#my friend told me that I’m probably in real danger cause I’m trans
I have reached a whole new level of executive dysfunction: Procrastinating a mental breakdown cause there’s too many things to have a mental breakdown over
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Recently I’ve been debating getting top surgery. I know that some butches get top surgery and seem happy with the results but I’ve also met some who grew out of their discomfort with time. So I guess I’m debating if I should wait to see if maybe the discomfort around my chest will ease with age or if I should look into getting top surgery. The ones I’ve talked to also had this discomfort about their breast growing during puberty but they said after some time it decreased but for mines it seems like a problem that hasn’t gone away.
I am so sorry for the delay, seems work and side gigs are taking up a lot of my time lately.
I can only speak from my experience with my body and from other lesbians I talk to... and I talk to a lot. I have many friends across generations. Many of my younger friends are butch but not all. My older friends are a myriad of types of lesbians and as diverse as the greater population. This weekend now that we are all vaccinated we had a campfire with 12 lesbian, 5 butches present. We have definitely had discussions about our breasts, discomfort, and the mourning over loosing breasts to cancer (or the danger of cancer). Most of my buddies, from 19 to 68 share similar stories about learning to be at least “okay” with their bodies in a world where our physical attributes are often used to define our personality, and our worth.
One thing we ALL share, as women, not just lesbians, is that we were at best dissatisfied that we have breasts starting as soon as they begin to form. I was 7 when mom told me I had to wear a shirt outside. Wow was I pissed. AND as a 7 years old I knew it had nothing to do with me but everyone seemed just fine with the fact that men were the issue but since we can’t change them we must change our own behavior.
I remember thinking “how is me not wearing a shirt a problem”. Breasts had been neutral for me at that point. Just another part of my body. Once I realized “they” made me different, more vulnerable, more controlled, less “human” than those around me without breasts I turned my hate on my body instead of the people who really were to blame. Just like I was taught, I can’t control the men but I perhaps I could control my body.
I have raised at least 10 teenage daughters (2 are lesbians now) my youngest adopted is 15 and when her other mom told her to put on a shirt in the summer of her 8th birthday, even in our rural yard she looked at me dead in the eye and said “why haven’t you fixed this yet?” (meaning women’s bodies being subject to the eyes and opinions of men). I wonder.. why haven’t we? She is the youngest, but all the others grew from hating their breasts to at least neutral, some really love their bodies and that is lovely.
Lesbians are unique in our dealings of men’s opinions because we never need or want the approval of men in relation to our bodies. The opposite in fact.. we would prefer they see us void of anything they find sexual. Many women, straight, bi, lesbian eventually either learn to give no shits about the opinions of men or they learn to work around that feeling.
Ok.. all that being said, my story. My breasts are B cups, perhaps C’s when I was a bit heavier weight wise. I wore regular bras WITH padding and always as tight as a could to make them less noticeable. When I came out i switched to sports bras because i was embracing being butch and no longer wanted to play the game of wearing “pretty bra” . I never wore tight shirts, always baggy. I wore the tightest bra I could wear to keep my breasts smaller, less visible. FOR YEARS.
Going to a women’s festival opened my eyes to the many ways bodies can be. The many ways BUTCH bodies can exist. Women went topless and NO one sexualized them. (except when appropriate-- like while flirting etc when it was welcomed). Thousands of people, many topless and no one, not one person was oogled, cat called, teased, or otherwise treated as different than someone wearing a shirt. What did they all share? Why was it different than in other places? Women. All women and mostly lesbians. However that did not automatically translate to “I am going back to the real world and giving no fucks about the reality of existing with breasts in our world”. It took time.
I no longer wear a bra just an undershirt. BUT I am in control of where I go, who I interact with most of the time. If I was still at my retail job, I’d probably still wear a bra. I no longer dislike my breasts. I love them. They bring me pleasure, they bring my girlfriend pleasure. They are a lovely part of me BUT that does not mean I am not very aware in public of my nipples being visible or of people noticing I am braless. And I imagine it is harder for women with larger breasts.
Had binders been a “thing”, had I had access to a double mastectomy, or the idea of it i cannot say that would have pursued either. The pattern suggests I would have. But again., neither were on my radar, not options presented to me or encouraged as a way to solve my discomfort.
I have three friends who have had elective double mastectomies. And many who had one to prevent or remove cancer. Several of them suffer consistent and painful nerve damage that is not treatable, is quite common, is unpredictable (they can’t know who will have it) and possibly life long. Of the three who were trying to alleviate the distress of dysphoria, all three regret the decision and none of them are over 30 yet. These women are all lesbians. Those who had the surgery because of cancer are thrilled to be happy and alive with less worry, although they do deal with nerve issues and mourn the loss of a part of their body.
I have a few trans men friends, although we are not close. A couple of them have had double mastectomies but their thoughts or feelings have not come up, we are just not close enough for such a personal discussion and none have had the surgery for more than 2 years. I have had lots of older lesbians friends (and a few younger) who did get breast reduction surgery and their health and mental health were both improved. Their backs are better, their clothes fit better and they feel more active, less self conscious with out the physical risks of a full mastectomy.
The easy answer and what I WANT to say, is be patient, find lots of older lesbians friends to show you your body is neutral, men are the problem. Give yourself time to understand that your breasts are as butch as the rest of you. They are a natural part of your body and how you are meant to be. Also, I know there is not an easy answer. Men will continue to exist. They will continue to sexualize lesbians (with or without breasts). I didn’t outgrow wishing my breasts could just disappear(in public settings) until my 40′s but it got easier and easier to sort of “live with it”. I am many times over grateful for my healthy breasts now.
Seek therapy.. and not someone who will just go along with what ever you say. My therapists works me hard. She makes me answer the hard questions. She has me vocalize things that I don’t even want to admit in my head let alone out loud. Find one like that. Find one who is willing to explore all the reasons your breasts cause you distress. Then, if you decide to proceed, you can do so knowing you were worth the hard work and you can feel more confident in making an informed decision. Don’t make any decisions based on the opinions of men. Your body. YOUR decision. Write that down on a post it and keep it somewhere you will see it.
If you would like to speak to some others who are struggling with how you feel or want to talk to lesbians who can tell you about their double mastectomies, DM me, perhaps I can connect you.
If anyone wants to add their experience in the notes please be kind. No judgement for anyone making such a difficult decision.
One last thing to this long post. From one butch to another. I care about you and I am saddened and angry at bull shit you have to wade through in this world. I get it. You are not alone.
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Yandere BNHA Boys pt 2
Okay, this is a continuation of the first yandere ones I did because I wrote that in basically a night and was too tired to do more, I'm probably gonna post some after for the pro heroes and villains if I have time, I might finish those on the weekend then post it.
This is just a bunch of headcanons I have about the boys in BNHA and what they’d be like as yanderes. Only the really fluffy or good things about them listed here. Neither of these works are a good depictions of a real yandere and make sure to be careful to identify yandere traits in real people around you. It’s a very dangerous world and stay safe!
sorry if you were waiting for me to come out with these and I literally took forever lol, link to the first one is here. It's basically just me comforting myself with the sweet things that I think they would do as yanderes.
Warnings: Brainwashing, blood, gore, death, trans headcanons, body dysmorphia, nonbinary they/he Sero, they/them pronouns + nonbinary headcanons for Tokoyami, he/they nonbinary headcanons with Shinsou, a little NSFW because if I don't specify then they are aged up (around 20-25 is where I imagine the timeline that they actually captured you and have a hero carrier going for them already), manipulation, regular yandere things, kinda just turns into dumbass horknee headcanons at some point after Shinsou (sorry lmfao), objectification
so basically the first time they saw you they immediately wanted to come up to you
they love to give you back hugs because once you stop trying to fight them he's gonna be so honored you finally trust him
Big time slut [non-derogetory] for you
Likes to have an apartment that's high up, probably a secured penthouse with lots of windows
If you're afraid of heights they will get a ground bed for you two, they would also vibe with a low hanging hammock if you allow it
they really really like just putting you on a custom made leash, not inherently in a sexual way just in general likes to have it look like that with their tape on you at all times
they really really like it when you come to them for hugs and comfort
If you're a trans reader, if you want a binder he will get you one as soon as you ask, cried when you told him about it.
they cried way more than you though...
Was very accepting as an nb person as well
they custom made you a tape binder of his
Kinda as a joke but high key felt like they were gonna combust at the thought of you wearing that for them
Takes you to pride but you cannot speak
only takes you to pride after they are 1000% sure that you're not gonna speak to anyone but them
Takes you to it as a part of their float because they'd been invited onto the Hero Float
You are in a costume that's exactly like his, helmet and everything, you aren't allowed to be looked at
After that though, it's gonna be your choice to go or not to go
they trust you a little more after you run away from some assholes though and after that sometimes lets you take your helmet off during pride, you have to give them a lot of kisses though
When/if you ever consider any type of surgery he is 110% on board
they demand that you have to have it performed by someone who has done this a million times before, trusts no one else
If there's a way for you to go through it without the surgery they're excited but he's more excited if there is surgery because they love the idea of you being so cuddly and clinging to them for their comfort
haha they're in love with you
like, intensely in love with you the moment they first meet you
Dark shadow thinks you're adorable but says nothing more about their obsession with you
when you met them before UA they absolutely cannot handle being around you in a 10-foot radius
Eventually, though they do try and become a friend of yours
After that, it's a hop on the manipulation train, my dude
they basically make you see them as your savior from a mean uncaring world
they love talking to you about things that make you happy and loving you in little ways
hugs, hand holding, a lot of time it's just a little peck (haha) on the cheek
they love living with you though, like really love it
they like baking and making dinner for you
but especially baking
like really, baking
the manipulation they use makes it seem like everything is okay when you only talk to them so that's what you do and to you, it seems so much better than anything you could do
they haven't come out to you by the time you come out to them so your trans journey really helps them figure things like that out as well
The first time you explain that gender is a made-up construct they're like "yeah......isn't that how everyone feels? Like, not a gender????" we love this for them
you both kind of heal each other through this process
they like seeing you when you're most comfortable so they get you as many binders as you need
also gets you a custom binder like Sero but with feather designs, not like stupid printable patterns but something that is soft and the softness isn't feathers it's regular fluffy cloth
idk I'm not a designer that's why I gave up and became a writer lmao
they also get you a compression corset because they're emo
if there is surgery it takes a lot of time to convince them
they don't ever want you to regret anything they helped you with so it takes a lot of long-winded conversations about it
there was a lot of nervousness on their part because (this is just my headcanon) they were almost convinced to get surgery to construct their face to look human-like
they had a lot of their family tell them that, because of the way they looked, they had less of a chance to become a hero, they were immensely traumatized by this and thus wants to make absolutely sure you were okay with this
but when they finally find themself comforted by you about it it happens quickly and in the safest way you could possibly imagine
Shinsou didn't want to approach you at all, he was so scared you'd run away or tell him he's a villain
they always thought that they weren't good enough for you
he loved you but you needed to say hi first
and you did
so he whisked you away
they like to just brainwash you into tasting certain types of food when you're craving them instead of just getting you food
he likes to talk to you in a voice like he would talk to a kitten, not like husky or anything sexy, but something cute and adorable
especially when you're brainwashed and can't say anything to him
He likes to give you lots of soft stuff like I'm talking pillows upon pillows and squishmallows
once he gets his own house they get it in a place that's more comforting in the dark than in the light
they really like the dark and outdoorsy vibe anyway so if they choose a place somewhere in the forest to keep you what's the added bonus if no one can hear you scream?
a little bit of spice; he has this whole a/b/o fantasy (idk it's his vibes that he'd read that fanfic and stuff lmao) and kinda treats you like you were an omega
sometimes if you guys do have sex they'll brainwash you to act like an omega or once he's more experienced with bodily manipulation involving their quirk they'll make you do all of the......omega things
when you come out to them, if you're trans, they're definitely gonna not care
like if you need comfort and stuff about it they will not make a big deal about it
he legit is like "okay .....can I still fuck you or?????"
HE JUST GIVES OFF REALLY HORKNEE VIBES OKAY?????
definitely brainwashes you into not feeling dysphoric anymore though
like loves it when you come up all sad to him and uncomfy just to ask them to brainwash you
he melts over you cuddling them after those times though
if you want surgery they're gonna make sure that it's between him and the doctors that y'all are there
like no one knows you're there, completely off radius, in and out like nothing (he's basically a cryptid in the woods by the time you guys have the surgery, so they wanna make sure no one questions it)
bold of you to assume that man can express literally anything when he wants to just sit you on his lap and look at your pretty face
love at first sight taken literally but not in a shallow way
he loves just having you around him
kinda treats you as an accessory at times, talks like you're a purse or something and people don't really comment but it's really freaking them out sometimes when you don't speak up on it
likes to say he's the only one to understand you cause he's afraid you'd leave him
a hardcore fan of collars though
definitely has lots of jewelry that represents him even though you don't go out he still loves the idea of it
big time cook
loves providing for you, never lets you do a damn thing other than watching pre-approved cartoons and hobbies
absolute fucking disaster about hugging you
always has to be touching you
he thinks you're so fucking gorgeous and body worships you even out of the bedroom
if you're trans he will definitely be weird about it at first
he's just diet transphobic
he's not denying it but sometimes he's like "Are you sure???" and stuff
he clears this up with the help of you being pissed enough to not eat or talk to him until he apologizes
he then educates himself on it and comes to the conclusion that he was in fact being an asshole
talks to you about binders and stuff like that
doesn't really believe in surgery, he would never allow you to do that just because it would be too painful for him to see you go through
he instead literally searches the whole fucking globe for a person with a body-altering quirk to make sure you don't get hurt
he seeks out homophobes, transphobes, and other dumbasses on the regular just to kill them like literally it just started out for your approval but now it's just for fun
Anyway, the villain one (if I do it) will probably become just horknee brain rot cause I am a slut. Request some stuff and I'll try to put up some works if y'all want ig.
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I’m going to start this by saying, I have bias. Everyone does. I do not intend for this to come off as “the thing you like is bad”, but moreso “the corporation that controls the thing you like is manipulative”.
My background; I am a 26 year old trans mom, I have a history with addiction, particularly gambling, and spend most of my time playing video games. I have gone to college for about 3 years for my psychology degree, and while I do not have my degree, I have been studying psychology for roughly 12 years. This is to say, my views will reflect this background. Just because I present this information like I do, does not inherently mean I’m right, though it also doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Try to view things with a critical mind, and know that most topics have nuance.
Ok, so lootboxes, booster packs, gacha games, all of these are gambling. This is not really an argument. You are putting money into a service of sorts, and receiving a randomized result. Be that a fancy new gun, that same boring legendary you have 5 of, or that final hero you’ve been trying to collect. You don’t know the outcome before you give your money. As defined by the merriam-webster dictionary: “Gambling; the practice of risking money or other stakes in a game or bet”
You are risking your money in not getting an item you want. There are ways this is handled acceptably, and ways this is handled poorly. Gambling is also illegal to people under 21 in a lot of places, but places online aren’t quick to tell you why. I don’t have any sources because every source requires a paywall to get any information, but pulling from my own personal experience and what I learned in college, it’s because children are very impressionable. I say “I like pokemon” and suddenly my 2-year old can’t go anywhere without her pikachu. I remember distinctly playing poker with my mom and her friends when I was 12. When you normalize gambling, what it does is lower the risk aversion of gambling. You are less likely to see a threat in playing that card game, because when you are that young you have no concept of money. You don’t know what a dollar is, so why not throw it away so you can have fun. This is...I hesitate to call it fine, but it’s mostly harmless. The issue is with children and their lack of knowledge of money. When I grew up and got a job, it’s a lot harder to tell my brain, “hey, don’t spend that money, you won’t get it back and you won’t get what you want.” Because my brain just acknowledges the potential for what I want. I want to buy the booster pack so I can have the potential to get that masterpiece misty rainforest. I want to buy that diamond pack so I have the chance to get the cute hero. I want to buy that lootbox so I can get the battle rifle that does a cool effect. These are harmless concepts, but very dangerous.
Make no mistake, companies know how psychology works, and will use it to their advantage. MatPat from game theory states that companies have even go so far as to have systems in place that change the odds as you’re losing, and monitor your skill level to put you up against harder opponents, to see the better weapons and go, “Oh I want that!” and entice you to buy more lootboxes. As it turns out I found an article covering what he was talking about, Activision had actually acquired a patent to arrange matchmaking to do just that [x], and the article says it’s not in place, but my trust in companies is not high enough to actually believe them.(honestly, matpat made a 2-part video series about lootboxes, and I’d recommend watching them)
So, companies are trying to manipulate you to buy more gambling products. There’s proof of it. It’s also more blatantly obvious in games like Magic the Gathering, where they release fancier versions of cards at rarer probabilities. To better explain it, from a collector’s standpoint, you want the fancy card cause it has value, it has value because it’s rare, rarer than the other versions, so if you’re on the lower end of the income ladder you buy a pack, or two. After all, you could get lucky and get it. On the higher end of the income ladder, you buy the card outright and hoard it. Maybe sell it off later if you notice the price goes down. From a player perspective, you see a card is being used by tournament players, you want to win more games, so you want those cards, which encourages you to buy products and try to get those cards. That’s predatory behavior. It’s predatory from the company’s perspective because that poor person might not be able to afford the card outright, but $5-$10 isn’t much, plus they always entice you with that Chance. They also further this desire for the cards by making it limited runs, such as the secret lair packs, if there’s a low amount purchased and it’s made to order, or worse, if they limit the order capabilities themselves, that drives up the value, and provides further incentive to buy the cards and packs. This not only creates an impossible barrier between the poor and the rich, but also heavily encourages people buy their gambling pack than people would have in other conditions.
For the record, I love magic the gathering, I’m not saying the game itself is bad, this is just a VERY predatory marketing tactic.
Let’s switch gears. Gacha games. I play AFKArena, because like I said, I have a gambling addiction and cannot stop myself. In AFKArena, you collect heroes, and battle with them in various ways. If you collect more of similar heroes you can rank them up. If I’m to believe what I’ve heard, it sounds like this is pretty common for gacha games. So what makes it bad. In AFKArena you use diamonds to summon heroes, now, you can acquire diamonds by beating specific story chapters, logging in every day, random limited time events, or paying for them with real money. AFKArena hero drops don’t seem that bad compared to the free diamond amount they dish out, which has resulted in me not spending all that much money on it, all things considered ($20 over 2 years). I believe that for a mobile game like this, that’s fair. I get way more enjoyment out of the game than I do most $60 games, so it balances out. However, this isn’t the case for every gacha game, and my trust in companies, as previously stated, is very low. The issue lies in them making the rates for good heroes so low that you HAVE to spend money on the game to really get over a roadblock of sorts. I do think that there is this issue in my game and I just didn’t notice it, someone with a lower tolerance or patience might absolutely have the incentive to drop hundreds of dollars on the game over a month. There are people of all different flavours, and it’s important to keep that in mind when discussing these topics, just because a marketing technique doesn’t work on you, does not mean it doesn’t work on anyone. After all, they have those $100 packs for a reason, you might not be that reason but someone is. That’s predatory.
I feel like I’ve gotten off track, let’s get back on the rails. Where was...gambling...predatory…ah, kids. So my biggest issue, is that Magic the Gathering is marketed towards 13 year olds. Not directly, but the packs say 13+. AFKArena and any mobile game for that matter, can be downloaded by anyone with a phone for free, with minimal mention that there’s microtransactions. AAA title games like Destiny 2, Overwatch, Fortnite, etc. are probably the worst offenders. A kid spent $16,000 of his parents money on fortnite in-game purchases, and that’s not the only time this has happened [x] [x] . More often than not, what happens is, the kid wants to play a video game, like halo on xbox, or destiny, or something, they ask their mom for their credit card, and the system saves it. I mentioned before that kids do not have a concept of money or its value, so giving kids unlimited access to the credit card is going to result in this kind of thing happening. I’m not blaming the parents for not being hypervigilant, sometimes you are really busy, or disabled, or whatever the reason, and you don’t notice the system just saved your card. I’m not blaming the kids cause their brains are literally underdeveloped. I blame the corporations, because they make the process as easy as possible to prey on kids and people with gambling addictions. (as a personal anecdote, I found that if I want a magic card in MtG:O, I’m way less likely to try and buy it if I have to get up and get my card, I’d recommend not saving your card if you suffer from gambling/addiction problems)
So after all of this evidence, how can anyone still view these things as anything but predatory? The answer is simple. You’re told they aren’t. Businesses spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on really good marketing, and public relations. I tried to google why gambling is illegal for people under 21, and got nothing, I got a couple forums asking the question, and a couple religious sites saying it’ll make them degenerates. I try looking up sources to prove the psychology behind these concepts, but they are locked behind paywall after paywall after paywall. Businesses and capitalism has made it so incredibly hard to discover the truth and get information you need, and it’s on purpose. They want you to trust that that booster pack is a good idea. They want you to spend money on lootboxes (look at all the youtubers that shill out for raid shadow legends, or other gambling games to their super young fanbase [x]). They want you to lower your guard and go, “well, it’s a video game, how can it be predatory?” “it’s a card game with cute creatures on it, surely it’s not that bad”
But it is. So why did I make this post? I dunno, my brain really latched onto the topic, I see so many people enjoying gacha games, but I’m worried that it’s going to ruin lives...I just want everyone to be informed and critical of what is going on.
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My mind was plagued with thoughts of the episode where the kids think Perry laid an egg and the comic where Perry saves a baby platypus from Doof, and that got me thinking: what if Perry was actually a dad to a baby platypus? One possibility is that Perry wouldn't want his child to become an agent at such a young age and would rather have his kid decide if they want to do it when they're older, but I believe that either way, the young platypus would inherit Perry's anthropomorphism.
oh my god I’ve never even thought about Dad!Perry before 🥺 I thought his relationship with the Flynn-Fletcher kids was wholesome but that has some real potential to become the superior relationship
obligatory “read more” to save everyone who doesn’t care how I feel about Dad!Perry
Okay first I gotta ask how we think this would happen. Is it the egg from Perry Lays An Egg that hatches, except it really is a baby platypus and Perry ends up taking it in because no one else can? Or is it Perry taking one of Doof’s platybabies home? Or is it trans!Perry laying his own egg? Or Perry has sex with another platypus (that’s such a weird thought lmao) and somehow he becomes the sole guardian of the egg? As the numero uno “Perry is an asexual demibiromantic platypus” stan, I kinda like the first or second one, but I also feel like the platybaby should be related to him? But at the same time Phineas and Ferb is all about how family don’t end in blood so maybe that’s not important?
Anyways onto Dad!Perry because holy shit I’m excited to explore this
I’m gonna start at the end of the ask by saying that I feel like anthropomorphism isn’t genetically inherited; I feel like it’s something that’s taught. It’s kinda a nature vs nurture type thing so I guess it’s more a psychological debate than anything, but if I had to channel my inner English teacher and draw evidence from “the text” (aka the show), I gotta bring up the koi from Attack of the 50 Foot Sister that were just kinda vibin in the neighbors’ pond at the beginning of the episode and then Monogram had to make them agents to avoid a lawsuit and by the end they were saving Perry’s ass? Which is relevant to literally nothing except that I think any baby animal Perry raises, regardless of whether or not they’re related to him by blood (or even by species), will probably turn the lil baby into an anthropomorphic lil platybaby just because of all the human and human-like influences
And now the elephant in the room (cue OWCA Files Agent E joke): how does OWCA react to the news? Which I guess is really a follow-up question to how OWCA finds out in the first place. I think we can all agree that Perry won’t want to tell them. It’s not like he sees the other agents as friends that he wants to invite to the baby shower. But Monogram would want to know if there’s a new player in the Flynn-Fletcher house not that he knows who lives there now; that’s Carl’s area of expertise. Would he have to tell them? Is there a protocol for that? Especially if it’s just an egg he picks up from The Tree™ in the backyard. That’s basically just getting a new pet, right? And sure, Monogram would want to know, but is Perry legally obligated to tell him is the question.
But Monogram has to find out one way or another, and given that Perry is the best of the best, Monogram is going to want his kid in the club. Perry would 100% say no, too, but I don’t know if it would be because he wants his son (yes it’s a boy platybaby no I don’t know why) to have his own say in his future; I think Perry would consider OWCA too dangerous for his son. I mean, we saw what happened when Phineas, Ferb, and Candace got mixed up in his job: they were almost eaten by a goozim and the tri-state area was almost taken over by an evil dictator. He would definitely want to keep his son out of that scene if he could. At least all the dangers at home are Phineas-and-Ferb-sponsored, and unlike OWCA, they would make sure he didn’t get hurt.
Buuuut Monogram is also a dumbass and doesn’t know how to take no for an answer, so he’d keep pushing. It has to be a well-known fact around OWCA that changing Agent P’s mind about anything is not an easy feat, so maybe when Monogram realized it was a lost cause, he’d try to go around Perry’s back? Maybe while Perry was at work, he’d head to the Flynn-Fletchers’ house (or send Carl again like Undercover Carl) to try to get the platybaby alone? He could explain what OWCA is and that he would make a perfect candidate. I doubt Perry would have told his son about OWCA in any detail yet other than the fact that he works there and that’s where he goes every day, so this would all be new and interesting. And then Perry either comes home when Monogram or Carl is talking to his son about OWCA or his son brings it up himself, and Perry is fuming because he made it very clear that he didn’t want OWCA anywhere near his family.
And now I can’t help but wonder if that would cause bigger problems between him and OWCA? What if that’s his breaking point, and he just flat-out quits because if they can’t respect his very few boundaries, he doesn’t owe them anything? And assuming the platybaby didn’t come from Doof, maybe that’s how they meet? Somehow he finds out that the reason there’s a new agent working his case is that Perry’s out on “permanent paternity leave” or something, and word gets back to Perry somehow (maybe Pinky heard it through the grapevine and told him? idk) that Doof wants to meet him? And Perry’s kinda wary buuuuut at the same time, Doof isn’t his nemesis anymore. If you take OWCA out of the equation, aren’t they just friends?
WAIT A SECOND
IMAGINE HOW NORM WOULD REACT TO SEEING A BABY PLATYPUS
I DON’T KNOW WHY
BUT NORM WOULD ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BABY PLATYPUS
and Doof would get kinda annoyed because “He came here so I could meet the baby, you know,” and usually that’s enough to convince Norm that he’s doing something wrong, but this time Norm is just like, “But I love him?” And Doof expects Perry to back him up and he probably should but at the same time, his son looks so happy with Norm? Without OWCA’s training, he still has that platypus aspect to his personality that comes from both his animal instinct and how the Flynn-Fletchers treat him, so he’s just kinda snuggled up in Norm’s lap and Norm is just petting him?
And this is probably after he’s shown some human-like features and Doof knows that he’s about as human as Perry, so he asks, “Does he like being pet?” and Perry nods because duh of course he does and Doof just kinda looks at him for a moment and he’s like, “Do you like to be pet?” and Perry just fuckin decks him because no he does not yes he does and Doof just nods like, “Okay, fair enough.”
AND THEN VANESSA WALKS IN???
and she had absolutely no idea this was happening she’s about to go drop her stuff off in her room for the weekend and Norm’s like, “Look at my new friend!” and Vanessa thinks it’s gonna be something stupid but she walks over and sees the baby platypus and she starts freaking out because holy shit Perry is that yours? and obviously she needs to know literally everything there is to know about him because this is her nephew now and she will not take no for an answer.
And I feel like OWCA really wouldn’t like this? I mean, Perry completely severed ties with them over this platybaby, and now he’s bringing his son over to DEI at least twice a week to see his former nemesis? And idk what they would do about it because I don’t think there’s an actual protocol for this, but Monogram is Very Sensitive™ and he won’t stand for this.
Also and I’m totally just spit-balling here but what if, because the platybaby is kinda also being raised by the Doofenshmirtzes (and the Flynn-Fletchers but idk if that would make much of a difference here bc he has to pretend to be a mindless pet around them like his dad), he gets the best of the human and animal experience all in one, without all the shit Perry had to deal with from OWCA? And what if that somehow leads him to be able to speak? I don’t quite know how that would work, mostly because I don’t really know what prevents Perry from speaking, but we already went into that back in May so I’m not gonna go there again lol
okay I’m pretty sure it’s been over two hours since I started working on this ask but I can’t help it because this is literally such a cute idea fjdshflakfa I don’t even know if I’d be content reading this like I feel like this is just something I want to write. I kinda want to see how Phineas and Ferb would treat him, and if they’d treat Perry any differently now that a) he’s a dad and b) there’s a new platypus for them to love. I also want to see how Candace would handle probably falling in love with the platybaby but still getting annoyed by Perry. I really want to see what Vanessa and Norm’s relationship with the platybaby would turn into. Idk so much about the Doof/platybaby relationship though; I feel like I’d be more interested in how this affects the Doof/Perry dynamic instead. Something about Doof makes me think he wouldn’t be as easily swayed by the platybaby as everyone else, but the fact that Perry would now be a dad just like him would probably make him unreasonably happy. And that’s not even touching upon how different life would be for Perry now that he has a son, and he would obviously adore the little guy with his entire being, but, like, he has a son? How is he supposed to deal with that?
also I really should’ve given the platybaby a name to make this more readable and it’s a little too late for that but I hereby decree that his new temporary name until such time as this fic gets written is Horatio (unless y’all wanna hit me up with your platybaby name ideas because I would love to see them?) so welcome to the Dwampyverse, Horatio :,)
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Endless Summer: Meanwhile, The World Goes On, Chapter 1/9
Sooo... here’s how it is. As my bio says, I’m get-off-my-lawn years old. I used to write fanfic in the 1990s, and then because of, well, reasons, I stopped. I don’t want anyone to think I’m trying to create an air of mystery around myself. I’m not vaguely interesting in real life. I am Queen Beige of Oatmealia. It’s just that I wrote under my real name because the internet was fresh and new, and Google was years and years away, and it honestly never occurred to me that my fannish world could ever possibly collide with my professional life. At any rate, I still read fanfic here and there and I’d occasionally tell stories in my own head, but I figured my posting days were over.
Then just because I was looking for a new app to kill some time, I stumbled across Choices. And, well, I was hooked. Then I started Endless Summer with low expectations. (Harrumph, just a silly little beach romance story, how good could it be?) Then I fell in love with Jake, and then I fell in love with Estela, and then OH MY GOD VARYYN JUST BRAIDED DIEGO’S HAIR THIS IS TRUE LOVE I NEED TO SPEND ACTUAL MONEY TO GET MY DARLING SONS TOGETHER.
And... geez, those missing six months, you know? They grabbed me. How in the world did Varyyn go from “we are enemies and I must capture you” to “Your hair is bothering you? Oh please please please let me take care of that for you”? And how in the world did Diego ever stop being terrified? So I started trying to figure that out in my head, and then I started writing these scenes down, and then I got to thinking, “Well, maybe I’m ready to post this.”
As this intro might indicate, I can be very long-winded. But I’m fascinated by Vaanti society and history, and I kind of want to ramble on about Vaanti cooking, and how being trans would manifest in a society where men are blue and women are green. Tumblr (as deeply as it puzzles me sometimes) seems like a better place for that kind of mental noodling than AO3. And while I’m here, I’m going to start posting the fic I’ve been writing.
Whew. Anyone still with me?
AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23263345/chapters/55708234
I trudge down the stairs carved into the center of the Great Tree of Elyys'tel, aching and weary. I have never been this tired in my life.
Our mission was a failure. There is no kinder word I can use, even in my own mind. We were ordered to bring all the Catalysts back, and we were only able to retrieve one – and that one tried twice to escape during our long march, even with his hands bound and surrounded by warriors far larger than he. Even worse, we returned with no more knowledge of the Hydra and his plans than we had when we left. Seraxa seethed and fumed all the way back, breaking her silence only to bark orders.
When we entered the city we were greeted by what seemed to be the entire population of Elyys'tel, all jostling for a chance to see a Catalyst – a figure of myth to some, a threat to others, and to others still, simply something strange and alien to gossip about. Before I could find words to form a protest that I had no right to make in the first place, Seraxa had called over the city guard and ordered them to take the captive to a cell. As he was yanked away from my side, it almost seemed that he tried to meet my eyes, looking for... what? Reassurance? Protection? Whatever he searched for, I was unable to give it to him.
Most of the warriors were ordered to disperse, to tend their wounds – all minor, fortunately – and to rest. A few of us, however, were told to go to the throne room to report directly to the elyyshar. I was not surprised to be among them.
The throne room was, to my relief, largely empty. My mother sat on her dais, of course, and she did not bother to hide her relief when she saw me enter. However, her questions to me were as curt and direct as the ones aimed at Anzhaal and Dalaunaa, the two others selected to give accounts of the battle.
Seraxa was there, as of course the war chief should be. There were two guards at the door and the only other occupant was Uqzhaal. He sat on a cushioned chair near my mother, grasping his staff nervously. He was uninterested in the battle itself; instead, his questions were all about the Catalysts. He leaned forward and demanded details on the appearances of those we encountered, descriptions of their behavior, anything at all that would help him match these strange young people to his most cherished legends.
The interview seemed to go on forever, but finally my mother sat back and sighed. Now I have been ordered to go below and bring the captive back so she can see him for herself.
Fortunately, two of my friends in the city guard are on duty tonight. Paravet stands as I enter. “Varyyn!” She walks over to me and wraps her arms around my neck. “We were worried about you.” For a moment I bury my face in her dark green curls, enjoying the familiar comfort of her embrace.
Mauri doesn't rise from his chair. “She was worried. I just want to hear all about it. Is it true that one of them had four arms and wielded a sword in each?”
“Pity. That would have been a good story.” His words are light, but he looks at me closely. “Well, you don't seem to be damaged. I suppose you're here for... whatever we're calling whoever is in the cell.”
“I am. Elyyshar Ximaedra wants to interrogate him.”
“You're always so formal about your mother. It's amusing.” Mauri looks at one of the other guards. “You two go on ahead and bring him up. We'll catch up with you – I have a few questions for Varyyn.” He turns to me when the others have gone, avid curiosity in his eyes. “I want to hear all about the battle. Is it true that all the other Catalysts escaped? That they just...” he waves his hands in front of him. “Disappeared in a blaze of light and a roar of thunder?”
Sighing, I nod. I usually enjoy Mauri's dramatics but I am tired, and I am not in the mood. “Something like that.”
“Do you believe they are really the Catalysts?” Paravet frowns, clearly disturbed. “Does this mean that Raan'losti is upon us?”
Mauri snorts and leans against the wall. He starts swinging his owl mask by its cords. “Raan'losti is a myth. The Catalysts, the lost idols, the end of the world – all of it. Stories told to frighten children.”
“But...” Paravet lowers her voice. “I only got a glimpse of him but he must be a Catalyst. He certainly isn't a Vaanti! He looks so... strange. Did they all look like him?”
“No.” I wave them in front of me and we all start down the stairs leading to the cells. “Some are darker, some are more fair. Their hair seems to come in many colors.”
“So who is darker, the men or the women?” Paravet asks.
“There doesn't seem to be a pattern.”
Paravet stops. “Wait. The men and the women... their skin can be the same color?” She gapes at me as she tries to understand. “Do you think that ever confuses them?”
“I doubt it. Or do you think they have other differences beneath their clothes?”
“I didn't mean – I just wondered – it seems so peculiar!” She is blushing and from the sudden heat in my face, I know I am as well. Mauri is always blunt. Sometimes it is charming and sometimes it is not.
Shrugging, Mauri continues down the stairs, Paravet and I following behind. “Who knows what sort of beings live elsewhere? For all we know, somewhere there are creatures with a single leg who hop everywhere they go. All I wonder is how he can hear anything with those tiny ears.” We reach a landing and I turn to take the passageway leading to the cells. “Not that way,” Mauri says as he takes a different turn. “War Chief Seraxa told us to take him below.”
“Below? She ordered you to put him in the underground cells?” I can hear the shock in my own voice. “But they have been unused since the War of the Three Tribes.”
“That is probably why Seraxa insisted. She is not one to take unnecessary risks and until we know how dangerous he is, she wants him kept as secure as possible.”
I try to hide my dismay as we go down another flight of stairs, lit by flickering torches. I cannot believe this is necessary, but I also know I cannot protest. Yet another flight down, we finally hear footsteps coming toward us and we stop on the landing. I see the guards first, and then I see....
I was tired. I was aching and weary. But now, all I feel is fury as I see fresh bruises on the captive's face and arms. “Who did this?”
The two guards look at each other uncomfortably. “It was an accident, Varyyn. He missed a step – we had no idea he would fall.”
I take a breath to steady my voice. “He is exhausted, and his hands are still bound. You should have been more careful with him.” I step forward and cautiously extend my hand toward the prisoner. He looks at me uncertainly, but he does not pull away. I begin to lead him upstairs. I keep my grip on his arm light so he will know I do not intend to add to his injuries. “All right, I will take him to the throne room.”
I look over my shoulder at Paravet and Mauri. “We are in the heart of Elyys'tel. If I manage to lose him here, I do not deserve to be my mother's son.” I do not wait for an answer.
The captive does not speak as we ascend, and he does not hide the anxious looks he gives me. I cannot tell if he is afraid of me and I try not to think about why the possibility that he is causes me such discomfort.
Then we are at the entrance of the throne room. We enter... and now I know he is not afraid of me. I know this with absolute certainty because as he enters the room, I can feel his fright. Without meaning to, I put a hand on his back to steady him and for a moment – although surely I must be imagining this – he leans back against me. He is trembling, and his breath comes quickly, and I can feel the cold sweat through his shirt. His expression, though, changes hardly at all. His face is still and tight and I wonder what kind of world he comes from, that he can so easily hide his fear.
The room is silent as we enter. Uqzhaal is on his feet and his crimson eyes are flooded with emotion. Seraxa looks fixedly at one of the carved faces on the wall. My mother stares at the captive for just a moment before she turns me. “This is... I see.” She seems to be struggling for words.
“It is truly... I... I cannot believe -” Uqzhaal blinks back tears and lowers himself back into his chair. “All my life, I have dreamed of this moment but... I can scarcely believe it.” He stares raptly at the young man at my side. “To think that I have lived long enough to witness proof of the Endless's teachings!”
“I am sure that the confirmation of your faith is more than worth the threat to all the Vaanti,” Seraxa bites out. “I hope you do not mind if some of us worry more about the safety of our people?”
“That is enough, Seraxa.” For the first time, Mother looks directly at the captive and her face goes still when she sees the marks on his skin. She turns her gaze to Seraxa. Her voice is mild and controlled – but oh, everyone in the throne room is aware of her anger. “I gave orders that the Catalysts were to be brought to Elyys'tel unharmed.”
Seraxa glowers. “It's not my fault the boy bruises like a piece of ripe fruit.” Uqzhaal opens his mouth to speak but she barely glances at him before continuing. “My warriors were perfectly aware of your orders, my elyyshar. But the Catalysts were... unwilling... to meekly follow us back like a row of baby birds behind their mother. I told you they would put up a struggle.”
“You should have tried harder to bring them back peacefully!” Gripping his staff, Uqzhaal hauls himself to his feet and hobbles over to the war chief. “Did you even try to explain -”
“Explain!” Seraxa laughs harshly. I feel the captive flinch beside me and I risk a quick glance down at him; his strange dark eyes are darting helplessly from Seraxa to my mother to Uqzhaal. “And what words would they have understood, my dear Uqzhaal? They would not have known the difference between 'isn't it a lovely morning' and 'look out, your hair is on fire,' no matter how politely the words were spoken.”
“Nevertheless -” Uqzhaal stops and takes a deep breath. When he speaks again, his voice is honeyed and lethal. “I am sure your warriors exercised great care. That is probably why they were only able to retrieve one of the Catalysts.” He glances over his shoulder at Dalaunaa. “The smallest of the Twelve, I believe you said?” I shoot a quick glare at my friend and she gives me a small embarrassed shrug.
“There were at least two smaller than --”
My mother stands and Seraxa falls silent. “Enough, both of you.” She descends from the dais and stands in front of the captive. He flinches again, but does not step back. “If he is one of the Catalysts foretold by the Endless, is he here to prevent the destruction of our world, or is he here to ensure it? Is Raan'losti a myth, or a prophecy?” Her gaze and her voice sharpen. “Well? How are we to solve this dilemma?”
The captive shrugs and shakes his head. He speaks; his words are meaningless, his voice is hoarse and cracked and I wonder if anyone has bothered to give him water since we arrived in Elyys'tel. I made sure he drank some during our rest periods on the long journey from the Hydra's stronghold but that was hours ago....
Seraxa steps forward, “We must find out what the Hydra is planning.” She looks at the captive. “What brings you to our island?” Once again, all he can do is shake his head. Seraxa heaves an angry breath. When she speaks again, her voice is slower and louder. “Are there many of your people? Are they following close behind you? Answer me, or -”
“Bah!” Uqzhaal stumps forward to stand beside Seraxa. “There is no need to threaten him. Is there, my boy?” He looks expectantly at the captive. When there is no reply, he frowns a little. “I am sure the Catalysts can give us great insights into the prophecies.” He pauses and then, like Seraxa, he begins speaking more slowly and clearly. “After all, the words of the Endless tell us of your importance. Do you... know... the Endless?” He trails off hopefully.
The captive sighs and speaks. His words are slow and measured and they mean nothing. He keeps speaking; his voice gets louder and slower and he glares at both Seraxa and Uqzhaal, finally finishing up in a shout. He falls silent, looks around at all of us and throws up his bound hands in a mute, eloquent gesture. I have to bite back a smile. Even if neither the war chief nor the shaman recognize the absurdity of our situation, it is clear that he does.
Apparently, so does my mother. She sighs and turns away. “I think we need to try something else.” She nods at Anzhaal and he steps forward. “Take him back to his cell. And the rest of you – “ she waves her arm at those standing guard – “resume your duties. We must decide on our next step.” I put my hand on the captive's shoulder and gently urge him toward the door, but my mother catches my eye before we exit. “You will remain, Varyyn.”
“Of course, my elyyshar.” I look down at the captive and there is no mistaking the edge of panic in his eyes as Anzhaal's hand replaces mine. Although I know he cannot understand, I lower my voice and say, “It will be all right.” I am not sure if I want to comfort him or myself. After a moment, he gives me a small nod and lets himself be taken away. As Dalaunaa passes me, I lean toward her. “Will you untie him and make sure someone gets him some water and something to eat? And... do not take him back underground. Surely all the warriors of Elyys'tel can manage to guard him in one of the regular cells.” She does not answer but she gives me a reassuring smile as she follows the others out of the throne room. Only Seraxa and Uqzhaal remain with me and my mother.
When everyone else is gone and their footsteps have faded away, my mother walks back to her throne but does not sit; she stands next to it, tapping her fingers against the gnarled armrest. “So. We have one Catalyst. Eleven have vanished. There is no sign of the Hydra, and we are no closer to discovering his purpose.” She glances at Uqzhaal, and then at Seraxa. “What path should we take next?”
Uqzhaal speaks first. “We must have faith in the Endless.” His voice is resolute. “All the ancient teachings tell us that we must protect the Catalysts, and trust in them, and they will show us the way to our salvation.” Seraxa snorts; Uqzhaal's lips compress into a thin line but that is his only reaction. “Does our war chief have an alternative plan? After all, her mission to bring the Catalysts to us was clearly a failure.”
“My mission was -” Seraxa looks at my mother and visibly swallows her outburst. “My elyyshar, your orders were to bring the Catalysts to Elyys'tel unharmed. My warriors were... unprepared to face as much resistance as they did, and they were unfamiliar with the layout of the enemy's stronghold. My scouts gave me the best reports they could. I admit that it was not enough.”
“Yes.” My mother nods and begins pacing the throne room. “Based on our scouts' reports, none of us expected the Catalysts to put up more than a token fight, let alone escape from a band of our best warriors.” She looks at me. “And what are your thoughts, my son?”
I hesitate and try to choose my words carefully, not looking at either Seraxa or Uqzhaal. “It's not my place to speak as one of your advisors.”
“No, it is not,” my mother agrees placidly. “But you are the only person in this room who has had an encounter with the Catalysts. I am beginning to think it was a grievous mistake that we did not ask for your thoughts before we formed our plan.” She shakes her head and turns to the others. “Enough of this. We will not solve this problem easily or quickly. Leave us now. I will call for you after we have all had some time to consider our options.” Seraxa and Uqzhaal both bow stiffly – she because of her anger, and he because of his age – and leave in different directions.
Mother waits for a few moments, and then sighs. She looks over at me. “You must be tired, Varyyn. I know you haven't had a chance to rest since your return, but have you at least eaten something?”
“A little. I don't seem to have much of an appetite at the moment.”
Her mouth quirks up in a small rueful smile. “I am not surprised. Come with me anyway – I could use some company right now.” She turns and opens the door leading to her personal chambers and I follow her inside. She seems to relax as soon as the door closes behind us. Her shoulders slump just a little as she removes her long veil, placing it carefully on the back of a chair. “Sit down, my son.” She walks to another room as I light a few lamps. By the time I've seated myself she returns with two goblets. Handing one to me, she sits beside me and takes a long drink of her wine. She nods at one of the lamps. “Thank you for that – I've never enjoyed sitting in the dark.”
“Of course.” For a moment, my thoughts turn to the captive and I wonder if he will have some kind of light in his cell. I do not like to think of him sitting alone in the dark....
“Be honest with me.” Mother looks into her wine, not at me. I am grateful for that – perhaps she did not notice that my mind was wandering. “Do you think I made the right decision, sending Seraxa to bring the Catalysts to us?”
Once again, I consider my words before speaking. “I... do not know if it was right or wrong, but I think it was the only decision you could have made. We need to discover the Hydra's plans. We need to know why he and his people disappeared so suddenly, and we need to know why these new people – whether or not they truly are the Catalysts – appeared just as suddenly. We need answers, and what good would waiting have done?”
“That is an excellent point.” She sighs and rubs her forehead. “I suppose... in a way, it might be fortunate that we were only able to capture one of them. As much trouble as we went through to get him, I can only imagine the struggle it would have been to bring all of them back to Elyys'tel.” She shakes her head and looks at me. “I do not enjoy risking the lives of my people. And I do not enjoy....” She glances away for a moment, then brings her eyes back to me. “I did not want to send you on this mission, you know.”
I nod. “I know. But as you said, I have been on the scouting trips and I have encountered them before. And....” I shrug. “I do not understand how my mind could have linked with that of their leader. But it happened, and it should have given us an advantage.” I smile, trying to lighten the mood at least a little. “It did not work, unfortunately.”
“I know. Believe me, I know.” Mother sinks a bit into her chair. “Seraxa says you have not sensed their leader's mind since she vanished with the other Catalysts. Is that true?”
“It is.” I sip at my wine. “I no longer feel her presence, no matter how far I reach. They are either too far away to sense, or they are dead.”
“I... see.” Mother's face falls at that. “I truly did not want any of them harmed. In a way, I hope they merely escaped.” She waits for me to answer; when I remain silent, she continues. “So. Tell me what you observed of them so we can try to prepare. Seraxa believes they fought so hard because they were defending the Hydra's secrets. Do you agree with her?”
I mull over the question for a few moments. “Honestly, I do not. I haven't discussed it in detail with anyone else, but as far as I could tell they were not protecting any particular area of the stronghold. I think... I think their only intention was to defend themselves.”
“Yes, I believe that they have courage. After all, this one, even as a prisoner and surrounded by strangers, was unafraid to shout at both Seraxa and Uqzhaal. I spoke to Anzhaal and Dalaunaa while you were bringing the Catalyst to me. Anzhaal was inclined to agree with Seraxa, but Dalaunaa was not. I will not share this with my advisors for now, but... I believe you are correct. And if that is true, and if the others are not dead, they will surely return at some point for their friend.”
I have no doubt of that. I frown a little, gathering my thoughts. “Most of them are clearly not trained to fight, but they all showed courage and cleverness. Physically, most of them are smaller than the Vaanti, and slower. Most of them are not particularly strong. They do not seem to hear or see as sharply as we do. But while they cannot match us in prowess, they have determination to make up for it. I think if we meet again, we'd be no more likely to win in a second fight. Or if we do win, it will be at a high cost – to us, and to them.”
“That is... an honest assessment.” Mother smiles at me. “I imagine you haven't said this to our war chief.”
“Since you did not raise me to be a fool, I have not.”
Finally, Mother laughs and relaxes. “Discretion is an important trait for a leader.” Her smile fades; she stands and begins pacing. “Seraxa told me that you took a blow to the head. How did it happen?”
“Actually, it was thanks to him.” I gesture to the floor, indicating the cells far beneath us.
“Are you serious? He is only -” She hold a hand out, indicating the captive's height. “How did he manage that?” she asks in wonder.
In spite of myself, I grin as I remember the fight. “He and their leader – the yellow-haired female – seem to be close friends. I fought them both. She got in most of the blows and while I was distracted, he broke a chair over my head.” Mother stares at me, and I shrug. “I told you, they have courage and cleverness.”
“Well, I am glad that you don't seem to hold a grudge against him.” Her eyes narrow a bit. “I am very glad.” She sits again and is silent for a few moments. She takes a drink of her wine. “Tell me. When your mind linked with their leader's, did you understand their language?”
“In a way.” I frown and struggle for words to explain. There are very few mindtalkers among the Vaanti, never more than a dozen in each generation, and it is difficult to express the sensation to those who have never experienced it. “I do not think I could repeat a single word of their language, but somehow...” I gesture at my forehead. “It's still in here. I imagine it could be unlocked somehow. Perhaps Uqzhaal knows a way?”
“Interesting....” Mother falls silent. I wait for her to say something; just as I open my mouth to ask if she is all right, she nods decisively. “Yes. Perhaps Uqzhaal does know a way, but I would prefer a solution that does not require him to rummage about in your mind.” She stands and places her empty goblet on a table. “We cannot learn the Catalysts' purpose if we do not understand them. We must learn their language, and you have an advantage.”
“Mother, you really expect me to....” She lifts an eyebrow and I sigh. She is right. Even if the other Catalysts are gone for good, one remains here in Elyys'tel. “You are correct, of course. We need answers, and we will never find them if we cannot communicate.” I finish my wine and get to my feet. “When would you like me to start?”
“Not now, obviously. You have had a difficult day and I think it is safe to say that the Catalyst's day has been far worse. You both need rest. Would you be willing to speak to him tomorrow?”
I lower my head, accepting the command. I appreciate that she frames her order as a request. Stepping forward, she pulls me into a warm embrace. She murmurs into my shoulder, “I am so grateful that you returned safely, my son. But I must keep all of the Vaanti safe. Do you understand?”
“I do. That is also an important trait for a leader.” I smile to let her know that I intend no criticism.
She returns my smile, and pulls me down to kiss my forehead. “Go, then, and rest. We will speak tomorrow.” Without waiting for an answer, she turns and goes into her bedchamber. I hesitate before leaving for my own rooms. I would like to check on the Catalyst before I retire, but... perhaps my mother is right. He needs to rest, and I trust that Dalaunaa will see that he does not starve before morning. He needs to know that although he is a prisoner, he will not be mistreated.
And I... I need to think about why I cannot stop thinking about him.
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hello i saw your tags on my post and i'm new to jrwi as a whole, i'm only on ep 16 for riptide but i am begging you to infodump to me about riptide tell me everything you've got ping me talk to me who's your favorite character
aHSKjd Okay so honestly I don’t even have a favorite?!!
Like I’ve tried to think about one but I love them all so much equally and they’re so great!!
Chip is such a god damn bastard but I love him so god damn much (he is trans. I know this for sure 100% it’s real Bizly literally told me <3)
He’s so loyal and kind and loving and omg;; his relationship with Ollie?? Fucking lvoe rhat holt shit catch me crying I love the fact he loves kids man ajfkajfksbf
I just rlly like his personality and I also think his morals are a bit interesting. From what I can tell he is very loyal to friends, strangers are a no go and he’s willing to put them in danger over his fitness & himself, and he has a strict no kill rule even with villains (for the most part anyway,)
Plus his entire thing with Arlin? Love that- <3
Gillion is very interesting and I’m so invested into him! Like besides his whole being clueless about the over seas, his entire moral guidelines are very strict and can put the crew into a lot of situations. (But he’s also very self sacrificing so like aha holy shit don’t die 👉👈)
I want to see what happens if a situation presents him with two choices that both seem morally wrong to him and whats he do. I’m just intrigued on his moral guidelines in general
I’m ALSO intrigued on his prophecy and in general culture and I wonder if that’s going to also cause conflict and if he maybe eventually with defy his people / prophecy? Perhaps he feels / realizes that maybe the prophecy is actually shading his moral beliefs or maybe it’s something else Idk!! I have no damn clue but it’s exiting!!!
Also his entire deal with the Dream guy? So god damn scared!!!! (If I had a nickel for every time a dnd character played by Charlie slimecicle made a possibly reckless and not well thought out deal with a more powerful entity & gained a symbol on their body I’d have TWO nickels which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happens twice and based upon the first nickel I’m very scared <3)
But like I do also really like goofy Gill. No serious moral dilemmas, no trying to kill ur friends for honor, just him being him- even if he’s fuckin clueless ^^; (also he’s pangender and Pansexual. It’s real I swear charlie slimecicle sent me a dm I have proof )
And jay!!! The one brain cell (and cannon bisexual?? Fucking hell yea! Also she uses she/he/they pronouns because I condi literally told me on a phone call I had with him it’s totally real I swear)
I feel like I don’t have much to say about jay and I feel very bad but like I’m super interested into her backstory and overall goals more!!!
Her past with with navy is very interesting with the navy and shit?? Like that’s so cool and please tell me more Jay!! You want to open up to ur possible probably trauma and dealings so bad ooOk
She’s is very much a middle child out of the group both literally and physically.
Her dynamic with chip is fantastic and I hope one day she bears the shit out of him just for fun (I mean, Gill already got to- its jays turn now! /hj)
Some other people I’m very excited for are the Lizzie girl who is like the biggest pirate?? I find it very funny that chip is jealous of her but I also just would really like to know more about her 👀👀
And like I already said I want to go more into each of their backstories (well I guess not chips since we know his backstory) & also just to see what the future holds!! Especially with jay since out of the three we know the least about her and what her biggest goal would be (chips is obviously to find the black rose & we can assume gillions is for him to fufill his prophecy)
I think I just- I am excited for the world building snd what other cool secret shit is to come from all of this! I want to know how deep this shit goes and if things like the navy, the thing with the black rose, and gills prophecy could be connected OR clashing in some way?!! (And maybe Lizzie? OH and of course mr Dream daddy- I’m so damn afraid for him)
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When’s the last time you laughed so hard you felt a six pack coming on?
What’s the last thing you panicked about?
the tests i had done today
What do you have planned out as a career?
i want to be a therapist
Are you planning any special outings with family or friends?
my best friend’s birthday is next week and i’m seeing someone on sunday for brunch
Which word(s) do you generally use to describe someone attractive? (e.g. “fit”, “sexy” etc.)
lovely, cute, beautiful, adorable
What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? Did you like it?
i really don’t remember, probably some kind of beer
Who is that last person who harassed and annoyed you?
these people at work today are harassing me and it’s starting to get on my last damn nerve
Who is the last person who made you feel hurt?
hm... i’m not really sure
What was the last thing you were worried about?
What time of day feels the most magical to you?
What is the last physical ailment you took medication for?
Do you get motion sickness?
very very very rarely. i’ve maybe had it twice in my whole life
Who is the cutest baby you know?
ugh, i don’t know, i really don’t think babies are cute
Have you ever thrown a rock at a window?
i don’t think so
Has anyone ever thrown a rock at your window?
Does your hair react well to dye, or does it damage it?
it damages it if it’s a harsh dye (like bleach)
What kind of pet do you wish you had?
i want snakes and lizards
When was the last time you had an argument with one of your parents?
a few weeks ago
Do you still live at home or with a guardian of some sort? If so, when do you plan on moving out, if ever? If you have moved out, how did your relationship to your parents change after that?
no, i don’t. i moved out in 2014. i didn’t talk to my parents for like 2+ years (we were on bad terms due to my move/my coming out as trans) but then my mom and i got close again and actually have been closer than we ever have been in my adulthood
When was the last time you were diagnosed with something? Are you concerned about anything regarding your physical or mental health at the moment?
it’s been about a month now. i’ve been worried about it on and off, but honestly, i’ve started to accept it as just fact. it definitely still causes anxiety from time to time, but i can usually move past it
What’s the longest you’ve gone without talking to other people? How did this affect you?
at all? probably not more than a day or two
What is one blanket judgment you tend to make about people (like, you judge all people who live at home, all people who drink, etc)? Does this judgment come from a particular personal experience?
i tend to judge people who are christians honestly. it doesn’t really come from personal experience, but just knowing that a lot of christian people (particularly in the us) hate people like me. i’m starting to break out of the blanket judgment that all christians hate me, but it’s still difficult when you see so much hate from them toward your community
What is something seemingly small and inconsequential that will cause you to avoid a person?
hm... i really dislike when people make conversations all about themselves. for example, if someone in a group is talking about their mom’s recent death and then that person chimes in and is like “ohhh yeeeahhh when my mom died things were sooooo hard” and then they launch off into their own personal experience without recognizing the other person’s feelings or using their comment as a way to display empathy. like, there are appropriate ways to use that and then there are completely insensitive ways to use it. it makes me so unbelievably angry and i will quickly avoid or completely cut off that person if i start to see that pattern
How do you react to other people yelling or slamming doors? Is this something you ever do too?
i hate this. i have a lot of trauma surrounding yelling and door slamming. i have been guilty of it in the past, but it’s a behavior i’m unlearning as i grow older and push through my trauma responses
Who in your life do you get along with best? How about the least? How often do you have to interact with these people?
i get along with nick, ashley and katrina the best. as for the least... hmm... i guess i don’t really spend a lot of time around people i don’t get along with? i don’t really get along with this girl tiffany that i know... i interact with all of them on a regular basis except tiffany for obvious reasons lmao
Have you ever lost your cool at work or somewhere else important? What happened as a result?
yep, i’ve lost my shit at work (not my current job, but previous jobs) many times. usually nothing terrible happened. we were all pretty understanding of how terrible our job(s) were on our mental health, so we were just like, “if so-and-so has to go scream in the walk-in, so be it” lol
When was the last time you did something you knew was wrong? What about the last time you did something right just because it was right?
i lied to a friend about why i had to cancel plans because she was being pushy when i originally tried to tell her i had bad anxiety and couldn’t make it. i felt bad about it but i also really didn’t have the emotional energy to do what we had planned. i’d say talking to my mom on the phone about an hour ago was the right right thing. i’m in the middle of work, but she was panicked and needed someone to talk to. i could have just told her i had to work and to call someone else, but i didn’t
When you do good things, do you do them because you want some sort of reward or recognition or do you do them just for the sake of being good?
i guess i don’t really think about it. i just do things and they’re good. i never expect to be rewarded (unless of course it’s my career, in which case i have to make money helping people and doing good stuff lmao)
When you fill out social media bios and such, how do you typically describe yourself? Is describing yourself something you have a difficult time doing?
i’m usually very brief, like my name and some smart ass comment
What is one unusual belief you have? Has anyone ever made fun of you for your beliefs?
hmm... i mean, i suppose some of my spiritual beliefs used to be considered unusual, although now people are very much open about similar belief systems. no one has ever really made fun of me for them, but they have been skeptical
Have you taken anyone’s virginity?
Who has the power to break you?
me. probably my mom. my best friend
How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
sigh. there isn’t an “opposite sex” to my gender identity so idk
What’s one thing about you people wouldn’t expect?
one of my favorite activities is hiking in the mountains
Have you ever been in therapy? Are you now? Do you think you always will be, or do you think there will come a time when you don’t need it anymore?
i’ve been in therapy for 5+ years now. there will come a time when i need it less, but i don’t think there is ever going to be a time where i don’t need it at all. i’ve been diagnosed with severe depression, severe anxiety, and i have some characteristics of ocd and these things affect my life daily
What is the most dangerous thing you do on a regular basis?
drive a car honestly
Have you ever been in a hospital and not felt safe?
yeah, the first time i ever when to the psych hospital i felt very unsafe. not because of myself, but because of other people. there was no real separation of crisis situations so people who were experiencing psychosis were being held in a small wing with people who were feeling suicidal or suffering from severe depression. thankfully that has been remedied
Is anyone in your family blind?
i don’t believe so
What’s your favorite gaming system?
it’s a toss up between ps4 and switch
Is your more photogenic side your left or right?
left side for sure
Do you believe in evolution?
What job do you think people should be paid the most for?
teachers for sure. social workers (not really therapists per say, but social workers that work in other fields like child protective services, community outreach, etc.) or really any other helping profession
Have you ever seen a tornado in real life?
What was your favorite stuffed animal as a kid? What was it named?
i had an orange stuffed cat i made at build-a-bear in myrtle beach named mr. peaches. i still have him!
Were you ever held back a year in school? Did you ever skip a grade?
not my early years, but i got held up in college
Have you ever been given a hickey? Have you given one?
yes to both
Who was the last person to kiss your cheek?
i’m actually not sure. probably ashley like last year lmao
Who did you last kiss?
a person i was casually seeing a few months back
Where’s the farthest you’ve been from home?
nyc to the north, orlando to the south, nashville to the west
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So yesterday I finally told my parents that I'll be taking my hijab off.
I wasn't planning on doing it just yet, but yesterday morning I was doing some thinking and I realized that I always put things off because I "don't feel ready" for them. Examples of this include not calling my dentist to book an appointment because I "wasn't prepared" to deal with the rude nurse who answers the phone, staying at a toxic workplace for 4 whole months longer than I wanted to because I "didn't feel ready" to tell my boss I wanted to quit, not telling my then best friend that I liked her romantically for a whole goddamn year because I "didn't think the moment was right". I have no idea where those thoughts came from since it was 8 in the goddamn morning and I was just sipping my coffee and watching dumb shit on youtube.
So after I (randomly) realized I tend to deny myself happiness and sometimes even my own health, I haphazardly decided to tell them I was taking the scarf off sooner than I planned. I initially wanted to wait until December, but I'm so happy I made the decision earlier.
So now we get to the bad part of the story. My mom and her constant guilt tripping, denial and downright childish behavior.
When I broke the news to her, she started rambling on about how she knew this wad going to happen, how I always make rash decisions, how I never listen to anyone's advice, how no one ever took the hijab off after putting it on et cetera et cetera. I made a point to try and not let that get to me, and to an extent I succeeded but I guess hearing about 10 000 implied insults per second gets to everyone and my lovely gut started cramping up almost like a menstrual cramp. Which was fun.
Then she starts throwing her hands around, first insulting me passively aggressively and then following it up "but it's your decision, you can do whatever you want". Classic.
"You don't respect my age. My heart can't handle this much stress." That really isn't my fault. How am I responsible for how you handle your own emotions, exactly? The answer is: I'm not. Just because you find it hard to adapt to changes doesn't mean you get to pin the blame on me.
"You're selfish and only ever make decisions without thinking about others" yada yada yada "but it's your decision". Yes. It is. But you don't have to try to play at my feelings and pity to get me to change my mind.
It hurt listening to that bullshit. Calling me selfish because I did one thing to help my dysphoria and completely ignoring everything that I've tried to spare her from in the past. All those times I woke up early and had to use the bathroom but didn't because I knew her insomnia was worsening and didn't want to wake her. All those times I made lunch and scrubbed the entire apartment down before she came back from work because I wanted her to have some time to herself. All those times I bit my tongue at being called out for the choices I made or the things I did that she disaproved of. All those times I didn't tell her how some of her actions and excuses hurt me just because I didn't want her to be upset. All those times i visited her on weekends because she said she misses me, despite the fact that I always leave that house with so much anxiety that I can't fall asleep that night.
All that, and for what? To be called selfish because I dared make a decision that she doesn't agree with? Fuck you, honestly.
I'm so done accomodating her and her inability to sort through her own personal feelings. Yes, she's my mother, yes I love her, but at the end of the day, it's not on me to make other people feel a certain way. How someone reacts to their emotions is on them, not on me.
My dad is a different story. He agreed with me taking it off, and at first I thought it was because je genuinely wants to support me but then he ruined it by telling me that now I need to "pay attention to what I present as" aka shave my legs, buy dresses, skirts and other feminine shit, follow fashiom trends etc BECAUSE it's about time I find a partner.
So there we go. He told me he wanted my hijab off anyway because I'm 22 (he thought I was 20, this dude doesn't even know my age) and single. He also told.me that he was willing to lock me up in a spa and have me get...whatever it is people in spas do, idk, never been to one but let's just say THAT did not help my dysphoria AT ALL.
I always thought my dad was a lot more laid back than my mom, but apparently I was wrong. He's hardly better. I now know that if I start dressing the way I want to aka wear my binder, hoodies and button ups and cut my hair short, that I would just get scrutinized, lectured, and possibly even threatened for not performing femininity. How nice. Great parenting.
My dad didn't throw a hissy fit and I was able to talk to him properly, so that's at least something. With mom it was a shitshow and by the time I was back home I nearly threw up from the stress they both caused me.
I don't kid myself into thinking that my life will be easier now. This was a huge step for me and I'm happy I made it, but now I'll have to find ways to compromise with what I wear in front of them. I can't dress in anything from the men's section, I'll probably have to wear makeup and do something with my hair, and all that sucks real fucking bad. I'm not sure how I'll cope mentally but I'll have to figure something out.
My next step is going to see a therapist. I need a formal diagnosis and I need to see if I can get one from a therapist that a friend recommended to me. I'm not sure how to start the conversation of me being trans with her but I hope I'll manage somehow. It's difficult when you don't have a support system.
And then after that.... after that will come the scariest and most dangerous part, which would be me coming out to my parents. I have no idea how I'm going to approach that, how I'll avoid getting beat up and shoved back into the closet, but I'll think of something. Maybe my therapist will be able to help too.
It's painful to me to respond to my parents' "i love you"s when I know that they don't truly love me. They love their daughter. Not perfectly, but they love her. Their son though? The real me? No. There is no chance, no alternate universe in which my parents accept me for being trans. And that fucking hurts. It hurts to tell them I love them and to read their "i love you too"s when I know that isn't true. They don't love me. They love who they think I am.
This was a long entry. I really needed to get a lot off my chest.
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@azurowle I am responding to you separately now because I already said the original post became too long. I never got a notif or mention about you reblogging from me so I wasn’t ignoring you, but I also don’t have to engage with all the comments I might get especially in a very, very long post like this where you didn’t tag me. I also do not personally owe you a response even if you have been ignored before. If you want to continue talking to me though, you can do so by reblogging this post and I will keep an eye on it.
I have no way of knowing your personal life and your personal story, so therefore I am not intending to diagnose you as an individual, as to why you might have dysphoria. I am not intending to replace your therapist and although I don’t believe in gender ideology or agree with the conclusions she/he came up with together with you, obviously you should still trust your therapist more than me, a random stranger in the internet. I do also think you would disagree with me even in principle, if I accidentally did notice the real reason behind your dysphoria (which is unlikely, because like I said, I don’t know your background story and you don’t owe me any personal stories), because it’s understandably hard to come back from an explanation you have dedicated so much of your time, money and energy to.
Also don’t put words into my mouth, I didn’t say suicidal people are being whiny. I said the reason behind someone’s suicidal feelings might very well stem from them not reaching the goals they have had in life, aka not getting their way. Dysphoria is closely related to that experience, because it makes people believe their healthy bodies are somehow wrong and they need to fix that, when the fix is not only impossible, but also dangerous, medically unnecessary, expensive and not guaranteed to give them the answers they seek for (literally because there’s only so much you can do to your body, and there’s only so much you can achieve by trying to control everyone and forcibly change their language, behavior and normal pattern recognition skills around you to cope). So I understand if dysphoric people would become suicidal. But I have all the reasons to believe transitioning is not healthy or helpful procedure for anybody to go through and that I think there are other underlying societal causes to it, even if transitioning temporarily solves or alleviates dysphoric feelings. Yet that doesn’t mean I want you personally to die, or suffer endlessly. It doesn’t mean I want to take away your access to therapy, medical care or supportive communities (or to deny you your basic human rights). It also doesn’t mean I don’t feel empathy for people like you, I obviously can see that people who seriously transition are doing it out of desperation. I just do not think the basic premises, conclusions and conceptualizations the trans rights movement has made are correct, progressive or ethical. If that makes me sound unemphatic to you, that is then your takeaway from it. I have no responsibility to prove myself to you by using phrases you consider a sufficient demonstration of empathy.
The motive behind my actions doesn’t have much to do with you as an individual and the reason why you chose to make irreversible changes to your body. I am simply fucking fed up with the trans rights movement and the 1) blatantly false, misogynistic and pseudo-scientific discourse it produces (woman is a state of mind, or a wish of what you should look like, or a reinforced gender role, or a brain structure inside a man’s body), 2) unethical claims it makes (gays and lesbians are transphobic for being biologically same-sex attracted) and 3) problematic practices it promotes (transitioning children who cannot consent, deplatforming, doxxing and firing feminists who criticize the movement for any reason). Trans rights movement has constantly talked over feminists, LGB people and people with intersex disorders and erased important concepts and words they needed to talk about their oppression, and that is hurting way too many of my friends and loved ones. I also personally have been a very gnc child who felt dysmorphic about my own body, and I know I might have transitioned if I was a teenager now, in this political atmosphere. Trans activism forcibly pushed me to find radical feminism - I did not intentionally choose to become one. I simply found that it made a lot more sense than anything liberal feminists have been saying.
Now again, I do believe you as you say in your first response that transitioning made you much happier. If you feel alienated by your own body and traumatized by the experiences you’ve had while existing in it, surely being able to change your body so much so that it looks like you have a whole new one can feel like you’ve successfully escaped your own problems, whatever those might be. Name and pronoun changes can probably lead to a similar experience, because both are tied to your identity and a sense of self. Yet I still don’t think that’s the same as you identifying and fixing the root cause of your problems.
Let’s think about a similar (although not exactly the same of course) group of people to give you an analogy. There are a lot of people out there who go to a plastic surgeon to change the look of their body parts because they are deeply unsatisfied with how they look like in general. And as far as I can tell, they become happier after the surgery, because they are now closer to the ideal body they think they should have. But these surgeries never happen in a vacuum: people tend to seek for surgeries that’d make them conventionally attractive in the society they grow up in. Asian women typically want to have double eyelids because having rounder, big eyes is considered attractive there and a majority of them are born with monolids that make their eyes appear smaller. Western women then on the other hand tend to seek breast and butt implants more because of the (often porn-inspired) beauty standards we have here. Aka. they feel unsatisfied not because they are born into a flawed body, but because they internalize the message of the society that tells them they are not perfect the way they are. Would I rather let these people go to the surgeries they seek for than let them kill themselves because of how unattractive they find themselves? Of course. Do I believe they might genuinely feel happier after the surgery, at first, on an individual level? Sure. But do I also believe there is an underlying societal cause that makes these people feel the way they do? Yes. I think you too understand that there is too much pressure in general for people to look good and fit into certain strict beauty standards, especially when it comes to women, who are constantly objectified and sexualized and told that their bodies are the only things they are good for. So although I am not stopping anyone from going to a surgery of any kind if they are an adult who can consent to such a procedure, at the same time I am also not going to encourage it or think it is a healthy practice. Instead, I am intending to slowly change the society to such a place where people don’t have to think they need to alter their bodies to fit into any arbitrary standards whatsoever.
This is how I also approach transgenderism. I understand you don’t necessarily agree with me now, or ever. I understand you might have become alienated by gender critical feminism, it’s not like we don’t have problematic discourse on this side too. I understand that you might feel like I’m personally denying you your right to transition. But I am not. I am simply tired of all the arguments the trans rights movement is making, especially wherever it is directly concerning me and stepping on my toes as a feminist and a woman. And although I am glad you are now in much happier place than you were before, I do not find it helpful that you use suicidal experiences as a way to manipulate us into believing that we have no other options but to do what you want to do and believe in whatever you say is true. Way too many of you weaponize your suicidal experiences and basically tell us that if we question your motives for transitioning or say we don’t believe in your ideas about gender, you will all kill yourselves. That is not an argument that proves that brain sex theories or gender theories are true, it’s just a silencing tactic, because obviously no one in radfem community or anywhere else would want you dead for any reason whatsoever.
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Oh boy, so naturally like the bitch she is @fawnfreckled apparently decided to publicly post the screenshots she took. So I guess I’ll address her shit?
Pfft, if you were a decent person you wouldn’t have to be standing up for yourself. You’d be apologizing for the shit you pulled.
You are aware of the fact that you could have just put your inquiries into your own words instead of taking screenshots, right?
I’m not going to repost the screenshots but I will address them:
1. About Angel withdrawing money from the charity: it’s called having depression and anxiety. Something triggered her and she was upset so she had to get rid of the bad feelings. She also realized she donated impulsively and that she didn’t actually have the money to spare, which she fully explained.
You judgmental bitch.
2. The example of my “friend”...ha! He wasn’t my friend! He was an asshole who had flipped out on me previously, attacked me, and went psycho on me just because I said I liked pit bulls. He asked me for a second chance and I stupidly gave it to him. You’re misrepresenting the issue I had with him though. I don’t give a shit that he left the server because he was uncomfortable with the shota. I was pissed at him because he heavily implied that Angel was a pedophile and that Kami was a bad parent who was cool with pedophiles looking at her children. When I asked him to clarify the statement he made he dodged it and refused it every single goddamn time until I had enough. Shock of all shocks, I don’t like some edgy asshole insulting my friends.
> instead of “talking it out” like Nick claims he does so well, he goes ahead and lynches him
Liar, liar pants on fire~. I didn’t lynch Ken at all.
> even going so far to message this poor kid ON HIS PS4 because the kid blocked Nick on everything else.
First of all, Ken isn’t a kid.
Second of all, you’re talking about someone else entirely here. That was another friend who was also not a kid. This was someone who had been friends with me for years and who threw a fit, called Angel a pedophile, called me disgusting, and then blocked me. I was blocking him in everything and realized that he hadn’t blocked me on PS4 yet so I sent him a message that wasn’t even an attack. Basically just saying “hey, it’s not cool to call people a pedophile over fiction, especially not a CSA victim, and if you want to end our friend over somethingm so stupid then whatever your loss”.
At this point, I’m pretty much convinced you’re 100% lying to make yourself look like the victim. You’re a piece of shit.
3. The shota stuff? Yeah, you’re a fucking asshole for not blocking out the names in any of these screenshots, but especially those. I don’t give a fuck if it makes you uncomfortable - leave the damn server instead of taking screenshots of a CSA victim having a damn coping mechanism that her psychiatrist is cool with. What kind of monster are you? And no, liking shotacon doesn’t make you a pedophile. Get over yourself.
4. “Waaa they’re acephobic because there’s no science on it so they’re kinda doubtful! This is somehow news even though they’ve posted this publicly on their own blogs before! Also, I definitely gotta make sure I take screenshots of minors so my other server can make fun of them too!”
5. The “second instance of acephobia” is talking about Tumblr aces, not all aces.
6. No, that’s not transphobia. It’s a common thing for traumatized girls to think they’re trans when they’re actually not. It was just a thought. Not everything in the entire world is bigotry, you dumbass.
7. “Suddenly these people know more than professionals even though as you can clearly see in the screenshot I provided they’ve stated that most professionals are cool with using fiction as a coping mechanism. Somehow this means that if a professional goes against the commonly accepted knowledge of their profession, they should be believed anyway. This isn’t dangerous at all~.”
8. Who cares what consensual people do together? It’s almost like a CSA victim cares more about rape than she does about what people do together willingly. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean you have to put people on blast.
9. Please seek therapy for your inability to tell fiction from reality. It’s also hilarious how you’re in Dani’s server when she’s actively spoken out about this kind of bullshit over fiction. Amazing.
10. Tumblr aces, you dumb fuck. We literally told you that which you can see in the screenshots. Just like Tumblr “qweers” aren’t representative of all LGBT people, Tumblr aces aren’t representative of aces. Oh my good god.
11. Dude, sometimes dogpiling happens when people are upset and that accidental dogpiling wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t sent anon hate in the first place. Maybe don’t white-knight for a dude who didn’t ask you to next time.
12. Oh wow, such amazing insults! Me saying Dani can be a little bit of a bitch which is true and which she’d probably agree with. Sometimes she’s intentionally a bitch for the hell of it. The rest of what I said wasn’t even close to an insult, unless you’re calling Dani a liar?
13. You literally blocked someone just for asking for your side of things, so don’t play the victim even more than you already are.
14. Now let’s address Fawn’s dumbass little idea that I can’t talk things out and instead just lynch people, shall we? How about with the person she tried to whiteknight in the first place? While the drama was going down initially he sent me this message and we had a nice little talk:
Hmm, it’s almost like you don’t know me at all, Fawn, and made a shit ton of assumptions about me instead of just talking to me like a human being, despite whinging about how you’re supposedly my friend and claiming you cared.
It’s an unwritten rule to not take sensitive screenshots of servers and post them in other ones. Hell, you could have even just fucking asked, but no you had to go behind our backs, post shit about us in a server that hates me (no wonder they do with all the misleading bullshit you’ve spread about me), send anon hate, and then act like a perfect little angel, lying to our goddamn faces, the whole time.
Lastly, I just wanna say congratulations on what you’ve done:
You caused Nine a shit ton of anxiety
You caused me a shit ton of anxiety
You’ve just triggered Angel (who is again a CSA survivor as in she was raped by an adult when she was a child) by calling her a pedophile.
EDIT: You’ve also caused Sol to have an autistic meltdown and caused one of the minors in the server to be immensely overwhelmed.
I hope you’re real fucking proud of yourself, you subhuman piece of trash.
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Chapter 1:That halloween night part 1
Katsuki adjusted the fake werewolf ears at the top of his head as he looked over himself with his bedroom mirror.He should be getting to Yaomomo's party soon.
"Katsuki!Izuku is here!"His Mom called from somewhere downstairs.
"Be there in a second!"
He adjusted his pride pins(bi and trans)and hearing aids one last time and ran down the stairs."Hey Deku."He greeted his best friend.She(she had on a 'she/her' pronouns pin today)was wearing a white hooded ghost costume with black eyes,a stiched mouth,freckles,a purple witch hat with an orange sash,a green and white ribbon with a pumpkin clip and colorful patches.Underneath that,she wore brown pants,green and black striped socks and her favorite red shoes.In addition,she'd put on a genderfluid flag pin and the skull earrings he'd gotten her for her fifteenth birthday.He could have sworn he still felt the ghost of the cheek kiss she'd given him in thanks.
"Hi,Kacchan!"She beamed like a sunflower.They walked out into the night together."Ready for Yaomomo's party?"
He shrugged,"I guess."He wasn't really a party person.
"No fun for Kacchan.It might cut into your brooding time."She joked.
"I don't brood!"
She smiled,looking forward."Of course you don't."
"Hey,kids,where you going?"Ms.Usagiyama called out from her bedroom window.Her wife,Ms.Tatsuma,had her arms wrapped around her torso and her chin resting on her shoulder.She waved at them and Deku cheerily waved back.
"Hi,Ms.Usagiyama and Ms.Tatsuma!We're going to a party at our friend's house!"
"Don't drink and drive!"Ms.Usagiyama ordered.
"Don't drink at all!"Corrected Ms.Tatsuma.
"We won't,trust me!"Katsuki responded.After that,they continued on their way.Soon enough,they were at the bus stop.
"Two twickets,please!"Deku asked politely before suddenly whipping around,scanning the area.
"Deku?"Asked Katsuki,now confused.
"What was that?" Katsuki asked the pressing question on their ride to Yaomomo's.
"I don't know!"A frustrated Deku exclaimed,"All i know is that my brain was screaming at me to get out of there,now!"
"Why?"He genuinely asked.
"That's the thing,i have no idea."
"So you sensed danger and we have no idea what it is.That's not fucking terrifying at all."
"Let's just forget it happened.It's long gone by now."
Katsuki could hear some pop song blasting as the bus stopped by Yaomomo's.Deku perked up at seeing they'd arrived."C'mon,let's go!"She grabbed his hand and he forgot all about the danger.
"Bakugou-kun!Deku-san!"Yaomomo,who was dressed up as a vampire,complete with fake fangs,exclaimed happily upon seeing them."Welcome!"
Deku bowed,"Thanks for having us,Yaomomo!"Katsuki did the same.
"It's no problem!I'm happy that you're here!Would you like some refreshments?"She indicated to the snack table.
"No thanks,we're full from dinner-"
"Speak for yourself."He walked up to it,"Thanks,Yaomomo."
Yaomomo smiled welcomingly at him.
While Katsuki was stuffing his face,Deku wandered over to Uraraka and Iida,who were dressed as a witch and Frankenstein's monster respectively.
"Yo,Bakugou!"Kaminari,who was dressed up as a devil,slung an arm around his shoulder."Surprised you actually came."
"He agreed to come after i told him Deku would be here."Kirishima,who was dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood,said,walking up behind them.
Katsuki blushed."Hey,don't just go around telling people stuff like that!"
Jirou snorted as they walked over to them in their vampire costume,matching with Yaomomo,"Oh please,like it's some big secret!"
"Yeah,man,everyone knows you're in love with Deku."Kaminari agreed with them.
"I am not-What do mean 'everyone'?!"
"Yeah,everyone."Kaminari pulled his arm back to count with his fingers,"Us,Ashido,Sero,Aoyama,Uraraka,Iida,the rest of the class,Mr.Aizawa,Mr.Yamada,Mr.Yagi,Mrs.Yagi-Oh Jirou,look out,here comes Hagakure!"
Jirou straighend up(lesbiandup?)as Hagakure walked up to the snack table in her ghost costume(unlike Deku's,her's was pink and frilly and stylied to resemble a hijab),"H-hey,Tooru."
"Hey,Kyouka-chan!Wanna dance with me?"
"Yay!"She grabbed the blushing Jirou's hand and headed off.Kirishima rubbed his eyes.
"Love is so manly."
Kaminari looked at him with fodness.Katsuki held back a snort.Bold of Kaminari and Jirou to tease him about Deku when they were busy making goo goo eyes at Kirishima and Hagakure.
'Oh no' "What the fuck do you want,Grape Shit?"He turned to see Mineta smiling mischiveously,wearing a police costume.He saw Kaminari and Kirishima giving him similar disdainful looks out of the corner of his eye.
"Look what i bought."He showed them a bag of beers.
"Mineta,are you insane?" Kirishima whisper-shouted,"You could get Yaomomo in trouble!"
"Kirishima,don't be a scrub."He took one out,"C'mon,take it!"
Sero,who was dressed up as a mummy,snatched it and the rest from Mineta."I'll be taking these!"
Sero slam-dunked the beers out the window.Mineta gaped at him as Kaminari stifled his laughter,Kirishima let out a belly laugh and Katsuki smirked.
"Thanks for nothing!"Mineta snapped,stomping away.
"Mineta-kun!I specifically told you not to come!"Yaomomo stepped in his way.
"You're all a bunch of ingrates!This party would be no fun without me!"He slammed the door behind him as he exited the house.Yaomomo sighed.
"I'm sorry for Mineta-kun,everyone.Please get back to your fun."She announced.They listened to her.
"Woah,is that Jirou and Hagakure?Get it,Jirou!"Sero said then yelled.They glared at him,although it wasn't very intimidating due to their blush,and Hagakure giggled before resting her head on Jirou's heart.They blushed up to their ears.Katsuki wolf-whistled and was surprised when they didn't react,just staring down at Hagakure.If this was a cartoon,their pupils would have turned into hearts.She lifted their head and they looked at eachother as if they were the only people in the room.Hagakure leaned forward,capturing Jirou's lips in a kiss.Jirou's eyes widened and they slowly closed them,kissing back.Theeir classmate's cheered.
"It's about time!"Said Kirishima,"Those two have been at it for months."
"When's the wedding?"Kaminari teasignly called out.They continued kissing."Well,it's no fun if you ignore me!".They pulled away,smiling at eachother.
"Shut the front door!"Ashido,who was wearing a werewolf costume,exclaimed.Jirou seemed to snap out of a love trance,looking around and realizing everyone was watching them,smiling.They blushed again.
"Let's go somewhere private."Hagakure offered causing Kaminari and Satou to 'ooooooooh'.
"Shut up!"Jirou snapped as Hagakure dragged them away,giving them a thumbs down.Kaminari a hand over his heart in mock offense and Satou laughed.
"Can you believe they finally got together?"Ashido bounced over to them,"This is like a fairy tale!"She and Kirishima held hands and silently screamed.
Katsuki popped a candy eyeball into his mouth,"I'm just glad they finally gonna got it over with."
"Sooooo..."Ashido said slyly,"When are you and Deku gonna finally get together?"
"As soon as you and Yaomomo do."He shot back.
Ashido blushed,"Touchè."She grabbed some candy eyeballs as well."Did your parent's finally buy you Breath of the Wild?"
Katsuki scowled,"I'm hoping they'll buy it for me for christmas.*
And so the conversation turned to Legend of Zelda.After a few minutes,Ashido locked arms with Kirishima and Katsuki."Let's go the pool!"Katsuki managed to swipe a cup full of punch as she took them away.Kaminari and Sero followed them.
Once they arrived,Ashido took off her fake paws and ears and stripped down to her underwear.The rest of them had no reaction,seeing her as a sister."Come on,guys!"She called out to them as she entered the pool.Kaminari took off his costume next and joined her.Sero did the same.Katsuki drank his punch and threw the cup in a nearby trash can.He was about to follow his friends example when Kirishima knocked him into the pool.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!"He glared daggers at his laughing friend when he emerged.He suddenly smirked and splashed him,wetting his costume.
Katsuki laughed as Kirishima swam up next to him.He felt light-headed but that was probably from being dunked in water.
They played until Katsuki's vision got blurry.Next thing he knew,he was climbing the security bars.He heard his friends screaming at him to get down but his body didn't listen.When his conciousness came back,he was in the middle of the woods.He was about to fall when someone caught him.He strained his neck to look at them.They were wearing a werewolf costume and appeared to be in their early twenties with spiky black hair,turquoise eyes,fair skin and several piercings.
"Who the fuck are you?"
They chuckled and Katsuki froze at seeing a mouth full of realistic fangs.Too realistic.
"I'm Dabi." Katsuki thrashed around,trying to free himself,only to whimper as Dabi's claws dug into his arm.
"And you're my newest snack."With that,he dug his way-too-eal fangs into Katsuki's neck,who let out a scream before his world went black.
Katsuki jolted up when awoke,breathing heavily.
"KACCHAN!"Deku was suddenly there,hugging him.He hugged back on instinct."You're okay!"She pulled back,wiping her tears and smiling widely in relief.Judging by her red eyes,she'd been crying before.
"Are you?"Asked Kirishima from his right,a worried look on his face.
"I think so..."He looked around.Kaminari,Sero and Ashido were there too,looking just as concerned."Where am i?"Yaomomo came in just then,holding a tray of drinks.
"My bedroom.Here."She handed him a cup of orange juice.
"Thanks."He gulped it down in one go,surprising himself and everyone else except Yaomomo,who looked solemn instead.
"What happened to you?"Deku asked.
"Some guy in a werewolf costume bit me."
"That was no costume."Yaomomo said firmly,"Bakugou-kun,you were bitten by a real life werewolf."
Silence befell Yaomomo's bedroom.So when Kaminari laughed nervously,everyone's attention went to him.
"You're kidding... please tell me you're kidding."
"I'm not kidding.I know a werewolf when i see one."
"How?"Asked Ashido suspiciously,"Are you a werewolf too?"
"No,i'm a vampire."
"Oooof course she is."Sero muttered.
"Prove it."Ashido asked of her.
Yaomomo picked up a red cup from the tray and drank the color off with her fangs.
"This cannot get any weirder."Katsuki said.
"It can get weirder."Yaomomo reassured him as Deku,"That was no ordinary werewolf that bit you-"
"That's a contradiction and half."Commented Kaminari.
"-that was Touya,son of Enji 'The Endeavorous' Todoroki-."
"Todoroki?!"Exclaimed Deku,standing up straight,"As in our classmate Todoroki?!"
"How many of our other classmates are monsters?!"Kaminari said in disbelief,"Is Jirou is a vampire too?!"
"No,she is human.And i'd like to keep things that way.Todoroki is human as well-his father is not a werewolf,he's a werewolf hunter."
Deku gripped Katsuki's shoulder protectively.
"Touya got bitten by a werewolf and ran away from home.He goes by Dabi now."She awnsered Katsuki's unasked question,"He's joined a pack.A pack that kills and feats on innocent humans and vampires."
They all sucked in a breath.
"Touya is not to be played with.He is very dangerous-an alpha."
"That means he's the leader,right?"Kaminari inquired.
"One of the leaders,yes.The other is Shigaraki Tomura.All of you need to stay as far away from them as possible-and so do i."
Another silence passed.
"Yaomomo,"Ashido said quietly,"Why didn't you tell us about this?"
Yaomomo gave her a sad look,"I'm sorry.I wanted to protect you.All of you.But now it seems i've miscalculated.Touya is going to come after-"She looked at Katsuki,"-you now."
Katsuki gulped,hating himself for being afraid.He could hear his Mom yelling at him,calling him a weakling and a disgrace.
Deku's expression slowly morphed into one of determination,"I'll protect you."
"Deku-san,you're just a human.Please-"
"I'll protect you too!"Said Ashido and Kirishima at the same time.
"Me three!"Said a fired up Sero.
"What the hell?Me four!"Kaminari said,smiling now."This is fuckin' crazy but i'd follow you guys to the ends of the Earth."
Yaomomo looked across them and sighed,smiling fondly,"Me five.Let's suit you up."
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I kind of took my kids (ages 2 & 5) to a Black Lives Matter rally/protest last week while my husband was at church. And, well, let’s just say I’m realizing I have a lot of work to do learning to be a good ally.
In summary: learn what you’re talking about before you try to teach your kids about race and privilege, actually teach your kids about race and privilege, don’t shame your kid out of learning because you’re afraid of making a mistake, and don’t let your kid take stickers from cops.
If you really want to know, the whole sordid story is below the cut, but please take this as a journal entry/reflection and not a resource.
We headed up about an hour early to donate some water and stuff, and originally that was all I was planning to do - was kind of struggling with the ethics of exposing them to COVID and possibly police violence when they’re too young to consent and the youngest is really not able to understand what’s going on. Maybe compromising was my first mistake.
Stopped at the store to grab some sunscreen. I clumsily tried to explain to my older daughter where we were going and what the protest was for. While I fumbled for words she got distracted by her stuffed unicorn so I let it go for a bit since we were in a hurry. We bought the sunscreen (that stuff is expensive) and I got them back into their carseats. I finally told my daughter that there was a man named George Floyd, that a police officer did some bad things to him and he died, and it was very sad, and the protest is because a lot of people think that was wrong. In hindsight that was cowardly, I should have said we think that’s wrong. Then we talked about how some people have pinkish skin and some people have brown skin. It’s good to have differences, and it’s good to be friends with people who are different from you, and God loves everybody the same. But sometimes people with brown skin aren’t treated fairly. So the protest is also to say that everybody should get to feel safe no matter what color their skin is or what they look like. If I could go back I’d reword that last bit, it sounds a little too much like some kind of #AllLivesMatter BS. I should have also told her about Breonna Taylor and Tony McDade.
Anyway I’m usually in charge of their Sunday School, so guess that was our church for the week. Next week I’m going to have them watch that Sesame Street town hall on racism episode because I’m sure they’ll do a better job than me. Unfortunately I’m the only one who’s likely to discuss this with them.
The square was already packed when we got there. All the adults were wearing masks. We were grateful for the stroller/wheelchair ramps - I was using the stroller to haul the water since we parked ~5 blocks away. I somehow managed to spill the water bottles all over the desk and the workers stopped what they were doing to help me pick them up while I laughed and apologized. (Have a bad habit of laughing when I’m nervous, I hope it didn’t seem too flippant.) Also learned at the last minute that some jerk has been poisoning donated water with antifreeze so I’m not even sure they could use it.
Was going to leave but my daughter was interested in staying. I was glad because I wanted her to see how many people were there and understand that this is important, and also that it was a peaceful protest unlike the way it’s being characterized by certain folks who want to discredit the cause. Except, I think the reason she wanted to stay was because they had bubbles. I’m not really sure what the bubbles were for and didn’t find out because I was too scared to bother someone to ask. Cowardly white woman again. We stuck to the edge of the crowd but I still managed to get in the way several times with the stroller. Then got stuck on the steps in one spot that didn’t have ramps and some guy came over to help me so I was super embarrassed. I should have been using this chance to educate my daughter, call her attention to things going on around us, but I was too worried about how we looked because my white privilege allows me to prioritize my anxieties over other people’s rights.
(There were other kids, saw at least one family with a baby who couldn’t walk yet, so it’s not like we were unique.)
We went around the back of the square where it was less crowded. My daughter started chasing a pigeon. For a minute I let her instead of trying to turn her attention back to the event like I should have, because I wanted a second to catch my breath. Eventually my conscience kicked in and we went back.
Then I made the mistake of almost letting my kid accept a sticker from a cop. He was calling out asking if anyone wanted a free mask and I shook my head no, and then of course my inner voice started scolding “why are you responding, he’s not talking to you specifically, you stupid self-absorbed Karen.” At this point I was already in minor panic mode because crowds and people and eye contact. Which is just another example of white fragility - Black people are expected to remain functional regardless of their mental health in the face of far more real and immediate danger. For a second I wondered if it was illegal for my kids not to have masks or something (they won’t keep them on and there’s no chance they’ve been exposed... masks don’t protect the wearer right?) I was tempted to take one because I naively believed this officer was in solidarity with the protesters. Some are, I’ve heard, and I was probably more inclined to believe that because he was Black, which is also racist. He offered her a sticker and I stupidly went “ooh, sticker!” because I was trying not to be that white woman who’s scared to let her kids talk to a Black man, which is even more racist. Then realized the stickers were police badges and finally started to have second (first?) thoughts. Luckily my daughter said “I have tons of stickers at home, we don’t need it.” I told her that was a good idea, said thank you (maybe shouldn’t have?) and we left. It took me a minute to realize what I’d done and was kicking myself, hoping nobody had seen our betrayal.
We went back up to where most of the crowd was. People were writing messages with sidewalk chalk. Somebody offered my daughter one so she could color. She wanted to write her name, but I stopped her and tried to explain that people were writing important messages. Later I realized that was an awful thing to say, like her writing/drawing isn’t important. What I meant was that I wanted her to understand before she wrote anything. But I couldn’t find the words to explain it all to her right then. We should have been having these conversations earlier, it was my failure to lay the groundwork that robbed her of the opportunity to participate meaningfully.
She drew a few rectangles on the ground. I should have helped her write Black Lives Matter. At the time I wondered if it was wrong to make her write it when she didn’t know what it meant. But now that I think about it, I have no problem indoctrinating my kids with my religion, so how is this different? Children won’t learn to be anti-racist unless adults teach them. Out of everything I think that was my biggest mistake. In the morning I’m going to apologize to her and see if we can make some chalk art on our driveway.
(For the record, I’m always careful to tell my kids that this is what Mom and Dad believe about God and they will have to decide for themselves when they’re old enough. Still, parents will influence their children, that’s inescapable.)
I tried to get her to read some of the other chalk messages. The first one we found was “Black Trans Lives Matter.” I again struggled for words to explain what trans was... another conversation we should have been having a long time ago. I’m not sure how much she thinks about gender yet. There are kids much younger than her who understand these things, so I think this is more due to my failure to teach her to think critically about the concept. She’s just starting to identify herself as a girl and distinguish between girls and boys. Since that day I’m being more conscious about reinforcing that nobody “has to” or “can’t” do things because they’re a girl/boy, and that some people are both or neither. Still have a lot of growing to do here.
She said she wanted to leave just as the first speaker was about to start and I let her. It was hot and I knew I had messed up a lot already and felt like we were just in the way. We should have stayed a little longer. I need to learn to let myself be uncomfortable.
Going to have to confess all this to my husband sooner or later. I’m not even sure which parts to apologize for yet... but our personal angst is a pretty low priority compared to everything else going on in the world so I won’t say anything more about that. Except that I also need to get better at backing up my arguments with sources and numbers because that’s the only thing that can change his mind.
So, tldr I am possibly a bad mother and definitely a bad ally. Really want to beat myself up but I’m resisting the temptation because that’s not productive. Self loathing is self centered. Instead I need to move forward and learn from this. Current list:
Practice talking to my kids about race
Educate myself so that I understand things well enough to explain them to a five/two year old
In particular figure out how to explain white privilege. (May have to work on understanding that the whole world does not revolve around ourselves, first.)
Find calmer, more organized ways of getting them into activism, explaining why beforehand
Encourage rather than stifle their desire to participate
Get my husband on board, somehow
Working and praying to make less mistakes next time.
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Buffy kept her eyes trained on T.J. Kippen. She didn’t fully trust him. He had been dating her best friend for five months now and of course she was happy that the two seemed to care greatly for each other, and that’s all she wanted, but she was afraid for Cyrus. T.J. always acted weird once a month.
T.J. would retreat from everyone in the world except for Cyrus once a month, and at first, Buffy suspected that he was trans like her own boyfriend, but that was disproved since all of the people in their friend group were quite open about their gender identities and sexualities. Then Buffy started paying more attention.
She would look over his shoulder whenever he was online and see moon phase calendars, and there was always a date circled in his locker, which Buffy started looking up. Why was he always circling the date of the full moon? Then she noticed more weird things. One day, she saw a pair of handcuffs fall out of his backpack and he quickly shoved them into his locker, thinking nobody saw them. He always got extra protein at lunch and one time she saw no less than fifteen packs of beef jerky in his locker and four more in his backpack.
“Okay, Kippen, speak,” she said cornering him one day.
“Woof woof,” he said dryly.
“Funny, but seriously, talk.”
“What would you like to talk about? Politics? Current events? How climate change is real and politicians denying it is causing a rapid end to life as we know it?” He was changing out his history book for his math book and putting it in his bag.
“I’m talking about how weird you’re acting…” she said, looking at the calendar he hung up. “Two days before the full moon.”
T.J. paused a little and looked at her. “How do you know it’s the full moon in two days?”
“How do you?” She asked. “It’s circled one your calendar. And I know you were looking into it on your phone...it’s really easy to read over your shoulder.”
“Why are you looking that up?”
“Ever thought to consider that I just like astronomy?”
“If Cyrus said that, I’d believe it.”
“Then why not consider that I’m taking Cyrus out for stargazing and a full moon is one of the best nights to stargaze?”
“Because it falls on a Wednesday and Cyrus hates staying up late for the next day at school.”
“Maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought. He’s sleeping over.”
Buffy scoffed. “He wouldn’t sleep over in the middle of a week.”
“Ask him yourself,” he said. “We already made plans.” He closed his locker and he walked off to class.
Buffy did ask Cyrus. “Yeah,” he said. “I’m staying over at his house on Wednesday, why?”
“You never stay over on a weekday! You never have!” She said. “That’s what you always told me and Andi when we invited you over.”
“Things change,” he said. “And you’re not my romantic interest.”
“Ugh, don’t tell me you two refer to each other like that,” Buffy mock-gagged.
“No, we use proper pet names, like babe, sweetheart, muffin, teddy.”
“Muffin and Teddy are not proper pet names,” she said.
“To us they are. Muffin for me, Teddy for him.”
“You two are undeniably and irritatingly sweet,” she said. “But...have you not noticed T.J. acting weird?”
“He’s not acting weird.”
“He’s tracking moon phases.”
“He’s interested in astronomy.”
“I’m interested in astronomy.”
“More believable lie,” she relented slightly. “But a lie nonetheless.”
Cyrus got a text and he read it before putting his phone away. “We’re going stargazing.”
“Cyrus...I’m not sure if I trust T.J.”
“You just hate him,” he sighed. “You have since the seventh grade.”
“I actually stopped hating him,” she said. “Remember? He rapped the apology, I accepted him, I said he used to be the worst but now he’s the best?” She stepped in front of Cyrus. “I’m worried about you. I don’t want him hurting you.”
Cyrus sighed. “Trust me...you shouldn’t be worried about him hurting me.” He stepped around her and went to class.
Even Andi, Marty, and Amber were saying that she was being too paranoid. Jonah had no opinions. “You guys say I’m too oblivious, so I don’t see anything, but I don’t see anything in general.”
“Jonah, no offense, but you’re no help here,” she groaned. “Come on, guys, nobody acts that way! And handcuffs?!”
“She you sure that you saw handcuffs?” Andi asked.
“Maybe Cyrus wanted handcuffs?” Marty asked, and everyone threw their napkins at his face.
“No dirty jokes about Cyrus!” Andi said.
“It wasn’t even a joke! But I won’t suggest it again,” he said, putting his arms up.
“Look,” Buffy said. “Amber, you know T.J. better than anyone. What’s going on with him?”
“No clue,” she said. “He asked me if I could sleep over at Andi’s on Wednesday, and I’m not one to complain. Every time Cyrus is over at our place, mom is always on the night shift now and I’m at Andi’s.”
“You go to Andi’s every full moon?” Buffy asked suspiciously.
“I don’t exactly pay attention to the moon phases either,” Amber said. “But about once a month.”
Jonah stopped and raised an eyebrow. “Buffy...are you accusing T.J. of being a werewolf?”
Buffy stopped and looked around her friends sitting at their booth in The Spoon. “Yeah that does sound crazy...doesn’t it?”
“Completely,” Marty said. “Please tell me you don’t think that.”
Buffy looked down. “I wasn’t….”
“Oh my god, that's what you’re thinking now!” Jonah gasped.
“You put it in my head Jonah!”
“Buffy, T.J. may reek like wet dog,” Amber said. “But he’s not a werewolf.”
Buffy couldn’t get it out of her head as she watched him right up until he and Cyrus were supposed to be sleeping over. Werewolf made no sense but it also made all the sense in the world. The handcuffs were for T.J. to keep himself chained, probably...right? Unless…
Buffy’s next search was if werewolves ate humans. All search results said that humans could be eaten by werewolves, but that werewolves didn’t seek them out specifically. That didn’t help ease Buffy’s head.
“Cyrus, you just gotta trust me! You can’t go to T.J.’s house tonight!”
“Buffy, I already made plans,” he said, packing his bag for his homework. “We’ve had this planned for weeks.”
“Yeah...but who knows what he has planned?”
“Probably stargazing and watching movies, like we usually do.”
“I saw handcuffs!”
“Maybe we want to go past PG-13…?” His red face made Buffy absolutely sure that nothing like that would happen.
“Cyrus, I wasn’t born yesterday.”
“And neither was I,” he said. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow.” He closed his locker and met up with T.J., holding his hand as they walked back to the Kippen house.
Buffy wondered if she was going too far as she sat in her car outside said Kippen house watching the two boys sit on the porch just talking and laughing with each other. Then she watched the sun start to go down and both of them go inside. She saw T.J.’s bedroom window was open and the two kissed before there was strange movement. They both went down to the floor, but then only T.J. got up and left the bedroom.
The moon started going up and Buffy panicked. T.J. was alone in a house with Cyrus on the full moon and he was acting too weird for nothing supernatural to be happening. She opened the door and heard the growling, and then a howl. Buffy slammed her car door in a panic and ran inside the house, thankfully the front door was unlocked.
T.J. was in the kitchen with bags of beef jerky in his arms when Buffy ran in. “Don’t hurt him!”
He stared at Buffy like she had grown a third head...though to be fair she was standing in his kitchen after throwing the door open.
“What?! Driscoll what the hell are you doing in my house?!”
“Don’t hurt Cyrus! I uh…I dunno…” she looked in his kitchen drawer nearest her and found a little Chinese take out packet and tore it open, revealing chopsticks, and she held it in her hand like a weapon. “I’ll stake you!”
“Buffy, you think I’m a vampire?!”
“Wait...stakes are vampires...uh…” she took off her earring. “I’ll stab you with silver.”
T.J. groaned. “You think I’m the werewolf.”
“You aren’t a werewolf?”
“No I’m not a werewolf!”
“But the handcuffs...beef jerky...moon calendar?” She heard the howl again and tensed up. “THAT NOISE?!”
He sighed. “Clearly that didn’t come from me, did it?”
“Cyrus...he’s upstairs...he could be in danger! Cyrus!” She bounded up the stairs and T.J. had to run after her, dropping a few bags of jerky.
Of course anyone else would have put two and two together earlier, and in hindsight, Buffy knew she should have thought of this sooner, but she was too busy wanting to save her best friend that she opened the door and screamed at the wolf man sitting where she saw Cyrus last.
The wolf snarled, handcuffed to the radiator and started to lunge at her when T.J. pulled her back and out of the room. “Cy...it’s okay...it’s okay…you’re just hungry.”
The wolf man kept snarling as T.J. slowly approached, keeping a hand up to warn Buffy to stay back. The wolf man...Cyrus...sniffed and seemed to recognize the scent. T.J. left an open bag of jerky in front of him then walked away, grabbing Buffy and pulling her outside his bedroom before closing the door.
She stared at the closed door. “Cyrus is the werewolf?!”
“Since when?! Why didn’t he tell us?!”
“He didn’t want to tell anyone,” he said. “And you need to calm down. His ears are super sensitive.”
“Right...right...since when?” She asked, a lot more quietly but still freaking out.
“Remember when his step-dad insisted on an RV trip? Sometime then, he got attacked by a werewolf but doesn’t remember it.”
“How come we don’t know but you do?” She asked. “Doesn’t he trust us?”
“He trusts you, but not himself,” he said. “I found out by accident. I saw him eating our neighbor’s cat a few months ago, and I locked him in the garage until sunrise.”
“He was eating a cat? That doesn’t sound like Cyrus…”
“He made me hold a funeral for it the next day.”
“...That sounds like Cyrus…”
“The next morning, he told me everything but said he didn’t know how you guys would react. He didn’t want you to be afraid of him.”
“How come you’re not afraid?” She asked. “That’s a werewolf.”
“That’s also Cyrus,” he chuckled. “You don’t think he’d act like a puppy once you get over his big scary look and scratch him behind the ears?”
Buffy couldn’t help but laugh a little. “That’s true...but he looked ready to attack…”
“Because you looked ready to attack,” he said. “He’s very defensive. And he has no human memories in his wolf form, and no wolf memories in human form. I’m the one that has to tell him everything he does on full moons.”
“So all the research? It was for him?”
“Yeah...didn’t you do a ton of research when Marty came out to you?”
“Yeah...my parents thought I was trans for two weeks until he let me tell them,” she laughed a little.
“Well, it’s only fair that you thought I was the werewolf and not my boyfriend then,” T.J. said. “I was only trying to figure out what’s best for him when he’s like this.”
Buffy looked at the door again. “So...what now?”
“I just take care of him. He gets really hungry and he likes meat like this. And, unsurprisingly, baby taters. I ordered some for delivery later.”
“And what about the rest of us?” She asked. “Andi, Jonah, Marty? Even Amber?”
T.J. shrugged. “Up to him. You gotta treat it like his coming out. In a way, it is…”
“You’re right…” she sighed. “Mind if I stay too?”
T.J. smiled. “Not at all, might be nice to have a human conversation while my werewolf boyfriend controls himself from eating any other household pets. But I should warn you,” he said. “He tends to try a prison break around 2 a.m.”
Buffy laughed. “He may be a stronger and bigger dude as a wolf, but that’s if still Cyrus Goodman, I can handle him.”
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Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 1x17 Hat Trick
I really love this episode! It’s one of my favourites!
Mary Margaret, be careful in those woods!
I wonder what Henry is thinking about the Snow White/Regina story as he reads it in his book.
“Henry, what did you do?!” How the heck is a 10-year-old kid gonna free Mary Margaret, Emma?!
Henry’s right, MM can’t leave Storybrooke. That seems to be Regina’s plan, so whatever would happen to her if she left can’t be good. I wonder what would happen. Maybe she’d disappear like Kathryn.
How did Jefferson know where to be at the right time to capture Emma?
He had everything planned out so well. Heck, maybe I’d have fallen for it. Be careful of handsome strangers folks.
It’s Robin Mills’ long lost sister, Grace xD!! I do love this father-daughter relationship. It hurts me that they were split up.
I really need to read the graphic novel about him.
They remind me of Knightrook! Send help!!
Did Regina ever find out that Jefferson & Viktor tricked her to get a heart? That might explain why she leaves him in Wonderland.
I remember there were set photos of August coming to Jefferson’s house. I wonder what he came to do.
Emma’s so excited to see Jefferson’s house. She just trusts him a little too easily. A crush, perhaps? I’m not sure.
Emma, don’t take drinks from strangers! Haven’t you learnt from when you first met Regina!
Girl, don’t drink it!!
She didn’t listen.
Oh man, I love this episode. It’s so dark!
Poor Emma. I told her not to drink it but did she listen??
Oh brilliant! She’s drinking more! Must be really nice drugged-up-tea. Should I invest in this delicious drink?
I love that this is so Alice and Wonderland. Heaven knows the Mad Hatter and the March Hair were probably drugged up to their eyeballs with their tea.
That’s such a scary situation to be in. I have learnt lessons from this.
Look at Jefferson, my adorable little sadist
Tehehe. Regina’s disguise! She sure fooled me! They had her trans figure into an old lady, like in the Snow White movie! That old lady from that movie scared the crap out of me and still does! Just watch it! She’s terrifying!
Mr. Rabbit?? How did you get to the EF?? You look a little different, my dude. I mean, it could be Alice’s Mr. Rabbit. Maybe he traveled through a rabbit hole. Maybe he’s alive!! I’m reaching, I know.
Resourceful Emma is resourceful.
Oh yes, he’s been stalking the Sheriff’s office through his telescope (not creepy at all!). He must have seen Mary Margaret escape and Emma leave to look for her and guessed that they’d both head to the woods.
I’d smash that window with the telescope and run the heck outta there!!
Jefferson menacingly sharpening a giant-ass pair of scissors- that’s not terrifying at all!!
Oh, hang on, the rabbit Jefferson made looks like Mr. Rabbit. I need to look at Mr. Rabbit again, don’t I? But hear me out, since Grace is older than Alice, it could have somehow gone on an adventure across realms and ended up in the new EF. Or Wish Killian knows Jefferson and Mad Hook can be cannon. A girl can dream.
Look at Grace with her tea party!! They are so Knightrook!! I love to think that at some point on her travels Alice met the realm-hopping Mad Hatter and then Grace. I like to think Jefferson is the Mad Hatter of both Wonderlands.
Did she just call a badger Mr. Tortoise? What the heck is that thing? It looks like a badger but seems to have a shell. I’m so confused. Maybe it’s a mock turtle.
And she calls him Papa. The Knightrook feels!!
“All I need is you, Papa. Please stay.” *cries into my bath tub*
“Promise you’ll come back. For our tea party. Promise?” “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” :’(
I imagine those neighbours are the ones who are cursed to be Grace’s family in Storybrooke. Grace has to be the only known case of someone cursed to be a part of a different family. Very interesting!
Oh snap! Oh snap! He heard Emma moving. Girl, run! Have you seen those big-ass scissors?!
Mary Margaret! My poor child! I can’t believe he kidnapped her. How the heck did he get her to come to his house? Or did he knock her out or something. Poor MM!!
Oh he appeared out of nowhere and grabbed her! This is why we shouldn’t go to the woods at night folks!
They’re terrified! My poor kiddos! Heck, I’m scared for them!
“I see you’ve found spot!” He is having way to much fun with this.
What have we learnt folks: don’t talk to handsome strangers at night, don’t get in their cars, hell no, don’t you dare go to their houses and just don’t go to the woods at night in the first place!
MM: “Emma.” Emma: “It’s gonna be okay.” Emma the reassuring bestie is reassuring. And MM shouting for him not to take Emma. I would die for this friendship!
So, I imagine Regina kept her promise that Grace would want for nothing. At least, she did during the curse, I think.
I’m getting dizzy watching that hat spin.
Don’t push Emma, bruh. I’ll fight you.
“I don’t know what you think your doing, but if you hurt my friend, I swear I’ll make you regret it.” Even in a life or death situation, Emma is not afraid to threaten dangerous people if they try to hurt her friend/mum. This is why I freaking love this friendship. Have I mentioned I love it?
Emma moving back as Jefferson reverses! I am on edge!
Jefferson, you can’t just point your gun at Emma ‘playfully’ when she’s not looking.
Emma, maybe don’t call the guy with the gun “insane”. Just thinking of your safety here girl.
“Open your eyes. Look around. Wake up. Isn’t it about time?”
He’s so creepy and I love it. I absolutely love this twist on the Mad Hatter. He’s a much darker version of the character and he completely owns my soul.
I need to know where Jefferson got this hat.
“Who are you?”
So Jefferson’s been to wonderland before. Maybe that’s in the graphic novel. I wonder if he was having tea parties back then.
“A real world. How arrogant are you to think yours is the only one? There are infinite more. You have to open your mind. They touch one another, pressing up in a long line of lands. Each just as real as the last. All have their own rules. Some have magic, some don’t. And some need magic. Like this one. And that’s where you come in. You and your friend are not leaving here, until you make my hat. Until you get it to work.” Interesting!
“Get it to work!”
That’s one hell of a maze! I’m glad we got to explore Wonderland more in Once Upon A Time In Wonderland. The place has always interested me! I love the Disney movie and I recently read and enjoyed the books.
The hedges are like the ones in HP and the Goblet of Fire movie.
“Stay away from the walls.” “I’ve got a better idea; the walls should stay away from me.”
I’ve forgotten whether it was Regina or Cora who made Henry Sr. tiny. That wasn’t nice of Cora to keep him in that box like that. I hope she fed him 3 times a day.
Quick! Run! Jefferson, run through the portal!
“If you truly cared for your daughter, you never would have left her in the first place.” Regina sounds like she’s got some unspoken resentment for her father not standing up for her there. She can’t seem to take out her anger towards her parents on her actual parents. Instead she directs it at someone else, like Snow or Jefferson.
Poor Jefferson. Grace is his world and he’s lost her! This is heartbreaking.
Ew ew ew ew! Jesus Christ Once!! What the hell!! I freaking hate when heads come off of bodies. That use to set off my OCD ridiculously badly. Fortunately, it doesn’t bother me as much now, but still! Jesus!
Oh yes, Cora wants the hat to work so she can get back to the EF.
Wonderland people always make the most sense, even though they seem to make little. Alice Jones knows.
Jefferson watching Grace and claiming she’s his daughter must seem so creepy to Emma.
“It’s the one world where we can be together… Where she’ll remember who I am.” Poor guy. He just wants his daughter back!
I can’t tell if Emma genuinely believes him here, or if at least part of her believes him or if she just thinks he’s lost his bananas.
Ouchie! Hit on the head with a freaking telescope!
This fight scene is so awesome!
That must have really hurt MM! Both of them falling on her like that!
Come on Emma! You can do it!
You go Mary Margaret!! Best friends protecting each other! What a badass cinnamon roll!
MM: “Why is it so important to you what happens to me?” Emma: “Because, when Regina framed me, and you bailed me out, I asked you why. And you said you trusted me. And then, when I wanted to leave Storybrooke cause I thought it was best for Henry, you told me I needed to stay because that was the best for him. And I realized, all my life, I have been alone. Walls up. Nobody’s ever been there for me – except for you. And I can’t lose that. I cannot lose my family.” Just rip out my heart and throw it into a volcano, why don’t you!! Babies!! And then they hold hands! Watch me burst into flames! Their friendship is everything!! Have I mentioned how much I love it??
They did it! They got her back in time! Weeeeeee!
It was Mr. Gold who put the key there!
Emma’s starting to believe! Jefferson may have had some bizarre methods but he certainly got her thinking.
Aww, that means a lot to Henry; Emma wanting to hold onto the book.
Enjoyed this one so much!!
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How Epic Mickey could fit into the Kingdom Hearts Universe so Oswald can get the Love and Attention he Deserves: The Text Post
Ok, so it’s been confirmed that Nomura really wants to add our favorite lucky rabbit into the KH universe, but for some reason, Disney told him getting the rights to Oswald would be ‘difficult’ for whatever reason. I know Oswald used to be owned by another party, but when Epic Mickey was being pitched, Disney bought back the rights, so they now own him fully. I’m not sure why Disney wouldn’t just let Nomura use him, seeing as they’re sure as hell aren’t.
As you can imagine, this is pretty sad. A surprising amount of people love Oswald, including myself. But it honestly got me thinking about how Epic Mickey could fit into Kingdom Hearts. They have some vague similarities, seeing as a lot of the older characters, such as Horace the Horse, make an appearance in both games, EM has some talk of hearts, but obviously, the rules of what a heart is is different in both games, etc.
So, as you can imagine, this was a bit of a challenge for me to think of, and this is going to be a long post. But I’ve been seriously reflecting on this topic for a while, so much so that I wrote this post on a Google Doc so I could properly get my thoughts together before I posted this.
Also, you never know if Disney could change their minds or Nomura goes through all the possible legal stuff and get Oswald into the game, so all of this could just me pointlessly screaming into the void, but I don’t care; I’m making this post. And keep in mind that this is what I personally would do with it. I am in no way a professional game director like Nomura, and if Oswald does make it into a KH game, it will probably be done better than my idea. Though keep in mind, my idea is kinda convoluted just like the rest of KH’s plot OOOOO lol jk. With all of that said:
All of this takes place between the events of BBS and KH1.
Disney Town and the world of EM are the same. Sorta (this will have to do with why Disney Castle is more pronounced in the overworld art in the timeline after BBS).
All the residents in EM live in DT.
Oswald is the Mayor of DT (Or at least the small town area we see in BBS).
We presumably don’t see him in BBS because he was too busy running the town in the background. Queen Minnie and Duchess Daisy were there to oversee the Dream Festival for him.
Oswald is personal best friends with King Mickey. Like, everyone jokes about them being brothers all the time.
After the events of BBS, we see Pete be freed from his prison by Maleficent. Right after this, Pete asks for help for immediate revenge on the residents.
Maleficent decides to completely destroy the world as you do.
More specifically, she wants to make the world fall to darkness and wipe the world and its residents from the minds of others (think of it like Xion’s disappearance)
Firstly, to get Pete further indebted to her so he’ll go along with her plans without question.
Second, if everyone forgets about Donald, Goofy, Minnie, and Mickey after they were to fall to darkness, then that’s several enemies she wouldn’t have to worry about anymore.
Thirdly, she could use the hearts of the residents to create a powerful army of Heartless.
The fourth reason was she was feeling particularly bitchy that day.
All the while, Yen Sid senses the sudden spike in darkness in DT.
He warns Mickey about Pete and Maleficent, but orders Mickey to stand back and observe for now, as he only just became a Keyblade Master and Yen Sid isn’t sure if he can take her on by himself.
But ofc Mickey goes back to DT with Yen Sid’s Star Shard to confront Maleficent anyway.
However, he’s too late; Maleficent’s already started the spell.
Mickey fights past Pete but can’t quite make it to Maleficent before she creates a portal in the sky straight to the World of Darkness.
The residents, including Oswald, start to get sucked into the portal. As this happens, Mickey starts to forget some of them. (Like how Roxas’ memories of Xion faded slightly before and after she ‘died’)
Just like Roxas, Mickey gets a bit of a power boost in a desperate attempt to stop Maleficent and remember Oswald.
Before they get completely sucked in, Yen Sid uses his magic to change the destination of the portal and quickly creates a small ‘pocket world’ in his tower within an enchanted scroll on his desk with magic paint and thinner ala the Fantasia world in DDD (I’m sure you can see where this is going).
However, due to the darkness of Maleficent’s spell and the fact he rushed to make it, the world he created was a dark and twisted version of DT.
And since the spell was to make the residents fall to darkness, they all lost their hearts. However, in the world Yen Sid made, time doesn’t exist (just like the WoD), so they don’t become Heartless/Nobodies; they’re stuck in-between the process.
They still have their emotions and memories, but without their hearts, they can’t leave the world.
Besides, even if they could, they would only become Heartless and/or Nobodies.
Mickey manages to use his Star Shard to transport himself, Pete, and Maleficent to the Keyblade Graveyard before she sucks in all the residents, but Oswald and the others who appear in EM are sucked in and forgotten.
Yen Sid, due to the trans-dimensional/spatial and magical properties of his tower, is the only one who remembers.
Considering that not even Maleficent remembers what happened now, she takes Pete and teleports away to do whatever she did between BBS and KH1 plan her revenge.
Mickey, confused as to why he’s suddenly in the Graveyard again, teleports back to the Mysterious Tower.
Yen Sid tells Mickey about what happened, but Mickey can’t help but feel a little detached since he can’t remember any of it.
However, when Yen Sid mentions Oswald, Mickey feels a sadness in his heart that he can’t quite explain. A single heart rolls down his cheek.
Yen Sid tells Mickey how he needs to go into the scroll and fix the world. He tells Mickey that he can’t fix the darkness from the outside, and how he can sense Heartless in the scroll.
Mickey grabs the paintbrush and dips it into the paint.
“What do you mean? Couldn’t we just use the paint and thinner to fix the problem here?”
Mickey, surprised by Yen Sid’s outburst, jumps back.
In the process, he accidentally knocks over the paint and thinner onto the scroll.
Mickey tries to wipe up the liquid puddle on the scroll, but it’s too late; Yen Sid tells Mickey that the damage is irreversible here on the outside.
With Mickey’s only option made clear, he jumps into the scroll.
From here, the events of EM play out pretty much the same, with some differences.
The real world references in EM are either completely missing or made a lot more subtle (things like the Walt Disney statue with Oswald are removed while small things in the levels are still there).
The Blotlings are a new type of Heartless instead of just monsters.
The magic paintbrush Mickey brings with him turns into the Epic Masterpiece Keyblade.
The “multiple Petes” in EM are animatronics this time, based off of other personas of the KH Pete (like Captain Justice and Captain Dark)
Characters like Smee who were in KH before while also in EM would just be animatronics.
The Donald, Daisy, and Goofy animatronics were made by Oswald to try and replicate their powers to protect them from the Heartless. This obviously failed.
The Mad Doctor was obsessed with experiments with the heart, like Xehanort before and during EM (tho obviously not as bad or as successful as he was).
Oswald and the Mad Doctor were working on these animatronics before Maleficent tried to wipe them out (The Donald, Daisy, and Goofy animatronics were incomplete before they were sucked in, hence why they’re so damaged in EM).
Oswald was named King of Wasteland in place of Mickey.
If everyone were to remember the residents, they could possibly get their hearts back.
The hurt and betrayal that Oswald felt in EM are not because Mickey got the spotlight and replaced him; he’s upset because Mickey, who was a brother for him, doesn’t remember him anymore. And even worse, he caused the Thinner Disaster.
At the end of EM, Mickey regains his memories of the residents and especially Oswald.
He wants to bring them out, but they can’t leave without their hearts.
Mickey is torn because he knows the Wastelands, while fixed for now, are still dangerous as the Heartless could possibly come back and the Mad Doctor is still on the loose.
But even if they could leave, bringing them back would possibly bring back everyone’s memories of them, including Maleficent’s, so it’s dangerous either way.
So Mickey does the next best thing he can think of: he bequeaths Oswald.
Since Oswald doesn’t have a heart, he couldn’t summon a Keyblade the natural way, so Mickey hands him the Epic Masterpiece Keyblade.
However, Mickey’s bond with Oswald was so strong that when he handed it to Oswald, his hearts reacts to it even though it’s so far away from Oswald’s body.
Basically, the bond and memories that Mickey shared with Oswald were strong enough to call to Oswald’s heart for the Keyblade to spring from.
It’s called the Lucky Remote Keyblade, (Obviously based off of his remote from EM2).
Mickey leaves Wasteland after promising to tell only those trustworthy about them.
Basically, only Mickey, Yen Sid, Donald, Goofy, Minnie, Daisy, Chip, and Dale remember the residents of Wasteland to any extent. They all keep the secret. (Mickey probably told Ventus, Aqua, Terra and the others about it after KH3.)
Donald treats it just like he treats the Order; if anyone even remotely hints at it, he scolds them like he does Sora.
EM2 is canon; all the previous notes apply. Those events take place before KH1 but obviously waaay after EM1 in the timeline (Ten years is more than enough time for both of these games to happen before KH1).
Well, there you have it! This post is way too long and I’m tired :’)
Maybe I’ll draw the Keyblades and my redesign for a KH! Oswald at some point, but this is more than enough for now.
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+ I've considered transitioning before, but I always let the thoughts of 'oh, what will ____ think of this?' get to me but now, my urge is growing stronger and I'm tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a girl. / So, I guess my question is, how does one fully decide to start T? And although I'm uncomfortable with how I am now, should I just wait post-graduation to begin identifying and begin transitioning, as doing so now will be denied and cause more problems than I already have?
Hi!!! Oh goodness, I feel honored you feel safe reaching out to me. I assume the other anon was from you, too, but I’ll put my reply to this one.
I hope I do good by you, and I'm sorry it's taken me a while to answer. I'll reblog this a few times in hopes you see it.
First of all, I want you to know that I completely support and love you. And yes, will support and love you no matter what you decide for yourself. You can completely be whatever gender you ARE without any physical transitioning whatsoever, point blank. For whatever reason. Transitioning and identifying as something aren't mutually exclusive. I'm sorry you aren't in a position where you can just go ahead and do what will make you the most comfortable, and your concerns are valid. They directly affect your quality of life, so it is definitely a big decision.
So, I guess my advice is...
First of all, people may surprise you. (You can also be a little sneaky in how you come out to people, even though it's probably cheating lol. When I came out to my mother, I opened with "You told me you love me unconditionally. Is that still true", basically letting her know I was about to put that claim to the test. At the end of the day, she doesn't understand, is confused, but will stand by me.)
And I totally understand how thinking "what will x think" can hold you back.So, I'll tell you something a friend told me once that was extremely helpful for me. Don't think of it as "coming out", but rather you inviting someone into your story. Being trans is especially difficult if you decide to transition because there is a period of time where you don't have the option of "being out" because one look, and people can guess. And that time is from starting hormones until about a year or two later, so again, your concerns are valid. Regardless, just because people might make assumptions based on appearance, that doesn't mean you have to let them into your story. You don't have to tell anyone anything if you aren't comfortable with it.
My next bit of advice would be, find an adult (I'm assuming you’re a teenager, so my apologies if you meant school as in university) or a teacher who you trust. It may not be someone you've interacted with a lot, maybe just had for one class, but if you feel like this person is reasonably open-minded and accepting, you can go ahead and let them know there's something on there. Not the full story if you don’t want, but something.
I did that with my boss and a few of my coworkers so when going to HR, I already had support. If you decide to transition, you can then approach the school and offer a willingness to work with them, and you can show on the record that you were agreeable and reasonable (COYA, in case they're a bunch of dicks).
There's also a ton of resources.
For example, where I live, there's a thing called the "TransBuddy" program that is a bunch of volunteers willing to help, such as going to doctor's with you, helping with legal name changes and gender markers, schedule appointments and be an active voice explicitly to support you. Go incognito and see what's around your area. From my experience, a lot of people are willing to come to you if they're in a different town. Just please, please, please be safe. Ask for references.
If you do not feel comfortable or safe doing your own research for whatever reason, I am happy to try to help. (I’ll try to already put together something of national support and things anyway, maybe a lot of people can use it...)
As far as what to expect during your first few months...
For the first few months, expect your body to sweat a lot more (your scent will change too, and the sweatiness last a long time, tbh), you'll start to grow hair (EVERYWHERE I swear), your face will probably bloat some, and your voice will start to change a little (ie, start cracking when you talk, etc). You may find yourself happier and less anxious because you're finally starting HRT and finally getting to be the person you want, but t can effect emotion too, such as finding yourself more easily irritated or what have you. So if you notice a change in emotion reaction, just keep that in mind. And you'll grow your own Adam's apple (I don't know why people actually think they're implants?????)
After about six months, your emotions should even out. Your voice will continue to drop, most likely, and growing facial hair will be easier. Your face will also start to harden then (probably might bloat so more), becoming more masculine. After about a year, your Adam's apple will probably be prominent, facial hair common (even if it's not thick yet), and then is usually around the time people begin surgeries if that's what you want.
Keep in mind, your doctors will start you off on low dosage, and you'll work your way up. Also please keep in mind that, though you can stop hormones at any time, so effects will not reverse, such as growing facial hair and your voice.
Even if you stop t, those will remain how they are when you stop. Just something to keep in mind.
So yeah, it's a big decision, but I don't have to tell you that. I would look for an LGBT clinic, or at least an LGBT-friendly clinic, and get all the info from a licensed doctor before officially ruling one way or another.
Please, please, please note: If the doctor is making you uncomfortable, feel like they aren't listening to you, or obviously tries to sway you against it because of their own personal ideals or opinions, find a different doctor. Politely thank them for their opinion, and feel free to discard it. A doctor should put your health and your mental health first, and dysphoria is a real, legit, big, and sometimes dangerous thing.
Which brings me to my last bit.
There are lots you can do to feel more comfortable in your body other than transition or doing HRT. Binders and packers (my packer is awesome, I love it so f’ing much) help me as well as just wearing men's clothes. Having a support group helps tremendously too. Also, having a gender-neutral presentation may help too. For me personally, I shrugged off the expected feminine appearance years ago. I unintentionally got people used to seeing me without makeup, wearing big boots and flannel. Them finding out that I'm now on t caused most of them to be like, "Huh, yeah. I can see that."
So, if you only a little bit longer to go before you are able to graduate, move to a more supportive place, and politely start to break away from those who would deny you or make you feel unwelcome just because you dare to be who you are, then that could be a game plan of sorts. It was for me, at least, at work.
I mean, this is your LIFE. This is who YOU are. Be honest with yourself, yes, but there's nothing saying you can't be clever about it. Right now, it's the summer, so you can some time to play with your appearance and how you present yourself before you have to go back, if that’s something you want to do.
The most important thing is you do what is best for you, for your health, both physical and mental, and when it comes down to it, you don't have to invite anyone into your story. I can't advise you as to what decision you should make because that's yours to make. Again, though, whatever you decide, you have my complete and utter support.
And for what it's worth, to this blog, you are a man with he/him pronouns for however long you want. I have yet to meet a trans person who at any point thought their journey was going to be easy, but it definitely doesn't have to be lonely or unnecessarily hard. You are allowed to ask for what you need, to ask for help, and to tell any adult - any person - that they make you feel unsafe and you request to deal with someone else. Please be safe, make sure you map your exits, but don't be afraid to stand up for you.
If you need anything, feel free to reach out. You can DM me, too, and I promise to keep anything we talk about confidential and offer you a safe, nonjudgmental space.
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Oh my god, what a day it's been! Detrans woman hanging around in the city core on a busy day. I've gotten more attention for looking like a gnc man during these 2-3 hours than I ever got for looking like a gnc woman during the total of my life up until today, and that's not an exaggeration. It was intense. Today's look was hyper feminine but with a beard stubble.
To reiterate, I first went to the city during the afternoon and stopped by a hair salon to get my left ear pierced for drop-in. I went in there at the same time as two guys and the hair dresser greeted us while working on a third guy's hair. She exclaimed happily that she thought it was fun that 3 men where there at the same time, implying she usually only gets female customers. I just kept my mouth shut and nodded with a forced smile. I had to wait half an hour until it was my turn. One of the guys there gave me a lot of approving looks (kinda flirting? I dunno) and let me go before him. The hairdresser got very excited about that I picked the pink jewellery (was the only one that would match my ever so wine red and golden outfits) and then took me aside to a small room for piercing my ear. She was super sweet all along, but also noticably over-joyed by me. She gave me a bag of easter candy (which she didn't give any of the guys), gave me a hug and said congratulations. Thanks... for the candy I guess? Oh I dunno.
I paid and went my merry way. Onwards to the lgbt cafe event which was my reason for going to the city. Thus far no one's ever really talked about anything actually lgbt related there, expect from some have talked about their same sex partners. But this time there was a new person there and she brought up my looks after she had talked about her trans son for a bit (who was also there, but clearly uninterested in participating in any discussion). And she asked me if I had changed to my current outfit upon arriving at the cafe or if went like that from my home. I told her went like that and she said that must require a lot of confidence. Oh yeah, it sure does. So we talked a bit about me but I didn't say I'm detrans or a lesbian and it became just about what I appear like on the surface without even mentioning genders. I didn't wanna make the conversation super personal and didn't know what to say either. Talking about detransing in Swedish without using a whole bunch of English terms that no one's heard of, bio sex and genitals, is a damn challenge! So mostly I just don't say anything about it.
But I had a good time at the cafe. It was good conversation, and the pecan pie was good.
When that was over I went back to the city core to spend an hour just waiting for the bus. Well that's just what it's like living on a small island. It could be worse, I guess. At least there is a bus. It was warm enough to sit on a bench outside, so I did that while chain-smoking cause I was bored. However, several strangers took turns in keeping me company. First there was two guys (around 20 years old) walking past me. One of them said "you're sexy" and I thought that was awkward so I just said "thanks." The other guy said to the first guy somewhere behind my back: "Don't you see she has a beard?" to which I had a hard time containing my laughter, so it became a half suffocated giggle. I mean, that's what I thought was awkward.
Then that other guy kept circling me, asking random questions about my clothes, shoes, jewellery, nail polish, my phone, where I lived, as well as my name. I told him my name's Laura. He had a few other guys in his company that stared at me while also circling me but they didn't say anything. I think they went and came back 3 or 4 times, and each time that same guy kept bombarding me with questions that I barely even got the time to answer. I kept calm and not defensive. His tone was kind and non-threatening, and I was fine with it, but after a while I started getting a bad feeling about it. Like if they planned on doing something bad. But soon after I got that bad feeling they left and didn't come back.
A short moment after that, a small group of young teens walked up to me, 3 boys and one girl. The boys started talking to me while the girl strayed off, saying the girl had said "fucking trans" to me, but that they were totally supportive of me. One of them said "Everyone can be however they want." They then left and came back again another moment later. One of them said to me, as I was smoking a cigarette:
"It's bad to smoke" to which I said:
"There's a lot that's bad here in life."
"That's so fucking deep, in just three words" he replied back, then asked if he could borrow my lighter.
"Sure" I said. Then they wanted me to help them light a cigarette, and I said okay. Then the girl said:
"They're 12 years old!" to which I shrugged and said I've bad influence. Then helped the boy light his cigarette. The girl, who didn't look much older (maybe 14 or 15) asked if she could borrow my lighter too. Sure. I calmly asked her:
"Did you say 'fucking trans' to me?" to which she responded:
"No, I asked if you're trans."
"Oh, okay" I said.
After that I was mostly alone on that bench, just looking around at the neon signs on the buildings and the doves flying around, bored out of my skull. Was some 30 minutes left to wait. When I had gotten to the bus station, I ended up standing right next to a few elderly people who may have been drunk, or just strange. One of them, a man walked up to me and asked:
"Are you a guy?" I hesitated for a moment, knowing what I looked like and how complicated it is to explain the truth... so I lied.
"Yes" I said, as I felt a weight in my chest. The man then stretched out his hand to greet me and I again had to think, before I introduced myself as John, my old male name. The weight in my chest sank. He told me, hesitantly, that he thought I still looked nice while gazing my outfit. He was friendly and totally non-threatening, and seemed intrigued by me. An elder woman who obviously knew the guys talked to me a bit too. She looked rather peculiar too and kept shouting at the guy, with the hoarsest voice I've ever heard from an actual person, to shut the fuck up whenever he talked to his friend. It was vaguely amusing.
I didn't like lying about my sex or using my old name like that, but I was just too tired to cause hassle, and knowing people don't ever believe I'm female, I figured that what he asked was not actually a question... but a statement. And my lie was just me merely playing along, cause it was the easiest option."Can't I just get back home already, I'm so fucking tired" I thought to myself while waiting for the bus for those last 5 minutes.
Eventually I did, and now I'm definitely exhausted. I didn't know that just going in to the city for a piercing and a meeting at the lgbt cafe would turn into an adventure of probably 10 different strangers in total talking to me out of the blue. Like that's the kinda stuff I see in American Hollywood movies, it doesn't happen in real life, in little Sweden, right?
Also, it's Maundy Thursday today, but I don't think I blended in much with the Easter witches... but I kept joking to myself that I did. At the end of this day, I have mixed feelings about all those encounters. The cafe, the hairdresser and the kids I feel mostly positive about, but the older guys... not so much.
Moral of the story... it's a billion times harder and scarier to be perceived as a gnc man than as a gnc woman. I feel like this was an almost dangerous look to have in the city. And being aware of the risks is one thing, but actually taking them is another thing. Is it bravery... or stupidity? I've always balanced that thin line, between bravery and stupidity. Somehow I ended up in gnc men's fight for more tolerance. I may not be one of them, but I'm clearly being treated as if I am. And for not even being trans... I'm very visibly trans.
And it's uncomfortable to me now that people are much more likely to believe in the outright lie that I'm a crossdressing male or trans woman... than they are to believe in my factual truth that I'm a born female. It's a new kind of sting, of having lost something that I used to take for granted. I didn't know how much comfort and security it used to give me, before I lost it. I clearly did not at all fully consider the consequences of my medical transition at the time I went through with it. Of course detransition was not what I intended on back then, but it was one possible outcome which I was surely aware of. But I refused to acknowledge that it could happen to me, and what I'd do if it would.
So here I am, having to face and live with the consequences of my own willful ignorance. Detransitioning is surely one heck of a lesson in life, and it's teaching me really a lot.
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