And no one seems particularly worried about it? Are we that so far up social media’s asshole that we are unable to be sensitively aware of our environment that volcanoes are erupting all over the place? So many volcanoes are rumbling awake, some erupting as we speak, some gearing up to erupt at this very moment.
Are we as a society prepared for something like this? Can we all stand together and combat this somehow? I know we can. I know that we can. However, I don’t know if I am ready to rely on our generation or the next that is so swallowed up in social media, followers, clout, fame, tiktok, instagram - what have you - to be able to deal with our evidently dying enviornment that we ESSENTIALLY live off of.
Like, are you not afraid of dying young?
You really got to me today. First, during the morning. When I didn’t exercise. You said I had a lot of time on my hands. Why don’t I use it wisely and exercise? And so I did because it’s been my plan too for this month. You were on the phone said something along the lines of, “Utang na loob ko pa na sabihan siya na magexercise.” That was strike one.
Strike two was during lunch. My younger sister and brother had a trip planned tomorrow and my sister even said: “Edi isasama na namin si Ate?” I said jokingly: “Pwede ako mag-absent bukas.” and you immediately blocked that idea. “Hindi. Hindi sasama yan. May pasok yan bukas.” Even if I did have work, shouldn’t I decide if I can take a leave?! But anyways, I showed you I know my fucking place. “Hindi. Hindi ako sasama. Kasi marami pa akong tasks. At hindi ko naman ka-age group mga kasama niyo.”
The lunch was mechado and with a side dish of tomatoes. I ate mechado and wanted to eat tomatoes. And you looked and laughed at me like some stupid piece because tomatoes and mechado didn’t go together. “Bakit ka kakain ng kamatis? Para saan?” “Eh gusto kong kumain ng kamatis, bakit ba?” My dad and sister miraculously backed me up. My sister went in first, “Bakit, Ma? Eh yun gusto niyang kainin?” Dad proceeded: “Oo nga. Lahat na lang ng makikita mo inaano mo.” Then I said with conviction, something I don’t do often that maybe I should, I answered back: “Bakit? Hindi naman ako katulad ni Tito D na laging nilalagyan ng ketchup yung pagkain niya. Tska gulay naman to.” Then Dad had the final say to Mom: “Bakit nababoy ba kinain niya? Diba hindi naman?” He looked at me: “Sige, kumain ka niyan. Buti nga kumakin siya ng gulay.”
That was it. After lunch, I went upstairs and knelt down in front of my closed-lid toilet and prayed and cried. “Lord, ano bang ginawa ko? Hindi ba ako pwedeng sumaya? Kahit onti lang? Ano ba dapat kong gawin? Ang hirap maging ako…”
Kakayanin ko ‘to,
I had the biggest debate with my sister on which is the better sparkling water. Excuse the dirty table but the bubly sparkling water is truly superior! Well to me it is the best! Definitely helps stop the soda cravings.
I listen to a lot of indie music and I sometimes just want to hear their music on the radio or something.
Not all the band’s I listen to are good but most are.
The new healthy habit is not just entirely my idea. It was also my mom’s. I tried it in hopes to see if I would like it. I did. It just made me tired which I didn’t want on a work day. And my best friend pushed me to wake up too so I could meet her. That’s one more positive thing about it. Now I have to show up and wake up early on work days even if I didn’t want to because I have to get things done and I want an excuse not to exercise and feel tired afterwards.
It’s funny when you do one great thing and they expect you to fucking immediately be consistent on it. IT FUCKING DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY. Not to me at least.
Yeah. That’s just about what my rant is for this morning.
Let them be,
March 3, 2021
My birthday is in three days. I’m going to turn twenty-six. Twenty-six. I feel like I talk about my age a lot on here. I guess I still can’t believe I’m in my twenties or that now I’m in my late twenties. I know I have this issue with time. I constantly feel like time is running out. Does anyone else get that feeling like their running out of time? Anyways the only thing I’m looking forward to on my birthday is to sleep. I want to have a nice sleep and wake up naturally. I can picture it now. A nice cold room and me snuggled up in my blanket. Then I will wake up and have a nice cup of coffee. I will then relax on the couch and watch my favorite shows or music videos on the big TV. Ah, that will be wonderful!
It’s sprinkling outside. It doesn’t rain all too much where I live. When it does it makes a mess of the streets. It’s that desert life, you know. I like it when it rains. The smell outside is so nice and everything feels fresh! Yes it could be a tad humid out but it just looks so pretty out. The clouds are truly lovely!! I really like how it currently looks outside.
Only now do I realize
That I’m putting a fight against a she-devil
Even though no one but her creator can win
But that’s the catch
I made her the way she is
ok i never thought that i would say that but i thing the post abt odg i saw and especially the one i rebloged triggered me. i am not feeling well at all. it’s been very long since i felt that way, so i will now leave internet, try to calm down and maybe have some sleep.
‘Stalker’ from U-KISS is so good?! How could have I forget abt her? Oh my god I feel like I’m really falling back into 'older kpop’, probably escaping from reality who hurt a bit to much those days.
I don’t really have anything to say today just same shit as the other days.
Hope you’re fine here, at least better than me.
Omg I thought for a second that my account was deactivated. Mini anxiety attack🤦🏻♀️
March 3rd, 2021
Today is Stephanie’s birthday. Her birthday is on a Wednesday just like _tyr_ said. But everything _tyr_ says is a lie so who the fuck knows.
I went to sleep at 10:30 PM and woke up at 4:58 AM. I didn’t wake up at all during the night as far as I can tell. I slept like a baby.
I have been losing body fat, so my testosterone levels are high. Body fat has an enzyme that converts testosterone into estrogen. So I am super horny in the morning right now.
The more body fat I lose, the stronger my instinct to fight is. Testosterone is reality.
Today, I tried a spontaneous thing I’ve been planning to do. Wake up early, exercise, then exercise more by going on a swim. It did feel good. However, I felt tired most of the time and wasn’t able to do much. I think, I’ll do the waking up early on weekends. It’s dangerous to do this new routine on a work day. Or maybe I can when there are not much tasks to do.
I also started reading a book. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig. I always wondered about the choices I made in my life. If there were was an alternative universe version of me who’s doing better than I already am. This book is the very definition of those wondering thoughts. What’s scaring me even more is it’s as if I didn’t choose the book. The book chose me. It had facts about me in it that seemed like it knew me. Like the night Nora discovered The Midnight Library at 28th of April (a day before my birthday), a regret of hers not taking Spanish (which I’m currently pursuing), and lastly J as an initial on Nora’s successful life, is an initial I give myself and the initial I gave to one of my biggest what ifs.
I actually promised myself to commit to a monthly reading challenge this year and so far, I have been on track. I’m excited to buy new books because I found that, I still love reading a physical book rather than the e-books. I love being able to flip the next page and really embrace the emotions I feel as I go. Because of this, I found myself joining a book club spontaneously. 😅 Who knows what might come of this? It’s a great way to meet friends via online!
Keep trying new things,