over his working hours, causing him to be late, the apology texts being a constant in your relationship.
And you understand, you really do, you learned to get busy with your own things throughout the day. Especially when the fact that you're alone in your home settles down in your brain.
You find joy in spoiling yourself, and while you do sometimes miss the touch of your lover, the small buzzing against your clit makes it almost impossible to keep on dwelling over that, especially when you press the toy a bit harder, head thrown back on the soft pillow. The lights are dimmed, your discarded clothes scattered over the bed, the soaked panties laying at your feet. It all adds to the appeal for the golden eyes that peek through the door, heavy, tired wings jumping back to life.
Breathing out heavily, you fiddle with the speeds on your vibe, greedily upping it until it feels overwhelming, too ruthless on your sensitive cunt. The one under it is too low, too faint for how worked up you are. You decide to torture yourself for a while, refusing to move it away from you, despite the small zap-like sensation that surges all the way through your stomach. Your fingers briefly dig and scrape over your thigh before you manage to still your hips, letting the vibe do its work. Your eyes are out of focus, imagination running wild as you drunkenly stare at your ceiling.
You dip the toy between your folds, slicking it up, the reduced friction making it almost perfect, toes curling in a warning. You feel it in your gut, hips bucking off the bed, the warm knot in your tummy signaling that if you don't stop soon you're gonna reach the point of no return, definitely ruining the oh so precious buildup you've got going on.
You peel your own hand away, determined to make it last a little while longer, your legs closing around nothing, the toy dropped on the mattress.
Your gasp is followed by a deeper groan, making your eyes snap to the door. You're relieved to find your boyfriend hunched over the door frame, cheeks red as his knees threaten to give out. His hand is wrapped tightly around the base of his cock, his pants barely pulled down. So close. He was so terribly close.
His sharp teeth bruised his own lips from biting down too hard, a hand muffling his noises just in case (so much for that). You slowly click the off button, sitting up, wanting to make your way to your boyfriend. Your heart beats all the way to your ears, the rollercoaster of emotions doing a number on your poor heart.
"No, no, you can keep going" he says quietly, motioning you back to the bed as he takes tentative steps to a chair, turning it to face you.
You have to swallow around the lump in your dry throat, nodding as you spread your legs open again, adjusting so that he can have a better view. The slow buzz of your toy sends shivers down his spine, the wet sound of your pussy even louder now that he's this close to you.
that's how you manage to edge your boyfriend until he has literal tears rolling down his cheeks
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TOUYA TODOROKI/DABI
cw:dabi is a perv
Dabi is a little creep. He constantly sneaks into your apartment...he peeks through every crack he can just to get a glimpse of you. It doesn't matter that you're dating, it adds a certain thrill to his day, especially when you jump up, startled and scared when he just....*shows up*
So far he caught you pleasuring yourself a handful of times, most of which were in the privacy of your bathroom. He loves to watch, loves to see exactly how you like it. He gets off on the shy moans you let out, quiet even when you're all alone in your home, the lewd sounds that rush past your lips muffled with the back of your hand.
He often strokes his cock, mumbling to himself, praising you even though you're too busy to hear him. He does little to nothing to keep it down, relishing in how oblivious you are to the slick sound of his length fucking into his fist. He takes breaks whenever you do, he matches his pace to yours fully, the grin never leaving his face.
It's not until he caught you on your couch of all places, legs bent to your knees, a rabbit vibrator stuffed inside your pussy, the little ears of it bumping against your clit ever so slightly. He's in a daze...he never guessed that his precious girl owned anything of the sort.
If you thought your sex life was great before, wait until he starts looking into all kinds of toys , using your card to buy them.
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AIZAWA SHOUTA/ERESERHEAD
For him to not know that you own a sex toy, the relationship would have to be pretty new, I'm talking like "just got together, fucked a handful of times" type of new.
He gets internally excited, hoping that it'll be a nice start of a conversation later. For now, he'll carefully knock, offering his help. He'll take good care of you alright.
He'll finger you while he teases you with the vibe, pressing down and then raising it up from your clit ever so often. He'll play with the settings until he finds the one that tortures you the most, thoroughly getting you nice and fucked out before he even thinks about putting his cock anywhere near your pussy.
If Aizawa is something, that's passionate. He's lazy, but not when it comes to making his partners feel good. It's a way for him to unwind from work and finally do something that doesn't give him a headache.
He loves the way you look all soaked up, your folds slippery, glistening from his spit and many generous orgasms he gave you, making his fingers slide with ease. He eats pussy for his own pleasure, turning off the vibe and placing it on the bed, mushing his face between your legs. He nuzzles and munches on the fat of your thighs, leaving faint love bites all over your skin.
Then you can feel the tickle of his stubble as he starts suckling on your pussy, humming and mouthing at your cunt. He talks with your puss in his mouth, slurred words of praise about the way you taste and smell. He has his spit dribbling down his chin, arms secured on top of you to keep you in place.
He also loves eating ass, pls let this man eat your ass, Aizawa is an ass man, give him a taste of your voluptuous a- khm
He'll go on until his tongue goes numb. Like numb to the point where he has to slowly put it back in his mouth because his muscles are in p a i n
He'll turn the vibe back on while he fucks you, begging for you to not cum even tho he has it on the highest setting. It makes your walls flutter just right and he's so close. Hold out for him, he deserves it, he worked for it.
"Just a little bit more, I got you, please...I'm sorry...I know...you're doing so good, I know you can do it, I'm right behind you " He cums so hard he almost tumbles over, your cunt squeezing him dry, your toes curl and legs wiggle out of his grip to run away from the intensity of the toy that he still has hovered over your clit.
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not proofread, it's 1 am and we die like men.
I'll ban the words "vibe" and "toy" from my vocabulary for a month after this. I still enjoyed it tho. Everything has a cost.
MY LINKS-> Ko-Fi | Patreon
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obeymeoasis · 3 years
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Demon Bros React: MC Is Insecure
Warnings: mentions of insecurity surrounding body image, physical appearance, self-worth.
Lucifer
It was the day after a party Diavolo had thrown at his castle. You had had fun for the most part, dancing with the brothers and eating delicious foods prepared by Barbatos. 
But you also remembered how it had felt to look around the room and realize you were surrounded by gorgeous demons, not a single flaw on anyone’s face. Doubt and insecurity had begun to creep into your mind, and that feeling had carried over into the next day.
You had only talked briefly with Lucifer at the party because he was too busy interacting with Diavolo’s guests. Every time you tried to catch his eye, you noticed how beautiful whoever he was talking to was and found yourself swallowing down your greeting.
Currently Lucifer was at his desk like always, scribbling down notes and shuffling through papers. You brought him afternoon tea and sat reading in one of his armchairs to keep him company.
You had been telling yourself that you were going to ask him the question that was burning in your mind, but an hour had already passed since you first came in. You tried to distract yourself with your book but the words were fuzzy on the page. Finally, you spoke. “Luci?”
He didn’t look up from his desk when he answered, “Yes, love?”
“Do you... do you ever wish I was more beautiful?”
The scratching of his pen stopped immediately and Lucifer lowered the papers he was holding to show his face, a carefully blank expression revealing nothing. “What exactly do you mean by that question?”
“I mean exactly what I asked. Do you ever wish I was more beautiful? More attractive? As the Avatar of Pride have you ever been... embarrassed to be seen with me?”
At this Lucifer’s expression grew cold and furious. “Has someone... made you feel this way? Has someone made you feel as if you are inadequate?” You shook your head sadly and whispered, “No, just my own brain.”
“Ah, I see. Well pet, I don’t ever wish you were more beautiful because you are the most beautiful being I’ve ever seen. So it would be physically impossible for you to be more beautiful than you are now.”
You snorted. “Luci, that was so cheesy. Your brothers would throw up if they heard what you just said.” Lucifer’s lips quirked up in amusement. “Well, I’m glad I was able to make you laugh. And I do mean what I said. I’ve never once felt embarrassed to be with you; you are my pride, the source of my happiness. If anyone were to suggest otherwise, I would gladly kill them.”
“Luci, we’ve been over this. You can’t just kill everyone who is mildly rude to me.”
Lucifer went back to working on his papers but there was a gentle smile on his face. “Darling, you’ll find that I definitely can. I have a permit.”
Mammon
You were regretting tagging along to one of Mammon’s photo shoots. At first, it seemed like a fun idea getting to look at all the clothes, makeup, and jewelry. Plus, you really wanted to see what Mammon was like when he was working professionally. 
It was fun at first, you cooing over how handsome Mammon looked in his outfit and watching him get all flustered and blushy. But then the actual photoshoot started and you watched as Mammon posed with a stunning model.
You tried to not let your insecurities get the best of you. You were here to support Mammon! But as the shoot progressed you couldn’t help but start to compare yourself, keeping track of how they were more beautiful and you more flawed. 
The photographer stopped to take a break and Mammon immediately bounced over to you. “MC, did you see me? How does it feel to watch the Great Mammon in his natural element? I look good, don’t I?”
You caressed Mammon’s cheek and feigned a bright smile. “You were amazing Mammon! You look so handsome. And this is such a cool outfit!” But Mammon was somehow always able to tell when you were faking a good mood and he frowned. “MC, is something wrong? You look sad. Did something happen?”
You opened your mouth, an excuse ready on your lips, but found you couldn’t lie right to Mammon’s face. You gestured toward the model who was talking to their manager in the corner. “Do you ever wish I looked like that?”
Mammon cocked his head, confused. “Do I ever wish you had blue hair? Not particularly? Although now that I think about it, blue hair would look cool on you too.”
You sighed. “No, I mean do you ever wish I looked like a model? Sexier? Or prettier?” Mammon thought for a moment, processing your question, and then frowned. “Oh no no no. Treasure, what’s this all about? What happened?”
“Sorry Mams, I didn’t want to distract you while you’re working. I just got really low and insecure all of a sudden. Started thinking about how you should be with someone really beautiful, you know? And sometimes I feel like that’s not me.”
Clearly upset, Mammon rushed to give you a crushing hug, tucking your head underneath his chin. “MC I- I wish I could beam my thoughts into your head. That way you’d really believe me when I say that you’re so precious to me. Every day I wake up and think about how lucky I am to be with you.”
You chuckled a little. “I do put up a lot with you, don’t I.” Mammon gently smacked you on your back. “Hey! I’ve been good lately! But seriously MC, you are stunning. You are gorgeous. And it’s okay if you don’t believe me right now because- because I’ll tell you as many times as you need me to! I’ll tell you a thousand times a day! A million times!”
You tried to blink away the tears in your eyes and held onto Mammon even tighter. “Thanks Mams, I love you so much.”
“Love you too treasure. Your first man’s gonna take care of you, don’t you worry about a thing.”
Leviathan
Usually you liked watching anime with Levi; it was one of your favorite things to do together. Levi was always more happy and lively when watching with you because he was able to express his opinions freely without judgment. And you thought it was adorable how excited Levi got over his favorite characters and storylines.
Today, you were snuggled together on some cushions re-watching an episode of “The Magical Ruri Hanai: Demon Girl”. At first you were enjoying the episode, laughing as Ruri got used to the oddities of the human world. But Levi’s repeated comments about how cute Ruri-chan was, which you usually never minded, started to bother you a bit.
You took a quick glance around the room, noting Levi’s enormous collection of Ruri-chan posters, figurines, and other merch. Levi tapped you on the knee, interrupting your thoughts. “MC, you’re missing the best part! What are you looking at?”
You sighed a little, struggling to act nonchalant. “Sorry Levi, it’s nothing. I’m still watching.” Frowning, Levi paused the episode and turned to look at you. “Hey, what’s up?”
Taking a deep breath, you said “Levi, I’m not Ruri-chan.” He narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Yes... I know?”
You continued, “I don’t look like Ruri-chan. Does that bother you?”
“Does it bother me... that you don’t look like an anime character?” He repeated the question slowly, as if you had asked him the strangest question in the world.
Frustrated, you blurted out “I don’t look like Ruri-chan! I’m never going to be as cute as her!”
Levi looked completely bewildered, his eyes wide and staring at you in confusion. “B-But you are cute! MC, w-what are you even talking about?” 
Embarrassed at your outburst you looked down at the floor silently. Levi scooted over toward you so that your knees were touching and he waited until you broke the silence. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m good enough. I think maybe you’d like it if I looked cuter or acted cuter, like the characters in anime.”
Levi hesitated for a moment before quickly grabbing onto your hand, blushing furiously as he did so. "MC, I-I already think you're c-cute. Really really cute. So don't say things like that. And also, I like you because you're you! Not because you're like someone else."
"And you make me really happy. I'm just a gross otaku. I never thought I'd be able to... to find someone like you. Someone who accepts me."
He tried to lock eyes with you but blushed even harder and stared at your joined hands. "Plus, I couldn't to-touch an anime character. But I can touch you. I can hold your hand or give you hugs whenever you need it, o-okay?"
You leaned your head onto Levi's shoulder and closed your eyes, letting the peaceful silence wash over you.
Satan
You were accompanying Satan on a trip to one of his favorite stores: an antique shop that sold all manner of rare books and artifacts. The owner, Ms. Sparrow, was a friend of Satan’s and she welcomed the two of you wholeheartedly.
Today, she looked as gorgeous as she always did. Her chic pearl dress and matching silk gloves shone against her dark skin. Not a curl in her hair was out of place and even the click-clack of her heels on the floor seemed melodious somehow.
You left Satan to look at the books and went wandering off into the various aisles of the store, marveling at all the bits and bobs. In one of the over-stuffed corners you happened to find a glittering silver key on a red velvet ribbon. Taking it in your hand, you went back through to show it off to Satan, wanting to ask him what he thought it opened.
But Satan was busy chatting and laughing with Ms. Sparrow. You watched the two of them for a moment and noticed how well they complimented each other. Both had a certain poise, a kind of confidence and certainty in their movements.
On your walk back to the dorms, you were unusually quiet and Satan noticed. “Pet, is something the matter?”
You hesitated, wondering if Satan was going to find your insecurity childish. “Satan, I’m not very....elegant.”
“Yes, I know. You choked on a piece of bread yesterday. The day before that you tripped over absolutely nothing and fell down.” He smiled, expecting for you to get riled up, but it fell when he saw that you looked dejected. “Love, what is the matter? Have I upset you?”
You avoided his gaze. “Sometimes... sometimes I wonder if I bring you down by being with you. I feel like you deserve someone elegant and sophisticated. Someone who matches you. But I’m not. I’m clumsy and messy and not perfect, like Ms. Sparrow.”
Satan’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Ms. Sparrow? What does she have anything to with this?” He turned you around so that you were facing him. “Pet, please look at me. I love you. And I’m not with you in spite of you being clumsy or messy. I love you because you’re clumsy and messy, because those are parts of you and I love all of you.”
He leaned down to press his forehead against yours. “And why would I need someone perfect? Am I perfect? Yesterday you saw me screaming at my cup because I accidentally spilled some tea and burned my finger.”
You shrugged while giggling, “I thought it was a perfectly reasonable response.” You wrapped your arms around his and buried your face into his shoulder. “Thanks, Satan. You always know how to make me feel better.”
He reached down to give you a gentle kiss. “Anytime, love. I’m always here for you.”
Asmodeus
Asmo has a lot of fans across all his social media accounts. That was made perfectly clear the first time you went on a date with him outside. Sitting in the trendy coffeeshop, several people had come up to ask him for a picture or an autograph. He was never shy about you and always introduced you as his sweetheart, cooing about how beautiful you were. 
Some days it was okay. You loved seeing the bubbly social-butterfly side of Asmo. He was always so sweet to everyone who came up to him and genuinely enjoyed meeting new people. But other days, your insecurity rose up like a huge wave and dampened everything.
This particular day you were shopping with Asmo in a new boutique that had opened up. You were aimlessly flicking through the racks of clothes when you heard a large squealing.
Two demons ran up to Asmo, talking and gesturing excitedly. You could make out that they followed him on Devilgram and were asking if he was willing to take a picture with them. These demons were some of the most attractive beings you had ever seen. Their clothes were incredibly stylish and their hair and makeup were done flawlessly.
Looking around the shop, in all of the full length mirrors you could see the reflection of Asmo and his beautiful fans. And you looked out of place, like a puzzle piece that didn’t fit in at all. 
Tearing up, you grabbed a random pair of jeans off the rack and ran into a changing room. You turned away from the mirror, not wanting to look at yourself, and took deep breaths to try and keep from bursting into sobs. After a few moments Asmo began looking for you, having finished taking pictures. “Sweetheart, are you changing? Let me see what you’re wearing when you’re done!”
At the sound of his voice you burst into tears and your attempts to muffle the noise were futile. Outside the door, Asmo’s voice sounded panicked. “Darling, are you okay? What’s the matter? Please come outside, whatever it is please let me help you!” You hesitated, not wanting to face him, but this made him even more frantic. He started jiggling the doorknob and knocking on the door.
You opened it, afraid that he would accidentally break the doorknob leaving you trapped inside. As soon as he saw you he gathered you in his arms and began making shushing noises while smoothing your hair. “Sweetheart, why are you crying? Please talk to me, please tell me what’s wrong.”
You tried to get the words out in between sobs and hiccups. “A-Asmo, don’t you want someone m-more beautiful? Someone who-who looks g-good with you?” Asmo paused for a moment, processing your words, and then his eyes burned with anger. “Sweetheart, did one of my fans say something mean to you? Did someone make you feel like this?”
You shook your head vigorously. “No, just me.” Asmo breathed a sigh of relief at hearing no one had harrassed you and resumed smoothing your hair. “Oh, darling. You ARE beautiful. You’re stunning, sweetheart. I wish you could see the way I saw you, how adorable and gorgeous you are. And I understand that there are going to be days when you don’t believe me, when you feel like you’re not. But at least don’t go through those days alone, okay?”
You nodded, not trusting yourself to speak without tearing up again.
"Now, let's go get some ice cream. We can eat it while taking a bubble bath."
Beelzebub
You weren’t really sure why Beel liked you coming with him to the gym all the time, even if you didn’t exercise. He said your presence was calming and that it made him focus better, which was odd because a lot of the time you just sat on an unoccupied machine and scrolled through your D.D.D.
Today was much the same, with Beel running on the treadmill and you watching some videos. The gym was pretty empty, just a few students exercising here and there.
Your eyes drifted to Beel who was running without even breaking a sweat. His body was all solid muscle: his arms, legs, and abs looked perfectly chiseled and toned. Last week you accidentally ran into Beel in the hallway and it felt like you had smashed into a brick wall. Beel, on the other hand, was completely fine.
You began to wonder what Beel thought about your body. He could be pretty handsy at times and he wasn’t shy in his affections. But what if there was something he didn’t like? Something that he thought needed changing?
He’s never mentioned anything about exercising to you before. But you thought back to the students you had seen in this gym: all of them were extremely fit with incredible bodies. You couldn’t help but start to compare yourself to them and think that maybe you were lacking.
Just then, Beel finished his run and walked over to you. You weren’t sure what kind of facial expression you were making but it seemed enough to concern him because he asked, “MC, is everything okay?”
“Hey Beel... do you ever wish I had a nicer body?”
He squinted in confusion. “What do you mean by ‘a nicer body’?”
“I don’t know... just better. Whatever nicer looks like for you.”
Beel was quiet for a moment, thinking. “No, I've never wished for that before. I still don't know what you mean by 'nicer'. I love you. And I love your body because its yours. The only thing that matters to me is whether you’re happy. And as long as I'm still allowed to touch you, then I'm happy.”
He looked at you nervously then, biting his lip. "Am I... still allowed to touch you?"
You laughed and reached to give him a hug, loving how safe it felt in his arms. "Of course, big guy. Thanks for making me feel better. You always know what to say."
Beel flushed with pride and closed his eyes in happiness, leaning into your hand as you patted him on the head.
Belphegor
You knew you were dreaming because you were sitting in a R.A.D classroom surrounded by fellow students, but you couldn’t focus on any of their faces. They were blurry, as if someone had smudged them like an artist had smudged some charcoal.
You were at your desk, looking around the classroom, when as if on cue all of the students began to slowly gather around you. They stood there silently for a moment, unmoving, and you felt a shiver go up your spine. 
And then one by one the students began to hurl insults at you.
“You’re not good enough. Not good enough for Belphegor.” “You’re ugly, you’re hideous. “You’re unwanted, go back to where you came from.” “You don’t deserve what you have, don’t deserve good.” “You’re weak.” “You ruin others, you ruin everything.”
As they insulted you the students began to draw themselves closer, pushing and shoving to reach you. They almost made a cover over your desk as if to block out all the light. You hunched over your desk, shaking and panicking, trying to curl up to protect yourself.
One of the demons began shaking your shoulder roughly, you yelping in pain. He began yelling in your ear, “Wake up! Wake up!”
“MC! Wake up!”
You startled awake and looked around the room in fear. You were in Belphie’s bed, your pajamas sticking to you with sweat. Belphie was looking at you with concern, one hand still on your shoulder.
“MC, you’re okay. It’s just me. It was just a nightmare.” You let out a sob and buried yourself in his arms while he patted you on the back until your breaths evened out.
“D-Did you see my dream?” you asked. You were nervous about showing Belphie that weak side of you, the insecurities that had been brewing since the two of you had begun a relationship. He looked apologetic. “I did. You were whimpering and shaking in your sleep. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
He reached over, one hand smoothing your hair, the fingers of his other hand interlaced with yours. “None of what they said was true, you know.” You looked down, embarrassed. “I mean it, MC. You are good enough. You’re beautiful, you’re wanted, you deserve all the nice and beautiful things in the world, you’re strong. And most importantly, you lift others up. You lift me up everyday.”
He lifted up your hand and pressed a kiss against it. “You lifted me out of darkness. I love you so much. And I’ll gladly stay by your side, for as long as you’ll have me.”
You grabbed the front of his sweater to draw him into a rough kiss, lips bruising. “Forever, Belphie. Forever.” 
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remcycl333 · 3 years
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you don’t need to be happy to be manifest!! but...
who doesn’t want to be happy?
(long post alert, sorry in advance lol. but please read it all the way through, i really think it’ll be worth it<3)
ok, to preface this, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. i’ve manifested great, positive things while i was in depressive episodes. i manifested wonderful things with tears streaming down my face. BUT, i think something a lot of people overlook is that it’s really beneficial to feel positively about your desires.
this is something i realized a few months ago, saw great results from, and then forgot all about and, well, stopped seeing the progress i wanted. but i’m back on track now, don’t you worry.
(i’m going to be using the example of my sp, bc that’s what i have the most experience with, but this applies to literally anything u r manifesting) 
i’ve made a few other posts saying pretty much what i’m about to say in this next paragraph, so if you’ve already read those, i’m sorry for repeating myself. just bear with me lol. 
so i came to a realization a few months ago--and i don’t exactly remember how i came to this realization--that i kind of...hated my sp? like i fucking resented him. and i was like, wait a minute, that’s not right. i love my sp. that’s why i’m trying to manifest him! so why do i feel like this?
i used to focus on manifesting in steps, so naturally the first step was contact. so i’d be affirming all day every day “my sp is texting me right fucking now😡“ (and other variations) and then when he didn’t text me, it’d just make me angry at him. but technically, he didn’t even do anything wrong?? sure he didn’t text me, but he had no clue he was supposed to? idk it was all complicated and weird. and then when i wasn’t mad that he didn’t text me, i was having arguments with him in my head, preparing for some weird fight that my brain just assumed was going to happen whenever we did get into contact. which is weird, bc my sp and i never fight. like, this is my ex. yet i literally cannot tell you a single fight that we have ever had. we literally get along perfectly. we have never fought (or even argued) once in all the time that we’ve known each other. yet my brain was always fighting him. and it was just, exhausting?
and so one day, when i was troubleshooting, i realized: rem, if you were in a relationship right now with your sp, would u hate him? would u be constantly fighting with him? god i fucking hope not! 
now, what would i be thinking? i’d be laying in bed at night, hugging my pillow, thinking about how much i love him. reflecting on how happy he makes me, how perfect he is, how good he makes me feel. i’d be thinking about how he is the most perfect boyfriend i could ever have asked for. i’d be content after spending a long day with him, excited to spend the next day with him as well. 
and during the day i wouldn’t be wondering why he wasn’t texting me. if anything, i’d be wondering why he was texting me considering we were literally hanging out, together, at that very moment! 
i would trust him. i’d be walking on cloud nine. i’d be content. i’d be...happy. 
now, in no way am i saying that you need to be happy 24/7, or dancing on air, or feeling intense butterflies in your stomach. you’re allowed to have other emotions. you’re allowed to feel anger, you’re allowed to break down and cry! you’re allowed to have bad days. but if you’re feeling these negative emotions about your desire, i want you to try your hardest to release them. i don’t think any of us want to have breakdowns over our manifestations and cry about them, but if it happens, it happens. just pick yourself up afterwards--or stop it before it even really begins, trust me, it gets easier to do this--and maybe do a few deep breaths to calm yourself down, and remind yourself why you’re on this journey in the first place. once again using the sp example, it’s because you love your sp. because they are perfect for you! they make you happy. you love their smile, their laugh, the witty conversations you have with each other. you love being in their arms.  you love when they’re in your arms! they did something that made you fall in love with them, or want to be in a relationship with them. what was it? focus on that. 
enough with the sammy ingram (i could go on a whole rant about her) style affirmations. with the “he’s going to fucking text me, he has no choice, he’s my fucking boyfriend and he does what i say.” like....ew?? i used to say shit like this, and it was really what started making me resent my sp. i was ordering him around in my head, creating this weird dynamic between us (which, he wasn’t even aware was there), and getting mad when he wasn’t doing what i was ordering him to do. looking back, it was borderline psychotic. it was just turning it into me against him, and that’s not what i wanted at all. i want to be in a relationship with him, with mutual love. i don’t want to be his boss, or his mom, or his fucking military sergeant!! (i don’t even know if that was the proper term bc fuck the military, but u guys know what i mean lmfaooo)
(disclaimer if u use these types of affirmations and they work for you, go for it. but i used them for a while and they just weren’t it for me. carry on)
i guess what i’m trying to say is, those affirmations weren’t making me feel good. they weren’t making me feel like a “boss ass bitch”. they were making me feel...like a bitch. and strangely, powerless. i’d say these affirmations, or just bland ones where i wasn’t necessarily demanding my sp to throw himself at my feet and kiss my shoes and tell me he is nothing without me, and ultimately, if i wasn’t feeling resentment, i was feeling...nothing. 
once again, i want to make this so so so clear, you don’t need to be happy to manifest. but my belief? if your affirmations aren’t making you feel joy, or excitement, or contentment, then what’s the fucking point? if you think of your desire, and don’t feel positive feelings about it, then you might have lost your way a little. 
don’t worry!! it’s an easy fix. easy, and even...fun? rewarding? comforting? i just want you to take some time--laying in bed at night is the perfect time to do this in my experience--to think about why you want your desire so badly. do you want money? think of how great life is going to be once you have it. of all the stuff you’re going to buy, for yourself, and maybe even for others. don’t focus on the problems you want to fix with it right now. think of that clothing item you’ve had your eye on, or that book you’ve been wanting to read but haven’t felt like “wasting” money on. think of how excited you are to buy those things, because you’re going to! think of the good. not the bad.
remember: you create more of what you focus on. focus on the good, get the good. focus more on the bad...get more of the bad. 
your manifestation is done. it is created. it is on it’s way to you. it is here! all there’s left to do is feel excited. it’ll be here any moment now, how fucking exciting is that! it’s safe for you to be happy. it’s safe for you to focus on the feelings you would have if you had it, rather than focus on affirming specifically to bring it to you. it is safe to be happy. 
i used to affirm solely for contact, all day every day, and sometimes i’d get it. but it’d be short lived, my sp would be distant, etc. but then once i started focusing on truly living in the end and basking in my love for my sp, thinking about how perfect and amazing he is, i not only got contact (without having to specifically affirm for it), but he was actively engaged in our conversations, making up new topics to keep the conversation going, asking me about and expressing interest in my hobbies and interests, bringing up and reminiscing on old memories of our previous relationship, complimenting me, flirting with me, asking me to hang out, etc. shit i was not getting when i was “he is so fucking in love with me and he’s texting me right fucking now”-ing all day long. i started focusing on how amazing and perfect and good to me he was, and that’s exactly what i got in my reality. who would’ve thunk? 
and you know what? yeah, he fucking loves me. he misses me and he wants to be with me. but that’s a given. but that doesn’t fucking matter. i am the only person who matters in my reality!! sure he loves me, but do i love him??? that’s what the universe wants to know. that’s what truly fucking matters. the universe brings me my desires. so i’m gonna fucking desire it! 
guys, please trust me on this. just try it out, with whatever you’re manifesting. this could be what you’re missing. this could bring your manifestation to you. i promise, if you’re like i was and feel resententment or anger or hatred towards your desire, this is going to make you feel so fucking good. just stick with this for a week or two. i promise, you’ll see movement.
and remember, there is no one to change but self. don’t change them (or it), change your perception of them (or it). 
let’s make manifesting fun again!!! it’s the perfect tool to bring happiness into your life. so fucking let it!!!! 
so no, you don’t need to be happy in order to manifest. but....maybe, just maybe, prioritizing your happiness isn’t such a bad thing. i mean, who doesn’t want to be happy?
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retroaria · 3 years
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Sapnap: Fluff Alphabet
cc!Sapnap x reader
pronouns: gender neutral
warnings: just swearing
here’s my 500 Follower Event ^o^
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A is for Affection (How do they like to show affection?)
sapnap would give you so many compliments omg. he loves making you all smiley and blushy :) he just wants to make sure that you are always aware of the fact that he thinks you’re the most perfect thing to ever exist
B is for Bond (What kind of bond do you guys have? What could your relationship be labeled as?)
the best friend couple!!! sapnap tells you literally everything. any drama going on or any strong emotions he’s feeling, you know about it. most of the time, the second something happens his brain immediately goes “omg i have to tell y/n”. you guys always complain about the same things and get excited over the same things. you are genuinely one of the most important people in his life and he doesn’t know how he’d do it without you.
C is for Comfort (How do they comfort their s/o?)
he will literally drop everything just to hold you and not speak for like hours if you so needed. he strikes me as a naturally comforting person to the people he really cares about so I say he gets an A+ in this department
D is for Dates (What are dates with them like?)
dates with sapnap are either really chill or super fun. he’s the type of guy that would take you to play laser tag or to an arcade or a trampoline park. he’s like a little kid i love sapnap :3
E is for Emotions (How do they express their emotions around you?)
he’s a pretty expressive person when it comes to certain things. at the very least he definitely wears his heart on his sleeve a little so it isn’t hard to tell even if he does try hiding stuff. and like I said he tells you everything.
F is for Fiancé (How long into the relationship before they propose?)
I feel like he’s so young and he really just wouldn’t be thinking about that too seriously for awhile. like he loves you and you guys have talked about having a future together but he isn’t in any rush at all. hell just do it when he feels is the right time not matter how long it takes.
G is for Gentle (Are they gentle?)
it depends on the situation. he’s definitely the type of guy to pick you up from a super comfy position and just body slam you on the bed. but if he can tell you’re not in the mood to play around like that he’ll just sit down and hold you, so yeah he can be gentle. but most of the time be prepared for playful fist fights and getting picked up and thrown every now and then lol.
H is for Hand Holding (How do they like hand holding?)
sapnap always holds your hand. in fact he makes an effort to search for it whenever you aren’t holding hands. and sometimes he’ll even get whiny about it especially with like a lot of people around he’ll be like, “babe, why aren’t you holding my hand :( what if I get lost how are you gonna find me this place is big”
I is for I Love You (Who said “I love you” first?)
he did !! the first time sapnap said “I love you” was probably one of his most confident moments. he was so proud to be able to say it and so sure of himself and his feelings for you.
J is Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)
YES OH MY GOD. he gets super jealous and it’s so easy to tell omg. his attitude starts to get like super bad and he is very clearly annoyed by the situation. he won’t ever be too overbearing about it and if you ever feel like he is once you sit him down and explain that he’ll back off a bit. but he’s still gonna be bothered by it so just always remind him that he love him and no one else.
K is for Kiss (What’s kissing them like?)
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IM ACTUALLY GOING TO BE DESCRIPTIVE SO IM SORRY IF ITS CRINGE. anyways, he’d be a pretty deep kisser but not like full on making out every single time. he just likes to make them last and he isn’t one to just give you random kisses all throughout the day so it always feels special. kissing him makes you feel all warm and happy inside.
L is for Love Language (What’s their love language?)
sapnaps love language is quality time or acts of service!! i’d say mainly quality time. even while long distance he just likes having you on call while he does stuff or even just complaining to you about how tired he is while actively not going to bed so he can keep talking to you lol. he just likes having you around it’s a huge comfort for him. i say acts of service because he would get so giddy and happy anytime you did something special for him. he would show it off and brag about it forever and it would genuinely mean so much to him aahhajdxh i love sapnap
M is for Memories (Their favourite memory with their s/o?)
For your first time seeing each other irl, sapnap flew to where you live and you guys spent a whole week together. his favorite memories are definitely from that first week of seeing each other in person. of course you guys already had an amazing relationship while long distance, but there’s something so different about finally meeting the person you’re with in real life. it felt like he had to start over from scratch and you guys had to get to know each other all over again. also the idea of now having to build a physical bond. it was just such an amazing and beautiful experience. definitely the one that made him realize he really is in love with you.
N is for Nicknames (Their favourite nicknames given and received?)
IM SO BAD AT THINKING OF CUTE NAMES USHSJDH. probably just babe tho lol. for fem!readers, i can totally picture him using princess in a slightly sarcastic tone.
O is for Open (At what point do they start opening up to you about their life and feelings?)
mmm i’d say he actually starts opening up to you pretty early into the relationship. If you guys were like really close friends before hand he’s definitely already opened up to you. He doesn’t really have that many people in his life that he doesn’t trust.
P is for PDA (Are they into PDA?)
not really but he isn’t like super shy about it if that makes sense ??? like he’s 100% fine with hand holding, hugging, and light pecks when saying hello or goodbye.
Q is for Quiz (How much do they remember about you?)
I don’t think he really tries to remember stuff but he just does and he’s always making connections to you and things he sees and stuff it’s so cute :)
R is for Romantic (How romantic are they?)
he tries but he isn’t exactly the most romantic boy. like I said before you guys have a best friend type of connection so when it comes to romance he doesn’t go too above and beyond because he just doesn’t feel like he needs to. but on special occasions he will do something nice for you. He likes taking you out places !!
S is for Security (How protective/possessive are they?)
very much of both. once again, total sapnap vibes. i’d say he’s a lot more possessive than protective. he would never stop you from doing things like going out without him and having guy friends or making flirty jokes. he trusts you so much partly cus he’s a little narcissistic LMAO. but when a serious threat comes about he can get kinda crazy.
T is for Try (How much effort do they put into the relationship?)
GAAAAAA HE PUTS SO MUCH EFFORT IN!! you would probably be like his first ever serious partner so he would try his best at literally everything. in the beginning of the relationship you could totally tell how nervous he was at times but as you guys got more comfortable he just became an effortlessly amazing bf
U is for Uphold (How do they show you they’re proud? What kind of support do they give you?)
he talks about you so muchjahsjxjxh mostly to dream and george or on stream and he brags about you too. he can get pretty cocky about it but his friends can’t get mad because it’s literally adorable how whipped he is.
V is for Vaunt (Do they like to show off?)
YES OF COURSE !!! it’s sapnap guys…come on. literally any little accomplishment you make is turned into a way bigger deal than it should be because of him. he’s so proud of for literally just existing and he talks about all the cool stuff you’ve done all the time
W is for Wild Card (A random fluff headcanon.)
you guys really like going to different food places and eating different items compared to other places. THIS IS SO RANDOM LMAOO but like…sapnap would definitely have fun doing that
X is for X-ray (How well can they read you and your emotions/feelings?)
mmm he can usually tell if you’re acting strange or being distant. he cant always figure out exactly what’s wrong but he knows it’s something and he would confront you about it like almost immediately or whenever he thought would be a good time for you
Y is for Yearning (How much do they miss their s/o when they’re gone?)
he literally talks about you non stop when you’re apart. and when you guys are on the phone he comes up with all these plans for you guys to do when you see each other again and he always wants you to join vc on his streams if you can. in conclusion he misses you like crazy
Z is for Zebra (What kind of pet would they want with their s/o?)
A CAT!! or like a bearded dragon lol.
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IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOR LIKE TWO WEEKS HAGSKDHD
school is literally kicking my ass so hard man 😔
i’m gonna try to write more, working on a karlnap weed fic rn too LMAO
I’m taking a major creative writing class rn so between writing for school and writing for tumblr i am so drained but i promise i’ll get back into the swing of things soon :)
love you guys, thank you for everything and stay safe <333
@crackityy @fantasy-innit @joyfullymulti @k-l-a-w-s
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timemachineyeah · 2 years
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This is how it sneaks up on you. I’m looking for a new phone case.
I keep finding myself holding my phone in ways that make my fingers hurt, so I looked into getting a strap or something for my phone. But the problem is whenever I pictured them on my phone it made me sad because it felt kind of ugly with my case.
And I realized if I’m going to keep not buying a strap because of aesthetics with the current case that it might be better to just get a new case with some kind of strap or finger support already there, so I can address the aesthetic and finger support simultaneously.
And since the whole reason I didn’t just get a loop or something is because it wouldn’t be cute, I might as well get something really cute.
I don’t usually care so much, but when it’s something you look at and interact with every day, you want it to make you smile, or at least not be disappointing.
So I’m shopping around for phone cases. My current case is classy because when I got it I had a weird bug in my ass about looking adult for once. But now I know better and I want something nerdy. Most of what I can find on Etsy that fits my criteria are bootlegs, which I don’t rule out, but I’d rather give my money to more legit independent fan operations. Especially without the presumed art theft.
So I find myself typing in terms. Sailor Moon phone case. Mermaid phone case. Steven Universe phone case. UFO phone case. Beauty and the Beast phone case. Fraggle Rock phone case. Octopus phone case.
What else? What else makes me happy? What do I like that I assume enough other people like that it’s reasonable to hope some genuine indie maker has hand-made something cute for it?
Harry Potter
The answer is there but it’s not true any more. But it’s still there. Like a habitual prayer. Recited so often your brain does it without you, a song stuck in your head. It used to be my favorite song. For a while.
And it’s not like the other things that stopped being fun. Sure, some seasons of Doctor Who disappointed, but I can go back to the ones I like. And that was the show itself that let me down. Sure, people were behind it, but it was the story that wasn’t fun anymore.
Harry Potter finished its story and it was fun from the first book to the last. Sure JKR could retcon and expand and sequel to her hearts content but that didn’t touch the story that had been told, the books that had been published. It was done. She couldn’t take it away.
But she could. And she did. In the worst way possible.
Can you have a parasocial relationship with a franchise?
They are far from perfect books. Even before the controversies spread, the varnish had started to wear off. What am I supposed to do? Tell eleven year old me (hiding in a closet to avoid chores and read the day after Christmas) that she has bad taste? Tell closeted repressed teen queer me who spent hours theorizing with her outcasted queer friends that they couldn’t do that any more? What’s done is done. If Harry Potter had never existed, maybe I would have hauled myself out of Tartarus by other means. Maybe it wasn’t the book, but me. Or maybe in another universe I am far worse off. It doesn’t matter. I’ll never know. While I cannot know what would happen in another timeline, I cannot deny in this one that the formative impact of Harry Potter was an unquestionable good for my life. It was a source of comfort, courage, and community that I had no replacement for.
And I hate that. Because she fed off of it. She took that joy and that enthusiasm and that earnest love and she turned it into power and influence and once she’d stolen all that power and influence she turned it around and abused my people, the community that made me whole. She exploited the excitement and wonder of children to amass power to hate and oppress those same children as they grew up and more children besides.
I think about them. If I’m buying from a maker and not her, then she doesn’t get my money. Does that really hurt?
The question is moot. Putting aside how others might feel in the presence of such an artifact, I would not feel joy. I could get a hand made trans positive Harry Potter case, but whenever I saw it I’d just be thinking about all this again. It’d make me sad. And that is the point, isn’t it? To get a phone case that makes me happy, makes me smile. So it can’t be Harry Potter anyway. Not for me.
I am not wanting for small joys. If it is for want of a themed phone case or fantasy novel, the hole left by her betrayal of the trans community is easily filled. There are, indeed, other books.
But when I think of other lost passions, they do not sting the same way. With them, we grew apart. That happens. Sometimes you grow and your old shoes don’t fit any more. Sometimes they change the recipe of your favorite snack. That’s not a betrayal in the same way.
If tomorrow the creators of any other thing I ever stopped loving came out and said, “Wow, I did a bad job, and I am aware of that, and I’m sorry” it wouldn’t fix the source material. That’s what hurts. They are flawed books, but if tomorrow she sent out a press release going “Wow, I got radicalized like an asshole I’m sorry. That was incredibly transphobic. And I have also been tone deaf to downright colonialist on these many other issues. Here’s major donations to all these relevant nonprofits and an action plan to start repairing the damage” I don’t know if I would forgive her? But I know I would want to. And in either case I know I would finally feel like I might be able to enjoy a reread of the books that meant so much to me.
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