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#my dad taught me this
inkskinned · 8 months
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you were raised in comparison.
it wasn't always obvious (well. except for the times that it was), but you internalized it young. you had to eat what you didn't like, other people are going hungry, and you should be grateful. you had to suck it up and walk on the twisted ankle, it wasn't broken, you were just being a baby. you were never actually suffering, people obviously had it worse than you did.
you had a roof over your head - imagine! with the way you behaved, with how you talked back to your parents? you're lucky they didn't kick you out on your ass. they had friends who had to deal with that. hell, you have friends who had to deal with that. and how dare you imply your father isn't there for you - just because he doesn't ever actually talk to you and just because he's completely emotionally checked out of your life doesn't mean you're not fucking lucky. think about your cousins, who don't even get to speak to their dad. so what if yours has a mean streak; is aggressive and rude. at least you have a father to be rude to you.
you really think you're hurting? you were raised in a home! you had access to clean water! you never so much as came close to experiencing a real problem. sure, okay. you have this "mental illness" thing, but teenagers are always depressed, right. it's a phase, you'll move on with your life.
what do you mean you feel burnt out at work. what do you mean you mean you never "formed healthy coping mechanisms?" we raised you better than that. you were supposed to just shoulder through things. to hold yourself to high expectations. "burning out" is for people with real jobs and real stress. burnout is for people who have sick kids and people who have high-paying jobs and people who are actually experiencing something difficult. recently you almost cried because you couldn't find your fucking car keys. you just have lost your sense of gratitude, and honestly, we're kind of hurt. we tell you we love you, isn't that enough? if you want us to stick around, you need to be better about proving it. you need to shut up about how your mental health is ruined.
it could be worse! what if you were actually experiencing executive dysfunction. if you were really actually sick, would you even be able to look at things on the internet about it? you just spend too much time on webMD. you just like to freak yourself out and feel like you belong to something. you just like playing the victim. this is always how you have been - you've always been so fucking dramatic. you have no idea how good you have it - you're too fucking sensitive.
you were like, maybe too good of a kid. unwilling to make a real fuss. and the whole time - the little points, the little validations - they went unnoticed. it isn't that you were looking for love, specifically - more like you'd just wanted any one person to actually listen. that was all you'd really need. you just needed to be witnessed. it wasn't that you couldn't withstand the burden, but you did want to know that anyone was watching. these days, you are so accustomed to the idea of comparison - you don't even think you belong in your own communities. someone always fits better than you do. you're always the outlier. they made these places safe, and then you go in, and you are just not... quite the same way that would actually-fit.
you watch the little white ocean of your numbness lap at your ankles. the tide has been coming in for a while, you need to do something about it. what you want to do is take a nap. what you want to do is develop some kind of time machine - it's not like you want your life to stop, not completely, but it would really nice if you could just get everything to freeze, just for a little while, just until you're finished resting. but at least you're not the worst you've been. at least you have anything. you're so fucking lucky. do you have any concept of the amount of global suffering?
a little ant dies at the side of your kitchen sink. you look at its strange chitinous body and think - if you could just somehow convince yourself it is enough, it will finally be enough and you can be happy. no changes will have to be made. you just need to remember what you could lose. what is still precious to you.
you can't stop staring at the ant. you could be an ant instead of a person, that is how lucky you are. it's just - you didn't know the name of the ant, did you. it's just - ants spend their whole life working, and never complain. never pull the car over to weep.
it's just - when it died, it curled up into a tight little ball.
something kind of uncomfortable: you do that when you sleep.
#writeblr#warm up#my dad was actively doing bad shit to us and we STILL were told we were lucky . and to a point i do think im lucky#i just think also there's somethin to be said about like. how about we stop using comparison to dismiss ppls individual struggles#yes there are people who have no perspective. for the reference tho having perspective actually made me really unwilling to get help#for what was a serious and debilitating mental health issue. bc i thought i didnt DESERVE IT#and i would rather have 600 ppl who aren't THAT bad get help and get heard and get seen#than make any 1 kid. do the math that i did: look at the world that is dying and the people who are hurting and say#''oh. okay. others have it worse. they are probably better people than i am. i am being unreasonable. i cannot ask for help#i am not good. i am taking too much space. i am not worth saving.''#bc our WHOLE lives we are taught a scarcity mindset - that you can 'steal' from someone. so that instead of changing a system that doesn't#actually offer fair support to everyone#we put the impetus on the individual to just... demand less.#and here's something - there are probably ppl who think i DIDNT deserve to get help#bc i DID have it better than other people#and something about that is ... so sickening. bc i think all of us in some way at some point WILL need help.#we were supposed to make communities. we were supposed to offer our hands. we were supposed to raise the barn#instead we said: it could be worse. now handle it yourself
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kal-culator · 2 years
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Aw gee I wonder why every other human mechanic ended up dead after working in the pizzaplex
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blueskittlesart · 30 days
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atla live action generally sucks for all the reasons everyone is saying it sucks and i am in no way a live action remake promoter but one thing i will say. they Get the fire siblings. they understand.
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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months
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IMAGINE. working at ur stupid uhhh job or whatever. pulling into your drive way and ready to work on some crazy project in your garage. opening the door to the most unfamiliar silence. did your wife and kid leave for something? could you imagine knocking on your kids door, hardly getting an answer, and opening it to find the splattered remains of your wife across his room your child is scared! hes hardly consolable, in a state of shock and terror. you are too, but youre the adult here. you need to take charge. you need to protect him. you need to do something. you need to do something.
#cw gore#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi prime defenders#jrwi pd spoilers#ashe winters#LOOOORRRD HELP ME THIS IS A YEAR OLD AND I HAAAATE LOOKIN AT IIITTTT ALL I CAN SEE ARE MY MISTAAAKESSS RRAAGHHHGGG ITS FINE THOUGH#ITS FIIIINE ITS ALL FIIIIIIINE!! IM HARSHER ON MY ART THAN ANYONE ELSE ITS FIIIIIINE IIITTSFFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE#ANWYAY SO I THINK ALOT ABOUT THE FACT HE KILLED HIS MOM. FUUUUCKED UP. POOR GUY.. i wish i could learn more about what that day was like#the lil scenario wrote is my own silly little headcanon. but what really happened on that day? was mark there? or did he come home to it?#how violent was it really? was ashe awake the whole time? does he remember exactly how he killed her? does he remember?#who was mrs winters? what was she like? i like to think she was the one that gave ashe the book. taught him what she could before. yknow.#did ashe or mark try to destroy it afterwards? i could imagine mark throwing it into a fire. only for it to reappear with ashe#maybe ashe couldnt destroy it but i could imagine him hiding it. hiding away from it. and yet when we find him he holds it so close#its the only thing he can do! no super powers or anything. this was it. why would he ever throw away the only thing hes good at?#AND GOOD GOD MARK... TURNING TO MERCENARY WORK OVER IT ALL... SELLING HIS SOUL TO A LAbortory that changed him in immense ways#when did it get bad enough for him to start covering his face? what was ashe thinking? he knew his dad was up to something but what?#maRK HAS SUUUCH A CRAZY KILL COUNT TOO. I THINK THE HIGHEST IN THE SERIES IF WE'RE NOT LOOKIN AT THE GODS OR WATEV#MASS MURDER. MAN HAS COMMITTED MASS MURDER AND BROKE OUT OF SUPER VILLAIN PRISON WITH A PEN. MAN BUILDS IRON MAN SUITS IN HIS BASEMENT#OKay okay enough of my ramblin okayokay i just REALLY LOVE THIS SSHHOOOOWWW DUUUDEE EEUUGHTHTHHRHGHGH I LOVE THE WINTERS FAMILY...
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zappedbyzabka · 4 months
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Rent free
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queenimmadolla · 1 year
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I know you did “The Birds and WWEs” with Penny ready to throw down with Eddie for hurting her momma. HOWEVER image, if you will, this happens with baby Wayne while Penny is out somewhere with auntie Robin for a girl’s day or something so baby Wayne was taking a nap and they think he’s napping. So he hears reader and it sounds like she’s getting hurt so he freaks out and does the only thing he can think of and calls Uncle Steve saying that “MOM AND DAD ARE FIGHTING AND MOMMYS GETTING HURT” and he takes the phone to the door and Steve tries his damndest try not to burst into laughter realizing what happened. “Bud can you knock on the door and let mommy and daddy know you’re up? I think they’re just playing” so he knocks on the door and Eddie comes to the door disheveled af with his boxers on and is MORTIFIED cause he’s already having flashbacks to when he had this conversation with Penny.
Imma go ahead and hand over the reins to our little family because this is FANTASTIC!
There’s no chance in hell Eddie wouldn’t use his children’s nap times to rail you into the mattress. It’s why he looks forward toward to them (and also since it keeps them from turning into Gremlins). His kids are usually pretty heavy sleepers unless you and Eddie actually want them to sleep in (then they’re waking up if a twig across Hawkins snaps at 5am) so he’s not all that worried about you accidentally being too loud.
Which, of course, means he’d be HORRIFIED when he hears that knock at your bedroom door while he’s balls deep because he knows there’s only one other tiny person in the house. But he can’t leave his tot waiting for long so he’s gotta hop into his boxers (if you weren’t’ so mortified yourself—you’d make fun of him but you’re in an even worse state) and step out, swooping Wayne up before he can catch a glimpse of you in the bed, even though you’ve thrown yourself onto the other side of it.
Nothing is worse, though, than when Eddie picks up the sound of Steve’s voice and sees the clunky house receiver in his toddler’s hand because he knows he probably traumatized his baby and if, by the grace of Odin, Wayne managed to forget it, Steve never would, nor would he let Eddie live this down.
Steve when Wayne holds the phone to the door and he can hear you and Eddie having s*x:
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sometiktoksarevalid · 17 days
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yardsards · 10 months
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also. amber gris as a character is really important to me as an appalachian.
not just her accent or the specific type of person justin based her off of but like
the feeling of losing someone to addiction/overdose while the government does nothing to help, just criminalizes and stigmatizes and makes things worse. which obviously happens in more places than just around here, but we have one of the highest rates of overdose death in the whole country and that whole set of scenes felt like they were really informed by growing up around that
#eliot posts#taz#taz ethersea#the adventure zone#amber gris#drugs cw#death mention#i've made posts like this and deleted them cuz i never feel like i'm wording it just right but just. god.#i'm lucky enough to have never been addicted or to have a best friend or immediate family member die from it#but i've lost or nearly lost extended family to it#and it's like.#my own accent isn't that thick and neither is my immediate family's or best friends'#but i've known ppl who talked like her.#specifically a man named larry who lived with us when we were real young#for some reason especially the way amber says ''come on'' just always reminds me so strongly of larry's voice. he said that phrase a lot#he was the one who taught me to tie my shoes even after my parents lost patience with me for being 'too old' to not understand#he drank excessively like my dad did but he never got mean with us kids#he came and went a few times over the years. the final time he left was when i was in late elementary#he died of an overdose when i was in high school. i didn't feel much of anything at the time.#it had been so long since i'd seen him but also i was at a point in my life where i'd've been numb to big emotions like that anyway#so my parents got drunk about it and i did nothing. just went to school and shit as usual.#i did not expect those feelings to get dredged up by a goddamned comedy dnd podcast#but they did it well i think#even though i had to pause it to take a breather multiple times. i enjoyed it overall. cathartic i guess?
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lesbianyosano · 9 months
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its always ‘who in the pm taught kyouka to drive’ but i think itd be x10 funnier if it was someone in the ada
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hand-face-chan · 4 months
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I'm only halfway though Hbomberguy's new video and I dont know if this is a universal experience but my main horrified takeaway from hbomb's plagiarism video so far is that one of my highschools TAUGHT AN ENTIRE CLASS OF 13 YEAR OLDS TO PLAGIARISE. LIKE, ON PURPOSE.
I ended up moving to a much better highschool, but my first highschool essentially taught us to "write" essays by reading what someone else had written and then write what they said again but putting it "into your own words". Which in practice was teaching us to change, for example, "the works of Shakespeare were regarded by many as the first popular art form" to "Shakespeare's plays have been said by some to be the first example of popular media". One teacher actually told us that the process of writing an essay was "saying what the people you've researched have said, in a way where it sounds like you said it".
Like. The tactics that actual plagiarists use to hide the fact that they were stealing. An actual teacher tried to teach me to do that.
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craycraybluejay · 2 months
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Honestly I think I do want to have kids someday. Definitely not bio kids but kids of my own all the same. Maybe just 1, maybe an entire 2.
I want to give the love and support that was not afforded to me. I want to watch them grow into amazing adults and know that I gave this child/these children the opportunity to live a good, fulfilled life. I want to instill in them my love of books; teach them important things like courage and bravery, kindness, respect, a sense of genuine wonder in a world so empty of it. I want to encourage their interests and pursuits and congratulate them when they work hard no matter the end result. I want to be the parent I never had, the best one possible.
I don't know where that fits into the rest of my life plan if it does at all. Idk. Sometimes when I experience something cool and whimsical I think; wouldn't it be awesome to share this with my own kid? A nice book or a pretty landscape or when I'm thinking about advocacy for good public schools. The thought creeps in, wouldn't it be amazing to keep even one person safe from the foster care system? Wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to nurture and support? Wouldn't it be awesome if because I was such a good parent my child lived a happy life where they felt free and safe to follow their dreams and be themselves and things?
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uncanny-tranny · 2 months
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The cognitive dissonance that says both that humans are inherently superior and also completely separate from the world and everything that's in the world is a very interesting one. It says a lot, I think, about how people view the world and others when they believe these things. The political implications of these ideas are vast and honestly staggering - because people both feel superior and separate from the world, they sometimes start to treat the world in that way.
I wonder how much of this is tied to hyperindividualism which posits that the way to live is to separate yourself from everything around you - to see the world as inherently lesser, inherently something to own and to find monetary value in.
At the end of the day:
You are inherently tied to the world you live in because you live in this world
You are inseparable from Nature™
You affect the world by loving here, just as the smallest wasp or the largest whale does. This is inevitable and isn't good or bad
Your worth is not tied in with how individualized you are, or by how much you separate yourself from the world
Whatever you do to ground yourself in this world, make sure it's something that fulfills you. It's honestly crazy how much this can open your eyes
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Anybody else have favorite constellations? Like GOD I love Andromeda. But I also love Ursa Minor/Major. And of course I enjoy finding Sagittarius. ORION.
IDK. Stars are cool.
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zukkaoru · 5 days
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fic research is like [six tabs of information about chess] [two tabs of information about anemia] [search history: starbucks prices in japan, yen to usd converter, tamagawa aqueduct]
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tenkomura · 25 days
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#a bit of a incoherent rant fueled by lots of emotions#i want to leave Germany. eventually. like this shit is crazy. the cognitive dissonance is unfathomable#our news quote the Israeli military as a reliable source#imagine that shit... they always highlight that the health ministry is run by hamas yet without question believe what the military says#Islamophobia has always been a problem ALWAYS ALSAYS ALWAYS#but it has gotten so much worse#i am genuinely terrified of what shit they will say during Ramadan#i can't fucking do it#even i was confronted with so much racism and the only turkish thing about me is my name and that i maybe look türkish#my dad never taught me the language and i am catholic on paper#and EVEN I dealt with it#and the hostility rn is unbearable#the fact that germany absolutely distorts the meaning of antisemitism is so concerning#you have germas fight for their lives to prove you hate jews when you think critically about the war#calling it a genocide is the worst thing u can say here rn#and Palestinians just keep dying and they keep being dehumanized and no one here cares or listens#there is so much evidence#but they value one life and don't care about the other#its always 'but what about the 1200 dead Israelis you are antisemitic'#girl i am grieving for all innocent lives that are lost WHAT THE FUCK?!#look at the fucking scale!!!#every live is precious BUT THERE IS NO WAY YOU COMPARE THE SUFFERING#the whole war is just a catalyst for germans to be hateful and frame it like they are morally correct#and Palestinians. keep. being. killed.
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Serious question can you Draw Charlie and Henry being silly?
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This can't be safe but damn if they aren't adorable
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