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nicsalazar · 1 year

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Cassiopeia || Leah & Nicole

TIMING: MID SEPTEMBER, 2022 PARTIES: @phoenixleah & @nicsalazar SUMMARY: Before the beginning of the end, Leah and Nicole enjoy one strangely peaceful night by going on a date. Bucket lists are discussed, including an idea that will eventually save their lives. CONTENT WARNING: None

“Wait…my— my arm… it fell asleep”.

It had been asleep for several minutes, in fact. However, blurting it out when her girlfriend was so warm and comfortable lying there felt like a sin. Until now, when the pins and needles sensation spread to the tip of her fingers. Nicole readjusted as gently as possible, allowing Leah’s head to find a new home on her shoulder.

The night sky wasn’t the clearest for stargazing. Between the typical weather clouds, and other strange sightings (that one portion of the ocean was still visible from their position) Nicole knew they should’ve come another time. A better time. But quiet, peaceful nights didn’t come often; better times were rare, if not impossible. If the past few months had taught her anything, was that she had to be the one to ensure her nights were quiet and peaceful.

So, to be in the back of her truck, atop a pair of blankets and snuggled up with the woman she loved? Was pretty close to quiet perfection. Stargazing or not. “There… didn’t wanna… interrupt” she whispered with a coy laugh, flexing her numb fingers to bring the feeling back. An apologetic smile played on her lips, just before she placed a kiss on Leah’s temple. “Sorta did anyway— Right…uh, pluto, you said?”

Leah had been in the middle of a tirade about why, while it was sad, it was absolutely right that Pluto was no longer considered a planet when Nicole spoke up about her arm. “Oh”, she said, sitting up slightly so that Nicole could adjust herself. Nicole let her talk. She let her talk and talk, and she didn’t complain about it ever. She did just the opposite, actually- she listened, and it was so wonderfully affirming to be listened to. She settled back down on Nicole’s shoulder, about to continue on with her explanation as if she hadn’t just been interrupted. Instead, she rolled her eyes at her girlfriend’s words, scoffing playfully. “As if a small disruption could stop me on my journey to being right all the time”, she joked, grabbing one of Nicole’s hands as she did so.

“So yes, about Pluto. For one, it was only discovered in 1930, and there are tons of other small, celestial bodies that orbit the sun that are just not that good enough. People are only attached to the idea of Pluto as a planet because of nostalgia, not because of any scientific basis. Do you know there are three criteria that a celestial body has to pass in order for it to be considered a planet?” She squinted up at the sky above them, seeing if she could make any planets out now. “We can’t be calling everything a planet all willy nilly, you know? It would be pure chaos.” She turned her head so she could get a better look at the other woman, wondering her opinion on the subject. “So what do you think, are you a pluto planet-er? A nostalgia gal?”

Nicole smiled at Leah’s self-awareness, gladly holding her hand. “Uh, most times” she corrected, tickling the inside of Leah’s warm palm, while she listened to her gear up again for a new speech. Nicole knew Leah had important things to say, she liked it when there was a new subject to learn about. Astronomy was a fascinating subject. It put into perspective how insignificant yet significant life truly was. But it was easy to get distracted looking at her speak with passion. Her gaze traveled from her girlfriend’s lashes to her lips. “Mhmm, didn’t know they had rules” she mumbled absently. It made sense though, everything in science had rules.

“What do I think?” Nicole laughed, letting go of Leah’s hand before turning on her side. Her hand, now free, roamed to the woman’s jacket, pulling at the seam for her to get a hint and roll over. “I just… like looking at celestial bodies” she fired, a proud grin etched across her face because of how quickly she managed to come up with that. Giving the question more consideration, she propped herself on her elbow, resting her head in her hand. “I don’t know if I was around for this… pluto demotion” she admitted, and her gaze turned upwards, navigating her memories. “Might have been… out in the woods” she toyed with one of the pocket of Leah’s coat, distracting herself. “You miss a lot of things when a jaguar gets a hold of your body, you know?”

Leah raised her eyebrows at the correction, resisting the urge to roll her eyes playfully. She was right all the time, no exceptions, even when she was wrong and not right at all. She squeezed Nicole’s teasing fingers in her own, nodding as she continued. “Yup! Everything worth anything has rules, Nicole. To be considered a planet, a celestial body must orbit a star, like the sun, for example, it must be big enough to have enough gravity to force it into a spherical shape, and it must be large enough to dominate it’s orbit. Which, pluto doesn’t fill that last qualification.”

She didn’t even have that much of an interest in astronomy, not like she did in the supernatural, or in reading, but if Nicole was going to let her keep talking, she wasn’t planning on stopping. Leah let herself be pulled over to face Nicole, a smirk playing on her lips. “Oh you do, do you? I think that’s fair to say… you seem to like looking at my celestial body quite a lot”, she teased with a smirk. She moved some hair that had fallen in front of Nicole’s face, tucking it behind her girlfriend’s ear. “Oh trust me, you’d know if you were around for it. Everyone was losing their minds about it. But don’t worry… everyone was overreacting. You’re getting to see all the important things now, like that actual image of a black hole. Way more exciting and worth losing your mind over, if you ask me.” She let her eyes trace Nicole’s face, making a perfect memory of it, bit by bit. “Does it feel odd, ever? To feel like you missed out on some things other people seem to have a shared experience of?

Nicole listened, as she often did, hoping to retain that bit of information somewhere in her brain. What did she know? It could become useful one day. “Mmm, poor pluto” she lowered her voice as their faces came closer. “I think all of that sounds a little familiar— must’ve… filed it away somewhere. Thank you for reminding me”. Most of the things she had learned in school were long forgotten. Did they slip when she turned into a jaguar, or was she never meant to remember any of it after school? She’d never know.

“I do” she confirmed, steering away from sounding teasing. They’d get sidetracked quickly if they continued. Her face burned under Leah’s gaze. It was as if she was trying to memorize her. Leah did that a lot, she had noticed. Nicole had wondered why, but never dared to question. She had her own theories. The other woman had also been stripped away of her memories, in a way. With every rebirth. Maybe she hoped she’d remember this one, if she tried hard enough. “You’re staring,” Nicole, shy as she was, struggled to let herself be seen. Flawed and vulnerable as she felt, she didn’t glance away. Didn’t hide. “Always” she admitted, chewing on her bottom lip. Not everything she missed affected her everyday existence, of course. It only worsened her feelings of being left behind. “Movies are a big one,” she pondered, her palm gently stroking Leah’s arm. “Or technology— I don’t know how technology got where it’s now when it took so long to— All those apps and… emoticons” their current name escaped her, but Leah would understand what she meant. She clicked her tongue, attempting to shrug it off.

“But you know, missing out on things just means… I have a longer to-do list than the rest,” that was certainly a new perspective, though. For years she had been tormented by the unknown. “There are some good things in there—” Nicole’s voice dipped lower, a shy smile edging her lips. Was she really about to tell Leah— “Like, uh… Ever told you kissing you was in there not long ago? I think… right under, eh…bungee jumping”.

Leah’s mouth morphed into a lazy, peaceful smile as their foreheads pressed together. “You’re worth staring at”, she countered, her eyes landing back on Nicole’s. She would stare all day if Nicole let her, learning the ins and outs of the novel that was Nicole better than anyone else. It was so terribly difficult for Nicole to be read, but Leah was always pining for a new chapter. And so, as Nicole opened up more about what she felt she had missed, Leah let herself be the listener for a change. Because maybe no one deserved to be listened to more than Nicole did.

Missing memories from other lives was different. It was easier, because Leah could separate herself from it, the loss wasn’t really hers if she had been reborn in between them, right? But Nicole, there were so many things that happened while she was gone that it was no wonder she thought about them often. “See, I’d think you were an emoji expert with the way you’re able to interpret mine”, she teased. “We should start a list… of movies you want to see. We could watch one a week, at least, and maybe then we’ll be done by the time we’re 80.” She smirked, leaning forward to kiss Nicole. Before she let their lips touch, she stopped, a teasing smirk dancing between them. “Oh, really now? And when did that get added?” She knew that at this point, that one had to have been checked off her list too many times to count, and Leah really couldn’t complain. “Now bungee jumping is not an advised activity for phoenixes, unfortunately. I’ll have to watch that one. What else?”

Hearing she was worth being stared at made Nicole’s brain short circuit for a moment. Leah had ways of turning casual quips into swoon worthy moments with expertise. As she was caught off guard, it took her a second to find a neutral expression. Then Nicole laughed, forced to focus on the ongoing conversation. Hearts and smiley faces were pretty easy to figure out, she thought. But didn’t ponder on it long enough, her stomach flipping at the offhand mention of them being 80. A future, together. It would’ve been unimaginable two years ago. “Sure. We can start with whatever I missed from 2009 to 2014” she suggested. It sounded like a fun type of education, at last.

“Hmm, not sure” Nicole shrugged playfully at the question. She knew it, of course. How could she forget? “That day…watching the sunset” she didn’t need to say more than that, Leah would get it. Something had changed that evening. Back then, she hadn’t had the words for it. She had asked Leah for time to figure herself out. But if things had played differently, she was sure she would’ve kissed her then. It was a matter of time. She stole a quick kiss after Leah teased her. She’d get back at her later. “Uh, no bungee jumping for you, unless you learn how to fly” she agreed, giving her a stern look. Inhaling deeply, she thought of other experiences she would like to have. Disneyworld, of course. But ift felt embarrassing to share. There was something else, ever-present. “I’d love— one day, uh. I’d want to go… on a road trip. Travel the country. See what’s out there”.

As she voiced her wish, Nicole felt emboldened. It wasn’t impossible, was it? “Have you ever…” the question died in her tongue, remembering Leah was born and raised in White Crest. Never ventured outside. It was a different question she wanted to ask. One she needed a few attempts to gather the courage and do it. Why not now? What was stopping her from getting into her truck and just drive? White Crest seemed to be doing okay for the most part. As okay as a town like this could be. No poisonous trees, or possessed friends, or imminent danger. She had just gotten back from a second stint as a jaguar. Why not now? The person currently staring up at her. But if Leah didn’t feel a moral obligation to this town— “Would you ever…If–” she hated the nerves taking over her. This was Leah. It was them. Their bond wasn’t fragile, they had endured too much. But she had to be gentle, because Leah was a creature of habit, hard to sway at times. “You could come with me, you know?”

Leah thought about the first time they watched the sunset together often. Back then, Nicole was still so fragile; so closed off because of all the horrors that the world had bestowed upon her. Leah told her she’d wait, and she was sure if Nicole needed her to, she would have waited forever. Though, if she were being honest, she was so glad she didn’t have to wait all that long for Nic to come around. She smirked, and then kissed her back just because she could.

A road trip. It was something Leah had never been on. She’d never even considered it, really. Not with her ties to the town. She didn’t know how she managed to spend her whole life never traveling out of it. At first, it might have been due to her family’s paranoia. A paranoia that, she pondered as an adult, must have stemmed from their fear of harm happening to any of them outside of the family’s reach. If any of them faced harm far away from White Crest, who would be there to recover the ashes for the rebirth? How could their place within the Ramirezes continue for lifetimes to come? She had heard tell of a distant family member, an uncle or a cousin maybe, who ventured away a lifetime or so, and never came back. He maybe was out there somewhere now, reborn into a new life with no idea of the legacy he was a part of. The idea was terrifying. It wasn’t illogical or hysterical, then, for her family to have their qualms about leaving.

But it wasn’t illogical to think that leaving wasn’t always forever, either. One person making one bad mistake 100 years ago didn’t mean the same fate would fall upon her. “I don’t consider myself a nervous person”, she started, her finger gently tracing Nicole’s hand in her own. “Some would even call me arrogantly brave, though no one in present company, I hope”, she teased. “But, I have to admit that the idea of leaving town does make me pause. It’s not that I’m a homebody, I-...” Plenty of her cousins had moved away, and they were fine. They came back for holidays and birthdays and sometimes just because. And they were fine. And Nicole wasn’t even asking her to move, this was just a vacation. “Where would you want to go, Nic? Are there any places you’re particularly interested in seeing?”

Nicole kept her eyes on Leah, wishing more than ever that she could read minds. Or— only one mind, really. She played with the woman’s fingers idly, watching her process every word she said. Allowing her the time to gather her thoughts, she didn’t interject with any other ideas until Leah was ready to speak. Needless to say, her nerves wrecked her stomach for what felt like an eternity. “Just brave,” she did manage to quip, holding Leah’s chin playfully. The kind of brave who set out to defeat a giant monster tree all by herself. The kind of brave Nicole could never be.

But Leah was just better at hiding her fears than Nicole was. Stubbornly so. In a lot of ways, Leah was like a baby bird, one Nicole didn’t want to chase away with the wrong words. The kind that would set her in an opinion she’d never be willing to change. Nicole was awfully good at wrong words. So she brushed her arm, soothing as she voiced her apprehension. Which she expected, anyway. She nodded in understanding, “I know…I know” she whispered softly. Leah didn’t have to justify herself, though she appreciated her honesty. The question was fair. If anything, for a pragmatic mind like Leah’s, Nicole should’ve come prepared rather than blurting out the idea. “I…haven’t figured it out. Whole country, if I could”.

She was not a great salesperson, evidently.

She had other arguments, however. “You don’t think about what’s outside?” Other times, before they began dating, the question would’ve been infused with frustration. But now Nicole was only curious. “Your journals… I mean, all the new species we could find. In the cold, in the desert, in… Florida— well,” her eyes narrowed, hesitant. Maybe not Florida. Her smile was steady, undeterred by Leah’s fears. “I— want you to think about it, okay? Don't need confirmation or anything right now” It was barely an idea. A concept. There was so much planning to do if it ever came to fruition. Nicole wanted her to see the possibility, that was all.

There was no uncomfortable tension when her hand traveled to Leah’s back, pulling her closer. They were two adults simply having a conversation, there was nothing to be scared of, as brand new as it still felt to Nicole. “Just needed you to know…if I do this, I would really like you there. That’s all” She placed a kiss to Leah cheek, but lingered on her jawline, nuzzling. Maybe she had other methods of convincing her. It was all fair, right? “I'd be so bored all alone,” she lamented with a sigh, before pulling back to find Leah’s gaze. She found herself distracted with her mouth, however. “You wouldn’t want me to be bored, right?”

Leah’s eyebrows raised up and down quickly at Nicole’s quip, a strange sense of pride running through her at the word. Maybe even it was at the fact that Nicole associated the word with her, however playful it may be. It didn’t feel brave to position yourself in one place your whole life. There was so much knowledge that might have come with pilgrimage- so many different sets of perspectives she probably didn’t know existed yet. But traveling the whole country without a plan of where to be or what to see felt risky and dangerous, like those kinds of books where new couples travel together only to hate each other by the end thanks to disorganization and extremely high gas prices.

She thought about the outside often. She thought about libraries she’d never get to see if she stayed in White Crest, and about all the wonderful, fantastical places she’d read about and only imagined in her mind. “I read about a coven of spellcasters in Florida that wear exclusively orange. I don’t know Nic, that kind of thing might be worth checking out.” She was only half joking, and she was sure Nicole saw right through her. Her eyes searched Nicole’s as her girlfriend offered her the kindest gift Leah could think of- patience and understanding. There was still no pressure to be anything she wasn’t, no judgment or sneering about her flaws.

And the more she thought, the more the idea did intrigue her. She didn’t know it then, but Nicole had planted a seed of an idea that flourished and grew in her mind with each passing day. She would spend hours pouring over destinations and landmarks and looking up rumored hotspots of supernatural creatures she had only heard of but never seen. A week hadn’t gone by before she brought up the idea again to Nicole herself, complete with a list of proposed locations and a secret, already planned agenda.

For then though, in the back of Nicole’s truck and staring at the stars in the arms where she felt safest, the idea was still merely a seed of insecurity and apprehension. With Nicole’s teasing sigh, Leah shook her head, suppressing a chuckle. “Oh please, like I’d let you go anywhere bored. You don’t know it yet, but I have a whole list of books you’re going to read in the next year. Don’t worry, Nic. If I don’t go with you, I’ll simply record my voice reading them so you can listen to them in the car. That way, you can’t get bored or lonely”. She grinned and brushed some hair behind Nicole’s ear, letting her thumb rest there after. “We can always find a spicy book or two for me to record so you don’t get lonely at night, either”, she teased.

"How festive," Nicole murmured, the corners of her mouth twitching with delight. “Bueno. Guess we won't rule out Florida after all," she appeased, keeping a watchful eye on her girlfriend as she continued to process emotions associated with an idea so suddenly sprung upon. Leah's openness was all Nicole was asking for. And she seemed genuine, rather than attempting to end the conversation with vague enthusiasm.

Then Nicole laughed when she realized Leah was choosing her resolution for the new year. She had no time to object, though, since Leah's second suggestion had her easily distracted. Her mouth opened to silence, a glint of wonder in her eyes. Did Leah notice her heartbeat speeding up? It took her a second to gather herself. “That, uh— Solid alternative. Let’s call it… plan B” she croaked, swallowing hard to keep her thoughts from straying. Placing her hand innocently on Leah's hip, she retorted, “imagine how great that’d be in person, though…”

It felt natural to drop the conversation there, without coming to any form of consensus, while the joke lingered between them. Nicole was prepared to wait. Give Leah time, as she had done for her before. Hopefully there would be less resistance the next time they addressed it. She figured that was something to worry for later. And with a mind always spiralling with worries, Nicole could do with procrastinating on some. She leaned down just enough to draw Leah’s lips to hers in a slow, reassuring kiss. Sinking into the —still new— feeling of being deeply in love. There was no hurry tonight. They had been gifted one of those peaceful, quiet nights White Crest offered so rarely.

Nicole was ready to return to their original position, which was ideal for stargazing, once her arm stopped tingling. She leaned back against the blanket, wrapping her arm around Leah’s shoulder again and kneading gently. She attempted to recall what they had been talking about as she studied the night sky, now showing more stars than before. “I think it’s pretty unfair to Pluto to just… uninvite it from the Solar system. I mean, why does the Earth get to decide, y’know?” Pluto should remain a planet, was apparently her stance on the matter. She gazed down at Leah, tenderness rising in her chest. “We haven’t heard what Saturn has to say about this” she pointed out with conviction, though she was certain her girlfriend had a well-prepared rebuttal, and possibly more information about Saturn ready to provide.

Leah couldn’t help but chuckle lightly at Nicole’s reaction to her suggestion, but it also made her think about the bold contrast their personalities were together when compared to how they were with most other people. Leah, who in all ways could recite a book to a person she was comfortable with, grew up painfully shy, always letting her bolder counterparts like Bea and Jas or her sister lead the way. As an adult, of course, it was easier, but talking in front of crowds still made her feel like a 7 year old, freezing up at that first, fateful show and tell. And Nicole, well, Leah didn’t know whether or not she was socially closed off before the world was ripped from under her, but she knew how she was now. But they had both grown so comfortable with each other, like jigsaw pieces that were once warped and now morphed together, that nothing was off limits, even if something they said sent both of them blushing for hours. “Plan B it is”, she responded resolutely with a nod.

She felt herself melt into the kiss, surrendering to contentment and nothing more. Maybe the best part of feeling loved, truly loved, was that Nicole didn’t expect anything of her. She would have been happy with the plan B, and not passed a single judgment had Leah chosen that path. And once anxiety gave in to intrigue, even as early as during the kisses they were sharing that night, there was really no turning back for Leah Ramirez.

Leah let herself settle back down onto Nicole’s arm, being careful of her positioning as to assure nothing would fall asleep again. She smirked, elated that the conversation could be turned back to normal, as if nothing had happened. “It’s still in the solar system, Nicole. Just a different classification.” Despite the comfort, she couldn’t help but pick her head up again, glad to school Nicole on exactly what Saturn’s reaction would be. “Saturn? You kidding? Saturn doesn’t give a rip about how smaller celestial bodies feel. It pulls them in and says, ‘you’re mine now’, and uses them for decoration in its rings. If you ask me, Saturn is probably the most selfish of all the planets.”

Leah didn’t know how long they talked about the solar system, or what time they eventually drove back to her house that night and settled into bed, but she did know one thing. She loved Nicole with everything that she had, and the more she thought about it, the more she was sure that more than just her voice would be joining her on that road trip.

#p: leah #p: cassiopeia #wickedswriting #p #my faveeee

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