#my brain will never process that

[vacantgodling]

ngl i get that people hype up hating writing for the bit but like. idk. yall i Do actually really like writing. it is so satisfying and fun and rewarding and i get to look back what i made over and over again and get joy every single time.

yes writing is hard but if you hate it more than you love it im kinda like. idk. find another hobby?

#also the planning parts and the daydreaming is part of the process so idk #yall it is getting exhausting seeing all the quirky see how little i’m writing shit #like what if for once i am writing and im having a grand time!! #what if not being able to write isn’t a fun joke it is honestly detrimental to my brain!!! #what if writing has been my friend when i never had any and it is the love of my life and love language and i love actually doing it perhap #talking #ren hot cakes

[egophiliac]

We ARE going to bring up Captain Amelia. You have good taste! GOOD TASTE I SAY! *aka I just rewatched Treasure Planet and got hit with, "Oh yeahhhhh... that explains a lot!"*

honestly, the Meg/Jasmine/Amelia trifecta tells you 90% about me as a person. (the rest is covered by Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Uranus and, uhhh, I'll stop baring my soul to the world now)

and speaking of Amelia, this is tangential, but like -- there's one Twst comic I have been kicking at for a while where I needed an RSA sports/flight teacher and, uh, well

someday I will wrangle this stupid comic into coherency and she'll get to make an appearance (in the background of a single panel, half-obscured by a tall hat) (but I will know she's there and that's the important thing)

#art #twisted wonderland #twst oc #my plan worked i've tricked you all into looking at my anime catgirl oc #she exists to yell at some rsa boys so she doesn't really have like. a character or story or anything. sorry! #(her name is alexandria north and that is what she considers a sporty outfit. that's as far as i got) #this is the one that is mainly about silver and neige having a mutual bluebird friend and i am having terrible trouble making it not suck #which given some of the stuff i post should tell you something about how it's going so far #(it's just kind of an incoherent mess of ideas at this point. nothing specific just ~the creative process~) #maybe the rest of episode 7 will give my brain the kickstart it needs. depends on how that goes i guess #god. the next episode 7 bit drops in (probably) just a few days. #I'M NOT READY #i have simultaneously never been ready and always been ready #i exist in a perpetual state of impatience

[rye-bread08]

Back to posting frequently (maybe)

I knew Adventure Time was gonna be sad, BUT MAN I WAS NOT READY FOR THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER I HAD TO ENDURE UPON MY REWATCH.

inspired by this

#adventure time #finn the human #finn mertens #adventure time fanart #always a hero never a kid #seriously dude cannot get a break from life #I’m glad I rewatched this now I’m 16 #really helped with my entire brain process #ahhhhhhhhhhhh

[bleue-flora]

Wait... Dream was born on August 12, 1999 and Dream was arrested in the Disc Finale on January 20, 2021 soo... wait, wait, wait, that means he was only 21 when he was imprisoned for life in a small lava covered box!... Did I do that math right? 21?! Man was barely able to drink legally in the United States and they gave him a life sentence in a boiling cell with nothing but lava, raw potatoes, a clock, and some books?!... oh my god...

#sorry.... I just... give me a minute to process... I mean I knew we were close in age but I guess I never really thought about it #sometimes I forget it happened all the way back in 2021 and just... wow. #and Tommy would have been 16 so getting his driver's license in most states... The age gap is like that of my siblings and huh... #my brother can be a real prick... its a weird thought to imagine him getting through in prison just for messing with us... damn... #dreblr #c!dream #this is fine #don't mind me researching for my lastest maddening project..... i can't stop thinking about Dream being Sam's project....... #I'd blame my job but... let's be honest the prison arc lives rent free in my brain lol XD #dsmp #dsmp dream #dream smp #dreamwastaken #no one does it like c!dream #prison arc #pandora's vault #dishing up lore #kinda? I guess... #lore thoughts #ouch... I'm older than c!dream was in prison now... poor baby... :'(

[lorephobic]

literally nobody asked for it, but here's my list of saltburn essays that i've slowly been drafting over the course of the last week which WILL be required reading for anybody trying to engage with me about this movie. my very personal saltburn 101 syllabus just dropped

A Wolf in Deer's Clothing: Saltburn's Attempt at Innocence

an examination of party costumes and our character's last attempts to masquerade as something they're not: felix—an angel, all-forgiving and all-knowing, something to be worshiped; and oliver—a prey animal, prey to class-divide, prey to saltburn, prey to felix.

thoughts about oliver specifically are loosely organized in my #bambi tag

A Midsummer Night's Mare: Farleigh Start as the Ultimate Victim of Saltburn

a farleigh character study, about the ways he was mistreated and manipulated at saltburn, about fighting to stay alive and the scars left behind by knowing when to give in

alternatively titled "QuickStart", may be adapted into a conclusive essay specifically focusing on oliver and farleigh's relationship

The Eye of the Beholder: On Saltburn's Voyeurism & Violence [working title]

how wealth and class pushes the catton's toward the volatile reality of being able to look, but not touch. on desire and the lack thereof, and portraying yourself as an object to be desired

may end up as two separate essays on wealth and aestheticism but i'm pushing toward a conclusive essay about the intersection of the two, which i feel is at the heart of saltburn

alternatively titled "Poor Man's Pudding: A Melvillian Approach to Saltburn's Class", again, may be adapted into it's own essay

Gender-Fluid: A Study in Sexuality and Saltburn's Desire to be Dry

a deep dive into the bodily fluids of saltburn and how oliver upsets the standard of men who are just so lovely and dry. on the creative choice to lean into the messy wetness of sex and desire and the audience's instinct toward repulsion

a celebration of the grotesque and an examination of why we would label it as such

least developed of the four, heavily inspired by @charnelpit's lovely post about the fluids in saltburn

if anybody is actually interested in any of these, i can work toward something closer to a finished piece instead of just bullet points and quotes in a google doc, but mostly this is so i can share my very brief takes on a multitude of themes in saltburn that have been haunting me

edit for people seeing this in the future: all posts about my essays are being organized into my #saltburn 101 tag if you’re interested in following these through to development!

#saltburn #saltburn posting #really desperately need someone to pay me to write saltburn essays all day #or else these will never be more than a smattering of bullet points #and these are only the most developed of the millions of the thoughts that i've had rolling around in my brain this last week #idk if lengthy meta-essays are interesting to literally anyone other than me #but if any of these speak to u and u have thoughts abt them #of course u are welcome to send them my way #i think all of these were born out of either seeing bad fandom takes (ie. everything ive seen about farleigh and oliver) #or rly good fandom takes that haven't been talked about enough like the fluids thing #anyway #oh also if u want any interview clips that back up any of these ideas i have a list thats like a million miles long #and would be happy to dig for any specific things im talking about here #bambi #also also im sorry i kno the colon in academic essay titles is so overused i just love a subtitle sm #i love love love a clever little essay title. titling my essays was literally my favorite part of the essay process in college #saltburn 101

[moeblob]

Lil warm up doodle because I'd been playing some Thropes and then watched some dubbed DunMeshi and am a Damien Haas enjoyer so. Enjoy a Shez.

#fe warriors three hopes #shez #i usually watch subbed anime but my brain recently hasn't been able to process subtitles + not english #like my brain cannot filter the difference and then i simply get stressed out because i dont know what was said via reading #and its been... bad tbh #so i swapped over to the english audio but still with subtitles and its been fine ! #i also really enjoy how damien sounds so excited cause when i would watch him stream #and he would go on a story telling adventure it was so enthusiastic and genuine #and i like how he has that same vibe in the show #that said i have never drawn fanart for dunmeshi and dont wanna start now while i have other art obligations #i can dabble with learning how to draw different characters after i do comms if i feel up to it #but fe is such a default for me its really easy to draw as a doodle/warm up #also im incredibly biased to being fond of damien cause he commissioned me for emotes for twitch #which is incredibly flattering and no other va has bought art from me ? so thank you mr haas for the honors #i also am a shez enjoyer and love the vibes of both shez looks

[danothan]

Just reading some comics and saw a panel I thought you might like. :)

ah fuck, characters reminiscing always get to me ;__;

but i will never ever get over that fond way these two talk to and abt each other. especially when they’re poking fun, you can just hear the love in their voice it’s SICK.

the halbarry love language is annoying each other, but even more than that, it’s being each other’s exceptions

#panels #sent to me #halbarry #hal jordan #green lantern #barry allen #the flash #dc #danswers #the halbarry love language/exceptions thing btw is a whole thesis i have in my brain #their love language incompatibilities; their willingness to compromise and make it work; the way they’ve never had a friend like this #hal esp is almost like a completely different person around barry. like he’s still Hal ofc but it’s obvious that he’s never navigated a #relationship like this before. yes i’m talking abt ‘what do you guys see in each other?’ / ‘yk… i have no idea! ☺️’ #hal is so aro-coded for someone i don’t hc as aromantic. and that’s only bc barry came along (another whole thesis o’ mine…) #god literally the rare exceptions to each other #been thinking abt writing a halbarry fic abt their love languages (5 chapters 1 love language for each) #not rly sure what that’d even be abt but i do think abt this often so maybe writing smith would help me process/explore/share my analysis + #interpretations of how that works between them #idk i’m not a writer we’ll just have to see

[fighting-naturalist]

Many giggles behind the scenes of season 7 (I think)

(apologies for gif quality, source material apparently filmed with a brick 😂)

#watching christopher judge laugh healed me #stargate #sg-1 #stargateedit #christopher judge #amanda tapping #michael shanks #behind the scenes #s7 #(i think) #***edits #finally found this video and had to make my own gifs #in the process i heard the question of 'why are your pants undone?!' #and the answer of 'those aren't my pants 😏' didn't help #what in the fuck was going on here #idk but it ROTTED MY BRAIN #why is there a towel??? #why are they cuddling like awkward teenagers???? #also idk about you but i've never kissed my coworker's hand and put it on my upper thigh!!! #i'm going nuts! WACKO! #what was happening here?

[front-facing-pokemon]

#magearna #iiii read and learned this thing's name before i ever saw it. multiple times i read this thing's name before i saw it #it has a very obvious gear-shaped head right. looks like a gear. obviously #but i. never saw it. i just heard its name among folks listing mythicals or whatever #and. my brain saw that word. and decided it was pronounced [mə.'d͡ʒɑːɹ.nə] #because i didn't process the “gear” part until i like. saw it. and had someone point it out to me #i saw “mage” and i saw “arna” and i was like Clearly those are the two words in this word

[infraredss]

if a femme lesbian doesn't kiss me on the mouth the world will explode actually. i don't make the rules

#lesbian #wlw #butch4femme #lgbtq #sapphic #shitpost #need a femme lesbian to hold my hand ahaha im 5'2 btw #i talk about butch lesbians a lot but if a femme lesbian flirted with me I fear my brain would make the lego star wars being hit sound #where the lego pieces fly everywhere #i say lego star wars but i played lego jurassic park #i wouldnt be able to process it for a week and i think id never recover

[comradekatara]

I think it’s fascinating that katara says “then you didn’t love her the way i did.” there’s a double meaning there. there’s “you didn’t love her as much as i did,” which is a hurtful thing to say, regardless of whether or not it’s true. but then there’s also, “we don’t love her the same way.” which is true. they clearly love their mother differently. it’s not a matter of more, it’s a matter of how. kya birthed them, literally, but her death was also a rebirth for both of them. her sacrifice shaped their respective identities.

katara loves her mother as the site of her creation myth. she wears the memory of what kya did for her around her neck, desperate to prove herself and be the hero she needs to see in the world. sokka sees that in katara, her drive to create change out of this formative injustice, but he also sees the price of it, and shapes himself into the new sacrifice necessary for katara’s hero’s journey. if katara sees kya as her legacy, as her creator who she must honor and avenge, sokka sees kya as his fate, as his inevitable future born of an inexorable past.

who can say which child loved their mother more. but how they loved her, and how they grieve her… well. their modes of mourning differ based on the roles they see fit to inhabit and the narratives created by their formative traumas. katara’s duty is to remember: kya’s absence is physical, she wears it around her neck, her mourning is an act of creation. sokka’s duty is to repress: he forgets his [mother’s] face as he neglects and sublimates his own. consider how frustrating it must be for katara that sokka refuses to speak of her defining, mythmaking event, that he copes with own fate by attempting to ignore it. so there certainly is a difference there, in how they choose to honor kya’s memory. what katara said may have been hurtful, but it wasn’t entirely wrong.

#i know i say a variation of this literally all the time but i keep finding new ways to phrase it bc it never leaves my brain!!!!! sorry!!!!! #and then there’s also the respective ways they approach their father’s sacrifice/absence #and how it’s almost the exact opposite of their responses to kya’s #except katara is MAD #god it’s so fascinating #i need to talk about that more too #but this line is obviously so . loaded #she’s spitting facts frankly but the way sokka retreats into himself is also fascinating #he doesn’t know how to process his trauma in a healthy way he simply doesn’t know how!!!! #and now thinking about it is like. impossible #and she struck a nerve! because it’s not just petty it’s TRUE #katara #sokka #katara&sokka #katara&kya #kya&sokka #they have. they have the same face you guys!!!! #analysis #hot takes

[minecraft-sideblog-tm]

I hope Grian is having fun with trying to just build things on the server instead of pre-planning the whole thing in creative first like he's used to doing, because it is SO much fun to watch him work through it in real time. I can't wait to watch his base just gradually turn into whatever it ends up as

#I almost never pre-make my builds in creative and usually just wing it in my survival world #(unless I'm just REALLY stumped on something) #One of my fav parts of that is like just seeing the build work up into the final version as I go #Finishing a section and going “Ohh wait what if I added/swapped THIS block/detail???” and getting to test things out #Walking past the finished build for months before suddenly getting a really cool idea to modify it #etc etc #So it's always fun watching how other people's brains work #while they work out a build in real time #idk does that even make sense? I'm just really enjoying seeing his process lol #lee speaks #grian #hermitcraft #hermitcraft 10 #hermitcraft season 10

[grapejuicegay]

Pran slowly getting more vocal about his feelings see why I translated Pat's last line like that here

BAD BUDDY EP 10 OUR SKYY 2 BAD BUDDY EP 3

#our skyy 2: pran learns to be more vocal while pat learns to be more feral #listen look. i have a lot of feelings about this one okay #pran has never been good at actually saying what he feels #it has always always worked because they understand each other so well #but the pran we see in ep 12 IS good (or at least a lot better) at expressing his feelings #and for pran's stint in singapore to go well he HAS to be #it's a process. and we're seeing it playing out #baby steps. but still steps. yknow? #anyway i just like pran being vocal #and if i can make it a parallel you know i will because > #parallels my beloved #bad buddy #bad buddy series #bad buddy brain rot #our skyy 2 #our skyy bad buddy #kk.gifs #uservid #pdribs

[iraprince]

Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow

hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.

like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.

anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better

#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages. #or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it. #i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') - #- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action. #also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally) #u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not-- #--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control #as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of' #'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important' #bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem #but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine #i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and- #inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR #i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be #-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that #ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind

[trees-to-meet-you]

God. What if Pandora didn’t want to open the box. What if she was manipulated, her hands tied to and guided by strings she couldn’t shake off. What if when she released the horrors out into the world, Hope chose to stay with her, in the box. What if Pandora couldn’t rid herself of that guilt. What if Hope couldn’t convince her that not all was lost, and that she wasn’t responsible for the strings around her hands. That she wasn’t a monster.

What if Pandora and Hope found a way to trap everything in the box again. What if Pandora couldn’t do it. What if she didn’t want anyone else to feel the guilt she did. What if she thought that trapping the horrors in the box would just doom everyone into the same cycle. What if she felt she had to break it by bearing the suffering of everyone else. What if Hope tried to convince her that it could be better. What if she wouldn’t save herself. What if Hope had to kill Pandora for a chance to save everyone, including her. What if they both were sealed in the box. What if no one ever knew what happened to them. What if their last words to the world and to each other were “I love you.”

What if the world ending was never Pandora’s fault, but in her guilt and grief she blamed herself for it, and the Hope that voluntarily stayed by her side had to take her life to save it.

What if?

#ive been sorta rotating this around my brain the past week or so. #yeah. #anyways. #i will NEVER be over this #i just. once saw someone refer to martin as the ‘humanity that they’re saving and will save them’ or something along those lines #and well. hope and humanity are kinda the same thing arent they? #hell i think in some versions of the myth hope is actually referred to as humanity #and this just started rattling around my head #but i can’t quite get the words right #im going to post it anyway. because better to have written down something than nothing at all. #but i can’t quite get the words right. #it has however also made me realize that jumanji is also pandoras box #which is kinda funny #the magnus archives #mag 200 #pandoras box #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #i guess now that ive processed it for a week or so. its time to listen to the post-season content and start the magnus protocol. #actually it may have been two weeks. i don’t remember when exactly i finished it. #anyway. #its late i need sleep. #tma #the magnus archives spoilers #tma spoilers #tma s5 spoilers #tma finale spoilers #how to tag this so that anyone listening for the first time does not see………

[andromeddog]

your art is so delicate i feel like it would taste like that one video of the blue raspberry glacier ice . your sparkles are so sparkly!!! you’re so talented i just want to stare at your art it’s so pleasing

oughhgh…. 💕✨ ty so much i’m so 😵‍💫😵‍💫 about this ask!!! i’ve never thought about what my work would taste like…. to me it’s like vaguely sour, maybe bc of the texture of the lines? but i love a sparkly this has been a year of sparkly

behold…. the sparkle my favorite part of any piece

#asks #dustyjumpwjngs #hearing how others perceive my work is so interesting… i spend way to long staring at it lol #‘delicate’ is a term i would never think to use! #that is mostly bc the process of making a piece involves bludgeoning an idea out of my skull #ty for enjoying i’m going to roll around this ask in my brain forever #and go get a big glass of ice water