#my dad maybe after a few days

[raineadey]

PLS IM SURE YOUR DAUGHTER MISSES YOU

#i cant decide if by a while he means like a couple days or a couple months #first one is funny he loves his daughter so much that he cant imagine being away from her for that long #however it is more realistic seeing how busy he is that its probably been a Good while. a few weeks maybe #im sure walnut kept herself busy but i imagine shed miss him so much :( #oh well she has like fifty dads to look after her #almond cookie #walnut cookie #cappuccino cookie #cookie run #jade rambles #my post

[randomstranger27]

Remember my super cool Mori? My Mori is different from regular Mori. It's like my Mori is in the top percentage of Nagayoshis.

#Fate/Grand Order #fgo #Mori Nagayoshi #I am going to use all of my apples to farm EXP christmas lotto be damned. #I'm gonna have to wait a while since I'm technically short on servant coins. #I could spend more SQ to get one more copy but hitting bond 15 should cover it. #And trust me. I spent a lot of SQ to get to this point. #He's NP 18. #For context: I also got Summer Nobu to NP 6; Okita J Souji to NP 2; Okuni and Lancer Ryoma to NP 1; and my Murder Hobo to NP 19. #And a fucking Ganesha spook. #I stopped on the Okuni banner shortly after getting her since the Ryoma banner was a few days away and I kinda maybe sorta like them. #They're my emotional support straights. #And I'd like to have a chance of getting them. #And I did and I am living in bliss with my Mom v2; Dad v2; and homicidal doggos. #Uhh anyways thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[lovestryke]

i think if you grew up in my household you would have put a gun to my mom and dad's heads already

#help i came home and they got so ballistic that i didnt say hi to them #after my 9 months of driving myself home and entering the house from work not once have they urged a greeting out of me #why the hell do they care now??? #like mom got so mad and i was like um ok * goes back to watching danny gonzalez * then i get shouted at to come to parents room #and im like siiiighhh let me put on my jacket i know this will be a while #and im just getting yelled at and standing there like. is the song and dance over yet. can i get back to my computer #and my dad is like your MOM and I DONT TREAT YOU GUYS LIKE THAT #and im just in my head like.....you give us greetings rather than treating us like human beings.....ok....i would prefer the respect rather #than the greetings.... #and my dads like whenever I come home I always greet everyone #and its like. yeah ? i can think of a few times where you havent but it doesnt matter when its you right #oh you can come home and greet everyone yeah but can you treat us with respect? are you capable of not having everyone groan when they hear #your car horn that indicates you're home? do you have the ability to not make everyone hide and vacate to their rooms when they hear your #key unlocking the door? no? then i dont care about the fact you can say hi to everyone #and mom is like lecturing me and my sister about not cleaning as well and its like hi what about your husband #hi maybe you should question why we cant clean our rooms #maybe its the fact you never taught us how to organize or how often to clean? did you know you've never taught us how to properly clean? #did you know i cant clean without a timer? are you aware that your eldest daughter that gives you attitude and promised to be mean when #she's taking care of you in your last years of life doesnt clean whatsoever? the 26 year old that acts just like your husband? the one whos #only chore is to wash dishes and doesnt even do that? she complains shes too tired because of work but even on her off days she doesnt do i #? do you remember that she only does the dishes when she's going out with a boy? do you remember the 3 months where i took it upon myself t #do everyones chores because i had the time? the way you dont acknowledge i helped out a lot during that time and helped keep peace through #the house by doing that? you dont because you love to focus on the negatives and as a result you make your own life miserable #and everyone else's?especially mine because im the one who actually feels guilt? but dont do it bc im tired of doing someone else's work?

[wooahaes]

askbox open back up on this blog bc i might ask for some fic help sometime

#wooahaes.txt #sorry i just. kind of had a mental breakdown a few days ago and im still struggling a lot #kinda got to the s*icidal ideation stage too so uh. yeah. im stil not great. #i dont know if im gonna complete this masters degree so im looking at alternate options rn #and hoping that Maybe i can find something that works for me? #i need to set up a call w my program mentor but uh i have a family member going in for heart surgery next week #so im probs gonna email the guy and tell him ill set up something After shes back home #bc between that and my dad being injured and my mental health being in the gutter.... i dont think i can Make a sound decision rn #on whether i should drop out or not

[selffagellation]

i've been seriously waffling on if i should get a tattoo or not bc i might be too young, this is such a permanent decision, etc etc, but then i was reminded that when my mom was my exact age. she got married. so honestly if she can do that, i should be fine

#i mean really this is as directly comparable in age as two people can be #fun fact my mom's birthday is twenty days after mine #and when she was twenty years old. on july 26th of that summer she got married to my dad. #so she can't judge me here jkhgkdjghs #anyways this is the most serious i've been about it #i think i'm seriously about to get this tat #i've got the idea that i'm still excited about after a few months #i know where i want it #i've got the money #i think i've found a good shop for it #i uhhhhhhhhhhhh think we're gonna do this #if my sister is reading this (she probably is) don't tell ma okay #ask forgiveness and not permission and all that #also don't tell dad. maybe ever lmaoooooo #it just doesn't help yknow

[moonlitswimmingpooltv]

my mum forgot about my existence and left me out in the rain (literally) earlier tonight and then she got mad at me for being upset about it? like girl what

#so ​i was walking home earlier (it was dark already and it was raining go figure) #and i got a call from my mum and she was like #‘where tf are you?? we ate dinner without you because you refused to leave your room when we called you!!!!’ #and i was like. “mother. i’m not at home??” #and she was just like “oh really? we didn’t notice! there should be some dinner left over for you!” #LIKE WHAT??? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDNT NOTICE??? #I NEVER COME HOME LATE THAT SHOULVE AT LEAST RAISED SOME ALARMS???? #BUT YOU DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO CALL ME UNTIL YOU DECIDED MY ABSENCE WAS INCONVENIENCING YOU???? #this never would’ve happened if my dad were at home #papa come back from your stupid business trip i miss you #someone in our town died under mysterious circumstances a few weeks ago #and you didn’t think it’s a big deal that i was wandering around on my own after dark?? #this isn’t the first time she’s forgotten me somewhere but it’s really getting to me rn #maybe it’s because i had a bad pain day so this is just insult to injury #anyway rant over lol

[volinare]

my parents had my sisters hebrew teacher over and i let her into the garage and one: she genuinely asked if my name was bagel. and then when I went up stairs to tell my stepdad she was there he was like 'something you should know about her is that shes the most dominant woman. like she dominates especially men, shes so-' and i genuinely dont know how long he would have done that for because i was like 'no' and walked the fuck away.

#this is a few days after they invited a friend they have over to stay the night #and like he was wearing my step dads clothes #in the morning #'why are you telling us this?' #idk i just felt the need to share. in the truman show verse i suspect they dont tell the whole story #but maybe they do and ive made it worse #ir maybe truman show doesnt exist at all #my point is that my step dad made me really fucking uncomfortable <3 #edit: like i know it wasnt that bad ir anything and im probably just being crazy it just like #idk! i feel the need to lost this and im not sure why! i dont knkw how tk justify it! i dont knownhow to explain it! #im moving out soon. im lucky to be able to move to essentially my own space with out having to pay for my own apartment yet #thought that is in my goals. i would love to be financially indipendant #and im sure i woukd be if my family did have enough or wernt willing to support me #im getting off topic i just feel the need to make that speach every time i mention moving out l o l

[arthur-r]

i’ve gotten really bad over break at falling asleep in a time frame where i can wake up in the morning and function at capacity. but in other news i’ve written a very angry song aimed at my father. so that’s fun

#good morning everybody i tried so hard to go to sleep when i still had a chance at eight hours #i’m still gonna get seven but that’s like. if i fall asleep immediately #anyway my dad deserves to have a song about his problems i focused too much on my mom with hard to break #although actually the core memory that made me want to write that song is my dad calling me a monster when i was like ten #however the song itself is mostly about the way my mom looks at me. where it’s like i’m not human. which is a mom thing #anyway things have been really bad at home lately like i’ve mostly avoided talking about it but literally earlier today i packed a bag to #run away and just kind of changed my mind when i found out my mom was working #(because the type of running away i mean is not as drastic as it necessarily sounds. mostly just wanted to move into the apartment #permanently and im basically going to do that starting next week like i’ll be supposed to go home but i can always decide not to) #anyway do you kiss my mother with that mouth or let your anger rise and cuss her out? do you want to fuck her or do you say fuck her? #either way you fucking overshare!! do you kiss my mother with that mouth? or tell me to shut up and get the fuck out? #and when you tell those jokes do you understand how deep it goes? cant you see i’m broken from the actions that you chose?? #i just wanna get out of this i just keep getting sadder!! i’d rather not even exist does my involvement matter?? #[/ly] anyway then the song goes on after that for another while. but it’s like. long. so i’ll spare you the rest #came up with the first bit on guitar a few days ago and my dad heard the chords from my room and was like hey that sounds like pink floyd #and i had to be like nope just a chromatic scale. and be glad that i was only whispering the words #anyway if you see me right now no you don’t. and i am so incredibly asleep rn. spooky scary talking in my sleep (/all of this is untrue) #sleeping is like. my favorite hobby. but i am entirely incapable of it when there are this many anxieties floating around my head #it also maybe doesn’t help that i finished the caffeinated lemonade this morning at like 1pm. digging my own hole to lie in here #anyway im going to try and stay after school tomorrow and then go to the apartment from there. rather than see my dad and pretend we’re okay #but hi from after midnight. i miss the days where i could sleep in until ten cause im kind of a night owl i just also really like sleeping #like if i could be blathers from animal crossing and nap for twelve hours getting woke up every once in a while and given a fossil and then #going back to sleep. and then waking up when it’s dark out and every once in a while getting given a fossil. that’s the life #anyway sorry for still being here. i was eyes closed for a while and my do not disturb has been on this whole time. and yet i’m awake #going to post this and go to sleep. though. cause unless we get another snow day in a row then i do have school tomorrow morning #and a snow day would actually be terrible because of. aforementioned not wanting to be at home. and being snowed in is terrifying #ok anyway i really have to go to sleep but yeah. goodnight world wish me luck again with sleeping!! #me. my post. mine. #delete later #ask to tag

[dragonlights]

I! Need! Therapy!

#dragontalk #i just want my dad back y'all #and obvs that's not happening but i don't necessarily like breaking down wishing i'd just #got him to the doctor a month or so earlier #not that it might've made much of a difference but idk #i tried so hard guys #i washed the shit for his breathing treatments #after every use #2-4 times a day #i just wanted him to be able to breathe #i feel like if i'd just been able to help him sooner maybe he'd still be here #not that he probly would have even submitted to treatment bc he llike #hated side effects #and chemo has... A Few. to say the least. #but like. #still #i tried so hard. i just thought it was pneumonia. and he'd stopped smoking. and it'd be okay. but like. #it wasn't #and it isn't #and i miss him #he had issues but he TRIED for me #mom just. doesn't. #idk if she can. #i miss having someone to ask me how i'm doing #and who didn't try to one-up me like #'i only got 6 hours of sleep last night' 'well i only got 4' like wtf mom #Literally every time #and she's like that All the time and i'm caring for her Alone now and just #i need to bc i need stability before i plan to move and we need like. rent money. So #but like

[officialheroesofolympus]

.

#okay so idk where to talk about this cos I feel attention seeking for some reason if I tell people irl so I’m just gonna dump it here lmao #few days ago had genuinely the most fucking scariest experience of my life I was sitting at a taxi stand waiting for my dad to pick me up #it’s like almost pitch black around 8.30-9pm for some reason and this guy comes out of his car shouting at the driver and threw a bag down #I just kept my head down didn’t look up cos um ok man with anger issues I guess #he sits next to me and after a while I hear hi repeatedly and I realise he’s talking to me and I thought oh maybe he needs directions so #I look up and he starts asking personal questions and shit and asking for my number and I just become paralysed from fear idk #I answer all his questions idk why I was just really scared he’d get angry and there was no one around and when he asked for my number I #told him oh parents said I cant give out numbers to strangers and also I’m pretty young and I tell him I’m 15 hoping it’d deter him #and he just tells me he’s 20 and continues asking and saying he just wants to be friends and at that point I was really really #fuck idk I was just really scared and no one was around us and it’s pitch black and it’s so stupid I was trembling a bit but thank god my #dad came and I just dashed to the car I fuck it’s so stupid he didn’t do anything but shit #and now it’s dumb I’m scared to go back to that station like I know he won’t be there but fuck that was actually the worst experience of my #life I should’ve gotten up and walked away but idk why I froze up #delete later

[horce-divorce]

mm. :/ came out of my flare and was feeling too cocky about it ig. gotta get knocked back down a peg every single goddamn day lest I risk enjoying myself like a fucking human person for once.

#me #prsnl #spent all day packing. couldn't camp. #not even in the car where its warm. #try to make plans for a few days down the road instead. maybe we can still do a color tour #nope!!!! youre out of weed asshole. #i ask for something specific on the grocery list #dad takes off before the list is done. doesn't tell me hes going. comes back w completely different shit that i cant eat. #my mom laughs and says yep you just gotta do it yourself. #i tell her HOW. I CANT. i have NO money. if he doesnt buy the food i ask for I DONT GET FOOD. #she literally says nothing. #its fucking one thing after another today #i am BARELY functional even out lf my flare. i am BARELY holding it together rn #and literally. no one cares lmao.

[biblicalhorror]

My mom posting about the depp v heard trial and gently implying that she too has been a victim of dv at the hands of my father... idk how to feel about it

#i have watched my dad yell at my mom & gaslight her a few times during his battle with alcoholism #but i also watched her scream at him almost every single day for 10 years before his drinking was ever out of control #in addition to constantly screaming at and belittling myself and my sibling #the truth is i sympathize with both of them in different ways #after my sister died they really should have both been in therapy and then maybe things wouldnt be so bad #personal #absolutely do not reblog this #venting here bc its the only place none of my relatives will see it #and i mean like #my mom has told me some of the awful things my dad has said and done while blackout drunk #and i absolutely believe her #but none of it happened in a vacuum #and if i had literally ever heard her admit fault for anything at all i might be more inclined to believe that she was the true victim here #but she has never acknowledged nor apologized for any of the shitty things she said or did to me as a child #or even any of the things she said or did to my sibling who shes much closer with #so like... idk

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Giving me the email to the Senior Executive VP of Programming is definitely the worst thing to happen to that guy today

#and I’ll make sure of it #I’ve got 6 different email accounts #and a lot of rage #bestie u canceled the one thing that made me happy on a regular basis your emails will be a curse to look at #I’m probably gonna end up writing out a few different emails and then copy pasting them like. hourly #thanks but I haven’t the patience for people who make stupid decisions out of greed and moneys #i can definitely say that being able to fight and complain for a renewal is helpful to the absolute grief I felt seeing it canceled #but also with the way I deal with emotions after a day I would’ve probably been numb to it so maybe I’m extending the grief #however! i am stubborn a pain and I hate corporate greed! #also. on Twitter u can make violence jokes which is very sad #bc. I’d love to be like which organ do I gotta sell to get this show renewed? better yet who’s organs? #unfortunately that would definitely land me in whatever twitters jail is #my dad is a regular of Facebook jail bc he can’t be nice I don’t need to be like that lol #I’m. incredibly spiteful and vindictive so sorry to the people just now finding that out #soup talks

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

.

#my dad: how did u do so well in the first exam and so bad in all the rest #and then he thought about it for a minute #and said #oh i know what happened #him: accha so 15-18 ke beech mein ghar pe ladai chal rahi thi na bc of anniversary on 18th #me (internally) : OMG when did u become so smart and so correct im impressed and shocked #him: so party ka haan na ho raha tha na that's why ghar walo ki nazar lag gayi #me: 😐 #like sure i mean whatever u say dude #it's good only for me it's taking the blame off me so i won't complain #tho i understand ig why parents are like this #adulting is already so hard at 19 so imagine what it would be like at like 48 #maybe it's nice to think that i failed bc of some external unknowable force wishing bad upon me #takes off some of the suffocating responsibility #these days i feel amazed like wow how tf did i waste 9+ months aise hi like wtf was that #and yes they were def a waste study pov but like ive def learned few things abt myself #1. talking to new people isn't hard at all actually it's the part that comes after the first meeting #it's the how do i make them stay how do i keep them interested #which ive realised is not a skill i possess so like idk ive made peace with the fact that im not gonna date someone for a long time now #it's good i can finally read fics without feeling disgustingly overwhelmingly lonely #2. healing requires a ridiculous amount of consistency and determination like u can't heal unless you aren't doing something to heal yourse #every fucking day #and that u need to put yourself out there and be in crowds even if it makes u feel lonely to see happy deep friendships #bc that's the only way to form them #3. time doesn't heal it just makes u forget and u learn to distract yourself better as time passes #cause tbh i simultaneously feel at the same place that i was last year and also so far away from it all #mes

[nemovanilla]

.

#okay so I’m poor as can be right #which is okay I’m used to it I’ve never known anything else and I’ve accepted a long time ago that that would never change. and on top of #this I’m a leftist. so a few months ago my dad started dating this upper middle class lady #and like UPPER upper. I think she makes 400k a year and inherited a ton from her dad. so she asks him to go to Cuba and they invite me and #pay for my ticket which is super nice of them. so I’m in Cuba now. I feel so out of place I can’t even describe. the husband of my dads gfs #best friend yelled at one of the check in staff for like twenty minutes because he couldn’t have the size bed he wants. what. what. what. #when we walked into dinner (regular buffet not even a la carte???) thé staff all clapped for us for. I guess walking in for dinner? #evreryoje here is so comfortable being. well being rich I guess. they’re used to people falling over in front of them when they ask #what am I even going to do for the next week I’m so uncomfortable here #I’m really hoping I can meet someone here who’s actually NORMAL and SANE I can just fuck off with them for a few days because. while I’m so #grateful they took me here I’m embarrassed to be around them after how they talked to that guy #maybe I’m just homesick