#my depression is cured i no longer want to die | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

boypussydilf · 7 months

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FaC Miniseries really be out here saying, "Simon, you might be a suicidal man who would give his own life and brain for a pair of strangers that resemble a part of the traumatic past that ruined your life, but consider: you were selfish in your past relationship because you didn't consider your girlfriend enough and now that she sacrificed herself to become God for you you aren't allowed to die because that would make her sacrifice be in vain. You have to continue living in a world that you no longer relate to with people who will continue to deadname you and bring up your traumatic past for funzies and you aren't even allowed to reconciliate with your daughter or other closest friends because they have a happy life without you bumming them out with your depression and we wouldn't want you to burden them with your feelings of uselessness and crippling lack of self worth now would we? Now go hang out with a literal child you 59+ year old man, you have therapy in an hour."

hey i wanna point out that cripple is like. a slur a lot of ppl still use it in this kind of context w/o thinking but u can just say like, debilitating instead theres not any reason to use it

ik its just like habit tho bc its still kinda common so to respond to the ask ,

KSBDJWBDJWBJDBWJDNWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJDBWJSHHSB

They just could NOT be assed to resolve or address any of his emotional issues huh!!!!!!!! Yeah Simon, we know you think you suck, and you are suicidally depressed, and you are traumatized from both living through the apocalypse and spending a thousand years trapped under a curse, and the world changed without you so you now feel fundamentally out of place, can’t relate to people around you, and none of your skills are applicable anymore, and you are being crushed under the guilt of the love of your life making an unfathomably giant sacrifice to save you, and you wanted to see her again and apologize for not being able to bring her back so so badly that you were willing to kidnap a guy and keep him in a cage in your house for it, and you feel absolutely no sense of purpose in your life and have nothing to do anymore, but like, we have a really really great idea for how we’re gonna deal with that: we WON’T! We just Won’t Address It. You get to mention how you were willing to basically die because you felt like your life was worthless ONE time, and it will be after you regain the will to LIVE because you… got… told that you fucked everything up with your fiancé because you were apparently super selfish on accident? Now you’re just gonna go back home and be happy now. No yeah nothing changed in either your life or your mental state but we have to pretend it did because the story is over now. Your happy ending montage will casually feature you happily drinking at the bar. Don’t think about episode 4. Oh huh what’s that? What about your daughter figure who you felt you weren’t important to and would just be burdening and worrying with your difficult emotions, which seemed to be leading to you choosing to have a genuine and honest talk with her in the end? No she doesn’t even get mentioned, let alone show up on screen. Also Betty may or may not be dead. Yeah now that she cured your depression by telling you you fucked up she’s moving on with her life or something by which we may or may not mean reincarnating. Yeah we might have fridged her. Happy ending for everyone!

the therapy scene hits a special nerve like good for him but oh my god. i cant actually think of any other examples, but i feel like ive seen too many things decide that the way to portray healing as a difficult nonlinear thing is to. directly state “This is going to be complicated and hard!” and then not actually show it being complicated or hard now that they’ve acknowledged it. like dude all we actually see in that ending is just him being happy. you really made it seem like he is just Fine now. guys. guys what happened to his everything

#fionna and cake spoilers #basilask

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veryhardymemes · 9 months

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Noah Kahan Sentence Starters Stick Season (We’ll Be Here Forever)

Content Warning For: Suicidal ideations/imagery, mentions of alcohol/drugs, depression/melancholia, mentions of COVID

Northern Attitude:

How you been? Settled down?

How’re your kids?

Where are you?

What does it mean?

Forgive my northern attitude

Stick Season:

I am stuck between my anger and the blame that I can't face

Memories are something even smoking weed does not replace

Doc told me to travel but there's COVID on the planes

I love Vermont, but it's the season of the sticks

I saw your mom, she forgot that I existed

I just like to play the victim

I thought that if I piled something good on all my bad that I could cancel out the darkness I inherited from dad

I’m no longer funny

My other half was you

I hope this pain’s just passing through

I doubt it

All My Love:

How have things been?

Well, now that you mention it

I'm saying too much but you know how it gets out here

No winter coat could keep out all the cold of your atmosphere

You got all my love

If you need me dear, I'm the same as I was

You burrowed in under my skin

What I'd give to have you out from me

I just hope that your scars heal

I swear I was scared to death

She Calls Me Back:

Oh, there was heaven in your eyes

Everything’s alright when she calls me back

Look at me and don't you lie

For bullshit I do not have time

Does it bite at your edges?

Do you lie awake restless?

Why am I so obsessive?

This town's the same as you left it

The radio is taunting me

I don't get much sleep most nights

I'm seeing you in every dream

If only I could wake you up

If only I could fall asleep

I'll love you when the oceans dry

I'll love you when the rivers freeze

I was too afraid of living life in your footsteps

Come Over:

I’m in the business of losing your interest

Don't you know there's a coffin buried under the garden?

You won't have to guess who they're speaking about

I'm in the process of clearing out cobwebs

I was taking the wrong meds

It feels good to be sad

I know that it ain’t much

I know that it ain’t cool

You don’t have to tell the other kids at school

Someday I’m gonna be somebody people want

New Perspective:

Silence is making me nostalgic

We were kids but that don't make this less hard

If I could fly I doubt I'd even do it

You made Ohio feel just like Central Park

You and all of your new perspective now

Everywhere, Everything:

It's been a long year

Would we survive in a horror movie?

We trust everyone we meet

I wanna love you 'till we're food for the worms to eat

Keep my hand in yours

Orange Juice:

Honey, come over

We know you got sober

There's orange juice in the kitchen

It’s yours if you want it

We're just glad you could visit

The last time I drank I was face down passed out there on your lawn

Are we all just crows to you now?

Are we all just pulling you down?

You didn't put those bones in the ground

Strawberry Wine:

Darling speak to me

Remember telling me that you thought you were cursed?

I'm in love with every song you've ever heard

If I could lose you I would

We buried your bones in plywood

I said love is fast asleep on a dirt road with your head on my shoulder

For you, darling, for you

No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft and sentimental like a stranger in the park

For a few moments, I see you

Growing Sideways:

So I took my medication

We argued about Jesus

I said I’m cured

I’m still angry at my parents

But it’s a start

I ignore things

At the end of the day I know there are worse ways to stay alive

I'm terrified that I might never have met me

I guess I’ll drive

So I forgot my medication

Now I’m suffering in style

Why is pain so damn impatient?

It's better to die numb than feel at all

Halloween:

I'm sailing away to a place I'm afraid of

I'm drinking my days with the coastal longshoreman

I drink 'till I drown and I smoke 'till I'm burning

I worry for you

You worry for me

I'm leaving this town and I'm changing my address

I know that you'll come if you want

There's a murder of crows in the low light off Boston

Homesick:

Two months since you got back

Are you bored yet?

The weather ain’t been bad

If you’re into masochistic bullshit

This place is such great motivation for anyone tryna move

Time moves so damn slow

I swear I feel my organs failing

I would leave if only I could find a reason

I'm mean because I grew up in New England

I got dreams but I can't make myself believe them

I’m homesick

Still:

I don’t want to say goodbye

You find love that lasts a while 'till you lose the reasons

You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it

It's like I'm still here with you

It's a bottomless hole I've found out here with a trace of no one

The View Between Villages:

For a minute the world seems so simple

I’m seventeen again

I am not scared of death

I’ve got dreams again

Your Needs, My Needs:

Oh well, who was I?

Who was I to watch you wilt?

You ain't gotta tell me what it means

You'll always be a flower on my skin

I promise to be there this time

I'm naming the stars in the sky after you

Dial Drunk:

I'm remembering I promised to forget you now

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown in the name of someone I no longer know

I don't like that when they threw me in the car

I gave your name as my emergency phone call

Even the cops thought you were wrong for hanging up

I’d die for you

The dial tone is all I have

I beg you, sir, just let me call

Let's wait I swear she'll call me back

Son, are you a danger to yourself?

Son, why do you do this to yourself?

Paul Revere:

This place had a heartbeat in its day

The boys are drunk

But it just ain't that simple, it never was

One day I'm gonna cut it clear

I’m not from around here

I'll leave before the road crew's out

Folks just disappear

If I could leave, I would've already left

No Complaints:

Thought I had something

That's the same as having something

I'd get mad at nothing

Blame my dad for something

I'd pull no punches

Thought I was raised better

Hope the skin heals where the pain enters

I set a time, then I showed up

Now the weight of the world ain't so bad

I filled the hole in my head with prescription medication

Who am I to complain?

And now the pain's different

I can finally eat and I can fall asleep

Call Your Mom:

Oh, you’re spiraling again

Don't let this darkness fool you

All lights turned off can be turned on

I’ll drive all night

I’ll call your mom

If you could see yourself like this, you'd have never tried it

Oh dear, don't be discouraged

I've been exactly where you are

Throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason

Don't wanna drive another mile wondering if you're breathing

Won’t you stay with me?

You’re Gonna Go Far:

This is normal conversation, babe, it's all fine

The college kids are getting so young, ain't they?

I got tired of the frat boys with the brights on

"This is good land" or at least it was

Say whatever you feel, be wherever you are

We're overdue for a revival

We spent so long just getting by

You told me you would make a difference

#memes #rp meme #roleplay meme #inbox meme #inbox memes #sentence starter #roleplay starters #roleplay sentence meme #rp sentence meme #sentence starter meme #lyric sentence starters #lyric sentence starter #noah kahan sentence starters #noah kahan rp memes

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i-am-a-fraud · 1 year

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congras on the new blog! this is me asking for a funny scenario with kalego with his human s/o. maybe something funny like his s/o is cooking for him and it tastes so bad that he dies a little inside every bite but he wont say anything coz he doesnt want to hurt his s/o's feelings :D

Oh my god thank you so much your so sweet!

Kalego x reader

Trying readers really bad cooking

No warnings

..................................................................................

I personally headcanon kalego to be autistic but that doesn't limit him it just explains some stuff about him

He is very sensitive to foods he likes them cooked his way and his way only

Not to be a ass or Gordon Ramsey 2.0 but because of textures and flavors

When he walked through the door after a long day to see you setting out plates, he got nervous

Can you even cook? Have you ever cooked before? Did you use HIS recipes?

He has so many questions but not enough energy to ask

"Thank you" is all he could say as you made him sit down

Your eyes where bright and you looked so excited as you layed out a feast of your favorite meal you really wanted kalego to try

He took a bite and died a little bit inside

His soul left his body and not in a good way

You looked so happy to be eating your favorite dinner and so happy that he was too

He clenched his jaw and sucked it up

Although he did slide some of the food into his pockets because of how bad it was.

"Wow you eat all that in such little time do you want more?"

"No I feel bloated"

"Oh I am sorry, I really thought!"

"No! It is good, definitely needs some improving but how about next time we make it together"

"You can take the *food* out of your pocket, I know I'm not a good cook thank you for trying it"

Now if you where not a crush or s/o it would go something like this . . .

"Are you trying to poison me?"

"No just try it"

"Ook"

Takes one bite

"I wouldn't feed this dry ass burt to the crisp bumpy lumpy dumpy bull shit to a mouse or iruma!"

(Ok he doesn't talk like that but you almost made bro go on his evil cycle smh)

Will avoid you for a week or month or the rest of your life because he will probably live longer than you because you will die of your own cooking but that's beside the point.

Anways back on track . . .

He loves you and doesn't want you upset and you know that

Your honestly surprised how nice he was about it kalego hates and I mean HATES people touching or messing with his food

(Probably eats the same 3 meals every week)

It is the thought that counts to him

He will make a point to make your favorite dinner for you so it doesn't look like the bottom of a grill at the end of summer time. Or rather the remaines of a house fire

Will be sure to make you watch him cook so you can "learn"

Needless to say you do not learn, you are just born a bad cook

Doesn't mind cooking with you, gives you small tasks you can't possibly mess up

If you do, he will give you the most annoyed horse face every to be seen

Loves you either way master chef or white trash grill fire (ok, but if there is a grill fire, you know them burgers gonna taste like heaven or like lacking charcoal)

If you say something like "master chef who?" He will give you the most confused and disappointed face known to man to this day

He will not tease you or make fun of you and will go along with lies

Your lies may include lying when you bring baked goods to a gathering saying you made them not him

I feel like he doesn't want anyone to know that he can cook.

He doesn't want to seem housewife like I guess I don't know

BBQ god that's all I am gonna say

I tried to make this a little longer. I don't like writing short things. I feel like I am failing you guys (you guys being my one follower, that is my other account)

I hope you like it annon please request again

Requests cure my depression

#naberius kalego #kalego sensei #kalego x reader

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foreverdolly · 2 years

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Do you read anyone else’s fics? Or does writing, take up all your time on here? I’m just genuinely curious if you have any favorite stories? ( you may of been asked this already) -

🤍lola

i will be honest- i don't read as much as i should on this site now that i'm writing daily, but i want to remedy that. if anyone has any recs or if you want me to read your writing, just message me ! i'm an absolute sucker for a well written fic. i'm not doing this in any sort of order btw ! just writing them down as they come to me. if i haven't mentioned a fic of yours- it's not because i don't like it ! it probably means that i just haven't gotten to it yet !

here are some fics that genuinely buttered my biscuit and had my one hundred and fifteen pound, tiny chihuahua-ass doing backflips down the hallway:

forbidden desire- @mamaspresley ( i read this three times within the first 48 hours of it being posted. i would suck the grease out of austin's hair in this movie like a damn rat. i'm jealous of the pitbull that got to chomp on this man's nutsack. i wish i was the doorframe where his ass got curb stomped. jackie did the damn thing on this one. if anyone knew how many times i've actually read this fic, someone might take my phone away from me. i told her that this was one of my favorite tumblr fics in the history of ever and she didn't believe me. "really?" yes, girl. yes. this had me doing the bend and snap. jackie you're so talented.)

to find a cure- @mamaspresley ( adorable. couldn't breathe the entire time. i had my inhaler in my lap and was clutching my modelo with my free hand. knuckles pale. knees quivering. mom's spaghetti. i'm nervous.)

into you - @dreamersparacosm ( this was actually one of the first austin fics i read post-elvis, which is super cool since you were one of my first mutuals as well ! ang, your writing is stellar. this shit had me doing laps around the house. i had to fight off the urge to propose to you. i told my mom about us. the way you write austin??? jesus, mary, joseph, the donkey and all the wise men.)

going method - @oh-austin (this is just so cute to read. it cured my depression and straightened out my scoliosis. i'm also no longer lactose intolerant, and i think this might also be connected to the series.)

the big shot mississippi boy - @ghxst-heart (i devoured this series in one sitting, and am anxiously awaiting part eight. the way that you are able to so accurately describe the 50's. . . it's almost as though you've lived it yourself ! not to mention the way that you write for elvis??? amazing amazing amazing. you deserve all the love.)

a whole man is hard to find- @aconflagrationofmyown (this fic is going to be my downfall, i can just feel it. marina- please don't give me a heart attack. i'm not ready to die yet. i haven't gotten to peg, and i have a few more things after that to cross off the ole' bucket list.)

familiarity- @blainesebastian (i adore this idea, and what you've done with it is absolutely out of this world. you have this fantastic way of making your reader inserts so relatable. it feels very real and i mean that in the best way possible. like any ole' person can run into austin butler while reaching for the coveted maple clusters. gorgeous.)

on a serious note: there's definitely way more than this. i'll be making a second post of more recommendations at a later date, that way everyone can get the love and appreciation that they deserve. thank you all for what you do for this fandom. just know that your hard work does not go unnoticed. i know that most of you either have school work or maybe even a full time job (like myself), and the fact that you set time aside to write for other's enjoyment is selfless, and quite amazing of you. you are seen, loved, and so so talented.

#dolly's recs #I love all of these people #thank you for all you do #BUT MOST OF THESE MAKE MY TOES CURL #OOOF

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pearblossommina · 10 months

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ToG Read-A-Long, Kingdom of Ash, day 6

(One day late- yeah) (I’ll catch up, though)

Ch 43

Ok things are starting to go places with Dorian and Manon. Dorian, improving his shapeshifting skills

Manon, working towards meeting that peaceful fate she’s supposed to live up to.

You guys got this, I believe in you!

Don’t let those keys out of your sight, and Dorian, don’t let yourself get killed, cause it would break my damn heart.

Ch 44

Oof Aelin. Bad dreams. I’m not all right. You’re not all right. Fenrys isn’t all right. And yet the war still rages on, and people still die. My heart goes out to her for trying to keep moving. It’s a lot, and it’s probably going to be a while before she processes it.

I really, really hate this. I just gotta keep reading.

Ch 45

Oof Chaol and Yrene. You guys really want that baby… well… I guess that’s the best way to feel about an accidental pregnancy.

It makes me anxious as hell - but I’m sure nothing bad will happen, and this will be the first baby after the final wyrdkey is destroyed and the valg are banished to whatever realm they came from.

Ch 46

Aedion and Lysandra are not good, war is not good, things are bad for this whole legion

Ugh

I hate this. I liked it better when we were winning the war.

Ch 47

I took an entire day off reading this chapter; and I blame it for putting me behind the pace.

Something about Lysandra fighting as Aelin even though she could take a more efficient form, seeing her want to bear the likeness that will inspire the fighters the most, I was like: I think I need a break

Yeah!

Because this shit is hard to read! I’m too soft, I admit it. I don’t like all this war and anguish. It really weighs on you after a while. Even if it’s fictional, even if I have full faith that there’s gonna be a happy end.

Ch 48

FINALLY. The characters are FINALLY converging - about damn time you guys - we need to go kick some ass!

It’s cute how Aelin and Yrene are introducing each other to their husbands. Very wholesome. Girl, let’s have a belated bachelorette party. Uhhhhh - after the baby I guess since Yrene can’t exactly drink for the next 9 months -

Ch 49

Another cute wholesome we’re-all-together-now chapter!

Dorian killing that spider cured Falkan of his old age - I didn’t even think of that, but it’s kind of fascinating. When they were killing spiders I wonder how many people just got their lives and dreams back?

Ch 50

"Did you buy the swagger, the arrogance?" she demanded, voice breaking. "Did the others? Because I’ve been trying to. I've been trying like hell to convince myself that it's real, reminding myself I only need to pretend to be how I was just long enough."

Oh Aelin, Aelin, Aelin, don’t, don’t do this to yourself!

(I bought it)

(I bought every part of it)

(The reunion with Rowan, and the others)

(The way she seemed to come back to life when she was with him)

(The way she told him she was ready to be kissed)

(The way they made love, and mate-bonded anew)

(The way she offered a blood oath to Lorcan and acted all knowing about his relationship or lack-there-of with Elide)

(The way she’s been these last two chapters- )

(With tears in her eyes when she saw Chaol standing)

(And a glimmer of her old personality when she met with the khaganate, with Borte, with Falkan)

(I feel. REALLY SAD. Hearing her say all of it was a show, and that she’s been pretending, because she just wants to die - to forge the lock)

(I know it’s what Elena wants)

(But girl - you can’t!)

(Please keep trying Aelin)

(I know it’s hard)

(But life gets better!)

Honestly this book is mega depressing. I desperately want to feel something other than sadness, and sorrow, and pain. We’re out of Maeve’s clutches, and no longer being tortured, but the psychic damage is real, and it endures.

I kind of don’t even know if I’m going to feel better when Maeve gets destroyed. I know we gotta do it, and I’ll be glad when we do, but for the most part, I don’t feel good about it - I just feel desperate.

It’s kind of the difference when reading a fantasy novel vs a dystopian novel. Saving the world and being a hero. Vs disrupting the unjust system, fighting to bring the villain’s fall. This book is feeling more dystopian than ever. I’m having a hard time rooting for the hero’s because…. Everything sucks right now. And it’s hard to “root” for the downfall of a villain.

I am ready for the actual war to just be over and the characters to have a good day. A day where everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. I feel like it’s well earned.

#tog read along 2023 #kingdom of ash #one day late

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ira-hydrangea · 2 years

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Hello! Can I request Pecking Duck, Yokan, Whisky, Black Tea and Fruit Tart taking care/spend time with Ellen/MC reader before the body swap and being in twisted wonderland. Reader is younger (12-13) and she needs help for mostly anything. Thanks!

Character:

Warning: Depressed, sickness.

Pecking Duck, Yokan, Whisky, Black Tea, Fruit Tart x Sick! Reader (Witch House AU) (Platonic)

Pecking Duck

He is fulfilling the father role to you. In his eyes, you are just a very pitiful young child that didn't have to endure this pain.

He is come to you because of your desire to have a father figure. So he will fulfill that small little wish of yours.

When he learned that your parents didn't even try to help your illness and start to neglect you. Boy, he was mad!

He is there on your side as your first food soul. He understands you like a part of his child even regarding you as his own family. That's why he will help you to give your revenge on your so-called 'parents'.

Even if you decide to become a witch and become the devil's apprentice, he is okay with it. It will help you live a little bit longer until he manages to find some cure.

He will be the one that will read you a storybook and become your best friend. Even after your little family grows with other food souls, he will always stand on your side.

After you told him that plan to swipe your body with this best friend. He agrees almost immediately.

After all, which father can watch their child die in pain? So he will do everything for your safety, life, and happiness.

Yokan

He is a big brother figure to you. And he is summoned suddenly. Yeah... he just appears in the middle of the night without any summoning preparation.

The reason? Because of your strong negative emotions. Especially hatred.

Why did I say he is your big brother figure? Because he also teaches you a few things with storytelling. For example how to manipulate a human into your liking or how to kill a human and make it look like an accident or-. Peking Duck needs to confiscate that books.

When you want to kill your parents, he is very supportive. He handles the torture part. Just want to let you all know.

When your sickness happens, again and again, he sometimes stays beside you and hums the lullaby to you or lets you play with his clothes.

By the time, your life is at risk and you told him about the switching body plan. His reaction is simply like this:

“That is such a long plan. I can just knock her up and bring her here.”

“... That not how the spell work.”

After the switching body is done, he enjoys the negative emotion of your best friend build up. Betrayal, hate, sad. My~ Such a beautiful emotions she has ~

Whisky

Your private doctor. I'm joking. He is that mean older brother that likes to tease you with scary stories and medicine. That type.

Very strict with your schedule. What time do you have to eat, the time when you have to go to sleep, and many others?

If Peking Duck is more leisure and spoiling you then he is much more strict. Someone needs to set up some boundaries.

But he didn't deny it for having a soft spot for you. If you even cough blood in front of him, the one that he blames the most is the other food souls.

"I told you, they can not force themselves too much!" The other food souls will look the other way in shame.

When you kill your parents, he is simply joined in for the experiment part. For your medicine's sake.

Although he has this smile and charming aura, he is the cruelest food soul you have. Killing and experimenting are his expertise. So whatever you kill someone with your witch power, he is ready to obtain the part and erase the evidence.

By the time your sickness is worsened and the plan to switch has been told. He is the one that prepares the medicine used after the switch. Of course, that was his modified medicine.

It would be much better if he can melt the body along with the soul but they simply didn’t have much time. Such a pity...

Black Tea

She is one of the food souls that act like a mother to you plus a maid.

She takes your hygiene very seriously and is more likely to stand by your side almost every day. Serving as your maid.

She loves to bring a new book to you for reading material and new games to the manor if she has time. She also acts as a nurse. She remembers your medicine schedule very precisely.

Hate your parents with passion. She maybe didn’t participate in your parent's killing because she is summoned after that but that doesn’t mean she can’t curse the parents out loud.

She is very much involved with the switching of body parts but only for the preparations. She does not participate in the much more bloody part.

Did she know that wrong? Yes. Did she care? No.

For her, your well-being is much more important. You can use as many humans as you want and she will help you from behind with a stoic face.

Fruit Tart

I didn’t know if she fits this witch au scenario but since you ask for it. Here you go. Sorry if this part is quite short.

The one that spoils you with sweetness. A LOT OF SWEET.

Is no secret too that she has quite a skill in tea brewing. She is that sugar mother. Whatever she visits you, she makes sure to bring so many souvenirs from clothes, jewelry, food, etc.

And if you want something? She will fight tooth and nail to obtain those things.

Dislike getting involved in the bloody part. There were already so many food souls that get involved and she didn’t want to dirty her gown. So... She will just watch while sipping her tea with you. Or maybe she will help you prepare for poison?

Dislike a commoner like your best friend a lot. The one that opposes your friendship but when she learns that her Best friend is just a pawn? Okay. She let it slide. Just hurry up with the plan.

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #disney twisted wonderland #ira answer #twisted wonderland headcanons #twisted wonderland x food fantasy #food fantasy x twisted wonderland #food fantasy x reader #food fantasy headcanons

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valeskafics · 1 year

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I usually just send you stuff off anon but this is super toxic of me and I don’t want you to stop liking me soooooooo

I’m lowkey kind of obsessed with the frat!Tyler stuff but I just know that I’m way too petty and toxic to give in to him so I would never end up with a guy like that

I’m not proud of it but I would rather die unhappy than give in first

Like if we have this mean flirty banter thing going on I’m happy but the second that he tries to make me jealous I’m fake crying, flirting with his best friend and doing everything I can to ruin his reputation with his friends. I would probably get married to frat!Xavier in this au just to spite Tyler, because how there he try to play games with me and think he’s gonna win!!!!

I will not stop until he’s depressed and alone because I don’t lose mind games and I will hurt you just because I can. I enjoy winning hurtful games more than I enjoy love so if anyone decides to play with me I go all out

Like I said I’m not proud of it so I no longer start shit, I only do this after someone starts it but when I’m done with them they need therapy

And I just want to destroy Tyler emotionally after I read the ask where he gives the other girl his jacket that he usually gives to you and them makes you go get it. I would not go get the jacket I would start fake crying run away to a mutual friend and make up a beautiful story about how Tyler is such a cruel person for leading me on and than ridiculing me! So mean! After that night he would’ve lost at least 3 friends🤭. I’d probably convince Xavier to date me instead because I think that would hurt Tyler the most and Xavier is cute so what the hell right?

I know I’m a bad person but I just want to hurt this man

(Before you ask yes I’m in therapy and yes my therapist is aware that I’m incapable of empathy and no there’s no cure for my personality disorder)

..........no because im kind of obsessed with that!!!!!!!!! TOXIC BABYYYYYYYY

#tyler galpin #frat!tyler

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essekknits · 2 years

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You might think that it will never end. That you will always be on the edge, that pain and death would always be on your mind. That you will be stressed or scared and your first thought would be “I want to die”.

This post it here to tell you that it can change.

I’ve been depressed for most of my life. My first instinct, when things got hard, was self harm. For years I’ve been struggling with this, just trying my best to stop this, to get to a better place.

A few days ago I was hit with the realisation that I genuinely no longer feel this urge. I had the most stressful, scary and high stakes exam period, not to mention a period of so much quick and extreme change (which is hard for me as an autistic person). This is the kind of time that would make me break down, before. Make me hurt myself, make me start going down a road I don’t want to go.

Except I didn’t. I managed to get through the entire exam period feeling stable and safe and secure. I was doing better. Still am.

I’m not cured. There’s ups and downs, and some days I still have a hard time finding the energy to get out of bed.

But it’s better. I’m getting better. This feeling? The helplessness? The despair? They can pass. They can face. You can get through.

There’s always hope.

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sewercentipede · 2 years

Note

Random/curious anon hii!

Have you ever done speed?how was it?

hi anon!

speed is another name for certain amphetamines, and i used to be prescribed amphetamines for many years for adhd (I think 7-8 years). they got me my high school degree and bachelor’s degree and gave me a bit of income during exam seasons in college lol ;). but i stopped taking them as soon as I left academia and the job i worked right after college, because i no longer needed them to function, focus, or stay awake etc. to the degree that academia and that particular job demanded of me, and i didn’t like taking them. im not rly much of a stimulants person (not counting mdma, but mdma is also an entheogen in addition to being part of the class of amphetamine, so it’s very different from other amphetamines), and i never grew a psychological addiction to amphetamines even tho I did physically (I’d go into withdrawal if I went a day without taking them, but withdrawal consisted of being super sleepy and sleeping a lot and that’s about it). speed is really good for if you need to be alert, accomplish tasks, and have energy, focus, and motivation; they would “cure” my depression when I’d take them too (the depression would come back once they wore off each day though, of course). but i hated the side effects; they would change my personality in a way I didn’t like, making me less playful, less sociable/talkative, less affectionate, and making me more easily irritated by anything that would disrupt my focus (basically made me hate fun). i didn’t like giving up part of my personality like that. (However some people find that speed makes them more sociable/talkative and affectionate). I also have anxiety disorder and so if I didn’t take them often enough to have a proper tolerance, their side effects included more nervousness and anxiety which would sometimes be distressing. they also killed my appetite, made me sweaty and have dry mouth and bad breath, even if I had a tolerance. and so yeah... I hated all that. I do sometimes miss the energy, wakefulness, and motivation. on the other hand, meth (which is an amphetamine but is distinct from speed—speed refers to dextroamphetamine and other amphetamine salts, not methamphetamine) can be fun/ is sometimes fun, it makes me more sociable and talkative and un-depressed, and sometimes it also makes me more even-keeled emotionally, and it’s an extremely useful drug for the same reasons amphetamines are (but more useful bc it lasts longer), but it makes me crash hard when I come-down and the crash is very very emotionally shitty for me, it’s extremely distressing for me emotionally. also, like all other amphetamines, it makes food very unappealing. so for a short a period after discovering meth it was fun, id smoke a couple times a month — as it lasts VERY long (like 24 hrs which is part of what makes it so useful) and i love sleep too much lol — i now smoke it only if im trying not to fall asleep (or trying not to go [back] into respiratory depression and die) when im on opioids. my husband smokes it every day bc it doesn’t cause emotionally fucked crashes on the comedown for him. and yes he has all his teeth and they’re freakishly perfect (i don’t think he’s had a single cavity in his life). and yes he sleeps too. even ive fallen asleep on meth before, and i don’t even have a tolerance.

anyway, sorry that reply was so long. and if I didn’t answer your question, or if want me to be more specific about anything in particular, let me know! im a bit scatterbrained rn lol so im happy to clarify or go into more detail or whatever else if u would like

#drugs

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poetryismydisease · 2 years

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Drügs

I've been hooked on drugs since I was about 10

If you ask me about it I'd say I'd do it over again

But I hate them so much, they've taken everything from me

Previous promises broken and eyes that no longer see

Pump me up with medicine and caffeine to get me through the day

Numb my body up and ignore everything I say

Slowly wrecking my body from the inside

They said it would make me better, but I think that they lie

They helped with my depression and anxiety at first

Curing me from feeling as if I was the worst

Slowly starting to help me sleep

Being better soon wasn't as big as a leap

Eventually the medication started to slow

The doctors refused to let it go

Trying 18 other different medicines and therapists

Slowly checking all options off a list

Finally found one that worked for quite a bit

Then it got so bad I wanted to quit

The doctors just began to up the dose

Suddenly I was anemic and low blood glucose

Chronic stomach issues, infections and pain

I was passing out once a month with migraines

The doctors said they were just side effects

My medical chart suddenly became so complex

Now I take more than the legal dose of Sertraline

My lungs filled with makeshift smoke and gasoline

My body is so week and I have immunodeficiency

Can't deal with my emotions efficiently

I can't get off of them even if I want to

My body's addicted, doctors say it would take forever to do

It would slowly break my body I would die before I'm clean

I'm tired of running off of validation and caffeine

#poetry #mentally drained #mentally ill

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spoiled-milk-thoughts · 1 month

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I had a breakdown a couple days ago and I couldn’t even tell you what it was that pushed me over the edge. I was so mentally off that my oldest brother had noticed. He came into my room and talked me through all i was feeling. I opened up to him for the first time about my mental health. It was so hard and saying it out loud was so heavy for me. I dont like to talk about it much really. I make jokes about it even, but in reality, it’s not funny at all. I told him I wanted to be 6 feet under, that i wanted to die. We probably would’ve talked for longer but i had to go to work. He checked in on me today.

As moving as it is, having someone do that. Having someone you’ve never shared that info with before, check in. It hurts. Because i was at a point that i thought i was doing good, i was doing better, i knew I wasn’t healed but i had to the point I wasn’t afraid to live.

That breakdown was a big setback for me. And i know now that i can do it, i can make it through the day. If i give myself small and attainable goals, it’ll be easier for me to feel good at the end of the day.

Unfortunately, I’m not cured of depression and anxiety, and I probably never will be. But with the tools and healthy coping mechanisms i have, i think i can actually make it.

It’s just gonna take some time.

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oraclememehacker · 3 months

Note

☕️

send ☕️ to get my muse a coffee

Futaba was just sitting at one of the booths of Leblanc, her eyes focused on her phone as she was just mindlessly scrolling through posts on social media. From her expression, she was looking pretty melancholy, swallowing a slight lump that had formed in her throat. Something had gotten her in a pretty rotten mood, and it seemed that she was having difficulty not tearing up a little.

The reason was just stress, and thinking about various things. Whilst she was no longer wanting to actively die, that didn't mean that her depression was magically cured and that she was 100% better. Far from it really. She still dealt with the ebbs and flows of life and sometimes she just found herself really down in the dumps. This was one of those times.

Aaron must have sensed it, and she was taken by surprise as a cup of coffee was placed on the table and she looked away from her phone to see it. "Oh." Her voice was flat and she tried to get out of her little funk that she was currently in. "It was that obvious huh? I'm tired and stressed out right now. Plus I haven't gotten any more energy drinks so I'm currently out. I appreciate this though." She took a small sip of it. It was just how she liked it.

"...Thanks."

#Email Reply (Inbox Ask)#webbedphantom #Hacking and Memes (Futaba Sakura Musing)#The Oracle Navi (Futaba Sakura IC)

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aetherdoesthings · 3 months

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MWAHAHA THIS IS ENIES LOBBY ANON HIIIIIIIII

Hi, m'back :D and because I love hurting myself, can I request a hanahaki au! Reader x Robin? :))) if you thought the enies lobby one was angsty, that one was just a test. I'm feeling evil to myself >:)

If you're not familiar with what hanahaki au! is, basically nothing changes about the world except there's now a disease called hanahaki disease, and essentially, someone can get hanahaki disease when they have unrequited love for someone. Symptoms of hanahaki disease include flowers growing in the victim's lungs, and the first signs of the disease come when the victim starts coughing petals. The longer the hanahaki disease prevails (it can go on for years), the more intense and painful the coughing can get and can eventually lead to coughing up whole flowers (stem, petals, and all) until the victim eventually dies. (Fun, right? 🥰) Hanahaki disease can only be cured if the victim decides to lose their feelings for someone or if the victim's crush likes them back.

Typically in Hanahaki au! Fics, the victim hides their symptoms in fear of revealing their romantic feelings. In some fics, certain actions can trigger their coughing, for example, if someone mentions the victim's crush's name, or if the victim sees their crush with someone else, they may start intensely coughing at that moment. Although less rare, some fics make the hanahaki disease non-lethal and more of just a life convenience. This is an option you can put as well. I'm not picky. :)

I thought Hanahaki Disease might fit given Robin's Devil Fruit. Reader would have the Hanahaki disease (so reader likes robin, but robin doesn't like her (yet?)) and because I love to share pain, I'll let you decide reader's fate :). Does she let go of her feelings to live, does Robin like her back to live, or does reader die without the chance of confessing?

I can go more in depth if need be, whether about the plot if you decide that you don't know what direction to go or the disease itself, but I thought that this kind of au leaves a lot of creativity and openness for you in terms of how you would want to approach the plot. How much are you willing to crank up the angst scale? [can you tell I'm a masochist? :) I am a believer in passive aggressive smiley emoticons]

If this is an au/concept you feel uncomfortable writing, please feel free to say no. I know this is a lot, and even if you don't do it, I still love you and your works! Thank you in advance, regardless if you choose to do this request or not. Sorry again for the long ask. 😅

-Enies Lobby anon

holy shit that sounds so angsty and sad and so depressing

oh eneis lobby anon i'm so going to write it just to break your heart

prolly gonna take a week cuz im backed up on requests rn 😭

(also eneis lobby anon can you pls resend the req just so i can see it in my inbox again so i remember tysm 😭🫶🏻)

#aetheranswers

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snugglyporos · 10 months

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// depression rant below

// probably bad that I told my therapist 'you know it's probably not worth being alive, because it's all downhill from here'

because I figure that at 32, the next 30 are going to be markedly worse than the first 30, given how many family members are going to die and how many medical issues I'll have, not to mention how many more bills I'll have to pay

and their response was 'and what do you want me to say to that'

and I'm like 'nothing really' because it's just a fact of living that everything gets worse as you get older

and that I am rather bad at being a functional human being

granted, I'm not really suicidal, since dead people can't enjoy good things either.

but looking forward I'm just like 'I have peaked, and I am not going to amount to anything more, and to exist further is an exercise is deciding how much I want to suffer'

which is pretty depressing

but really, with how hard it is to do anything with the autism

I can tell you that if tomorrow they came out with a cure for it, but it would cost me fingers, I would be asking you 'okay, which ones' because I could probably negotiate up to three

I am very aware that were I living a thousand years ago, or two hundred, I would not have survived childhood.

And honestly, I'm not sure I deserve anything given how much other people are suffering right this moment.

like this is why I'm not a therapist, because were I sitting across from me, I'd be like 'yeah you should probably just die, shit isn't going to get better from you if you can't motivate yourself to feed yourself on a regular basis'

I just wish I wasn't so shit at doing basic stuff. that I could hold my interest in anything and not simply lose all interest in things for long periods.

like I envy speedrunners who can play one game for thousands of hours without getting bored, and people who can edit videos without hating themselves

and I think the problem is that I don't hate myself enough anymore

when I was younger I could force myself to do things because I was in a constant state of gun to my head hating myself, where I had to do things or I would die

and I no longer feel that

Just really empty. and no longer willing to go there.

idk. nothing is good, made worse by the fact that I know I have nothing to be complaining about.

#ooc #depression tw

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moonrisecalamityretreat · 11 months

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Hymn of the Lamb | The Shepherd | Trial 6.1 | Re: Reactions

Jinpachi Otsuka met all the loathing and scorn from his beloved people with a soft smile and glowing eyes, a face that was like he was watching a boy he had a crush on gush over something they loved to him. Undivided attention and brain buzzing with unconditional and overwhelming adoration for each and every one of them.

Unrivaled despair and upset.

Despair upon despair upon despair.

That’s what this was all for. It was for despair, for the complete lack of self-control. The immense amount of freedom that comes with refusing to let the shackles of morals and society dictate your behavior anymore.

Revel in it.

Revel in the endless expanse of despair.

He supposes that the first one he should address is Loic. He twists in his direction with a grin that quickly turns to an appearance of depression. His face glum and shoulders shrinking into himself. Jinpachi gently reaches to stroke a lock of his hair with almost visible tears forming in his eyes.

“I really did want you to say you were having a great time…”

His voice was raspy and pathetic, like a kicked puppy who didn’t know how to ever find his way in life.

“My father put so much work into building those places for me…and even building that big airship you all lived on…It’s really mean to say that…you didn’t have fun…”

He averts his gaze from Loic and like a switch he puffs up with a big smile and blush on his face. Excitement banishing any of the sadness that had been present before.

“Uuuuuuuu Unkie Lolo-chan!! Do you not wike my fwiends!? Is someone upset he doesn’t have his #besties awound anymore! At least you still have Nya-chan wight!? And your super cool big bwudder!!”

His sparkling eyes go from Loic to Maxime whom he gives a huge thumbs up to as he sticks his tongue out before going back to Loic.

“Maybe if that siwwy hag wasn’t such a pain in my tooshie, I wouldn’t have had to have her be gunned down like the stupid dog she was!! Waaaaaaah!! Bang bang bang!! I stiww remember it wike it was yesterday!! I was wike wewwy upset about that you know! Another one of my sweet wil bwessed gone all too soon~”

Jinpachi turns those sparkling eyes upwards as if he was thinking about Yvette and where she must be now. He lets out a small sigh once he finishes. His face solidifies itself back to something that was more normal than what he was doing. A wicked chuckle comes from him.

“Hmhmhmh, he was naive to ever think that I could be cured. Treatment isn’t possible for everyone, clearly.”

Once again throwing his eyes towards Maxime as he talks.

“And I wouldn’t want to be cured anyway. To cure me would be to remove an intrinsic part of who I am. I wouldn’t ever want to exist without this need for chaos. I would much rather have never been born at all if I was to be denied what I am.”

Jinpachi Otsuka…was no longer a person with AEDS. He was disease given human form. A being of pure despair that couldn’t exist without despair. To deny despair was to deny Jinpachi’s entire reason for even existing. This is what he was born to do…this is what he was born to be.

He leans carelessly on The Devout as he lets out a small yawn. His face and demeanor has once again completely changed to something that looked like he was sleeping standing up. Like he had not a single care in the world and honestly…he didn’t. His small yawn turned into something bigger as his eyes sparkled like the stars and a cute voice whose inflection would sound all too familiar to Kazuo came out.

“Ahhh, Bakayashi-kun~ So quick to the violence as usual aren’t you? If you want me to die like Izana-sama and Shinichi-same you’re just going to have to wait a teensy little bit longer.”

Holding his hands up lazily he shows this teensy little bit longer with his thumb and pointer finger. A small gap that he crushes as he sticks out his tongue at Kazuo and lets out a giggle. He moves to stand up straight again. He shifts into a stance that almost feels like he is a doctor speaking to his patients as he turns his attention to Maxime.

“That is correct. I was the writer of what you viewed as a ludicrous comment. Simply because that is what you are to me Mr. Archambeault. You are something special in my eyes. It is not often that I cross paths with someone that has AEDS as entrenched into their personality as us. You are blessed. Beyond what any of the other angels are. I have never really understood why you keep yourself under lock and key. It must be tiring for you to feel like this all the time. It is quite unfair in my opinion. You’ve had your freedom stolen from you. Not by AEDS but by your own brother. Your own brother who you refuse to grant this wonderful feeling to. How can you say that you love your brother, when you refuse to let him indulge in this feeling? It seems clear to me that your parents wanted you both to so why do you reject it? Do you not want Loic to have freedom? Do you not want freedom for yourself? The world would be much easier if you would just let yourself exist, Mr. Archambeault. Remember what it felt like to smash Nomura-san’s head in? I remember what it was like watching it, I was so excited for you to indulge in your true self. You made me very proud, Mr. Archambeault. ”

He sounds so clinical in his entire approach to his conversation with Maxime. Almost like he was waiting for this moment. All this time he truly has honored everything that Maxime was, but that honor was just as confusing for him. He couldn’t understand why Maxime wouldn’t just let himself be who he thinks he should be. Let Loic be happy, let Loic know what freedom feels like…and you as well Maxime. Let yourself enjoy the unending bliss of infinite despair.

“I have no intention of convincing you otherwise. You all have come here with your choice already decided and I have no chance of changing that. Because of this truth though…”

Jinpachi lets himself loose, flinging his hair and head around like he felt an inner wild man go running from himself. He can’t help but let out a laugh just as wild as it.

“You really shouldn’t waste any fucking time with that bullshit of shit not being helpful with moving this bitch along! You get one fucking chance to pick my brain so I’d suggest you take it if you’re that fucking curious!”

His laugh that escapes him is inhuman, otherworldly, something that sounded as unnerving and lacking in any type of morality much like the man that was letting it go. He moves in a way that almost seems as if it’s a position that should be breaking his spine the way he is leaning so far. His hair dangles down as this rageful and bombastic expression remains on his face.

His attention now was all on Yuriko.

“Gahahahaha!! You think I ain’t give a shit, Yurikooo-chan!? C’mon I know you can’t fucking remember but I still remember the days you and I spent planting lilies and shit! Flower crowns just like what you made with Juzo-niichan! That was our shit first, Yuriko-chan!”

The rebellion drops, his face sagging again into something morose.

“I know you people will never understand…how I feel about you all…I knew that my feelings were going to be rejected…I knew that I was going to be left longing forever for you all to love me as much as I love you all…I feel just like Hajime-san…Don’t say I don’t care…If I didn’t care then I wouldn’t have picked you all to play this game with…I only did that…because of my everlasting love for you all…”

Twisted love, love that was corrupted by despair. Love that could never be understood by someone who isn’t as far gone from being human as Jinpachi was.

“Terrible? Thank you. What I did to Juzo-niichan…”

That sadness, that despairing expression grew. Jinpachi craned his body back up straight as the tears began to run down his cheeks. Remorse…no. There didn’t exist any type of regret or remorse in Jinpachi anymore.

So these tears…go over the top. Turning into a dramatic sobbing as Jinpachi brings his hands to wipe the waterfalls pouring from his eyes. Like a child whose favorite toy just shattered, Jinpachi seemed absolutely inconsolable.

“WAAAAAAAAAAAH!! W-W-What I d-did to Juzo-niichan!! I r-r-really am s-so terrible aren’t I!? Waaaaaah!! I m-miss him already! I-I-I m-miss him so much!! Why’d y-you have to go and d-die like that nii-chan!? Waaaaaaaaaah!!! I loved him so muuuuuch!! My b-b-best friend!!”

Was this real? It couldn’t be, not from Jinpachi. How disrespectful could he be to his brother’s memory? Did he even know or was this genuine. Was it acting…or a complete loss of any stability that Jinpachi ever could’ve clung too.

His tantrum stops, his entire body being like a board before he shifts himself again. There were no more tears. They stopped in the blink of an eye, as if Jinpachi had complete control over every aspect of his body. It didn’t control him in any way. He controlled his body fully.

“Is that really all you have to say Miki-chan? After coming face to face with the one that killed your love, all you can do is stand there and call me a pussy?”

He almost breaks out laughing again the way his lips curl and expose a devilish smile that wants to lure Mikazuki in and eat them whole.

“I guess I expected more from you? You were always someone that I enjoyed talking to back when we were here. I always wanted to lend you an ear, to give you the time of day like I thought you deserved. You were always a shadow of Tsuneo-san…That’s probably why I adored you so much. You reminded me so much of Juzo-niichan and your love for Hotaru-chan regardless of the disease you both shared. It was something special.”

Hotaru…He remembers her…the way she died with a smile.

“Hotaru-chan…What luck it was to have the roulette land on her. You’d almost think I picked her on purpose but I do promise that I left that all up to chance. I guess it was just my amazing luck that had it pick her. The roulette decided to choose the thing that would make me feel the most despair that I could! Ahahahahaha!! Juzo-niichan and both of us wailed at that moment!! My precious childhood friend ripped away from me and dying with such sweet defiance!! How intoxicating!! How beautiful!! What could be better than that, ehhhhhhh!?”

His eyes went wide towards Mikazuki with the smile whose tips reached his ears. Where was anything in those eyes? You could drown in them trying to find something of Jinpachi that wasn’t his despair. Despair despair despair…it is a circle for Jinpachi. An ouroboros of despair eating despair to bring about more despair.

They speak…Hanji…the one that Jinpachi had loved most of all out of everyone here. How could he not love his partner? There was no one as entertaining as Hanji was to him. Hanji wanted to satiate their boredom and Jinpachi felt just the same. A kinship between two prodigies that no one else could understand. Hanji wanted to be normal…and deep within…at least back then. Jinpachi wanted to be normal as well. He didn’t want to be this natural supergenius. It made life boring for him, trapped under a mountain of obligation and needing to be perfect day in and day out. His perfection was a prison that sealed him off from his brother, a perfection that was responsible for this day.

He brings himself to a smile with his fingers crossed under his chin much like Juzo used to do.

“Of course it does, oji-san! I’ve studied you well! I know you remember every day we spent together just as clearly as I do. Those days were a lot of fun…I wish that we could keep playing like that forever. There is nothing I would love more than to trap you in an eternal stalemate with you. I think that’s why I did it so much back then, I wanted our game to last…I never wanted to stop playing with you, oji-san.”

His voice sounds almost melancholy at the arrival of this ending. His face turns though into his sparkling eyes and cutesy expression.

“But I guess this will have to be the final game we pway together!! That game with stinky whittle Juzo-niichan doesn’t count at all!! This is the one that matters! So wet’s give it our all awight!?”

He grins and gives Hanji the biggest and brightest thumbs up that he can muster from himself! Rebellion takes him over again, intense glare shooting its way into Hanji.

“Of course it’s fucking Hope’s Peak Academy! What you think that this game could exist without that fucking place taking a backseat baby!? Listen up bozo, how fucking young do you think I am, bitch!? I might be the youngest one here but I have loads of experience asshole!! That fucking school, because of that fucking school I got to learn what true fucking freedom was! If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t be here right now! So I guess I should be thankful that it all started there, with Akane Nagase-san. But I ain’t here to give you all a fucking history lesson! If you wanna know go to www.wikipedia.org/wiki/AEDS and maybe you can read about whatever the world hasn’t deemed forbidden information or whatever the fuck!!”

He can laugh, he can scream, he can express any emotion that he desires. This is what true freedom was afterall. This is what he’s worked on for so long, this is what he’s wanted for himself and for all of them…but most of all. This despair is all he wanted to share with his little brother.

He can share with Hanji before Futaba seems to cut in. He shoots his glare from Hanji to her. The other one that was most important to him…oba-san. When he wasn’t playing games alone with Hanji, he was in the company of Futaba. Devising plans for keeping Hanji engaged, being able to enjoy three people games with each other. Candyland was always the most simple and it was the one that Jinpachi thought he enjoyed the most…Those days were long gone, painted over with his own despair. If only he could impart his despair upon them, maybe their days can continue forever.

“Not always one for words are you oba-san? I wish you could remember just like oji-san does…but wiping your memories was all part of the fun too. I wanted to see if we could really do it and behold! We did it! We figured out how to erase her memories! Now if only we could’ve figured out a way to install some kind of AEDS.exe into you. Black Hat was working on something that could’ve replicated AEDS in inorganic life forms but it’s still a prototype.”

He shrugs his shoulders with a little laugh as he takes on his serious expression in the face of both Hanji and Futaba. Jinpachi was cocky, he didn’t let anything shake him. Overflowing confidence born from never having a need to be shy. Nothing scared him so why not be confident.

“You ask the point of all this? You tell me you were a better sister to him than I ever could’ve been a brother. That seems to be the recurring theme with all of the logic you all are trying to insert into my relationship with my little brother. None of you can do what I did for him, none of you can understand the devotion I had for Juzo-niichan. When I called him my other half you think that I didn’t mean that? How else could I show my love for him than to let him experience the most despairing feeling in the entire world!? I’m almost jealous that he got to experience what it was like to be killed by your other half! It was a despair that only I or him could’ve felt and it really sucks that he got it…but even that in itself is its own kind of despair isn’t it!? Being robbed of being able to feel that aaaaahhh!! Juzo-niichan even in death you never stop giving!!”

He squeezes his own cheeks together with a bright smile that leaked a bit of drool over his joy before letting it fall and letting himself be serious.

“So the point of all this? I think that’s pretty simple isn’t it? Everything I do, I do for Juzo-niichan.”

#ch6 #jinpachi

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