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biolizardboils · 2 years

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Underpanniversary mont September is almost over, so here’s one last headcanon dump for the road

General

The entire book series takes place in a single school year. The following is my vain attempt at cramming everything into that timeframe in a way that makes sense

The football game in Book 1 was the kickoff and happened in early August. The 4-to-6 weeks before the Ring arrived was really just 4 weeks, minimizing the Boys' slave labor and placing Captain's first day on duty in early September (not exactly the 1st but close enough)

Book 6 canonically happens during the cold and flu season (so late autumn), making it the halfway point of the school year and the series. (I just realized that it’s never shown snowing in modern-day Piqua? Maybe it only happened while the Boys were on winter break)

In Book 11, Krupp mentions there’s 7 weeks of school left. Summer break usually starts in mid-to-late May; subtracting 7 weeks from that places Book 11 in early-to-mid April

Book 12 happens in May. The Rid-O-Kid incident and sudden lack of gym teacher forced the school to close for damage control, then hold a half-day to do the yay-you’re-moving-up-a-grade stuff. (And yes, this means Captain Underpants Pizza Party didn’t happen and is merely a wistful fantasy 😔)

Also said school year is 1997-1998 (except for when I bring up any media that came out after that) because this is my post and I make the anachronisms

The Boys

Harold raises Sea Monkeys as snacks for his and George's pets

Speaking of their pets, they are NOT to be put in the same room together. George's are cats, Harold's are fish. Can I make it any more obvious

George had to stay home sick for a whole week once. when he finally came back to school, he walked in with this blasting on this boombox

George's fave computer game is Star Wars: Behind the Magic, Harold's is Insaniquarium (first the browser version, then Deluxe way later), and they both love Backyard Baseball

George's fave Disney film is A Goofy Movie. Harold didn’t have a favorite until middle school when Treasure Planet came out

The boys took Captain to see Hercules in theaters. He declared it the greatest movie of all time, so they bought it on VHS and played it in the treehouse whenever he asked. The boys kept it long after 4th grade and watched it whenever they missed him

They used to think boy bands were weird and girls were weird for liking them... until Heidi got into the Backstreet Boys. Harold caught The Fever from hearing her play their songs in the house, and George caught it from him. Their favorite song is Answer To Our Life

Harold would later joke that him catching The Fever should’ve been his wake-up call lol

The Old!Boys

In college they held a dorm party and made Jungle Juice in a (fully sanitized!!!) toilet so they could flush away the evidence after. And also just for laffs

Their kids go to Stubinville Elementary. It’s farther away and they have to take a bus, but it’s got generally better teachers than Jerome Horwitz. Go Stinkbugs

They wrote a letter to Krupp about what they did to him in 4th grade, but never sent it

Other

The Boys' parents didnt realize their families had blended together for years. It finally hit them when they asked Grandma and Grandpa to synchronize their visits. They were like "....Huh." and then went right back to setting the table

Other things both families do together: bills, carpooling, cooking, movie nights, fishing, picnics, holiday card photos at the mall

The Beards have a record player and a vinyl collection of every funk and R&B hit from 1968 to 1989. They always have one playing as background noise in the mornings and evenings. (The Hutchins like to play MTV instead)

Heidi goes to a preschool halfway across town. Robbie Hoskins (the little boy whose mom never believes him) goes there too

The Boys plan on being Heidi’s bodyguards when she starts kindergarten at Jerome Horwitz. No one’s gonna give her trouble, student or teacher, if they can help it

She can’t get in the Treehouse—not cus the Boys won’t let her, but cus she’s too small to safely climb the ladder 😔 Some day she'll get in there and eat all the hidden junk food, but not yet

I diagnose Melvin with EXTREME Gifted Kid Burnout post-canon lmao. He ends up going to the same community college as the Boys and they finally bury the hatchet there

Switching to paragraphs for this last one:

Long ago, when Krupp first started out as a principal, him and all the staff fell victim to an impossibly elaborate prank. He was excited to write his first detention slip and grilled the whole student body to find the culprit.

After threatening to hold them hostage past the last bell, a dirty blonde boy in 2nd grade came up to him and claimed responsibility. Krupp locked him in the detention room and looked for his parents' number in the school directory, but couldn't find anything under his last name.

Just then, he heard the kid make this noise. He stormed back to the detention room and opened it to yell at him... but the kid had vanished. The only sign he’d been there was his slip on the floor.

Krupp framed it in his office to preserve a milestone in his career, and vowed to crush that kid's spirit the next day.

But he never appeared at the school again.

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