#my ex got to read this first

[ccarrot]

bsd manages to do cool storylines but never quite as cool as you anticipate. when i heard there was an arc called 'cannibalism' i was over here thinking the ADA had to fight some kind of zombie infestation or smthn. well we got the vampire arc i guess?

#sometimes i think about what i thought the series was gonna be back when i first got into it and it's very different #like. i didn't realize that the port mafia was gonna be a Thing. ofc we needed villains b u t i d i d n ' t k n o w ok #i lowkey sorta shipped atsushi and dazai when i first started reading. also thought that i'd be a kndz-er but no didn't work out #i knew chuuya existed/ had history with dazai. but i didn't know what so i thought he was gonna be some ex-ada member who had a falling out #i thought dazai would be my favorite like everyone else but nah. he was always kinda just okay for me until i started bcoming a chuuya no.1 #i also was expecting yosano to like. Do More. #expectations vs reality is so interesting with bsd.

[johntorrington]

transcribing my diary from a year ago onto a google doc like some sort of historian specializing in theater major relationship drama

#i’m like two entries away from when me and my ex first got together and i haven’t read it back since then really #(circus music starts)

[dawnpours]

Some of you guys were really nice about my Ez art so I decided to go ahead and post these! Some are very sketchy and/or only make sense in the context of our game, sorry about that! I'll put a few explanations in the tags for fun

Also can you believe that last one is the only in-game canon kiss? That said, play a drinking game with Zone of Truth activated, 11/10 best way to get npc lore and/or try to uncover if your cleric is indeed a werewolf.

#the first one was right after the rest of the party yelled at her for always rushing in and endangering herself #and she was trying to explain to them that that was how she kept them safe #because she knew she was the only one able to take the hits and the others needed the range #but she had gone down a few times at that point and they were concerned and a bit aggressive #and Ez basically took her side and defended her a bit before asking her to still be careful #the hug one is wishful thinking #the third one is when they had a bit of downtime to read a certain book and they were having basically sleepovers for a week #and that's when Rainer realized that this was more than a crush #the kiss one I don't really need to explain but the other girl is Savra #who is Rainer's ex in our game #the comic is right after Rainer was exposed as a warforged #she had her arm almost ripped off by a wolf and wasn't sure she could put it in water #that one is very old and the art is eh but it's still a precious moment #especially since it was the beginning of Ez' comments slowly reshaping Rainer's perception of her own body #then it's just my obsession with drawing people in braids #there is a reason it's Rainer's love language and that reason is I want to draw all the braids #then I just wanted to draw her happy and free after we got part of her backstory #the one where she's from the back is right after Rainer almost got mauled by wolves #i got too excited because I had just gotten Haste and got to 1hp ahahaha #she panicked and got Rainer back up #got beat up herself and then refused healing #saying she was okay #Rainer didn't listen and Lay-on-hands-ed her in passing #this was her reaction and to this day I'm half convinced this was part of her hating that they were starting to care for eachother #and then the last one is her kissing Dhakil (our cleric and the love of my life) #during a truth or dare (with alcohol and zone of truth) where she was dared to kiss someone in the party by our warlock #Dhakil 'touch-averse' Virkas straight up said 'yeah don't be shy' #so she kissed him instead and immediately came out as gay afterwards. a queen. #ezmerelda d'avenir #curse of strahd

[actual-howlinglikeaseaturtle]

0.5 seconds later

#im howling cuz he rly went ex friend😒 and then got ready to beat the shit out of franky the second he found out who he was #sanji my beloved #and yeah im reading the manga from the beginning for the first time WHAT ABOUT IT? #'didn't you finish the anime' and?????? leave me alone #op manga #one piece manga #water 7 #one piece

[eggmeralda]

okay but I am genuinely so unwell about numbers and dates and ages and time and years etc. so I'm blaming all my bad luck on the number 23

#got so paranoid about it that i didn't talk to anyone for the last few weeks and i haven't applied for a job and i'm honestly not doing #anything until i'm safely 24 #idk what 24's gonna be like but it's got a 4 in it so that's a good sign #but then again 14 had a 4 in it and that was a terrible age #but tbf it was a 4 + a 10 which is like. my fav number and my least fav number. so the year just malfunctioned #first 6 months good second 6 months bad #so 24 can fit two 10s but they're not as obvious. but it's a multiple of 4 so i trust it a bit more #4 x 6. idk my feelings on 6 but it's never really done anything too bad to me so yeah. 24 is the safe zone #i blame everything on the number 23 and also my friend's awful ex girlfriend #OKAY SO LIKE i was reading coronation street youtube comments the other day #and people were talking about how characters like terry duckworth and mike baldwin were kind of prats before but then they #had some significantly bad experience and after that they became Absolute prats #like basically what caused their villain origin stories #and i was like oh my god am i gonna turn out like them?? is my friend's ex girlfriend responsible for my villain arc?? #and i have felt myself becoming more negative and unhappy and cynical and bitter over the past few months #and i was like fuckkkkkk no i can't enter my mike baldwin terry duckworth era #bc before whenever a remotely bad thing happened i would just disappear and go back to telling myself there is nothing good with the world #so like for every job i never got and for every time i put something in the group chat and no one replied and every time i made something #and no one cared about it i would just sink deeper into some hole of hatred at the world #i mean. the rsd. like I'd still react to stuff in that way when i was younger and happier but at least back then I'd also #wave at cool clouds and smile at people in public and be like ''fuck i woke up too early and now i Have to take a photo of the sunrise'' #but now i don't do any of that I'm just some bitter cynical bitch who hates everything #so yeah. my 2024 resolution was to reclaim the whimsy i lost at the end of 2022. and so far it's not really going well but at least I'm not #23 anymore #ramble

[ante--meridiem]

My current lack of offline friends is definitely my own fault for failing to put the effort in but in my defense, (a) I am so so tired and social stuff costs energy, social stuff with people I don't already know and like costs so much energy especially and most of the energy I have for that is currently being used up pretending to be cordial with landlord and (b) actively seeking out friendships has never actually worked for me*, every good friendship I've had has just kind of happened to me so at this point it feels like it would be a waste of energy I can't spare.

*In retrospect the question of why me approaching people I don't even like that much while heavily and unsustainably masking and projecting a So Very Sociable And Normal And Enthusiastic To Meet You version of me doesn't lead to close long lasting friendships is probably not that great a mystery.

#Personal #This post was brought to you by my reminding myself yet again why it would be a bad idea to try to renew friendship #With former closest friend better known to you all as first ex #At least until I'm completely financially independent from my parents since they're who he has a problem with #But god. It was so good having a friend like that. #I would probably think the current situation is fine for me if I didn't regularly remember and miss what that was like #There are several people here who I think I could maybe be friends with thougj #*though #The girl I've been on a couple of dates with but then we both got too busy with school so it fizzled is one #And also her girlfriend (we're both poly no one's cheating) seems very nice #& they were very fun to talk maths with. But I just. No energy. #There's also the guy I'm taking a reading course with #But he slightly intimidates me + idk how to approach him for anything besides maths #This post may he deleted if I regret exposing you to my whining

[sucre-blue]

gotta stop waking up at 2am brain firing on all pistons immediately ping ponging back and forth between two radically different ship content ideas

#listen i watched film red and immediately relapsed into one piece only hyperfixation mode #my brain is a bag of wiggily worms tho #hi dont read these but if type them out ill stop thinking abt them for a bit lol #comic ideas abt uta bonding with shanks disgruntled ex-bf buggy #who is of course at first incredulous that shanks had adopted another child without telling him #and uta is like >:/// at first but wants to have a bit more teenage rebellion and follows buggy around #eventually they bond over their shared love of the stage and the exhilaration of applause #and they tease/pester shanks constantly #(he acts annoyed but bc he loves his daughter [[and still loves his ex?????]] he actually finds #it super endearing ahshhs) also why not throw cross guild polycule in there and we can have a little migawk/shanks as a treat #THEN comic idea i actually started (probably wont finish even tho im at line art stage already) UGGGHHHHHHH #modern au domestic ot4 hdjjdks luzosanlaw ofc ofc #zo san and lu met in hs and zosan eventually got married (to every1 surprise) but lu got jealous and wiggled his way into his relationship #theyve been living together for awhile but some au vers of marineford happens and lu has to get surgery #wakes up mid operation to tell his surgeon hes hot af and they should make out #law ignores him but then luffy is everywheree he cant escape #gifted child chopper interning at the hospital eventually formally introduces the them #luffy has found something he wants and is doggedly determined to get it #starts bringing law over and san is down for it immediately (zoro needs a little bit more time to warm up to the idea #(he too protective) but law is hot and hes around enough they start to bond #everything is going so good lawlu officially start dating (&by extension law is dating the other two. sometimes they go on solo dates) #(hhh like lawsan fancy dinner date bc the other two eat like pigs lmaoo and zolaw sword convention idk something 'cool' yk yk) #anyway all is well but law is spending the night more and more and one night #hes kinda struck by how well the other three mesh together #and starts feeling intimidated by their shared history and insecure abt how he fits in with them :(( #he runs away in a manic depression spiral (using a lot of his accrued vacation time lol) ghosting his bfs and also his best friends #is cora alive??? tbd but law is either at his house or his grave and bepo knows thats where he like to go when hes anxious so he tells luff #hmm and then resolution happens ig havent gotten that far yet #would looove to write that fic tbh maybe throw in some doflamingo related drama. maybe some germa stuff even for some extra hurt comfort #grabbing myself by the shoulders go back to sleep stop thinking abt shippy drama abt goofy pirate anime boys arghhhhhhh

[sateurn]

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

These sobs really limited my tags?????

I have so many more thoughts this is so so much less than 1/2. Broski. Big dislike

#its ‘i watched a tv show and i need to talk about it in the tags of this site im not on anymore’ time #ty to the void for always accepting my thoughts <3 #so honestly its just me thinking about the andromeda tv show. i just finished it and it left me destitute bc i clung onto the first 2 season #s as a basis and had ten thousand questions i *assumed* would be resolved. spoiler alert: they were nto #not*. and the coda addition helps but like. not enough. it explains some of the #oh fyi if anyone is reading or cared there will be spoilers #anyways it explained some of them ex for the cosmic engine bit. seemed pretty relevant and then was never mentioned again #i also MUCH prefer that version of trance — i had speculation she was a sun avatar which i took as confirmation when i finally noticed her #tattoo when harper used it to remind himself he put that data in the sun etc etc but i much prefer the sun-as-consciousness-astral-poject- #ing-slash-dreamjng-itself-a-body / being a little devil. i think that feels much more true to what we got in worldbuilding early on and tbh #the bar is on the floor bc any explanation would be better than what we got. also im sorry but s5 i trusted SO hard that that whole virgil #vox bit in the finale was insulting. couldnt even tie up the loose end you invented at the last minute????? MY god. i understand getting you #r budget halved but like. broski. it would have been better to ignore it at that point imo. #anywhoodle. i also have just ISSUES w the lack of resolution & not doing justice to literally any character #listen. why would you sink SO much effort into tyr just to have honestly what i feel is a disrespectful end to that character. like #tyr required me to do a LOT of thinking bc i sympathized with his position in exile etc while thinking also bro thats real fucked up. bro #stop thats fuckinng e*genics again dude. tbh with the entire species (im not looking up how to spell that rn) bc like the foundation of #their entire race is e*ugenics. (sorry censoring bc im in the tags just venting about tv) which obviously is a terrible idea but i think the #so it was like i am fundamentally against the concept but in show universe theg obviously did it etc but for me provided such a huge like #context to the universe. i fundamentally am not on board with all the commonwealth stuff like yeah i get it the magog are bad and scary but #like the neitzcheans (sp??? idc) are also Right There bein scary. then theres the ‘enhanced’ debate re dylan beka etc that like. is the same #but ‘’different’’ i guess. 🙄 anyways that is just to point out like. the level of thinking this show put me through just to blindside me w/ #no resolution. i had SO much hope. tyr selling iut to the abyss is disrespectful to all of the established work the actor did for him and #to the character as well even if i think the ideology is icky. he was shown to be even less and less self-centric survival guy as it went on #and also tbh i didnt understand the him stealing his kids dna thing. i really thought that was gonna gi in a different less bs direction #okay also while im here can i just say. that tyr and dylan had THE most romantic tension to me. everyone else felt very friendshipy and i am #NOT one to usually fall into a ‘they obviously should be together’ pipeline that the writers dont make themselves. but the back and forth ( #and intense eye contact) had me sitting there like. it was made in 2000 i know they wont do it but for not doing it they sure did! not that #i think they’d make a good couple (they would not) but that there was definitely something there on the dl you know? something more than #‘mutual respect’ you feel? and tbh! they also ruined the tyr beka thing by making her the matriarch. big ew huge ick.

[fckpostal]

my shin burns????? what????

anyway tumblr doesn’t have any of the silly sparkly good night gifs im so sad rn (there’s an explanation, it’s just an inside joke w my sister HELP)

#cw for drugs idk if anyone needs it but hey #so #me n my sister used to get high together back in 2021 a lot and one night my ex fp’s (bpd shit) gf messaged me saying he cheated on me #BTW WHEN SHE TOLD ME WAS A YEAR AFTER WE DATED. but anyway #so i had just like fully healed from that shit (first & last fp breakup it was horrific) i still had his number bc yk i was a lil silly #so like. me and my sister got high and shit and i came across a post on ig that was like ‘good night sweet dreams’ w like that glitter text #we PISSED ourselves at it bc yk being high anything is funny and then i had the genius idea of ‘oh what if i sent ex these images like- #-every morning and every night’ and my sister was like fucking do it so i did it for around 4 months shit was entertaining #he always left it on read. + i made the good morning one #i’ll post the good morning one in a reblog #it’s beautiful #ok thanks bye bye gn oomfies

[rosesradio]

i: a scrapbook, worn and hoarded selfishly, because i cannot let go, though i have nothing to add. the picture inside the display has changed, though your letter remains; in the pocket of my journal, with countless others from countless others.

you: a donation box, with little hesitation. you told me once that letting go was hard; though as soon as you no longer heard my voice, you no longer heard my song. and my letter, my loving, lengthy response, ashes mingling with the dirt where it belongs.

#poetry #i guess--feel free to make fun of me lol just being a silly goose-- #i guess i no longer care in a sense but i still keep things. i don't know how i'm supposed to feel about keeping things #but my ex wrote me a letter and i still have it. but the one i gave to him. when we kinda reunited. he said he burned it. #and obviously i was hurt but i was so desperate for company i forgave him. and we had a good time #and then when we drifted apart the second time. he unliked my spotify playlist. which sounds really stupid lmao but hold on #the playlist was for my novel i'm writing. it's a whole thing. he's the first person i told about it and read some to #and he really liked it. my mom said i was 'putting too much into it' like fantasy and romance...as if every book doesn't have that... #he gave me songs for the playlist and we talked for hours and i wrote a lot to read to him. and then when everything stopped with us i kinda #stopped writing it. and he still had the playlist saved i guess which was fine. the sorta split was mutual and amicable i guess #but to see he unsaved it kinda hurt because it's like he didn't believe in me anymore? but i'm sure it's not that #maybe he just got a new girlfriend lol. i'm pretty sure that's why he burned my letter #but #i'm sure if i texted him things would have been great for a little while. but then i'd just give him another piece of my heart-- #and get burned again so. it's for the best #but i'm alright now. just reflecting #tw vent #(just in case) #rose.txt

[abstractreign]

💚 ( → @catncore )

( → love and romance headcanon prompts !! still accepting )

💚 → does your muse get jealous easy?

— absolutely not. if anything, he’s a long way in the opposite direction where he has a low tolerance for possessiveness coming from a partner, especially if they’re a romantic one. josh values his independence greatly; to begin with, two of the first things he looks for in a romantic prospect are their abilities to acknowledge and respect that independence, and to trust him.

moreover, he also values his freedom to do as he pleases whenever he pleases, and dislikes being in a relationship wherein he feels like his time and focus are being demanded of by somebody. for that same reason, he favors partners who also prefer having some time to themselves— or at least, those able to handle not having his devoted attention all the time.

at most, he can enjoy entering an acted-out, possessive headspace within the context of kink and sexual activity— from time to time, because he can grow bored of it pretty quickly, and become eager to move on to something else.

#catncore #we're always sleeping in⸴ and sleeping for the wrong team ❯ answered ooc #maybe i'm broken⸴ but i'm not sure ❯ study #{ ok for real tho the instant i got this ask i went: 'LMAO NO' #{ it’s not exaggeration to say that at the first sign of a partner being overly possessive he will spray them with water #{ honestly. it could be a reason why he broke things off with one of his exes actually #{ putting it into perspective: his sanae is more prone to jealous feelings and /he’s/ hardly the type to get jealous. #{ which goes to show just how /not/ jealous my josh is #{ bit of nsft under the read more bc it touches upon some k/nk talk #nsft / #nsft mention #nsft tw #nsft cw #ip don't look #og hc post tbt.

[neoxsanctuary]

crush of judgement is really good actually (dont open the tags)

#i love this song so much i associate it with me humming to it while my dad got the car ready bc he had to drive me to the school for my ex- #-ams but then i stopped bc i thought i was being cringe #anyway that feeling happened again while listening to music in the shower today haha #i also associate this song with leo did you know that kings rebellion the horseback ride is amazing and you should go read it no not righ- #-t now first read checkmate and then read that and also read requiem #i will write a knightsfic #and i will upload it here too #also if someone would like me to post my fics from ao3 here too i might but idk #anyway back to crush of judgement bc!! holy shit!!!! #i love #enstars

[thefandomlesbian]

I'm thinking about undertaking a challenge to read every book on my bookshelf.

This would probably take the better part of two years, as I have around 200 books. This challenge would include books I have already read and ones I've not touched before. It would include nonfiction books, academic works, poetry books, and novels.

I would probably start a side blog to review each book, the date I started and the date I finished it, and my general thoughts and interactions with the text.

I'm trying to figure out if this is a sustainable goal or if I should stick to my old habits of fanfic writing, haha. Wondering if anyone else has attempted this and how successful they were!

#spencer speaks #reading #currently reading #bookblr #readblr #i may add a caveat that i can dc a book/series if im really not feeling it #for ex i have a decently long series that i read the first book and hated it and never got rid of the box set #but maybe i need the motivation to try it again! #just looking at my bookshelf the idea of this is daunting #i own the complete works of shakespeare #i own a niv bible Catholic bible and Jewish study bible #i have a number of textbooks #but this is something i think i should do #and maybe itll keep me from spending so much money on books #'no Spencer dont buy that book youll have to add it to the endless list of books you must read'