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crystallinestars · 1 month

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Unrequited Love

When he develops feelings for you, but your heart belongs to another with no hope of ever loving him back.

I'm not 100% happy with this, but it has been sitting in my drafts for a long time, so I want to finally post it. Forgive me if these are all repetitive.

WARNING: This is pure angst. No happy endings here.

Characters: Kaeya, Xiao, Alhaitham, Thoma, Zhongli, and Kaveh

🦚 Kaeya:

Kaeya has liked you ever since you were both children. Back when he and Diluc pretended to be knights of Favonius that heroically saved you and Jean from Treasure Hoarders, Kaeya had always wanted to play your knight in shining armor. When you got injured while playing and started crying, Kaeya was always the first one to comfort you and help patch up your scrapes and bruises. His little crush on you prompted him to look out for you and protect you from harm to the best of his ability.

As the years passed, that crush developed into full-fledged love. After Kaeya’s falling out with Diluc, you were the only person remaining whom he considered a close friend and confidant. Despite how much he tried to distance himself from you, you wouldn’t have any of it, and persistently wormed your way into his life. You worked hard to keep your friendship alive by giving Kaeya the companionship he craved, and served as a shoulder for him to lean on during his lowest moments. When faced with your sincerity, acceptance, and kindness, how could Kaeya not fall even deeper in love with you?

He lived life by distancing himself from others. He didn’t want to be abandoned and hurt again the same way when his father left him all alone in Mondstadt as a child all those years ago. Kaeya didn’t want to grow attached to people and then suffer when those bonds inevitably broke, just like they did when Diluc shunned him once he revealed the truth about his origins. Kaeya knew better than that, yet your presence made him harbor hope that perhaps you were different.

You’ve known each other since childhood, so Kaeya naturally trusted you more than most. You had a deep bond of understanding and acceptance that made Kaeya hope that maybe he could find unconditional love with you. To have you by his side, being his sole light in this dark world, is all he ever wanted. To have just one person he can let down his walls around and bare his broken self to. These rosy fantasies floated in his mind whenever you were together, warming and soothing his scarred heart.

He should have known better, but he paid the price for his foolish hopes.

When you told Kaeya that you and Diluc got together, it felt as if a bucket of cold water was dumped on him. The sweet, golden fantasies were shattered, replaced with the harsh reality that you didn’t feel the same way about him.

Truly, he should have expected this outcome.

As children, Kaeya had wanted to be your knight in their games of pretend, but it was always Diluc who beat him to the punch. His brother was always the one to save you from the imaginary bad guys and be your hero, while Kaeya faded into the background and was forced to watch as you kissed Diluc’s cheek in thanks.

Kaeya was the first to comfort you when you got injured, but it was always Diluc who ultimately cheered you up and restored your smile. When his relationship with his brother became strained, most of your attention was focused on Diluc who was mourning the loss of his father, not on Kaeya who had also lost Krepus.

To you, Kaeya always came second, and this time was no exception.

Though the news shattered his heart, Kaeya expertly masked his pain with a smile. If you wanted to be just friends, then so be it. He would accept anything you gave him because he craved any scrap of your affection that badly. Your presence comforted him in a way nothing else did, not even his favorite Death After Noon which he resorted to when he wanted to numb the sorrow and forget the painful memories, if only for a few hours. He didn’t want to lose the care and gentleness you showed him, even if it meant suffering through the heartache of knowing that your acts of kindness towards him weren’t out of romantic love. Kaeya could tolerate it, he was sure. He would move on and learn to be happy for you and his brother.

Even if his conversations with Diluc became more awkward because as much as he tried to hide his heartbreak, Diluc knew Kaeya was suffering deep down, he would still smile and try to be happy.

Even if he felt bile rise in his throat when he watched you and Diluc share a kiss and profess your love, Kaeya would smile because you must never learn of his secret romantic feelings for you. His unwanted feelings.

Even if he silently cried alone at home after attending your wedding, grasping at his chest where his aching heart was and downing glass after glass of liquor, Kaeya will plaster on that same smile.

Even if his unrequited love for you never waned no matter how many years passed, Kaeya will continue to wear a smile and act happy for you despite his heart still longing for your love.

Maybe he can’t ever be genuinely happy for you and his brother, but he can at least pretend to be.

👹 Xiao:

Xiao knew that befriending a human like you would only lead to disaster. No matter how many times he warned you to stay away from him because his karma would hurt you, you didn’t listen and continued to visit the lonely adeptus.

Xiao should have put an end to your visits by disappearing and relocating somewhere you wouldn’t be able to find him, but he didn’t. Something in him wanted to stay with you despite his better judgment. The way you brought him new trinkets and foods to try was endearing, albeit a waste of your time since Xiao seldom liked anything you brought.

He wasn’t sure why you were so adamant about befriending him, and when asked, you simply said that he seemed lonely and in need of a friend. Xiao found your reasoning naïve and even foolish since you were putting yourself in danger over an altruistic impulse, but no matter how much he pushed you away, you didn’t give up on him. You were persistent in your attempts to befriend the lonely adeptus, easily seeing through him. He only pushed you away because he was scared, not because he hated you.

Xiao wasn’t sure when exactly it happened, but one day he caught himself looking forward to your visits. He anticipated your arrival, patiently waiting for the moment he when would hear the familiar sound of your footsteps that made his heart race. His breath hitched and cheeks flushed when you smiled at him or playfully teased him. Anything you did sent his heart aflutter. Xiao was utterly smitten with you, yet he didn’t know what to do about these feelings. For now, he was content to simply let them be and enjoy these peaceful and happy days with you. He would explore these warm and airy feelings at his own pace and see where they lead.

However, these delicate emotions quickly turned as heavy as a boulder when you announced that you found a lover.

Xiao was surprised by the news since he didn’t think you had someone else you were as close to as him, if not more so. In hindsight, he should have expected it. You were a warm and friendly person, so it was only natural that you had other people you were close to in your life. This was how things should be. An adeptus like him did not belong by your side.

Though he was aware that it was for the best for you to find love and settle down with a fellow human, something inside Xiao’s chest ached at the thought. He was disappointed that he was not as special to you as he perceived, but he tried his best to ignore the pain and disappointment by burying them deep inside his heart. He tried to maintain the same demeanor he always did around you, but even you could tell that he seemed bothered by something. The way he became more reserved and aloof around you tipped you off that something weighed on his mind.

When you pressed him about it, he reluctantly confessed that he thought you would stop seeing him as much due to your new love. Despite your reassurances that you still wanted him around, as time progressed, you visited Xiao less and less often. You still brought him gifts and foods to try, but this time supplemented by comments about how your boyfriend Gaming gave them to you to try and give to your friends. Most of your conversations were no longer about your life anymore, instead now revolving around Gaming.

Your less frequent visits worried Xiao, so he sometimes stopped by Liyue Harbor to check in on you to see if you were alright. That was how Xiao found himself observing the progression of your relationship with Gaming.

As he watched you stroll around the harbor with the cheerful boy, Xiao found himself yearning to be the one you looped your arms around.

To be the one to make you smile and laugh.

To be the one to hold your hand and kiss you sweetly on the lips.

He wanted to be in Gaming’s shoes and discover what it’s like to be loved by you. However, each and every time, he shoved those thoughts and desires into the farthest recess of his mind, locking them away. He will not interfere, it is not his place. It’s better for everyone if you don’t love him. You would only get hurt being around him if you do. As a human, you would inevitably get hurt by his karma, and Xiao would never forgive himself if that happened.

If one day you drifted apart because you no longer had time for him, Xiao would accept it. It will hurt, but he will accept it.

It’s better this way, he tells himself. It’s better for you to love a fellow human, especially one that treats you right and makes you happy the way Gaming does. It didn’t matter if he wasn’t the one to give you happiness—all that ultimately mattered was that you were happy, even if not with him. Not that he truly believed he could make you happy…

He’s too dangerous to be worthy of your love, so it’s better this way…

It’s better this way.

🎧 Alhaitham:

When Alhaitham invited you over to his house, he never imagined that he was setting himself up for utter heartache. The number of times he invited a person over can be counted on one hand, yet you were one of the chosen few who piqued his interest enough to invite you to his private space. You were not a genius like him, but that did not matter. You understood his worldview and didn’t criticize him for his introverted personality, which he appreciated. Plus, you weren’t afraid to stand up to him if you thought he was being too cold or antisocial, and actively challenged him to step out of his comfort zone every now and then.

Having invited you to his house, you inevitably met his mess of a roommate. When you and Kaveh instantly hit it off, Alhaitham thought nothing of it at the time. The two of you got along, and Kaveh nagged at him less which was good enough for him.

However, with Kaveh being introduced into your life, your unusual friendship with Alhaitham started to change. Whenever you expressed a desire to come over or hang out with Alhaitham, you would always ask if Kaveh could join. Every time you met up with Alhaitham to share literature or get a cup of coffee, your topic of conversation would deviate to Kaveh.

The Scribe was no fool, and he could instantly tell that you developed feelings for his roommate. Something weighed heavy in his chest at that realization, but he chose not to ponder on that feeling too much, and simply brushed it aside. Alhaitham believed in letting people have free will over the development of their lives, so he didn’t stop you from seeking out the company of the architect, even when it resulted in you canceling plans with him.

Kaveh expressed similar behavior to you, constantly asking and talking about you like a schoolboy with a crush. It didn’t take much for the Scribe to figure out that the architect returned your romantic feelings. At the back of his mind, Alhaitham knew what this could result in, but even if something in him disliked the idea, he let things play their natural course. He figured you would know better than to go for Kaveh, a person plagued with deep-rooted issues that not just anyone could deal with.

It was only when he came home one day to find you cuddling up to and kissing Kaveh did that heavy feeling return with a vengeance. The sight of your happy smiles, the sound of your laughter, and the knowledge that Kaveh made you happier than you could ever be with him, weighed heavy on his chest like a boulder. It was difficult to breathe.

However, Alhaitham remained the picture of indifference and carried on to his room. You and Kaveh only spared him with a brief greeting before returning to your little romantic bubble, none the wiser about how the Scribe felt. Alhaitham himself didn’t know what he was feeling, and it wasn’t until much later when he was struggling to focus on reading his book did it finally hit him that he was heartbroken. His chest felt heavy with sadness and disappointment because he loved you, yet you did not want his love.

The realization came far too late, and Alhaitham was left with no choice but to accept that you would not be his. Maybe if he realized his feelings sooner the outcome would have been different? Maybe if he never invited you over, you wouldn’t have fallen for Kaveh? These questions, among various others, plagued him like a bad aftertaste in his mouth.

It was too late to change anything. You made your choice, and Alhaitham will respect it.

He hid his heartache behind an aloof demeanor and curt responses, going about his days as usual. It would be best if both you and Kaveh never found out about his unrequited love to avoid unnecessary drama and complications. Even if some days it was difficult to push down the heavy feelings pressing on his chest, Alhaitham hid them well.

The only times his carefully crafted facade cracks is when you hang out with just him, lost in your own thoughts or distracted by an activity, unaware that Alhaitham is looking at you. If anyone took the time to study his gaze, they would see that despite his stoic expression, Alhaithm’s eyes reflected pure yearning and sadness. As soon as you looked at him, though, he would quickly look away to avoid you finding out the truth.

He will respect your decision, even if it hurts him.

He will hide his pain to protect your happiness and friendship.

🍡 Thoma:

Ever since he first met you, Thoma knew you were off-limits. You were Ayato’s fiancée, after all. As attractive as he found you, he couldn’t get too close to you since you were already taken. He should have been content with simply befriending and serving you the way he served Ayaka and Ayato.

At first, he was.

Ever since being introduced to him, you were placed in Thoma’s care to have the loyal retainer familiarize you with the Kamisato estate and the workings of the Clan when Ayato was too busy to do so. Thoma could tell you were out of your element being engaged to someone of high political and social standing like his Lord, so he did his best to ease your nerves and help you acclimate to your new home. He surmised that being isolated in such a large manor with none of your usual friends and family around must have been lonely, so he chose to become your first friend at the estate.

Thoma regularly snuck you out to play with stray cats and dogs, and watched your face light up in a joyous smile when the animals sought out your affection. Thoma also taught you the ropes about acting like a noble. Due to your nerves, you sometimes made mistakes, but Thoma always helped you feel better by laughing off your blunders. When you expressed a desire to see your family and friends, Thoma accompanied you to the city and served as your protector. He knew what it felt like to be stranded away from family since he was separated from his mother in Mondstadt long ago, and he didn’t want you to miss your family the way he did.

Somewhere along the way, Thoma caught feelings.

He didn’t realize it immediately. It just hit him one day when he watched you and Ayato share an intimate moment on the veranda. He felt jealous and protective of you as he watched Ayato tenderly stroke your cheek and lean in for a kiss.

Thoma didn’t hate Ayato for being the one to capture your heart. He owed a lot to both the Kamisato siblings for accepting an immigrant like him and giving him a place to belong when nobody else in Inazuma did. He is eternally grateful to them for that. For this reason, his jealousy was quickly replaced with shame and guilt because he shouldn’t have feelings for you. You were Ayato’s fiancée, he knew that. You already have someone else in your heart, someone whom Thoma serves out of a sense of respect and loyalty. He would never have it in him to ruin the idyllic happiness shared between you and his Lord.

With no other option, Thoma chooses to keep his feelings for you hidden. He plays the role of your best friend perfectly, being mindful of not touching you unnecessarily or for longer than is appropriate, no matter how much he wants to. He maintains a respectful distance between you, both physically and figuratively.

Though he brushes aside your occasional puzzled glance at his sudden change in behavior, Ayato knows. Thoma can fool you, but he can’t fool Ayato. His Lord knows what’s really brewing behind the surface of the blond’s cheerful smile.

But Thoma steps back and shows Ayato that he has no intentions of getting in the way of his relationship with you. You do not love him the way you love Ayato, and that is the reality of the situation. If you want Thoma to be your friend, then he will happily remain as one, no matter how much his heart bleeds to not mean something more to you.

Thoma will smile for you, so you won’t know that something is wrong. Because nothing is wrong, he thinks. His feelings are not necessary, and he will do his best to move on to not impede the happiness of his Lord and yourself.

The only time he slipped up was when he tucked away a stray strand of your hair on your wedding day. His fingers brushed against the soft skin of your cheek for a bit longer than appropriate, but quickly pulled away to not rouse your suspicion any further. Wishing you luck, Thoma saw you off with that same warm smile plastered on his face as you prepared to meet up with Ayato to begin the wedding ceremony.

He will smile for you. Even if his heart feels like it’s being torn apart, and there’s a thick lump in his throat that makes it hard for him to speak, the least Thoma could do is smile. He will support you on your road to happiness, even if it’s not with him.

🔶 Zhongli:

Zhongli had met many people during his very long life, but few left as deep of an impression on him as you did. You were an ordinary human, a friend of Hu Tao’s he occasionally saw when you stopped by to chat with the funeral director. At first glance, there wasn’t anything particularly outstanding about you, but Zhongli found himself drawn to your energy.

When Hu Tao introduced you to him, he took an immediate liking to you and your boundless curiosity for the knowledge and stories he had to share. It was no secret that Zhongli was wise and well-informed about many things, and you saw him as a source of trivia and riveting tales about events long past.

Your undivided attention and bright eyes endeared you to Zhongli, and the god grew fond of you. He invited you to more outings where he shared interesting stories and answered any questions you had about anything at all. He had fun in your presence and was delighted to be called your dear friend.

Zhongli was well aware that there were deeper feelings brewing in his heart for you, but he was in no rush to explore or act upon them. He was content to take his time and allow your relationship with him to develop at a natural pace. Perhaps one day the two of you would grow even closer, and he would divulge his greatest secret to you about his hidden identity. For now, he would accompany you around Liyue as your friend, and share his boundless knowledge with you.

When you suddenly started zoning out during one of his long-winded speeches, he wondered if something was weighing on your mind. At first, you sheepishly brushed his concern away, saying it was nothing. When you began canceling your dates with Zhongli and scheduling fewer of them than usual, his concern deepened. When he asked for the reason behind these changes, your answer left him conflicted.

It was a charming young man from Snezhnaya, you divulged to Zhongli. A young man going by the name Tartaglia, with eyes the deepest blue you’ve ever seen, sporting a striking red scarf and mask that made him easy to spot in a crowd. Zhongli instantly knew you were talking about Childe, the Eleventh Fatui Harbinger.

He warned you about the dangers of associating yourself with a man like Tartaglia, but that didn’t stop you from meeting the Harbinger on a regular basis. You were enamored with that Snezhnayan rascal, and Zhongli could do nothing but watch as you abandoned his company in favor of Childe’s. You still considered Zhongli as a friend and tried to make time for him, but spurred by your romantic feelings, you chose to prioritize Tartaglia over the former archon.

Watching you run off to be with another man left a bitter feeling in the back of Zhongli’s throat, akin to the bitterness of green tea. But perhaps, things were better off this way. You were a human, whereas Zhongli was a god. He was an ancient being that had lived thousands of years and would continue to live for hundreds if not thousands more, long after your death. He does not age the way you do, not to mention that him being not human might put you off.

Yes, it was better for you to be with someone of your own kind, even if Zhongli disapproved of the man you had chosen. However, seeing how happy you were with Tartaglia, perhaps he was wrong about the impulsive Harbinger. Childe spoiled you with gifts and meals, took you out to see new sights that Zhongli could not, and gave you a vast array of new experiences that the ancient god couldn’t hope to give you. Not to mention, Childe was a fierce and reliable protector, so despite his dangerous occupation, you were in safe hands.

You smiled more with Tartaglia than you ever did with Zhongli, and he knew that he had lost. There were very few battles Zhongli had faced defeat in throughout his long life of fighting wars, but battles of the heart were not his forte. In the battlefield of love, he was the obvious loser. At least, he could accept that fact.

Or so he thought.

The day you announced you were leaving Liyue to go live with Tartaglia in Snezhnaya, made Zhongli’s blood run cold.

Zhongli had lost many people he held dear to him, so he was used to the pain and heartache that came with loss. It still inevitably hurt, but he knew how to cope with that loss better. Losing you was a different sort of heartache, though. Knowing there was a possibility he could see you, yet being denied that privilege because your love for another man was far stronger than your attachment to anything in Liyue was a bitter pill to swallow.

Just like all the other friends and comrades he had to part with, you were also leaving his life, yet your departure was voluntary. You simply did not need him anymore. Not the way he needed you, at least. You made your decision, and Zhongli will respect it, even if something in him is screaming to convince you to stay, to not leave him for good.

He sees you off with a carefully crafted smile and all the best wishes for your future in another land. As a parting gift, he gives you a beautifully ornate hairpin. A token of your friendship, he called it, though in reality, it was his unspoken love confession. Even if you never pick up on the hidden meaning, that was alright. As long as you kept his gift, a piece of his heart would always be with you.

🍷 Kaveh:

To Kaveh, you were a warm ray of light. Whenever he felt down due to bad customers or haunting memories about his father’s untimely death, you would always be there to get him out of his depressive state and prevent him from overindulging in alcohol. You knew how to get through to him when Alhaitham couldn’t, simply by speaking with empathy and gentleness towards him, which is something Kaveh greatly appreciated. Having been faced with tragedy after tragedy, and Alhaitham’s constant harsh criticisms, your gentleness was like a soothing balm to his wounded heart.

Against his wishes, Kaveh fell in love with you. How could he not when you were so understanding and kind? He knew your relationship with him was strictly platonic, but a part of him hoped that maybe you loved him too. That maybe the two of you could be more than friends.

Being a romantic, Kaveh had daydreamed about you a lot, doodling pictures of you in his sketchbook while spinning fantasies about being in a romantic relationship with you. He pictured all the various dates he would take you on, how he would lean in to kiss you for the first time, how he would profess his undying love and hear you say those same three words back to him.

“I love you.”

The day he got to hear you say those words did come, but unlike in his fantasies, your words were not directed at Kaveh. No, instead, you said them to Alhaitham.

It felt like something out of a bad dream the way Kaveh had accidentally stumbled upon your intimate moment with Alhaitham while stepping out of his room to get a drink. He stood behind the corner, getting a glimpse of you straddling Alhaitham’s lap on the living room couch, yet going unnoticed by either of you.

Hearing your earnest confession of love directed at Alhaitham of all people, made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach. Bile rose to his throat when Alhaitham awkwardly reciprocated your feelings and cupped your face in a tender gesture that Kaveh didn’t know the Scribe was even capable of. Once you started to lean closer to Alhaitham’s face, Kaveh quickly made it back to his room, slamming the door shut in his haste to get away from that sight. The loud sound alerted the both of you to his presence, but Kaveh was too heartbroken to care.

What followed were weeks of agonizing turmoil. Kaveh knew he should be happy for Alhaitham. The antisocial Scribe deserved to be happy with someone he loved, but a part of him felt resentful that you chose Alhaitham over him. His fights with Alhaitham became more frequent. Kaveh nitpicked everything Alhaitham did out of jealousy, sparking conflicts that were not as easily waved away and forgotten as before. That resentment turned into guilt as Kaveh felt like a horrible person and friend for being jealous. He didn’t want to argue with Alhaitham, but he couldn’t help himself when his emotions were such a mess. He couldn’t control the impulses.

Alhaitham wasn’t stupid and quickly figured out that Kaveh was lashing out at him because of his broken heart. He had known about Kaveh’s feelings for you. The architect didn’t even try to hide his infatuation towards you, and talked about you at length to him. But you had made your choice: you gave your heart to Alhaitham, not Kaveh, and Kaveh needed to respect that. Alhaitham didn’t mince his words when he told Kaveh he needed to let go of his feelings for you because you weren’t romantically interested in him, but instead of helping, it only hurt Kaveh worse.

Of course you chose Alhaitham and not him. Compared to Alhaitham, he had no money to speak of, no house, and a mountain of debt. Moreover, he tended to overindulge in alcohol and get moody easily, plus you often told him that he hurt you with his self-destructive behaviors… It was only reasonable that Alhaitham would be a better choice in your eyes. After all, he will never be good enough for you. Not a failure like him.

You would always be an unattainable light he will admire from afar but never touch because someone like him is unworthy of you. He’s unworthy of your love—your kindness, even—and you deserve someone much, much better who can truly make you happy.

Kaveh knew all that, yet it didn’t stop his heart from shattering to pieces every time he saw you with his roommate. It felt like his heart was pierced with multiple shards of glass every time he saw you give affection to Alhaitham, those same hugs and kisses he daydreamed about having with you, but he didn’t let it show. Kaveh would pull on a strained smile and pretend that everything was okay, pretend that he was genuinely happy for you. He truly wanted to be. Dear god did he try to be, but he could not. It hurt too much to see you with another.

When the pain became too much, Kaveh started to visit Lambad’s Tavern on a frequent basis. He wasn’t proud of himself for reverting back to his bad habit of getting blackout drunk to drown out his pain and sorrow, but it was the only thing that helped him cope with the heartache.

Kaveh would drink heavily almost on a daily basis. Lambad became witness to the many times Kaveh broke down crying, and many other times when he would laugh in a self-deprecating manner and smile wryly while muttering something under his breath.

The architect had to be regularly escorted home by his friends, preferably someone other than Alhaitham because Kaveh became quite volatile when the Scribe came to take his drunk friend home. So one time, you came to take him home. Kaveh's recent avoidance of you had become worrisome, and Alhaitham wouldn’t tell you why.

While carrying the plastered blond back to your boyfriend’s house, in his drunken haze, Kaveh had confessed to you. He babbled about how much he loved you, that he was sorry he wasn’t worthy of you, and how much he wished to be loved by you the same way.

He’s sorry he can’t be a good friend to you because of his feelings.

He’s sorry he’s such a mess.

He’s sorry. So very sorry.

#genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich x reader #xiao x reader #alhaitham x reader #thoma x reader #zhongli x reader #kaveh x reader

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least-carpet · 8 months

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What do you like about jc? Why he is your favorite?

Anon, this has been sitting in my inbox because I was afraid to open this can of worms. I've rotated this character nonstop for, like, the past three years. I got on Tumblr because of this character. I'm not even that wild about MDZS as a novel! I'm a SVSSS main! I don't know how I ended up here!

He loves his nephew so much. I love what we get about Jiang Cheng's relationship with Jin Ling, who had what was probably an indescribably weird childhood, but who has never once thought to himself that his uncle didn't love him. Jin Ling is evidently spoiled and rude but also so genuinely courageous, forgiving, and loving in his horrible teenage way. I love these two and they love each other!

He's dutiful. I think people sometimes think of duty as a burden, and obviously it can be, but I also think of it as an expression of care towards others. He sincerely cares about his responsibilities, which include all of the people who joined the Jiang sect to follow him.

He's supremely competent. We see the poor guy fail a lot, but he restored a massacred sect to Great Sect status in 13-15 years with what seems like no familial support and no apparent close external connections. He must be really, really good at his job.

He's such a bitch. He's here to make things hard and unpleasant on purpose! He's witty and will say the meanest possible thing he can think of in a fight! Just like his mother, he can sense your insecurities like a bloodhound and tear into them at will! I think this is a good and endearing quality (for a character, obviously).

He is profoundly screwed by the narrative. Dude is, as @winepresswrath puts it, "ontologically cursed." He exists to fail. His creator made him the most determined little toaster and then put him in 1000 unwinnable situations. He is trapped in, like, a bespoke torment matrix, that he only really escapes at the end of canon (dignity in tatters but nephew in hand).

Killer style in CQL and maybe also the donghua from what I've seen of the gifs? Fashionable king. Deeply uncool despite the drip, which endears him to me more.

Wang Zhuocheng's crying face. Yes, it's that gif set again. It haunts my dreams.

#anon asks #jiang cheng #jin ling #a-ling and his jiujiu #mdzs +#least-carpet thoughts

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four-of-them-showdown · 3 months

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Miku, Rin, Len, Luka:

No propaganda!

Jay, Cole, Kai, Zane:

"They're my friends, they've been a team for over 10 years now and I've been there that whole time :)"

"Why shouldn't they win? They're little gay skittles. Or they're brothers. You choose"

"JUMP UP KICK BACK WHIP AROUND AND SPIN (sorry i am very passionate about the legos but too tired to form like. real sentences. please imagine something written about how they're cool and fueled my childhood or something)"

"OK SO

They’re the OG members of the ninja team and shipping all four of them together is popular and is very gay it’s called polyninja and it’s amazing and let me break down the dynamics of each of them

Zane x Jay: Technoshipping

Robot x their mechanic trope goes brrrr. Zane is a logical and smart one, and Jay is chaotic and kinda a disaster. Zane is the autism to his adhd and they are very fun <3

Zane x Kai: Oppositeshipping

Ha ha opposites attract trope goes brrr. Again, Zane is logical and smart, whereas Kai is impulsive (and also smart just in a different way). Both of them feel emotions strongly but process them in different ways and I have to end it here before I write an essay about how ZANE was the one who with a single meaningful look and touch to the arm told him it was too late to go back, how Lloyd mentioned KAI to try and restore Zane’s memories when he had amnesia, how- (You get the picture)

Zane x Cole: Glaciershipping

Mom friend x Dad friend. I have realized that his is getting long so I am going to be much briefer now

Jay x Kai: Plasmashipping

Two adhd/add idiots being stupid together <3

Jay x Cole: Bruiseshipping

Best friends to lovers what more could you want (don’t start me on this one they have so much chemistry)

Kai x Cole: Lavashipping

I am bad at words for this one but just trust me they’re a Vibe ok they’re a Vibe

Zane x Jay x Kai x Cole: Polyninja

THEY ARE STUPID, GAY, AND IN LOVE, YOUR HONOR"

#vocaloid #lego ninjago #hatsune miku #kagamine rin #kagamine len #megurine luka #jay walker #cole brookstone #kai smith #zane julien #polls #four of them showdown #round 1 #OBSESSED with the propaganda for this one

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exactlycleverpirate · 3 months

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Timeline from Xavier's Perspective Part 2

EDIT: Updated with some new information and some adjustments.

(Includes spoilers for basically everything, including all myths.)

This is an update of my earlier post. See Part 1 here.

Timeline from Xavier's perspective (Part 2/Earth):

Timejump.

?1248 (“It’s been 800 years!”)? Sometime in a past life, Rafayel and MC were lovers. (Is this when MC was trapped on the Island of Songs in a hut by herself, doomed to someday drown and Rafayel comes, gives her his heart and saves her?) Then she is cursed and turned into a Sea Witch in the Abyssal Rift. She has no memory of Rafayel or being human. Rafayel exchanges his scale, eternal blood, and a shell with his voice in order to turn MC human and restore her memories. Then he turns to sea foam. (Fragrant Dream.) (This could all be an actual dream or allusion that never happen or hasn't happened yet. However, this could be when Rafayel gifted MC one of his scales and formed the bond between them.)

2018 Xavier checks out a book in the library that MC will check out 30 years later. (An

1834 AD Xavier, Jeremiah, Isaiah, Noah (Likely actually Jeremiah, due to translation error), and others stranded on Earth. (This timing comes from a promotional video where Xavier says he has been on Earth for 214 years.) (Part of a team called the Backtrackers. Were on a Backtrack mission when something went wrong in the Deepspace tunnel.)

Appointment)

2021 Zayne born Sept 5th.

2024 (...probably) Rafayel born March 6th

2025 The year Xavier claims he was born, on Oct 16th.

2026-2027 MC born. (This age comes from chapter 5.1. The letter she gets from Grandma says she was 7-8 when they started experimenting on her, and she was adopted by Grandma after the Chronorift Catastrophe in 2034.)

Child Rafayel likes escaping to explore the ocean. On one or more of these excursions, he sees a lantern festival and puts out their lanterns. (Ocean At Night)

2032 Xavier joins Arthur's police team. (Anecdote 2)

2033 That winter, Noah (Likely actually Jeremiah, due to translation error) contacts Xavier for information to make a new identity. Noah mentions wanting to be an ordinary person in this timeline and that he fell in love. Xavier fakes his death as a police officer and encounters a lost little girl with a bunny plushie. Fights Isaiah in Linkon city in a fight that makes the whole city go dark. He disguises this by making it look like there is a meteor shower. (Anecdote 2)

2034 Deepspace tunnel appears and Chronorift Catastrophe (timespace anomaly in Linkon city). MC is 7-8, taken in by Grandma. Caleb is also adopted by Grandma. 12 year old Zayne loses control of his Evol at the end of summer and has a nightmare about the Grim Reaper for the first time. Rafayel would be 10 at this time. Xavier appears as Lumiere for the first time, kills the first Wanderer in the Chronorift Catastrophe and saves MC. On December 31st, Lemurian ruins are discovered, after a tsunami southeast of Linkon city, when a rift opens up and reveals it. Her grandma participates in experiments to fuse a human heart and a protocore. At some point, MC's heart is fused with an Aether core. Onichynus and Dr. Noah are both somehow linked to these experiments. Her first heart doctor is Dr. Noah.

At some point in MC and Rafayel's childhood, Rafayel visits the surface world but gets trapped on the beach on his return trip (on Ebb Day?) (Perhaps during her field trip to Hat Island?) She saves him and they make a pinkie promise. Rafayel says if she doesn't return, he will chase her to the ends of the earth. (Nightly Stroll)

Child Rafayel is given a Whale Call as a means of protection, in case something happens on one of his escapes from Lemuria. However, he never uses it, because he never escapes again after this, and sometime later he buries it in the Lemurian city. (Whalefall Lament)

Child Rafayel is tricked and his people slaughtered. Some survivors go into hiding living on land among humans, including his Aunt Talia and K. (Anecdote 3)

Sometime before 2038, MC goes on a field trip to Hat Island (possibly when she meets Rafayel?).

2035 Zayne (age 14) begins medical school at Skywalk University, spends 6 years in med school program. (It normally takes 8.) (From his biography on the hospital wall.)

2043 Zayne (age 22) graduates from medical school. Goes on a mission to the Arctic where he is forced to mercy kill his mission leader who is being consumed by some sort of ice (Anecdote 2). Begins work at Linkon Central Hospital. (From his biography on the hospital wall.)

Rafayel's Anecdote 3 immediately precedes Anecdote 2 (See 2044-2047). Rafayel is singing in the opera and seeking revenge overseas in Verona under the name Mo. He is being investigated by a private detective named Louis. He is not painting at this time. His Aunt Talia is also in Verona. He attends a Seamoon Ceremony for a fellow Lemurian survivor, K. Lemurians are hiding amongst humanity, but being hunted, tortured, harvested for their scales and blood and killed. Rafayel then moves to Linkon city and resumes painting again. He has a photo of MC in his pocket. (Anecdote 3).

Sometime between 2043-2045 MC (17-18) begins attending University of Linkon. (School year usually begins in September.)

2043-2047 Rafayel's Anecdote 2 takes place sometime in this timeframe while MC is at University of Lincoln. That summer, his painting Illusion projects him into the spotlight as a popular artist. In late summer, he becomes a lecturer at University of Linkon. He receives information on her from someone at the Nest. He believes there are “predators'' surrounding her, some of whom may be trying to use her to trap him, so he is wary about approaching her. He burns the photos and information the man who investigated her collects about her. He describes his feelings toward her as painful and addictive, thinking he is ready to spend the rest of his days with her, but also wants to settle the score between them. (Anecdote 2). Thomas becomes Rafayel’s agent. (Anecdote 1).

2045 Xavier meets Arthur at his tombstone. (Anecdote 2)

2046 Zayne makes a groundbreaking discovery about the effects of the Evol gene on heart development. (From the AKSO hospital article about him). He receives the Starcatcher and Linde Awards. (From his biography on the hospital wall.)

2047-2048 MC graduates. (School year usually ends June-July)

2048 Pregame: Zayne becomes chief surgeon. Zayne becomes MC's doctor 6 months before the story begins (in July of 2048, making 6 months prior the month of January) (Dr. Dean/Noah was her doctor before him). Also 6 months before the story begins, Raymond begins exhibiting symptoms of mental confusion and other abnormal behavior. At the start of the year, (per Main Story chpt 2.6) Rafayel returns to the country from overseas. He is known for spending six months painting in his studio, then traveling the world for inspiration/materials for the other 6 months. The month before the main story, Rafayel's art broke the record for the highest selling art at Lizio Auctions. Raymond buys a painting from Rafayel's gallery.

2048 Story begins Wednesday, July 1st (most likely), with MC being initiated as a Hunter in the Hunter's Association. MC is about 21-22, and her Evol has to do with Resonance, Anhaunsen Class. Rafayel is 24, Fire Evol. Zayne is 27, Ice Evol. Xavier claims to be 23, Light Evol. Traceback II is approaching the event horizon and entering the black hole.

See Love and Deepspace: the Story So Far Part 1.

Sometime in the future, after the destruction of Linkon but before the destruction of Earth, Grim Reaper Zayne lives, killing humans turned Wanderer and dreaming of a life as a doctor with the woman he loves. (Anecdote 3)

Part 1 and 2 in this timeline continue in a loop perpetually?

#love and deepspace #rafayel love and deepspace #xavier love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #love and deepspace xavier #love and deepspace zayne #love and deepspace rafayel #xavier #zayne #rafayel

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thesensteawitch · 2 months

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What Blessings Are Coming For You In 2024?

🤍🙏🏼🤍🙏🏼🤍🙏🏼🤍🙏🏼

Pick A Pile Reading

(Left to Right- Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3)

Hello, Senstea Souls!🩵

I am back with another collective reading. Take a deep breath and choose your pile intuitively!🤍

To book a personal reading checkout the links below:

-Booking Form

-My Rate Card

Check My REVIEWS Too!

Pile 1

Tarot Cards- Ace of Cups, 8 of Swords, 4 of Swords, Seven of Wands, The Tower

~You will be blessed with a solution during tough times.

~You'll be given enough time to relax and reflect. Know that you'll feel that time is running out but that'll all be in your head.

~ Anything that doesn't work out in your favor will be a blessing in disguise.

~ Your new self will be taking birth.

~ Don't sleep on the calling of your heart.

~There's a childhood dream of yours that destiny will be pushing you to go after. You'll be unsure as it will be a new territory for you. Your old life has to die for the new life to begin.

~Close your eyes and sit in a meditating position to get clear guidance. Your dreams will give you some clues. Track them.

~I also see someone new coming into your life (romantic or work). This will be an emotionally fulfilling connection.

~You will be called to follow an artistic pursuit. The choice to paint the picture of your life will be in your hands.

~Your thoughts will be very powerful this year. Whatever you think will manifest. So don't fall into negative thinking patterns.

Pile 2

Tarot Cards- The Sun, 9 of Swords, 10 of Cups, King of Wands, The Hierophant

~After weeks/months of anxiety a new life will emerge. Your mental health will improve.

~A new chapter of your life will be beginning. You'll feel anew.

~The answers you have been desperately looking for will be coming to you. The answers will be divinely guided.

~As you've grown so much you'll be helping others based on your experience of life. You'll have some great insights to share with the world.

~People will be interested in knowing what you've got to say.

~For some of you I even see popularity on social media.

~Know that the difficult phase is over. You'll feel abundant in every way possible. Especially emotionally! You'll be surrounded by your kind of people.

~Expect new and deep connections on your journey ahead. You'll be overjoyed to have such amazing and understanding people in your life!

~The fulfillment you've been seeking in several areas of your life is coming! I also see travel to your desired place.

~Initially this year your income might be equal to your expenditure. But soon you'll be entering the abundant phase as you playfully put efforts into your work. The more you enjoy the process the more you'll gain.

~2024 is your year!

Pile 3

Tarot Cards- Knight of Swords, 7 of Wands, 5 of Cups, 9 of Pentacles, 7 of Cups

~Your angels will try to communicate with you with angel numbers such as 777, 789, etc.

~An emotional breakthrough will bring some positive change in your life.

~Peace will again be restored.

~You are recommended to spend time alone and get comfortable in your own company.

~Financially you'll be doing great but you'll see the results of your hard work near September.

~Try not to find your escape in connecting with people from the past. It will only bring more confusion and heartbreak.

~Stay happy with a few relations that you have got. They are the true blessings in your life. Because if those who left would've been a blessing too then they wouldn't have left in the first place. They were simply a lesson. Don't cry over spilled water. Look what you've got.

~You will be spiritually awakened this year. You'll be called to practice gratitude. The more you're grateful for the more you get.

~You will receive great communication in work-related areas.

~To have more fulfilling connections start valuing yourself first. Don't try to find your worth through other people.

~This year is here to transform you and make you comfortable in your skin. It will show you that you're worthy of love and you don't need to prove that to anyone at all.

~Birds and cats can be another sign that your guides are near and are protecting you from any challenges coming up in your life.

#2024 tarot #2024 predictions #pick a pile reading #pick a pile tarot #pick a picture #tarot reader #tarot cards #tarot reading #tarotblr #free readings #tarot readings #tarotcommunity #pick a pile #free tarot reading #message for the collective #tarot #tarot witch

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communistchilchuck · 10 days

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Hussein reached out to me to help share his fundraiser. He is urgently raising money to evacuate he, his 4-year-old son, and his wife, who is currently 8 months pregnant, from Gaza. They have only made $1,854 out of their $40,000 goal so far! Please donate and share, and if you can’t donate, please still share!

From Hussein’s GFM:

Hello everyone, I am Hussein Shamiya and I have a family consisting of 3 members. I myself am 30 years old, and before the war worked as an IT engineer. My wife, Rehab Shamiya, is 26 years old, and before the war worked as an accountant. She is 8 months pregnant, so it is extremely urgent that we evacuate as soon as possible. My son, Ayham, is 4 years old.

In light of the Israeli aggression on the Gaza Strip, we went through very difficult circumstances. We were displaced several times. We lost our house, which I had paid for with all my savings, to the enemy’s bombs shortly after our first displacement. We lost all the beautiful things that my family and I used to enjoy, and the most difficult beautiful thing we lost was safety in peace, due to the violent bombing that surrounded us in all the places to which we fled.

Our days have been difficult, to say the least, for there are no viable sources of work to obtain the money we need to meet our needs. Our situation is especially dire because my wife is pregnant and could give birth at any moment while we are still stuck in a tent where there is no healthy food, no medicine, no water, and no electricity. During the process of displacement, we lost the stable and recreational life that we used to live with me, the family, and the child, Ahim, who lost all of the toys that he loved and played with all the time, and was deprived of the beautiful childhood that he had in the first days of his childhood. And my wife, who suffers all the time from fatigue and exhaustion, and the displacement from one tent to another has slowly slid towards despair. Every nature of life, from a beautiful house to a tent in the middle of the street, a place to sleep in. I need your help in raising money to leave the Gaza Strip.

Leaving the Gaza Strip due to the war requires me to raise $13,000. $5,000 will cover the evacuation fee for my wife and myself, and $2,500 will suffice to register my four year old son. An additional $500 will help cover our travel and relocation expenses, and the remaining $37,000 will go towards rebuilding our house when we return, God willing.

I need to raise money to restore a beautiful life and stability outside the Gaza Strip Everything I tell leaves only a small amount of the suffering we are experiencing. Below is a glimpse of the contrast between our lives before the aggression and the nightmare we’ve been enduring since it began. Thank you for your support and solidarity.

#palestine #free palestine #gaza

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ofoceansandtombsanew · 5 months

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this might be weird to ask on a writing blog but do you have any manga recs?

yeah i got some recs! i'm gonna assume you mean less talked about titles rather than more well-known but quickfire popular recs i have are: chainsaw man, fullmetal alchemist, jjba, fruits basket, jjk and hell's paradise. but onto my other recs:

seinen

children of the sea**: a troubled teen named ruka embarks on the summer adventure of a lifetime after meeting two boys raised by dugongs at her dad's aquarium in the middle of a mysterious event taking place in the ocean.

the summer hikaru died: it's been months since yoshiki's childhood friend and secret crush, hikaru, went missing in the mountains for a week. hikaru's the same as usual, with his jokes and silly rambles and yet, yoshiki can't shake the feeling that whoever came back from that mountain, it wasn't hikaru. much to his horror, it wasn't. but rather than face reality and grief, yoshiki decides to play along with "hikaru's" act (body horror)

dorohedoro**: in a world where there are humans and magic users, humans have it rough being virtually treated as second class citizens. day after day, year after year, magic users come to the human realm to experiment on them with their magic. and after having his head turn into a caiman, kaiman, wants to get it back in blood and have his true form restored (body horror)

witch hat atelier*: in a world full of magic and witches, it's always been normal human girl coco's dream to be one. but after accidentally discovering a truth of this world and her mom getting caught up in the spell, coco becomes an apprentice of witch qifrey. (it was recently announced there's an anime in the works!)

skip & loafer**: desiring to become a government official to revitalize her hometown in the japanese countryside, iwakura mitsumi's first step to accomplish this goal is by going to a uni prep high school in tokyo. she's got a foolproof 10-step plan to boot! but of course, life hardly ever goes as plan, not even for a prodigy (mc's aunt has great trans rep)

jousei

sign of affection*: as someone deaf all her life, yuki has dealt with discrimination in both small and broad strokes. nor has she ever experienced romance. this all changes when she meets backpacker itsumi, a guy who goes to the same uni. just as he opens her world, she opens his

debu to love to ayamachi to***: after waking up in a hospital with no memories to her name, plus sized yumeko is told she is there after surviving a suicide attempt. the thing is, yumeko isn't sure why when she's just so beautiful! with a strong desire to live life to the fullest, yumeko decides to do everything the past her was to afraid to do. all the while it is revealed that her suicide attempt was more of an attempted murder... but who could have wanted to kill her?

my love story with yamada-kun at lv999**: nothing is worse than getting cheated on especially after akane invested a lot of time and energy into her shitty ex's gaming hobbies. but through gaming, not only does akane find herself healing, she managed to get herself a pretty cool boyfriend too

NANA**: 2 women, 2 different lives, 1 name shared. komatsu nana is quick to fall in love and after a series of less-than-lucky relationships, she finally has someone she thinks is the one. abandoned by her mother and her ex leaving her band, osaki nana hasn't had the easiest life. but on the same night, on the same train, these two women meet and their lives become deeply intertwined

shoujo

a condition called love*: when it comes to romance, hotaru's never experienced it besides stories of her friends relationships. but she soon finds herself about to experience the whirlwind of a lifetime when hananoi, the most popular boy in school, asks her to be his girlfriend

a bouquet for an ugly girl***: as her class' resident big girl, hana isn't expecting a blossoming spring in her high school career. and she's okay with that. she has everything she needsー otome games and gardening. but after her class' pretty boy catches her in the midst of changing the class flowers, their lives become a bit more intertwined

uruwashi no yoi no tsuki: yoi is quite popular at her school because of her neat short hair, beautiful face and overall princely appearance. in fact, it's gotten her dubbed 'prince' many times. but when the other prince of the school finally meets her, cupid's arrow quickly knocks him on his ass

shounen

frieren**: a manga that picks up after the journey has ended. the demon king has been defeated and the heroes have saved the day after 10 years of traveling together. 10 years? that's not even a 10th of elf mage frieren's life. but as her companions begin dying one by one of old age, she finds herself desiring to learn more about humans and the short yet impactful lives they still manage to have

dungeon meshi*: when a dungeon raid goes terribly wrong and laios' sister gets swallowed by a dragon, those that remain in his party decide to get it back in blood by saving laios' sister before she gets digested. in the mean time, there's nothing wrong with gordon ramsay-ing miscellaneous ingredients found in the dungeon along the way, right?

and if you like manhwa or would be down for some manhwa recs these are titles i don't see getting recommended enough

concubine walkthrough: a scifi & philosophical spin on the otome isekai genre that asks 'what is reality truly?', 'is your life any less real if you found out all your experiences were a simulation?' and 'what is reality to you?' where protagonist lee yona finds herself stuck in a VR edition of a game she only played once

a wicked tale of cinderella's stepmother: usually when someone wakes up in the body of a villainess, she's the same age as the protagonists. mildred, on the other hand, is stuck in the body of this story's cinderella's stepmother. with no husband and three daughters to take care of, there's only one thing she can really doー build up her daughters' sisterly bonds with one another and make sure they marry into good families (or that they can at least live lives they're happy with)

tricked into becoming the heroine's stepmother: at least mildred got the body of an important character, daisy on the other hand? she's in the body of an NPC you never even see in the story. bright side? this is a story she helped write and after meeting the presently six year old protagonist's father, she and father of the year decide to team up for the ultimate mission: making sure his daughter never meets any of the love interests

inso's law: ham dan-i is in a bit of a pickle when she wakes up and her new school uniform is completely different than the one her mom bought weeks ago. there's a drop dead gorgeous girl next door who claims to be her childhood best friend. even worse, like something straight out of a drama, there are four heavenly kings that rule her school. by the end of the day, dan-i has no other choice but to accept the fact........ her real life has somehow turned into a web novel. even worse, she's a side characterー the main character's best friend

webtoons

plum: in a world where fruit stacking is a major sport, little plum decides to be the very best like no one ever was and moves to the big city to compete in the fruit stacking games along with making some friends and rivals along the way

webtoons that are probably popular enough if they have hardcover copies at my local bookstore but i wanna talk about it anyway

cursed princess club: as the youngest princess of the pastel kingdom, gwendolyn loves her family. her protective papa, her oldest sister maria who often awakes to woodland creatures doing her hair. her older sister lorena who makes flowers bloom with her every step. and her younger brother jamie who's so pretty, he sparkles. and they adore her just as much. but things come to a very reality shattering halt when their father introduces maria, lorena and gwen to blaine, lance and frederick, the princes of the plaid kingdom and gwen overhears frederick call her ugly, something she's never heard in her entire life. somehow, gwen finds comfort in a club full of cursed princesses (and one prince) who teach her how to start loving herself again

key

*) receiving an anime adaptation

**) has an an anime series or movie

***) receiving an anime adaptation & contains a story with a plus-sized protagonist that doesn't involve weight loss

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asgardian--angels · 1 month

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Talking on the phone with my mom I finally broke down and cried thoroughly about the cancellation. I think I'd been holding it in for the last two days, or two months. And honestly I've been wondering all along why this show means so much to me. I am not queer, I am not neurodivergent, I am not POC or disabled or any of the groups that this show has been so important for in terms of representation and being treated with respect and dignity. I understand and completely empathize with all of you, and fight for this show and your rights worldwide alongside you, but it still left me wondering why I myself have latched onto Our Flag Means Death. I suppose part of it is that despite being white and cishet and the privileges that have always come with that, I have been treated like an outsider and ostracized my entire childhood and teenage years, for being ugly and having "disgusting" interests (primarily liking insects, reptiles, other creepy-crawlies - aka the thing I literally do for my career now). I was bullied relentlessly from preschool through early college and became a very lonely introverted person - I still am. Undoubtedly Our Flag Means Death gave me renewed hope that I haven't missed some key window for finding love or relationships of any kind that matter, as I sit here typing this at age 28 having never dated anyone.

But it had to be more than that. And with everything that's happened the past couple of months, and the last few days, I think it finally clicked for me.

Followers of my blog may or may not know that I am a conservation biologist, or pollinator ecologist, whichever hat fits best on a given day, they're quite close. I don't make many original posts like this anymore on here because my job is so busy. Basically, I do a variety of things - academic research, habitat management & restoration, and public outreach - to try and preserve biodiversity and ecosystems on our planet. I'm just going to say it: it's a thankless job. Nothing we do ever feels like it's enough, and burnout is common in our field because we sit with the guilt of feeling like we are the only thing between survival and utter destruction of planet Earth, and work ourselves to exhaustion. It's one of those jobs where your work is your life, and your passion is your work, and it's inseparable from who you are on a molecular level. We are often faced, on a large scale, with hostility, from people that don't believe in science and are more than happy to pull a shotgun on us, or rich old men in power who are content to watch the world burn for another penny in their bank account. There are days when sometimes it sinks in just how bad things are, and it's terrifying, and I feel like we will never be able to do enough, to change enough, before it gets catastrophic. It's paralyzing.

My ability to do my job is dependent on hope. Unwavering, unrelenting hope. Hope beyond hope. We have to believe what we're doing matters, otherwise we'd fall down and never get back up again. I'm no big-shot, I give talks to a few hundred people at a time, and make urban pollinator habitat on a local scale. Is any of that going to make a difference compared to the ramifications of a single oil mogul deciding to cut corners and cause an oil spill that kills millions of seabirds and damages ocean food chains for decades to come? If people in my field let thoughts like that linger, we'd be paralyzed to inaction. I have to hope that the people I teach choose to do something good with that knowledge, and go on to inspire others, or that the patch of habitat I make allows a declining species to maintain a foothold instead of going locally extinct. You just have to keep going.

And Our Flag Means Death got wrapped up in that for me. The Stede Bonnet effect, if you will. He set out to do pirating differently, treating his crew with respect and helping them grow. In return, they internalized that mindset, and it spread to how they interacted with others. It changed the trajectory of individual lives, and also at least began to change how the society of pirates operated as a whole. It was a beacon of hope that choosing small acts of kindness did matter, even if you yourself could not see the ripples it made. It renewed my faith that love persevered and would win. That we could all make life a little better for each other and ourselves through kindness, compassion, forgiveness, and mutual support. I think a good chunk of that is from Taika - these are running themes in his projects, and his films move me deeply for that. This show became in some, perhaps subconscious way, a source of strength for me to keep putting myself out there in my line of work to do whatever I was capable of to help the cause.

The cancellation was devastating, but the second cancellation (turbohell cancelation?) was even more so. Because now it's so clear that this is largely the work of David Zaslav and the regime he's built. It's petty, it's greedy, and more than anything, it's cruel. Indifferently, indiscriminately cruel, when one person at the top can have such power to make or break the lives of thousands, millions, beneath them, and though it would have been barely a drop in the bucket, a hand wave, to renew our show or let it pass to another streamer, he actively chose to shackle it to this sinking Titanic of a company WBD has become. I have always operated on the belief that you can do anything if you work hard enough at it, and believed deep down that there was some order, some justice in the universe, atheist though I be. We as a fandom did everything we possibly could, we loved this show harder than anything. The numbers were there, the awards nominations were there, the critic praise was there, and we were loud and loyal every single day. I felt like we could do this - how could we not win when we've done so much, and the show deserves it so much? Surely cause and effect will prevail.

This fight seemed small, though really it wasn't; we fought for the right of artists and creators to make quality, original stories and have them told to their natural end, we fought for diversity representation to be more than a token character - OFMD raised the bar so much higher on all fronts, we fought to shed light on the chaos and impending collapse of this industry silencing art and exploiting writers, actors, and all manner of production workers. It was a small fight from the outside, one that I really felt we could win. And I put my heart and soul into it, because if we could win this, if we could save this simple, kind love story about two guys on a boat, then maybe there was hope for the bigger, badder stuff too. It shouldn't seem an insurmountable task for several thousand fans to convince a streaming service that they'd turn a tidy profit to give our show one more season.

Yet we lost - through no fault of our own. I am so proud of us. But that really struck deep for me. If one peabrained CEO of a media company wouldn't budge on greenlighting a show that was in his every best interest business-wise - perhaps enough to even save Max from going under in the not-too-distant future - my god, what hope was there for changing anything bigger? The 'real' problems of the world? When no amount of ethos, logos, or pathos can penetrate these men at the top, where's that hope to fight? Lately the world seems like it's just going belly up all over. If we gave everything we could, and it still wasn't enough - if it could never be enough - what hope is there? It's like chaining yourself to a tree and the bulldozer plowing right on ahead. And I think that broke something in me. It shook me to my foundations because it broke my rules of how things are supposed to work. We believed hard enough, we worked tirelessly, and we deserved it for how important this show was to so many people. And it didn't matter. Our best wasn't enough. And that caused an avalanche of all of the horrible, scary things piled on my shoulders - we're losing the Amazon rainforest too fast to save, climate change is going to turn the corn belt into a dustbowl by mid-century, a border wall is going to devastate imperiled wildlife in Texas, deforestation and hurricanes on songbird wintering grounds could lead to entire species extinctions, saltmarshes are our lifeline and they're shrinking and we're still building stupid concrete stormwalls, invasive diseases will completely alter the composition of our forests to be unrecognizable to our children, and if you don't make every slide of this powerpoint utterly perfect and you fail to convince every single person in attendance to get rid of their lawn then you've failed and the world is doomed.

I've struggled with being a perfectionist my whole life. This didn't help.

That's where I was a couple hours ago. But I took some deep breaths. I know the world isn't fair. But I really thought if we could win this one battle, then we could win the war.

But here's what I realized. Everything we did mattered. It mattered so much. Because there's the show, and then there's everything that was birthed out of that show. The community, so many of us around the world who have been uplifted by Our Flag Means Death in a real and lasting way that we will take with us and spread to affect those around us. The Stede Bonnet effect goes global. We raised thousands and thousands of dollars for charities around the world, real people whose lives have been improved, or maybe even saved, because of us and this silly pirate show. We brought a hell of a lot of attention to WBD and their shitty practices, keeping the momentum going in a way that I think is only going to build - and I sure hope it leads to Zaslav getting deposed. We have demanded more queer stories, more BIPOC stories, more disabled and autistic and middle-aged stories, stories with exquisite costumes and award-worthy wigs, dear lord, and we are being heard. We have expressed such love and support for the cast and crew, showing them that we appreciate their hard work and that we will be behind them in their future projects. So many of them have told us how the show and its fans have changed their lives. We convinced Rhys that his career isn't winding down but winding up, and to be unapologetic about his wonderful weirdness - we've proven to everyone through this show that your weirdness is what someone out there is going to love you for, not in spite of. We rallied to help writers and actors during the strikes in a way that was taken to heart and remembered. We have been out here talking it through as a crew, and turning poison into positivity, for over two years now, and that impact is permanent. They can cancel our show, they can try and slap copyright notices on our fan merch, and spew bullshit excuses about the numbers not being there. But Our Flag Means Death sparked a movement, the biggest pirate crew the world has ever seen, using our power for good.

We may not have any more new material for our show for a while, or ever. But I maintain hope that when the dust has settled and streaming has entered its 'new era' that they'll remember us and throw us a lifeline. Because hope is a part of my genetic makeup, and even in cancellation my hope has been renewed that the fight is worth fighting, that our individual choices of kindness are having an effect, and making the world a little easier to live in bit by bit. No one can take from us what we have built out of this show. And thanks to pirating, they can't take the actual show from us either. Despite this, no matter the outcome, I am so happy we got two seasons of this wonderful series. That was more than almost anyone expected. The story belongs to all of us, and it will always live on. We did not truly lose this battle, because in the process we gained more than we could have ever imagined. And I know there's still so much more to come. That gives me the strength to keep doing what I do, every day.

To me, Our Flag Means Hope.

#our flag means death #ofmd #this is a very long post but I need to write it for me #seeing the outpouring of love on twitter today has really been so needed #also realizing after i finish this that my blog name is literally 'There is always hope'#so i mean. this really has been my brand since i started here #personal

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aziraphales-library · 15 days

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Thank you so much for all that you do! I've found so many good fics from your recommendations ♥️

Do you know of any that involve Crowley being homeless or otherwise seriously struggling financially? Thank you!

I have read one with this theme, Divine Restorations and Repairs, so I'd love to rec that too! It's fantastic.

We have some fics in which Crowley is struggling financially here. And I've got a few more in which Crowley has problems with money/housing...

Copper and gold by Joseph_Amadeus (M)

Aziraphale doesn't pick up hitchhikers but he can't help himself when he sees Crowley getting steadily wetter in the rain one night.

Be Still My Soul: The Romance by MirjamOmens (E)

It’s the summer of 1917 in the Grand Duchy of Finland. The Great War rages over Europe, and the empire of Russia, of which Finland is still part, has suffered a revolution. For Azirafel Fjäll, a minor landowner and a shop runner, all these things are only mildly annoying inconveniences. His dear friend, Anton J. Crowley, is not as fortunate. The working-class people struggle to make a living in a world where there's a constant shortage of food, fuel and work. Despite their class differences, Azirafel and Anton have been friends since childhood--and both secretly yearn for more. Can their two hearts find each other as their country heads from one crisis to another? Or will the ever widening gap between their worlds keep them apart?

Sharp Objects by ElderlySardine (M)

Back in the mid-nineties, Aziraphale and Crowley had it all. They were friends, lovers, soulmates. Life was hard, but as long as they were together it didn't matter. Then in one catastrophic fight caused by Aziraphale's cruel, coercive brother Gabriel, the whole thing came crashing down. The boys parted company for good. Now it's 2021. Life has spun Crowley and Aziraphale in very different directions before throwing them back together at their lowest ebb. Can they manage to hide their history from their new friends? Can they forgive each other, and themselves? Could there possibly still be something there between them? And with Gabriel still lurking on the horizon, will they be strong enough to do anything about it?

The Ghost of Husbands Past by A_N_D (E)

Az always knew that he’d be thrown out the moment his father found out he was gay. He hadn’t expected to be declared dead though - or for his husband to believe it! But their marriage had been a foolish teenage impulse (not to mention invalid in America), so when Az moved to a small town far upstate New York to start his new life, he moved alone. The kindest thing he could do was let Crowley mourn and move on, not be shackled for life to a now disabled partner. Tony Crowley never recovered from losing his best friend, his childhood sweetheart, his better half. He’d been drifting ever since; no plans, no hope, no money - and now, just before Thanksgiving, no job either. Given the stark choice of freezing to death or accepting his sister’s invitation to join her upstate, Tony reluctantly lives out the Hallmark cliche of Recently Unemployed Person Moves to Small Town for Christmas. It’s a time of hope, love, and family. It’s time for Az and Tony to find each other again.

Magpie by southdownsraph (E)

Ezra has just been hired as a bartender at an underground LGBT nightclub to help supplement his income while he studies for his master’s, and he can’t help but become infatuated with one of the performers, an exotic dancer who goes by the name AJ.

And the one you mentioned...

Divine Restorations & Repairs by skimmingthesurface, SylWritesStuff (E)

While it's unfortunate for one’s car to break down in the middle of the countryside, the pretty-as-a-postcard Tadfield could hardly be considered the worst place Anthony J. Crowley has ever been. Of course, it doesn’t help that it looks like it hasn’t yet seen the turn of the millennia, let alone this decade, but perhaps that’s just what he needs as he crawls his way out of the Hell he’s endured for the past fifteen years. Maybe the last thirty, if he's honest with himself. Though he could do without the rain. When Aziraphale Fell happens upon him and offers him shelter from the storm in his little family-run antique repair shop, neither are expecting it to change everything. The angel with his white umbrella and his tartan bowtie doesn’t expect this mysterious stranger to be able to fill the timely vacancy in his shop or the quiet of his life, but they’ve both had experience in restoring once-beloved items back to their full glory. Perhaps Crowley hasn’t fallen quite so far that he wouldn’t fit in with the rest of Aziraphale’s ragtag team of eccentric restoration experts. And perhaps they may be able to turn that talent on themselves and each other, and seal the cracks in their own hearts.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #ineffable partners #adult omens #financial struggles #mod d

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dia-souls · 6 months

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DIABOLIK LOVERS DAYLIGHT Analyzes [ Vol. 6 Sakamaki Laito ]

Original title: いつものゲーム

Source: Diabolik Lovers Daylight Vol. 6 Sakamaki Laito

Seiyuu: Hirakawa Daisuke

Analyze by: Admin Afra

Admin's note: Laito is the boy who, in my personal opinion, has endured the worst trauma among all his brothers, and the reason for his violent and deviant behavior now may be justified with the bitter memories of his past. But with Laito I can learn many lessons and I hope he will stick to these lessons. He should try to forget the relationship and bitterness of the past and believe in a brighter future. Maybe we can call him the poor broken man, but this man deserves a second chance and I'm sure he deserves Yui's pure love. What he could not receive from his mother.

Who are you, Laito? Are you sure that the only way to return to reality of yourself is to become carefree and not care about the things that really matter to you? Are you sure that this is the real you? Are you sure that your true self is not that kind and innocent child who forgot his entire childhood because of a tragic event and decided to create a new identity for himself. Your true self has been dead for years. Your true self died in your childhood.

This is the only answer I can give to Laito when he decides to kill Yui to end all his pain. But how did the story get here?

Playing hunter seems like a lot of fun for Laito, especially since Laito likes to see his prey try and his prey's stubbornness always amuses him.

This is why if a girl is submissive to Laito, Laito will never be attracted to that girl and finds her boring. In fact, it was Yui's special quality that made him the first person to see even a little bit of Laito's kind and pure love. Of course, this pure love of Laito can be interpreted in different ways, which has a different analysis of this CD.

As usual and like the previous CDs, Yui is suffering from a disease that weakened her heart. But Laito isn't like Reiji or Subaru, who notices Yui's poor health right away.

So when Yui can't continue the game the way Laito wants, Laito gets frustrated. In any case, Yui is someone who never gives up easily, and this is what made Laito attracted to Yui, that's why when he saw Yui not trying to escape from Laito in this game, at first he thought that Yui didn't take the game seriously.

In any case, when Laito wins, he also receives his prize. Even Yui's body shaking doesn't make Laito immediately notice her illness. Why? Because we are talking about Laito. A boy who can interpret the worst things in a way that is enjoyable for himself.

I personally believe that Laito is one of the smartest characters in this story. It's wrong to say that Laito doesn't notice Yui's bad situation. In fact, he noticed this the same day he was playing with Yui in the waterway, but the reason he doesn't pay attention to it is not because he didn't notice Yui's unusual illness.

He doesn't really want to pay attention to it. Laito considers himself a carefree and happy person and wants to maintain this fake persona that he has created for himself. Even thinking that Cordelia's return is painful for Laito, that's why he doesn't even want to think about it. And because he knows that perhaps Yui's illness is related to Cordelia, he tries to ignore it.

But Laito's behavior when he saw Yui using the medicine was really cruel. I mean Yui really needed that medicine. Come on, Laito, be at least kind enough to let her use that medicine to improve her health and restore her energy, but what you said to her was very cruel. Are you so selfish that you just don't want to suck the nasty blood soaked in medicine and ignore Yui's whole illness?

It's really funny that Laito says that if Cordelia is behind all of this, you should stop trying to fix things. It's really strange to hear this from a guy who loves tough girls, but I think it's a sign that Laito has been giving in to Cordelia for years. In fact, since he forgot his innocence and was infected by Cordelia.

Laito's character is very complex. The thoughts in his head are completely different from the sentences he utters in front of others. You can never judge him by his words because the thoughts in his head are completely different from the sentences he utters. Knowing Laito's thoughts on Yui, we can definitely tell that he is worried about Yui even if he pretends not to care.

It is not an exaggeration to say that Laito is afraid of Cordelia. Laito pointed out that if she was behind all this, he should surrender.

I don't know how to describe how Laito feels about Cordelia, but Cordelia definitely made Laito the person he is now. Because even Laito himself has forgotten his real identity and misinterpreted his feelings towards his mother. Laito never wanted to be infected. Maybe this is the reason why he doesn't like others to be pure and tries to pollute them. So easy that if I am not pure, others should not be pure either.

Does the fear of Cordelia's presence make Laito force Yui to stay at home and rest, or is it the fear of her becoming weaker? In my opinion, both. Laito keeps thinking about Yui's bad situation and we can't deny that he is worried about Yui, but he doesn't like to express this concern directly, so he uses Cordelia as an excuse. But even the presence of Cordelia scares Laito, so even this is not a lie.

The fact that Laito keeps thinking about Yui but tries to lie even to himself with different words shows that he is not being honest with himself. Or in other words, Laito is lost in this false identity he has created for himself and thinks that if he is really worried about the one he loves, he can no longer be his true self, while all these feelings are showing us the real Laito. Laito who tried to hide behind a false identity for years. This is something he himself admits.

(I shouldn't care about it. That's what someone like me should do.) Actually, the false persona that Laito uses to hide in this cruel world. This is Laito's way of defending himself against the oppression of the world. Hiding in a false identity that hurts everyone and cares for no one. Even if this Laito is not real.

Laito's excuses for forcing Yui to eat to regain her health are believable because that's what Laito always pretended to be. That he doesn't care about anything but his own pleasure.

I have a question here. Why was Laito angry at Yui's apology? I mean, Laito didn't show so much sensitivity about this before and didn't shout that you shouldn't apologize if you didn't do anything wrong. Because none of these events are your fault.

I interpret this way that Laito gets irritated by Yui's purity. Maybe this is the reason for Laito's compassion towards Yui. Laito has witnessed how much Yui has suffered and endured for having Cordelia's heart, and the fact that she apologizes even though she is a victim makes Laito angry because he knows that Yui does not deserve to be treated like this. And that she considers all the bad things to be her own fault.

Laito doesn't say it in words, but he wants Yui to care more about herself and know how valuable her existence is. Laito has been hurt by a cruel world before, just like Yui is now, but Laito hides in a new identity to save himself, something Yui can never do because Yui is a pure and simple girl. Yui's innocence makes Laito angry so much that he shouts, don't apologize. You are not the one who should apologize.

Laito's attempt to avoid Yui is futile. He thinks about Yui every moment and everywhere, and even he considers this incident as karma.

Laito shouts out loud why my heart hurts. It is not possible that I got Yui's disease. These feelings are heavy and painful. He doesn't want to accept it, but the reason is because of his love for Yui, and seeing her wither before his eyes hurts him more than anything.

Laito does not want to experience the pain again. That's why he shouts, I don't need these feelings. These feelings are not mine.

In fact, Laito has forgotten his true identity and thinks that these feelings have nothing to do with his new identity. But he never gets rid of them. Because Laito is still the same guy who stands behind a mask because he doesn't want to get hurt.

Laito does not want to accept these feelings lightly. Because he is Sakamaki Laito. Vampire who says lies and does not care about anyone. The mask with which Laito shows himself to the world. But behind this mask, the real Laito is hidden and does not want to come out. So he tries to get rid of these painful feelings in another way.

When Yui loses consciousness on a very dreamy date, Laito sees it as his best chance to end her pain right there. Of course, to end her pain? Or is this what he thinks?

"If we settle everything here, both your pain and mine will be relieved. You are tired of this pain. me too. So wouldn't it be great to get rid of it right here?"

Laito doesn't expect Yui to agree with him. That's why when Yui smiles at him, Laito shouts that he didn't smile. Cry and beg for life.

Again, it's Laito fighting his own emotions. Seeing Yui's innocent and pure face who accepts death and smiles at him in the last moments of her life torments him more. The thought of how Yui can be so pure even when she is contaminated by his hands. How can Yui look at him with love like this when she is going to be killed by his hands.

but no Laito's hands do not move. Because that's not what he wants. These feelings tormented him even more than Yui's pain. He wanted to end his own pain, so he decided to end his own life instead of Yui.

These feelings torment Laito more than anything to see the dearest person in his life die in front of his eyes, or even worse, decide to kill her with a false mask, with the lie that the pain of both of them will be relieved.

This is why Laito considers himself a loser. A loser who didn't even try to save his lover and selfishly decided to relieve his own pain. Not the pain of his lover.

It is hard for him to imagine a world without Yui. The pain is much more terrible than the pain Yui used to endure. Laito sees this world with pain and suffering. That's why he wanted to relieve his pain quickly, not to see Yui's withering and death. Maybe it's a strange way to express love. But Laito needed to lose his true identity once to understand what his true feelings are and how much Yui is dear to him. His loss behind a false mask led him to find Yui and Yui saved him from the false world that Laito made for himself and showed him that even in a cruel world there is light and hope.

Yui is dear to Laito. Dearer than anyone else. Yui made Laito rediscover his true self. And understand that there is nothing wrong with having feelings and hiding them is more painful than anything else.

Laito knows that he can't live without Yui and that was the feeling that bothered him, but hiding behind a false mask was never the way to ease Laito's pain.

It was hard for him to express his feelings because he was afraid of people and the cruel world, but now with Yui's help, he has learned to overcome this fear and come out from behind the false mask. This is the only thing that relieves his pain. Being by Yui's side and expressing his true feelings.

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #laito sakamaki #sakamaki laito #yui komori #komori yui #yui x laito #laito x yui #laiyui #diabolik lovers drama cd #drama cd analyze #drama cd

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anarchopuppy · 1 year

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I'm glad people are starting to bring attention to how the vast majority of stories we're exposed to in mass media involve heroes trying either to prevent villains from changing things or to revert the changes already made by successful villains and return to a better past, but I feel like this is an even bigger issue than we let on

Stories are how humans practice understanding the world, and the fact that from childhood we're constantly bombarded with the idea that "villains change things, heroes maintain/restore the status quo" inevitably colors our view of society. It's a means to prevent us from imagining a better world*

Like, to vastly oversimplify things for the purpose of illustration, the worldview that any change is bad and evil and must be fought is called "conservatism", and the worldview that things were better in an imagined prelapsarian past that "they" "took" from "us" and that we must return to by any means necessary, well that my friends is what we call "fascism". We need to learn how to tell more stories where bold steps are taken towards a new and better world which is meaningfully different from both the present and the past or a lot of people won't have the creativity to take those necessary steps in the real world

(*I don't mean to imply that this is an active, malicious decision made by everyone who's ever written anything like this. There is nothing new under the sun - most people are just retelling variations of the stories they've been exposed to. But over millennia of history, people who are intentionally planting these ideas, and people in positions of power who decide which stories get created and distributed, have had a consistent influence that has entrenched these concepts in our culture. This isn't some kind of conspiracy, it's just a natural result of concentrating power within a small subset of people throughout most of human civilization)

#even the stories that try to depict a struggle against entrenched systems of power #star wars wall-e lotr etc #usually end up falling for the trap of depicting a 'return' to a 'better past'#there are PRECIOUS FEW popular stories about people imagining and fighting for something actually new #and most of the ones i can think of right now are historical (like les mis)

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risingoftime · 10 months

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can you do a riri fic where she says move your hand/ being aggressive during yk 🤭

𝖘𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙𝖘 𝖇𝖊𝖙𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖓 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖘𝖍𝖊𝖊𝖙𝖘 | 𝖗𝖎𝖗𝖎 𝖔 𝖋𝖊𝖒!𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

synopsis: Riri had just returned to her hometown after her time at Wakanda and MIT. After her school year of stress, she’s looking forward to finally spending the summer with her childhood best friend. Yet, the feelings she ran away from all return once she’s with her again.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: smut, friends to lovers, implied cheating, fingering, softdom!riri, overstimulation, strap use!, min plot, cursing, multiple positions, strap riding, mutual orgasm.

18+ | minors do not interact

➴ feel free to send me more thots

The knocking on my window jolted me awake. Quickly wiping away the drool from my lips, I saw Riri staring back at me. I almost pushed her over when I whipped open the car door. Enfolding her in my arms, I squeezed her body close to mine and spun around. The scent wavering off her skin made me more entranced with Riri—a sweet vanilla and saffron cologne she always wore, her signature. Her head rested on my shoulder, and we stood momentarily until I pulled away to get a better look at my best friend. Riri had never been the girly type growing up. She used to always wear her hair out in a heap of curls and wore clothes that accentuated her masculine features. Riri claimed it was “easier” to wear loose clothing when working in the garage. Today, she kept her hair braided in straight-back cornrows, allowing me to see her face, unlike before. That wasn’t the only change that I noticed about her. She had a restless look, bags under her eyes and an unreadable emotion that I couldn’t place.

“I’ve missed you so much!” I shook her as I said so. Riri had just rolled her eyes in response with the same goofy smile she had when we were kids. “Yeah, I could see that. I waited at the terminal for almost an hour, ringing off your phone as you drooled on yourself.” Sneaking a peak at the time, I saw 4:47 pm flash across my iPhone.

“I’m so sorry! How did you even find me?”

“I can’t miss this bright ass red car you built with my Dad. It’s a sight for sore eyes. Is that the Cuda you’ve always been talking about? I didn’t know you finished it.” Riri trailed her fingers on the car's tail and popped my trunk to begin putting her bags inside. The car has been my dream for as long as I can remember. It’s a 72 Plymouth Cuda that Mr. Williams and I restored to ride like new. I’ve spent my spare time outside university lecturers working in the shop. So this car was just a perk.

“Yeah, and if you’ve been listening to me during our calls, you’d know that already.”

I flicked Riri in the temple of her head, opened the passenger door for her to enter, and hopped in shortly after. Before starting the engine, I told her, “We have a lot to catch up on.”

Riri took her time before driving to my house, and I expected nothing less. From the looks of it, Riri needed those moments with her family to unwind. Either way, it gave me more time to prepare for her to sleep over. Since she’s been gone, I’ve moved into my parent's basement after they renovated the house. So not only did I have a bigger room, but I also had a living space and my bathroom away from my younger siblings, which meant more privacy when I had company. And I wanted Riri all to myself tonight without interruption, to talk, of course.

I don’t know when I developed feelings for Riri, but I assume they had always laid dormant, waiting patiently to be known. It arose during our first goodbye when Riri had to leave for MIT. My throat felt thick, like it was hard to swallow, and my chest hurt at the sight of her packed bags in front of her house. The feeling was foreign to me as I had never felt strongly about anyone in that way before. Not even for my past ex-boyfriends. I never truly cared who came and left as long as I had Riri by my side. So naturally, when she left for school, I was distraught. I tried to convince her to stay in our city and work for our Dad’s mechanic shop, but I knew in my heart that she was destined for more. Her mind was one of her best qualities. Since she was a child, it was unmistakable that Riri was a scientific protege. I couldn’t live with myself if I were the reason why she never went after her dreams and aspirations. Yet now, as she came back home for summer break, I was unsure how I would go another year without her near.

I waited patiently in my living room and assessed the space around me. I lit candles, and Riri’s favourite snacks, hidden from my curious siblings, were now perfectly arranged on my coffee table. Since childhood, we’ve been inseparable, literally. Both of our Dads had been best friends since college and decided to move their families to the same neighbourhood. Riri and I ended up doing everything together because of it. We went to the same school, played in the same soccer league, visited our Dads at their mechanic shop, and rode our bikes whenever the weather allowed. Sunday dinners would either be at hers or mine, and if we were lucky, we could convince our parents to let us order takeout. I can’t remember a time as a kid without Riri not being too far behind. She captivated all of my dearest memories. I felt the same—nerves and excitement from the airport. Riri would be here any minute now, and I couldn’t stop watching the clock. Our calls and texts had been less frequent this year as Riri’s workload and responsibilities were never-ending, making me even more impatient to see her finally.

Heavy footsteps descended the staircase, and I instantly knew who it was before I could see the face behind the wall. “Riri, I still don’t understand how you’re 5ft and walk as if you’re a grown man,” I laughed. Riri looked down at her feet-covered Nike socks once she entered the basement and shrugged nonchalantly before making a beeline toward the snacks on the table. Her eyes instantly lit up once she saw the arrangements of sweet and sour candy from our childhood.

“No way! I didn’t even know these were still sold in stores,” she squealed.

Riri hugged me before opening the snacks, beginning with the gummy worms. She sorted the candies by colour, leaving two piles for her and me. I never minded this because they all tasted similar to me, but not Riri; she’s always adamant about them tasting different. Reaching forward, I grabbed one from what I assumed was my pile, which Riri claimed to dislike.

“Cheers?” I turned to her on the couch, holding the worm in my hand to reach her halfway, and bumped mine against hers before biting off the gummy.

“I never understood why we always used to do that as kids. Looking back, we thought it was so cool, but it’s corny now that we’re older” Riri smiled in between bites and held a handful of the worms in her lap. Although she appeared to be different, deep down, Riri was still the person I called my best friend.

“Aren’t all traditions a bit corny?” I asked.

“I guess… But what did I miss while I was gone? You said we needed to catch up.”

Stretching out my legs in front of me, I reached forward to grab the wine bottle and poured myself a glass. “Yeah, we do. But first, you need to tell me why you’ve been MIA at MIT. It’s not like you not return my calls or texts. And now? You show up like everything is normal. Did you forget I know you like the back of my hand?” I raised my eyebrow at Riri, beckoning her to respond. She pursed her lips as if she was in deep thought about what to say. The silence stretched between us until she broke.

“I wish I could tell you, I do. Just know that I wasn’t purposefully ignoring you. Can we call it even? It’s not like you haven’t done the same in the past.”

“Speaking of, how’s Jayden?” The smirk on her face returned when she brought up my ex.

“First of all, Jayden and I are irrelevant; second of all, why do you keep changing the subject? Does this have something to do with Princess Shuri visiting your dorms?”

“How did you find out about that?” Riri exclaimed. Her body turned frigid, and her posture was upright and tense. She was unaware when others kept tabs on her, probably how she got involved with Wakandan royalty.

“You’re roommate MJ told me. I still have her number from when I visited you last time.” The bitter taste remained in my mouth from having to go as low as contacting Riri’s MIT friends to know why she had been airing my calls. After all, I’m her best friend. I should know about what’s going on in her life. But, instead, time and distance felt like it was driving us further apart. It felt like a knife had stabbed me in my chest.

“Look, I would’ve told you everything if I could. It’s just complicated,” Riri sighed.

��Yeah, I know you would. I was just worried about you. Next time, give me a heads up before you disappear like that again.”

“You were worried about me?” Her facial features perked up at the thought.

“Of course, I worry about you! You drove me to the point of tracking down your fucking roommate. That’s such a stupid question to ask me, Riri.” To my surprise, the girl had the nerve to laugh.

“It’s so hard for me to take you seriously when you talk like that. You’re cute when you’re upset.”

“I won’t be so cute when I shove my foot up your ass.” The smile on her face grew more prominent, and what was said next made my mouth drop in shock.

“Careful. I might be into that shit.”

I felt my heart race at the thought of what kinks Riri might have. She’s never been the most forthcoming about her sexual escapades. Riri hasn’t ever told me about her dating life. I just always assumed she didn’t have one. But her comment piqued my interest.

“Oh really, so what are you into? MJ?” I asked.

“MJ has a boyfriend, and what I like… I don’t think that she could handle that.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, “handle what? Riri, you’re 5ft.” Her legs were spread out before her, taking up more space as she got comfortable. It was playful banter, but I could feel my head spinning from our conversation's whirlwind and the implications of Riri’s sexual escapades. I wasn’t used to being on the other side of this. Usually, I would be the one spilling all of the juicy secrets. A part of me was bothered that she had another life that she had never alluded to. One that was kept between the sheets.

“You'd be surprised. I could make you forget about that sorry ass Jayden’s name.” Her cockiness always ticked me off, yet now I was outright embarrassed. I had been more than forthcoming with Riri about Jay’s weak ass stroke game, and now she was throwing it back in my face.

“It wasn’t like he was that memorable anyways,” I retorted. I ignored Riri’s suggestion, unsure if it was wise to venture and explore that side of our relationship. It wasn’t that I hadn’t noticed the tension or stolen glances that were exchanged between us. I was just scared to make the first move.

“And I doubt you could have me hooked on you just like that. For all I know, you’re a holy virgin.” I held a poker face to conceal my beating heart and the jittery nerves that kept my body on edge. Riri’s eyes raked over my body, and suddenly my clothing felt invisible.

“Give me five minutes. That’s all I need to get you begging for me.”

Picturing what Riri’s hands were capable of with me underneath her. I’ve watched her work in the shop, observing how her nimble fingers can reach all the tricky spots to complete a job. I couldn't help but now wonder what they were capable of. I bit my lip to distract myself from the oncoming images that shadowed my rational thoughts.

“Five minutes,” she repeated, “and I'll compensate for all the stress I caused.”

Riri could tell my mind was turning and debating what to say next. She closed the space between us. I looked down at our legs and how hers brushed against mine. With every move, Riri had made my body even more hyper-aware of what would happen. Her fingers trailed along my legs, hinting at her intentions. My breath hitched at the contact. I can’t remember the last time I’ve had sex or a good fuck. Jayden was a pretty boy but wasn’t good for anything else but to look at. He kept me company for the time being until what I wanted flew in. Now that it was in front of me, I was unsure if I had the confidence to take it.

“If we do this, Riri, I can’t forget it happened.”

“Neither can I, and I don’t want to.” Riri’s hand brushed against my cheek, and my breath hitched as her face approached nearer. I could smell the candy on her, the sugar remnants still on Riri’s lips. I craved to know what it would feel like to be the one who could lick it off. I felt the familiar wet spot between my legs from the mere thought of having Riri’s body against mine. Once her lips met mine, all my thoughts drifted away and were replaced by lustful impulses. It began soft and tentative, as if we were kids again, unsure of the other. Riri’s full lips were unbelievably soft as I lightly bit her bottom lip, encouraging her to open up further for my tongue to slip inside. The taste of sugar invigorated my senses, awakening every cell in my body and urging me to wrap my arms around Riri’s waist. I pressed myself towards her until our bodies were flushed against each other. I was practically on top of her at this point. I only paused between our heated makeout to bring my legs on either side of Riri to straddle her. I had been so distracted earlier that I hadn’t noticed the bulge between her legs. My mind began to reel at the realization of what it might be that I was feeling underneath me. Moving my hips in search of any friction that it could provide, I could feel myself begin to feel desperate, almost ready to beg for Riri to rub her fingers along my pussy.

“Let’s go to my bedroom,” I said, sounding husky and breathless.

Riri nodded in response and picked me up to stand upright from the couch. I guided her along the corridor to my room, and she wasted no time throwing me onto the bed. My eyes were wide from the shock of her strength. I noted how her back flexed when she removed her sweater and the light happy trail that led down to the band of her boxers once she turned to face me. My eyes lingered on the outline of her strap. Riri’s gaze met mine, then smirked, clearly aware of where I was looking.

“Take off your clothes.”

Slowly, I lifted my shirt to reveal the pushup bra underneath. Stealing a glance at Riri, I could decipher the temptation and desire that lay dormant as she licked her lips. She looked as if she was ready to pounce at any second, making me want to move aggravatingly slowly. I tried to make her wait like she had done to me. Moving to the edge of the bed, I discarded the pants I wore onto the floor. I looked up at Riri for a sign of what may happen next. She stood between my legs and brought her hand to wrap around my neck, forcing my head back. I had completely submitted myself to her, trusting her fully. Riri applied pressure on either side of my neck, and when my mouth parted from the new sensation, she connected her lips to mine and slipped her tongue inside—breathing in each other’s air as her fingers circled the thin fabric that barely kept my lower lips covered. Riri’s fingertips rubbed my clit in an aggravatingly slow motion. I bucked my hips forward, urging her to increase her speed. At this moment, I didn’t want anything more than to be consumed by Riri’s presence.

“Open your legs wider,” Riri commanded.

I did as I was told, pushing my thighs further apart to permit more accessible access to my throbbing center. Riri dived deeper, teasing the entrance of my pussy, only allowing a fraction of her index and middle finger to thrust inside. The moan that escaped from me was sinful.

“Riri, please”

“Please, what?” she replied.

“Please stop playing with me” My voice came out a pitch higher and sounded whiny.

“Your wish is my command, Princess.”

Riri repositioned herself so that her bottom half was flush against mine while she moved her fingers further inside. She used her hips to guide her hand to apply pressure. I could feel myself get wetter the longer she continued. The sounds of my pussy filled the room, leaving no secret to what was happening in my bedroom. Riri left sloppy kisses on my collarbone to my neck until she reached my ear, only pausing to whisper, “Can I put it in?” I knew what she was referring to and nodded my head. I didn’t trust myself to be able to get the words out.

“Use your words.”

“Yes.”

“Yes, what?” Frustration briefly overtook me, and I was reminded that I was telling my childhood best friend to fuck me. I suddenly felt shy as I said, “Yes, Riri, please put it in.”

“See, now, was that so hard to say?”

I didn’t answer her question and watched Riri instead as she removed her pants and briefs to reveal an opaque pink dildo attached to her strap. Not the colour that I was expecting, but the size surprised me. It could’ve at least been 7 inches bigger than Jayden, that’s for sure. Riri held the pink dick in her hand and slowly glided it along my pussy, taking extra time to rub the tip against my clit before lowering it inside and stretching me out. Riri went slow at first until her full length was inside. My legs had already begun to shake from the new sensation that I felt from the girth of the dildo.

“How does it feel, baby?” Riri began to grind her hips while thrusting in and out of my pussy. Her pace remained unhurried. She was enjoying watching my facial expressions with a sultry smile. When I didn’t respond immediately, Riri began increasing her tempo, and I couldn’t silence the escaping moan. “Fuck- so good,” I sighed. She kept pounding inside me until my broken cries turned into gasps. I slyly moved my hands down to her torso to slow her down. Instead, Riri grabbed my hands and pinned them down onto the mattress.

“C'mon, you can take it.” Riri’s lips hovered over mine, keeping eye contact throughout. I am completely and utterly lost in her trance. I’m convinced she wants to leave her mark, leave me so drunk off of her that I wouldn’t be able to think of glancing at another man. “Riri, I can’t; I’m going to cum” I whispered. I sigh into her kiss as Riri swirls her tongue around mine and wraps my legs around her waist to lock her closer. She released my hands to wrap her arms around me and flipped us over in the bed, so I was now on top of her.

“Ride it out, baby girl” Riri kept her hands around my waist to keep me in place. I took my time to adjust to the new position that she had put us in and bobbed my hips on the strap, loving how deep it could go and fill my hole. I began desperately grinding in search of more. It brought felicity that I had not known before, so intensely that I hadn’t noticed how loud I was getting with each movement. “Shhh, baby,” Riri growled. “Shit,” we didn’t have the house to ourselves. I bit my lip as a reminder to remain quiet while I felt the orgasm take over me and my fluids slipping down onto the harness she wore. My core began to contract, and my legs began to tremble as I whimpered in her ear. “I’m cumming, Riri.”

"Yeah?" Riri planted her feet on the mattress, balancing myself on top of her before she began thrusting upwards.

“I’m not done yet,” she said.

My pussy gripped around her as she kissed my G-spot with each thrust, pushing me to my next peak. "I can feel it on my clit" Her low voice was shaky, and it turned me on even more at the thought of her getting off from fucking me and using me like a toy. It sent a wave of urgency and need to make her cum. I was pinned against her and unable to free myself from her grip. “Keep bouncing on it, baby” Riri’s mouth was open agape, and she struggled to keep her eyes open as her small sighs of euphoria became moans. “Mmph.” Riri was unrelenting in chasing her high. My pussy got wetter from watching her face conform to a blissed-out state.

“I’m so close, don’t move” Her voice was staggered and pleading.

“Me too,” I replied.

The last thing I saw was Riri’s eyes rolling back until my orgasm overtook me. I didn’t care who would hear as we moaned in each other’s mouths, breathing in the same air. My head spun out from cumming so hard. Riri’s legs collapsed, making the bed squeak from the sudden movement. When I opened my eyes, Riri analyzed me with a peaceful expression.

“What? Why are you staring at me?” I asked.

“You’re so beautiful” She smiled the same smile that she had at the airport earlier. I gave her a side eye and tried to shake my body off her, but her firm hold on me remained.

“Aren’t you going to let me go?” I asked.

“Not after you gave me great sex like that. I’m ready to go for round two,” Riri stated.

“Round two?” I shrieked.

It was apparent that what had just occurred between us was longer than five minutes, but I couldn’t stop. Once I kissed Riri, I had already gained an insatiable appetite for her. I was left yearning for more and more. While lying there with Riri, I wondered what had I gotten myself into?

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