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#my grammar or whatever isnt the best but do i care...no
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𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐰: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞
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LET THEM KNOW| DARK!RAFE & DARK BROTHER! TOPPER| SERIES |
PAIRING: Jock!JJ x Reader, Jock!Rafe x Reader SYNOPSIS: You stun the entire school when you show them who you're really dating. WORD COUNT→ 1k WARNING(S): High School!Au, Teasing, Slightly possessive!Rafe, Obsessive!Topper (Over Sarah duh), Fire, Gas lighting (literally)
AUTHORS NOTE: Saw this tiktok and loved it so here you go. honestly this isnt edited so theres no doubt spelling and grammar mistakes that ill deal with later lol
SERIES MASTERLIST OUTERBANKS MASTERLIST
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In the cozy confines of Topper's room, Rafe and Topper sat side by side, casually shooting the breeze. The atmosphere was relaxed, but an unspoken tension lingered beneath the surface. Rafe's eyes twinkled mischievously as he leaned in, a devilish grin on his face.
"You know, Topper, I've been thinking," Rafe began, his tone casual.
Topper raised an eyebrow, curiosity piqued. "Thinking about what?"
Rafe's gaze shifted towards the window, as if considering his words carefully. "Y/N and JJ."
Topper's expression shifted from curiosity to a mix of confusion and irritation. "What about them?"
Rafe leaned in conspiratorially, his voice lowering. "Well, you know how Y/N is your baby sister, right?"
Topper frowned, instantly wary. "Yeah, and?"
Rafe leaned back, feigning innocence. "I mean, I know you hate the idea of her with JJ, but she's like, your responsibility, man."
Topper's eyes narrowed. "I don't need you to remind me of that."
Rafe's grin widened, and he continued, pushing his luck. "Right, right. But don't you think you should be a bit more... protective? You know, look out for her best interests."
Topper's irritation grew. "As if she'd listen to me."
Rafe's tone turned thoughtful. "Sure, sure. But sometimes, a little push in the right direction can be helpful. Like maybe... helping her see that JJ might not be the best choice."
Topper's patience was wearing thin. "What are you getting at, Rafe?"
Rafe's gaze locked onto Topper's, his voice dropping to a near whisper. "Convince her to dump JJ and consider someone like, say, us. You're her big brother, after all."
Topper's eyes widened in disbelief. "Are you seriously suggesting that I should convince my sister to date you instead?"
Rafe's grin turned sly. "Why not? You're a catch, Topper. And she needs someone who truly understands her, you know."
Topper's incredulity shifted to frustration. "You're out of your mind if you think I would ever do something like that."
Rafe leaned back, adopting a more serious tone. "Think about it, Topper. Look at Sarah and John B. She's with him, even though you're head over heels for her. Sometimes, we just need to show them what they're missing."
Topper's jaw clenched, a spark of anger igniting within him. Sarah, the girl he had secretly pined for, was with John B, another Pogue, and it stung more than he cared to admit. Rafe's words had struck a nerve.
Rafe continued, his voice dripping with persuasion. "We need to teach them a lesson, show them that they should be with someone who has money, and can take care of them, like you and me. We're all kooks after all."
Topper's frustration blended with a growing sense of realization. He was being manipulated, played like a fiddle by Rafe, just as Rafe claimed Y/N was being played by JJ. He didn't like the comparison, and a fire ignited within him.
"You're right," Topper said, his voice laced with determination. "We can't just let them think they can have whatever they want. We'll show them what they're missing, just like you said."
Rafe's grin widened. "Exactly. It's time they see that we're the ones they should be with."
Amid the tempestuous night in Outer Banks, Topper's emotions were a whirlwind of jealousy and frustration. Fueled by Rafe's manipulative words, he found himself on an impulsive mission alongside his friend. Topper's phone screen displayed the blinking dot representing Sarah's location.
"Rafe, I've got her location. She's at John B's place," Topper muttered, his fingers rapidly typing on his phone.
Rafe grinned mischievously, a glint of excitement in his eyes. "Perfect. Let's go pay them a little visit."
Together, they ventured out into the storm, rain drenching them as they hurried towards John B's house. Thunder rumbled ominously overhead, mirroring the brewing storm inside them. They arrived at their destination, and through a window, glimpsed a scene that fueled Topper's frustration.
There, within the dimly lit room, sat Sarah and John B, sharing an intimate moment that twisted Topper's gut with envy. Rafe's smirk only stoked the flames within him. "Looks like we've caught them at an interesting time."
The sight before him was the catalyst that sent Topper over the edge. "Enough is enough."
His anger manifested in an impulsive action; Topper found a can of gasoline and started pouring it all over the yard. His jaw clenched thinking about John B and Sarah, mind too clouded to notice you sitting in the living room with the rest of the pogues. But Rafe notices you straight away, he knew you were there, a calculated move to manipulate both you and Topper. He heard you on the phone to Sarah this morning. Rafe licks his teeth as Topper turns for him seemingly asking for permission, he’s just as psycho as he is. Rafe gives his friend a nod and there you go, Topper's anger intensified, a roaring blaze consuming him as he lights up the liquid and sets the house on fire. Sarah and John B leapt in shock as they saw the flames engulf the yard, their expressions a mix of surprise and alarm.
"What the hell?!" John B exclaimed, his voice laced with disbelief.  Panic swept through the house as the fire spread with alarming speed.
Without hesitation, John B and Sarah rushed to escape the impending danger. Meanwhile, chaos reigned outside, with the Pogues running towards the scene. Kiara, Pope, and Cleo dashed through the rain, their faces a mix of bewilderment and concern.
"What's happening?!" Kiara shouted above the roar of the flames.
Pope's voice trembled with worry. "We need to get everyone out!"
As the fire rapidly consumed the house, the Pogues worked tirelessly to evacuate those trapped inside. The smoke billowed into the stormy night, thick and suffocating. Amid the chaos, the Pogues emerged, each face streaked with soot and rain.
But as the situation escalated, Topper's emotions got the better of him. He turned and fled, driven by a mix of fear and regret for his reckless actions.
Rafe, on the other hand, stood rooted to the spot as he spotted you amidst the turmoil. He had waited for you to emerge. The sight of you gave him pause, his smirk transforming into a more complex expression. You embrace JJ as you and the pogues as they watch the house break down. As the flames raged around you, you spot a familiar figure in the shadows but the heat started to get to you as your vision blurred, and the last thing you saw before losing consciousness was Rafe's chilling smirk – a haunting reminder of the dangerous game they had all unwittingly been drawn into. 
🏷️ Taglist:
@haven247 @bee6r
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jonphaedrus · 2 years
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why i hate bowling (and how this resulted in me suplexing a child into a trash bin full of water)
i wasn’t going to tell a story tonight but then i rediscovered a draft of storify tweets from my since-deleted for threatening my friends with crimes so i will instead tell the story about why i absolutely hate bowling, with my entire heart and soul, to a degree that is both irrational and probably unhealthy.
first of all, i love sock puppets. so jot that down. sock puppets are fucking rad. there is something about putting your hand in a sock and pretending to talk with it that is just so...so soothing. like making a little clay dude. 
second of all, i have a junior black belt in karate. as a child i was small, fast, angry, and just full of seething, roiling violence and rage.
third of all, i was not informed i was neurodivergent until i was 16. thanks, court mandated medical care!
so once upon a time in the tender grasp of 6th grade (age 12) before i did stupid things like “skiing accident” and “put my foot through a wall slip on a dog bed give myself a quite significant head injury by levering backwards without a counterbalance headfirst into a wooden floor like one of those drinky birds but in reverse and with exponential force compressed onto it” i was informed we were going to go on a field trip.
look, i’m from austin, texas. there are three field trips in austin, texas. you go to the alamo, you go to nasa, or you go to the bob bullock museum of texas history. sometimes, if you’re really lucky you go to galveston or something, but that’s almost never going to happen. it’s just alamo/nasa/bob bullock/alamo on repeat. you don’t just remember the alamo, you’ve got rocks stuck in your shoes from the alamo and you horrify your friends and get in trouble with the teachers by being a child with a hyperfixation special interest in davy crocket and giving graphic details about jim bowie’s death that, frankly, 5th graders should probably not be exposed to.
in 6th grade, we were told we were getting a very special reward: a NEW FIELD TRIP DESTINATION. and not just ANY field trip destionation—no! we were going to go to one of the best art museums in the city to make SOCK PUPPETS as a part of an art installation. WHO DOESNT WANT TO DO THIS? THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL.
6th grade cisboys obviously do not want to do this. art museums are for girls or weird kids and sock puppets are for babies.
well, fuck that: i wanted to make sock puppets. i got so excited. i picked my favorite pair of turtle socks to turn into puppets and brought them along on our hour-long bus ride, practically vibrating in my seat like oh yeah oh fuck oh yeah oh fuck im gonna get to make TURTLE SOCK PUPPETS it was going to be the highlight of my LIFE
so our bus finally parks and im like “wait. this isnt...the museum” and then my 6th grade english teacher, whom i loathed for so many good reasons but mostly that he was one of Those english teachers who would reply “i don’t know, CAN you?” if you asked him if you could go to the bathroom, etc, popped out on the front of the bus
“surprise!” he announced, practically radiating sunshine rainbows and like whatever it is that makes annoying grammar nerds decide that they need to grow up and become a heinous 6th grade english teacher that bullies neurodivergent kids with trauma, “i was KIDDING! we were never going to go make SOCK PUPPETS at that stupid ART MUSEUM! that’s KID STUFF. we’re going BOWLING with a PIZZA PARTY!!!”
like any neurodivergent child who has just had their entire day’s plan and all their hopes and dreams ripped from them, i immediately tackled him and gnawed his hands and feet off, stuck them on pikes, and paraded them around the bowling alley as a lesson to all those who should cross me.
no i didn’t do that: i cried for a while and then sucked it up and determined that i was going to have a good time anyway. despite the fact that a) i already hated bowling and was demonstrably bad at it b) couldn’t wear bowling shoes because of my orthodics c) couldn’t eat any of the pizza party pizza anyway because my mother is chabadnik and kept strict kosher d) as a chabadnik kid i was wearing a floor-length skirt which really isn’t conducive to bowling and e) I HAD FUCKING WANTED TO MAKE FUCKING SOCK PUPPETS.
anyway. there was this guy. who i had a crush on. and everyone knew i had a crush on him, including him. his name was grey (not some 50 shades of grey thing, really) and he got someone to come get me and was like hey grey wants to talk to youuuuu~~~~~~ and i was like oh (gasp) (blush) (sputter) he does???
so i went over to talk to him like hee hee hi grey hee hee and it turned out he’d just wanted to ask me some inane question and i was understandably let down and went back to my friends like w/e it’s just stupid boys shit™
only
when i arrived back at my friends
everyone was laughing at me.
which was like. not an entirely unexpected turn of events. i broke my nose twice that year. i kicked over an entire jar of soy wax candle onto my ankle and got a 2nd degree burn. i was, in general, a very weird, unmedicated, undiagnosed, orthodox jewish child with too much energy and a penchant for starting fights. getting laughed at was kind of par for the course.
only people kept laughing at me until one of my friends realized as i turned around what they’d done to me, because one of his friends had taped a sign to my back that said “I AM A STUPID BITCH”
texas public school says “we didn’t see this happen, we can’t do anything about it, not our problem!” so of course i hate bowling now. but this is not where this ended, oh no. because i had been tried. i had been bullied by this same kid all year and nobody would do shit about it. i could not stop him. i could not get teachers to intervene.
which is fine.
because, you see, if you give a furious small child with a black belt in karate and an unusually early growth spurt four months to plan, that small child with a black belt in karate and an unusually early growth spurt will bide their time, and wait, patiently, for the stars to align and the ultimate moment of vengeance to arrive.
you see, texas schools do this thing. at the end of may for the end of the school year, they have a track and field day. it’s different for every school—some of them do races, some of them have big tug of war and different sports for different grades. some are organized. some are chaotic nightmares.
my school was a chaotic nightmare of a place. they simply booted all of us outside in a normal 100f/37c day to get our energy out by running about, playing minimally policed “sports” and generally make a nuisance of ourselves outside, rather than indoors.
that year it was particularly hot, probably closer to 110f/40c than not, so they left out these big trash bins of water for people to stick their heads in or get buckets to pour over them to cool off. i had no sports i could play (see: floor length skirt, and also, you know, the eds kinds of makes it difficult to do shit) so rather than get involved in something to burn out my energy...i waited.
i waited through the semi-organized sports of the morning. i waited through our indoors luncheon. i waited until the free for all of the afternoon, when teachers were not paying attention.
i waited until the kid who had decided that it would be sooooo funny to tape a sign about how much of a bitch i was because i had a harmless crush on his friend to my back was playing volleyball. invested. entranced.
i went and got a trash bin of water, probably taller than i was, weighing at least triple what i did (i was a pound per inch until i was 13, so i was 63in tall and 63lbs at that time) and i dragged it down the hill. i dragged it over to the volleyball court. i opened the lid. i placed it, strategically, behind me.
there sat the subject of my ire. playing volleyball. he had not noticed me. every other kid had noticed me. his friends did not take me seriously. i was two twigs stuck together with sticky tac. what was i going to do to him?
well, see, they didn’t know i did karate.
i walked up behind the kid, calmly, cool as you please, grabbed him around the waist—
—and suplexed him backwards upside-down headfirst into the trash bin full of water and dropped him into it. and then i shut the lid on him as he tried to get turned around and spluttering, dusted my hands off, and walked away.
we ended up going to the same high school, and he saw me literally one time in the hallways and ran away so fast i would’ve thought he’d just been recognized by his unfinished homework or the three girls he was cheating on because he was football team quarterback. he did that for two years. literally never came within 20ft of me. fucking terrified of me.
anyway, that’s why i hate bowling. and is also the story of the time i suplexed a kid backwards into a trashcan full of water.
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violet-amet · 11 months
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twitter is a bit of a cesspool, but then, its a large social media platform. anyways, im being self-conscious again, and its not helping my mental state.
art in general is subjective, and i get that. and i must admit, i dont think i write well, or write good stories. my grammar is shaky, and there isnt an excuse for that. i just feel bad about it.
but idk. this is more of a problem i feel like i need to fix, and i can only do that by myself. i just feel bad in general myself. like, i shouldnt do anything, because im not good at anything. so whats the point in doing anything at all?
but that sort of thinking is toxic. and i am trying to get better. i want to. its just a hard thing to pull through, imo. ah. and i dont want to drag others into my mess or mindset. its a very unhealthy thing.
esp since my own friends do care about me, and i dont want to put them down either. its still a me problem, but i am glad that i am not entirely alone about this. i just gotta do my best, whatever my best is, not others. hm.
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vienicks · 3 years
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Study Buddy
A little Brian May blurb :) 327 words
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"Are you Brian? Brian May?" you asked, walking up to the tall man with curly hair who was currently sitting at a table, immersed in a textbook.
Your professor had suggested going to Brian May for help, telling you that you would probably be able to find him in the library.
You had seen Brian around a few times, mostly with his friends who he always was with whenever he wasn't by himself.
Brian looked up at you and you saw his face go through several different expressions before he settled on a neutral, polite one.
"Yes, I am," he said. "Why do you ask?"
"Well," you said, pulling out the chair next to the one Brian was in and sitting down, "I was referred to you by my professor, actually. I require some assistance with my mathematics and apparently, astrophysics has a lot of that."
Brian stared at you before laughing and closing his textbook. "Yes, it does," he agreed. "It's okay if you aren´t very good at mathematics, not everyone is. What´s your major?"
"It's biology," you said. "Can I give you my number so we can meet up sometime? I have a class soon."
"Yes, yes, of course," Brian said, grabbing a notebook of his from the table and carefully tearing out a piece of paper, handing it to you.
"Do you perhaps have something to write with?" you asked with a laugh, amused by his enthusiasm.
"Oh! Yes," Brian said, flustered. He handed you a pen and you jotted down your number, along with your name and a smiley face.
You handed him the paper along with the pen and stood up, pushing in your chair. "Call me after six, yeah? I'll be home then."
Brian nodded up at you, a dazed look on his face, and you smiled at him before turning around and walking away.
You let out a laugh once you excited the library. This could be fun, you thought.
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detailsan · 3 years
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just good friends ❆ song mingi
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word count: 2k
pairings: mingi x gender neutral reader
genre: angst, fluff
summary: you and mingi have been friends with benefits for a long time. he came to you when he wanted to have some fun and sleep with someone that wasn’t his members. you never thought he felt something else until he leaves you hanging when you mention a date with someone else.
warnings: angst that turns into fluff, very (very) bad writin (like, really, english isnt my first language and i didn’t write anything for the past months, i’m sorry)
a/n: hey! thanks for requesting! it was really challenging to do something like that after so long without writing anything. hope you like it! tell me if you see any grammar mistakes or anything like that ❀
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"what's the movie pick for tonight?" mingi asked, sitting on your new couch that he helped you buying. he crossed his legs, grabbing a popcorn basket and settling it between his legs.
"i was thinking about watching a new drama, actually" you answered, sitting next to him and putting your head on his shoulder while grabbing your smarthphone to find the drama's name. "it's been a while since we've watched one together."
he chuckled, tilting his head a little to let it rest on yours. "romantic, are we? watching a drama together. almost like a date." you scoffed, a little smile forming on the corner of your lips,  elbowing him. "ouch! what was that for? you were the one suggesting this!"
"i never said it was a date!" you squealed, your voice cracking and making him laugh heartly.
"fine, but you didn't say you don't wanted it to be one. it's about time for us to make it official, don't you think?" putting the popcorn aside, he sat up straight, looking at you with fondly eyes. those eyes that reminded you of that one cute emoji. those eyes that would never keep your breath steady and normal. those eyes that would never fail to make you kiss him.
you leaned closer, forgetting about the netflix catalogue you had opened just now. forgetting about everything around you. he cupped your cheeks, gently placing a sweet kiss on your lips. it felt like heaven. it always did.
losing yourself on his lips, you made your way to put your hands on his neck, softly caressing it and moving up to his hair, his beautiful and soft red hair you loved so much. the red hair that also reminded you why you couldn't make things official between you two. he wasn't allowed to date. he was an idol, after all.
you tried to set yourself free from his touch, but he wouldn't let you. putting his hand on your waist, he leaned you back onto the couch, making you lay down while adjusting himself between your legs to make things more intimate. you melted into his lips again, feeling how soft they were. at that moment, they tasted like cherry. maybe it was because he had a lollipop when he arrived, but it made you want to kiss him more. and more. and more.
when things got more intense, he broke the kiss, panting. you looked at him smiling, but it looked more like an apologetic smile. you pushed him away with your hands on his chest, making him sit back while looking at you stand up.
"what's wrong?" he asked, lips swollen because of the kiss.
"i thought we were supposed to watch a drama?" you laughed, walking through the living room to grab the controller and made your way back to the couch, sitting again and turning the tv on.
"i would rather kiss you, though." he said, pouting, sitting back straight.
it was silent after that. you two decided to watch "holo, my love". it wasn't the best choice. romance were never the best choice when it comes to you two. one episode seemed to last forever. sighing, you heard your phone ring and the screen lit up. mingi couldn't help but look at who it was. donghoon? who is that?
"who is that?" he asked out loud, making you jump a little in your seat. you thought he was actually watching the drama, not looking at your phone.
"a guy i met at the coffee shop. we talked a little and he seemed pretty sweet" you said casually, not bothering too much to talk about it. you were just friends after all. mingi came to you when he was feeling bored or wanting to smooch a little, and you came to him for the same reason. no big deal, right? you were just messing around. so why was mingi looking at you with an angry yet disappointed look, like you've just cheated on him?
"are you two a thing or something?" he asked, his voice a little lower and angrier that it was normally.
"not yet, no" you shook your head "but we could be, you know? he invited me to dinner. tomorrow."
"and you're going?" he asked, almost scoffing. he seemed pretty upset and you didn't quite understand why.
"yeah. he's going to pay, so it's free food, and you know, maybe we can actually work things out and be together. i've been single for so long, jesus" you said, chuckling, but he didn't seem to happy about it "what's wrong? why are you staring at me like that?"
"you're unbelieavable" he said, standing up and throwing the popcorn basket onto the living room table, walking to the door and putting his shoes on.
"what? mingi, where are you going? we didn't even finish the drama-" he cut you off by slamming the door behind him. he was gone. "-yet."
it has been a week by now. mingi didn't talked to you at all the whole week, he wouldn't answer your texts or calls. he didn't even opened the kakao app for the week. you tried contacting hongjoong and seonghwa, and both of them told you that mingi was doing just fine and that he probably didn't answer you because he was tired because of practice. but you knew that it wasn't true. even when they debuted and had a really hard time, mingi still found time to talk to you and visit you. but now he just didn't. and you missed him like hell.
you didn't understand what you did wrong. you were sure that he didn't feel nothing towards you. you were just close friends, and he came to you whenever he needed a stress relief. it could be anyone else, but he choose you. and you two were fine with that, just messing arround, cuddling up at night together before he had to leave early for practice, making out on the couch while you were supposed to watch something together. it always went like this. he didn't make it look like it was something else, and you know that your feelings for him should be buried deep down on a graveyard, because you couldn't date an idol. you couldn't date an idol like him, that was just on his way to being really famous. you didn't want to ruin his dream. yet, he seemed to ruin yours. ever since he left, you couldn't sleep anymore, and when you did, you had nightmares. you where anxious, and it made you feel like  you weren't going to see him anymore. if only he talked to you about this...
not wanting to deal with this alone anymore, you decided to pay a visit to san. he was your closest friend, besides mingi, and you knew that even if mingi was mad at you, san was going to help you out. he wouldn't ever turn his back to you. even if he was really mad, you always managed to crack a smile from him  and make him give up on the "i'm mad at you" act.
you made your way to kq's building, with some coffee in hands. one for you, one for san. passing through the security, the doorman offered you a smile, which you returned not-so-happily. even him could tell that something was wrong, and he didn't even know you that much. you sighed, going into the elevator and pressing the button to go to the 2nd floor, where san would probably be practicing.
hearing his voice as soon as the door opened confirmed your thoughts. he was singing along to some bts' song and footsteps were heard all over the place. you made your way to the room, opening the door and making your friend look at you with wide eyes.
"god, you scared me" he laughed, coming to hug you. you hugged him back, handing him the coffee. "thanks, i actually needed one, i'm exhausted" he smiled again, sitting on the ground and motioning for you to sit with him "what's wrong?"
"wha- how- nothing's wrong i just came to visit" you said, looking down at your own hands.
"oh come on y/nie~ i know something's bothering you. you never show up unnanounced like this when everything's fine" he took a sip on his coffee, playing with his hair.
"ya! that's not true" he looked at you, not buying it at all. you sighed. "fine. there's something bothering me. mingi-"
when you were about to start talking, you heard the door crack open. you saw all the boys entering and waving at you. all of them but mingi. mingi was focused on his phone and didn't even acknowleged you in there until hongjoong came to hug you and cheerfully said your name. that's when mingi's head snapped up. he was, to say at least, surprised that you came after him on his workplace.
"i-i... i forgot my wallet on the restaurant. sorry. gotta go." the red haired guy said, leaving the room the same way he entered. you sighed.
"i don't care about what happened, but you came here for a reason." that was seonghwa saying behind you, making you look at him with lost eyes. "go after him."
"yeah. you came here to rant with me but you also came to see him" san said, taking another sip "go find him. you two need to work it out. whatever 'it' is"
you sighed, nodding your head. leaving the room, you still could see mingi on the hall, waiting for the elevator. you knew he didn't actually forgot his wallet. he just needed a reason to leave and not actually talk to you. you quickened your pace, meeting him before the door closed.
"i can see you can't quite understand between the lines" he said, visibly exhausted.
"i do. but i can't let you go again without talking about what happened" he remained silent, and the time seemed to slow down. you weren't quite sure of what you should say. you didn't know what to say. but you needed to do so if you wanted him to talk to you. "i didn't go."
"what?" he asked. he didn't hear you.
"i didn't go to the date. i stayed home that night. and the night after. and all the days since you left my house without an explanation."
he nodded silently before breathing deeply. "i shouldn't have left that way. i was just so angry. so angry that..." you looked at him, waiting for him to continue. "why couldn't you realize that i was here all the time? that i was the one having to hold my breathe and try to control my heart pace whenever we cuddled to sleep? that, all this time, i was the one looking for your attention. all this time i was waiting for my heart to stop beating because when i am with you i almost can feel it burning. you're giving me a heart attack, both in the good and the bad meaning." he sighs, defeated. "it was so hard to not think about you this week and not having my heart beating fast for other reasons than practicing. i was... i am. so angry"
you couldn't say anything. you did understand and process every word he said, but you couldn't answer it. not with words.
that's why you crashed your lips onto his. he took a while to process it, but didn't waste any more time to put his right hand on your waist, while the left one where on your jaw, pressing it gently. you almost forgot you were on his company, but you were welcomed with 7 boys cheering on you when the door opened.
"i'm so glad we decided to call the elevator up, because if you ended up kissing like that on another floor you would be on serious trouble" yeosang said, laughing.
you laughed as well. and mingi did the same. it felt like home. finally things were the way they were supposed to be.
“i’m still mad at you, though” he whispered on your ear “but i love you.”
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Hi! My names arthur and im working on improving my word and building my story, which currently has no name haha! I have a myriad of characters who ill try to list out and give brief descriptions of, aether is technically my main character and some of the characters who are up for question are dead in canon. But you can still ask them stuff, itll just be set before death.
When asking characters questions, rememeber to include the name, their age if theres diffrent ages, i dont mind repeated questions, but if you see the question try not to ask it again lol. If you cant find it with a quick scroll just ask it, although i dont know if this blog will even get that big.
Aether
He comes in three evolutions lol, technically, theres four but idk if i would count 7 year old aether.
Ages: 13 yo - colder, hasnt gotten used to emotions, there are two to this as well, pre-rev and then post-rev 13 yo aether, remember to specify lol.
16 yo- a bit more out there, still kinda disconnected and figuring things out, a bit more defensive
22 yo- lax, hes sorta figured shit out, hes not going to go grazy, hes just gonna be chill lol.
!The gaggle Ghosts!
Yurei
Her personality is very, ehhh, becuase i havnt done work with her, and i havnt completly figured out who she is fully yet, shes 18 yo when aether is 22 yo
18 yo- pretty oblivious, somehow still a bit cynical, very nice and sometimes motherly
Kakoku
Few thousand- mean, likes to bully yurei as he huants her, lowkey a simp for yurei but he wont admit that. Kinda cynical and likes to bring others down, generally a bully
Tamashi
19- emotionless, has to be a really strong emotion to make her emote, tends to stray away from other people, likes to be alone, blunt
Gunnar
A few thousand- sweet, warm and welcoming, tries to be very fatherly and a trusted figure, is very busy most of the tiime unfortunatly though.
!The greek gang!
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Argus agapov
16- unstable, pretty baby, protective over friends and family
Mythos agapov
23- whore. He also loves his family, lowkey, hes a trad wife
Perceus
15/16- timid, intrested in posiosn and acids, generally quiet, likes to eat leaves, scaredy cat
Diogenes
14- germ of phobe, kind of a brat, more just a bitch, will yell at you if he sees your hands were dirty from gardening or something while you’re walking to the sink, other than that hes fine, picky eater
Herodotus
15- disorginized, trys his best, likes to write stuff down, helps plato with his writing and grammar in general, gullible, likes record data, has a nice typewriter with tha good clicky clack
Plato
8- sweet baby boi, loves his older brother (socrates), idolizes him even, not a good idea though. He writes down everything socrates does, sometimes he imitates his brother as well.
Socrates
17- dumb of ass, also just dumb, held back a grade, feral child, bites alot of people, soft aestechic but hed stab as a warning
Heracles
30- also dumb of ass, loves cars in that ‘mah babeh’ kinda way. Hates motorcycles, he thinks they’re ugly. Chaotic but he utilizes it to be the weird and cool uncle/cousin thing
Zeus
46- too tired for this shit, is a dad, went out to get milk, jk jk, dissapeared for a hot few years, probably got captured by some gang dunno, it happens. Very serious, would make the dumbest jokes with his brothers with a straight face
Hades
50- lowkey the neglected middle child, soft goth lookin ass, loves his kid, tries his best to raise his kid, sometimes gets help from esme
Poseidon
57- proud stay at home dad, buff but does the typically wifely duties, makes sure his children get enough love, nutrience and care
Lillith
54- very active, the money maker, kinda soft, both her and her husband poseidon are so just in love with their kids, dote on them constantly, very extroverted, always makes time for her kids
Esme
51- tired of zeus’ shit, does her best to make sure no one dies, still treats mythos as her ‘little baby boy, tired mom vibes.
!the Eden gang!
Eden is a fictional country that i slapped onto the globe. It is where aether is from, technically aether is apart of the eden gang as well. Everyone here, if they have an age option, the first age option is the age they are when aether is 13, and the second will be when aether is 16 unless stated otherwise
General kyelli
49- fatherly, thinks of most of the gang as his children, calls everyone ‘son’, as a general rule. If you ask for another nickname, he will do his best. Has a bad knee, and is kinda of bad at existing physically
52+- fatherly still, loves almonds, always has a bag of almonds, dont test him. Enjoys travel, might adopt people he meets along the way, still has pains but now he sees doctors, wants to stay active
Indigo
13- sweet, optimistic, always looks on the brightside and tries to see the good in others. Little heater, understands that sometimes fighting is the only option
Akrano
16- lively, very loose and relax, can get serious when needed though, always making jokes and trying to lighten up the mood
19- a bit more, mellow. Still quite lively and childish, but with two signifigant-others you have to settle down sometimes
Ekrano
16- lively, more stern than akrano and kinda worried, but ultimatly also very loose and bright
Lilliana
16- serious, seemingly colder towards everyone, gets along great with psycho-lops, makes him new eye-patches to pass time, actually just very monotone and blank most of the time, although she does care
19- she doesnt change much, she got a bit more expressive, likes babysitting howl
Psycho-lops
16 1/2- always looks determined, actually kinda scared of conflict, likes to help out with healing though, very proficient in it as well, sounds intimidating while talking about how cute puppies and kittens are
19/20- still the same, is considering studying medicine and medical practices to become a doctor.
Bark
17- bright, incredibly lively, loves to joke around and tease and sometimes bully the others, targets aether primarily, hangs out with his brother most of the time, he can fight for himself but he likes the backup, especcially since he is kinda glass-jawed, being that hes a twig
Bite
17- quiet, intense eyes, always sounds vaugly confused when he speaks, deep voice lol, likes to train, doesnt understand barks need to tease others, likes to read to the children
20- quiet, intense eyes still, more so nervous sounding, slightly paranoid, cluastrophobic and cant stand dusty places, usually in his house or at the docks, doesnt really go anywhere else
Hanelle
17- loud, headstrong, adamant about her opinions, gets along well with bark, she tries alot to be intimidating, not a twig, but not very big, pretty friendly and sociable
!the band of pirates!
Aklea
A few hundreds of years- kinda bored seeming, loves blood, technically cannibal, but not really since he isnt human, to an extent. Despite being fine on the ocean, he gets very car sick very easily. Actually quite nice, very easily triggerd into violence, especcially by something that could be used as a good murder weapon, blood makes him jittery and more lively
Nerone
21- calm, too calm, deals with akleas bullshit wonerfully, he just stands there, blank smile on his face as aklea beats the shit outta someone, unintrested in most anything, likes to draw, but hes a much better pastry chef.
!the shakespears!
Midem(pink boi)
33- lively, loves to work with kids, very creative, likes to make things, mainly art, mainly carvings. Often make little minitures of scenes from midens writing, loves his twin, does anything it takes to fund midens intrests. Very loving to those hes close to
Miden
33- calmer by alot lmao, pretty introverted but he can hold a long conversation without becoming too drained, enjoys writing and making stories, also makes plays for fun, runs off little sleep cuase he stays up so late to write, and gets up early to write.
!gods!
Gideon
9 billion- confused boomer, loves his ‘children’, hates to be hated, always tries to help in anyway he can, despite making them, always curious into what mortals are doing, loves the universe he created and does anything he can to protect it
Merik
7 million- sore loser, does get a little salty, ultimatly bounces back and becomes a very good sport, always will adopt tactics, whatever it takes to win within the rules, keeps most all of his trophies from random feats hes done
Ventus
5 billion - calm, straightforward, tends to disregard others and do things himself, likes to sit on cliffs and watch the ocean
Kyle
Hes been around since 776 bc- very loud, lively, bright, tries his best to educate people on proper form, workout regime i intesne, doesnt allow others to take it, makes custom workout regimes for free, owns a gym, dude bro but hes nice, baby
Horo-sha
Her age technicaly is not accurate, shes like, 2 billion? Since dima was made right after her death. But since her history still lives, ima count it
5 billion but older than ventus- bitter, violent, former god of justice, fucking dead haha, hates mortals, primarily humans
Dima
Also not super accurate, hed only be a few centuries of being an active god before being sealed, but since hes technically, concious and has cognitive function hes counted
3 billion- mean lol, likes blood and gets even more violent when it starts getting messy, ‘new’ god of justice, uh, pretty bad at it like the last one, but worse, will kill over slight misdeameanors, everythings a crime smh
!misc!
Ivan
24- softspoken, from imperial russia, died young, he no longer feels his face is his own, has a mask that he likes better, has the sickness, but since he was human it killed him, can control it post mortem, is strong enough to be seen, but weak enough he can go invisible and go through solid objects.
More ocs will be added when i remember them, or create new ones, characters i dont really have built at all are not included
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misterbitches · 3 years
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i think what bugs me the most about people being lazy and not wanting to read or pushing a narrative of something you didn't say or do onto you, then saying something about the method of delivery, and then getting their hackles raised at anything that pushes back (i do this too. like many times i overreact because i didnt read something right, or i don't think that maybe i don't need to be heard, or i take on a more combative tone even if someone agrees. so i need to de-escalate for myself as well and be aware....) esp on the basis of length and some grammar and syntax issues—not necessarily the content itself—is that i like....edit for a living.
i have a dumb BA and i have my MFA. i copy-edit on the side as a side-job and i am good at it. i am a literal video editor, a script editor, a scriptwriter, and artist. so like not only did i "train" in that, i have experience, and like.... im good at it. but that's my WORK like that's LITERALLY MY CAREER so when im on the internet i'm not trying to write a fucking thesis that's so intense and edited. i do that for my career and it's effort. this is me time, leisure time, im not being judged or graded and i don't need to put my whole back into something that is largely inconsequential. i'm typing from the top of the fucking dome and that's it man like there's a diff between a thing that takes me 5m to write and something i have to edit a trillion times on top of my learning disabilities and adhd. which isnt a fucking death sentence. adhd helps me be more creative, my LDs are what lead me to art, i'm intelligent and talented even if i hate myself and it's painful. idk how many times i can say this you know. someone said to me once "you're obviously not a native eng speaker" and fucking obviously i am but that wasnt the issue it was saying i can't construct sentences or whatever when im literally just stream of consciousness and it is just so invalidating. i dont like saying it but it's literally people calling you stupid for something you're not trying to heavily regulate because you ARE ALWAYS SELF-REGULATING.
honestly i get shocked at my typos or ways i word things if i re-read them but in my brain it just comes out that way. it doesnt always make sense either idk i try and say it. but i dont want to call it ableist it's just weird. fucking weird and it feels soooooo fucking bad bc i already know lmao im sorry man sometimes commas look like periods and i think im typing in the right tense or the right word but im not idk what to tell ya. u can edit it for me if u want
yesterday i couldnt focus at all like i was watching history (surprise) and had to keep rewinding because my brain started to trail off and i would stare at this box. or ill be thinking about something else the whole time. then i get anxious and try and concentrate and i cant. it's a lot of adrenaline buddy and our brains are like rubber or whatever ok im built different ;-;
other things adhd makes fun:
- when you receive your THC and it takes you hours to use it because your brain is trailing off. DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT FOR UR BRAIN TO STOP PROCRASTINATING TO HAVE FUN? dumbest thing ever esp since ppl w impulse issues <3 drugs cos we r sad every1 thinks we r STUPID
- when u literally just stare at the same page for like 10m. when it takes u all fucking day to watch 5 minutes of a stupid BL bc ur brain is like THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS AND WHAT IS THAT? THEN THIS THEN THIS THEN THIS esp for me as a FILMMAKEURRRR AN ARTISTE A PRETENTIOUS BITCH i cant turn it the fuck off
- WITHOUT INSURANCE MY MEDS ARE 400 DOLLARS SO IF YOU GIVE ME THAT MONEY, I WILL LISTEN TO YOU
this is something i've talked abotu a lot and ppl who know me know that i really struggle with this. maybe that's why i turned to art i dont know but i think there is a gap between people who are willing to read and people who just aren't and then dont bother. but i feel like you should sort of take the time to maybe understand a person may have diff communication styles. like i can understand people or try my best if they dont have a great grasp on english. we know what the fuck communication is. there's this one troll i know of who literally just types nonsense because he doesn't know what he's talking about, he's a dick, and he's not a native eng speaker. that's a time where i'm like i literally cannot with this person because i dont think he even tries lmao. i just ignore him bc he says dumb shit now so maybe if someone thinks that of me they should just move it righgt along ithink im just going to start being a dick and calling eveyrone ableist and start acting like the ~*~*~*snowflake~**~~*~* they dont like bc bitch if im sad we all sad now
i also find it IRONIC when non black ppl comment on a flow or whatever since u all love to use our words wrong bitch back off if u cant say nigga i take 0 writing advice from u
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all this is to say i know it's not cos of my adhd and learning disorders since i can do my jobs efficiently. i think that......people are just upset when u critique something that has nothing to do with them as a person but they tied their identity to it so now we all have to suffer im sorry that you...idk don't care about the world? who knows, what do you want? lol
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avtrbee · 6 years
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Late Night Therapy
I had the urge to write something really quick soooo...i mean its not the best but enjoy anyway. also english isnt my second language and its unedited so if you spot any grammar mistakes, feel free to correct me
Imagine: You being training Natasha in the Red Room with Bucky and feeling very guilty about what you turned her into.
This fic includes you being a mother figure to Nat and Bucky x Reader if you really squint.
Natasha shot out of bed drenched in sweat, struggling against the deathly grip of her blankets. She scanned the room around her and found it reliving that she saw the familiar room she owned in the Avengers facility in New York. She closed her eyes and forced herself to realize that she was not in the room where 24 other girls were, cramped in a long room with too many bed in. Unconsciously, Natasha rubbed her wrists to feel if a metal handcuff was cuffed to her arm and to the bed post.
Opening her eyes once more, she made herself do one of those breathing exercises Sam taught the team a while back and forced herself to remember what more things he advised them to do if an episode or a nightmare plagues them.
“Find five things you can see…” she remembered him say.
‘I see an empty blue vase on my dresser,’ Natasha mused, looking around. She probably bought it somewhere in a flea market- Nat doesn’t care. ‘I see my bathroom door, and my closet.’ Natasha’s green eyes darted to her left. ‘I see a beanbag,’ Nat remembered the goofy grin in Wanda’s face when she handed her a large box last Christmas. “Your back complaints were getting annoying.” She said sheepishly after Natasha opened it. ‘…and books.’ It was Wanda’s books, technically, but once she realized that she has a soft spot on romantic novels, the younger girl hasn’t stopped dragging her to bookstores and has taken it upon herself to let Natasha read her favorites.
“Four things you can feel,”
Natasha can feel her bed crease around her (“It’s memory foam,” said Tony with a proud smirk. “It remembers you.”) and her comforter. Nat reached under her pillow to feel the familiar rough edges of her gun to add to her list. She looked down to her wrists and quietly rubbed them, once, twice- just to make the familiar feeling of the handcuffs disappear. ‘Bed. Blanket. Gun. Wrists.’
“Three things you can hear,”
Natasha could feel her heart thrumming through her chest. She took several deep breaths- “Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth.”- as an attempt to calm it down. It her heart several minutes for her heart to slow down, and another minute before Natasha decided to continue.   ‘I can hear the quiet hum of air conditioning,’ she mused to herself. It was a barely audible sound but Natasha can hear it if she listened. She remembered Tony telling her he liked it that way so he made it as quiet as he can. He couldn’t sleep with too much noise, she remembered. ‘I hear my heart thumping and…’ On occasions like this, she had Clint to hug her and put sweaty kisses on her forehead and temple to tell her it’s okay. He would pull her to his chest and then Natasha could hear his heartbeat and she’ll add that to her list too. But Clint wasn’t here. He was somewhere in Southeast Asia for a mission. Natasha closed her eyes and listened closely again. She blocked the quiet hum of air conditioning in her mind to find something else. Then she heard quiet thuds- footsteps probably, prodding behind her door. ‘…and footsteps off…?’
Natasha tried to analyze the footsteps to calm herself down. It was too light and quiet to be both Thor and Steve, she thought. It wasn’t Bruce or Tony either, their quarters were below hers and they wouldn’t be up on her floor anyway. They were most likely in their laboratory doing things they do and pulling the fourth all-nighter in a row. The more Nat thought, the more her head ached so she stopped before she could even suffer from a killer headache. ‘…footsteps. I hear footsteps.’ Nat settled on that before she would make herself overthink again.
 “Two things you smell,”
Nat tried to sniff around the room. She smelled nothing. Clint often told Nat that her room smelled like a hospital as a joke but she never did smell that. She sat on her bed, trying hard so sniff something- anything, because she was too lazy to go to the kitchen and smell some honey or something.
With a sigh, Nat got out of her bed anyway and headed to the kitchen. She could hear Sam say ‘And then you go find something you can eat or taste. Like a cookie.’ She needed to eat something for the next step of the exercise anyway.
As soon as Nat stepped out of the door, she was immdietly greeted by the familiar scent of alcohol lingering somewhere in the air. Tony probably went out of his lab to take a swig of whatever he has then retreated back down to his cave. ‘I can smell alcohol and…’
Nat squinted in disbelief. Did…did she just smell bacon?
As she walked closer to the kitchen, she slowly heard the sizzling boiling. From her position, she could see a figure covering the frying pan. Y/N, Natasha thought. мама
She watched as Y/N shaked the pan slightly. The girl turned off the stove and went to the opposite side of the kitchen to get a plate. Y/N then proceeded to put the bacon on the plate then pulled out orange juice from Tony’s fridge and two glasses and put them on the counter.
“I know you’re there, Natalia.” She said in a raspy voice. “Can’t sleep?”
Natasha stepped out of the shadows. “Neither can you, probably.”
Y/N said nothing and poured Natasha a glass of orange juice.
“You’ve been avoiding me.” Natasha stated, ignoring the glass of juice.
Y/N shrugged and took a short sip of her juice. “Good. You still notice things. I have taught you well.”
“Where’s Bucky?”
Y/N looked anywhere but her. “Sleeping. He hasn’t slept in a while. How selfish of me to burden him with my problems.” Natasha noticed Y/N’s sad eyes. It was different from the eyes she grew up with. It always looked sad, so full of sorrow and guilt for things she couldn’t control.. Sometimes, Natasha thinks that she prefers the cold and calculating E/C eyes that trained her back in the Red Room.
Pregnant silence filled the room.
Finally, Natasha watched as Y/N lower her head, her H/C hair covering her face. She was gripping her almost finished glass of orange juice tightly. Natasha thought she saw cracks in the glass. “I’m so sorry, Natalia.”
Natasha found herself squeezing her eyes and taking deep breaths. “No. Don’t start. Please.”
Y/N lifted her head and stared at her. “You couldn’t sleep because you see their faces can’t you? The people you’ve killed,” Y/N’s voice cracked. “Sometimes, in your dreams you still see them don’t you? The other girls; Lyuda, Misha, Tatiana…I’m sorry.”
“No.” Natasha stood up to leave, fully intending to leave the Winter Soldier alone with her thoughts before she plagues hers. She doesn’t want to remember. She will not. She must not. She-
“I made you this way,” she said softly. “I… I remember. I remember you, sweet little Natalia, eager to survive and to please. I taught you well. I brought you to this life…this, everything, everything is my fault.” Natasha stopped her tracks. Y/N saw this as an opportunity to continue. “You were so young, Natalia. You only reached my elbow and you were so confused. I made you who you are, I taught you how to kill-“
“It wasn’t your fault. We were both held against our will, Y/N.”
“I made you kill children,” Y/N whispered softly. “I don’t even understand how you can stand the sight of me.”
Her eyes softened. She found herself going to the infamous assassin and her hands lifting her face up, wiping the hair off her face. Y/N’s face was eyes were red and puffy and they just look so, so tired. Natasha could only imagine what Y/N has gone through.
She, like almost everyone, has heard stories of the Winter Soldiers. How they never failed a mission, how precise they both were, how they almost never missed a shot. Natasha could see the mountains of bodies both Y/N and Bucky has created because of HYDRA.
Natasha wiped a stray tear that has fallen from Y/N’s eye gently. “It wasn’t you. It never was.”
Y.N was notorious, but right now Nat didn’t see a half of the Winter Soldier. Y/N looked like a child, so traumatized with her past, so exhausted and so scared. She paused and looked around the compound before continuing. “I forgive you, anyway. You claim to have brought me my troubles, but along with it came the happy times too. I would have never found the courage to join SHIELD without you, мама.”
“The last time you called me that, I slapped your face.” Y/N sniffed. “Headmistress-“
“I know,” Natasha cut off. “When Headmistress found out, she reported this to your handler. They probably gave you orders to eliminate any attachments you’ve established.”
Y/N smiled. Natasha pulled her up from her chair and put the forgotten food aside. Placing a soft kiss on her cheek she said, “Go get some sleep. You need it.”
The other assassin weakly nodded and walked silently back to her room.
Y/N may have nurtured Natasha when she was little, but maybe it’s Natasha’s turn to take care of her in return.
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Dont Leave Me (Holmes/Watson --Ritchie-verse)
(So this isnt really anything, just a little scene I cant get out of my head. Ritchie-verse Holmes/Watson because I love RDJLaw)
(Takes place sometime between the first and second movie?? From Watsons POV because I love the old style of him narrating.)
(I just opened a text box and started writing so it doesnt have my usual editing, please ignore any weird grammar mistakes lol)
(PS– I sort of love this. Its sort of flowery and romantic and I dont usually write in this style, so you know… say nice things)
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“Dont leave me.” 
The words startle me, and I glance up from my reading to cast an eye at the man sprawled in haphazard fashion across his favorite chair. 
“Holmes.” I inquire, curious, for I had assumed the man to be asleep for quite some time now. “Are you speaking to me?” 
Surely he hadnt been speaking to me, such plaintive words muttered in such a sad tone. 
Dont leave me. 
I am aware of course, more than anyone, that behind the caustic words, the razor sharp wit, and general disdain for anything society deemed appropriate– the great detective Holmes is very nearly a broken man, slave to a mind that never slows, an intellect that hungers for more and a heart that loves either not at all, or in a manner that consumes his very soul. 
But with these words– Dont leave me– he sounds as if he is begging. Begging, and yet he sounds as if he has already seen the bleak future when all this begging is for naught, and whatever he had wanted has slipped through his fingers. 
“Are you sleeping?” I try again, to keep my own thoughts from traipsing inevitably down the path that only ever ends in despair- the forbidden ideas that accompany the place of Holmes in my mind and heart and in my darkest hours, I will admit they have taken root in my very soul. 
“Holmes!” My voice is admittedly sharper this time, too much for the situation, but I must attempt to keep myself from– from yearning. From wishing that perhaps this great man cares for me in the way I care for him…
“Don’t leave me.” there they are again, these words that are so distressing in their simplicity, and Holmes sounds exhausted, he sounds washed out and pale, the usual vigor coloring his voice completely lacking, leaving things fragile and thready and in this moment– frightening in their implications. 
“She is lovely.” Holmes continues, and now a hand lifts to pat at his unruly hair, the dark curls in worse disarray than usual, evidence of the depression that has seemed to grip him in its talons these last several weeks. 
“Mary.” he clarifies when I remain silent. “She is lovely, a perfect match for you in temperament, and she brings about a softness in you that I–” a hitching breath, nearly a sob and my fingers tighten on the arm rests to the point of pain as I wait for him to continue. 
“A softness that I– that I will miss in my own life.” a silence, an eternity before he speaks again– 
– “I suppose I should be saving these confessions for your wedding, so I might raise a glass in your honor and blather on about true love, about l'amour vrai, but I have found myself unable to put pen to paper for these sentiments and it is… vexing.” 
“I see.” I answer, all the while not seeing at all, for as always, Holmes is speaking in riddles, turns of phrase that obscure his true intent, and though I should be accustomed to this after so long as colleagues and friends, after his startlingly plain–Dont leave me– I find myself frustrated with his circumlocution, and wish he would speak plainly, as he does when he is deducing, when he is peeling back the layers of a mystery until all is laid bare. 
“My dear Watson.” there is a distinct fondness in his tone now, a warmth that is present only here in our rooms, away from the watchful eyes of society. Perhaps in private moments after he has solved yet another case, when adrenaline is coursing and we are still laughing as if we are quite mad over the brilliance of one Sherlock Holmes, and the inevitable stupidity of a criminal to believe he can escape consequences for whichever heinous crime has been committed. 
It is those moments when I find myself drawn impossibly closer to him, when my errant hands drift towards his body, when my lips purse with the thought to embrace– and he calls me dear Watson as if he would be agreeable to those things I dream about in the dark–
“Dear Watson.” Holmes says again. “As always, you see but you do not observe.” 
“Holmes–” I prepare to argue, as I tend to do, but he waves me off. 
“Tell me, Doctor.” he begins again. “I shall tell you my symptoms and you may diagnose me, hm?” 
“Very well.” I sigh and put my book down. In these interminable few moments since Holmes first spoke, I have not read a single word, though my mind has traveled miles as it dissects every nuance of the sentences we have shared this evening. “Your symptoms.” I prompt and wait with studied patience for him to begin. 
“I have no appetite.” he says shortly and I refrain from commenting, for even on a good day, convincing Holmes to slow down long enough to eat in nigh impossible. 
“I want to stay in the dark.” Quieter now, and I sit up straighter in concern. “To be outside with people, the sunlight– I cannot bring myself to stomach it. I prefer it here in my rooms, shutting the world away.” 
“Continue.” I make a vague motion with my hands, but he is not looking this way, so he does not notice. 
“I find myself lonely, even in the company of others, for I am never in the company of the one I want. Or at least not in the way I long to be. Not with– not with the one I want.” The last word is emphasized, even as it is whispered and naturally I pick up on it. 
“The one you want.” I repeat, and my heart– traitorous thing– beats faster within me. “I– er–.” 
“Mary is lovely.” Holmes sits up now, pins me with that all consuming gaze, staring into my heart and soul and searching–
“She is lovely.” he says yet again, as if repetition will resolve something within him that disagrees. “And yet I think I hate her, for she has come into your life and taken your affection from me. I am not trying to suggest that your for me affection is anything other than perfectly proprietary, Doctor, but I will admit to–” 
Now his eyes shutter, and fall away, he seems to shrink in upon himself, folding further into the chair. “I will admit to hoping, to thinking perhaps you might–” he falls silent, picking at a thread on his trousers.
Then, “Please.” he is begging again, and the word brings me off my own chair, crossing the sitting room until I can kneel before him. 
“Don’t leave me.” his eyes close entirely now, and I cannot keep myself from touching him, my palms on his knees, and it seems unnatural for an innocent touch to burn so hot, but at this moment, I swear it does. 
“I wont leave you.” I wish I had lovely words in this moment, better words, flowery phrases to explain to this man, to this wondrous soul the intensity in which I want– no, need– him, but I only have these four, so I say them again. 
“I wont leave you.” 
I see just the beginnings of that beguiling smile, just a hint of what is surely a full fledged flush in that lovely skin, before his lips are on my own and we are tumbling backwards together, my head hitting the floor with a thump that is ignored in favor of bringing that tempting mouth to my own again and again. 
Holmes is lying entirely against me now, his hands in my hair and the tug and pull at the strands is the most wonderful thing I have ever felt, the novel feel of a mans strength and angles completely different than the feel of a womans curves, and I find that I enjoy it more, now that it is this man in my arms. 
“I need to bathe.” Holmes pulls away to chuckle, and I smile at the mussed hair and joy in his eyes. “But then we should continue–” he leaves the sentence unfinished and leans down to kiss me again, sliding his tongue between my lips in way that is no small hint as to what he wishes to do. 
When he presses against me hesitantly, and I feel the line of his arousal against my thigh, it is the most natural thing in the world to lift myself into him as well, and the gasp that leaves that kiss reddened mouth has me tightening my fingers on his waist, urging him down to me yet again. 
“We have time later.” he whispers, and it is nearly a question, so I nod as best I can to assure him that I want this as badly as he does, if not more so, for I am feeling rather like a man who was not aware he has been starving and now has been handed a feast.
“I wont leave you.” I promise. “Sherlock–” his breath catches when I use his given name. “Sherlock.” I say it once more if only to see him smile again. “I will be here always.” 
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5 questions with SJ Fowler
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Why do you write?
Chance discovery that writing was. And then as a job. For meaning in my days, with some guilt and great doubt. For a way of being in the world, in my brief opening in the world, before it closes shut on me and Im dead like everyone else, that is nice and full of mostly good and kind folk. And to pursue problems of the mind and language itself, for the challenge of writing itself, to feel less alienated, when most ways of working and passing time are dominated by people who want things simple comforting sentimental selfrighteous careful cautious. That is saddening and some poetry aint. Good reasons but also stupid. I could do better with my life but Im not hurting anyone really so thats a fine baseline I reckon.
How would you define the relationship between poetry and film?
Depends on our definition of the former. If its just a word used as a metaphor and not a concrete artform then whatever anyone wants. If poetry is an actual thing that operates on and through language for spmething other than direct info or emotional confession then the relationship is scant. Film can utilise a kind of poetic cinematic grammar which is very exciting and poetry can explore image realisation without realism. There are filmmaker poets all over but its all a bit tenuous.
What do you feel are the limitations of a poem?
All language is fundamentally approximated but that's good. That's a beautiful and wondrous grounding with which we can begin to play not only with semantic content and grammatical convention but also with infinite contexts like the unsaid unseen page shape colour neologism sound shape mispelled etc. Poetry is the place we can make new languages and understandings and world codes which are new to each reading ape. Brilliant but limited because of this, because of the limits of knowing other consciousnesses. We cannot know another mind. Poetry is confined only by our mental experience but thats a prison well enough.
Who are you reading/what are you watching? Do you rate the contemporary poetry scene? Is it any better than previous generations? Why?
Not reading much poetry. Only books sent to me by friends and connections and publishers as that is a lot / enough and is my job so has its limits, busmans holiday. 
Yep I rate it. Internet has created democracy of access and Im plugged into english translations literally across the globe. The 21st century is the best time ever for poetry. The world population has doubled since 1970s, everyone online and world travel. Amazing time, so much work happening its just the best isnt the famous work in the UK. The most exciting poetry in most countries seems to rise in most nations but not always in England because we can be, on one side, anti intellectual for fear of being elitist, throwing the baby out with the bathwater and trying to be populist for no well investigated reason, maybe straying into being patronising etc, and on the other side, being way too insular academic (?) keepung to coteries and exploring only one furrow of conveyor belting all intelligence and knowledge. But wow when you read I dunno stephen emmerson lucy harvest clarke tom jenks prue chamberlain eley williams karen sandhu ryan ormonde david berridge john catherall chris mccabe astra papachristodoulou jacqueline ennis cole paul hawkins and 100s of others. blows your mind the quality 
and previous generations, who knows, i cannot (yet) travels the times
Do you fear Rihanna’s best work is behind her?
I know who she is but I genuinely have no working knowledge of her oeuvre. I saw her not act in luc bessons shite sci fi film with those two models and given how wooden she was I reckon not.
_____________
I Stand Alone by the Devil and other poems on films is out now from Broken Sleep Books
Read 3 of the poems up on Anthropocene.
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andystanberg · 7 years
Text
~ still not gay ~
Word Count: 2 800
Genre: chat fic, coming out, coming to terms with sexuality, humour
Pairing(s): phan, tiny mention of kickthestickz
Warnings: swearing, so many spelling/grammar mistakes (all on purpose as it’s a chat fic), mentioned homophobia, sexual humour (not a lot)
Summary:
crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat. PJ: what? dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay
A/N Shout out to the (formerly) ~ still not gay ~ chat, thanks for not believing I was straight. (Loosely based off my own unconventional coming out.)
AUGUST 12TH
dan is gay
crabstickzzz has added PJ to the chat.
PJ: what?
dannyboy: chris and co. think im gay
PJ: you are.
crabstickzzz: SUCK IT HOWELL
LouiseP: Chris, Dan clearly isn’t ready for blowjobs yet.
dannyboy: IM NOT GAY
PJ: sure.
crabstickzzz: wat about ur crush on phil
AmazingPhil: His what now
dannyboy: i dont have a crush on phil
PJ: sure.
dannyboy: im straight guys cmon
PJ has changed the chat name to dan is in denial and gay.
dannyboy: oh for fucks sake
dannyboy: seriously guys im 100% sure im straight
PJ: sure.
-
AUGUST 15TH
dan is in denial and gay
AmazingPhil: Why is the name always about Dan
LouiseP: This group chat is dedicated to whether or not Dan is gay. And memes.
crabstickzzz: thats all we talk about so theres no point in creating another
PJ: i’ve been in this group chat for two days and it’s true.
dannyboy: why does it matter what i am
crabstickzzz: bc u wont admit ur gay! we r teaching u to love and accept urself 4 who u r!!!
dannyboy: bullshit
AmazingPhil: Maybe we should lay off Dan a bit
dannyboy: thank you filip
AmazingPhil: Never mind please continue
dannyboy changed the chat name to i hate you all
-
Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil.
AmazingPhil: You’re not mad, are you?
dannyboy: no
AmazingPhil: Sure?
dannyboy: its fine. theyre joking and having fun. i just dont get why they care so much about my sexuality though
AmazingPhil: Maybe Crabstickzzz and PJ have a crush on you and Louise is trying to wingman both???
dannyboy: yeah right. can you imagine?
AmazingPhil: You never know
dannyboy: for starters, nobody has, or ever had, or ever will have a crush on me, and secondly, crabstickzzz and pj are dating
AmazingPhil: WHAT? WHEN? HOW?
dannyboy: well i dont know for sure but cmon
AmazingPhil: Oh good. I thought I had missed their big reveal
AmazingPhil: Also don’t be so sure about the crush thing
dannyboy: what? who has a crush on me?!
dannyboy: PHIL LESTER ANSWER ME
-
NOVEMBER 20TH
i hate you all
dannyboy: GUYS OH MY GOD DID YOU SEE THE PIC ZAC EFRON JUST POSTED
LouiseP: Who’s Zack?
PJ: oh boy.
dannyboy: HOW DARE YOU! ZAC**** IS THE ACTOR OF TROY BOLTON AKA MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
AmazingPhil: I JUST SAW IT TOO HE LOOKS SO GOOD
dannyboy: I KNOW RIGHT?????
LouiseP: daNIEL
PJ: HAH KNEW IT.
dannyboy: what
crabstickzzz: ur not good at being straight, my friend
dannyboy: oh come on! i may be straight but im not BLIND!
PJ: sure.
dannyboy: phil back me up!
AmazingPhil: Dan has a point.
crabstickzzz: spoil sport
crabstickzzz has kicked AmazingPhil from the chat.
dannyboy: OI
LouiseP: Chris, add him back in.
crabstickzzz: fineeee only cause ur scary
crabstickzzz has added AmazingPhil to the chat.
dannyboy has changed the chat name to welcome back fil.
AmazingPhil has changed the chat name to chris sucks.
dannyboy: i second that
crabstickzzz: wat did i do???
PJ: you’re really asking yourself that?
-
NOVEMBER 25TH
chris sucks
LouiseP: It’s been five days are you all dea?
crabstickzzz: yep im so dea
LouiseP: Oh shut up, like you can talk.
PJ: he never stops talking. don’t encourage him, for my sake.
crabstickzzz: do not
AmazingPhil: Do too
PJ: do too.
dannyboy: do too
crabstickzzz: alright i get it
LouiseP: Do too.
LouiseP: Whoops.
crabstickzzz: watevr
crabstickzzz: so dan have u figured out that ur gay yet
dannyboy: for the last time, im like 99% sure im straight
PJ: that’s 1% less than last time.
crabstickzzz: progress!!!
dannyboy: no its just that if evan peters wanted to fuck me, i wouldnt say no
LouiseP: Hardly anyone would.
dannyboy: see? it doesnt prove anything
AmazingPhil: well…
dannyboy: I THOUGHT YOU WERE ON MY SIDE
PJ: welcome to the dark side.
AmazingPhil: I just go for whatever side is winning! Can’t blame a man for surviving
dannyboy: thats not the saying
AmazingPhil: It is now!
dannyboy: weve been over this! you cant steal sayings and try to change them
AmazingPhil: I just did
dannyboy: why am i friends with you
crabstickzzz: bc u like him
dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ still not gay ~.
PJ: sure.
LouiseP: You say that a lot.
PJ: it’s because it’s needed. if dan didn’t deny the blatantly obvious, i wouldn’t have to be sarcastic all the time.
crabstickzzz: dont lie to urself
-
NOVEMBER 27TH
~ still not gay~
dannyboy: oh my god oh m y god
AmazingPhil: What?!
dannyboy: fcukin evan peters in ahs
AmazingPhil: ARE YOU WATCHING WITHOUT ME
dannyboy: maybe…
AmazingPhil: BETRAYAL
crabstickzzz: gayyyyyy
dannyboy: fuck off let me have this chris
PJ: yeah chris, fuck off.
dannyboy: thanks pj
PJ: it’s okay. also...
dannyboy: what
PJ: gayyyyy.
AmazingPhil: Okay but Dan has a point
LouiseP: True!
dannyboy: phil and louise are my only friends
crabstickzzz: danyul they both like guys doesnt that say something
dannyboy: psh whatever
-
DECEMBER 25TH
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy: ugh im stuck with sucky wifi away from home :(
AmazingPhil: Aw! Does that mean no skype tonight?
dannyboy: im using my data rn and its so slow, skype would be a nightmare. sorry phil
AmazingPhil: I’ll see you when you get back, then.
dannyboy: yeah :)
crabstickzzz: ugh stop flirting
PJ: yeah, get your own chat.
LouiseP: I think it’s cute.
dannyboy: yeah okay im leaving
PJ: he didn’t deny the flirting part though.
-
JANUARY 1ST
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy: new years and no one to kiss wow what a surprise
AmazingPhil: My offer still stands ;)
LouiseP: WAIT, WHAT OFFER?!
crabstickzzz: yeah wat offer
PJ: is no one gonna..?
PJ: okay fine I guess I’ll have to do it.
PJ: gayyyyyyy
AmazingPhil: I wish
dannyboy: keep dreaming philly ;)
LouiseP: I ship it.
PJ: join the club.
dannyboy: can anybody read what the title of this chat is
crabstickzzz: we can we just dont care
PJ: the only reason no one has changed it is because of its irony.
-
JANUARY 12TH
Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil
dannyboy: ahH EVAN PETERS
AmazingPhil: Dan are you sure you’re not gay
dannyboy: well i mean i have liked girls before so even if i did like guys i wouldnt be gay
AmazingPhil: Bi?
dannyboy: maybe idk
dannyboy: but anyway EVAN PETERS
-
JANUARY 16TH
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy: this chat is so quiet
AmazingPhil: For the first time in forever
dannyboy: did you literally just reference Frozen
LouiseP: What’s wrong with Frozen?!
AmazingPhil: Yeah Dan what’s wrong with Frozen
PJ: he probably thinks its gay lmao.
crabstickzzz: dans literally the epitome of no homo
dannyboy: wow what a big word you used there chris
dannyboy: do you even know what it means
dannyboy: also i’ll have you know i have proudly never said no homo
AmazingPhil: I’ve tested that ;)
PJ: WOAH WHAT DID PHIL JUST MAKE A DIRTY JOKE?
LouiseP: PHIL, I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU TO BE A GOOD CHILD.
crabstickzzz: DAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM
dannyboy: wouldnt you like to know
crabstickzzz: wht te h fcuk
PJ: … GAYYYYYYY.
LouiseP: I second that.
AmazingPhil: I hope that
dannyboy: that doesnt make sense
PJ: okay, straight boy, he meant ‘fil hopes you’re gay, as in attracted to boys, no “no homo”’.
dannyboy: im not an idiot
crabstickzzz: debateble
dannyboy: debatable* dumbass
-
JANUARY 30TH
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHIL MY BEST FRIEND
LouiseP: Happy birthday! Wow, January went by quickly.
dannyboy: yeah can you believe that Phil Lester created January and the world was so hyped for his birthday it sped up time
PJ: oh my god, guys, holy shit.
crabstickzzz: what
PJ: DAN DIDN’T TALK ABOUT HOW BIRTHDAYS ARE A STEP CLOSER TO DEATH. AM I ALIVE?
crabstickzzz: hoLY FUCK UR RIGHT
LouiseP: Dan, you feeling okay?
dannyboy: jeez sorry for wishing my friend a happy birthday
AmazingPhil: I thought it was sweet
crabstickzzz: yeah we get it u love each other
PJ: they’re so cute but so gross.
dannyboy: i dont like phil cmon guys
AmazingPhil: I thought we had something :( you even forgot to talk about the inevitability of death for me :((((
PJ: hey, at least he didn’t say he doesn’t like guys or reference the chat name.
-
FEBRUARY 3RD
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy: ugh people suck
AmazingPhil: What happened?
dannyboy: nothing
PJ: sure.
LouiseP: You can tell us, Dan.
crabstickzzz: as long as its not blackmail worthy bc in that case dont be so sure
LouiseP: Chris.
crabstickzzz: i was joking, ofc he can tell us
dannyboy: nvm, i said it was nothing
-
Private chat between dannyboy and AmazingPhil
AmazingPhil: Seriously what happened
dannyboy: one of my old friends from uni keeps asking me when im getting a girlfriend or making jokes about my lack of love life every time he sees me and im sick of it
AmazingPhil: You’ve complained about him before and it you never seemed too bothered
dannyboy: yeah well…
AmazingPhil: ?
dannyboy: i know it shouldnt bother me but this time when i tried to ignore all of his questions about getting a girlfriend or whatever he said “you’re gonna turn gay and be alone”
dannyboy: like i know gay isnt an insult but at the same time it bugs me? is that wrong?
AmazingPhil: I don’t think so. Maybe it was just that he said something like that in the first place
dannyboy: maybe… or like some internalised homophobia idk i feel shitty
dannyboy: im just so tired of everyone asking me when im gonna get a relationship
dannyboy: my mum has been making hints at it lately
AmazingPhil: I love your mum but everyone should back off
dannyboy: this is cheesy but you’re the best
AmazingPhil: No problem <3
dannyboy: <3
-
FEBRUARY 4TH
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy: youll all be happy to know that i almost accidentally kissed a guy today
crabstickzzz: o H YM GOD DANYUL WELCOME TO THE GAY SIDE
dannyboy: a l m o s t + a c c i d e n t a l l y
PJ: sure.
dannyboy: i thought you had stopped with the sarcastic sures
PJ: keep dreaming, howell.
crabstickzzz: shut up time for the important qs
crabstickzzz: was it fil
LouiseP: Please for the love of god let it be Phil.
AmazingPhil: Let what be me
dannyboy: they’re freaking out over the almost kiss
AmazingPhil: Oh! Sorry guys, it wasn’t me
crabstickzzz: NOOOOOOOOO
PJ: sure.
LouiseP: Liesssssssssssssss.
dannyboy: it was this cute guy who ive been friends with for a while and we were messing around and whispering in each others ears to waste time during some meeting that was probably important and i turned just as he was whispering something and our lips almost touched
dannyboy: we jumped back just in time
PJ: there was so much gay in that that I can’t even form a coherent reason as to why it was gay.
AmazingPhil: Can you believe that Dan cheated on me :(((((()(09()
crabstickzzz: CUTE GUY? WHISPERING IN EARS? HOWL U R GAY OK
PJ: good news, chris just said my reasons for me.
LouiseP: Who’s the lucky guy?
dannyboy: first of all, weve been over this. i know when someone is cute, guy or girl. second of all, we were whispering creepy stuff like “mayonnaise” to try and freak each other out and third of all, not telling because id know you guys would stalk him
AmazingPhil: I know who it is ;)
PJ: i bet it’s phil.
dannyboy: nope. i said CUTE guy
AmazingPhil: HEY!
dannyboy: kidding. but no, it wasnt phil
-
FEBRUARY 8TH
~ still not gay ~
LouiseP: Alright, for today we put a halt on the usual Dan is gay discourse.
dannyboy: thank you friend
PJ: why? did someone die?
crabstickzzz: BREAKING TRADITION IS NOT ALLWD!!!
LouiseP: Shush, let me talk about a cute guy I saw today.
LouiseP: Anyway how do I ask him out?
AmazingPhil: Wait until Valentines and anonymously get him a rose.
dannyboy: ask him out or let your feelings pile up and watch him inevitably move on because you’re too scared to make a move
PJ: talk to him on the internet until you become best friends and be gay oops i meant straight for each other.
crabstickzzz: love poems via mysterious skype calls no one gets to know the contents of
LouiseP: The last two are unrealistic. Who talks to a stranger on the internet??? Stanger danger!1!!1!
dannyboy: fil i think theyre picking on us
AmazingPhil: Fair enough
dannyboy: YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE
-
FEBRUARY 11TH
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy: i cant wait to get nothing on valentines
LouiseP: Same.
AmazingPhil: Same
PJ: same.
crabstickzzz: sam
crabstickzzz: samr*
crabstickzzz: SAME****
dannyboy: this chat is so depressing
dannyboy: also learn how to spell
crabstickzzz: np
crabstickzzz: no*
-
FEBRUARY 13TH
~ still not gay ~
dannyboy changed the chat name to ~ not gay, but bi ~
crabstickzzz: I KNEW IR
dannyboy: shush
crabstickzzz: I FCUKIGN KNEWS IT
dannyboy: you saw nothing
crabstickzzz: YOURE BI
dannyboy: i was right about not being gay though
crabstickzzz: BUT I KNEW YOU WERENT STRAIGHT
PJ: WOAH WOAH WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENIGN OH MT FGDPL.
LouiseP: PJ ISN’T USING FULL STOPS!!! HE’S BROKEN!
LouiseP: DAN, YOU’VE BROKEN ALL OF US!!!
dannyboy: I SAID I WAS 99% SURE I WAS STRAIGHT
crabstickzzz: I WAS RIGHT AND YOU WERE WRONG
dannyboy: NO YOU THOUGHT I WAS GAY
dannyboy: WE WERE ALL WRONG
PJ: S T I L L.
AmazingPhil: This is so amusing
LouiseP: WHY ISN’T PHIL JOINING OUR FREAKING OUT?!
dannyboy: … might have came out already yesterday maybe haha dont kill me
PJ: WHAT?
crabstickzzz: FUK U FIL AND DANYUL
LouiseP: AND YOU’RE ONLY TELLING US NOW??????
dannyboy: yeah well coming out to phil was the first time ive ever done it so it was a little emotionally exhausted and i shook so much that i needed to recharge
AmazingPhil: He was so nervous but I’m proud of him
PJ: yeah, same.
LouiseP: I second that!
crabstickzzz: I FUCKING NKEW TOU WERE GAY
AmazingPhil: I thought we had gotten past this bit
dannyboy: chris, read the new name. im still not gay, just extremely bi
crabstickzzz: sry but i cant believe ur finally coming out
LouiseP: If you don’t mind me asking, what made you realise you were bi?
dannyboy: it all started with this one guy in high school who was so fucking hot and i had like a teensy bit of a crush on him and omg he was so pretty and one time i saw him literally leaning against a wall with his hair messed up and i died
dannyboy: i thought it was a one-time thing and i wasnt really sure if it counted considering ive only ever been attracted to girls before that, but recently ive just come to terms with that and the other thing
crabstickzzz: WHICH IS
dannyboy: nnnnnnnothing
PJ: sure.
AmazingPhil: Ha you guys aren’t on best friend level, so of course you don’t know
crabstickzzz: r00d
dannyboy: dont worry he doesnt know either, hes just being a little shit
AmazingPhil: Love you too
LouiseP: Can you imagine how much we would’ve freaked out over Phil’s message in August?
PJ: seasons change and people do too, apparently.
-
FEBRUARY 14TH
~ not gay, but bi ~
dannyboy: [image attached] someone sent me this chocolate rose with a note saying “- Voldemort” i wonder who that could be??!?!?
PJ: yeah, can anyone think of a super pale nerd who likes Harry Potter almost as much as Dan does and knows where he lives??? I’m coming up blank!!!1!!
LouiseP: Awwww, that’s so sweet!
crabstickzzz: barf
AmazingPhil: Thanks Louise I spent 2 whole pounds on it
dannyboy: spending so much for his boyfriend ew sap stop wasting money
PJ: bOYFRIEND?
crabstickzzz: WAIT I THOUGHT U 2 WERE JUST BEING WEIRD AND PLATONIC COUPLEY LIKE U ALWAYS R AND UR TELLING ME UR DATING
AmazingPhil: It turns out that the “other thing” Dan mentioned was him liking me
dannyboy: and also staring at his lips whenever he talks to me and thinkingaboutkissingthemmaybehah
LouiseP: CONGRATS, GUYS!
PJ: this is like my OTP.
crabstickzzz: *teenage girl voice* OH MY GOD MY OTP
dannyboy: lets leave before they start being weird
AmazingPhil: They’re our friends, don’t worry so much
crabstickzzz: so like did your first kiss involve tongue or
AmazingPhil: Yeah, bye.
crabstickzzz: he didnt say no
LouiseP: cHRIS.
dannyboy: if you must know, it involved NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
dannyboy has left the chat.
AmazingPhil has left the chat.
PJ: …there was definitely tongue.
LouiseP: Agreed.
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nathandgibsca · 7 years
Text
3 Proofreading Pointers, So Your Writing Isn’t Shared for the Wrong Reason
Whenever someone questions the importance of proofreading, my go-to response is:
“Pubic relations is quite different from public relations.”
We all sometimes make a typo that omits or changes a letter in a word. A typo like that is difficult to spot when the mistake is still an actual word (or words). Just last week, I wrote “head lice” instead of “headline.” Again, two completely different things.
But I have an effective proofreading process that helps me find and correct errors before they are published. (Except, of course, when the error is a joke.)
Do you want to know techniques I use on my own writing as well as every article we publish on Copyblogger?
Walk the line
I’ve witnessed two different attitudes when it comes to how people feel about typos.
Some find them unacceptable and a reason to stop reading a publication. Others aren’t bothered by them at all and don’t understand why anyone would make an effort to prevent them.
I’m sure you’re not surprised that my outlook falls in the middle between those two extremes. I walk the line.
It’s a bit excessive to call a website “untrustworthy” if there is a typo in a piece of content or if an author doesn’t strictly follow grammar rules, but publishing your writing with a number of mistakes isn’t wise either. It can even lead to customer service headaches.
Established publications might be able to “get away with” occasional typos. Their audiences (for the most part) will be forgiving.
But if your website isn’t well-known and trusted yet, you want to demonstrate that you treat your content with care and aim to create the best possible experience for your readers.
Try one of the three methods below when you’re ready to polish your writing before you publish it.
1. Peek-a-boo proofreading
For this first method, you’ll need an opaque object that you don’t mind holding while you proofread.
It could be a note card, your phone, a slab of smoky quartz … whatever is handy and near your desk. Speaking of “handy,” your hand also works as this “object,” if nothing else feels right.
Start at the beginning of your text and cover the second word with the object so that you only concentrate on the first word in the document. Once you make sure it’s the correct word, surrounded by the correct punctuation if any is needed, shift your focus to the second word and cover the third word with the object.
When you’re satisfied with the second word, cover the fourth word with the object, review the third word, and repeat until you reach the end of your draft.
Blocking out the next word in your text forces you to slow down and examine your writing with a critical eye.
Names of companies, products, and people will stand out so that you can fact-check them. You’ll also be able to quickly see if you’ve accidentally left out a word, repeated a word, or chosen the wrong word.
2. Deep-tissue “word” massage
The tool I use for this method is a Rainmaker Platform pen I got at one of our company meetings. (You can buy the Platform, but I don’t think we sell the pen.)
I like proofreading with this retractable pen because when the ink cartridge is inside the external frame, a spongy material becomes the tip of the pen. The spongy part can make contact with my computer screen without scratching it.
You can use an eraser on the end of a pencil, a cotton swab, or another pointed object that is soft.
Start at the beginning of your text and physically underline each word with your soft, pointed object as you proofread. My pen actually touches my screen and presses into it as I observe each letter and word.
You don’t need to spend more than a few seconds on each word — just enough time to give it your full attention.
You’ll be able to easily spot “you’re/your/you” and “their/they’re/there” mistakes. Focusing on each letter of a word also helps you notice if you’ve accidentally made a word plural when it is supposed to be singular, or vice versa.
3. My all-time favorite proofreading technique, using one of the tips above
After I edit and proofread an article, the review process still feels a little incomplete — mistakes could be hiding in the content.
So, the technique I use as a final step before publishing is reading from the last sentence to the first sentence.
No matter how many times you’ve already reviewed an article, proofreading in this way helps you, at the very least, identify weaknesses you may have overlooked while editing.
During this stage, I sometimes notice a word has been overused or a lot of sentences begin with the same word. I’ll then vary the language so the text is more interesting.
You’ll also often find legitimate mistakes, such as:
The incorrect use of an apostrophe
The misinterpretation of a phrase, such as “beckon call” rather than “beck and call”
Subtle typos, such as “top” instead of “stop” or “in” instead of “it”
Read from the end to the beginning with either of the methods above to give every detail of your content extra special attention. Your job is to verify the accuracy of the words and phrases you present to your audience.
The luxury of digital content
When I discovered content marketing, I loved the concept but didn’t think it was something I could do.
Writing on a regular basis seemed like an impossible goal. Since I’m an editor, I thought an accidental writing mistake would tarnish my reputation. I couldn’t risk it.
Do you see what was really going on?
I was lacking confidence at the time. A confident person feels good about the work they’ve carefully produced and realizes mistakes still sometimes happen anyway.
With digital content on your own site, it’s especially easy to make corrections and move on.
So now that you’re equipped with smart ways to proofread, what are you going to publish today?
Image source: Joshua Ness via Unsplash.
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deeeeetz · 7 years
Text
The one thing I regret about school or studying in general (long post, like hella long man)
I think there are many regrets when it comes down to how you have spent your early years in life whether it be socializing, having fun or just studying. I’ve seen a lot posts and people saying that they regretted not having more fun in school or not paying attention in class, or anything similar to that. I wanna add something to that. I also wanna post a solution to that as well. Now you’ll have to excuse my english and grammar (pls no hate).
One thing i realized, now that I’m in my second year of college, is that i regret not pushing my parents to put me through private classes/tuition classes. I noticed early on during the one or two years that my parents put me through private lessons that I did REALLY well in school. Like, i was put in private classes for flute lessons, and it made me get the first chair (which is like the top seat in band class) during my 5th grade. Or in 6th grade, when my parents put me in a tuition class for math and i really excelled in Algebra 1 during that year. But being the whiny and lazy shit that I am, i didn’t want to continue those classes. Partially because i realized that we were financially struggling and also because i was just plain lazy (i admit i was a piece of shit). Now i realize that most parents (of asian decent especially) push their kids to do hundreds of these private lessons and classes to make their kids be the very best with no regards of their mental stress level or what their kids might be feeling. And my parents probably didn’t want to put that amount stress on, so they never pushed for me to go through this. 
But you know what, I really wish they did. Now im not putting all the blame on my parents and i really do appreciate that they didnt bombard me with school and studying all the time. But this really caused me to take on harder classes (while failing them lol) at school to show that I am smart and that I need to raise their expectations of me, When my parents just told me to do whatever the hell i want (not really socially but in terms of studying), and when they said they have no expectations of me, it felt like it implied that they thought i was just plain stupid and i wasn’t worth their time.
I wanted to decrease their financial burden and i tried studying for myself, but obviously i wasnt doing it right, so i didnt really do well in my classes. Even now im struggling because I dont know how to properly study in the way thats right for me.
Now for my solution:
I know my future kids wont have the same learning style that i did, where tuition/private classes helped me learn. But i can try putting them through them to test out if they are able to get help from them. I’ll try putting my expectations on them. I wanna try pushing them, but with caution. I know that if my kid is excelling in their classes because of the private lesson, then I’ll ask them whether they think its helpful to them and whether they want to continue doing them. If they dont like them, even after seeing the positive results, then ill make a deal (a contract you could say). They’ll have to give up a little bit (i dont know how long those classes would take) of their time and do these private lessons for me, because regardless of what they think is “fun” for them, i want them to grow up with the right habits and understanding. In return, i wont yell or scold at them constantly outside of this allotted time to constantly keep studying. They can play whatever games or go outside do whatever they want (Keeping in mind they have homework to finish, tho). I wont deprive them of having fun and socializing. I know its needed. Afterwards, when its time to go into college, they are free to do whatever they want. I will never bother them about their studies or anything because i trust that they will have the correct habits to study on their own.
On the other hand, if my kids dont find good results coming from their private lessons, then there are three cases at play here: 1) the private classes is not very good or isnt compatible with my child’s learning style 2) my kids arent putting enough effort 3) they really just arent getting no matter how hard they try. Now with #1, i can easily find other methods or classes to put them, if they want to. With #2, I have to somehow make them understand the importance of putting in this effort now, i wont pressure them to do this if they really dont care or dont want to do it. In the case of #3, I’ll just work with whatever passion, or thing they really want or are good at (like art or something). 
I know for sure with the “contract” thing is to make sure that I keep my promise, and i won’t abuse my “right” or whatever as a parent to bully my kids into doing what i want them to do. I want to treat them with respect and make sure they understand that everyone in the house is responsible for their actions. If i make a mistake as a parent, they can put a “check” on saying, “hey mom, i dont think what you did the other day was right, i was feeling like so and so, and i think its better if we could do it like this from now on, is that ok?” and i’ll gladly take in that thought and work with it along with them. I dont want them to bottle up any stress or whatever “injustice” they think is going on. And supposing they think whatever i’m doing wrong is not actually “wrong” per say (idk how to explain this, like they think making them clean up as a chore is wrong, when really its teaching them to be good people around the house kind of example), ill have to explain to them why doing these things are good for them.
I know i kinda went off track here but i want to explain how i wanted my family to run when i was growing up. I grew up thinking sometimes why in the world do i have to do this around the house or make sure that im studying for the classes without help from others and shit like without any sort of explanation. I assumed things on my own and it resulted to me regretting all sorts of things.
I dont want that for my kids.
I hope they understand this.
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