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#my brain wants me to be sad??? can’t have that
luveline · 3 days
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if you are looking for spencer and bombshell requests, what about the first time a girl flirts with spencer after they start dating, but bombshell is fully secure because she knows her worth and understands that he’s a catch? if you need more ideas i can squeeze my brain really hard
love ur brain pls keep squeezing it <3 fem!reader
You’re the cheesy girlfriend no one expects you to be. You change your phone contact for Spencer to ‘My Sweet Boyfriend’ with a heart, you hold his hand in stupid places (though you’d done that before, sometimes), you bring him coffee, you fluster when he kisses your cheek no matter your disposition —you're overwhelmed in the honeymoon phase, and everybody’s surprised. 
“That’s not very cool of you,” Morgan says, having noticed your ducked head, your smile dripping with a private pleasure and your cheek still shining with Spencer’s quick kiss. He’s gone to find plastic cutlery. 
“I’m not that cool when it comes to Spencer,” you say. 
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” 
Morgan is as pleased for you both finally getting together as anyone, even if he finds it foreign. It is weird to suddenly be openly in love with each other, and likely stranger for the team to see you in anything that isn’t total calm collection. 
“He’s so lovely.” 
“Yeah, I know,” Morgan says, more earnest now as he slaps a rolled sandwich down in front of you. “He’s a catch. I asked for no mayonnaise, was I supposed to do that?” 
Emily tucks her seat in next to yours. “He’s totally trapped by that secretary again, I hate to tell you.” 
You turn around. 
“Why would you tell her that?” Morgan asks. 
“What?” 
You peer out of the office door, where Spencer’s being chatted to by a stunningly attractive secretary. She has dark skin and darker hair, alluring almond eyes that light her sweetheart face with a bright charm. “Oh, she’s getting prettier,” you say. 
You’ve got Spencer Reid locked in. Nothing in you doubts that he’s currently infatuated with you. You don’t even care when he laughs at her joke, or when she dips her head bashfully toward him. 
“You better go and get your man,” Morgan says. 
“What for?” 
“She’s flirting hard,” JJ says. She’s only just looked up from her phone. “He’s gonna start blushing.” 
As if. You turn back to the table, unwrapping the paper from your sandwich with a happy sigh. Spencer looks so cute when he blushes, his cheeks turn pink and he smiles like he’s being tickled, it’s adorable. If that pretty secretary wants to do the hard work for you, it’s her prerogative. He’s your boyfriend. 
“I don’t need to do anything, he’s fine,” you say. 
You’re cutting your sandwich in half when you feel a presence behind your back. A familiar hand closes around your shoulder, a voice in your ear, “Thanks for nothing.” 
You giggle at his embarrassed tone, turning your face up to his, immediately delighted by his pink-tinged cheeks and neck. “You looked like you were having fun!” 
“You’re not gonna pretend to be mad?” he asks, leaning over you to open your sandwich. He pulls out a sad looking tomato and a similarly wilted slice of lettuce and closes it again. “Did you want a drink? I can’t believe you.” 
“Spencer, did you want me to come and get you?” you tease. 
“It would’ve been nice of you. Drink?” 
You laugh again, tugging him down by the wrist. “No, Spencer, I don’t want a drink, just sit down. What was I supposed to do? I’m not gonna pull her off of you.” 
“But why?” he asks, nearly not quite pouting. “She asked me if it was too hot in here for me.” He sits in the chair beside you, his hand dropping to the soft inside of your thigh as he leans in imploringly. “If you cared about me at all–”
Everybody laughs, including yourself. He’s clearly joking, and for once nobody on the team mistakes it for ineptitude, which seems to cheer him up. He gives your leg a rather bold squeeze considering who he is and where you are, and again when you gesture for him to lift his face to plant a kiss on the ridge of his jaw. “I do care about you, Spencer. Sorry I wasn’t jealous. Should we try again?” 
He turns your face away from your coworkers, eye to eye. “You’re making fun of me.” 
His hand trails to your elbow. “No,” you say, your skin tingling under his touch. 
“I don’t believe you. And I know you need a drink, they didn’t send your bottle of water. I didn’t manage to find those forks, either.” 
He gets up again. He hasn’t so much as glanced at his own food, patting your back in a promise that he’ll return before he edges out of the office and into the station’s bullpen. You take a smug bite of your sandwich. You can’t hide it.
“Told you,” you say once you’ve swallowed. You hadn’t needed to do anything, and you really aren’t worried about other women. “He likes me a lot.” 
“Understatement of the year.” 
You send Morgan a loving smile. When you glance over your shoulder, Spencer’s taking the long way through the office to the water cooler.
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Could I request Astarion and his s/o getting into a sass competition where Astarion ends up confessing to her by accident and now he's all flustered?
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Astarion x Reader
“Can’t you go any faster?”
“I’m not exactly as well versed into taking these off as I am in putting them on, darling.” Astarion quipped at you as he fiddled with the lock on your cuffs.
Being somewhat of an anti-hero liaisons these days, the group had been pinched on some trumped up but completely true & legal charges of petty theft and larceny. Your options were fight, flight, or get arrested when confronted by the guards and charges. And since you couldn’t fight a whole city’s worth of Iron Fists, and running also seemed unplausible as you’d have to come back to the city sometime, you decided to take you lumps and went to jail. Luckily, where there’s a will there’s a way. Or in this case: a vampire with a lockpick up his sleeve.
“Why did you wait to do me last anyway? Just to see me suffer?”
“Well,” Astarion cooed, “it does have a certain visual appeal.”
You clicked your teeth and rolled your eyes. “Could you just hurry up? I’m starting to lose the feeling in my hands. All the blood is rushing out of them.”
“Oh, well, we wouldn’t want that.”
“Well, if you want my blood again, you should be more sympathetic to my pain.” You told him. Sighing heavily as one arm was free and Astarion moved on to the other one.
“Don’t you threaten me. Besides, if you won’t give me what I want, I’ll just move on to some other lucky companion in our camp.”
“Ha! Like anyone else would have you.”
Astarion frowned. “I’ll have you know that there are plenty of people who would welcome my teeth at their necks. Hundreds. Thousands!”
“Yeah. One blood obsessed drow and…who was the other one you tricked again?” You pulled at the shackles, which jiggled the irons and knocked the lockpick free, but unbroken. The vampire growled at you.
“I tricked you easy enough, didn’t I?”
“Only because I took pity on you.”
“Pity?!”
“Yeah.” You told him. “That poor, sad, puppy dog ‘please feed me’ look was just something I couldn’t say no to.”
Astarion growled again. “That is not how it happened. Besides, if you didn’t like it you wouldn’t keep asking for more.”
“Oh sure. Blame the victim.”
“You are not a victim!” He snapped at you. He seemed a little wounded by that one. Maybe you went a little too far. “Gods.” He cursed under his breath with a frown. “You are lucky I love you so much, otherwise I would just leave you here, chained up, and never bite you again. No matter how much you begged me.”
The lock finally snapped open and your arm fell to the side. You lifted it to rub your wrist but were uncharacteristically silent.
“Would it have been too much to expect a thank you??”
“Did you just say you love me?”
Astarion froze for a moment. A little wide eyed at your question. He seemed to be racking his brain for a moment. Trying to remember the conversation before an ‘Oh. Shit.’ expression came over his face. “What? Oh, that. Figure of speech darling, of course.” He let out a single nervous cough after that and a rushed, “let’s go meet up with the other.” Before he turned on his heels and made a speedy exit.
You rub your wrist one more time as a soft, shy smile came to your lips behind his back. You follow after him and meet up with the others. Waiting just outside the prison for the two of you, as apparently just around the corner was enough of an escape from the mighty Iron Fist.
“Ah! I just love this fresh air.” You exclaim, followed by more comments on how dusty & dank your cell had been, but really just watching Astarion’s shoulders tense.
You spent the rest of the day subversively tormenting Astarion. Making comments on how much you loved the weather, or loved a dress in a window. How much you loved dinner that night. How much you loved getting a good night’s rest that night.
By the time everyone had gone off to their respective tents for the evening, Astarion had apparently had enough and slunk up to yours. “I know what you’re doing. Now stop it!” He hissed.
“But I thought you’d love it.”
“Stop it!” He hissed again. If he could right now, he would blush. You were tempted to let him feed on you for a moment to get the full effect. “I mean it! How would you like it if I threw every verbal misstep in your face? I don’t keep bringing up the time you said Ibis instead of Ignis, now do I??”
It was pretty funny when that bird showed up.
“So, are you upset that you said it and I’m teasing of you, or are you upset that you didn’t mean it and I keep bringing it up?” You honestly didn’t know which answer would be worse at this point. You felt bad you had wounded his pride to the point that he came to talk to you. But you also don’t think you could take it if he told you that he didn’t love you.
Astarion just stood there for a moment, thinking, before he sighed and waved you off. “Just…knock it off ok. I’ve had quite enough today. I’m going to get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning.”
He turned to walk away and just before he fell out of ear shot you called to him. “Hey Astarion,” he looked back over his shoulder at you, “I love that you could come and talk to me about this.”
He huffed, but you could see the corners of his mouth struggling to keep down. “Oh shut up.”
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larkspurglove · 2 days
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OH MY GODDD THE NEW TRAILBLAZE MISSION IT’S SO GOOD BUT ALSO NONE OF MY THOUGHTS ARE COHERENT AAAAA
Major spoilers for 2.1 ahead!!!!
So first off to the people that voted for Aventurine and Sunday in this poll how does it feel to be right?
ANYWAY THAT WHOLE ENDING WAS FUCKING INSANEEEE, Aventurine walking INTO the Nihility????? And he might not ever come back???? Acheron showing off the true extent of her emanator powers?????? Gallagher being the twist villain and also somehow in control of Something Unto Death???? What the fuck?!
My brain is a mess right now I’m just rotating all of the story in my brain and a hundred miles a minute. The next stuff is just going to be me word vomiting my reaction to stuff in a vaguely chronological order.
First off I LOVEEE how Aventurine-focused the Trailblaze mission was. I was kind of assuming it would be a 50/50 split between focusing on Acheron and focusing on Aventurine but it seems like they’re saving Acheron’s backstory for 2.2 or 2.3.
The little appearance of Boothill??? And how he immediately threatens violence?????? Just a silly guy I can’t wait for him in 2.2 I wanna see them fight. Also I wonder if Constance is making empty promises because it’s possible.
Back to Aventurine, DAMNNN I knew his backstory would be tragic but it’s even more gut wrenching than I expected. The reference in his achievements too??? ‘What do you want Sibyl?’ ‘I want to die.’ THE PROGRESSION FROM AVENTURINE STICKING WITH THIS UNTIL THE END WHERE EVEN THOUGH HE COULD POSSIBLY DIE FOR REAL YET HE DECIDES FO CONTINUE FORWARD BECAUSE EVEN IF WE’RE BORN TO DIE THERE’S A POINT IN LIVING LIFE AND PREPARING FOR THAT INEVITABILITY???? OH MY GOD.
Sunday’s also a scary dude. Maybe being an emanator does that to people but when he did that Harmony mindfuckery on Aventurine I was almost certain that he was going to die because of that. I was also SO pissed at Ratio for selling Aventurine out only to learn they were actually double crossing SUNDAY was insane. I’m glad he finally got to be angry about Robin’s death towards the end though, most of the downtime between 2.0 and 2.1 has been me wondering ‘man his sister just died why doesn’t he feel more distressed.’
Ngl I’m probably gonna dedicate a whole post to Aventurine in this update because 90% of the time I was playing the quest I was either thirsting over him, internally sobbing for him, thinking he was gonna die, or waiting to get back to his POV.
Gallagher is one hell of an enigma because Sunday implies that he’s made up of different ‘aspects’ of each Family member who’s died over however long the dreamscape deaths have been happening, yet he has a past with Siobhan and apparently knew Mikhail??? Like what the fuck????? How long has this been going on????
I do wish it was foreshadowed slightly better though because the most we get is him being very vaguely sad about his past and also like two people going ‘who the hell is Gallagher.’
One thing I didn’t expect to happen was for a ‘Sam is Firefly’ reveal. Like I had seen the leaks before (not out of my own will sadly) and kind of expected for it to be a 2.2 reveal. Either way yayyyy Firefly is alive!!!
I’m sad that we didn’t really have an Acheron and Welt team up, or at least that we didn’t see more of it. It was kind of hyped up to be a whole B-plot but turned out to only be a few scenes. I’m not complaining because we get a little teeny bit of Welt characterisation but I’m still sad.
I like how Sparkle kind of just shows up to either be a nuisance or a conveniently timed piece to move the plot forward. It’s very fitting with being a Masked Fool.
There’s a lot more I want to scream about but it’s all Aventurine related and I’m gonna save it for its own dedicated post.
2.1 is so fucking good 2.2 and 2.3 better stick the landing.
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showtoonzfan · 2 days
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Just want to preface this by saying i love ur analysis sm- u put my exact thoughts into words when i cant verbalise whats wrong with a particular writing decision 🥲🥲
Anyway, smth ive noticed is how... little time vivzie actually spends on writing or characterizing or fleshing out her characters.
Which has to be the weirdest thing so far bc every writer and artist ive met agree that its the best part of making an oc! Its so fun to think of backstories and tie that into their current personality and generally just figuring out random details to get to know your characters!
Like, my ocs are my best friends, i know everything abt them from their trauma and childhoods, to their favourite food and music.
But time and time again she proves that her characters are at best acquaintances... the fandom fleshes out the characters so well and with so much love and care and thought that vivzie herself cant do and its just sad.
Not even mentioning the hundreds of retcons and how characters will just change personality randomly or act out of character which results in the work feeling like a fanfic of itself. (Ironic considering some fanfics have better and more consistent characterisation)
It feels like shes making it up as she goes, instead of having an actual plan. Just shoving random ideas she likes or picks up from the much more creative fandom into the 2 shows without actually stopping and thinking abt the consequences or implications.
Theres so many decisions shes made that irk me so bad... the ideas individually have potential but they either dont fit the show or have to make huge retcons and result in the plot not making any sense.
Also, ngl but she has the worst case of tell dont show ive ever seen my god 😭😭 like... you realise you have to show things instead of just fucking singing it or having a character say it??? Or is that another thing that the fandom has to do so they can convince themselves that the show has good characters??
Atp idk how to salvage the show... i keep finding more and more plotholes and unless i literally turn my brain off and only focus on haha funny dick joke or pwetty colors, these questions keep popping into my head making it a painful unenjoyable experience.
Again, if the fandom has to justify your bad nonsensical hypocritical worldbuilding then you failed. Massively.
Anyway im very sleepy rn just wanted to rant a bit bc im a writer and artist myself and it pisses me off how someone gets their show on the air and still doesnt care abt putting in effort into their plot or characters beyond aesthetics and random ideas that dont go well together...
You’re speaking facts! And it’s honestly like..kinda funny too that people who have their own OC’s can flesh them out and deep dive into their arcs/backstories ect, yet a professional showrunner who’s had these characters for YEARS can’t even give the majority of her characters flaws or quirks, or even consistency, same goes for Helluva Boss.
Viv is a really good example at letting inspired writers know what not to do when making a story and characters so at least they have that lol.
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neo404 · 2 days
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u should write something like this!!
where Nick saw his ex kissing another person at a party after just a day of breaking up so Nick runs to the bathroom to cry where he meets (Character/reader) smoking in the bathtub, who then comforts Nick
Lovely Stranger.
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Summary: you comfort a sad Nick and form a unique bond with him.
Tw: smoking, drinking, cursing. Nick talks about his toxic ex.
Note: use of y/n ONCEE
Nicks pov.
I shouldn’t be here; I should have stayed at home instead. I didn’t know he was going to be here, but I should have been more careful. I hate being here, I want to go home, where is Matt? I can’t find anyone I know. I start wondering around the house and eventually I make it to the kitchen, this was a stupid idea, going out to ‘get over’ my ex, I need time, I needed to stay home. The kitchen is less crowded, it gives me space to breath and gather my thoughts.
And then I see him, the bastard of my ex, kissing some random guy. I shouldn’t feel bad, he was an idiot, but it still hurts, and a lot. I feel my chest getting tight, I feel the knot on my throat and the tears pooling in my eyes, I run out of there. I bump into people and make my way into what I assumed was the bathroom, thank god I was right. I close the door and start crying, I feel pathetic, I feel used, I feel so disgusting.
‘Oh, shit.’ I hear someone mumble, as I look up, I see a guy sitting inside the bathtub smoking…
Your pov.
God, I hate parties. I only come here to grab a few free drinks. I need a break; I walk to the bathroom and close the door behind me. Reaching into my pocket I take out my pack of cigarettes and take one out putting it into my mouth to light it up.
I see the smoke coming out of my mouth as I blow, that’s better. I close my eyes and let the smoke run into my lungs and fill the room. I need to stretch my legs, I look at the bathtub and tilt my head, I can take a nap there.
I close my eyes and smoke, hearing the fainted music leak into the crack of the door. This is so relaxing, and then, I hear the door slamming open and shut in a matter of seconds, and I see him, a guy crying.
‘’Oh shit…’’ I didn’t mean to say it out loud, it just came out of me naturally. He raises his head, his teary eyes make me feel bad, he seems scared. ‘’Sorry, I thought I closed the door…’’
‘’No.’’ he sniffs. ‘’I didn’t notice, I was leaving anyways.’’ I turn off my cigarette against the bath tiles and stand up, getting out of the tub and walking near to him.
‘’Want one?’’ I take out my pack of cigarettes and move it infront of him.
‘’Don’t smoke.’’
‘’Okay… want a drink?’’
‘’Don’t drink either.’’ He’s not ugly crying anymore, just tears running down his face.
‘’Damn, all right good boy, why are you here then?’’
‘’I don’t know, I shouldn’t have come here.’’ He leans against the sink looking down at his feet.
‘’Wanna tell me what got you all sad and bothered?’’
‘’Why do you care?’’ he wipes a few tears away, looking up at me.
‘’I don’t know, a random guy knocked down the door of the bathroom while I was taking a bath, maybe I should ask him why.’’ He chuckles a bit.
‘’I didn’t knock down the door and you weren’t taking a bath. Do the cigarettes affect your brain that much?’’ I do an exaggerated shocking face and put a hand against my chest.
‘’Wow. I didn’t knew a no smoke no drink type of guy will have come backs like that. I am shocked. And no, they only damage my lungs.’’
‘’I am great at comeback.’’ He smirks for a few seconds. ‘’I’m Nick, by the way.’’
‘’Hi Nick. Nice to meet you. I’m y/n.’’  I smile at him. ‘’wanna talk about it now?’’
He lets out a sigh and sits on the floor his back against the cabinets of the sink, I sit besides him with my back on the wall, so I’m facing him.
‘’My ex…’’ he takes some time to find the words, I see his eyes water again. ‘’sorry, I hate crying.’’
‘’I get it, it’s all right, take your time.’’ He nods and takes a few deep breathes.
‘’He was a jerk with me. Like, made me feel like I was nothing without him, he was controlling, really controlling, and insecure, he said bad things about my friends so I wouldn’t talk to them anymore. My brothers made me realize he was… well, toxic. So, we broke up, ‘he broke up with me’ because ‘no one breaks up with him’ it was really messy, lots of screaming, he broke a few things here and there, I kicked him out, that happened… yesterday.’’
I try to not drop my jaw, I put a hand up to my mouth. ‘’Shit, I’m so sorry.’’
‘’That’s not everything.’’ I nod, and put my hand down. ‘’He’s here… and I saw him kissing someone, fully making out with someone. And I know he was… bad, like really bad, but I can’t help be hurt. You know?’’ I nod and give him a sad smile.
‘’I’m so sorry…’’ I put my hand on his shoulder and he shakes his head.
‘’It’s not your fault… wanna go outside? I don’t wanna be here anymore, I mean, if you don’t wanna come it’s okay I understand it, what I mean is-…’’
‘’Yeah, let’s go.’’ I smile warmly at him.
‘’Thanks.’’ We stand up and open the door. I see how his eyes wonder towards the kitchen, that bastard was probably there. I put one arm around his shoulder and walk with him outside the noise and drunk people. Outside, the fresh air hits our faces and we sit on the grass looking at the stars, talking about whatever popped up in our minds.
‘’You are cool. It’s his lost, never doubt that.’’
‘’You think so?’’
‘’I know it.’’ He smiles at me and I smile back. I can tell that we are going to be good friends.
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pixlokita · 2 months
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Well I want to be honest, my mental health hasn’t been the best the past few months. I’ve been really struggling to the point of crying about several different things and it’s not anyone’s fault. Maybe my situation irl is affecting how I feel online, and it sucks because everyone is so nice and kind but I feel like I don’t belong? Idk how to explain it. It’s a very awful feeling and I’m recovering from several traumatic things I thought I’d gotten over but they keep resurfacing, I think I need to organize my feelings and stop overthinking, but I wanted to explain myself too. I’ll be unfollowing several people and you’re free to unfollow me too 💖🙏 y’all have been nothing but wonderful and a source of inspiration but I need to work on myself ;v;)b
I wish everyone a very lovely evening tbh UwU you’re all the best, bless you 💖
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the-meme-monarch · 3 months
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taking everything i have to not make a twitter account Solely to follow development on vivarium
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lemony-snickers · 6 months
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dear body: when I complained about being So Very Tired for no reason, what I meant was that I wanted to wake feeling rested after a long night’s sleep, not that I wanted you to wake me up at 2:30 am and keep me awake.
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simcardiac-arrested · 11 months
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once again sorry to everyone for bringing this to your dashboards. but some of you are like, genuinely delirious. not even in a funny way. & i hope you die. i hope we both die. hand in unlovable hand etc etc
#Just so fucking bizarre to me how people can be Like This. there has to be something so wrong with your brain on a fundamental level#i can’t even laugh about this or anything because i genuinely feel pity for these people. it’s so sad to me how you’re gonna be like 20#and then go in a niche tumblr community and create drama over Nothing. over Thin Fucking Air#like do you not have a life? do you not have college? or a job? doesn’t it get tiring? don’t you ever feel ashamed about all this#and the fact that they go and complain about the shipping and the ‘fandombrained’ people as well…. oh my god#how are you going to be TWENTY. and DO THAT. are you seriously sick. ? do you need help#just say you are homophobic and that you hate kids and go. it’ll save everyone a bunch of time for sure#anyways. as someone who has been a rain world fan since 2018. i love you embracing canon. i love you changing canon. i love you disregarding#canon entirely. i love you ships that make sense in canon & that make absolutely zero sense at all. i love you fancharacters that don’t#follow canon rules. i love you ‘cringe’ fancharacters and self inserts. i love you self shipping. i love you oc x canon shipping.#and i love you taking inspiration from designs. i love you community & i love you artists & i love you art#i love you borrowing elements and being inspired and referencing something because you liked it.#are fandoms perfect? GOOD GOD no. is every Fan perfect? no. am i also sometimes annoyed or irrationally pissed off over a ship that#i think is stupid and is illogical. Yes! i’m only human! but i can still love and appreciate the whole CREATIVITY of it all. and the whole#Fun that people are having. i love you having fun. if i don’t like it or if anyone else doesn’t like it they can just Cope#instead of hateposting about it on main and indirectly bullying people who are most likely children. or lgbt. or both#anyways. please continue doing whatever you want. The world is your oyster and you only live on earth once#everyone else can fuck off
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heartlocks · 6 months
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to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?
#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened#i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close#and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way#i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao#now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest#and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell#i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop#but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again#i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier#it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men#and i find myself unable to connect with anyone…#i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed#i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it#i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly.#i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad#i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so#i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized…#when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was#like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u#i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function.#plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized#how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone…#i went thru all that for nothing…#and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why#brain vomit
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listen and think of them pls
#Have I posted these all here before? Yes. Should you all still emo cry circle jam to them yes so do so#Get in bitch we’re diving back into Boreo feels (for writing purposes so yn it’s fiiiine it’s healthy even to emo sometimes right?)#He asks as if it’s change a thing if it wasnt#Lmfaooo okay but listen listen I plan the sad music first theeeen my dance music and workout#I get emo feels out after I promie fr I do it smooth brain style big smov brain haver I am! Okay!#boreo#boris pavlikovsky#the goldfinch#tgf#theo decker#theodore decker#theo i’m not gay decker#donna tartt#boreo music#And hey hey I included a song to end on that will help you “life… eh?” It because for me is Boris getting high w/Potter#Spotify#Also bedroom ceiling song UGHHH could just see sm to that aibsejwudhbsjf not emo about it actually how perfect it is and and#Def don’t imagine them both talking to their moms when they get drunk or high enough not to judge themselves about it#Asking them for guidance maybe just in their heads at first but the more they’re stressed the more they just can’t push off the want stuck#In their throat to just fucking ask them out loud till one night they just let out all slurred and embarrassed in the dark of their room#Omfg I miiiight need to have thiiiis in Forget about Kotku fuckkn hellllll#5seconds later I’m like yes no I will I think lol I need happy endings for my boys always and wasn’t sure how I would get there but thiiis#Mmmmm it’s giving me ideas in making that idea ages back I got from that Russian Facebook post I shared of writing love letters to someone#Sleeping cause you can’t tell em that rn and I just hmmmm *meme of ghoul boys*:IVE CONNECTED THE DOTS my brain: you ain’t connect shit
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placeinthisworld · 2 months
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podsn · 3 months
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WHY AM I SO BAD A TURN BASED COMBAT GAMES AHHHHH. I CANT FUCKING KILL ANYTHING RAHHHH.
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caramiaaddio · 11 months
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well the nice thing about having had a life changing codependent relationship for most of my life is that whenever something bad is going on I can always switch my brain over to feeling bad about that instead
like it’s gonna feel bad either way but I’d much rather be in ‘mourning the loss of a dear friend’ mode than ‘my entire life is falling apart’ mode y’know
#like there’s so much to think about there I can very easily distract myself#whatever happened at work today? nah. instead consider: why didn’t they love me and could we ever be friends again?#it’s sad but it doesn’t give me a panic attack lol#and unlike thinking about things that make me happy my brain doesn’t snap back to the bad thing#it’s wild though that even after I’ve kind of forgiven them for all the stuff that happened it all kind of hits different#like yeah okay I was valid in feeling violated but also it wasn’t like it was on purpose and stupid kids do stupid kid shit#but even knowing that there’s just a part of me that can’t help but think about everything that went down#gives Greek tragedy vibes. the perfect storm of missteps is what ruined things in the end#and at this point like. I spent so long bothering them that I don’t wanna teach out and continue the pattern#plus there’s always that lingering fear and insecurity over being dumped in the first place#but it’s just so strange to have someone in your life for so long and then to just…not#I still bring them up in conversation sometimes like ‘oh yeah my ex liked that movie’ it’s weirdly natural#like we were inseparable for a decade it’s wild that they’re just…not part of my life anymore#and my brain will be stuck on this tangent for DAYS. great coping mechanism for whatever the fuck is happening at work#which like. don’t ask I don’t wanna talk about it I just want to move past this job and never see these people again
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floral-hex · 10 months
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Can’t tell if I’m so anxious because of drug withdrawal or it’s just because I have a bad brain 😓
#I took buspar for about 4 nights then had to stop because it put me on edge#first night without it and I’m hit with the same feelings again#just sad and hopeless and my nerves feel sick#I had thought there wasn’t supposed to be any real withdrawal from that stuff#so maybe this is just me being sad#quick rant: I feel so hopless and alone and scared#it’s 4:30am and I know there’s nothing I can do right now about it so I should just chill out#brains suck#just go to sleep!#I have my first therapy session tomorrow/today so we’ll see#and I’m realizing now I really need to bite the bullet and apply to some jobs#any jobs. even if I’m afraid my hearing will go out and I’ll fuck up working#I NEED to get out of this house more. I NEED money. I NEED some hope for a future.#I want moneyyyy so I can go out to eat and take my brothers to the movies and help my mother with bills#I can’t just stay awake all night suffering. I need to be productive.#ian I swear you will feel so much better with a purpose#even if that purpose is just to work a register for a few hours a day#it’ll be okay#we can do this. we’ll talk to the therapist tomorrow. we’ll call our doc and bitch about our meds. we’ll apply for jobs#we’ll shower and eat and go out in the sun and it’ll be okay#baby steps baby#get a job. get money. buy a burger. find someone to kiss once or twice.#I can do this#I feel everything falling apart and fading away and I have to fight that#I’m fighting it now just verbalizing this and it’s helping#it’ll be okay ian!#life can still be beautiful!#you’re afraid of losing everything well then fucking grab it hold it do what you can#I’m so fucking scared but I have to try#text
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mrs-kelly · 1 year
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I’ve literally spent so much time just hanging with Charlie today adfhjkll work wiped me out way more than I thought it did and it’s just been nice to. Just cuddle with him 🥺 talk about stuff… feel safe and secure you know…
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