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#my eyes burn my head hurts and im gonna vomit bc im a bit of a germaphobe and uhh dog poop.
colliepropaganda · 4 years
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I could cry. Chiron pooped in his kennel again. But don't worry! He didn't pee bc peeing is for outside. Only pooping is for inside!
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aetherarf · 3 years
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omg im love w your blog!!! 😭😭😭 (you won me the moment you said you like heavy angst bc i LOVE it. 👌🏻) can you write something angst with childe, zhongli, kaeya ​​and diluc where the reader finds out shes pregnant and is happy and excited to tell her partner but he doesn't take it very well? as if the baby was going to spoil his plans or they were not comfortable with the idea. (and yes, please, you can exaggerate the sadness if you want)
> and as im a lover of sad and painful things, if you can skip a time later where the reader loses the baby and how they would react to it. (It's ok if you don't want it!! I'll love what you can give me!) anyways, have a nice day and be safe!! 🥺<3
Of course! However, I'm going to have it be AFAB!Reader, and using gender neutral language... not everyone who can get pregnant is a girl, you know? Plus gender neutral language can refer to anyone ever.
But ty for your kind words, and here you go <3!
[[ WARNING: ANGST, PREGNANCY, MISCARRIAGE, INJURY ]]
[[ Summary: You're pregnant! And you're so happy to be bringing a little bundle of joy into the world with your lover... but they aren't so happy. Worse still, it turns out that little bundle of joy never get to see the light of day, not even for a moment.
Total Word Count: 2'521
Childe Word Count: 680
Diluc Word Count: 809
Kaeya Word Count: 528
Zhongli Word Count: 504 ]]
Childe
When he had come home, there was a meal cooked, his favorite alcohol, and you were dolled up, dressed up to look perfect--He could tell you were preparing something. Seeing you standing there, back to him, he walked over and wrapped his arms around you, resting his head on your shoulder,
"So, what's the occasion? Or are you just so madly in love with me you have to spoil me?" He teased. You grabbed one of his hands, pulling it down to your stomach, leaning back a little bit into him--his eyes widened before you spoke, and you confirmed the whirlwind of thoughts in his mind-
"You're going to be a father."
In a fit of excitement, he scooped you up, holding you close and pressing kisses to your face, nuzzling up to you in excitement--"I'm gonna be a daddy!" He chirped, "Oh, oh, if it's a boy we're calling him lil Ajax, promise me he'll be my little Ajax Junior?" He asked, excited.
Through the night, the two of you had already been gushing out with countless ideas, about names, about the possibility of twins, more than a few crass jokes from Childe, until the two of you went to bed...
And when you were sound asleep in his arms... he was given a chance to think.
And it hit him.
He was not only making you more of a target to anyone who despised the Fatui, or himself personally... But...
Was he ready to be a dad?
He was gone all the time.
Was he... ready...?
His excitement turned to dread. Only after the initial shock, did he realize that... no, no, this was awful.
As quietly as he could, he sobbed into your shoulder, desperately trying to not wake you up. He was... terrified.
He had not known terror before, because this was not something he could kill and be done with.
Desperately, he tried to delude himself into thinking everything would be okay, to keep a smile on his face. When you called him out for his oddness, he confessed only a fraction of the truth, "I guess there's just.. a lot of feelings going on, you know?" He asked, the shrugged to himself. "I just need a little time before I'm settled with the idea."
He wasn't sure if he'd be okay with it at all. He felt like a child himself... Could he raise anything without destroying it? Even his own siblings... he stayed away just to keep them sane. He was nothing but a danger to them. He couldn't neglect his own child...
One day, he came home...and you weren't there. Probably just doing something on your own, he didn't really care, just sort of minding his own business, doing some cleaning since there was always something he could at least polish up when trying to burn time.
And there was a knock on the front door. He opened it, and there was a panicked Fatui messenger.
"Your-Your, uh, partner. They-They got into a bad fight, and they were... hospitalized."
Never had he run so fast in his life to find you. When he saw you, you were covered in bruises, black and blue, and a few bandaged cuts. He sat beside your bed, holding your hand, "... Talk to me," he pleaded, unable to hide his cracking voice.
"It's dead," you said, weakly. He shook his head, not understanding,
"What do you mean?"
"I'm... okay. But... Ajax," you whimpered, looking at him, having already cried every tear out of your body, "Our baby."
It hit him.
"I got hit in the stomach."
"Oh... Oh no, babe, love... nono..." He tried to hug you as best as he could without hurting you...
But... was it bad of him to be relieved? He knew this would happen... he knew you were in pain, but... he'd rather have an unborn infant he had never met die compared to a child he held and loved.
He'd still stay there with you, but he only wished he could fix it. Not everything could be killed with brute violence.
Diluc
"Diluc... I'm pregnant. You're going to be a father."
Diluc's face paled. The first thought that hit his head was his death, leaving you and your currently unborn child to suffer alone... or worse.
He couldn't be a father, he-he... He wasn't mean to be part of a family. He lost his father, his mother, Kaeya... Even the Knights, that at one point he could have called family, have left... Or he left them, knowing that he simply couldn't exist around them.
Your once ecstatic and happy face fell... Sure, the two of you only, idly, had spoken about the possibility of children... and you didn't mean to get pregnant, but you wanted a child.
It seems Diluc did not exactly share your feelings.
"I'm going to bed," he said, standing up suddenly, feeling like he was about to fall over.
"Is this news... really so horrible?" You asked, no small amount of pain... and he sighed.
"I... don't know how to deal with it. I need time to think."
You knew it was a big thing... you'd give him time. After all, in the end, Diluc was a good man. He did the best he could and took care of those he cared for, even if he didn't want a child, he would take care of them... and, of course, you.
The next day, he was no better, he looked at your sleeping form, your stomach, and from pure distress and terror, he had left to go to the bathroom, just to vomit pure acid, trying to hide how tears poured under the guise of being sick, of being in pain.
How could he be a father?
The next few weeks were tense, and his gaze would linger on your stomach...
By the end of the first month, he set his hand on your stomach... with a small, vulnerable smile.
"I'm excited," he finally said, rubbing your stomach that was barely any larger than normal... "I'm afraid, but... I'm excited for our baby."
You cried, and he did too, holding each other as you cried. Exciting, concerning... hopeful, there was so many emotions, but in the end, you slept happily.
Things would be okay. Diluc would make a family he couldn't lose.
Each month, Diluc would fuss more and more. He desperately tried to help when you were sick, from morning sickness, giving you massages when your body was aching from the new weight, the new life inside you.
Whenever he was sitting next to you, or lying beside you, especially as your stomach grew, he always had a hand on it. On the fifth month, when he felt the baby kick, he looked at you with a smile wider than you had ever seen before, excited like a young child getting its first toy.
He spent the next two hours pressing kisses to your rounded belly, whispering to the baby as though it could hear him.
By the sixth month, was when it happened. The two of you were talking, standing in the kitchen as you talked about what to make for dinner, and you felt it-Water flushing from you, soaking your clothes and making a mess on the floor. Diluc stared at you, shocked, and you felt the worst pain in your life--
"Diluc," You half collapsed in his arms, "I-I think I'm in labor," you said, with no small amount of horror.
It was supposed to be three months, but Diluc didn't question that, even if he was aware something very, very wrong. He brought you all the way to the Cathedral, and the Sisters, too, were in shock when you had told them. Moved to a back room, away from prying eyes, Diluc didn't let go of your hand as you tried to push...
For hours, you sat there, tears in your eyes, "Diluc," you sobbed, weakly, "I'm so tired."
"You can do it," he reassured, "I promise you, you can do it."
Finally, the baby was out. However, the sisters had taken the baby somewhere, you and Diluc sitting there, you exhausted, and Diluc terrified. Finally... Barbara walked in, tears in her eyes.
"... Your baby is dead." She said, "I'm sorry for your loss. Would you-Would you like to see them, or..."
You only began to cry, weakly.
"No," Diluc said, not wanting to look at the corpse of the child he failed to father, "But... can the Sisters arrange a burial?" He asked, trying to stop himself from losing it. Barbara nodded.
"Of course," She said, "I will leave you two be." She walked off, leaving the room as she tried not to cry for your loss.
He held you, and you both sobbed.
Once again, the Family that Diluc could never have, one he fought for with tooth and nail, was taken from him again.
At least he still had you.
Kaeya
"Fucking paperwork," he grumbled, detesting how everything had an absurd about of work to do. No wonder they were always overworked...
He'd rather be, who knows, hunting some monsters or getting some time off, sitting in the Angel's Share with you on his lap...
Huh.
That sounded really nice right about now.
Just as he returned to his work, ceasing to think of you, you knocked on his office door and practically burst right in, an excited look on your face.
"Oh, what's got you so happy?" He asked, leaning back in his seat and he grinned, watching you walked around his desk, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
"I have some news~" You said, in a singsongy voice, and he tugged on your hips, pulling you onto his lap. "So, tell me, don't make me wait with baited breath, I'll probably suffocate," He teased, sweetly.
You tugged him close, speaking in a low whisper right into his ear-- "I'm pregnant."
He was glad you weren't looking at his face, with the horror on his face. He was able to put on a mask of excitement, as fake as it felt, when you leaned back, looking at his expression, and he held you close, pressing his lips to yours.
"I'd say let's go celebrate, but I guess you can't have wine anymore."
You huffed, "We can celebrate in a different way."
In the end, the two of you went to the Angel's Share, the two of you deciding to keep it a secret for a little longer.
That night, while you cuddled up to him, he lie in bed, unable to close his eye, staring blankly...
Terrified.
As time passed, you had hit halfway through your second month. Kaeya still insisted that you keep it a secret-- "It's more fun if some people have a suspicious feeling, and then it's so exciting when you do tell them."
He was just too afraid to tell the world thus far. You had mostly agreed, but you were excited... you wanted to tell.
"I want to talk about this more," you admitted, "But I need to get a check-up for our little baby," you patted your tummy gently, and he pressed a kiss to your temple,
"Alright," he dreaded that conversation, "You go be safe."
"I will."
He sat silently, on the bed, blankly staring forth. What was he supposed to do...? To even think?
He was so scared.
He was able to hear you before he saw you, hear the sounds of your sobbing, and as he turned to see you, you jumped into his arms, openly crying. Somehow--he could tell your stomach was... smaller. If only a little.
"You were right to not tell anyone," you whimpered, weakly. He gently rubbed your back,
"What do you mean?" He asked, softly.
"I... I had a miscarriage."
He felt elated, but also so, so terribly guilty.
But he knew, with everything... It was for the best.
"I'm so sorry," he said, softly, holding you close, "Tell me--what can I do to make this better?"
"I don't know, I don't know," you sobbed, broken and weak.
For now, he'd just hold you.
Zhongli
With a wide smile and bright eyes, you told him: "I'm pregnant!"
Zhongli gasped in surprise, for a brief second, he was only pleased, his hands almost touching your stomach... then he recoiled, pulling back, hesitant... And he looked down and away.
"... Love," he said softly, "You are aware I am still an adeptus." He said, gently. You didn't understand,
"Of course, but... there's Ganyu, and Yanfei, they're both half-adeptus, half-human... Isn't this fine?"
He was quiet for a moment, sighing. "Yanfei's and Ganyu's adeptus parents were mammals. I... Was not-You understand, I was one a dragon of the earth, correct?" He asked,
"Of course, I wouldn't forget anything like that."
"Normal half-adeptus children already have problems, but one who is a dragon..."
He looked away, thinking.
"Are you sure you're not just afraid? It's okay to be afraid." You reassured, reaching out and holding his hand.
He was not afraid.
He was simply certain. The idea-The idea of having a child, a little bounding bundle of joy that would giggle as he tickled them, seeing their beautiful, adorable little smile that held features of you and himself...
How idealistic. But he had endured tragedy before, and he will endure it again.
This will only be another agony. If, perhaps, he was in his original mating season, having gone through it delicately how it was meant to, rather than pure chance and accident... Then there was hope.
He pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.
"Perhaps I am."
The days passed, and he would admit, he was shocked to see that your menstruation cycle had stopped--oh, period. People called it periods more commonly. Good to know.
And your stomach grew, you demanded him to touch your stomach, of which he would not argue, listening to your hopeful words.
You felt a pain in your stomach--naturally, you would be in pain.
You had left to go get it checked, to see why there would be pain, and what issue there would be for your child.
Alone, he curled up in bed and sobbed, unable to save you from this tragedy, sobbing pathetically in desperation, where no one, not, even you, could see his pain.
You did not come back that day, but you returned the second, pale and sickly, with bandages around your stomach. You collapsed into your arm,
"They... they had to do an emergency surgery," you wept weakly, too exhausted to sob, "It was... dead... and hurting-killing me."
He nodded. He knew this.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, softly, "I'm sorry, love."
"I just... I just want a family... Something to call my own."
Zhongli was quiet for a moment. Both of you had time before his original cycle would come in line...
Maybe-maybe, through an odd union of human and dragon, you could give him this family. But it would be a long, long conversation, and you would need to wait well beyond your wounds.
Oh, but your pain... how could he endure.
He would have to find a way.
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